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I get that anxiety pain in my chest knowing I should get up and do something but I’m paralyzed and it just turns into a perpetual motion machine of self hate.
I watched this yesterday after reading your comment, and I can't believe how helpful it was. Both for understanding why I put off things but also as a motivator. I'm stubborn and so picturing things as bricks of awful is encouragement for me to dismantle that motherfucker and get things done
My family is coming to visit in a few months. My husband has mini projects he has yet to finish because he works a lot. I’m mainly responsible for keeping the house clean, but I work full time, have a 5 year old and my teenagers aren’t that great at cleaning. Every day I dread the “big clean” that I know is coming up. Anyone have any words of wisdom about how to break it up into smaller chunks?
I have had success in making very long lists of really tiny goals that are easy to complete. For example, instead of "do the laundry" I'll put "move clothes off of floor and into hamper", "put one load of laundry into washing machine", and "hang/fold one load of laundry" all as separate items. I don't just plan to clean my room, I plan to do like 20 separate tiny actions. "move dishes to kitchen", "clean spot by door", "clear junk off of beside table", etc.
For me it's just easier to motivate myself to do things that small. As I'm beating myself up about needing to clean my room, I can look at the list and realize "clear junk off of desk" is literally within arms reach because I'm sitting at the desk, so I can just reach over and start. Once I'm started, it's easier to keep going.
I would add to this that it’s very similar to what my therapist started suggesting - except a long list is overwhelming to me, so my to do list is a matter of asking, “What’s the next step?”
Often times, that’s the first thing I write in my planning journal for the day.
I try not to write down more than three next steps, and it’s literally the next step, so, sometimes it’s just “stand up.” lol.
I have a system for the big clean!
Essentially have to lock myself into one room and ONLY tackle that room otherwise I'll get distracted with other tasks in other rooms. I pick one area of the room e.g. one table. First I pick through and remove trash into a binbag, put that aside. Then push everything into broad piles based on what room they go in. Tidy the rest of the room area by area, removing trash and adding to the broad piles. When the whole room is sorted, I take the piles to the correct rooms. I come straight back to the room and now I only have to do the things left, which all belong in that room. I again sort items based on where they go within the room, then take them to that place in bulk. When it's all cleared away, I clean area by area.
It really helps to already have a straightforward organisation system in place. It needs to be broad enough that you don't get distracted trying to get it perfect, yet specific enough that you don't struggle to find things. And then preferably the actual storage in large containers with labels on. E.g. board games is a whole category, it doesn't need to be split by type or purpose. Electronics can be one broad category, or split into health&beauty electronics (hair styling, epilator, electric toothbrush charger etc), and entertainment electronics (DVDs, game systems, radio etc).
I've recently listened to a podcast by allie ward on decluttering your home, and one bit from someone who organizes houses for a living is that the best thing is to Actually schedule a day if you're capable, of fully cleaning your house to the best of your ability, and don't start with something big like the kitchen, but start with your junk drawer or something small you feel youre able to tackle and then go from there c:
If you're not able to schedule a day or two in the future (can be anytime) then you can still start small, just do one part of the house/apartment every day, don't make it too big for yourself ❤️
Everyone also has very good advice to listen to too, so I won't list them, but this is what I've heard can work well 🥰 there's cleaning companies if you feel that's possible to hire for you in an emergency!
Thank you all for these great tips! I’m going to start soon so I can keep up with old messes (mainly clothes organization), and then go onto the bathrooms, bedrooms, etc. That way if I do decide to get a cleaning company involved, at least things will be organized for each room.
Try the podcast channel ‘The Clutterbug’. Cassandra has adhd but is helping people to declutter and organise their homes. I listen to her and clean at the same time. Gives me the mojo.
Yes!
If you're going "meh, I don't want to" or "I'll just not do it and someone else can deal with it", that's laziness.
If you're going "god I need to do it and it won't be that bad so just start, please start and just see how it goes, just move your legs, come on it's easy, why can't I just do it, pay attention and just do this one thing, I can have a reward if I do it, just MOVE!!!", that's ADHD.
Yup, sometimes I just lay around watching anime eating shite and say to myself "oh jesus I should be doing xyz, but f it, I am not bothered" and other times I am actually on the verge or in tears but can't make myself move for nothing in this world. For me the first example is me being lazy.
Yes. My whole childhood I was called lazy and I've had to fight my way out of this thinking, which took me many years of therapy.
I'm pretty sure the vast majority of what society calls "lazy" is just "tired". Not necessarily physically tired. But we all have batteries inside and each of us depletes our battery at a different speed. Some people need much more rest than others. And we then feel guilty, because we think we are lazy, because everyone calls us lazy.
But we're just simply tired, for one reason or another our bodies decided that they need rest *right now* and you just can't make yourself do this thing you're supposed to do.
You may not even feel tired, because this "laziness" comes before the classic tiredness. So if you feel "lazy" and yet still keep pushing yourself, then you'll become physically tired. But if you allow yourself the rest that your body clearly needs, you won't become tired. And that's what hides the tiredness behind "laziness".
And it's important to remember that you can still feel tired even if you "didn't do anything" before. You might lack the energy because you worked a lot, but you might also just have a low level of energy because of any health issues you have.
*I hope I explained my thoughts well because I struggled with words on this one lol.*
Yeah exactly. I know here we do a lot of "laziness isn't real" because it's often moralized and conflated with mental health issues so usually you're not lazy, but sometimes I do have a bunch of stuff to do and I lay down, guilt-free and go "but not todayyyyyy hahhaahha." I think that is laziness haha.
But if I do that and the whole time I'm going "why can't I get started on x?? I need to do x!!!" or "I want to do x but I'm soooo tired" etc. that's not laziness. That's something else.
If you notice yourself making the active choice not to do what needs to be done, and you allow it.
You think of it, you have time to do it, you agree that it's important, and you just don't because you don't feel like it. That's my definition of choosing laziness.
I also had to realize that my sense of what I feel like doing is broken, so I can't listen to it sometimes.
I disagree on this one. Lately I’ve been into radical acceptance - ie if I didn’t get it done, I am shrugging it off instead of feeling guilty, just because the guilt isn’t serving me and is just making me less happy. So the guilt then becomes less of a marker.
Yep. There’s definitely days when I make a conscious decision to stay in or rest or just chill out instead of doing other things and it’s almost like a treat - that’s probably true ‘laziness’ although I don’t assign any moral value or lack of to it.
This is blowing my mind a little bit. I have a hard time stopping my morality-based self hatred thoughts because I was diagnosed as an adult so they got ingrained for a long time. I guess if you’re actually lazy you wouldn’t put as much effort into the activity that appears lazy to others as we do.
Very true, and people here also need to accept that face that actual laziness exists, and not everything is adhd related. Everyone on the planet is guilty of some form of laziness, some just more than others.
I would suggest from my own experiences….. taking the hyper focus from adhd meds and playing call of duty for 7 hours straight instead of doing anything productive :D
Edit: Well, I didn’t read the whole post before replying. Struggling vs Being lazy are two different things in my mind. It would depend on the response of the person to both behaviours. I know when I struggle sometimes I become frustrated quicker than normal, then dial in to finally “get” whatever I’m struggling with, or take a break.
Others might step away from their project or task they are struggling with and play video games or just something else ( trying really hard to save my top comment and make it relevant lol)
Being lazy usually incorporates not attempting in the first place. But, as I said above, when I’m being lazy it’s when I have the energy and motivation to do what I need to do, but I use it towards something that isn’t really progressing me.
“being lazy usually incorporates not attempting in the first place.” that actually makes a lot of sense! so you’d gauge it more on effort?
if that’s the case, how would you characterize mental effort? with ADHD, a person could be using up a lot of energy to just get off the couch and grab their laptop to work. i’m not sure how i’d gauge how much effort i really am putting in, since we often can put lots of energy in and not accomplish much.
So being able to even move sometimes requiring a huge amount of mental effort is definitely an ADHD thing (though seems to not be the most common symptom) since it was my main symptom and the reason I knew I needed treatment (I'd be starving after not eating all day, know I had food in the fridge, but be unable to make myself move to go and get it). It's also a symptom that my meds almost entirely remove fortunately.
So I can confirm that it isn't a mindset issue, and it absolutely sucks because it makes it so you have put so much mental effort in and managed to literally not even move.
That’s fair, I wrote that post with the assumption everyone’s medicated for their ADHD, which obviously isn’t true and wasn’t a fair assumption. Thanks for the personal example.
Hmmm
I frequently don’t attempt to do stuff that I want to/need to do. But that isn’t laziness to me. I don’t attempt them because my ADHD brain either forgets or presents an insurmountable barrier to me to climb to even attempt to attempt them.
Classic example for me. I wake up with a migraine. I feel awful and know I’ll feel worse still. My migraine pills are on the bedside table, I just need to roll over and take them.
But it can be hours before my ADHD brain gives me to opportunity to attempt to do this (though typically it is tens of minutes). I don’t think I’m being lazy and I desperately want to do the extremely simple task to make my life better, but I can’t even attempt it.
After that I know I’ll feel much better if I get up and eat something. But that is a whole other battle…
Of course until 18 months ago I’d spent my whole 50 year life thinking this _was_ what laziness looked like, before I realised I had ADHD 😉
I usually start with the task at hand, to understand what I have to do, then play a match or two and go back. Rinse and repeat 😄
Elden Ring was the game that pulled me through a very important project. I would play on weekedays to help with anxiety and take things off my mind and I would work on weekends (and do all I didnt do during the week) while watching Elden Ring on twitch 😁
Omg im not the only one who takes meds just to accidentally focus on the thing that i did not wanted to do and then feel shit the entire time knowing im wasting my time and meds
Personally, I don’t believe in laziness as a concept. I think what we view as people being “lazy” is a side effect of other things. ADHD is a common one, but I think perfectionism, anxiety, burnout, depression, fatigue, or even just being improperly motivated can all lead to something that looks like laziness from the outside but isn’t really a person just choosing not to do the things they need to do, if that makes sense. [This article](https://www.npr.org/2021/09/24/1039676445/laziness-does-not-exist-devon-price) really changed my perspective on laziness.
Yep. I feel like a lot of us eventually come to this conclusion. It’s extremely common for people with adhd to be called lazy. Ironically calling someone lazy is… lazy. Instead of trying to understand their underlying problem they just label you.
“Laziness” aka executive function problems is basically one of the defining traits of adhd.
Yeah this was what killed me. I’d been diagnosed with ADHD but my dad thought it was laziness, so obviously the cure was screaming at me instead of medicating me. The screaming terrified me into compliance, so I just studied all the time, cried all the time, beat myself up for not trying hard enough, prayed the rosary to ask Jesus to fix me, and had no energy left (aka “was too lazy”) to do fun kid things. But look at those A’s! Dad must be right. (Jk he sucks)
Fully agree! I thought I was lazy, didn't care enough etc.. because that's what I was always being told about my self. Then I was diagnosed when I was 19, got treatment and meds, and everything changed. Before, if I pushed myself to sit down to study, I just sat there looking at the book, it wasn't that I didn't want to read it, I just couldn't. So eventually I stopped, because why torture myself like that? And other people deemed that lazyness. Now, if I push myself to sit down and study, I can, I'm actually able to focus and read, so I do it. - so that gives me the motivation to try more often, because I often succed. Nothing to do with "lazy" or caring enough
This thought emerged in me and i was thinking how unfair we might treat ourselves and others for expectations that are not universal nor respecting individual situations or priorities, needs.
Great to read someone had the same honesty. I think in daily life humans don‘t have energy or interest in understanding others too different from them, like our brains are still hardwired to be in small tribal communities where all have to be somewhat functional getting along, idk.
I actually think im like lazy lazy. Ive never been trying to over achieve, if the bare minimum was enough then i did enough, unless i really liked that thing. I did at some point feel stressed when i was reaching a deadline and i would feel genuine guilt but at some point the laziness switch turned on and i just dont even care whether i fail a whole year of school anymore, my stress is gone.
The only way to get a sense of stress is either right before a test (which has more to do with not wanting to be embarrassment) and when i take meds just to end up not doing anything productive. Outside of those things im a stress free lazy ass who’s knowingly ruining his life and not giving a fuck?!
And people around me feel so hopeless and they try to change me but nothing gets through to me, even if I understand I honestly dont quite understand it myself.
Honestly, even before I got diagnosed I started to believe that being lazy isn't actually a thing. For anybody, with or without mental issues. It's a made up thing to make it easy for people to force compliance and productivity. To let out frustrations and put others down.
People have reasons for the things they do. Sometimes they need to relax, sometimes the task is too much, sometimes there are barriers to start. Especially if it hurts the people around them, there will be a deep underlying issue. Something that needs to be discussed, rather than judged.
So for me I make it a point to remind everyone who uses that word that it's better to be mindful of other people rather than to assume that someone is doing something bad on purpose. Putting others down to feel better about ourselves is not a good path for anyone to be on and will not improve anyone's life.
When I see someone who didn't do a task they had to do I won't admonish them, but rather ask what is keeping them from doing it and if I can help start the process. I found that to be both effective and amicable.
I actually think im like lazy lazy. Ive never been trying to over achieve, if the bare minimum was enough then i did enough, unless i really liked that thing. I did at some point feel stressed when i was reaching a deadline and i would feel genuine guilt but at some point the laziness switch turned on and i just dont even care whether i fail a whole year of school anymore, my stress is gone.
The only way to get a sense of stress is either right before a test (which has more to do with not wanting to be embarrassment) and when i take meds just to end up not doing anything productive. Outside of those things im a stress free lazy ass who’s knowingly ruining his life and not giving a fuck?!
And people around me feel so hopeless and they try to change me but nothing gets through to me, even if I understand I honestly dont quite understand it myself.
The thing is the word "lazy" implies that there is a desired default state of productivity. And it implies that deviating from that standard is inherently negative. But that doesn't exist, or at least it's not natural and imposed completely arbitrary. People are free to do and pursue whatever they want. "Lazy" just means you don't live up to *other* people's standards. It's used to control you and make you feel bad. There is no inherent productivity every human has to achieve to be considered valuable.
Productivity is just another standard like beauty or sexuality or family. It's dictated from above, but actually means very little and has actually very little bearing on whether you are happy or successful.
Yeah there’s some control the masses built in but I think it’s mostly an ego thing. Others using you to massage their own egos. What drives me over the edge is when it feels like a play and your an actor who isn’t getting their lines right. Lot of ego maniacs out there.
I was actually thinking about “laziness” yesterday. I didn’t do a damn thing, I didn’t even want to move but I still wouldn’t have called myself “lazy”. I just literally could not get up.
Ohhhh wait wait never mind. That’s depression🥲🤣
It doesn’t look like anything, we deserve and require rest and capitalism has brainwashed us. Or it could be depression, in my case it happens when I’m off my meds.
For me, laziness is only when I have agency over it. A lot of people with adhd, myself included, are in a perpetual state of burnout. This can cause things to seem like they’re being lazy.
People who view “if you’re on time you’re late” as a rule, can’t understand someone who experiences time blindness. And when you get wherever, people may or may not say something, but they just view you as inconsiderate. But it’s hard to explain that somehow you’re late even though you got up 30 minute to an hour earlier but it through off your usual routine and before you knew, the time to leave had already passed and now you’re 5 minutes later than usual.
Or, you were on time, but all of the things you said you were going to do in the morning - get gas, take out the trash, workout, read, work on a hobby, etc. didn’t happen because you were to anxious to do anything else for fear of being late again.
Someone who is very organized might not understand how even knowing how to organize and clean up a place can cause paralysis, because the spiraling thoughts of how did it get this way, why can’t I just put things away, look I have to do laundry, dishes, and ten other things. And each thought is like another 10lbs of weight on your shoulders and before you know it you’ve spent the 2 hours you had to do anything just thinking about how much you had to do unintentionally.
But I can absolutely be lazy with the best of them. A week or so ago after working essentially for 3 weeks straight, I decided to take a lazy day.
I went and got donuts from my favorite place, got onto call of duty at like 8am and played until 6pm intermittently. Ordered food in so I could just not have to get ready at all. I still did a few chores but that morning I thought, “what should I do today? I’ve been doing a lot, maybe I’ll just do whatever I want.”
Apathy. If I don't care that I didn't get something done, I was being lazy. And let me tell you, I *can be* a lazy person, just not in the way ppl tend to think that I am
Thank god I know someone who is the psychiatrist and they have been kind enough to give me one hour of therapy every now and then because I can't afford it.
Beautifully, they shared with me the other day that they are a 73-year-old person with ADHD.
I can't tell you how much better that made me feel because they told me they, too, struggle with procrastination, forgetfulness, 'laziness', 'flakiness', memory, a lack of a sense of time, etc. They even struggle with the guilt of all these things. Think about that. A person with a PhD struggles like we do.
They even told me they stopped telling people what they have because they *can feel* people rolling their eyes.
It just made me feel human. I know that sounds silly but I am so tired of my braim being broken
I don't believe laziness is really a thing. I believe there are a multitude of issues that we call laziness. Anxiety, depression, ADHD, burnout, exhaustion, etc. And keep in mind, your body is designed to get you where you want to be while burning the least amount of energy possible. Because of that, sometimes our subconscious mind will make calculations that impact our motivation that our conscious mind isn't aware of. Take someone who plays video games all day.
Conscious mind: We should get to work on that paper.
Unconscious mind: Why?
Conscious mind: So that we get good grades.
Unconscious mind: Why?
Conscious mind: So that we get a good job that pays a lot.
Unconscious mind: Why?
Conscious mind: So we can retire early.
Unconscious mind: What are we gonna do when we retire?
Conscious mind: Play video games all day.
Unconscious mind: Good news. Found a shortcut.
Make sure the thing you're procrastinating on is leading to a goal you actually want. Sometimes we'll be trying to work towards the things we're told we should want and our subconscious cuts us off at the knees. Maybe you aren't an engineer, maybe you're a Van Life YouTuber.
A flawed premise. Laziness is a loaded word. A "lazy" person isn't motivated/capable of doing to what we want them to do (including ourselves) therefore we judge them for it. I don't separate motivated/capable because one entirely contains the other. You _must_ be motivated to be capable, but motivation alone isn't necessarily enough.
If you judging somebody as lazy, then one of following scenarios is true:
1. They are incapable
2. Their motivations/values do not match your own expectations
Somebody choosing to not take action would fall under #2 (including yourself).
Learn to replace "lazy" with "unable to meet my expectations" and you'll feel much less maligned.
I would struggle constantly and be called lazy. Growing up my room was always a mess, I would be told to clean it, and I would sit there mentally telling myself that I needed to start. I would sit there for hours until my parents came back and yelled at me that I haven't done anything. They would scream at me and ask me why I hadn't done anything. I had a blank stare on my face and they took that as a sign of disrespect so they would yell at me more. As I grew older I started hitting myself thinking that it would motivate me, it didn't. I have since learned it wasn't my fault.
for me now I've been on meds (methylphenidate hydrochloride) for a year I still have some lazy habits. What I have noticed is that my body has been so used to having executive disfunction I expect myself to be unable to do things.
its like having a broken light that you never turned on. if it magically started working again you wouldnt know until you try to turn it on. why would you? as far as you know its broken.
Weird things ive done to push through the "laziness" are,
pretending that I am not me but like a sim someone is controlling.
Telling my friends to Point out stuff I should be doing from pointing out rubbish on my table to telling me I smell because I have washed my clothes in a while. Sometimes shame and guilt can me a great motivator.
Sometimes its not about weather your struggling or being lazy, its about just trying that light switch.
Diagnosed at 46. At about 50, I stopped beating myself up and sort of embraced being lazy. I took the parable of the Mexican Fisherman to heart. I work around four hours a day. I can do that because I work for myself and have several competitive advantages in my market niche. Rather than scale up, I remain small and off the radar. My wife works with me and thrives on all the detail stuff that I have never been good at. I am 15 years into it and feel as good as I've ever felt.
I see laziness as a choice and a luxury, not necessarily a negative personality trait.
On days where I don't have any important tasks I need to do, I have a choice of doing little bits and pieces or doing nothing. If I choose to do nothing it's a treat...a "lazy day".
Then there's the days where I have important stuff to do and I find myself totally unable to and it's torture...that's my ADHD.
I see the "laziness" in the first example as self care, and the second isn't laziness at all. For me "laziness" is only a negative if you are intentionally not doing things knowing that someone else will pick up the slack...then it's just taking advantage of those around you.
The key here is the word "intentional". Experiencing adhd paralysis isn't intentional and if you do have loved ones who end up helping in these situations it's important to have systems in place and an open dialogue about it so it doesn't turn into something negative in a relationship. Intentions are important, but they don't mean much to those around us without communication and an effort to find workable solutions.
There's a difference between "I'm not doing this because I don't want to" and "I need to do this, I want to do this, but my executive dysfunction is kicking my ass and I cannot start doing this at the present time."
It's why ADHD folk tend to go for days/weeks without cleaning, then do it all in one huge burst. When we feel the dysfunction let go, we know we only have so much time to Do The Thing before another wave of dysfunction hits and makes it impossible again.
I think true laziness requires two things:
1. Actively choosing not to do The Thing.
2. Knowing that someone else will have to do it if you don't do The Thing.
I used to just categorize laziness as only the first bit, but with age and mental health exploration, I've learned that *actively* choosing to not do work and deciding to instead relax is SO IMPORTANT. Hustle Culture can F right off.
(*Wanting* to do the thing but getting stuck and unable to get up and do the thing because your brain is in its own way would be executive dysfunction, likely ADHD.)
But if one avoids a task, knowing that someone else will pick up the slack, that's not cool. That's lazy. Adulting includes responsibilities, and actively choosing to avoid responsibilities when you're on your own is one thing (and I would venture more indicative of burnout or depression), but actively choosing to avoid responsibilities when you know someone else will pick up the slack is more in the laziness spectrum.
I struggle with “laziness” all the time. I think it’s because all of those the years of not understanding that I have an actual disability. All I knew was that even when I try so damn hard, my results still don’t measure up to the results of the people around me. So why try, unless I would actually get in trouble for not getting something done on time?
Laziness is a term for when what you want to do doesn’t match up with what other people want or expect you to do. I’ve found the whole idea to be mostly counterproductive when it comes to being a person who is effective at accomplishing my own goals. When I have trouble making myself achieve a goal ive set for myself, I usually find that i wasn’t filling a need for myself, like getting more sleep and exercise so my medications work better. It’s absolutely possible to get in a vicious cycle so that you want to do nothing and it’s hard to get yourself out of it, but we don’t get there willfully, and calling that laziness is not going to improve the chances of it getting better.
Laziness is like “ehhh I don’t wanna do the dishes… I’m having fun watching paint dry instead” as opposed to being like “why can’t I get up and do the dishes?? They’re right there. I’m not even having fun watching paint dry.”
Like I can be lazy on Ritalin but ultimately I still am able to get up and do the thing even if I drag my feet and find it annoying, without Ritalin it’s like it physically hurts just thinking about having to clean a single dish.
I think laziness goes hand in hand with apathy. The dishes piling up will bother me but I get overwhelmed but a lazy person isn’t bothered by the dishes because they don’t care.
ADHD: "I know I need to get this done and I can't/am struggling to", usually with a side helping of worry, guilt, fear, or shame.
Laziness: "I know it's my responsibility to do this but I'm going to see if i can make it other people's problem 'cause I don't care."
I personally don't believe in pure "lazyness". There's a lack of motivation or incentive, but no real lazyness. "Lazyness" is just a (usually) mean-spirited oversimplification in an attempt to explain negligence. There's always a reason why someone would neglect certain tasks - anxiety, stress, priorities, energy, worth. All the word "lazy" does is ignoring the underlying reasons as to why someone would neglect doing something, therefore I believe it to actually be harmful in many circumstances to use that word.
I look toward my manufacturing environment for help with this one. Not getting the work done because of executive functions is definitely not being lazy, because honestly convincing myself to do something I need to do it is exhausting. So I define laziness as when you don’t finish a task the correct way because you wanted to take a shortcut. For example, let’s say you are building a thing. You look through the directions and it tells you to use a specific tool with a specific part. Maybe you can’t find that tool right away, so instead of taking the steps to find the tool, you think that will take too long and improvise a tool that does the job but poorly. So maybe it handles the end goal but now the part you were working with is ruined. Executive function could still probably contribute to this, but not as much as the standard definition we are usually subjected to. Executive function usually isn’t leading you to decide that the thing you made is good enough and leave it in the poor state it’s in. We are all capable of creating a beautiful piece of art, but not being able to finish the painting in a timely manner is much different than going slow, making sure the painting has the right details in the right spots, and not touching it up or adding the small details to it.
TLDR I define laziness as taking shortcuts in a way that keeps you from doing your best work
Of course anyone can be lazy, at least about certain things. But the key is the intent.
“I don’t want to do it.” —could be laziness
“I want to do it but just can’t seem to do it.” —probably executive dysfunction, or anxiety, or something
I think the difference is if you ultimately start the task or not. So what if it took all day to clean your fridge out? You still did it and put in the effort.
Or maybe instead of cleaning the entire bathroom, you at least took the time to clean up one section, such as the countertop. You still put in the effort to do something.
Getting lost and overwhelmed after you’ve started the task is a different situation. But that’s why you need to find what solutions work for you.
It’s important to recognize that feeling like you can’t do something is not the same as being unable to do it, and holding yourself accountable is necessary.
Lazy is when I make the decision to be wilful without fighting any internal guilt, shame, disappointment or confusion within myself.
Don’t feel like replying to that text message and don’t feel guilty? Lazy moment. Knowing you should reply and feeling guilty - yet still can’t? Broken brain.
Laziness isn’t a thing it is a perspective. It’s a judgement passed on a person who is spending time in a way you don’t approve of. That person can be yourself.
Not contributing to things you should be contributing to is a specific problem that should be addressed as a specific problem
Laziness is procrastinating on important tasks and having fun or doing something entertaining instead.
Executive dysfunction is not being able to start a task, but you can't have fun either. You're stuck in the middle.
Some people don't believe laziness exists. IDK if I 100% agree with that, but I do think it's an idea worth exploring before you chalk your behaviors up to just laziness.
https://www.npr.org/2021/09/24/1039676445/laziness-does-not-exist-devon-price
I have a coworker with unmedicated ADHD. She would shamelessly leave early and ask us to not rat on her. She would also try to have us do some of the work for her yet vent to us about how she should get a promotion. I think this is laziness. When she noticed that some people were considering telling on her, she stopped.
She would also go around and info dump on people about her life instead of working. I think this is ADHD and laziness. I had to ask her to stop. She is busy like everyone else but isn’t guilty about getting distracted easily.
Awesome question. I don’t think I’ll ever know. Living with ADHD feels like it must be the opposite of lazy - every gd thing takes SO. MUCH. EFFORT.
What I wouldn’t give to CHOOSE to be lazy.
Usually my tell is that I get really anxious for not doing the things that I need to do and kicking myself for not getting things done on time. Even if I don’t want to do it, I want to do it to get it out of the way, but can’t tear myself away from something else to do the task.
Laziness for adhd is when they are already on task cutting corners or skipping through things. The hard part is getting on task so those small things like that is usually the lazy part
Being lazy for me, is not putting my laundry away when it's done. Just leaving it in the basket to shuffle through. Me struggling is wearing dirty clothes or buying new clothes rather than washing my fricken clothes. Spent too many years struggling with being "lazy", I deserve to be a little bit lazy now. If its something I'm beating myself up about not doing, it's not me being lazy. I'm struggling. But if I can just meh, I'm just being lazy. I'll also happily admit when I'm being lazy. Won't even hurt my feelings when you call me out on it lol. But if im struggling, that's just gonna make it so much worse.
Here's the thing. Day to day tasks are extremely exhausting for someone with ADHD. So yeah, we need a break once in a while. I think we internalize all that "lazy" talk from growing up around people who kept calling us lazy when we break down after doing so little from their perspective.
Honestly, give yourself a break. You deserve to be actually lazy once in a while. Don't feel guilty for it.
Laziness is not even trying. Taking one look at that wall of awful and turning to hyperfocus on literally anything else. If you're trying and failing you should be proud. If you're ducking and avoiding that's self sabotage, which is the lazy way out.
We all have our rocks to lift. ADHD and non ADHD alike and all the levels and shades of neurological divergence. We can't assume to know what is hard for others, but not trying is the worst. That's been my demon anyway. YMMV
This is going to be long-winded but, something interesting and very eye opening I heard from a therapist was that laziness doesn't actually exist.
So from one person with ADHD who has massively struggled for years with feeling lazy, to another, this is for you.
Laziness implies that you're not meeting an imaginary standard of existence or level of productivity based on either external or internal (which are obviously conditioned into us from external sources) imposition.
Are you lazy because you didn't make your bed? Why do you need to make it in the first place? Do you even want to make it or care if it's left unmade? If you don't, then you're not lazy for not making it.
Are you lazy because you didn't cook for yourself and ordered out instead? Or because you didn't clean your bathroom today? Or this week? Or didn't do the dishes? Or fold your laundry?
It only matters when and how you do those things because someone, at some point, told you there's a certain way that they *should* be done. Followed by an instilled, internalized sense of guilt if you don't adhere to those "rules" of living.
I think it's important for us to discern the differences between wants, needs, and discipline, and to remove a word like "lazy" from our vocabularies completely. There's so much more nuance to what we decide to do (or not do, for that master) that nothing can be boiled down to just "laziness".
For example, if your intention was to cook for yourself but you ordered out instead, what was the reason? Was it because you had a craving? Did pizza sound better than making chicken and rice? Were your dishes dirty and you felt it would be easier in that moment to get something premade? Were you feeling low energy and didn't have it in you to cook? None of that is "laziness".
On the flip side let's say your intention was to cook, and you had the energy, the motivation, the time, your dishes were clean, everything was good to go, and you actually *wanted* what you were planning to make--but then you didn't make it and ordered out instead. Either you lacked discipline/willpower/determination in that moment to say yes to cooking and no to ordering out OR you were locked into a state of executive dysfunction and it was simply quick and easy to order food on your phone rather than go through the prep, cooking, and cleanup of making your dinner. Either way, though, neither of those things are "laziness". One was a lack of personal discipline (or simply a choice), and another was a result of brain structure and chemistry.
Some people may argue that the lack of discipline is exactly that, laziness--but again, I beg to differ. Lazy is a word we use to judge and beat ourselves and others down for not living up to an arbitrary standard, and to insult a person's (or our own) character ONLY when judged against this standard. If you create your own standard for living your life the entire concept of being lazy completely falls apart.
I know this line of thinking kind of makes basically everything, every decision in life, arbitrary, but I think it can really help to take a lot of the pressure and expectation off of ourselves and allow us to just exist and live to the ideal of what we find important, and shape our lives around that and what we WANT and DECIDE to do vs what we or anyone else thinks or feels like we *should* do.
I hope this post helps OP or anyone else--even if just a little bit--who took the time to read through it all. Sometimes all we need is a shift in perspective. Be kind to yourself 😊
What has been helping me the most lately is writing a daily to-do list with checkmarks on google docs, and if I don't complete it, I cut the lines that aren't completed and put them on the next day's list. And I keep the lists from previous day to have a record of what I achieved, and so that I can look at the days where I didn't make a list and see I achieved nothing on those days.
I think that the ability to hyperfocus on my goals can give me a huge advantage compared to other people, as long as I organize my goals and thoughts into a document that I can easily read and use to take action. If I just rely on my thoughts to get me to do things, I will achieve nothing unless someone is forcing me to do it, by giving me an ultimatum. The lists are the only way I can be productive independently, but of course, being motivated by other people helps even more.
I think my true laziness comes about when it's hot, any temp over 70F. I feel like I literally melt onto the cold floor into a human puddle in front of my AC. I do not cook. I barely eat. I drink copious amounts of cold water. I hopefully can grab a frozen treat from my freezer or an ice pack. And lastly pray that this horrible weather will pass.
This gif is pretty darn close.
I think the truth is just that laziness isn't....real I suppose.
Like there are things we call lazy but at the end of the day if somebody's not doing something there's always a reason.
Even if the reason is "I don't want to" or "I'm tired" or "I'm selfish and know someone else will"
I struggle heavily with my ADHD and laziness line … I
Trying to determine what it is but when shit needs to get done , structure helps, I set it in my mind days before and I know when that day comes it’s time, regardless how feel I get my ass up and do it
Mind over matter has always been my angel of assistance
To my old bosses it looks like me getting more work done than anyone else and then going to chat with friends because my work is done, before they assign me more work.
Making an appointment but making no attempt to put it onto a calendar. Just say no if you know that you have no intention of remembering. A text reminder is great, but getting 3 on the same day because you made all of your appointments for when you're traveling is what happens when you rely just on that with zero attempt to use a calendar.
Everyone has a calendar on their phone. It takes 15 seconds to make an appointment with 2 reminder alarms.
It took an undergraduate psychological trauma class for me to believe that laziness does not exist. Procrastination exists but not laziness. Procrastination serves a purpose- it is a matter of how self aware we are to understand if it’s our body needing rest, to recover mentally, etc.
Starting and stopping tasks is one aspect of executive function. It’s a spectrum of dysfunction for people with ADHD. I personally am at the end of that spectrum where I really struggle. What has helped me is being kind to myself when I do struggle and doing something first that I like or is the easiest. Once I get moving I am golden. Stopping a task (to avoid burnout), I have learned to set timers on my phone, use post it’s as visual reminders, and bribe myself with something else to make me stop hyper focusing.
Yes it definitely does. I was on the phone watching YouTube and TikTok for 10 hrs straight. I was severely burnt out frm work lol I am still finding that part out for number 2 haha
I sometimes try to create routine as much as I can before I break it lol or have hyper active focus with caffeine and just deep clean a portion of the house.
For now, I say make sure do the dishes everyday and if you can afford it, get a dishwasher. It saves so much of my adhd brain.
My new motto is as long as there is no mold in the plate , have mildly fresh smell cloths and doesn’t have a severe body odor, I am good!
Hope this helps~~
I've been saying I need to vac and clean the inside of my car for so long, there have been times recently when I have had time but I just CANT do it...and just typing that sounds ridiculous! Of course I can, just go out and do it..it will probably take half an hour tops! I've bought new air fresheners that are just sitting on my back seat because I won't open them until I've cleaned my car. I know I WILL do it eventually, probably the day before my MOT or if I need to give someone a preplanned lift. I could say I'm lazy, but the compulsion to not do it far outways my desire to vac it.
For me I have a basket of clothing in my bedroom that needs to be put away and I see it and think "I really want to put that away. That needs to be done. I got to do it. I'd rather it done than just sitting there" then as soon as I leave the room I forget all about it. Then it becomes too late and I feel guilty and upset that I didn't get it done. And this happens everyday for a couple of weeks until I actually manage to do it.
Anyone else like this?
This is going to sound radical
But the more I learn about mental health
Capitalism
History
And ADHD....
I don't really know if true laziness exists.
Or if it's just a label used to punish people who aren't doing capitalism enough.
Now, irresponsible, that's different. Not doing the dishes even though they're your fault which pisses off your roommate, I'd call that *irresponsible*, since others are really counting on you. And that can happen to all sorts of people.
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If it haunts you and you feel guilty or you actually wanted to get it done and couldn't, it probably isn't laziness. thats my rule of thumb
That's how I feel! I have called myslef lazy but am mentally beating myself up over procrastination, etc...that's not lazy it's just struggling.
I get that anxiety pain in my chest knowing I should get up and do something but I’m paralyzed and it just turns into a perpetual motion machine of self hate.
Yaaaas. I've started to simply accept that I'm procrastinating so at least I don't feel bad while doing it
The shame is what is paralyzing you, it's a really messed up biological system we have sometimes...
I’ve never known how to express this, yours words make total sense
HowToADHD has a video on the Wall of Aweful. It made so much make sense.
[HowToADHD Wall of Aweful video](https://youtu.be/Uo08uS904Rg?si=BdcCVGxbW0EvaJoI)
Thank you 😊
I watched this yesterday after reading your comment, and I can't believe how helpful it was. Both for understanding why I put off things but also as a motivator. I'm stubborn and so picturing things as bricks of awful is encouragement for me to dismantle that motherfucker and get things done
Haunts is such an accurate word for this.
My family is coming to visit in a few months. My husband has mini projects he has yet to finish because he works a lot. I’m mainly responsible for keeping the house clean, but I work full time, have a 5 year old and my teenagers aren’t that great at cleaning. Every day I dread the “big clean” that I know is coming up. Anyone have any words of wisdom about how to break it up into smaller chunks?
I have had success in making very long lists of really tiny goals that are easy to complete. For example, instead of "do the laundry" I'll put "move clothes off of floor and into hamper", "put one load of laundry into washing machine", and "hang/fold one load of laundry" all as separate items. I don't just plan to clean my room, I plan to do like 20 separate tiny actions. "move dishes to kitchen", "clean spot by door", "clear junk off of beside table", etc. For me it's just easier to motivate myself to do things that small. As I'm beating myself up about needing to clean my room, I can look at the list and realize "clear junk off of desk" is literally within arms reach because I'm sitting at the desk, so I can just reach over and start. Once I'm started, it's easier to keep going.
I would add to this that it’s very similar to what my therapist started suggesting - except a long list is overwhelming to me, so my to do list is a matter of asking, “What’s the next step?” Often times, that’s the first thing I write in my planning journal for the day. I try not to write down more than three next steps, and it’s literally the next step, so, sometimes it’s just “stand up.” lol.
Thanks for this! I haven’t tried it but will!
I have a system for the big clean! Essentially have to lock myself into one room and ONLY tackle that room otherwise I'll get distracted with other tasks in other rooms. I pick one area of the room e.g. one table. First I pick through and remove trash into a binbag, put that aside. Then push everything into broad piles based on what room they go in. Tidy the rest of the room area by area, removing trash and adding to the broad piles. When the whole room is sorted, I take the piles to the correct rooms. I come straight back to the room and now I only have to do the things left, which all belong in that room. I again sort items based on where they go within the room, then take them to that place in bulk. When it's all cleared away, I clean area by area. It really helps to already have a straightforward organisation system in place. It needs to be broad enough that you don't get distracted trying to get it perfect, yet specific enough that you don't struggle to find things. And then preferably the actual storage in large containers with labels on. E.g. board games is a whole category, it doesn't need to be split by type or purpose. Electronics can be one broad category, or split into health&beauty electronics (hair styling, epilator, electric toothbrush charger etc), and entertainment electronics (DVDs, game systems, radio etc).
I've recently listened to a podcast by allie ward on decluttering your home, and one bit from someone who organizes houses for a living is that the best thing is to Actually schedule a day if you're capable, of fully cleaning your house to the best of your ability, and don't start with something big like the kitchen, but start with your junk drawer or something small you feel youre able to tackle and then go from there c: If you're not able to schedule a day or two in the future (can be anytime) then you can still start small, just do one part of the house/apartment every day, don't make it too big for yourself ❤️ Everyone also has very good advice to listen to too, so I won't list them, but this is what I've heard can work well 🥰 there's cleaning companies if you feel that's possible to hire for you in an emergency!
Thank you all for these great tips! I’m going to start soon so I can keep up with old messes (mainly clothes organization), and then go onto the bathrooms, bedrooms, etc. That way if I do decide to get a cleaning company involved, at least things will be organized for each room.
There is an app called goblin tools that breaks down tasks. Can break them down as much as needed, so you don't feel overwhelmed.
That app is amazing. Thanks for the tip!!
Try the podcast channel ‘The Clutterbug’. Cassandra has adhd but is helping people to declutter and organise their homes. I listen to her and clean at the same time. Gives me the mojo.
Yes! If you're going "meh, I don't want to" or "I'll just not do it and someone else can deal with it", that's laziness. If you're going "god I need to do it and it won't be that bad so just start, please start and just see how it goes, just move your legs, come on it's easy, why can't I just do it, pay attention and just do this one thing, I can have a reward if I do it, just MOVE!!!", that's ADHD.
Yep!!
Yes! Perfect description!
Yes!!! This! I hate myself for it. 😔
Yup, sometimes I just lay around watching anime eating shite and say to myself "oh jesus I should be doing xyz, but f it, I am not bothered" and other times I am actually on the verge or in tears but can't make myself move for nothing in this world. For me the first example is me being lazy.
Yes. My whole childhood I was called lazy and I've had to fight my way out of this thinking, which took me many years of therapy. I'm pretty sure the vast majority of what society calls "lazy" is just "tired". Not necessarily physically tired. But we all have batteries inside and each of us depletes our battery at a different speed. Some people need much more rest than others. And we then feel guilty, because we think we are lazy, because everyone calls us lazy. But we're just simply tired, for one reason or another our bodies decided that they need rest *right now* and you just can't make yourself do this thing you're supposed to do. You may not even feel tired, because this "laziness" comes before the classic tiredness. So if you feel "lazy" and yet still keep pushing yourself, then you'll become physically tired. But if you allow yourself the rest that your body clearly needs, you won't become tired. And that's what hides the tiredness behind "laziness". And it's important to remember that you can still feel tired even if you "didn't do anything" before. You might lack the energy because you worked a lot, but you might also just have a low level of energy because of any health issues you have. *I hope I explained my thoughts well because I struggled with words on this one lol.*
That's what my therapist told me
Yeah exactly. I know here we do a lot of "laziness isn't real" because it's often moralized and conflated with mental health issues so usually you're not lazy, but sometimes I do have a bunch of stuff to do and I lay down, guilt-free and go "but not todayyyyyy hahhaahha." I think that is laziness haha. But if I do that and the whole time I'm going "why can't I get started on x?? I need to do x!!!" or "I want to do x but I'm soooo tired" etc. that's not laziness. That's something else.
I say the same myself, but I can’t really believe sth my brain comes up with…it felt good to read this from you!<3
This. Laziness implies an apathy to the thing in question.
If you notice yourself making the active choice not to do what needs to be done, and you allow it. You think of it, you have time to do it, you agree that it's important, and you just don't because you don't feel like it. That's my definition of choosing laziness. I also had to realize that my sense of what I feel like doing is broken, so I can't listen to it sometimes.
I disagree on this one. Lately I’ve been into radical acceptance - ie if I didn’t get it done, I am shrugging it off instead of feeling guilty, just because the guilt isn’t serving me and is just making me less happy. So the guilt then becomes less of a marker.
well, i feel a lot less guilt now that i understand it isn't laziness on my part, but a symptom of adhd. so i'm not sure how much we actually disagree
Yeah, like the pile of old dirty dishes sitting in the sink…help.
Yep. There’s definitely days when I make a conscious decision to stay in or rest or just chill out instead of doing other things and it’s almost like a treat - that’s probably true ‘laziness’ although I don’t assign any moral value or lack of to it.
This is blowing my mind a little bit. I have a hard time stopping my morality-based self hatred thoughts because I was diagnosed as an adult so they got ingrained for a long time. I guess if you’re actually lazy you wouldn’t put as much effort into the activity that appears lazy to others as we do.
Very true, and people here also need to accept that face that actual laziness exists, and not everything is adhd related. Everyone on the planet is guilty of some form of laziness, some just more than others.
No. Regular people are lazy. Adhders have brain disease
April fools
I would suggest from my own experiences….. taking the hyper focus from adhd meds and playing call of duty for 7 hours straight instead of doing anything productive :D Edit: Well, I didn’t read the whole post before replying. Struggling vs Being lazy are two different things in my mind. It would depend on the response of the person to both behaviours. I know when I struggle sometimes I become frustrated quicker than normal, then dial in to finally “get” whatever I’m struggling with, or take a break. Others might step away from their project or task they are struggling with and play video games or just something else ( trying really hard to save my top comment and make it relevant lol) Being lazy usually incorporates not attempting in the first place. But, as I said above, when I’m being lazy it’s when I have the energy and motivation to do what I need to do, but I use it towards something that isn’t really progressing me.
“being lazy usually incorporates not attempting in the first place.” that actually makes a lot of sense! so you’d gauge it more on effort? if that’s the case, how would you characterize mental effort? with ADHD, a person could be using up a lot of energy to just get off the couch and grab their laptop to work. i’m not sure how i’d gauge how much effort i really am putting in, since we often can put lots of energy in and not accomplish much.
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So being able to even move sometimes requiring a huge amount of mental effort is definitely an ADHD thing (though seems to not be the most common symptom) since it was my main symptom and the reason I knew I needed treatment (I'd be starving after not eating all day, know I had food in the fridge, but be unable to make myself move to go and get it). It's also a symptom that my meds almost entirely remove fortunately. So I can confirm that it isn't a mindset issue, and it absolutely sucks because it makes it so you have put so much mental effort in and managed to literally not even move.
That’s fair, I wrote that post with the assumption everyone’s medicated for their ADHD, which obviously isn’t true and wasn’t a fair assumption. Thanks for the personal example.
Which meds? That’s still a huge problem for me and I’m currently medicated.
Hmmm I frequently don’t attempt to do stuff that I want to/need to do. But that isn’t laziness to me. I don’t attempt them because my ADHD brain either forgets or presents an insurmountable barrier to me to climb to even attempt to attempt them. Classic example for me. I wake up with a migraine. I feel awful and know I’ll feel worse still. My migraine pills are on the bedside table, I just need to roll over and take them. But it can be hours before my ADHD brain gives me to opportunity to attempt to do this (though typically it is tens of minutes). I don’t think I’m being lazy and I desperately want to do the extremely simple task to make my life better, but I can’t even attempt it. After that I know I’ll feel much better if I get up and eat something. But that is a whole other battle… Of course until 18 months ago I’d spent my whole 50 year life thinking this _was_ what laziness looked like, before I realised I had ADHD 😉
COD! Thats what Ive been playing. And I do play some videogames while Im doing work that requires "a brain" 😪
To be honest, I will start out with some COD if I’m struggling, because I find it helps get my brain moving and thinking etc etc.
I usually start with the task at hand, to understand what I have to do, then play a match or two and go back. Rinse and repeat 😄 Elden Ring was the game that pulled me through a very important project. I would play on weekedays to help with anxiety and take things off my mind and I would work on weekends (and do all I didnt do during the week) while watching Elden Ring on twitch 😁
Hahaha, amazing! I used to play Elden. Hey, whatever works right?
Yeah! So Elden Ring has a very special place in my heart 💚 hahaha
Omg im not the only one who takes meds just to accidentally focus on the thing that i did not wanted to do and then feel shit the entire time knowing im wasting my time and meds
Personally, I don’t believe in laziness as a concept. I think what we view as people being “lazy” is a side effect of other things. ADHD is a common one, but I think perfectionism, anxiety, burnout, depression, fatigue, or even just being improperly motivated can all lead to something that looks like laziness from the outside but isn’t really a person just choosing not to do the things they need to do, if that makes sense. [This article](https://www.npr.org/2021/09/24/1039676445/laziness-does-not-exist-devon-price) really changed my perspective on laziness.
Yep. I feel like a lot of us eventually come to this conclusion. It’s extremely common for people with adhd to be called lazy. Ironically calling someone lazy is… lazy. Instead of trying to understand their underlying problem they just label you. “Laziness” aka executive function problems is basically one of the defining traits of adhd.
Yeah this was what killed me. I’d been diagnosed with ADHD but my dad thought it was laziness, so obviously the cure was screaming at me instead of medicating me. The screaming terrified me into compliance, so I just studied all the time, cried all the time, beat myself up for not trying hard enough, prayed the rosary to ask Jesus to fix me, and had no energy left (aka “was too lazy”) to do fun kid things. But look at those A’s! Dad must be right. (Jk he sucks)
Fully agree! I thought I was lazy, didn't care enough etc.. because that's what I was always being told about my self. Then I was diagnosed when I was 19, got treatment and meds, and everything changed. Before, if I pushed myself to sit down to study, I just sat there looking at the book, it wasn't that I didn't want to read it, I just couldn't. So eventually I stopped, because why torture myself like that? And other people deemed that lazyness. Now, if I push myself to sit down and study, I can, I'm actually able to focus and read, so I do it. - so that gives me the motivation to try more often, because I often succed. Nothing to do with "lazy" or caring enough
This thought emerged in me and i was thinking how unfair we might treat ourselves and others for expectations that are not universal nor respecting individual situations or priorities, needs. Great to read someone had the same honesty. I think in daily life humans don‘t have energy or interest in understanding others too different from them, like our brains are still hardwired to be in small tribal communities where all have to be somewhat functional getting along, idk.
Yes! I was going to link Devon Price’s book here.
I actually think im like lazy lazy. Ive never been trying to over achieve, if the bare minimum was enough then i did enough, unless i really liked that thing. I did at some point feel stressed when i was reaching a deadline and i would feel genuine guilt but at some point the laziness switch turned on and i just dont even care whether i fail a whole year of school anymore, my stress is gone. The only way to get a sense of stress is either right before a test (which has more to do with not wanting to be embarrassment) and when i take meds just to end up not doing anything productive. Outside of those things im a stress free lazy ass who’s knowingly ruining his life and not giving a fuck?! And people around me feel so hopeless and they try to change me but nothing gets through to me, even if I understand I honestly dont quite understand it myself.
Honestly, even before I got diagnosed I started to believe that being lazy isn't actually a thing. For anybody, with or without mental issues. It's a made up thing to make it easy for people to force compliance and productivity. To let out frustrations and put others down. People have reasons for the things they do. Sometimes they need to relax, sometimes the task is too much, sometimes there are barriers to start. Especially if it hurts the people around them, there will be a deep underlying issue. Something that needs to be discussed, rather than judged. So for me I make it a point to remind everyone who uses that word that it's better to be mindful of other people rather than to assume that someone is doing something bad on purpose. Putting others down to feel better about ourselves is not a good path for anyone to be on and will not improve anyone's life. When I see someone who didn't do a task they had to do I won't admonish them, but rather ask what is keeping them from doing it and if I can help start the process. I found that to be both effective and amicable.
I actually think im like lazy lazy. Ive never been trying to over achieve, if the bare minimum was enough then i did enough, unless i really liked that thing. I did at some point feel stressed when i was reaching a deadline and i would feel genuine guilt but at some point the laziness switch turned on and i just dont even care whether i fail a whole year of school anymore, my stress is gone. The only way to get a sense of stress is either right before a test (which has more to do with not wanting to be embarrassment) and when i take meds just to end up not doing anything productive. Outside of those things im a stress free lazy ass who’s knowingly ruining his life and not giving a fuck?! And people around me feel so hopeless and they try to change me but nothing gets through to me, even if I understand I honestly dont quite understand it myself.
The thing is the word "lazy" implies that there is a desired default state of productivity. And it implies that deviating from that standard is inherently negative. But that doesn't exist, or at least it's not natural and imposed completely arbitrary. People are free to do and pursue whatever they want. "Lazy" just means you don't live up to *other* people's standards. It's used to control you and make you feel bad. There is no inherent productivity every human has to achieve to be considered valuable. Productivity is just another standard like beauty or sexuality or family. It's dictated from above, but actually means very little and has actually very little bearing on whether you are happy or successful.
Yeah there’s some control the masses built in but I think it’s mostly an ego thing. Others using you to massage their own egos. What drives me over the edge is when it feels like a play and your an actor who isn’t getting their lines right. Lot of ego maniacs out there.
I was actually thinking about “laziness” yesterday. I didn’t do a damn thing, I didn’t even want to move but I still wouldn’t have called myself “lazy”. I just literally could not get up. Ohhhh wait wait never mind. That’s depression🥲🤣
depending on mood could also just be rest
It doesn’t look like anything, we deserve and require rest and capitalism has brainwashed us. Or it could be depression, in my case it happens when I’m off my meds.
Preach!
For me, laziness is only when I have agency over it. A lot of people with adhd, myself included, are in a perpetual state of burnout. This can cause things to seem like they’re being lazy. People who view “if you’re on time you’re late” as a rule, can’t understand someone who experiences time blindness. And when you get wherever, people may or may not say something, but they just view you as inconsiderate. But it’s hard to explain that somehow you’re late even though you got up 30 minute to an hour earlier but it through off your usual routine and before you knew, the time to leave had already passed and now you’re 5 minutes later than usual. Or, you were on time, but all of the things you said you were going to do in the morning - get gas, take out the trash, workout, read, work on a hobby, etc. didn’t happen because you were to anxious to do anything else for fear of being late again. Someone who is very organized might not understand how even knowing how to organize and clean up a place can cause paralysis, because the spiraling thoughts of how did it get this way, why can’t I just put things away, look I have to do laundry, dishes, and ten other things. And each thought is like another 10lbs of weight on your shoulders and before you know it you’ve spent the 2 hours you had to do anything just thinking about how much you had to do unintentionally. But I can absolutely be lazy with the best of them. A week or so ago after working essentially for 3 weeks straight, I decided to take a lazy day. I went and got donuts from my favorite place, got onto call of duty at like 8am and played until 6pm intermittently. Ordered food in so I could just not have to get ready at all. I still did a few chores but that morning I thought, “what should I do today? I’ve been doing a lot, maybe I’ll just do whatever I want.”
A therapist once told me, "If you were lazy, you'd be enjoying it."
I like that
Apathy. If I don't care that I didn't get something done, I was being lazy. And let me tell you, I *can be* a lazy person, just not in the way ppl tend to think that I am
It appears from the outside as laziness, but internally its apathy.
Thank god I know someone who is the psychiatrist and they have been kind enough to give me one hour of therapy every now and then because I can't afford it. Beautifully, they shared with me the other day that they are a 73-year-old person with ADHD. I can't tell you how much better that made me feel because they told me they, too, struggle with procrastination, forgetfulness, 'laziness', 'flakiness', memory, a lack of a sense of time, etc. They even struggle with the guilt of all these things. Think about that. A person with a PhD struggles like we do. They even told me they stopped telling people what they have because they *can feel* people rolling their eyes. It just made me feel human. I know that sounds silly but I am so tired of my braim being broken
I don't believe laziness is really a thing. I believe there are a multitude of issues that we call laziness. Anxiety, depression, ADHD, burnout, exhaustion, etc. And keep in mind, your body is designed to get you where you want to be while burning the least amount of energy possible. Because of that, sometimes our subconscious mind will make calculations that impact our motivation that our conscious mind isn't aware of. Take someone who plays video games all day. Conscious mind: We should get to work on that paper. Unconscious mind: Why? Conscious mind: So that we get good grades. Unconscious mind: Why? Conscious mind: So that we get a good job that pays a lot. Unconscious mind: Why? Conscious mind: So we can retire early. Unconscious mind: What are we gonna do when we retire? Conscious mind: Play video games all day. Unconscious mind: Good news. Found a shortcut. Make sure the thing you're procrastinating on is leading to a goal you actually want. Sometimes we'll be trying to work towards the things we're told we should want and our subconscious cuts us off at the knees. Maybe you aren't an engineer, maybe you're a Van Life YouTuber.
A flawed premise. Laziness is a loaded word. A "lazy" person isn't motivated/capable of doing to what we want them to do (including ourselves) therefore we judge them for it. I don't separate motivated/capable because one entirely contains the other. You _must_ be motivated to be capable, but motivation alone isn't necessarily enough. If you judging somebody as lazy, then one of following scenarios is true: 1. They are incapable 2. Their motivations/values do not match your own expectations Somebody choosing to not take action would fall under #2 (including yourself). Learn to replace "lazy" with "unable to meet my expectations" and you'll feel much less maligned.
I would struggle constantly and be called lazy. Growing up my room was always a mess, I would be told to clean it, and I would sit there mentally telling myself that I needed to start. I would sit there for hours until my parents came back and yelled at me that I haven't done anything. They would scream at me and ask me why I hadn't done anything. I had a blank stare on my face and they took that as a sign of disrespect so they would yell at me more. As I grew older I started hitting myself thinking that it would motivate me, it didn't. I have since learned it wasn't my fault.
for me now I've been on meds (methylphenidate hydrochloride) for a year I still have some lazy habits. What I have noticed is that my body has been so used to having executive disfunction I expect myself to be unable to do things. its like having a broken light that you never turned on. if it magically started working again you wouldnt know until you try to turn it on. why would you? as far as you know its broken. Weird things ive done to push through the "laziness" are, pretending that I am not me but like a sim someone is controlling. Telling my friends to Point out stuff I should be doing from pointing out rubbish on my table to telling me I smell because I have washed my clothes in a while. Sometimes shame and guilt can me a great motivator. Sometimes its not about weather your struggling or being lazy, its about just trying that light switch.
this is very helpful, thank you!
Diagnosed at 46. At about 50, I stopped beating myself up and sort of embraced being lazy. I took the parable of the Mexican Fisherman to heart. I work around four hours a day. I can do that because I work for myself and have several competitive advantages in my market niche. Rather than scale up, I remain small and off the radar. My wife works with me and thrives on all the detail stuff that I have never been good at. I am 15 years into it and feel as good as I've ever felt.
I see laziness as a choice and a luxury, not necessarily a negative personality trait. On days where I don't have any important tasks I need to do, I have a choice of doing little bits and pieces or doing nothing. If I choose to do nothing it's a treat...a "lazy day". Then there's the days where I have important stuff to do and I find myself totally unable to and it's torture...that's my ADHD. I see the "laziness" in the first example as self care, and the second isn't laziness at all. For me "laziness" is only a negative if you are intentionally not doing things knowing that someone else will pick up the slack...then it's just taking advantage of those around you. The key here is the word "intentional". Experiencing adhd paralysis isn't intentional and if you do have loved ones who end up helping in these situations it's important to have systems in place and an open dialogue about it so it doesn't turn into something negative in a relationship. Intentions are important, but they don't mean much to those around us without communication and an effort to find workable solutions.
There's a difference between "I'm not doing this because I don't want to" and "I need to do this, I want to do this, but my executive dysfunction is kicking my ass and I cannot start doing this at the present time." It's why ADHD folk tend to go for days/weeks without cleaning, then do it all in one huge burst. When we feel the dysfunction let go, we know we only have so much time to Do The Thing before another wave of dysfunction hits and makes it impossible again.
I think true laziness requires two things: 1. Actively choosing not to do The Thing. 2. Knowing that someone else will have to do it if you don't do The Thing. I used to just categorize laziness as only the first bit, but with age and mental health exploration, I've learned that *actively* choosing to not do work and deciding to instead relax is SO IMPORTANT. Hustle Culture can F right off. (*Wanting* to do the thing but getting stuck and unable to get up and do the thing because your brain is in its own way would be executive dysfunction, likely ADHD.) But if one avoids a task, knowing that someone else will pick up the slack, that's not cool. That's lazy. Adulting includes responsibilities, and actively choosing to avoid responsibilities when you're on your own is one thing (and I would venture more indicative of burnout or depression), but actively choosing to avoid responsibilities when you know someone else will pick up the slack is more in the laziness spectrum.
What is laziness? Why is it important to believe it's a real thing?
I feel like it's difficult to be lazy because everything is so exhausting all the time. I'm not convinced that we have a chance to be lazy.
There is no such thing as lazy. What people call lazy is just an excuse not to find and understand the root cause for actions and inactions.
I struggle with “laziness” all the time. I think it’s because all of those the years of not understanding that I have an actual disability. All I knew was that even when I try so damn hard, my results still don’t measure up to the results of the people around me. So why try, unless I would actually get in trouble for not getting something done on time?
Laziness is a term for when what you want to do doesn’t match up with what other people want or expect you to do. I’ve found the whole idea to be mostly counterproductive when it comes to being a person who is effective at accomplishing my own goals. When I have trouble making myself achieve a goal ive set for myself, I usually find that i wasn’t filling a need for myself, like getting more sleep and exercise so my medications work better. It’s absolutely possible to get in a vicious cycle so that you want to do nothing and it’s hard to get yourself out of it, but we don’t get there willfully, and calling that laziness is not going to improve the chances of it getting better.
Laziness is like “ehhh I don’t wanna do the dishes… I’m having fun watching paint dry instead” as opposed to being like “why can’t I get up and do the dishes?? They’re right there. I’m not even having fun watching paint dry.” Like I can be lazy on Ritalin but ultimately I still am able to get up and do the thing even if I drag my feet and find it annoying, without Ritalin it’s like it physically hurts just thinking about having to clean a single dish.
My rule of thumb: Lazy is a choice. Rest is a need. Lack of motivation it’s uncontrollable is ADHD. If your fighting yourself it’s probably the later.
love love love this
I think laziness goes hand in hand with apathy. The dishes piling up will bother me but I get overwhelmed but a lazy person isn’t bothered by the dishes because they don’t care.
Laziness = “I could easily do it, but don’t want to” ADHD executive dysfunction = “I need to do this, why can’t i get up! I feel stuck!”
ADHD: "I know I need to get this done and I can't/am struggling to", usually with a side helping of worry, guilt, fear, or shame. Laziness: "I know it's my responsibility to do this but I'm going to see if i can make it other people's problem 'cause I don't care."
I couldn't tell ya, I have a bachelor's degree but my clean clothes blob has gotten smaller and smaller over the last five weeks.
I personally don't believe in pure "lazyness". There's a lack of motivation or incentive, but no real lazyness. "Lazyness" is just a (usually) mean-spirited oversimplification in an attempt to explain negligence. There's always a reason why someone would neglect certain tasks - anxiety, stress, priorities, energy, worth. All the word "lazy" does is ignoring the underlying reasons as to why someone would neglect doing something, therefore I believe it to actually be harmful in many circumstances to use that word.
I am going through a ridiculously lazy phase right now.
I look toward my manufacturing environment for help with this one. Not getting the work done because of executive functions is definitely not being lazy, because honestly convincing myself to do something I need to do it is exhausting. So I define laziness as when you don’t finish a task the correct way because you wanted to take a shortcut. For example, let’s say you are building a thing. You look through the directions and it tells you to use a specific tool with a specific part. Maybe you can’t find that tool right away, so instead of taking the steps to find the tool, you think that will take too long and improvise a tool that does the job but poorly. So maybe it handles the end goal but now the part you were working with is ruined. Executive function could still probably contribute to this, but not as much as the standard definition we are usually subjected to. Executive function usually isn’t leading you to decide that the thing you made is good enough and leave it in the poor state it’s in. We are all capable of creating a beautiful piece of art, but not being able to finish the painting in a timely manner is much different than going slow, making sure the painting has the right details in the right spots, and not touching it up or adding the small details to it. TLDR I define laziness as taking shortcuts in a way that keeps you from doing your best work
this is a fair definition, thanks!
When you were actually capable of doing it, but you decided to not do it in favour of something easier
Of course anyone can be lazy, at least about certain things. But the key is the intent. “I don’t want to do it.” —could be laziness “I want to do it but just can’t seem to do it.” —probably executive dysfunction, or anxiety, or something
I think the difference is if you ultimately start the task or not. So what if it took all day to clean your fridge out? You still did it and put in the effort. Or maybe instead of cleaning the entire bathroom, you at least took the time to clean up one section, such as the countertop. You still put in the effort to do something. Getting lost and overwhelmed after you’ve started the task is a different situation. But that’s why you need to find what solutions work for you. It’s important to recognize that feeling like you can’t do something is not the same as being unable to do it, and holding yourself accountable is necessary.
Lazy is when I make the decision to be wilful without fighting any internal guilt, shame, disappointment or confusion within myself. Don’t feel like replying to that text message and don’t feel guilty? Lazy moment. Knowing you should reply and feeling guilty - yet still can’t? Broken brain.
that makes sense
Laziness isn’t a thing it is a perspective. It’s a judgement passed on a person who is spending time in a way you don’t approve of. That person can be yourself. Not contributing to things you should be contributing to is a specific problem that should be addressed as a specific problem
Laziness is procrastinating on important tasks and having fun or doing something entertaining instead. Executive dysfunction is not being able to start a task, but you can't have fun either. You're stuck in the middle.
Some people don't believe laziness exists. IDK if I 100% agree with that, but I do think it's an idea worth exploring before you chalk your behaviors up to just laziness. https://www.npr.org/2021/09/24/1039676445/laziness-does-not-exist-devon-price
I have a coworker with unmedicated ADHD. She would shamelessly leave early and ask us to not rat on her. She would also try to have us do some of the work for her yet vent to us about how she should get a promotion. I think this is laziness. When she noticed that some people were considering telling on her, she stopped. She would also go around and info dump on people about her life instead of working. I think this is ADHD and laziness. I had to ask her to stop. She is busy like everyone else but isn’t guilty about getting distracted easily.
Awesome question. I don’t think I’ll ever know. Living with ADHD feels like it must be the opposite of lazy - every gd thing takes SO. MUCH. EFFORT. What I wouldn’t give to CHOOSE to be lazy.
Usually my tell is that I get really anxious for not doing the things that I need to do and kicking myself for not getting things done on time. Even if I don’t want to do it, I want to do it to get it out of the way, but can’t tear myself away from something else to do the task.
Laziness for adhd is when they are already on task cutting corners or skipping through things. The hard part is getting on task so those small things like that is usually the lazy part
Being lazy for me is a choice that I plan for and reward myself with.
See my post about my house looking like a drug den.
Being lazy for me, is not putting my laundry away when it's done. Just leaving it in the basket to shuffle through. Me struggling is wearing dirty clothes or buying new clothes rather than washing my fricken clothes. Spent too many years struggling with being "lazy", I deserve to be a little bit lazy now. If its something I'm beating myself up about not doing, it's not me being lazy. I'm struggling. But if I can just meh, I'm just being lazy. I'll also happily admit when I'm being lazy. Won't even hurt my feelings when you call me out on it lol. But if im struggling, that's just gonna make it so much worse.
Here's the thing. Day to day tasks are extremely exhausting for someone with ADHD. So yeah, we need a break once in a while. I think we internalize all that "lazy" talk from growing up around people who kept calling us lazy when we break down after doing so little from their perspective. Honestly, give yourself a break. You deserve to be actually lazy once in a while. Don't feel guilty for it.
Laziness is not even trying. Taking one look at that wall of awful and turning to hyperfocus on literally anything else. If you're trying and failing you should be proud. If you're ducking and avoiding that's self sabotage, which is the lazy way out. We all have our rocks to lift. ADHD and non ADHD alike and all the levels and shades of neurological divergence. We can't assume to know what is hard for others, but not trying is the worst. That's been my demon anyway. YMMV
Laziness is a human social construct to increase production and profit through guilt. Take it easy.
This is going to be long-winded but, something interesting and very eye opening I heard from a therapist was that laziness doesn't actually exist. So from one person with ADHD who has massively struggled for years with feeling lazy, to another, this is for you. Laziness implies that you're not meeting an imaginary standard of existence or level of productivity based on either external or internal (which are obviously conditioned into us from external sources) imposition. Are you lazy because you didn't make your bed? Why do you need to make it in the first place? Do you even want to make it or care if it's left unmade? If you don't, then you're not lazy for not making it. Are you lazy because you didn't cook for yourself and ordered out instead? Or because you didn't clean your bathroom today? Or this week? Or didn't do the dishes? Or fold your laundry? It only matters when and how you do those things because someone, at some point, told you there's a certain way that they *should* be done. Followed by an instilled, internalized sense of guilt if you don't adhere to those "rules" of living. I think it's important for us to discern the differences between wants, needs, and discipline, and to remove a word like "lazy" from our vocabularies completely. There's so much more nuance to what we decide to do (or not do, for that master) that nothing can be boiled down to just "laziness". For example, if your intention was to cook for yourself but you ordered out instead, what was the reason? Was it because you had a craving? Did pizza sound better than making chicken and rice? Were your dishes dirty and you felt it would be easier in that moment to get something premade? Were you feeling low energy and didn't have it in you to cook? None of that is "laziness". On the flip side let's say your intention was to cook, and you had the energy, the motivation, the time, your dishes were clean, everything was good to go, and you actually *wanted* what you were planning to make--but then you didn't make it and ordered out instead. Either you lacked discipline/willpower/determination in that moment to say yes to cooking and no to ordering out OR you were locked into a state of executive dysfunction and it was simply quick and easy to order food on your phone rather than go through the prep, cooking, and cleanup of making your dinner. Either way, though, neither of those things are "laziness". One was a lack of personal discipline (or simply a choice), and another was a result of brain structure and chemistry. Some people may argue that the lack of discipline is exactly that, laziness--but again, I beg to differ. Lazy is a word we use to judge and beat ourselves and others down for not living up to an arbitrary standard, and to insult a person's (or our own) character ONLY when judged against this standard. If you create your own standard for living your life the entire concept of being lazy completely falls apart. I know this line of thinking kind of makes basically everything, every decision in life, arbitrary, but I think it can really help to take a lot of the pressure and expectation off of ourselves and allow us to just exist and live to the ideal of what we find important, and shape our lives around that and what we WANT and DECIDE to do vs what we or anyone else thinks or feels like we *should* do. I hope this post helps OP or anyone else--even if just a little bit--who took the time to read through it all. Sometimes all we need is a shift in perspective. Be kind to yourself 😊
aa good audio book is men adults with ADHD
A short reply to your post?
What does it look like? Me.
If you are doing nothing out of enjoyment then it’s laziness (or you needed rest!!!). If you’re not enjoying it, it’s not laziness.
What has been helping me the most lately is writing a daily to-do list with checkmarks on google docs, and if I don't complete it, I cut the lines that aren't completed and put them on the next day's list. And I keep the lists from previous day to have a record of what I achieved, and so that I can look at the days where I didn't make a list and see I achieved nothing on those days. I think that the ability to hyperfocus on my goals can give me a huge advantage compared to other people, as long as I organize my goals and thoughts into a document that I can easily read and use to take action. If I just rely on my thoughts to get me to do things, I will achieve nothing unless someone is forcing me to do it, by giving me an ultimatum. The lists are the only way I can be productive independently, but of course, being motivated by other people helps even more.
I think my true laziness comes about when it's hot, any temp over 70F. I feel like I literally melt onto the cold floor into a human puddle in front of my AC. I do not cook. I barely eat. I drink copious amounts of cold water. I hopefully can grab a frozen treat from my freezer or an ice pack. And lastly pray that this horrible weather will pass. This gif is pretty darn close. 
I think the truth is just that laziness isn't....real I suppose. Like there are things we call lazy but at the end of the day if somebody's not doing something there's always a reason. Even if the reason is "I don't want to" or "I'm tired" or "I'm selfish and know someone else will"
I struggle heavily with my ADHD and laziness line … I Trying to determine what it is but when shit needs to get done , structure helps, I set it in my mind days before and I know when that day comes it’s time, regardless how feel I get my ass up and do it Mind over matter has always been my angel of assistance
To my old bosses it looks like me getting more work done than anyone else and then going to chat with friends because my work is done, before they assign me more work.
Making an appointment but making no attempt to put it onto a calendar. Just say no if you know that you have no intention of remembering. A text reminder is great, but getting 3 on the same day because you made all of your appointments for when you're traveling is what happens when you rely just on that with zero attempt to use a calendar. Everyone has a calendar on their phone. It takes 15 seconds to make an appointment with 2 reminder alarms.
Co-morbidities. PTSD. Anxiety. Depression. OCD. For example.
I'm told I'm hard on myself because not doing everything = not doing anything to me half the time
It took an undergraduate psychological trauma class for me to believe that laziness does not exist. Procrastination exists but not laziness. Procrastination serves a purpose- it is a matter of how self aware we are to understand if it’s our body needing rest, to recover mentally, etc.
Starting and stopping tasks is one aspect of executive function. It’s a spectrum of dysfunction for people with ADHD. I personally am at the end of that spectrum where I really struggle. What has helped me is being kind to myself when I do struggle and doing something first that I like or is the easiest. Once I get moving I am golden. Stopping a task (to avoid burnout), I have learned to set timers on my phone, use post it’s as visual reminders, and bribe myself with something else to make me stop hyper focusing.
Yes it definitely does. I was on the phone watching YouTube and TikTok for 10 hrs straight. I was severely burnt out frm work lol I am still finding that part out for number 2 haha I sometimes try to create routine as much as I can before I break it lol or have hyper active focus with caffeine and just deep clean a portion of the house. For now, I say make sure do the dishes everyday and if you can afford it, get a dishwasher. It saves so much of my adhd brain. My new motto is as long as there is no mold in the plate , have mildly fresh smell cloths and doesn’t have a severe body odor, I am good! Hope this helps~~
Not surprised to see that Catholicism was involved
I've been saying I need to vac and clean the inside of my car for so long, there have been times recently when I have had time but I just CANT do it...and just typing that sounds ridiculous! Of course I can, just go out and do it..it will probably take half an hour tops! I've bought new air fresheners that are just sitting on my back seat because I won't open them until I've cleaned my car. I know I WILL do it eventually, probably the day before my MOT or if I need to give someone a preplanned lift. I could say I'm lazy, but the compulsion to not do it far outways my desire to vac it.
For me I have a basket of clothing in my bedroom that needs to be put away and I see it and think "I really want to put that away. That needs to be done. I got to do it. I'd rather it done than just sitting there" then as soon as I leave the room I forget all about it. Then it becomes too late and I feel guilty and upset that I didn't get it done. And this happens everyday for a couple of weeks until I actually manage to do it. Anyone else like this?
my life in a nutshell bro... after i got vaxed my adhd went off the rails and now i cant seem to concentrate worth shit...
This is going to sound radical But the more I learn about mental health Capitalism History And ADHD.... I don't really know if true laziness exists. Or if it's just a label used to punish people who aren't doing capitalism enough. Now, irresponsible, that's different. Not doing the dishes even though they're your fault which pisses off your roommate, I'd call that *irresponsible*, since others are really counting on you. And that can happen to all sorts of people.