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Yes. If I have something I have to remember later in the day, especially something like someone showing up at my house, I feel tense and useless until it’s over. Like I can only schedule one “thing” that requires attention a day.
I’ve found that setting an alarm and hour before or whatever before lets me drop it from my mental load because I know I will be reminded that it’s happening and won’t miss it.
I use alarms and reminders heavily, and then when they go off, I don't hear them half the time. So to compound all the rest of it, I have to remain in a quiet place with no distractions or people to distract me which as we all know isn't always possible.
Before the "why don't you set the alarm to vibrate your phone?" crowd gets here, I do -it's the default setting- but with nerve damage to my legs from an accident in my 20s, I don't feel it so it wouldn't help anyway.
I set multiple alarms and have a smart watch that forces me to acknowledge it. It doesn't always work, I can just shut them off and ignore, but I try my best not to.
This was the top reason I got my Apple Watch. My phone is perpetually on silent and do not disturb (idk why notifications make me anxious lol) so the gentle nudge from my watch is PERFECT
This is what I do! If I have an appointment at 3:30, and I need to leave the house at 3pm I’ll set an alarm for 2pm and I can do whatever I want the entire rest of the day until 2pm hits and then that’s when I can sit and stress about needing to leave for my appointment at 3pm lol
Yes. This is why I prefer to smush all my appointments back to back rather than having any "breathing room" between because regardless I won't be able to breathe until it's all over.
Ugh, this. Cramming all of my errands at once no matter where they are just so I can actually *relax* or have fun after without feeling like I’m going to throw up bc I know I’ll forget something
Same. Sometimes I even feel bad for feeling this way because I know it's not the person's fault (let's say a relative) and if they're coming it's because they enjoy my company, but if someone's coming over I feel like I can't start anything that's time-consuming because I will have to talk to that person and interrupt whatever I'm doing.
Same thing if I have something to do later in the day, that's why I prefer doing things in the morning so I don't have this mental weight on me during the rest of the day.
Not that I end up doing anything important anyways, that feels too overwhelming. But at least I don't have anyone/anything to blame for my procrastination.
Yes. I am the most productive between 6 and 12. After 12 and I’m shot. So, that would throw me off too. I like all of my appointments to be scheduled and done and over with before noon.
Same. I've offered a coworker to come in (I usually work from home) so she's not alone in the afternoon. I have flexible hours so it works for me and I live 10 minutes away from the office.
The first two days were oddly great, I got stuff done before I had to go to work and I had enough to do to get me through the day but omg now it's just hell. I can't get anything done and all I think about is having to go to work later 🫠
That's when u call their bluff and nope tf outta them. You'll see if they actually just wasted a drive or if they're done fucking around and gonna paid the agreed price 😤
Yeahh i live in an apt and i dont give them the number so its not like they know exactly where but its obviously better to just go to the nearest parking lot of a store or something n meet there. If i lived in a house tho…id be too paranoid to even think about doing it there lol
I once had a guy offer me like half what I was asking for a mountain bike I had on Craigslist. Obviously I said no but he would not let it go. He kept messaging me stuff like “have cash in hand, could be yours today” and even sent me a pic of the cash. Maybe he thought I was a crackhead or something?
I probably should have blocked him but I was kinda curious how hard he’d push, and I didn’t reply anymore after the first time. Eventually he gave me a “last chance” and dropped it.
Actually you don't have to say okay. If his life can change so can yours. You can say sorry that time doesn't work anymore for me we will have to reschedule. I understand your pov completely. Just want you to know you have options.
Totally get it - you didn’t want to upset them by declining the new time slot and now your stuck in waiting mode. It sucks. I don’t have any advice cos I’d struggle with this too - I don’t like folk coming to the house either! I like the idea someone suggested about trying to get something else done before they arrive but sometimes it’s easier said than done. You’re not alone!
I know that I personally struggle with communicating “I am flexible about plans but am not flexible about changing them once they’re set,” which seems to also be a part of this in addition to “dear god, please don’t ask me for a mid afternoon meeting.”
100% this is me. When I have something planned, I stress out so much about missing it or forgetting about it that I obsess. If I know I have to leave at 3:30. I will start stressing out around 3 and pace. I don't get comfortable or start doing anything else because I'm afraid I will forget the first thing. I usually end up leaving 10 minutes early just because I feel its stupid to pace around for 10 minutes.
I think this is a learned behavior. As I'm sure you know, time blindness is a huge thing with ADHD. After 40 something years, I have made enough mistakes with time management and felt the repercussions of it that it has conditioned me to worry about it. Its like a dog that dog that learns not to bark because he has gotten shocked the last 20 times he did.
I could be wrong on nature vs nurture though because my 10 year old stresses out about leaving late too.
I got an electric toothbrush with a built in timer (love it) .
EVERY time around 1 minute and 55 seconds I'm sure that the timer must be broken and then then somehow the next 5 seconds takes what feels like a lifetime of wondering if I will somehow brush the enamel off of my teeth because the timer is broken.
I had this happen when I got ready for a picnic and then my friend asked to meet an hour later, like 10 mins before i was about to leave my place! so i was all dressed up, packed, and sitting there like.... so i can either leave now and wait ***there*** or... wait ***here***... because i have to wait no matter what. ended up just distracting myself with various mini-chores and leaving later.
Nah, now you know you have until 3:30 to get all your chores and shit done and you have to be done by then. It’s a deadline
And when you get it all done and sell the guitar, now you can sit around and do nothing if you want with zero guilt
If I do that today, I will forget about the guitar guy, which will probably only result in an embarrassing "who are you?", or worst case I'll leave the house for some reason and then get a "bad seller" rating.
Maybe you can combine it with the other person's suggestion of setting an alarm for an hour or two before the meeting time, that way you don't forget or miss it, but still have time to finish whatever you were doing and shift gears. We have very rusty gears.
I do about 30 minutes prior to the intended time so I have enough time to debrief my brain. Otherwise I'll loose all sense of what I was doing next time and my mind won't still be processing what I was doing when I'm suppose to be somewhere else.
I was waiting for a workcall all friday and it never came. Then there was the long weekend for Eastern and although I forget everything up to the name of my dogs... I couldn't let go of that phonecall 😑
It finally came this morning and it feels like I can breathe again. It wasn't even an important call either.
I don’t begin work most days til 6pm—-my whole life is the waiting game and it’s awful —trying to find either a way to work with my boss for a different schedule or else I’m about to hit the road because my meds are LONG worn off before I even leave for work and I get absolutely nothing done before hand either because I’m dreading going. It truly sucks!!!
Thank you!!! If i didn’t need the money I would quit right now, but I’m in that place where I still need the money.
It’s literally torture working those hours !
I’ll hopefully figure it out soon! Thanks for the support !
I usually do 7am starts, and the flipside of that is that I often don't want to go to bed early, because the bed becomes a time-machine to work. I actually like my job though most of the time so it's not a problem, but it sure was when I was working in retail (no h8 to retail workers but I found it super boring).
I also used to start at 5pm a lot and that was super miserable for me 😞 never again. Early > late
Yeah, it can suck. On the bright side: You can learn from it. Just don't say "anytime" next time but make a clear time-window. If he/she cannot make it make an appointment another day.
This is my question for ADHDers who work anything but day shifts…..how isn’t this exact situation a struggle?
I got laid off recently and I can’t seem to find another job that will schedule me days and it’s been depressing me. I’d rather die than work a 3-9. I know this is a random
Place to post this haha I don’t have the energy to make a full post but I’m curious what works for you guys?
What kind of jobs are you looking for? The "easy" solution is to say you should only apply to jobs with regular daytime hours and are closed at night. But without knowing your skillset, it's hard to say if that is feasible.
I dropped out of college and it seems like every 9-5 I apply too wants a bachelors so that’s probably my main issue (also defaulted on student loan payments so have no financial way to go back to college)
I have experience as a nail tech and I love it but most clients want their nails done after work hours and I just can’t function that way unfortunately, I tried working for a few months but the anxiety that would build up knowing I had responsibilities later in the day wnd the fear of starting any task beforehand was debilitating I couldn’t get out of bed until 3pm most days.
My favourite jobs have been retail management because I can set my schedule and work days while also having social stimulation and fun work environments but I’ve been laid off from my last 3 retail management jobs because stores keep closing and the because of the financial situation in my area
I don’t know where to do from here to be honest
You need to get your student loans squared away immediately, they will never go away on their own. The US Dept of Education makes it trivially easy if you just talk to them. It would take less than a year to get them out of default. There is literally no reason why you shouldn't at least try.
Working in retail almost guarantees you will be working evenings unless you happen to work for a small business or boutique.
See if the county courthouse is hiring, or a local branch of the IRS. Jobs working for the city, state, all qualify for public service loan forgiveness. Even custodial. Do it for a few years, get some healthcare and get the loans taken care of. Then you’ll have breathing room to reassess.
I find lots of alarms help.
Give yourself an alarm far out enough that if you totally forget your appointment and go somewhere else you'll still be able to make it back in time.
Depending how important it is, I might give myself a 3 hour alarm, 1 hour, and 30 minutes.
Then I can just let go and stop worrying. I will forget. But with 3 hours notice I can get home. With 1 hour of notice I can get ready. And at the 30 minute mark I let the event take over my attention.
Then again, before I developed the habit of putting everything into my phone it felt impossible to do so. I understand completely that my solution won't work for a lot of other people.
I feel your pain, sold a bike on OfferUp. Told guy after 11, guy said he would let me know when he was on his way. Dude texted me at 2:45 said he’s on his way. Shows up at 4:15. Dude confessed he came from over an hour and a half away. Still…
My god. A nightmare. I would have been starting at the phone or out the window consumed with anxiety for the ENTIRE DAY. Good job getting it done, though!!
I used to be like this. I would wait all day for 3:30, to make sure nothing can go wrong and I won’t miss the appointment. I would also be nervous and waiting all day wondering how the appointment was gong to go. My whole life was like that until I ended up diagnosed with adhd 2 years ago and medicated. Now I would be fine. I would go out and enjoy myself, or simply do something else until the appointment. Probably would only put a couple seconds thought into it now. Make sure I update my calendar and reminders and that’s it. I feel your pain, I would be exactly like you in my old world.
That's some good advice, especially the bit about "enjoy myself". I really struggle with that, I was always taught that time not working, doing domestic duties or errands, or learning was wasted time.
Yeah drug dealers aren't the most reliable people on the planet. Although I did have a weed guy that was very organised and punctual back when I was in my early 20s 😂
If you live in a real country. It's still illegal here 😡 even though our rates of cannabis use is one of the highest in the world, higher than countries that have legalised it. Prohibition working really well
Yes. Suggestion for the future. Have them pick a time like an appointment. That way you’re not held to the anytime is ok. Because it’s really not. Your time is important.
Yeah it is, but I guess thanks to stupid western work culture I don't believe my time is valuable outside of work. If I'm not working, I'm wasting time. Or so I've been taught.
not yet but if it happened to me, i'd surely as shit be pissed off too, so sorry for that :( it's extremely frustating for me to have a sudden break on my rotine or something i scheduled, i just feel confused on what to do next yk?
what guitar was it, btw?
Epiphone Les Paul standard in Cherry sunburst. I'm actually really going to miss it I've had it for nearly 20 years, it was my 18th birthday present. But I never use it anymore, I need the cash, and I'd rather it go to a young fella/fellette for cheap so they can play on something worth showing off rather than some $200 Chinese thing.
My main one is the Tom Delonge Strat in that teal colour because I'm a sweaty Blink fan
Yeah, anytime I *have* to do anything in a day at a specific time, I feel like my entire day is wasted until I can do the *thing*. I hate it.
I think in my case at least, it stems from the fact if I don't obsessively watch the clock, I'll be late for the *thing* and then get in trouble, so I just...fixate on the clock the entire day and I **hate that**.
this is good advise. once you get started doing one thing, you'll be more motivated to do other things after that. but if you don't start on the first thing, it's easier to doomscroll.
I’ve been starting to make appointments as early as possible to avoid this
Feels like some weird deadline is in place. If I try to do anything before I won’t stop stressing about the time, even if I still have hours before the appt
I have a 1 of 10 extremely rare guitar I’ve been hunting for 10 years stuck in customs right now and I am losing my mind over it. Not quite the same but ADHD issues with the same hobby. I check the tracking every 10 minutes 🥺
Honestly I get this because if I have something booked for the afternoon, the whole day leading up to that is totally unproductive because I am stuck in Waiting Mode.
god yes. many people here have described their experience and I share it. my problem is "using available time" between scheduled events. especially events with no clear and set time, or events that suddenly change time. if its an agreed time, I want it out of the way early; if its my own time, I dont want to get interrupted later in the day
oh i basically live from engagement to engagement constantly mindful of the time, I'm currently on vacation literally grappling with my brain doing this even though this is the time I gave myself to rest that feeling
I would indicate the price of the guitar is going to reflect some of the time you lost from your other obligations and knock on $25-50
So it's weird.
Having something at 1530 eats the day exactly the same as having something at 1030, 1200, 1330 and 1530.
There's no difference in how much I can do. Though if the meetings start with or right after lunch, I can come in early and get things done.
I'd much rather have a day of meetings than a meeting a day. I get so much more done. But the worst is always the early afternoon stuff, 1400-1600. That kills me.
Literally had this yesterday. Buyer was supposed to show up at 6 and said he was running late but is on his way. I asked for an ETA and he never replied. I literally couldn't do anything productive because I didn't know how long he'd be. He didn't show up until like 7:15 which is pretty disrespectful IMO.
This has happened to me too. I’ve sold stuff online before and I’ll say they can come get it anytime. They give me a time and if they change it and it’s inconvenient I’ll tell I made plans after they told me what time they had originally planned to come. I’d say like 95% of the time they figure out a way to make the initial meeting time.
Just take it if you waited he would have probably said no thx, I’ve had this experience before. There’s always tomorrow you can try to get things done .
So make a plan to ensure that didn't happen!! It's hard to snap oneself out of it when it happens by chance, but you 100% know it's coming. There's no excuse if you have foresight. Make a plan now.
My husband of 17 years is like this...we both have adhd.. i have him trained not to do this anymore.. every so often he will attempt to but i have to snap him out of it.. we have a baby too so literally not an option anymore.....
You would think its a match made in hell... and we DEFINITELY have had our issues. But we struggle in completely different things. So its a ying and yang.
are you familiar with “body doubling,” where you and a friend pair up and accomplish tasks together? maybe that could be a way to not waste the entire morning and afternoon waiting for the transaction; it’ll give you external motivation, unless these are individual-based tasks. even then, you could have support and perhaps mindless distraction from anticipation of the pick-up.
i really wish our brains functioned differently, but someday you’ll figure something out and what works for you, in regard to working around someone else’s schedule. good luck, OP. and to all of you in a similar boat (myself included).
"you and a friend"
Yeah, that's the problem 😂
Actually I do have friends but they aren't available on weekdays. I often do shift work or weekends so I'll get these midweek days off with no one to spend with.
That's one reason why I've gotten so much worse since divorce. I would be fine, almost barely noticeable ADHD while my wife was around
Yes and this is why I always take the earliest possible appointment. They’re always like “we have an 8am😬” and I’m like GIMMIE! Because then I don’t have to waste my whole day in waiting mode for an appointment at 2pm
yep, hilariously this is exactly why i dont join a raid guild in WoW, ive played WoW on and off for years and years, im very good at the game, i always clear all the new content etc but i always just pug my groups cuz if i commit to a guilds raid signup, i will spend every waking moment until then agonizing over it and making sure i dont miss it .
Just because you said any time the day before doesn't mean that it still applies after agreeing to a time. For all he knows you planned on meeting him at 11am and then booked a flight to Mexico.
I know it doesn't help now that the day's been wasted. But something to think about for the future.
I’m EXACTLY this way. Exactly.
Some of this is helped by my meds, but it still is something in which I just do my best to limit uncertainty, but become okay with it as best I can when it’s uncontrollable.
I don't know but there's got to be something. I think it just comes down to executive functioning. ADHD to executive functioning is like Paraplegia to moving. Can't do it, or really struggle to. Medication is like a wheelchair.
Yup. I once sold an amp and the person changed their mind after the transaction. They called me back and gave me a sob story that they made a mistake and didnt have much money so I gave them their money back. Thats why I prefer to sell my gear at a local second-hand music store. You pay the store commission but dont have to deal with all the issues.
I don't blame you, but if they seem apologetic and not their fault, I'd recommend reconsidering it. Especially if they're an ADHDer. I've done worse than this guy before, but I really don't mean to.
Yes, I started holding people to the terms/conditions that they originally opted for. So I’d say “no I’m sorry, I scheduled our meeting for 11am and then had other things fill in the rest of the afternoon.”
I didn't want to risk the deal falling through, I kind of need the cash sooner rather than later. Selling my spare stuff seemed better than going into debt
Yep this would happen to me and has happened. And when I get scheduled closings at work if my shift start at 3:00 I can't do anything from 11:00-3:00 until my shift starts.
My violin teacher changed plans on me other day—8 hours before our session. It's needless to say that I ultimately flaked in the end. I have to mentally prepare for things like that. Not to mention, like you... I can't rest when I have something important to do. It really deters me from doing things. Too much brain energy.
I also stayed up 22 hours last week because I had a flight early in the morning and thought I would oversleep lol
Yes. Next time say you already made plans around the original time and later doesn’t work. Can he stick to the original time, come earlier or come the next day.
Yeah I'll try something like that next time. Part of it was I didn't want to risk the deal falling through, and I really need cash now (call J.G. Wentworth! 877 cash now)
Sometimes, my friend flakes on me at the last minute, which ruins my entire day. I clear my schedule just to spend time with them, and when they flake, I lose my mood to do anything else. It’s frustrating because they have the chance to let me know in advance like days before that they’re unavailable, but they fail to do so. The friend I mentioned has adhd too, I can't blame them
That's a tough one. Since he's your friend, I'd recommend telling him just how inconvenient it is, and how important it is to give you notice. Let there be some immediate consequences for doing the flaking. We're pretty bad at regulating our own behaviour when there's no consequences
Having something planned can be rough when you need to change it out for something else. This is compounded when it's still something that needs dealt with the same day, as there are other stuff in the schedule it will affect.
Yup, completele messes up my day, i plan my day out in the morning so if you tell me the day before its fine, if you tell me the day off im like a deer in headlights, i cant replan it, i already planned it
Selling anything online you encounter more than your fair share of tyre kickers and flakes they stick out like sore thumbs. It's ironic when they flat out admit to having ADHD like in their first or second message.
It's like fuck dude this is going to be a nightmare. This transaction just ain't gonna happen at all.
I was about to say sounds a lot like ADHD because I struggle the same way. Then I noticed the subreddit lol.
This appeared on the popular tabs for me. It really does stink, especially when you want to game or get anything done. You just can't sink into it because of the fact. It's crazy!
Even if I have to do the simplest thing at a later time in the afternoon (say 2:30 PM), I can't do anything until that time comes. I am falling behind so many things because I have this mindset. argh!!!!
When people give me times, i insist on saying to them “no, just turn up when suits you”. I will not allow myself to listen to their time. That way, im not thinking about that time all day long and can get on with my stuff and just be surprised when they show up (because i will have forgotten by then). I just ensure my door bell is on loud and my phone is on so i cant miss it.
I can definitely relate to this, especially in the weekends. I absolutely hate it when we have something important in the afternoon, because it will fill me with a deep sense of unease and anxiety all day. My wife knows this, and we try to now plan as much stuff in the mornings and just keep the afternoon free, though it is a balancing act, because my wife also doesn't like feeling like there is a rush in the morning in the weekend, and just wants to be able to chill.
Oh man, this can really throw you through a loop unexpectedly. Try to think of anything you maybe have loose ends to tie up on or something you could challenge yourself to get done in that amount of time. This has helped me before. Try to find something else to occupy yourself and focus on until then if you can. It will make the next hours much more bearable!
Yes, it happens. But I don't usually notice till AFTER I wasted too much time.
If I'm able to notice it and articulate it as you just did, I can usually make myself do something useful or productive.
Okay, YES. I get this way, especially when I have a virtual appointment later in the day so I'm just home, waiting for the appointment.
What I've done to break out of it is planning multiple tasks with alarms to ensure time limits.
So, if I have 2 hours before an appointment to kill, I'll set 30 mins to do my dishes, 30 mins to clean my room, 15 mins to organize my closet...etc. Then I'll have the last alarm go off 5 minutes before my appointment, so I have enough time to wrap up whatever I'm doing and log in.
usually i'm not that anal about planning my time, but it works for me when i have a very specific time range to spend before a required event.
I understand being bothered by last minute changes, but Why didn’t you suggest your time preference first? Why did you say anytime if you’re not ok with it?
Ya overcoming “waiting mode” is kinda like a song that drags out too long even tho there’s no more music happening. Just waiting for it to do its thang. Yk
Ugh same thing happened to me recently -- coffee plans were made for 11, and then the other person asked to reschedule to 3. I have no reason to say no, other than knowing this phenomenon is going to occur. Anything between 2 and 4 feels like this for me.
The best thing you can do is try to add another scheduled thing around this one, if possible. But usually... it's not possible. And it's so frustrating!
Honestly, I would have re-scheduled. You had already set a time for that day. Who's to say you didn't schedule the rest of your day after that, and now "any time" no longer works for you? Maybe too late for this instance. But it's totally within bounds to say, "How about the next day instead?"
I have never felt more validated. I've not met a single human being IRL who has ever been able to relate to the paralysis I experience in these situations. You have my utmost sympathy.
Don’t be afraid to let the guy know you aren’t available later even if you’ve said “anytime” in the future.
But I get it, I stopped scheduling things like this on my weekends because I’d do/feel the same way. Like I didn’t want to miss it so I just waited around, or it felt like a huge event I had and made the rest of my time seem less worth it.
I’m like this all the time. Any appointments or scheduled work meetings around 12 or the afternoon ruin the rest of the day for me. Before scheduled time: too anxious to get anything done because I don’t want to miss it. After scheduled time: don’t want to do anything because I just completed something towards “the end of the day.” Ugh it really sucks sometimes.
This is why I can’t work swing shift where you start in the afternoon cause I’m just waiting to go into work the entire day lol. I prefer to just wake up and get it the hell over with
> Now I already said anytime to him, so I had to say "yeah that's ok".
"Anytime" is voided once a time is agreed upon. Otherwise, why agree to a time at all? That makes it impossible to schedule anything.
Next time, do not feel compelled to agree to a new time given by the other party. It's your time too, so stand up for yourself if you feel the need.
My husband of 17 years is like this...we both have adhd.. i have him trained not to do this anymore.. every so often he will attempt to but i have to snap him out of it.. we have a baby too so literally not an option anymore.....
Man, look at all this time you now have to clean your living space! Start in the restroom, then the bedroom, then the living room, then the kitchen, maybe grab a magic eraser and get the hand prints on the door frames and doors.
I love the resolution on this…
…but I know the feeling. Have my annual review at 10:30am, and I can’t get anything done beforehand. When I have my weekly therapy appointment at 11:30am, same thing. It is so devastating since I’m in a career (attorney) where I have to bill my time 8 hours per day.
My best guess is that I’m petrified of being late, missing something, etc. that I am afraid if I don’t focus on it, I will forget it.
I refer to this as the 'check-in at the airport'. No matter what I do, it doesn't matter, because I'm just waiting to enter the plane.
I try to avoid this as much as possible, by also having most appointments early in the day, and being adamant about afternoon 'dates' being 'impossible'.
So yes, I can relate so much :)
Epiphone Les Paul standard, I got it for my 18th birthday but I realised I never used it anymore. I still play, I just never use that one. I needed the money and I'd rather it get played than collect dust
This is why I love working opening shifts at my job. Once i got used to waking up early, opening means I wake up, go right to work, then have the rest of my day after I get out. If I'm working a closing, that means I'm not going in until 3pm. For most of my co-workers, they love that because it means they can run errands or have a nice lazy morning, but for me, having my evening shift hanging over my head all day means can never relax or feel like I have enough time to get anything done.
I used to have a job with a rotating roster and the latest shift would be 12.30pm-8.30pm and I would get nothing incredibly constructive or relaxing done all morning. I would just ‘wait around’ until it was time to get ready and go to work, because if I didn’t keep it right there in my mind I would totally lose time and be late. I tried setting alarms and just letting me live my morning out but I could never really just let it go. Ended up feeling like I worked a 12 hours shift because I was in work mode and thinking about work for hours before I even started, it was horrible.
I get the same with something that I have planned or booked or an appointment, once it’s confirmed I will think about it endlessly until the time has passed and I can finally let it go. It’s exhausting 😆
Yep, day is ruined if anything is slap bang in the middle of it.
Doctors always offer me appointments at 1,2 3pm and I just refuse saying either first thing or last thing in the day.
Time blindness means I need enough time to fit things in or I allocate too little time for a task and freak out when I have to stop thinking where head the time gone.
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Yes. If I have something I have to remember later in the day, especially something like someone showing up at my house, I feel tense and useless until it’s over. Like I can only schedule one “thing” that requires attention a day.
you feel like if you get too invested in something when they finally show up it distracts you from your flow and you won’t get it back.
Bingo
I also just feel like if I do not focus on it I will forget it
I’ve found that setting an alarm and hour before or whatever before lets me drop it from my mental load because I know I will be reminded that it’s happening and won’t miss it.
This is a fantastic idea!! Thank you for sharing. I am definitely going to try this and see if it works for me.
I use alarms and reminders heavily, and then when they go off, I don't hear them half the time. So to compound all the rest of it, I have to remain in a quiet place with no distractions or people to distract me which as we all know isn't always possible. Before the "why don't you set the alarm to vibrate your phone?" crowd gets here, I do -it's the default setting- but with nerve damage to my legs from an accident in my 20s, I don't feel it so it wouldn't help anyway.
I set multiple alarms and have a smart watch that forces me to acknowledge it. It doesn't always work, I can just shut them off and ignore, but I try my best not to.
A smart watch could be helpful for you. It'll buzz your wrist.
This was the top reason I got my Apple Watch. My phone is perpetually on silent and do not disturb (idk why notifications make me anxious lol) so the gentle nudge from my watch is PERFECT
This was a game changer for me! If i remember to put it on in the morning :)
I use mine as a sleep tracker too! So I barely take it off lol
This is what I do! If I have an appointment at 3:30, and I need to leave the house at 3pm I’ll set an alarm for 2pm and I can do whatever I want the entire rest of the day until 2pm hits and then that’s when I can sit and stress about needing to leave for my appointment at 3pm lol
Yeah alarms have been a godsend, i just wish i could attach a sentence to my alarms or have reminders that play an alarm sound
I do this. I have multiple timers and alarms to help me still absorb myself in something but not worry about the next thing until the timer goes off
Yes. This is why I prefer to smush all my appointments back to back rather than having any "breathing room" between because regardless I won't be able to breathe until it's all over.
Ugh, this. Cramming all of my errands at once no matter where they are just so I can actually *relax* or have fun after without feeling like I’m going to throw up bc I know I’ll forget something
Same. Sometimes I even feel bad for feeling this way because I know it's not the person's fault (let's say a relative) and if they're coming it's because they enjoy my company, but if someone's coming over I feel like I can't start anything that's time-consuming because I will have to talk to that person and interrupt whatever I'm doing. Same thing if I have something to do later in the day, that's why I prefer doing things in the morning so I don't have this mental weight on me during the rest of the day. Not that I end up doing anything important anyways, that feels too overwhelming. But at least I don't have anyone/anything to blame for my procrastination.
But isn't it not specific for ADHD? A lot of people have that
This is how the vast majority of people in the entire world feels.
Yes. I am the most productive between 6 and 12. After 12 and I’m shot. So, that would throw me off too. I like all of my appointments to be scheduled and done and over with before noon.
Same. I've offered a coworker to come in (I usually work from home) so she's not alone in the afternoon. I have flexible hours so it works for me and I live 10 minutes away from the office. The first two days were oddly great, I got stuff done before I had to go to work and I had enough to do to get me through the day but omg now it's just hell. I can't get anything done and all I think about is having to go to work later 🫠
Also don't be surprised if he shows up with 1/2 the money in cash and hopes you just take it. It's the pitfalls of selling your stuff to strangers.
That's when u call their bluff and nope tf outta them. You'll see if they actually just wasted a drive or if they're done fucking around and gonna paid the agreed price 😤
Which is also why you don’t make the exchange at your house. Angry scummy people who know where you live aren’t good for your health
Yeahh i live in an apt and i dont give them the number so its not like they know exactly where but its obviously better to just go to the nearest parking lot of a store or something n meet there. If i lived in a house tho…id be too paranoid to even think about doing it there lol
Ha, that's true. I think it'll be ok we've already agreed to a price
I’ve never had that happen and I sell expensive lawnmowers and snowblowers.
That's exactly why, you only encounter those people with cheap stuff.
I once had a guy offer me like half what I was asking for a mountain bike I had on Craigslist. Obviously I said no but he would not let it go. He kept messaging me stuff like “have cash in hand, could be yours today” and even sent me a pic of the cash. Maybe he thought I was a crackhead or something? I probably should have blocked him but I was kinda curious how hard he’d push, and I didn’t reply anymore after the first time. Eventually he gave me a “last chance” and dropped it.
haggles you over dust on it. Boomers are the worst for this
Actually you don't have to say okay. If his life can change so can yours. You can say sorry that time doesn't work anymore for me we will have to reschedule. I understand your pov completely. Just want you to know you have options.
Totally get it - you didn’t want to upset them by declining the new time slot and now your stuck in waiting mode. It sucks. I don’t have any advice cos I’d struggle with this too - I don’t like folk coming to the house either! I like the idea someone suggested about trying to get something else done before they arrive but sometimes it’s easier said than done. You’re not alone!
I know that I personally struggle with communicating “I am flexible about plans but am not flexible about changing them once they’re set,” which seems to also be a part of this in addition to “dear god, please don’t ask me for a mid afternoon meeting.”
This is a really useful distinction!
100% this is me. When I have something planned, I stress out so much about missing it or forgetting about it that I obsess. If I know I have to leave at 3:30. I will start stressing out around 3 and pace. I don't get comfortable or start doing anything else because I'm afraid I will forget the first thing. I usually end up leaving 10 minutes early just because I feel its stupid to pace around for 10 minutes. I think this is a learned behavior. As I'm sure you know, time blindness is a huge thing with ADHD. After 40 something years, I have made enough mistakes with time management and felt the repercussions of it that it has conditioned me to worry about it. Its like a dog that dog that learns not to bark because he has gotten shocked the last 20 times he did. I could be wrong on nature vs nurture though because my 10 year old stresses out about leaving late too.
I got an electric toothbrush with a built in timer (love it) . EVERY time around 1 minute and 55 seconds I'm sure that the timer must be broken and then then somehow the next 5 seconds takes what feels like a lifetime of wondering if I will somehow brush the enamel off of my teeth because the timer is broken.
I had this happen when I got ready for a picnic and then my friend asked to meet an hour later, like 10 mins before i was about to leave my place! so i was all dressed up, packed, and sitting there like.... so i can either leave now and wait ***there*** or... wait ***here***... because i have to wait no matter what. ended up just distracting myself with various mini-chores and leaving later.
Nah, now you know you have until 3:30 to get all your chores and shit done and you have to be done by then. It’s a deadline And when you get it all done and sell the guitar, now you can sit around and do nothing if you want with zero guilt
I wish my brain worked that way
why can't I do this
You can. Do it now. I’ll yell at you.
yeah no I just shutdown whenever I'm yelled at and kinda disassociate
Therapy may be helpful
considering ive been feeling like shit nonstop for the past two years, probably
If I do that today, I will forget about the guitar guy, which will probably only result in an embarrassing "who are you?", or worst case I'll leave the house for some reason and then get a "bad seller" rating.
Maybe you can combine it with the other person's suggestion of setting an alarm for an hour or two before the meeting time, that way you don't forget or miss it, but still have time to finish whatever you were doing and shift gears. We have very rusty gears.
I do about 30 minutes prior to the intended time so I have enough time to debrief my brain. Otherwise I'll loose all sense of what I was doing next time and my mind won't still be processing what I was doing when I'm suppose to be somewhere else.
This!
Sitting here waiting on a phone call and I completely understand it’s like my brain is locked on to waiting for the call.
I was waiting for a workcall all friday and it never came. Then there was the long weekend for Eastern and although I forget everything up to the name of my dogs... I couldn't let go of that phonecall 😑 It finally came this morning and it feels like I can breathe again. It wasn't even an important call either.
I don’t begin work most days til 6pm—-my whole life is the waiting game and it’s awful —trying to find either a way to work with my boss for a different schedule or else I’m about to hit the road because my meds are LONG worn off before I even leave for work and I get absolutely nothing done before hand either because I’m dreading going. It truly sucks!!!
Oh no, I'm so sorry! I hope your boss will be understanding!!
Thank you!!! If i didn’t need the money I would quit right now, but I’m in that place where I still need the money. It’s literally torture working those hours ! I’ll hopefully figure it out soon! Thanks for the support !
I usually do 7am starts, and the flipside of that is that I often don't want to go to bed early, because the bed becomes a time-machine to work. I actually like my job though most of the time so it's not a problem, but it sure was when I was working in retail (no h8 to retail workers but I found it super boring). I also used to start at 5pm a lot and that was super miserable for me 😞 never again. Early > late
Yeah, it can suck. On the bright side: You can learn from it. Just don't say "anytime" next time but make a clear time-window. If he/she cannot make it make an appointment another day.
This is my question for ADHDers who work anything but day shifts…..how isn’t this exact situation a struggle? I got laid off recently and I can’t seem to find another job that will schedule me days and it’s been depressing me. I’d rather die than work a 3-9. I know this is a random Place to post this haha I don’t have the energy to make a full post but I’m curious what works for you guys?
What kind of jobs are you looking for? The "easy" solution is to say you should only apply to jobs with regular daytime hours and are closed at night. But without knowing your skillset, it's hard to say if that is feasible.
I dropped out of college and it seems like every 9-5 I apply too wants a bachelors so that’s probably my main issue (also defaulted on student loan payments so have no financial way to go back to college) I have experience as a nail tech and I love it but most clients want their nails done after work hours and I just can’t function that way unfortunately, I tried working for a few months but the anxiety that would build up knowing I had responsibilities later in the day wnd the fear of starting any task beforehand was debilitating I couldn’t get out of bed until 3pm most days. My favourite jobs have been retail management because I can set my schedule and work days while also having social stimulation and fun work environments but I’ve been laid off from my last 3 retail management jobs because stores keep closing and the because of the financial situation in my area I don’t know where to do from here to be honest
You need to get your student loans squared away immediately, they will never go away on their own. The US Dept of Education makes it trivially easy if you just talk to them. It would take less than a year to get them out of default. There is literally no reason why you shouldn't at least try. Working in retail almost guarantees you will be working evenings unless you happen to work for a small business or boutique.
See if the county courthouse is hiring, or a local branch of the IRS. Jobs working for the city, state, all qualify for public service loan forgiveness. Even custodial. Do it for a few years, get some healthcare and get the loans taken care of. Then you’ll have breathing room to reassess.
I find lots of alarms help. Give yourself an alarm far out enough that if you totally forget your appointment and go somewhere else you'll still be able to make it back in time. Depending how important it is, I might give myself a 3 hour alarm, 1 hour, and 30 minutes. Then I can just let go and stop worrying. I will forget. But with 3 hours notice I can get home. With 1 hour of notice I can get ready. And at the 30 minute mark I let the event take over my attention. Then again, before I developed the habit of putting everything into my phone it felt impossible to do so. I understand completely that my solution won't work for a lot of other people.
I feel your pain, sold a bike on OfferUp. Told guy after 11, guy said he would let me know when he was on his way. Dude texted me at 2:45 said he’s on his way. Shows up at 4:15. Dude confessed he came from over an hour and a half away. Still… 
My god. A nightmare. I would have been starting at the phone or out the window consumed with anxiety for the ENTIRE DAY. Good job getting it done, though!!
I used to be like this. I would wait all day for 3:30, to make sure nothing can go wrong and I won’t miss the appointment. I would also be nervous and waiting all day wondering how the appointment was gong to go. My whole life was like that until I ended up diagnosed with adhd 2 years ago and medicated. Now I would be fine. I would go out and enjoy myself, or simply do something else until the appointment. Probably would only put a couple seconds thought into it now. Make sure I update my calendar and reminders and that’s it. I feel your pain, I would be exactly like you in my old world.
That's some good advice, especially the bit about "enjoy myself". I really struggle with that, I was always taught that time not working, doing domestic duties or errands, or learning was wasted time.
Yeah that sucks . I hate that shit . Drug dealers pull this shit also . Such assholes
Yeah drug dealers aren't the most reliable people on the planet. Although I did have a weed guy that was very organised and punctual back when I was in my early 20s 😂
Now that it’s legal they will deliver anywhere anytime .
If you live in a real country. It's still illegal here 😡 even though our rates of cannabis use is one of the highest in the world, higher than countries that have legalised it. Prohibition working really well
This is me in a nutshell.
Yes. Suggestion for the future. Have them pick a time like an appointment. That way you’re not held to the anytime is ok. Because it’s really not. Your time is important.
Yeah it is, but I guess thanks to stupid western work culture I don't believe my time is valuable outside of work. If I'm not working, I'm wasting time. Or so I've been taught.
This is me!!! So frustrating
not yet but if it happened to me, i'd surely as shit be pissed off too, so sorry for that :( it's extremely frustating for me to have a sudden break on my rotine or something i scheduled, i just feel confused on what to do next yk? what guitar was it, btw?
Epiphone Les Paul standard in Cherry sunburst. I'm actually really going to miss it I've had it for nearly 20 years, it was my 18th birthday present. But I never use it anymore, I need the cash, and I'd rather it go to a young fella/fellette for cheap so they can play on something worth showing off rather than some $200 Chinese thing. My main one is the Tom Delonge Strat in that teal colour because I'm a sweaty Blink fan
Kinda like waiting on the utility company to show
Oh God, don't even get me started
Yeah, anytime I *have* to do anything in a day at a specific time, I feel like my entire day is wasted until I can do the *thing*. I hate it. I think in my case at least, it stems from the fact if I don't obsessively watch the clock, I'll be late for the *thing* and then get in trouble, so I just...fixate on the clock the entire day and I **hate that**.
Find something to do until 1pm so you’re not scrolling all day
this is good advise. once you get started doing one thing, you'll be more motivated to do other things after that. but if you don't start on the first thing, it's easier to doomscroll.
I’ve been starting to make appointments as early as possible to avoid this Feels like some weird deadline is in place. If I try to do anything before I won’t stop stressing about the time, even if I still have hours before the appt
I have a 1 of 10 extremely rare guitar I’ve been hunting for 10 years stuck in customs right now and I am losing my mind over it. Not quite the same but ADHD issues with the same hobby. I check the tracking every 10 minutes 🥺
What is it?
The one I'm selling is one of the most common and mass produced guitars in the world, Epiphone Les Paul standard 😂
Honestly I get this because if I have something booked for the afternoon, the whole day leading up to that is totally unproductive because I am stuck in Waiting Mode.
god yes. many people here have described their experience and I share it. my problem is "using available time" between scheduled events. especially events with no clear and set time, or events that suddenly change time. if its an agreed time, I want it out of the way early; if its my own time, I dont want to get interrupted later in the day
Haha why are we like this.
oh i basically live from engagement to engagement constantly mindful of the time, I'm currently on vacation literally grappling with my brain doing this even though this is the time I gave myself to rest that feeling I would indicate the price of the guitar is going to reflect some of the time you lost from your other obligations and knock on $25-50
So it's weird. Having something at 1530 eats the day exactly the same as having something at 1030, 1200, 1330 and 1530. There's no difference in how much I can do. Though if the meetings start with or right after lunch, I can come in early and get things done. I'd much rather have a day of meetings than a meeting a day. I get so much more done. But the worst is always the early afternoon stuff, 1400-1600. That kills me.
Literally had this yesterday. Buyer was supposed to show up at 6 and said he was running late but is on his way. I asked for an ETA and he never replied. I literally couldn't do anything productive because I didn't know how long he'd be. He didn't show up until like 7:15 which is pretty disrespectful IMO.
This has happened to me too. I’ve sold stuff online before and I’ll say they can come get it anytime. They give me a time and if they change it and it’s inconvenient I’ll tell I made plans after they told me what time they had originally planned to come. I’d say like 95% of the time they figure out a way to make the initial meeting time.
I mean you could always just tell him that something's come up and you can't make it, but would be willing to reschedule. That always works out for me
I was pretty scared that the deal might fall through or I'd have to wait until next week, and I need money right now
Just take it if you waited he would have probably said no thx, I’ve had this experience before. There’s always tomorrow you can try to get things done .
So make a plan to ensure that didn't happen!! It's hard to snap oneself out of it when it happens by chance, but you 100% know it's coming. There's no excuse if you have foresight. Make a plan now.
My husband of 17 years is like this...we both have adhd.. i have him trained not to do this anymore.. every so often he will attempt to but i have to snap him out of it.. we have a baby too so literally not an option anymore.....
I think I need an ADHD wife too 😂 My ex-wife was not quite as understanding
You would think its a match made in hell... and we DEFINITELY have had our issues. But we struggle in completely different things. So its a ying and yang.
Yeah. The day doesn’t start until the scheduled event is done.
Dang, after you said 11am I made plans later in the day. Is another day good for you?
Yeah that would have been good but I was scared the deal might fall through
are you familiar with “body doubling,” where you and a friend pair up and accomplish tasks together? maybe that could be a way to not waste the entire morning and afternoon waiting for the transaction; it’ll give you external motivation, unless these are individual-based tasks. even then, you could have support and perhaps mindless distraction from anticipation of the pick-up. i really wish our brains functioned differently, but someday you’ll figure something out and what works for you, in regard to working around someone else’s schedule. good luck, OP. and to all of you in a similar boat (myself included).
"you and a friend" Yeah, that's the problem 😂 Actually I do have friends but they aren't available on weekdays. I often do shift work or weekends so I'll get these midweek days off with no one to spend with. That's one reason why I've gotten so much worse since divorce. I would be fine, almost barely noticeable ADHD while my wife was around
Currently waiting to walk into an interview I was ready for at 10 am. It's 330. You are not alone.
Yes and this is why I always take the earliest possible appointment. They’re always like “we have an 8am😬” and I’m like GIMMIE! Because then I don’t have to waste my whole day in waiting mode for an appointment at 2pm
yep, hilariously this is exactly why i dont join a raid guild in WoW, ive played WoW on and off for years and years, im very good at the game, i always clear all the new content etc but i always just pug my groups cuz if i commit to a guilds raid signup, i will spend every waking moment until then agonizing over it and making sure i dont miss it .
Just because you said any time the day before doesn't mean that it still applies after agreeing to a time. For all he knows you planned on meeting him at 11am and then booked a flight to Mexico. I know it doesn't help now that the day's been wasted. But something to think about for the future.
Was just explaining this last night to my husband. 🤦🏻♀️ The entire day is on hold, and I'm in paralysis mode until said appt.
I’m EXACTLY this way. Exactly. Some of this is helped by my meds, but it still is something in which I just do my best to limit uncertainty, but become okay with it as best I can when it’s uncontrollable.
Yeah meds have helped me at least not become an anxious wreck and I've even done some stuff.
I was thinking about this feeling today. Wrote a post in my head, never made it to the Internet. Does anybody know any science on this?
I don't know but there's got to be something. I think it just comes down to executive functioning. ADHD to executive functioning is like Paraplegia to moving. Can't do it, or really struggle to. Medication is like a wheelchair.
Yup. I once sold an amp and the person changed their mind after the transaction. They called me back and gave me a sob story that they made a mistake and didnt have much money so I gave them their money back. Thats why I prefer to sell my gear at a local second-hand music store. You pay the store commission but dont have to deal with all the issues.
Oh Christ, that's crazy. I'd probably do the same but they'd get a big fat 1 star from me
I’ve literally cut off friends for this
I don't blame you, but if they seem apologetic and not their fault, I'd recommend reconsidering it. Especially if they're an ADHDer. I've done worse than this guy before, but I really don't mean to.
Honestly though, that’s just hugely disrespectful of your time.
It was really annoying but I'd be a raging hypocrite if I judged him for it.
lol, I understand that. I’ve always said that I’m not allowed to get mad at people for forgetting things for the exact same reason.
Are you kidding? I’d probably get ready for bed after he left with the guitar. The “thing” is over and now I’m tired.
I'm pretty extroverted so the deal actually made me energized, especially since we like the same music
Yes, I started holding people to the terms/conditions that they originally opted for. So I’d say “no I’m sorry, I scheduled our meeting for 11am and then had other things fill in the rest of the afternoon.”
Dang have any of you guys ever considered asserting yourselves?
I didn't want to risk the deal falling through, I kind of need the cash sooner rather than later. Selling my spare stuff seemed better than going into debt
Yep this would happen to me and has happened. And when I get scheduled closings at work if my shift start at 3:00 I can't do anything from 11:00-3:00 until my shift starts.
My violin teacher changed plans on me other day—8 hours before our session. It's needless to say that I ultimately flaked in the end. I have to mentally prepare for things like that. Not to mention, like you... I can't rest when I have something important to do. It really deters me from doing things. Too much brain energy. I also stayed up 22 hours last week because I had a flight early in the morning and thought I would oversleep lol
Yes. Next time say you already made plans around the original time and later doesn’t work. Can he stick to the original time, come earlier or come the next day.
Yeah I'll try something like that next time. Part of it was I didn't want to risk the deal falling through, and I really need cash now (call J.G. Wentworth! 877 cash now)
Sometimes, my friend flakes on me at the last minute, which ruins my entire day. I clear my schedule just to spend time with them, and when they flake, I lose my mood to do anything else. It’s frustrating because they have the chance to let me know in advance like days before that they’re unavailable, but they fail to do so. The friend I mentioned has adhd too, I can't blame them
That's a tough one. Since he's your friend, I'd recommend telling him just how inconvenient it is, and how important it is to give you notice. Let there be some immediate consequences for doing the flaking. We're pretty bad at regulating our own behaviour when there's no consequences
I get this 100%
Having something planned can be rough when you need to change it out for something else. This is compounded when it's still something that needs dealt with the same day, as there are other stuff in the schedule it will affect.
Yup, completele messes up my day, i plan my day out in the morning so if you tell me the day before its fine, if you tell me the day off im like a deer in headlights, i cant replan it, i already planned it
Selling anything online you encounter more than your fair share of tyre kickers and flakes they stick out like sore thumbs. It's ironic when they flat out admit to having ADHD like in their first or second message. It's like fuck dude this is going to be a nightmare. This transaction just ain't gonna happen at all.
This cute
Erry day. 24/7
I was about to say sounds a lot like ADHD because I struggle the same way. Then I noticed the subreddit lol. This appeared on the popular tabs for me. It really does stink, especially when you want to game or get anything done. You just can't sink into it because of the fact. It's crazy!
Even if I have to do the simplest thing at a later time in the afternoon (say 2:30 PM), I can't do anything until that time comes. I am falling behind so many things because I have this mindset. argh!!!!
When people give me times, i insist on saying to them “no, just turn up when suits you”. I will not allow myself to listen to their time. That way, im not thinking about that time all day long and can get on with my stuff and just be surprised when they show up (because i will have forgotten by then). I just ensure my door bell is on loud and my phone is on so i cant miss it.
I can definitely relate to this, especially in the weekends. I absolutely hate it when we have something important in the afternoon, because it will fill me with a deep sense of unease and anxiety all day. My wife knows this, and we try to now plan as much stuff in the mornings and just keep the afternoon free, though it is a balancing act, because my wife also doesn't like feeling like there is a rush in the morning in the weekend, and just wants to be able to chill.
Yes and I hate it more than anything in the world
Could this be a form of anxiety/perfectionism?
Love this thread. How about when UPS is delivering something you have to sign for?
They can keep it
Oh man, this can really throw you through a loop unexpectedly. Try to think of anything you maybe have loose ends to tie up on or something you could challenge yourself to get done in that amount of time. This has helped me before. Try to find something else to occupy yourself and focus on until then if you can. It will make the next hours much more bearable!
Yes, it happens. But I don't usually notice till AFTER I wasted too much time. If I'm able to notice it and articulate it as you just did, I can usually make myself do something useful or productive.
Is this an ADHD thing? There being a task at a late point in the day then the entire day being dictated by it?
I call it ADHD Waiting. I have a Drs appointment at 1:30 today. It’s 11:00 right now, I’m frozen, nothing will get done.
Waiting Mode. Urgh.
I am exactly like this. But I’m also not a morning person, so I can’t schedule anything too early or too late. So usually 12pm is perfect lmao
Okay, YES. I get this way, especially when I have a virtual appointment later in the day so I'm just home, waiting for the appointment. What I've done to break out of it is planning multiple tasks with alarms to ensure time limits. So, if I have 2 hours before an appointment to kill, I'll set 30 mins to do my dishes, 30 mins to clean my room, 15 mins to organize my closet...etc. Then I'll have the last alarm go off 5 minutes before my appointment, so I have enough time to wrap up whatever I'm doing and log in. usually i'm not that anal about planning my time, but it works for me when i have a very specific time range to spend before a required event.
I feel like this in the morning on days I work in the eventing/afternoon
Yup. My girlfriend came home from a trip the other night and needed to be picked up at 11pm. So that was a pretty lame day lol.
I understand being bothered by last minute changes, but Why didn’t you suggest your time preference first? Why did you say anytime if you’re not ok with it?
Ya overcoming “waiting mode” is kinda like a song that drags out too long even tho there’s no more music happening. Just waiting for it to do its thang. Yk
Do what you plan on doing and when they show up eventually, THEY can wait, like they made you wait.
Ugh same thing happened to me recently -- coffee plans were made for 11, and then the other person asked to reschedule to 3. I have no reason to say no, other than knowing this phenomenon is going to occur. Anything between 2 and 4 feels like this for me. The best thing you can do is try to add another scheduled thing around this one, if possible. But usually... it's not possible. And it's so frustrating!
Honestly, I would have re-scheduled. You had already set a time for that day. Who's to say you didn't schedule the rest of your day after that, and now "any time" no longer works for you? Maybe too late for this instance. But it's totally within bounds to say, "How about the next day instead?"
I have never felt more validated. I've not met a single human being IRL who has ever been able to relate to the paralysis I experience in these situations. You have my utmost sympathy.
Don’t be afraid to let the guy know you aren’t available later even if you’ve said “anytime” in the future. But I get it, I stopped scheduling things like this on my weekends because I’d do/feel the same way. Like I didn’t want to miss it so I just waited around, or it felt like a huge event I had and made the rest of my time seem less worth it.
Yep. I hate mornings with a passion, but if I can i schedule my appointments as soon as the place opens.
I’m like this all the time. Any appointments or scheduled work meetings around 12 or the afternoon ruin the rest of the day for me. Before scheduled time: too anxious to get anything done because I don’t want to miss it. After scheduled time: don’t want to do anything because I just completed something towards “the end of the day.” Ugh it really sucks sometimes.
Yup, I usually cancel and remain pissed all day
This is why I can’t work swing shift where you start in the afternoon cause I’m just waiting to go into work the entire day lol. I prefer to just wake up and get it the hell over with
> Now I already said anytime to him, so I had to say "yeah that's ok". "Anytime" is voided once a time is agreed upon. Otherwise, why agree to a time at all? That makes it impossible to schedule anything. Next time, do not feel compelled to agree to a new time given by the other party. It's your time too, so stand up for yourself if you feel the need.
This happens to me. 1 thing goes wrong and the rest of my day (even week) will be ruined.
Yeah I end up mindlessly scrolling also because if I try to do something before I end up losing track of time and running late.
Don't say "anytime" in the future if you know this is a problem for you. You can also say that it turns out you can't do it at 3:30.
Yeah I'm going to say mornings from now on with every appointment I make.
Yes, me: I hate making any plans mid day.
This is why I kind of hate doing evening shifts. If I'm scheduled to come in at 5pm, I'm not getting anything meaningful done until 5pm.
My husband of 17 years is like this...we both have adhd.. i have him trained not to do this anymore.. every so often he will attempt to but i have to snap him out of it.. we have a baby too so literally not an option anymore.....
Man, look at all this time you now have to clean your living space! Start in the restroom, then the bedroom, then the living room, then the kitchen, maybe grab a magic eraser and get the hand prints on the door frames and doors.
Oh if only it worked like that 😂 I did manage to get about an hour's worth done though which I see as a win
Yep it would ruin my day.
Yeah.
You’re not alone!
That sucks! I’m the same way
I totally know this feeling, next time you could try saying "I'm around all day but I've got some things I need to do, can we pick a time?"
I love the resolution on this… …but I know the feeling. Have my annual review at 10:30am, and I can’t get anything done beforehand. When I have my weekly therapy appointment at 11:30am, same thing. It is so devastating since I’m in a career (attorney) where I have to bill my time 8 hours per day. My best guess is that I’m petrified of being late, missing something, etc. that I am afraid if I don’t focus on it, I will forget it.
Set an alarm on your phone for 3pm so you can forget about it. That way you will have a reminder and can release that anxiety.
I refer to this as the 'check-in at the airport'. No matter what I do, it doesn't matter, because I'm just waiting to enter the plane. I try to avoid this as much as possible, by also having most appointments early in the day, and being adamant about afternoon 'dates' being 'impossible'. So yes, I can relate so much :)
What guitar was it?
Epiphone Les Paul standard, I got it for my 18th birthday but I realised I never used it anymore. I still play, I just never use that one. I needed the money and I'd rather it get played than collect dust
I could literally have the best thing in the world arranged for the end of the week and BOOM whole week ruined ❤️
This is why I love working opening shifts at my job. Once i got used to waking up early, opening means I wake up, go right to work, then have the rest of my day after I get out. If I'm working a closing, that means I'm not going in until 3pm. For most of my co-workers, they love that because it means they can run errands or have a nice lazy morning, but for me, having my evening shift hanging over my head all day means can never relax or feel like I have enough time to get anything done.
I used to have a job with a rotating roster and the latest shift would be 12.30pm-8.30pm and I would get nothing incredibly constructive or relaxing done all morning. I would just ‘wait around’ until it was time to get ready and go to work, because if I didn’t keep it right there in my mind I would totally lose time and be late. I tried setting alarms and just letting me live my morning out but I could never really just let it go. Ended up feeling like I worked a 12 hours shift because I was in work mode and thinking about work for hours before I even started, it was horrible. I get the same with something that I have planned or booked or an appointment, once it’s confirmed I will think about it endlessly until the time has passed and I can finally let it go. It’s exhausting 😆
Yep, day is ruined if anything is slap bang in the middle of it. Doctors always offer me appointments at 1,2 3pm and I just refuse saying either first thing or last thing in the day. Time blindness means I need enough time to fit things in or I allocate too little time for a task and freak out when I have to stop thinking where head the time gone.
low key this situation turned out so wholesome
Yes 100%. Cannot do anything until the time comes and even after I cannot readjust my head to focus on anything else. I just have an odd brain.
p.s. - I hope you were able to sell the guitar after all.
Yeah I did! He was actually a cool dude and we've been sharing stupid metal memes with each other, even talked about gigs coming up too