A-fuckin-men you hit the nail on the head. Sometimes it's not even awkward unfortunately you just don't have much to say about whatever is new in their life
Fuck a hint, take a pro tip instead!
Stop caring about if you bring down the mood every time. Obviously, you should care enough to try not to bring down the mood, but if you do, just apologize and keep it moving. Life's way, way, way too short to waste it worrying about what other people think when they judge you for simply vibing and existing.
I have been through similar. I had insanely good job etc. but some things were missing. Then my friend betrayed me, my ex gf betrayed me (she did not, but I felt that way) and I self isolated myself for nearly an year. Now I am getting back. It feels good. Running helped a lot. Endorphins, music, time to think. I am reaching to my friends again and if they are true friends and you cut the crap and tell them the truth. They will just say you are an idiot and have a laugh. I feel much better. Not sure about my next career, but I am feeling way better.
Do the running, exercise. You will start liking yourself again, which is the most important step. Also spend less time arguing on Reddit 😀😀.
Good luck bro!
Way to go! We have our midage crisis, we feel like we failed in something, whatever it is. Dont fall for it. We haven’t. We have another beautiful decades ahead of us. But now we have experience, self confidence etc. And tell me, how do you feel after your run, eh? :D
Ha ha, like a lot of runners I fucking hate running, but yeah the afterwards is great. Pushing out that sprint finish out of pure determination is great, and the achievement afterwards is top. Sometimes I want to go again after a 5 minute downtime.
Currently in month 2 of 100 push ups and 100 squats a day. Adding in a new exercise every month.
I hate it too. Everybody does. But the feeling afterwards. I usually run in the morning and after that I can take on the world :). I can see you will be fine. Call your friends :).
Even walking is better than nothing. One does wonder, tho. if when you stop exercising, you stop getting the benefits.. so you have to keep exercising just to maintain the new levels.. That sounds very similar to drugs, lol.. pretty soon, you're just running to feel normal. You constantly need to run more, chasing that dragon. You're losing weight. You have less time for friends and family they. start to notice changes in you. Always tied up in yourself. Hanging around your new "friends" who just seem to encourage you. It's a slippery slope!
Wow, you might be right, i have seen that change on my girlfriend (just a friend, but she is a girl), she was running insane lengths and she deffinately did not look healthy.
I love running, although I’ve been at it 30 years. It’s the feeling, the isolation, being alone with your thoughts, chasing a goal that doesn’t come fast, not needing a team just everything about it…almost.
Same here. Started skateboarding again at 42.... and while my back hates it, it's doing wonders for me otherwise. Caught a fakey front side flip the other day and it felt like my birthday
I did 2 years. It's not easy .But it's very doable. You do get used to it again. I think the hardest part for me was the constant thought in my head. "I have nothing to say."They must be uncomfortable."I'm so awkward,"
I think if you can come up with like stupid games, embrace the stupidness.. eg, who can say the dumbest joke. The dumber the better.. so then the idea is to celebrate awkwardness. Or come up with cool, unique, funny names for genitalia or sex positions.. you all collect them. 1write them in a book.. make it a game that is always going. So you can just bust one out of nowhere weeks later. When you guys hear others say one, you ask if you can add it to the collection.. this brings others in, is openers. It doesn't have to be lewd.. but if you invent stuff like this, you all created it and own it. You always have something to talk about. Yeah. Anyway.. create new things you can own together, and you will feel comfortable, and then you will stop the circular thoughts of worry, and then your brain will be able to relax and go with the flow
I think one of the strangest things about getting to your 40s is looking back and seeing the arc of your own bad habits, like isolating yourself when things go wrong. Things you thought were one offs in your 20s end up repeating and you start to see patterns.
It's surprising to see in this thread how common it is to cut everyone off to be alone for a while. Of course Reddit is skewed in its demographics, and maybe this sub more so. But seeing how far some people go, isolating for years, I realize I don't want to end up that way.
There is a way back to friends, family, society. Little steps at a time, working toward a healthy self and rebuilding relationships. Good luck to everyone.
This is when joining in community comes in plenty of none profits need volunteers.
Town events same , point if you run into someone you knew , up front tell them
“ you are working on healing your self”.
Talk therapy is a good tool a little painful but good.
It is also very sad. I remember few guy who could not comprehend that it is possible to have a good time whilst sober. To say the least I didn't really see them too be any kind of a friend after that.
Do you usually ask your friends about their emotions, how they experience them and how they deal with them?
If yes, you need better friends, if not, there's your answer.
Most people will gladly talk emotions with an individual they trust emotionally. But it's about getting to that point first. They won't bother asking if you're not the sharing kind.
It was a bit convoluted. Logic goes as follow.
1. Nobody seems to care that he’s been gone.
2. OP is usually a kind an emotional person (if yes)
3. He needs better friends if he’s being a supportive and caring friend and they don’t give anything back.
Yee, self exile might feel good for a second, the quiet and all, but you kinda kill a part of yourself. Community is possibly the most important thing in life, and I'm not really sure it's actually possible to fully build it up after throwing it away
> I'm not really sure it's actually possible to fully build it up after throwing it away
This is why I decided not to "start fresh" in another country after kinda fucking up my life here. Came to the same conclusion
My friends changed a lot from middle school to highschool and college. I didn't like the people they were by college and went my own way. Now people think I'm a red flag because I don't have friends.
Oh well, honestly it's easier to be alone anyway
I feel that. Near the end of high school, and a little while past it my friend group became drugged up drunks who wanted nothing more than to party every weekend, heck, even on the weekdays.
They would invite me all the time, but I simply just didn’t want part in that life style (for obvious reasons, but also personal). They recognised and understood why I didn’t want to, but I suppose they enjoyed it too much to do literally anything else lol. Suppose being young, and doing illegal things is rebellious which gave them that thrill.
After that I grew apart from all of them. At the time I used to blame myself thinking I should of just gave in just to feel less lonely. Now I’m happy I hadn’t, but do often ponder about what if.
I should say to not sound like some prude that I did attend some of these ‘parties’, mostly a bunch of teenagers getting smashed faced and taking lines + whatever else they could get their hands on, all the while pulling each other in from the underarm saying how much they love each other before throwing up in the toilet and passing out. I’d mostly find the chillest person to talk to during the night, play some GTA, while drinking a little whisky to keep me sane lol.
I'm kind of glad that I was a loner in highschool, I did have one friend though, but we are not in contact anymore. I probably would have given in to peer pressure. Teenage and young adulthood was shitty, but I at least didn't have to deal with shit caused by a drug dependency
I more or less just have acquaintances. Once I had kids and they have stuff going on daily I just don’t have time for friendships. I just want to come home from work on days the kids don’t have something going on and do nothing.
I did this as well a few years back mostly because social media was depressing me so much, and it was a net positive change. It did let me figure out which relationships were real and which were entirely virtual.
I have an old mate who cut us off 1 year ago and had that mindset of no-one caring about him. He was oblivious about our friendship with him for the last decade being only about supporting him. He has heavily skewed ideas of relationships from borderline personality disorder. We did our best but we couldn't overcome his warped mind. We still care but it became unsafe to be around him.
I had a period where I didn't talk to people, some rough times. When I was finally ready to get back socializing it seemed well, but later on I realized they made up there mind I was angry at them during that time, none asked me anything about it or was one bit interested to see what happened. Or they just didn't believe I wasn't actually angry at anyone. One day I realized that it is just better to part ways, for all of us. Some of the sades memories I have.
Going through this now. The “no one checking up” part. Self imposed isolation versus my usual depressed ones.
Definitely the most peaceful I been but also most lonely. Wish more siblings reached out. I’m also not in their/nephew/nieces life much either so won’t blame. Changing my relationship management/social skills going forward. As irritating as people are, ain’t nothin like real love from the people who knew you the longest.
Exactly, I hate this lack of maturity "I'm going to disappear and see who are my true friends", if u do that you are not being a good friend for people who cares about you, u are not being a true friend.
I don't think that's the case here. People get hurt and hide away.
In my case, I suffer from social phobia and as much as I love my friends and want to be with them I just can't be with anyone sometimes, I've done 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, 2 year stints. In lucky to have friends who have known me my entire life and understand, but it still hurts them, and it amazes me that they put up with it.. they accept and understand to a degree.. but they can never totally get it.
But trust me, all I want to do is be with them and all people, I love relationships, and its a nightmare I would not wish on anyone. But it's not a.. throw a tanty and sulk thing.
who said this was a test to see who your true friends are? it's the depression that causes self-imposed isolation, and the lack of anyone reaching out that validates the feedback loop of "nobody needs me so I have no incentive to practice self-care".
it's pretty selfish to project bs like immaturity onto people who are actually getting their depressive thoughts validated. yeah we're on a thread that's tangentially about ghosting but the comment you responded to clearly mentioned not having anyone reach out.
It’s the person who leaves who is projecting. They are projecting their own self doubts onto their friends and assuming their friends aren’t gonna be hurt by them leaving. If you just up and disappear one day, with no explanation, you are disrespecting your friends and showing that *you* don’t really care about *them*
> If you just up and disappear one day, with no explanation, you are disrespecting your friends and showing that you don’t really care about them
Can confirm, this is how the overwhelming majority of people view it
People don’t like themselves and they project and think it means their friends don’t like them and they cut them off and then when they try to come back their friends don’t trust them anymore
I didn't do it to "see who is my true friend" it just happened with me because depression was just sucking away every ounce of energy I had, and even replying to people took me out for days. I just couldn't do anything, so it just happened. Not saying no one does it for the reasons you said, just that not everyone does it for that.
Agreed. When I left to do other things, it wasn't some test, I was going through my journey, and they were going through theirs. When we all came back around after a few years, we caught up with tons of laughter and beers. And that was it. We understood that "life goes on" whether we like it or not, and not all things last forever. That was about 6 or 7 years ago the last time we all met up. Maybe we'll meet up in the future, maybe we won't. We had our time together, and that's what's important.
It's not really that, it's when you look around the room and you realize you can be better. It's selfish only if you better yourself and don't help the friends you left behind
You never even really "cut them off." You just stopped being the first one to always say something, to always initiate things. You learn when you aren't the one initiating things, no one cares, or thinks about you. No one ever reaches out and says anything first, no one remembers your birthday or so much as sends a meme and says "saw this and thought you."
There’s a difference between caring and being disrespected. If a friend continues to ghost for whatever reason without an explanation repeatedly, then there’s no point in complaining when those friends stop asking.
I did that. Was in the jehovahs witness cult. They don't let you have friends on the outside. So when I quit that I quit all of them. After a couple years I started convincing some jws I met through my brother to leave as well, now I have a new posse. never going back to the cult.
I have bad depression and anxiety disorder due to trauma and daily stressfulness. I just leave everything and become more isolated. It’s suck, but i cannot control it.
Fed up with everyone around me, I packed up the stuff I wanted to keep into the back of my SUV and moved to a new state. Never said a word to anyone.
This was 20 years ago.
Should my wife pass before me, I'll be doing it again.
Nah, adulting isn't that hard once you figure it out. If you don't have time to see you're friends more than twice a year....it's because you don't care to make enough time to see your friends more than twice a year.
Nothing wrong with that, to each their own. But let's be honest about it 🤷🏾♂️
Exactly! Friendship in adulthood is not about shared spaces where you are friends with your schoolmates or clubmates because you had to be in that place anyway. Adult friendship requires one to be intentional and make time and space to nurture platonic relationships.
Then there's the difficulty of folks accepting that people grow differently and interests change over time. If you don't put in the work to grow together with people you like or think you like, or just go about making new friends, you can complain all you want but that's on you, right?!
It’s a two way street, if you dumped them it’s because you didn’t care that much about them. The reality is that relationships are like a garden, they require constant maintenance.
The garden thing is pretty much what it is. If you see someone young getting a lot of messages to their phone in school it's because they talk/message a lot of people. I'm not sure how it works now but during 2006 it sure was like it. Most social people get to be popular, it is a lot of work.
Bro, you leave their life with no explanation what do you expect them to do? Not move on with their lives? Send out missing person reports only find out youre still at home? It probably hurt them that a friend would just up and disappear without a word to them. You can't leave someone's life and expect nothing to change, it's a 2 way street.
But…you cut them off lol. I don’t get why people are saying this. They didn’t cut you out of their lives, you cut them out of yours. They can’t uncut themselves out from your life.
I moved out of state. I got away from a lot of toxic people that really weren’t my friends. Now in my 30’s i struggle to have a social life. Most of the people i talk to are online, in games. With only a couple people in my state that i can go see. It’s been 2 or three years now. Im better off not having normal social media though.
I have a terrible friends circle. Everybody has been telling me all bad things about them, yet, I stood my ground and remained friends with those people. To this day, I regret making that decision because now I’m all stuck with those people for probably rest of my life.
Nowadays, no matter what I do, I will get self conscious or get embarrassed by being called out for being different. Like, wearing a ring, and get called out as gay. What? Couldn’t a guy use jewelry. I like flashy or bling stuff. How I dress. How I deal with people. Everything’s different with them. It took me so long to realize that they are narcissistic. I just wish that I’ve to my old friends who told me to be wary and be able to find new people. It takes time… hence, I’m slowly exiling the friends circle, perhaps, go down on the loneliness path for a while until I develop new friends / meet new people.
It sucks. You do you, and if you wanna bail out for a while. Know this, I’ll be here. I may change, but I will be here and I won’t give you any disrespect for any decisions you‘ve made for yourself for sake of better life and health. Happiness too. I’m doing everything it takes to be not my “wonderful friends” and be a better person all around.
used to disconnect just on school holidays but since the pandemic hit and i lost all motivation and we graduated and everyone else started living their lives, i stayed off social media and now i kinda miss being in the loop but i've already cut myself off from everyone for like 4 years so ... some days i fantasize just posting "who wants to catch up over coffee" and see who bites 😔 but do i want to leave my house? also no. LOL
I did this and found out quickly that didn't have any friends. Eventually I checked my old contacts and got back in contact with two of them and we were on good terms but the conversations only happened if I initiated. I soon stopped bothering. Mind you, I didn't leave in a huff, I just stopped showing up in a voice chat we'd been in for five straight years.
Three years later I send a message to both of them mentioned wanting to catch up and talk about our shared hobbies. Same thing again: conversations would happen but only if I initiated. Haven't spoken to either of them for about two years now and we play the same MMOs and I have them on my list so we see each other playing, *on the same servers*, but the one time I asked either of them if they had a guild or group that I could get into just to chat or hang out I got delays and then crickets.
I assume either it's *just me* or they're both flakey and the results are the same, either way.
no, I once went to school ground that was divided by wall with the street my mother expected me to play on. After I was done playing my aunt (that is a bit older than me, long story) said that they were looking for me. When I came back I saw my mother sobbing like crazy and three people were trying to calm her down. So I always try to tell people where I’m going, especially after that stuff happened to me and I was trying to find my friend.
I did that for a whole year, I needed that and it was a good thing to do for me at the time. Unfortunately that year where I chose complete social isolation was 2019 ...
SYFLO... Sort Your Fucking Life Out... Every now and then you just gotta disappear and reconnect with who you are and what you are doing in life to regain that balance of purpose in today's society.
Put yourself on aeroplane mode for a while
Yes. For serious reasons that had me not ending myself just because I couldn't find a place sturdy enough to tie the rope at home. When I came back I had no friends left.
Don't do that. And if you're planning to do it, go tell it to a mental health professional instead of actually doing it.
Back in the day we had a friend like this name Jason. He would completely disappear for 6 months to a year.... then come back with some completely crazy story.
Has anyone actually done this? I'm thinking of disappearing in an all-inclusive in Turkiye for that time. Feel free to DM me if you've had those experiences
I had a friend that I cut off going on 4 years now. he took my friendship for granted, so I just cut him off and stopped talking to him. I have not looked back. It did hurt at first but the old saying goes time heals all wounds.
Really? Cut everyone off for 6 months what is this amateur hour? I got married, had 2 kids, and moved to another state because pubic schools are better. I have cut my friend off for 15 years.
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A-fuckin-men you hit the nail on the head. Sometimes it's not even awkward unfortunately you just don't have much to say about whatever is new in their life
Having nothing new in life sucks but so is the lonely life after 40
But so is feeling like you bring every mood down so ill take the hit
Fuck a hint, take a pro tip instead! Stop caring about if you bring down the mood every time. Obviously, you should care enough to try not to bring down the mood, but if you do, just apologize and keep it moving. Life's way, way, way too short to waste it worrying about what other people think when they judge you for simply vibing and existing.
Such an astute and reasoned analysis. I am dealing with the fallout of my own self sabotage and self imposed isolation in my mid 40's. Shit is rough.
I have been through similar. I had insanely good job etc. but some things were missing. Then my friend betrayed me, my ex gf betrayed me (she did not, but I felt that way) and I self isolated myself for nearly an year. Now I am getting back. It feels good. Running helped a lot. Endorphins, music, time to think. I am reaching to my friends again and if they are true friends and you cut the crap and tell them the truth. They will just say you are an idiot and have a laugh. I feel much better. Not sure about my next career, but I am feeling way better. Do the running, exercise. You will start liking yourself again, which is the most important step. Also spend less time arguing on Reddit 😀😀. Good luck bro!
Thanks for your words 😊. I'm running 5k at least once a week and bodyweight exercising every day. Making big changes to my career too.
Way to go! We have our midage crisis, we feel like we failed in something, whatever it is. Dont fall for it. We haven’t. We have another beautiful decades ahead of us. But now we have experience, self confidence etc. And tell me, how do you feel after your run, eh? :D
Speak for yourself.... I've failed plenty. Always a learning situation, but doesn't take away from failure.
Ha ha, like a lot of runners I fucking hate running, but yeah the afterwards is great. Pushing out that sprint finish out of pure determination is great, and the achievement afterwards is top. Sometimes I want to go again after a 5 minute downtime. Currently in month 2 of 100 push ups and 100 squats a day. Adding in a new exercise every month.
Jesus Christ bud save some push-ups for the rest of us.
Ha ha, I didn't exercise for nearly a decade, I'm playing catch-up
I hate it too. Everybody does. But the feeling afterwards. I usually run in the morning and after that I can take on the world :). I can see you will be fine. Call your friends :).
Even walking is better than nothing. One does wonder, tho. if when you stop exercising, you stop getting the benefits.. so you have to keep exercising just to maintain the new levels.. That sounds very similar to drugs, lol.. pretty soon, you're just running to feel normal. You constantly need to run more, chasing that dragon. You're losing weight. You have less time for friends and family they. start to notice changes in you. Always tied up in yourself. Hanging around your new "friends" who just seem to encourage you. It's a slippery slope!
Wow, you might be right, i have seen that change on my girlfriend (just a friend, but she is a girl), she was running insane lengths and she deffinately did not look healthy.
I love running, although I’ve been at it 30 years. It’s the feeling, the isolation, being alone with your thoughts, chasing a goal that doesn’t come fast, not needing a team just everything about it…almost.
Same here. Started skateboarding again at 42.... and while my back hates it, it's doing wonders for me otherwise. Caught a fakey front side flip the other day and it felt like my birthday
I did 2 years. It's not easy .But it's very doable. You do get used to it again. I think the hardest part for me was the constant thought in my head. "I have nothing to say."They must be uncomfortable."I'm so awkward," I think if you can come up with like stupid games, embrace the stupidness.. eg, who can say the dumbest joke. The dumber the better.. so then the idea is to celebrate awkwardness. Or come up with cool, unique, funny names for genitalia or sex positions.. you all collect them. 1write them in a book.. make it a game that is always going. So you can just bust one out of nowhere weeks later. When you guys hear others say one, you ask if you can add it to the collection.. this brings others in, is openers. It doesn't have to be lewd.. but if you invent stuff like this, you all created it and own it. You always have something to talk about. Yeah. Anyway.. create new things you can own together, and you will feel comfortable, and then you will stop the circular thoughts of worry, and then your brain will be able to relax and go with the flow
I think one of the strangest things about getting to your 40s is looking back and seeing the arc of your own bad habits, like isolating yourself when things go wrong. Things you thought were one offs in your 20s end up repeating and you start to see patterns.
And here I thought I was the only one
It's surprising to see in this thread how common it is to cut everyone off to be alone for a while. Of course Reddit is skewed in its demographics, and maybe this sub more so. But seeing how far some people go, isolating for years, I realize I don't want to end up that way. There is a way back to friends, family, society. Little steps at a time, working toward a healthy self and rebuilding relationships. Good luck to everyone.
This is when joining in community comes in plenty of none profits need volunteers. Town events same , point if you run into someone you knew , up front tell them “ you are working on healing your self”. Talk therapy is a good tool a little painful but good.
It can be lonely, but man it sure is peaceful.
I went trough a bad time, and when I was finally ready to talk to people again for a bit not a single sole actually wanted to find out what happened.
This is so true.
It is also very sad. I remember few guy who could not comprehend that it is possible to have a good time whilst sober. To say the least I didn't really see them too be any kind of a friend after that.
Do you usually ask your friends about their emotions, how they experience them and how they deal with them? If yes, you need better friends, if not, there's your answer. Most people will gladly talk emotions with an individual they trust emotionally. But it's about getting to that point first. They won't bother asking if you're not the sharing kind.
>If yes, you need better friends I don't understand
It was a bit convoluted. Logic goes as follow. 1. Nobody seems to care that he’s been gone. 2. OP is usually a kind an emotional person (if yes) 3. He needs better friends if he’s being a supportive and caring friend and they don’t give anything back.
Yee, self exile might feel good for a second, the quiet and all, but you kinda kill a part of yourself. Community is possibly the most important thing in life, and I'm not really sure it's actually possible to fully build it up after throwing it away
Every day is a new day,
Yeah wtf I've thrown shit away multiple times and have more friends than ever. I'll do it again too don't threaten me with a good time.
> I'm not really sure it's actually possible to fully build it up after throwing it away This is why I decided not to "start fresh" in another country after kinda fucking up my life here. Came to the same conclusion
I'm praying that neuroplasticity has got my back when this ends
And the best part is: we never learn!
your analysis made me realise that no one’s wrong in this situation.
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Year and a half and going strong.
year 3 and it’s definitely a thing
I'm at about 2.5 years, I'm not looking back tho.
you guys having friends?
Five years here, y'all've got some rookie numbers.
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Same. Though I’ve tried to reach out. They ignore me. So much for friendship. Out of sight out of mind.
12th year 👹
rookie numbers
Rookie numbers, 18 years and going strong 🫡
I’m on 9 years now.
I'm a bit of a delusional introvert myself.
Underrated comment.
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Same, I keep doing it while I know I shouldn't.
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And then come bacome
Andome thenome come bacome
I’m way too fucking tired for whatever just happened to this thread.
Obligatory *username checks out* squawk
Mmmmm, bacome
My friends changed a lot from middle school to highschool and college. I didn't like the people they were by college and went my own way. Now people think I'm a red flag because I don't have friends. Oh well, honestly it's easier to be alone anyway
I feel that. Near the end of high school, and a little while past it my friend group became drugged up drunks who wanted nothing more than to party every weekend, heck, even on the weekdays. They would invite me all the time, but I simply just didn’t want part in that life style (for obvious reasons, but also personal). They recognised and understood why I didn’t want to, but I suppose they enjoyed it too much to do literally anything else lol. Suppose being young, and doing illegal things is rebellious which gave them that thrill. After that I grew apart from all of them. At the time I used to blame myself thinking I should of just gave in just to feel less lonely. Now I’m happy I hadn’t, but do often ponder about what if. I should say to not sound like some prude that I did attend some of these ‘parties’, mostly a bunch of teenagers getting smashed faced and taking lines + whatever else they could get their hands on, all the while pulling each other in from the underarm saying how much they love each other before throwing up in the toilet and passing out. I’d mostly find the chillest person to talk to during the night, play some GTA, while drinking a little whisky to keep me sane lol.
I'm kind of glad that I was a loner in highschool, I did have one friend though, but we are not in contact anymore. I probably would have given in to peer pressure. Teenage and young adulthood was shitty, but I at least didn't have to deal with shit caused by a drug dependency
I more or less just have acquaintances. Once I had kids and they have stuff going on daily I just don’t have time for friendships. I just want to come home from work on days the kids don’t have something going on and do nothing.
I seriously did that. Just deleted all social media and ghosted
I did this as well a few years back mostly because social media was depressing me so much, and it was a net positive change. It did let me figure out which relationships were real and which were entirely virtual.
I’ve done it successfully for 4 years now
chad fr
Yes. No one noticed.
It's ok. You did it for yourself, not for them. Best wishes.
The few people that do care just consider it normal at this point. We just pick up where we left off even if it's been a year or two
Then you understand, nobody cared or needed you.
I have an old mate who cut us off 1 year ago and had that mindset of no-one caring about him. He was oblivious about our friendship with him for the last decade being only about supporting him. He has heavily skewed ideas of relationships from borderline personality disorder. We did our best but we couldn't overcome his warped mind. We still care but it became unsafe to be around him.
I had a period where I didn't talk to people, some rough times. When I was finally ready to get back socializing it seemed well, but later on I realized they made up there mind I was angry at them during that time, none asked me anything about it or was one bit interested to see what happened. Or they just didn't believe I wasn't actually angry at anyone. One day I realized that it is just better to part ways, for all of us. Some of the sades memories I have.
Going through this now. The “no one checking up” part. Self imposed isolation versus my usual depressed ones. Definitely the most peaceful I been but also most lonely. Wish more siblings reached out. I’m also not in their/nephew/nieces life much either so won’t blame. Changing my relationship management/social skills going forward. As irritating as people are, ain’t nothin like real love from the people who knew you the longest.
Who needs someone who cuts and runs?
Exactly, I hate this lack of maturity "I'm going to disappear and see who are my true friends", if u do that you are not being a good friend for people who cares about you, u are not being a true friend.
I don't think that's the case here. People get hurt and hide away. In my case, I suffer from social phobia and as much as I love my friends and want to be with them I just can't be with anyone sometimes, I've done 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, 2 year stints. In lucky to have friends who have known me my entire life and understand, but it still hurts them, and it amazes me that they put up with it.. they accept and understand to a degree.. but they can never totally get it. But trust me, all I want to do is be with them and all people, I love relationships, and its a nightmare I would not wish on anyone. But it's not a.. throw a tanty and sulk thing.
who said this was a test to see who your true friends are? it's the depression that causes self-imposed isolation, and the lack of anyone reaching out that validates the feedback loop of "nobody needs me so I have no incentive to practice self-care". it's pretty selfish to project bs like immaturity onto people who are actually getting their depressive thoughts validated. yeah we're on a thread that's tangentially about ghosting but the comment you responded to clearly mentioned not having anyone reach out.
I mean there are literally tons of comments in this thread saying " to see who my real friends are" or "I knew people don't care about me"
It’s the person who leaves who is projecting. They are projecting their own self doubts onto their friends and assuming their friends aren’t gonna be hurt by them leaving. If you just up and disappear one day, with no explanation, you are disrespecting your friends and showing that *you* don’t really care about *them*
> If you just up and disappear one day, with no explanation, you are disrespecting your friends and showing that you don’t really care about them Can confirm, this is how the overwhelming majority of people view it
People don’t like themselves and they project and think it means their friends don’t like them and they cut them off and then when they try to come back their friends don’t trust them anymore
I didn't do it to "see who is my true friend" it just happened with me because depression was just sucking away every ounce of energy I had, and even replying to people took me out for days. I just couldn't do anything, so it just happened. Not saying no one does it for the reasons you said, just that not everyone does it for that.
Agreed. When I left to do other things, it wasn't some test, I was going through my journey, and they were going through theirs. When we all came back around after a few years, we caught up with tons of laughter and beers. And that was it. We understood that "life goes on" whether we like it or not, and not all things last forever. That was about 6 or 7 years ago the last time we all met up. Maybe we'll meet up in the future, maybe we won't. We had our time together, and that's what's important.
It's not really that, it's when you look around the room and you realize you can be better. It's selfish only if you better yourself and don't help the friends you left behind
You never even really "cut them off." You just stopped being the first one to always say something, to always initiate things. You learn when you aren't the one initiating things, no one cares, or thinks about you. No one ever reaches out and says anything first, no one remembers your birthday or so much as sends a meme and says "saw this and thought you."
/thread, everyone saying different is just coping that they ever really had friends.
Hard disagree homie
There’s a difference between caring and being disrespected. If a friend continues to ghost for whatever reason without an explanation repeatedly, then there’s no point in complaining when those friends stop asking.
Or people just have their own lives and moved on?
Try 18 years
Dad? Is that you?
How about everyone and forever ✅
I did that. Was in the jehovahs witness cult. They don't let you have friends on the outside. So when I quit that I quit all of them. After a couple years I started convincing some jws I met through my brother to leave as well, now I have a new posse. never going back to the cult.
I have bad depression and anxiety disorder due to trauma and daily stressfulness. I just leave everything and become more isolated. It’s suck, but i cannot control it.
Yes, I also decided to have issues with 'substances' also. Fun times
Fed up with everyone around me, I packed up the stuff I wanted to keep into the back of my SUV and moved to a new state. Never said a word to anyone. This was 20 years ago. Should my wife pass before me, I'll be doing it again.
did that for all of last year. wasn't fun
6 months? Those are rookie numbers.
Ummm.... I think this is called adult life. I see my friends maybe twice a year.
I don't think this is an adult life. This is a lonely, introverted life. Not the same thing.
Nah, adulting isn't that hard once you figure it out. If you don't have time to see you're friends more than twice a year....it's because you don't care to make enough time to see your friends more than twice a year. Nothing wrong with that, to each their own. But let's be honest about it 🤷🏾♂️
Exactly! Friendship in adulthood is not about shared spaces where you are friends with your schoolmates or clubmates because you had to be in that place anyway. Adult friendship requires one to be intentional and make time and space to nurture platonic relationships. Then there's the difficulty of folks accepting that people grow differently and interests change over time. If you don't put in the work to grow together with people you like or think you like, or just go about making new friends, you can complain all you want but that's on you, right?!
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It’s a two way street, if you dumped them it’s because you didn’t care that much about them. The reality is that relationships are like a garden, they require constant maintenance.
The garden thing is pretty much what it is. If you see someone young getting a lot of messages to their phone in school it's because they talk/message a lot of people. I'm not sure how it works now but during 2006 it sure was like it. Most social people get to be popular, it is a lot of work.
Bro, you leave their life with no explanation what do you expect them to do? Not move on with their lives? Send out missing person reports only find out youre still at home? It probably hurt them that a friend would just up and disappear without a word to them. You can't leave someone's life and expect nothing to change, it's a 2 way street.
Can't really blame them when you so obviously don't care about them either
But…you cut them off lol. I don’t get why people are saying this. They didn’t cut you out of their lives, you cut them out of yours. They can’t uncut themselves out from your life.
Immaturity with a hint of narcissism
I genuinely want to
Once a year, since age 16. Interestingly coinciding with a few concussions from hockey and bmx. Never been the same. Never will be
Yeah every six months or so
I moved out of state. I got away from a lot of toxic people that really weren’t my friends. Now in my 30’s i struggle to have a social life. Most of the people i talk to are online, in games. With only a couple people in my state that i can go see. It’s been 2 or three years now. Im better off not having normal social media though.
Makes you think how sad is the world we live in.
U know what the real kicker is about this. Not a single one of them will try and reach out
I have a terrible friends circle. Everybody has been telling me all bad things about them, yet, I stood my ground and remained friends with those people. To this day, I regret making that decision because now I’m all stuck with those people for probably rest of my life. Nowadays, no matter what I do, I will get self conscious or get embarrassed by being called out for being different. Like, wearing a ring, and get called out as gay. What? Couldn’t a guy use jewelry. I like flashy or bling stuff. How I dress. How I deal with people. Everything’s different with them. It took me so long to realize that they are narcissistic. I just wish that I’ve to my old friends who told me to be wary and be able to find new people. It takes time… hence, I’m slowly exiling the friends circle, perhaps, go down on the loneliness path for a while until I develop new friends / meet new people. It sucks. You do you, and if you wanna bail out for a while. Know this, I’ll be here. I may change, but I will be here and I won’t give you any disrespect for any decisions you‘ve made for yourself for sake of better life and health. Happiness too. I’m doing everything it takes to be not my “wonderful friends” and be a better person all around.
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used to disconnect just on school holidays but since the pandemic hit and i lost all motivation and we graduated and everyone else started living their lives, i stayed off social media and now i kinda miss being in the loop but i've already cut myself off from everyone for like 4 years so ... some days i fantasize just posting "who wants to catch up over coffee" and see who bites 😔 but do i want to leave my house? also no. LOL
3 years ago Deleted all social media, and 90% of phone numbers in my phone, also moved out of state… going incredibly strong! 💪
I haven't returned since COVID.
1year 16days and counting
I did this and found out quickly that didn't have any friends. Eventually I checked my old contacts and got back in contact with two of them and we were on good terms but the conversations only happened if I initiated. I soon stopped bothering. Mind you, I didn't leave in a huff, I just stopped showing up in a voice chat we'd been in for five straight years. Three years later I send a message to both of them mentioned wanting to catch up and talk about our shared hobbies. Same thing again: conversations would happen but only if I initiated. Haven't spoken to either of them for about two years now and we play the same MMOs and I have them on my list so we see each other playing, *on the same servers*, but the one time I asked either of them if they had a guild or group that I could get into just to chat or hang out I got delays and then crickets. I assume either it's *just me* or they're both flakey and the results are the same, either way.
I would need friends to cut them off.
Try 6 years
no, I once went to school ground that was divided by wall with the street my mother expected me to play on. After I was done playing my aunt (that is a bit older than me, long story) said that they were looking for me. When I came back I saw my mother sobbing like crazy and three people were trying to calm her down. So I always try to tell people where I’m going, especially after that stuff happened to me and I was trying to find my friend.
I did that for a whole year, I needed that and it was a good thing to do for me at the time. Unfortunately that year where I chose complete social isolation was 2019 ...
6 months lol I did this 6 years ago and never looked back
no. it's blatant disrespect. don't even bother coming back after that
yes
going on 2 years now. Couldn't be happier
years\*
try 6 years lmao
Yeah, did that back in 2007, the 6 months still haven’t ended for me
8 months.
Yes. It sucked. Mostly cus i had no money and i was 14
You gotta keep those numbers up, those are rookie numbers
Rookie numbers. Try 12 years.
yes
And just like that, you *had* friends
been there, done that, it's overrated...
I can't do that if I have no friends to cut off in the first place.
6months? That was 20yrs ago and still counting
Rookie numbers
Wow these comments got me reeling. Y'all self fulfilling prophecies.
Do 6 month in prison count?
SYFLO... Sort Your Fucking Life Out... Every now and then you just gotta disappear and reconnect with who you are and what you are doing in life to regain that balance of purpose in today's society. Put yourself on aeroplane mode for a while
I’m on year 10.
months? fucking newb
Yes
Yes. For serious reasons that had me not ending myself just because I couldn't find a place sturdy enough to tie the rope at home. When I came back I had no friends left. Don't do that. And if you're planning to do it, go tell it to a mental health professional instead of actually doing it.
It’s called depression and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Back in the day we had a friend like this name Jason. He would completely disappear for 6 months to a year.... then come back with some completely crazy story.
Try 3 years
Sounds like you're probably a bad friend
This is year 1 and I love it
Most humans are beyond selfish, ignorant, and inconsiderate and are worth avoiding.
No, I have not won the lottery.
Has anyone actually done this? I'm thinking of disappearing in an all-inclusive in Turkiye for that time. Feel free to DM me if you've had those experiences
Yeah! Nobody noticed.
People do that to me constantly. I dont even have to put in the effort
Yeah I sure have, and boy was it a mistake to sink further into social isolation. Always be skeptical of the easy way out.
Cut off who?
And then you complain "why don't I have friends?" "I feel so lonely."
Listen to Poor Thing by Whitey
Yes and nobody noticed
What does it do? I mean I’ve never had friends and I’m 21 so it’s harder for me to relate in the first place. What are the flaws of this?
I had a friend that I cut off going on 4 years now. he took my friendship for granted, so I just cut him off and stopped talking to him. I have not looked back. It did hurt at first but the old saying goes time heals all wounds.
I have done so for about a year. Funny thing, when I stopped calling they did as well. No one even tried for for a year now.
Shit I'm running on 4 years.
man i've been out for 5 years what do you mean?
13 months in and still going strong!
That’s called irish goodbye before phones. Aaaaand now imma throw mine in the river. Night yall
Rookie numbers
Try 5 years
Yep. Two years or so, in fact.
Don't play with me reddit. That's my signature move
Really? Cut everyone off for 6 months what is this amateur hour? I got married, had 2 kids, and moved to another state because pubic schools are better. I have cut my friend off for 15 years.
Did that 10 years ago when I left school.
I did this when I was 19. Now I’m 26 with zero friends and don’t talk to my family.
That’s not friends, she was a giant sloot. Lot of them have to change zip codes because of it.
That’s not friends, she was a giant sloot. Lot of them have to change zip codes because of it.
Disappeared forever
Disappeared forever
Are you sagittarius
Are you sagittarius
Are you sagittarius
Are you sagittarius
I did and now I don't have anyone to talk 🦜
no, if you fo something like this you're a real selfish asshole. just remember, doing something like this is not only going to affect you