That’s nuclear, “whore” is.
Some people actually use it pretty casually
https://www.askamanager.org/2017/04/i-accidentally-insulted-my-bosss-daughter.html
https://www.askamanager.org/2017/05/update-i-accidentally-insulted-my-bosss-daughter.html
> The comments were very eye-opening. I thought the word was normal and commonly used, because that’s how it was at home (the exact quote I blurted out was screamed at me countless times at home and I was called a whore several times a day by my teachers). To this day, I hear the word used at least weekly outside of work. But now I see that it is beyond the pale. I still think dating is immoral, but there is no need to use such harsh language. I am cutting the word out of my vocabulary. Now.
"There's more to Christianity than Jesus, read your Bible"
More to CHRISTianity than Jesus CHRIST?!?!?!?!
"I still think dating is immoral"
She just needs to go work for a church somewhere because the job market is not going to workout for her.
right?
Look, I’m a Christian, and I grew up with the idea that waiting to have sex until after your marriage was best. And I lived by that for a LONG time. And I didn’t have PIV sex until I could say that if I got pregnant, I’d be okay with that outcome, and so would he. Because I was pretty sure I wouldn’t choose an abortion.
I still dated, FFS.
I think there are very rare instances it’s warranted like I don’t think anyone would hold it against a husband for calling his wife a whore for cheating. RARE circumstances though. Not like op.
NTA. His colleague's gf sounds like she is very insecure and jealous of you. She was very rude and disrespectful. Good riddance. Enjoy your day at the beach and forget about them.
I am used to seeing both fully dressed, topless and buck naked people at the beach (Europe).
As a bi guy, I manage not to stare at anyone, male or female, ever. And I never felt that I deserved any praise for it.
You are NTA, she is jelous idiot and controlling of her bf. IF the bf was indeed leering at you, he is an AH too.
Definitely NTA. It's normal for women to do this. I think it was showing her insecurities that I believe were there before the beach or she wouldn't have reacted so badly.
I've been around for a long time, and women have been doing it since the bikini first came out. You are fine, and it has to do with her insecurities. There's both controlling men and women like that, and I feel sorry for the people they end up with. He was made to leave, and she got what she wanted. I was with a person like this for many years, and I was slowly isolated and cut off from all support.
You're dodging a bullet by avoiding her.
NTA - Anyone who is going to have a problem like this has way bigger issues than you. Either she’s deeply insecure or her boyfriend has given her a reason to be insecure in their relationship. I would have paid her any mind, except for the whore comments.
You should have stood up, tits out for the world to see, and said what did you just say to me?
Also she doesn’t seem that bright, since that’s also not the definition of virtue signaling. Either way, this has nothing to do with you.
NTA - Would she also have felt ok in remarking if she thought your bikini was cut too high? Didn't cover enough in the back to her standards or the top was too small? That is completely normal behavior to engage in at the beach and when people are offended by completely normal behavior it is probably best to dismiss it as their problem and not yours and move on with your life. Seriously, who has time in their life to be that upset by something like that?
NTA, I feel like this is (like it is 99% of the time) a case where men just need to... not stare at women (and this woman doesn't trust her bf to do that?) Sounds like your intentions were a practical one, not to bazinga her boyfriend ugh. Some people are way the hell too dramatic.
Edit: rereading the post... did her boyfriend even look? Lol or did she just jump the gun? Someone's super jealous and insecure.
It's just tits! She's insecure. I was in Greece and groups of teens were hanging out and the girls had no tops on and the boys managed to hang out without obvious boners. NTA
So, you didn't have a problem, your husband didn't have a problem and the strangers on the beach didn't have a problem, only she had a problem because you were "flashing her BF".
If she's that insecure, she shouldn't take him to beaches
NTA. I’ve seen so many women do this over the years that I don’t give it a second look. He will be breaking up with that prude sooner rather than later.
NTA, I was under the impression that this was a fairly normal thing to do. I know it happened a lot in the 80's, which was a more prudish time than today.
You’re not the AH. Like you said, if she had spoken to you about it rather than jumping straight to insults and snark, you would’ve tied it back up. However, she wants to have a tude, so she can deal with her (possibly shitty) boyfriend’s wandering eyes.
NTA. I get strong signals that he has been gaslighting his girlfriend every time she catches him starting at another girl. Or, alternately, she has been conditioned not to hold men accountable for their libidos. Or lastly, perhaps she is overly paranoid and has unaddressed insecurity issues.
These vary in how sympathetic they are, but ultimately, if you can't handle being around people with a little skin showing, why are you at the beach? It's 2024, not 1924.
NTA
You did nothing with intent, and instead of respectfully sharing boundaries, she became passive aggressive.
My issue with these scenarios is that all of these people care more about their partners meeting some technical standards than actually being a faithful partner. If the only thing keeping your significant other from cheating is you stalking them or the lack of another willing participant, then reconsider your relationship.
Bro u definitely NTA. U ain't showing her Bf your parts, and I don't think he be looking. U be just getting a tan. Also that girl shouldn't be callin u a whore. Like wtf. she the a\*\*. just saying.
NTA… she most likely was thinking things along the lines of what she said before she said it.
I feel like she already was jealous of you, insecure of herself etc before you’d untied your bikini top.
It most likely just pushed her uncontrolled & insecure emotions over the top and she spilled what she was thinking.
And of course, people like that feel right no matter what anyone says or how many people don’t agree with them.
NTA.
First, sounds like a her problem, not a you problem. If her bf oggles other women, that’s on him not on you. You were doing absolutely nothing wrong and something I’ve done a hundred times myself. You weren’t sunbaking topless, boobs up. Although, you could have also been doing that and still wouldn’t be the AH in my view. Does she think if he looks at you with her there, he isn’t looking at other girls when she isn’t there. Gaah.
Secondly, who the eff does she think you are calling you a whore. For sunbaking. On the beach. She can eff right off.
I’m guessing you have no desire whatsoever to hang out with her again so who really gives a shit what she thinks or if she doesn’t like you.
Hope hubby backed you up.
Way to mess up your husband work place by being inappropriate in front of his coworker.. You untied your too in front of another man and his girlfriend who is with yall on the beach.. You aren’t strangers anymore.. Get some class or decorum.. Straight AH low class behavior
I’m sorry to say but you asked… yes I think you were the AH because it isn’t considerate to anyone for you to get that sexy in front of your boyfriends coworker and his girlfriend. Anyone who says a lady appearing to be topless by removing all visible straps to her top is either naive or lying, but that wouldn’t have been so bad if you didn’t show sideboob too. But yes, she was the AH for speaking to you as she did. Yes it was the beach but as you said… you were there with your boyfriend’s coworker and his girlfriend and that is what made the difference. It made them uncomfortable but I wish she could have thought of a tactful way to express that instead of speaking as she did.
If I were you I'd just deal with tan lines. Not do that around my husbands friend/someone else's boyfriend. You really didn't think that would make anyone uncomfortable?
> she told me that was some of the most pathetic virtue signaling they ever heard
Coming as it did from a woman who literally called you a whore and then flashed her boyfriend due to her own insecurities, we should all hope to be as rich as that accusation one day.
You are NYA.
Awwww. The poor thing sounds insecure as F**K!
But you were FAAAABULOUS! You didn't do a damn thing wrong. Perhaps she shouldn't go to the beach until she has done some personal reflection?
NTA
Pics of the sideboob or this whole event didn't happen LOL. You're fine, the envy some of these uglier chicks display is disconcerting. You're probably hot, she isn't, and the envy/jealousy was palpable. Try to let your SO know not to invite her again so you can do your thing in peace. Or, ask for an apology, she may actually be pretty nice once she sees past her own insecurities.
NTA
Holy shit, talk about a pathetic pick-me. You were laying down, on your stomach. There was nothing to see that he wasn't already seeing. This girl sounds immature as all hell. If she's so worried about her boyfriend so much as LOOKING at other women? she isn't mature enough to be in a relationship.
Oh wow, you met a pick-me in the wild! The use of "virtue signaling" with zero idea what it means got me giggling. Eventually she'll find out that while she abases herself to go along with dicks, they're happy to drop her at any time, gosh she'll be super surprised.
She was uncomfortable, but had no right to assault (yes, that’s assault, though not battery) the sunbather verbally. She didn’t even have the right to ask her to retie the bikini top. Just to talk to her boyfriend and make a diplomatic exit, and drop that couple as friends.
NTA. If she didn't like it she didn't have to look. You weren't dancing around flashing people. I'm sure the day was much nicer after they left.
Also, if her bf was staring, you are not responsible other people's behaviour. That's the same thinking that blames people who have been SA'd for "asking for it".
NTA.
One: You weren’t showing anything.
Two: It’s the beach. Anything goes.
Three: Breasts aren’t inherently sexual and it’s completely legal in 98% of jurisdictions to walk around topless.
Four: Even if you were walking around topless, him (and her) fantasizing about/imagining what he can do with your breasts is his problem. Doesn’t matter how much or how little you wear. The problem is his (hers) alone.
NTA and sounds like she was jealous of what you have. you should have quoted Seinfeld: “they’re real and they are specular so fuck off!” I believe the last part was implied in the Seinfeld episode too!
This is not “slut” shaming because you did a very NON sexual thing. This is like getting annoyed at women breastfeeding in public. People are dumb. You didn’t do anything wrong. In fact if anything I think you were nicer to the gf than k would have been.
NTA, she’s sounds extremely insecure. Like you said, she could have nicely said something if it bothered her, instead she just jumped straight to “whore”. That says alot more about her than you
Yeah, seems like “virtue signaling” is another one of those terms that was invented (by the media? Politicians? Idk who) to shame the opposite side of the political/ideological spectrum when both sides actually do the thing it refers to.
People call it “virtue signaling” when companies embrace things like pride celebrations and environmental concerns, but another example of the same situation would be when Hobby Lobby refused to pay for employees’ birth control, or closes on Sundays. These stances may or may not be motivated by underlying profit calculations, but the “virtues” being “signaled” come from both sides of the political spectrum.
The term, however, generally has a negative connotation on one side of politics, and a positive one on the other. Both refer to the same thing when it comes to business—a company purporting to support a stance on an issue with political or moral implications. When people blindly parrot these terms in their personal lives, though, it shows a lack of critical thinking—which is exactly what politicians want.
But everyone does virtue signaling every day. Personally, I “virtue signal” by not going into public wearing only a bra as a top because I think it’s inappropriate. Someone else is fine with it because they have different experiences. I can’t help thinking what I think when I see someone wearing a bra as a top, but I can refrain from saying it out loud and letting it determine my opinion about that person.
Yes, I am technically free to state my opinion to that person, but I then have to face the consequences of what I’ve said. That’s on me, and it could affect any number of things in my life—my relationships, my job, etc.
It seems like these kinds of statements are encouraged in the rarefied arena of politics, because those people are able to separate their ideology from their personal lives due to their wealth. Politics is their “job,” and it’s part of the job, apparently. I wish this was not the case, because it affects the people they claim to represent in a negative way, while not affecting them at all (unless it’s something especially egregious, but obviously there are exceptions even to that).
Most of us don’t have that luxury. Those who do it anyway often suffer the consequences, and some get away with it. Your acquaintance here has probably lost you as a potential friend and maybe lost her boyfriend a work friend, or maybe not. She definitely lost out on a relaxing day at the beach. We lose out in life when we insist that everyone we associate with agrees with us.
As you’ve described it, you had a completely rational, inoffensive response to her unnecessarily insulting reaction and she was offended that you disagreed with her. Like you said, she could have phrased her discomfort in a way that didn’t insult you, but perhaps she was “triggered” by your use of the term “body-shaming.” These are other examples of terms that have been made political and weaponized against political opponents. Just as you might have been “triggered” by her use of the word “whore,” although it seems your ensuing reaction was more rational than hers.
The term “trigger” is sometimes used in a well-meaning effort to help protect people’s mental health from situations or encounters that could worsen it. It’s not a new concept—it embodies things everyone would most likely understand regardless of their politics, like a sexual assault victim wanting to avoid graphic depictions of similar situations, or a veteran of the Vietnam War wanting to avoid fireworks and loud noises. But the term itself is often used by people of all ideologies to insult people with differing experiences from their own.
Politically, “triggered” has been made into a term that people use to insult each other for things they don’t personally identify with. Everyone gets “triggered” by different things based on their personal experiences. It’s not inherently political, but the word has become kind of a “symbol” used to denigrate others.
(On a side note, it’s ironic that the actual word is directly related to another hot-button political issue here in the US—guns! Probably not an accident.)
“Body-shaming” is a similar term. When called out for negative comments on someone’s body, some people get defensive about their freedom to say what they think. Sure, but again, consequences.
I don’t think what she said to you quite matches up with the actual meaning of body-shaming in terms of “you’re fat,” “you need a boob job,” etc, but using the term “whore” was certainly meant to shame you for doing something she disagreed with. Maybe she comes from a very conservative background, or like you said, maybe she was unfairly projecting her issues with her boyfriend onto you. I’d be curious about whether her boyfriend gave a shit about your bikini strap. Either way, her reaction, whether subconsciously influenced or not, made her emotional enough to ruin her and her boyfriend’s day.
People who put emphasis on these terms as belonging to a political ideology, rather than recognizing the underlying concepts they refer to as part of the universal human experience, are playing into the hands of the political entities that want to set us all against each other for the benefit of their own power and wealth.
In a way, this situation is an everyday example of how our increasingly ideological political system, and our 24/7 exposure to it, has influenced all of our lives in such a subconscious and negative way. Maybe it was always this nasty, but now we have the internet and media to constantly shove it in our faces.
We should all be able to respectfully disagree about things and still be polite, and then work together to find a solution. This is how government is supposed to work. Even if I don’t agree with someone, I prefer not to be offensive to them if I can help it, and I think most rational people are the same way. The trouble comes when emotion gets involved.
Politicians have found that playing on the emotions connected to our beliefs and our experiences yields results. Getting people to become emotionally invested in issues that they are convinced affect them, and in politicians they are convinced share their opinions, makes politicians powerful and wealthy.
It’s amazing to me the things people will say these days to and about people they don’t even know. What I try to do is avoid using these kinds of politicized terms when at all possible, and attempt to explain myself in other words. Not to avoid confrontation, but to keep the political nonsense from unnecessarily affecting my life. I also try to mind my own business.
This is a simplification of a lot of complex issues—nothing is black and white. I just thought this was an interesting example of how political bullshit affects our everyday lives without us realizing it.
In this essay, I will
See, putting myself in the gf’s shoes, yeah I’d be uncomfy but I wouldn’t bitch about it, if it makes anyway uncomfy, LOOK AWAY. That’s the rule, plain and simple, and unless you’re actually flashing everyone, I don’t get the point of being called a whore, so you’re fine. If the bf is looking, it’s his fault.
When someone calls you a “whore” the conversation is over. “You can take your insecurities and shove them, and never speak to me that way again.” NTA
Exactly. How wildly inappropriate, beyond tactless, and, just wow. STA.
That’s nuclear, “whore” is. Some people actually use it pretty casually https://www.askamanager.org/2017/04/i-accidentally-insulted-my-bosss-daughter.html https://www.askamanager.org/2017/05/update-i-accidentally-insulted-my-bosss-daughter.html > The comments were very eye-opening. I thought the word was normal and commonly used, because that’s how it was at home (the exact quote I blurted out was screamed at me countless times at home and I was called a whore several times a day by my teachers). To this day, I hear the word used at least weekly outside of work. But now I see that it is beyond the pale. I still think dating is immoral, but there is no need to use such harsh language. I am cutting the word out of my vocabulary. Now.
"There's more to Christianity than Jesus, read your Bible" More to CHRISTianity than Jesus CHRIST?!?!?!?! "I still think dating is immoral" She just needs to go work for a church somewhere because the job market is not going to workout for her.
right? Look, I’m a Christian, and I grew up with the idea that waiting to have sex until after your marriage was best. And I lived by that for a LONG time. And I didn’t have PIV sex until I could say that if I got pregnant, I’d be okay with that outcome, and so would he. Because I was pretty sure I wouldn’t choose an abortion. I still dated, FFS.
i literally laughed out loud when i read that line!
I think there are very rare instances it’s warranted like I don’t think anyone would hold it against a husband for calling his wife a whore for cheating. RARE circumstances though. Not like op.
WHOREEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
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NTA. His colleague's gf sounds like she is very insecure and jealous of you. She was very rude and disrespectful. Good riddance. Enjoy your day at the beach and forget about them.
thanks haha! she seemed sweet... until she wasn't lol
Most assholes be like that. Like, cool, until they do that one thing that makes it unmistakably clear that they are kind of a douche.
Damn as an older Gen x , undoing the back strings was a must when sunbathing. We ALL did it!NTA
Sounds like a teenager trapped in an adult's body... :)
lol and i don't know many teenage girls that would've been upset by that lol
Narcissists are often very charming when you first meet them…
That's the term. She's just INSECURE, which results in her being rude and disrespectful.
I thought the untying the bathing suit was a universally accepted and standard practice while actively laying in the sun. NTA.
I am used to seeing both fully dressed, topless and buck naked people at the beach (Europe). As a bi guy, I manage not to stare at anyone, male or female, ever. And I never felt that I deserved any praise for it. You are NTA, she is jelous idiot and controlling of her bf. IF the bf was indeed leering at you, he is an AH too.
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where do you think the line would have been where her reaction would have been okay?
If she conveyed her sentiment in the way that you had suggested. That's the line
okay yeah that's logical
I’d also say if you crossed the line of local decency laws you’d be in the wrong but she would still be 100% wrong in how she handled it.
Definitely NTA. It's normal for women to do this. I think it was showing her insecurities that I believe were there before the beach or she wouldn't have reacted so badly.
yeah i didn't think it was crazy but her reaction had me second guessing myself
I've been around for a long time, and women have been doing it since the bikini first came out. You are fine, and it has to do with her insecurities. There's both controlling men and women like that, and I feel sorry for the people they end up with. He was made to leave, and she got what she wanted. I was with a person like this for many years, and I was slowly isolated and cut off from all support. You're dodging a bullet by avoiding her.
So her big problem was that everyone could see your back?
No she said she was showing side boob too so that meant she wasn’t laying completely flat with her arms down.
Holy crap. An untied bikini top on a beach. The *humanity*! She needs to unclench. NTA.
NTA. Glad you called her out on the slutshaming
thanks girl!
NTA. You husband's buddy is dating an insecure brat. Hopefully he figures that out before his friends start distancing from them.
There’s more to this story than what you’re saying happened. You are probably glossing over something you did or said that was shitty.
NTA - Anyone who is going to have a problem like this has way bigger issues than you. Either she’s deeply insecure or her boyfriend has given her a reason to be insecure in their relationship. I would have paid her any mind, except for the whore comments. You should have stood up, tits out for the world to see, and said what did you just say to me? Also she doesn’t seem that bright, since that’s also not the definition of virtue signaling. Either way, this has nothing to do with you.
You did what you wanted and she told you what she thought of it. I don’t see the problem.
NTA - Would she also have felt ok in remarking if she thought your bikini was cut too high? Didn't cover enough in the back to her standards or the top was too small? That is completely normal behavior to engage in at the beach and when people are offended by completely normal behavior it is probably best to dismiss it as their problem and not yours and move on with your life. Seriously, who has time in their life to be that upset by something like that?
NTA. She was rude and demanding, you didn't give in to her demands. That's all there is to it.
What’d your boyfriend say?
NTA, I feel like this is (like it is 99% of the time) a case where men just need to... not stare at women (and this woman doesn't trust her bf to do that?) Sounds like your intentions were a practical one, not to bazinga her boyfriend ugh. Some people are way the hell too dramatic. Edit: rereading the post... did her boyfriend even look? Lol or did she just jump the gun? Someone's super jealous and insecure.
Lmao no that's normal
In the real world, has anyone ever heard someone say the phrase virtue signaling? Not online?
You left out the part where you slept with my boyfriend the night before whore!
That boyfriend is soon going to be single. Imagine being with a girlfriend like that. Wow
Yeah, he could never hope for a “threesomething”
I'm sure that girlfriend is already cheating on him
It's just tits! She's insecure. I was in Greece and groups of teens were hanging out and the girls had no tops on and the boys managed to hang out without obvious boners. NTA
It’s not even just tits either, it’s her back as she was lying face down, which makes it even worse and more embarrassing for the girlfriend 😂
Without asking I'm going to assume OP has beautiful breasts and jealous gf not so much
The beach thanks you for not having to look at them anymore. NTA
So, you didn't have a problem, your husband didn't have a problem and the strangers on the beach didn't have a problem, only she had a problem because you were "flashing her BF". If she's that insecure, she shouldn't take him to beaches
NTA. People really need to get over nudity. This level of aggressive confrontation about a naked back is utterly ridiculous.
NTA. I’ve seen so many women do this over the years that I don’t give it a second look. He will be breaking up with that prude sooner rather than later.
NTA. Get better friends.
NTA. She was totally out of line.
NTA.
NTA, she’s a weirdo
This is one of the weirder creative writing exercises I’ve seen in this sub
Your friend is an insecure ass !
Why didn’t your husband tell her she was out of line? NTA
Probably because OP can fight her own battles?
I’m sure she can, but no way my husband would stay silent if someone called me a whore.
NTA, I was under the impression that this was a fairly normal thing to do. I know it happened a lot in the 80's, which was a more prudish time than today.
You're addicted to attention. It's not going to serve you well. Good luck, you're going to need a truck load.
You’re nta but what you did is still wrong
NTA. She's a nut.
I have such little patience for immature children. Nta
You’re not the AH. Like you said, if she had spoken to you about it rather than jumping straight to insults and snark, you would’ve tied it back up. However, she wants to have a tude, so she can deal with her (possibly shitty) boyfriend’s wandering eyes.
She's an insecure see you next Tuesday. NTA
She sounds like an insecure child. NTA
NTA I say good riddance! I mean god for bid he see your top untie. She’s very insecure and immature😞
NTA
NTA. I get strong signals that he has been gaslighting his girlfriend every time she catches him starting at another girl. Or, alternately, she has been conditioned not to hold men accountable for their libidos. Or lastly, perhaps she is overly paranoid and has unaddressed insecurity issues. These vary in how sympathetic they are, but ultimately, if you can't handle being around people with a little skin showing, why are you at the beach? It's 2024, not 1924.
NTA You did nothing with intent, and instead of respectfully sharing boundaries, she became passive aggressive. My issue with these scenarios is that all of these people care more about their partners meeting some technical standards than actually being a faithful partner. If the only thing keeping your significant other from cheating is you stalking them or the lack of another willing participant, then reconsider your relationship.
NTA lol
That's a no we're busy for future hangouts, good grief.
How do people get to a point where they act that way. She just starts talking shit to someone she just met over nothing.
Bro u definitely NTA. U ain't showing her Bf your parts, and I don't think he be looking. U be just getting a tan. Also that girl shouldn't be callin u a whore. Like wtf. she the a\*\*. just saying.
Another Karen sticks her nose where it doesn't belong hope you had a great day.
NTA… she most likely was thinking things along the lines of what she said before she said it. I feel like she already was jealous of you, insecure of herself etc before you’d untied your bikini top. It most likely just pushed her uncontrolled & insecure emotions over the top and she spilled what she was thinking. And of course, people like that feel right no matter what anyone says or how many people don’t agree with them.
The girlfriend when she discovers Quiet in MGSV:
NTA. First, sounds like a her problem, not a you problem. If her bf oggles other women, that’s on him not on you. You were doing absolutely nothing wrong and something I’ve done a hundred times myself. You weren’t sunbaking topless, boobs up. Although, you could have also been doing that and still wouldn’t be the AH in my view. Does she think if he looks at you with her there, he isn’t looking at other girls when she isn’t there. Gaah. Secondly, who the eff does she think you are calling you a whore. For sunbaking. On the beach. She can eff right off. I’m guessing you have no desire whatsoever to hang out with her again so who really gives a shit what she thinks or if she doesn’t like you. Hope hubby backed you up.
Way to mess up your husband work place by being inappropriate in front of his coworker.. You untied your too in front of another man and his girlfriend who is with yall on the beach.. You aren’t strangers anymore.. Get some class or decorum.. Straight AH low class behavior
No.
I’m sorry to say but you asked… yes I think you were the AH because it isn’t considerate to anyone for you to get that sexy in front of your boyfriends coworker and his girlfriend. Anyone who says a lady appearing to be topless by removing all visible straps to her top is either naive or lying, but that wouldn’t have been so bad if you didn’t show sideboob too. But yes, she was the AH for speaking to you as she did. Yes it was the beach but as you said… you were there with your boyfriend’s coworker and his girlfriend and that is what made the difference. It made them uncomfortable but I wish she could have thought of a tactful way to express that instead of speaking as she did.
If I were you I'd just deal with tan lines. Not do that around my husbands friend/someone else's boyfriend. You really didn't think that would make anyone uncomfortable?
Have you ever been to a beach or a public pool? This is a common thing tons of women do and there is nothing wrong with it.
NTA has this woman never been to the beach before? Women tanning their backs like this happens every single day at the beach.
Both of you are assholes
All that happened is you didn’t waste much time finding out that they’re dumb cunts you shouldn’t spend more time with. Win.
You should have bolted straight up and said “What did you call me?” And then slow smiled at the boyfriend.
> she told me that was some of the most pathetic virtue signaling they ever heard Coming as it did from a woman who literally called you a whore and then flashed her boyfriend due to her own insecurities, we should all hope to be as rich as that accusation one day. You are NYA.
The woman accused OP of flashing the work friend. No one actually flashed anyone.
Ditch them all and find a new bf and friends. What are they, 75 year old church goers?
Awwww. The poor thing sounds insecure as F**K! But you were FAAAABULOUS! You didn't do a damn thing wrong. Perhaps she shouldn't go to the beach until she has done some personal reflection? NTA
Nta. That woman sounds like an absolute trash person.
Obviously you got better boobs
Pics of the sideboob or this whole event didn't happen LOL. You're fine, the envy some of these uglier chicks display is disconcerting. You're probably hot, she isn't, and the envy/jealousy was palpable. Try to let your SO know not to invite her again so you can do your thing in peace. Or, ask for an apology, she may actually be pretty nice once she sees past her own insecurities.
Wow. She sounds fun. /s Of course NTA.
I cannot judge without a pic 😝
NTA
She sounds like she might be a follower of Sister Cindy .
https://www.reddit.com/r/Sistercindy/s/hSA5nLEuAb
NTA Holy shit, talk about a pathetic pick-me. You were laying down, on your stomach. There was nothing to see that he wasn't already seeing. This girl sounds immature as all hell. If she's so worried about her boyfriend so much as LOOKING at other women? she isn't mature enough to be in a relationship.
You are too nice. I would have flipped over and lie on my back to suntan
I admit, I like to have my bikini top not perfectly tied so I can do whatever I want. Makes people get excited.
yta
NTA I assume the other woman does not have as nice boobs as you have 🤷
Oh wow, you met a pick-me in the wild! The use of "virtue signaling" with zero idea what it means got me giggling. Eventually she'll find out that while she abases herself to go along with dicks, they're happy to drop her at any time, gosh she'll be super surprised.
She was uncomfortable, but had no right to assault (yes, that’s assault, though not battery) the sunbather verbally. She didn’t even have the right to ask her to retie the bikini top. Just to talk to her boyfriend and make a diplomatic exit, and drop that couple as friends.
NTA. If she didn't like it she didn't have to look. You weren't dancing around flashing people. I'm sure the day was much nicer after they left. Also, if her bf was staring, you are not responsible other people's behaviour. That's the same thinking that blames people who have been SA'd for "asking for it".
Ummm, hell no, you are NTA. Undoing the straps on your top is a pretty common thing for tanning. She's just jealous.
No loss. She was looking for a fight.
NTA. One: You weren’t showing anything. Two: It’s the beach. Anything goes. Three: Breasts aren’t inherently sexual and it’s completely legal in 98% of jurisdictions to walk around topless. Four: Even if you were walking around topless, him (and her) fantasizing about/imagining what he can do with your breasts is his problem. Doesn’t matter how much or how little you wear. The problem is his (hers) alone.
NTA and sounds like she was jealous of what you have. you should have quoted Seinfeld: “they’re real and they are specular so fuck off!” I believe the last part was implied in the Seinfeld episode too!
You can get back at her by hooking up with her boyfriend.
NTA. Tell her that her jealousy is showing and it's ugly as fuck.
Are your friends 14 years old?
NTA. Bet you are more attractive than her, and that is the real problem.
This is not “slut” shaming because you did a very NON sexual thing. This is like getting annoyed at women breastfeeding in public. People are dumb. You didn’t do anything wrong. In fact if anything I think you were nicer to the gf than k would have been.
NTA, she’s sounds extremely insecure. Like you said, she could have nicely said something if it bothered her, instead she just jumped straight to “whore”. That says alot more about her than you
NTA. Is she fat and jealous?
Yeah, seems like “virtue signaling” is another one of those terms that was invented (by the media? Politicians? Idk who) to shame the opposite side of the political/ideological spectrum when both sides actually do the thing it refers to. People call it “virtue signaling” when companies embrace things like pride celebrations and environmental concerns, but another example of the same situation would be when Hobby Lobby refused to pay for employees’ birth control, or closes on Sundays. These stances may or may not be motivated by underlying profit calculations, but the “virtues” being “signaled” come from both sides of the political spectrum. The term, however, generally has a negative connotation on one side of politics, and a positive one on the other. Both refer to the same thing when it comes to business—a company purporting to support a stance on an issue with political or moral implications. When people blindly parrot these terms in their personal lives, though, it shows a lack of critical thinking—which is exactly what politicians want. But everyone does virtue signaling every day. Personally, I “virtue signal” by not going into public wearing only a bra as a top because I think it’s inappropriate. Someone else is fine with it because they have different experiences. I can’t help thinking what I think when I see someone wearing a bra as a top, but I can refrain from saying it out loud and letting it determine my opinion about that person. Yes, I am technically free to state my opinion to that person, but I then have to face the consequences of what I’ve said. That’s on me, and it could affect any number of things in my life—my relationships, my job, etc. It seems like these kinds of statements are encouraged in the rarefied arena of politics, because those people are able to separate their ideology from their personal lives due to their wealth. Politics is their “job,” and it’s part of the job, apparently. I wish this was not the case, because it affects the people they claim to represent in a negative way, while not affecting them at all (unless it’s something especially egregious, but obviously there are exceptions even to that). Most of us don’t have that luxury. Those who do it anyway often suffer the consequences, and some get away with it. Your acquaintance here has probably lost you as a potential friend and maybe lost her boyfriend a work friend, or maybe not. She definitely lost out on a relaxing day at the beach. We lose out in life when we insist that everyone we associate with agrees with us. As you’ve described it, you had a completely rational, inoffensive response to her unnecessarily insulting reaction and she was offended that you disagreed with her. Like you said, she could have phrased her discomfort in a way that didn’t insult you, but perhaps she was “triggered” by your use of the term “body-shaming.” These are other examples of terms that have been made political and weaponized against political opponents. Just as you might have been “triggered” by her use of the word “whore,” although it seems your ensuing reaction was more rational than hers. The term “trigger” is sometimes used in a well-meaning effort to help protect people’s mental health from situations or encounters that could worsen it. It’s not a new concept—it embodies things everyone would most likely understand regardless of their politics, like a sexual assault victim wanting to avoid graphic depictions of similar situations, or a veteran of the Vietnam War wanting to avoid fireworks and loud noises. But the term itself is often used by people of all ideologies to insult people with differing experiences from their own. Politically, “triggered” has been made into a term that people use to insult each other for things they don’t personally identify with. Everyone gets “triggered” by different things based on their personal experiences. It’s not inherently political, but the word has become kind of a “symbol” used to denigrate others. (On a side note, it’s ironic that the actual word is directly related to another hot-button political issue here in the US—guns! Probably not an accident.) “Body-shaming” is a similar term. When called out for negative comments on someone’s body, some people get defensive about their freedom to say what they think. Sure, but again, consequences. I don’t think what she said to you quite matches up with the actual meaning of body-shaming in terms of “you’re fat,” “you need a boob job,” etc, but using the term “whore” was certainly meant to shame you for doing something she disagreed with. Maybe she comes from a very conservative background, or like you said, maybe she was unfairly projecting her issues with her boyfriend onto you. I’d be curious about whether her boyfriend gave a shit about your bikini strap. Either way, her reaction, whether subconsciously influenced or not, made her emotional enough to ruin her and her boyfriend’s day. People who put emphasis on these terms as belonging to a political ideology, rather than recognizing the underlying concepts they refer to as part of the universal human experience, are playing into the hands of the political entities that want to set us all against each other for the benefit of their own power and wealth. In a way, this situation is an everyday example of how our increasingly ideological political system, and our 24/7 exposure to it, has influenced all of our lives in such a subconscious and negative way. Maybe it was always this nasty, but now we have the internet and media to constantly shove it in our faces. We should all be able to respectfully disagree about things and still be polite, and then work together to find a solution. This is how government is supposed to work. Even if I don’t agree with someone, I prefer not to be offensive to them if I can help it, and I think most rational people are the same way. The trouble comes when emotion gets involved. Politicians have found that playing on the emotions connected to our beliefs and our experiences yields results. Getting people to become emotionally invested in issues that they are convinced affect them, and in politicians they are convinced share their opinions, makes politicians powerful and wealthy. It’s amazing to me the things people will say these days to and about people they don’t even know. What I try to do is avoid using these kinds of politicized terms when at all possible, and attempt to explain myself in other words. Not to avoid confrontation, but to keep the political nonsense from unnecessarily affecting my life. I also try to mind my own business. This is a simplification of a lot of complex issues—nothing is black and white. I just thought this was an interesting example of how political bullshit affects our everyday lives without us realizing it. In this essay, I will
I would have gotten up and said Here can u tie them for me ??? MEANWHILE boobies in full view🤣
See, putting myself in the gf’s shoes, yeah I’d be uncomfy but I wouldn’t bitch about it, if it makes anyway uncomfy, LOOK AWAY. That’s the rule, plain and simple, and unless you’re actually flashing everyone, I don’t get the point of being called a whore, so you’re fine. If the bf is looking, it’s his fault.
On one hand its your body on the other r@pists will use such things as ammo.
Bruh it’s 2024. Please tell me we are all past the “she’s asking for it” trope