Then on to the next 30 seconds of fumbling around...

And done!!

3D printing helps us reach peak disappointment so much faster!

These comments have me laughing out loud 😅

Boom goes the dynamite

He's gonna be much too busy levelling his bed to getting his bed unleveled, if you know what I mean.

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He's going to be too busy purging his extruder to have his extruder purged, if you know what I mean.

you gotta open it like a bag of chips

While I’m finishing the first bag of chips?

I’m watching Seinfeld for the first time right now and I’m consistently blown away at just how many references I’m catching now like this one

Forget it. It's too late.

You wear condoms when you jack off?

You never heard of a posh wank?

Easy cleanup

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The reference to a quesadilla makes me question what you do with the towel afterwards…

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r/UsernameChecksOut

Yeah, you don’t question u/LickMyAnus2 !

Jesus Christ, is this an Amazon warehouse and you have a quota to meet? I don't need this kind of efficiency when I'm tryna have a wank hahaha

Omg I’m dead, haha

It's basically a bougie cum sock.

I mean, who knows where I’ve been?!

Very functional but I do not see any usecase for redditors.

I just keep one between the bed and mattress. It's been there for over a year now.

It's been so long that there is a donut imprint on top of the mattress.

I ordered a few packs of protection online and jokingly said that this should last me for the rest of my life. It was supposed to be a joke!

Don't worry, I'm sure what you ordered won't last you a lifetime and you'll have to reorder plenty of times! (Because condoms have expiration dates you know.)

Or maybe I'll just die young!

It’s nice to have options!

https://preview.redd.it/0qhlspv5ovya1.jpeg?width=994&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8fad05165381155b0a0f4107964c87002efbab1d

Damn… Imagine not growing much since the seventh grade.

Protection from all the girls

I'm sure it would be the opposite effect if they knew the specs

The virgin and the pea

The last box I bought expired. Years ago.

so you are in a long term relationship and don't need them no more, right? ...right?

Oh, there's more than one way to interpret that question...

Thoughts and prayers. I still have hope, just have to go out more.

Pokemon card holder.

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/posh_wank

Was going to use the phrase before seeing you comment. It has a wiki page!

Just put an emergency cracker in it

Yeah let’s get a v2 but for tissues

Hey speak for your... no no, he's right.

especially redditors that are in /r/3Dprinting

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Alf is back, in pog form!

Haha 😅

Blanks fired!

Installing that doesn't mean you're going to use the condom, just that you have hope that it might happens one day! If anything, people who use condoms regularly will want more than one by their bed.

Some redditors do like to have an air balloon in hand when they go to sleep.

what? you never had an urge of bubblegum while laying on the bed ?

Well even if you are alone, the cleanup is with a condom much easier

Thought I had this move figured out. Kept one on the windowsill. Worked well until the first really cold night. Unable to use my now frozen condom, went without. That was 20 years ago, now im a grandpa.

"make sure you use a condom" "Dad, I'm 16" "And I'm 32."

hi 16, im 32

Hi 32 Im Dad

It's Lauren Boebert's family. 54, 36, 18, newborn. The newborn is with a 16 year old. Shit apple, shit tree.

You know OP has been batch printing these and sticking them everywhere in the house “just in case”. The house is filled with condom caches

And he has to go around changing them out like smoke alarm batteries once a year.

He'd always be prepared. He's Batman.

A man has a name: "Just in case"

Then you gotta do that trick where you pull it out from behind her ear.

Omg that’s brilliant.

bonus points if thats the first thing you do after introducing yourself.

9/10 women love this simple trick!

nah it's 9/10 of a single woman. She's missing a piece, like eyes or something. Or maybe her ears after the trick.

That's 9 or 10 women. Total. What did you think I meant, 9 out of every 10?

[I usually just accidentally drop a magnum condom at their feet and say something like “oh gosh! Iv dropped my monster condom that I use for my magnum dong!”](https://youtu.be/us5MGEL5W34)

then you can pull the same joke on the police officers! and the judge after they hand you the restraining order

Now my stupid brain is thinking of how to design a hidden wrist mounted condom dispenser...

Start with the hidden blade mechanism from assassin's creed but like for jimmie hats lmao

That's exactly what I was thinking. Like those mechanisms in some movies that push a little pistol in your hand from the wrist.

That would be hilarious!

Username checks out.

That's a great place to hide the seasoning of the ramen you're saving as a bedtime snack

Sick scald.

My man here is getting so much ass, he has to mount a condom holster to his headboard. I bow to you, sir.

I wanna see the expiration date before I do any bowing

They expire? Shit...

Saved my life once. Wen to Holland for a month for business. Came back and my gf unpacked my suitcase. Found domes, freaked out, declared me a cheater. I looked at them and they had expired like three years ago, so I'd had them in their since uni.

He’s 3D printing a condom holster, it’s never getting used

Jokes on you. That's his lifetime supply right there.

Eh, I'd be more impressed if he needed a bandolier to keep the whole box close regardless of positions

Finally, a convenient place to put my after eight mints

Any solutions for Reditors not beeing awkward the 3 hours before that?

No amount of PLA in the world can fix that…

Thanks for the advice, I'll try nylon

Screw that. Find someone who's the same kind of awkward.

Just ask her if she want to help you to Level the bed!

Hey babe, you want a cup of tea? *pulls tea bag from behind headboard*

/* happy The Spiffing Brit noises /*

Thats.....exactly what id use it for

Hey babe, check out my 3D printed johnny holster! Babe?

Share the STL prevent the STD!

Can anyone scale down this stl for me?

Ba-dum-crash

In case you weren't kidding: [https://www.thingiverse.com/thing:6016585](https://www.thingiverse.com/thing:6016585)

Link is not working, can you share it again?

I found this one in the meantime (it should be pretty much the same thing or close enough) https://www.thingiverse.com/thing:125486

Link is broken :( u/creben

Check in 24 hours- apparently thingiverse has a delay on my post because it’s a new account.

I need something like that but for a much lamer need. I want to make a dispenser for my glasses lenses wipes. That way I can just skip one and instantly have HD vision again

Just use this, doubtful anyone using this is using it for condoms, and anyone using it for condoms isnt actually using it.

A $0.12 solution to a $350,000 problem! This guy maths.

Sir, this is Reddit.

Or just fill your nightstand completely with condoms. Every drawer overflowing with contraceptive. No matter what drawer you open it is filled to the brim with condoms.

Civilized weapon. For a more civilized time.

What's this behind your ear? TA DA!!! *smiles* Wait... Where are you going??

Lmfao right

Bro this isn't useful to anyone with a 3D printer

As a married woman with a 3D printer, I agree, but only because my husband is snipped 😅

is the nut juice (I guess not really "nut" anymore) any different (look/feel/smell/taste) after the sperm subway system got shut down compared to before

I personally haven’t noticed a difference and after about 2 weeks he said it felt like nothing even happened.

Good thing I can scale it down. Cura really though of everything

Lmao.

This guy fucks.

Idk bruh any redditor making a 3d printed magnium dispencer aint fuckn

Crying face with cool guy mask meme

i feel like it's more of a "this guy was going to fuck until his partner saw that he had a 3d printed condom dispenser tucked behind his headboard and decided that maybe this guy is either a total manwhore who fucks around or is just incredibly cringe, and either way, this guy isn't going to get to fuck anymore" situation

… Safely.

Once you start talking about how you designed/printed it yourself you will just have to put it back anyways.

why would i want to hide a teabag behind my bed

And they say romance is dead.

A lifetime supply

That assumes I’m an adult with a headboard (:

HAHAHAHA yeah like furniture costs money. Money I could spend on 3d printer stuff.

✂️✂️✂️ ftw

This! Though my husband was denied until we were married. For anyone wanting it done, if you are denied or worried you will be, r/childfree maintains a list of doctors by state that are willing to sterilize regardless of marital status & age (obviously need to be an adult though).

> Though my husband was denied until we were married. This shit should be illegal. Who are they to say you don't "qualify" for not wanting kids?!

That's EXACTLY how I got mine done at 25

The fact that list even needs to exist is just bonkers to me. I’ve been thinking about getting sterilized as well because I live in FL so I’m a bit paranoid with the way the laws have changed here. For now we are doing a once a year sperm test for my husband just to be extra cautious.

I cannot stress enough how important follow up is. I know someone who's a vasectomy baby because his dad didn't follow up! I did, got the all clear, still get checked every 18 months or so. Good on you guys!

Yikes - I had a follow-up about two months after, but haven't tested again in about 8 years. They let me sit up and watch the procedure, though (I asked!) so I know they took out a good beansprout-sized bit of piping from each side - not sure how that would grow back.

O.o I was awake but didn't watch. Id say you have balls of steel but you know for a fact they're made of meat.

Does anyone use nsfw properly these days? I feel like Abe Simpson yelling at clouds. But the term is effectively useless in Reddit. They literally teach you about condoms in middle school. In what world is a condom not safe for work?

I’ll never understand people wasting time printing things they’ll never use.

/r/IHaveSex

This guy fucks!

What's it for? If you have a 3d printer, you don't have sex

I mean, he has a 3d printer... So I'm sure he'll never need to use one of these for anything xD

No need to flex that you are getting some on the rest of us!

Then you have to explain why you have a quick draw condom dispenser lol

this is reddit, we don’t have sex

no need for this personally, I'm saving myself for marriage

Brave of you to assume anyone here is having sex

Its gonna take a lot more than 30 seconds to explain why you have a custom condom dispenser built into your bed.

Modern Problems require Modern Solutions

What the hell is that thing? - Man with 4 kids.

Here's the file for anyone interested. I can conform this works for the "Naturalamb" brand condom, but you may need to adjust the size for tea bags, ramen noodle seasoning packages, etc. Apparently Thingiverse won't publish the link for 24 hours since I just created my account. Hopefully the link is still the same though: [https://www.thingiverse.com/thing:6016585](https://www.thingiverse.com/thing:6016585)

How is this NSFW? The man's a condomagician!

Just remember to replace them once the expiration date is due

You’re in a 3D printing sub nobody here is banging anyone

That’s dope but I just leave them out. We all know what we’re getting into tonight and responsibility is sexy.

Was hoping to read a comment like 'why would you need a tea bag in bed' but this stuff is way better.

Classic 3D printing useless stuff smh

When I got my first condom I put it in my wallet and it stayed there until it left in imprint visible when closed. Guess I forgot I’m an introvert

Make sure to change that out when it expires

Swapping out 30 seconds of one sort of awkward fumbling for 30 seconds of another.

Pussy repellant

File name? Is it on things verse

It’s not but it can be. I’ll work on that today.

A must have.

What is that?

This is a wasted opportunity of learning how to do coin behind the ear trick

Great place to have some back up tea! Nice! ☕

Can you 3D print some sort of shoehorn analog to an automatic bra-unfastener?

Ha, everyone knows redditors don’t have sex *pointing and laughing turns to crying*

Bonus points if you do it like a magician when you actually go to reach for it

handy! does anyone have the link to this?

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This guy fucks.

Everybody: Hehe no s** for redditors. Me: 0,12€ Only for the fillament. The MASCHINENSTUNDENSATZ is missing.

Make them out of ABS or PC and keep one in your wallet to prevent it from breaking.

Bro did all this just to let us know that he fucks

Been married 23 years. What is that used for?

Does it hold a tea bag? Asking for me mate.

This guy fucks.

Why not just leave the mints on the pillow?

What a weird flex..haha. I'm here for it though.

Solving the REAL problems… Give this man a medal or sumthin!

Dude, you don’t put it on before heading out on the date?

OP over here getting layed enough to need his rubber on a quick draw hostler

How to say you fuck a lot of randos without saying you fuck a lot of randos

Trimmed nails, not obese, spends hobby time actually preparing for real world sex... This Redditor might actually fuck, dudes

Clean your nightstand.

I just wear one at all times

don't forget to change it out when it expires

Tactical condom

3d printing is all the protection I need