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People that lack empathy and the critical thinking tend to have a hard time rationalizing medical issues when there are no visible issues. If they are not psychologist they don’t know what the fuck they are talking about.
And surely psychologist knows better than ppl who says “it’s just in your head”.
Like, psychologists studying and learning for years to diagnose disorders, when other ppl just sharing their opinions.
Ok, weird, related anecdote: I was misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder first. Turns out, I have Celiac Disease and ADHD and PTSD. Celiac is damage to the intestinal lining because we lack an enzyme that breaks down gluten sheaths, so eating wheat, barley and rye is like swallowing glass for us. 2018 or 2019 science discovered that 90% of your Serotonin is manufactured and stored in your intestinal wall - exactly what is damaged and inflamed in Celiacs - and that's why moodiness is a primary symptom! Serotonin is super important for digestion as well as mood stability! So one of my "mental health issues" is actually "in my ass"!
I got reassessed because physical illness negates the criteria for BPD, then I got my ADHD assessment done. I didn't think I had it either, but the scores were insane - I'm VERY ADHD. So no dopamine regulation (short term happiness), and no serotonin regulation (long term happiness) AND PTSD (the only thing, with my history, that explains my other symptoms) - needless to say, I am NOT a treat to be around for very long! lol
As someone with BPD it's crazy how symptoms can overlap sometimes like that, and I can definitely related to "not being a treat" 😅. Glad for you that they reassessed you. It should be the first thing they do; rule out physical cause before diagnosing mental health disorders and going straight to medicating. Sadly this is rarely how healthcare works nowadays :/
I'll definitely have to look into this more. We're learning more and more every day about the gut's impact on mental health and wellbeing.
I applaud your positive attitude about your illnesses, and your awareness of and humor about them. I hope you are being humorously self deprecating because you certainly appear to have the tools to be someone who is good to be around.
Your post made me remember that the reason why antidepressants mess with your stomach most of the time is the reason you described how serotonin is made.
I had something super similar happen!! I was first diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and bipolar disorder meds did nothing to help symptoms… I turn around and finally get diagnosed with PCOS and ADHD and FINALLY recieve treatment for both.. and guess what? No evidence of bipolar disorder!!! It’s so upsetting that overall health isn’t looked at first before they jump to such extreme conclusions!!
\*pushes taped glasses up nose, straightens fedora\* uhm ACKCHUALLY. /s
Motor neurons also use dopamine and your glutes are some of the largest muscles in your body so... plenty of dopamine in the ass.
As a doctor, I came here to say exactly this. LOL.
But OP, the thing with ADHD is that it's lifelong, it can be debilitating, and it can make life difficult. If your bf is telling you it's all in your head, maybe you need a new bf, one that is actually supportive. When I first met my fiance, I told him that I have ADHD and it can make some things difficult for me. Even then, I'm STILL, in my 40s (diagnosed in my mid-30s), learning about how my ADHD manifests. For example, I never really thought I was sensitive to noise because I HAVE to have background noise at all times to just function. But my fiance has recently pointed out that I am, in fact, sensitive to certain noises and he even knows what they are (birds, for example).
Find a partner who helps you, not somebody who hinders you and gaslights you.
BINGO! Not a provider, but one of the girls who was diagnosed (bc my mother actually *saw* me) in the early 2000’s.
My bf is older, and of the generation that was told it was about effort, nothing more or less. I firmly believe that living with him has opened his eyes. Because he’s seen me hyperfocus on something AND have a meltdown over something that I simply cannot do because of the day/dopamine. He has the capacity to extend grace I struggle to give myself. We’ve figured out ways to communicate with each other about points of friction and are working on ‘community standards’ and twitch points in the home.
All that to say, it could be the man. Does mine get frustrated with me sometimes? Gods yes. Does he love me anyway? Also, resounding yes.
I’m in my late 40s and only just got a diagnosis for ADHD inattentive in the last 2 months. My wife had been supportive of me throughout the years despite my inability to follow through on some things, my struggle to hold a job, for instance.
But once I got my diagnosis, she seemed indifferent to it. I’m excited because it means I can figure some things out, possibly get help focusing, and maybe get prescriptions to assist me. Whenever I bring it up, she suggests I “still need to do the work” and gets frustrated with me to the point she doesn’t want to talk about it.
I’m baffled that she’d support me for years when I struggled, but act indifferent once I finally find a reason for some of my problems. It’s not a magic solution, but it’s a start, and I feel a little deflated that she isn’t more enthusiastic.
In my experience, people who have put up with our behavior do so because they feel that we have 100% control over it, and are thus at least “trying” to do better…but when we receive the ADHD diagnosis, they become worried we’ll use it as a crutch to not “try” anymore. I’ve also seen this happen with people who are diagnosed with clinical depression.
As the people diagnosed, we are pleased to finally have a road map of sorts, and perhaps some understanding; the people “dealing” with us can sometimes feel like it’s just another excuse. They can’t be excited for the possibility of good results, because they have been hopeful before, and it was more of the same.
Thanks! I think this is so valid in my situation. I sought out the testing to try to gain more control over things, but I can see how it could be seen as a crutch. I’m hoping therapy and other things can help me figure it all out. Or even some of it. Thanks for your response!
I know that with depression too. “You are depressed, you probably don’t want that we laugh in your hearing distance or do jokes or treat you like a normal human being. If we did that, you would perhaps smile, which depressed people don’t want to do, why else have they chosen to have a depression?" 😳
I went and paid to get a private diagnosis as public avenues are at least 18 months to have the first appointment.
I've yet to tell my family precisely for the outcomes you mentioned above. The spouse historically hasn't been empathetic in a number of different ways to the point I usually hide emotion and deal with it on my own.
I kinda feel I need to learn more how it manifests and has throughout my life (late 40s here too) so I can better realize and regulate before I attempt medications.
I'm still in my grieving and and acceptance phase knowing I probably didn't have to suffer for so long, but I don't have the 'spoons' at the me to deal with someone possibly saying I'm using this as an excuse.
I hope you can get to a family dynamic that supports you friend. It can be difficult to find.
I can sympathize to a degree.
You two simply aren't processing the news of official diagnosis in the same way.
You got the diagnosis, and quite understandably, are SO RELIEVED. "_Oh thank God_... _It is actually a 'REAL THING' and I am not this ineffectual lazy shitbird manchild who just never 'tried hard enough.'_"
I won't say it's 'right' or 'fair' but I suspect the reason she's cool or indifferent about you having an official ADHD diagnosis is she's now worried it's going to become permanent excuse or crutch to 'not even try' or accept big disruptive failures like job loss as: "_Oh well, I've got ADHD, what can I do?_ (Shrug):
Possibly she's misinterpreted some of the things you've said in terms of relief and emotional catharsis in this way.
So I can at least understand the thought process by which she was supportive before the diagnosis, and is now distant over the issue, now that you have one.
And she was supportive pre-diagnosis, because she really didn't need one to be supportive. To whatever degree it was, she understood you struggled with 'something,' and from her perspective, she understood or felt it wasn't a character flaw.
And for things she might have been very upset or critical, or even left/divorced you over, like repeatedly losing jobs, she didn't. She could tell it doesn't match your character, or how she knows you to be. For whatever reason, maybe she understands you aren't deliberately coasting, or malingering at jobs and getting fired because you like "scamming a paycheck."
And presumably, she further knows you'd much rather have work stability, and even maybe progress at one particular employer. And depending on the career field or jobs, finding a new job canvget exponentially harder as you age.
I don't really want to risk delving into "Men - Mars, Women - Venus" pop-psychology & bullshit.
In general terms though, someone with healthy expectations for a spouse, among the laundry list of critical items, they want to see a certain amount of _effort_ and _stability_, or at least one of the two...
You sound to not have done quite as well in the 'stability area, and I can definitely relate. "The new normal" of Millennial & Zoomer job-hopping, and that a resume with 3-4 years consistently for each job, with a vague impression of increasing responsibilities, looks sort of "good," and has saved my ass _repeatedly_.
In reality, it's been a surprisingly consistent 3-4 year pattern where graph lines for my work effort, ADHD executive deficits, my personal likeability, and the employer suffering from the "Sunk Cost Fallacy," and finally deciding to cut their losses, would all intersect.
So that leaves _effort_. And while I am speculating here without knowing more than what you wrote, that's what I suspect she saw in you previously. Now she's worried the diagnosis will rob you of _effort_ too. Or, rob you of that effort, just as treatment & medication gives back some potential stability.
Ideally, a full "heart to heart" clear the air understanding and open communication is ideal, but we live in the real world too... or trying it, like all the advice says to do, it utterly blows up in your face.
Been there, done that. I have the t-shirt...
I don't like anything that feels "manipulative," but if it's truthful, and helps ease my spouse's fears or worries, and is arguably, "just expressing myself better," I can live with it.
So, if I were facing this situation, the next time the ADHD diagnosis issue came up with my spouse, I would try to express that: "_I'm excited about the diagnosis because I always feared I was just somehow a 'bad person' or 'a dud'_. _And now that it's confirmed as ADHD, besides explaining so many things, I can now FIGHT AGAINST it, and WORK AROUND it._"
And I'd probably add some heartfelt, and very blunt thanks & recognition of what she's possibly endured with the job losses/firings. Even if the finances were okay during those times, I'm sure her worries were far from 'ok' more than once. So that may be in order too. Whether you've said so before or not.
It may take more than one mention of this to really sink in. But hopefully, the idea that: "The diagnosis gives him more to work with, not less." will get across and encourage her.
And there's indeed a lot of truth to: "_You still gotta do the work_," too. I'm medicated up to my neck, and have the luxury of a good doctor/psych, and trying several combinations and dosages of stimulants and other things.
Currently, I take enough Rx ADHD medication to effectively treat probably 4 randomly selected people in this sub. _And it barely helps._ We're talking about the max safe adult dose for three different Rx medications.
So I have to "dig in" and actually DO all the somewhat eye-rolling self-help ADHD management and mitigation strategies suggested by therapy and various credible sources.
As an adult, one naturally just wants to pop a pill, "be better" and forget about their problems. Even if nobody really knows but you, all the little tricks & games are sort of demeaning.
But, if they work...
So I suggest, whether there's an Rx treatment you're getting or not, and if it helps you substantially or not, make a serious effort to research coping strategies, or if there's ADHD coaching/counseling therapy available. And if possible, and it's advisable, involve your spouse to some degree, even if it's really just to demonstrate: "_You're putting in the work_."
Thanks so much! This is really a great response and very insightful. I’m really still processing the diagnosis and all it entails, but this gives me a great place to start. I appreciate it!
I just want to reinforce what the above person said: Medication can be great, but it's not a cure, it is a tool among many other tools you can use to manage your symptoms and it always takes effort. I wish you and your partner the best of luck learning to handle this new knowledge together.
People have some weird ideas about mental health and even regular health checkups. To bring it to a different level. Maybe it's not ADD, but something similar or slightly different. What I want to know is, what's the problem with just getting tested? Worst case, they may have more insights for you or a different diagnosis.
Because people only think about costs, they see visits and diagnosing as wasted time and healthcare money. I consider it "mental maintenance." You aren't being a burden on society. You are using the resources a society should have readily available and be fine spending money on. A society with happy and healthy people would produce the most and live the best life.
Life should be about living, helping, and connecting with others. Making sure everyone is happy and healthy should be the main concern of society. If you aren't happy or feeling right(especially with mental problems), then everyone in your life should support your decision. Addressing your mental health is hard to do, and you should be proud you've come this far.
It's also a little in our bodies:
Muscle stiffness and bodily aches
Higher rate of accidental injury
Issues with GI upset, weight, and blood sugar from nutritional struggles
Chronic fatigue from sleep disturbances
The physical repercussions of increased substance abuse rates
Extremely common thoughts to be having and poorly informed social feedback is also one of the most common things you see people discussing here. There are 1.8 million people subscribed to r/ADHD, there are lots of people here who understand these troubles are not intentional and way outside of the normal range that people deal with. Best of luck in your journey to a better, more intentional life.
You do this for YOU. Accept that NO ONE ELSE may ever buy into it. That’s why plenty of people don’t tell others. But yes, of course you should still do it. Meds can be life changing.
The fact that you put off making an appointment for two years is telling enough. I was 33(F) when I got my diagnosis. I wish I’d done it when I was 26. Things would have been so much easier. I had the same exact thoughts as you… and my partner of 11 years at the time didn’t believe it. Lo and behold… not only do I have raging adhd, but also generalized anxiety disorder, plus a few other fun bullets in the nice long report the psychologist wrote for me based on his evaluation. It did help me to sit and think really hard about examples in my past that are great and classic adhd symptoms. I honestly had gotten to a point where everything was overwhelming and just… I had no control. Don’t get me wrong… I’m still a bit of a shit show… but a much better managed one.
I also got my diagnosis when I was 33, and it’s been so crazy realizing that most of the reasons I’ve felt defective my entire life are related to ADHD.
My parents saved most of my parent-teacher conference forms in a box and the one from fourth grade literally says I had trouble staying in my seat, raising my hand before blurting out answers, not talking to the people around me, consistently turning in assignments and staying organized and on task. There were similar comments on most of them from other years but that was the most textbook one that somehow never resulted in anyone suggesting ADHD. The most heartbreaking part was that a lot of those conference forms had spots for self-evaluations and every single year I wrote that my goals were to be better organized, use my planner, turn in all my assignments, not get in trouble for talking. Little me *wanted* to, so badly, and I just couldn’t. :(
i’m just now getting diagnosed at 27. in high school i was a pretty good student although it took me 10 times as long for me to finish my homework as anyone else. in college is when i realized that i had issues but i didn’t know what the problem was. i used to cry when i would get back exams because i didn’t have enough focus or time to study properly. since then ive always felt like there was something wrong with me and as if i just wasn’t smart enough. it has been a pretty hard road for me but i’m thankful to be realizing now that there are things going on in my brain that are preventing me from being the best version of myself.
Diagnosed at about 35, now in my 40s, and I wish I had done it sooner. I've known for decades but didn't want the stigma. Now I own it and am actively working to de-stigmatize it. Also, meds were a life-changer and I should have started them in college, if not sooner. And yeah, there are STILL things I'm learning about ADHD and especially how diversely it manifests in different people.
Your boyfriend is a dick for saying it's all in your head. Would he say that if you were getting tested for cancer?? Ask him why he feels qualified to dismiss your ADHD symptoms when he's not a fucking doctor.
Plenty of arseholes disregard psychiatric disability and health. If you're not in a wheelchair, people will dismiss it.
I (35 M) have a father who dismisses it and a mother who clearly has ADHD (and autism) but refuses to be diagnosed because of stigma and undoubtedly the abuser whom fathered me.
So, tell them to pull their heads outta the sand, and take it seriously as you're not ok with it being dismissed simply because it isn't a cast on a leg.
Everyone who doesn't understand ADHD thinks it's not real, overblown, or you don't have it. I told my dad I had it, he said he didn't see it and doesnt think I have it. He has ADHD, and my sister has ADHD, and my brother has ADHD, and though my mom and other brother weren't tested, he's a twin and has clear ADHD + ODD.
People are often wrong about ADHD. It leads to a lot of people never addressing their problems and being forced into a life of mediocrity when they're capable of so much more. It blows, don't be discouraged. Gl!
It’s hard. There are some good YouTube videos that you could send them from well known ADHD doctors, but sometimes people’s minds are made up unfortunately.
I’m in my 40s and I had to stop talking about it with my family as they all know I have it but they see it as an excuse.
Honestly though, I wouldn't even send people YouTube videos. I've learned that the most stubborn unbelievers won't budge on their opinion no matter what evidence you place in front of them. And they will just continue to make you feel crazy. It is depressing & sad, not having that support from your loved ones. You're setting yourself up for more disappointment trying to argue with them. They are adults capable of reasonable thinking & doing their own research. If someone I loved had a medical condition I would Google it until the cows come home. If they are not supportive perhaps they aren't your people. Find new people. (Easier said than done, I know.) But there are supportive people out there. Choose wisely with whom to share the diagnosis with, or even your suspicions that you have it. Do not tell your work people. Do not tell unsupportive people. In the meantime, read books about it, lots of info online. This sub alone has so much info.
Last week I had my first ever mammogram & today I got a call back they want me to have a follow-up ultrasound. I'm going in tomorrow morning for that. Told my mom, she got mad at me that I had a mammogram done. She said if I hadn't gotten that mammogram I wouldn't be worried right now. I know that anger is her go-to emotion for a lot of things, but even that caught me off guard. This is the same woman who cried when she found out I was going to therapy 13 years ago. Anyway, this is to say that I understand when people aren't supportive of you taking care of you. But you have to do what's right for you. Take care of yourself because no one else knows your needs better than you do. And don't be afraid to get a second opinion. I did when I was first diagnosed with ADHD. I wish you the best in your journey, whether it's ADHD or something else. Big hugs. 🤗
When someone says “it’s all just in your head.” Look them in the eye with your most serious, cold, no-nonsense look. Be still, calm, and uncompromising. Make them feel the weight of your next three words, let them know that there is no argument, no discussion, no gaslighting in response; simply say.
“No, it’s not.”
And walk away.
Don’t listen to their denials. Don’t argue with them. Drop whatever you’re doing and walk away.
If they are driving you somewhere, have them pull over and get out. Or park and ask them to leave.
If you’re in a mall or a store, leave whatever you were going to buy.
If they accuse you of being dramatic, ignore them.
Then, whenever you feel like re-engaging with them, you can talk to them again.
Sometimes, you’ve got to give people the cold shoulder for a bit. Denying your lived experience is one of those times.
My immediate response to ‘it’s all in your head’ would probably be ‘no shit.’ It’s a brain disorder. Where else would it be?
Which is really just saying your thing from the other direction. It just baffles me that people say ‘it’s all in your head’ like it’s some sort of gotcha, like thanks, no, I keep my adhd in my left elbow.
I mean your head is where your brain is kept. A neurocognitive disorder affects the brain. So yeah it is in your head. Just like how when I broke my elbow it was all in my arm. Or how my hemorrhoids are all in my butt.
I’m a bit confused as to where he thinks ADHD ought to be. Should you keep your ADHD in your foot?
What’s your boyfriend’s reason for saying it’s a phase? How much do you guys discuss what you’re thinking and going through and how much does he understand about ADHD?
My wife was diagnosed with OCD when we were first together. Before she got official treatment I supported her and never dismissed what she was feeling, and even afterwards tried to learn what I could to help support her. I always knew I had my own issues, and much later in life I found out it was ADHD. Maybe it’s because of getting older or having kids but it definitely feels like it’s getting harder. But my wife is there to support me when I need her.
My two cents, be sure you have good support person. ADHD isn’t fun for the person who has it or the people they have to share their lives with. I see a lot of posts where people with ADHD have to “mask” themselves when going out for work or regular day activities and you’ll want someone you feel comfortable with to come home to when you’re exhausted and emotionally drained.
I’ve got a 4th grader and shit is getting real. I give her advice from Brene brown and I’ll tell you the same. “Imagine you are holding a candle in your hand, you only want people in your life who help you keep your candle lit and protect it from going out”- sure wish someone had put it to me like that way back when. ADHD is def in your head! It’s a neurological disorder ffs!!
Don't let boyfriend make your decisions for you. This is your life, he may or may not be in it later on. You'll still need to pick up coping mechanisms, get counselling, maybe medication (or not,). You'll have a lot of personal decisions to make. You really don't want other people making those life changing ones for you.
I havent commented on here before but I would reccomend doing your research and if you think you have it then certainly see someone to possibly get a diagnoisis
Quite often people view adhd as the typical symptoms that occur in men (it often manifests differently in women). this is due to two reasons, 1) A lot of research focuses on male ADHD symptoms, and 2) women are often subconsciously trained to mask their symptoms more. (This can be because these symptoms in woman are put up with less etc and therefore they hide them)
I cannot speak to your situation entirely, but it could be possible that your boyfriend is basing his perspective on these typical symptoms or traits.
ADHD diagnosis can be really helpful, but for me it was a bit of a minefuck - take your time and do your research
Best of luck, and go into it being true to yourself - a lifetime of medication is no walk in the park :)
I'm in the exact same boat: 25F getting assessed soon and feel so much anxiety and imposter syndrome. My fiancee is super supportive and 99% certain I have ADHD.
What made me feel better was buying The Mini ADHD Coach Workbook and filling it out. It breaks down symptoms and how they affect every area of my life and have space to write down your memories and examples.
Good luck, I hope you can have a good convo with your bf about validation and empathy, you should really have him on your side, we already doubt ourselves enough!
Unless all these people are qualified to provide a medical opinion on ADHD, they're all full of garbage. Their opinion is their own and none of your business.
Depending on the person and their own issues, they might be trying to convince you that you don't have something wrong, because they're worried that they do as well.
Hang in there.
Most 'normal' people don't believe it.
I didn't believe it until I took medication for it.
They don't get it, and they'll never get it. But once they see how much you change on medication, they'll shut their f'ing mouths.
Find someone who has empathy and is understanding, don't spend your life with someone who belittles you over your brain chemistry.
That saying is so wrong that it's right. It is all in your head. Because that's where the brain lives and its essentially a brain malfunction. Organs malfunction all the time and nobody cares because there's ways to measure how much it's malfunctioning and how to fix it. Brain stuff doesn't have those kinds of tests. It's an invisible illness. So everyone talks crap about us because there's no actual "test" to Guage anything.
Sure social media did somewhat popularize ADHD to people, but regardless of that not everbody goes on with the diagnostic process (which is quite long in my country), so in my opinion those who do have every right to do so and get the help needed, you included. You should just let these comments from people go by and not really pay attention to them, only you know how serious your case is.
For my entire life, whenever I brought up the possibility of having ADHD, it was always dismissed or flat out ignored. It wasn't until my half brother got diagnosed last year and when I reached a breaking point in uni that I finally decided to book an appointment.
This week I went in for my first intake appointment for ADHD and the psychiatrist actually listened to and understood my struggles and said this sounds like classic adhd symptoms. Nothing is confirmed yet because I still have 2 appointments to attend but I think that if you really resonate with articles and videos about the ADHD experience then stick to your gut feeling, you know yourself and what your struggling with the most so don't doubt yourself! You got this
It's annoying for sure. That's why I just don't mention it to anyone.
I'm not a vegan. I don't need everybody to know I have ADHD.
For you, consider it a compliment that your boyfriend doesn't believe you have it ..and he might be right?
The only way for YOU to know for sure, is to get tested as you are doing. YOU and YOUR mental health is priority one. Don't let anybody take away from that or you'll end up like some of us on here, finally getting treated @ 40 years old wondering where most of our lives went.
I relate - same age, internet made me think of it but there’s a couple other diagnosis that all summed together basically explain who I am and I’m constantly questioning myself
I had depression before, and as I recovered I always had those diagnosis in the back of my mind - truth is, the way I see it, I got stronger and because of that and because of the context I was in I wasn’t suffering so much with my symptoms. now, guess what? I’m questioning all over again, because at the time I mentioned it but we ignored as I was getting better “it was just a phase, why do you want to have the weight of a diagnosis” I still do 🤡
maybe it wasn’t just a phase after all
to sum up - being a phase doesn’t mean you don’t have it. the best way to deal with it is to get therapy and have those tests done, at least you’ll know the answer and you’ll also have someone to help you through your symptoms, no matter what the result is
go for it 🤞🏻
Best response "Yes, you are right, it's all in my head, that's why I am trying to fix it."
I've noticed that caffeine calms me down and helps me focus, meanwhile claritin and zyrtec make me more hyper than a 6 year old after consuming large amounts of candy.
What may help is print out a list of ADHD symptoms - cut off the top of one of them labeled "symptoms of ADHD" and as a game have your boyfriend read them out loud and circle the ones that apply to you. At the end of it, show him the second copy with the header. This may make him have an "aha" moment.
I've been diagnosed twice and I still have a hard time not feeling like I'm faking it. lol
But, I know when I beat myself up for being a fake, for lying, for just being lazy.. I have to remind myself it's not *my voice saying those things.* It's my dad's. I hope that whatever you find out with that test it serves you some comfort. Even if you don't have ADHD I'm sure they can figure out what you need and help you move forward.
Um it is in your head. That's where it lives.
Don't concern yourself with the opinions of others. They don't live in your head and it's not for them to decide what you do/don't have.
Edit: maybe it's time for a new and supportive boyfriend. Sounds like this one is past his used by date.
I’m 59 years old and was just diagnosed in October of this year. For my entire life, I was branded as depressed, lazy, flighty or unmotivated. My ENTIRE life.
This old chick learned about ADHD from TikTok and decided to ask my doctor. I’m so grateful for social media pushing me in the right direction.
I’m still in the phase of figuring out medication brands and doses, but I’m already doing so much better!
I get the same response from some people I tell, but Eff ‘em. They don’t have to live in my brain. Don’t let anyone but a doctor tell you what’s going on with you.
I’m glad you’re looking for help and hope that you find your answers.
heres my advice
why are these people saying its in your head
my guess is because you told them
to save yourself the misery of ignorance
dont fucking tell them
i never get shit about adhd why because no one knows i have adhd except my parents lol
you are more than adhd
and you dont owe an explanation
especially not for ignorance
Eh, don't worry. One of two things will happen: You will be tested and proven to have it, or you don't have it and the test will show as much. Now isn't the time to worry as much, you're getting tested! this is the answer
You need to direct these people to the concept of gaslighting and the harm that it can do.
Until you see a doctor and get assessed, they should support you. You're obviously going through something serious and they're not qualified to draw conclusions on what it is.
when ppl say this im like yeah it is an issue in the part of the body we commonly refer to as the head thank you for giving me that information about my own condition
I recommend being patient and understanding with you boyfriends opinion. ADHD is a hard thing to grasp and many people aren’t conditioned to view it that seriously. I’m sure he hasn’t had much education or information on ADHD.
Just be logical about it, and try not to be defensive about it. It’s easy to feel invalidated, but it’s also hard to understand the seriousness of ADHD without proper information and time to process it.
(I thought adhd was some made up condition for many years. I never had the proper environment to learn about it.)
It’s better to go for a test and not have it than to not to go for a test and do have it.
Also, I’m new to having ADHD so I’m not entirely sure what’s ADHD and what’s not but putting it off for 2 years totally sounds like an ADHD thing to do.
Whatever the cause, you wouldn't be feeling this way if you weren't struggling with *something*. ADHD is a reasonable hypothesis and worth checking out. Put yourself first and honour your own feelings.
I had some family members who expressed doubt while I was seeking diagnosis, but once I was diagnosed they just accepted it and realised they didn't understand what ADHD was. The stuff your boyfriend is saying sounds pretty shitty. Why is he so invested in making you think you don't have ADHD? Maybe to hurt your self-esteem (very shitty) or maybe he relates and doesn't want to accept that he might have ADHD (less shitty)?
First tip - replace the boy friend.
Second tip - it is all in your head, that doesn’t make it any less real.
Third tip - Get tested and see. There is zero advantage to not doing so.
I would avoid discussing the topic with those who are dismissive. It's not worth the mental load, seriously. My own family is pretty "I don't believe in mental illness" so I've personally distanced myself from them quite a bit and that is a topic I simply avoid around them for my own sanity. Your bf doesn't sound the most supportive. Your concerns are valid and, even if it were a "phase", are you not worthy of answers and/or treatment to potentially feel/do better? I think it'd be worth discussing with him how invaliding statements like that are. ADHD or not you deserve to feel your best. Sending hugs xx
You can tell them that ADHD is an excuse for poor behavior in the same way that being born short is bad behavior - your critics are wondering why you simply refuse to be tall? 🙃
Unless your boyfriend is a clinical psychologist/psychiatrist, I'm never sure which is the correct term , what makes him think he is qualified to diagnose or rule out things that are part of your mental health. Its none of anyone else's business, would you tell someone who thinks they are diabetic that they shouldn't go the doctor and get checked out? And if you go to the doc and they say you don't have ADHD, what have you lost really? I got diagnosed and medicated in my 30's and it was/is literally lifechanging. I frequently wonder what would have happened if I had been younger when that happened.
Not many actual tips, just ignore them and go with your gut. You know you better than anyone.
Yes OP, have and are experiencing it! My trick is to keep the ones that get it close, and the ones that doesn’t not. I can see that this will be a problem with your BF. But the hurtful truth is, if he can’t accept and learn about your diagnosis, he CAN not be there for you. It will be a fake relationship. We go through enough as it is and do not need the ones closest to us to not be on our side. Try a while to get him to meetings or to read, discuss and understand some good research/info. If he’s stubborn, brake up and find someone who can live in your reality. Good luck!
Yeah my ADHD is in my left kneecap, there's definitely something wrong if it's in your head. Seriously though, who cares what other people say. No one knows what it's like to be you and to see and think like you do.
Easier said than done these days, but go get tested. When anybody who's not a Doctor disagrees, show them the results and ask where they got their medical degree from.
Apart from that, just remind yourself that nuerotypical folks just won't get it, because they don't have it. There's no point getting upset, thats just how it is. I can sit here and say how easy it must be to be a fighter pilot because I've seen Top Gun. In reality, I have no clue because I am not a fighter pilot 😂. Just try and stay in these groups, around similar people who get it and just keep learning about it. Still to this day I see something I do which I thought was just normal then it's like "that's my ADHD too??" So it's a learning curve and the more you learn about it, the more you can work with it or work around it.
I've seen a meme that said something like when someone tells you, "it's all in your head", reply to them, "You're right! It is!" 😃
I never tried it, because luckily, I don't really get comments like that, but I like it. 😁
Anyway, how about trying that response out?
And this meme was about any mental illness, not ADHD specifically.
Honestly there’s nothing you can do but ignore them, my Asian parents don’t accept my adhd despite them being in the room when I was diagnosed. My boyfriend also tells me that my adhd isn’t an excuse and my ex friends used to make fun of me for my adhd. You’re not alone and unfortunately some people cannot empathise but at least you have a community here that understands you!
If it’s ADHD a psychologist trained in ADHD may help discover it, if it’s not ADHD a trained psychologist/therapist may also help with this issue. At the end of the day, consistently seeing A therapist will net in a good thing for you.
I have a couple of friends with a diagnosis that I'm 100% sure do not have ADHD. They are organized, finish projects easily, and have never even forgotten to drink a cup of coffee. For those couple of friends, there are a bunch of people I know who definitely have undiagnosed/untreated ADHD, because they actually have it. When you actually have it, it's harder for us to get that diagnosis, because all of the steps required to get the necessary appointments and remembering to and jumping through all the hoops needed to get those meds. If you think you have it, you probably do
Probably shitty advice, but I just kind of stopped talking about adhd with people who denied its existence. If I could, I would drop these people, but unfortunately they were my parents.
I just learned that arguing about it was pointless. I could have diagnosis, could show symptoms my whole life, but to my parents my diagnosis was a sham, everyone struggled with school so extremely that they get depression as a child and I just want to feel special and get drugs.
So I just gave up talking about it, didn’t share what was happening in my psychiatrist visits (especially after I became 18) and I maybe informed about medication changes if they asked. Saved me a lot of arguments for sure.
My parents (mostly my mom, my dad doesn’t give a shit) recently started coming around, because my little brother is also autistic with adhd and his symptoms are way more inconvenient for them than mine, so they suddenly believe in adhd and autism and my mom suddenly started to treat me as this adhd/autism authority that will guide her through raising her son or something. She also started figuring out that probably no one in our family is without some form of adhd, autism, ocd or anything like that, so I guess it’s progress.
So just don’t bother arguing. These people aren’t going to support you and it’s not worth your energy to argue with them about obvious shit like whether sky is blue, grass is green or if you have adhd that affects you. It sucks that your boyfriend has that mindset, so risking sounding like a typical redditor telling everyone to breakup, I’d rethink being in a relationship with someone who refuses to support me or even believe me if I were in your place.
I’m sorry you’re being invalidated by the people around you. I’ve dealt with that pre-diagnosis and still sometimes post diagnosis. I just remind myself that I’m making the best choices for me and my own well-being. It’s not something that needs to be understood by others, it’s all about doing what feels best and right to you. Best of luck!
You need to get all cards on the table so you can play better and a basic test array is the best way for you to do that.
If anyone tells you either thst what ynu have is just normal (implying you are bad at coping) or says thst Everyone had a little bit of it, tell them that sneezing twice in one day is a nothingburger but sneezing 200 times is a condition of some sort.
Don't listen to the advice of any uneducated or untrained person, definitely including your bf.
Dumbledore said it well: "of course it's happening inside your head but why on Earth would that make it not real" or something like that.
Everything happens inside our heads. That's where our brains live and thus where everything happens. It's still very real.
I must say that your partner doesn't sound like a good best friend. Best friends always support each other. I hope that changes soon. Take care of yourself and remember that you are worth being treated with love and patience and respect.
Don't listen to anyone else. If you relate to other's stories and think you have this, you deserve to get tested and find out. If it feels right, it probably is.
I was able to accept it myself so readily because I also suffer from a physical ailment that is basically invisible, so my entire life has been full of people assuming that I'm just lazy or slow or weak because I can't keep up with a group or walk funny. I spent a lot of time wishing I was just in a wheelchair so people could get the message, but that's not a helpful line of thought.
It never gets easier, but you can't blame everyone else, you just have to try to let them know as best you can. Point them in the right direction toward educational materials and make it clear that you seriously need support rather than judgement. If they love you, they'll understand eventually, but you have to let them get there and leave your frustration at the door.
I usually try to base my opinions off of scientific research. When science says most brains with adhd have a VISIBLE difference in an MRI when compared with neurotypicals, you cant claim I'm making it up anymore. There is plenty of scientific evidence of ADHD. I would reply to those same people that THEY also saw people on social media say "everyone has adhd", rather than look at numbers. Numbers say people with adhd are about 4/5 % worldwide, less than autism. They also say that while adhd is highly genetic (70-87% chances of passing it down), there are a lot of factors that determine the incidence of adhd like nutrition, exposure to chemicals, exposure to mold, parent's exposure to chemicals, parent's exposure to mold, childhood abuse (physical or psycological), sleep quality, trauma and more. While there are some misdiagnosed people out there (there are a few things that can cause adhd-like symptoms like depression, low IQ, sleep deprivation etc), of the diagnosis is carried out properly, its quite accurate as it checks for all those things, and pre presence of the symptoms in every life scenario and since a very early age.
So don't let ignorance get in between you and your wellbeing. You know you are correct and facts confirm that. Its up to you wether you want to try to educate the other person or ignore them if they don't listen, but don't waste your focus on trying to convince people that wont listen because you will just wear your mood and focus down even further...
The first time i told my mum she laughed in my face, now she realised she's likely the one who passed it down to me..lol
Oh man, yes. Beeeeen there. I was there for 37 years. It’s so so painful, and I’m sorry. Please, know and feel validated that this is a REAL disorder, and it can be debilitating. Don’t spend anymore years letting the doubt and skepticism of others dictate how you seek treatment.
I’m a mom of 3 in my late 30s, and what I’ve learned is that no matter what you do, people will always question or judge you. My husband and mother rolled their eyes at my ADHD for years. I finally decided they could go to hell in that regard and I’ve moved forward with treatment for myself. They respect me so much more now, and they’ve even made an effort to learn about the disorder. I know they still dont understand it, but it’s not my job to make them. That’s up to them, and if they love me they can be on board with support, or they can kick rocks. 💚
I'm on the list to get tested so I'm not sure if I have it. It's a little reassuring when I see the symptoms in my parents as well. It helps me rule out heredity, or I'm just delusional and don't have it. We will see once I try meds and if they affect me like adhd should.
Respond to them, you're freaking right! It *is* all in my head. My chemicals are not chemicaling the way your brain does. My synapses are synapting like yours. I don't have any darn control over it. If you are able to do your tasks, and get out of bed every day, if you are able to do stuff that isn't exciting to you, that is boring to you but you know you need to get it done, if you are able to remember to do simple things like remember to even urinate, eat, shower, then that means you don't have chemicals and synapses like mine. That doesn't give you the right to make assumptions about my abilities.
So eh.... EFF EM... it *is* all in our freaking heads. So what?
Much love comrade. We got this. It's always tough being different. But look at all of history. It's always ends up the folks who are "different" that make the world so much better. So try to love yourself.
It's like in high school walking down the hall and someone would hit me on the shoulder or head and be all, "F**KIN D*KE" I'd be all, "what?! Omg I had NO IDEA captain effing obvious!" Now those very same people think I'm so cool. It's so stoopid, hahaha.
Ok sorry. This stuff just winds me up. It's so ridiculous.
Or they say, look, I have a little adhd but I'm still able to ____^ fill in the blank.
Darling, you don't have any amount of adhd. Stop it.
Ok Ok ok.... /rant
Much love fellow travelers. It's time for me to go play a video game for an hour so I can get enough dopamine to get me working on my writing coaching gig. Love ya'all!
29F and going through the exact thing you are. Currently sitting in the waiting room for my therapist to talk about the same feelings and problems. I don’t have much advice but wanted you to know you’re not alone 🖤
The self doubt is very common. My wife was incredibly supportive and I still doubted that I had a disorder before getting diagnosed.
The self doubt can be common as an undiagnosed adult because you have only ever experienced your own brain. The longer you live with the idea that you have ADHD, the more you notice ways your mind works differently. I still get realizations of “wait, that’s not what it is like for everyone?”
Just keep that appointment. Even if you don’t have ADHD, you likely have some type of neurological disorder. There is also a very good chance you have ADHD combined with some other disorder. You are experiencing something that is making your life harder and getting help. That is not a waste of time.
I’m sorry your partner is not supportive. That sounds very hard.
If you can afford therapy, I would recommend it. It’s a good way to help get perspective.
I am also 26 F and I go thru this exact thing. I’ve known I’ve had ADHD since I was a little kid when I was diagnosed. People take my overstimulation as a joke, I can understand how difficult that is. Even knowing my own diagnosis all my life I still question it cause of that exact reason for others thinking it’s just a “phase”… like yeah okay 🙄 it’s just a phase that it’s happen my whole life right? I hate that sooo much! Just go with what your body and brain is telling you. I have to remind myself everyday that I’m different and that’s okay! Nobody else is carrying all that but you.
"Well, duh, that's where my brain is."
This kind of feedback is toxic but common. No one is entitled to information about your personal experiences and inner life. That is earned by those who are nonjudgmental, good listeners, and not your boyfriend. Take note of whoever is giving you this feedback and turn off the tap. Set boundaries and don't talk to them about this anymore. Stick to those who are open-minded and kind.
They're technically right lol. ADHD is found to be neurological in origin. Btw, even if you aren't diagnosed, you may still struggle with executive dysfunction in some areas of your life. Check out ADHD tips and tricks online to help with any executive dysfunction you're facing.
I wouldn’t entertain someone with a personality disorder. Him gaslighting you isn’t cool. When you get a positive diagnosis what will he say then. He’ll say something negative again. I hope you get clarification that you need.,
the way they’re so close yet so far like yep it’s all in our heads but that doesn’t mean you can just think well now i don’t have adhd anymore and magically you’re cured from a literal neurological disorder. they don’t understand that it’s not a thinking pattern thing it’s about the literal way our brain works. but like as a fellow woman with adhd i feel like there’s also the stereotype that adhd is just a thing that happens to men, like for some reason it’s hard for people to believe that women can have adhd too, unless you’re like the undeniable hyperactive poster child, you know? and maybe not even then
I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 23. Before I made the appointment, I read *Driven to Distraction* and identified with so many of the stories. I started to feel a sense of relief (that there was an explanation for why I could be smart, and yet struggled with things “normal” people found easy)…then panic (what if that’s NOT it? Maybe I am just an idiot). After my diagnosis, I read every book I could get my hands on to better understand how my brain works. My mother was not very supportive when I was first diagnosed…but I ignored her negative comments and just kept sharing what I had learned…and eventually she started looking at things that drive her crazy about my father (the source of our ADD). Now, 20+ years (and two kids of my own with ADHD diagnoses) later, she is super supportive and understanding. But if your bf is not supportive, it may be time to find a new bf. We spend enough time fighting our own self-doubt…to have to fight someone else’s is a lot.
His comments are dismissive behavior. Just know it’s not your fault. In July 2023 a study was published indicating there’s a deficit in our glutamatergic and serotonergic neurological pathways. What’re we supposed to do about it? Like the top comment said, it’s obviously in our head but it’s not our fault so dismissing it as a “phase” is just plain ignorant and shows a lack of understanding. The only solid tip I can give is that it’s not your fault and you should be confident in yourself that you’re trying to be your best self.
I listened to the stigma for so long but finally realised it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about it. They don’t have to live in my head struggling day to day. Talk to a psychiatrist or psychologist and don’t hold back anything, write down what you struggle with most and they can help you decide how to move forward. Also, surround yourself with better people. I have been struggling with my new ADHD medication and my friend made a group chat of all her neurodivergent friends so we could have a community of people who understand what we’re going through 🥹
1) ADHD isn’t primarily a ‘mental’ or psychological issue. It’s biological. And you’ve been diagnosed, which means you tell people you have a *biological disability*.
2) Don’t tell people. I know you only mentioned your BF, but try to limit sharing if you can. People will comment and add their, usually incorrect, view of ADHD into their mental model of you. This limits it as much as possible. If necessary, just say you have a ‘routine appt or follow-up with your provider’.
Though that may not completely solve your problem. Even for me, who has only shared with immediate family (mostly due to the ‘death’ “*side effects*” on meds so someone knows I’m taking a serious med in case of emergency. But that already leads to more ‘negative’ comments and judgement than I can count.
Do it no matter what. Because even if you are not diagnosed, they either may find another cause for how your feeling or help you. I also recently got tested when no one believes I have an issue. Waiting for my neuropsych feedback in January.
Taking care of your mental health is never a waste of time. Getting diagnosed is the best thing to do in any case. Have you heard of imposter syndrome? Even when I’m super sick I wonder if I’m not faking it, so don’t let it consume you. Go with an open mind focused on improving your mental health, be honest and willing to figure yourself out. The rest will come by itself. Good luck!
You will never be successful at convincing any one of anything they don’t want to believe and you cannot control how people feel or what they think. There is no advice for that. You can however decide whom you wish to be around or have in your life if you feel you don’t get support. You deserve support.
This sucks, I get it, but unfortunately, it's like depression or other non-visible disabilities, like the "Normal looking person in the handicapped parking spots." There's no cane, scooter, or wheelchair, and they walk pretty normally, but they still might have some joint problems or cardiovascular or pulmonary issues that make every step they can save critical.
And they just deal with the stares, side-eye, or scowls. They might explain themselves if someone is a rude asshole, but there may be no point if the asshole doesn't believe them.
This sucks MORE when it's the people in your immediate circle of friends & family. Obviously, feeling invalidated is awful.
There may be things that will change some minds eventually, or the opposite 180° happens. There's people you completely cut off because in broader terms, perhaps their ADHD skepticism is just one of many "toxic asshole" symptoms...
In the meantime, you are performing triage. _Do not make it harder on yourself._
Firstly, stop telling anyone anything about ADHD, testing, a possible diagnosis, etc. that doesn't need to know. And "needs to know" can be very, very stingy. Limit it to if someone could die if they accidentally ate a bunch of ADHD stimulants you were prescribed. Perhaps a live-in boyfriend/partner has a child relative visiting, and they wander off, climb up to a medicine cabinet, and chokes down a whole month of Ritalin in one go..
Secondly, don't repeatedly remind that minimum number of people who "do need to know" about ADHD stuff, especially if it's uncertain or upcoming. Telling whoever this is, just the basics and leaving it at that is for the best. Avoid the temptation to wave a diagnosis paper, or an Rx in front of them as if to say: "_See? If it wasn't real, I wouldn't have this_..."
Because if that doesn't work, it just creates a much deeper rift.
Thirdly, under no circumstances should you EVER tell an employer or post-secondary school you attend about ADHD. The one exception is if your city, state, or country has laws, regulations, or rules for a clear process for getting accommodations for ADHD or other conditions, and you fully understand how it works. Or, if the school or employer has their own policy that they've enacted voluntarily.
As to friends & family that are unhelpful, you can work on them _later_. Perhaps with info from any therapist you might have. Or a well-regarded and credible source of ADHD self-help information dealing with "critical & skeptical family & friends."
And this isn't some deep shameful secret. It can be lonely and isolated to not have any sympathy, understanding, or support. But there's no point in creating extra doubt or stress for yourself.
Finally, it's important to at least consider there are also many possible: "_They actually do care and mean well._"-reasons or motives behind a friend, partner, spouse, or close family member that's doubtful or skeptical of ADHD or some other non-visible condition like depression.
They still can be "wrong" or "not helpful" but they aren't trying to deliberately hurt you either. Or may believe they're helping.
One possibility is instead of being "dismissive" simply that they like/love you and they don't want you to have or suffer from the condition.
If you feel/notice a lump, and say: "_I'm worried it's cancer_..." and they respond, "_Oh, you're so young and healthy, it can't possibly be cancer, it's going to be something else_..." you probably recognize they’re being optimistic and hopeful, and unless they belong to a weird culty religion that doesn't believe in doctors, etc. they aren't being callous and dismissive.
There is, unfortunately, a huge amount of ADHD baggage, that if it isn't witnessed in a child that literally cannot stop from getting up and dancing around when it's inappropriate, and repeatedly, there is a very normal reaction to think: "_ADHD is EXACTLY what a lazy hypochondriac would like to say they have_." And perhaps they'll also think things like: "_Even when everyone 'means well,' the doctors & psychologists will always 'find' ADHD if they go looking for it. If you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail_..." Leading into the persistent 'ADHD is misdiagnosed and overdiagnosed' ideas out there.
Yet even something like that is still potentially "positive & loving" in its origins. Instead of it being: "_You're a hypochondriac slacker that wants legal Rx amphetamines_." that could mean: "_I know you, I see you every day, and you're GREAT! Just fine and perfect as you are. I don't want you seeing some doctors that maybe are all 'official' and 'mean well' but will tell you you have ADHD, which might negatively define you for life. It's not as if there's a big definite 100% accurate MRI machine* and it'll pop up either 'ADHD' or 'NO ADHD' on a computer screen_"
Still as unhelpful as ever, but it can help YOU to at least know there's possible "kind and loving" reasons to be skeptical or dismissive.
*And yes, of course there's an absolute shitton of MRI, FMRI, nuclear blood flow brain imaging, ECG, computer testing with eye-tracking, and other definitive, objective, and technological medical testing that reveals very clear patterns of ADHD. But it's also true that most of that is investigative studies, and the vast majority of ADHD patients & diagnosis does not involve any of them. Even in extremely wealthy healthcare situations.
People with add/adhd have a dopamine deficiency, they are typically on the autusm spectrum although its rarely noticeable, i did notive it till about 20 years after my disgnosis because i had a stereotypical view of what autism was and because i was a straight A student i didnt think it was ppossible, another thing is, people with ADD/ADHD usually have bad anxiety because their brain jumps to every person, every sound, everything goin on and it overloads your brain, its as if everything is connected to a wire and they criss cross in your brain leaving you an anxiety riddled mess,
My experience with ADHD meds has been a severe calming effect as if those strings go from point A to point B and my mind can disregard the unimportant ones, ive been able to stop takiing ativan for general anxiety, aderral also makes me so calm i can get a great restful sleep without racing thoughts,
as for the autism my main side effect of that is I just feel like my skin is crawling anytime someone touches e, unles its my best friend or significant other, i even get this way when my own parents hug me, there are a few other negligible effects as well but I just wanted to write this down to give you an insight into ADHD that doctors tend to be completley oblivious to. as for the different meds, I take generic aderall IR due to price, but Vyvance XR is the med that i seem to thrive on the most so if you dont like one med you can try other amphetimine based meds and contrary to popular belief, just because they are all amphetamines does not mean they are all the same,
Good luuck and I hope everything workks out, its unfortunate that doctors are typically ignorant of ADD and think the meds are only beneficial if youre working when that couldnt be further from the truth.
I had (abd sometimes still have) faces the same struggle with loved ones around me even after a diagnosis, but I can tell you what my psychologist told me that helped:
If you have a diagnosis and the therapy is working then you weren't faking it.
But let me add this: symptoms similar to ADHD are found in many other disorders so, even if you don't have ADHD, this doesn't mean your struggle isn't real.
Don't be hard on yourself.
Good luck
Whenever people tell me "it's all in your head" or "you can do it if you change how you think" I like to use an analogy: if I were missing a leg and the wound would not heal, would you tell me to just keep running the marathon as I'm just missing a leg, and deny me from meds for pain, infection, crutches or a wheel chair?
They don't understand that the organ that we use for thinking and changing how we act is the very same one that's impacted by the disorder.
People have had great answers to your post!!
Want to add dump the dude. Jesus Christ. He will never take you seriously. I realised after my diagnosis how toxic my fiancé was and broke it off. I’ve never, and I mean it, NEVER been happier.
This particular topic hits a little too close to home, so my opinion is very subjective, but damn.
Now my boyfriend also has adhd and it’s the best, most understanding, tender, accommodating and intentional relationship I have ever had.
The break up wasn’t easy, we have a daughter together. But it was worth it. Everything adhd related that my ex despised is a reason more for my boyfriend to love me. No more masking. And the meds changed my life forever. I am now finally myself.
And I was so scared I was making it all up. My grandparents told me I’m just lazy, my mother didn’t even believe in adhd.
But everything changed. My family sees the change and understands now. My mother is now my biggest supporter after some counceling.
Life really gets good after to learn that you aren’t a strange horse but a zebra.
Hang in there ❤️ I wish you all the love and acceptance you deserve!
You probably also have imposter syndrome (like me lol) because I was fully expecting the doctor to tell me no you don't have that you're just making it up in your head.
Sure social media can be a distraction for people, but if your neurons aren't firing like Neurotypicals do, it can make it impossible to complete tasks. Even with a diagnosis people still say to me "we all feel like that sometimes" or brush it off like it doesn't exist.
I stopped telling people because sometimes the reaction is just so discouraging. If they can't SEE it they don't believe it.
Watching Russel Barkley on You Tube will put your mind at rest. He did a seminar for parents of children with and adults with ADHD more than 10 years ago and it makes it clear as day. You’ll know after a few of his older videos if you have ADHD or not! It might help to put your mind at rest.
Get tested anyway. If you feel like you do have it don't let others deter you from doing it. Some people genuinely think ADHD is when a person is actively jumping and running around all time or they struggle with the concept of mental health because they cannot visibly see anything wrong with you.
I’m 33 and was just recently diagnosed, medication has been an absolute game changer for how I operate. Couldn’t feel any better while on it. My mother just told me yesterday that’s it’s more likely a lack of motivation than anything else. huh??
I 100% have felt and still sometimes feel like an ADHD imposter. But over the years, I have had 4 different psychiatrists confirm the diagnosis. During the diagnostic appointments, the doctors asked many questions about my childhood and many of my answers reflected ADHD symptoms I never realized were ADHD symptoms. I always just thought I was lazy or stupid.
So whenever I'm in doubt, I remember that my diagnosis was confirmed by 4 separate doctors.
Trust me. It’s a great thing that you’re finally getting to see a psychologist. I grew up in an Asian country where ppl keep saying the same thing to me. I always knew I had ADHD after reading so much about it over the years. It is not until I moved to Canada that I finally got diagnosed at 25 and learned how to learn about myself and what I’m capable of.
If you are diagnosed with ADHD, be sure to get all the Supporting therapy, like CBT, DBT, and others l that you will need to get you to manage your adhd well.
It made a huge difference when I learned it myself. My psychologist was not great as I only got diagnosed to be eligible for meds, and I didn’t know any better then that I needed more than meds to make the best of my condition
>I keep telling myself that it’s a good thing that I’m finally seeing a psychologist (after putting it off for almost 2 years) but then I question it. And feel stupid. Or feel like im wasting my time.
Ironically this is another reason you should see a specialist! Imposter syndrome and putting off doing it for so long are symptoms, too.
I am a female ADHD (inattentive) art therapist. I have seen a lot of ADHD folks, and tbh it just looks so different in women than what people expect, plus it’s an invisible disability. Sometimes we can do stuff and sometimes we cannot, so people think it’s a choice. Trust your gut and surround yourself with people who support you. That’s advice for anyone, ADHD or no. A lot of the advice I’m seeing here says get a new boyfriend and new friends, which tbh is good advice if you’ll take it but it’s also pretty extreme for the average bear. So if you don’t want to cut ties with everyone, I recommend first educating yourself on how the ADHD brain operates - like the actual brain chemistry (this will help you be kinder to yourself in general) and then educate them to the best of your ability. Should we have to educate others about our disorder? No. But it is what it is, people don’t know what they don’t know, help them broaden their horizons.
When you feel like you just can’t, instead of saying that out loud - because that will often get you eye rolls from people who don’t understand - try asking for help instead, something along the lines of: “I’m having a hard time right now because I can’t seem to get started on anything… would you help me make a list of things to do or sit next to me while I get started writing this paper or literally stand me up grab the cleaning supplies out of the closet and put them in my hands?” ADHD is primarily an executive function disorder, which means it’s getting started that’s really tough. If you’ve asked for assistance and they won’t help you or argue with you, that’s when I’d recommend finding new people who will support you and appreciate you. Best of luck!
Ps. My advice is very accommodating to the others in your life, if that is not up your alley that is a-okay! You can definitely skip straight to the step of getting rid of the people in your life who don’t understand. I just wanted to give some alternative advice.
Get diagnosed, get educated, and learn some ADHD management tools. Imposter syndrome is a real thing. People who don't have ADHD don't really spend that much time thinking about whether or not they have ADHD. For me, having formal diagnosis is primarily a tool to silence doubters.
So is everything memory, thought and perception anyone has ever had.
ADHD is a real developmental difference in the brain with far reaching implications. It is absolutely real and getting help for it will absolutely improve your life
Some people will undoubtedly dismiss it with "everyone is like that" or "just try harder" or it's all in your head" but that is their limitation, not yours. Life is tough enough without taking on the limitations of others.
Besides, there is no real downside to seeking help. You don't have to take the medication if you find it doesn't help you.
You are not crazy. Focus on your weaknesses and make positive changes. People will definitely notice a difference, but it may take time. Medication is helping me accomplish my changes. As with any disability no one knows how you feel, except for if they also have adhd. Make changes though not excuses. This is why people with adhd gets a bad rap. We can change.
Technically it is. Suppressed levels of ACTH due to a pituitary problem or hypothalamic problem causes supressed levels of norepiniphrine and dopamine from the adrenal glands. Supressed levels of norepiniphrine and dopamine are clinically the definition of ADHD.
I'm 42 and was told so much that my problems are things that could be changed if I just tried. It makes me angry to hear it said to other people because just trying isn't enough. I'm burned out from trying.
Oh, the flashbacks of being alone, crying out to God and asking Him why everything has to be so hard. Looking back now, I see all the signs that I ignored (because I was basically trained to) that pointed to ADHD.
I don't get how "it's all in your head" is reassuring to some people or like helps them minimize something. Shouldn't you be really concerned about something all in your head? It's literally where you brain is and you brain is literally like all of you. I just don't get how people say that as if it's supposed mean something isn't that bad or it's not real. Your head is very real and so is whatever is in it.
Friends and family don't want things to be wrong with you, so they bias towards there being nothing wrong with you. Talk to the doctor about it. Do your own research. My teachers used to write on report cards that I didn't pay attention in class, but since I wasn't hyperactive (sat quitely at home playing video games), they never brought me to the doctor, so I didn't get diagnosed till age 33.
My mum said "you don't have ADHD, we all do that" now she's like "I was wrong and I'm sorry, I also believe I have ADHD, everything makes so much sense now" 😂 so maybe the people who are telling you that it's all in your head are also ADHD. For my partner I told him and he quietly went away and researched it and said he agreed there is a possibility.
If you had depression you'd takes meds and nobody would question it. If you needed glasses, nobody would question it. So if you share about your ADHD tell them you're not asking them for their opinion their not professionals.
Good luck with your diagnosis. My parents and sister weren’t too supportive when I first got diagnosed so I just don’t talk about it with them often. Also I stopped medication during my pregnancy and first 6m postpartum and when I accidentally mentioned going back on medication they wanted to tell me how much I didn’t need it and that I’d managed just fine while I was off. But it’s not for them to decide. They are not in your head. It’s between you and your doctor.
I mean… yeah, it’s in your head… your frontal lobe, specifically. Also, if you have professionals who are willing to look into your symptoms and check to see if you have a diagnosis, then your bf and everyone else can take their medical degree to them and discuss why they disagree with your diagnosis. At this point, it’s an act of self care to check this with your healthcare professionals - everyone else can find their own things to focus on. And when/ if you get diagnosed, remember: the chances of you managing to deceive all the professionals assessing you is very slim, so remember that when the imposter syndrome hits :)
It is, but not in the way they mean it. The things are are experiencing are real, you aren't just 'lazy' or 'not tying hard enough' or ~~"tv has rotted your brain"~~ "have been using too much social media," and most importantly, **you are not stupid**. Be honest with your psychologist and yourself, really try your best at the tests they give you. You know you are not pretending and even if you do end up falling outside of diagnosis criteria, still talk to your psychologist about the troubles you are having because with or without the adhd label those troubles are real and they should bewilling to help you manage them.
Are you close with your genetic parents? ADHD is often hereditary so one of your parents may be familiar with what you are experiencing even if they never thought of it as adhd (maybe just describe your difficulties without the adhd label if that is an aversion for them)
💞sending love. I was diagnosed at 25. I’m now 27 and just started medication. My dad who is supportive in every other way said that he doesn’t understand because I seem like I hav wit together and that the particular med will make me “crazy” and is just a crutch. I know he just doesn’t understand. My diagnosis and treatment has improved my life so much. I feel like myself. I’m hoping in time he will understand.
They say that because they think having ADHD is a bad thing. It comes from a place of ignorance (can be voluntary or involuntary). Try your best to brush it off. You know yourself better than anyone else. More than your family or friends think they do. There is nothing wrong in trying to do something good for yourself.
I used videos to help people understand. My family has always seen me as flighty which I never understood. I essentially told them here's some videos and all that flighty stuff made sense.
Check out How to ADHD on YouTube and Connordwtf on TikTok.
Years of ignorance against psychological health are the cause of this unfortunately. Don’t worry, you’re doing the right thing! It’s not their faults they believe what they do.
It’s true that a lot of people are being diagnosed with it, but ADHD is truly the most widespread disability IMO. It is, however, a spectrum disorder. I know very personally 3 other people with it and they all experience the symptoms at different intensities and have different levels of control over it.
I am forever in pursuit of what helps me live optimally and that includes my people. Regardless of what’s going on, I want the people closest to me to support my efforts in my wellbeing, be open minded, compassionate and empathetic as I am for them. I gave too much of my life to people that were not able to reciprocate the ways I was showing up for them. Life is too short and too hard with ADHD to also add in the extra effort of proving your value and what you experience. Glad you’re seeing someone, and know you don’t need a diagnosis to validate what you go through especially to this group.
this hurt me so much too read. i went through the exact same thing and it took literal years of begging my mother to get me tested for her to finally oblige. even after getting a formal diagnosis, i still get doubted.
coming from my perspective, i’m sure you do have adhd because experiences like this aren’t things that most people go through. the biggest thing i can say is ignore strangers, they aren’t worth your time, but with people important to you, like your boyfriend, that’s different.
for me, I have found that these people don’t take you seriously because they think your judgement is clouded. the best solution i found was resulting to relaying other’s experiences to them. [this](https://youtu.be/ji0hg1LduU8?si=gFPOdlL0LWhTI--0) particular video is one of my favorites because it goes over the minute things that so many people don’t understand is a result of adhd and chalk up to laziness. it also has all kinds of people.
in the end, you shouldn’t let other people invalidate you. i know, far easier said than done. but it is true. find yourself communities like the ones here on Reddit and connect with people who know what you are going through.
i wish you best of luck with your test and hope that whatever the results are, that it brings at least some clarity into your life. until then, remember that everyone here is supporting you and that what you are going through is so much more important than what you or other people may think. <33
I haven’t read that many other peoples comments so other people might’ve said something similar. A lot of women get misdiagnosed with BPD or bipolar. They have ADHD because their symptoms are different then men’s and some women have issues with PMDD along with their ADHD. I don’t but my sister and mother both do/did (mom doesn’t have ovaries anymore).
My ex husband did something similar, but I did not have a previous diagnosis of anything. A lot of people almost shamed me for wanting to get a diagnosis at all when in all reality, it has helped my life tremendously, although I was very mad about being diagnosed ADHD. Mad all my missed opportunities, all the extra help I could’ve received, all the understanding I could have had with myself.
My doctor was reluctant to even give me ADHD medication because I am on the lower weight side. The first time I took Adderall I cried because of how much better I felt. I’m on Vyvanse now, because as my life got easier and I got rid of all these toxic ass people in my life. Adderall was a bit too strong.
You can only choose what you want in your own life, but I’d save myself some time removed people like that from my life.
This is Bull. Most people no absolutely nothing about it, I'm going too suggest to you what a doctor told me about antidepressants when I never them. Please use caution on who you tell about ADHD especially ADHD. I'm 64 and 25 years ago the same thing was Said back then on Adepressants
Talk to your doctor. They know more about you than me or anyone else
Best wishes
ADHD is all in our heads! That is exactly where the problem is. It would be easier if it had some physical sign that made it easier for everyone to see.
Get on some meds. They were a game changer for me. Then add alarms for everything on your phone, get an ADHD friendly psychologist/coach if you can afford it. They can help you set up routines and help find strategies that work for you.
Meds first. ADHD is a brain chemical problem, so it needs a chemical option as part of the solution. Meds have helped me use the strategies I have to get things done. Without the meds, strategies don't work.
You aren't lazy, you have ADHD. There is a big difference. You are already working harder than most to function in this world. Give yourself a break. Ignore the ignorant. Did I say start meds? Some are anti meds and some can't tolerate them. If you can, they really help.
If you are still reading, look at dr Russell Barkley on YouTube. He is pretty good. There is also how to ADHD as well I think is the channel.
Diagnosis is a big first step! Well done! Next step is to get some proper help.
"Yes, of course it's in my head. They have brain imaging scans of how ADHD brains are different than typical brains. Where would you expect the differences in my brain to show up? My foot?"
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Of course it's in our head. Where else are we going to have a neurological disorder.
You’re 1000% right
People that lack empathy and the critical thinking tend to have a hard time rationalizing medical issues when there are no visible issues. If they are not psychologist they don’t know what the fuck they are talking about.
Don’t listen to other people. Listen to yourself and your feelings about this. You know yourself better than anyone else<3
And surely psychologist knows better than ppl who says “it’s just in your head”. Like, psychologists studying and learning for years to diagnose disorders, when other ppl just sharing their opinions.
Obviously it’s stored in the ass. Ass Don’t Have Dopamine
Ok, weird, related anecdote: I was misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder first. Turns out, I have Celiac Disease and ADHD and PTSD. Celiac is damage to the intestinal lining because we lack an enzyme that breaks down gluten sheaths, so eating wheat, barley and rye is like swallowing glass for us. 2018 or 2019 science discovered that 90% of your Serotonin is manufactured and stored in your intestinal wall - exactly what is damaged and inflamed in Celiacs - and that's why moodiness is a primary symptom! Serotonin is super important for digestion as well as mood stability! So one of my "mental health issues" is actually "in my ass"! I got reassessed because physical illness negates the criteria for BPD, then I got my ADHD assessment done. I didn't think I had it either, but the scores were insane - I'm VERY ADHD. So no dopamine regulation (short term happiness), and no serotonin regulation (long term happiness) AND PTSD (the only thing, with my history, that explains my other symptoms) - needless to say, I am NOT a treat to be around for very long! lol
Based on your comment and being able to joke about your illness, it sounds like a treat enough to me! :)
I also have Celiac and ADHD! That is very interesting!
As someone with BPD it's crazy how symptoms can overlap sometimes like that, and I can definitely related to "not being a treat" 😅. Glad for you that they reassessed you. It should be the first thing they do; rule out physical cause before diagnosing mental health disorders and going straight to medicating. Sadly this is rarely how healthcare works nowadays :/ I'll definitely have to look into this more. We're learning more and more every day about the gut's impact on mental health and wellbeing.
I applaud your positive attitude about your illnesses, and your awareness of and humor about them. I hope you are being humorously self deprecating because you certainly appear to have the tools to be someone who is good to be around.
Your post made me remember that the reason why antidepressants mess with your stomach most of the time is the reason you described how serotonin is made.
Are you secretly my Mom? Surprisingly similar story, haha.
I had something super similar happen!! I was first diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and bipolar disorder meds did nothing to help symptoms… I turn around and finally get diagnosed with PCOS and ADHD and FINALLY recieve treatment for both.. and guess what? No evidence of bipolar disorder!!! It’s so upsetting that overall health isn’t looked at first before they jump to such extreme conclusions!!
\*pushes taped glasses up nose, straightens fedora\* uhm ACKCHUALLY. /s Motor neurons also use dopamine and your glutes are some of the largest muscles in your body so... plenty of dopamine in the ass.
Lmao nice one
Ah I know the solution then. Just boof one of these tyrosine caps
As a doctor, I came here to say exactly this. LOL. But OP, the thing with ADHD is that it's lifelong, it can be debilitating, and it can make life difficult. If your bf is telling you it's all in your head, maybe you need a new bf, one that is actually supportive. When I first met my fiance, I told him that I have ADHD and it can make some things difficult for me. Even then, I'm STILL, in my 40s (diagnosed in my mid-30s), learning about how my ADHD manifests. For example, I never really thought I was sensitive to noise because I HAVE to have background noise at all times to just function. But my fiance has recently pointed out that I am, in fact, sensitive to certain noises and he even knows what they are (birds, for example). Find a partner who helps you, not somebody who hinders you and gaslights you.
BINGO! Not a provider, but one of the girls who was diagnosed (bc my mother actually *saw* me) in the early 2000’s. My bf is older, and of the generation that was told it was about effort, nothing more or less. I firmly believe that living with him has opened his eyes. Because he’s seen me hyperfocus on something AND have a meltdown over something that I simply cannot do because of the day/dopamine. He has the capacity to extend grace I struggle to give myself. We’ve figured out ways to communicate with each other about points of friction and are working on ‘community standards’ and twitch points in the home. All that to say, it could be the man. Does mine get frustrated with me sometimes? Gods yes. Does he love me anyway? Also, resounding yes.
I’m in my late 40s and only just got a diagnosis for ADHD inattentive in the last 2 months. My wife had been supportive of me throughout the years despite my inability to follow through on some things, my struggle to hold a job, for instance. But once I got my diagnosis, she seemed indifferent to it. I’m excited because it means I can figure some things out, possibly get help focusing, and maybe get prescriptions to assist me. Whenever I bring it up, she suggests I “still need to do the work” and gets frustrated with me to the point she doesn’t want to talk about it. I’m baffled that she’d support me for years when I struggled, but act indifferent once I finally find a reason for some of my problems. It’s not a magic solution, but it’s a start, and I feel a little deflated that she isn’t more enthusiastic.
In my experience, people who have put up with our behavior do so because they feel that we have 100% control over it, and are thus at least “trying” to do better…but when we receive the ADHD diagnosis, they become worried we’ll use it as a crutch to not “try” anymore. I’ve also seen this happen with people who are diagnosed with clinical depression. As the people diagnosed, we are pleased to finally have a road map of sorts, and perhaps some understanding; the people “dealing” with us can sometimes feel like it’s just another excuse. They can’t be excited for the possibility of good results, because they have been hopeful before, and it was more of the same.
Thanks! I think this is so valid in my situation. I sought out the testing to try to gain more control over things, but I can see how it could be seen as a crutch. I’m hoping therapy and other things can help me figure it all out. Or even some of it. Thanks for your response!
I know that with depression too. “You are depressed, you probably don’t want that we laugh in your hearing distance or do jokes or treat you like a normal human being. If we did that, you would perhaps smile, which depressed people don’t want to do, why else have they chosen to have a depression?" 😳
I went and paid to get a private diagnosis as public avenues are at least 18 months to have the first appointment. I've yet to tell my family precisely for the outcomes you mentioned above. The spouse historically hasn't been empathetic in a number of different ways to the point I usually hide emotion and deal with it on my own. I kinda feel I need to learn more how it manifests and has throughout my life (late 40s here too) so I can better realize and regulate before I attempt medications. I'm still in my grieving and and acceptance phase knowing I probably didn't have to suffer for so long, but I don't have the 'spoons' at the me to deal with someone possibly saying I'm using this as an excuse. I hope you can get to a family dynamic that supports you friend. It can be difficult to find.
I can sympathize to a degree. You two simply aren't processing the news of official diagnosis in the same way. You got the diagnosis, and quite understandably, are SO RELIEVED. "_Oh thank God_... _It is actually a 'REAL THING' and I am not this ineffectual lazy shitbird manchild who just never 'tried hard enough.'_" I won't say it's 'right' or 'fair' but I suspect the reason she's cool or indifferent about you having an official ADHD diagnosis is she's now worried it's going to become permanent excuse or crutch to 'not even try' or accept big disruptive failures like job loss as: "_Oh well, I've got ADHD, what can I do?_ (Shrug): Possibly she's misinterpreted some of the things you've said in terms of relief and emotional catharsis in this way. So I can at least understand the thought process by which she was supportive before the diagnosis, and is now distant over the issue, now that you have one. And she was supportive pre-diagnosis, because she really didn't need one to be supportive. To whatever degree it was, she understood you struggled with 'something,' and from her perspective, she understood or felt it wasn't a character flaw. And for things she might have been very upset or critical, or even left/divorced you over, like repeatedly losing jobs, she didn't. She could tell it doesn't match your character, or how she knows you to be. For whatever reason, maybe she understands you aren't deliberately coasting, or malingering at jobs and getting fired because you like "scamming a paycheck." And presumably, she further knows you'd much rather have work stability, and even maybe progress at one particular employer. And depending on the career field or jobs, finding a new job canvget exponentially harder as you age. I don't really want to risk delving into "Men - Mars, Women - Venus" pop-psychology & bullshit. In general terms though, someone with healthy expectations for a spouse, among the laundry list of critical items, they want to see a certain amount of _effort_ and _stability_, or at least one of the two... You sound to not have done quite as well in the 'stability area, and I can definitely relate. "The new normal" of Millennial & Zoomer job-hopping, and that a resume with 3-4 years consistently for each job, with a vague impression of increasing responsibilities, looks sort of "good," and has saved my ass _repeatedly_. In reality, it's been a surprisingly consistent 3-4 year pattern where graph lines for my work effort, ADHD executive deficits, my personal likeability, and the employer suffering from the "Sunk Cost Fallacy," and finally deciding to cut their losses, would all intersect. So that leaves _effort_. And while I am speculating here without knowing more than what you wrote, that's what I suspect she saw in you previously. Now she's worried the diagnosis will rob you of _effort_ too. Or, rob you of that effort, just as treatment & medication gives back some potential stability. Ideally, a full "heart to heart" clear the air understanding and open communication is ideal, but we live in the real world too... or trying it, like all the advice says to do, it utterly blows up in your face. Been there, done that. I have the t-shirt... I don't like anything that feels "manipulative," but if it's truthful, and helps ease my spouse's fears or worries, and is arguably, "just expressing myself better," I can live with it. So, if I were facing this situation, the next time the ADHD diagnosis issue came up with my spouse, I would try to express that: "_I'm excited about the diagnosis because I always feared I was just somehow a 'bad person' or 'a dud'_. _And now that it's confirmed as ADHD, besides explaining so many things, I can now FIGHT AGAINST it, and WORK AROUND it._" And I'd probably add some heartfelt, and very blunt thanks & recognition of what she's possibly endured with the job losses/firings. Even if the finances were okay during those times, I'm sure her worries were far from 'ok' more than once. So that may be in order too. Whether you've said so before or not. It may take more than one mention of this to really sink in. But hopefully, the idea that: "The diagnosis gives him more to work with, not less." will get across and encourage her. And there's indeed a lot of truth to: "_You still gotta do the work_," too. I'm medicated up to my neck, and have the luxury of a good doctor/psych, and trying several combinations and dosages of stimulants and other things. Currently, I take enough Rx ADHD medication to effectively treat probably 4 randomly selected people in this sub. _And it barely helps._ We're talking about the max safe adult dose for three different Rx medications. So I have to "dig in" and actually DO all the somewhat eye-rolling self-help ADHD management and mitigation strategies suggested by therapy and various credible sources. As an adult, one naturally just wants to pop a pill, "be better" and forget about their problems. Even if nobody really knows but you, all the little tricks & games are sort of demeaning. But, if they work... So I suggest, whether there's an Rx treatment you're getting or not, and if it helps you substantially or not, make a serious effort to research coping strategies, or if there's ADHD coaching/counseling therapy available. And if possible, and it's advisable, involve your spouse to some degree, even if it's really just to demonstrate: "_You're putting in the work_."
Thanks so much! This is really a great response and very insightful. I’m really still processing the diagnosis and all it entails, but this gives me a great place to start. I appreciate it!
I just want to reinforce what the above person said: Medication can be great, but it's not a cure, it is a tool among many other tools you can use to manage your symptoms and it always takes effort. I wish you and your partner the best of luck learning to handle this new knowledge together.
It's a case of ADHD difficulty in advocating for yourself (this is my supposition)
Absolutely. It’s hard to look at all my past problems and say… but NOW I can do better. Thanks!
Idk about y'all, but I keep mine in my appendix
So just get your appendix out. Mine is in my hair strands. That's why I wax EVERYWHERE. And I shave my head.
People have some weird ideas about mental health and even regular health checkups. To bring it to a different level. Maybe it's not ADD, but something similar or slightly different. What I want to know is, what's the problem with just getting tested? Worst case, they may have more insights for you or a different diagnosis. Because people only think about costs, they see visits and diagnosing as wasted time and healthcare money. I consider it "mental maintenance." You aren't being a burden on society. You are using the resources a society should have readily available and be fine spending money on. A society with happy and healthy people would produce the most and live the best life. Life should be about living, helping, and connecting with others. Making sure everyone is happy and healthy should be the main concern of society. If you aren't happy or feeling right(especially with mental problems), then everyone in your life should support your decision. Addressing your mental health is hard to do, and you should be proud you've come this far.
Spine... Periphery... :P Hell yeah I agree with the sentiment! <3
It's also a little in our bodies: Muscle stiffness and bodily aches Higher rate of accidental injury Issues with GI upset, weight, and blood sugar from nutritional struggles Chronic fatigue from sleep disturbances The physical repercussions of increased substance abuse rates
😂🤣 This is a good one back. Why didn’t I think about this?
"That broken bone is just in your arm"
Right like that’s where the brain lives wtf 🤣
Extremely common thoughts to be having and poorly informed social feedback is also one of the most common things you see people discussing here. There are 1.8 million people subscribed to r/ADHD, there are lots of people here who understand these troubles are not intentional and way outside of the normal range that people deal with. Best of luck in your journey to a better, more intentional life.
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We are many
Thanks for the comment 😀
You do this for YOU. Accept that NO ONE ELSE may ever buy into it. That’s why plenty of people don’t tell others. But yes, of course you should still do it. Meds can be life changing.
The fact that you put off making an appointment for two years is telling enough. I was 33(F) when I got my diagnosis. I wish I’d done it when I was 26. Things would have been so much easier. I had the same exact thoughts as you… and my partner of 11 years at the time didn’t believe it. Lo and behold… not only do I have raging adhd, but also generalized anxiety disorder, plus a few other fun bullets in the nice long report the psychologist wrote for me based on his evaluation. It did help me to sit and think really hard about examples in my past that are great and classic adhd symptoms. I honestly had gotten to a point where everything was overwhelming and just… I had no control. Don’t get me wrong… I’m still a bit of a shit show… but a much better managed one.
I also got my diagnosis when I was 33, and it’s been so crazy realizing that most of the reasons I’ve felt defective my entire life are related to ADHD.
I was 28. And I had medical records from 18+ where it said concentration issues over and over again yet they never screened me.
My parents saved most of my parent-teacher conference forms in a box and the one from fourth grade literally says I had trouble staying in my seat, raising my hand before blurting out answers, not talking to the people around me, consistently turning in assignments and staying organized and on task. There were similar comments on most of them from other years but that was the most textbook one that somehow never resulted in anyone suggesting ADHD. The most heartbreaking part was that a lot of those conference forms had spots for self-evaluations and every single year I wrote that my goals were to be better organized, use my planner, turn in all my assignments, not get in trouble for talking. Little me *wanted* to, so badly, and I just couldn’t. :(
i’m just now getting diagnosed at 27. in high school i was a pretty good student although it took me 10 times as long for me to finish my homework as anyone else. in college is when i realized that i had issues but i didn’t know what the problem was. i used to cry when i would get back exams because i didn’t have enough focus or time to study properly. since then ive always felt like there was something wrong with me and as if i just wasn’t smart enough. it has been a pretty hard road for me but i’m thankful to be realizing now that there are things going on in my brain that are preventing me from being the best version of myself.
Diagnosed at about 35, now in my 40s, and I wish I had done it sooner. I've known for decades but didn't want the stigma. Now I own it and am actively working to de-stigmatize it. Also, meds were a life-changer and I should have started them in college, if not sooner. And yeah, there are STILL things I'm learning about ADHD and especially how diversely it manifests in different people.
It's much better to be directing the shit show instead of just acting it.
Yes, yes, yes!! This!
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So is addiction. So are brain tumors. So is every chemical reaction that forms our personalities.
Your boyfriend is a dick for saying it's all in your head. Would he say that if you were getting tested for cancer?? Ask him why he feels qualified to dismiss your ADHD symptoms when he's not a fucking doctor.
Plenty of arseholes disregard psychiatric disability and health. If you're not in a wheelchair, people will dismiss it. I (35 M) have a father who dismisses it and a mother who clearly has ADHD (and autism) but refuses to be diagnosed because of stigma and undoubtedly the abuser whom fathered me. So, tell them to pull their heads outta the sand, and take it seriously as you're not ok with it being dismissed simply because it isn't a cast on a leg. 
If you can't see it then it doesn't exist
To be honest, if you weren't feeling this way I'd say maybe it's not ADHD haha
That is so true😂😂😂
Everyone who doesn't understand ADHD thinks it's not real, overblown, or you don't have it. I told my dad I had it, he said he didn't see it and doesnt think I have it. He has ADHD, and my sister has ADHD, and my brother has ADHD, and though my mom and other brother weren't tested, he's a twin and has clear ADHD + ODD. People are often wrong about ADHD. It leads to a lot of people never addressing their problems and being forced into a life of mediocrity when they're capable of so much more. It blows, don't be discouraged. Gl!
It’s hard. There are some good YouTube videos that you could send them from well known ADHD doctors, but sometimes people’s minds are made up unfortunately. I’m in my 40s and I had to stop talking about it with my family as they all know I have it but they see it as an excuse.
Honestly though, I wouldn't even send people YouTube videos. I've learned that the most stubborn unbelievers won't budge on their opinion no matter what evidence you place in front of them. And they will just continue to make you feel crazy. It is depressing & sad, not having that support from your loved ones. You're setting yourself up for more disappointment trying to argue with them. They are adults capable of reasonable thinking & doing their own research. If someone I loved had a medical condition I would Google it until the cows come home. If they are not supportive perhaps they aren't your people. Find new people. (Easier said than done, I know.) But there are supportive people out there. Choose wisely with whom to share the diagnosis with, or even your suspicions that you have it. Do not tell your work people. Do not tell unsupportive people. In the meantime, read books about it, lots of info online. This sub alone has so much info. Last week I had my first ever mammogram & today I got a call back they want me to have a follow-up ultrasound. I'm going in tomorrow morning for that. Told my mom, she got mad at me that I had a mammogram done. She said if I hadn't gotten that mammogram I wouldn't be worried right now. I know that anger is her go-to emotion for a lot of things, but even that caught me off guard. This is the same woman who cried when she found out I was going to therapy 13 years ago. Anyway, this is to say that I understand when people aren't supportive of you taking care of you. But you have to do what's right for you. Take care of yourself because no one else knows your needs better than you do. And don't be afraid to get a second opinion. I did when I was first diagnosed with ADHD. I wish you the best in your journey, whether it's ADHD or something else. Big hugs. 🤗
Same
When someone says “it’s all just in your head.” Look them in the eye with your most serious, cold, no-nonsense look. Be still, calm, and uncompromising. Make them feel the weight of your next three words, let them know that there is no argument, no discussion, no gaslighting in response; simply say. “No, it’s not.” And walk away. Don’t listen to their denials. Don’t argue with them. Drop whatever you’re doing and walk away. If they are driving you somewhere, have them pull over and get out. Or park and ask them to leave. If you’re in a mall or a store, leave whatever you were going to buy. If they accuse you of being dramatic, ignore them. Then, whenever you feel like re-engaging with them, you can talk to them again. Sometimes, you’ve got to give people the cold shoulder for a bit. Denying your lived experience is one of those times.
My immediate response to ‘it’s all in your head’ would probably be ‘no shit.’ It’s a brain disorder. Where else would it be? Which is really just saying your thing from the other direction. It just baffles me that people say ‘it’s all in your head’ like it’s some sort of gotcha, like thanks, no, I keep my adhd in my left elbow.
I'd look at them like they're an idiot and go: "... Yes... That is where the brain is."
I'd probably add something like, "is your brain in your butt or something? Mine is in my head, where it should be."
I mean your head is where your brain is kept. A neurocognitive disorder affects the brain. So yeah it is in your head. Just like how when I broke my elbow it was all in my arm. Or how my hemorrhoids are all in my butt. I’m a bit confused as to where he thinks ADHD ought to be. Should you keep your ADHD in your foot?
What’s your boyfriend’s reason for saying it’s a phase? How much do you guys discuss what you’re thinking and going through and how much does he understand about ADHD? My wife was diagnosed with OCD when we were first together. Before she got official treatment I supported her and never dismissed what she was feeling, and even afterwards tried to learn what I could to help support her. I always knew I had my own issues, and much later in life I found out it was ADHD. Maybe it’s because of getting older or having kids but it definitely feels like it’s getting harder. But my wife is there to support me when I need her. My two cents, be sure you have good support person. ADHD isn’t fun for the person who has it or the people they have to share their lives with. I see a lot of posts where people with ADHD have to “mask” themselves when going out for work or regular day activities and you’ll want someone you feel comfortable with to come home to when you’re exhausted and emotionally drained.
It is all on our heads. That’s where our messed up neurotransmitters are!
I’ve got a 4th grader and shit is getting real. I give her advice from Brene brown and I’ll tell you the same. “Imagine you are holding a candle in your hand, you only want people in your life who help you keep your candle lit and protect it from going out”- sure wish someone had put it to me like that way back when. ADHD is def in your head! It’s a neurological disorder ffs!!
Don't let boyfriend make your decisions for you. This is your life, he may or may not be in it later on. You'll still need to pick up coping mechanisms, get counselling, maybe medication (or not,). You'll have a lot of personal decisions to make. You really don't want other people making those life changing ones for you.
I havent commented on here before but I would reccomend doing your research and if you think you have it then certainly see someone to possibly get a diagnoisis Quite often people view adhd as the typical symptoms that occur in men (it often manifests differently in women). this is due to two reasons, 1) A lot of research focuses on male ADHD symptoms, and 2) women are often subconsciously trained to mask their symptoms more. (This can be because these symptoms in woman are put up with less etc and therefore they hide them) I cannot speak to your situation entirely, but it could be possible that your boyfriend is basing his perspective on these typical symptoms or traits. ADHD diagnosis can be really helpful, but for me it was a bit of a minefuck - take your time and do your research Best of luck, and go into it being true to yourself - a lifetime of medication is no walk in the park :)
I'm in the exact same boat: 25F getting assessed soon and feel so much anxiety and imposter syndrome. My fiancee is super supportive and 99% certain I have ADHD. What made me feel better was buying The Mini ADHD Coach Workbook and filling it out. It breaks down symptoms and how they affect every area of my life and have space to write down your memories and examples. Good luck, I hope you can have a good convo with your bf about validation and empathy, you should really have him on your side, we already doubt ourselves enough!
Unless all these people are qualified to provide a medical opinion on ADHD, they're all full of garbage. Their opinion is their own and none of your business. Depending on the person and their own issues, they might be trying to convince you that you don't have something wrong, because they're worried that they do as well. Hang in there.
As a wise man once said “of course it’s all in your head. Doesn’t make it not real”.
Most 'normal' people don't believe it. I didn't believe it until I took medication for it. They don't get it, and they'll never get it. But once they see how much you change on medication, they'll shut their f'ing mouths. Find someone who has empathy and is understanding, don't spend your life with someone who belittles you over your brain chemistry.
That saying is so wrong that it's right. It is all in your head. Because that's where the brain lives and its essentially a brain malfunction. Organs malfunction all the time and nobody cares because there's ways to measure how much it's malfunctioning and how to fix it. Brain stuff doesn't have those kinds of tests. It's an invisible illness. So everyone talks crap about us because there's no actual "test" to Guage anything.
And heart disease is all in our chest.
Sure social media did somewhat popularize ADHD to people, but regardless of that not everbody goes on with the diagnostic process (which is quite long in my country), so in my opinion those who do have every right to do so and get the help needed, you included. You should just let these comments from people go by and not really pay attention to them, only you know how serious your case is.
For my entire life, whenever I brought up the possibility of having ADHD, it was always dismissed or flat out ignored. It wasn't until my half brother got diagnosed last year and when I reached a breaking point in uni that I finally decided to book an appointment. This week I went in for my first intake appointment for ADHD and the psychiatrist actually listened to and understood my struggles and said this sounds like classic adhd symptoms. Nothing is confirmed yet because I still have 2 appointments to attend but I think that if you really resonate with articles and videos about the ADHD experience then stick to your gut feeling, you know yourself and what your struggling with the most so don't doubt yourself! You got this
"Its all in your head" Yeah fam, thats where my brain is. Yknow, the organ that controls every aspect of your life
It's annoying for sure. That's why I just don't mention it to anyone. I'm not a vegan. I don't need everybody to know I have ADHD. For you, consider it a compliment that your boyfriend doesn't believe you have it ..and he might be right? The only way for YOU to know for sure, is to get tested as you are doing. YOU and YOUR mental health is priority one. Don't let anybody take away from that or you'll end up like some of us on here, finally getting treated @ 40 years old wondering where most of our lives went.
I relate - same age, internet made me think of it but there’s a couple other diagnosis that all summed together basically explain who I am and I’m constantly questioning myself I had depression before, and as I recovered I always had those diagnosis in the back of my mind - truth is, the way I see it, I got stronger and because of that and because of the context I was in I wasn’t suffering so much with my symptoms. now, guess what? I’m questioning all over again, because at the time I mentioned it but we ignored as I was getting better “it was just a phase, why do you want to have the weight of a diagnosis” I still do 🤡 maybe it wasn’t just a phase after all to sum up - being a phase doesn’t mean you don’t have it. the best way to deal with it is to get therapy and have those tests done, at least you’ll know the answer and you’ll also have someone to help you through your symptoms, no matter what the result is go for it 🤞🏻
Best response "Yes, you are right, it's all in my head, that's why I am trying to fix it." I've noticed that caffeine calms me down and helps me focus, meanwhile claritin and zyrtec make me more hyper than a 6 year old after consuming large amounts of candy. What may help is print out a list of ADHD symptoms - cut off the top of one of them labeled "symptoms of ADHD" and as a game have your boyfriend read them out loud and circle the ones that apply to you. At the end of it, show him the second copy with the header. This may make him have an "aha" moment.
Sounds to me like you're being gaslighted by what should be your support network.
I've been diagnosed twice and I still have a hard time not feeling like I'm faking it. lol But, I know when I beat myself up for being a fake, for lying, for just being lazy.. I have to remind myself it's not *my voice saying those things.* It's my dad's. I hope that whatever you find out with that test it serves you some comfort. Even if you don't have ADHD I'm sure they can figure out what you need and help you move forward.
Um it is in your head. That's where it lives. Don't concern yourself with the opinions of others. They don't live in your head and it's not for them to decide what you do/don't have. Edit: maybe it's time for a new and supportive boyfriend. Sounds like this one is past his used by date.
I’m 59 years old and was just diagnosed in October of this year. For my entire life, I was branded as depressed, lazy, flighty or unmotivated. My ENTIRE life. This old chick learned about ADHD from TikTok and decided to ask my doctor. I’m so grateful for social media pushing me in the right direction. I’m still in the phase of figuring out medication brands and doses, but I’m already doing so much better! I get the same response from some people I tell, but Eff ‘em. They don’t have to live in my brain. Don’t let anyone but a doctor tell you what’s going on with you. I’m glad you’re looking for help and hope that you find your answers.
Time for a new boyfriend. One with compassion. One that takes you serious. That doesn’t belittle your struggles
Tah dah! I scrolled for 5 minutes before finding an actual Redditor banging out that classic advice! This is where I miss the old awards.
Adhd is stored in the ass
heres my advice why are these people saying its in your head my guess is because you told them to save yourself the misery of ignorance dont fucking tell them i never get shit about adhd why because no one knows i have adhd except my parents lol you are more than adhd and you dont owe an explanation especially not for ignorance
R/[technicallythetruth](https://www.reddit.com/r/technicallythetruth/s/FRZYsHgSqq)
Eh, don't worry. One of two things will happen: You will be tested and proven to have it, or you don't have it and the test will show as much. Now isn't the time to worry as much, you're getting tested! this is the answer
Technically they are right since your brain is in your head.
I mean that is where the brain is
You need to direct these people to the concept of gaslighting and the harm that it can do. Until you see a doctor and get assessed, they should support you. You're obviously going through something serious and they're not qualified to draw conclusions on what it is.
when ppl say this im like yeah it is an issue in the part of the body we commonly refer to as the head thank you for giving me that information about my own condition
I recommend being patient and understanding with you boyfriends opinion. ADHD is a hard thing to grasp and many people aren’t conditioned to view it that seriously. I’m sure he hasn’t had much education or information on ADHD. Just be logical about it, and try not to be defensive about it. It’s easy to feel invalidated, but it’s also hard to understand the seriousness of ADHD without proper information and time to process it. (I thought adhd was some made up condition for many years. I never had the proper environment to learn about it.)
Yeah ofc it's in te head. That's where most problems are. People who are telling you shit like that obviously don't care about you.
It’s better to go for a test and not have it than to not to go for a test and do have it. Also, I’m new to having ADHD so I’m not entirely sure what’s ADHD and what’s not but putting it off for 2 years totally sounds like an ADHD thing to do.
The only person who knows what’s going on inside your head is you. Doctors try to figure out the why, but only you know the what.
Whatever the cause, you wouldn't be feeling this way if you weren't struggling with *something*. ADHD is a reasonable hypothesis and worth checking out. Put yourself first and honour your own feelings. I had some family members who expressed doubt while I was seeking diagnosis, but once I was diagnosed they just accepted it and realised they didn't understand what ADHD was. The stuff your boyfriend is saying sounds pretty shitty. Why is he so invested in making you think you don't have ADHD? Maybe to hurt your self-esteem (very shitty) or maybe he relates and doesn't want to accept that he might have ADHD (less shitty)?
First tip - replace the boy friend. Second tip - it is all in your head, that doesn’t make it any less real. Third tip - Get tested and see. There is zero advantage to not doing so.
I would avoid discussing the topic with those who are dismissive. It's not worth the mental load, seriously. My own family is pretty "I don't believe in mental illness" so I've personally distanced myself from them quite a bit and that is a topic I simply avoid around them for my own sanity. Your bf doesn't sound the most supportive. Your concerns are valid and, even if it were a "phase", are you not worthy of answers and/or treatment to potentially feel/do better? I think it'd be worth discussing with him how invaliding statements like that are. ADHD or not you deserve to feel your best. Sending hugs xx
You can tell them that ADHD is an excuse for poor behavior in the same way that being born short is bad behavior - your critics are wondering why you simply refuse to be tall? 🙃
Unless your boyfriend is a clinical psychologist/psychiatrist, I'm never sure which is the correct term , what makes him think he is qualified to diagnose or rule out things that are part of your mental health. Its none of anyone else's business, would you tell someone who thinks they are diabetic that they shouldn't go the doctor and get checked out? And if you go to the doc and they say you don't have ADHD, what have you lost really? I got diagnosed and medicated in my 30's and it was/is literally lifechanging. I frequently wonder what would have happened if I had been younger when that happened. Not many actual tips, just ignore them and go with your gut. You know you better than anyone.
Yes OP, have and are experiencing it! My trick is to keep the ones that get it close, and the ones that doesn’t not. I can see that this will be a problem with your BF. But the hurtful truth is, if he can’t accept and learn about your diagnosis, he CAN not be there for you. It will be a fake relationship. We go through enough as it is and do not need the ones closest to us to not be on our side. Try a while to get him to meetings or to read, discuss and understand some good research/info. If he’s stubborn, brake up and find someone who can live in your reality. Good luck!
Of course it's in your head, where else would It be, in your foot?
Yeah my ADHD is in my left kneecap, there's definitely something wrong if it's in your head. Seriously though, who cares what other people say. No one knows what it's like to be you and to see and think like you do. Easier said than done these days, but go get tested. When anybody who's not a Doctor disagrees, show them the results and ask where they got their medical degree from. Apart from that, just remind yourself that nuerotypical folks just won't get it, because they don't have it. There's no point getting upset, thats just how it is. I can sit here and say how easy it must be to be a fighter pilot because I've seen Top Gun. In reality, I have no clue because I am not a fighter pilot 😂. Just try and stay in these groups, around similar people who get it and just keep learning about it. Still to this day I see something I do which I thought was just normal then it's like "that's my ADHD too??" So it's a learning curve and the more you learn about it, the more you can work with it or work around it.
As someone said, of course its in your head, goddamn pity that the head does all the thinking and is so important huh
Act like they are so stupid like “duh? Its a brain disorder, of course its in my head?” While looking at Them like they are stupid.
I've seen a meme that said something like when someone tells you, "it's all in your head", reply to them, "You're right! It is!" 😃 I never tried it, because luckily, I don't really get comments like that, but I like it. 😁 Anyway, how about trying that response out? And this meme was about any mental illness, not ADHD specifically.
Honestly there’s nothing you can do but ignore them, my Asian parents don’t accept my adhd despite them being in the room when I was diagnosed. My boyfriend also tells me that my adhd isn’t an excuse and my ex friends used to make fun of me for my adhd. You’re not alone and unfortunately some people cannot empathise but at least you have a community here that understands you!
People who don’t understand what it is are these kind of people. Id go low contact with them until your diagnosis is done.
If it’s ADHD a psychologist trained in ADHD may help discover it, if it’s not ADHD a trained psychologist/therapist may also help with this issue. At the end of the day, consistently seeing A therapist will net in a good thing for you.
I have a couple of friends with a diagnosis that I'm 100% sure do not have ADHD. They are organized, finish projects easily, and have never even forgotten to drink a cup of coffee. For those couple of friends, there are a bunch of people I know who definitely have undiagnosed/untreated ADHD, because they actually have it. When you actually have it, it's harder for us to get that diagnosis, because all of the steps required to get the necessary appointments and remembering to and jumping through all the hoops needed to get those meds. If you think you have it, you probably do
Probably shitty advice, but I just kind of stopped talking about adhd with people who denied its existence. If I could, I would drop these people, but unfortunately they were my parents. I just learned that arguing about it was pointless. I could have diagnosis, could show symptoms my whole life, but to my parents my diagnosis was a sham, everyone struggled with school so extremely that they get depression as a child and I just want to feel special and get drugs. So I just gave up talking about it, didn’t share what was happening in my psychiatrist visits (especially after I became 18) and I maybe informed about medication changes if they asked. Saved me a lot of arguments for sure. My parents (mostly my mom, my dad doesn’t give a shit) recently started coming around, because my little brother is also autistic with adhd and his symptoms are way more inconvenient for them than mine, so they suddenly believe in adhd and autism and my mom suddenly started to treat me as this adhd/autism authority that will guide her through raising her son or something. She also started figuring out that probably no one in our family is without some form of adhd, autism, ocd or anything like that, so I guess it’s progress. So just don’t bother arguing. These people aren’t going to support you and it’s not worth your energy to argue with them about obvious shit like whether sky is blue, grass is green or if you have adhd that affects you. It sucks that your boyfriend has that mindset, so risking sounding like a typical redditor telling everyone to breakup, I’d rethink being in a relationship with someone who refuses to support me or even believe me if I were in your place.
I’m sorry you’re being invalidated by the people around you. I’ve dealt with that pre-diagnosis and still sometimes post diagnosis. I just remind myself that I’m making the best choices for me and my own well-being. It’s not something that needs to be understood by others, it’s all about doing what feels best and right to you. Best of luck!
You need to get all cards on the table so you can play better and a basic test array is the best way for you to do that. If anyone tells you either thst what ynu have is just normal (implying you are bad at coping) or says thst Everyone had a little bit of it, tell them that sneezing twice in one day is a nothingburger but sneezing 200 times is a condition of some sort. Don't listen to the advice of any uneducated or untrained person, definitely including your bf.
It is most definitely not in your head. People who say that would think so differently if they walked 6 hours in my shoes.
I hate when people say “it’s all in your head”, like yeah of course it is, where else would it be?
Dumbledore said it well: "of course it's happening inside your head but why on Earth would that make it not real" or something like that. Everything happens inside our heads. That's where our brains live and thus where everything happens. It's still very real. I must say that your partner doesn't sound like a good best friend. Best friends always support each other. I hope that changes soon. Take care of yourself and remember that you are worth being treated with love and patience and respect.
Wow ur bf sucks
Technically it is, it's a neurological condition in the brain that tends to be inside people heads. 🫢😅😜
Don't listen to anyone else. If you relate to other's stories and think you have this, you deserve to get tested and find out. If it feels right, it probably is. I was able to accept it myself so readily because I also suffer from a physical ailment that is basically invisible, so my entire life has been full of people assuming that I'm just lazy or slow or weak because I can't keep up with a group or walk funny. I spent a lot of time wishing I was just in a wheelchair so people could get the message, but that's not a helpful line of thought. It never gets easier, but you can't blame everyone else, you just have to try to let them know as best you can. Point them in the right direction toward educational materials and make it clear that you seriously need support rather than judgement. If they love you, they'll understand eventually, but you have to let them get there and leave your frustration at the door.
I usually try to base my opinions off of scientific research. When science says most brains with adhd have a VISIBLE difference in an MRI when compared with neurotypicals, you cant claim I'm making it up anymore. There is plenty of scientific evidence of ADHD. I would reply to those same people that THEY also saw people on social media say "everyone has adhd", rather than look at numbers. Numbers say people with adhd are about 4/5 % worldwide, less than autism. They also say that while adhd is highly genetic (70-87% chances of passing it down), there are a lot of factors that determine the incidence of adhd like nutrition, exposure to chemicals, exposure to mold, parent's exposure to chemicals, parent's exposure to mold, childhood abuse (physical or psycological), sleep quality, trauma and more. While there are some misdiagnosed people out there (there are a few things that can cause adhd-like symptoms like depression, low IQ, sleep deprivation etc), of the diagnosis is carried out properly, its quite accurate as it checks for all those things, and pre presence of the symptoms in every life scenario and since a very early age. So don't let ignorance get in between you and your wellbeing. You know you are correct and facts confirm that. Its up to you wether you want to try to educate the other person or ignore them if they don't listen, but don't waste your focus on trying to convince people that wont listen because you will just wear your mood and focus down even further... The first time i told my mum she laughed in my face, now she realised she's likely the one who passed it down to me..lol
Oh man, yes. Beeeeen there. I was there for 37 years. It’s so so painful, and I’m sorry. Please, know and feel validated that this is a REAL disorder, and it can be debilitating. Don’t spend anymore years letting the doubt and skepticism of others dictate how you seek treatment. I’m a mom of 3 in my late 30s, and what I’ve learned is that no matter what you do, people will always question or judge you. My husband and mother rolled their eyes at my ADHD for years. I finally decided they could go to hell in that regard and I’ve moved forward with treatment for myself. They respect me so much more now, and they’ve even made an effort to learn about the disorder. I know they still dont understand it, but it’s not my job to make them. That’s up to them, and if they love me they can be on board with support, or they can kick rocks. 💚
All of your experience happens through your head. Its a dumb argument.
I'm on the list to get tested so I'm not sure if I have it. It's a little reassuring when I see the symptoms in my parents as well. It helps me rule out heredity, or I'm just delusional and don't have it. We will see once I try meds and if they affect me like adhd should.
Respond to them, you're freaking right! It *is* all in my head. My chemicals are not chemicaling the way your brain does. My synapses are synapting like yours. I don't have any darn control over it. If you are able to do your tasks, and get out of bed every day, if you are able to do stuff that isn't exciting to you, that is boring to you but you know you need to get it done, if you are able to remember to do simple things like remember to even urinate, eat, shower, then that means you don't have chemicals and synapses like mine. That doesn't give you the right to make assumptions about my abilities. So eh.... EFF EM... it *is* all in our freaking heads. So what? Much love comrade. We got this. It's always tough being different. But look at all of history. It's always ends up the folks who are "different" that make the world so much better. So try to love yourself. It's like in high school walking down the hall and someone would hit me on the shoulder or head and be all, "F**KIN D*KE" I'd be all, "what?! Omg I had NO IDEA captain effing obvious!" Now those very same people think I'm so cool. It's so stoopid, hahaha. Ok sorry. This stuff just winds me up. It's so ridiculous. Or they say, look, I have a little adhd but I'm still able to ____^ fill in the blank. Darling, you don't have any amount of adhd. Stop it. Ok Ok ok.... /rant Much love fellow travelers. It's time for me to go play a video game for an hour so I can get enough dopamine to get me working on my writing coaching gig. Love ya'all!
Did you know that scientists have recently discovered our heads are actually *part* of our bodies??? 🤯 /s
29F and going through the exact thing you are. Currently sitting in the waiting room for my therapist to talk about the same feelings and problems. I don’t have much advice but wanted you to know you’re not alone 🖤
The self doubt is very common. My wife was incredibly supportive and I still doubted that I had a disorder before getting diagnosed. The self doubt can be common as an undiagnosed adult because you have only ever experienced your own brain. The longer you live with the idea that you have ADHD, the more you notice ways your mind works differently. I still get realizations of “wait, that’s not what it is like for everyone?” Just keep that appointment. Even if you don’t have ADHD, you likely have some type of neurological disorder. There is also a very good chance you have ADHD combined with some other disorder. You are experiencing something that is making your life harder and getting help. That is not a waste of time. I’m sorry your partner is not supportive. That sounds very hard. If you can afford therapy, I would recommend it. It’s a good way to help get perspective.
I am also 26 F and I go thru this exact thing. I’ve known I’ve had ADHD since I was a little kid when I was diagnosed. People take my overstimulation as a joke, I can understand how difficult that is. Even knowing my own diagnosis all my life I still question it cause of that exact reason for others thinking it’s just a “phase”… like yeah okay 🙄 it’s just a phase that it’s happen my whole life right? I hate that sooo much! Just go with what your body and brain is telling you. I have to remind myself everyday that I’m different and that’s okay! Nobody else is carrying all that but you.
"Well, duh, that's where my brain is." This kind of feedback is toxic but common. No one is entitled to information about your personal experiences and inner life. That is earned by those who are nonjudgmental, good listeners, and not your boyfriend. Take note of whoever is giving you this feedback and turn off the tap. Set boundaries and don't talk to them about this anymore. Stick to those who are open-minded and kind.
Just don’t talk with people about it. It’s none of their business.
They're technically right lol. ADHD is found to be neurological in origin. Btw, even if you aren't diagnosed, you may still struggle with executive dysfunction in some areas of your life. Check out ADHD tips and tricks online to help with any executive dysfunction you're facing.
I wouldn’t entertain someone with a personality disorder. Him gaslighting you isn’t cool. When you get a positive diagnosis what will he say then. He’ll say something negative again. I hope you get clarification that you need.,
the way they’re so close yet so far like yep it’s all in our heads but that doesn’t mean you can just think well now i don’t have adhd anymore and magically you’re cured from a literal neurological disorder. they don’t understand that it’s not a thinking pattern thing it’s about the literal way our brain works. but like as a fellow woman with adhd i feel like there’s also the stereotype that adhd is just a thing that happens to men, like for some reason it’s hard for people to believe that women can have adhd too, unless you’re like the undeniable hyperactive poster child, you know? and maybe not even then
I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 23. Before I made the appointment, I read *Driven to Distraction* and identified with so many of the stories. I started to feel a sense of relief (that there was an explanation for why I could be smart, and yet struggled with things “normal” people found easy)…then panic (what if that’s NOT it? Maybe I am just an idiot). After my diagnosis, I read every book I could get my hands on to better understand how my brain works. My mother was not very supportive when I was first diagnosed…but I ignored her negative comments and just kept sharing what I had learned…and eventually she started looking at things that drive her crazy about my father (the source of our ADD). Now, 20+ years (and two kids of my own with ADHD diagnoses) later, she is super supportive and understanding. But if your bf is not supportive, it may be time to find a new bf. We spend enough time fighting our own self-doubt…to have to fight someone else’s is a lot.
His comments are dismissive behavior. Just know it’s not your fault. In July 2023 a study was published indicating there’s a deficit in our glutamatergic and serotonergic neurological pathways. What’re we supposed to do about it? Like the top comment said, it’s obviously in our head but it’s not our fault so dismissing it as a “phase” is just plain ignorant and shows a lack of understanding. The only solid tip I can give is that it’s not your fault and you should be confident in yourself that you’re trying to be your best self.
Wym it's not in your head? Your circumstances are not to blame, your thoughts are.
Yep. A lot of people can only understand something that relates to own experiences. And only then it is the worst thing ever.
I listened to the stigma for so long but finally realised it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about it. They don’t have to live in my head struggling day to day. Talk to a psychiatrist or psychologist and don’t hold back anything, write down what you struggle with most and they can help you decide how to move forward. Also, surround yourself with better people. I have been struggling with my new ADHD medication and my friend made a group chat of all her neurodivergent friends so we could have a community of people who understand what we’re going through 🥹
1) ADHD isn’t primarily a ‘mental’ or psychological issue. It’s biological. And you’ve been diagnosed, which means you tell people you have a *biological disability*. 2) Don’t tell people. I know you only mentioned your BF, but try to limit sharing if you can. People will comment and add their, usually incorrect, view of ADHD into their mental model of you. This limits it as much as possible. If necessary, just say you have a ‘routine appt or follow-up with your provider’. Though that may not completely solve your problem. Even for me, who has only shared with immediate family (mostly due to the ‘death’ “*side effects*” on meds so someone knows I’m taking a serious med in case of emergency. But that already leads to more ‘negative’ comments and judgement than I can count.
Is impostor syndrome not something we talk about anymore?
Do it no matter what. Because even if you are not diagnosed, they either may find another cause for how your feeling or help you. I also recently got tested when no one believes I have an issue. Waiting for my neuropsych feedback in January.
Taking care of your mental health is never a waste of time. Getting diagnosed is the best thing to do in any case. Have you heard of imposter syndrome? Even when I’m super sick I wonder if I’m not faking it, so don’t let it consume you. Go with an open mind focused on improving your mental health, be honest and willing to figure yourself out. The rest will come by itself. Good luck!
You will never be successful at convincing any one of anything they don’t want to believe and you cannot control how people feel or what they think. There is no advice for that. You can however decide whom you wish to be around or have in your life if you feel you don’t get support. You deserve support.
This sucks, I get it, but unfortunately, it's like depression or other non-visible disabilities, like the "Normal looking person in the handicapped parking spots." There's no cane, scooter, or wheelchair, and they walk pretty normally, but they still might have some joint problems or cardiovascular or pulmonary issues that make every step they can save critical. And they just deal with the stares, side-eye, or scowls. They might explain themselves if someone is a rude asshole, but there may be no point if the asshole doesn't believe them. This sucks MORE when it's the people in your immediate circle of friends & family. Obviously, feeling invalidated is awful. There may be things that will change some minds eventually, or the opposite 180° happens. There's people you completely cut off because in broader terms, perhaps their ADHD skepticism is just one of many "toxic asshole" symptoms... In the meantime, you are performing triage. _Do not make it harder on yourself._ Firstly, stop telling anyone anything about ADHD, testing, a possible diagnosis, etc. that doesn't need to know. And "needs to know" can be very, very stingy. Limit it to if someone could die if they accidentally ate a bunch of ADHD stimulants you were prescribed. Perhaps a live-in boyfriend/partner has a child relative visiting, and they wander off, climb up to a medicine cabinet, and chokes down a whole month of Ritalin in one go.. Secondly, don't repeatedly remind that minimum number of people who "do need to know" about ADHD stuff, especially if it's uncertain or upcoming. Telling whoever this is, just the basics and leaving it at that is for the best. Avoid the temptation to wave a diagnosis paper, or an Rx in front of them as if to say: "_See? If it wasn't real, I wouldn't have this_..." Because if that doesn't work, it just creates a much deeper rift. Thirdly, under no circumstances should you EVER tell an employer or post-secondary school you attend about ADHD. The one exception is if your city, state, or country has laws, regulations, or rules for a clear process for getting accommodations for ADHD or other conditions, and you fully understand how it works. Or, if the school or employer has their own policy that they've enacted voluntarily. As to friends & family that are unhelpful, you can work on them _later_. Perhaps with info from any therapist you might have. Or a well-regarded and credible source of ADHD self-help information dealing with "critical & skeptical family & friends." And this isn't some deep shameful secret. It can be lonely and isolated to not have any sympathy, understanding, or support. But there's no point in creating extra doubt or stress for yourself. Finally, it's important to at least consider there are also many possible: "_They actually do care and mean well._"-reasons or motives behind a friend, partner, spouse, or close family member that's doubtful or skeptical of ADHD or some other non-visible condition like depression. They still can be "wrong" or "not helpful" but they aren't trying to deliberately hurt you either. Or may believe they're helping. One possibility is instead of being "dismissive" simply that they like/love you and they don't want you to have or suffer from the condition. If you feel/notice a lump, and say: "_I'm worried it's cancer_..." and they respond, "_Oh, you're so young and healthy, it can't possibly be cancer, it's going to be something else_..." you probably recognize they’re being optimistic and hopeful, and unless they belong to a weird culty religion that doesn't believe in doctors, etc. they aren't being callous and dismissive. There is, unfortunately, a huge amount of ADHD baggage, that if it isn't witnessed in a child that literally cannot stop from getting up and dancing around when it's inappropriate, and repeatedly, there is a very normal reaction to think: "_ADHD is EXACTLY what a lazy hypochondriac would like to say they have_." And perhaps they'll also think things like: "_Even when everyone 'means well,' the doctors & psychologists will always 'find' ADHD if they go looking for it. If you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail_..." Leading into the persistent 'ADHD is misdiagnosed and overdiagnosed' ideas out there. Yet even something like that is still potentially "positive & loving" in its origins. Instead of it being: "_You're a hypochondriac slacker that wants legal Rx amphetamines_." that could mean: "_I know you, I see you every day, and you're GREAT! Just fine and perfect as you are. I don't want you seeing some doctors that maybe are all 'official' and 'mean well' but will tell you you have ADHD, which might negatively define you for life. It's not as if there's a big definite 100% accurate MRI machine* and it'll pop up either 'ADHD' or 'NO ADHD' on a computer screen_" Still as unhelpful as ever, but it can help YOU to at least know there's possible "kind and loving" reasons to be skeptical or dismissive. *And yes, of course there's an absolute shitton of MRI, FMRI, nuclear blood flow brain imaging, ECG, computer testing with eye-tracking, and other definitive, objective, and technological medical testing that reveals very clear patterns of ADHD. But it's also true that most of that is investigative studies, and the vast majority of ADHD patients & diagnosis does not involve any of them. Even in extremely wealthy healthcare situations.
People with add/adhd have a dopamine deficiency, they are typically on the autusm spectrum although its rarely noticeable, i did notive it till about 20 years after my disgnosis because i had a stereotypical view of what autism was and because i was a straight A student i didnt think it was ppossible, another thing is, people with ADD/ADHD usually have bad anxiety because their brain jumps to every person, every sound, everything goin on and it overloads your brain, its as if everything is connected to a wire and they criss cross in your brain leaving you an anxiety riddled mess, My experience with ADHD meds has been a severe calming effect as if those strings go from point A to point B and my mind can disregard the unimportant ones, ive been able to stop takiing ativan for general anxiety, aderral also makes me so calm i can get a great restful sleep without racing thoughts, as for the autism my main side effect of that is I just feel like my skin is crawling anytime someone touches e, unles its my best friend or significant other, i even get this way when my own parents hug me, there are a few other negligible effects as well but I just wanted to write this down to give you an insight into ADHD that doctors tend to be completley oblivious to. as for the different meds, I take generic aderall IR due to price, but Vyvance XR is the med that i seem to thrive on the most so if you dont like one med you can try other amphetimine based meds and contrary to popular belief, just because they are all amphetamines does not mean they are all the same, Good luuck and I hope everything workks out, its unfortunate that doctors are typically ignorant of ADD and think the meds are only beneficial if youre working when that couldnt be further from the truth.
I had (abd sometimes still have) faces the same struggle with loved ones around me even after a diagnosis, but I can tell you what my psychologist told me that helped: If you have a diagnosis and the therapy is working then you weren't faking it. But let me add this: symptoms similar to ADHD are found in many other disorders so, even if you don't have ADHD, this doesn't mean your struggle isn't real. Don't be hard on yourself. Good luck
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Whenever people tell me "it's all in your head" or "you can do it if you change how you think" I like to use an analogy: if I were missing a leg and the wound would not heal, would you tell me to just keep running the marathon as I'm just missing a leg, and deny me from meds for pain, infection, crutches or a wheel chair? They don't understand that the organ that we use for thinking and changing how we act is the very same one that's impacted by the disorder.
People have had great answers to your post!! Want to add dump the dude. Jesus Christ. He will never take you seriously. I realised after my diagnosis how toxic my fiancé was and broke it off. I’ve never, and I mean it, NEVER been happier. This particular topic hits a little too close to home, so my opinion is very subjective, but damn. Now my boyfriend also has adhd and it’s the best, most understanding, tender, accommodating and intentional relationship I have ever had. The break up wasn’t easy, we have a daughter together. But it was worth it. Everything adhd related that my ex despised is a reason more for my boyfriend to love me. No more masking. And the meds changed my life forever. I am now finally myself. And I was so scared I was making it all up. My grandparents told me I’m just lazy, my mother didn’t even believe in adhd. But everything changed. My family sees the change and understands now. My mother is now my biggest supporter after some counceling. Life really gets good after to learn that you aren’t a strange horse but a zebra. Hang in there ❤️ I wish you all the love and acceptance you deserve!
You probably also have imposter syndrome (like me lol) because I was fully expecting the doctor to tell me no you don't have that you're just making it up in your head. Sure social media can be a distraction for people, but if your neurons aren't firing like Neurotypicals do, it can make it impossible to complete tasks. Even with a diagnosis people still say to me "we all feel like that sometimes" or brush it off like it doesn't exist. I stopped telling people because sometimes the reaction is just so discouraging. If they can't SEE it they don't believe it.
Well technically...
Watching Russel Barkley on You Tube will put your mind at rest. He did a seminar for parents of children with and adults with ADHD more than 10 years ago and it makes it clear as day. You’ll know after a few of his older videos if you have ADHD or not! It might help to put your mind at rest.
Get tested anyway. If you feel like you do have it don't let others deter you from doing it. Some people genuinely think ADHD is when a person is actively jumping and running around all time or they struggle with the concept of mental health because they cannot visibly see anything wrong with you.
I’m 33 and was just recently diagnosed, medication has been an absolute game changer for how I operate. Couldn’t feel any better while on it. My mother just told me yesterday that’s it’s more likely a lack of motivation than anything else. huh??
I 100% have felt and still sometimes feel like an ADHD imposter. But over the years, I have had 4 different psychiatrists confirm the diagnosis. During the diagnostic appointments, the doctors asked many questions about my childhood and many of my answers reflected ADHD symptoms I never realized were ADHD symptoms. I always just thought I was lazy or stupid. So whenever I'm in doubt, I remember that my diagnosis was confirmed by 4 separate doctors.
Do you believe it is real? Why?
I mean I wouldn’t be mad just turn it on them and say ….uhhh yeah it’s a mental disorder it’s supposed to be in my head
Trust me. It’s a great thing that you’re finally getting to see a psychologist. I grew up in an Asian country where ppl keep saying the same thing to me. I always knew I had ADHD after reading so much about it over the years. It is not until I moved to Canada that I finally got diagnosed at 25 and learned how to learn about myself and what I’m capable of. If you are diagnosed with ADHD, be sure to get all the Supporting therapy, like CBT, DBT, and others l that you will need to get you to manage your adhd well. It made a huge difference when I learned it myself. My psychologist was not great as I only got diagnosed to be eligible for meds, and I didn’t know any better then that I needed more than meds to make the best of my condition
>I keep telling myself that it’s a good thing that I’m finally seeing a psychologist (after putting it off for almost 2 years) but then I question it. And feel stupid. Or feel like im wasting my time. Ironically this is another reason you should see a specialist! Imposter syndrome and putting off doing it for so long are symptoms, too.
I am a female ADHD (inattentive) art therapist. I have seen a lot of ADHD folks, and tbh it just looks so different in women than what people expect, plus it’s an invisible disability. Sometimes we can do stuff and sometimes we cannot, so people think it’s a choice. Trust your gut and surround yourself with people who support you. That’s advice for anyone, ADHD or no. A lot of the advice I’m seeing here says get a new boyfriend and new friends, which tbh is good advice if you’ll take it but it’s also pretty extreme for the average bear. So if you don’t want to cut ties with everyone, I recommend first educating yourself on how the ADHD brain operates - like the actual brain chemistry (this will help you be kinder to yourself in general) and then educate them to the best of your ability. Should we have to educate others about our disorder? No. But it is what it is, people don’t know what they don’t know, help them broaden their horizons. When you feel like you just can’t, instead of saying that out loud - because that will often get you eye rolls from people who don’t understand - try asking for help instead, something along the lines of: “I’m having a hard time right now because I can’t seem to get started on anything… would you help me make a list of things to do or sit next to me while I get started writing this paper or literally stand me up grab the cleaning supplies out of the closet and put them in my hands?” ADHD is primarily an executive function disorder, which means it’s getting started that’s really tough. If you’ve asked for assistance and they won’t help you or argue with you, that’s when I’d recommend finding new people who will support you and appreciate you. Best of luck! Ps. My advice is very accommodating to the others in your life, if that is not up your alley that is a-okay! You can definitely skip straight to the step of getting rid of the people in your life who don’t understand. I just wanted to give some alternative advice.
Get diagnosed, get educated, and learn some ADHD management tools. Imposter syndrome is a real thing. People who don't have ADHD don't really spend that much time thinking about whether or not they have ADHD. For me, having formal diagnosis is primarily a tool to silence doubters.
So is everything memory, thought and perception anyone has ever had. ADHD is a real developmental difference in the brain with far reaching implications. It is absolutely real and getting help for it will absolutely improve your life Some people will undoubtedly dismiss it with "everyone is like that" or "just try harder" or it's all in your head" but that is their limitation, not yours. Life is tough enough without taking on the limitations of others. Besides, there is no real downside to seeking help. You don't have to take the medication if you find it doesn't help you.
You are not crazy. Focus on your weaknesses and make positive changes. People will definitely notice a difference, but it may take time. Medication is helping me accomplish my changes. As with any disability no one knows how you feel, except for if they also have adhd. Make changes though not excuses. This is why people with adhd gets a bad rap. We can change.
Technically it is. Suppressed levels of ACTH due to a pituitary problem or hypothalamic problem causes supressed levels of norepiniphrine and dopamine from the adrenal glands. Supressed levels of norepiniphrine and dopamine are clinically the definition of ADHD.
I'm 42 and was told so much that my problems are things that could be changed if I just tried. It makes me angry to hear it said to other people because just trying isn't enough. I'm burned out from trying. Oh, the flashbacks of being alone, crying out to God and asking Him why everything has to be so hard. Looking back now, I see all the signs that I ignored (because I was basically trained to) that pointed to ADHD.
I don't get how "it's all in your head" is reassuring to some people or like helps them minimize something. Shouldn't you be really concerned about something all in your head? It's literally where you brain is and you brain is literally like all of you. I just don't get how people say that as if it's supposed mean something isn't that bad or it's not real. Your head is very real and so is whatever is in it.
Friends and family don't want things to be wrong with you, so they bias towards there being nothing wrong with you. Talk to the doctor about it. Do your own research. My teachers used to write on report cards that I didn't pay attention in class, but since I wasn't hyperactive (sat quitely at home playing video games), they never brought me to the doctor, so I didn't get diagnosed till age 33.
I also get the « it’s the social network, it fucks with children’s brains » Dude I’m in my 30s
My mum said "you don't have ADHD, we all do that" now she's like "I was wrong and I'm sorry, I also believe I have ADHD, everything makes so much sense now" 😂 so maybe the people who are telling you that it's all in your head are also ADHD. For my partner I told him and he quietly went away and researched it and said he agreed there is a possibility. If you had depression you'd takes meds and nobody would question it. If you needed glasses, nobody would question it. So if you share about your ADHD tell them you're not asking them for their opinion their not professionals.
Good luck with your diagnosis. My parents and sister weren’t too supportive when I first got diagnosed so I just don’t talk about it with them often. Also I stopped medication during my pregnancy and first 6m postpartum and when I accidentally mentioned going back on medication they wanted to tell me how much I didn’t need it and that I’d managed just fine while I was off. But it’s not for them to decide. They are not in your head. It’s between you and your doctor.
I mean… yeah, it’s in your head… your frontal lobe, specifically. Also, if you have professionals who are willing to look into your symptoms and check to see if you have a diagnosis, then your bf and everyone else can take their medical degree to them and discuss why they disagree with your diagnosis. At this point, it’s an act of self care to check this with your healthcare professionals - everyone else can find their own things to focus on. And when/ if you get diagnosed, remember: the chances of you managing to deceive all the professionals assessing you is very slim, so remember that when the imposter syndrome hits :)
It is, but not in the way they mean it. The things are are experiencing are real, you aren't just 'lazy' or 'not tying hard enough' or ~~"tv has rotted your brain"~~ "have been using too much social media," and most importantly, **you are not stupid**. Be honest with your psychologist and yourself, really try your best at the tests they give you. You know you are not pretending and even if you do end up falling outside of diagnosis criteria, still talk to your psychologist about the troubles you are having because with or without the adhd label those troubles are real and they should bewilling to help you manage them. Are you close with your genetic parents? ADHD is often hereditary so one of your parents may be familiar with what you are experiencing even if they never thought of it as adhd (maybe just describe your difficulties without the adhd label if that is an aversion for them)
💞sending love. I was diagnosed at 25. I’m now 27 and just started medication. My dad who is supportive in every other way said that he doesn’t understand because I seem like I hav wit together and that the particular med will make me “crazy” and is just a crutch. I know he just doesn’t understand. My diagnosis and treatment has improved my life so much. I feel like myself. I’m hoping in time he will understand.
Stop telling people, including friends, what you are doing. Tell your boyfriend as little as possible. They aren’t supportive.
They say that because they think having ADHD is a bad thing. It comes from a place of ignorance (can be voluntary or involuntary). Try your best to brush it off. You know yourself better than anyone else. More than your family or friends think they do. There is nothing wrong in trying to do something good for yourself.
I used videos to help people understand. My family has always seen me as flighty which I never understood. I essentially told them here's some videos and all that flighty stuff made sense. Check out How to ADHD on YouTube and Connordwtf on TikTok.
Years of ignorance against psychological health are the cause of this unfortunately. Don’t worry, you’re doing the right thing! It’s not their faults they believe what they do. It’s true that a lot of people are being diagnosed with it, but ADHD is truly the most widespread disability IMO. It is, however, a spectrum disorder. I know very personally 3 other people with it and they all experience the symptoms at different intensities and have different levels of control over it.
I am forever in pursuit of what helps me live optimally and that includes my people. Regardless of what’s going on, I want the people closest to me to support my efforts in my wellbeing, be open minded, compassionate and empathetic as I am for them. I gave too much of my life to people that were not able to reciprocate the ways I was showing up for them. Life is too short and too hard with ADHD to also add in the extra effort of proving your value and what you experience. Glad you’re seeing someone, and know you don’t need a diagnosis to validate what you go through especially to this group.
this hurt me so much too read. i went through the exact same thing and it took literal years of begging my mother to get me tested for her to finally oblige. even after getting a formal diagnosis, i still get doubted. coming from my perspective, i’m sure you do have adhd because experiences like this aren’t things that most people go through. the biggest thing i can say is ignore strangers, they aren’t worth your time, but with people important to you, like your boyfriend, that’s different. for me, I have found that these people don’t take you seriously because they think your judgement is clouded. the best solution i found was resulting to relaying other’s experiences to them. [this](https://youtu.be/ji0hg1LduU8?si=gFPOdlL0LWhTI--0) particular video is one of my favorites because it goes over the minute things that so many people don’t understand is a result of adhd and chalk up to laziness. it also has all kinds of people. in the end, you shouldn’t let other people invalidate you. i know, far easier said than done. but it is true. find yourself communities like the ones here on Reddit and connect with people who know what you are going through. i wish you best of luck with your test and hope that whatever the results are, that it brings at least some clarity into your life. until then, remember that everyone here is supporting you and that what you are going through is so much more important than what you or other people may think. <33
I haven’t read that many other peoples comments so other people might’ve said something similar. A lot of women get misdiagnosed with BPD or bipolar. They have ADHD because their symptoms are different then men’s and some women have issues with PMDD along with their ADHD. I don’t but my sister and mother both do/did (mom doesn’t have ovaries anymore). My ex husband did something similar, but I did not have a previous diagnosis of anything. A lot of people almost shamed me for wanting to get a diagnosis at all when in all reality, it has helped my life tremendously, although I was very mad about being diagnosed ADHD. Mad all my missed opportunities, all the extra help I could’ve received, all the understanding I could have had with myself. My doctor was reluctant to even give me ADHD medication because I am on the lower weight side. The first time I took Adderall I cried because of how much better I felt. I’m on Vyvanse now, because as my life got easier and I got rid of all these toxic ass people in my life. Adderall was a bit too strong. You can only choose what you want in your own life, but I’d save myself some time removed people like that from my life.
This is Bull. Most people no absolutely nothing about it, I'm going too suggest to you what a doctor told me about antidepressants when I never them. Please use caution on who you tell about ADHD especially ADHD. I'm 64 and 25 years ago the same thing was Said back then on Adepressants Talk to your doctor. They know more about you than me or anyone else Best wishes
ADHD is all in our heads! That is exactly where the problem is. It would be easier if it had some physical sign that made it easier for everyone to see. Get on some meds. They were a game changer for me. Then add alarms for everything on your phone, get an ADHD friendly psychologist/coach if you can afford it. They can help you set up routines and help find strategies that work for you. Meds first. ADHD is a brain chemical problem, so it needs a chemical option as part of the solution. Meds have helped me use the strategies I have to get things done. Without the meds, strategies don't work. You aren't lazy, you have ADHD. There is a big difference. You are already working harder than most to function in this world. Give yourself a break. Ignore the ignorant. Did I say start meds? Some are anti meds and some can't tolerate them. If you can, they really help. If you are still reading, look at dr Russell Barkley on YouTube. He is pretty good. There is also how to ADHD as well I think is the channel. Diagnosis is a big first step! Well done! Next step is to get some proper help.
"Yes, of course it's in my head. They have brain imaging scans of how ADHD brains are different than typical brains. Where would you expect the differences in my brain to show up? My foot?"
I just feel bad for all the losers who only have one thought at a time.
Yes. Absolutely can relate. Ignore them. Trust yourself. I cried when my diagnosis was confirmed. It was so validating.