Nta that man is a moron. You don't play with head injuries. When in doubt check it out. Ask him if the money and sleep are more important then his child if something has happened?
Even though he said "better safe than sorry" to the nurse he still continued to rip me a new one when we got home about how it was a waste of money and time. I feel vindicated knowing I made the right choice.
You absolutely did. I'm not even a parent but if one of my nieces or nephews got hurt on my watch id lose whatever amount of money and sleep needed to ensure they were ok. I hope he gets his head out of his rear. There are some things its ok to be the gruff dad over and tell the kid to brush it off. Head injuries ain't one of em.
Thank you! I should find articles about parents who had a "wait and see" attitude that ended poorly and leave one around every once in a while just to remind him that it's nothing to sniff at.
Here's a true story you can relay to him. Three of my high school students got drunk one night. One of them suffered a head injury. (Another kid hit him in the head with a shovel.) The other two boys were afraid to take him to the ER since they'd been drinking, and they figured he was able to walk and talk, so he'd be OK. They took him home. The injured kid's parents found him dead in his bed the next morning.
Had the other boys taken him to the ER, he'd have had emergency surgery and survived. They were consumed with guilt.
Same sort of thing happened to a girl I went to highschool with, she was drinking and hit her head on the coffee table. Went to sleep that night and never woke up, it was heartbreaking.
I work as an MRI technologist and we see a lot of brain hemorrhage cases, mostly that stuff immediately goes to CT, but brain hemorrhages are NOT something to be taken lightly. OP absolutely did the right thing and should be commended for realizing it could have been something much worse and taking action.
If they act fast they can relieve the pressure on the brain by doing a craniotomy and putting an aneurysm clip in to stop the bleeding. But you have to be quick about it, time is the biggest determining factor in cases like this.
My husbandās aunt lost her balance and hit a curb with her head. Seemed like not a big deal. She went to the ER ājust in caseā. Within an hour, she was in a coma. You absolutely never know, donāt eff around with head injuries
The boys considered taking him to the ER; whether they did so because the injured kid asked or because he'd been hit so hard and they were worried, I don't know.
The point is that you can't tell if a head injury is serious just by observing behavior. Natasha Richardson, the acclaimed actress who married to Liam Neeson and was the mother of their two kids, suffered a head injury during a skiing lesson in Quebec. She felt OK and refused medical help. Two hours later, she complained of a severe headache. She was flown to a New York hospital, where she died two days later from the brain bleed she'd sustained in the fall.
Famous actor Liam Neesonās famous wife Natasha Richardson fell and hit her head skiing. It sounded very minor and did not go see a doctor. She died.
One of my uncles worked in a train yard. One day he was clipped by a train ( think like being hit with a side mirror from a car as it passed by) I donāt know if he sought medical attention but the next morning he took a really, really long shower. My cousin found him dead in the shower from a bleeding brain injury.
NTAH.
Your husband needs his head examined! What a fool for being willing to take his chances with a head injury on a small child over money.
I am so sorry your child was hurt and pray the outcome and his healing go quickly.
Head injuries are not something to f around with.
OP mine were wait and see parents and I ended up with pretty intense epilepsy for several years. Another time I broke my nose and had no idea until adulthood when the doctor saw scar tissue. Nowadays I have a bad habit of waiting myself and I've several times not gone to the ER when I had broken bones and didn't know it (high pain tolerance). Half the time this has meant higher costs down the line because the damage got worse. Better safe than sorry.Ā
My dad had two incidences of brain trauma as a child from being bullied. Those brain traumas left him with a lifetime of seizures, needing to be on anti-seizure medication for life, and two brain surgeries later in life... One of which nearly killed him. I'm in my 40s now and my dad can no longer remember my birth date whereas he could remember my birth date and other important life events for the first 20 years of my life before his brain surgeries. I would describe his post brain surgery symptoms as similar to dementia. In fact, it's a high likelihood that he will develop dementia due to his TBIs.
Brain injuries can result in death shortly after the injuries, but even if someone seems ok after a TBI It can still have catastrophic results later in life.
Your fiance is a moron and I am seriously concerned about his parenting skills. The fact that he seems more concerned about saving face and saving money rather than the health and wellbeing of your child is sickening. If this is indicative of who he is he is not fit to be a parent. If I were you I'd be watching your child like a hawk.
Please take care of yourself and your son. ā¤ļø
Didnāt Natasha Richardson die 2 hours after refusing medical treatment after hitting her head? Thatās always in the back of my mind in these situations.
Does your pediatrician have a nurse line? I would've made the same decision because of the behavior changes. But when you're not sure, it can be helpful to call and they'll tell you what to do.
I know an adult that did the wait and see game and he almost died from a traumatic head injury! He said he was fine and went to bed and almost didnāt wake up again. The hospital for sure thought he would be in a permanent vegetative state and by some miracle he has come back about 90%. This was all from a small fall. YOU NEVER KNOW! NTA but sorry your husband is a HUGE AH!
Natasha Richardson, not Joely. Joely is her sister and is still alive, well, and acting today. She's actually just spoken out recently about her sister's accident.
https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/joely-richardson-gentlemen-natasha-richardson-b2501807.html
You did the right thing. My wife is a doctor and when our kids were very small she gave me very specific instructions as to when to see a doctor when she was working and something happened to the kids. Hitting their heads hard was a definite: go see a doctor. Also on the list: kids becoming lethargic when sick.
Liam Nessonās wife DIED, after a small bump to the back to the head on a bunny slope. She fell on snow, and later died. You did exactly the right thing!
>Even though he said "better safe than sorry" to the nurse he still continued to rip me a new one when we got home about how it was a waste of money and time.
Because he knows that you did the right thing and he didn't want to embarrass himself in front of the medical professional.
Pity he respects you less than he respects a perfect stranger.
I get the frustration about the money but in this case a grown adult with kids should be able to see how this was needed. And the guilt tripping with saying she gets to sleep in is so disgusting, Iām a 100% certain that if he gets to be a full time dad for a week heās going to be crying in the bathroom day 1, but probably would still be an ass to her. This man needs therapy and learn to see things as they are and not as he feels.
Yep, we just paid a bill from my 4yo getting stitches from falling at daycare. (Launching herself into the floor, really.) We went to the ER for the stitches but also to make sure there wasnāt anything more serious because she had hit her damn head.Ā
It stinks that emergency care costs so much, but it was an accident and, as she is fond of saying a lot, accidents happen. Daycare and my daughter didnāt make hospitals crazy expensive. (And theĀ hospital presumably has payments plans and even charitable care if they really canāt afford it.)
Listen, he's got to knock this off. Few relationships can survive the loss of a child directly related to one parent's actions (playing chase + neglecting medical care).Ā
The medical system sucks, but you don't sacrifice your kids about it. If you can't get on the same page about centering the safety and health of your child āand yourselves!āwithout being punished (him ripping you a new one), the relationship is effectively over.
Is he going to refuse you medical care if you hit your head? Is he going to Jim Henson himself out?
Sounds like there may be a lot of underlying conversations both of you need, especially about money.
He said "better safe than sorry" to the nurse because he knows he's wrong and would be considered a shit parent if he was going off about having to take your son to the ER in front of other people.
Tell your husband this story. My (now ex) husband came out of the bathroom one night after dinner and said he just threw up blood. I panicked and said thatās not normal you should go to the ER. He argued with me for 2 hours about not going, the main reason was āWhy should I go and have them tell me that nothingās wrong?ā I said back to him that I would rather have him go and find out nothing was wrong than to have him stay home and die in his sleep. He finally went. I wanted to go, too, but someone had to stay home with our kids. We had 4 young children at the time. He calls me from the hospital 2 hours later. The first thing he said was āTheyāre keeping me.ā The second thing he did was apologize. He was diagnosed with pancreatitis and his blood sugar was so high that he was in stroke range, so he was diagnosed as diabetic as well. And he was just ready to ignore it because he didnāt want to go to the hospital.
Do not let him make you feel guilty for what you did for your child he didnāt seem to care that your child couldāve had something wrong with him. You did the right thing by bringing him to the hospital you as a mother have every right to be concerned I applaud you for wanting to make sure your child was ok your husband on the other hand needs to wake up and understand that him acting like that was very wrong and he shouldāve been concerned he didnāt seem concerned at all he was more worried about spending money on your child thatās just fucked up!
Nta, my 3yo fell after stepping on a bounce ball and was seeing double. We went to the ER in an ambulance and had a CT and it was a mild concussion. We were back within 6 hours because he started vomiting and spent the night for observation.
I think he probably feels guilty that your son got hurt and that's making him react so strongly. Not that he did anything wrong playing with your son, but he probably felt so bad even knowing it was an accident, and then your son needing to go to the hospital just made it worse. Unfortunately, not all of us can handle those feelings appropriately, and I think maybe he needed to minimize and deflect the severity as a defense mechanism around his own fear and guilt. You were absolutely in the right to take your son, and your fiance is not behaving appropriately. Once things settle down, hopefully you can talk to him about working on better coping methods and not attacking you as a pressure release valve for his own feelings in a situation.
I suspect, in his mind, there's guilt and blame being associated with this which is why he's lashing out, to protect his ego. Probably something along the lines of "they think I don't know how to keep my son safe or they wouldn't jump to me causing him to have a serious head injury". Which is probably nonsense, but our inner voice tends not to be pragmatic when it comes to shame.
It's not a great sign that he's not self-aware enough to see where this lashing out stems from, or the fact that he lashes out at all. I think therapy is something everyone should do, and if he's willing I suspect he could benefit from learning how to identify and address these feelings in a healthier manner.
If you have the emotional bandwidth you could ask him if he feels like taking your son to the hospital was an indictment of him as a father. Ask if he feels ashamed that there was such a bad fall on his watch. Tell him you understand why he would feel that way, but that kids are little suicide machines and the only way to fully prevent accidents is to prevent the kid from learning his limits. Tell him the only failure as a parent would be to not take care of him after an injury, which again *is definitely going to happen*. That you love that he plays with his son and he's a good father for it. And please stop shit-talking my contributions just because you feel guilty. I love you, fuck off. š
I completely understand how the US-"Healthcare" system can make people anxious, but you really do not fuck around with anything that could be a concussion or worse.
Give him this example:
My 100% healthy mother, in her 60s 2 years ago,missed a step, slipped, and knocked her head on the railing. Not even that bad. She got up, went to the car and went shopping, hardly even a bruise you could see or feel, so she told nobody about it. Only a neighbor saw it and told us a week later.
Three days later, she literally dropped dead while cleaning the table after dinner. From what I understood from the doctors that performed the autopsy (because it seemed a "suspicious" death, it was ordered (Germany)), she had a brain-internal bleeding that lead to a severe stroke that killed her.
If you or a loved one hit their head, have them checked out, people.
NTA. As a 9yo I was with my father for visitation for 2 days with extreme abdominal pain and fever. He tells me to relax, it is just a stomach ache.
I go back to my motherās and for another 24 hours say I am in pain and canāt rest.
Finally my mom takes me to ER. My appendix had burst and I was in the hospital for a week.
They were both very poor and afraid of the cost. But if my mother hadnāt taken me after a day, I wouldnāt be here.
I never felt safe with my father after that.
NTA
Any mom that is concerned for their son is not the asshole.
I get your partners point about bills but at the end of the day, health and saftey matters the most.
If the injury sustained looked abnormal and genuinely concerning you have every right to bring your son in.
And fuck the American Health care system.
He's always cried and went right back to being his energetic self. This time he just sat there quiet and I was so worried. And yes. The American Healthcare system can suck a big one.
Mama of a very active one and a half year old here- youāre NTA at all, you are supposed to take him to the doctor if he becomes lethargic and doesnāt want any type of food or drink after the fall. I have yet to have to do this, but itās coming. Heās getting swifter by the day. You know how your child reacts normally and this was abnormal for him. Do not let your husband make you feel it was a bad decision because it wasnāt.
Also if hubby is so worried about the bill, he can reach out to multiple organizations that will help with that. The Catholic Church has some departments that may be able to help. However, one shitty work day is what Iād take every single time rather than my child passing away because he had internal bleeding or worse and your husband was more worried about his beauty sleep. Next time- donāt take him. Remind him his sleep is so much more important than being sure your child is okay for a clearly visible injury and behavior change.
Yeah she could take him herself and let the fiancee and mom watch her baby maybe heāll get used to the idea eventually that like it or not shes making sure her boy gets medical help if he needs it and hes welcome to jump in to help her whenever ! š¤š¤
Head wounds can be serious! My daughter's friend was doing some stupid shit and ended up slamming his head into cement steps. He said he was fine, as we are driving in the car, he starts speaking gibberish, and I turn around and start driving to an Urgent care clinic, I call his Mom and tell her to meet us. We get there and they do an x-ray and sure enough a nice big concussion and luckily all it meant for him was a few days rest. If that happened to a baby, a Dr. is the first person I'd take the baby to see. Head x-ray. The bill is worth it, even if it turns out to be a mild injury. Especially with altered behavior.
He's always cried and went right back to being his energetic self. This time he just sat there quiet and I was so worried.
My childrenās doctor told me that they wanted me to pay attention to how my child was behaving. Changes in behavior were important.
This was in reference to a fever, but I think it absolutely applies to a head injury. A fever of 102 and an active child was not as much concern as a fever of 101 and a lethargic child.
i have 2 kids.
if they cry enough they can literally "cry themselves to sleep" because they put so much energy into it.
my daughter is 2, you would think shes being murdered when shes told no. like to the point she just passes out mid cry its so dumb š¤£.
also as someone whose been married 11 years, youll have plenty of dumb arguments. just ask him in the morning if he wants to talk about it again now or later and just let him know that if he felt like something was seriously wrong with the kid to take him to the ER.. children cant articulate whats wrong or even talk at that age, its better to be safe rather than finding out the next day
It's called an adrenaline dump. If you have an emotionally intense moment like a child does when they get hurt. They will be all consumed then they will drop the adrenaline and be exhausted fall asleep then wake up at baseline.
i understand what youre saying, but i think the screaming is just too exhausting to do for that long..now that i think of it shes 25 pounds and screams for about 25 minutes.
very dramatic but shes getting better
Adults do it too, car accidents, fights a significant amount of events where adrenaline is involved, eventually there will be a physiological rebalancing followed by tiredness sleeping and a reset. I've had to explain numerous times that after an intense event, tiredness and sleep will usually follow. Kids are unique in that( as we get older were able to restrain ourselves by creating a rational framework for our emotions). We've seen more and understand it in the same relation to what we've seen before. Infants don't know that, they don't understand that a bee sting is different than a broken finger all they got is this thing is bad stimuli. They get hyper stimulated by everything because ITS ALL NEW! We don't have that newness.The screaming is her getting then being exhausted and then her body says time to recalibrate this is just toooo much.
I work in an ER. We see kids all the time for this kind of stuff. Head injury + change in level of consciousness (as well as vomiting) is a good reason to come in. Most of the time it's nothing, but you do not want to gamble it if you're wrong
A lot of people donāt know about all the improvements to healthcare in the last decade. If you donāt have insurance there are a couple things you can try. The marketplace.gov is a great asset and goes by family size and income. So itās a sliding scale fee based insurance. Also, almost every state has a program just for minor children if the family makes too much for Medicaid. In Florida the states program is called CHIP. If I can help in anyway please reach out. I love to help people with this in my home town. This is not my job or anything I just like helping people.
I am an ER Doctor. Even without citing the PECARN guidelines I could tell you that your child was intermediate risk. The big issue with head trauma in pediatric patients is whether to CT to rule out a potentially life threatening injury (i.e. epidural hematoma). The guidelines are either: 1.) do the CT. 2.) watchful waiting with re-examinations. It sounds like they opted for #2 - which is totally appropriate. So, to sum up, your child had a fall, you were concerned, they had a hematoma on the back of their head (red flag) and you even though you perceived a blown pupil. Obviously appropriate to take your child to be checked out and you are NTA. For the part of the healthcare system - you were horribly upset and concerned about your child. You took him to the ER and conveyed how concerned you were and even that you perceived a physical exam finding that conveys almost imminent death in head trauma (a āblown pupilā) and they reassured you and didnāt reflexively CT scan the child - which will save you several thousand dollars and observed him and appropriately discharged him with return precautions. You took your child into the ER thinking he was on the verge of death. They acted in a professional manner and appropriately assessed your child and provided responsible care and reassured you and discharged them without a costly work up. Assumedly you child is fine at this point. So how exactly were you failed by the American healthcare system?
The hospital staff were amazing. I'm not saying that. It's the price of it all that causes many people to turn away from help when they truly need it. I was so grateful for everyone on board last night to help my son the best that they could.
The husband didnāt want to take the child in for care due to the cost. THIS is the problem with our healthcare system. People delay care until it becomes an emergency. How many sick patients do you see that would have never landed in the ER if they had gone to a primary care Dr earlier?
The failure wasn't the treatment; the failure is a system that's so obscenely expensive that cost becomes the primary decision making factor. I'm not suggesting anyone go to the ER for minor bumps and bruises. However, when a person feels that they shouldn't go to the ER for a potentially life threatening injury because the cost will impact their ability to pay for their basic needs in life, that's a problem. The first question you ask yourself when determining if the ER is the right place to go shouldn't be "if we go, will we still be able to pay rent/mortgage next month?" I have good insurance, and going to the ER for a concussion with a broken collarbone cost thousands. That's not counting the bills for the follow up and PT visits for my shoulder. I'm fortunate, and my FSA funds were enough to cover the cost. Many Americans aren't in that situation.
If that happened to me, I would have taken him right away. No question. And Iād probably really question my partnerās ability to parent my child due to a real lack of critical thinking. Like what is his threshold to take the kid to the ER. Like oh heās bleeding very badly. Naw letās just wait and see if it stops so we can save a few bucks.
I agree NTA.
OP head injuries are no joke. Tell your partner you know what else is expensive: brain surgery, hospitalization, a funeral, investigations by Child Protection Services, Lawyers.
You did not over react. Always put your kids health and needs over worry about a bill. If you can't pay the hospital has to work with you on a payment plan, and can even reduce the cost based on income.
This!!! Such important points to consider before marrying. I cannot imagine this is an isolated incident. When you become a parent you are signing up for these responsibilities and the accompanying costs associated with caring for other human beings.
Explain how his behavior signals the opposite.Ā
Emphasize that you want him to understand that he needs to be vigilant when watching for signs of sickness in small children because the symptoms can be look minor but be very serious.
A 22 month old canāt say omg this the worst headache Iāve ever had?! So you have to watch them carefully and pay attention to the subtle differences in the way they behave.
Your 15 year oldās concussion is a relevant point of reference.
Parenting is hard and expensive- he needs to embrace this fact. Good luck Ā
That's what I thought. When I was a kid and got injured while left home alone, my mom took me to a tiny clinic instead of the much closer hospital and it wasn't until I was an adult that I realized a hospital probably would have asked questions that she didn't want CPS to hear the answers to.
It sounds like he's emotionally immature.
Something bad happened: your child hurt themselves and needed medical attention to be on the safe side. This sucks, since it brings fear and costs. Your fiance is allowed to be upset about those things, as is anyone.
However, it seems like he couldn't handle those negative emotions of worry and frustration in an adult way. The adult way would be to express it to you like "Hey, this sucks, I'm worried about our son and I'm very worried about the financial costs, but hey... Shit happens". Instead, he couldn't cope with those emotions and he needed to get them out. He chose you as a scapegoat and went off to blame you, and complain to you as if it was your fault. That way, he gets his emotions offloaded and he needs to take zero responsibility for them since it was "your fault" (according to him).
This is emotionally abusive and emotionally immature. He should be able to handle his own emotions.
Is this a pattern? Do you see him healthily express emotions otherwise, or does he always find someone to blame? If it is a pattern, it's not going to go away by itself. He'll be like that for life unless he puts in the hard work of changing himself.
The actress Natasha Richardson died after hitting her head in a skiing fall. She initially refused to go to the hospital. Four hours later, it was too late to save her from a fatal brain bleed. Head injuries demand an immediate ER trip. NTA
NTA
Head injury followed by lethargy and behavior change = ER immediately. You did the right thing.
Closed-head traumatic brain injuries can be devastating.
I see your point there for sure. He's certainly not an abusive father by any means and he does love his sons very much. I think he was just raised differently because as a child he tried comparing it to a time he had a head injury so bad his head bled and he passed out. Not one adult took him to the hospital. So I guess he thought that was normal? From now on if there's any emergencies (God forbid) I'll be going solo. I don't need to feel guilt on top of my nauseating concern.
I dated someone similar (their mother was a nurse and no injury or illness was deemed āthat badā) - is he also uncaring and dismissive when youāre unwell? How was he when you were pregnant? This learned behaviour doesnāt get better without proper self awareness and therapy. Itās why so many husbands leave their wives when they get terminal illnesses. They are literally unable to have any empathy and just see the illness (and wife) as a nuisance.
Honestly I bet he tells that story from the pov of no one cared enough to take me or whatnot and probably feels sad for childhood him and now heās perpetuated the thing.
Exactly. I tell stories to my kid all the time about how I was treated poorly growing up, but I tell them as context for WHY I AM NOT DOING THE SAME TO MY KID. My parents werenāt Satan, but they did a lot of things wrong. I learned from their mistakes what NOT to do.
I canāt IMAGINE using the neglect I experienced as a reason for neglecting my own kid. Dude is just planting the seeds of his own trauma in his kidās life so that he can watch it blossom there as well.
Yes but berating you and guilt tripping you is also abuse. Your children can sense that and in the future if he pulls this tantrum they may hide injuries from him because of fear of his reaction. You made the right choice mama for your child by going to the emergency department, when itās too late. Itās too late.
NTA. Not seeking appropriate care after a head injury can be fatal. I'm glad your little dude is doing OK, I hope he has a quick recovery and his bump goes away soon!
NTA. Iām sure it would be your fault too if something was seriously wrong and you decided not to go š
āHe does love our son very muchā clearly not if he was willing to bet on a head injury my husband isnāt the biggest fan of doctors at all but when it comes to our kids he doesnāt for a second question if we need to take them in or not we just go. One thing we can always agree on is our childrenās healthy weather it be a little boo-boo or a serious emergency
Consider this...what if it was YOU that had hit your head, or were otherwise sick or incapacitated. Do you want this person responsible for making important decisions on your behalf? Getting a baby checked out after a head injury is a no-brainer. Money can be replaced. Brains...not so much
Any head trauma can lead toĀ cerebral hemorrhage and death. Thatās why head injuries should be seen by a doctor and further imaging should be done. Better safe than sorry. A funeral would cost him more.
NTA - I wouldnhave done the same things.
Also f... America's health care system...to think that most people have to carefully consider if they go to the ER because of the fear of a huge bill is just ridiculous.
NTA
Many people have died after a fall resulting in a head injury days after the event.
They get up, say they're okay, not great, but okay, then it turns out they have a brain bleed.
Your son was acting unusually after his fall. Automatic trip for me. A no brainer, so to speak.
Your BF is wrried you'll blame him for the whole thing, so he gets mad and say you're overreacting.
The best that can happen is that your kid is okay. The worst is obvious.
There is no harm in having your kid checed out.
Man needs to understand that people are breakable.
Honestly this story is everything wrong with American healthcare.
My son at your sonās age had a fever of 39 centigrade with no other symptoms. No amount of medicine cool showers or icey poles would drop it. So we took him to the ER, after 7 hours his fever dropped on its own and they shrugged because they couldnāt see anything else wrong with him other than this extreme fever (it was 40 when we got there) and they sent us home.
Never once did it even cross my mind about money. Because it should be the last thing on your mind, health care shouldnāt be tied to your bank balance and your partners priorities are a bit misguided if he would rather risk a tbi or concussion that remains untreated in his toddler son.
You are nta but the root cause and major underlying asshole is American health care. Also your partners mithering about sleep is some poor me bullshit tell him to eat some concrete and harden up.
As a retired career firefighter/paramedic, let me give you some advice.
First, ANY TIME your son hits his head harder than a "bonk", keep taking him to the Dr or ER. I can't tell you the number of calls we ran where a child hit their head only to have the parent ignore our advice to get the child checked out, then to have to go back when the kid was convulsing or unresponsive.
Second, get rid of that idiot. If he's more worried about money than the health/welfare of his child, he's a danger to that child. What might have happened if you hadn't been home and there actually had been a cerebral injury?
If you were really making a fuss about nothing youād still be waiting in the ER, or maybe been interviewed without an exam. Their examining him within a few hours proves medical professionals believed there was a possibility of real injury. NTA
Source: never been seen so quickly in my life, including semi serious injuries.
Do not marry him. He's shown you his true colors in the face of potential crisis. Everything he has said is a red flag, even down to thinking that you just sleep in while tending to a newborn. He doesn't value your role as a parent and sees everything as a bill.
Are you sure you want to marry this jerk? THIS IS HIS SON and he had a temper tantrum about taking care of him. He sounds incredibly irresponsible, selfish, and self-centered. Seriously hon, rethink this marriage. Is this a man you want to make babies with? To wake up next to every morning? His behavior was a HUGE red flag. You are NTA but he is a massive one.
NTA Your child's health is priceless. Spending some money to make sure your son is okay after hitting his head is totally money well spent. If he's so concerned about the cost, he can contact the hospital and apply for help. Most hospitals have programs to help pay medical bills when you can't afford it. Your husband sounds like an asshole.
NTA for taking your baby to the ER to make sure he is okay. But why oh why have you had not one but two babies with this man? He is at least verbally/emotionally abusive to you.
Why in the world would you marry this man? It says a lot that he was not concerned in the least about his childās well being after he struck his head so hard on the tile floor. His only issue was resenting your insistence at taking him to be checked.
Think long and hard if this is what you want in a relationship & a marriage because it is not going to get better for you or your kids.
Exactly. My oldest (15) smacked their head before and seemed fine but we got them checked out anyway. Turns out they DID have a concussion. You never know.
NTA. I cannot fathom how the parental instinct to keep your child alive can be overridden by concern about money and lack of sleep before work.
This wasn't something trivial, from the way you described it there was a very real possibility of a serious injury. Not wanting to have an injured child seen by a doctor is a real concern for me. So glad he is ok.
NTA. You can't mess around with head injuries, especially to the back of the head like that. I am also a stickler about overreacting and going to the ER because it is so expensive, and they are just basically a triage center that aims to stabilize and then tell you to "follow up with your PCP tomorrow". But I would've gone to the ER in that situation if it were me
NTA, my son hit his head at daycare when he was almost 3 and got a severe concussion. Head injuries are no joke. He required an CT scan and an overnight stay in the hospital
Nobody's the AH, here. You're going to disagree on things like from time-to-time, and you're both going to say things you'll regret later. I'm guessing your fiance was afraid they were going to run mega-expensive MRIs and cat scans, and it's to your hospital's credit that they didn't. You both had valid points. And just because he was "right", that doesn't mean his was the right course of action... because like you said, sometimes it's best to be safe.
NTA, an impact to the head hard enough to cause a visible mark deserves medical attention.
If your fiance had gotten his way and you didnāt go, how would you both feel if it turned out there was a problem? Itās very much a better safe then sorry moment.
F the American healthcare system though, you shouldnāt have the stress of how to pay for this. Our system sucks
NTA. As someone who works in pediatric critical care, I wholeheartedly and enthusiastically support exactly what you did. I wouldāve told anyone in your shoes to do the exact same. You canāt really undo an injury to the brain that is allowed to progress- getting him checked out was the only reasonable course of action. The bill sucks, but that pales entirely in comparison to what happens when something serious goes unchecked because someone took too long to have their kid evaluated. This healthcare system needs to be thrown in the dumpster, but until then what you did was exactly right.
Daddy aināt right in the head. Keep an eye on that one s long as he hangs around. Iād hold off on any marriage until heās willing to give his life for his child.
NTA better safe than sorry.
Your hubby isn't showing a lot of parental care or attachment....
I guess maybe he is stressed but thst doesn't excuse devalueng your work
Make sure he holds your baby half an hour each day to trigger his parental hormones. A man's body doesnt "know" he had a baby unless he holds/touches the kid. Bonding time is needed, then might want to help more & show appropriate concern on his own accord.
But the biggest A here is the american healthcare system for even forcing ppl to even *think* about money in this situation. In a rational world you would *both* be on parental leave....
So many stories here of relationships between new parents fraying because they are both so stressed.
There is NO price that can be put on knowing your child is safe.
This guy is clueless and I truly hope you donāt have more children with him.
His personality and thought processes, plus his total lack of respect for you has me very concerned about the prognosis of the relationship long term.
My husband accidentally lifted our toddler into the ceiling fan. We were unsure to take him and almost turned around halfway to the doctor but then my little dude fell asleep and wouldnāt wake up no matter how much i spoke yelled and then screamed and jostled his foot. Eventually he did wake up but we broke some laws getting to the ER. He ended up needing his forehead glued shut. I always say ābest case scenario we took our son in and got him treatment before it was too late. Worst case scenario we wasted everyoneās time and some money but our son is okay.ā Of course there is another worst case but we only needed the ER because urgent care was closed.
NTA. Frankly the drowsiness and change in his behaviour would concern anyone and should have concerned your husband. As a doctor, those are some of the symptoms we look or concern with when someone has a head injury. So you did a great job and as you said, better safe than sorry
NTA
Never mess with head injuries... especially with children
You absolutely did the right thing both with getting him checked, and with standing your ground on going...bonus points for looking for and recognizing signs of a head injury
I would absolutely die on this hill
Your child could have died. Thank god he didnāt. But could you imagine if he did because you didnāt take him to the hospital? You could never forgive yourself. Always trust your gut, you seem like a great mom and Iām glad to hear your little one is okay.
Head injuries are nothing to take lightly. A friend of mine just relayed a story to me about a friend of hers that had a crockpot fall on his head. He insisted that he was fine afterwards. An hour later, he was dead. ER bills are better to pay for over a funeral.
NTA. Your fiance dismissed the very real possibility of a severe head injury despite specific symptoms that warranted an exam. He also doesnāt seem to understand the concept of risk nor the need for professionals to conduct medical evaluations.
A central purpose of seeking medical care is to confirm whether there is a problem and then fix it as needed. Itās not expected that youāll be able to self-diagnose and seek treatment only when something is definitely serious. If your fianceās current definition of a warranted trip the ER is limited to when they find a serious injury, he needs to do some serious re-thinking.
Wait until he learns about the concept of having insurance.
Father of a 3YO: way I look at it = if you don't bring and are right, you stroke your ego and lost a few hours. If you don't bring and you're wrong, you could have a life altering scenario. I'll put my ego aside and lose a few hours...
Ewww he sounds so childish. The fact he cares more about a bill than about his own childās wellbeing is a little alarming. I get they can be expensive but Iād rather pay that and know my child is okay
Not allowing proper medical intervention or delaying medical intervention/evaluation/care is a form of physical abuse thatās often overlooked.
It sounds like something important and big happened and you were left without a partner and team play and co-parent. Instead there was an emotional person using negative actions and words to try to control the situation.
I am really concerned for you and your kid. What if this was a situation where minutes could have made the difference? With brain stuff they say ātime is brainā for a reason. Also, your child could easily have a concussion.
I am really concerned that there are signs of control and lack of empathy that could indicate abuse here. Please consult with someone familiar enough with abuse or resources/books to help you.
If youāre in the US:
The Hotline
Call 800-799-7233
Or
Text BEGIN to 88788
https://www.thehotline.org
https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-unhealthy-relationship/
Tell him to F off! Do you want to hear some stories I know from working a peds ER that involve how quickly a kid can go from ājust fineā with a head slam to very unfine? No you do not! You are NTA but that jackass is
Dad here. Iāve taken my child to the ER for similar reasons. Iād rather have an expensive ER bill than curse myself later on for not having it checked out.
> I told him I thought our sons pupils looked off
Signs of neurological issue.
> Upon a couple of hours watch and some examinations, they decided that he was okay
Better safe than sorry. Let me tell you a story about an infant, rolled off of a 3' coffee table while getting diaper changed. Baby went to urgent care (they don't do CT scans) and discharged. Later that night stopped breathing. After 1 hour of CPR in the hospital baby didn't make it.
Remind your AH of a fiance that's how Liam Neeson's wife died. She struck her head wile out skiing but refused medical care because she thought she was fine. She died later of a subdural hematoma.
My son fell and hit his head, I called his doctor, since he showed no signs of a concussion they said not to worry or bring him in. 5 days later we woke up to my sons head being extremely swollen on 1 side. I took him in they did trays, my son had a skull fracture. It turned into a big Ole mess. It's always better to go have them checked out to be sure. Nta.
Nta but are you sure you want to marry this person? Someone who values money and sleep over your sons health/life? Who thinks as a mother of 2 and to a newborn you sleep in? Does he even see you and all you do?
Sounss like he needs to mature a bit and prioritise better as he doesn't deserve you with his current attiude
NTA. He absolutely needed to be checked out. You should also follow up with the pediatrician in the next few days, or at least call them. And keep monitoring your son, just in case.
INFO: Why didn't you just take him on your own when he said no? What if you and your mom could not have convinced him? Would you just have just not gone?
NTA
You don't make assumptions with a head injury
Ever. Especially during formative years.
Having brain trauma without proper treatment can seriously increase the chances of something going wrong down the line.
The cost is nothing versus a dead or injured child! Fiance is really a jerk. Ā Nta to dpend money on a childs well bring. Ā you did not buy a mink coat or a PlayStation! He does not sound like a good partner. I am sorry, but you need to reconsider this relationship now. Ā If this happened and you weren't around, would he lie about it or misrepresented to you? Ā No, I think you need to reexamine your future.
Wow, you really want to marry the guy who complains about having to go to the ER? My husband isnāt great, but heāll drive us to the hospital if we need to go, without having an attitude about it.
Remind him: he caused the accident. And yes, itās unfortunate that it caused expenses and time. But put on his big boy pants and get over it.
Hopefully your son has no followup issues.
Nurse here. You absolutely made the right choice. Never, ever underestimate a head injury. They can kill days later. Even minor head bumps need to be checked out in kids, ESPECIALLY if they aren't acting "normally" afterward.
NTA at all. Head injuries are nothing to mess with. You did the right thing. My grandfather passed away after refusing treatment after a head injury. I found my husband unconscious this weekend. He had fallen off a ladder. I got him awake and called 911. He tried to refuse treatment. I demanded they take him and insisted he wasn't capable of making choices at that point. Husband was irritated the whole time in the ER. Kept demanding to go home. Surgeon comes in and he says, great can I go home now? That's when the surgeon said no we are admitting you to the ICU. I'm currently sitting there with him. He has a brain bleed. Never ever mess with head injuries. Always get them checked out. It may not have been an issue for your son this time but it could be next time. Stand strong in your decision. You absolutely get every head injury checked.
Ask him how he'd feel about a paying for a funeral for a toddler and answering police questions about why he failed to get medical attention for the injured child.
He seemed quiet **lethargic** after, just kind of slammed in his father's lap and not wanting a popsicle which are his favorite.
Red flag for head injury.
A girl I know recently dropped her baby. Both she and her partner were scared of getting in trouble, so they didn't take the baby to hospital to get looked at. 3 days later they called an ambulance when the baby wasn't breathing. He passed away and it was heartbreaking. Always better to be safe than sorry
Your country's healthcare system is the AH here.
I know very well not to play around head injuries, you did the right thing but also I've felt the frustration of your husband back when i didn't have medicare. Both of you are valid.
Nobody should ever feel like this.
NTA...
But, God bless America š¤¦āāļø "take my toddler to the ER for potential brain injury or be able to feed my toddler this month? š¤·āāļø"
Nta that man is a moron. You don't play with head injuries. When in doubt check it out. Ask him if the money and sleep are more important then his child if something has happened?
Even though he said "better safe than sorry" to the nurse he still continued to rip me a new one when we got home about how it was a waste of money and time. I feel vindicated knowing I made the right choice.
You absolutely did. I'm not even a parent but if one of my nieces or nephews got hurt on my watch id lose whatever amount of money and sleep needed to ensure they were ok. I hope he gets his head out of his rear. There are some things its ok to be the gruff dad over and tell the kid to brush it off. Head injuries ain't one of em.
Thank you! I should find articles about parents who had a "wait and see" attitude that ended poorly and leave one around every once in a while just to remind him that it's nothing to sniff at.
Here's a true story you can relay to him. Three of my high school students got drunk one night. One of them suffered a head injury. (Another kid hit him in the head with a shovel.) The other two boys were afraid to take him to the ER since they'd been drinking, and they figured he was able to walk and talk, so he'd be OK. They took him home. The injured kid's parents found him dead in his bed the next morning. Had the other boys taken him to the ER, he'd have had emergency surgery and survived. They were consumed with guilt.
Same sort of thing happened to a girl I went to highschool with, she was drinking and hit her head on the coffee table. Went to sleep that night and never woke up, it was heartbreaking. I work as an MRI technologist and we see a lot of brain hemorrhage cases, mostly that stuff immediately goes to CT, but brain hemorrhages are NOT something to be taken lightly. OP absolutely did the right thing and should be commended for realizing it could have been something much worse and taking action. If they act fast they can relieve the pressure on the brain by doing a craniotomy and putting an aneurysm clip in to stop the bleeding. But you have to be quick about it, time is the biggest determining factor in cases like this.
That is... A truly horrifying story š. But one, methinks, OP's husband needs to hear.
My husbandās aunt lost her balance and hit a curb with her head. Seemed like not a big deal. She went to the ER ājust in caseā. Within an hour, she was in a coma. You absolutely never know, donāt eff around with head injuries
Woah did she make it?!
Off topic but they obviously confessed, that's manslaughter.
For whoever hit him with the shovel, yeah. Unless the injured kid ASKED to go to the hospital and they refused to take him, no for his two friends.
The boys considered taking him to the ER; whether they did so because the injured kid asked or because he'd been hit so hard and they were worried, I don't know. The point is that you can't tell if a head injury is serious just by observing behavior. Natasha Richardson, the acclaimed actress who married to Liam Neeson and was the mother of their two kids, suffered a head injury during a skiing lesson in Quebec. She felt OK and refused medical help. Two hours later, she complained of a severe headache. She was flown to a New York hospital, where she died two days later from the brain bleed she'd sustained in the fall.
This happens more than people realize.
Famous actor Liam Neesonās famous wife Natasha Richardson fell and hit her head skiing. It sounded very minor and did not go see a doctor. She died. One of my uncles worked in a train yard. One day he was clipped by a train ( think like being hit with a side mirror from a car as it passed by) I donāt know if he sought medical attention but the next morning he took a really, really long shower. My cousin found him dead in the shower from a bleeding brain injury. NTAH. Your husband needs his head examined! What a fool for being willing to take his chances with a head injury on a small child over money. I am so sorry your child was hurt and pray the outcome and his healing go quickly. Head injuries are not something to f around with.
THIS!
OP mine were wait and see parents and I ended up with pretty intense epilepsy for several years. Another time I broke my nose and had no idea until adulthood when the doctor saw scar tissue. Nowadays I have a bad habit of waiting myself and I've several times not gone to the ER when I had broken bones and didn't know it (high pain tolerance). Half the time this has meant higher costs down the line because the damage got worse. Better safe than sorry.Ā
I had a cousin who was homeless. One night, his friend and him were drinking and sleeping under an over pass, he slips and hits his head, his friend said itās ok, try to sleep it off. The next morning, my cousin never woke up. OP you did the right thing. As a momma you should always think of your childrenās health first and if your fiancĆ© canāt see that, then make him see that.
My dad had two incidences of brain trauma as a child from being bullied. Those brain traumas left him with a lifetime of seizures, needing to be on anti-seizure medication for life, and two brain surgeries later in life... One of which nearly killed him. I'm in my 40s now and my dad can no longer remember my birth date whereas he could remember my birth date and other important life events for the first 20 years of my life before his brain surgeries. I would describe his post brain surgery symptoms as similar to dementia. In fact, it's a high likelihood that he will develop dementia due to his TBIs. Brain injuries can result in death shortly after the injuries, but even if someone seems ok after a TBI It can still have catastrophic results later in life. Your fiance is a moron and I am seriously concerned about his parenting skills. The fact that he seems more concerned about saving face and saving money rather than the health and wellbeing of your child is sickening. If this is indicative of who he is he is not fit to be a parent. If I were you I'd be watching your child like a hawk. Please take care of yourself and your son. ā¤ļø
Didnāt Natasha Richardson die 2 hours after refusing medical treatment after hitting her head? Thatās always in the back of my mind in these situations.
Does your pediatrician have a nurse line? I would've made the same decision because of the behavior changes. But when you're not sure, it can be helpful to call and they'll tell you what to do.
I know an adult that did the wait and see game and he almost died from a traumatic head injury! He said he was fine and went to bed and almost didnāt wake up again. The hospital for sure thought he would be in a permanent vegetative state and by some miracle he has come back about 90%. This was all from a small fall. YOU NEVER KNOW! NTA but sorry your husband is a HUGE AH!
Makes me think of Joely Richardson, Liam Neesons wife. They thought she was ok. Til she wasnāt.
Natasha Richardson, not Joely. Joely is her sister and is still alive, well, and acting today. She's actually just spoken out recently about her sister's accident. https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/joely-richardson-gentlemen-natasha-richardson-b2501807.html
Thatās right. My mistake.
You did the right thing. My wife is a doctor and when our kids were very small she gave me very specific instructions as to when to see a doctor when she was working and something happened to the kids. Hitting their heads hard was a definite: go see a doctor. Also on the list: kids becoming lethargic when sick.
Liam Nessonās wife DIED, after a small bump to the back to the head on a bunny slope. She fell on snow, and later died. You did exactly the right thing!
>Even though he said "better safe than sorry" to the nurse he still continued to rip me a new one when we got home about how it was a waste of money and time. Because he knows that you did the right thing and he didn't want to embarrass himself in front of the medical professional. Pity he respects you less than he respects a perfect stranger.
Yep, strong vibe of Street Angel/House Devil off this guy.
I get the frustration about the money but in this case a grown adult with kids should be able to see how this was needed. And the guilt tripping with saying she gets to sleep in is so disgusting, Iām a 100% certain that if he gets to be a full time dad for a week heās going to be crying in the bathroom day 1, but probably would still be an ass to her. This man needs therapy and learn to see things as they are and not as he feels.
Yep, we just paid a bill from my 4yo getting stitches from falling at daycare. (Launching herself into the floor, really.) We went to the ER for the stitches but also to make sure there wasnāt anything more serious because she had hit her damn head.Ā It stinks that emergency care costs so much, but it was an accident and, as she is fond of saying a lot, accidents happen. Daycare and my daughter didnāt make hospitals crazy expensive. (And theĀ hospital presumably has payments plans and even charitable care if they really canāt afford it.)
Exactly, I mean, if he had an injury wouldnāt he go to the hospital even if it means heāll spend money on it? Why is it different for his KID?
Thatās what abusers do
Listen, he's got to knock this off. Few relationships can survive the loss of a child directly related to one parent's actions (playing chase + neglecting medical care).Ā The medical system sucks, but you don't sacrifice your kids about it. If you can't get on the same page about centering the safety and health of your child āand yourselves!āwithout being punished (him ripping you a new one), the relationship is effectively over. Is he going to refuse you medical care if you hit your head? Is he going to Jim Henson himself out? Sounds like there may be a lot of underlying conversations both of you need, especially about money.
He said "better safe than sorry" to the nurse because he knows he's wrong and would be considered a shit parent if he was going off about having to take your son to the ER in front of other people.
Your fiance is a pos who is more concerned with money than his son. F him.
Tell your husband this story. My (now ex) husband came out of the bathroom one night after dinner and said he just threw up blood. I panicked and said thatās not normal you should go to the ER. He argued with me for 2 hours about not going, the main reason was āWhy should I go and have them tell me that nothingās wrong?ā I said back to him that I would rather have him go and find out nothing was wrong than to have him stay home and die in his sleep. He finally went. I wanted to go, too, but someone had to stay home with our kids. We had 4 young children at the time. He calls me from the hospital 2 hours later. The first thing he said was āTheyāre keeping me.ā The second thing he did was apologize. He was diagnosed with pancreatitis and his blood sugar was so high that he was in stroke range, so he was diagnosed as diabetic as well. And he was just ready to ignore it because he didnāt want to go to the hospital.
Do not let him make you feel guilty for what you did for your child he didnāt seem to care that your child couldāve had something wrong with him. You did the right thing by bringing him to the hospital you as a mother have every right to be concerned I applaud you for wanting to make sure your child was ok your husband on the other hand needs to wake up and understand that him acting like that was very wrong and he shouldāve been concerned he didnāt seem concerned at all he was more worried about spending money on your child thatās just fucked up!
Nta, my 3yo fell after stepping on a bounce ball and was seeing double. We went to the ER in an ambulance and had a CT and it was a mild concussion. We were back within 6 hours because he started vomiting and spent the night for observation.
I think he probably feels guilty that your son got hurt and that's making him react so strongly. Not that he did anything wrong playing with your son, but he probably felt so bad even knowing it was an accident, and then your son needing to go to the hospital just made it worse. Unfortunately, not all of us can handle those feelings appropriately, and I think maybe he needed to minimize and deflect the severity as a defense mechanism around his own fear and guilt. You were absolutely in the right to take your son, and your fiance is not behaving appropriately. Once things settle down, hopefully you can talk to him about working on better coping methods and not attacking you as a pressure release valve for his own feelings in a situation.
I suspect, in his mind, there's guilt and blame being associated with this which is why he's lashing out, to protect his ego. Probably something along the lines of "they think I don't know how to keep my son safe or they wouldn't jump to me causing him to have a serious head injury". Which is probably nonsense, but our inner voice tends not to be pragmatic when it comes to shame. It's not a great sign that he's not self-aware enough to see where this lashing out stems from, or the fact that he lashes out at all. I think therapy is something everyone should do, and if he's willing I suspect he could benefit from learning how to identify and address these feelings in a healthier manner. If you have the emotional bandwidth you could ask him if he feels like taking your son to the hospital was an indictment of him as a father. Ask if he feels ashamed that there was such a bad fall on his watch. Tell him you understand why he would feel that way, but that kids are little suicide machines and the only way to fully prevent accidents is to prevent the kid from learning his limits. Tell him the only failure as a parent would be to not take care of him after an injury, which again *is definitely going to happen*. That you love that he plays with his son and he's a good father for it. And please stop shit-talking my contributions just because you feel guilty. I love you, fuck off. š
I completely understand how the US-"Healthcare" system can make people anxious, but you really do not fuck around with anything that could be a concussion or worse. Give him this example: My 100% healthy mother, in her 60s 2 years ago,missed a step, slipped, and knocked her head on the railing. Not even that bad. She got up, went to the car and went shopping, hardly even a bruise you could see or feel, so she told nobody about it. Only a neighbor saw it and told us a week later. Three days later, she literally dropped dead while cleaning the table after dinner. From what I understood from the doctors that performed the autopsy (because it seemed a "suspicious" death, it was ordered (Germany)), she had a brain-internal bleeding that lead to a severe stroke that killed her. If you or a loved one hit their head, have them checked out, people.
I gotta ask, why would you want to stay with a man that acts like this about his child's health?
NTA. As a 9yo I was with my father for visitation for 2 days with extreme abdominal pain and fever. He tells me to relax, it is just a stomach ache. I go back to my motherās and for another 24 hours say I am in pain and canāt rest. Finally my mom takes me to ER. My appendix had burst and I was in the hospital for a week. They were both very poor and afraid of the cost. But if my mother hadnāt taken me after a day, I wouldnāt be here. I never felt safe with my father after that.
God I hate the US Healthcare system so much.
NTA Any mom that is concerned for their son is not the asshole. I get your partners point about bills but at the end of the day, health and saftey matters the most. If the injury sustained looked abnormal and genuinely concerning you have every right to bring your son in. And fuck the American Health care system.
He's always cried and went right back to being his energetic self. This time he just sat there quiet and I was so worried. And yes. The American Healthcare system can suck a big one.
Mama of a very active one and a half year old here- youāre NTA at all, you are supposed to take him to the doctor if he becomes lethargic and doesnāt want any type of food or drink after the fall. I have yet to have to do this, but itās coming. Heās getting swifter by the day. You know how your child reacts normally and this was abnormal for him. Do not let your husband make you feel it was a bad decision because it wasnāt. Also if hubby is so worried about the bill, he can reach out to multiple organizations that will help with that. The Catholic Church has some departments that may be able to help. However, one shitty work day is what Iād take every single time rather than my child passing away because he had internal bleeding or worse and your husband was more worried about his beauty sleep. Next time- donāt take him. Remind him his sleep is so much more important than being sure your child is okay for a clearly visible injury and behavior change.
yep, go without dad, if dadās being bitchy about it.
Yeah she could take him herself and let the fiancee and mom watch her baby maybe heāll get used to the idea eventually that like it or not shes making sure her boy gets medical help if he needs it and hes welcome to jump in to help her whenever ! š¤š¤
Head wounds can be serious! My daughter's friend was doing some stupid shit and ended up slamming his head into cement steps. He said he was fine, as we are driving in the car, he starts speaking gibberish, and I turn around and start driving to an Urgent care clinic, I call his Mom and tell her to meet us. We get there and they do an x-ray and sure enough a nice big concussion and luckily all it meant for him was a few days rest. If that happened to a baby, a Dr. is the first person I'd take the baby to see. Head x-ray. The bill is worth it, even if it turns out to be a mild injury. Especially with altered behavior.
NTA, Husband TA on this occassion
He's always cried and went right back to being his energetic self. This time he just sat there quiet and I was so worried. My childrenās doctor told me that they wanted me to pay attention to how my child was behaving. Changes in behavior were important. This was in reference to a fever, but I think it absolutely applies to a head injury. A fever of 102 and an active child was not as much concern as a fever of 101 and a lethargic child.
you might need to get him a safety helmet
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omg you made me spit out my coffee
i have 2 kids. if they cry enough they can literally "cry themselves to sleep" because they put so much energy into it. my daughter is 2, you would think shes being murdered when shes told no. like to the point she just passes out mid cry its so dumb š¤£. also as someone whose been married 11 years, youll have plenty of dumb arguments. just ask him in the morning if he wants to talk about it again now or later and just let him know that if he felt like something was seriously wrong with the kid to take him to the ER.. children cant articulate whats wrong or even talk at that age, its better to be safe rather than finding out the next day
It's called an adrenaline dump. If you have an emotionally intense moment like a child does when they get hurt. They will be all consumed then they will drop the adrenaline and be exhausted fall asleep then wake up at baseline.
i understand what youre saying, but i think the screaming is just too exhausting to do for that long..now that i think of it shes 25 pounds and screams for about 25 minutes. very dramatic but shes getting better
Adults do it too, car accidents, fights a significant amount of events where adrenaline is involved, eventually there will be a physiological rebalancing followed by tiredness sleeping and a reset. I've had to explain numerous times that after an intense event, tiredness and sleep will usually follow. Kids are unique in that( as we get older were able to restrain ourselves by creating a rational framework for our emotions). We've seen more and understand it in the same relation to what we've seen before. Infants don't know that, they don't understand that a bee sting is different than a broken finger all they got is this thing is bad stimuli. They get hyper stimulated by everything because ITS ALL NEW! We don't have that newness.The screaming is her getting then being exhausted and then her body says time to recalibrate this is just toooo much.
I work in an ER. We see kids all the time for this kind of stuff. Head injury + change in level of consciousness (as well as vomiting) is a good reason to come in. Most of the time it's nothing, but you do not want to gamble it if you're wrong
A lot of people donāt know about all the improvements to healthcare in the last decade. If you donāt have insurance there are a couple things you can try. The marketplace.gov is a great asset and goes by family size and income. So itās a sliding scale fee based insurance. Also, almost every state has a program just for minor children if the family makes too much for Medicaid. In Florida the states program is called CHIP. If I can help in anyway please reach out. I love to help people with this in my home town. This is not my job or anything I just like helping people.
Itās CHIP in Texas too. When my husband lost his job, it was a lifesaver.
I am an ER Doctor. Even without citing the PECARN guidelines I could tell you that your child was intermediate risk. The big issue with head trauma in pediatric patients is whether to CT to rule out a potentially life threatening injury (i.e. epidural hematoma). The guidelines are either: 1.) do the CT. 2.) watchful waiting with re-examinations. It sounds like they opted for #2 - which is totally appropriate. So, to sum up, your child had a fall, you were concerned, they had a hematoma on the back of their head (red flag) and you even though you perceived a blown pupil. Obviously appropriate to take your child to be checked out and you are NTA. For the part of the healthcare system - you were horribly upset and concerned about your child. You took him to the ER and conveyed how concerned you were and even that you perceived a physical exam finding that conveys almost imminent death in head trauma (a āblown pupilā) and they reassured you and didnāt reflexively CT scan the child - which will save you several thousand dollars and observed him and appropriately discharged him with return precautions. You took your child into the ER thinking he was on the verge of death. They acted in a professional manner and appropriately assessed your child and provided responsible care and reassured you and discharged them without a costly work up. Assumedly you child is fine at this point. So how exactly were you failed by the American healthcare system?
The hospital staff were amazing. I'm not saying that. It's the price of it all that causes many people to turn away from help when they truly need it. I was so grateful for everyone on board last night to help my son the best that they could.
The husband didnāt want to take the child in for care due to the cost. THIS is the problem with our healthcare system. People delay care until it becomes an emergency. How many sick patients do you see that would have never landed in the ER if they had gone to a primary care Dr earlier?
The failure wasn't the treatment; the failure is a system that's so obscenely expensive that cost becomes the primary decision making factor. I'm not suggesting anyone go to the ER for minor bumps and bruises. However, when a person feels that they shouldn't go to the ER for a potentially life threatening injury because the cost will impact their ability to pay for their basic needs in life, that's a problem. The first question you ask yourself when determining if the ER is the right place to go shouldn't be "if we go, will we still be able to pay rent/mortgage next month?" I have good insurance, and going to the ER for a concussion with a broken collarbone cost thousands. That's not counting the bills for the follow up and PT visits for my shoulder. I'm fortunate, and my FSA funds were enough to cover the cost. Many Americans aren't in that situation.
If that happened to me, I would have taken him right away. No question. And Iād probably really question my partnerās ability to parent my child due to a real lack of critical thinking. Like what is his threshold to take the kid to the ER. Like oh heās bleeding very badly. Naw letās just wait and see if it stops so we can save a few bucks.
That's not a *fiancƩ* that I would marry. Ever. Wow. OP is NTA but her man certainly sounds like a big AH.
Lethargy after a head injury is an ER thing. You did the right thing.
I agree NTA. OP head injuries are no joke. Tell your partner you know what else is expensive: brain surgery, hospitalization, a funeral, investigations by Child Protection Services, Lawyers. You did not over react. Always put your kids health and needs over worry about a bill. If you can't pay the hospital has to work with you on a payment plan, and can even reduce the cost based on income.
NTA but your fiancƩ is. Think long and hard before marrying. Does he frequently act like this? When he makes a mistake, does he usually blame you and make it your fault so he doesn't have to be accountable for his actions or regrets? Does he take nasty jabs at you because he feels bad and wants you to feel bad too? Does he frequently act like his opinions are more important? Does he treat you like an equal partner? Do you want to deal with this the rest of your life?
At least stop having kids with this man until/unless he's no longer neglectful to the ones you have AND he starts treating you with respect
This!!! Such important points to consider before marrying. I cannot imagine this is an isolated incident. When you become a parent you are signing up for these responsibilities and the accompanying costs associated with caring for other human beings.
You were right to be concerned about a Ā possible concussion after that fall?! Your toddler canāt articulate all of the things heās feeling, and you saw the signs that he was in pain and not his self. Your fiancĆ©ās response to your logical concerns is problematic. Ā Why hesitate if you have insurance, especially in case of a head injury that can have long term consequences?! Thank goodness your toddler is ok. NTAĀ
I'm starting to feel like there's something really wrong here with my fiancƩs logic. It is worrisome. I even cried asking "why aren't you as worried as I am about this?" And he said he was but his behavior showed otherwise.
Explain how his behavior signals the opposite.Ā Emphasize that you want him to understand that he needs to be vigilant when watching for signs of sickness in small children because the symptoms can be look minor but be very serious. A 22 month old canāt say omg this the worst headache Iāve ever had?! So you have to watch them carefully and pay attention to the subtle differences in the way they behave. Your 15 year oldās concussion is a relevant point of reference. Parenting is hard and expensive- he needs to embrace this fact. Good luck Ā
I wonder if he feared child abuse allegations (baby head injury often = shaken baby syndrome). Though if that were the case, not going to the ER would look way more suspicious. Note: Iām not suggesting your fiancĆ© is violent or (deliberately) abusive. Justā¦ watch for a pattern, mkay? Medical neglect can have permanent consequences.
That's what I thought. When I was a kid and got injured while left home alone, my mom took me to a tiny clinic instead of the much closer hospital and it wasn't until I was an adult that I realized a hospital probably would have asked questions that she didn't want CPS to hear the answers to.
It sounds like he's emotionally immature. Something bad happened: your child hurt themselves and needed medical attention to be on the safe side. This sucks, since it brings fear and costs. Your fiance is allowed to be upset about those things, as is anyone. However, it seems like he couldn't handle those negative emotions of worry and frustration in an adult way. The adult way would be to express it to you like "Hey, this sucks, I'm worried about our son and I'm very worried about the financial costs, but hey... Shit happens". Instead, he couldn't cope with those emotions and he needed to get them out. He chose you as a scapegoat and went off to blame you, and complain to you as if it was your fault. That way, he gets his emotions offloaded and he needs to take zero responsibility for them since it was "your fault" (according to him). This is emotionally abusive and emotionally immature. He should be able to handle his own emotions. Is this a pattern? Do you see him healthily express emotions otherwise, or does he always find someone to blame? If it is a pattern, it's not going to go away by itself. He'll be like that for life unless he puts in the hard work of changing himself.
Nurse of 35 years, mom of 3, grandma of 5. You did nothing wrong but his wait a few hours and see was also not wrong. Head injuries/ concussions are sort of a gray area on symptoms for little ones. Most small kids will scream bloody murder when they get hurt so it would stand to reason when they stop crying theyāll fall asleep or be less active for a little while. Of course sleepiness and lethargy are potential symptoms of concussion or serious head injury making it hard to decide what is causing it. The fact he had a large hematoma makes your choice tge smarter one at the very least so they can X-ray him to make sure thereās no fracture, even though Iām sure your discharge instructions say you have to monitor his symptoms for weeks. Ultimately, you did the right thing as now you can be more certain there isnāt a skull fracture. I donāt think your fiancĆ©e is a dangerous or bad person. He is immature and insensitive in this instance though by continuing to berate you even after he should have realized that the symptoms were concerning and at least a skull fracture is ruled out now to ease your minds.
NTA This seems to be the most logical answer to me, especially coming from a professional.
NTA. Better safe than sorry. Your fiancĆ© is a reckless asshole though.Ā
NTA FiancĆ© is the AH! I get bills and money and times are hard but he needs to get over himself. How would he have felt had something seriously been wrong and he did nothing or showed no care cause he wasnāt going to sleep or had to pay a bill? Well I got news for you buddy if your so worried about a bill cause you possibly caused the death or serious hurt of YOUR CHILD keep it in your pants cause you certainly donāt need to dip anything if you are going to loose your mind over how much sleep you will get or a bill you have to pay for that child. Cause trust me vibrators donāt bi**ch at no sleep or a bill to be paid and certainly donāt produce any seed and are a one time expense!
Oh dang. I heard this from space. Thank you for your support ā¤ļø
You are most welcome!š
Funerals can be very expensive
"FiancƩ", eh? Meaning there's still time to change your mind about marrying him? At least there's that. NTA
The actress Natasha Richardson died after hitting her head in a skiing fall. She initially refused to go to the hospital. Four hours later, it was too late to save her from a fatal brain bleed. Head injuries demand an immediate ER trip. NTA
This needs to be top comment.
Father. Of. The. Fucking. Year. What a dink.
NTA Head injury followed by lethargy and behavior change = ER immediately. You did the right thing. Closed-head traumatic brain injuries can be devastating.
Swing and a miss on the partner choice there. Oh well. Youāre obviously NTA for taking a small child to the doctor for a potentially serious head injury. Iām sorry for the other issues youāll be facing between now and your divorce. This canāt be the only thing fiancĆ© is wildly reckless about. You could always not marry him, but knowing Reddit, I have a feeling youāll conclude, āoh, heāll change,ā even though literally no one ever changes. At all. Ever.
I see your point there for sure. He's certainly not an abusive father by any means and he does love his sons very much. I think he was just raised differently because as a child he tried comparing it to a time he had a head injury so bad his head bled and he passed out. Not one adult took him to the hospital. So I guess he thought that was normal? From now on if there's any emergencies (God forbid) I'll be going solo. I don't need to feel guilt on top of my nauseating concern.
Yeah, just because he was neglected doesnāt give him a pass on being neglectful. You werenāt asking to take your car in for a full diagnostic because youāre paranoid about every little sound. You were saying you needed medical attention for a childāYOUR childābecause his brain could be bleeding. Sorry, but again, your fiancĆ©e has other surprises in store, and none of them are nice. No good dad hesitates in a situation like that.
Oh cool so he's been abused before so he thinks it's fine to neglect your kiddos health. You need to have a serious conversation with this man.
Maybe that's why he's such an idiot?
I dated someone similar (their mother was a nurse and no injury or illness was deemed āthat badā) - is he also uncaring and dismissive when youāre unwell? How was he when you were pregnant? This learned behaviour doesnāt get better without proper self awareness and therapy. Itās why so many husbands leave their wives when they get terminal illnesses. They are literally unable to have any empathy and just see the illness (and wife) as a nuisance.
He is all too happy to perpetuate the cycle of abuse. Refusing to provide medical care after a head injury is negligent as fuck. Neglect is abuse.
Honestly I bet he tells that story from the pov of no one cared enough to take me or whatnot and probably feels sad for childhood him and now heās perpetuated the thing.
Exactly. I tell stories to my kid all the time about how I was treated poorly growing up, but I tell them as context for WHY I AM NOT DOING THE SAME TO MY KID. My parents werenāt Satan, but they did a lot of things wrong. I learned from their mistakes what NOT to do. I canāt IMAGINE using the neglect I experienced as a reason for neglecting my own kid. Dude is just planting the seeds of his own trauma in his kidās life so that he can watch it blossom there as well.
Yes but berating you and guilt tripping you is also abuse. Your children can sense that and in the future if he pulls this tantrum they may hide injuries from him because of fear of his reaction. You made the right choice mama for your child by going to the emergency department, when itās too late. Itās too late.
Definitely NTA. A few months ago my 4 year old daughter fell down the carpeted stairs and literally landed on her head 3 times before hitting her head on the wood floor. I wasnāt able to catch her because it happened so quickly. She was crying so hard but wasnāt even acting out of the ordinary 10 mins later but my fiancĆ© and I agreed to take her to the ER. I was freaking out and hyperventilating it was the scariest thing Iāve ever seen. He was so worried for her too and said itās a good thing I took her even though she ended up being fine in the end. In fact, when we got to the ER they took her vitals and we waited there for an hour and ultimately just ended up walking out. I got a bill in the mail but it ended up being covered by insurance so I didnāt even have to worry about it. Can the hospital bill be covered by insurance? Your husbands first concern shouldāve been your sons safety. What if something actually was wrong and you didnāt go to the hospital? He would never forgive himself for that. You did the right thing. Money can be replaced but your child canāt.
NTA. Not seeking appropriate care after a head injury can be fatal. I'm glad your little dude is doing OK, I hope he has a quick recovery and his bump goes away soon!
NTA. Iām sure it would be your fault too if something was seriously wrong and you decided not to go š āHe does love our son very muchā clearly not if he was willing to bet on a head injury my husband isnāt the biggest fan of doctors at all but when it comes to our kids he doesnāt for a second question if we need to take them in or not we just go. One thing we can always agree on is our childrenās healthy weather it be a little boo-boo or a serious emergency
Consider this...what if it was YOU that had hit your head, or were otherwise sick or incapacitated. Do you want this person responsible for making important decisions on your behalf? Getting a baby checked out after a head injury is a no-brainer. Money can be replaced. Brains...not so much
Any head trauma can lead toĀ cerebral hemorrhage and death. Thatās why head injuries should be seen by a doctor and further imaging should be done. Better safe than sorry. A funeral would cost him more.
NTA - I wouldnhave done the same things. Also f... America's health care system...to think that most people have to carefully consider if they go to the ER because of the fear of a huge bill is just ridiculous.
NTA Many people have died after a fall resulting in a head injury days after the event. They get up, say they're okay, not great, but okay, then it turns out they have a brain bleed. Your son was acting unusually after his fall. Automatic trip for me. A no brainer, so to speak. Your BF is wrried you'll blame him for the whole thing, so he gets mad and say you're overreacting. The best that can happen is that your kid is okay. The worst is obvious. There is no harm in having your kid checed out. Man needs to understand that people are breakable.
NTA. Head injuries are not something to brush off and definitely not when the behaviour changes. Your fiancƩ sucks. I think he was probably scared he would be considered a bad dad because he was the one chasing your son and instead of being adult, he started to talk about bills and trying to make it sound like no big deal. Health is always more important than money.
Honestly this story is everything wrong with American healthcare. My son at your sonās age had a fever of 39 centigrade with no other symptoms. No amount of medicine cool showers or icey poles would drop it. So we took him to the ER, after 7 hours his fever dropped on its own and they shrugged because they couldnāt see anything else wrong with him other than this extreme fever (it was 40 when we got there) and they sent us home. Never once did it even cross my mind about money. Because it should be the last thing on your mind, health care shouldnāt be tied to your bank balance and your partners priorities are a bit misguided if he would rather risk a tbi or concussion that remains untreated in his toddler son. You are nta but the root cause and major underlying asshole is American health care. Also your partners mithering about sleep is some poor me bullshit tell him to eat some concrete and harden up.
NTA. I was taught that head injuries should always be seen by a doctor, because there could be internal damage.
NTA. ER PA here. Crying for 15 minutes? Yikes. Occipital hematoma? Yikes. Iām scanning that kid every day of the week.
As a retired career firefighter/paramedic, let me give you some advice. First, ANY TIME your son hits his head harder than a "bonk", keep taking him to the Dr or ER. I can't tell you the number of calls we ran where a child hit their head only to have the parent ignore our advice to get the child checked out, then to have to go back when the kid was convulsing or unresponsive. Second, get rid of that idiot. If he's more worried about money than the health/welfare of his child, he's a danger to that child. What might have happened if you hadn't been home and there actually had been a cerebral injury?
NTA. The guy's a moron. Quit making babies with him.
If you were really making a fuss about nothing youād still be waiting in the ER, or maybe been interviewed without an exam. Their examining him within a few hours proves medical professionals believed there was a possibility of real injury. NTA Source: never been seen so quickly in my life, including semi serious injuries.
Do not marry him. He's shown you his true colors in the face of potential crisis. Everything he has said is a red flag, even down to thinking that you just sleep in while tending to a newborn. He doesn't value your role as a parent and sees everything as a bill.
Funeral bills are even more expensive
NTA at all. You did your duties as a mother. Your fiancƩe is acting worse than a spoiled child. This would make me question the entire relationship. Losing two hours of sleep should be nothing in contrast to what could have been.
NEVER second guess a decision to get a head injury checked out.
NTA Bob Saget died after hitting his head
Are you sure you want to marry this jerk? THIS IS HIS SON and he had a temper tantrum about taking care of him. He sounds incredibly irresponsible, selfish, and self-centered. Seriously hon, rethink this marriage. Is this a man you want to make babies with? To wake up next to every morning? His behavior was a HUGE red flag. You are NTA but he is a massive one.
Why did you both go though? Couldn't you and your mom have taken him so your husband could sleep before work
NTA- Head injuries are no joke, especially with a tiny baby whose bones are still developing so you did the right thing bringing your baby boy to the ER. There have been many instances of head injuries that have lead to near or actual death after going unchecked. One example being when an informercial celebrity Billy Mayes dying of a head injury shortly after some overhead luggage fell on him and various other athletes and a few WWE superstars who had succumbed to deaths related to head injury or started off because of head injury \[IE- Chris Benoit unaliving his family along with himself due to dementia caused by chronic traumatic encephalopathy aka repeated head trauma\] You're a good mama looking out for your son and your fiancƩ needs a SERIOUS reality check in not dismissing a medical crisis.
NTA Your child's health is priceless. Spending some money to make sure your son is okay after hitting his head is totally money well spent. If he's so concerned about the cost, he can contact the hospital and apply for help. Most hospitals have programs to help pay medical bills when you can't afford it. Your husband sounds like an asshole.
NTA Please stop trying to justify this man's abuse.
Ever hear of the lucid interval? Tell your moron husband to look it up.
NTA for taking your baby to the ER to make sure he is okay. But why oh why have you had not one but two babies with this man? He is at least verbally/emotionally abusive to you. Why in the world would you marry this man? It says a lot that he was not concerned in the least about his childās well being after he struck his head so hard on the tile floor. His only issue was resenting your insistence at taking him to be checked. Think long and hard if this is what you want in a relationship & a marriage because it is not going to get better for you or your kids.
YTA for how hard youāre defending the POS dad in the comments.
NTA - You can't be too careful, imagine if something actually was wrong with him.
Exactly. My oldest (15) smacked their head before and seemed fine but we got them checked out anyway. Turns out they DID have a concussion. You never know.
NTA. I had always been told that kids hitting the back of their head was worse and I 100% would have done the exact same thing.
NTA. You did the right thing. Head knocks, lethargy and concussion are not to be taken lightly.
NTA. I cannot fathom how the parental instinct to keep your child alive can be overridden by concern about money and lack of sleep before work. This wasn't something trivial, from the way you described it there was a very real possibility of a serious injury. Not wanting to have an injured child seen by a doctor is a real concern for me. So glad he is ok.
NTA. You can't mess around with head injuries, especially to the back of the head like that. I am also a stickler about overreacting and going to the ER because it is so expensive, and they are just basically a triage center that aims to stabilize and then tell you to "follow up with your PCP tomorrow". But I would've gone to the ER in that situation if it were me
NTA. Tell your fiancƩe to look up Bob Saget or Natasha Richardson. You were right to take him to get checked out, especially when his behaviour changed and he appeared lethargic. Better safe than sorry. Edited for typos
NTA. Can't believe you had *multiple* children with this asshole.
NTA, my son hit his head at daycare when he was almost 3 and got a severe concussion. Head injuries are no joke. He required an CT scan and an overnight stay in the hospital
Nobody's the AH, here. You're going to disagree on things like from time-to-time, and you're both going to say things you'll regret later. I'm guessing your fiance was afraid they were going to run mega-expensive MRIs and cat scans, and it's to your hospital's credit that they didn't. You both had valid points. And just because he was "right", that doesn't mean his was the right course of action... because like you said, sometimes it's best to be safe.
NTA. Your son had a head injury and began displaying concerning symptoms (lethargy, appetite reduction, etc). The worst case scenario ā ie severe concussion/brain bleed/etc ā was extremely dangerous and could only be ruled out by a specialist doctor, likely a pediatric neurologist, and probably imaging. The only way youāre getting that on the fly in this hellhole of a healthcare system is by going to the ER. You did the right thing. And the great news is, it wasnāt the worst case scenario and your kiddo is going to be okay! But you didnāt have the training and resources to determine that at home (no one does ā even if you were a doctor, you donāt have x-ray or MRI vision), so you went to the right place. You *did* need people with that training and those resources to rule out a potentially life-threatening worst case scenario, so you didnāt go to the ER āfor nothing.ā Your fiancĆ© is being an ass. Heās well within his right to be mad about the healthcare system being absolute dumpster fire trash and putting the expense on yāall, but he canāt be mad at you for making the right call to get your kiddo checked. When the (reasonable) worst case scenario is life-threatening, go to the ER.
Sounds like a terrible father.
The real asshole here is American healthcare
NTA - He's an idiot. But posts like these always make me sad. That would costs nothing here in Sweden, rightfully so.
NTA, itās wild to me that this whole issue is basically caused by the American healthcare system like insane for something like that to not be free
NTA, an impact to the head hard enough to cause a visible mark deserves medical attention. If your fiance had gotten his way and you didnāt go, how would you both feel if it turned out there was a problem? Itās very much a better safe then sorry moment. F the American healthcare system though, you shouldnāt have the stress of how to pay for this. Our system sucks
NTA. As someone who works in pediatric critical care, I wholeheartedly and enthusiastically support exactly what you did. I wouldāve told anyone in your shoes to do the exact same. You canāt really undo an injury to the brain that is allowed to progress- getting him checked out was the only reasonable course of action. The bill sucks, but that pales entirely in comparison to what happens when something serious goes unchecked because someone took too long to have their kid evaluated. This healthcare system needs to be thrown in the dumpster, but until then what you did was exactly right.
Daddy aināt right in the head. Keep an eye on that one s long as he hangs around. Iād hold off on any marriage until heās willing to give his life for his child.
NTA and he firm with your fiancĆ©. Tell him heās been heard, and now he can knock it off.
NTA. You were being a good parent
NTA better safe than sorry. Your hubby isn't showing a lot of parental care or attachment.... I guess maybe he is stressed but thst doesn't excuse devalueng your work Make sure he holds your baby half an hour each day to trigger his parental hormones. A man's body doesnt "know" he had a baby unless he holds/touches the kid. Bonding time is needed, then might want to help more & show appropriate concern on his own accord. But the biggest A here is the american healthcare system for even forcing ppl to even *think* about money in this situation. In a rational world you would *both* be on parental leave.... So many stories here of relationships between new parents fraying because they are both so stressed.
American health system is fucked. You should never have to worry that your baby is okay and consider the cost just to make you. You're a good Mom.
There is NO price that can be put on knowing your child is safe. This guy is clueless and I truly hope you donāt have more children with him. His personality and thought processes, plus his total lack of respect for you has me very concerned about the prognosis of the relationship long term.
22 month old with a head injury? You would be an AH if you DIDN'T get him checked. Seriously. Obviously NTA.
NTA. You do NOT fuck around with head injuries, especially with little kids. Is he like this a lot?
My husband accidentally lifted our toddler into the ceiling fan. We were unsure to take him and almost turned around halfway to the doctor but then my little dude fell asleep and wouldnāt wake up no matter how much i spoke yelled and then screamed and jostled his foot. Eventually he did wake up but we broke some laws getting to the ER. He ended up needing his forehead glued shut. I always say ābest case scenario we took our son in and got him treatment before it was too late. Worst case scenario we wasted everyoneās time and some money but our son is okay.ā Of course there is another worst case but we only needed the ER because urgent care was closed.
NTA. Frankly the drowsiness and change in his behaviour would concern anyone and should have concerned your husband. As a doctor, those are some of the symptoms we look or concern with when someone has a head injury. So you did a great job and as you said, better safe than sorry
He sounds like a real piece of shit. Glad the kid is ok
NTA Never mess with head injuries... especially with children You absolutely did the right thing both with getting him checked, and with standing your ground on going...bonus points for looking for and recognizing signs of a head injury I would absolutely die on this hill
Your child could have died. Thank god he didnāt. But could you imagine if he did because you didnāt take him to the hospital? You could never forgive yourself. Always trust your gut, you seem like a great mom and Iām glad to hear your little one is okay.
Head injuries are nothing to take lightly. A friend of mine just relayed a story to me about a friend of hers that had a crockpot fall on his head. He insisted that he was fine afterwards. An hour later, he was dead. ER bills are better to pay for over a funeral.
NTA. Your fiance dismissed the very real possibility of a severe head injury despite specific symptoms that warranted an exam. He also doesnāt seem to understand the concept of risk nor the need for professionals to conduct medical evaluations. A central purpose of seeking medical care is to confirm whether there is a problem and then fix it as needed. Itās not expected that youāll be able to self-diagnose and seek treatment only when something is definitely serious. If your fianceās current definition of a warranted trip the ER is limited to when they find a serious injury, he needs to do some serious re-thinking. Wait until he learns about the concept of having insurance.
Do not marry this man. Do NOT MARRY THIS MAN
NTA for keeping your baby alive. Donāt mess around with head injuries. Ever.
Bob Sagat died from hitting his head and going to sleep. It happens all the time!
Do he know how much it would cost to raise a child with a untreated TBI, or to pay for a funeral? A lot more
Father of a 3YO: way I look at it = if you don't bring and are right, you stroke your ego and lost a few hours. If you don't bring and you're wrong, you could have a life altering scenario. I'll put my ego aside and lose a few hours...
Ewww he sounds so childish. The fact he cares more about a bill than about his own childās wellbeing is a little alarming. I get they can be expensive but Iād rather pay that and know my child is okay
I hope you meant ex fiance. Man is trash
Not allowing proper medical intervention or delaying medical intervention/evaluation/care is a form of physical abuse thatās often overlooked. It sounds like something important and big happened and you were left without a partner and team play and co-parent. Instead there was an emotional person using negative actions and words to try to control the situation. I am really concerned for you and your kid. What if this was a situation where minutes could have made the difference? With brain stuff they say ātime is brainā for a reason. Also, your child could easily have a concussion. I am really concerned that there are signs of control and lack of empathy that could indicate abuse here. Please consult with someone familiar enough with abuse or resources/books to help you. If youāre in the US: The Hotline Call 800-799-7233 Or Text BEGIN to 88788 https://www.thehotline.org https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-unhealthy-relationship/
Heās an AH!
Tell him to F off! Do you want to hear some stories I know from working a peds ER that involve how quickly a kid can go from ājust fineā with a head slam to very unfine? No you do not! You are NTA but that jackass is
Dad here. Iāve taken my child to the ER for similar reasons. Iād rather have an expensive ER bill than curse myself later on for not having it checked out.
NTA - reconsider marrying this guy. Seriously.
NTA, people have died from brain bleeds with zero symptoms let alone the ones you mentioned. Your fiancƩ is a moron.
NTA... but poor choice in breeding partner.
> I told him I thought our sons pupils looked off Signs of neurological issue. > Upon a couple of hours watch and some examinations, they decided that he was okay Better safe than sorry. Let me tell you a story about an infant, rolled off of a 3' coffee table while getting diaper changed. Baby went to urgent care (they don't do CT scans) and discharged. Later that night stopped breathing. After 1 hour of CPR in the hospital baby didn't make it.
You have 2 kids with this asshole? Feel bad for you AND your kids
Remind your AH of a fiance that's how Liam Neeson's wife died. She struck her head wile out skiing but refused medical care because she thought she was fine. She died later of a subdural hematoma.
My son fell and hit his head, I called his doctor, since he showed no signs of a concussion they said not to worry or bring him in. 5 days later we woke up to my sons head being extremely swollen on 1 side. I took him in they did trays, my son had a skull fracture. It turned into a big Ole mess. It's always better to go have them checked out to be sure. Nta.
NTA & DO NOT MARRY THIS PERSON!!
Nta but are you sure you want to marry this person? Someone who values money and sleep over your sons health/life? Who thinks as a mother of 2 and to a newborn you sleep in? Does he even see you and all you do? Sounss like he needs to mature a bit and prioritise better as he doesn't deserve you with his current attiude
As a person with traumatic brain injuries, you are ABSOLUTELY NOT THE ASSHOLE!!!!! Any bill is more important than the āwhat ifsā
NTA. He absolutely needed to be checked out. You should also follow up with the pediatrician in the next few days, or at least call them. And keep monitoring your son, just in case. INFO: Why didn't you just take him on your own when he said no? What if you and your mom could not have convinced him? Would you just have just not gone?
NTA You don't make assumptions with a head injury Ever. Especially during formative years. Having brain trauma without proper treatment can seriously increase the chances of something going wrong down the line.
The cost is nothing versus a dead or injured child! Fiance is really a jerk. Ā Nta to dpend money on a childs well bring. Ā you did not buy a mink coat or a PlayStation! He does not sound like a good partner. I am sorry, but you need to reconsider this relationship now. Ā If this happened and you weren't around, would he lie about it or misrepresented to you? Ā No, I think you need to reexamine your future.
Wow, you really want to marry the guy who complains about having to go to the ER? My husband isnāt great, but heāll drive us to the hospital if we need to go, without having an attitude about it.
Absolutely NTA!! Head injuries arenāt something you take lightly, especially in toddlers! A 22 month old canāt tell you if theyāre dizzy, nauseous etc.. your fiancĆ© is an idiot
Remind him: he caused the accident. And yes, itās unfortunate that it caused expenses and time. But put on his big boy pants and get over it. Hopefully your son has no followup issues.
NTA my friend hit his head while drunk. He walked himself to bed told people he was fine and never woke up again
NTA, your fiancĆ© is a douchebag. He cares more about $ than your infant sonās wellbeing. Never screw around with head injuries ESPECIALLY with a non-verbal child who cannot speak up for himself!! Never underestimate your gut instinct as a mother!
Nurse here. You absolutely made the right choice. Never, ever underestimate a head injury. They can kill days later. Even minor head bumps need to be checked out in kids, ESPECIALLY if they aren't acting "normally" afterward.
NTA at all. Head injuries are nothing to mess with. You did the right thing. My grandfather passed away after refusing treatment after a head injury. I found my husband unconscious this weekend. He had fallen off a ladder. I got him awake and called 911. He tried to refuse treatment. I demanded they take him and insisted he wasn't capable of making choices at that point. Husband was irritated the whole time in the ER. Kept demanding to go home. Surgeon comes in and he says, great can I go home now? That's when the surgeon said no we are admitting you to the ICU. I'm currently sitting there with him. He has a brain bleed. Never ever mess with head injuries. Always get them checked out. It may not have been an issue for your son this time but it could be next time. Stand strong in your decision. You absolutely get every head injury checked.
Your fiancƩ is a moron. NTA.
Ask him how he'd feel about a paying for a funeral for a toddler and answering police questions about why he failed to get medical attention for the injured child.
He seemed quiet **lethargic** after, just kind of slammed in his father's lap and not wanting a popsicle which are his favorite. Red flag for head injury.
NTA. My mom has always minimized anything with my health and I'm paying for it now. It's better to be safe, especially when it comes to head injuries.
A girl I know recently dropped her baby. Both she and her partner were scared of getting in trouble, so they didn't take the baby to hospital to get looked at. 3 days later they called an ambulance when the baby wasn't breathing. He passed away and it was heartbreaking. Always better to be safe than sorry
Your country's healthcare system is the AH here. I know very well not to play around head injuries, you did the right thing but also I've felt the frustration of your husband back when i didn't have medicare. Both of you are valid. Nobody should ever feel like this.
Mom with 3 kids. Every time they bump their heads hard, the first thing we look for is if they become quiet, or immediately bounce back to full energy. You said that your baby was quiet, and also he cried for 15 mins. I would get scared too. Better be overly cautious than sorry, especially baby is only 22 months old. OP is NTA, and your fiancƩ is very irresponsible and dingy for the wrong reasons.
It might have been an overreaction, I have no idea. But you are NTA. Thereās no way Iād berate my wife like this for caring for our kid.
NTA... But, God bless America š¤¦āāļø "take my toddler to the ER for potential brain injury or be able to feed my toddler this month? š¤·āāļø"