I'm 39 now and promise you that one day you'll look at the face you had when you were 30 and think that you looked so young and that you spent so much time worrying about things that weren't, in fact, worrying at all. Same as when you probably look at pictures of yourself a few years ago and laugh at the insecurities you had then. Recognising this has helped me really appreciate the face I have now – I'll miss it in 10 or 20 years and kick myself for the time I spent obsessing over small imperfections rather than just enjoying my youth and vitality, of which I still have plenty.
This! I am 47 and suffered eating disorders and the toxic diet culture of the 90s. I feel like skin care is going the same way. Take care of your skin, protect against skin cancer but don’t let it control your life. My mom is 81. People assume she is younger. She hasn’t had any work but has generally been good about sun protection but honestly people assuming she is younger has little to do with her skin. She is still active and gets involved and is interested in learning. It is those things that make her seem younger.
Yes. It’s like when I look at my best friend and think how beautiful she is; she’s a new mom and, as we all do, is finding flaws in her skin.
I know she’ll look back in 20 years and be like ‘oh my god I was so pretty!’
I apply that same thought to myself
Yesss I’m almost 8 weeks post partum and I’m really struggling with the changes in my skin (and body) from this past year… I’m hoping it’s hormones and it’ll get better as they level out and I stop breastfeeding and get better sleep but god damn. Lol
I look at most people and see their acne, marks, wrinkles etc and don't see anything wrong with them and think theyre beautiful but on myself i just look away 😂
Yep! I get my passport photo taken every 10 years, and am always like “damn, I looked so much better 10 years ago! 😢”
This year I renewed my passport and I shifted perspective to be more like “in 10 years I’m going to think I looked sooo freaking good in this picture 😃”
Feeling good about my appearance is important to me. I was freaking out about aging too, but then I got a nice expensive haircut + highlights and switched up my makeup routine and felt like a new person. At 50 I don't know if I'll feel 'hot', but I hope to feel fashionable, attractive, well preserved etc.
Ok something you said just hit me. I’m used to looking or wanting to look “young” but I don’t anymore (by societal standards). But, now I can shift my thinking to encompass looking “attractive” and “fashionable” instead which isn’t a bad thing at all.
Thank you for that perspective!
I understand that too, my mom is that way (she takes good care of herself but doesn’t feel any need to conform to beauty standards and never has) and she seems a lot more confident and happy with herself than most almost 80 year olds I know, so I’m gonna do my best to go that route.
This is my absolute goal later in life as a current 30 y/o so it’s super comforting to hear people saying it works for them! I just want to be fashionable/healthy/cool, I’m not really too worried about ageing but more so about becoming invisible if that makes sense?
Becoming invisible has been my favorite part! I used to feel like all eyes were on me every time I left the house as a young and sexy girl.
Now I can be one with the crowd, unbothered, undisturbed, living my best life for me and putting on zero performances.
Oh I certainly don’t want all eyes on me all the time, I think what I meant by invisible is more like, people treating you like you’re old & out of touch, which seems to happen a fair bit less if you’re formidably/timelessly cool and fashionable. Basically: wrinkles are totally fine with me but the way society dismisses older women isn’t!! So I’m going to do whatever I can do to reduce *that* bullshit 😂
Well I can’t speak to that just yet so I will take this as a strong sign of hope that things aren’t always as bad as I’ve seen! I’m so glad you feel like that :)
Me too. I’m nearing 50 but am fit and in good health and I wear sunscreen religiously. I don’t care all that much anymore about what others are thinking about me and I feel a bit “invisible” from a sexual attraction standpoint (compared to the 1990s and 2000s anyway). I love it.
I’m at the peak of my career and have a lot of respect from my peers - men included. I love being taken seriously a hell of a lot more than being thought pretty or sexy.
49 here and I feel the way you do! About to leave for my twice weekly blowout appointment 😄
There are definitely things we can do to feel pulled together and attractive at any age.
No. Everyone is so obsessed with youth. I find that odd because aging is inevitable.
What motivates me is being healthy, I’m 32 and thriving. I love being in my 30’s. I lift heavy shit weekly in the gym, have a loving fiancé, working towards some life goals.. My looks don’t define me. But… I do keep moisturized, lol.
I'm honestly excited to turn 40. Everyone thinks I'm in my 20s and I can't wait to keep agreeing.
Lol watch me turn 40 and shrivel up like a prune instantly 🤣
Imy 30s have been a little strange so I'm hoping my 40s really Amp things up. Also..might sound weird but I'm still waiting to feel like a grown up... besides the aches and pains lol
Are you me?! I'm 31, have a loving husband, lift heavy af at the gym the last 2 years and feel like I'm in a great place. I do tret, heavy moisturize and tinted spf and that's all for my skincare now. I'm dewy and hydrated vs a cracked cakey dry face from never giving up foundation when i should have after my teens lol
I wish.. even bb cream is too drying and i dont like the thick look. I use eltamd uv clear tinted or drmtlgy universal tinted. They're the definition of true sheer. Very minimal coverage no one notices I'm wearing anything but i notice
Are you both me? Lol same same and getting totally obsessed with dance lately has made my soul soar. I look, feel, act, and move with vitality, energy and youth and I love it. I love discovering and throwing myself into new hobbies because they make life so exciting and I spend less time staring at my face in the mirror lol
You are right, it is odd because there is literally nothing we can do. I think it is more the identity thing. I have a wardrobe full of cute dresses, skirts etc how a girl in her twenties would dress. I’m not looking at it all thinking ‘can I still pull this off?’
Also the initial shock of looking older is something I’m struggling to adjust to.
I think honestly the reason I care so much is because it stems from what aging really is and what it means for my parents and loved ones. It is our bodies getting old and closer to death.
It just scares me so much.
I was raised by two (looks-obsessed) fashion designers and I will tell you this on “dressing for your age” - if the dresses are flattering to your body then wear them. If they are unflattering to your style and essence and only worked because you were young and could “get away with it” then it’s time to retire them in favour of things that flatter you, those are the thing that will create a disconnect and look not age appropriate. I am 40 and have dresses from my 20s that are still flattering. I think the main difference between dressing in your 20s vs 30s is that in your 30s you tend to start being able to tell what works for you and don’t just follow trends or buy whatever is cheap.
This is such a good point. I’ve gotten rid of most of the fast fashion garbage I bought in my 20s because it never was great, but it was good enough.
On the other hand, I still have and wear quite a few vintage pieces I bought around the same time. They were better made to begin with and have aged with me instead of against me.
I have a suggestion - give yourself a social media diet. Get off of any social media related to beauty/skincare/health/“wellness”. Take a break from the messages that your body’s normal aging process isn’t good enough. The messaging is so toxic and the images are unrealistic. As soon as you see “Botox” or “filler”, change what you’re looking at. You deserve to feel good in your own skin, and one way to support that is to avoid messaging that’s meant to drive you to be dissatisfied with yourself and spend $$$.
Do you feel like it's social media that gives this opinion? Maybe it's because I don't follow influencers (just more friends and accounts about hobbies), but it's actual human people in the world that make me feel insecure (because they're younger/do get extensions and botox/etc).
I definitely think it depends on who you follow. When I started looking more into skincare, I was suddenly barraged with ads and suggestions about fillers/botox and images that weren’t realistic. Up until that point, I absolutely didn’t realize that Botox had become a relatively common thing for people under 40. I sort of wish I could go back to that blissful ignorance.
In real life, if seeing other people routinely makes you feel insecure I think it might be helpful for you to seek some support from a counselor. I mean that in the nicest way. Seeing younger people and feeling sort of jealous of them isn’t helpful to you, and will only get worse as you age (which we all will!).
I guess I more mean, I'm bitter it's no longer "normal" to age naturally, probably because of social media. It wasn't as big of a deal that I didn't wear much makeup, get blowouts, etc. in my 20s because hey, you're young, everyone looks good. But now, getting botox and being on hair thickening drugs and getting boob lifts and whatever else seems to be "standard" in your 30s/40s and I'm just a little resentful I look like the cryptkeeper in comparison because I'm not willing to do that.
I totally get it :( it’s not your fault. Keep looking to surround yourself with people who make you feel good rather than those who make you feel lesser.
Wear the cute outfits. 💕 Imagine your 85 year old self telling you how youthful and cute you look! What is the saying? You are the youngest right now as you will ever be. Enjoy it, embrace it. Focus on being healthy and strong.
Whatever makes you happy! My coach’s wife is 40 and was sporting a Kandi necklace recently, IT WAS THE CUTEST THING EVER!!!
I hope you can get over your fear though, gl!
Edit: her Kandi necklace actually lives in my head rent free.
THIS!
Ladies please don't listen to those jerks who tell you to "dress for your age". Dressing for your age means your clothes fit and you're happy and whatever age you are.
Just like a beach body. If your ass is on the beach, you got a beach body.
I completely resonate with everything you’ve said!! It’s SUCH a scary and uncomfortable time. I have no advice because everything you’re feeling and thinking I also think and feel lol. The one saving grace for me is that when I look at pictures of celebrities in the 80s/90s before cosmetic procedures became SO mainstream is that I llooooovveeee the individuality of everyone. I love their imperfections and I think it’s what makes them unique and beautiful- and I think those who age naturally look much better than those trying to defeat the process. But I’m with you, I feel the exact same way and it’s very unnerving.
Wear it! Literally wear whatever you like. I kind of went through this too for a bit when I turned 30, but now that I'm almost 40 I see that 30 is still very young. So is 40 honestly. I don't have kids, I'm very active, and I feel very young, so I dress young even now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not like hopping on all of the wildest trends, I have my own style, but I'm no afraid to show my midriff or have fun with my clothes.
I get it, because I was recently feeling the same thing. I felt like I aged all of sudden like 10 years overnight. Started obsessing and made an appointment for filler, thought about getting an eye lift, etc. A month later and I feel- better? I think there was something else going on in my life that made me hyper fixate and feel insecure. I definitely don't look 20 anymore, but I'm happy with how I look. Some of it's real, and a lot is in our heads. Lots of compassion to you and for this world we live in that so pervasively communicates to us that our value is determined by our 'beauty'.
I was diagnosed with a disorder with a 30% 5-year survival rate. Looking older is a blessing! I’m still taking care of my skin but the silver lining of every new wrinkle is that I lived long enough to earn it!
And I’m young - it can happen at any time so I don’t want to waste my time worrying about my skin.
Aging isn’t being closer to death? You can die any day. Aging means you are lucky to have survived things that would have killed humans back in the day a lot younger. It seems that it’s the vanity reasons. But there is beauty in every age
I'm 33 and the wardrobe transition is real! I'm looking at the positive though and love the more elegant vibe as opposed to cute like my twenties.
I have no advice with not recognising myself in the mirror other than retinol and red light therapy are your friends, and we can't get away with crash dieting as the face is the first to go :/
I would agree, but personally I’ve noticed changes in my body that have made it more comfortable to me to slightly change the cut and style of clothing that feels good and makes me look the way I want. They’re not bad changes, they’re just changes and they work for me.
as someone who couldn't identify, dress or have appearance self-awareness until they were literally 24-25, thank you so so much,
i didn't have a chance in my teens, nor my early 20s, i'm only getting to be myself around 30, and so fuck it, ill dress however tf i want
Exactly. I don’t understand the mentality that some people have, that once you’re 30 you need to stop enjoying fashion and hide every inch of your body. If that’s the case then being 30 sounds depressing
I am 37 going 38. I have ye olde cheekbones and often my grey roots start showing. Even to this day, people will cue off my wardrobe choices as one of the ways they guess my age more so than my body. Nobody goes "mutton dressed as lamb!" they see a plaid skirt and in small talk ask me what high school I go to or use words like "adorable" unironically.
I have been the only one carded when I was overdue for a touch up. And I spent my early 20s being mistaken for much older, again, based on pure styling choices and context.
It's quite normal to cast people your age to play teenagers in media. Adult performers cheerfully lie their way through their 30s and 40s with nobody the wiser because people are dumb about age.
I have never seen someone in their late thirties pass for a high school student. Please don't use comments like that or getting carded as a measure of anything. Because those comments are unlikely to be sincere and wanting to look 20 years younger than you are will set you up for misery.
This is exactly it-- emotionally I am still a 19yo who loves dressing up for parties and festivals in wild outfits and makeup. (And I know someone will say "wear it anyway!", but simply put, dressing like you're 20 when you're in your 40s unfortunately looks silly and would be a confidence killer. I went in a clothing store a few years ago and realized I was older than everyone there by at least a decade and had a horrible moment of "this is not for you" anymore.) Similarly realizing that my face now looks objectively "ugly" (tired, spotted, saggy) without makeup is hard. I realize a WHOLE lot of this is bound up in the fact that women are primarily valued for their appearance, but acknowledging that fact doesn't make it not true.
I'm with you OP, I absolutely despise getting old and am not trying to make my peace with it because it's a sucky thing that it's ok to acknowledge sucks.
This is the way. COVID almost took me out at 29... Had to rebuild my whole body after 2 months in bed, pregnant, with pneumonia and heart failure. Just turned 34 and I am so grateful for the fact that my body can still move, play with my daughter, and do all the things I need it to do to be active and healthy.
I still take care of my skin and aging still bums me out when I let it, but that perspective always brings me back to how grateful I am to be here and how my body is for so much more than viewing.
Honestly, you're not going to find an answer to this in consumption.
You're having an existential crisis. Our culture sucks and you think you have to solve this by buying something, but that's not how you're gonna solve this.
You're going to age and die. Everything and everyone you know is going to die. Even the sun and the Earth are going to die. Rough, right?
Your answer is not in Botox, it's figuring out what you think your place in this universe is.
There are so many of these posts every week now and I completely blame social media.
Reduce phone time and find a therapist that helps with this. Aging is inevitable and your feelings will only intensify with time, you need to address it at the root. It is not healthy to be terrified of a natural process. And also, 30s are not even the rapid stage of facial aging, that will happen in your 40s/50s and on and you need to prepare yourself to love yourself thru those changes.
I’ve started replacing a huge portion of my social media consumption with reading actual books. Seeing my screen time every week get lower is such a thrill for me, I consider it a challenge to keep reducing it. I used to post a lot of instagram but I’ve backed up so much and it helped my mental health a lot.
Procedures will not help you cope, they’ll just kick the can a little further down the road / you will scrutinize your face afterwards as well.
It is even more important to work on your sense of self and worth inside your head, whether it’s through therapy, podcasts, reading, and finding ways to nurture your soul that have nothing to do with your appearance.
Volunteering, spending time in nature, appreciating friends, other sensory experiences like concerts, tactile stuff like pottery making, physical awareness through yoga, etc. are all ways to find other things to appreciate and value.
I know some men that were balding, just accepted it, shaved their whole head, rejuvenated 10 years AND learned to feel confident with no hair.
See r/bald. It's crazy how much better guys look when they stop holding on to what remains of their hair. Being confident and accepting we all age is attractive on its own.
I went to uni for the first time aged 30 and went on to complete a PhD ... I realised I was too fixated on things like appearance and unimportant pursuits. First in my family. Find things to occupy your mind other than your appearance... things you lose yourself in. It will take trying things, volunteering, hobbies, getting disciplined and busy. A therapist is essential too. Good luck, you're not alone. I'm 41 now and have way more fun with my ageing face - refuse to go down the Botox route!
This is so important. If your looks are what you've received the most attention for in your life, then of course the idea of aging and "losing your looks" is scary. But if you get your sense of self-esteem and accomplishments from other things, then aging isn't nearly so upsetting.
My mother use to recite this poem to me whenever I asked about her wrinkles.
For beauty I am not a star,
There are others more perfect by far,
But my face I don't mind it,
For I am behind it,
It is those in front that I jar.
Now that I am 60 I totally get what she was saying. Looks are such a small part of who you are.
I would looooove to know the answer to this as well!!!!! I feel sooo young - im 32 - to be worried abt aging but one day recently I woke up and it looked like my neck aged over 15 years overnight. has me seriously considering a neck lift when I used to think I’d never think of an invasive serious procedure for cosmetic reasons. But I want to be able to look myself in the mirror again without the spike of anxiety of how bad it’s gonna be, lol.
also seriously considering a therapist at my husbands gentle nudging bc there’s no way this is mentally healthy. I know we all age, I just still feel soooo young. Wtf! But it seems unfair to myself to let this rob me of the happiness I should be enjoying during these years. I don’t have to let it. I’m more than just some loose skin on my neck, and feeling radiant inside will help me look radiant on the outside no matter the state of my skin. Our bodies are doing their best… trying to learn to be grateful for my body knowing this and focusing on all I am still capable of.
On that note: Drink plenty of water, eat nutritiously balanced foods, work out, plenty of rest. At our age, getting these things in order can still make a big impact on how our body and skin looks… health comes from the inside out.
Idk. If nothing else, know that you’re definitely not alone in this struggle. 😭💕
Early 40s here. I find focusing on my health by really getting into the exercise has made me feel less powerless about the process. The more in shape I am as I age the better my quality of life will be. Plus it helps keep my body fit and my posture in check which makes me feel more confident.
Also looking to more mature ladies that I find attractive and just acknowledging that they have wrinkles and sagging skin and I still find them gorgeous really helps me focus less on each new change.
I also found that switching up my beauty icons really made a difference. There's no point in attempting to emulate the fresh beauty of ingenue starlets when you over 40. I now look to middle age and mature women whose style and poise I envy. Beauty looks different over the decades, and that's okay. I only need to see Michelle Obama and Brooke Shields to see how vibrant, gorgeous and sexy your 50s can be, for example. I guess my suggestion is to change up your expectations.
First of all, as a male, I hate that women feel such intense pressure to keep their youthful appearance. That must be an incredible stress, that I honestly can't relate to.
With that being said, I don't think it's normal for a person's appearance to dramatically change in the course of a year the way you describe. Any concerns that their may be some underlying health issue you're not aware of?
Am I the only one who finds this odd? Im not trying to be insensitive, but in real life most of the people I know in their early 30’s do not feel they’ve turned into a crone overnight.
No, I didn’t get the “oh shit who is this crone” feeling til I was 42, and it coincided with my hormones dropping. Up until 37 I didn’t even have any signs of aging yet, really.
It's different for everyone, some experience this in their early 30s, some late 30s some 40s, for some it's very gradual and they never experience the overnight wtf feeling.
True. I just feel like it’s a tired trope that women turn into dust on the eve of their 30th birthday and have not found that to be reflected in real life lol.
Not to invalidate how OP feels, but I’m willing to bet that if she posted her picture we would have no idea what she’s talking about. We are our own worst critics.
Do you ever look at pictures of yourself in high school and thought “wow, I had a banging body” but at the time you were so self-conscious? This is what it’s like every decade. I’m 50 and my skin looks pretty good for my age but I look back and regret being so critical of myself and wasting time trying to turn the clock back. Yes, I use tret and the occasional laser and whatnot, but true beauty is being comfortable in your own skin. I’ll never look like the 20 year old Instagram models who brag about a product that perfected their skin (hello you’re 20 with perfect skin) but that’s ok. It’s a process to accept yourself. I’m sure the people around you don’t notice what you notice. You can be beautiful in every decade of your life as long as you’re not chasing the billion dollar industry of youth. Take this from an older person, love yourself. See a therapist who can help you with the anxiety. It’s not worth wasting another day feeling like this. You’re beautiful and you need to get to a place where you think that, too. I promise, you will radiate beauty when you are happier. ❤️
Not even a little.
What gives me anxiety about aging is becoming completely helpless and vulnerable, and someone taking advantage of or abusing that😥
I know its different for everyone and it's nice to hear you sharing your feelings and looking to others to help you see things differently.
It's honestly a more common feeling than not.
I can't offer any advice really, I just wanted to let you know it sounds like you're doing everything right for your body. Continue that and try to be gentle with yourself. ❤️
You have to get out into the world and stop looking at people online, celebrities, etc. as representatives of what people should look like. I am 46 and for sure my face has aged but being busy with work, children, activities, friends, I see that people look all kinds of ways and that there is beauty in people at every age. Ageing truly is a gift but our cultural makes it feel like a curse for women. Do what you need to feel good, but don't spend too much time overanalyzing it.
Hello, I think there’s a post on here recently that discusses body dysmorphia you may want to check out… and please speak to a therapist if you’re able to. There’s a whole mountain of things to unpack related to womanhood and youth and appearance, but two references to “not recognizing yourself anymore” is a little alarming. I’m not saying take procedures off the table either, but I would really only suggest them after talking to a professional about how you’re feeling.
I’ve had procedures in my late 20s and they can bring about a whole other mess of problems sometimes… best of luck op :)
Dysmorphia is a nasty thing that follows us our whole lives. Unfortunately while we do our best to prepare modern children for puberty, the one-and-done attitude to further aging really doesn't convey the idea of continuous change. Agism doesn't help, either.
Drawing yourself (or being photographed/drawn by someone who knows what they are doing) can be a really useful bridging measure to familiarize yourself with how your body is put together and taking ownership of that. When I feel my body is moving away from my brain, I use this to realign both.
Therapy to unpack what you feel aging symbolizes can assist too.
And surrounding yourself with face and body matches you like, admire and respect can give further perspective. If you are surrounded by women going "my cheekbones finally came in!!!" or showing how a changing body is providing joy, or not being a barrier to past happiness, this can make it feel less burdensome to not remain in stasis.
OMG this!! Seeing my mom’s face transform throughout the years, her hair, hands, everything.. is sooo heartbreaking, I want her to be with me forever!!
I avoid consuming too many pictures of perfect looking young women. I know it’s impossible to some degree (they’re the most popular images in most media), but Im selective with tv/movies/social media accounts to practice shifting my values. I created a Pinterest account called “beautiful age” of older women who not only look diverse in their beauty, but they’re powerful beyond their appearance. They’re smart, prolific, strong, funny, etc. and I idolize them. The images we consume are extremely impactful to our well being.
No.
I have MS. Diagnosed at 34. I am happy to be here and feeling as good as I am today. My focus is maxing out my good years while I have them to experience life at my best.
Sometimes it takes something like that happening to give you a giant shift in perspective.
At 30s it's nothing.
Past 40 year goes for 2 in aging and it's hard. After 45 I don't know anymore what to expect. Can wake up with a deep wrinkle where was nothing yesterday or something else.
It's really hard, my mental image of myself is not matching mirrors.
I’ll be brutally honest: if you feel paralyzed with anxiety over your aging at 32 you probably need therapy.
I’m sorry but that’s not normal. You are very young. I’m 39 and never feel anxious about aging or my face. I’m way more worried about the rising cost of living and the capitalist hellscape I am forced to live in.
I know this might not be helpful but you need to either talk to someone or give your head a shake. Looks are not everything and I guarantee no one looks at you and think you look bad or old 🤷🏻♀️
>I guarantee no one looks at you and think you look bad or old 🤷🏻♀️
Only when people botch their face after desperately attempting to slow down aging.
Your comment really places individual blame on OP, saying "that's not normal", which is sort of interesting when you immediately after cite the "capitalist hellscape". In fact it's very normal for women in this capitalist hells cape to have internalized societal messages that their primary value stems from their looks and, you guessed it, youth. This often starts in early to mid 20's. This serves both the patriarchy and, you guessed it, the capitalist agenda because women spend billions of dollars a year on anti-aging procedures. We're literally sold the idea that its a moral failing to age so we will buy the next product or procedure or miracle. These systems impact people at every level in lots of different ways.
I'm just saying it's usually helpful for people to identify where and how they may have gotten the belief systems that are harming them and acknowledge that may times it's not THEM that is wrong. In reality it's very normal- it's a normal reaction to an unhealthy culture.
I honestly think it’s extreme to be paralyzed with anxiety over aging at 32. I’m not saying it’s her fault, I’m saying she should take action and talk to someone.
Noticing signs of aging and being unhappy with them? Sure. Being bothered by wrinkles appearing and wanting to be proactive about it? Understandable given the society we live in.
But being paralyzed with anxiety about aging at 32?? Nah.
Also you can’t change the culture. Yes it’s messed up but you have no control over it. But you can try to chance how you react to it. And for the sake of your mental health it’s better to talk to a therapist if you are obsessing about looking old at 32.
Fpr the womxn in this sub:
you didn't look the same at 1, or 10, or 20. You are not going to look the same at 30, 40, or 50, etc.
This idea that women are supposed to stay forever 25 is some heavily indoctrinated patriarchal bullshit brought to you by gross old men in board rooms still wanting to fuck younger women.
That is the real take.
Everything is set up to make women feel insecure and disempowered so men can keep pulling their mediocre AF nonsense.
Get in your power. Stay in your power.
Imagine having that extra 30 minutes to hour a day to do things that develop your strengths and goals. Men have that extra hour. They even have extra days without bleeding their guts out and cramping. We don't have time to waste on insecurity.
The images you see of faces and skin in ads are not real. Just like the images of food in ads that you see are not real.
I am not saying don't take care of your skin and health.
I am saying figure out why you're feeling insecure and where that comes from and who you're trying to look a certain way for.
Imagine a world without men and see how you move through the world.
/endrant
Delete social media. Seriously. I’m 32 with a toddler and most of my friends are obsessed with filler and Botox and lip injections. I haven’t had anything done, never will, and STILL think I look younger than then because it aged them.
They’re trying to keep up with the youth.
Just keep up with yourself and making you happy.
What’s that quote?
“The only people you should be trying to impress are your 8yo self and your 80yo self”
Hey there’s nothing wrong with a little Botox and filler if it would make you happier
But it sounds like you might be hyperfixating on a fact that will ruin your experience of life
We have 1 life and it’s very short, u being miserable about an inevitable fact of life (the one thing that is guaranteed in life) it just seems like you are going to ruin your own experience on this earth
There are some things that defs hurt my feelings in terms of my appearance but I don’t hyperfixate on it at all ever because like I said why would I make my own time on this earth suck ?? Why would I do that
I don’t like being sad lol I don’t like being stressed
I’m 28 I get Botox I get filler and I just enjoy life 🤣
I hope the morbidity of what I said kind of gives you a wake up call, look outside the grass is green, u don’t need to hyperfixate and ruin your own experience
This is a bit of a wake up call I needed tbh
Enjoy what I’ve got, life is short etc - so if I want a bit of Botox to make it a bit more bearable then so be it!
I honestly feel more comfortable at 33 than I did any other age. I care less what others think. I’m going to age, and I’m going to enjoy my life. My dad was diagnosed with dementia at 54. That’s 20 years from now. I get some Botox, eat healthy, wash my face, and workout. And stay off social media.
I mean this so sincerely but follow more older people on social media. People who aren’t actresses or influencers. Artists, writers, professors, some musicians,chefs. Down to earth people who are your age or much older.
I am fat, a curvy size 18. I can’t even begin to tell you what a difference it made for me to follow more people with my body type or bigger on social media. Normalize it for yourself on your feed. Watch more of their media, more of their films and tv.
There is so much life and beauty after 25 and you won’t help yourself if you aren’t exposing yourself to it a bit more in your every day. Yours shouldn’t be the only aging face you’re seeing.
I use to be fat. When I was in the process of loosing, I didn't watch the fitness influences because they just made me feel bad, they made me feel discouraged. I watch the videos on Tik Tok of people promoting body acceptance at all kinds of weights. It made a huge difference mentally for me and kept me motivated because it made me realize it's ok to be who I am right now and I just gotta keep on trying to meet my goals.
Amd those influencers are most of the time using filters, they've had surgeries (lipo, bbl, implants, tummy tucks), they're often on steroids if they're very muscular. Just so unattainable for the majority.
I've just turned 33, so I get where you are coming from. I still have points where I look in the mirror disappointed at how I look. Wanting botox, blepharoplasty, a lip flip, etc.
So, I've been working on re-centering. None of those things are going to make me happy, if I'm not happy with myself. I've started to accept that my face is going to change no matter what I do. Sure, you can mitigate some of the major changes, but Mother Time comes for us all.
Address with yourself your feelings around aging. Once you've accepted that, get whatever procedure you want. Knowing that the happiness it brings is temporary. Finding contentment with your aging self is permanent.
Well ladies since u are all young I will make comments if I may
Enjoy what u have , I just turned 92 u are reading it correctly
I am so far well , and use makeup whenever I leave the house, thankfully I have a good skin and yes use sun screen daily , which I did not at ur age
Very lucky with my skin , and no I don’t look my age ,but I also don’t dress like “”an old lady””
U know I am learning each day something new , I study languages on my phone daily it keeps the brain young
Yikes. You are … 31. This is *terrifying* to you?? You’re at prime age!
I’m happier with myself the older I get. It’s kind of lovely to see the shadows of smiles and laughter permanently etched into my face. What a life!!
You may need to see a therapist.
38, not really. I stay active, eat a balanced diet, have a good but not wild skincare routine. I don't do any procedures beyond having had lip filler (but that's not related to aging). I did Botox in the past but wasn't a huge fan. It just doesn't occur to me beyond that. I'm much hotter now than I was in my 20s or even my early 30s.
I am 30, I understand that it is ridiculous and that getting older is a privilege, but I am also extremely overwhelmed with anxiety over aging. I am trying my best to stop being obsessed with it because I can't control it. The more I try to control it, the more I will look like a plastic overfilled frozen-faced lady. The line is so thin between a natural face with a touch of Botox and filler and an overfilled face.
And surgery is not always the answer. It's not a miracle procedure. You have to be the right candidate, there are complications, the results you want might be impossible to get, etc.
I also realized that I am obsessed with aging because I spend way too much time on my phone and not enough time with real people.
I recently met really popular influencers and they looked so normal in real life that it really helped my self esteem.
I’m not even trying to make you feel better but a lot of bars/breweries are starting to ID regardless of age now. At least that’s my personal experience going with people who are older.
Honestly, not looking in the mirror helps. Cover your mirrors up for two weeks and just use a hand mirror or something tiny when you brush your teeth and see how it affects how you feel about yourself.
I don’t because I look back at all the experiences, happy moments and learnings (being wiser, opinionated, knowing what I want and what I stand for) to show for each year that passes by. I gain so much more intellectually with each passing year than I loose in looks. I do worry about aging from joint health, mobility etc. perspective.
From 34-36 I struggled so much. Like panicking cause I was getting Old and ugly. But I’ve completely reframed my mind and my idea of attractive and pretty have changed. It’s not something you can fight. Every single person ages. I’ve started looking at beauty differently. It’s way less shallow and not about the angles of your facial structure, it’s your energy and attitude and how you take care of your self that makes someone truly beautiful imo.
I’m so depressed every day. It consumes me constantly. Aging is terrifying me. I spend thousands on skincare and makeup to try and help. I’m considering plastic surgery. I’m 49 and started aging rapidly last few years. I need major help. It is honestly ruining my life. I know that sounds pathetic but I can’t help it. I am glad to know that I’m not alone.
I follow anti aging science and really helps me to cope, there are clinical trials starting this year.
I also am so sorry you are going through this. Its rough and scary. Best of luck on trying to feel like the best version of you x
I absolutely understand how you feel and feel the same way.
One thing that put it into perspective for me is when a friend of mine from high school passed away in a car wreck. It happened just a week or two before his 30th birthday.
Getting older is a privilege. I’m sure his family and friends would do anything to have him back, wrinkles and all. There’s so much more to experiencing life than how you look.
It doesn’t help me all the time, but thinking of him does help me remember that I am lucky to have my health and life.
one thing that I think is really interesting is the parallels between this sub and bodybuilding subs.
Anyway, it's all varying levels of body dysmorphia. It's healthy if you enjoy the process and enjoy yourself and looking good, and it rapidly becomes unhealthy once it hits obsession and never-satisfied-ness.
If this is causing you real emotional distress, just saying so won't fix it, but i'm still going to say so: You should develop a healthy appreciation for your beauty without it becoming the sole source of y our identity or sense of self worth. You should understand that all things are impermanent, and you can appreciate them while you have them.
Anyway, if you can't convince yourself of these things, it's ok to get help.
It’s perfectly fine to want to feel attractive. That said, it shouldn’t be all consuming or worrying. I don’t mean this in a condescending way at all, but I think you should consider therapy to work through your feeling (I’m in therapy for different reasons and think everyone can benefit).
I’m 32. Sure, I have some more wrinkles and I don’t love them. I do get Botox and feel better about them. I use anti—aging skincare. But I also know and accept that I’m going to age regardless. The best I can do is continue self care, moisturize, use SPF, stay active and prioritize my health. Trying to look 20 when you’re 60 is usually just laughable.
I love this stage of my life. I feel more confident, competent and certain in my priorities. Aging isn’t just a bad thing. It comes with a lot of benefits too.
I’m male and 36. I went through the same tough period like you when I became 31. It took me a few years (around 2-3) to realize that the 30s are the best years of my life. I was noticing pronounced aging signs that I couldn’t adapt to. Small changes in lifestyle such as drinking more water, sleeeping more, eating healthy and going to the gym regularly put me back on a meaningful path. I underwent very discreet procedures such as sculptra, I use regularly sunscreen (be it winter or summer) and I can say that I’m back on track with my mental health which was heavily corroded by the sudden changes once I stepped into the 30s. Enjoy these youthful years. They are truly amazing and a reminder to ourselves that we need to take care of our bodies. I’m still partying a lot (not like in my mindless 20s :D ) but now I need to compensate the lost nights with a healthier approach to my lifestyle.
Sculptra did a good job for me and it has made me appreciate what I still have.
Remember that aging is natural and… what’s more beautiful than aging like a fine wine? As a side note: I find people of my age very attractive and more interesting to be around to but that certainly is a very individual choice. Being around with people of my age or older makes me comfortable and understand life from perspectives that I wasn’t aware of before. Such contacts make me more confident per se, so at the end of the day when I’m looking in the mirror I’m realizing how important it is to live the moment and take care of myself.
I'm 32 and I look quite young but I catch myself thinking like this time to time especially now that i'm having a baby. Personally, getting off social media and spending more time gardening, reading, camping has helped my mental health enough to realise our obsession with aging is really stupid. Instagram WILL make you feel bad about yourself, and it's not real life. Don't waste your youth (30s are YOUNG) hating yourself.
I promise you, not getting IDed at a bar has way more to do with confidence than “looking old”. Go up to the bar and nervously ask for an AMF if you want to get carded.
Your 30’s are SO young. Today’s society is obsessed with being early 20’s forever- from a fellow early 30’s WORK WHAT YOU GOT we are still YOUNG AND HOT. Hopefully we still have 50+ years to live and love here on this beautiful earth!
My mom is 50 and is mistaken for younger and she does nothing for her skin that she probably should. I’ve been taking care of my skin for a few years now that I’m educated on the importance of it. Even though I have good genes, I still don’t worry about aging. Older women that I know with several kids and no skincare routine look great in their 40s (they look normal/fine. I don’t look at people and count their wrinkles or think about how old they look…).
I do think the internet is fueling the obsession with aging and I, with love, recommend getting off of socials for a few weeks.
I am not. While I believe in trying to age gracefully and prolonging youth, if possible, I personally do not mind aging. Since my 20s I have felt like I was in my 40s, and the men I dated reflected that. To me, every year that I age, I am just getting closer to the age I feel. I am 35. I have some static lines forming on my forehead, but that's mainly it. I still have a full head of black hair thankfully. I am hoping to keep this youth until 40, but after that it is whatever to me. I think what really helps me be okay with it was the fact I also value many things about myself that isn't related to my appearance.
I have a lot going for me in terms of being a kind, passionate, and empathetic human being. I do a lot for the world in my every day life, work life, and through volunteering. I work in nursing and advocacy work, and to me that speaks volumes about who I am, and the beauty I view within myself. I have also had a long history of sexual trauma and abuse. I also had body image dysmorphia from both being a professional dancer and gay, which both communities have crazy unrealistic body expectations. I learned to get past that and like who I am. I also stopped caring as much if other people saw me as a hot piece of ass because I didn't like being objectified. Reality is, my work made me look at myself for who I am as a person first. This has been tremendous in helping me accept aging. Perhaps, the key is to worry less about your value in appearance, and look inward to find the beauty in who you are. If you don't see that, then it just means you have work to do to get there. Just sharing what worked for me.
I'm 41, tbh I love my face and the smile lines. Life is tough and I'm glad I can laugh. I want to be in a place where I can smile and no one cares about my smile lines or greys eventually. I do still take my skincare regularly, tret .05% at night, collagen peptide powder, I'm on the pill because I know my hormones will decrease with age, peptide serums, red led mask all that. But I think once my stress levels are low the rest takes care of itself. Working on getting the stress levels low :/
I struggled forever with this. The remedy for me is to find women my age or older who I admire. For example; I am an avid mountain biker, and so, when I meet another woman my age who is strong, fit and skilled I let those qualities inspire me. To see the talents that others have acquired and how they are taking action. THAT such an amazingly beautiful thing. Of course, it doesn’t have to be sports, but just focusing on what you can do or what you love to do is so much more fulfilling (versus focusing on being visually beautiful). Try to develop hobbies, skills, and relationships in your life that you love. Action driven activities are helpful.
I get it, as I struggled in my 40’s. I like to think that if you steer away from media that is beauty focused; you find that aging is normal and frankly a gift. I want to look good for my age but I also want to be kick ass at a few things too! Getting older is scary and I can see that on the horizon that I will not always be able to do what I can now and nothing inspires me more. In the grand scheme of things I want to focus on experiences.
I dont like wrinkles and the superficial loss of youthful appearance, but the upsides of aging make it well worth it imo so i dont mind the slight optical downgrade. If i think about getting closer to dying someday, thats terrifying as hell, but these existencial panic attacks pass pretty quickly in everyday life
I think we don't recognize how much getting older is a privilege. That said, I look in the mirror and see my mother, so I am also a little traumatized by my reflection, but for a different reason. At least she always had good skin and skincare habits 🙃
I’m 46 with a lot of health problems and 2 kids. I have no idea how long I, or really any of us, have on this Earth and I refuse to spend it paralyzed with fear about aging. God willing, I have a lot of aging ahead of me.
I actually like the fat loss. It makes me look more like my grandma (not when she was old lol just in general). I think it is a ‘new’ face but I think it’s positive, I look like a “lady” now not a kid, I suppose. I have another friend a year older than me who is beautiful and she has had significant change to her face from this natural fat loss as she matures. She hasn’t lost weight overall but her face is slimmer and she looks more mature and elegant now. And consequently also looks more like her mom. I don’t love the dark circles under my eyes but the slight, natural fat loss in my cheeks is just a new phase!
I am 35 and had my first kid at 29. I feel like I’ve aged rapidly after having kids from stress, recovering from surgery, sleep deprivation, weight gain and loss, pandemic parenting and a pandemic pregnancy, breastfeeding for years on end, etc. And somehow I feel more okay with the grey hair and volume loss and fine lines. I think I have less mental space to devote to thinking about what I look like & I am kind of too tired for it. One thing that I wasn’t okay with was the fact that my back was starting to ache all of the time. Lately I have been trying to enjoy being in my body more and for me that means setting aside time to exercise and do some strength training for my back. The exercise makes me feel younger and look healthier.
I think the fact that I lost a parent very early on when he was middle aged has also helped give me an appreciation for aging and less of a fear of getting old.
Are there any hobbies or interests you have that you can gain skills and expertise in over your lifetime? I feel like focusing on a craft that you can improve over your life is a good way to chill out about aging, too. Or maybe you could participate in volunteering or other group activities that take you outside of yourself a little bit?
I don’t understand young people these days! At 64, I am more confident than ever. I can throw my expertise around and wear my wrinkles and sagging without the sexual harassment. Getting old isn’t all bad. Wrinkles aren’t the end. Sagging isn’t the end. And, you don’t have to date a bunch of frogs and worry about cellulite. It will all work out!
If you are this concerned about aging at 31...you have too much time on your hands and unless you switch up your perspective (which can come with age) you are in for a world of hurt. The way to deal with aging is to own it. Own it and move onto more important things like education, family, friends, pets, careers etc. Choose not to own it and you will soon look like the rest of the mentally unstable lot who do anything to chase the illusion of youth. Which is NEVER a good look.
I am 44 for the record.
Aging is very normal. If you want to physically resist aging, then I think red light therapy will be very suitable for you. It will be very helpful in tightening the skin and removing wrinkles.
I use to feel like this, then I had a cancer scare a year ago, and now I embrace that I get the ability to age.
The saying, aging is a privilege denied to many is always in the back in my mind.
Do the things that will help you age gracefully and try and learn to accept what is unavoidable. Which is, we all age.
I agree with anyone saying change what you consume. There are so many people and we've lived so long without people feeling this attached to youth, it has to be our perspectives and what we personally are filling our inner world with that is the problem. I struggle with similar things every day so I get you
This breaks my heart because 30 is so young. I’m 57 and I definitely know I’m getting older but that’s life. You’re so young . Enjoy your youth and healthy skin. I blame social media, filters, fillers, Botox etc….
Since aging is inevitable, the key is to reframe your thinking around it.
To be fair, it IS terrifying - and that’s ok. We’re getting closer to death and death being the unknown, is terrifying. Sorry if that’s morbid.. those who don’t fear death have mastered something I wish I had.
Anyways, I’m 33F. I’ve started to admire older women, thinking they’re fabulous to accept and embrace aging. It helps me to put myself in a headspace where aging is commended and applauded.
There is a natural beauty in older women! Plus the insight gathered on those trips around the sun are more than skin deep.
Also come into your style if you haven’t already, put yourself in clothes and do other things for yourself you might not have done when you were younger. Make goals!
You ever look at old photos, and think "gee I wish I was as fat as I *thought* I was when this picture was taken..."
I think a similar thing is going on here, you are seeing things that other people will not.
(This may be weird and before you downvote me, my family is dead and all died young so my perception may be warped. My brain thinks 40+ = death so ignore me if this is weird haha)
But, I find watching real housewives really helps. They all go out and live their lives. They have fun, they are rowdy, they are unhinged.
It’s shown me you can be fun, stylish and pretty even as an older woman. Yes, they have work done so it’s not PERFECT but it is certainly better than the rest of the mainstream media. And it helps me showing people well past the age my parents died having a blast and being healthy.
Everyone saying “just appreciate how you look now because you’re gonna be so sad over your face in 10-20 years!” Completely missed the point of this posts message about the existential crisis and absolute insane objectification of women we have suffered for centuries. When will it end? It won’t stop if we keep making it a point to say “when you get old you are ugly and it’s sad so get over it”
How about we apply the same train of thought we have conditioned the masses with over obesity ; “big bodies are beautiful!” Because it really seemed to work. And start brainwashing the masses into thinking “wrinkles and spots are pretty”
Enough with this toxic culture we keep allowing of “cherish it now because you’ll be horrific later” we all ARE TRYING to cherish it. We are just tired if the men/media/older women telling us that one day we will be ugly because they “said so”
I’m 34 and struggle with age deeply, on many levels. The surface level of actual aging and seeing my face change and just the simple fact that wow yes indeed I am hitting mid 30s and not ‘young n hot’ anymore. I think I’m still beautiful but have relied too heavily on my looks my whole life, without even realizing it. I think the main thing is looking within and having self love and not any kind of outside validation. But, you are not alone and it’s very weird to accept.
100% relate. 100% freaked out. Unsure with every passing year as I turn 32-33 and so on. Its honestly terrifying and I don’t know how everyone does it. I believe everyone hides how scared they are
I noticed it too at 31. I didn’t notice it right away, nope, only 6 months later did I start to see things shift. I’ve told several people this and read online from several others too that something changes in your face around 31/32. For me I noticed it around my eyes and cheeks, subtly, but mostly and overall my mouth area. I knew this was going to be the first to go because everyone in my family suffers from intense RBF lol
It sucks dude, I went through a breakdown these past several months from January that I’m actually just now coming out of and accepting. I’ve invested more in face creams, threads, a radio frequency device, and red light therapy. These past 6 months my wallet really felt it lol.
Of course it’s never going to reverse time but I have noticed subtle differences. Please be very careful though because you can get sucked into the skincare/skin procedure world. My wallet like I said, did feel it and at the end of the day it didn’t change the way how I felt I looked, I wanted more.
I had to stop myself because it’s a bandaid to the inevitable.
I keep reminding myself that 10 years from now I’ll look at me and think I should’ve appreciated this moment more. You’re only as old as you feel, take care of yourself.
As my mother repeated the old saying to me, “Aging is a gift not many people live to see”.
I'm turning 50 in a few sdays, I remeber thinking in my late 20s and early 30s that 50 was terrifying. So old and faces no longer youthful. It seems awful. Now that I am actually turning 50, I no longer care. Sure do I wish my jaw line was a little firmer, sure. My eye less hooded, ofcourse. But am I horrified? Afraid? Distraught? Absolutely not.
This body, this face has helped me raise and love many wonderful children. It's supposted me through cancer, caring for 2 terminally ill elderly parents. My face shows the love I have fir my family and friends. It smiles when I finished a scuba dive and I've had and amazing dive. It shows all the expressions of joy, happiness and even sadness of the experiences of my life.
I hope that you, as your life goes on, ypu will find that the life you life out shines the fear you are experiencing now. Take care of your skin, use sunblock. Smile, take a deep breath and find what brings you joy. You got this.
I feel the same. I do everything to counter the process. Try face massage! It gives a natural lift and sort if trains your face. But it’s important to do it right. These days you have plenty of tools to counter the aging process. Or delay it a bit. It takes a lot of research though.
I'll say this from a place of love: get off your phone.
I just turned 38 and have really been struggling with how much my face is changing. But then I decided to stay off Instagram, only use Reddit for eye bleach and look at cute pictures of llamas and baby seals, and after about a week my partner told me I looked "radiant".
My point is, social media has massively impacted how we view and feel about aging (this much is obvious) but I'm not sure we realise just how much it impacts us physically. Make an effort to enjoy the beautiful things you have in life while still taking care of yourself. Happiness IS beauty.
Yah totally. Im turning 41 this year and just spent about $4,000 at the dermatologist’s getting a shit ton of treatments. I figured it was time for an overhaul. I spent much more than I planned but I’ve seem some good results so no regret. The only regret is that I didn’t visit the dermatologist’s more regularly in my 30s. I’ve accepted the fact that I don’t have the same body as when I was in my 20s or even in my 30s but at the same time I want to look my best as long as I can without looking too plasticky, which means regular visits to the dermatologist’s office so I can kinda maintain the look rather than dramatically changing it in a short period of time. Thank god I live in a country where there’s a lot of options for skincare and dermatology treatments. Yah, aging is inevitable but I think there are many ways now to slow down the process a bit.
I'm 33 and I've started getting forehead lines which really freaks me out tbh. Honestly, I completely understand the fear of aging. But that's life isn't it, we are all going to get older
I’m a guy, so my perspective is much different since society seems to favor older men. I don’t worry about it much from an aesthetic point of view. My fears associated with aging are mobility, physical, and mental health.
I’m 33 now. I workout like a mad man and eat a healthy diet. I try to minimize stress as much as possible. The rest is up to destiny.
I do use retinols/vit C/moisturizer/sunscreen. I think feeling attractive plays into mental health; however, I don’t stress about it. I see a lot of posts about “fixing eye bags” or “I have fine lines” or “My skin tone isn’t even”. It makes me sad to read those.
I’ve never heard one guy say, “Well she was attractive but then she developed fine lines, eye bags, etc.” Actually, I read a post where the top comment was a guy saying he loved the dark circles under girls eyes. So many men chimed in and agreed. Heck, I think it’s cute too. When I was young, most of my friends fantasized about older women. Very common trope.
So many women who post on this sub think they’re broken, but they don’t even realize that loads of people would kill to look like them. Really sad.
When I hit 29-30 I felt the same way! After the pandemic I felt like I didn’t recognize myself. The feeling passes though! I feel more comfortable in my skin now. I prioritize my skincare and do things that make me feel good on the inside and outside.
Society is so obsessed with looking young. Botox, fillers, face lifts. I haven’t met anyone who’s done fillers that looks good or normal. I recognize fillers on anyone who’s done them. At 30, you shouldn’t look like you’re 20. It just doesn’t look right.
Ok so I'm 57 and I'm holding up pretty good bc I exercise, eat right snd and have a great skin care routine . The thing about aging is. Your looks are going to start to go. Not at 30 if you take care of yourself. You probably don't look 20, but looking 20 is not all that. The way the world is unfortunately a 20 year old woman is prey. Men want to take advantage of you and older women are jealous of you. No, not all. Doesn't have to be all. It's enough to make life harder. Don't freak out. Every age has its benefits if you do it right.
The people that are happiest when they age are the ones that have more to them then looks. The people with careers, a network of family and friends, HEALTH, hobbies and passion. Stay in shape physically and mentally. Do things that make you happy. Acquire new skills. You want to be valued and value yourself for more than how you look. what's on the inside shows on the outside. People that only value you for your looks really aren't worth knowing.
I got my masters at 30, started kickboxing at 40, hiking at 50. Started studying for the cpa exam this year and will be a cpa by 60.
All fine and dandy about saying that ageing is inevitable. But it's hard to come to terms with reality, even if you put a happy face outside. You may be generally and mostly happy, but at the end of the day it can hit you out of the blue to look at yourself and get reminded of those little changes. Try as much as you can to take care of yourself mentally and superficially, it helps.
In 2020 I was 32(M), I read this book "The picture of Dorian Gray". That book threw this fact on my face and since then I have started seeing those small pores on my face, grey hair galore etc. Though I have been able to fairly maintain how I look w.r.t 5-7 years back, my eyes haven't been the same. Eyes are now dark, sunken and impassive, a stark contrast to youth.
I'm 39 now and promise you that one day you'll look at the face you had when you were 30 and think that you looked so young and that you spent so much time worrying about things that weren't, in fact, worrying at all. Same as when you probably look at pictures of yourself a few years ago and laugh at the insecurities you had then. Recognising this has helped me really appreciate the face I have now – I'll miss it in 10 or 20 years and kick myself for the time I spent obsessing over small imperfections rather than just enjoying my youth and vitality, of which I still have plenty.
This! I am 47 and suffered eating disorders and the toxic diet culture of the 90s. I feel like skin care is going the same way. Take care of your skin, protect against skin cancer but don’t let it control your life. My mom is 81. People assume she is younger. She hasn’t had any work but has generally been good about sun protection but honestly people assuming she is younger has little to do with her skin. She is still active and gets involved and is interested in learning. It is those things that make her seem younger.
Nailed it with that comparison of modern skincare and 90s diet culture
Same approach here!
Yes. It’s like when I look at my best friend and think how beautiful she is; she’s a new mom and, as we all do, is finding flaws in her skin. I know she’ll look back in 20 years and be like ‘oh my god I was so pretty!’ I apply that same thought to myself
Yesss I’m almost 8 weeks post partum and I’m really struggling with the changes in my skin (and body) from this past year… I’m hoping it’s hormones and it’ll get better as they level out and I stop breastfeeding and get better sleep but god damn. Lol
I look at most people and see their acne, marks, wrinkles etc and don't see anything wrong with them and think theyre beautiful but on myself i just look away 😂
I agree, I am super hard on myself but when looking at others, I think they are beautiful and see nothing wrong with their perceived flaws
Yep! I get my passport photo taken every 10 years, and am always like “damn, I looked so much better 10 years ago! 😢” This year I renewed my passport and I shifted perspective to be more like “in 10 years I’m going to think I looked sooo freaking good in this picture 😃”
Feeling good about my appearance is important to me. I was freaking out about aging too, but then I got a nice expensive haircut + highlights and switched up my makeup routine and felt like a new person. At 50 I don't know if I'll feel 'hot', but I hope to feel fashionable, attractive, well preserved etc.
Ok something you said just hit me. I’m used to looking or wanting to look “young” but I don’t anymore (by societal standards). But, now I can shift my thinking to encompass looking “attractive” and “fashionable” instead which isn’t a bad thing at all. Thank you for that perspective!
Love this change in perspective
Some fifty year olds are definitely hot, so it’s super possible lol
Definitely! But I'm not gonna put that pressure on myself, I have sufficient other stressors in my life.
Being “hot” is so much less of a priority in my life now (will be 47 in a month), and it’s such a relief.
I understand that too, my mom is that way (she takes good care of herself but doesn’t feel any need to conform to beauty standards and never has) and she seems a lot more confident and happy with herself than most almost 80 year olds I know, so I’m gonna do my best to go that route.
This is my absolute goal later in life as a current 30 y/o so it’s super comforting to hear people saying it works for them! I just want to be fashionable/healthy/cool, I’m not really too worried about ageing but more so about becoming invisible if that makes sense?
Becoming invisible has been my favorite part! I used to feel like all eyes were on me every time I left the house as a young and sexy girl. Now I can be one with the crowd, unbothered, undisturbed, living my best life for me and putting on zero performances.
Oh I certainly don’t want all eyes on me all the time, I think what I meant by invisible is more like, people treating you like you’re old & out of touch, which seems to happen a fair bit less if you’re formidably/timelessly cool and fashionable. Basically: wrinkles are totally fine with me but the way society dismisses older women isn’t!! So I’m going to do whatever I can do to reduce *that* bullshit 😂
Interesting! I feel like I’m taken more seriously both professionally and socially as I get older.
Well I can’t speak to that just yet so I will take this as a strong sign of hope that things aren’t always as bad as I’ve seen! I’m so glad you feel like that :)
Me too. I’m nearing 50 but am fit and in good health and I wear sunscreen religiously. I don’t care all that much anymore about what others are thinking about me and I feel a bit “invisible” from a sexual attraction standpoint (compared to the 1990s and 2000s anyway). I love it. I’m at the peak of my career and have a lot of respect from my peers - men included. I love being taken seriously a hell of a lot more than being thought pretty or sexy.
When you get to the age where you’re financially stable enough to really be fashionable I think it makes SUCH a difference!
49 here and I feel the way you do! About to leave for my twice weekly blowout appointment 😄 There are definitely things we can do to feel pulled together and attractive at any age.
No. Everyone is so obsessed with youth. I find that odd because aging is inevitable. What motivates me is being healthy, I’m 32 and thriving. I love being in my 30’s. I lift heavy shit weekly in the gym, have a loving fiancé, working towards some life goals.. My looks don’t define me. But… I do keep moisturized, lol.
I’m closing in on 40, and I’m actually excited. I’ve liked every decade more than the last.
I turned 40 last year… and I’m loving it. Each decade brings new adventures and I’m here for it!
I'm honestly excited to turn 40. Everyone thinks I'm in my 20s and I can't wait to keep agreeing. Lol watch me turn 40 and shrivel up like a prune instantly 🤣 Imy 30s have been a little strange so I'm hoping my 40s really Amp things up. Also..might sound weird but I'm still waiting to feel like a grown up... besides the aches and pains lol
51 and don’t feel like a grown up yet! Just ask my Hello Kitty band-aid! Ha ha!😆
Are you me?! I'm 31, have a loving husband, lift heavy af at the gym the last 2 years and feel like I'm in a great place. I do tret, heavy moisturize and tinted spf and that's all for my skincare now. I'm dewy and hydrated vs a cracked cakey dry face from never giving up foundation when i should have after my teens lol
What do you use in place of foundation nowadays? Bb cream?
also 31, I use tower28 sunny days tinted spf (followed by saie airset setting powder if I’m looking too moisturized)
Dry af over here. Try to avoid setting powder- need my moisture lol
So many different shades wow!
I wish.. even bb cream is too drying and i dont like the thick look. I use eltamd uv clear tinted or drmtlgy universal tinted. They're the definition of true sheer. Very minimal coverage no one notices I'm wearing anything but i notice
Are you both me? Lol same same and getting totally obsessed with dance lately has made my soul soar. I look, feel, act, and move with vitality, energy and youth and I love it. I love discovering and throwing myself into new hobbies because they make life so exciting and I spend less time staring at my face in the mirror lol
I love that everyone keeps commenting on their loving husband. I’m 34 and this is a huge part of it, helps you stay confident
I feel like I wrote this 😂💯
You are right, it is odd because there is literally nothing we can do. I think it is more the identity thing. I have a wardrobe full of cute dresses, skirts etc how a girl in her twenties would dress. I’m not looking at it all thinking ‘can I still pull this off?’ Also the initial shock of looking older is something I’m struggling to adjust to. I think honestly the reason I care so much is because it stems from what aging really is and what it means for my parents and loved ones. It is our bodies getting old and closer to death. It just scares me so much.
I was raised by two (looks-obsessed) fashion designers and I will tell you this on “dressing for your age” - if the dresses are flattering to your body then wear them. If they are unflattering to your style and essence and only worked because you were young and could “get away with it” then it’s time to retire them in favour of things that flatter you, those are the thing that will create a disconnect and look not age appropriate. I am 40 and have dresses from my 20s that are still flattering. I think the main difference between dressing in your 20s vs 30s is that in your 30s you tend to start being able to tell what works for you and don’t just follow trends or buy whatever is cheap.
This is such a good point. I’ve gotten rid of most of the fast fashion garbage I bought in my 20s because it never was great, but it was good enough. On the other hand, I still have and wear quite a few vintage pieces I bought around the same time. They were better made to begin with and have aged with me instead of against me.
I have a suggestion - give yourself a social media diet. Get off of any social media related to beauty/skincare/health/“wellness”. Take a break from the messages that your body’s normal aging process isn’t good enough. The messaging is so toxic and the images are unrealistic. As soon as you see “Botox” or “filler”, change what you’re looking at. You deserve to feel good in your own skin, and one way to support that is to avoid messaging that’s meant to drive you to be dissatisfied with yourself and spend $$$.
Do you feel like it's social media that gives this opinion? Maybe it's because I don't follow influencers (just more friends and accounts about hobbies), but it's actual human people in the world that make me feel insecure (because they're younger/do get extensions and botox/etc).
I definitely think it depends on who you follow. When I started looking more into skincare, I was suddenly barraged with ads and suggestions about fillers/botox and images that weren’t realistic. Up until that point, I absolutely didn’t realize that Botox had become a relatively common thing for people under 40. I sort of wish I could go back to that blissful ignorance. In real life, if seeing other people routinely makes you feel insecure I think it might be helpful for you to seek some support from a counselor. I mean that in the nicest way. Seeing younger people and feeling sort of jealous of them isn’t helpful to you, and will only get worse as you age (which we all will!).
I guess I more mean, I'm bitter it's no longer "normal" to age naturally, probably because of social media. It wasn't as big of a deal that I didn't wear much makeup, get blowouts, etc. in my 20s because hey, you're young, everyone looks good. But now, getting botox and being on hair thickening drugs and getting boob lifts and whatever else seems to be "standard" in your 30s/40s and I'm just a little resentful I look like the cryptkeeper in comparison because I'm not willing to do that.
I totally get it :( it’s not your fault. Keep looking to surround yourself with people who make you feel good rather than those who make you feel lesser.
Wear the cute outfits. 💕 Imagine your 85 year old self telling you how youthful and cute you look! What is the saying? You are the youngest right now as you will ever be. Enjoy it, embrace it. Focus on being healthy and strong.
Great advice!!!
Whatever makes you happy! My coach’s wife is 40 and was sporting a Kandi necklace recently, IT WAS THE CUTEST THING EVER!!! I hope you can get over your fear though, gl! Edit: her Kandi necklace actually lives in my head rent free.
THIS! Ladies please don't listen to those jerks who tell you to "dress for your age". Dressing for your age means your clothes fit and you're happy and whatever age you are. Just like a beach body. If your ass is on the beach, you got a beach body.
I completely resonate with everything you’ve said!! It’s SUCH a scary and uncomfortable time. I have no advice because everything you’re feeling and thinking I also think and feel lol. The one saving grace for me is that when I look at pictures of celebrities in the 80s/90s before cosmetic procedures became SO mainstream is that I llooooovveeee the individuality of everyone. I love their imperfections and I think it’s what makes them unique and beautiful- and I think those who age naturally look much better than those trying to defeat the process. But I’m with you, I feel the exact same way and it’s very unnerving.
Wear it! Literally wear whatever you like. I kind of went through this too for a bit when I turned 30, but now that I'm almost 40 I see that 30 is still very young. So is 40 honestly. I don't have kids, I'm very active, and I feel very young, so I dress young even now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not like hopping on all of the wildest trends, I have my own style, but I'm no afraid to show my midriff or have fun with my clothes. I get it, because I was recently feeling the same thing. I felt like I aged all of sudden like 10 years overnight. Started obsessing and made an appointment for filler, thought about getting an eye lift, etc. A month later and I feel- better? I think there was something else going on in my life that made me hyper fixate and feel insecure. I definitely don't look 20 anymore, but I'm happy with how I look. Some of it's real, and a lot is in our heads. Lots of compassion to you and for this world we live in that so pervasively communicates to us that our value is determined by our 'beauty'.
I was diagnosed with a disorder with a 30% 5-year survival rate. Looking older is a blessing! I’m still taking care of my skin but the silver lining of every new wrinkle is that I lived long enough to earn it! And I’m young - it can happen at any time so I don’t want to waste my time worrying about my skin.
Aging isn’t being closer to death? You can die any day. Aging means you are lucky to have survived things that would have killed humans back in the day a lot younger. It seems that it’s the vanity reasons. But there is beauty in every age
Maybe because I've been dressing like an old woman since my early 20s but I'm not giving up my wardrobe. I'm 37.
I'm 33 and the wardrobe transition is real! I'm looking at the positive though and love the more elegant vibe as opposed to cute like my twenties. I have no advice with not recognising myself in the mirror other than retinol and red light therapy are your friends, and we can't get away with crash dieting as the face is the first to go :/
You don’t have to stop dressing how you want just because you’re in your 30s
I would agree, but personally I’ve noticed changes in my body that have made it more comfortable to me to slightly change the cut and style of clothing that feels good and makes me look the way I want. They’re not bad changes, they’re just changes and they work for me.
as someone who couldn't identify, dress or have appearance self-awareness until they were literally 24-25, thank you so so much, i didn't have a chance in my teens, nor my early 20s, i'm only getting to be myself around 30, and so fuck it, ill dress however tf i want
Exactly. I don’t understand the mentality that some people have, that once you’re 30 you need to stop enjoying fashion and hide every inch of your body. If that’s the case then being 30 sounds depressing
I am 37 going 38. I have ye olde cheekbones and often my grey roots start showing. Even to this day, people will cue off my wardrobe choices as one of the ways they guess my age more so than my body. Nobody goes "mutton dressed as lamb!" they see a plaid skirt and in small talk ask me what high school I go to or use words like "adorable" unironically. I have been the only one carded when I was overdue for a touch up. And I spent my early 20s being mistaken for much older, again, based on pure styling choices and context. It's quite normal to cast people your age to play teenagers in media. Adult performers cheerfully lie their way through their 30s and 40s with nobody the wiser because people are dumb about age.
I have never seen someone in their late thirties pass for a high school student. Please don't use comments like that or getting carded as a measure of anything. Because those comments are unlikely to be sincere and wanting to look 20 years younger than you are will set you up for misery.
This is exactly it-- emotionally I am still a 19yo who loves dressing up for parties and festivals in wild outfits and makeup. (And I know someone will say "wear it anyway!", but simply put, dressing like you're 20 when you're in your 40s unfortunately looks silly and would be a confidence killer. I went in a clothing store a few years ago and realized I was older than everyone there by at least a decade and had a horrible moment of "this is not for you" anymore.) Similarly realizing that my face now looks objectively "ugly" (tired, spotted, saggy) without makeup is hard. I realize a WHOLE lot of this is bound up in the fact that women are primarily valued for their appearance, but acknowledging that fact doesn't make it not true. I'm with you OP, I absolutely despise getting old and am not trying to make my peace with it because it's a sucky thing that it's ok to acknowledge sucks.
This is the way. COVID almost took me out at 29... Had to rebuild my whole body after 2 months in bed, pregnant, with pneumonia and heart failure. Just turned 34 and I am so grateful for the fact that my body can still move, play with my daughter, and do all the things I need it to do to be active and healthy. I still take care of my skin and aging still bums me out when I let it, but that perspective always brings me back to how grateful I am to be here and how my body is for so much more than viewing.
A bunch of my relatives always told me “32 is the prime age” I totally agree and love my 30s!
Oh I also loved my...early...30s lol. 37 hit my face like a cement truck.
Honestly, you're not going to find an answer to this in consumption. You're having an existential crisis. Our culture sucks and you think you have to solve this by buying something, but that's not how you're gonna solve this. You're going to age and die. Everything and everyone you know is going to die. Even the sun and the Earth are going to die. Rough, right? Your answer is not in Botox, it's figuring out what you think your place in this universe is.
I co-sign all this, what a great (and true) comment.
There are so many of these posts every week now and I completely blame social media. Reduce phone time and find a therapist that helps with this. Aging is inevitable and your feelings will only intensify with time, you need to address it at the root. It is not healthy to be terrified of a natural process. And also, 30s are not even the rapid stage of facial aging, that will happen in your 40s/50s and on and you need to prepare yourself to love yourself thru those changes.
I’ve started replacing a huge portion of my social media consumption with reading actual books. Seeing my screen time every week get lower is such a thrill for me, I consider it a challenge to keep reducing it. I used to post a lot of instagram but I’ve backed up so much and it helped my mental health a lot.
Not even until your mid to LATE 40s, really. The people in this sub are fully sick. Thirty-one is so fucking young.
Procedures will not help you cope, they’ll just kick the can a little further down the road / you will scrutinize your face afterwards as well. It is even more important to work on your sense of self and worth inside your head, whether it’s through therapy, podcasts, reading, and finding ways to nurture your soul that have nothing to do with your appearance. Volunteering, spending time in nature, appreciating friends, other sensory experiences like concerts, tactile stuff like pottery making, physical awareness through yoga, etc. are all ways to find other things to appreciate and value.
Procedures can also backfire and make things worse, cause worse dysphoria, etc. Slippery slope for some, depending on the mindset going into it.
Procedures can help. I know some men that went for a hair transplant and rejuvenated 10 years. Literally coming back from death.
I know some men that were balding, just accepted it, shaved their whole head, rejuvenated 10 years AND learned to feel confident with no hair. See r/bald. It's crazy how much better guys look when they stop holding on to what remains of their hair. Being confident and accepting we all age is attractive on its own.
I went to uni for the first time aged 30 and went on to complete a PhD ... I realised I was too fixated on things like appearance and unimportant pursuits. First in my family. Find things to occupy your mind other than your appearance... things you lose yourself in. It will take trying things, volunteering, hobbies, getting disciplined and busy. A therapist is essential too. Good luck, you're not alone. I'm 41 now and have way more fun with my ageing face - refuse to go down the Botox route!
This is so important. If your looks are what you've received the most attention for in your life, then of course the idea of aging and "losing your looks" is scary. But if you get your sense of self-esteem and accomplishments from other things, then aging isn't nearly so upsetting.
My mother use to recite this poem to me whenever I asked about her wrinkles. For beauty I am not a star, There are others more perfect by far, But my face I don't mind it, For I am behind it, It is those in front that I jar. Now that I am 60 I totally get what she was saying. Looks are such a small part of who you are.
I would looooove to know the answer to this as well!!!!! I feel sooo young - im 32 - to be worried abt aging but one day recently I woke up and it looked like my neck aged over 15 years overnight. has me seriously considering a neck lift when I used to think I’d never think of an invasive serious procedure for cosmetic reasons. But I want to be able to look myself in the mirror again without the spike of anxiety of how bad it’s gonna be, lol. also seriously considering a therapist at my husbands gentle nudging bc there’s no way this is mentally healthy. I know we all age, I just still feel soooo young. Wtf! But it seems unfair to myself to let this rob me of the happiness I should be enjoying during these years. I don’t have to let it. I’m more than just some loose skin on my neck, and feeling radiant inside will help me look radiant on the outside no matter the state of my skin. Our bodies are doing their best… trying to learn to be grateful for my body knowing this and focusing on all I am still capable of. On that note: Drink plenty of water, eat nutritiously balanced foods, work out, plenty of rest. At our age, getting these things in order can still make a big impact on how our body and skin looks… health comes from the inside out. Idk. If nothing else, know that you’re definitely not alone in this struggle. 😭💕
Early 40s here. I find focusing on my health by really getting into the exercise has made me feel less powerless about the process. The more in shape I am as I age the better my quality of life will be. Plus it helps keep my body fit and my posture in check which makes me feel more confident. Also looking to more mature ladies that I find attractive and just acknowledging that they have wrinkles and sagging skin and I still find them gorgeous really helps me focus less on each new change.
I also found that switching up my beauty icons really made a difference. There's no point in attempting to emulate the fresh beauty of ingenue starlets when you over 40. I now look to middle age and mature women whose style and poise I envy. Beauty looks different over the decades, and that's okay. I only need to see Michelle Obama and Brooke Shields to see how vibrant, gorgeous and sexy your 50s can be, for example. I guess my suggestion is to change up your expectations.
Cate Blanchet and Gillian Anderson 🔥
First of all, as a male, I hate that women feel such intense pressure to keep their youthful appearance. That must be an incredible stress, that I honestly can't relate to. With that being said, I don't think it's normal for a person's appearance to dramatically change in the course of a year the way you describe. Any concerns that their may be some underlying health issue you're not aware of?
Therapy, group, friends, new hobbies, exercise. All of those will be helpful.
No need worrying at 31. Your still very young.
Uhhh…you’re only 31 so wtf??? Millennials didn’t just turn into mummy’s overnight.
Am I the only one who finds this odd? Im not trying to be insensitive, but in real life most of the people I know in their early 30’s do not feel they’ve turned into a crone overnight.
No, I didn’t get the “oh shit who is this crone” feeling til I was 42, and it coincided with my hormones dropping. Up until 37 I didn’t even have any signs of aging yet, really.
It's different for everyone, some experience this in their early 30s, some late 30s some 40s, for some it's very gradual and they never experience the overnight wtf feeling.
True. I just feel like it’s a tired trope that women turn into dust on the eve of their 30th birthday and have not found that to be reflected in real life lol. Not to invalidate how OP feels, but I’m willing to bet that if she posted her picture we would have no idea what she’s talking about. We are our own worst critics.
If the thought of looking like an adult human freaks you out that much you need to back away from the mirror and go do something. Anything.
Do you ever look at pictures of yourself in high school and thought “wow, I had a banging body” but at the time you were so self-conscious? This is what it’s like every decade. I’m 50 and my skin looks pretty good for my age but I look back and regret being so critical of myself and wasting time trying to turn the clock back. Yes, I use tret and the occasional laser and whatnot, but true beauty is being comfortable in your own skin. I’ll never look like the 20 year old Instagram models who brag about a product that perfected their skin (hello you’re 20 with perfect skin) but that’s ok. It’s a process to accept yourself. I’m sure the people around you don’t notice what you notice. You can be beautiful in every decade of your life as long as you’re not chasing the billion dollar industry of youth. Take this from an older person, love yourself. See a therapist who can help you with the anxiety. It’s not worth wasting another day feeling like this. You’re beautiful and you need to get to a place where you think that, too. I promise, you will radiate beauty when you are happier. ❤️
Not even a little. What gives me anxiety about aging is becoming completely helpless and vulnerable, and someone taking advantage of or abusing that😥 I know its different for everyone and it's nice to hear you sharing your feelings and looking to others to help you see things differently. It's honestly a more common feeling than not. I can't offer any advice really, I just wanted to let you know it sounds like you're doing everything right for your body. Continue that and try to be gentle with yourself. ❤️
You have to get out into the world and stop looking at people online, celebrities, etc. as representatives of what people should look like. I am 46 and for sure my face has aged but being busy with work, children, activities, friends, I see that people look all kinds of ways and that there is beauty in people at every age. Ageing truly is a gift but our cultural makes it feel like a curse for women. Do what you need to feel good, but don't spend too much time overanalyzing it.
Hello, I think there’s a post on here recently that discusses body dysmorphia you may want to check out… and please speak to a therapist if you’re able to. There’s a whole mountain of things to unpack related to womanhood and youth and appearance, but two references to “not recognizing yourself anymore” is a little alarming. I’m not saying take procedures off the table either, but I would really only suggest them after talking to a professional about how you’re feeling. I’ve had procedures in my late 20s and they can bring about a whole other mess of problems sometimes… best of luck op :)
You won’t fix the beauty cop in your head by getting cosmetic surgery. You’ll just empower it.
Dysmorphia is a nasty thing that follows us our whole lives. Unfortunately while we do our best to prepare modern children for puberty, the one-and-done attitude to further aging really doesn't convey the idea of continuous change. Agism doesn't help, either. Drawing yourself (or being photographed/drawn by someone who knows what they are doing) can be a really useful bridging measure to familiarize yourself with how your body is put together and taking ownership of that. When I feel my body is moving away from my brain, I use this to realign both. Therapy to unpack what you feel aging symbolizes can assist too. And surrounding yourself with face and body matches you like, admire and respect can give further perspective. If you are surrounded by women going "my cheekbones finally came in!!!" or showing how a changing body is providing joy, or not being a barrier to past happiness, this can make it feel less burdensome to not remain in stasis.
Not my own aging but with my parents aging, I have severe anxiety. I love them both so much and couldn't imagine how it feels to lose a parent.
OMG this!! Seeing my mom’s face transform throughout the years, her hair, hands, everything.. is sooo heartbreaking, I want her to be with me forever!!
I avoid consuming too many pictures of perfect looking young women. I know it’s impossible to some degree (they’re the most popular images in most media), but Im selective with tv/movies/social media accounts to practice shifting my values. I created a Pinterest account called “beautiful age” of older women who not only look diverse in their beauty, but they’re powerful beyond their appearance. They’re smart, prolific, strong, funny, etc. and I idolize them. The images we consume are extremely impactful to our well being.
No time to worry about aging WHEN IM STILL TRYING TO CURE MY ACNE 😭
No. I have MS. Diagnosed at 34. I am happy to be here and feeling as good as I am today. My focus is maxing out my good years while I have them to experience life at my best. Sometimes it takes something like that happening to give you a giant shift in perspective.
At 30s it's nothing. Past 40 year goes for 2 in aging and it's hard. After 45 I don't know anymore what to expect. Can wake up with a deep wrinkle where was nothing yesterday or something else. It's really hard, my mental image of myself is not matching mirrors.
I’ll be brutally honest: if you feel paralyzed with anxiety over your aging at 32 you probably need therapy. I’m sorry but that’s not normal. You are very young. I’m 39 and never feel anxious about aging or my face. I’m way more worried about the rising cost of living and the capitalist hellscape I am forced to live in. I know this might not be helpful but you need to either talk to someone or give your head a shake. Looks are not everything and I guarantee no one looks at you and think you look bad or old 🤷🏻♀️
>I guarantee no one looks at you and think you look bad or old 🤷🏻♀️ Only when people botch their face after desperately attempting to slow down aging.
Yeah that’s a good point.
Your comment really places individual blame on OP, saying "that's not normal", which is sort of interesting when you immediately after cite the "capitalist hellscape". In fact it's very normal for women in this capitalist hells cape to have internalized societal messages that their primary value stems from their looks and, you guessed it, youth. This often starts in early to mid 20's. This serves both the patriarchy and, you guessed it, the capitalist agenda because women spend billions of dollars a year on anti-aging procedures. We're literally sold the idea that its a moral failing to age so we will buy the next product or procedure or miracle. These systems impact people at every level in lots of different ways. I'm just saying it's usually helpful for people to identify where and how they may have gotten the belief systems that are harming them and acknowledge that may times it's not THEM that is wrong. In reality it's very normal- it's a normal reaction to an unhealthy culture.
I honestly think it’s extreme to be paralyzed with anxiety over aging at 32. I’m not saying it’s her fault, I’m saying she should take action and talk to someone. Noticing signs of aging and being unhappy with them? Sure. Being bothered by wrinkles appearing and wanting to be proactive about it? Understandable given the society we live in. But being paralyzed with anxiety about aging at 32?? Nah.
Also you can’t change the culture. Yes it’s messed up but you have no control over it. But you can try to chance how you react to it. And for the sake of your mental health it’s better to talk to a therapist if you are obsessing about looking old at 32.
Fpr the womxn in this sub: you didn't look the same at 1, or 10, or 20. You are not going to look the same at 30, 40, or 50, etc. This idea that women are supposed to stay forever 25 is some heavily indoctrinated patriarchal bullshit brought to you by gross old men in board rooms still wanting to fuck younger women. That is the real take. Everything is set up to make women feel insecure and disempowered so men can keep pulling their mediocre AF nonsense. Get in your power. Stay in your power. Imagine having that extra 30 minutes to hour a day to do things that develop your strengths and goals. Men have that extra hour. They even have extra days without bleeding their guts out and cramping. We don't have time to waste on insecurity. The images you see of faces and skin in ads are not real. Just like the images of food in ads that you see are not real. I am not saying don't take care of your skin and health. I am saying figure out why you're feeling insecure and where that comes from and who you're trying to look a certain way for. Imagine a world without men and see how you move through the world. /endrant
Delete social media. Seriously. I’m 32 with a toddler and most of my friends are obsessed with filler and Botox and lip injections. I haven’t had anything done, never will, and STILL think I look younger than then because it aged them. They’re trying to keep up with the youth. Just keep up with yourself and making you happy. What’s that quote? “The only people you should be trying to impress are your 8yo self and your 80yo self”
Hey there’s nothing wrong with a little Botox and filler if it would make you happier But it sounds like you might be hyperfixating on a fact that will ruin your experience of life We have 1 life and it’s very short, u being miserable about an inevitable fact of life (the one thing that is guaranteed in life) it just seems like you are going to ruin your own experience on this earth There are some things that defs hurt my feelings in terms of my appearance but I don’t hyperfixate on it at all ever because like I said why would I make my own time on this earth suck ?? Why would I do that I don’t like being sad lol I don’t like being stressed I’m 28 I get Botox I get filler and I just enjoy life 🤣 I hope the morbidity of what I said kind of gives you a wake up call, look outside the grass is green, u don’t need to hyperfixate and ruin your own experience
This is a bit of a wake up call I needed tbh Enjoy what I’ve got, life is short etc - so if I want a bit of Botox to make it a bit more bearable then so be it!
Nope 33 and I'm hot now not tomorrow so chill out do what you can to have a healthy future and worry less about aging.
Get therapy, babe! Definitely not normal to be paralyzed with anxiety over aging at 31. What else is going on in your life rn?
I honestly feel more comfortable at 33 than I did any other age. I care less what others think. I’m going to age, and I’m going to enjoy my life. My dad was diagnosed with dementia at 54. That’s 20 years from now. I get some Botox, eat healthy, wash my face, and workout. And stay off social media.
I mean this so sincerely but follow more older people on social media. People who aren’t actresses or influencers. Artists, writers, professors, some musicians,chefs. Down to earth people who are your age or much older. I am fat, a curvy size 18. I can’t even begin to tell you what a difference it made for me to follow more people with my body type or bigger on social media. Normalize it for yourself on your feed. Watch more of their media, more of their films and tv. There is so much life and beauty after 25 and you won’t help yourself if you aren’t exposing yourself to it a bit more in your every day. Yours shouldn’t be the only aging face you’re seeing.
I use to be fat. When I was in the process of loosing, I didn't watch the fitness influences because they just made me feel bad, they made me feel discouraged. I watch the videos on Tik Tok of people promoting body acceptance at all kinds of weights. It made a huge difference mentally for me and kept me motivated because it made me realize it's ok to be who I am right now and I just gotta keep on trying to meet my goals. Amd those influencers are most of the time using filters, they've had surgeries (lipo, bbl, implants, tummy tucks), they're often on steroids if they're very muscular. Just so unattainable for the majority.
I've just turned 33, so I get where you are coming from. I still have points where I look in the mirror disappointed at how I look. Wanting botox, blepharoplasty, a lip flip, etc. So, I've been working on re-centering. None of those things are going to make me happy, if I'm not happy with myself. I've started to accept that my face is going to change no matter what I do. Sure, you can mitigate some of the major changes, but Mother Time comes for us all. Address with yourself your feelings around aging. Once you've accepted that, get whatever procedure you want. Knowing that the happiness it brings is temporary. Finding contentment with your aging self is permanent.
Well ladies since u are all young I will make comments if I may Enjoy what u have , I just turned 92 u are reading it correctly I am so far well , and use makeup whenever I leave the house, thankfully I have a good skin and yes use sun screen daily , which I did not at ur age Very lucky with my skin , and no I don’t look my age ,but I also don’t dress like “”an old lady”” U know I am learning each day something new , I study languages on my phone daily it keeps the brain young
Yikes. You are … 31. This is *terrifying* to you?? You’re at prime age! I’m happier with myself the older I get. It’s kind of lovely to see the shadows of smiles and laughter permanently etched into my face. What a life!! You may need to see a therapist.
38, not really. I stay active, eat a balanced diet, have a good but not wild skincare routine. I don't do any procedures beyond having had lip filler (but that's not related to aging). I did Botox in the past but wasn't a huge fan. It just doesn't occur to me beyond that. I'm much hotter now than I was in my 20s or even my early 30s.
I am 30, I understand that it is ridiculous and that getting older is a privilege, but I am also extremely overwhelmed with anxiety over aging. I am trying my best to stop being obsessed with it because I can't control it. The more I try to control it, the more I will look like a plastic overfilled frozen-faced lady. The line is so thin between a natural face with a touch of Botox and filler and an overfilled face. And surgery is not always the answer. It's not a miracle procedure. You have to be the right candidate, there are complications, the results you want might be impossible to get, etc. I also realized that I am obsessed with aging because I spend way too much time on my phone and not enough time with real people. I recently met really popular influencers and they looked so normal in real life that it really helped my self esteem.
My best friend died suddenly at 24. I am thankful that I have made it to 36, even with a few wrinkles. Botox helps. :)
My friends 3 yr old nephew just died. Aging is denied to many.
I’m not even trying to make you feel better but a lot of bars/breweries are starting to ID regardless of age now. At least that’s my personal experience going with people who are older.
Honestly, not looking in the mirror helps. Cover your mirrors up for two weeks and just use a hand mirror or something tiny when you brush your teeth and see how it affects how you feel about yourself.
This is my go-to when I start to obsess too much. It’s a relief !
I don’t because I look back at all the experiences, happy moments and learnings (being wiser, opinionated, knowing what I want and what I stand for) to show for each year that passes by. I gain so much more intellectually with each passing year than I loose in looks. I do worry about aging from joint health, mobility etc. perspective.
From 34-36 I struggled so much. Like panicking cause I was getting Old and ugly. But I’ve completely reframed my mind and my idea of attractive and pretty have changed. It’s not something you can fight. Every single person ages. I’ve started looking at beauty differently. It’s way less shallow and not about the angles of your facial structure, it’s your energy and attitude and how you take care of your self that makes someone truly beautiful imo.
I embrace it because growing old is a privilege denied to many.
Not at all (37f)
Just wait until you hit menopause.
Yup I went through this around 33, Botox was the best decision I made it brought back a lot of confidence
I’m so depressed every day. It consumes me constantly. Aging is terrifying me. I spend thousands on skincare and makeup to try and help. I’m considering plastic surgery. I’m 49 and started aging rapidly last few years. I need major help. It is honestly ruining my life. I know that sounds pathetic but I can’t help it. I am glad to know that I’m not alone.
I follow anti aging science and really helps me to cope, there are clinical trials starting this year. I also am so sorry you are going through this. Its rough and scary. Best of luck on trying to feel like the best version of you x
I absolutely understand how you feel and feel the same way. One thing that put it into perspective for me is when a friend of mine from high school passed away in a car wreck. It happened just a week or two before his 30th birthday. Getting older is a privilege. I’m sure his family and friends would do anything to have him back, wrinkles and all. There’s so much more to experiencing life than how you look. It doesn’t help me all the time, but thinking of him does help me remember that I am lucky to have my health and life.
one thing that I think is really interesting is the parallels between this sub and bodybuilding subs. Anyway, it's all varying levels of body dysmorphia. It's healthy if you enjoy the process and enjoy yourself and looking good, and it rapidly becomes unhealthy once it hits obsession and never-satisfied-ness. If this is causing you real emotional distress, just saying so won't fix it, but i'm still going to say so: You should develop a healthy appreciation for your beauty without it becoming the sole source of y our identity or sense of self worth. You should understand that all things are impermanent, and you can appreciate them while you have them. Anyway, if you can't convince yourself of these things, it's ok to get help.
It’s perfectly fine to want to feel attractive. That said, it shouldn’t be all consuming or worrying. I don’t mean this in a condescending way at all, but I think you should consider therapy to work through your feeling (I’m in therapy for different reasons and think everyone can benefit). I’m 32. Sure, I have some more wrinkles and I don’t love them. I do get Botox and feel better about them. I use anti—aging skincare. But I also know and accept that I’m going to age regardless. The best I can do is continue self care, moisturize, use SPF, stay active and prioritize my health. Trying to look 20 when you’re 60 is usually just laughable. I love this stage of my life. I feel more confident, competent and certain in my priorities. Aging isn’t just a bad thing. It comes with a lot of benefits too.
I’m male and 36. I went through the same tough period like you when I became 31. It took me a few years (around 2-3) to realize that the 30s are the best years of my life. I was noticing pronounced aging signs that I couldn’t adapt to. Small changes in lifestyle such as drinking more water, sleeeping more, eating healthy and going to the gym regularly put me back on a meaningful path. I underwent very discreet procedures such as sculptra, I use regularly sunscreen (be it winter or summer) and I can say that I’m back on track with my mental health which was heavily corroded by the sudden changes once I stepped into the 30s. Enjoy these youthful years. They are truly amazing and a reminder to ourselves that we need to take care of our bodies. I’m still partying a lot (not like in my mindless 20s :D ) but now I need to compensate the lost nights with a healthier approach to my lifestyle. Sculptra did a good job for me and it has made me appreciate what I still have. Remember that aging is natural and… what’s more beautiful than aging like a fine wine? As a side note: I find people of my age very attractive and more interesting to be around to but that certainly is a very individual choice. Being around with people of my age or older makes me comfortable and understand life from perspectives that I wasn’t aware of before. Such contacts make me more confident per se, so at the end of the day when I’m looking in the mirror I’m realizing how important it is to live the moment and take care of myself.
I'm 32 and I look quite young but I catch myself thinking like this time to time especially now that i'm having a baby. Personally, getting off social media and spending more time gardening, reading, camping has helped my mental health enough to realise our obsession with aging is really stupid. Instagram WILL make you feel bad about yourself, and it's not real life. Don't waste your youth (30s are YOUNG) hating yourself.
Me, I do. So much so I have to come back and think of a more thought out reply lol
<3
I promise you, not getting IDed at a bar has way more to do with confidence than “looking old”. Go up to the bar and nervously ask for an AMF if you want to get carded.
Your 30’s are SO young. Today’s society is obsessed with being early 20’s forever- from a fellow early 30’s WORK WHAT YOU GOT we are still YOUNG AND HOT. Hopefully we still have 50+ years to live and love here on this beautiful earth!
At some point, you just have to accept it and keep your body in the best condition that you can. Lifelong bc use of sunblock helps.
Nope I just do skin care and botox and hope for the best
My mom is 50 and is mistaken for younger and she does nothing for her skin that she probably should. I’ve been taking care of my skin for a few years now that I’m educated on the importance of it. Even though I have good genes, I still don’t worry about aging. Older women that I know with several kids and no skincare routine look great in their 40s (they look normal/fine. I don’t look at people and count their wrinkles or think about how old they look…). I do think the internet is fueling the obsession with aging and I, with love, recommend getting off of socials for a few weeks.
Just wait til you get into your forties lol
Nope, aging is winning at the game of life. If you’re aging you’re alive. The alternative is dying young
No
I am not. While I believe in trying to age gracefully and prolonging youth, if possible, I personally do not mind aging. Since my 20s I have felt like I was in my 40s, and the men I dated reflected that. To me, every year that I age, I am just getting closer to the age I feel. I am 35. I have some static lines forming on my forehead, but that's mainly it. I still have a full head of black hair thankfully. I am hoping to keep this youth until 40, but after that it is whatever to me. I think what really helps me be okay with it was the fact I also value many things about myself that isn't related to my appearance. I have a lot going for me in terms of being a kind, passionate, and empathetic human being. I do a lot for the world in my every day life, work life, and through volunteering. I work in nursing and advocacy work, and to me that speaks volumes about who I am, and the beauty I view within myself. I have also had a long history of sexual trauma and abuse. I also had body image dysmorphia from both being a professional dancer and gay, which both communities have crazy unrealistic body expectations. I learned to get past that and like who I am. I also stopped caring as much if other people saw me as a hot piece of ass because I didn't like being objectified. Reality is, my work made me look at myself for who I am as a person first. This has been tremendous in helping me accept aging. Perhaps, the key is to worry less about your value in appearance, and look inward to find the beauty in who you are. If you don't see that, then it just means you have work to do to get there. Just sharing what worked for me.
I'm 41, tbh I love my face and the smile lines. Life is tough and I'm glad I can laugh. I want to be in a place where I can smile and no one cares about my smile lines or greys eventually. I do still take my skincare regularly, tret .05% at night, collagen peptide powder, I'm on the pill because I know my hormones will decrease with age, peptide serums, red led mask all that. But I think once my stress levels are low the rest takes care of itself. Working on getting the stress levels low :/
I struggled forever with this. The remedy for me is to find women my age or older who I admire. For example; I am an avid mountain biker, and so, when I meet another woman my age who is strong, fit and skilled I let those qualities inspire me. To see the talents that others have acquired and how they are taking action. THAT such an amazingly beautiful thing. Of course, it doesn’t have to be sports, but just focusing on what you can do or what you love to do is so much more fulfilling (versus focusing on being visually beautiful). Try to develop hobbies, skills, and relationships in your life that you love. Action driven activities are helpful. I get it, as I struggled in my 40’s. I like to think that if you steer away from media that is beauty focused; you find that aging is normal and frankly a gift. I want to look good for my age but I also want to be kick ass at a few things too! Getting older is scary and I can see that on the horizon that I will not always be able to do what I can now and nothing inspires me more. In the grand scheme of things I want to focus on experiences.
I despise the idolization of youth. With age comes wisdom, beauty, and power. It is not something to be feared or avoided imo.
I’m a bloke but nah not at all, i am what i am and my life is written on my face and body, good and bad. Do wish my hair wasn’t falling out though.
No.
I dont like wrinkles and the superficial loss of youthful appearance, but the upsides of aging make it well worth it imo so i dont mind the slight optical downgrade. If i think about getting closer to dying someday, thats terrifying as hell, but these existencial panic attacks pass pretty quickly in everyday life
This is a mental health problem. Not an overpriced skincare product problem
I think we don't recognize how much getting older is a privilege. That said, I look in the mirror and see my mother, so I am also a little traumatized by my reflection, but for a different reason. At least she always had good skin and skincare habits 🙃
I’m 46 with a lot of health problems and 2 kids. I have no idea how long I, or really any of us, have on this Earth and I refuse to spend it paralyzed with fear about aging. God willing, I have a lot of aging ahead of me.
31 is still young 😊
I actually like the fat loss. It makes me look more like my grandma (not when she was old lol just in general). I think it is a ‘new’ face but I think it’s positive, I look like a “lady” now not a kid, I suppose. I have another friend a year older than me who is beautiful and she has had significant change to her face from this natural fat loss as she matures. She hasn’t lost weight overall but her face is slimmer and she looks more mature and elegant now. And consequently also looks more like her mom. I don’t love the dark circles under my eyes but the slight, natural fat loss in my cheeks is just a new phase!
I am 35 and had my first kid at 29. I feel like I’ve aged rapidly after having kids from stress, recovering from surgery, sleep deprivation, weight gain and loss, pandemic parenting and a pandemic pregnancy, breastfeeding for years on end, etc. And somehow I feel more okay with the grey hair and volume loss and fine lines. I think I have less mental space to devote to thinking about what I look like & I am kind of too tired for it. One thing that I wasn’t okay with was the fact that my back was starting to ache all of the time. Lately I have been trying to enjoy being in my body more and for me that means setting aside time to exercise and do some strength training for my back. The exercise makes me feel younger and look healthier. I think the fact that I lost a parent very early on when he was middle aged has also helped give me an appreciation for aging and less of a fear of getting old. Are there any hobbies or interests you have that you can gain skills and expertise in over your lifetime? I feel like focusing on a craft that you can improve over your life is a good way to chill out about aging, too. Or maybe you could participate in volunteering or other group activities that take you outside of yourself a little bit?
I don’t understand young people these days! At 64, I am more confident than ever. I can throw my expertise around and wear my wrinkles and sagging without the sexual harassment. Getting old isn’t all bad. Wrinkles aren’t the end. Sagging isn’t the end. And, you don’t have to date a bunch of frogs and worry about cellulite. It will all work out!
If you are this concerned about aging at 31...you have too much time on your hands and unless you switch up your perspective (which can come with age) you are in for a world of hurt. The way to deal with aging is to own it. Own it and move onto more important things like education, family, friends, pets, careers etc. Choose not to own it and you will soon look like the rest of the mentally unstable lot who do anything to chase the illusion of youth. Which is NEVER a good look. I am 44 for the record.
Aging is very normal. If you want to physically resist aging, then I think red light therapy will be very suitable for you. It will be very helpful in tightening the skin and removing wrinkles.
I use to feel like this, then I had a cancer scare a year ago, and now I embrace that I get the ability to age. The saying, aging is a privilege denied to many is always in the back in my mind. Do the things that will help you age gracefully and try and learn to accept what is unavoidable. Which is, we all age.
I agree with anyone saying change what you consume. There are so many people and we've lived so long without people feeling this attached to youth, it has to be our perspectives and what we personally are filling our inner world with that is the problem. I struggle with similar things every day so I get you
This breaks my heart because 30 is so young. I’m 57 and I definitely know I’m getting older but that’s life. You’re so young . Enjoy your youth and healthy skin. I blame social media, filters, fillers, Botox etc….
Since aging is inevitable, the key is to reframe your thinking around it. To be fair, it IS terrifying - and that’s ok. We’re getting closer to death and death being the unknown, is terrifying. Sorry if that’s morbid.. those who don’t fear death have mastered something I wish I had. Anyways, I’m 33F. I’ve started to admire older women, thinking they’re fabulous to accept and embrace aging. It helps me to put myself in a headspace where aging is commended and applauded. There is a natural beauty in older women! Plus the insight gathered on those trips around the sun are more than skin deep. Also come into your style if you haven’t already, put yourself in clothes and do other things for yourself you might not have done when you were younger. Make goals!
You ever look at old photos, and think "gee I wish I was as fat as I *thought* I was when this picture was taken..." I think a similar thing is going on here, you are seeing things that other people will not.
(This may be weird and before you downvote me, my family is dead and all died young so my perception may be warped. My brain thinks 40+ = death so ignore me if this is weird haha) But, I find watching real housewives really helps. They all go out and live their lives. They have fun, they are rowdy, they are unhinged. It’s shown me you can be fun, stylish and pretty even as an older woman. Yes, they have work done so it’s not PERFECT but it is certainly better than the rest of the mainstream media. And it helps me showing people well past the age my parents died having a blast and being healthy.
Everyone saying “just appreciate how you look now because you’re gonna be so sad over your face in 10-20 years!” Completely missed the point of this posts message about the existential crisis and absolute insane objectification of women we have suffered for centuries. When will it end? It won’t stop if we keep making it a point to say “when you get old you are ugly and it’s sad so get over it” How about we apply the same train of thought we have conditioned the masses with over obesity ; “big bodies are beautiful!” Because it really seemed to work. And start brainwashing the masses into thinking “wrinkles and spots are pretty” Enough with this toxic culture we keep allowing of “cherish it now because you’ll be horrific later” we all ARE TRYING to cherish it. We are just tired if the men/media/older women telling us that one day we will be ugly because they “said so”
Me. I’ve been spiraling over it and I never cared before even though I’ve always taken great care of myself.
I’m 34 and struggle with age deeply, on many levels. The surface level of actual aging and seeing my face change and just the simple fact that wow yes indeed I am hitting mid 30s and not ‘young n hot’ anymore. I think I’m still beautiful but have relied too heavily on my looks my whole life, without even realizing it. I think the main thing is looking within and having self love and not any kind of outside validation. But, you are not alone and it’s very weird to accept.
100% relate. 100% freaked out. Unsure with every passing year as I turn 32-33 and so on. Its honestly terrifying and I don’t know how everyone does it. I believe everyone hides how scared they are
I noticed it too at 31. I didn’t notice it right away, nope, only 6 months later did I start to see things shift. I’ve told several people this and read online from several others too that something changes in your face around 31/32. For me I noticed it around my eyes and cheeks, subtly, but mostly and overall my mouth area. I knew this was going to be the first to go because everyone in my family suffers from intense RBF lol It sucks dude, I went through a breakdown these past several months from January that I’m actually just now coming out of and accepting. I’ve invested more in face creams, threads, a radio frequency device, and red light therapy. These past 6 months my wallet really felt it lol. Of course it’s never going to reverse time but I have noticed subtle differences. Please be very careful though because you can get sucked into the skincare/skin procedure world. My wallet like I said, did feel it and at the end of the day it didn’t change the way how I felt I looked, I wanted more. I had to stop myself because it’s a bandaid to the inevitable. I keep reminding myself that 10 years from now I’ll look at me and think I should’ve appreciated this moment more. You’re only as old as you feel, take care of yourself. As my mother repeated the old saying to me, “Aging is a gift not many people live to see”.
I'm turning 50 in a few sdays, I remeber thinking in my late 20s and early 30s that 50 was terrifying. So old and faces no longer youthful. It seems awful. Now that I am actually turning 50, I no longer care. Sure do I wish my jaw line was a little firmer, sure. My eye less hooded, ofcourse. But am I horrified? Afraid? Distraught? Absolutely not. This body, this face has helped me raise and love many wonderful children. It's supposted me through cancer, caring for 2 terminally ill elderly parents. My face shows the love I have fir my family and friends. It smiles when I finished a scuba dive and I've had and amazing dive. It shows all the expressions of joy, happiness and even sadness of the experiences of my life. I hope that you, as your life goes on, ypu will find that the life you life out shines the fear you are experiencing now. Take care of your skin, use sunblock. Smile, take a deep breath and find what brings you joy. You got this.
I feel the same. I do everything to counter the process. Try face massage! It gives a natural lift and sort if trains your face. But it’s important to do it right. These days you have plenty of tools to counter the aging process. Or delay it a bit. It takes a lot of research though.
Thank you! I really appreciate you sharing this! I will look into this 🌸
I'll say this from a place of love: get off your phone. I just turned 38 and have really been struggling with how much my face is changing. But then I decided to stay off Instagram, only use Reddit for eye bleach and look at cute pictures of llamas and baby seals, and after about a week my partner told me I looked "radiant". My point is, social media has massively impacted how we view and feel about aging (this much is obvious) but I'm not sure we realise just how much it impacts us physically. Make an effort to enjoy the beautiful things you have in life while still taking care of yourself. Happiness IS beauty.
Thank you for this 💕
Yah totally. Im turning 41 this year and just spent about $4,000 at the dermatologist’s getting a shit ton of treatments. I figured it was time for an overhaul. I spent much more than I planned but I’ve seem some good results so no regret. The only regret is that I didn’t visit the dermatologist’s more regularly in my 30s. I’ve accepted the fact that I don’t have the same body as when I was in my 20s or even in my 30s but at the same time I want to look my best as long as I can without looking too plasticky, which means regular visits to the dermatologist’s office so I can kinda maintain the look rather than dramatically changing it in a short period of time. Thank god I live in a country where there’s a lot of options for skincare and dermatology treatments. Yah, aging is inevitable but I think there are many ways now to slow down the process a bit.
Y E S
I'm 33 and I've started getting forehead lines which really freaks me out tbh. Honestly, I completely understand the fear of aging. But that's life isn't it, we are all going to get older
I’m a guy, so my perspective is much different since society seems to favor older men. I don’t worry about it much from an aesthetic point of view. My fears associated with aging are mobility, physical, and mental health. I’m 33 now. I workout like a mad man and eat a healthy diet. I try to minimize stress as much as possible. The rest is up to destiny. I do use retinols/vit C/moisturizer/sunscreen. I think feeling attractive plays into mental health; however, I don’t stress about it. I see a lot of posts about “fixing eye bags” or “I have fine lines” or “My skin tone isn’t even”. It makes me sad to read those. I’ve never heard one guy say, “Well she was attractive but then she developed fine lines, eye bags, etc.” Actually, I read a post where the top comment was a guy saying he loved the dark circles under girls eyes. So many men chimed in and agreed. Heck, I think it’s cute too. When I was young, most of my friends fantasized about older women. Very common trope. So many women who post on this sub think they’re broken, but they don’t even realize that loads of people would kill to look like them. Really sad.
When I hit 29-30 I felt the same way! After the pandemic I felt like I didn’t recognize myself. The feeling passes though! I feel more comfortable in my skin now. I prioritize my skincare and do things that make me feel good on the inside and outside. Society is so obsessed with looking young. Botox, fillers, face lifts. I haven’t met anyone who’s done fillers that looks good or normal. I recognize fillers on anyone who’s done them. At 30, you shouldn’t look like you’re 20. It just doesn’t look right.
Ok so I'm 57 and I'm holding up pretty good bc I exercise, eat right snd and have a great skin care routine . The thing about aging is. Your looks are going to start to go. Not at 30 if you take care of yourself. You probably don't look 20, but looking 20 is not all that. The way the world is unfortunately a 20 year old woman is prey. Men want to take advantage of you and older women are jealous of you. No, not all. Doesn't have to be all. It's enough to make life harder. Don't freak out. Every age has its benefits if you do it right. The people that are happiest when they age are the ones that have more to them then looks. The people with careers, a network of family and friends, HEALTH, hobbies and passion. Stay in shape physically and mentally. Do things that make you happy. Acquire new skills. You want to be valued and value yourself for more than how you look. what's on the inside shows on the outside. People that only value you for your looks really aren't worth knowing. I got my masters at 30, started kickboxing at 40, hiking at 50. Started studying for the cpa exam this year and will be a cpa by 60.
31 isn’t even old
Better than the alternative
All fine and dandy about saying that ageing is inevitable. But it's hard to come to terms with reality, even if you put a happy face outside. You may be generally and mostly happy, but at the end of the day it can hit you out of the blue to look at yourself and get reminded of those little changes. Try as much as you can to take care of yourself mentally and superficially, it helps. In 2020 I was 32(M), I read this book "The picture of Dorian Gray". That book threw this fact on my face and since then I have started seeing those small pores on my face, grey hair galore etc. Though I have been able to fairly maintain how I look w.r.t 5-7 years back, my eyes haven't been the same. Eyes are now dark, sunken and impassive, a stark contrast to youth.
Not at all. After I got cancer and went into remission, aging is a privilege not everyone gets to experience.
You're in good company. For the sunkness, look into Sculptra. A bit pricey but gradual & natural on getting back some of that fullness.
I’m 50. Fit and healthy. I get an occasional Botox and people say I look younger. Im the happiest I’ve ever been.
Sounds like you're aging yourself by stressing out about it so much.
Wait until menopause hits ugggh
I tell myself at least i don’t have kids, i could be looking worse Lol
🙋🏻♀️
The good news is, you'll only have to look old for a few years until you die! Isn't that great?