NTA.
Your mother can KILL you. And your unborn child. Due to her stupidity.
You are NEVER the AH for making sure you, and your child(ren) are safe and healthy. Ever.
Just be careful these people who feel you should apologize don’t bring any desserts “they baked” to the shower.
Never mind the baked goods, OP shouldn’t have the mom at the shower either.
She might try more ‘imaginative’ ways to test OP’s allergy: Madagascar vanilla perfume, lip gloss, hand lotion, body spray, then cover OP in hugs and kisses
If I were OP I would be livid that other relatives are requiring her to have her mother there despite the risk to the baby. Honestly I would be going no contact with all of them.
I’m a man but if my partner’s mom tried pulling this shit I would probably end up in jail— allergies are not something to fuck with especially when they are severe.
In 2016, restaurant owner Mohammed Zaman was jailed for six years for manslaughter after the death of a customer with a peanut allergy in what was thought to be the first case of its kind ~ 8 Nov 2018
There are also a few cases where "civilian" attempts (these mean any attempt in a personal gathering, like personal parties and such) have had manslaughter charges, but I could not find a case of deliberate use with intent of poisoning causing death making it murder.
And I was looking pretty deeply as we have had a ton of Reddit posts where the poster does claim to report to police and state that court cases have occurred and convictions recorded.
I found just over 800 Reddit posts where plausible murder by allergy was posted, and there is lots on detailed evidence that should come up in a Google search, unless my Google-fu is playing up.
To be fair, I imagine that it's hard to prove intent and likely under reported.
Let's say OP dies. Mom claims it was an accident, if they're even able to identify the allergen source. Everyone else conveniently forgets to mention her history of trying to off OP like this- they've been tolerating the murder attempts and brow beating OP into accepting it, so if they lose OP they'll likely justify not wanting to lose her mother too.
I am deathly allergic to a wide range of fresh tomatoes. My skin turns to boils and blisters just touching them. Everyone one in my family knows this.
My husband has banned tomatoes in our house... but my mum comes to visit, and knows I am allergic, has seen my skin react and then receive treatment as though I am a burn victim, once a tomato seed dropped on my leg, and it took EIGHT MONTHS to heal.... so she knows... but she will buy tomatoes and put them in my small bar fridge that has massive letters on it saying it is my allergy free fridge.... she has bought five brand new fridges. But still she does it and claims to have forgotten.
OP is like me with the trail of evidence stated in her post... it isn't accidental at all.
And yes I am VLC with my mother.
Are you saying that your mother buys you a new fridge each time she “forgets”.
I’d place a lock on the fridge before she visits again. I’d also make sure she didn’t have keys to your house, and meet her at the doorway each time she visits. You can then interrogate her and inspect anything just like an Australian customs officer.
First time, I didn't husbanddid a thorough clean and then ran it open so nothing in the compressor or vents, then I spent 3 weeks in hospital, and we bought a new one.
So the nect time she did it, I told her I needed a new bar fridge, and I made certain she bought it, then turned the one she contaminants into her fridge... with large letters on it too as a guest fridge.
My brothers all think I am a bitch, but I think $180AUD is better than weeks in hospital or needing my skin to be dealing with boils and blisters.
The other fridges we sold off and get the money back to her, but she kept doing it.
Don’t let her in the house. If for any reason you need or want to let her in, make sure she’s escorted into the bathroom and has a shower and a clothes change immediately.
Dude fuck your brothers too. I bet they'd be just as pissed if they cleaned a fridge that throughly and STILL spent 3 WEEKS IN THE HOSPITAL because their mom can't bother to show she cares enough to READ A SINGLE WORD before she starts leaving stuff she is VERY AWARE will cause said hospital trip.
1. You should seriously consider banning her from your home, and possibly your life.
2. If you can't bear #1 and want to continue with the fridge replacement routine, then make the whole process her problem. She is responsible for removing the old fridge (immediately, the moment any contamination is discovered) and disposing of it as she sees fit. She buys the new fridge and pays to have it delivered and installed. She is not allowed back in the house until both conditions are met. Make it an expensive, time-consuming pain in the ass, and maybe she won't "forget" again.
First off: I am so sorry you've had to put up with that for so long, it's hard to tell in those situations if it's malicious intent or just general lack of any regard for you but doesn't matter, either way after that many times she should damn well know better and it's not an accident.
Second: I was just about to confirm that this post (God willing she leaves it up) is the exact kind of evidence that I would hope investigators would see clearly means this isn't an accident.
I just hope OP doesn't let the mom come at all because it's not worth the risk to her or her baby's life.
We haven't had her stay with us after the last time, about 8 years ago now. And that was because she brought one of my brothers to my place, and he tried to "hack" my work laptop to "play games" when my gaming PC was there to use.
She sided with him, after he attempted to use a work around by doing a partition format via dos, but because I was smarter than him... no one could modify my work laptop without a special USB key.
He (36 years old at the time) went into a tantrum after that, and tried to damage my gaming pc too...
Again... I still haven't learned how to control my urges to shove their heads up some demonic beast's anus...
Sounds like your mom and sibs are a bunch of huge AHs who want to screw with you and want to play Russian Roulette with your property and worse, your life. Seems like they only bring negativity into your life. Why associate with them?
>Again... I still haven't learned how to control my urges to shove their heads up some demonic beast's anus...
So... each other's anus. Because demonic beasts is exactly what they are. It's impressive you allow them near you at all.
There was a post where a woman had mixed race children. One was severely allergic to coconut products, so she never used them.
Her mother, thinking she knew better, used coconut oil on the child's hair to set overnight....
I only found news and court stories about poisonous mushrooms, that Cafe owner with the peanuts, a guy who threw a dairy based smoothie at his secretary who had an reaction to something in it, and two about seafood. The only persons jailed was the Cafe owner, and the poisonous mushrooms lady.
Do you remember the horrible post on here where the lady had twins but one was hospitalised very young to be diagnosed with life threatening allergies. That her gran watched her be extremely ill and hospitalised but had decided it was all crap but hid it.
When she was baby sitting she decided she had to prove her grandbaby wasn’t allergic. She put coconut oil all through the child’s hair. The toddler apparently started reacting right away but because the gran didn’t want to be in trouble. She dosed the toddler with strong antihistamines and left her and went to bed leaving her unsupervised in her cot all night. The medicine made sure the child was too sleepy and drugged to cry and make their grand father or others aware. She was found dead in her cot the next morning in the cot next to her twins cot.
That lady was not only prosecuted but her husband and every friend and family member cut her off completely. She only admitted it when the babies parents had turned up at hospital and were broken. Apparently her need to prove she was right was worth risking her grandchild in her mind. She tried to argue “she didn’t mean this to happen and how would she know it would happen”. She was divorced by her husband the grand dad and ended up totally on her own living far away from everyone. Many years later still every year she would call to beg her daughter to forgive her. Every year her daughter would tell her “only when you bring my baby back to me” and would hang up.
You don’t ever play with someone’s life. I’ve got an invisible disability and I’m sure plenty of people judge and doubt as I look young and healthy. Yet even someone’s worst enemy would never think or trying to prove I was wrong by endangering me and my condition. It doesn’t matter that it would endanger me and harm me but not risk my life. So why does narcissistic abusive parents seem to think this is acceptable.
Op needs to report her deliberately endangering your life and trying to kill you to the police, next time she does this and every time. As that’s basically what could happen shes dies. Then depending on what country you live in, I would then sue her for every medical cost accrued going back to every time she has done this to you including ambulance call out fees the lot.
Honestly why does she have her in her life at all. If anyone tried to argue I’d ask them ***“if she is more important to them than your life is. As every time she’s near you it is your life she deliberately endangers. Unless they know how terrifying and traumatic it is being unable to breath and thinking your going to die and will this be the time you do, to remember she caused that exact thing many a time***. ***That unless it is THEIR lives they are risking then they don’t get a say on you having any contact with your mum. Not to mention the medical cost you have to suffer just as your mums unhinged. Make sure to tell them how many times she’s hospitalised you and ask them seriously if they think that’s excusable or acceptable in any way. Ask why they think it’s acceptable you also risk your baby. That any reaction you have endangers baby and if you can’t breathe then neither can the child you are carrying. Ask them truly if they are willing to risk your child having brain damage or dying. Ask honestly what they are thinking here as you can’t see any excuse that them enabling your mum to endanger and harm you and your baby justifiable in any way*** ”.
I learned long ago you have to be blunt and harsh in showing the truth about abusive parents. Otherwise every one thinks they know best and you should always love and enable your mum. Heck no I make sure to say loudly “they would Never tell a domestic abuse survivor to go back and risk their lives. Yet that’s exactly what they are telling me. They might have loving parents but mine actively took joy harming a vulnerable child and still would today”.
After people telling me the same thing multiple times and not giving up I learned being blunt and loud (they always stopped me in public to do this). So it embarrassed them as everyone around looked and judged them and they could see it. Also as I was so blunt there Was no way they couldn’t realise they were telling me to let someone harm me and that they don’t know what goes on behind closed doors or who someone may really be. I’ve had to do this many times now as I live in a small town. So every year someone new comes out to say they heard you cut out your family etc. Since i started being loud and blunt not once has the same person came back to do it again. They now keep their head down and avoid me or at the most nod as I go past them. Sometimes you have to say to hell with what other family and friends think as it isn’t them being endangered.
And that makes you a fantastic man. I think mom needs psychiatric help. I have many friends with kids or grandkids who have food allergies. They bend over backwards to ensure their little ones or grown kids are safe.
Despite the risk to OP*. Like I don’t mean this callously, but forget the baby. The fact that OP’s mom is willing to play games regarding her life is bad enough.
I agree with you completely, I think the other commenter just said the baby because people are usually way more proactive when it comes to protecting their loved ones (especially their children) than themselves.
Like, OP's mom has been poisoning her repeatedly her whole life and she still hasn't cut her off, so she is clearly not going to stand up for her own sake, but maybe the threat to her child's life is the push she needs to protect herself as well.
My daughter changed EVERYTHING. I may have dealt with that environment, she would not. Still LC with family, but I stick around because they'll manipulate her into taking care of their fully abled bodied adult selves. She's 21; they can have her youth and free labor **over my dead body**, only way it's happening. She knows and resists the crap-she shouldn't have to, but mine are her last set of grandparents and they work that angle mercilessly.
**OP, you have a decision to make: LET HER TORTURE YOU *AND* YOUR CHILD-or start saying NO and Shine Up that backbone. NOBODY can Make this decision BUT YOU.**
The reason it is relevant is that an embryo or fetus is even more vulnerable than the human that it is in. The person may well be able to survive the attack, but lose the pregnancy.
So there is an additional level of vulnerability. The person could die, but also, even if the person survives, there is a higher chance the pregnancy aborts itself.
The point is OP’s life being in danger should be enough for people to go WTF that’s wrong. Having her be pregnancy just adds to how much fuckery this is
Oh, you are definitely right about that. I do not disagree in the least.
My only point is that pregnancy lowers the threshold of exposure that causes a tragedy. Causing an otherwise healthy adult to have anaphylaxis which causes them to have to go to the hospital, but they nonetheless recover without long-term health effects - that is an outrage and completely beyond the bounds of human decency. But causing a spontaneous abortion of a wanted pregnancy is a genuine tragedy, and the same level of exposure will do both.
"It was only a *little* vanilla" is hardly an impressive defense, but the "only a *little* vanilla" is likely to cause a more horrific result for a pregnant person than a non-pregnant person.
I honestly can't understand why OP even wants these people in her life. Like, anyone who sides with the person who intentionally and repeatedly poisons me is not someone I'd want near me, much less my hypothetical children.
This is a good point. I actually had a Jasmine and Madagascan vanilla perfume. I've stopped wearing it because it triggered an asthma attack in my youngest cousin. He's got bad asthma and is extremely allergic to nuts too. I actually bake cookies at Christmas, and always do a basic chocolate chip, because he can't have my chocolate chip and peanut butter cookies. When you love someone, you don't purposely try to give them an allergic reaction.
My sister threw a party before her wedding for the people that couldn't travel to Hawaii for the ceremony. I baked a carrot cake which traditionally has walnuts. I found out a family member is allergic to them, I've known this woman for years! Never knew. Lucky for her, I hate walnuts. I don't use them in anything, F**k walnuts, they are waxy and disgusting.
My grandma made carrot cake for like every event or holiday and when she died, I took over the carroty tradition minus the walnuts. I make it for my mom's birthday often(its her favorite). Anyway, this was the first time she's ever been able to eat carrot cake which has been a family favorite for longer than I have been alive(I am 32).
Right. OP is being "forced" to have a relationship with her mother? Hell no. She loses other important people from her baby's life if she does?
I'd say good riddance to mom and ANYONE who supports mom and her "tests" as these are people who would also test baby. Nope, they either be on MY side and support me and me health and my decisions on my health and health of baby or they just don't belong in my life.
OP you really need to decide what's more important. You and your baby's health or having toxic people in your life.
NTA
Seriously! Strip this down - OP’s mom has **purposely** tired to kill her multiple times. Her mom can think she knows better all she wants, but at the end of the day, she *IS TRYING TO KILL HER* to “prove a (delusional) point”.
If I thought someone could survive being hit by a train, and they didn’t, but I just *knew* deep in my soul they would survive, so I pushed them in front of a moving train to prove to them I was right, and then they died as a result, would that mean I wasn’t at fault and deserved forgiveness? Was I NOT attempting to kill them? Am I absolved of any and all responsibility because *I TRULY THOUGHT* they were lying and would survive? No. Absolutely fucking NOT. That’s not how this works.
The flying monkeys backing the mom are nothing but horrifying enablers and are just as bad as her mom is for forcing OP to expose herself to her abuser - and to the person who has been actively trying to take their life for the last however many years.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!?!
This! You are participating in this potential risk to your life and your baby’s life by letting other people threaten you. F#%k them. Do you really need a baby shower that badly? Refuse to attend.
If there are people who would cut her out for going NC with her mother, I’d question whether those people are worth having in her life anyway.
If it’s younger siblings, I’m sure they know mother is crazy and will reconnect once they’re 18
For those supporting her mom, she should just say: "Mom has tried to kill me for years. She has sent me to the hospital X times. I will no longer be consuming anything she cooks, and I will not apologize for that. If you want to support a woman who continues to attempt to murder her daughter and future grandchild, I can't continue to enjoy a relationship with you."
Or even worse, tainting the food/drink with it. She's proven time and time again to be sadistic in her constant attempted murder, and even if it causes a miscarriage the family seems to thing the crazy mom is more important.
Yeah, my immediate thought is hang on, why is she still in her life?? Fuck that.
Also she should never be allowed near your child without line-of-sight supervision at all times.
A person who is pregnant may find their reactions to allergies like this, are more sensitive when pregnant.
OPs reaction may be even more severe than it has in the past when they have had a reaction due to her pregnancy.
Next time Mommy tries to "test" her allergies, OP should file assault charges against her. You don't play with peoples lives like that.
I still vividly remember reading about that poor woman who's daughter died because Grandma didn't "Believe she was allergic to coconut" and used coconut oil on the Innocent child's hair when watching her. So tragic. If I were op any of the people "advocating" for Mom to come would be uninvited too. Regardless of how 'important' these people are, the baby is top priority, and by extension so is the mother(OP). NTA is an understatement.
So the mother casually tries to commit premeditated murder on her own daughter.. Wtf kind of insane shit is going on here? This would make me react violently regardless of whether it was a parent.
Best that OP have her mother arrested when she shows up with her vanilla-laden baked goods for trying to kill OP with her allergy.
Also best that OP goes no contact towards her mother entirely. Something is absolutely wrong with her mother's brain.
This. If she is willing to kill you and your unborn child to make a point, she doesn’t deserve to be at the event OR see you child.
If she’s around, how can you be 100% she won’t ‘test’ an allergy your child has.
This is dangerous and sociopathic behaviour.
NTA - seriously reconsider ever seeing her again
NTA. You have every right to ask people to bake or not bake since it's your shower. Should she be adamant about baking, inform everyone that no baked products are permitted at all and get a sheet cake from the nearby supermarket.
Who are the a**holes who are trying to force you to have someone who literally attempted to harm or possibly even kill you in your life? I would cut out the entire bunch of them!
My grandfather (her dad) and his family. She was the coddled golden child for everyone and they all bow down to her and make everyone bend to her wants.
Cut your losses. If they want a relationship with your kid they'll have to cut her butt out too. Guess great grand dad ain't gonna see your kid anytime soon. Sucks for him🤷♀️
If your baby has allergies, she's gonna "test" them. AKA attempted murder of a child. Do you really want this person ANYWHERE around a defenseless child? Especially knowing she has repeatedly done the same to you? You don't owe your mother anything, you really need to go no contact and use this cold shoulder she's giving you to start it. Anyone who takes her side isn't deserving of your time, or of your baby's. Break the cycle, I believe in you, if you aren't in therapy I would suggest it ASAP to start dealing with this kind of trauma.
My friend, you should not have normalized your mother poisoning you. That's not okay, that's attempted murder to prove a point. I'm so sorry that this is your normal, but I promise you it doesn't have to be. Please seek help, you deserve it.
Good
There are a few horrific posts on Reddit about grandmothers sending their grandchildren to the hospital because they decided to “test” their allergies.
One little girl died as a result.
That’s on you, why would you want these idiots in your life?? You’re the one allowing it what response are you expecting exactly? If you continue to allow them to manipulate and control you then you have no one to blame but yourself, maybe it’s time for some soul searching you have a child to protect now!
You realize if your kid has a life threatening allergy that your mother will do the same thing to them right? And that her family will support that?
Why would you allow anyone who thinks that's okay around your kid? That's how you get a kid killed, hell, there's been reddit posts where a grandparent "testing" her grand kid's allergy *did* kill the kid.
Don't let your kid's life be one of those posts.
So if your mother baked a cake and gave it to them, they would likely pretend they baked it as a favour to her? I'd recommend you not eat a single thing anyone brought to that party then.
What’s more important to you, the safety of your child and yourself, or having a relationship with someone who has repeatedly tried to kill you, and the people who side with her?
If this was her waving a knife in your face saying “I don’t believe you when you say that being stabbed may kill you. Doctors use knives all the time and people go to them to get healthy! Let me stab you to prove it to you” then you’d know what to do, no hesitation. But somehow, when it’s about an allergen that can cause a reaction when you’re in the same room as it and need to go to the hospital ASAP if you consume any, and your mother is intentionally trying to get you to eat it, you’re hesitating?
Bruh. Why is this person even in your life? This isn't an *oops, mom likes to stick her nose in my business, she's nosy, lol*, or any typical annoying mom behavior you can laugh about. She's actively set on poisoning you.
Normally I side-eye the way a lot of people on reddit seem quick to jump to conclusions, but this is a dangerous, *ongoing* issue you have with this person. I won't even call her your mother, because imo, parents would never put their kids' lives at risk for... I mean, for *what*?? Like I can't even fathom what her reason would be for even attempting this, let alone continuing to!
NTA, but you should honestly consider going NC with this person before they actually kill you. You are definitely NTA, but your mom is a big one. A big, crazy ahole.
This. If my mother repeatedly tried to prove my life threatening allergy was a fake I would cut off all contact as self defense. I wouldn’t have any trust that they wouldn’t try to tamper with food.
YES. At this point, cutting her out completely is the only course of action
because the trust is just gone. This psycho is fighting to be in charge of baking, also. If she really didn't have ulterior motives, I feel like she would have just been happy to be a part of the occasion in *any* capacity, but she's dead set on baking (to poison OP). It's honestly baffling.
Kind of a crazy theory but maybe she wanted to specifically do it on her baby shower to have a gotcha moment. Like look see this had vanilla in it and you're fine therefore I am the best mom ever.
Given what OP has said about her I can't imagine there's any other reason for her insistence. Like imagine being so set on being 'right' that you'd not only risk your own daughter, but the life of your unborn grandchild? Truly unhinged behavior.
I imagine she starting 'testing' OP when the allergy was revealed. If they've known of OP's allergy since she was a kid, growing up with *her* as a mother must have been hell.
You'd think that the allergy being revealed in the first place would be enough proof, right? Absolutely bonkers. I feel so much for OP for having this kind of person in her life. I can't even imagine what her childhood must have been like.
Yes, I came to suggest that she consider going no contact with the woman who is trying to kill her and her unborn child.
I really can’t even begin to fathom what it’s going through through the mother’s mind trying to prove that her allergies aren’t real and or dangerous.
Some people are unable to process that their children aren't just extensions of themselves. Like sims you create IRL.
If they don't have something, you don't either, so they must be lying. You're a character with a bug in your behavior to them.
These types of people usually like to compete with their kids (for example, women who sleep with their daughter's SOs to "prove" they're more attractive), so she's now "competing" with her daughter to be the one who's right about a deadly allergy.
I'd get a fkn restraining order against every one siding with this bitch of a mother. I could never be 100% sure they all won't do any shit to me. Wtf is this even a question.
NTA, but your Mom and everyone in your family threatening to not be a part of your life if you don’t have a relationship with her are big time, beyond words AH.
How can they justify this when she so non-chalantly wants to play Russian roulette with your life?! WITAF?!
OP, I assure you that if you set some boundaries and quit being a doormat to your family they’ll come around eventually. That’s IF they actually care about you at all.
What if your baby has an allergy? Would you put it in danger regularly to keep the peace? I’m guessing the answer is no, you deserve the same courtesy.
I didn’t want her in my life anymore anyways but she found out I was pregnant by hearing it from my ex best friend and she threw a fit when I told her that I wasn’t budging on my NC. She got everyone else involved and they told me that if I wanted their help (especially with getting to and from appts because I currently cannot drive due to my car being broke down and my baby being high risk) I had to let her be involved and acknowledged as the baby’s grandmother.
I would cut those people off too and find other ways to your appointments. I don’t know what insurance you have, but I know on Medicaid lots of plans have transportation services. If these people are willing to put your mother’s selfishness over your health and wellbeing, they do not deserve to be in yours or your child’s life. They will end up (unintentionally) helping her kill you.
Your fiancée can't help you get to appointments? His family? Your friends? Uber?
Your mom repeatedly tries to poison you AND helped protect someone who sexually assaulted you. Her and every single sick monster who supported her need to be removed from your life AND your coming child's life. Even if you're willing to put up with them for some mild convenience, are you willing to put your child at risk of suffering the same way you have?
Its better to be disowned.
Being dead from her attempts of killing you with her malicious intent with testing your allergies is just.....your family is going have to choose between your life/death & your family's culpability in this.
Op doesn't really want advice or they wouldn't keep arguing in the comments why they can't go NC. The only valid answer is go NC and find other ways to appointments and that's not what she wants to hear. 🙃
OP, maybe you should track down that account of the poster whose mother didn't believe in allergies, and killed her granddaughter with coconut oil when babysitting. Send it to all the family members pressuring you about your mother. Ask them if they want to be accountable for that if your baby passes due to your mother's actions.
Some people need to be hit in the face with a wrecking ball before they clue in.
Depending on your location and insurance, you may be able to get free rides to appointments through insurance. If you're in America, most states have state-offered insurance for pregnant and planning people that might include it.
But also....just don't eat anything at the shower? If I knew someone was invited who regularly tried to poison me, I just wouldn't eat.
NTA. You've already made arrangements for baked goods from others who you trust, and it's well within your rights to decline your mother's offer, especially given her history of disregarding your allergies. You're not denying her any rights; you're simply taking necessary precautions to protect yourself and your baby.
If others are suggesting you apologize to keep the peace, consider explaining the situation to them in detail. Your safety should not be compromised for the sake of avoiding conflict. It might be helpful to emphasize that you're not trying to exclude your mother from the baby shower but rather ensuring your own safety. If they still don't understand, it's important to prioritize your health and well-being over keeping the peace.
NTA it really makes me mad when people set a boundary and have LC or NC with certain individuals and the rest of the family or friends will make that person feel bad about their decision. You should not have to apologize because it’s not just you that could die if not treated in time but also your baby!!!
NTA- But what if baby has allergies? Are you good with your mom also trying to “test” that with the possible dire consequences? If the important family members who would be mad if you cut her off can’t see you’re literally fearing for your life and possibly your baby’s life, maybe they shouldn’t have an important part in your life.
But what about before baby is born? I don’t know if babies can have allergies while in utero, but I would be terrified to already have a high risk pregnancy, along with the very real threat of being poisoned by your mom. If you go into shock, they might be able to save you in time, but what will the consequences be for your growing little bean? Please go NC with her again, and find other rides!!
NTA. You could have a miscarriage if you have such a severe allergic reaction. You can't trust her to not use Madagascar vanilla because she keeps doing so even after being told the consequences. Has she ever seen you in anaphylaxis? If so I don't understand why she would keep doing it. You need to go LC with her now.
I first ever went into anaphylactic shock when I was 3. She saw it and refused to let me get any epi pens because I “faked it”. I don’t know how turning blue, almost purple, is faking it.
You need to stay away from her. She's not ignorant. She's malicious. If your family can't see this they're stupid. It's not like you are demanding they cut her out of their lives. Just out of yours.
That woman is not ok. That level of disconnect from truth and logic is terrifying. The lack of wanting to protect your own child is beyond disturbing. I’m so sorry you grew up with this person as your mother, that sounds truly so hard. I hope you can go NC with her immediately. And just tell any other family member who defends her that they can just fuck right off too. Those people who can’t see reality are freaking terrifying.
NTA I'm allergic to agave. And every freaking time I tell people I'm allergic to tequila they think I'm joking. It's super not fun for people to "test" My allergy... I'm anaphylaxis for agave.
Your mother is an idiot. Vanilla is the seed pod of a specific variety of orchid. It's entirely possible to be allergic to anything. I had a rough time ordering food when the big trends in food were mushrooms and blue cheese... because I'm allergic to both.
And yet your allergic.i live in vegas and I'm a drunk and a heavy gambler. All my bartenders KNOW I'm allergic so I never run into problems. My friends KNOW. my fiance KNOWS. but when I was in college some bitch thought I was trying to get attention and fed me a "vodka" shot ... almost freaking killed me.
What is it with mums and allergies? My mum refused to buy me antihistamines for a cat allergy (I asked for them because we were about to visit someone with a cat). She got angry and said "you're not allergic to cats", like it was an order, rather than a statement. So, of course, when I get to the house I rub my face all over the cat. Two mins later, I'm sneezing, snot everywhere, eyes swollen shut and having an asthma attack. I sure showed her.
But my allergy wasn't anaphylactic. How ANYONE can try to "test" an anaphylactic reaction is beyond me. If she does this again and you react, I'd get your significant other to tell her you died from it. You don't f*** about with anaphylaxis
I really don’t understand who take this shit lightly. My friend and I found out she was anaphylactic level allergic to avocado. We found this out at work..after I made her some food. She didn’t know she was allergic, either.,just to be clear.
Wee had to call 911 and I was crying but still trying to finish my shift. She had to have the epi pen and go to the ER.
I felt like absolute dog crap. I felt so guilty, even though neither of us had any idea. If she had died..I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I can’t imagine “testing” someone’s allergy like that.
Re-exposure can also make the reaction worse, IIRC. Like “next time” OP’s throat may close up faster, etc.
Throw that whole family away.
The people who are telling you to apologize are people who care more about your mother than they do about whether she manages to kill you one day. They aren’t worth having in your baby’s life.
Madagascar Vanilla? Does that means you are fine with Tahitian Vanilla? Also, how many times your mom has cause you to go into severe allergy attack? Shouldn’t CPS has gotten involved by now?
I just did a bit of googling, looks like they are different (but similar) plants!
madagascar and mexican vanilla apparently come from the same plant ( *V. planifolia*) but Tahitian is diff (*V*×*tahitensis*)
The reason people like Madagascar vanilla is it has a higher concentration of vanillin which is the flavor component. They grow the plant that makes Madagascar vanilla in other places, but just like coffee the location grown in impacts the flavor profile of the product. Tahitian vanilla is a different plant and offers more fragrance component.
NTA Will the shower be in a well-ventilated space so that there is less of a chance of you inhaling allergen particles?
Sounds like you have it all under control and will not eat anything that she might have baked, and you have a plan for getting away and going NC.
“Keep the peace” often means tolerate abuse to make others uncomfortable, which you have figured out. You are not the A if you refuse to submit in abuse to appease people who think it’s okay if you are abused.
Excellent. If she tries to kill you again, have you considered calling the police? If might take that for the family to take it seriously, but you know your situation best. In any case, you should keep copies of any texts about it so you can prove she knew if she tries to kill you again.
NTA. It's your shower and you have every right to ask people to bake or not to bake. If she's determined to bake then tell everyone no baked goods allowed at all and buy a sheet cake from the local grocery store.
You tell everyone you're not going to apologize for trying to keep healthy and safe. The people who are asking you to do that are AH. Feel free to show them this post.
NTA, but your mom is. Your allergies are so severe you end up hospitalized, and she is STILL trying to prove you’re faking it. Why? Why is Madagascar vanilla so important to her that she would risk killing her daughter and going to jail for premeditated murder?
Also, worth noting, intentionally and knowingly exposing someone to their known allergen is, at best, assault in many places. Personally, I think you need to tell her the next time she exposes you to Madagascar vanilla you will call the police and report her for trying to kill you, and you will follow that up by suing for your medical expenses, lost wages, and emotional distress.
NTA.
> I am being forced to have anything to do with my mother or not have some important people in my baby’s life
Cut these people out of your life, too. They don’t respect you as a person if they’re holding relationships with them hostage to force you to have a relationship with someone else. They’re not important in your baby’s life if they can’t respect your baby’s mother.
What’s stopping her from splashing vanilla in the punch? Or wearing it on her wrist and behind her ears to smell “good”? Does she have a huge life insurance policy on you? You can look up any life policies here: https://eapps.naic.org/life-policy-locator/#/welcome
NTA. And if the people who u claim are important actually are then they will be there regardless of if u talk to your mom. If they prioritize her over your life then they aren't important and should not be around
Your mom does something that could kill you and you are supposed to apologize??? I don't think so.
Stand your ground with her. She has NO rights here. I'm so sorry you have a mom like this.
NTA
**Disinvite her from your party. Your mother is, right at this moment, trying to come up with a scheme to test your allergy.**
The mindset of allergy testers is "if they don't know that it's in the food, they won't have an allergic reaction". Your mother believes that her baked goods tests have all failed because you expect her to spike your food. She is right now, right at this moment, trying to think of ways to sneak vanilla into other foods at the party.
1 or 2 days before your party, she's going to come to you and apologize for everything, and beg you to let her go and she will swear she won't bake anything. In her mind, your allergy is driving a rift between you and her, and she wants to get rid of your allergy by finding a new and more sneaky way to test you, possibly with a larger dose of vanilla than usual.
**If this woman arrives at your party, you will leave that party in an ambulance.**
NTA. Your mother has purposely poisoned you with your allergen. Please protect yourself and your baby. Have someone who can "accidentally" misplace whatever food that your mother brings to the shower.
And that’s why my lovely fiancé who has no food allergies is testing any desserts brought in. My mom always uses way too much vanilla extract in her baking and it’s so strong you can smell it most of the time
But if even a small amount could kill you, why even consider risking it? I wouldn’t have her there at all, but if she brings anything, it has to be sealed and you have to break the seal. I wouldn’t risk having that evil b**** anywhere me.
Your mother has no “rights” to do anything you don’t want her to, she’s crazy
Also, if these people don’t care your mother basically tries to kill you, why should they be in your life either? What happens if your child has a severe allergy and she pulls the same thing, and actually kills your child? You need to cut her off. This is dangerous.
NTA, your mother is unstable. She is also stupid. It’s hard to believe she actually knows how to bake. Was she raised in some kind of fundamental backwater? Where did this ignorance come from? Or does she just want to kill you, and do you really want your child exposed to this nonsense….geez.
Honestly if any of the people baking are the ones insisting that you have a relationship with her, I wouldn't trust them to cook either. If they think she's not deranged she might convince them to let her "help"
Flat out tell anyone that tells you that your mom gets to be in your life she has tried to kill you mutiple times. Idc who they are, no one is worth the risk to you and your baby.
Yta to yourself.
These “important people” who are forcing you to have contact with a woman who regularly tries to harm you? Ask yourself WHY they side with her? Because she’ll try to kill them, too?
You’re not as important to them as they are to you. Why do you want them in your child’s life?
If she keeps insisting that she’ll bake, ask her - point blank, preferably in front of these ‘important’ people - why she’s so willing to hurt your baby by hurting you?
Put your child before these ‘important’ people.
NTA
Lol what?
This goes a little bit beyond "Am I the asshole cause I don't want my mother to bake stuff".
I will translate
"Am I the asshole for not wanting my mother to potentially harm me / kill me".
I would not let that woman anywhere me or my child. Also tell her to get some help. It is NOT normal to "test" peoples allergies. Jfc how unhinged are some people.
Your mom has a screw loose. You need to go NC with her. And, about those family members who would disown you - I’d take that chance. Do you want to raise a child around that type of toxic behavior?
So your mother regularly tries to kill you to prove a point?? Why do you have any contact with her at all? She sounds sick and definitely not like she cares, who plays roulette with their child's health? Once you start raising your own child you will realize how sick your mother is.
Sounds like my mother when she refused to acknowledge my anaphylaxis to ALL seafood and fish
NTA - anaphylaxis in pregnancy can cause severe issues with both baby and mother. This is your health and body and baby you gotta worry about. Would your mother be happy to know she killed her daughter AND grandchild?
Not to fear monger, but it is a legitimate concern
NTA. this might sound a bit extreme, but maybe don't hang out with people that repeatedly tried to murder you. Also, maybe even more extreme, the people who agree with her may not have your best interests at heart.
I know it's stereotypical reddit advice to cut all contact with a bunch of people, but they literally tried to kill you.
I'm allergic to weed. Everytime someone has snuck it in I've gone into anaphylaxis and they have to deal with me vomiting and shitting on their floors and then nearly dying until a medic comes and jams me in the leg with an epi pen. People who don't take allergies seriously are shitlords. I'd never give someone with a peanut allergy a peanut but they think it's somehow funny or like it doesn't exist.
Wtf... YTA, simply because it doesn't matter who else goes with your mother when you cut her out of your life because they don't matter either, your baby does, your baby that is going to be at CONSTANT risk of death from your deranged lunatic of a mother, and potentially the people who are defending her.
Do the right thing and cut this woman out PERMANENTLY, along with anyone else who wants to be cut off with her, you need to grow and realize that there is a whole new life completely depending on you to protect it, and you will have failed if you keep this serial poisoner around you and your baby. How long until you lose the baby due to another of her tests?? What about when it turns out your baby has the same or similar deathly allergies??!!
NTA. Your mother can KILL you. And your unborn child. Due to her stupidity. You are NEVER the AH for making sure you, and your child(ren) are safe and healthy. Ever. Just be careful these people who feel you should apologize don’t bring any desserts “they baked” to the shower.
Never mind the baked goods, OP shouldn’t have the mom at the shower either. She might try more ‘imaginative’ ways to test OP’s allergy: Madagascar vanilla perfume, lip gloss, hand lotion, body spray, then cover OP in hugs and kisses
If I were OP I would be livid that other relatives are requiring her to have her mother there despite the risk to the baby. Honestly I would be going no contact with all of them. I’m a man but if my partner’s mom tried pulling this shit I would probably end up in jail— allergies are not something to fuck with especially when they are severe.
Actually, OP should press charges for the last attempt on her life.
In 2016, restaurant owner Mohammed Zaman was jailed for six years for manslaughter after the death of a customer with a peanut allergy in what was thought to be the first case of its kind ~ 8 Nov 2018 There are also a few cases where "civilian" attempts (these mean any attempt in a personal gathering, like personal parties and such) have had manslaughter charges, but I could not find a case of deliberate use with intent of poisoning causing death making it murder. And I was looking pretty deeply as we have had a ton of Reddit posts where the poster does claim to report to police and state that court cases have occurred and convictions recorded. I found just over 800 Reddit posts where plausible murder by allergy was posted, and there is lots on detailed evidence that should come up in a Google search, unless my Google-fu is playing up.
To be fair, I imagine that it's hard to prove intent and likely under reported. Let's say OP dies. Mom claims it was an accident, if they're even able to identify the allergen source. Everyone else conveniently forgets to mention her history of trying to off OP like this- they've been tolerating the murder attempts and brow beating OP into accepting it, so if they lose OP they'll likely justify not wanting to lose her mother too.
I am deathly allergic to a wide range of fresh tomatoes. My skin turns to boils and blisters just touching them. Everyone one in my family knows this. My husband has banned tomatoes in our house... but my mum comes to visit, and knows I am allergic, has seen my skin react and then receive treatment as though I am a burn victim, once a tomato seed dropped on my leg, and it took EIGHT MONTHS to heal.... so she knows... but she will buy tomatoes and put them in my small bar fridge that has massive letters on it saying it is my allergy free fridge.... she has bought five brand new fridges. But still she does it and claims to have forgotten. OP is like me with the trail of evidence stated in her post... it isn't accidental at all. And yes I am VLC with my mother.
Are you saying that your mother buys you a new fridge each time she “forgets”. I’d place a lock on the fridge before she visits again. I’d also make sure she didn’t have keys to your house, and meet her at the doorway each time she visits. You can then interrogate her and inspect anything just like an Australian customs officer.
First time, I didn't husbanddid a thorough clean and then ran it open so nothing in the compressor or vents, then I spent 3 weeks in hospital, and we bought a new one. So the nect time she did it, I told her I needed a new bar fridge, and I made certain she bought it, then turned the one she contaminants into her fridge... with large letters on it too as a guest fridge. My brothers all think I am a bitch, but I think $180AUD is better than weeks in hospital or needing my skin to be dealing with boils and blisters. The other fridges we sold off and get the money back to her, but she kept doing it.
Don’t let her in the house. If for any reason you need or want to let her in, make sure she’s escorted into the bathroom and has a shower and a clothes change immediately.
Why on earth do your brothers think you’re an arsehole? They sound like enmeshed idiots.
Dude fuck your brothers too. I bet they'd be just as pissed if they cleaned a fridge that throughly and STILL spent 3 WEEKS IN THE HOSPITAL because their mom can't bother to show she cares enough to READ A SINGLE WORD before she starts leaving stuff she is VERY AWARE will cause said hospital trip.
1. You should seriously consider banning her from your home, and possibly your life. 2. If you can't bear #1 and want to continue with the fridge replacement routine, then make the whole process her problem. She is responsible for removing the old fridge (immediately, the moment any contamination is discovered) and disposing of it as she sees fit. She buys the new fridge and pays to have it delivered and installed. She is not allowed back in the house until both conditions are met. Make it an expensive, time-consuming pain in the ass, and maybe she won't "forget" again.
First off: I am so sorry you've had to put up with that for so long, it's hard to tell in those situations if it's malicious intent or just general lack of any regard for you but doesn't matter, either way after that many times she should damn well know better and it's not an accident. Second: I was just about to confirm that this post (God willing she leaves it up) is the exact kind of evidence that I would hope investigators would see clearly means this isn't an accident. I just hope OP doesn't let the mom come at all because it's not worth the risk to her or her baby's life.
I am low-key expecting the mum turning up with baked goods and the other baked goods are some how destroyed
I’m betting someone else says they made the cupcakes but she really did or something
It's time to stop any visits to your house. Every visit can be in a public place where you're not supposed to eat. Like the library.
We haven't had her stay with us after the last time, about 8 years ago now. And that was because she brought one of my brothers to my place, and he tried to "hack" my work laptop to "play games" when my gaming PC was there to use. She sided with him, after he attempted to use a work around by doing a partition format via dos, but because I was smarter than him... no one could modify my work laptop without a special USB key. He (36 years old at the time) went into a tantrum after that, and tried to damage my gaming pc too... Again... I still haven't learned how to control my urges to shove their heads up some demonic beast's anus...
Sounds like your mom and sibs are a bunch of huge AHs who want to screw with you and want to play Russian Roulette with your property and worse, your life. Seems like they only bring negativity into your life. Why associate with them?
>Again... I still haven't learned how to control my urges to shove their heads up some demonic beast's anus... So... each other's anus. Because demonic beasts is exactly what they are. It's impressive you allow them near you at all.
There was a post where a woman had mixed race children. One was severely allergic to coconut products, so she never used them. Her mother, thinking she knew better, used coconut oil on the child's hair to set overnight....
I think the family asked Reddit to not share the story anymore bc they can’t go on the internet without a reminder of their worst tragedy
Can confirm, OOP asked for it to not be reposted anywhere and admitted she regrets posting it
I only found news and court stories about poisonous mushrooms, that Cafe owner with the peanuts, a guy who threw a dairy based smoothie at his secretary who had an reaction to something in it, and two about seafood. The only persons jailed was the Cafe owner, and the poisonous mushrooms lady.
Do you remember the horrible post on here where the lady had twins but one was hospitalised very young to be diagnosed with life threatening allergies. That her gran watched her be extremely ill and hospitalised but had decided it was all crap but hid it. When she was baby sitting she decided she had to prove her grandbaby wasn’t allergic. She put coconut oil all through the child’s hair. The toddler apparently started reacting right away but because the gran didn’t want to be in trouble. She dosed the toddler with strong antihistamines and left her and went to bed leaving her unsupervised in her cot all night. The medicine made sure the child was too sleepy and drugged to cry and make their grand father or others aware. She was found dead in her cot the next morning in the cot next to her twins cot. That lady was not only prosecuted but her husband and every friend and family member cut her off completely. She only admitted it when the babies parents had turned up at hospital and were broken. Apparently her need to prove she was right was worth risking her grandchild in her mind. She tried to argue “she didn’t mean this to happen and how would she know it would happen”. She was divorced by her husband the grand dad and ended up totally on her own living far away from everyone. Many years later still every year she would call to beg her daughter to forgive her. Every year her daughter would tell her “only when you bring my baby back to me” and would hang up. You don’t ever play with someone’s life. I’ve got an invisible disability and I’m sure plenty of people judge and doubt as I look young and healthy. Yet even someone’s worst enemy would never think or trying to prove I was wrong by endangering me and my condition. It doesn’t matter that it would endanger me and harm me but not risk my life. So why does narcissistic abusive parents seem to think this is acceptable. Op needs to report her deliberately endangering your life and trying to kill you to the police, next time she does this and every time. As that’s basically what could happen shes dies. Then depending on what country you live in, I would then sue her for every medical cost accrued going back to every time she has done this to you including ambulance call out fees the lot. Honestly why does she have her in her life at all. If anyone tried to argue I’d ask them ***“if she is more important to them than your life is. As every time she’s near you it is your life she deliberately endangers. Unless they know how terrifying and traumatic it is being unable to breath and thinking your going to die and will this be the time you do, to remember she caused that exact thing many a time***. ***That unless it is THEIR lives they are risking then they don’t get a say on you having any contact with your mum. Not to mention the medical cost you have to suffer just as your mums unhinged. Make sure to tell them how many times she’s hospitalised you and ask them seriously if they think that’s excusable or acceptable in any way. Ask why they think it’s acceptable you also risk your baby. That any reaction you have endangers baby and if you can’t breathe then neither can the child you are carrying. Ask them truly if they are willing to risk your child having brain damage or dying. Ask honestly what they are thinking here as you can’t see any excuse that them enabling your mum to endanger and harm you and your baby justifiable in any way*** ”. I learned long ago you have to be blunt and harsh in showing the truth about abusive parents. Otherwise every one thinks they know best and you should always love and enable your mum. Heck no I make sure to say loudly “they would Never tell a domestic abuse survivor to go back and risk their lives. Yet that’s exactly what they are telling me. They might have loving parents but mine actively took joy harming a vulnerable child and still would today”. After people telling me the same thing multiple times and not giving up I learned being blunt and loud (they always stopped me in public to do this). So it embarrassed them as everyone around looked and judged them and they could see it. Also as I was so blunt there Was no way they couldn’t realise they were telling me to let someone harm me and that they don’t know what goes on behind closed doors or who someone may really be. I’ve had to do this many times now as I live in a small town. So every year someone new comes out to say they heard you cut out your family etc. Since i started being loud and blunt not once has the same person came back to do it again. They now keep their head down and avoid me or at the most nod as I go past them. Sometimes you have to say to hell with what other family and friends think as it isn’t them being endangered.
I was gonna say the same, sue her. She is on purpose trying to "poison" OP.
And that makes you a fantastic man. I think mom needs psychiatric help. I have many friends with kids or grandkids who have food allergies. They bend over backwards to ensure their little ones or grown kids are safe.
Despite the risk to OP*. Like I don’t mean this callously, but forget the baby. The fact that OP’s mom is willing to play games regarding her life is bad enough.
I agree with you completely, I think the other commenter just said the baby because people are usually way more proactive when it comes to protecting their loved ones (especially their children) than themselves. Like, OP's mom has been poisoning her repeatedly her whole life and she still hasn't cut her off, so she is clearly not going to stand up for her own sake, but maybe the threat to her child's life is the push she needs to protect herself as well.
My daughter changed EVERYTHING. I may have dealt with that environment, she would not. Still LC with family, but I stick around because they'll manipulate her into taking care of their fully abled bodied adult selves. She's 21; they can have her youth and free labor **over my dead body**, only way it's happening. She knows and resists the crap-she shouldn't have to, but mine are her last set of grandparents and they work that angle mercilessly. **OP, you have a decision to make: LET HER TORTURE YOU *AND* YOUR CHILD-or start saying NO and Shine Up that backbone. NOBODY can Make this decision BUT YOU.**
The reason it is relevant is that an embryo or fetus is even more vulnerable than the human that it is in. The person may well be able to survive the attack, but lose the pregnancy. So there is an additional level of vulnerability. The person could die, but also, even if the person survives, there is a higher chance the pregnancy aborts itself.
With the sick twist of it happening at the baby shower
The point is OP’s life being in danger should be enough for people to go WTF that’s wrong. Having her be pregnancy just adds to how much fuckery this is
Oh, you are definitely right about that. I do not disagree in the least. My only point is that pregnancy lowers the threshold of exposure that causes a tragedy. Causing an otherwise healthy adult to have anaphylaxis which causes them to have to go to the hospital, but they nonetheless recover without long-term health effects - that is an outrage and completely beyond the bounds of human decency. But causing a spontaneous abortion of a wanted pregnancy is a genuine tragedy, and the same level of exposure will do both. "It was only a *little* vanilla" is hardly an impressive defense, but the "only a *little* vanilla" is likely to cause a more horrific result for a pregnant person than a non-pregnant person.
You’re not being callous at all, I understand your point completely and agree.
NTA. And whether or not you talk to your mother, the individuals you say are essential will still be there op.
I honestly can't understand why OP even wants these people in her life. Like, anyone who sides with the person who intentionally and repeatedly poisons me is not someone I'd want near me, much less my hypothetical children.
Yeah if the mom absolutely needs to be there she can fo so through video call. That’s how much priviledges she would have left.
This is a good point. I actually had a Jasmine and Madagascan vanilla perfume. I've stopped wearing it because it triggered an asthma attack in my youngest cousin. He's got bad asthma and is extremely allergic to nuts too. I actually bake cookies at Christmas, and always do a basic chocolate chip, because he can't have my chocolate chip and peanut butter cookies. When you love someone, you don't purposely try to give them an allergic reaction.
My sister threw a party before her wedding for the people that couldn't travel to Hawaii for the ceremony. I baked a carrot cake which traditionally has walnuts. I found out a family member is allergic to them, I've known this woman for years! Never knew. Lucky for her, I hate walnuts. I don't use them in anything, F**k walnuts, they are waxy and disgusting. My grandma made carrot cake for like every event or holiday and when she died, I took over the carroty tradition minus the walnuts. I make it for my mom's birthday often(its her favorite). Anyway, this was the first time she's ever been able to eat carrot cake which has been a family favorite for longer than I have been alive(I am 32).
Right. OP is being "forced" to have a relationship with her mother? Hell no. She loses other important people from her baby's life if she does? I'd say good riddance to mom and ANYONE who supports mom and her "tests" as these are people who would also test baby. Nope, they either be on MY side and support me and me health and my decisions on my health and health of baby or they just don't belong in my life. OP you really need to decide what's more important. You and your baby's health or having toxic people in your life. NTA
Seriously! Strip this down - OP’s mom has **purposely** tired to kill her multiple times. Her mom can think she knows better all she wants, but at the end of the day, she *IS TRYING TO KILL HER* to “prove a (delusional) point”. If I thought someone could survive being hit by a train, and they didn’t, but I just *knew* deep in my soul they would survive, so I pushed them in front of a moving train to prove to them I was right, and then they died as a result, would that mean I wasn’t at fault and deserved forgiveness? Was I NOT attempting to kill them? Am I absolved of any and all responsibility because *I TRULY THOUGHT* they were lying and would survive? No. Absolutely fucking NOT. That’s not how this works. The flying monkeys backing the mom are nothing but horrifying enablers and are just as bad as her mom is for forcing OP to expose herself to her abuser - and to the person who has been actively trying to take their life for the last however many years. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!?!
This! You are participating in this potential risk to your life and your baby’s life by letting other people threaten you. F#%k them. Do you really need a baby shower that badly? Refuse to attend.
If there are people who would cut her out for going NC with her mother, I’d question whether those people are worth having in her life anyway. If it’s younger siblings, I’m sure they know mother is crazy and will reconnect once they’re 18
For those supporting her mom, she should just say: "Mom has tried to kill me for years. She has sent me to the hospital X times. I will no longer be consuming anything she cooks, and I will not apologize for that. If you want to support a woman who continues to attempt to murder her daughter and future grandchild, I can't continue to enjoy a relationship with you."
Or even worse, tainting the food/drink with it. She's proven time and time again to be sadistic in her constant attempted murder, and even if it causes a miscarriage the family seems to thing the crazy mom is more important.
That might be exactly what her mother is trying to do.
Just adding a lot of allergies are inherited so wouldn't put it past this nutbag to test if the baby has allergies the same way
I dislike people who always think they know better.
It isn’t “testing an allergy”. It is attempted murder…
Seriously, her mom keeps trying to Kill her. That's enough to not have contact. Really. Death is enough. Nta
Yeah, my immediate thought is hang on, why is she still in her life?? Fuck that. Also she should never be allowed near your child without line-of-sight supervision at all times.
I was thinking she might drop some vanilla on unsupervised baked goods, myself.
A person who is pregnant may find their reactions to allergies like this, are more sensitive when pregnant. OPs reaction may be even more severe than it has in the past when they have had a reaction due to her pregnancy. Next time Mommy tries to "test" her allergies, OP should file assault charges against her. You don't play with peoples lives like that.
I would not be surprised if the last attempt was recent enough that OP could press charges now.
Don't know I'd be willing to gamble on a next time.
On what planet would a sane person want to "test" the severe allergies of her pregnant daughter? This is insane 😳!
I still vividly remember reading about that poor woman who's daughter died because Grandma didn't "Believe she was allergic to coconut" and used coconut oil on the Innocent child's hair when watching her. So tragic. If I were op any of the people "advocating" for Mom to come would be uninvited too. Regardless of how 'important' these people are, the baby is top priority, and by extension so is the mother(OP). NTA is an understatement.
I find that one of the most haunting posts on reddit.
Exactly what I was thinking about. Genuinely do not understand what's wrong with people. Okay fine you don't believe it, but why would you risk it?
So the mother casually tries to commit premeditated murder on her own daughter.. Wtf kind of insane shit is going on here? This would make me react violently regardless of whether it was a parent.
Best that OP have her mother arrested when she shows up with her vanilla-laden baked goods for trying to kill OP with her allergy. Also best that OP goes no contact towards her mother entirely. Something is absolutely wrong with her mother's brain.
Not stupidity, malice.
Exactly. Mother knows and is doing it intentionally. She's not stupid. She's just freaking malicious.
No, her "tests" will result in the ultimate failure: The lives of her daughter and grandchild
Reminds me of the coconut oil grandma. Genuinely one of, if not, the saddest story on Reddit. OP needs to be cutting Mom off yesterday.
Kinda think he mother is Trying to kill her. Honestly, she might want to think about not talking/interacting with mom or anyone sympathetic to mom.
Good gravy OP: this woman needs NO CONTACT.
This. If she is willing to kill you and your unborn child to make a point, she doesn’t deserve to be at the event OR see you child. If she’s around, how can you be 100% she won’t ‘test’ an allergy your child has. This is dangerous and sociopathic behaviour. NTA - seriously reconsider ever seeing her again
stupidity!? this is not an accident her mother is actually trying to murder her and her unborn child
But its not stupidity its narcissism or cluster B anything
OPs mom is missing a few screws
Info- she regularly tries to kill you? Why is she still in your life, much less invited to your baby shower?
Also INFO: she regularly tries to kill you and the rest of your family is telling you that YOU should say sorry??
Mother is still in life bc if she cuts off mom she loses other family members it seems. Feels like those family members don’t really care about OP
So those family members also don’t care whether OP lives or dies. Got it.
You're right, they don't. I hate when i see too much of my own family in someone elses and they think they *have* to stay..
NTA. You have every right to ask people to bake or not bake since it's your shower. Should she be adamant about baking, inform everyone that no baked products are permitted at all and get a sheet cake from the nearby supermarket.
Umm. If I had a vanilla allergy like that, no way I’m getting baked goods from the supermarket, especially when pregnant.
Who are the a**holes who are trying to force you to have someone who literally attempted to harm or possibly even kill you in your life? I would cut out the entire bunch of them!
My grandfather (her dad) and his family. She was the coddled golden child for everyone and they all bow down to her and make everyone bend to her wants.
Cut your losses. If they want a relationship with your kid they'll have to cut her butt out too. Guess great grand dad ain't gonna see your kid anytime soon. Sucks for him🤷♀️
If your baby has allergies, she's gonna "test" them. AKA attempted murder of a child. Do you really want this person ANYWHERE around a defenseless child? Especially knowing she has repeatedly done the same to you? You don't owe your mother anything, you really need to go no contact and use this cold shoulder she's giving you to start it. Anyone who takes her side isn't deserving of your time, or of your baby's. Break the cycle, I believe in you, if you aren't in therapy I would suggest it ASAP to start dealing with this kind of trauma. My friend, you should not have normalized your mother poisoning you. That's not okay, that's attempted murder to prove a point. I'm so sorry that this is your normal, but I promise you it doesn't have to be. Please seek help, you deserve it.
My mother WILL NOT BE AROUND MY CHILD! Once I can I am going NC again and she won’t ever be around my child.
Good There are a few horrific posts on Reddit about grandmothers sending their grandchildren to the hospital because they decided to “test” their allergies. One little girl died as a result.
That’s on you, why would you want these idiots in your life?? You’re the one allowing it what response are you expecting exactly? If you continue to allow them to manipulate and control you then you have no one to blame but yourself, maybe it’s time for some soul searching you have a child to protect now!
OP has the barstool psychology diagnosis about her family but asks for reddit's opinion about NC. This is a f up post
GET RID OF THEM!!!!! POP POP CAN GO TO HELL
You realize if your kid has a life threatening allergy that your mother will do the same thing to them right? And that her family will support that? Why would you allow anyone who thinks that's okay around your kid? That's how you get a kid killed, hell, there's been reddit posts where a grandparent "testing" her grand kid's allergy *did* kill the kid. Don't let your kid's life be one of those posts.
So if your mother baked a cake and gave it to them, they would likely pretend they baked it as a favour to her? I'd recommend you not eat a single thing anyone brought to that party then.
What’s more important to you, the safety of your child and yourself, or having a relationship with someone who has repeatedly tried to kill you, and the people who side with her? If this was her waving a knife in your face saying “I don’t believe you when you say that being stabbed may kill you. Doctors use knives all the time and people go to them to get healthy! Let me stab you to prove it to you” then you’d know what to do, no hesitation. But somehow, when it’s about an allergen that can cause a reaction when you’re in the same room as it and need to go to the hospital ASAP if you consume any, and your mother is intentionally trying to get you to eat it, you’re hesitating?
Bruh. Why is this person even in your life? This isn't an *oops, mom likes to stick her nose in my business, she's nosy, lol*, or any typical annoying mom behavior you can laugh about. She's actively set on poisoning you. Normally I side-eye the way a lot of people on reddit seem quick to jump to conclusions, but this is a dangerous, *ongoing* issue you have with this person. I won't even call her your mother, because imo, parents would never put their kids' lives at risk for... I mean, for *what*?? Like I can't even fathom what her reason would be for even attempting this, let alone continuing to! NTA, but you should honestly consider going NC with this person before they actually kill you. You are definitely NTA, but your mom is a big one. A big, crazy ahole.
This. If my mother repeatedly tried to prove my life threatening allergy was a fake I would cut off all contact as self defense. I wouldn’t have any trust that they wouldn’t try to tamper with food.
YES. At this point, cutting her out completely is the only course of action because the trust is just gone. This psycho is fighting to be in charge of baking, also. If she really didn't have ulterior motives, I feel like she would have just been happy to be a part of the occasion in *any* capacity, but she's dead set on baking (to poison OP). It's honestly baffling.
Kind of a crazy theory but maybe she wanted to specifically do it on her baby shower to have a gotcha moment. Like look see this had vanilla in it and you're fine therefore I am the best mom ever.
Given what OP has said about her I can't imagine there's any other reason for her insistence. Like imagine being so set on being 'right' that you'd not only risk your own daughter, but the life of your unborn grandchild? Truly unhinged behavior.
Also anyone who sided with the poisoner/abuser would also be cut off in my books. They obviously don’t have OPs best interest at heart.
Seriously this is actually restraining order territory. Literal life or death
Hasn’t talked to OP in 4 days? Problem fucking solved. What an AH
I imagine she starting 'testing' OP when the allergy was revealed. If they've known of OP's allergy since she was a kid, growing up with *her* as a mother must have been hell.
You'd think that the allergy being revealed in the first place would be enough proof, right? Absolutely bonkers. I feel so much for OP for having this kind of person in her life. I can't even imagine what her childhood must have been like.
Yes, I came to suggest that she consider going no contact with the woman who is trying to kill her and her unborn child. I really can’t even begin to fathom what it’s going through through the mother’s mind trying to prove that her allergies aren’t real and or dangerous.
Some people are unable to process that their children aren't just extensions of themselves. Like sims you create IRL. If they don't have something, you don't either, so they must be lying. You're a character with a bug in your behavior to them. These types of people usually like to compete with their kids (for example, women who sleep with their daughter's SOs to "prove" they're more attractive), so she's now "competing" with her daughter to be the one who's right about a deadly allergy.
I'd get a fkn restraining order against every one siding with this bitch of a mother. I could never be 100% sure they all won't do any shit to me. Wtf is this even a question.
NTA, but your Mom and everyone in your family threatening to not be a part of your life if you don’t have a relationship with her are big time, beyond words AH. How can they justify this when she so non-chalantly wants to play Russian roulette with your life?! WITAF?! OP, I assure you that if you set some boundaries and quit being a doormat to your family they’ll come around eventually. That’s IF they actually care about you at all. What if your baby has an allergy? Would you put it in danger regularly to keep the peace? I’m guessing the answer is no, you deserve the same courtesy.
I didn’t want her in my life anymore anyways but she found out I was pregnant by hearing it from my ex best friend and she threw a fit when I told her that I wasn’t budging on my NC. She got everyone else involved and they told me that if I wanted their help (especially with getting to and from appts because I currently cannot drive due to my car being broke down and my baby being high risk) I had to let her be involved and acknowledged as the baby’s grandmother.
I would cut those people off too and find other ways to your appointments. I don’t know what insurance you have, but I know on Medicaid lots of plans have transportation services. If these people are willing to put your mother’s selfishness over your health and wellbeing, they do not deserve to be in yours or your child’s life. They will end up (unintentionally) helping her kill you.
I couldn't have said it any better. Lord, what horrible people.
Your fiancée can't help you get to appointments? His family? Your friends? Uber? Your mom repeatedly tries to poison you AND helped protect someone who sexually assaulted you. Her and every single sick monster who supported her need to be removed from your life AND your coming child's life. Even if you're willing to put up with them for some mild convenience, are you willing to put your child at risk of suffering the same way you have?
Where did she say the moon protected someone who SA'd her? Clearly I missed something HUGE.
Don’t let these people control you.
Damn, your entire family must hate you if they are ok with this.
Its better to be disowned. Being dead from her attempts of killing you with her malicious intent with testing your allergies is just.....your family is going have to choose between your life/death & your family's culpability in this.
Shouldn’t your fiance be doing this stuff instead of your other relatives????
Op doesn't really want advice or they wouldn't keep arguing in the comments why they can't go NC. The only valid answer is go NC and find other ways to appointments and that's not what she wants to hear. 🙃
OP, maybe you should track down that account of the poster whose mother didn't believe in allergies, and killed her granddaughter with coconut oil when babysitting. Send it to all the family members pressuring you about your mother. Ask them if they want to be accountable for that if your baby passes due to your mother's actions. Some people need to be hit in the face with a wrecking ball before they clue in.
I would tell them all to go to hell, and use Uber.
Start a Go Fund Me for Uber rides to the doctor. I will gladly donate if it will keep your sick mother and her awful relatives out of your life.
Do they know about her history with CPS and trying to kill you? Or do they just think you're being unreasonably mean to her?
Where’s the baby’s father in all this?
Depending on your location and insurance, you may be able to get free rides to appointments through insurance. If you're in America, most states have state-offered insurance for pregnant and planning people that might include it. But also....just don't eat anything at the shower? If I knew someone was invited who regularly tried to poison me, I just wouldn't eat.
NTA. You've already made arrangements for baked goods from others who you trust, and it's well within your rights to decline your mother's offer, especially given her history of disregarding your allergies. You're not denying her any rights; you're simply taking necessary precautions to protect yourself and your baby. If others are suggesting you apologize to keep the peace, consider explaining the situation to them in detail. Your safety should not be compromised for the sake of avoiding conflict. It might be helpful to emphasize that you're not trying to exclude your mother from the baby shower but rather ensuring your own safety. If they still don't understand, it's important to prioritize your health and well-being over keeping the peace.
NTA it really makes me mad when people set a boundary and have LC or NC with certain individuals and the rest of the family or friends will make that person feel bad about their decision. You should not have to apologize because it’s not just you that could die if not treated in time but also your baby!!!
NTA- But what if baby has allergies? Are you good with your mom also trying to “test” that with the possible dire consequences? If the important family members who would be mad if you cut her off can’t see you’re literally fearing for your life and possibly your baby’s life, maybe they shouldn’t have an important part in your life.
As I said in another comment once I get the immediate housing after I have the baby, I’m going back to NC
An allergic response would make your baby more likely to miscarry, even if you do get help immediately. Do. Not. Risk. It.
But what about before baby is born? I don’t know if babies can have allergies while in utero, but I would be terrified to already have a high risk pregnancy, along with the very real threat of being poisoned by your mom. If you go into shock, they might be able to save you in time, but what will the consequences be for your growing little bean? Please go NC with her again, and find other rides!!
NTA. You could have a miscarriage if you have such a severe allergic reaction. You can't trust her to not use Madagascar vanilla because she keeps doing so even after being told the consequences. Has she ever seen you in anaphylaxis? If so I don't understand why she would keep doing it. You need to go LC with her now.
I first ever went into anaphylactic shock when I was 3. She saw it and refused to let me get any epi pens because I “faked it”. I don’t know how turning blue, almost purple, is faking it.
You need to stay away from her. She's not ignorant. She's malicious. If your family can't see this they're stupid. It's not like you are demanding they cut her out of their lives. Just out of yours.
She should be behind bars for attempted murder.
That woman is not ok. That level of disconnect from truth and logic is terrifying. The lack of wanting to protect your own child is beyond disturbing. I’m so sorry you grew up with this person as your mother, that sounds truly so hard. I hope you can go NC with her immediately. And just tell any other family member who defends her that they can just fuck right off too. Those people who can’t see reality are freaking terrifying.
NTA I'm allergic to agave. And every freaking time I tell people I'm allergic to tequila they think I'm joking. It's super not fun for people to "test" My allergy... I'm anaphylaxis for agave.
My mom claims that “nobody can be allergic to vanilla” because she has no allergies so therefor I can’t.
Your mother is an idiot. Vanilla is the seed pod of a specific variety of orchid. It's entirely possible to be allergic to anything. I had a rough time ordering food when the big trends in food were mushrooms and blue cheese... because I'm allergic to both.
This is new information to me. I did not know vanilla came from orchids.
And yet your allergic.i live in vegas and I'm a drunk and a heavy gambler. All my bartenders KNOW I'm allergic so I never run into problems. My friends KNOW. my fiance KNOWS. but when I was in college some bitch thought I was trying to get attention and fed me a "vodka" shot ... almost freaking killed me.
I hope you pressed charges on her.
What does she think is happening when you go to the hospital? Do you have a plan for if she shows up with something anyway?
What is it with mums and allergies? My mum refused to buy me antihistamines for a cat allergy (I asked for them because we were about to visit someone with a cat). She got angry and said "you're not allergic to cats", like it was an order, rather than a statement. So, of course, when I get to the house I rub my face all over the cat. Two mins later, I'm sneezing, snot everywhere, eyes swollen shut and having an asthma attack. I sure showed her. But my allergy wasn't anaphylactic. How ANYONE can try to "test" an anaphylactic reaction is beyond me. If she does this again and you react, I'd get your significant other to tell her you died from it. You don't f*** about with anaphylaxis
I really don’t understand who take this shit lightly. My friend and I found out she was anaphylactic level allergic to avocado. We found this out at work..after I made her some food. She didn’t know she was allergic, either.,just to be clear. Wee had to call 911 and I was crying but still trying to finish my shift. She had to have the epi pen and go to the ER. I felt like absolute dog crap. I felt so guilty, even though neither of us had any idea. If she had died..I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I can’t imagine “testing” someone’s allergy like that. Re-exposure can also make the reaction worse, IIRC. Like “next time” OP’s throat may close up faster, etc. Throw that whole family away.
The people who are telling you to apologize are people who care more about your mother than they do about whether she manages to kill you one day. They aren’t worth having in your baby’s life.
Madagascar Vanilla? Does that means you are fine with Tahitian Vanilla? Also, how many times your mom has cause you to go into severe allergy attack? Shouldn’t CPS has gotten involved by now?
CPS took my brother and I when I was 16 after she let me get SAed and lied that it never happened to protect whoever did it.
I am so sorry! Please don’t let her come to the event at all. And keep your family away from her
Her family are really fucked up.
I just did a bit of googling, looks like they are different (but similar) plants! madagascar and mexican vanilla apparently come from the same plant ( *V. planifolia*) but Tahitian is diff (*V*×*tahitensis*)
The reason people like Madagascar vanilla is it has a higher concentration of vanillin which is the flavor component. They grow the plant that makes Madagascar vanilla in other places, but just like coffee the location grown in impacts the flavor profile of the product. Tahitian vanilla is a different plant and offers more fragrance component.
Kind of weird right?
So your mother is actively trying too murder you? Why would you have a person like this in your life?
This is terrible. Especially since artificial vanilla can be delicious as well. It’s such an easy swap
That’s what everyone else who is baking stuff is using. I don’t know why she wants to start this shit again
She wants to kill you. Sorry, but she does.
NTA Will the shower be in a well-ventilated space so that there is less of a chance of you inhaling allergen particles? Sounds like you have it all under control and will not eat anything that she might have baked, and you have a plan for getting away and going NC. “Keep the peace” often means tolerate abuse to make others uncomfortable, which you have figured out. You are not the A if you refuse to submit in abuse to appease people who think it’s okay if you are abused.
Yes the baby’s shower is gonna be outside
Excellent. If she tries to kill you again, have you considered calling the police? If might take that for the family to take it seriously, but you know your situation best. In any case, you should keep copies of any texts about it so you can prove she knew if she tries to kill you again.
If she attempts it she is going straight to jail
NTA. It's your shower and you have every right to ask people to bake or not to bake. If she's determined to bake then tell everyone no baked goods allowed at all and buy a sheet cake from the local grocery store. You tell everyone you're not going to apologize for trying to keep healthy and safe. The people who are asking you to do that are AH. Feel free to show them this post.
A sheet cake from a grocery store would have vanilla in it, though.
NTA, but your mom is. Your allergies are so severe you end up hospitalized, and she is STILL trying to prove you’re faking it. Why? Why is Madagascar vanilla so important to her that she would risk killing her daughter and going to jail for premeditated murder? Also, worth noting, intentionally and knowingly exposing someone to their known allergen is, at best, assault in many places. Personally, I think you need to tell her the next time she exposes you to Madagascar vanilla you will call the police and report her for trying to kill you, and you will follow that up by suing for your medical expenses, lost wages, and emotional distress.
NTA. > I am being forced to have anything to do with my mother or not have some important people in my baby’s life Cut these people out of your life, too. They don’t respect you as a person if they’re holding relationships with them hostage to force you to have a relationship with someone else. They’re not important in your baby’s life if they can’t respect your baby’s mother.
I read your posts and comments and I’m still not fully understanding why you can’t: won’t cut off your dad’s family? Are you living with them?
I live with my Dad at this moment, it my moms dad (my grandad) who enables her along with his sisters.
Then your dad needs to help you get to and from your appointments.
Now I’m even more confused
Why can’t your dad help? Where is the babies dad?
What’s stopping her from splashing vanilla in the punch? Or wearing it on her wrist and behind her ears to smell “good”? Does she have a huge life insurance policy on you? You can look up any life policies here: https://eapps.naic.org/life-policy-locator/#/welcome
WTF DID I JUST READ YOUR MOTHER IS TRYING TO POISON YOU , FUCK THE BABY SHOWER NEVER EAT NOTHING SHE MAKES EVER AGAIN
NTA. And if the people who u claim are important actually are then they will be there regardless of if u talk to your mom. If they prioritize her over your life then they aren't important and should not be around
NTA - Your mom is a monster. Not to seem like your mom, but… Can you eat Tahitian vanilla beans?
Your mom does something that could kill you and you are supposed to apologize??? I don't think so. Stand your ground with her. She has NO rights here. I'm so sorry you have a mom like this. NTA
NTA. Safety first. That's all...
Uninvite her. Stop being a pushover.
**Disinvite her from your party. Your mother is, right at this moment, trying to come up with a scheme to test your allergy.** The mindset of allergy testers is "if they don't know that it's in the food, they won't have an allergic reaction". Your mother believes that her baked goods tests have all failed because you expect her to spike your food. She is right now, right at this moment, trying to think of ways to sneak vanilla into other foods at the party. 1 or 2 days before your party, she's going to come to you and apologize for everything, and beg you to let her go and she will swear she won't bake anything. In her mind, your allergy is driving a rift between you and her, and she wants to get rid of your allergy by finding a new and more sneaky way to test you, possibly with a larger dose of vanilla than usual. **If this woman arrives at your party, you will leave that party in an ambulance.**
NTA. Your mother has purposely poisoned you with your allergen. Please protect yourself and your baby. Have someone who can "accidentally" misplace whatever food that your mother brings to the shower.
And that’s why my lovely fiancé who has no food allergies is testing any desserts brought in. My mom always uses way too much vanilla extract in her baking and it’s so strong you can smell it most of the time
But if even a small amount could kill you, why even consider risking it? I wouldn’t have her there at all, but if she brings anything, it has to be sealed and you have to break the seal. I wouldn’t risk having that evil b**** anywhere me.
You should reevaluate who you let in your life, your “important” people don’t care that your mother repeatedly poisons you.
Your mother has no “rights” to do anything you don’t want her to, she’s crazy Also, if these people don’t care your mother basically tries to kill you, why should they be in your life either? What happens if your child has a severe allergy and she pulls the same thing, and actually kills your child? You need to cut her off. This is dangerous.
NTA, your mother is unstable. She is also stupid. It’s hard to believe she actually knows how to bake. Was she raised in some kind of fundamental backwater? Where did this ignorance come from? Or does she just want to kill you, and do you really want your child exposed to this nonsense….geez.
I have no clue, but I do know that she’s her side of the family’s golden child and gets whatever she wants at the expense of others.
Honestly if any of the people baking are the ones insisting that you have a relationship with her, I wouldn't trust them to cook either. If they think she's not deranged she might convince them to let her "help"
She is not “testing” your allergies, she is legitimately trying to murder you.
Flat out tell anyone that tells you that your mom gets to be in your life she has tried to kill you mutiple times. Idc who they are, no one is worth the risk to you and your baby. Yta to yourself.
Usually when people talk about a hill to die on they’re using a metaphor. It sounds like you family expects you to die for your mom. Sheesh! NTA
NTA. Fuck people who “test” allergies.
Nta just don't invite your mom and when people ask just state she has a history of poisoning you
These “important people” who are forcing you to have contact with a woman who regularly tries to harm you? Ask yourself WHY they side with her? Because she’ll try to kill them, too? You’re not as important to them as they are to you. Why do you want them in your child’s life? If she keeps insisting that she’ll bake, ask her - point blank, preferably in front of these ‘important’ people - why she’s so willing to hurt your baby by hurting you? Put your child before these ‘important’ people. NTA
Anyone who “tests” another persons allergies is a psychopath. NTA.
Lol what? This goes a little bit beyond "Am I the asshole cause I don't want my mother to bake stuff". I will translate "Am I the asshole for not wanting my mother to potentially harm me / kill me". I would not let that woman anywhere me or my child. Also tell her to get some help. It is NOT normal to "test" peoples allergies. Jfc how unhinged are some people.
Send her an apology cake with some arsenic in it. To prove she’s not allergic. NTA
Your mom has a screw loose. You need to go NC with her. And, about those family members who would disown you - I’d take that chance. Do you want to raise a child around that type of toxic behavior?
Nta. She seems determined - I would uninvite her.
So your mother regularly tries to kill you to prove a point?? Why do you have any contact with her at all? She sounds sick and definitely not like she cares, who plays roulette with their child's health? Once you start raising your own child you will realize how sick your mother is.
This cannot be real.
Sounds like my mother when she refused to acknowledge my anaphylaxis to ALL seafood and fish NTA - anaphylaxis in pregnancy can cause severe issues with both baby and mother. This is your health and body and baby you gotta worry about. Would your mother be happy to know she killed her daughter AND grandchild? Not to fear monger, but it is a legitimate concern
NTA. this might sound a bit extreme, but maybe don't hang out with people that repeatedly tried to murder you. Also, maybe even more extreme, the people who agree with her may not have your best interests at heart. I know it's stereotypical reddit advice to cut all contact with a bunch of people, but they literally tried to kill you.
I'm allergic to weed. Everytime someone has snuck it in I've gone into anaphylaxis and they have to deal with me vomiting and shitting on their floors and then nearly dying until a medic comes and jams me in the leg with an epi pen. People who don't take allergies seriously are shitlords. I'd never give someone with a peanut allergy a peanut but they think it's somehow funny or like it doesn't exist.
I’d cut her off completely before this becomes the coconut oil story 2.0
Wtf... YTA, simply because it doesn't matter who else goes with your mother when you cut her out of your life because they don't matter either, your baby does, your baby that is going to be at CONSTANT risk of death from your deranged lunatic of a mother, and potentially the people who are defending her. Do the right thing and cut this woman out PERMANENTLY, along with anyone else who wants to be cut off with her, you need to grow and realize that there is a whole new life completely depending on you to protect it, and you will have failed if you keep this serial poisoner around you and your baby. How long until you lose the baby due to another of her tests?? What about when it turns out your baby has the same or similar deathly allergies??!!