That’s what I thought. They didn’t seem bothered by OP breastfeeding, they seemed bothered by bf’s reaction. If anyone made them uncomfortable, it was him.
This guy has big “make me a roast 2 days after giving birth” energy. I had the same thought. If it bugs you, bring her food. Maybe be nice to the person who birthed your child (that is if being the person you supposedly love isn’t enough to be nice).
No wonder, by freaking out about it he pretty much implied his friends are creeps that couldn't resist and look if she was breastfeeding close to them in hopes of catch some titty... I wouldn't feel very comfortable either.
And sadly, because they know how husband sees it, they’re not going to be honest with him if he asks them about it. They’ll be too worried about him deciding that them being okay with it means they were enjoying the view.
They weren’t uncomfortable because of the breastfeeding. They were uncomfortable because their friend is an asshole who shamed his wife for thinking that feeding their baby was more important than his buds possibly getting a peek at her boob when he felt that was just his special privilege
I used to work at a summer camp as a counselor for 8-10 year olds. Of course, swearing is a big no-no. Of course it happened from time to time, we were in our early 20s after all. The ONLY time the kiddos noticed was when a specific counselor would have an overly dramatic reaction to it. Kids didn't even notice the swearing, they noticed the "OMG YOU CANT SAY THAT!!!" Same concept here. NTA
Right? He’s the one who wanted to have friends over with a five month old in the house.
Would he have also asked the baby to stop crying if it interfered with their activities?
This! And from experience, when you're bfing, ppl can't see any more than they would with a low cit shirt.
NTA! It's your house! Feed your baby wherever you want to!
I just read a post about a guy wanting his gf to not have periods. What is going on with men these days? My advice for both of these men is to stop dating women.
Dude I think we just came from the same post. Was it the one where every man in her life failed her after her mom passed and he was upset about her underwear?
Edit: I just saw people asking for the post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/kzSMbV4ixj) you go
I remember us being taught about such things in school from 12 years old in the Netherlands. That was 30 years ago. Pretty sure this is in America, but what a way to raise a clueless generation..
This reminds me of a post a couple weeks ago where a husband was convinced his infant daughter would become a lesbian because she was being breast fed
Apparently he had no concerns when she previously fed his son this way though. I mean WTF
>His friends didn’t seem to care until he made a thing about it
They probably didn't care even after OP made a thing about it. OP's husband fixation on this is weird. His baby is hungry; his wife is hungry, and he sits and plays video games and then switches his attention to his child and wife only to pester OP about how she should eat "properly" in her own house?! WTF!?
He's lucky he gets to sit around and play video games and have friends over while you're taking care of the baby he has no right to yell at you for feeding your child in your own home
To be fair, most men don't, and it seems like only one did, in this situation. There's nothing sexual about breastfeeding, but I think the friends just looked back, thought "oh, baby's eating" and then went about their day.
And it’s even worse (at least it feels that way) when shamed by women. When I was breastfeeding I got looks from women. And my mom’s former elderly neighbour went and gossiped about me breastfeeding outside on the stairs.
I got fucking obnoxious about it because my MIL equated nursing to having sex in the driveway. NiCe GiRLs just didn't do that kind of thing!!!
Rather than let my infant son wail in church, I tucked him under my shirt and stuffed a boob in his screaming mouth. Brought instant peace. MIL was mortified. "Does she have to do that HERE??" she hissed at my husband.
I had no idea that was going down, because I had my answer prepped and ready and I'm kinda sad i didn't get to use it on her prissy Catholic ass:
**"If it was good enough for Mary and her Son, it's good enough for me and mine."**
I think old people soaked up the marketing that was done early on to promote infant formula...it was advertised as *clean, sterile, scientific, modern, healthy, hygienic, modest, and a status symbol of wealth and class. Only poor, dirty, illiterate, (immigrant), immoral and questionable women flopped their tits out like that...shameful behavior, really.*
And I think a lot of them just stayed with that mindset.
Oh this made me so mad for you!! Ugh!!! My MIL was very unsupportive as well. Literally if it wasn’t for my mom I would’ve quit. Between the pain in the first 2 weeks (yes my babies latched properly) and the judgment I got from almost everyone, it was super hard to continue.
MIL called it “bust feeding” *shudder*
Honestly, breastfeeding is none of anyone else's damn business. I'm sorry you went through that, if I wasn't a guy and was breastfeeding, I would have considered making sure I locked eyes with her every subsequent time... assert dominance
I wonder if OP’s husband ever goes swimming without a shirt on in front of OP’s friends! Double standards piss me off to no end. Breastfeed your baby wherever you please, ESPECIALLY in your own home!
The only time my husband tried this, it was somewhat understandable at the time and quite funny now.
It was with our 1st born, I was sitting in the living room at his grandparent's house, talking to his grandma and feeding. He walked in with his grandfather, made a "super casual" bee-line for me, and asked me to please cover up. I just gave him my "wtf" look and kept doing what I was doing. He grandpa, who's had 5 kids and several grandkids by this point, got wind of what was what and set him straight for me. My dude never had a single critical thing to say about breastfeeding again after that conversation.
Similar scenario but it was my uncle walking in with his son (my cousin, the father). Cousin tried to quietly tell his wife to cover up but couldn’t get through the sentence because uncle slapped him in the back of the head and told him to let her feed the baby lol.
Ah I didn’t read further after ur first sentence cause I got stuck on the “my cousin, the father” cause I thought you were talking about something that happened to you and you had a child with your cousin… thank god I kept reading to find out you were talking about him and his wife (who is not u)
That's awesome! My husband never really showed uncomfortableness over me breastfeeding, but I remember at a family party I hid myself away from everyone in a back bedroom and my dad came busting into the room to "scold" me, saying that i shouldn't have to hide myself to feed my "own damn baby" lol I was like jeez dad thanks for the support but actually moms family is nuts, this is my time out! Wanna sit with me?" Lol went head to head with that man all my life, but he is my biggest support as an adult, I swear.
Really true, GW.
There was a game preserve in Africa. They had a bunch of pubescent male elephants who would kill rhinos at night. Not for any reason just being punks. But someone came up with the idea to introduce an adult male elephant into the heard (Just looked it up. Heard, Memory and even sometimes called a parade)
But so a grown adult male is there and the killing stopped immediately.
Just took an older or smarter guy to say; "Nope, not cool, guys."
They did call him "Boomer" behind his back but they were not great elephants to begin with, snork.
NTA
All the other good points other people have made aside, why didn't he just offer to bring you food if he was that bothered? Would have made more sense than asking you to not feed your child.
Big time NTA
Not only you need to breastfeed your fucking 5mo kid, but you yourself also need to eat to keep the engine running. You're eating for two, now.
Your boyfriend is being a bitch.
Like most men, I suspect that he thinks breasts are exclusively for the male gaze. They have become so sexualized that men have forgotten that their PRIMARY function is to nourish babies. Which is why he's got his panties in such a fucking wad, because he basically thinks she's flashing the boobies that are HIS at his friends.
It's fucking stupid, but yeah it's a combination of hyper-sexualization and prudish ideals.
EDIT: A word.
I was talking about males in a broader sense of society and its values. Not the friends specifically. It was more an explanation of why her husband got his panties in a wad about her breastfeeding where his friends could see.
Society has conditioned a LOT of guys to believe that breasts exist for sexual gratification. Because of this conditioning, husband sees her boobs as purely sexual, DESPITE the fact that she was literally using them for their intended purpose at the time. And so prudishness and possessiveness drove him to turn the whole incident into a THING, even though none of his friends clearly gave a shit or was (if you'll pardon the pun) titillated by the sight.
How is it that so many men cannot understand that providing sustenance for our babies is the reason *why* women have breasts. It’s not remotely sexual to breast feed a baby!
My ex couldn’t stand me breastfeeding anywhere except home. First one’s baptism he wanted me to bottle feed at the party. Last time I ever did that. Ouch
I was nursing our second one day while at the mall and he was appalled: You just flashed everyone in this mall!
I said: If they get off on a huge, blue veined, stretch marked breasts, bully for them.
Still took too many years to make him my ex.
I like how she said multiple times in the post that he’s her husband, but he was acting SO trifling that your brain overrode the info and made him a boyfriend.
NTA. I’m livid with your bf and some of these comments below. I remember my sister as a new mom going out to lunch with us (finally getting out of the house for a bit) in the heat of the Summer and having to walk back to the hot car with her baby to breastfeed privately or put a blanket to cover up which was uncomfortable for both of them. And I thought how F’d up the USA is culturally to be so weird around women breast feeding. People are not weird about this in other countries because it’s a normal part of life and moms have it hard enough already. And for your BF to be upset that you’re breast feeding HIS child in your home while he sits on his ass…what an absolute idiot and honestly he should be ashamed of himself. Okay sorry I’m getting a little over passionate about this….
This. It's so weird. I live in Australia. I fed all my babies whenever and wherever they needed to be fed. I fed twins in front of friends and family and that basically required me to be nude from the waist up . No one batts an eyelid as far as I know. This just adds to the other things I read about America and makes me wonder whether women are just hated there
Hahaha! We're pretty safe from the hellish creatures in the cities. I haven't seen them outside zoos. In any event, they're less scary than some of the people in America!
The spiders are a lot to get your head around. Having said that, the only ones I regularly see in the city are daddy long legs and they keep us safe from the mosquitoes. I'd be much more scared of the Americans with guns and anti women views!
Most guys these days just look away from breastfeeding moms. It's the polite thing to do. They realize what you're doing and just look away. They don't make a big deal out of it at all.
By your husband freaking out and making this huge deal out of it, he is insinuating that his friends are pervs that get something from looking at a woman naturally feeding her child. The boobs were literally doing what they were made for. Does he get off on you feeding your kid? Hopefully not, but if his friends are decent guys, they definitely aren't getting anything sexual out of it.
You were in your home feeding your hungry baby. While nursing, your body screams for both food and hydration. That's why I kept a few packs of peanut butter crackers and a few bottles of water next to the place I most frequently nursed. You didn't do anything wrong. Your husband is being a little bitch.
NTA at all
Exactly. Don’t invite friends that would look at me breastfeeding!
Don’t invite friends that would be bothered by a boob feeding a baby.
Im so serious, your husband’s friends can kick rocks if they are bothered.
Your husband needs to check himself.
The only part of your statement I disagree with is the clarification that it's in OP's own home - it doesn't matter where it happened! She was feeding her child, and it wasn't inappropriate or sexy.
OP's boyfriend needs an education.
NTA. You are feeding your child. The people who call you dirty for showing your boobs are the same ones who will call you a shitty mother for using formula. Fuck them and do your best.
That is so true it's kind of startling. The issue isn't breastfeeding or formula, the issue is that anyone including a husband feels free to comment on whatever a mother has to do to feed her baby and shame her for it.
I was shocked when we had our son the sheer amount of hate that avalanched onto my wife from everyone. Telling her how to do every little thing and how horrible she’d be if she didn’t do it their way. It’s absolutely nuts.
Ugh I feel for her! It seems like a lot of the hate comes from women who have internalized misogyny and toxicity themselves. We need to learn to respect and empower each other instead of looking for reasons to insert ourselves and tear each other down.
Exactly! Motherhood should be an induction into a community of support and love but its some kind of sick self-hatred club instead. Women are fucking superheroes.
Yeah if I was one of these friends I would have told him not to use me as any kind of proxy to shame his wife or prevent their baby from being fed on my account. If a husband is mad about that it's his own issue.
NTA.
I would tell him “I have to feed the baby and this is our house. If someone doesn’t like it, they are free to leave. (That includes you DH)”
I mean my reaction would have been to laugh in his face.
No one is gonna tell me what to do with my tits in my house 😂
My SIL made a point to tell me not to worry about her kids - 7 and 14 at the time. That she would make sure they were fine with me feeding in front of them. They visited when baby was only a few days old and I was still learning to breastfeed so I needed to be fully tits out to work out what I was doing. The older one looked away and was a tiny bit awkward, but he's always awkward, and the younger one was just in love with his baby cousin and I don't think he even noticed. It was so nice having the reassurance that I didn't need to be worried about what anyone else was thinking - I could just concentrate on feeding my baby. They were told they could get up and leave the room if they felt too uncomfortable with it and they didn't.
My experience also! We had several people with kids at our place ages 2 to about 13 and they all acted totally naturally and couldn't care less. I was actually surprised because I thought they will probably ask questions or make weird/funny statements but nothing like that. It also wasn't the awkward "deliberately staring at something else and avoiding looking at me" thingy adults did.
Nta. Next time, text him every time you need something. Interrupt his game. “I need a glass of water. I need a snack. Do we have any leftover, heat it up and bring it to me.” Bet he will be super thrilled to wait on you hand and foot since you must cloister yourself for his benefit.
Nta
I mean, if *he's* uncomfortable, then *he* can just not invite *his* friends over until your child is past breastfeeding.
Would he prefer that you starve your child?
What is weird is being offended or whatever by a woman breastfeading. In spain people do that everywhere, bus, Subway, cafés, restaurants, parks. No problem at all
You can breastfeed in public the same way you eat in public. Breastfeeding should not be hidden or relegated to certain rooms, such as the bedroom or bathroom.
If people, including your husband, have a problem a problem with breqstfeeding, they are the problem.
https://www.mamava.com/mamava-blog/history-of-breastfeeding
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/s/GyIK2nEIQj
https://slate.com/culture/2015/05/how-public-breast-feeding-became-taboo-in-america.html
https://theconversation.com/the-backwards-history-of-attitudes-toward-public-breastfeeding-54876
NTA, not even close. It sounds as though he’s projecting his own discomfort, sexualizing the exposure of them as if that’s all they are or something. It seems like his friends probably just happened to notice and then minded their business as anyone would, but he’s the one with the issue. And if anyone has an issue or is uncomfortable by it, they’re the problem.
Your husband hasn’t figured out that your boobs are a source of nourishment and food for his baby, and still thinks that they are a source of entertainment and a sexual object for him. Hes due for a rude awakening
NTA I would give anything to be able to breastfeed. My body just wouldn't produce enough milk for my hungry little monster. So hold your head up high and proud for providing for another human being! It's REALLY tough! While I was still trying to breastfeed during the first weeks we had friends over all the time and gave everyone a triggerwarning that they might see breasts during their visit and should only come if they are fine with it. Not one person stayed away. So basically almost all friends saw (parts) of my breasts by now. 🙈 but everyone was always trying hard to be discrete and look away. It was kind of funny. I really didn't have the energy or nerve to hide in my own apartment.
I live in Germany though so probably most people here are more chill about it.
NTA. Your child, your house, your hunger. Unless you were just walking around totally topless or something. It isn't like you walked in the room and yelled, "look at how huge my tits are from breastfeeding!" You walked into a not occupied portion of the house to get something to eat, you know, like people do in their own homes when they are hungry. If it bothered him that much he could have talked to you about it later instead of making a scene.
I nursed all of my babies well over 5 months.
That’s what breasts are actually about, they’re mammary glands with body fat and a nipple.
He truly needs to get over himself.
36M here - I have quite a few friends who had babies and I estimate that I saw 75% of them breastfeeding. Couldn't care less, they could be the most beautiful person in the world, but it's nothing sexual or weird. They're feeding a baby and most of us got fed like that as well. Your bf should get over it, that's it.
NTA.
You're feeding a baby, which as all science points to is very important. Instead of getting mad at you, he should be getting mad at friends who find it weird.
Lol NTA! “Shut the fuck up” is the correct response to that idiotic demand of his 🤣 you’re home, you’re feeding your child. If him and his toddler friends get bet out of shape because your breastfeeding your child, they can leave! Do not apologize for this! I would be petty and call his mom so she can rip him a new one
Definitely NTA. Mature men won’t get bothered by breastfeeding. It should have been normalized by now. It seems his friends are okay with it until he made a big deal out of it.
NTA. I’ve breastfed three kids openly around everyone under the sun—my dad, my husband’s friends, my brother, my father in law, my husbands sisters boyfriend, my sisters boyfriends, my male coworkers (I was pumping actually), the pastor of our church….No one has ever so much as looked at me too long, they know what I’m doing and it’s not a big deal. Your husband is weird.
Nta
When i was studying we had a couple moms studying too, often theyd feed thier babies in the shared kitchen, i didnt care.
Your husband is making this into an issue even though his friend doesnt care.
Alot of breast feeding moms have told me how horrible it can feel when people sexaulise you for breast feeding, its not fair that your husband put in that position and i dont blame you for snapping.
In All 50 states it is legal to breastfeed in any public area openly. Should anyone tell you to cover up or worse tell you to go to a bathroom ask them if they would cover themselves up or eat their meals in a restroom tell them to mind their business
NTA. Your husband only sees your breasts as a sexual thing rather than the delivery mechanism of nutrition and life for your kid. It’s his hang up and I’m glad you didn’t let him make it yours.
NTA. Feed that baby and don’t have an ounce of shame. This isn’t sarcasm. He can get bent. First, it’s not sexual. It’s beautiful! I doubt his friends cared. And he should be proud of you not shaming you and sending you to your room.
NTA breastfeeding is normal. I can't understand that he sees it as something weird?? Especially if it's in your home where you should do whatever you want. If his friends were uncomfortable was because of his reaction.
Just because he can't imagine seeing someone feeding their child without sexualizing them doesn't mean everyone else is a pervert too.
Believe him when he's telling you who he is.
NTA - tell him to grow up.
He should have your back 100% on this that you can breastfeed whenever/wherever, and if someone has a problem with it, it's just that - *their* problem.
You don't have to hide to feed your child.
Signed
-Supportive husband whose wife breastfed.
NTA, he somehow managed to embarass both you and his friends over something completely normal and natural. I come from a country where it's normal to breastfeed anywhere, anytime in any company, people avert their gazes, this is how it should be.
NTA, I work in strategy and risk assessment, so I'm going to put this in the most capitalistic way possible.
Your family has an asset (home) that belongs to three stakeholders: husband, wife, child. That asset needs to serve the greater and lesser needs of those stakeholders.
In this situation, 2 stakeholders had a greater need (sustenance) that could only be fufilled properly inside the home. One stakeholder had a lesser need (social interaction) which could be fulfilled outside of the asset (bar, friends house, etc).
Your husband's friends do not factor into the equation (except as an aspect of your husband) as they are not stakeholders.
Logically, the needs of the majority (2) overwrite the needs of the minority (1). Additionally, the greater needs outweigh the lesser need. Finally, the need that cannot be satisfied except with use of the asset must have priority in asset-usage demand when weighed against the need that can be satisfied without utilizing the asset.
NTA. Breastfeeding sucks and you should be able to be comfortable in your own home while you have your nipples tugged and pulled. You shouldn’t have told him to STFU because that’s rude but he was being unreasonable and needs to be on your side 100% while you provide the nutrition your little one needs.
NTA. Am I the only one thinking this is a very American issue?
European here, and breastfeeding is happening whereever needed, and no one would react like this when visiting a family with a newborn! Hell, not even in restaurants or cafés would this be frowned upon by most people.
For the time being it's a food source, not nudity.
I suggest your husbond stays away from Scandinavian cafés in daytime. 😅
NTA you live in the US I assume? Where I live all my friends came to baby visit us and when the baby is hungry you just feed it. I and my husband and all of our friends have seen the breasts of all of our female friends while feeding the baby and it's totally normal. You don't even stop the conversation.
NTA
My wife breastfeeds in front of our friends all the time, no one seems uncomfortable probably because we don’t even mention it.
Though I’m not as insecure as your husband so 🤷🏽♂️
Op
Your "husband" is a huge baby, I think he might need a bum change and a pacifier..
I'd let him read this post to see how much of a sh!t he is being...
Throw the whole boy away...
Updateme!
Openly breast feed as much as possible. That was my motto when my son was young. This is the only way to normalize a completely natural and expected bodily function. Society just needs to get over it already. Women have boobs and that’s what they’re for. Anybody who has a problem with that needs therapy. You should never need to hide to feed your child, in public or especially at home in your own space. I agree with the other commenters, BF is the one making an issue over nothing and making his friends uncomfortable.
Men need education because periods, breastfeeding and being pregnant are all a part of being a woman and is NATURAL. If you can’t handle it then you shouldn’t make children nor have the “privilege” of being with a woman.
I said what I said 😌
"Don't feed our child near my friends because I fear they might get a boner and want to fuck you while you feed our child"
There I translated his weird childish dumb thoughts for you.
NTA
I seriously HATE these kind of posts in 20 FUCKING 24!!
I’m sick of women second guessing themselves when it comes to FEEDING a fucking BABY!!!
Breasts were MADE to FEED babies. NOT for men to w**k over!!
Feed your child out and proud, and to hell with your pathetic husband, he’s the Arsehole, as are his friends if they want to sexualise your breasts.
NTA
His friends didn’t seem to care until he made a thing about it.
That’s what I thought. They didn’t seem bothered by OP breastfeeding, they seemed bothered by bf’s reaction. If anyone made them uncomfortable, it was him.
Friends - oh a normal natural mother child feeding time, look away for her privacy Husband - DON'T FUCKING BREAST FEED WOMAN
[удалено]
[удалено]
This kind of dude would feel emasculated by actually doing something for his wife probably.
It would definitely cut into his gaming too and he can’t allow that
SANDWICHES ARE WOMAN STUFF DAMMIT!
Like why are his friends even over? Did hubs clean up the house before they arrived or is that his wife’s job too?
This guy has big “make me a roast 2 days after giving birth” energy. I had the same thought. If it bugs you, bring her food. Maybe be nice to the person who birthed your child (that is if being the person you supposedly love isn’t enough to be nice).
This is big. What a selfish b*st*Rd her husband is!
OMG your last two words,I just had to laugh.
Lmao I'm imagining this is how it went down. Nta.
# She wasn't. She was breastfeeding a baby. :P #
NTA. The hubs is a special cookie though.
No wonder, by freaking out about it he pretty much implied his friends are creeps that couldn't resist and look if she was breastfeeding close to them in hopes of catch some titty... I wouldn't feel very comfortable either.
The only creep in this situation is the hubby
He should take it up with his friends instead of shaming her for feeding her baby in front of them.
And sadly, because they know how husband sees it, they’re not going to be honest with him if he asks them about it. They’ll be too worried about him deciding that them being okay with it means they were enjoying the view.
If they were uncomfortable they were welcome to leave. It’s Op’s house, not theirs.
They weren’t uncomfortable because of the breastfeeding. They were uncomfortable because their friend is an asshole who shamed his wife for thinking that feeding their baby was more important than his buds possibly getting a peek at her boob when he felt that was just his special privilege
Yup. Friends just saw this asshole touch the third rail.
They probably didn't even see much of her breast, considering she had a baby in front of it.
I used to work at a summer camp as a counselor for 8-10 year olds. Of course, swearing is a big no-no. Of course it happened from time to time, we were in our early 20s after all. The ONLY time the kiddos noticed was when a specific counselor would have an overly dramatic reaction to it. Kids didn't even notice the swearing, they noticed the "OMG YOU CANT SAY THAT!!!" Same concept here. NTA
great example of "Explain it like I'm 5 "
Right? He’s the one who wanted to have friends over with a five month old in the house. Would he have also asked the baby to stop crying if it interfered with their activities?
“Can’t you make him be quiet?!” *starts breastfeeding* “NOT LIKE THAT!!”
👏
Facts. His weird ego made it weird since he didn’t want his friends see his wife’s boob out
That’s what I was thinking too. He made this awkward and weird because his friends saw his wife’s boob and he can’t handle that.
This! And from experience, when you're bfing, ppl can't see any more than they would with a low cit shirt. NTA! It's your house! Feed your baby wherever you want to!
he seems ashamed of the breastfeeding process. like his wife used the toilet in front of guests
I just read a post about a guy wanting his gf to not have periods. What is going on with men these days? My advice for both of these men is to stop dating women.
Dude I think we just came from the same post. Was it the one where every man in her life failed her after her mom passed and he was upset about her underwear? Edit: I just saw people asking for the post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/kzSMbV4ixj) you go
I read that one too ! Ridiculous.. periods are uncomfortable enough she can wear whatever she wants and the nerve to ask her to not have a period 🤬
Yup. How dare she menstruate while dating him! /s
Can you share a link to the post?
I’d love to read it too please!
What the hell did I just read! I hate it here. 😮💨
lol I know that post was like wut? Girl change the boyfriend not your cycle!
Oh, I also don't want to have periods. Maybe that bloke can take them for me? ;)
This. Like, guys... We would totally turn our cycle off if it were in our control. Trust us. We would do it in a heartbeat.
I really wonder how stupid you need to be for that kind of shit. Don't they teach biology in schools anymore?
Pretty sure they try not to teach it
I remember us being taught about such things in school from 12 years old in the Netherlands. That was 30 years ago. Pretty sure this is in America, but what a way to raise a clueless generation..
I think we've read the same posts ... it's a wild world out there apparently.
I just came from that one too and thought the same thing. Just big children. No mature adult man acts like that 🙃
I don’t think he’s ashamed of the process. I think he’s sexualized the breasts to the point where he doesn’t want any other man seeing “his boobs”.
This reminds me of a post a couple weeks ago where a husband was convinced his infant daughter would become a lesbian because she was being breast fed Apparently he had no concerns when she previously fed his son this way though. I mean WTF
Also when a baby is attached it's not like you can see everything. I think I've shown more in a bikini top.
>His friends didn’t seem to care until he made a thing about it They probably didn't care even after OP made a thing about it. OP's husband fixation on this is weird. His baby is hungry; his wife is hungry, and he sits and plays video games and then switches his attention to his child and wife only to pester OP about how she should eat "properly" in her own house?! WTF!?
He's lucky he gets to sit around and play video games and have friends over while you're taking care of the baby he has no right to yell at you for feeding your child in your own home
Husband is acting like she offered his friend a boob too… OP NTA. Men need to stop sexualizing a baby eating. That’s what boobs are for.
To be fair, most men don't, and it seems like only one did, in this situation. There's nothing sexual about breastfeeding, but I think the friends just looked back, thought "oh, baby's eating" and then went about their day.
And it’s even worse (at least it feels that way) when shamed by women. When I was breastfeeding I got looks from women. And my mom’s former elderly neighbour went and gossiped about me breastfeeding outside on the stairs.
I got fucking obnoxious about it because my MIL equated nursing to having sex in the driveway. NiCe GiRLs just didn't do that kind of thing!!! Rather than let my infant son wail in church, I tucked him under my shirt and stuffed a boob in his screaming mouth. Brought instant peace. MIL was mortified. "Does she have to do that HERE??" she hissed at my husband. I had no idea that was going down, because I had my answer prepped and ready and I'm kinda sad i didn't get to use it on her prissy Catholic ass: **"If it was good enough for Mary and her Son, it's good enough for me and mine."** I think old people soaked up the marketing that was done early on to promote infant formula...it was advertised as *clean, sterile, scientific, modern, healthy, hygienic, modest, and a status symbol of wealth and class. Only poor, dirty, illiterate, (immigrant), immoral and questionable women flopped their tits out like that...shameful behavior, really.* And I think a lot of them just stayed with that mindset.
Oh this made me so mad for you!! Ugh!!! My MIL was very unsupportive as well. Literally if it wasn’t for my mom I would’ve quit. Between the pain in the first 2 weeks (yes my babies latched properly) and the judgment I got from almost everyone, it was super hard to continue. MIL called it “bust feeding” *shudder*
Honestly, breastfeeding is none of anyone else's damn business. I'm sorry you went through that, if I wasn't a guy and was breastfeeding, I would have considered making sure I locked eyes with her every subsequent time... assert dominance
Oh most men don’t. But there are guys who do. Will get offended that a woman is feeding a baby in public and then go buy a Maxim magazine.
This!! I've breastfed infrint if my husband's friends and it's really not weird unless someone makes it weird, like OPs husband did.
She wasn’t even in front of them; she was in the other room and they “looked over” and went back to what they were doing.
It’s almost as if his friends were adults being… adults!!! Sadly, since this came as quite a shock to hubby, he isn’t as mature.
For sure. NAT. He’s getting a chicken from a feather.
Yup. He's the one who made it weird.
What an insecure little man-child this guy is. He needs to work on himself.
I wonder if OP’s husband ever goes swimming without a shirt on in front of OP’s friends! Double standards piss me off to no end. Breastfeed your baby wherever you please, ESPECIALLY in your own home!
They didn't seem to care after either. Not that it matters if they cared or not.
The only time my husband tried this, it was somewhat understandable at the time and quite funny now. It was with our 1st born, I was sitting in the living room at his grandparent's house, talking to his grandma and feeding. He walked in with his grandfather, made a "super casual" bee-line for me, and asked me to please cover up. I just gave him my "wtf" look and kept doing what I was doing. He grandpa, who's had 5 kids and several grandkids by this point, got wind of what was what and set him straight for me. My dude never had a single critical thing to say about breastfeeding again after that conversation.
Similar scenario but it was my uncle walking in with his son (my cousin, the father). Cousin tried to quietly tell his wife to cover up but couldn’t get through the sentence because uncle slapped him in the back of the head and told him to let her feed the baby lol.
I read that first line wrong.. thought you had a kid with your cousin 🥴
Sweet home Alabama!
I had to figure that one out too 😂
Love this 😂
Ah I didn’t read further after ur first sentence cause I got stuck on the “my cousin, the father” cause I thought you were talking about something that happened to you and you had a child with your cousin… thank god I kept reading to find out you were talking about him and his wife (who is not u)
Dude thank you I was so fucking hung up on that I couldn’t comprehend the rest lmao
Old school cool
This is the correct response
That's awesome! My husband never really showed uncomfortableness over me breastfeeding, but I remember at a family party I hid myself away from everyone in a back bedroom and my dad came busting into the room to "scold" me, saying that i shouldn't have to hide myself to feed my "own damn baby" lol I was like jeez dad thanks for the support but actually moms family is nuts, this is my time out! Wanna sit with me?" Lol went head to head with that man all my life, but he is my biggest support as an adult, I swear.
Did he chill with you?
Yes lol. We turned on the TV in the room and hung out for about 15 minutes after that lol
Love breastfeeding in private as my excuse for a break from certain people. One of my best moves. Nice work.
Good for grandpa!
Oh my God, can I have your father in law? Mine has always been an ass about it.
Grandpa sounds like a stand-up dude.
Cover up? Yep, I will if you eat your meal with a blanket over your head.
At least it wasn't, 'Can't you do that in the bathroom?' Yeah, because the toilet is a great place to feed a person.
Sad that he had to have a man tell him it’s ok, but awesome that grandpa rose to the occasion.
He was trying to be respectful towards the very religious man who raised him. Just misguided. He learned and I didn't even have to get mad 🤷♀️
Did he give him the Clint Eastwood look?
We NEED more cis-men like this holding other cis-men accountable for their bullshit! 👏👏👏
Really true, GW. There was a game preserve in Africa. They had a bunch of pubescent male elephants who would kill rhinos at night. Not for any reason just being punks. But someone came up with the idea to introduce an adult male elephant into the heard (Just looked it up. Heard, Memory and even sometimes called a parade) But so a grown adult male is there and the killing stopped immediately. Just took an older or smarter guy to say; "Nope, not cool, guys." They did call him "Boomer" behind his back but they were not great elephants to begin with, snork.
Hmm maybe we have to have well balanced grown men hang out with dumb fuck teenage boys.
I wish! It was always the women in my family that had issues with it in mixed company. It was easier to go into a different room than argue about it.
Funny how he'll argue with the women but will listen when another man sets him straight
NTA All the other good points other people have made aside, why didn't he just offer to bring you food if he was that bothered? Would have made more sense than asking you to not feed your child.
Exactly.
Because that would have interrupted his 'Bro time'?
Big time NTA Not only you need to breastfeed your fucking 5mo kid, but you yourself also need to eat to keep the engine running. You're eating for two, now. Your boyfriend is being a bitch.
This. And frankly, a complete prude. What the hell does he think breasts are FOR?
Like most men, I suspect that he thinks breasts are exclusively for the male gaze. They have become so sexualized that men have forgotten that their PRIMARY function is to nourish babies. Which is why he's got his panties in such a fucking wad, because he basically thinks she's flashing the boobies that are HIS at his friends. It's fucking stupid, but yeah it's a combination of hyper-sexualization and prudish ideals. EDIT: A word.
I mean, most men in this story didn't seem to sexualize it at all. The friends didn't even seem to care until the husband said something.
I was talking about males in a broader sense of society and its values. Not the friends specifically. It was more an explanation of why her husband got his panties in a wad about her breastfeeding where his friends could see. Society has conditioned a LOT of guys to believe that breasts exist for sexual gratification. Because of this conditioning, husband sees her boobs as purely sexual, DESPITE the fact that she was literally using them for their intended purpose at the time. And so prudishness and possessiveness drove him to turn the whole incident into a THING, even though none of his friends clearly gave a shit or was (if you'll pardon the pun) titillated by the sight.
How is it that so many men cannot understand that providing sustenance for our babies is the reason *why* women have breasts. It’s not remotely sexual to breast feed a baby! My ex couldn’t stand me breastfeeding anywhere except home. First one’s baptism he wanted me to bottle feed at the party. Last time I ever did that. Ouch I was nursing our second one day while at the mall and he was appalled: You just flashed everyone in this mall! I said: If they get off on a huge, blue veined, stretch marked breasts, bully for them. Still took too many years to make him my ex.
You are right on. Damn, you have to strain yourself to see the breasts.
I like how she said multiple times in the post that he’s her husband, but he was acting SO trifling that your brain overrode the info and made him a boyfriend.
Hahaha oh my goodness this is exactly what I did accidentally! I would edit and correct it but now I feel like it needs to stay….
Huh…weird. He was bf to me too until I read this comment and had to go back and look lol…
NTA. I’m livid with your bf and some of these comments below. I remember my sister as a new mom going out to lunch with us (finally getting out of the house for a bit) in the heat of the Summer and having to walk back to the hot car with her baby to breastfeed privately or put a blanket to cover up which was uncomfortable for both of them. And I thought how F’d up the USA is culturally to be so weird around women breast feeding. People are not weird about this in other countries because it’s a normal part of life and moms have it hard enough already. And for your BF to be upset that you’re breast feeding HIS child in your home while he sits on his ass…what an absolute idiot and honestly he should be ashamed of himself. Okay sorry I’m getting a little over passionate about this….
This. It's so weird. I live in Australia. I fed all my babies whenever and wherever they needed to be fed. I fed twins in front of friends and family and that basically required me to be nude from the waist up . No one batts an eyelid as far as I know. This just adds to the other things I read about America and makes me wonder whether women are just hated there
Women are just hated here. It sucks.
So awful. All the women should move to Australia - except the ones who hate other women!
I’m too scared of the hellish creatures that dwell in aus but the invite is greatly appreciated
Hahaha! We're pretty safe from the hellish creatures in the cities. I haven't seen them outside zoos. In any event, they're less scary than some of the people in America!
It feels like they are trying to make it back to the 1950's here in the US. Very scary time we're living in.
It looks awful. We're watching in horror from Australia. You should move here!
My arachniphobic, Canadian ass loves the breastfeeding stance, but could not handle the spiders... Sorry 😞
The spiders are a lot to get your head around. Having said that, the only ones I regularly see in the city are daddy long legs and they keep us safe from the mosquitoes. I'd be much more scared of the Americans with guns and anti women views!
Wait til you hear about the breastfeeding spiders! The emotional conflict will be too much!
Thank you thank you I was having a shit day . This gave me hope ..
NTA, you're feeding your child in your house, he's being super weird. Dude needs to calm HIS tits.
His tits are most certainly NOT calm.
His manoobies are manic.
just another manic manboob.
Manic Manboob Monday?
Moobies
He sounds as useless as tits on a bull!
NTA. Sounds like he made his friends uncomfortable - he sucks
Most guys these days just look away from breastfeeding moms. It's the polite thing to do. They realize what you're doing and just look away. They don't make a big deal out of it at all. By your husband freaking out and making this huge deal out of it, he is insinuating that his friends are pervs that get something from looking at a woman naturally feeding her child. The boobs were literally doing what they were made for. Does he get off on you feeding your kid? Hopefully not, but if his friends are decent guys, they definitely aren't getting anything sexual out of it. You were in your home feeding your hungry baby. While nursing, your body screams for both food and hydration. That's why I kept a few packs of peanut butter crackers and a few bottles of water next to the place I most frequently nursed. You didn't do anything wrong. Your husband is being a little bitch. NTA at all
Exactly. Don’t invite friends that would look at me breastfeeding! Don’t invite friends that would be bothered by a boob feeding a baby. Im so serious, your husband’s friends can kick rocks if they are bothered. Your husband needs to check himself.
NTA Tell him and his worthless nipples to shove off.
AND HIS WORTHLESS NIPPLES 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I can confirm his nipples are worthless. 0/10
Worst nipples this side of the Mason-Dixon!
Yeah! I hate his worthless nipples!
NTA. There is nothing inappropriate or sexy about breastfeeding. You were feeding your child, and in your own home.
The only part of your statement I disagree with is the clarification that it's in OP's own home - it doesn't matter where it happened! She was feeding her child, and it wasn't inappropriate or sexy. OP's boyfriend needs an education.
I agree with you but my point was if my wife and I are in our own house, we’ll do whatever the eff we want, where we want, when we want.
NTA. You are feeding your child. The people who call you dirty for showing your boobs are the same ones who will call you a shitty mother for using formula. Fuck them and do your best.
That is so true it's kind of startling. The issue isn't breastfeeding or formula, the issue is that anyone including a husband feels free to comment on whatever a mother has to do to feed her baby and shame her for it.
I was shocked when we had our son the sheer amount of hate that avalanched onto my wife from everyone. Telling her how to do every little thing and how horrible she’d be if she didn’t do it their way. It’s absolutely nuts.
Ugh I feel for her! It seems like a lot of the hate comes from women who have internalized misogyny and toxicity themselves. We need to learn to respect and empower each other instead of looking for reasons to insert ourselves and tear each other down.
Exactly! Motherhood should be an induction into a community of support and love but its some kind of sick self-hatred club instead. Women are fucking superheroes.
And they won't care when you're at the beach and your bikini top covers less than your baby's head!
Well of COURSE not, because when a woman is wearing a bikini at the beach she's ONLY doing it for male attention. /s
NTA You’re feeding your kid in your own home, he’s the one being an asshole about it
I bet it was his getting mad that made his friends feel uncomfortable
Yeah if I was one of these friends I would have told him not to use me as any kind of proxy to shame his wife or prevent their baby from being fed on my account. If a husband is mad about that it's his own issue.
NTA. I would tell him “I have to feed the baby and this is our house. If someone doesn’t like it, they are free to leave. (That includes you DH)” I mean my reaction would have been to laugh in his face. No one is gonna tell me what to do with my tits in my house 😂
My SIL made a point to tell me not to worry about her kids - 7 and 14 at the time. That she would make sure they were fine with me feeding in front of them. They visited when baby was only a few days old and I was still learning to breastfeed so I needed to be fully tits out to work out what I was doing. The older one looked away and was a tiny bit awkward, but he's always awkward, and the younger one was just in love with his baby cousin and I don't think he even noticed. It was so nice having the reassurance that I didn't need to be worried about what anyone else was thinking - I could just concentrate on feeding my baby. They were told they could get up and leave the room if they felt too uncomfortable with it and they didn't.
My experience also! We had several people with kids at our place ages 2 to about 13 and they all acted totally naturally and couldn't care less. I was actually surprised because I thought they will probably ask questions or make weird/funny statements but nothing like that. It also wasn't the awkward "deliberately staring at something else and avoiding looking at me" thingy adults did.
Nta. Next time, text him every time you need something. Interrupt his game. “I need a glass of water. I need a snack. Do we have any leftover, heat it up and bring it to me.” Bet he will be super thrilled to wait on you hand and foot since you must cloister yourself for his benefit.
Nta I mean, if *he's* uncomfortable, then *he* can just not invite *his* friends over until your child is past breastfeeding. Would he prefer that you starve your child?
[удалено]
In their defence, it doesn’t seem like the friends had any issue with it - until husband went to pick a fight about it with them in earshot.
What is weird is being offended or whatever by a woman breastfeading. In spain people do that everywhere, bus, Subway, cafés, restaurants, parks. No problem at all
In the US men compare women breastfeeding to being able to have their penis out. I wish I was joking
It's baffling how many men immediately compare dicks to tits and don't realize how absolutely stupid they sound.
Yes. This is definitely a weird American thing.
You can breastfeed in public the same way you eat in public. Breastfeeding should not be hidden or relegated to certain rooms, such as the bedroom or bathroom. If people, including your husband, have a problem a problem with breqstfeeding, they are the problem. https://www.mamava.com/mamava-blog/history-of-breastfeeding https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/s/GyIK2nEIQj https://slate.com/culture/2015/05/how-public-breast-feeding-became-taboo-in-america.html https://theconversation.com/the-backwards-history-of-attitudes-toward-public-breastfeeding-54876
NTA, not even close. It sounds as though he’s projecting his own discomfort, sexualizing the exposure of them as if that’s all they are or something. It seems like his friends probably just happened to notice and then minded their business as anyone would, but he’s the one with the issue. And if anyone has an issue or is uncomfortable by it, they’re the problem.
NTA Your husband is asserting ownership over your boobs and he doesn't want his friends to see them.
Your husband hasn’t figured out that your boobs are a source of nourishment and food for his baby, and still thinks that they are a source of entertainment and a sexual object for him. Hes due for a rude awakening
NtA!!!! Thats literally what they're FOR
As long as you weren't asking his friends if they wanted some too, he's majorly overreacting. NTA
NTA I would give anything to be able to breastfeed. My body just wouldn't produce enough milk for my hungry little monster. So hold your head up high and proud for providing for another human being! It's REALLY tough! While I was still trying to breastfeed during the first weeks we had friends over all the time and gave everyone a triggerwarning that they might see breasts during their visit and should only come if they are fine with it. Not one person stayed away. So basically almost all friends saw (parts) of my breasts by now. 🙈 but everyone was always trying hard to be discrete and look away. It was kind of funny. I really didn't have the energy or nerve to hide in my own apartment. I live in Germany though so probably most people here are more chill about it.
NTA. Your child, your house, your hunger. Unless you were just walking around totally topless or something. It isn't like you walked in the room and yelled, "look at how huge my tits are from breastfeeding!" You walked into a not occupied portion of the house to get something to eat, you know, like people do in their own homes when they are hungry. If it bothered him that much he could have talked to you about it later instead of making a scene.
I nursed all of my babies well over 5 months. That’s what breasts are actually about, they’re mammary glands with body fat and a nipple. He truly needs to get over himself.
36M here - I have quite a few friends who had babies and I estimate that I saw 75% of them breastfeeding. Couldn't care less, they could be the most beautiful person in the world, but it's nothing sexual or weird. They're feeding a baby and most of us got fed like that as well. Your bf should get over it, that's it.
NTA. You're feeding a baby, which as all science points to is very important. Instead of getting mad at you, he should be getting mad at friends who find it weird.
His friends didn't even seem to find it weird, just the husband
This is true. It's definitely a husband problem. Sounds like he sexualizes breasts too much.
Lol NTA! “Shut the fuck up” is the correct response to that idiotic demand of his 🤣 you’re home, you’re feeding your child. If him and his toddler friends get bet out of shape because your breastfeeding your child, they can leave! Do not apologize for this! I would be petty and call his mom so she can rip him a new one
Imagine not being able to breastfeed in your own home because your manchild has his friends over.
When I went to Costa Rica there were plenty of women who openly breastfed their babies on the bus. Americans are so weird about feeling babies… NTA.
Definitely NTA. Mature men won’t get bothered by breastfeeding. It should have been normalized by now. It seems his friends are okay with it until he made a big deal out of it.
NTA. I’ve breastfed three kids openly around everyone under the sun—my dad, my husband’s friends, my brother, my father in law, my husbands sisters boyfriend, my sisters boyfriends, my male coworkers (I was pumping actually), the pastor of our church….No one has ever so much as looked at me too long, they know what I’m doing and it’s not a big deal. Your husband is weird.
Tell him to get on board or get the fuck out of the way
5 month old baby? Hell no you are NTA. It's your home too. If it was a problem for him, he shouldn't have been in the house with his friends.
Nta When i was studying we had a couple moms studying too, often theyd feed thier babies in the shared kitchen, i didnt care. Your husband is making this into an issue even though his friend doesnt care. Alot of breast feeding moms have told me how horrible it can feel when people sexaulise you for breast feeding, its not fair that your husband put in that position and i dont blame you for snapping.
In All 50 states it is legal to breastfeed in any public area openly. Should anyone tell you to cover up or worse tell you to go to a bathroom ask them if they would cover themselves up or eat their meals in a restroom tell them to mind their business
NTA. Your husband only sees your breasts as a sexual thing rather than the delivery mechanism of nutrition and life for your kid. It’s his hang up and I’m glad you didn’t let him make it yours.
NTA. Feed that baby and don’t have an ounce of shame. This isn’t sarcasm. He can get bent. First, it’s not sexual. It’s beautiful! I doubt his friends cared. And he should be proud of you not shaming you and sending you to your room.
NTA breastfeeding is normal. I can't understand that he sees it as something weird?? Especially if it's in your home where you should do whatever you want. If his friends were uncomfortable was because of his reaction.
Just because he can't imagine seeing someone feeding their child without sexualizing them doesn't mean everyone else is a pervert too. Believe him when he's telling you who he is.
NTA - tell him to grow up. He should have your back 100% on this that you can breastfeed whenever/wherever, and if someone has a problem with it, it's just that - *their* problem. You don't have to hide to feed your child. Signed -Supportive husband whose wife breastfed.
NTA, he somehow managed to embarass both you and his friends over something completely normal and natural. I come from a country where it's normal to breastfeed anywhere, anytime in any company, people avert their gazes, this is how it should be.
NTA, I work in strategy and risk assessment, so I'm going to put this in the most capitalistic way possible. Your family has an asset (home) that belongs to three stakeholders: husband, wife, child. That asset needs to serve the greater and lesser needs of those stakeholders. In this situation, 2 stakeholders had a greater need (sustenance) that could only be fufilled properly inside the home. One stakeholder had a lesser need (social interaction) which could be fulfilled outside of the asset (bar, friends house, etc). Your husband's friends do not factor into the equation (except as an aspect of your husband) as they are not stakeholders. Logically, the needs of the majority (2) overwrite the needs of the minority (1). Additionally, the greater needs outweigh the lesser need. Finally, the need that cannot be satisfied except with use of the asset must have priority in asset-usage demand when weighed against the need that can be satisfied without utilizing the asset.
NTA. Breastfeeding sucks and you should be able to be comfortable in your own home while you have your nipples tugged and pulled. You shouldn’t have told him to STFU because that’s rude but he was being unreasonable and needs to be on your side 100% while you provide the nutrition your little one needs.
NTA You’re doing the most natural thing in the world and baby has to eat.
Nta at all Your baby. Your breasts. Your decision
Giant NTA the only one who had a problem with it was him.
NTA. Am I the only one thinking this is a very American issue? European here, and breastfeeding is happening whereever needed, and no one would react like this when visiting a family with a newborn! Hell, not even in restaurants or cafés would this be frowned upon by most people. For the time being it's a food source, not nudity. I suggest your husbond stays away from Scandinavian cafés in daytime. 😅
NTA you live in the US I assume? Where I live all my friends came to baby visit us and when the baby is hungry you just feed it. I and my husband and all of our friends have seen the breasts of all of our female friends while feeding the baby and it's totally normal. You don't even stop the conversation.
NTA My wife breastfeeds in front of our friends all the time, no one seems uncomfortable probably because we don’t even mention it. Though I’m not as insecure as your husband so 🤷🏽♂️
Op Your "husband" is a huge baby, I think he might need a bum change and a pacifier.. I'd let him read this post to see how much of a sh!t he is being... Throw the whole boy away... Updateme!
Openly breast feed as much as possible. That was my motto when my son was young. This is the only way to normalize a completely natural and expected bodily function. Society just needs to get over it already. Women have boobs and that’s what they’re for. Anybody who has a problem with that needs therapy. You should never need to hide to feed your child, in public or especially at home in your own space. I agree with the other commenters, BF is the one making an issue over nothing and making his friends uncomfortable.
Men need education because periods, breastfeeding and being pregnant are all a part of being a woman and is NATURAL. If you can’t handle it then you shouldn’t make children nor have the “privilege” of being with a woman. I said what I said 😌
"Don't feed our child near my friends because I fear they might get a boner and want to fuck you while you feed our child" There I translated his weird childish dumb thoughts for you. NTA
I seriously HATE these kind of posts in 20 FUCKING 24!! I’m sick of women second guessing themselves when it comes to FEEDING a fucking BABY!!! Breasts were MADE to FEED babies. NOT for men to w**k over!! Feed your child out and proud, and to hell with your pathetic husband, he’s the Arsehole, as are his friends if they want to sexualise your breasts. NTA