Absolutely agree doing some of the housework isn't unreasonable but that is like a week's worth of stuff in a day for a 16 year old. You knew it wouldn't happen and were gunning for it.
Not even just that, does the 16 year old even know how to do all of these things and do them properly? I knew of a 30 year old that didn't even know how to do the dishes and whenever she did them, they were always never actually clean.
He's got to be kidding: "I told her to please . . . iron the sheets and table clothes as well as the sofa covers...." Who does that? He left off power washing the exterior of the house in preparation for her painting the house the next day.
Damn, tell us you don’t like your DIL and her daughter without saying you don’t like them. You want a 16 year old to iron sheets and slip covers, really…when was the last time you did it. It sounds like you want your step grand daughter to be the housekeeper to pay for her families keep.
Now if you don’t want them there, give them a time frame to move out. But stop taking out your anger on this girl.
And there is nothing wrong with her doing some chores. But good Lord, ironing sheets really.
Yeah, soon as I heard 'wash and iron slip covers and sheets', I understood why a 16 year old had checked out of the conversation and ignored the request.
It smelled straight away because OP started justifying why son's business went under.... it's not relevant at all and no one was going to judge or probably even comment anyway????
I’ve known of people who had money that did in fact have the maid iron their sheets. I don’t know anyone like myself who does it…but that task smells of old money.
Eh, my grandmother always washed and ironed hers. That list of chores sounded very familiar to me. Except I never had to iron because my grandmother didn't like how I did it. Actually mine was a bi worse because my grandmother refused to have a dishwasher or a dryer. So dishes had to be handwashed and all clothes w were hung to dry. My grandmother did not come from old money.
I think part of it is the difference between how older people view a 16 year old vs. how we see them today.older people see them as adults that should be contributing to the family whereas we see them as kids. The poorer the family the more of an expectation there was that teens helped out. My grandmother was working as a servant at 14 in a country she didn't know the language and was sending money back home to help her family out. So a teen not working or helping around the house would have annoyed her also.
You know why my grandma ironed her sheets when I was little. It was so she could watch her stories on tv. She was raised where you just didn’t sit and do nothing. Even watching tv she would be mending things at night
Who the hell irons sheets, table cloths and sofa covers? Yeah you are 70 and it damn sure shows. All of the other chores are reasonable but that no I wouldn't be doing that.
I gotta say...I'm 68. I've never ironed a sheet in my life. I use placemats. And sofa covers washed and ironed every day??? Sofa covers???? Geez, if you're that archaic, just get those clear plastic ones.
If you get em out of the dryer while they are still warm and fold them, no ironing needed. Ironing is not my thing. I’ve actually ironed wrinkles in the stuff by accident.
I don't even own an iron and I like to think of myself as otherwise a good housekeeper. I cook and clean daily. My husband is blue collar and I work at a really casual nonprofit (my 60+ year old Executive Director was wearing ripped jeans the other day,) so there's nothing that ever needs to be ironed.
I’m at the point where I don’t even consider myself a person who really knows how to iron. I was never great at it to begin with and then the skill got rusty because, you know, it’s 2024 and who tf irons on the reg.
If you ask the average person born in 2007 to iron and they actually do it, best case scenario you come home to some slightly pressed items with a scorch mark here and there. Worst case scenario the house is on fire.
You just reminded me that when I was really little, I wanted to copy my mom in ironing. Somehow I got the iron (don’t know how) and ironed a sock on the carpet.
That carpet had an iron shaped burn until my parents replaced it years later 🤣
I'm 58. I still have an iron because I like to sew and quilt. I don't know what happened to the ironing board. I iron on a tabletop now.
Edited to add: who in the hell irons sheets!?! Is she Leona Helmsly? And I have tablecloths for special occasions, but who uses them every day? And how often do you clean sofa covers? It honestly sounds like she's making up chores for the kid to do! It's one thing to give a kid chores, but this lady is nuts!
I’m only 30 but I only iron the fabric I’m using for quilts or little sewing projects. The occasional shirt or two but outside of that, the iron doesn’t leave the sewing corner lol
Same. Ironing aside the kid should be helping out. The DIL and 16 yo are freeloaders. She can’t even clean up her own dishes. Nix the ironing because that’s ridiculous but other chores are necessary. No apologies are needed. They can freeload somewhere else if they don’t want to help out.
true story - some of those chores are once/week! that girl wouldn’t last long in my house - my son has been doing the laundry for a few years now, and he’s 15!
I used to iron while I watched my soaps. Still love the look and feel of a starched shirt, but that's for a special occasion nowadays! Haven't ironed in years 🤔
Some clothes require it
I usually do not buy those clothes. But now I have a job where I occasionally have to look professional.
It's hot af here, and I'd rather wear a cotton button-up shirt than a polyester one that doesn't require ironing. But for some reason the arms of button-up shirts always get fucked in the dryer.
I wish someone would tell me why the sleeves of every single fucking striped long-sleeve button-up shirt turn into accordions in my dryer. What am I doing wrong? I'm tired of using an old flat iron to iron them.
I had to iron my stepfather's stained underpants when I was a kid and I'm still pissed off about it.
Those wool dryer balls help. Not having multiple long sleeves and pants in one laundry load helps, as they tangle each other. You get them out when they’re still damp, shake them out hard. (Permanent press setting can work better on some washers for this. As soon as you take them out put your arm through those sleeves and splay your fingers wide while pulling your hands out to open up those wrinkles. Two three times if you need to. Put on hanger immediately.
Not ironed, but I know those old white linen sheets that were starched and brought to a shop with a rotary iron. Same with tablecloths. They were indestructible.
Good question. Most of the chores are reasonable, but every one not paying rent should be doing chores! I have noticed animosity towards DIL, because she didn't try to help out by getting a job, especially when OP's son when he was losing his home and business, which is reasonable. But ironing bed sheets and the sofa cushions ! Come on, that is 1920's household chores.
It's "busy work". OP is pissed off because dil and her kid aren't doing enough for her liking so she's decided to assign them work as punishment for not doing enough.
You can ask anyone living in your house rent free to do chores, adult or child but the specifically explained that it was bc the granddaughter was home all day not working and DIL was.
This. But there’s nothing wrong with a 16 year old having a reasonable amount of chores. Doing the dishes and taking out the trash were reasonable requests.
Which is reasonable. When dil first said stepgd shouldn't do anything, grandma said 'she could at least wash her own plates', so there's plenty of room for negotiation from grandma, and none from dil and stepgd.
It's not even enough for her liking it's anything. If the kid is not picking up after herself, then it's extra on OP. Hell, probably eats and drinks sitting on the sofa, I'm guessing that cleaning the cushions is that. I make my kids clean, and have since old enough to do so.
My daughter moved out and actually thanked me as her roommate was clueless. I own an iron, but it's sitting in a closet somewhere...
My grandmother is 84 and she irons the sheets which I think is silly. But when I stayed with her for a month I still did it because she asked me too. Her house.
I actually do know people who iron sheets and upholstery covers. I am not one of them.
Usually, you only wash the covers when they get grody (once a year - but with messy houseguests, perhaps more often), if you put them on while damp, they will stretch out to fit (if they are custom covers).
I use sofa covers. I have 2 nice sofas and dogs that shed. It's nice to be able to just wash all the hair off without vacuuming and hide the covers when company comes over so I look like I have new clean not dog slobber or hair sofas
I used to iron my sheets after putting them on the bed. Felt so good to snuggle under those soft suckers! Then I discovered my current bed set...no ironing ever needed! Folds beautifully, goes on like a dream, feels amazing to get between!
But asking a 16y.o to do that kind of ironing, especially when the kid is lazy and probably hasn't lifted a finger to do any kind of housework in her entire life, yeah, you're nuts!
Take out the Rubbish, dusting, dishes, fair enough. Teach her how to use the washing machine.
She is just asking to get her house burned down by a pissed off teenager with a hot iron and dry sheets! The other housework is ok but ironing shit is a personal choice not a necessary daily task.
If not the house burned down she's asking for scorched sheets and tablecloths. I know how to iron, my grandma was big on ironing doilies and dresser scarves and tablecloths but she TAUGHT me how to iron and I was only given the old stuff or tea towels to practice on until she knew I wouldn't screw up the pieces. My grandma also rejoiced when she discovered sheets that could be washed, dried, and no ironing needed.
My first thought. There’s no way I’m ironing all that shit, let alone DEMANDING a 16 year old does it.
I’m all for kids pulling their weight by doing chores, but that list is NOT chores and I’m sure it would take a professional cleaners all day to complete that list
This. The list is ridiculous, especially if she expected the girl to do it in a day. Already there's convoluded tgings on the list (washing and ironing sofa covers) which I assume is something that hasn't been done in years, so I don't want to know what she was gonna come up with for the next day. Painting the facade? Retiling the roof?
No one. This is a made up story obv. 1) “I paid off the rest of the loans so my son’s credit wouldn’t tank.” After bankruptcy with loss of homestead, there are no remaining loans and his credit is already ruined. 2) A 70 yo concerned about ironed sheets and slip covers would have better grammar (using “your” in place of “you’re”). 3) People in comments saying “sounds like old money” - please! Old money has proper schooling, good grammar, and isn’t airing dirty laundry on redit! 4) it’s too over the top. I lived a real life Cinderella story with demands that I take over all house work while babysitting my younger siblings during summer break from age 14-16 (moved out at 17) and might have believed this but for the inaccurate bankruptcy reference, but even to me that chore list is clearly made up. Literally no one washes sheets and slip covers daily.
My guess - 16 year old being asked to do chores wants sympathy or someone is trying out creative writing skills
Not me but I think GM should sit down with son and come up with reasonable chore schedule. As far as I'm concerned, I would have kicked out DIL and SGD the minute mom said OP was racist for requiring chores and not let them back until she apologized and they agree to a reasonable chore schedule.
Also, show her how to do the chores! It's clear from DIL's reaction that this kid has probably never touched a mop in her life. It's not instinctive, she needs to be taught.
Sincerely,
A stepdaughter who was expected to do chores without anyone ever teaching her (and before YouTube so I couldn't just watch a video to learn), and who was yelled at if things weren't done perfectly.
You went way too far with the ironing and washing slip covers. A list of daily needs like dishes or sweeping is reasonable. Treating her like a servant is not.
You opting not to charge rent does not mean you can burden a teen with your household chores. You are punishing the child for the sins of her mother. YTA
Absolutely. A child helping with some chores is normal. Turning her into a slave who must do 100% of the house chores is not acceptable.
It sounds like OP resents having the family in her house and she's taking it out on the kid - the youngest and easiest to target.
Right. That she thinks this normal is alarming. Kid may be lazy as many teens, but she should be worked with how to see things that need to be done or assigned a few tasks, not saddled with it all. And then threatened with being kicked out. What an awful thing to do.
And quite frankly OP should have been addressing this issue through his son and then having a discussion about making changes.
Not saying the teenager shouldn’t be doing anything but he can’t just give her 6 chores at random and then say, “you don’t pay rent so do what I say.”
Right idea. Terrible execution.
ESH because son should’ve been making everyone (including him) contribute to household chores and DIL and her child should have took some initiative.
It's the execution. If her tone while speaking to the SGD is anything like the tone of this post, I can understand why there's pushback. It sounds like she's piling on extra chores instead of letting the girl get up to speed with the first set of requests. Frankly, I would have to ask how all the ironing got done if she was working before they moved in. Washing and ironing slip covers daily is a bit excessive. If my child was targeted with that much, I would be looking for a place. Their debts have been settled, according to OP. Maybe it's just time to go.
What's the son's contribution to household chores? Why can't he drag the bins to the street? Why can't Mom sweep and mop in the evening? Why can't a bunch of grown ass people do their own laundry?
What are the mother's sins? She is out at work, and OP specifically said that the parents did not need to contribute financially. She says that DIL did not look for work when the business was collapsing, but I suspect there is some context missing there.
There is definitely missing context. I wouldn't be surprised if OPs son kept his wife in the dark about his failing business. A lot of people will hide financial troubles from their partners until the last minute. It's usually a shock when the partner finds out, and it's too late for them to do anything to help. If DIL is working now, that tells me she could have worked before. Maybe she didn't know the extent of their financial situation. What blows my mind is OP blames all the problems on DIL and then takes it out on the 16 year old. She puts no responsibility on her son, and it was his business that failed. There's no accountability in either OP or her son. Then the son wrongly sides with his mother and agrees to kick out SGD (who is still a minor) if she doesn't become their very overworked and not even paid maid. What does that sound like?? I try not to assume racism in others. I just can't get over the fact that SGD is a POC, and all of a sudden, she's seen as free labor. I'm not surprised DIL accused OP of racism. I'm sure that wasn't just because of the chores. I'd bet a lot of money that OP had made racist comments or "jokes." DIL probably snapped because OP made her distain for her daughter known. Just from reading the post, it is obvious that she hates both her DIL and SGD. Also, the way OP writes about her son is gross. You can tell there's a Jocasta complex, and her son plays right into it.
Edited because words are hard.
This
Golden child son had failed business decisions and ended up living free in Mommy's house
But the granddaughter is to blame, clearly /s
OP is a seriously hateful piece of work. Wife should definitely take the kid out of there
Sounds like she was just making shit up to put on a teenagers plate because she “is lazy.” The other chores were more than reasonable but yeah if I was asked to iron SHEETS I’d be upset. Also “she was in school and all she did was go to school.” A lot of teenagers have part time jobs but it’s not a reflection of bad character to just be focused on high school.
This also should have been discussed with DIL and Son not just dictated to a 16 year old and then threaten to kick her out if she doesn’t. Does she even have anywhere else to go?
Also I totally believe there is some racism at play here even if it’s not conscious.
Yes, the ironing and slipcovers were too much. Seems like somewhere between 2-4 hours of chores, five days a week, would be a huge help to the whole family and leave enough time for the granddaughter to still enjoy her summer.
what the heck would she be doing to do four hours of chores a day? I'm an adult with a home and I don't think my spouse and I \*COMBINED\* spend four hours of time every day on chores
We have a decently large house and two tweens. We hire someone to come in for 4 hours every other week to do the deep cleaning. We spend a total of about 2-3 hours a week folding laundry. The rest of the chores take about an hour to two a day at most, split between the four of us, and typically completed in 10 minute chunks (unload the dishwasher while waiting for water to boil or scoop the cat litter while waiting for the dog to pee outside, that kind of thing). I have no idea how any home could require 4 hours a day of housework.
I realize I live in an apartment, and that's different than a whole house, but damn, I barely get to 4 hours a week I think. Not counting filling the dishwasher after eating.
YTA - Because everything you listed for her to do is basically telling her she has to be your maid. Yes, she should help around the house, vacuum laundry, etc, but you're telling her she has to do everything. You're telling her she has to be your maid in order to live in your home.
It's very clear from the beginning that you hate your DIL so I'm guessing you hate her daughter too.
The language used that she ALSO “let” a minor child live in her home was the first red flag… where else was the 16 year old going to live…?
I think it’s pretty clear she hates the kid, too. She hates that she “only did school”.
I don’t disagree that she can help with chores… they all need to. And if this kid hasn’t done chores before she needs to be taught and they get introduced once she gets the hang of one. Neither laundry nor ironing are particularly difficult but also easy to mess up if you don’t know what you are doing.
I've got a sneaking suspicion that DIL accused OP of racism because she said something racist to SGD and then tried to play innocent. It just seems too odd to come out of nowhere.
Not only that but she’s a teenage girl. It’s misogynistic to expect her to a) drop out of school to support her family b) become a full time maid to pay their dues.
I agree. Threatening a minor with homelessness is cruel and unnecessary. I think OP also should have approached her parents to ask what they thought would be reasonable in terms of chores instead of just demanding things be done their own way.
Also, that’s way too many chores for a sixteen year old. Having some chores is reasonable, but cleaning the whole house is for sure treating her like a maid. She only has a few more summer breaks. Let the kid be a kid, too.
Feels like there probably is some racism going on against DIL and her daughter.
Yep!
"If dil had a job they wouldn't be in this situation!" Yet... dil has a full time job now. She obviously would have gotten one earlier if she could!
She obviously hates her. And the way she talks about the daughter...ugh! Poor kid!
Also I am sahd and I sure as hell don't do _everything_ for the 6 people in my home. The vast majority? Yes, but not everything and I would certainly never have time to do half the stuff she listed (ironing sofa covers???).
Expecting a 16yo to become a maid for 5 adults is absurd, insulting and I would not be surprised if it was rooted in racism.
MIL is telling a 16yr old dependant that she has to be a maid in order to live there even though she didn't have a choice in the decision, while at the same time MIL told her son and DIL they didn't have to contribute.
It makes zero sense.
This has Cinderella and the evil stepmother written all over.
Stepdad loves that his mother doesn't blame him for anything so does nothing to defend his family. He's 51 and living with his mother. If his wife left him I wager he'll still be living with her until one of them pops their clogs.
I had to scroll waaaay too far to see someone point this out. OP’s first threat to the girl was homelessness. She’s a minor!! Was there any discussion with the PARENTS upon moving in on what was expected with housework? Make the son and dil make a schedule for cleaning by way of paying rent, and let them enforce how the daughter contributes. It is wild to me to dump it all out of the blue on the teen and immediately threaten to kick her out. If OP’s beef is with the dil, the conflict should be addressed through dil, not her child.
Agreed. Threatening a teen with homelessness over some undone chores is psychotic. This is a teen who has already lost one home and is experiencing a lot of economic instability. I get that she needs to contribute and I agree - but making her a maid and threatening homelessness is a psychotic asshole move.
Edited a word for clarity
Agree. This boomer Karen is 💯 TA . Her post screams hatred for her DIL and that poor kid. I'm sure she goes to Church every Sunday and complains about the server to the manager afterward!
Yes. My mom is the same age and would never treat a child like this. Asking to empty or load the dishwasher, sweep or take out some garbage - absolutely. But house slave? No. Threatening to make her homeless? We would be making a doctor’s appointment to see if she was in cognitive decline. That’s how nuts this sort of behaviour is.
Yeah, she’s a 16 year old on summer break, not a SAHW….it’s kinda expected that teenagers either get a summer job OR relax (both are generally acceptable), it doesn’t even sound like OP even knows or likes the kid (dil either), while she should have SOME chores this is excessive, it’s giving Count Olaf to the Baudelaires kind of list. Also while it is her house, it does not give her more parenting power over the kid, honestly YTA and good on DIL for leaving.
YTA because your scapegoat for your resentment about your adult son’s poor choices and money management is a child. At no point ever has one single school trip been the reason someone is made bankrupt, but you seem happier to blame his wife and child and “big box stores” than the 51-year old man you spawned.
Don’t forget - “the big box stores took away his business” - TOOK AWAY HIS BUSINESS. Her son obviously can do no wrong and he’s always a victim of his circumstance. She sounds like a nightmare.
Probably why he always sides with mommy dearest. I hope the DIL finds a better situation and also that young child learns SOME household chores for her own sake and not for a 70 year old who wants to take shit out on her.
YTA. Expecting everyone in the house to split chores is very reasonable. Unilaterally deciding a 16 year old has to take on all the household chores is not
You tell your son to keep his money. that you don’t want to charge him for rent or food. But at your first opportunity you expect a 16 year old to cover their debt. Drop the hypocrisy, you don’t like the daughter or your DIL. You blame them for your son’s failed business. News flash - if he were the crack businessman you think he is, he wouldn’t have lost everything. Good news, It sounds like you might be making progress on your real goal to break up the marriage.
This should be higher up. Everyone in the house should be doing chores. The list she gave her step grand daughter is crazy for one day. Especially for someone who clearly isn’t used to doing chores. Everyone in the house should be doing their own laundry and 1-2 chores a day. When I was 16 there’s no fucking way I would have touched anyone else’s underwear. YTA
Exactly my thoughts as well. And then the other commenter said something about him being a salesman. I know plenty of small furniture businesses that are thriving and even use to work for one. This old hag is obviously out of touch with reality
YTA for not speaking to her parents first. You just stomped up to a teenager out of the blue and demanded she do everything. On what planet was that going to work?! Instead, you should have sat down with her and her parents as a family together, talked about the situation and come to an agreement together. She may well have decided to get a part time job too, and then everyone takes on a portion of the housework. But nope, you went straight in like a bull in a china shop.
Plus, she could have had everyone, including her own son, have an assigned task they do on a specific day to make things fair. Note that she doesn't make her son do anything [working doesn't absolve you of at least taking out the trash] and seems to give off a very big dislike vibe towards DIL and her son's stepdaughter. A chore or two is reasonable,but make it fair rather than dump EVERYTHING on step granddaughter. The comment on OP being a boy mom may not be too farfetched [also said son potentially being a bit of a mama's boy who may not like his stepdaughter very much] Also NGL, sofa covers sound tedious AF.
I have no problems with chores but they need to be manageable chores and something that gets done every day - not a professional house cleaner who gets paid $50+ an hour and works the entire day.
The chore list was too much - laundry (wash + dry + iron). Who TF irons table cloths and sheets?!
Having her scrub bathrooms and vacuum and dust the entire house and take out all the rubbish is far too much.
She’s a kid who goes to school. They need a break on school holidays.
Also, if your son declared bankruptcy then why did you pay off his credit cards? It seems pointless. Why not just pay towards the loan so he didn’t lose the house? If he’s bankrupt it sounds like his credit has tanked.
With her son alone.
"Here's a list of chores I expect you and your family to do while you're staying with me. How you split the chores between you is completely up to you, but you're responsible for making sure they get done.".
Exactly this. It's not OPs place to order about her granddaughter. It's not granddaughters fault they are in this position and she should not be responsible for preventing her family from becoming homeless whether the chore list is reasonable or not. She is a child.
I'm assuming she's never had chores before because her mother was a SAHM and likely did most of the housework before they lost everything so suddenly deciding she is responsible for all of it in one day and then threatening her with homeless is so unreasonable, I'd even say cruel. It also seems like OP has no relationship whatsoever with granddaughter and is giving some serious evil step-grandmother vibes here.
OP is TA, but I also think her son is TA here too. Instead of sitting down with his daughter and coming up with a plan to implement a reasonable chore list for her and the family he is just siding with his mother and putting his own failure to provide adequately for the family on his daughters shoulders. He needs to grow a pair and take responsibility for his family.
> It's not granddaughters
I just want to point out that they're not even close to grandmother and granddaughter. Imagine you're a 16 year old girl, and your mother marries some old dude, and then you get forced to go live with that old dude's mother. She's literally nothing to you, you don't know her, you have your own grandmothers, and she tells you to go scrub the bathroom and iron all this shit and blah blah blah? No fucking way. Any kid with any self respect at all would tell the old cow to scrub her own bathroom.
> It also seems like OP has no relationship whatsoever with granddaughter and is giving some serious evil step-grandmother vibes here.
100%. Wants to break up the family and make the kid the scapegoat for it.
Agreed.
Also, a 16 year old whose parents are broke and living with a grandparent sounds pretty terrible for her. Her parents have failed to give her security or stability and none of that is in her control. She's depressed. I'd wager the whole family needs help, but especially her. Instead, she has been turned into a villain by two of three adults in the house.
But nah, everyone is like "she's such a lazy brat." Maybe, but also she's 16. She's already testing authority at that age (par for the course) and may choose homelessness if the adults don't step up for her.
I was with you until this
>**"last Tuesday I told her the trash needed to be taken to the big cans and those pulled to the road for next day pick up. our trash pickup runs incredibly early so I set them out the night before. I told her everything needed to be dusted and floors vaccumed/swept and then mopped. I showed her where everything was and told her that there was laundry to do and some needed to be ironed. I told her to please wash,dry and iron the sheets and table clothes as well as the sofa covers as well as scub down the bathrooms."**
Are we reading Cinderella ? You left and told a 16 years old girl to do a maid job without paiement ?
It's your house, I got it. You don't ask for rent or food paiement to your son. I got it. Why do you ask his wife's daughter and not them ? Because they work ? Unfair. You ask them to do the chores and it's up to them to decide who will do what and when. As THEY don't pay rent. She's not supposed to PAY physically, for a situation she didn't chose. She's not responsible for their bankrupt, and not responsible for your choices with them.
She must help, she is 16. I have a daughter that age. She doesn't do everything you asked for... NOT ON ONE DAY ! If she does laundry, I will clean the floors. If she cleans the kitchen, I will clean the living-room... She is on holidays, she deserves free time !
My opinion is that you don't like your son's wife. And your son can't tell you anything because you pay for everything. It's a manipulative move. You win. DIL and her daughter moved. You have your son for yourself. But don't say it was a gift when you expected something in return. It's generous when it's totally free.
And once again, it's normal to wait for adults who live with you to share the chores, and even to ask children (even more younger) to participate. PARTICIPATE. Not doing ALL the chores for 3 adults ! That's where you lost me...
YTA
My mother used to iron absolutly everything but she once told me that she was raised in extreme poverty (oldest of 11 children from her mother, oldest of 9 from her father) and that ironing was the best way to avoid parasites in the laundry, as the water wasn't perfectly clean. She kept that her all life and wasn't able to not iron things, particularly sheets and underwears.
Guess what ? I iron nothing ! 😂 (I don't know if it's a verb in english, it's one in french, but I'm not sure of my sentence here !)
This is a generational thing. They used to do that back then. DIL needs to discuss what’s reasonable for today’s standards and get her daughter to do it. Honestly, once you clean, it doesn’t take long to maintain.
I'm 60. I heard my grandparents talk of ironing sheets when they were much younger. My parents neither ironed sheets nor talked about it being done in their homes. I've never ironed a sheet. Please try to remember that today's 70-year-olds were born in 1953, not 1923 or even 1933. OP is being very punitive, and to the wrong person.
YTA
1) no 16 years old should be paying any rent living with their parents.
2) what century do you live?
3) when she can get away from you, that will the last you will interact with her.
4) your son is as awful as you are.
ESH
Your expectations are too much. You demanded way too much all at once and was dumbfounded why she didn't help. The 16 year old is not living with you out of her choice, you lording it over her that she gets free rent when she has no control in her housing situation is wrong. Just because she's not at school, does not mean she should be doing the majority. The adults in the household should be doing the majority while she has some chores.
Your son and DIL suck as "parents". Your son agreeing to your forced labour while not contributing to the household makes him an AH. He works but is no benefit to the household. He makes the mess too, he cleans the mess too, unless you failed to teach your own son how to clean. DIL should also contribute to the chores and have her daughter doing at least the dishes and rubbish.
All the adults causing chaos and putting it on the kid in this situation, you all need to sit down, work out who does what. This isn't all on the 16 year old.
Plus giving MORE chores as punishment and such clear, strong overtones of “you’re not my real grandchild.” You say she accused you of racism… it’s not clearly NOT racism with the way you’re treating her like an indentured servant who has to earn her rent. There’s a very reasonable middle ground here.
If you feel this much contempt toward your DIL (and her child by extension), your generosity may not be kind. Dig deep for a gracious heart for these two, who have also “been through it” and find some reasonable chores the teen can do while Ben g treated like a human being.
This 💯💯💯. You said it perfectly!! This is the adults' mess. They need to gently help the 16yo grow up and grandma needs to show love, not domination and threats. This woman and her son need to get a clue how to treat people.
You kind of are, let me explain yes she should help pitch in and help out. But you're going excessive on it. Yes you should take the trash down to the curb yes she can clean the bathrooms and do the dishes. I can even agree with laundry. But the ironing that's just too much that's way too much it's like you actually do hate this child. And I think you hate her mother too. And I think you're punishing the child because of who her mother is.
If your son agrees with you, then sounds like you've managed to be the catalyst that ends his relationship. Congrats I guess. It was probably going to happen anyway, considering he is 51 and living with his mommy.
ESH
They should be doing some chores, including the sixteen year old. But your list is excessive beyond belief.
Asking her to take the garbage out and stick some washing for example in is fine. That’s contributing to the household. Telling her to do an entire households chores is not so fine. She is not your maid.
Pick 1-2 chores her to do, and expect her to clean up her mess; so do her own dishes. As an adult I’d baulk at the list you gave her; it must have seemed horrendously unfair to a sixteen year old.
It’s interesting that you are focusing your attention on a 16 year old. You want her to do all the house work including ironing sheets and sofa covers. Slavery has ended. Who does that? You sound like the wife in charge of the house on a Plantation. Your step granddaughter is not your maid. On a personal note, as a Black woman if my white ( I’m assuming your white but I’d think even less of you if you are a minority) step family wanted me to be an unpaid laborer in their house, I’d likely think your a racist.
Your son and DIL need to be point persons for majority of the chores you are assigning. Your step grand daughter of course needs to learn to do chores but a discussion with her mother should have been had before you assigned a whole house for her to clean. She definitely needs to wash the dishes she uses and keep her space clean.
Frankly, you resent your son and DIL being in your house and you have found a scapegoat.
I hope your DIL gets her daughter out of your house immediately.
It would have been reasonable if the bigger tasks like laundry, ironing and such was not expected to be done that day. If she could plan her chores herself over say, the next few weeks it would sound more reasonable. Also, are you sure she even knows how to do these chores? What modern 16-year old knows how to iron sheets, lol.
Obviously cleaning up your own dishes after cooking and doing your own laundry is a given. Taking out the trash is also completely reasonable.
Chores are one thing, but your list to to much even for a full time house keeper! You want those chores done over the week ok, but not in a day. Floors and vacuuming one day , dishes everyday, washing, bathroom cleaning twice a week, ironing sheets??? No, same with slip covers no that’s your job!
Why didn’t you talk to your son and DIL first about your concerns? And have the parents make the decision? You are the asshole, for how you went about it, to the extreme list of demands, and then the threats. They are in a vulnerable position and you made it worse, you’re actually kind of a monster. The 16 year old definitely needs to contribute, that’s not the issue though. It’s how you handled it. And your son is a little bitch it sounds like, and that’s also on you.
YTA
You should divide the housework fairly, not expect a kid to do everything herself. Tbh, a part time job isn’t too much to ask in lieu of household chores. It looks like you’ve pitted your son against his wife and daughter. Hopefully your son won’t end up divorced over it.
Yes, you're the asshole for expecting your step-granddaughter to take on extensive household chores without considering her own needs and responsibilities, especially without prior agreement or compensation. Understanding boundaries and communication is crucial in family dynamics.
ESH
Your DIL is spoiling her child, yes. And she's being ungrateful for you housing her and her daughter.
But YOU are threatening a minor with homelessness unless she effectively pays rent for her family by doing all of your housework. That's completely unacceptable. If you're that butthurt about not being paid rent, then charge them rent. If you just want to kick out DIL and her child, then do it. But the way you're behaving right now is disgraceful. She's 16, she's not your slave. And if you do try to throw them out, check the laws in your area, because I guarantee you'll be breaking them by illegally evicting them, regardless of if they've paid rent or not.
I think it’s reasonable to want the 16 year old do some daily housework. I think plunging her into the deep end of the pool with that much housework right from go is excessive, especially if she’s never cleaned before. Are you sure your resentment of her mother didn’t have you acting a little bit more harshly towards her than you otherwise would have?
YTA
It’s not your place to decide what the child does or establish your form of discipline (aside from cleaning up after herself, etc). That’s for the parents. You don’t get to make a chore list for a grandchild and you certainly don’t get to expect a minor child to pay rent (and therefore be responsible for work items in lieu of said rent)
However!
It is perfectly reasonable to establish what you feel the FAMILY should be responsible for, in lieu of rent, etc. For instance, you can tell your son and DIL that they are responsible for vacuuming once a week, cleaning a bathroom weekly, daily dishes, etc. Then they can decide as parents what tasks they may delegate to the daughter (just as if it was within their own home) versus what tasks the adults will retain responsibility for.
Why is Op fixated on what the 16 YO is doing only?
It seems like OP you are resentful of your new daughter in law and of her child. To be clear YOUR SON lost his business and YOUR SON lost his house. He owns how he lost those assets and the inordinate blame on the daughter in law is misplaced.
You have decided to allow your son and his family live with you which is very generous. I suggest you work out with him and your daughter in law the terms of the free room and board and allow them to split that work up between the three people that comprise your son’s family.
Nothing about the situation is the 16 YOs fault and worse it seems like you believe that you are entitled to decide how she spends her time as a condition of her living there- a choice she did not make. How a school aged minor spends her time is between her and her parents no landlord gets to dictate that, and to be clear you are a landlord.
Once you give your son a list of what you expect for your largesse, allow him and your dil to decide who in their family will be doing that work. Do not involve yourself in that family dynamic. If you can’t reach agreement with them or the agreed upon conditions are not met, evict them. Your other choice is to instead loan them money with repayment terms and get them out of your house. I think this would be the best option. Your son is a mooch and you are too resentful of your son’s wife and stepchild for this to work for long.
You’re not the ahole for expecting her to do some chores but you are telling her she’s going to be your maid. No one but people in their 70’s irons sheets. This entire thing you play out that your sons just down on his luck and it’s DIL fault and blah blah blah but your son made a series of choices that lead to him being broke and loosing a business. He had a big hand in the way his life played out.
The 16 year old should ABSOLUTELY clean up after herself and maybe 1 or 2 chores like take the trash out and vacuum. But to have her do everything is treating her like a made and she isn’t your maid.
Just say you hate wife #2 and her kid and either kick them out or tell your son he needs to get his life together.
YTA, trying to turn the teenager into a maid because you don't like how she lives.
If you had spoken to her mother about assigning a reasonable amount of chores, that would have been one thing... but the way you just walked up and ordered her to do all of this work with no explanation or discussion it's no surprise she ignored you and her mom is mad.
During the school year, when she was attending school and having homework that needed doing at night (equivalent to an adult's full time job) did you also expect the parents to do chores after work or did you understand that they might need to rest.
Have you ever discussed with them that since they're not paying rent you'd like them to do extra work around the house to help out? This needs to be a conversation of setting down expectations and boundaries as well as negotiating as necessary. The way you're talking about it here borders on sounding like you hold the money/accommodation over their heads and expect something in return.
Either way, hopefully they can get on their feet quickly.
Majority of the housework? No ma’am. She’s a kid, not your slave.
Give her a few chores to teach her skills and responsibility, absolutely.
But she isn’t the reason they live with you. It seems like you resent the situation, and you are entitled to your feelings.
But yes, YTA.
Well, the good news is people clean up after you in the nursing home. The bad news is you'll likely get no visitors aside from the manchild who'll likely still be leeching off you.
You would have been in the right if your expectations weren't set somewhere around 'Cinderella's stepmother'.
YTA.
Holy shit yes you're the asshole. Ironing sheets and table cloths? You didn't need to tell us your age. It's obvious you're an out of touch boomer.
It's summer and she's a kid. Let her be a kid. She should be expected to pick up after herself and do basics, sure. But quit trying to treat her like Cinderella and expect her to scrub the grout with a toothbrush. What the fuck is wrong with you?
YTA. Cinderella much? This is delulu level of work to suddenly put on a 16yo "or else get out". That your son went along with this 0-100 plan is awful. There are far more nurturing ways to help a 16yo pick up around the house, but saddling her all of it is not helpful at all. Why do you want "get out" to be your go-to??? This is your son's family. You are being so hateful to them and your son better get a clue or he'll lose his family.
There’s a right way and a wrong way to get a 16 year old on board with chores. You sound like a fucking drill sargeant- does she even know HOW to do those things? Yes, she should be washing her dishes and can certainly take out the trash. But your attitude will only make hers worse. And NO ONE irons sheets for crying out loud. Try kindness- she doesn’t want to be there any more than you want her there. Sit down with her and write out a schedule- not everything on the list has to be done every single day to start. You are a big part of this problem.
I was on board until I read "iron the sheets and sofa covers." Who does that? I iron three cotton shirts once in a blue moon but nothing else. Neither do you threaten a 16 yr old with homelessness. Yes, get a job but transportation is the next issue.
You obviously resent them being there ... still, lighten up.
Troll
Absolutely agree doing some of the housework isn't unreasonable but that is like a week's worth of stuff in a day for a 16 year old. You knew it wouldn't happen and were gunning for it.
Not even just that, does the 16 year old even know how to do all of these things and do them properly? I knew of a 30 year old that didn't even know how to do the dishes and whenever she did them, they were always never actually clean.
Who irons bed sheets and sofa covers?
Old folks
100%. My parents are Gen X and they've never ironed a sheet in their lives. My partner's parents are boomers and they do. They even have a wringer!
He's got to be kidding: "I told her to please . . . iron the sheets and table clothes as well as the sofa covers...." Who does that? He left off power washing the exterior of the house in preparation for her painting the house the next day.
Someone read old books and is practicing the voice of the villian.
Damn, tell us you don’t like your DIL and her daughter without saying you don’t like them. You want a 16 year old to iron sheets and slip covers, really…when was the last time you did it. It sounds like you want your step grand daughter to be the housekeeper to pay for her families keep. Now if you don’t want them there, give them a time frame to move out. But stop taking out your anger on this girl. And there is nothing wrong with her doing some chores. But good Lord, ironing sheets really.
Yeah, soon as I heard 'wash and iron slip covers and sheets', I understood why a 16 year old had checked out of the conversation and ignored the request.
I would love to know what her precious son does around the house, bet he’s never done a single chore
Glad I'm not the only one who picked up on the creepy boy-mom vibes
It smelled straight away because OP started justifying why son's business went under.... it's not relevant at all and no one was going to judge or probably even comment anyway????
AND what she would expect a 16 year old BOY to do….
I’ve known of people who had money that did in fact have the maid iron their sheets. I don’t know anyone like myself who does it…but that task smells of old money.
Eh, my grandmother always washed and ironed hers. That list of chores sounded very familiar to me. Except I never had to iron because my grandmother didn't like how I did it. Actually mine was a bi worse because my grandmother refused to have a dishwasher or a dryer. So dishes had to be handwashed and all clothes w were hung to dry. My grandmother did not come from old money. I think part of it is the difference between how older people view a 16 year old vs. how we see them today.older people see them as adults that should be contributing to the family whereas we see them as kids. The poorer the family the more of an expectation there was that teens helped out. My grandmother was working as a servant at 14 in a country she didn't know the language and was sending money back home to help her family out. So a teen not working or helping around the house would have annoyed her also.
You know why my grandma ironed her sheets when I was little. It was so she could watch her stories on tv. She was raised where you just didn’t sit and do nothing. Even watching tv she would be mending things at night
That's so sad I can't imagine being on the clock in your own home
I know people with old money. And they no longer iron sheets because the sheets don’t need it. What it smells like is this person is being petty
Who the hell irons sheets, table cloths and sofa covers? Yeah you are 70 and it damn sure shows. All of the other chores are reasonable but that no I wouldn't be doing that.
I gotta say...I'm 68. I've never ironed a sheet in my life. I use placemats. And sofa covers washed and ironed every day??? Sofa covers???? Geez, if you're that archaic, just get those clear plastic ones.
My mum is 75 and has never ironed sheets.
If you get em out of the dryer while they are still warm and fold them, no ironing needed. Ironing is not my thing. I’ve actually ironed wrinkles in the stuff by accident.
I don't even own an iron and I like to think of myself as otherwise a good housekeeper. I cook and clean daily. My husband is blue collar and I work at a really casual nonprofit (my 60+ year old Executive Director was wearing ripped jeans the other day,) so there's nothing that ever needs to be ironed.
I sometimes hang stuff in the bathroom when showering to sort of steam it:’)
Also can throw a damp washcloth ( better with a little detergent for smell) into dryer with wrinkly stuff...instant iron!
An ice cube does the job!
I iron fell behind my stacked washer/dryer when I moved into my apartment 3 years ago. Just haven’t gotten behind there to get it out 🤷♀️
My iron is only used to iron cross stitch
I do this on purpose. I get all my laundry out while hot so I don't have to iron a damn thing lol
Even better off the line!
Ironing was probably invented by people who had servants to do it.
🤣 same. I have to spend literal HOURS ironing clothes if I want them flawless. I’m not wasting that effort on sheets.
I got a steamer just so the few times I have to iron, I can do it fast and easy.
I’m at the point where I don’t even consider myself a person who really knows how to iron. I was never great at it to begin with and then the skill got rusty because, you know, it’s 2024 and who tf irons on the reg. If you ask the average person born in 2007 to iron and they actually do it, best case scenario you come home to some slightly pressed items with a scorch mark here and there. Worst case scenario the house is on fire.
You just reminded me that when I was really little, I wanted to copy my mom in ironing. Somehow I got the iron (don’t know how) and ironed a sock on the carpet. That carpet had an iron shaped burn until my parents replaced it years later 🤣
I do this on purpose. I get all my laundry out while hot so I don't have to iron a damn thing lol
i’m 54, and i don’t iron *anything* anymore - ironing seems like a chore to occupy time, honestly
I'm 58. I still have an iron because I like to sew and quilt. I don't know what happened to the ironing board. I iron on a tabletop now. Edited to add: who in the hell irons sheets!?! Is she Leona Helmsly? And I have tablecloths for special occasions, but who uses them every day? And how often do you clean sofa covers? It honestly sounds like she's making up chores for the kid to do! It's one thing to give a kid chores, but this lady is nuts!
I’m only 30 but I only iron the fabric I’m using for quilts or little sewing projects. The occasional shirt or two but outside of that, the iron doesn’t leave the sewing corner lol
i’m thinking the ironing sheets may be a punitive task for her laziness
Yes she is just making up stuff for her to do so that she stays busy.
Hear hear! That’s what wrinkle spray is for 😉
Same. Ironing aside the kid should be helping out. The DIL and 16 yo are freeloaders. She can’t even clean up her own dishes. Nix the ironing because that’s ridiculous but other chores are necessary. No apologies are needed. They can freeload somewhere else if they don’t want to help out.
true story - some of those chores are once/week! that girl wouldn’t last long in my house - my son has been doing the laundry for a few years now, and he’s 15!
I used to iron while I watched my soaps. Still love the look and feel of a starched shirt, but that's for a special occasion nowadays! Haven't ironed in years 🤔
Some clothes require it I usually do not buy those clothes. But now I have a job where I occasionally have to look professional. It's hot af here, and I'd rather wear a cotton button-up shirt than a polyester one that doesn't require ironing. But for some reason the arms of button-up shirts always get fucked in the dryer. I wish someone would tell me why the sleeves of every single fucking striped long-sleeve button-up shirt turn into accordions in my dryer. What am I doing wrong? I'm tired of using an old flat iron to iron them. I had to iron my stepfather's stained underpants when I was a kid and I'm still pissed off about it.
Those wool dryer balls help. Not having multiple long sleeves and pants in one laundry load helps, as they tangle each other. You get them out when they’re still damp, shake them out hard. (Permanent press setting can work better on some washers for this. As soon as you take them out put your arm through those sleeves and splay your fingers wide while pulling your hands out to open up those wrinkles. Two three times if you need to. Put on hanger immediately.
My mom ironed sheets. I am 73 and wouldn't dream of ironing a sheet and never have.
Not ironed, but I know those old white linen sheets that were starched and brought to a shop with a rotary iron. Same with tablecloths. They were indestructible.
My mother would have been 87 she had sheets and table cloths ironed. On the other hand I don't own a dining table.
I know of an older woman who ironed her towels. Towels!
Where in the post is it written "every day"?
Good question. Most of the chores are reasonable, but every one not paying rent should be doing chores! I have noticed animosity towards DIL, because she didn't try to help out by getting a job, especially when OP's son when he was losing his home and business, which is reasonable. But ironing bed sheets and the sofa cushions ! Come on, that is 1920's household chores.
It's "busy work". OP is pissed off because dil and her kid aren't doing enough for her liking so she's decided to assign them work as punishment for not doing enough.
Not "them" just the child.
She has no authority over the dil. She couldn't order another adult around (or wasn't certain she'd get away with it) but she can with a 16 year old.
You can ask anyone living in your house rent free to do chores, adult or child but the specifically explained that it was bc the granddaughter was home all day not working and DIL was.
This. But there’s nothing wrong with a 16 year old having a reasonable amount of chores. Doing the dishes and taking out the trash were reasonable requests.
Doesn’t seem like the 16 year old is doing anything at all.
Which is reasonable. When dil first said stepgd shouldn't do anything, grandma said 'she could at least wash her own plates', so there's plenty of room for negotiation from grandma, and none from dil and stepgd.
It's not even enough for her liking it's anything. If the kid is not picking up after herself, then it's extra on OP. Hell, probably eats and drinks sitting on the sofa, I'm guessing that cleaning the cushions is that. I make my kids clean, and have since old enough to do so. My daughter moved out and actually thanked me as her roommate was clueless. I own an iron, but it's sitting in a closet somewhere...
My grandmother is 84 and she irons the sheets which I think is silly. But when I stayed with her for a month I still did it because she asked me too. Her house.
I think this family is learning that the hard way.
I actually do know people who iron sheets and upholstery covers. I am not one of them. Usually, you only wash the covers when they get grody (once a year - but with messy houseguests, perhaps more often), if you put them on while damp, they will stretch out to fit (if they are custom covers).
I’m 58 and have never ironed a sheet. Who washes sofa covers every day? That’s insane. Use placemats.
Lol who even uses sofa covers? What are sofa covers?
I use sofa covers. I have 2 nice sofas and dogs that shed. It's nice to be able to just wash all the hair off without vacuuming and hide the covers when company comes over so I look like I have new clean not dog slobber or hair sofas
Washable covers to protect your sofas from stains and pet fur. People with lots of kids and/or furbabies use them 😹😹😹🐕🦺🐾🐾.
I used to iron my sheets after putting them on the bed. Felt so good to snuggle under those soft suckers! Then I discovered my current bed set...no ironing ever needed! Folds beautifully, goes on like a dream, feels amazing to get between! But asking a 16y.o to do that kind of ironing, especially when the kid is lazy and probably hasn't lifted a finger to do any kind of housework in her entire life, yeah, you're nuts! Take out the Rubbish, dusting, dishes, fair enough. Teach her how to use the washing machine.
She is just asking to get her house burned down by a pissed off teenager with a hot iron and dry sheets! The other housework is ok but ironing shit is a personal choice not a necessary daily task.
If not the house burned down she's asking for scorched sheets and tablecloths. I know how to iron, my grandma was big on ironing doilies and dresser scarves and tablecloths but she TAUGHT me how to iron and I was only given the old stuff or tea towels to practice on until she knew I wouldn't screw up the pieces. My grandma also rejoiced when she discovered sheets that could be washed, dried, and no ironing needed.
I know of someone who ironed washcloths.
I do too! She also washed and ironed sheets *daily.* And she made her kids eat snacks in the bathtub because of the crumbs. She… wasn’t well.
Lol don't give OP any ideas you two
I know a lot of 70 year old people that don’t iron their sheets or tablecloths. Don’t put them in that category.
You're right my bad but you gotta admit that shit is excessive
My grandmother ironed sheets. It is a horrible chore, but makes cotton sheets so soft and fresh!
I had a friend who ironed sheets but honestly they were the kind of person who you would have bet ironed their sheets.
We use state-of-the-art solar and wind powered drying. Same effect really.
My first thought. There’s no way I’m ironing all that shit, let alone DEMANDING a 16 year old does it. I’m all for kids pulling their weight by doing chores, but that list is NOT chores and I’m sure it would take a professional cleaners all day to complete that list
Yeah that’s a Cinderella list.
This. The list is ridiculous, especially if she expected the girl to do it in a day. Already there's convoluded tgings on the list (washing and ironing sofa covers) which I assume is something that hasn't been done in years, so I don't want to know what she was gonna come up with for the next day. Painting the facade? Retiling the roof?
No one. This is a made up story obv. 1) “I paid off the rest of the loans so my son’s credit wouldn’t tank.” After bankruptcy with loss of homestead, there are no remaining loans and his credit is already ruined. 2) A 70 yo concerned about ironed sheets and slip covers would have better grammar (using “your” in place of “you’re”). 3) People in comments saying “sounds like old money” - please! Old money has proper schooling, good grammar, and isn’t airing dirty laundry on redit! 4) it’s too over the top. I lived a real life Cinderella story with demands that I take over all house work while babysitting my younger siblings during summer break from age 14-16 (moved out at 17) and might have believed this but for the inaccurate bankruptcy reference, but even to me that chore list is clearly made up. Literally no one washes sheets and slip covers daily. My guess - 16 year old being asked to do chores wants sympathy or someone is trying out creative writing skills
Old money has household staff to do all that shit.
Old money wouldn't have let the son go bankrupt, unless it was in the most advantageous way possible.
Not me but I think GM should sit down with son and come up with reasonable chore schedule. As far as I'm concerned, I would have kicked out DIL and SGD the minute mom said OP was racist for requiring chores and not let them back until she apologized and they agree to a reasonable chore schedule.
Also, show her how to do the chores! It's clear from DIL's reaction that this kid has probably never touched a mop in her life. It's not instinctive, she needs to be taught. Sincerely, A stepdaughter who was expected to do chores without anyone ever teaching her (and before YouTube so I couldn't just watch a video to learn), and who was yelled at if things weren't done perfectly.
You went way too far with the ironing and washing slip covers. A list of daily needs like dishes or sweeping is reasonable. Treating her like a servant is not. You opting not to charge rent does not mean you can burden a teen with your household chores. You are punishing the child for the sins of her mother. YTA
Absolutely. A child helping with some chores is normal. Turning her into a slave who must do 100% of the house chores is not acceptable. It sounds like OP resents having the family in her house and she's taking it out on the kid - the youngest and easiest to target.
OP definitely hates her DIL and step granddaughter.
She doesn’t resent the family being there, she resents the DIL and granddaughter being there. Her precious son can do no wrong.
Right. That she thinks this normal is alarming. Kid may be lazy as many teens, but she should be worked with how to see things that need to be done or assigned a few tasks, not saddled with it all. And then threatened with being kicked out. What an awful thing to do.
And quite frankly OP should have been addressing this issue through his son and then having a discussion about making changes. Not saying the teenager shouldn’t be doing anything but he can’t just give her 6 chores at random and then say, “you don’t pay rent so do what I say.” Right idea. Terrible execution. ESH because son should’ve been making everyone (including him) contribute to household chores and DIL and her child should have took some initiative.
It's the execution. If her tone while speaking to the SGD is anything like the tone of this post, I can understand why there's pushback. It sounds like she's piling on extra chores instead of letting the girl get up to speed with the first set of requests. Frankly, I would have to ask how all the ironing got done if she was working before they moved in. Washing and ironing slip covers daily is a bit excessive. If my child was targeted with that much, I would be looking for a place. Their debts have been settled, according to OP. Maybe it's just time to go. What's the son's contribution to household chores? Why can't he drag the bins to the street? Why can't Mom sweep and mop in the evening? Why can't a bunch of grown ass people do their own laundry?
Who's gonna wash & iron the slipcovers when school goes back into session
What are the mother's sins? She is out at work, and OP specifically said that the parents did not need to contribute financially. She says that DIL did not look for work when the business was collapsing, but I suspect there is some context missing there.
There is definitely missing context. I wouldn't be surprised if OPs son kept his wife in the dark about his failing business. A lot of people will hide financial troubles from their partners until the last minute. It's usually a shock when the partner finds out, and it's too late for them to do anything to help. If DIL is working now, that tells me she could have worked before. Maybe she didn't know the extent of their financial situation. What blows my mind is OP blames all the problems on DIL and then takes it out on the 16 year old. She puts no responsibility on her son, and it was his business that failed. There's no accountability in either OP or her son. Then the son wrongly sides with his mother and agrees to kick out SGD (who is still a minor) if she doesn't become their very overworked and not even paid maid. What does that sound like?? I try not to assume racism in others. I just can't get over the fact that SGD is a POC, and all of a sudden, she's seen as free labor. I'm not surprised DIL accused OP of racism. I'm sure that wasn't just because of the chores. I'd bet a lot of money that OP had made racist comments or "jokes." DIL probably snapped because OP made her distain for her daughter known. Just from reading the post, it is obvious that she hates both her DIL and SGD. Also, the way OP writes about her son is gross. You can tell there's a Jocasta complex, and her son plays right into it. Edited because words are hard.
This Golden child son had failed business decisions and ended up living free in Mommy's house But the granddaughter is to blame, clearly /s OP is a seriously hateful piece of work. Wife should definitely take the kid out of there
Right, because step-granddaughter's schooltrip ruined them. Not the fact that his business failed.
And the sins of her own son
Sounds like she was just making shit up to put on a teenagers plate because she “is lazy.” The other chores were more than reasonable but yeah if I was asked to iron SHEETS I’d be upset. Also “she was in school and all she did was go to school.” A lot of teenagers have part time jobs but it’s not a reflection of bad character to just be focused on high school.
This. She just hates the mother when it’s her son she had to pay off the bills For
This also should have been discussed with DIL and Son not just dictated to a 16 year old and then threaten to kick her out if she doesn’t. Does she even have anywhere else to go? Also I totally believe there is some racism at play here even if it’s not conscious.
[удалено]
These bots annoy me so much
100%. Just cause it's their house and they can tell them to do anything they want, doesn't mean they should.
Yes, the ironing and slipcovers were too much. Seems like somewhere between 2-4 hours of chores, five days a week, would be a huge help to the whole family and leave enough time for the granddaughter to still enjoy her summer.
That’s a crazy amount of time to spend daily on chores I have a baby and two toddlers and don’t spend that much time despite having a clean home
what the heck would she be doing to do four hours of chores a day? I'm an adult with a home and I don't think my spouse and I \*COMBINED\* spend four hours of time every day on chores
We have a decently large house and two tweens. We hire someone to come in for 4 hours every other week to do the deep cleaning. We spend a total of about 2-3 hours a week folding laundry. The rest of the chores take about an hour to two a day at most, split between the four of us, and typically completed in 10 minute chunks (unload the dishwasher while waiting for water to boil or scoop the cat litter while waiting for the dog to pee outside, that kind of thing). I have no idea how any home could require 4 hours a day of housework.
I realize I live in an apartment, and that's different than a whole house, but damn, I barely get to 4 hours a week I think. Not counting filling the dishwasher after eating.
2-4 hours a day? That is insane. Unless you live in a mansion there is not a single house that needs 10-20 hours a week of chores.
2-4 hours? Jfc.
YTA - Because everything you listed for her to do is basically telling her she has to be your maid. Yes, she should help around the house, vacuum laundry, etc, but you're telling her she has to do everything. You're telling her she has to be your maid in order to live in your home. It's very clear from the beginning that you hate your DIL so I'm guessing you hate her daughter too.
The language used that she ALSO “let” a minor child live in her home was the first red flag… where else was the 16 year old going to live…? I think it’s pretty clear she hates the kid, too. She hates that she “only did school”. I don’t disagree that she can help with chores… they all need to. And if this kid hasn’t done chores before she needs to be taught and they get introduced once she gets the hang of one. Neither laundry nor ironing are particularly difficult but also easy to mess up if you don’t know what you are doing.
I've got a sneaking suspicion that DIL accused OP of racism because she said something racist to SGD and then tried to play innocent. It just seems too odd to come out of nowhere.
Or because SGD is the only person in the house both being given massive and unreasonable chores, and is a POC.
Ding ding ding! Asshole OP said she just "seems lazy," which taken in the context of racism...
Not only that but she’s a teenage girl. It’s misogynistic to expect her to a) drop out of school to support her family b) become a full time maid to pay their dues.
I agree. Threatening a minor with homelessness is cruel and unnecessary. I think OP also should have approached her parents to ask what they thought would be reasonable in terms of chores instead of just demanding things be done their own way. Also, that’s way too many chores for a sixteen year old. Having some chores is reasonable, but cleaning the whole house is for sure treating her like a maid. She only has a few more summer breaks. Let the kid be a kid, too. Feels like there probably is some racism going on against DIL and her daughter.
Yep! "If dil had a job they wouldn't be in this situation!" Yet... dil has a full time job now. She obviously would have gotten one earlier if she could! She obviously hates her. And the way she talks about the daughter...ugh! Poor kid! Also I am sahd and I sure as hell don't do _everything_ for the 6 people in my home. The vast majority? Yes, but not everything and I would certainly never have time to do half the stuff she listed (ironing sofa covers???). Expecting a 16yo to become a maid for 5 adults is absurd, insulting and I would not be surprised if it was rooted in racism.
MIL is telling a 16yr old dependant that she has to be a maid in order to live there even though she didn't have a choice in the decision, while at the same time MIL told her son and DIL they didn't have to contribute. It makes zero sense. This has Cinderella and the evil stepmother written all over. Stepdad loves that his mother doesn't blame him for anything so does nothing to defend his family. He's 51 and living with his mother. If his wife left him I wager he'll still be living with her until one of them pops their clogs.
I had to scroll waaaay too far to see someone point this out. OP’s first threat to the girl was homelessness. She’s a minor!! Was there any discussion with the PARENTS upon moving in on what was expected with housework? Make the son and dil make a schedule for cleaning by way of paying rent, and let them enforce how the daughter contributes. It is wild to me to dump it all out of the blue on the teen and immediately threaten to kick her out. If OP’s beef is with the dil, the conflict should be addressed through dil, not her child.
Agreed. Threatening a teen with homelessness over some undone chores is psychotic. This is a teen who has already lost one home and is experiencing a lot of economic instability. I get that she needs to contribute and I agree - but making her a maid and threatening homelessness is a psychotic asshole move. Edited a word for clarity
Agree. This boomer Karen is 💯 TA . Her post screams hatred for her DIL and that poor kid. I'm sure she goes to Church every Sunday and complains about the server to the manager afterward!
Yes. My mom is the same age and would never treat a child like this. Asking to empty or load the dishwasher, sweep or take out some garbage - absolutely. But house slave? No. Threatening to make her homeless? We would be making a doctor’s appointment to see if she was in cognitive decline. That’s how nuts this sort of behaviour is.
Yeah, she’s a 16 year old on summer break, not a SAHW….it’s kinda expected that teenagers either get a summer job OR relax (both are generally acceptable), it doesn’t even sound like OP even knows or likes the kid (dil either), while she should have SOME chores this is excessive, it’s giving Count Olaf to the Baudelaires kind of list. Also while it is her house, it does not give her more parenting power over the kid, honestly YTA and good on DIL for leaving.
YTA because your scapegoat for your resentment about your adult son’s poor choices and money management is a child. At no point ever has one single school trip been the reason someone is made bankrupt, but you seem happier to blame his wife and child and “big box stores” than the 51-year old man you spawned.
Don’t forget - “the big box stores took away his business” - TOOK AWAY HIS BUSINESS. Her son obviously can do no wrong and he’s always a victim of his circumstance. She sounds like a nightmare.
Probably why he always sides with mommy dearest. I hope the DIL finds a better situation and also that young child learns SOME household chores for her own sake and not for a 70 year old who wants to take shit out on her.
I know right? That’s a prime boomer comment right there if I’ve ever seen one lol
THIS! 💜
YTA. Expecting everyone in the house to split chores is very reasonable. Unilaterally deciding a 16 year old has to take on all the household chores is not You tell your son to keep his money. that you don’t want to charge him for rent or food. But at your first opportunity you expect a 16 year old to cover their debt. Drop the hypocrisy, you don’t like the daughter or your DIL. You blame them for your son’s failed business. News flash - if he were the crack businessman you think he is, he wouldn’t have lost everything. Good news, It sounds like you might be making progress on your real goal to break up the marriage.
This should be higher up. Everyone in the house should be doing chores. The list she gave her step grand daughter is crazy for one day. Especially for someone who clearly isn’t used to doing chores. Everyone in the house should be doing their own laundry and 1-2 chores a day. When I was 16 there’s no fucking way I would have touched anyone else’s underwear. YTA
I like that DIL should have gotten a job but no mention of son getting a job after selling his business
Exactly my thoughts as well. And then the other commenter said something about him being a salesman. I know plenty of small furniture businesses that are thriving and even use to work for one. This old hag is obviously out of touch with reality
YTA for not speaking to her parents first. You just stomped up to a teenager out of the blue and demanded she do everything. On what planet was that going to work?! Instead, you should have sat down with her and her parents as a family together, talked about the situation and come to an agreement together. She may well have decided to get a part time job too, and then everyone takes on a portion of the housework. But nope, you went straight in like a bull in a china shop.
Plus, she could have had everyone, including her own son, have an assigned task they do on a specific day to make things fair. Note that she doesn't make her son do anything [working doesn't absolve you of at least taking out the trash] and seems to give off a very big dislike vibe towards DIL and her son's stepdaughter. A chore or two is reasonable,but make it fair rather than dump EVERYTHING on step granddaughter. The comment on OP being a boy mom may not be too farfetched [also said son potentially being a bit of a mama's boy who may not like his stepdaughter very much] Also NGL, sofa covers sound tedious AF.
I have no problems with chores but they need to be manageable chores and something that gets done every day - not a professional house cleaner who gets paid $50+ an hour and works the entire day. The chore list was too much - laundry (wash + dry + iron). Who TF irons table cloths and sheets?! Having her scrub bathrooms and vacuum and dust the entire house and take out all the rubbish is far too much. She’s a kid who goes to school. They need a break on school holidays. Also, if your son declared bankruptcy then why did you pay off his credit cards? It seems pointless. Why not just pay towards the loan so he didn’t lose the house? If he’s bankrupt it sounds like his credit has tanked.
Listen, you also can’t lose your primary residence in bankruptcy, so this doesn’t add up.
You don't go bankrupt from paying for a school trip either....
Paying off his credit cards seems like something that didn't happen in a bankruptcy.
YTA You should have raised your concerns with your son and daughter-in-law, not with the granddaughter.
With her son alone. "Here's a list of chores I expect you and your family to do while you're staying with me. How you split the chores between you is completely up to you, but you're responsible for making sure they get done.".
Exactly this. It's not OPs place to order about her granddaughter. It's not granddaughters fault they are in this position and she should not be responsible for preventing her family from becoming homeless whether the chore list is reasonable or not. She is a child. I'm assuming she's never had chores before because her mother was a SAHM and likely did most of the housework before they lost everything so suddenly deciding she is responsible for all of it in one day and then threatening her with homeless is so unreasonable, I'd even say cruel. It also seems like OP has no relationship whatsoever with granddaughter and is giving some serious evil step-grandmother vibes here. OP is TA, but I also think her son is TA here too. Instead of sitting down with his daughter and coming up with a plan to implement a reasonable chore list for her and the family he is just siding with his mother and putting his own failure to provide adequately for the family on his daughters shoulders. He needs to grow a pair and take responsibility for his family.
> It's not granddaughters I just want to point out that they're not even close to grandmother and granddaughter. Imagine you're a 16 year old girl, and your mother marries some old dude, and then you get forced to go live with that old dude's mother. She's literally nothing to you, you don't know her, you have your own grandmothers, and she tells you to go scrub the bathroom and iron all this shit and blah blah blah? No fucking way. Any kid with any self respect at all would tell the old cow to scrub her own bathroom. > It also seems like OP has no relationship whatsoever with granddaughter and is giving some serious evil step-grandmother vibes here. 100%. Wants to break up the family and make the kid the scapegoat for it.
Agreed. Also, a 16 year old whose parents are broke and living with a grandparent sounds pretty terrible for her. Her parents have failed to give her security or stability and none of that is in her control. She's depressed. I'd wager the whole family needs help, but especially her. Instead, she has been turned into a villain by two of three adults in the house. But nah, everyone is like "she's such a lazy brat." Maybe, but also she's 16. She's already testing authority at that age (par for the course) and may choose homelessness if the adults don't step up for her.
> two men The what?
Exactly
I was with you until this >**"last Tuesday I told her the trash needed to be taken to the big cans and those pulled to the road for next day pick up. our trash pickup runs incredibly early so I set them out the night before. I told her everything needed to be dusted and floors vaccumed/swept and then mopped. I showed her where everything was and told her that there was laundry to do and some needed to be ironed. I told her to please wash,dry and iron the sheets and table clothes as well as the sofa covers as well as scub down the bathrooms."** Are we reading Cinderella ? You left and told a 16 years old girl to do a maid job without paiement ? It's your house, I got it. You don't ask for rent or food paiement to your son. I got it. Why do you ask his wife's daughter and not them ? Because they work ? Unfair. You ask them to do the chores and it's up to them to decide who will do what and when. As THEY don't pay rent. She's not supposed to PAY physically, for a situation she didn't chose. She's not responsible for their bankrupt, and not responsible for your choices with them. She must help, she is 16. I have a daughter that age. She doesn't do everything you asked for... NOT ON ONE DAY ! If she does laundry, I will clean the floors. If she cleans the kitchen, I will clean the living-room... She is on holidays, she deserves free time ! My opinion is that you don't like your son's wife. And your son can't tell you anything because you pay for everything. It's a manipulative move. You win. DIL and her daughter moved. You have your son for yourself. But don't say it was a gift when you expected something in return. It's generous when it's totally free. And once again, it's normal to wait for adults who live with you to share the chores, and even to ask children (even more younger) to participate. PARTICIPATE. Not doing ALL the chores for 3 adults ! That's where you lost me... YTA
Ironing sheets???
My mother used to iron absolutly everything but she once told me that she was raised in extreme poverty (oldest of 11 children from her mother, oldest of 9 from her father) and that ironing was the best way to avoid parasites in the laundry, as the water wasn't perfectly clean. She kept that her all life and wasn't able to not iron things, particularly sheets and underwears. Guess what ? I iron nothing ! 😂 (I don't know if it's a verb in english, it's one in french, but I'm not sure of my sentence here !)
I iron work clothes if required and going out clothes if required, other than that it's all about how you dry them 🤣🤣🤣
I iron nothing as well! Your sentence seems fine to me but I'm an english speaker that can barely speak english🙂
And table cloths and Sofa Covers...
Steamers are easier to use. Keep a mini steamer in your closet or bathroom to get rid of wrinkles in seconds. Much better than ironing!
Yeah, what the hell is the point of that. The chores should be on something like a chore wheel, and all three of them should be handling most of it.
This is a generational thing. They used to do that back then. DIL needs to discuss what’s reasonable for today’s standards and get her daughter to do it. Honestly, once you clean, it doesn’t take long to maintain.
I'm 60. I heard my grandparents talk of ironing sheets when they were much younger. My parents neither ironed sheets nor talked about it being done in their homes. I've never ironed a sheet. Please try to remember that today's 70-year-olds were born in 1953, not 1923 or even 1933. OP is being very punitive, and to the wrong person.
I feel the same, but couldn't write it any better.
YTA 1) no 16 years old should be paying any rent living with their parents. 2) what century do you live? 3) when she can get away from you, that will the last you will interact with her. 4) your son is as awful as you are.
She’s an old boomer bitch who will never have grandchildren that’s for sure
And i doubt she would do that to a bio granddaughter.
99% she sure wouldn’t!!!!!
ESH Your expectations are too much. You demanded way too much all at once and was dumbfounded why she didn't help. The 16 year old is not living with you out of her choice, you lording it over her that she gets free rent when she has no control in her housing situation is wrong. Just because she's not at school, does not mean she should be doing the majority. The adults in the household should be doing the majority while she has some chores. Your son and DIL suck as "parents". Your son agreeing to your forced labour while not contributing to the household makes him an AH. He works but is no benefit to the household. He makes the mess too, he cleans the mess too, unless you failed to teach your own son how to clean. DIL should also contribute to the chores and have her daughter doing at least the dishes and rubbish. All the adults causing chaos and putting it on the kid in this situation, you all need to sit down, work out who does what. This isn't all on the 16 year old.
Plus giving MORE chores as punishment and such clear, strong overtones of “you’re not my real grandchild.” You say she accused you of racism… it’s not clearly NOT racism with the way you’re treating her like an indentured servant who has to earn her rent. There’s a very reasonable middle ground here. If you feel this much contempt toward your DIL (and her child by extension), your generosity may not be kind. Dig deep for a gracious heart for these two, who have also “been through it” and find some reasonable chores the teen can do while Ben g treated like a human being.
This 💯💯💯. You said it perfectly!! This is the adults' mess. They need to gently help the 16yo grow up and grandma needs to show love, not domination and threats. This woman and her son need to get a clue how to treat people.
You kind of are, let me explain yes she should help pitch in and help out. But you're going excessive on it. Yes you should take the trash down to the curb yes she can clean the bathrooms and do the dishes. I can even agree with laundry. But the ironing that's just too much that's way too much it's like you actually do hate this child. And I think you hate her mother too. And I think you're punishing the child because of who her mother is.
If your son agrees with you, then sounds like you've managed to be the catalyst that ends his relationship. Congrats I guess. It was probably going to happen anyway, considering he is 51 and living with his mommy.
ESH They should be doing some chores, including the sixteen year old. But your list is excessive beyond belief. Asking her to take the garbage out and stick some washing for example in is fine. That’s contributing to the household. Telling her to do an entire households chores is not so fine. She is not your maid. Pick 1-2 chores her to do, and expect her to clean up her mess; so do her own dishes. As an adult I’d baulk at the list you gave her; it must have seemed horrendously unfair to a sixteen year old.
It’s interesting that you are focusing your attention on a 16 year old. You want her to do all the house work including ironing sheets and sofa covers. Slavery has ended. Who does that? You sound like the wife in charge of the house on a Plantation. Your step granddaughter is not your maid. On a personal note, as a Black woman if my white ( I’m assuming your white but I’d think even less of you if you are a minority) step family wanted me to be an unpaid laborer in their house, I’d likely think your a racist. Your son and DIL need to be point persons for majority of the chores you are assigning. Your step grand daughter of course needs to learn to do chores but a discussion with her mother should have been had before you assigned a whole house for her to clean. She definitely needs to wash the dishes she uses and keep her space clean. Frankly, you resent your son and DIL being in your house and you have found a scapegoat. I hope your DIL gets her daughter out of your house immediately.
It would have been reasonable if the bigger tasks like laundry, ironing and such was not expected to be done that day. If she could plan her chores herself over say, the next few weeks it would sound more reasonable. Also, are you sure she even knows how to do these chores? What modern 16-year old knows how to iron sheets, lol. Obviously cleaning up your own dishes after cooking and doing your own laundry is a given. Taking out the trash is also completely reasonable.
YTA yes she could do some chores but you sound like you want her to be your maid for the entire summer. Let her be a kid.
Chores are one thing, but your list to to much even for a full time house keeper! You want those chores done over the week ok, but not in a day. Floors and vacuuming one day , dishes everyday, washing, bathroom cleaning twice a week, ironing sheets??? No, same with slip covers no that’s your job!
Why would a 16 year old be paying rent?
She also acts like she was an angel for allowing the 16 year old to move in with her parents. Like, that wasn’t optional
Why didn’t you talk to your son and DIL first about your concerns? And have the parents make the decision? You are the asshole, for how you went about it, to the extreme list of demands, and then the threats. They are in a vulnerable position and you made it worse, you’re actually kind of a monster. The 16 year old definitely needs to contribute, that’s not the issue though. It’s how you handled it. And your son is a little bitch it sounds like, and that’s also on you.
There is no way a 16 year old should be doing the majority of the housework for 3 grown adults. Ironing sheets? Wtf? YTA
YTA You should divide the housework fairly, not expect a kid to do everything herself. Tbh, a part time job isn’t too much to ask in lieu of household chores. It looks like you’ve pitted your son against his wife and daughter. Hopefully your son won’t end up divorced over it.
Nah, OP is definitely hoping they do get divorced over this.
Yes, you're the asshole for expecting your step-granddaughter to take on extensive household chores without considering her own needs and responsibilities, especially without prior agreement or compensation. Understanding boundaries and communication is crucial in family dynamics.
ESH Your DIL is spoiling her child, yes. And she's being ungrateful for you housing her and her daughter. But YOU are threatening a minor with homelessness unless she effectively pays rent for her family by doing all of your housework. That's completely unacceptable. If you're that butthurt about not being paid rent, then charge them rent. If you just want to kick out DIL and her child, then do it. But the way you're behaving right now is disgraceful. She's 16, she's not your slave. And if you do try to throw them out, check the laws in your area, because I guarantee you'll be breaking them by illegally evicting them, regardless of if they've paid rent or not.
I think it’s reasonable to want the 16 year old do some daily housework. I think plunging her into the deep end of the pool with that much housework right from go is excessive, especially if she’s never cleaned before. Are you sure your resentment of her mother didn’t have you acting a little bit more harshly towards her than you otherwise would have?
YTA. She is not your servant. Asking her to clean up after herself and put the bins out, sure. Ask her to act as your maid? No. Get a grip.
YTA It’s not your place to decide what the child does or establish your form of discipline (aside from cleaning up after herself, etc). That’s for the parents. You don’t get to make a chore list for a grandchild and you certainly don’t get to expect a minor child to pay rent (and therefore be responsible for work items in lieu of said rent) However! It is perfectly reasonable to establish what you feel the FAMILY should be responsible for, in lieu of rent, etc. For instance, you can tell your son and DIL that they are responsible for vacuuming once a week, cleaning a bathroom weekly, daily dishes, etc. Then they can decide as parents what tasks they may delegate to the daughter (just as if it was within their own home) versus what tasks the adults will retain responsibility for.
Why is Op fixated on what the 16 YO is doing only? It seems like OP you are resentful of your new daughter in law and of her child. To be clear YOUR SON lost his business and YOUR SON lost his house. He owns how he lost those assets and the inordinate blame on the daughter in law is misplaced. You have decided to allow your son and his family live with you which is very generous. I suggest you work out with him and your daughter in law the terms of the free room and board and allow them to split that work up between the three people that comprise your son’s family. Nothing about the situation is the 16 YOs fault and worse it seems like you believe that you are entitled to decide how she spends her time as a condition of her living there- a choice she did not make. How a school aged minor spends her time is between her and her parents no landlord gets to dictate that, and to be clear you are a landlord. Once you give your son a list of what you expect for your largesse, allow him and your dil to decide who in their family will be doing that work. Do not involve yourself in that family dynamic. If you can’t reach agreement with them or the agreed upon conditions are not met, evict them. Your other choice is to instead loan them money with repayment terms and get them out of your house. I think this would be the best option. Your son is a mooch and you are too resentful of your son’s wife and stepchild for this to work for long.
You’re not the ahole for expecting her to do some chores but you are telling her she’s going to be your maid. No one but people in their 70’s irons sheets. This entire thing you play out that your sons just down on his luck and it’s DIL fault and blah blah blah but your son made a series of choices that lead to him being broke and loosing a business. He had a big hand in the way his life played out. The 16 year old should ABSOLUTELY clean up after herself and maybe 1 or 2 chores like take the trash out and vacuum. But to have her do everything is treating her like a made and she isn’t your maid. Just say you hate wife #2 and her kid and either kick them out or tell your son he needs to get his life together.
YTA, trying to turn the teenager into a maid because you don't like how she lives. If you had spoken to her mother about assigning a reasonable amount of chores, that would have been one thing... but the way you just walked up and ordered her to do all of this work with no explanation or discussion it's no surprise she ignored you and her mom is mad. During the school year, when she was attending school and having homework that needed doing at night (equivalent to an adult's full time job) did you also expect the parents to do chores after work or did you understand that they might need to rest. Have you ever discussed with them that since they're not paying rent you'd like them to do extra work around the house to help out? This needs to be a conversation of setting down expectations and boundaries as well as negotiating as necessary. The way you're talking about it here borders on sounding like you hold the money/accommodation over their heads and expect something in return. Either way, hopefully they can get on their feet quickly.
Majority of the housework? No ma’am. She’s a kid, not your slave. Give her a few chores to teach her skills and responsibility, absolutely. But she isn’t the reason they live with you. It seems like you resent the situation, and you are entitled to your feelings. But yes, YTA.
Either a troll or someone who wants a live in slave.
Well, the good news is people clean up after you in the nursing home. The bad news is you'll likely get no visitors aside from the manchild who'll likely still be leeching off you. You would have been in the right if your expectations weren't set somewhere around 'Cinderella's stepmother'. YTA.
YTA big time. Also, yes, it is cruel to threaten a 16 year old with homelessness. WTF is wrong with you?
A 16 year old living there because her parents have already lost one home. Cruelty beyond the pale.
Holy shit yes you're the asshole. Ironing sheets and table cloths? You didn't need to tell us your age. It's obvious you're an out of touch boomer. It's summer and she's a kid. Let her be a kid. She should be expected to pick up after herself and do basics, sure. But quit trying to treat her like Cinderella and expect her to scrub the grout with a toothbrush. What the fuck is wrong with you?
YTA. Cinderella much? This is delulu level of work to suddenly put on a 16yo "or else get out". That your son went along with this 0-100 plan is awful. There are far more nurturing ways to help a 16yo pick up around the house, but saddling her all of it is not helpful at all. Why do you want "get out" to be your go-to??? This is your son's family. You are being so hateful to them and your son better get a clue or he'll lose his family.
There’s a right way and a wrong way to get a 16 year old on board with chores. You sound like a fucking drill sargeant- does she even know HOW to do those things? Yes, she should be washing her dishes and can certainly take out the trash. But your attitude will only make hers worse. And NO ONE irons sheets for crying out loud. Try kindness- she doesn’t want to be there any more than you want her there. Sit down with her and write out a schedule- not everything on the list has to be done every single day to start. You are a big part of this problem.
I was on board until I read "iron the sheets and sofa covers." Who does that? I iron three cotton shirts once in a blue moon but nothing else. Neither do you threaten a 16 yr old with homelessness. Yes, get a job but transportation is the next issue. You obviously resent them being there ... still, lighten up.
You went too far. Be kind. A couple of chores a day are enough. Let the kid enjoy her childhood too.
YTA because of how you approached the situation. Sounds like you have animosity towards the granddaughter. Maybe you are racist.