This is the answer. My body totally changed 1000% after a baby. I know I used to hear women say that all the time but it effected my whole hormonal makeup and it was never the same afterwards
I’m a man.. and before kids people guessed I was 28 when I was 34. Now I’m 37 and people think I’m 40-42.
I aged 12-14 years in 5. The struggle and stress are real. Less time for self care. More constant pressure and stress, less sleep. It sucks but is ohhhh so worth it.
Edit: those of you without kids… it’s possible to be at your wits end. Tired, endlessly tired, stressed, and hurting from being a parent.. and at the same time choose to have kids all over again without hesitation if you were given the chance. Being a parent is incredible. It’s the best thing I’ve done with my life by far, but it’s also unbelievably stressful. How can it not be? My stupid ass is in charge of not fucking up someone’s life. Me. A barely functioning adult. But seeing the happiness in their faces the moment I walk in the door? Best feeling in the world. You get to be someone’s superhero, and THAT makes it all more than worth it.
When people say this, it sounds like mental illness. 😅 They go on and on about all these horrible things they are going through since having a kid, and then you can watch when their brains kick in like “no, wait! You gotta say how great it is or everyone will think you’re a terrible parent!!!” 😂
I’m so scared to have kids for this reason. Everyone is like it’s the most stressful thing you’ll experience, but it’s worth it!. My life has been stressful enough alrdy 😂.
Right? I’m drowning like every day, and I have some elder pets who have declining health… it’s like a full time job and costs a fortune. Raising a kid is SO much more than this and I’m ready to snap as it is. I honestly have no idea how people do it. 😅
Only you know if your desire for them will outweigh the stress! Having a career can be stressful, having a house can be stressful….
That being said, many of my family and friends have admitted to me that they don’t feel it’s worth it most of the time. And that makes sense these days, when parents are supposed to be 100% active in their kids lives and also have jobs etc.
Easy choice, just don't have them! There are many ways to act as a parent. I mother all the time, to my nephews, to my nanny kids, to random children, to my friends etc. I really want to volunteer to help lgbtq children in my area....lots of ways to scratch that itch without having them.
🤣🤣🤣 it’s funny but it is such a true feeling. Like I only have 1 kid and sometimes I’m sooo stressed. They never stop talking, unless they’re doing something they shouldn’t be, and the mental stress from all these scenarios of making sure to keep them safe, alive, healthy, and hopefully well-rounded as they get older. It’s just a lot but I literally can’t imagine not seeing his cute little smile, the way he says he loves us, all the new things he learns and funny things he says. Being a parent is bittersweet but it’s not for everyone, and that’s okay too.
Hahaha that’s my favorite. And they don’t skip a beat either. It literally seems like they are making a really bad joke or something. 😂 On the flip though, I know plenty of people who will say all the negative stuff and then say, “and even though that sounds horrible, somehow it’s just not. I don’t get it.” …taking me back to my “mental illness” comment. 😂
If it makes you feel better, I’m almost 40 and my newer coworker who is 28 thought I was younger than her for her first few months until my 39th bday celebration at the office.
But I just have one kid. Had her at 35. Been a runner for 10 years, take care of my skin/hair, etc. I know lots of mothers who look incredible. It really just comes down to that unpredictable mix of genes, partner support, lifestyle, priorities, and money.
For real! There are so many combos to having good skin or looking youthful. You could have little to no money to spend on skincare but look amazing because of genetics or overall lifestyle. Or you could spend a ton of money on routine appts at med spas or at a derm’s office because you historically have had sensitive or difficult skin. So many avenues.
Money also buys you the difference between a nanny that comes to you and daycare, or in my case we can't even afford daycare so I'm a 40hour per week stay at home mom and work outside of the home as well. It can mean the difference between having a night nurse or not. The resources we can buy for ourselves and our kids when you have money makes such a difference in how well you're able to enjoy parenting as well as how much easier it can be on your body. Even carrying insurance on yourself or not, paying for medical care beyond the immediate needs, what food you can afford, facial treatments, supplements, you name it.
Not to mention the extra time to not only exercise, but also research all this stuff in the first place… I had a baby at 22, and I only managed to start looking like I do now at 34.
Edit: I realize nobody here can actually see me, but I just meant my body is fully toned with no excess fat. I still have a healthy amount of fat, but not enough to impact my health.
It really is, I had no money when I was younger and my skin looked absolutely horrible. Now that I’m older and have more money, I can try different skincare products, including the more expensive ones. And I’m getting laser hair removal on my face, which I never would have been able to afford when I was younger. Previously I would get threading, which caused a lot of irritation on my skin. Now that I’m actually able to spend some money, my skin looks so much better.
I love stories like this. My boss was sure he was my 7th grade English teacher. I said I don’t think that’s possible, this is a second career for me, blah blah blah. He kept at it, saying he started teaching in 2000. Not only was I not in 7th grade in 2000, I was 24 years old. I’m actually a year older than he is. But if you look at pics with me when my kids were little, I look older than I do now because I never got any sleep. Once your body heals and you get some rest, your skin comes back.
this is so real. a few months ago I was vaping around my coworker and she got irritated with me because she thought I wasn’t old enough to vape. I’m 29. turns out we’re the same age but she has a ten year old kid. People always clock me at like 23-26. I’ll freaking take it. I don’t really wear make up and have a super disciplined skin care routine. Also no children.
My former coworker has never married, no kid and she looks very young!! I have always thoughts she is in her early 50s then she revealed to me that she is 63 on her last day.
Being a runner is part of this, actually! Runners tend to thin out much faster. But the trade off is your cardio fitness is prob incredible and your heart if def in better shape than mine at 33 right now lol
My mom looked very young even into her fifties. She was a runner from 13-35, had her kids at 36, 38, and 40, and never wears makeup or does much to her hair. She also raised us essentially alone as my dad was in school/residency for 8 years starting when she had her first kid. Being healthy and active is a huge thing that affects how well you age, possibly one of the biggest.
Disagree, genetics is first, then everything follows. The elasticity of skin, texture and bone structure. You can help them w a good diet and exercise but you can’t fight genes for long.
Yeah bingo , I have a child and I’m 49 and look much younger get than my age . Thankfully my mom got with my dad and his amazing skin which I inherited.
I would ask OP about their diet while breastfeeding? You must and mean must eat a LOT while BF or face the facial fat loss among other things.
If you don't mind me asking, did you have any permanent body changes? I'm currently 31 but want to delay due to having Invisalign. I've been pretty consistently active my whole life as well. I know everyone's different, but I keep learning things that don't seem talked about childbirth -_- like your teeth get loose and feet permanently get larger?? I get all bodies change with age and that's cool, but for some reason these little things hit me weird. Like I'll lose all physical and emotional identity
For skin, I have to admit that I’ve always had pretty good skin. Never had had more than a few pimples a year, skin is neither too dry nor too oily. I use tret.05% every night along with a Korean cream by Beauty of Joseon (Dynasty Cream), I believe. In the mornings, I use a vitamin c serum by Melanoo CC and use a hydro barrier lotion by Etude House. And sunscreen every day is a must!! I live in SoCal and do not exist the house without a generous slathering of SPF 50 every day.
Mostly, I just try to be consistent enough. If all I have time to do is slap some moisturizer on at night, then that will have to do for that night. But I try to make sure I rebuy things that work after I run out (in the past, I would not rebuy, thinking I would just do it later, and then not do it for months).
i second this lol
Pregnancy aside, the quality sleep, extra money, absense of sugary snacks, lack of stress & ample time for exercise & self care really keep one youthful.
A 24-year-old sent me a drink the other day. when I told him he was too young, he said he liked mature women & could tell I was older … Like 26 or something”
i almost cried 😂
EDIT: i am 39
Lemme tell ya, as someone who waited until he was 36 to have kids, and thusly experienced a good deal of life without any comparable level of responsibility, being a good parent is almost all sacrifice.
Let me preface what I’m about to say with this. My son is a joy. He is an absolute fucking magical, beautiful joy. He is my favorite thing in the whole world. I can’t even hardly talk about how special he is to me, without crying. There is nothing in life more special than this. Nothing. My wife and I got to live our 30s as a DINK upper middle class couple. We travelled a little, went out every weekend. Besides our careers, we basically had absolute freedom to do whatever we wanted and we loved that lifestyle. That all seems so empty and meaningless now, in comparison to how much joy this little boy brings me every day.
Now the honesty
I’ll give it to you straight, there seems to be this whole facet of parenthood, where everyone who is one agrees to not relay to everyone else how much this can fucking suck sometimes. Because lemme tell ya, it can be quite the slog. Even if you are the type of person, like me, who is willing to hedge your expectations and acknowledge that things will be tough, lemme tell you, it’s harder than you can imagine. If you could fully imagine it, you wouldn’t have kids lmao.
Experiences vary, obviously, but you will potentially go weeks without proper sleep. Sometimes months. Sometimes years. And you will be expected to put on a smile and continue on doing everything you were doing, when you had good sleep.
You will have no time to yourself. Even if you have a supportive partner, who helps out and you both at least try to tend to each others need for personal time, you will still almost never have it. What you do get is often at the cost of sleep or straight cash, since babysitters are expensive too. What I mean by that is, if I want to play a video game, which I fucking do so badly, I can’t generally play until after 8:30pm. If I want to play more than an hour or two, that’s gonna cost sleep that I’m already not getting enough of. If my wife and I want to go on a date, it costs $45 to $75 in baby sitter pay, just to get out the door.
Relaxing weekend? Nah. Every weekend now belongs to feeding your child’s mind. If you are doing it right, kids are busy, even when you are at home. From like 6 months to however many years old (like 4 years old) They require almost constant play and interaction. That’s their main source of development.
Illness. I swear I’ve been sick more times in the past 6 months than the prior 15 years combined. Kids are little viral factories. They get sick with everything and they bring it home to you. We were sick with something from from like Christmas to Easter, this year. Crazy!
The list goes on and on. This shit is wack. I’d do it again for this beautiful boy who I get the honor of calling my son, but this shit is hard and exhausting and thankless and society and the family structure, in the United States, no longer supports you. It’s hard. Be prepared and take it seriously.
Thank you for your honest response. For anyone reading, I want to point out that this is coming from an upper middle class person and it’s STILL hard for them. So just keep that in mind… money matters and it’s still difficult for someone with enough of it
Oh yea. I cannot fathom how low income folks manage this. We have insurance and a little cash in our pockets. We can afford medical care and daycare and groceries and have enough leftover for extracurricular stuff. Life would be exponentially more difficult, with low income. Or at least, much more stressful.
The group of folks that truly blow my mind are single parents who get no help from the child’s other parent. That’s a hard life. A hard, hard life.
not to take the convo in a different direction but I swear humans didn't live like this for most of our existence. community and extended family would take some of the childcare responsibilities. this whole nuclear family thing is torturing parents and scaring the rest of us off
I think it’s a lot of things.
I think “the village” stopped existing when people started moving farther away from home. It’s rare for extended families to live close to each other now.
Lifespans have been extended. People can live a higher quality of life for longer. Older people can live independent, full lives, maybe they’re working longer or have hobbies or are traveling. They’re not sitting around watching kids.
There’s also a culture of cutting people off for various reasons. I come from a culture where there is a village. I see people constantly praise cultures that have “villages.” But people conveniently forget that a big part of having that “village” means putting up with other people’s shit.
In many cultures with very involved extended family and grandparents, you just put up with what grandma and grandpa are going to do. Maybe you can politely ask them to not do xyz but if you start threatening to cut people out for whatever reason, you’re not going to get to participate anymore.
I’m not saying people don’t have valid reasons for cutting off family members. I’m just saying that a lot of the time when you’re in these sorts of very enmeshed communities and families you’re going to have to have a higher tolerance for what others do.
I don't really understand why they said "if it makes you feel better I had a kid and I look really young".. how would that make OP feel better?
This person is also Asian and Asian skin is famously much more resilient and ages far better than white skin.
You nursed for 4 years straight in between kids? So are we talking 6 years between pictures? You aged chronologically as well as surviving a pandemic and two pregnancies. Add in sleep deprivation, potential nutrient deficiencies from pregnancy and nursing, stress…yeah, it all catches up. Once sleep is regulated again, and you’re past the stress of toddler years, self-care can take priority, and it’s normal to get some “glow” back. But time comes for us all.
This! Pregnancy and breastfeeding will suck all the nutrients out of you.
Kind of similar — my skin and appearance aged dramatically in the years leading up to a celiac disease diagnosis. It was due to malnourishment from poor absorption, stress, and chronic inflammation. 2 years without gluten and my skin has bounced back a ton. I had to gain some weight back as well.
It can get better over time. Don’t worry OP!
I’ve dealt with chronic inflammation and skin issues myself the last few years. Do you have any resources you wouldn’t mind sharing for what’s been successful for you? Anything from meal recommendations or other anti inflammatory remedies? Thank you, and congrats on making it through!
u/MercurialMal I figured I would include you in this comment. There are guidelines for an anti-inflammatory diet online. It's similar to the Mediterranean diet.
Honestly, try a rheumatologist if nothing else has worked. I have UC and started having hip pain, nothing weird on xray or MRI and a rheumatologist was the only one who would listen. The UC is well controlled with an immunologic but the rheumatologist was able to suggest changing it to one that would hopefully address both issues.
Everything you said 100%! Also, in the second pic, the lighting is too harsh, and she’s thinner since having kids.
Weight loss definitely comes with volume loss. My face really “hollowed out” when I lost 15 pounds (docs orders). He wants me to lose a little more, once I’m there, I’m seriously considering fillers.
They also get carried into your [lymphatic system](https://baaps.org.uk/about/news/1880/caution_raised_over_potential_immune_system_impact_of_cosmetic_filler/)which can impact the immune system
Yes. I look back to right after my second child was born and I looked ROUGH. He is almost 6 now and I look way younger and better than I did then. It’s a hard time of life, don’t beat yourself up!
Definitely. And if your kids are terrible sleepers like mine were, that sleep deprivation really takes a toll. I looked 10 years older, and now that my youngest is 8 I finally feel like I've regained a few years back.
People seem to forget this part 😂
I'm 40, and from 35-40 I aged the most drastically. I was literally wrinkle free and glowing and then 37-38 hit and I was like WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS THAT?? And 30-40 is also when most women have children so let's not ignore the existence of time and blame it all on the kids
This. I’m 10 months pp but I was trying to conceive and doing fertility treatments for 1.5 years prior. So for 2.5 years I’ve had to stop all retinol use as well and my derm won’t let me do peels either. It’s not good hahah.
Or - seen in a much more crude sense - think how puffy you get when pregnant over the course of 10 months (water weight, fat deposits, etc) all in the name of prepping your body to sustain the life of a child. Then bam - out comes baby, weight drops like a rock (even if you don’t get the elusive “pre baby” weight) - that’s gonna leave a mark. The older you are when it happens, the less elastic your skin, the more it shows those changes.
OP looks great in both pictures - I wish we could de-stigmatize the aging process - even if only for mental health reasons (especially in women, but I think the effect in men is just different specific reasons for similar feelings)
There’s a sweet spot I think. People who are too thin (like those super wiry thin marathon runner types) often look older. But being too heavy can also age you. There is a sweet spot of healthy but a normal amount of body fat that makes you look young IMO
Also the lighting. Hats give you the perfect light that hide imperfections. The second pic is in full blown sun. Only toddlers look good in full blown sun and even that depends on how shadows fall on their faces
If you struggle to gain weight even when trying, you might wanna check with a doctor to make sure nothing else is awry with your system. Best of luck in health ❤️
is an inability to gain weight new or has that always been an issue? thyroid issues can crop up after having kids which is why i ask. definitely get some blood work done to see what may be going on medically.
also lots of protein and veggies is great but what about fats? avocado, eggs, etc. maybe some high fat smoothies would help, like peanut butter + dates + protein powder + milk of choice + banana + ice or something like that.
You lost about 10% of your body weight. That will have a very noticeable impact on your skin, especially if you weren’t overweight to begin with. Be sure to add plenty of healthy fats like avocado and olive oil and stay well-hydrated.
Are you still nursing? I only have one 2-yr old and am still nursing. I can’t keep weight on either, trying to get back to 115 as well but hovering at 105. I’m trying to wean now and I’ve noticed my skin does plump up a bit more on the days she nurses less. I also read another moms Reddit saying how she had a 3-day work trip, which was the longest she had ever been away from her young kids, and she claimed the amount of sleep she got and time to herself made her look like she got a facial and fillers by the end of the trip lol
Wow! That’s kinda wild! I stopped breastfeeding few weeks ago when my son turned 2. My aunts friend came up to me and said “I heard you still nurse, you should stop, look at him he has rolls on rolls and you look like the wind will blow you away.” I didn’t take offense as this is sorta normal in my culture or the community I’m part of. I realized she was right, I needed to take care of myself. He had plenty of breast milk, he’s healthy it’s time to stop.
You look beautiful, but I get it. When I started seeing the same effects in the mirror I decided to gain weight. I'm now around ~120 and my face looks better. As they say "you can save your face or your fanny..."
I should mention I am 58 years old. I dropped a ton of weight breast feeding but my kids are now in their 30s. I didn't have any sort of thyroid issue, but I did have a B12 deficiency, a genetic malabsorption issue. It took years for a proper diagnosis.
> “I heard you still nurse, you should stop, look at him he has rolls on rolls and you look like the wind will blow you away.”
That was me and my baby (now all grown up!) too.
Photo wise, I started not liking that my head looked bigger than my body at the lower weight. I.e., bobble head.
I loved reading your comment ❤️ how did you finally found out you had this genetic malabsorption issue? You must’ve had a great doctor, or you are a great researcher/advocate.
I laughed when you said you started not liking that your head started looking bigger than your body. I can relate. I started shopping at Zara kids because adult clothes don’t fit. My kids weight combined is my weight. My husband is 6’6”, both of my kids are in the 100% percentile but moms is shrivelling up. 😅
> how did you finally found out you had this genetic malabsorption issue?
It's a long story! I've posted about it on r/b12_deficiency. My username is wrong; I don't have ADHD, I had B12 deficiency! My doctor treated me for adult onset ADHD and even sent me to a shrink who sent me back to my doctor saying he missed something...
Mine was probably going on back when my kids were young, I was vegetarian at that time, which didn't help matters. But wasn't the cause, as my cause is genetic malabsorption. The vegetarianism just made it worse. And interestingly I gave it up around the time my symptoms were getting worse and worse... as I craved red meat and oysters.
Around the time I was finally dx'ed it was hard to sort it all out as I was also perimenopausal, so were those just hot flashes etc etc. It was my dermatologist who finally figured it out as she saw me for rosacea and threw a lot of tests at me. She threw in a B12 test because she noticed my GP had been testing it for years and years, and it was always low-normal.
Anyway by the time I was dx'ed my B12 was zero!!! That's what my dermatologist discovered, when she threw in that test on a hunch.
I had nerve damage particularly in my feet, that the docs thought would be permanent (by this time I had plural docs, because it's pretty alarming to have a B12 level of zero). Two years into treatment the nerves in my feet came back. That was about 10 years ago.
Back then I was shopping in Old Navy size 12 kids (I'm 5'0 tall though) and Forever 21. I do remember the doc that treated me warned me I'd gain weight on the treatment, and told me I needed to do so.
Also back then, my iron was great and both my kids had great apgar scores. My iron is still great, so is all my other numbers including vitamin D. It's just the B12 that's an issue. Neither of my kids inherited this issue as they've been tested for it.
Meanwhile pernicious anemia is very much a thing, and many women of child-bearing years have it so that's something I would want to rule out as well!
Also meanwhile I am so much happier shopping in the adult section. And I like taking up space in this world.
Whoa this is so informative, I’m glued to Reddit reading through all the attached posts. Incredible! I think we’re onto something here, very relatable so far as to what I’ve read.
Are you on birth control? My friend who was on the patch ended up having all her hormonal levels plummet. She cannot put on weight and her muscles have diminished. She’s tired all the time and has a very low libido. Come to find out she has zero (yes zero) testosterone and super high in something else. Get your panels checked!
Whoa thanks for sharing! I have an IUD. I don’t really like it, I tried to get it removed but my OB was worried about how I would prevent pregnancy. I really do need to check though because what you’re describing is what it’s been like for a while. Really appreciate your comment ❤️
If it’s the mirena and you don’t feel better when you stop breastfeeding, sometimes people add oestrogen patches on. And that often feels better than the coil by itself.
Yes it really depends on the person! I had bad side effects but the patches made a huge difference. Kyleena or jaydess are lower dose and can be a good option sometimes too.
If you’re at a healthy weight, and these two pics are several years apart, I wouldn’t worry ☺️ However…if you’ve lost weight unexpectedly and can’t seem to put weight on, this definitely warrants a trip to the doctor. I don’t want to scare you, it could just be extreme stress, but there are a list of pretty serious illnesses/diseases that could be causing you to lose weight despite not changing your diet, or even losing weight despite eating more than you did at a higher weight (again, not to scare you, but losing weight is a telling sign of cancer, and it can happen to anyone, so it’s always a good idea to check just to make sure—it could also be something not so fun but manageable, just as thyroid issues). If it’s weight loss due to stress and constant breastfeeding, maybe your doc can recommend some things that will help you get back up to a healthy weight. Not for appearance reasons, but simply so you are healthy and at your best 💗
Thank you. I do think I need my thyroid checked. However I lost weight very quickly after birth. For example, it took my nine months to gain 35 pounds during pregnancy, and I was back to my pre baby weight within 2-3 months. It was quick, I felt sick, I overproduced breast milk, I had PPD, you name it. I think it just all caught up to me. I stopped breastfeeding so I’ll be taking care of myself.
Just wanted to comment because I too, lost the weight very quickly after birth, and had a hard time keeping any weight on while Breastfeeding , and this was when I was finally diagnosed with celiac disease after most of my life having “stomach issues”
Omg! Yes, I’ve always had stomach issues, I eat really clean and it’s very expensive. It helps but sometimes it doesn’t for whatever reason. My stomach feels like it’s burning. I don’t drink either.
I think every woman should have her thyroid tested after having a baby. It was after my 3rd baby that I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I was 6 months PP and felt awful. Hyperthyroidism is no picnic either.
I’m a similar size and that amount of weight difference will cause DRASTIC loss/gain in volume for me. I’m still nursing my 16 month old (she’s my third) and in the last couple of months my weight keeps dropping and I look like hell lol. I’m going to start going back to drinking calorie shakes after dinner like I used to. I looked great when I was still a little pudgy postpartum. Realizing I just need to be like 10 lbs heavier from now on, which is a lot cheaper than a face lift. 😆
Are you still losing weight, or have you stabilized?
A tbsp of oil, butter, or mayo will have about 100 calories. Add a couple tbsp to your diet each day, and you should see your weight increase close to 2lbs/month, which should be a pretty healthy rate to not end up with most of the weight building up around your midsection.
1) i started aging pretty rapidly at 30. if you crossed that barrier, it could be the reason
2) stress
3) sometimes i’ll compare a recent photo of myself to an old photo of myself, forgetting that at the time, i probably took like 30 different pics at 30 different angles with varying degrees of sunlight and somehow got myself to look 100x better than i do in a mirror. and maybe here, you finally got your kid to smile for a photo and pressed the snapshot button as quick as you could. and you’re comparing reality to an unrealistic standard you accidentally created a long time ago
This!! HD photos pick up every little thing that we don’t even notice to the naked eye. Hence why wedding and event makeup is so thick and looks bad in person compared to photos lol
I love/hate technology
Yo, same :(
OP, I have never even given birth. I was 29 when pandemic started, I’m 32 now and I get somber just looking at how much younger I looked in photos 4 years ago.
Me too, I feel my face aged around 10 years from the age of 28-31 due to stress and I have no children. I think I hitting 30 is a big factor in aging and stress even more so.
You actually did age and it looks like you lost weight. I had similar facial changes but not because of having kids (mine are a lot older) but because I lost weight. You still look beautiful. Enjoy every stage of life
It gets better!! My pregnancies were four years apart and both times it eventually got better. Sleep, hydration, etc. Now I look older than I did pre-kids but like the normal amount older not 15 years older.
Have you had your hormones checked? I noticed a ton of volume and elasticity loss in my face over the last 3 years and turns out I was really low on estrogen! Estrogen is really important for that plump glow in the skin.
I started using a micro dose bioidentical patch (transdermal hrt) and my skin has come back to life! I look and feel more vibrant and my husband said I look more feminine, not that I was masculine looking before 😂 but it made me look older having low estrogen.
It's also been great for my mood and libido and cognition. Just an idea :) pregnancy can yo-yo hormones for sure! Maybe you could get yours checked;)
I’ve been trying to figure out how to get more estrogen into me , where do you get that patch? It really works? I have high testosterone levels, the only time my estrogen was normal was when I was pregnant with my baby girl lol
Talk to your doctor. There are patches and creams, as well as injections and pills.
I believe you can buy bioidentical estrogen creams on Amazon (US). And estriol.
I love that! I've really been enjoying the benefits as well. I recently incorporated a microdose of testosterone cream and realized how much I've been missing out, sexually, energetically, cognitively. I feel like super woman 😂
hi! do you mind sharing how old you are? i’m in my late 20s and feel like taking hormones is too risky for my age group but feel that my estrogen is low
You look great! Everyone looks a little “rough” compared to pre-kids, that’s just the nature of raising little ones. Most people bounce back once the kids start to get older, I definitely did. Then menopause hits and everything falls apart lol. Being a woman is tough, our bodies are always changing…
Yes, the sun is completely behind you in the first pic, OP, while in the second photo it's coming from the side at a sharp angle.
Absolutely a few years of aging, plus pregnancy/nursing/sleepless nights is going to take a toll.
But there's definitely some harsh lighting in the second photo that's contributing. You look gorge, mama, so own it!
Can you post your ages in the two photos? I started losing a lot of facial volume after 35 regardless of child, so if this is the difference between 33 and 37, its probably majority natural aging.
your son is still a toddler, and im sure youre still putting yourself last... give it 6-18 more months, get some good sleep, take a collagen supplement and you'll be fine. I think we all look depleted when they are little.
Hun, I haven’t had babies myself so I may be the wrong person to answer. I will say though as a woman in my mid 30’s that I have plenty of friends that fill my heart with joy when I see their mini versions. I would talk to a doctor. This doesn’t look like aging but malnutrition. Is there a type of food you continually crave? That may be a hint on what your body wants.
I fully agree with everything you said here. This isn’t normal aging. She said it was only 4 years difference between pictures. I’m early 30s (don’t have kids yet) and look the same as my pics 7-8 years ago let alone only 4-5 years ago. I’m thinking it’s something health related or nutritional deficiencies or too much weight loss. Idk though 🤷🏼♀️
Either way I think parents sacrifice so much of themselves and she probably needs to take better care of herself when she can sometimes too 🫶🏻
I agree. Going to a doctor to check for any vitamin deficiencies would definitely be on my list of things to do. I have friends/family with 2-3 kids and none have had drastic changes—most look the same as before having a kid, just obviously older as anyone would with the passing of time.
You’re beautiful, I think you just need a little weight gain.
Edit: want to redact the “need.” you don’t need it, you look good right now, but if you’re insecure i think weight gain would alleviate it.
For me I had my kids at a time where rapid aging happens anyways (35 + 38) but holy shit it felt like I aged 10 years in a 5 year span (breastfed both kids for 2 years a piece).
I feel you, but I also think we’re our own worst critics and frankly you look absolutely beautiful now!
After weening my second I’ve started Botox, tret, and azelic acid and although I certainly don’t look 34 again I do feel they’ve helped. I also worked with my dr on all the tests and started thyroid and hormone replacement. Pregnancy and breastfeeding did a number on my hormones and such and it took some time (and medical expertise!) to sort it out:
Also I worship at the shrine of electrolytes and slugging now. I swear I never drank water or used moisturizer before kids but now I would literally bathe in ceramides if I could.
Thanks for sharing your experience. This is literally me. Had my kids at the same ages (had twins to boot!) and the aging has come on fast. I went from being carded at the liquor store to looking my age in only a couple of years, it's still taking some time to accept it. (Have also started perimenopause & feel anemic after every period now.)
You still look happy and beautiful in both photos! I’m not a parent, but I see my friends who have had kids and from what I get, having babies can suck a lot from your body because you grew a whole baby human too lol. But also historically speaking I think that’s why so many moms have insane glow ups a few years after having their last kid. They finally get all their nutrients back and it seems to give them that insane glow that no amount of Botox could give
Incorporate healthy fats into your diet and get some help with them kids girl. Chasing kids all day long... you need a good self care overhaul. I know that sounds like a distant dream but get their dad involved in their day to day so you can replenish.
Agh, this is a comment that stands out. “Get dad involved,” the thing is he never wanted kids, so being a dad is extra difficult for him. In fact, I never leave my kids with him. I never have. I wish I could. It would definitely help me in lots of aspects not just time self care. Thank you ❤️
I'm sorry this is how your mom experience is going but tbh in just those 2 pics you can tell you're bearing all the parental load. The kids are here now so he needs to put on his big boy draws... if he won't or you have reasons not to trust him with their care, I hope you have family or friends that are willing to pitch in. If not, it's time to start building a network of resources before you burn out girl.
My best friend is pregnant now with her first and probably only kid at 40, she’s like 7 months now and I swear looks a decade older. Prior to getting pregnant I would thought mid-30s but she easily looks mid-40s now. It’s fucking wild what it does to your face.
Yeah it's amazing how much getting inconsistent sleep, and having the nutrients literally sucked straight out of your body for 2-3 years straight will do to you. My holistic doctor did tests after I finished breastfeeding my 2nd child... I was deficient or depleted in b12, b9, b6, b5, b3, vitamin c, calcium, vitamin D, magnesium, manganese, selenium, iron, lithium, copper, vitamin A, vitamin k2, vitamin e. Like pretty much everything! Turns out I didn't have fibromyalgia with CFS like my regular doctor said, I was just severely malnourished because every time I got any nourishment via vitamin or food it was pretty much sucked straight back out of me. Even my bone density changed while nursing.
I'm done nursing now and I've been on a very intensive supplement schedule three times a day and my body is slowly starting to right itself and recover.
It could be so many factors. It could be related to nutrition, hormones, stress, sleeplessness, other health problems, low Omega 3 levels, sun exposure… In the space of almost 10 years for me, my skin completely changed, I got a ton of grey hair, and my hormones are largely to blame.
Were you nursing when this was taken? Breastfeeding = low estrogen. Low estrogen = skin that is less plump and youthful. It’s possible your skin will plump up again after breastfeeding.
My friend told me recently they said you need at least 2 years after birth to recover from pregnancy. To be back where you originally started.
So 2 year between each baby might help.
2 babies one after another must have taken a huge toll!
Is the weight I think, at least is what’s happening to me. I’ve lost around 8kg in a year because of my adhd medication. Whenever I manage you gain a bit of weight I actually look a lot better.
Also I’m 34 and I believe this age is when we start to notice rapid changes.
On the other side, I think social media has stopped from seeing what actually people look like when they are in their 30s/40s. I don’t remember the last time I saw eyes wrinkles on instagram
Give it some time! I looked like a mombie when my kids were little. And any kind of weight loss makes my face so gaunt. Have you been checked for an iron deficiency? My levels were always okay but early last year I lost 16 lbs accidentally. When I got my ferritin/iron saturation/B12 checked they were really low. I am much bigger than you but still struggle with keeping weight on and it’s SO hard so solidarity. People always wish it was their problem until they experience it.
Isn’t that the true, being skinny and having zero percent fat is not a life to live. It’s like driving a car on empty. After reading mentions of iron and B12, I am making an appointment with my doctor asap. Thank you ❤️
Oh yeah. Me pre kids and me now post kids, albeit it’s a 12 years difference, I have aged a lot. Each pregnancy changed my appearance heavily. And triggering my chronic illness is 2022 also did a number on my face. It’s hard to look in the mirror sometimes
Yes.
But also, your body hits an aging milestone at 30 (defined Eye Wells that are no longer a smooth transition to the cheek - sunken or baggy eyes) and then again at 36 (forehead, eye, and smile wrinkles; face sagging become noticeable; loss of volume in face).
So if those four years of pregnancy and nursing branched any of these aging milestones, that could explain some as well.
Short answer is yes. Pregnancy, childbirth, and nursing are some of the most stressful things you can do to your body. Stress ages.
This is the answer. My body totally changed 1000% after a baby. I know I used to hear women say that all the time but it effected my whole hormonal makeup and it was never the same afterwards
I’m a man.. and before kids people guessed I was 28 when I was 34. Now I’m 37 and people think I’m 40-42. I aged 12-14 years in 5. The struggle and stress are real. Less time for self care. More constant pressure and stress, less sleep. It sucks but is ohhhh so worth it. Edit: those of you without kids… it’s possible to be at your wits end. Tired, endlessly tired, stressed, and hurting from being a parent.. and at the same time choose to have kids all over again without hesitation if you were given the chance. Being a parent is incredible. It’s the best thing I’ve done with my life by far, but it’s also unbelievably stressful. How can it not be? My stupid ass is in charge of not fucking up someone’s life. Me. A barely functioning adult. But seeing the happiness in their faces the moment I walk in the door? Best feeling in the world. You get to be someone’s superhero, and THAT makes it all more than worth it.
When people say this, it sounds like mental illness. 😅 They go on and on about all these horrible things they are going through since having a kid, and then you can watch when their brains kick in like “no, wait! You gotta say how great it is or everyone will think you’re a terrible parent!!!” 😂
I’m so scared to have kids for this reason. Everyone is like it’s the most stressful thing you’ll experience, but it’s worth it!. My life has been stressful enough alrdy 😂.
Right? I’m drowning like every day, and I have some elder pets who have declining health… it’s like a full time job and costs a fortune. Raising a kid is SO much more than this and I’m ready to snap as it is. I honestly have no idea how people do it. 😅
Easy! We don’t. I refuse to have kids. Not gonna happen. I’m happy with my animals, friends and extra fun money
I literally just texted my mom, “just wanted to say I love you, and I’m sorry I made your life garbage.” 😂
Only you know if your desire for them will outweigh the stress! Having a career can be stressful, having a house can be stressful…. That being said, many of my family and friends have admitted to me that they don’t feel it’s worth it most of the time. And that makes sense these days, when parents are supposed to be 100% active in their kids lives and also have jobs etc.
Easy choice, just don't have them! There are many ways to act as a parent. I mother all the time, to my nephews, to my nanny kids, to random children, to my friends etc. I really want to volunteer to help lgbtq children in my area....lots of ways to scratch that itch without having them.
🤣🤣🤣 it’s funny but it is such a true feeling. Like I only have 1 kid and sometimes I’m sooo stressed. They never stop talking, unless they’re doing something they shouldn’t be, and the mental stress from all these scenarios of making sure to keep them safe, alive, healthy, and hopefully well-rounded as they get older. It’s just a lot but I literally can’t imagine not seeing his cute little smile, the way he says he loves us, all the new things he learns and funny things he says. Being a parent is bittersweet but it’s not for everyone, and that’s okay too.
Yup I hear my friends do nothing but complain about their kids and then they ask me when I’m having one. Like why the fuck would I want that?!
Hahaha that’s my favorite. And they don’t skip a beat either. It literally seems like they are making a really bad joke or something. 😂 On the flip though, I know plenty of people who will say all the negative stuff and then say, “and even though that sounds horrible, somehow it’s just not. I don’t get it.” …taking me back to my “mental illness” comment. 😂
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never having kids….
If it makes you feel better, I’m almost 40 and my newer coworker who is 28 thought I was younger than her for her first few months until my 39th bday celebration at the office. But I just have one kid. Had her at 35. Been a runner for 10 years, take care of my skin/hair, etc. I know lots of mothers who look incredible. It really just comes down to that unpredictable mix of genes, partner support, lifestyle, priorities, and money.
I’m glad you included money lol it’s the truth.
For real! There are so many combos to having good skin or looking youthful. You could have little to no money to spend on skincare but look amazing because of genetics or overall lifestyle. Or you could spend a ton of money on routine appts at med spas or at a derm’s office because you historically have had sensitive or difficult skin. So many avenues.
Money also buys you the difference between a nanny that comes to you and daycare, or in my case we can't even afford daycare so I'm a 40hour per week stay at home mom and work outside of the home as well. It can mean the difference between having a night nurse or not. The resources we can buy for ourselves and our kids when you have money makes such a difference in how well you're able to enjoy parenting as well as how much easier it can be on your body. Even carrying insurance on yourself or not, paying for medical care beyond the immediate needs, what food you can afford, facial treatments, supplements, you name it.
You are killing it 🙌🙌🙌
Not to mention the extra time to not only exercise, but also research all this stuff in the first place… I had a baby at 22, and I only managed to start looking like I do now at 34. Edit: I realize nobody here can actually see me, but I just meant my body is fully toned with no excess fat. I still have a healthy amount of fat, but not enough to impact my health.
Just reading the word money gives me lowgrade stress lol. I cant imagine how it must feel to be secure in it
I hope you make it there soon 🫶🏼
Unlikely but thank you!
It really is, I had no money when I was younger and my skin looked absolutely horrible. Now that I’m older and have more money, I can try different skincare products, including the more expensive ones. And I’m getting laser hair removal on my face, which I never would have been able to afford when I was younger. Previously I would get threading, which caused a lot of irritation on my skin. Now that I’m actually able to spend some money, my skin looks so much better.
I love stories like this. My boss was sure he was my 7th grade English teacher. I said I don’t think that’s possible, this is a second career for me, blah blah blah. He kept at it, saying he started teaching in 2000. Not only was I not in 7th grade in 2000, I was 24 years old. I’m actually a year older than he is. But if you look at pics with me when my kids were little, I look older than I do now because I never got any sleep. Once your body heals and you get some rest, your skin comes back.
this is so real. a few months ago I was vaping around my coworker and she got irritated with me because she thought I wasn’t old enough to vape. I’m 29. turns out we’re the same age but she has a ten year old kid. People always clock me at like 23-26. I’ll freaking take it. I don’t really wear make up and have a super disciplined skin care routine. Also no children.
Please share skin care routine!
My former coworker has never married, no kid and she looks very young!! I have always thoughts she is in her early 50s then she revealed to me that she is 63 on her last day.
Yeah, the secret is stopping at one 🤣
Being a runner is part of this, actually! Runners tend to thin out much faster. But the trade off is your cardio fitness is prob incredible and your heart if def in better shape than mine at 33 right now lol
My mom looked very young even into her fifties. She was a runner from 13-35, had her kids at 36, 38, and 40, and never wears makeup or does much to her hair. She also raised us essentially alone as my dad was in school/residency for 8 years starting when she had her first kid. Being healthy and active is a huge thing that affects how well you age, possibly one of the biggest.
Disagree, genetics is first, then everything follows. The elasticity of skin, texture and bone structure. You can help them w a good diet and exercise but you can’t fight genes for long.
Yeah bingo , I have a child and I’m 49 and look much younger get than my age . Thankfully my mom got with my dad and his amazing skin which I inherited. I would ask OP about their diet while breastfeeding? You must and mean must eat a LOT while BF or face the facial fat loss among other things.
If you don't mind me asking, did you have any permanent body changes? I'm currently 31 but want to delay due to having Invisalign. I've been pretty consistently active my whole life as well. I know everyone's different, but I keep learning things that don't seem talked about childbirth -_- like your teeth get loose and feet permanently get larger?? I get all bodies change with age and that's cool, but for some reason these little things hit me weird. Like I'll lose all physical and emotional identity
Tips on skin care and hair care?! ✨
For skin, I have to admit that I’ve always had pretty good skin. Never had had more than a few pimples a year, skin is neither too dry nor too oily. I use tret.05% every night along with a Korean cream by Beauty of Joseon (Dynasty Cream), I believe. In the mornings, I use a vitamin c serum by Melanoo CC and use a hydro barrier lotion by Etude House. And sunscreen every day is a must!! I live in SoCal and do not exist the house without a generous slathering of SPF 50 every day. Mostly, I just try to be consistent enough. If all I have time to do is slap some moisturizer on at night, then that will have to do for that night. But I try to make sure I rebuy things that work after I run out (in the past, I would not rebuy, thinking I would just do it later, and then not do it for months).
i second this lol Pregnancy aside, the quality sleep, extra money, absense of sugary snacks, lack of stress & ample time for exercise & self care really keep one youthful. A 24-year-old sent me a drink the other day. when I told him he was too young, he said he liked mature women & could tell I was older … Like 26 or something” i almost cried 😂 EDIT: i am 39
Omg what an ego boost lol
Same. I used to want kids, but now it sounds a little too sacrificial for my tastes, lol
Lemme tell ya, as someone who waited until he was 36 to have kids, and thusly experienced a good deal of life without any comparable level of responsibility, being a good parent is almost all sacrifice. Let me preface what I’m about to say with this. My son is a joy. He is an absolute fucking magical, beautiful joy. He is my favorite thing in the whole world. I can’t even hardly talk about how special he is to me, without crying. There is nothing in life more special than this. Nothing. My wife and I got to live our 30s as a DINK upper middle class couple. We travelled a little, went out every weekend. Besides our careers, we basically had absolute freedom to do whatever we wanted and we loved that lifestyle. That all seems so empty and meaningless now, in comparison to how much joy this little boy brings me every day. Now the honesty I’ll give it to you straight, there seems to be this whole facet of parenthood, where everyone who is one agrees to not relay to everyone else how much this can fucking suck sometimes. Because lemme tell ya, it can be quite the slog. Even if you are the type of person, like me, who is willing to hedge your expectations and acknowledge that things will be tough, lemme tell you, it’s harder than you can imagine. If you could fully imagine it, you wouldn’t have kids lmao. Experiences vary, obviously, but you will potentially go weeks without proper sleep. Sometimes months. Sometimes years. And you will be expected to put on a smile and continue on doing everything you were doing, when you had good sleep. You will have no time to yourself. Even if you have a supportive partner, who helps out and you both at least try to tend to each others need for personal time, you will still almost never have it. What you do get is often at the cost of sleep or straight cash, since babysitters are expensive too. What I mean by that is, if I want to play a video game, which I fucking do so badly, I can’t generally play until after 8:30pm. If I want to play more than an hour or two, that’s gonna cost sleep that I’m already not getting enough of. If my wife and I want to go on a date, it costs $45 to $75 in baby sitter pay, just to get out the door. Relaxing weekend? Nah. Every weekend now belongs to feeding your child’s mind. If you are doing it right, kids are busy, even when you are at home. From like 6 months to however many years old (like 4 years old) They require almost constant play and interaction. That’s their main source of development. Illness. I swear I’ve been sick more times in the past 6 months than the prior 15 years combined. Kids are little viral factories. They get sick with everything and they bring it home to you. We were sick with something from from like Christmas to Easter, this year. Crazy! The list goes on and on. This shit is wack. I’d do it again for this beautiful boy who I get the honor of calling my son, but this shit is hard and exhausting and thankless and society and the family structure, in the United States, no longer supports you. It’s hard. Be prepared and take it seriously.
Thank you for your honest response. For anyone reading, I want to point out that this is coming from an upper middle class person and it’s STILL hard for them. So just keep that in mind… money matters and it’s still difficult for someone with enough of it
Oh yea. I cannot fathom how low income folks manage this. We have insurance and a little cash in our pockets. We can afford medical care and daycare and groceries and have enough leftover for extracurricular stuff. Life would be exponentially more difficult, with low income. Or at least, much more stressful. The group of folks that truly blow my mind are single parents who get no help from the child’s other parent. That’s a hard life. A hard, hard life.
not to take the convo in a different direction but I swear humans didn't live like this for most of our existence. community and extended family would take some of the childcare responsibilities. this whole nuclear family thing is torturing parents and scaring the rest of us off
I agree entirely. “It takes a village” is extremely true. Boomers and their parents destroyed the village.
I think it’s a lot of things. I think “the village” stopped existing when people started moving farther away from home. It’s rare for extended families to live close to each other now. Lifespans have been extended. People can live a higher quality of life for longer. Older people can live independent, full lives, maybe they’re working longer or have hobbies or are traveling. They’re not sitting around watching kids. There’s also a culture of cutting people off for various reasons. I come from a culture where there is a village. I see people constantly praise cultures that have “villages.” But people conveniently forget that a big part of having that “village” means putting up with other people’s shit. In many cultures with very involved extended family and grandparents, you just put up with what grandma and grandpa are going to do. Maybe you can politely ask them to not do xyz but if you start threatening to cut people out for whatever reason, you’re not going to get to participate anymore. I’m not saying people don’t have valid reasons for cutting off family members. I’m just saying that a lot of the time when you’re in these sorts of very enmeshed communities and families you’re going to have to have a higher tolerance for what others do.
Every single word of this is straight facts!!
This is good self awareness
It’s really rude to say this in response to a picture someone posted of what their own face looks like
I don't really understand why they said "if it makes you feel better I had a kid and I look really young".. how would that make OP feel better? This person is also Asian and Asian skin is famously much more resilient and ages far better than white skin.
You nursed for 4 years straight in between kids? So are we talking 6 years between pictures? You aged chronologically as well as surviving a pandemic and two pregnancies. Add in sleep deprivation, potential nutrient deficiencies from pregnancy and nursing, stress…yeah, it all catches up. Once sleep is regulated again, and you’re past the stress of toddler years, self-care can take priority, and it’s normal to get some “glow” back. But time comes for us all.
This! Pregnancy and breastfeeding will suck all the nutrients out of you. Kind of similar — my skin and appearance aged dramatically in the years leading up to a celiac disease diagnosis. It was due to malnourishment from poor absorption, stress, and chronic inflammation. 2 years without gluten and my skin has bounced back a ton. I had to gain some weight back as well. It can get better over time. Don’t worry OP!
I’ve dealt with chronic inflammation and skin issues myself the last few years. Do you have any resources you wouldn’t mind sharing for what’s been successful for you? Anything from meal recommendations or other anti inflammatory remedies? Thank you, and congrats on making it through!
can i piggy back on this too? i am looking for anti inflammatory
u/MercurialMal I figured I would include you in this comment. There are guidelines for an anti-inflammatory diet online. It's similar to the Mediterranean diet.
I’ll look into it. Thank you!
Honestly, try a rheumatologist if nothing else has worked. I have UC and started having hip pain, nothing weird on xray or MRI and a rheumatologist was the only one who would listen. The UC is well controlled with an immunologic but the rheumatologist was able to suggest changing it to one that would hopefully address both issues.
Omg same story for me and celiac! I was finally diagnosed around 31 after I had my youngest.
Everything you said 100%! Also, in the second pic, the lighting is too harsh, and she’s thinner since having kids. Weight loss definitely comes with volume loss. My face really “hollowed out” when I lost 15 pounds (docs orders). He wants me to lose a little more, once I’m there, I’m seriously considering fillers.
Research the pros/cons first. I’ve heard fillers don’t dissolve they just sink lower in your face adding jowls.
They also get carried into your [lymphatic system](https://baaps.org.uk/about/news/1880/caution_raised_over_potential_immune_system_impact_of_cosmetic_filler/)which can impact the immune system
Day after day I feel it’s more logically sound to decide against having kids…wars, climate, economy, SKIN AGING
😬you ladies make a great case for why not to have children … and why society needs to do better to support women!!! Glad for all the mothers out here!
Yes. I look back to right after my second child was born and I looked ROUGH. He is almost 6 now and I look way younger and better than I did then. It’s a hard time of life, don’t beat yourself up!
Definitely. And if your kids are terrible sleepers like mine were, that sleep deprivation really takes a toll. I looked 10 years older, and now that my youngest is 8 I finally feel like I've regained a few years back.
She means she has 2 kids and their total nursing time is 4yr.
Yes, so the first picture (no kids) is at least 4 years older than the second. People also age because of time
People seem to forget this part 😂 I'm 40, and from 35-40 I aged the most drastically. I was literally wrinkle free and glowing and then 37-38 hit and I was like WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS THAT?? And 30-40 is also when most women have children so let's not ignore the existence of time and blame it all on the kids
> You aged chronologically Best sentence.
a perfect example of stress vs stressors!
So basically having kids... lmao
What is OP’s age now? Those changes also occur without kids during perimenopause… particularly the closer a woman gets to 40.
Also looks like a little weight loss, which for her frame could make her look a little tired.
This. I’m 10 months pp but I was trying to conceive and doing fertility treatments for 1.5 years prior. So for 2.5 years I’ve had to stop all retinol use as well and my derm won’t let me do peels either. It’s not good hahah.
You can still do lactic peels while pregnant, but I guess it depends on what you’re comfortable with.
Or - seen in a much more crude sense - think how puffy you get when pregnant over the course of 10 months (water weight, fat deposits, etc) all in the name of prepping your body to sustain the life of a child. Then bam - out comes baby, weight drops like a rock (even if you don’t get the elusive “pre baby” weight) - that’s gonna leave a mark. The older you are when it happens, the less elastic your skin, the more it shows those changes. OP looks great in both pictures - I wish we could de-stigmatize the aging process - even if only for mental health reasons (especially in women, but I think the effect in men is just different specific reasons for similar feelings)
Do you weigh less in the second photo? It looks like you’ve lost a lot of volume in your face suggesting you may have lost a lot of weight….
Yes I was 115lbs, and now I’m 103lbs. I can’t keep weight on. I eat relatively healthy, lots of protein and veggies.
Ok so that makes sense. If you gained weight you would probably look a little younger.
Agreed. I unintentionally put on 10 pounds and my nasolabial folds are gone. The extra weight makes my face look much younger
There’s a sweet spot I think. People who are too thin (like those super wiry thin marathon runner types) often look older. But being too heavy can also age you. There is a sweet spot of healthy but a normal amount of body fat that makes you look young IMO
My doctor has told me that being on the high side of the "healthy" BMI range has the best long term health outcomes.
Same
Agree, the biggest difference in these two photos is a fuller face
Also the lighting. Hats give you the perfect light that hide imperfections. The second pic is in full blown sun. Only toddlers look good in full blown sun and even that depends on how shadows fall on their faces
If you struggle to gain weight even when trying, you might wanna check with a doctor to make sure nothing else is awry with your system. Best of luck in health ❤️
is an inability to gain weight new or has that always been an issue? thyroid issues can crop up after having kids which is why i ask. definitely get some blood work done to see what may be going on medically. also lots of protein and veggies is great but what about fats? avocado, eggs, etc. maybe some high fat smoothies would help, like peanut butter + dates + protein powder + milk of choice + banana + ice or something like that.
Came here to say the same thing. Check your thyroid
Also carbs!!! Girls eat your carbs please. We need them.
You lost about 10% of your body weight. That will have a very noticeable impact on your skin, especially if you weren’t overweight to begin with. Be sure to add plenty of healthy fats like avocado and olive oil and stay well-hydrated.
Avocado for sure!
Have you gotten your thyroid checked?
Are you still nursing? I only have one 2-yr old and am still nursing. I can’t keep weight on either, trying to get back to 115 as well but hovering at 105. I’m trying to wean now and I’ve noticed my skin does plump up a bit more on the days she nurses less. I also read another moms Reddit saying how she had a 3-day work trip, which was the longest she had ever been away from her young kids, and she claimed the amount of sleep she got and time to herself made her look like she got a facial and fillers by the end of the trip lol
My sister was getting so thin from breastfeeding the doctor told her to stop :(
Wow! That’s kinda wild! I stopped breastfeeding few weeks ago when my son turned 2. My aunts friend came up to me and said “I heard you still nurse, you should stop, look at him he has rolls on rolls and you look like the wind will blow you away.” I didn’t take offense as this is sorta normal in my culture or the community I’m part of. I realized she was right, I needed to take care of myself. He had plenty of breast milk, he’s healthy it’s time to stop.
You look beautiful, but I get it. When I started seeing the same effects in the mirror I decided to gain weight. I'm now around ~120 and my face looks better. As they say "you can save your face or your fanny..." I should mention I am 58 years old. I dropped a ton of weight breast feeding but my kids are now in their 30s. I didn't have any sort of thyroid issue, but I did have a B12 deficiency, a genetic malabsorption issue. It took years for a proper diagnosis. > “I heard you still nurse, you should stop, look at him he has rolls on rolls and you look like the wind will blow you away.” That was me and my baby (now all grown up!) too. Photo wise, I started not liking that my head looked bigger than my body at the lower weight. I.e., bobble head.
I loved reading your comment ❤️ how did you finally found out you had this genetic malabsorption issue? You must’ve had a great doctor, or you are a great researcher/advocate. I laughed when you said you started not liking that your head started looking bigger than your body. I can relate. I started shopping at Zara kids because adult clothes don’t fit. My kids weight combined is my weight. My husband is 6’6”, both of my kids are in the 100% percentile but moms is shrivelling up. 😅
> how did you finally found out you had this genetic malabsorption issue? It's a long story! I've posted about it on r/b12_deficiency. My username is wrong; I don't have ADHD, I had B12 deficiency! My doctor treated me for adult onset ADHD and even sent me to a shrink who sent me back to my doctor saying he missed something... Mine was probably going on back when my kids were young, I was vegetarian at that time, which didn't help matters. But wasn't the cause, as my cause is genetic malabsorption. The vegetarianism just made it worse. And interestingly I gave it up around the time my symptoms were getting worse and worse... as I craved red meat and oysters. Around the time I was finally dx'ed it was hard to sort it all out as I was also perimenopausal, so were those just hot flashes etc etc. It was my dermatologist who finally figured it out as she saw me for rosacea and threw a lot of tests at me. She threw in a B12 test because she noticed my GP had been testing it for years and years, and it was always low-normal. Anyway by the time I was dx'ed my B12 was zero!!! That's what my dermatologist discovered, when she threw in that test on a hunch. I had nerve damage particularly in my feet, that the docs thought would be permanent (by this time I had plural docs, because it's pretty alarming to have a B12 level of zero). Two years into treatment the nerves in my feet came back. That was about 10 years ago. Back then I was shopping in Old Navy size 12 kids (I'm 5'0 tall though) and Forever 21. I do remember the doc that treated me warned me I'd gain weight on the treatment, and told me I needed to do so. Also back then, my iron was great and both my kids had great apgar scores. My iron is still great, so is all my other numbers including vitamin D. It's just the B12 that's an issue. Neither of my kids inherited this issue as they've been tested for it. Meanwhile pernicious anemia is very much a thing, and many women of child-bearing years have it so that's something I would want to rule out as well! Also meanwhile I am so much happier shopping in the adult section. And I like taking up space in this world.
Whoa this is so informative, I’m glued to Reddit reading through all the attached posts. Incredible! I think we’re onto something here, very relatable so far as to what I’ve read.
Are you on birth control? My friend who was on the patch ended up having all her hormonal levels plummet. She cannot put on weight and her muscles have diminished. She’s tired all the time and has a very low libido. Come to find out she has zero (yes zero) testosterone and super high in something else. Get your panels checked!
Whoa thanks for sharing! I have an IUD. I don’t really like it, I tried to get it removed but my OB was worried about how I would prevent pregnancy. I really do need to check though because what you’re describing is what it’s been like for a while. Really appreciate your comment ❤️
If it’s the mirena and you don’t feel better when you stop breastfeeding, sometimes people add oestrogen patches on. And that often feels better than the coil by itself.
To add that the copper has the least possible impact on hormones and is still a viable route. I've had one my whole sexually active life.
I had the mirena, the first round with it was fine. But the second round plummeted my mood and libido. Took it out. Feel way better now!
Yes it really depends on the person! I had bad side effects but the patches made a huge difference. Kyleena or jaydess are lower dose and can be a good option sometimes too.
If you’re at a healthy weight, and these two pics are several years apart, I wouldn’t worry ☺️ However…if you’ve lost weight unexpectedly and can’t seem to put weight on, this definitely warrants a trip to the doctor. I don’t want to scare you, it could just be extreme stress, but there are a list of pretty serious illnesses/diseases that could be causing you to lose weight despite not changing your diet, or even losing weight despite eating more than you did at a higher weight (again, not to scare you, but losing weight is a telling sign of cancer, and it can happen to anyone, so it’s always a good idea to check just to make sure—it could also be something not so fun but manageable, just as thyroid issues). If it’s weight loss due to stress and constant breastfeeding, maybe your doc can recommend some things that will help you get back up to a healthy weight. Not for appearance reasons, but simply so you are healthy and at your best 💗
Thank you. I do think I need my thyroid checked. However I lost weight very quickly after birth. For example, it took my nine months to gain 35 pounds during pregnancy, and I was back to my pre baby weight within 2-3 months. It was quick, I felt sick, I overproduced breast milk, I had PPD, you name it. I think it just all caught up to me. I stopped breastfeeding so I’ll be taking care of myself.
Just wanted to comment because I too, lost the weight very quickly after birth, and had a hard time keeping any weight on while Breastfeeding , and this was when I was finally diagnosed with celiac disease after most of my life having “stomach issues”
Omg! Yes, I’ve always had stomach issues, I eat really clean and it’s very expensive. It helps but sometimes it doesn’t for whatever reason. My stomach feels like it’s burning. I don’t drink either.
I think every woman should have her thyroid tested after having a baby. It was after my 3rd baby that I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I was 6 months PP and felt awful. Hyperthyroidism is no picnic either.
I’m a similar size and that amount of weight difference will cause DRASTIC loss/gain in volume for me. I’m still nursing my 16 month old (she’s my third) and in the last couple of months my weight keeps dropping and I look like hell lol. I’m going to start going back to drinking calorie shakes after dinner like I used to. I looked great when I was still a little pudgy postpartum. Realizing I just need to be like 10 lbs heavier from now on, which is a lot cheaper than a face lift. 😆
I recently lost around 20lbs in 4-5 months and I feel like I look so much older now, so I think a lot of it is probably the facial fat loss.
Are you still losing weight, or have you stabilized? A tbsp of oil, butter, or mayo will have about 100 calories. Add a couple tbsp to your diet each day, and you should see your weight increase close to 2lbs/month, which should be a pretty healthy rate to not end up with most of the weight building up around your midsection.
4 years without proper sleep will definitely age a person
1) i started aging pretty rapidly at 30. if you crossed that barrier, it could be the reason 2) stress 3) sometimes i’ll compare a recent photo of myself to an old photo of myself, forgetting that at the time, i probably took like 30 different pics at 30 different angles with varying degrees of sunlight and somehow got myself to look 100x better than i do in a mirror. and maybe here, you finally got your kid to smile for a photo and pressed the snapshot button as quick as you could. and you’re comparing reality to an unrealistic standard you accidentally created a long time ago
This this this! I think we underestimate the high def cameras too. Like, between the two pictures one is much sharper and that’s rough on everyone.
This!! HD photos pick up every little thing that we don’t even notice to the naked eye. Hence why wedding and event makeup is so thick and looks bad in person compared to photos lol I love/hate technology
I hate them! Wish I could have my iPhone 4 camera again.
Hahah I love number 3! You are so right! Thank you for the laugh!
I’m going to add a #4. 4. Young children radiate the very essence of youth, which makes us all look faded by contrast.
Any time I’m feeling great about my skin and take a pic with my toddler I’m given a swift and compelling reality check of how time works.
Can’t agree more!
OP, please ignore the jerks. You look great, and increased hydration and getting some decent sleep is probably all you need.
Yo, same :( OP, I have never even given birth. I was 29 when pandemic started, I’m 32 now and I get somber just looking at how much younger I looked in photos 4 years ago.
Me too, I feel my face aged around 10 years from the age of 28-31 due to stress and I have no children. I think I hitting 30 is a big factor in aging and stress even more so.
You actually did age and it looks like you lost weight. I had similar facial changes but not because of having kids (mine are a lot older) but because I lost weight. You still look beautiful. Enjoy every stage of life
Thank you for your honestly! And I’m learning to embrace it. Now I’m just curious to know others experiences.
It’s probably more the 4 years of time + I’m assuming shifting sleep schedule + hormone changes. You look great!
Well thank you! I appreciate it.
It gets better!! My pregnancies were four years apart and both times it eventually got better. Sleep, hydration, etc. Now I look older than I did pre-kids but like the normal amount older not 15 years older.
That gives me some hope!
Have you had your hormones checked? I noticed a ton of volume and elasticity loss in my face over the last 3 years and turns out I was really low on estrogen! Estrogen is really important for that plump glow in the skin. I started using a micro dose bioidentical patch (transdermal hrt) and my skin has come back to life! I look and feel more vibrant and my husband said I look more feminine, not that I was masculine looking before 😂 but it made me look older having low estrogen. It's also been great for my mood and libido and cognition. Just an idea :) pregnancy can yo-yo hormones for sure! Maybe you could get yours checked;)
I’ve been trying to figure out how to get more estrogen into me , where do you get that patch? It really works? I have high testosterone levels, the only time my estrogen was normal was when I was pregnant with my baby girl lol
Talk to your doctor. There are patches and creams, as well as injections and pills. I believe you can buy bioidentical estrogen creams on Amazon (US). And estriol.
Yes!!! This is the most likely reason. Hormone replacement has given me my life back!
I love that! I've really been enjoying the benefits as well. I recently incorporated a microdose of testosterone cream and realized how much I've been missing out, sexually, energetically, cognitively. I feel like super woman 😂
hi! do you mind sharing how old you are? i’m in my late 20s and feel like taking hormones is too risky for my age group but feel that my estrogen is low
Breastfeeding significantly reduces estrogen levels, but they come back up when weaning happens, so this is probably a factor!
You look great! Everyone looks a little “rough” compared to pre-kids, that’s just the nature of raising little ones. Most people bounce back once the kids start to get older, I definitely did. Then menopause hits and everything falls apart lol. Being a woman is tough, our bodies are always changing…
You look beautiful in both pictures!
Well thank you :)
This has happened to most everyone I know who has kids. Some of my friends have said they bounced back a bit once the kids were out of toddlerhood.
Also lighting! 💚
Yes, the sun is completely behind you in the first pic, OP, while in the second photo it's coming from the side at a sharp angle. Absolutely a few years of aging, plus pregnancy/nursing/sleepless nights is going to take a toll. But there's definitely some harsh lighting in the second photo that's contributing. You look gorge, mama, so own it!
Thank you for that! You’re right about the lighting.
Can you post your ages in the two photos? I started losing a lot of facial volume after 35 regardless of child, so if this is the difference between 33 and 37, its probably majority natural aging.
your son is still a toddler, and im sure youre still putting yourself last... give it 6-18 more months, get some good sleep, take a collagen supplement and you'll be fine. I think we all look depleted when they are little.
I think it's hormonal for you. Your estrogen probably dropped off a lot for some reason, or your cortisol has spiked.
Hun, I haven’t had babies myself so I may be the wrong person to answer. I will say though as a woman in my mid 30’s that I have plenty of friends that fill my heart with joy when I see their mini versions. I would talk to a doctor. This doesn’t look like aging but malnutrition. Is there a type of food you continually crave? That may be a hint on what your body wants.
I fully agree with everything you said here. This isn’t normal aging. She said it was only 4 years difference between pictures. I’m early 30s (don’t have kids yet) and look the same as my pics 7-8 years ago let alone only 4-5 years ago. I’m thinking it’s something health related or nutritional deficiencies or too much weight loss. Idk though 🤷🏼♀️ Either way I think parents sacrifice so much of themselves and she probably needs to take better care of herself when she can sometimes too 🫶🏻
I agree. Going to a doctor to check for any vitamin deficiencies would definitely be on my list of things to do. I have friends/family with 2-3 kids and none have had drastic changes—most look the same as before having a kid, just obviously older as anyone would with the passing of time.
You’re beautiful, I think you just need a little weight gain. Edit: want to redact the “need.” you don’t need it, you look good right now, but if you’re insecure i think weight gain would alleviate it.
My youngest didn’t recognize me from a photo of her and I from when she was a baby. That was 6 years ago. Yeah… that was no good for the ego. 🤣🤣🤣
😂😂 this made me laugh, kids are brutal.
Age also ages
😂😂😂😂
For me I had my kids at a time where rapid aging happens anyways (35 + 38) but holy shit it felt like I aged 10 years in a 5 year span (breastfed both kids for 2 years a piece). I feel you, but I also think we’re our own worst critics and frankly you look absolutely beautiful now! After weening my second I’ve started Botox, tret, and azelic acid and although I certainly don’t look 34 again I do feel they’ve helped. I also worked with my dr on all the tests and started thyroid and hormone replacement. Pregnancy and breastfeeding did a number on my hormones and such and it took some time (and medical expertise!) to sort it out:
Also I worship at the shrine of electrolytes and slugging now. I swear I never drank water or used moisturizer before kids but now I would literally bathe in ceramides if I could.
Thanks for sharing your experience. This is literally me. Had my kids at the same ages (had twins to boot!) and the aging has come on fast. I went from being carded at the liquor store to looking my age in only a couple of years, it's still taking some time to accept it. (Have also started perimenopause & feel anemic after every period now.)
Try moisturizing! A lot!
You still look happy and beautiful in both photos! I’m not a parent, but I see my friends who have had kids and from what I get, having babies can suck a lot from your body because you grew a whole baby human too lol. But also historically speaking I think that’s why so many moms have insane glow ups a few years after having their last kid. They finally get all their nutrients back and it seems to give them that insane glow that no amount of Botox could give
Mine bounced back when I finally had time to sleep, eat better, and take care of my skin. That takes awhile so give yourself grace 😘
lil man took all of moms collagen for himself 🤣
It ages you a SHITLOAD. Who's gonna deny or dispute that?
Yes, yes it does. Stress, drastic hormonal changes and not getting great sleep for long periods of time does that to you.
People who don’t have kids sleep.
Before I was a parent, I’d have said no. After being a parent and losing my hair, I’d say yes.
Incorporate healthy fats into your diet and get some help with them kids girl. Chasing kids all day long... you need a good self care overhaul. I know that sounds like a distant dream but get their dad involved in their day to day so you can replenish.
Agh, this is a comment that stands out. “Get dad involved,” the thing is he never wanted kids, so being a dad is extra difficult for him. In fact, I never leave my kids with him. I never have. I wish I could. It would definitely help me in lots of aspects not just time self care. Thank you ❤️
I'm sorry this is how your mom experience is going but tbh in just those 2 pics you can tell you're bearing all the parental load. The kids are here now so he needs to put on his big boy draws... if he won't or you have reasons not to trust him with their care, I hope you have family or friends that are willing to pitch in. If not, it's time to start building a network of resources before you burn out girl.
Stress absolutely fucks with the muscles on your face.
My best friend is pregnant now with her first and probably only kid at 40, she’s like 7 months now and I swear looks a decade older. Prior to getting pregnant I would thought mid-30s but she easily looks mid-40s now. It’s fucking wild what it does to your face.
Yeah it's amazing how much getting inconsistent sleep, and having the nutrients literally sucked straight out of your body for 2-3 years straight will do to you. My holistic doctor did tests after I finished breastfeeding my 2nd child... I was deficient or depleted in b12, b9, b6, b5, b3, vitamin c, calcium, vitamin D, magnesium, manganese, selenium, iron, lithium, copper, vitamin A, vitamin k2, vitamin e. Like pretty much everything! Turns out I didn't have fibromyalgia with CFS like my regular doctor said, I was just severely malnourished because every time I got any nourishment via vitamin or food it was pretty much sucked straight back out of me. Even my bone density changed while nursing. I'm done nursing now and I've been on a very intensive supplement schedule three times a day and my body is slowly starting to right itself and recover.
Chronic sleep deprivation is a killer
It could be so many factors. It could be related to nutrition, hormones, stress, sleeplessness, other health problems, low Omega 3 levels, sun exposure… In the space of almost 10 years for me, my skin completely changed, I got a ton of grey hair, and my hormones are largely to blame.
How many years between each photo??
Were you nursing when this was taken? Breastfeeding = low estrogen. Low estrogen = skin that is less plump and youthful. It’s possible your skin will plump up again after breastfeeding.
Yes, which is one reason I’m never having children
They such the life out of you 😅
Sounds about right. Kids will make you look like shit and will kill you if you let them. LOL.
I saw an article the other day that said for each pregnancy you have, your chronological age increases by 5 months.
I think this is definitely partly just the time. Some of us age rapidly in our 30s without ever having had kids.
That’s why I don’t have any. I am afraid of the outcome.
I’d say it’s weight loss and different lighting. You look good.
My friend told me recently they said you need at least 2 years after birth to recover from pregnancy. To be back where you originally started. So 2 year between each baby might help. 2 babies one after another must have taken a huge toll!
I'm right there with you
Collagen stimulation like PRP/Prf injections are game changing!
Getting married to a man-child and having IVF aged me a hell lot....
Is the weight I think, at least is what’s happening to me. I’ve lost around 8kg in a year because of my adhd medication. Whenever I manage you gain a bit of weight I actually look a lot better. Also I’m 34 and I believe this age is when we start to notice rapid changes. On the other side, I think social media has stopped from seeing what actually people look like when they are in their 30s/40s. I don’t remember the last time I saw eyes wrinkles on instagram
Stress will do that lol. Having kids is stressful
Having kids ≈ being president
Give it some time! I looked like a mombie when my kids were little. And any kind of weight loss makes my face so gaunt. Have you been checked for an iron deficiency? My levels were always okay but early last year I lost 16 lbs accidentally. When I got my ferritin/iron saturation/B12 checked they were really low. I am much bigger than you but still struggle with keeping weight on and it’s SO hard so solidarity. People always wish it was their problem until they experience it.
Isn’t that the true, being skinny and having zero percent fat is not a life to live. It’s like driving a car on empty. After reading mentions of iron and B12, I am making an appointment with my doctor asap. Thank you ❤️
Oh yeah. Me pre kids and me now post kids, albeit it’s a 12 years difference, I have aged a lot. Each pregnancy changed my appearance heavily. And triggering my chronic illness is 2022 also did a number on my face. It’s hard to look in the mirror sometimes
HOLY SHITTTTT, that is wild!!
yes. one of my many reasons for opting out of reproduction.
I don’t even have kids and the pandemic aged me bad
Yes. But also, your body hits an aging milestone at 30 (defined Eye Wells that are no longer a smooth transition to the cheek - sunken or baggy eyes) and then again at 36 (forehead, eye, and smile wrinkles; face sagging become noticeable; loss of volume in face). So if those four years of pregnancy and nursing branched any of these aging milestones, that could explain some as well.
Both still look good. Cant blame you for something out of your control, just gotta keep your head up and moving on. This goes for everyone👏🏼