NTA You did the right thing. It is your house and she was disrespecting your house and you. Funny how your family and relatives are blaming you but shouldn't they offer to take her in and see how she destroys their house like she did yours. Distance yourself from them and let your parent's deal with your sister they will in some point see that your are right especially if she is not taking care of pregnancy.
I don’t get why you feel so loyal to them when they clearly don’t feel the same . They called you every name in the book plus calling you a liar! Your husband is the only person that is loyal to you. He’s the one you need to stand with and tell everyone else to fo! Block them all! The only reason your fighting with husband is he sees what they are, how they’re hurting you!
THIS, OP keeps saying, "I can't go NC they're my family," Please, with family like this, who needs enemies.
Her "family" is calling her vile names, bullying and abusing her, ruining her marriage and reputation, and she's just accepting it...
when her husband finally has enough of her shitty family and leaves, will that finally be the wake-up call she needs to realize that sometimes you need to cut off family.
I would block all of their asses and let them deal with the consequences of their own stupidity... if she went NC her stress would lessen so much, and her marriage would improve drastically
totally agree! you said they shaped who you are. are you a liar and all the names they called you? if so, it’s because of them! what is this thinking. and why do we all have so much guilt for what our parents “sacrificed”? isn’t that what parenting is? don’t we choose it? i know i did and my son better never feel guilty about it. i chose to be his mother! i’m proud and happy to sacrifice for him. Go NC! my family can’t stand me but i’ve never been called a liar to my face!
She is addicted to this drama and doesn’t think that she can live without it. Parents don’t just become this bad over night. They have always been this bad and she has in her mind turned them into something that they are not and that is “good parents.”
Heck, I'd go NC, change my number and get a lawyer to send cease and desist letters, and threaten lawsuit(s) against GC sister and any "family and friends" who join in sister's bs. I'd also consider moving, just to really screw over a-h fam, so long as spouse is both on board with a move and OP and spouse do therapy (couples & individual therapy for OP.)
OP, if you read my comment, please know you deserve better than the toxicity your "family and friends" are heaping at your door. Your sister could've and should've always moved back in with your parents. This isn't about your comfort, per se. It's about respect, which is something your sister clearly lacks. And with the golden child treatment you describe, it's no wonder she's acting the way she is. I honestly feel bad for her child. They'll either live in the land of delusion with their mother OR be resented because their father AND you walked away from sister before child was born (which isn't child's fault, but 100% can be put at your sister's door, but I have a sneaking suspicion your sister will put blame and heap abuse on that child if she goes full narcissistic route.)
Just please, OP, do yourself a favor and take steps to cut all contact with the people who are trying to bring you down. Your first familial priority should be your spouse, as you two became a nuclear family to each other when you married. Everyone else is fringe. And your husband DID NOT sign up to be a doormat for your sister. Her pregnancy does not give her a free pass to be an A-H. Nor does her pregnancy authorize others to treat you horribly. They want to defend her? How about they put her up in their home for a month or two (including after baby is born) rather than be ugly to you. But again, put your safety and well-being, as well as those of your spouse, AND the health and sanctity of your marriage first.
Or OP will, if she continues to remain a doormat.
It doesn't matter that her parents sacrificed for her if they're treating her like absolute trash.
Her garbage sister is the golden child. I hope OP grows a backbone.
I read the edit, u/Far-Vermicelli-5862. They may not have *been* bad parents, but right now, right at this moment, they are *being* bad parents. At the very least, put them all on do not disturb and stop reading anything they send. Put them in a time out.
>To all those who are saying I should cut ties with my family, it’s practically not possible. They are my family, and my parents raised me, even though right now they are being AHs. I am torn between the need to protect myself and my household from toxic behavior and the inherent loyalty I feel for my family.
She won't go no contact because she was groomed for abuse.
My best guess is that the parents know exactly what the sister is like. That's the whole reason they're pulling every nasty, guilt tripping trick in the book to get the OP to take her back. They don't want stuck with her any more than the OP does. They're going to keep fueling the hate until they tear apart the OP's marriage. Then they can point and laugh about the OP was the crazy one all along and that's why her husband left her.
OP needs to get into therapy ASAP before they damage her mental health to the point that she does something drastic. The family won't care. They'll swear to their last breath that it was all the OP instead of the toxic behavior they groomed into both of their children. OP is NTA but she would be one to herself if she doesn't cut her toxic family off immediately.
I would go no contact. Your parents contributing to your education does not give them the right to be abusive. The reason they’re pissed is now they’re stuck with her. Go nc let the air clear and see what happens.
People from your family need to start to realise that what she does, is not good. She behaves like she is entitled at everything. She hasn't shown the slighest decency, gratitude and respect for accepting and helping her.
NTA
Wait till she's ditching them with the baby till all hours of the day and night! That would have been the OP if she hadn't gotten her out of there when she did! Let her parents be her maid and nanny for a while and see how they like it.
They are the ones who deserve her anyway, this is how they raised her!
Wouldn't have mattered, they'd have believed sis when she said OP threw the party herself and then demanded sis clean up and threw her out when she refused. If they'll believe OP is making that up, they'll believe any spin sis comes up with, because they want to believe her. I mean, her husband can corroborate OP's story and her family apparently has been swallowing sis's spin for 2+ decades, there's no reason to think they'd stop now.
I can't believe they didn't take pictures of the trashed house after the party and send them to every asshole who had something to say about it. I wonder if OP realizes they're not responding to what's actually true but to the giant fabrication coming out of that horse's ass of a sister. She must, but then why all the boo-hooing over OP's lousy family?
I pity the poor baby. OP is an asshole if she risks her marriage over this twat of a sister.
I agree. OP it's OK, if you can't go NC, go LC i.e only on special occasions. But your parents will soon see what you had to deal with, when they get sick of her complaints, mess, disrespect and bringing strangers in there house. Personally I would call child services on her for smoking and drinking during pregnancy, because of fetal alcohol syndrome and other developmental issues. OP block all the flying monkeys to get some peace. NTA I would off thrown her out at the lazy mess stage, pregnant or not! No wonder why bf left her!
It's YOUR house. Boot her out. Her living situation is her problem. Anyone who has a go at you, just tell them you will pass on that they are willing to house her. She's a leech. Don't feel bad about it for a moment. NTA
NTA. You did the right thing. Where you messed up was not getting photographic evidence and documenting more than you did before you evicted her. Odds are good that it won’t be long before your parents are the ones traumatized by her antics.
NTA, and the first two paragraphs would have been more than enough to justify getting rid of her. As for people who are insulting you for getting rid of her, simply tell them you’re not discussing it and hang up. Letting them guilt trip you is a waste of time. Get back to enjoying your home.
Yea, it was insanely nice to let her stay with them and she abused that kindness. No one deserves to be treated that way for being kind. No one is under any obligation to let someone stay with them especially under these conditions. NTA for taking out the trash. Also being pregnant doesn't make her disabled and unable to clean up after herself wtf.
I worked retail and I was on my feet the entire shift. I was a cashier and we did not have stools or chairs. You could sit down on your 30 minute lunch break if you brought your lunch and didn’t have to walk anywhere to grab something to eat. We had 2 15 minute breaks, which were just enough time to run to the bathroom, grab a drink and get back to your department.
This was in the 80s and 90s. We did not have paid maternity leave, and if you didn’t work, you didn’t get paid. No one made accommodations for pregnancy as it was not considered a disability.
I worked all the way up until my due date. At no time during my pregnancy was I unable to perform normal tasks such as cleaning up after myself, keeping my house, clean, running errands… The only thing I had to do differently was avoid lifting anything too heavy.
OP sister is nothing but a lazy, mooching, entitled, selfish twat. If she can throw a wild party, then she can do her dishes. If she can go out and buy alcohol and cigarettes, she can do her laundry and cook her own food.
I hope she behaves 10 times worse at her parents house and they have the nerve to turn around and complain to OP. I sure hope OP throws everything they said right back at them… Sister is an angel, she would never do that, you must be lying, you must be mistaken… 🤣
NTA at all!
Being pregnant doesn't automatically give anyone a free pass to behave like that... she is not a child and she was abusing your trust and kindness!!
Don't feel guilty, and if your parents and other family members keep causing drama, block them and go low or no contact with them... they have no right to treat you like that...
It can be a good idea for you and Mark to go to couples therapy so you can get past this, it is understandable how this situation put a strain in your relationship and you need the proper tools to deal with it and move on.
100% agree with the couples counseling idea. Start putting your marriage first and block anyone who keeps bringing this stress into your life. You can choose to reopen communication at some point in the future, if you wish, but personally I'd keep them blocked after this sort of deranged verbal abuse. Evil, really? OK be evil and protect your home, relationship and sanity
Op needs therapy on her own too to realize what toxic ah family she has and that she really needs to distance herself at least if not going no contact with these jerks. And that the energy needs to be matched: they treat her well great should respond in kind. They treat her badly she needs to get as far away as humanly possible and block,/go low or no contact with ahs
Judging by how she's acting, I don't blame her ex for splitting up with her.
Is she a golden child? Your parents sound pretty awful. You know they know damned well what she's like, yet they turn their heads and go "nuh uh."
You absolutely did the right thing. If they want to bitch, they SHOULD be the ones dealing with her. NTA.
You do realize your sister stole from you when she used your credit card without permission. She''s lucky you are't pressing charges against her.
You were kind enough to offer her a place to stay, and she crapped all over your hospitality. I hope you got pictures of the damage she did. You should send that to everyone who gives you grief.
NTA
My stepmother pressed charges for a wild party at our home that included criminal trespass (for all the guests she let in) and destruction of property. Sis was on parole for years.
Ask them this: "*You wanna help her, yes? Whats your address, I'll pay for the ticket there.* " And watch them all go silent. Screenshot EVERYTHING,
NTA
>They sided with Emily, saying I should be more understanding and that family should stick together.
>Our relatives joined in, calling me a bitch and asking how I could possibly kick out my own pregnant sister.
Look at all the people volunteering to take your sister in
Pregnant or not, she was leeching off you and your husband. She needs to understand it was YOUR HOUSE and you’re doing the best you can with the food, the HVAC, the WiFi, etc. and if she doesn’t like that, she’s more than welcome to get her own damn place and be a fucking adult for once instead of just reproducing. She needs a reality check since the world isn’t going to cater to her just because she’s pregnant, the world isn’t going to bend backwards for her child just because it might be born with a disability if she keeps drinking and smoking. NTA
Go NC. Who cares what they think? Also, since you are so evil and ruthless demand Emily pay for the charges in your credit cards or you are contacting the police.
OP absolutely should press charges for the credit card fraud, if Emily goes to jail she will probably have a healthier pregnancy and it will prevent fetal alcohol syndrome.
I bet Op’s parents are just pissed as they have to now deal with Emily’s bullshit & they cant kick her out! They’re welcome to her messiness & entitlement & will also have to deal with a crying newborn because Emily sure doesnt sound like she will be that responsible!
Oh yeah, OP dodged a screaming, crying baby that she would be 95% responsible for (I'm sure sis will at least play with baby 5% lol). Nice that the parents are so willing to deal with that hahaha! No wonder they are so mad; they decided OP will raise the sister and baby and they would be OP's problem.
It's like perfect karma for the parents :)
I hope they enjoy waking up every hour of the night to take care of that poor little baby while their daughter parties away every night.
>I'm sure sis will at least play with baby 5% lol
More likely she'll be using the baby as a prop to show off at social media and telling how hard it is to be a single mother.
It would probably be Emily demanding that OP pay for everything for the baby’s needs and daycare as soon as possible, all without a job. Probably because she deserves a “break” and “OP can afford it” type of nonsense.
NTA
In my opinion, what Emily is doing is nothing less than child abuse. It's despicable that your family have turned on you, but now that they have. You need to be proactive before this entire situation destroys even more of your life.
Go no contact with your entire family. At least for a while. Block them for minimum six months. Use that time to relax and work on shoring up your marriage. Tell your mutual friends that you are very disappointed in their behaviour and that they would support someone mistreating you and an unborn baby in this way, and massively cut down on your contact with them. If they continue to harass you, cut them off too.
That may make your world feel small for a little while, but trust me. Having a smaller world filled with good people and peace will work wonders for you. In my experience, when you cut out the bad, you make room for so much good to flow in. You'll make better friends. You'll have a happier marriage. You'll probably reach the six months and wonder why you would ever be in touch with people who want to mistreat you.
And OP. Do what you need to do to save your marriage. Start my putting your entire family in a time out. Block them all. You can unblock them in, say 6 months. But re block them at the first abusive text or email or voice mail. All of them. They don’t deserve you, especially right now. 6 months is long enough for your sister to drop the mask and for them to see how she really is.
NTA - Your relationship with your partner is strained because you've kept in contact with these people.
**Go no contact with your family! They aren't going to change!**
Block them everywhere, stop going to family events, and if you're concerned about the baby, call CPS.
NTA your parents took her side because they didn't want her moving in with them. They raised her to be like that so they can deal with her. Stand your ground and just start blocking the ones who keep giving you shit.
NTA
Isn’t your house - why is she your problem ? Who cares if they think you’re a bitch - get the sarcasm on “yeah I’m a bitch because I don’t like my house trashed after sister has a party while I was out, and called her out for smoking”.
NTA block them all and enjoy the peace. They’ll soon find out, karma always find a way to get back at AHs. You need to protect yourself physically, mentally and your marriage. Your sister is no longer your problem.
NTA. Block all of them. You need to put yourself and your marriage first. Tell your parents that if family comes first, they should have taken her in from the getgo.
Based on the update, it sounds like OP is going to torpedo herself and her marriage for these people. I hope she gets herself into therapy ASAP, because otherwise she's going to end up with nothing but her awful family.
Seriously, OP. You're already putting your marriage on the brink by your own admission. Don't set your whole life on fire just to placate people who are abusing and harassing you.
I honestly don’t understand what your dilemma is: you have a shitty relationship with your sister, offer her an olive branch and she does everything in her power to make your life hell. When you finally evict her your out of state parents chime in calling you a heartless bitch and take your sister at her word. Now she’s spreading rumours and other family members are chiming in and it’s straining your relationship with your husband.
Cut every single one of these people out of your life, take a vacation to decompress and foster relationships with people who actually care about you. NTA
NTA. Go low contact with your family and so-called friends. Don’t let your sister be the reason for your relationship falling apart. No good deed ever goes unpunished. Let that be a lesson to you in the future when she or your parents ask for anything.
Nta. And start blocking ppl. They are not family. They are related to you. And relations do not mean your forced to stay in contact with them.
Those other relatives can open their homes to her and deal with it.
NTA, your sister obviously is the way she is because of your deranged family, 🖕🏾them and her. The only one you should take into consideration is your husband and your feelings about it, yall are the only ones with brain cells and sense.
OP's family. If you see this message 🖕🏾🖕🏾 yall, yall are trash and raised a piece of trash liar who unfortunately is procreating. Hope she trashes your house and spends your money since it's okay because she's "pregnant", guess it's okay to smoke and drink too, dumbasses.
🤣🤣
I've been very blunt to her, realistically, rude too, but boy, the entitlement 😳 she should be disgusted with herself if it really is Emily and not a troll. She is *vile*.
No one needs someone like that in their life, there is *zero* moral compass.
NTA. I sense you are so used to bend over backwards for your sister and being guilt tripped you forgot you matter too.
See? "They guilt-tripped me constantly, saying I was putting my own comfort above my sister and her unborn child."
Yes you do. Yes, you have right for your own comfort in your own home ypu pay for, with your own husband." Your sister is NOT more important than you, pregnant or not. You are not her parent nor caretaker.
Dear OP, look at your husband. He stands by your side. YOU are putting a strain on your relationship accepting opinion of your family instead of your husband's. You are sti trying to get acceptance from ppl who call you names and liar? Cut them off. Those people don't care about you while your husband wants you to be happy again.
Your sister is an adult, not a kid. Also she lives with your parents now, has food and roof over her head. Just in different state she wanted to live in. That is not a real problem.
Think about it this way also - Your husband doesn't want to live with your sister as she is a mess. Who has right to feel good in your home in your opinion? Your husband or your sister? (Hint - the one who stands by your side).
Cut of your family at least for a while and seek a therapy asap. Your family is emotionally abusive to you.
NTA, and do not take down this post.
Your parents told you they wish they’d disowned you years ago. Let them. Tell them that you respect their decision, and will go NC.
I hope you got photos of the wreckage to your home. Send that with an itemized bill of the damage and credit card fraud, and say that you will not discuss it further. They are free to invite your sister to move in with them. Tell them that anyone who continues to disparage you will also be out of your life. This is when you evaluate who really is your family, and who are just relatives to avoid.
Report credit card fraud to both the credit card companies, and the police. Try your get your sister to admit on text that she used your cc without permission and racked up bills. Hand that over to police.
Your parents have Golden Child Syndrome, which is not fixable. They’re broken as parents, and it’s not your fault. Accept they do not value you, and move on to build your real tribe.
Stop fighting with your husband over these people, or you are allowing them to ruin your life. Put them behind you.
To really connect with your subconscious over acknowledging your sister wronged you, get her out of your life, and put the angst of the situation behind you, do the following:
Write your sister’s name on toilet paper. Look at the name, while saying, “What you did to me was wrong, and you are bad for me. I wish you no harm, but I want you out of my life.” Then go to the bathroom, use the toilet paper, and flush. Feel the weight life off your shoulders as this entire toxic pattern of behavior towards you flushes out of your life with the rest of the sewage.
If necessary, repeat with your parents.
It is marvelous how it helps leaving toxicity behind.
It’s letting go, and getting out of harmful relationships that is healing, not forgiveness. It gets the hurt and anger out of your heart.
Lmfao, she just angry responded to me, asking who I thought I was and to stop googling and being a troll.🤣🤣🤣 like girrrrrl I am 2x your age with 2 healthy kids! This shit actually is real, I'm actually dead!💀
NTA. Grow a spine and cut them off. It might get them to pull their heads out of their asses. Go get therapy for your doormat issues.
To OPs PARENTS: you are vile pieces of dog shit. You deserve to be manipulated and fucked over by that pregnant narcissistic viper you call a daughter.
To OPs sister: you will one day die alone, despised by everyone including your fetal alcohol syndrome child. Narcs always eventually out themselves and burn their bridges.
Saw the update - time to see if you can get a restraining order! If you have records of the harassment through these threatening and abusive messages, you have a good starting point.
NTA but you need to dispute those charges on your credit card and file a police report for the damages that she caused. You’re better off without those people in your life so much better off. All those toxic people can stick together. Definitely dispute those charges you did everything you could, and she took advantage of kindness. it won’t be long before she be the same at your parents house because people don’t change who they are. You don’t need their approval and you don’t need them in your life. You don’t know anybody anything.
No, your parents are not good parents. Normal people would not have accepted even half of what your sister did. Such that it comes across as not believable. The only way that situation happens is if you've been trained to see this as normal. Your parents are awful people with an awful younger daughter. Cut contact, get therapy. And don't ever let them back in. Choose your husband and yourself and never look back.
Dude, fucking block them. You don't actually have to keep the line of communication open. They'll learn as her mask slips and they see you weren't lying. I say unblock them in two years and see where their opinions lie. NTA
NTA you need to cut off all your family. Every single one of them. The fact that they would say those things to you proves they don’t give a damn. Cut them all off. Saint Emily won’t be able to hide her true self for long and pretty soon your parents will be begging you to take her back and claiming that’s how you can make it up to them. Don’t fall for it. Cut off everyone and work on your marriage.
Tell all of your family that they are welcome to take her I next time she’s kicked out. Everything that happened at your place I can guarantee will happen at your parent’s place also. It’s only a matter of time until they catch her at it. Don’t let any of these comments get to you, you were not wrong for ending the abuse you and your husband were putting up with and maybe you should block/mute family until things calm down.
Also if she is doing things like smoking while pregnant the child will likely show signs of that when it’s born, hopefully it’s not anything extreme. There are also tests that can be done to show nicotine use, I’ve heard it ranges from 15-30 days that it will show any use.
NTA
NTA screw your sister I'd have taken the stuff from the shopping sprees and returned or sold them also what your sister couldn't have live with the friends who come to party? You'll be better with out them
Girl, get a reality check. Family who love you do not treat you this way. I was raised like you but as an adult I pushed back and wouldn’t take their shit. When I finally had enough with my maternal grandmother I told her all the family secrets her golden child (not my mum) and golden child granddaughter had really been up to and not telling her. 30 years of secrets I dumped on her. Needless to say my aunt and cousin hate me and cut contact. Good riddance.
Then when my mum died I discovered just how much she had been supporting my idiot brother and he tried to clean me out of the inheritance and then dragged out probate by 8 long years.
You may have lots of relatives but if you aren’t prepared to tell them the truth, then why the hell accept their guilt trips? Family are those you would do anything for and they would do anything for you. Especially respect you.
NTA - I’d never let anyone move in with me ever again apart from my kids / grandkids after reading all these posts on Reddit
Why do people have to stick their nose in and give unwanted and unfounded opinions., obviously you’re a nice sister or you wouldn’t have took her in in the first place
I’d link this post to your social media that’ll shut them all up
NTA But your family is. Hey OPs family...you have it all wrong. She should have disowned YOU a long time ago!
Okay, now back to you OP. Good for you on standing your ground and kicking her out. Block anyone who is siding with your sister. They will eventually learn the truth. As for you and your husband, pick up the pieces, get yourselves into some counseling together, and move forward with your lives.
Go no-contact with your family and friends that are being a$$holes to you. They were never your family and they never will be.
#UpdateMe
You shouldn't feel "loyalty" for people who are toxic.
I mean, they're not being loyal to you. They're calling you a liar. Selfish. Heartless. They're not supporting you, so why should you put up with them?
NTA.
Sadly , your original “sin” was taking in your irresponsibly pregnant sister, “ until she gets on her feet “. THAT was never going to happen. At least not until she latches on to a dude, with money, willing to subsidize her and a kid.
Sorry.
And if you choose to stay in contact with the people, including your folks, you are complicit in your own abuse. They have shown you how little they value you, or understand your sister behavior.
Classic enablers.
NTA, but you choose your path forward for you and your husband.
Best wishes.
NTA
You don't want to cut ties with your parents, you don't want to lose them.
Be honest!!!
They don't stand by you, they insult you, threaten you and lie to you. You've already lost it or maybe you never had them.
If no one wants to listen to you after all of this, then there is no relationship, trust or love.
Find a good therapist, good reliable friends and move forward, leaving all this human garage behind you.
You might have been raised “family is everything” - but they are treating you like you are NOT family. They are abusing you and weaponizing “BUT FAMILY!” and allowing people to talk crap about you. Does that seem very family of you?
Ask them if their behavior is what “family” does. Actually, if the snoop is reading this, I want them to ask themselves this. It’s easy to act like someone is evil for speaking the truth, while ignoring the actual things they are saying.
"Ask them if their behavior is what “family” does."
No need. Just cut them off. Their behavior up to this point is enough.
Don't give them any chance to stir up more drama.
Block them all, yesterday. Your family and their golden child are destroying Your family, don't let them!
Dump them all and let them deal with her on their own, she cannot hide her ugly antics forever.
Stop trying to fight for your parents’ love and approval.
They chose Emily over you.
I know that’s painful, but that’s what it is.
They paid for your schooling? That’s nice. They also called you a ruthless bitch and a liar because you didn’t want your thieving, conniving sister in your home ruining your marriage.
“I would love to have a relationship with you, but if you cannot treat me with respect, I will be unable to continue contact with you.”
^ You can give them an out, but I would be willing to bet all my savings they will still choose Emily.
Stop acting as a second class citizen in your own family.
NTA.
NTA - Your sister abused you, your home, and your relationship. You parents and others are now joining in to further abuse you. They show you no loyalty. Return the favor.
Edit: typos
NTA: The best thing I did was block my entire abusive family save for two kind supportive members. Don't let them wear you down, I know you're thinking about taking this down over them. It's proof how bad THEY are. That they have to threaten you for venting. Scum don't deserve your peace of mind. Make time to work on your marriage and make a new family of you and your husband. The guilt fades especially when you are separated from the abuse and realize how it really isn't YOUR fault. And if YOUR WHOLE family is this awful to you, I see no hope for any of them. And once you are away from the toxic you can finally begin to heal from whatever else HAD to have happened in your life to receive this kind of lashing out.
It's whatever. You were raised with family loyalty....where's their's towards YOU? And your parents are gaslighting you. They didn't want Emily at their house, because she OBVIOUSLY ain't leaving anytime soon! They wanted you to deal with that burden, not them. Happens all the time, your family/parents aren't doing anything that almost EVERY family does. Toughen up buttercup, your relationship with your HUSBAND comes first, not them!
NTA Probably should have installed cameras when she moved in. I really hope that baby isn't born with anything wrong because your parents will most likely get stuck raising it, the truth will eventually come out, it always does. Keep smiling 😃.
Okay. I HATE the family is family bullshit.
Toxic is toxic. Do you want to deal with this? No? Limit your involvement.
The people saying cut them out have family too. They have cut out parents who raised them who grew up on “family is everything”. You do realize that, don’t you? They didn’t just appear on this planet.
If you can’t cut them out or limit your contact or set boundaries, then enjoy your misery.
My husband has cut his parents and siblings out for toxic behaviors. I ask him if he’s like to increase time spent or speak to them more or visit more than once a year and you know what his answer is? “No. It’s better this way. “ and you know what? It’s his family and he is RIGHT. the less we see them, the less stress, the less fake, the less bs, the less rearranging for all the whining.
If you wanted to protect yourself you’d set your foot down. If they care and want to stay a family; they learn to respect it.
NTA but you will be if you don’t do anything about it and just keep looping yourself to be on the receiving end of it
I would file a police report on the unauthorized charges.
I would follow up with a civil suit for the damage to your home and furniture.
I would go through her friends social media to find pictures from the party.
I would contact the ex to see why they broke up from his perspective.
I would send out a family and mutual friend wide PR statement with a timeline of all the facts. How she behaved, how you are concerned for your nibbling. How much financial damage she has caused.
NTA
You did. Make a group chat/post, list the facts, reference how you are disappointed but not surprised that they believe her lies & block them all. Grow a backbone.
Can’t wait to find out how her behavior is at her parents place. When they se where smoke or drink or have her use their credit cards. It’s only a matter of time. And then their tune will change.
Nta but unless/until you cut your parents out of your life, you will continue to carry around this toxic stress and anxiety. Your choice completely but you obviously can’t see that your sister is the golden child and that won’t change unless/until she shows her true colours to them in a hugely painful way.
"Family is everything," yet they're so quick to not even consider what you're saying is true. I'm offended for you. They're not giving you the same benefit of the doubt as your sister. You're both grown ass women, and your parents are childish for viewing your relationship that way just because she's younger.
God forbid the baby's born with alcohol/smoking defects, but she won't be able to hide from that. Sadly it sounds like your parents would believe her still. You're NTA. Show your whole family this thread. Make a book of it. They should be embarrassed.
I was raging for you until the edit.
NTA for kicking her out. You did the right thing. Let her go live like that with your parents.
YTA for making yourself *and* your husband continue to go through that. By not going NC with your toxic family (doesn't have to be forever), *you* are putting a strain on your marriage. You are allowing that conflict into *both* of your lives, and that is not fair to your husband. You both deserve better.
If my family called me half of those names, I'd block them faster than you could say "fuck off". You know why? Because my parents raised me to not allow people to abuse me without consequences, family or no. Your parents may not have been bad parents, I don't know. But they certainly are now. How you can sit there and take the beatings from them and in the same breath preach that they raised you to believe "family is everything" is beyond me. Because they do not believe the same. If they did, they would have had a conversation with you, your sister, and your husband and gotten to the bottom of it. If for no other reason than to make sure your sister isn't spiraling and harming her baby in the process. But they don't care. They're just mad that they're being burdened with your pregnant sister and need someone to blame.
For the love of your family (your husband) cut them off until they can learn to treat you with basic familial decency.
NTA. Why would you feel guilty for kicking her to the curb if she was such a pain in the ass?! Nobody that’s guilt-tripping you had to deal with her shit. Block the lot of them, and keep living your life.
eventually her mask will slip and they will all see her for who she really is. It might take until the baby is born and she starts taking off on weekends and refusing to do anything for the baby. but eventually the truth will win out.
also, block all those nasty people harassing you, you don't deserve that.
You deserve so so so much better, please, block all their numbers. They will find out eventually that you're not lying, because with behavior like that, she can only keep up the façade for so long, she will slip up. When she does, believe that NO ONE will apologise for the absolute horrific and vile commentary thrown your way.
I'd say esh but you and your hb are NTA, everyone else though...
NTA Your family offered a solution when they claimed they should have disowned you years ago... I'd make that a reality now.
I can think of no better way to live your life than going absolutely no contact with your entire family. Let them take care of Emily, soon enough she'll show her true collars.
Should've called the cops for destruction on property shit you can still take her to small claims. Block everyone who has something to say. Don't worry your parents will experience the same shit with her and when they do just sit back and laugh and keep them blocked
NTA. I had a sister that sounds just like yours. She pulled all the same crap, though she didn't live with us. The last straw came when she wrecked the car we co-signed for and decided she wasn't making payments since she couldn't drive the car. Unfortunately, our mother died just after that and she became even worse since mom was no longer there to give her money. Things were said and I decided to go NC with her. She told anyone who would listen how terrible I was and many of them believed her. That was 35 years ago. Over time, many realized that she was the problem and tried to ease back into the picture. I was unaccepting of them and have lived happily. The point being, you're not alone, you didn't do wrong and you shouldn't bear any guilt. When they come around and decide to apologize, you can decide who your real friends and family are.
I can’t believe your parents would let their sweet pregnant daughter move in with such a horrible person.
It is good they got her away from your influence.
It is time she set a good example for you.
She needs to marry that good man who blessed her with a child.
They can live happily ever after.
You just keep doing what it takes to save your marriage.
The parents know what is happening. They will come around.
After reading your ypdates I feel you are ignoring your marriage and the needs to repair your marriage. Who cares what lies your sister is stating if your parents want to believe her they are going to deal with the fallout of an underweight birth, possible birth defects and learning disabilities all because they want a grandchild more than you! Learn what is more important your marriage or bow down and lie about what went on. Don't come on here and ask for help when you really don't want it!
Get a spine...your family doesn't care about you. They only care about the golden child and it's time you realized you are NOT that golden child.
Geezus F'ing Christ you're weak. Get a backbone and kick the entire family to the curb.
They don't give one bit of crap about you at all. Can't you see it?
I was that child...it took me decades to realize they never cared. It's time you grew up and realized the same.
NC with family!!!!
Get some help. Your family already has shown they don't care about you. Get the help YOU need.
Your sister is a narcissist b and c. and you know it. Your parents are AH's and don't deserve your love.
Doesn't matter they raised you. They raised you to give to your sister and be ignored.
Time to go NC!!! Stop being so nice to a family that doesn't care and give your hubby your full attention. He's the one that's helping...
And you are completely ignoring the fact that your own family is shunning you and telling you outright exactly how they feel.
Time to put on your big girl britches and leave them in the dust where they belong.
NTA
Dear OP’s parents and sister, and all the flying monkeys you’ve recruited, you’re all massive assholes and karma WILL come for you.
OP, NTA. I know you say you can’t cut them off but you need to seriously consider doing exactly that. These people are worthless scum who don’t give a damn about you. Your sister is clearly the golden child who can do no wrong. Cut the toxic waste out of your life and realise how much happier you will be without their bullshit to gaslight you and make you miserable.
"i WoNt cUt TiEs WiTh mYpArEnTs bEcAuSe tHeY rAiSeD mE".
Then congratulations, you just lost your husband, the only person who's on your side, because you are a doormat who refuses to do what's objectively best for you and your marriage. Grow a damn spine and excise the tumor from your life before you fuck up the only good thing you ever had. If I were your husband, I would have left a long time ago. No one is worth dealing with in-laws from hell.
YTA for letting it go on so long that it’s affecting your relationship and the fact that you’re still in contact with those people who are still harassing you.
NTA block them. They will learn the truth when she gives birth to an undersized child with potential Fetal Alcohol syndrome. Just ignore all of it. Radio silence and block them for a month or two they will either be in denial when they learn the truth or they have their eyes opened and try and dump her on you again
NTA. Your family enables Emily because they are just like her: abusive, entitled hypocrites. Look at how they bully you for posting (anonymously online), when they have publicly dragged your name through the mud to family, friends, neighbors. At least you kept it to people who didn't know them.
Don't blame your husband for their actions, especially when he supports you. I know victims often lash out at the people who least deserve it, because they know that is the safest person TO lash out at, but you can't give them the kind of power to destroy your marriage. Tell your parents she's their problem now and you look forward to the day when she pulls the same shit with them, and then mute your family (don't block in case you need evidence) and any friends that joined in becoming flying monkeys.
OP. You are NTA. Hold fast and stay strong. Believe in yourself and your right to a home with respect. Your sister is horribly entitled and your parents are the reason why.
Look in the mirror and be kind to yourself and also proud for having good boundaries.
NTA - Tell all of them since you all think I’m doing the wrong thing how about you do the right thing and let her come stay with you? Watch all the excuses start to pour in. Nobody wants her, they just want you to have to deal with her nut job self.
File a police report for the credit card fraud and make sure you name her as the suspect. I’m sure she has all the shit she bought on your cards with her so the evidence is right there for them to find. If she posted any of it on social media make sure you take a screenshot as proof as it will have the date and time in the photo when she posted it.
Don’t take the post down, they are all just mad you are telling the truth and it puts the spot light back on THEM!
Block them all and go NC, with family and friends like that who needs enemies. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Reddit update me please!
For your own mental health you need to go low contact with them. Your sister is their golden child no matter what. I'm sure she'll soon show her true colours, she is manipulative and does not care for the health of her baby. NTA and find that spine with those that are judging you, they weren't there they don't know what she put you through. Block and cut off anyone who supports her lies.
r/estrangedadultkids it is very possible. And likely for the best. We will help you. They are letting themselves be manipulated, you can only save yourself. No matter how good someone is, they don’t deserve you if they treat you this badly. And if they always sided with her, they were never that good. We can wish for them to understand, but we can’t make them.
NTA... but let go of the damn excuses. You didn't ask to be born and your parents did what they were required to do. You are letting them treat you like a doormat and worse and you're excusing it because TheY'Re FaMiLy.... and? Your sister caused undo stress to you and your husband and your relationship there sounds strained. So you are clearly willing to risk your marriage for "family" because... reasons?
You claim it's not practical or possible to cut off your family, yeah when you have a wet noodle spine that is true. Yeah I'm being harsh because someone in the world has to advocate for you to cut the toxicity out. If you don't -want- to cut that cancer out of your life then just take your sister back in like a good doormat so she can walk all over you. The alternative is suck up the pain and do what you need to do for you and your husband.
This boils down to want... you don't want to cut toxic people out because you have some antiquated view of family loyalty that THEY DO NOT SHARE! They don't give crap one about your wellbeing or happiness but you're defending that on the grounds of family. You were right to kick her out... but they say they should have disowned you long ago and you accept that. Stop being a victim! Tell them all in no uncertain terms to stop the abuse or leave your life. Grow a spine and cut them out, block their numbers, report the threats and harassment and let them suffer for their obvious favoritism.... or don't and just be the family doormat for the rest of your life but don't come to others and whine about it if you aren't willing to actually change things.
NTA.
HOWEVER, while you don't have to cut ties with your parents, please consider taking a break and go NC for a bit. At least until things stabilize with your SO. Also, consider therapy.
If your relationship implodes because of your family, you will hate yourself for it later.
NTA.
Have you ever wondered *why* you put up with so much crap from your sister? We don't like to admit it, but parents can be assholes, too. We put them on a pedestal because they teach us to, yet it's clear to everyone but you that your parents are absolute fucktards. Please cut out your whole family; they are all toxic and will do nothing productive for your mental health. Family is who we pick; we are born in blood, but we die with those we choose. Good luck.
Nah your sister is a disrespectful spoiled brat and it's easy to tell who the golden child is. Let your parents have her.
Ignore and block EVERYONE. It's actually quite easy and the guilt melts away pretty quickly once you aren't exposed to that toxicity anymore.
Op, NTA
YOU absolutely can put your family on a time out.
Just block/mute them ALL.
You claim them as family but family doesn’t treat kin like a dirty poo stained rug. Cause they are treating that rug better than YOU!
Protect yourself and your marriage, that alone is your only priority. I have 3 older sisters, the oldest caused HUGE issues and I cut her off because the familial link is not worth fucking up your own life and marriage.
Her staying with your parents will soon show her colors/behavior to them, just stay quiet, let it happen and go from there.
You tried, she was an ass, now you wait QUIETLY.
Enjoy your summer in peace.
You're an idiot for not getting the police involved 🤦🏼♀️ she didn't "borrow" she STOLE off you and did criminal damage to your property.
I can't say you're NTA fully, because you're an AH for ALLOWING her to get away with the things she's done. Where are the consequences of her actions??? That's where you're an AH, for not holding her accountable by law, she's just going to do all this to someone else! You do realise that!!! That's why you're an AH.
However you're definitely NTA for finally growing a backbone and kicking her out. Now you need to solidify that backbone and shine it up real good and take the little thief to the police and courts. Also tell your cowardly relatives "Thank you for volunteering to house her when our parents kick her out, or the next time she's homeless due to her disgusting and illegal behaviour. It's extremely kind of you to volunteer and I will make a note and list of all the people who have volunteered to house such an obnoxious, thieving little swine that trashed houses and steals off her own family. I'm sure she will be extremely grateful to you all for your generosity."
NTA. It doesn’t matter how your parents used to be . They are now selfish, conceded, controlling assholes that you should cut ties with. Let them deal with your horrible sister.
YTA to yourself and your husband. Your sister is not your problem she is 24 years old, pregnant, unable to make proper decisions for her unborn child and unable to fend for herself. Your parents Golden child can do no wrong let them deal with her and her dumb ass decisions. The minute you let anyone interfere in your marriage, you are disrespecting your spouse. Your parents are huge AH, they created this monster. Trust me there will be huge repercussions. You have to let go of the “but we’re family” mentality. Why are you setting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm? Get all the bs out of your head, go NC with all of them and let them deal with their own actions. Stop giving a shit of what anyone else thinks, people can’t deal with their own lives yet they want to tell you how to live yours. You have to look out for number one, yourself. Go get therapy if you need help developing a backbone.
“Today, I will apply the concept of detachment, to the best of my ability, in my relationships. If I can't let go completely, I'll try to “hang on loose.”
-Melody Beattie in Codependent No More
To the Op's parents, you guys deal with your shitty pregnant daughter, OP doesn't have to be a doormat for her. Teach your bratty entitled daughter some manners instead of complaining about OP. Let your bitchy pregnant daughter trash your home.
To the bitchy sister, know your place. Smoking and alcohol party while being pregnant?
I feel like I was reading a part of my story… let me cut it short for you. I haven’t talked to my parents and younger sister for 4 years now. And ever since my ties to my own family got stronger. Sometimes we hold on to things the hurt us the most, out of comfort, fear and believes. Letting go of all that and thinking for your own safety, peace and happiness is what is needed. You are NTA your family is toxic and you need therapy to see that…
Waiting on update from OP hoping she’s doing okay mentally. I have 2 sisters like this and they get the whole family to gang up on you. It’s the worst feeling ever being intentionally bullied by your own family.
OP : your sister clearly admitted on this thread to credit card fraud and we have the screenshots if you need them
You're basically being spineless and coming up with so many fake justifications so that you won't rock the boat and rip the band aid off. All of this could have been avoided if you just said "No," but you didn't even have the spine for that. Your parents and family do not have the right to bully you. But you give them that right. Screw any family gathering and seriously just go NC for the next few years. You're receiving nothing from the people who're taking everything.
OP is addicted to the drama of her toxic family. I don’t even feel bad for her because she says she knows they’re toxic, but fAmiLy! She’s gonna end up being a terrible mother when she has kids if this is what familial loyalty looks like to her. YTA
NTA at all. She took advantage of you. Is the pregnancy even real? Either way, I think it’s time for you to go low or no contact with your family and mutual friends for your own peace and marriage. There is no reason for you and your husband to be fighting. It’s you two against them, not each other. UPDATEME
Ah yes the classic everyone in your life suddenly is blowing up your phone and calling you names. This is such an overdone theme I wish you trolls would get better with your creative writing and at least try to make it sound believable.
I never understood the “but she’s pregnant!” argument. Yeah she’s pregnant, which means she’s got her own shit to figure out and WHAT does that have you do with you?? You didn’t get her pregnant!
Your parents aren't loving or caring. How can you stay in contact with people who are so cruel and condescending? You really need to go NC with everyone, friends and family who are ignoring what your sister did. You also talk about the strain on your marriage this has been. Your husband should come first, and the rest of your family can suck eggs!
NTA
You don’t want to cut ties because of loyalty to your family…what about their loyalty to YOU?
They’ve shown absolutely no loyalty to you!
Your sister AND your parents are worthless pieces of shit!
The kicker is, YOU’RE laying down and letting them treat you like shit.
There’s only ONE person you need, your husband and it looks like you’re willing to push him aside for you pathetic family.
Listen. I’ve been where you are. (Well not the drunk pregnant sister living with me but emotionally similar.) It wasn’t until I came to Reddit and asked if I was the a hole for taking a break from my parents after I found out they were purposefully feeding my celiac 5yo gluten. They even gaslighted me into believing that nothing was wrong with her and that the doctors just wanted money. They failed but not did they gaslight me hard. When all along they were the ones poisoning her. When they were called out I was the bad person. I was the one wrong and I was weaponizing my children. When I finally went no contact with them and found peace in everything I started looking back and realized how toxic my home was growing up. Yes they worked hard to provide for us. Well my sister more than me. They treated us as “equals” rofl…or so they say. They paid for part of her college. They caused me 100k in college debt when I could have been out maybe 15k. It took them almost unaliving my child by feeding her food they knew she couldn’t have for me to realize how horrible they actually were bc Reddit started informing me that it’s not normal to live in these situations.
Let me help you out. This isn’t normal. This is a golden child vs black sheep situation. You are the black sheep. You’re not good enough. Your purpose is to provide for them later on and help take care of the golden child. That’s why they are mad. You’re not living up to your role. Oh my parents are pissed. The golden child will be in charge of their long term care. She’s divorced now. She will have a whole house they can live in together. You deserve a safe clean home to live in that is pest free and crazy people free. You are being treated this way to guilt you and shame you back into their role they have created for you. This isn’t ok.
Nta
Do you not see the irony of people who family is Everything treating you like dog shit in their boot? They have shown you who they are so believe them. these people are the very definition of C@nt. This goes so far beyond golden child syndrome it’s actually abusive. You deserve so much better. I hope you grow a shiny new spine and stand up for yourself.
NTA. I don’t get why parents baby their youngest even through adulthood. I’m (26) with kids too and I wouldn’t base capabilities on age. Your sister is 24 she should know what is right and wrong. Sounds like your parents are the problem for enabling this behaviour, doesn’t help that your sister is selfish and a brat.
NTA, OP, but your parents raised you because they were parents. They don't get medals for that. They paid for your med school, which was a choice. I suspect they did it so you would take care of them and your fail whale of a sister later.
Was your sister manipulative as a child, or has she always been the baby golden child who can do no wrong? If your parents have constantly sided with her, that is also a choice.
In disaster management and emergency first response, the first thing they teach is that you can't help others of you become another casualty. By allowing your sister and your family to cause you and your marriage this much stress, you are becoming that casualty.
You need to step back and go low to no contact for the sake of your marriage. Take the time to do couples therapy with your husband. Repair the hole your sister has dug. Spend time with your in-laws and friends.
See a therapist for you to unpack your family dynamics.
Because family should not make you feel like this. If your blood family is dysfunctional, found/chosen family is fine.
NTA! I hope your sister does some of the same things she did at your house while living with your parents. And to be honest, even as a people pleaser I would still be cutting off my parents and sister if this was happening to me. It’s not fair to you and you deserve to have family that supports you. Family doesn’t have to be blood related. Family can be who you choose it to be! Updateme!
They aren’t going to change their minds and see your point, because they believe Emily and are taking her side, not yours. If you can’t see that, you are going to be miserable. She has always been the Golden Child and always will be. Now she is giving them a Golden Grandchild.
You don’t want to cut them off, but they have already cut you off. You are going to have to grovel and apologize to their favorite child before they let you back in their lives. And Emily will sit back with a smug smile because she wins again.
You are NTA and I’m sorry you are dealing with this, but all you can do is save your relationship with Mark and not let Emily ruin that too.
Being loyal to people who are not only disloyal to you but are determined to actively mistreat you is not loyalty--it's stupidity. Raising you wasn't a favor you are obligated to repay--it's literally their job.
Your enmeshment is deeply problematic and unhealthy and you need to stop. They're not going to change their minds about you being the asshole--they've heard your side and they don't care. They know what kind of person your sister is and they don't care.
NTA You did the right thing. It is your house and she was disrespecting your house and you. Funny how your family and relatives are blaming you but shouldn't they offer to take her in and see how she destroys their house like she did yours. Distance yourself from them and let your parent's deal with your sister they will in some point see that your are right especially if she is not taking care of pregnancy.
I don’t get why you feel so loyal to them when they clearly don’t feel the same . They called you every name in the book plus calling you a liar! Your husband is the only person that is loyal to you. He’s the one you need to stand with and tell everyone else to fo! Block them all! The only reason your fighting with husband is he sees what they are, how they’re hurting you!
THIS, OP keeps saying, "I can't go NC they're my family," Please, with family like this, who needs enemies. Her "family" is calling her vile names, bullying and abusing her, ruining her marriage and reputation, and she's just accepting it... when her husband finally has enough of her shitty family and leaves, will that finally be the wake-up call she needs to realize that sometimes you need to cut off family. I would block all of their asses and let them deal with the consequences of their own stupidity... if she went NC her stress would lessen so much, and her marriage would improve drastically
totally agree! you said they shaped who you are. are you a liar and all the names they called you? if so, it’s because of them! what is this thinking. and why do we all have so much guilt for what our parents “sacrificed”? isn’t that what parenting is? don’t we choose it? i know i did and my son better never feel guilty about it. i chose to be his mother! i’m proud and happy to sacrifice for him. Go NC! my family can’t stand me but i’ve never been called a liar to my face!
She is addicted to this drama and doesn’t think that she can live without it. Parents don’t just become this bad over night. They have always been this bad and she has in her mind turned them into something that they are not and that is “good parents.”
Bingo exactly, she don’t want to see it due to trauma bound
OP, you need therapy.
She keeps siding with the wrong people and will lose the only one on her side, eventually
Heck, I'd go NC, change my number and get a lawyer to send cease and desist letters, and threaten lawsuit(s) against GC sister and any "family and friends" who join in sister's bs. I'd also consider moving, just to really screw over a-h fam, so long as spouse is both on board with a move and OP and spouse do therapy (couples & individual therapy for OP.) OP, if you read my comment, please know you deserve better than the toxicity your "family and friends" are heaping at your door. Your sister could've and should've always moved back in with your parents. This isn't about your comfort, per se. It's about respect, which is something your sister clearly lacks. And with the golden child treatment you describe, it's no wonder she's acting the way she is. I honestly feel bad for her child. They'll either live in the land of delusion with their mother OR be resented because their father AND you walked away from sister before child was born (which isn't child's fault, but 100% can be put at your sister's door, but I have a sneaking suspicion your sister will put blame and heap abuse on that child if she goes full narcissistic route.) Just please, OP, do yourself a favor and take steps to cut all contact with the people who are trying to bring you down. Your first familial priority should be your spouse, as you two became a nuclear family to each other when you married. Everyone else is fringe. And your husband DID NOT sign up to be a doormat for your sister. Her pregnancy does not give her a free pass to be an A-H. Nor does her pregnancy authorize others to treat you horribly. They want to defend her? How about they put her up in their home for a month or two (including after baby is born) rather than be ugly to you. But again, put your safety and well-being, as well as those of your spouse, AND the health and sanctity of your marriage first.
The grandparents are going to be raising the kid anyway.
Or OP will, if she continues to remain a doormat. It doesn't matter that her parents sacrificed for her if they're treating her like absolute trash. Her garbage sister is the golden child. I hope OP grows a backbone.
IF the poor baby survives
I am not convinced that it will. Baby isn’t born yet and mom can’t abstain from drugs and booze.
I read the edit, u/Far-Vermicelli-5862. They may not have *been* bad parents, but right now, right at this moment, they are *being* bad parents. At the very least, put them all on do not disturb and stop reading anything they send. Put them in a time out.
Great points. OP NTA, but please prioritise your own mental health and wellbeing.
VERY good idea. All of them deserve a timeout.
>To all those who are saying I should cut ties with my family, it’s practically not possible. They are my family, and my parents raised me, even though right now they are being AHs. I am torn between the need to protect myself and my household from toxic behavior and the inherent loyalty I feel for my family. She won't go no contact because she was groomed for abuse. My best guess is that the parents know exactly what the sister is like. That's the whole reason they're pulling every nasty, guilt tripping trick in the book to get the OP to take her back. They don't want stuck with her any more than the OP does. They're going to keep fueling the hate until they tear apart the OP's marriage. Then they can point and laugh about the OP was the crazy one all along and that's why her husband left her. OP needs to get into therapy ASAP before they damage her mental health to the point that she does something drastic. The family won't care. They'll swear to their last breath that it was all the OP instead of the toxic behavior they groomed into both of their children. OP is NTA but she would be one to herself if she doesn't cut her toxic family off immediately.
Agreed! And you put it point first, eloquently!!
screw the whole situation!!! You deserve much much better!!!! go nc with the whole family for now till they get their shit together!
I would go no contact. Your parents contributing to your education does not give them the right to be abusive. The reason they’re pissed is now they’re stuck with her. Go nc let the air clear and see what happens.
My thoughts exactly. Best comment IMO. OP, you deserve better. Your sis is a nightmare. Your parents are ENABLERS. NTA
Good answer!
People from your family need to start to realise that what she does, is not good. She behaves like she is entitled at everything. She hasn't shown the slighest decency, gratitude and respect for accepting and helping her. NTA
Wait till she's ditching them with the baby till all hours of the day and night! That would have been the OP if she hadn't gotten her out of there when she did! Let her parents be her maid and nanny for a while and see how they like it. They are the ones who deserve her anyway, this is how they raised her!
She had to take a pictures
Wouldn't have mattered, they'd have believed sis when she said OP threw the party herself and then demanded sis clean up and threw her out when she refused. If they'll believe OP is making that up, they'll believe any spin sis comes up with, because they want to believe her. I mean, her husband can corroborate OP's story and her family apparently has been swallowing sis's spin for 2+ decades, there's no reason to think they'd stop now.
I can't believe they didn't take pictures of the trashed house after the party and send them to every asshole who had something to say about it. I wonder if OP realizes they're not responding to what's actually true but to the giant fabrication coming out of that horse's ass of a sister. She must, but then why all the boo-hooing over OP's lousy family? I pity the poor baby. OP is an asshole if she risks her marriage over this twat of a sister.
[удалено]
I agree. OP it's OK, if you can't go NC, go LC i.e only on special occasions. But your parents will soon see what you had to deal with, when they get sick of her complaints, mess, disrespect and bringing strangers in there house. Personally I would call child services on her for smoking and drinking during pregnancy, because of fetal alcohol syndrome and other developmental issues. OP block all the flying monkeys to get some peace. NTA I would off thrown her out at the lazy mess stage, pregnant or not! No wonder why bf left her!
Oh yeah, I think they’re just pissed because now they have to take her in.
I’m betting the parents will have shocked pikachu faces when the baby turns out to have problems due to sis smoking and drinking.
It's YOUR house. Boot her out. Her living situation is her problem. Anyone who has a go at you, just tell them you will pass on that they are willing to house her. She's a leech. Don't feel bad about it for a moment. NTA
NTA. You did the right thing. Where you messed up was not getting photographic evidence and documenting more than you did before you evicted her. Odds are good that it won’t be long before your parents are the ones traumatized by her antics.
If they complain, tell them they are LYING AND SHE WOULD NEVER DO THAT!
Messed up is going and invading OP's privacy.
NTA, and the first two paragraphs would have been more than enough to justify getting rid of her. As for people who are insulting you for getting rid of her, simply tell them you’re not discussing it and hang up. Letting them guilt trip you is a waste of time. Get back to enjoying your home.
Yea, it was insanely nice to let her stay with them and she abused that kindness. No one deserves to be treated that way for being kind. No one is under any obligation to let someone stay with them especially under these conditions. NTA for taking out the trash. Also being pregnant doesn't make her disabled and unable to clean up after herself wtf.
I worked retail and I was on my feet the entire shift. I was a cashier and we did not have stools or chairs. You could sit down on your 30 minute lunch break if you brought your lunch and didn’t have to walk anywhere to grab something to eat. We had 2 15 minute breaks, which were just enough time to run to the bathroom, grab a drink and get back to your department. This was in the 80s and 90s. We did not have paid maternity leave, and if you didn’t work, you didn’t get paid. No one made accommodations for pregnancy as it was not considered a disability. I worked all the way up until my due date. At no time during my pregnancy was I unable to perform normal tasks such as cleaning up after myself, keeping my house, clean, running errands… The only thing I had to do differently was avoid lifting anything too heavy. OP sister is nothing but a lazy, mooching, entitled, selfish twat. If she can throw a wild party, then she can do her dishes. If she can go out and buy alcohol and cigarettes, she can do her laundry and cook her own food. I hope she behaves 10 times worse at her parents house and they have the nerve to turn around and complain to OP. I sure hope OP throws everything they said right back at them… Sister is an angel, she would never do that, you must be lying, you must be mistaken… 🤣
I’m gonna go ahead and guess you weren’t smoking and drinking during your pregnancy, either.
NTA at all! Being pregnant doesn't automatically give anyone a free pass to behave like that... she is not a child and she was abusing your trust and kindness!! Don't feel guilty, and if your parents and other family members keep causing drama, block them and go low or no contact with them... they have no right to treat you like that... It can be a good idea for you and Mark to go to couples therapy so you can get past this, it is understandable how this situation put a strain in your relationship and you need the proper tools to deal with it and move on.
100% agree with the couples counseling idea. Start putting your marriage first and block anyone who keeps bringing this stress into your life. You can choose to reopen communication at some point in the future, if you wish, but personally I'd keep them blocked after this sort of deranged verbal abuse. Evil, really? OK be evil and protect your home, relationship and sanity
Op needs therapy on her own too to realize what toxic ah family she has and that she really needs to distance herself at least if not going no contact with these jerks. And that the energy needs to be matched: they treat her well great should respond in kind. They treat her badly she needs to get as far away as humanly possible and block,/go low or no contact with ahs
Judging by how she's acting, I don't blame her ex for splitting up with her. Is she a golden child? Your parents sound pretty awful. You know they know damned well what she's like, yet they turn their heads and go "nuh uh." You absolutely did the right thing. If they want to bitch, they SHOULD be the ones dealing with her. NTA.
Definitely getting golden child vibes off this whole situation.
You do realize your sister stole from you when she used your credit card without permission. She''s lucky you are't pressing charges against her. You were kind enough to offer her a place to stay, and she crapped all over your hospitality. I hope you got pictures of the damage she did. You should send that to everyone who gives you grief. NTA
My stepmother pressed charges for a wild party at our home that included criminal trespass (for all the guests she let in) and destruction of property. Sis was on parole for years.
Ask them this: "*You wanna help her, yes? Whats your address, I'll pay for the ticket there.* " And watch them all go silent. Screenshot EVERYTHING, NTA
>They sided with Emily, saying I should be more understanding and that family should stick together. >Our relatives joined in, calling me a bitch and asking how I could possibly kick out my own pregnant sister. Look at all the people volunteering to take your sister in
Family calling her a bitch instead of holding pregant child accountable....so dysfunctional. Sad
Pregnant or not, she was leeching off you and your husband. She needs to understand it was YOUR HOUSE and you’re doing the best you can with the food, the HVAC, the WiFi, etc. and if she doesn’t like that, she’s more than welcome to get her own damn place and be a fucking adult for once instead of just reproducing. She needs a reality check since the world isn’t going to cater to her just because she’s pregnant, the world isn’t going to bend backwards for her child just because it might be born with a disability if she keeps drinking and smoking. NTA
When a pregnant mother smokes and drinks, so does her fetus. She can expect a stern lecture from her OB.
That’s IF she’s going to the OB and actually paying attention to her offspring
Go NC. Who cares what they think? Also, since you are so evil and ruthless demand Emily pay for the charges in your credit cards or you are contacting the police.
Op should press charges. Theft is a punishable offence.
OP absolutely should press charges for the credit card fraud, if Emily goes to jail she will probably have a healthier pregnancy and it will prevent fetal alcohol syndrome.
I really hope OPs parents see this comment.
Everybody … just block “Emily”. NTA .. your house, your rules. If your “family” is so worried, they can take her in.
I bet Op’s parents are just pissed as they have to now deal with Emily’s bullshit & they cant kick her out! They’re welcome to her messiness & entitlement & will also have to deal with a crying newborn because Emily sure doesnt sound like she will be that responsible!
Op's parents are the reason Emily is the brat they allowed her to become. They created the monster, it is now their responsibility to deal with her.
Oh yeah, OP dodged a screaming, crying baby that she would be 95% responsible for (I'm sure sis will at least play with baby 5% lol). Nice that the parents are so willing to deal with that hahaha! No wonder they are so mad; they decided OP will raise the sister and baby and they would be OP's problem.
Exactly! Theyll be in for a treat - screaming baby & messy AF house thanks to Emily, who they will never be able to get rid of!
It's like perfect karma for the parents :) I hope they enjoy waking up every hour of the night to take care of that poor little baby while their daughter parties away every night.
For real! I love it when the spoiled golden child becomes total burden on these parents - nice pay back!
>I'm sure sis will at least play with baby 5% lol More likely she'll be using the baby as a prop to show off at social media and telling how hard it is to be a single mother.
It would probably be Emily demanding that OP pay for everything for the baby’s needs and daycare as soon as possible, all without a job. Probably because she deserves a “break” and “OP can afford it” type of nonsense.
NTA In my opinion, what Emily is doing is nothing less than child abuse. It's despicable that your family have turned on you, but now that they have. You need to be proactive before this entire situation destroys even more of your life. Go no contact with your entire family. At least for a while. Block them for minimum six months. Use that time to relax and work on shoring up your marriage. Tell your mutual friends that you are very disappointed in their behaviour and that they would support someone mistreating you and an unborn baby in this way, and massively cut down on your contact with them. If they continue to harass you, cut them off too. That may make your world feel small for a little while, but trust me. Having a smaller world filled with good people and peace will work wonders for you. In my experience, when you cut out the bad, you make room for so much good to flow in. You'll make better friends. You'll have a happier marriage. You'll probably reach the six months and wonder why you would ever be in touch with people who want to mistreat you.
And OP. Do what you need to do to save your marriage. Start my putting your entire family in a time out. Block them all. You can unblock them in, say 6 months. But re block them at the first abusive text or email or voice mail. All of them. They don’t deserve you, especially right now. 6 months is long enough for your sister to drop the mask and for them to see how she really is.
NTA - Your relationship with your partner is strained because you've kept in contact with these people. **Go no contact with your family! They aren't going to change!** Block them everywhere, stop going to family events, and if you're concerned about the baby, call CPS.
NTA your parents took her side because they didn't want her moving in with them. They raised her to be like that so they can deal with her. Stand your ground and just start blocking the ones who keep giving you shit.
NTA Isn’t your house - why is she your problem ? Who cares if they think you’re a bitch - get the sarcasm on “yeah I’m a bitch because I don’t like my house trashed after sister has a party while I was out, and called her out for smoking”.
"I'm a bitch because I don't appreciate my sister stealing from me."
NTA block them all and enjoy the peace. They’ll soon find out, karma always find a way to get back at AHs. You need to protect yourself physically, mentally and your marriage. Your sister is no longer your problem.
NTA. Block all of them. You need to put yourself and your marriage first. Tell your parents that if family comes first, they should have taken her in from the getgo.
Based on the update, it sounds like OP is going to torpedo herself and her marriage for these people. I hope she gets herself into therapy ASAP, because otherwise she's going to end up with nothing but her awful family. Seriously, OP. You're already putting your marriage on the brink by your own admission. Don't set your whole life on fire just to placate people who are abusing and harassing you.
A classic case of setting yourself on fire to warm others. Others that don't deserve it.
I honestly don’t understand what your dilemma is: you have a shitty relationship with your sister, offer her an olive branch and she does everything in her power to make your life hell. When you finally evict her your out of state parents chime in calling you a heartless bitch and take your sister at her word. Now she’s spreading rumours and other family members are chiming in and it’s straining your relationship with your husband. Cut every single one of these people out of your life, take a vacation to decompress and foster relationships with people who actually care about you. NTA
NTA. Go low contact with your family and so-called friends. Don’t let your sister be the reason for your relationship falling apart. No good deed ever goes unpunished. Let that be a lesson to you in the future when she or your parents ask for anything.
Nta. And start blocking ppl. They are not family. They are related to you. And relations do not mean your forced to stay in contact with them. Those other relatives can open their homes to her and deal with it.
NTA, your sister obviously is the way she is because of your deranged family, 🖕🏾them and her. The only one you should take into consideration is your husband and your feelings about it, yall are the only ones with brain cells and sense. OP's family. If you see this message 🖕🏾🖕🏾 yall, yall are trash and raised a piece of trash liar who unfortunately is procreating. Hope she trashes your house and spends your money since it's okay because she's "pregnant", guess it's okay to smoke and drink too, dumbasses.
Lol, Emily is here and posting like a deranged relative 😆 look for Wonderful-Grab5791
Hope they see my comment and it offends them 🤣🤣
🤣🤣 I've been very blunt to her, realistically, rude too, but boy, the entitlement 😳 she should be disgusted with herself if it really is Emily and not a troll. She is *vile*. No one needs someone like that in their life, there is *zero* moral compass.
I think it's fake to get the attention they lack, buuut I talked shit to them too, just in case it was her hehe 🤭🤭
NTA. I sense you are so used to bend over backwards for your sister and being guilt tripped you forgot you matter too. See? "They guilt-tripped me constantly, saying I was putting my own comfort above my sister and her unborn child." Yes you do. Yes, you have right for your own comfort in your own home ypu pay for, with your own husband." Your sister is NOT more important than you, pregnant or not. You are not her parent nor caretaker. Dear OP, look at your husband. He stands by your side. YOU are putting a strain on your relationship accepting opinion of your family instead of your husband's. You are sti trying to get acceptance from ppl who call you names and liar? Cut them off. Those people don't care about you while your husband wants you to be happy again. Your sister is an adult, not a kid. Also she lives with your parents now, has food and roof over her head. Just in different state she wanted to live in. That is not a real problem. Think about it this way also - Your husband doesn't want to live with your sister as she is a mess. Who has right to feel good in your home in your opinion? Your husband or your sister? (Hint - the one who stands by your side). Cut of your family at least for a while and seek a therapy asap. Your family is emotionally abusive to you.
NTA, and do not take down this post. Your parents told you they wish they’d disowned you years ago. Let them. Tell them that you respect their decision, and will go NC. I hope you got photos of the wreckage to your home. Send that with an itemized bill of the damage and credit card fraud, and say that you will not discuss it further. They are free to invite your sister to move in with them. Tell them that anyone who continues to disparage you will also be out of your life. This is when you evaluate who really is your family, and who are just relatives to avoid. Report credit card fraud to both the credit card companies, and the police. Try your get your sister to admit on text that she used your cc without permission and racked up bills. Hand that over to police. Your parents have Golden Child Syndrome, which is not fixable. They’re broken as parents, and it’s not your fault. Accept they do not value you, and move on to build your real tribe. Stop fighting with your husband over these people, or you are allowing them to ruin your life. Put them behind you. To really connect with your subconscious over acknowledging your sister wronged you, get her out of your life, and put the angst of the situation behind you, do the following: Write your sister’s name on toilet paper. Look at the name, while saying, “What you did to me was wrong, and you are bad for me. I wish you no harm, but I want you out of my life.” Then go to the bathroom, use the toilet paper, and flush. Feel the weight life off your shoulders as this entire toxic pattern of behavior towards you flushes out of your life with the rest of the sewage. If necessary, repeat with your parents. It is marvelous how it helps leaving toxicity behind. It’s letting go, and getting out of harmful relationships that is healing, not forgiveness. It gets the hurt and anger out of your heart.
The sister already added a comment and admitted to credit card fraud!
Most excellent!
Y'all, the sister just outed herself like 10-15 posts back! Lmfao! Look up my last response! Get her OP!
Lmfao, she just angry responded to me, asking who I thought I was and to stop googling and being a troll.🤣🤣🤣 like girrrrrl I am 2x your age with 2 healthy kids! This shit actually is real, I'm actually dead!💀
NTA. Grow a spine and cut them off. It might get them to pull their heads out of their asses. Go get therapy for your doormat issues. To OPs PARENTS: you are vile pieces of dog shit. You deserve to be manipulated and fucked over by that pregnant narcissistic viper you call a daughter. To OPs sister: you will one day die alone, despised by everyone including your fetal alcohol syndrome child. Narcs always eventually out themselves and burn their bridges.
Yup. OP's sister is a spoiled, selfish, manipulative, child abusing, thieving cunt. OP is way better off with out garbage like that in her life.
NTA. Go NC with all those toxic assholes. Change your number and live your best life.
Saw the update - time to see if you can get a restraining order! If you have records of the harassment through these threatening and abusive messages, you have a good starting point.
NTA but you need to dispute those charges on your credit card and file a police report for the damages that she caused. You’re better off without those people in your life so much better off. All those toxic people can stick together. Definitely dispute those charges you did everything you could, and she took advantage of kindness. it won’t be long before she be the same at your parents house because people don’t change who they are. You don’t need their approval and you don’t need them in your life. You don’t know anybody anything.
No, your parents are not good parents. Normal people would not have accepted even half of what your sister did. Such that it comes across as not believable. The only way that situation happens is if you've been trained to see this as normal. Your parents are awful people with an awful younger daughter. Cut contact, get therapy. And don't ever let them back in. Choose your husband and yourself and never look back.
Sounds like you got off easy. You never have to deal with your family and sister ever again!
NTA, she was disrespecting your home and kindness. Press charges for the credit card theft. Let the family explain that away.
Dude, fucking block them. You don't actually have to keep the line of communication open. They'll learn as her mask slips and they see you weren't lying. I say unblock them in two years and see where their opinions lie. NTA
NTA. They wish they disowned you? You can make that a reality pretty easily
Get some therapy. You’re begging people to love you when they don’t even respect you
"You’re begging people to love you" Nope, you are begging people to keep disrespecting you by not setting any boundary. There's a difference.
NTA you need to cut off all your family. Every single one of them. The fact that they would say those things to you proves they don’t give a damn. Cut them all off. Saint Emily won’t be able to hide her true self for long and pretty soon your parents will be begging you to take her back and claiming that’s how you can make it up to them. Don’t fall for it. Cut off everyone and work on your marriage.
Tell all of your family that they are welcome to take her I next time she’s kicked out. Everything that happened at your place I can guarantee will happen at your parent’s place also. It’s only a matter of time until they catch her at it. Don’t let any of these comments get to you, you were not wrong for ending the abuse you and your husband were putting up with and maybe you should block/mute family until things calm down. Also if she is doing things like smoking while pregnant the child will likely show signs of that when it’s born, hopefully it’s not anything extreme. There are also tests that can be done to show nicotine use, I’ve heard it ranges from 15-30 days that it will show any use. NTA
I wonder if she is really pregnant, drunk partying is really putting the baby at risk.
That is a good question
NTA screw your sister I'd have taken the stuff from the shopping sprees and returned or sold them also what your sister couldn't have live with the friends who come to party? You'll be better with out them
Girl, get a reality check. Family who love you do not treat you this way. I was raised like you but as an adult I pushed back and wouldn’t take their shit. When I finally had enough with my maternal grandmother I told her all the family secrets her golden child (not my mum) and golden child granddaughter had really been up to and not telling her. 30 years of secrets I dumped on her. Needless to say my aunt and cousin hate me and cut contact. Good riddance. Then when my mum died I discovered just how much she had been supporting my idiot brother and he tried to clean me out of the inheritance and then dragged out probate by 8 long years. You may have lots of relatives but if you aren’t prepared to tell them the truth, then why the hell accept their guilt trips? Family are those you would do anything for and they would do anything for you. Especially respect you.
NTA - I’d never let anyone move in with me ever again apart from my kids / grandkids after reading all these posts on Reddit Why do people have to stick their nose in and give unwanted and unfounded opinions., obviously you’re a nice sister or you wouldn’t have took her in in the first place I’d link this post to your social media that’ll shut them all up
Emily sounds like a worthless bitch who is gonna be an awful mother. Your parents will find out who the liar is soon. NTA
NTA But your family is. Hey OPs family...you have it all wrong. She should have disowned YOU a long time ago! Okay, now back to you OP. Good for you on standing your ground and kicking her out. Block anyone who is siding with your sister. They will eventually learn the truth. As for you and your husband, pick up the pieces, get yourselves into some counseling together, and move forward with your lives. Go no-contact with your family and friends that are being a$$holes to you. They were never your family and they never will be. #UpdateMe
You shouldn't feel "loyalty" for people who are toxic. I mean, they're not being loyal to you. They're calling you a liar. Selfish. Heartless. They're not supporting you, so why should you put up with them?
NTA - forget about the family drama and focus on repairing your strained relationship with Mark
NTA. Sadly , your original “sin” was taking in your irresponsibly pregnant sister, “ until she gets on her feet “. THAT was never going to happen. At least not until she latches on to a dude, with money, willing to subsidize her and a kid. Sorry. And if you choose to stay in contact with the people, including your folks, you are complicit in your own abuse. They have shown you how little they value you, or understand your sister behavior. Classic enablers. NTA, but you choose your path forward for you and your husband. Best wishes.
NTA You don't want to cut ties with your parents, you don't want to lose them. Be honest!!! They don't stand by you, they insult you, threaten you and lie to you. You've already lost it or maybe you never had them. If no one wants to listen to you after all of this, then there is no relationship, trust or love. Find a good therapist, good reliable friends and move forward, leaving all this human garage behind you.
You might have been raised “family is everything” - but they are treating you like you are NOT family. They are abusing you and weaponizing “BUT FAMILY!” and allowing people to talk crap about you. Does that seem very family of you? Ask them if their behavior is what “family” does. Actually, if the snoop is reading this, I want them to ask themselves this. It’s easy to act like someone is evil for speaking the truth, while ignoring the actual things they are saying.
"Ask them if their behavior is what “family” does." No need. Just cut them off. Their behavior up to this point is enough. Don't give them any chance to stir up more drama.
Nta you know you're not, no matter what your sister says. These are consequences of her own behavior.
NTA. Be grateful you got her out before she had the baby, it have gotten worse!
Block your AH relatives and move on, you and your husband are NTA, your sister however...
Give it some time she won't be able to be an angel at your parents house forever She'll turn into a nightmare eventually NTAH
Block them all, yesterday. Your family and their golden child are destroying Your family, don't let them! Dump them all and let them deal with her on their own, she cannot hide her ugly antics forever.
What family calls someone a bitch? So incredibly vulgar
Stop trying to fight for your parents’ love and approval. They chose Emily over you. I know that’s painful, but that’s what it is. They paid for your schooling? That’s nice. They also called you a ruthless bitch and a liar because you didn’t want your thieving, conniving sister in your home ruining your marriage. “I would love to have a relationship with you, but if you cannot treat me with respect, I will be unable to continue contact with you.” ^ You can give them an out, but I would be willing to bet all my savings they will still choose Emily. Stop acting as a second class citizen in your own family. NTA.
NTA - Your sister abused you, your home, and your relationship. You parents and others are now joining in to further abuse you. They show you no loyalty. Return the favor. Edit: typos
NTA What you're doing wrong is continually listening to them. Block them all.
NTA: The best thing I did was block my entire abusive family save for two kind supportive members. Don't let them wear you down, I know you're thinking about taking this down over them. It's proof how bad THEY are. That they have to threaten you for venting. Scum don't deserve your peace of mind. Make time to work on your marriage and make a new family of you and your husband. The guilt fades especially when you are separated from the abuse and realize how it really isn't YOUR fault. And if YOUR WHOLE family is this awful to you, I see no hope for any of them. And once you are away from the toxic you can finally begin to heal from whatever else HAD to have happened in your life to receive this kind of lashing out.
It's whatever. You were raised with family loyalty....where's their's towards YOU? And your parents are gaslighting you. They didn't want Emily at their house, because she OBVIOUSLY ain't leaving anytime soon! They wanted you to deal with that burden, not them. Happens all the time, your family/parents aren't doing anything that almost EVERY family does. Toughen up buttercup, your relationship with your HUSBAND comes first, not them!
NTA Probably should have installed cameras when she moved in. I really hope that baby isn't born with anything wrong because your parents will most likely get stuck raising it, the truth will eventually come out, it always does. Keep smiling 😃.
They may not have BEEN bad parents, but they certainly are now.
Okay. I HATE the family is family bullshit. Toxic is toxic. Do you want to deal with this? No? Limit your involvement. The people saying cut them out have family too. They have cut out parents who raised them who grew up on “family is everything”. You do realize that, don’t you? They didn’t just appear on this planet. If you can’t cut them out or limit your contact or set boundaries, then enjoy your misery. My husband has cut his parents and siblings out for toxic behaviors. I ask him if he’s like to increase time spent or speak to them more or visit more than once a year and you know what his answer is? “No. It’s better this way. “ and you know what? It’s his family and he is RIGHT. the less we see them, the less stress, the less fake, the less bs, the less rearranging for all the whining. If you wanted to protect yourself you’d set your foot down. If they care and want to stay a family; they learn to respect it. NTA but you will be if you don’t do anything about it and just keep looping yourself to be on the receiving end of it
I would file a police report on the unauthorized charges. I would follow up with a civil suit for the damage to your home and furniture. I would go through her friends social media to find pictures from the party. I would contact the ex to see why they broke up from his perspective. I would send out a family and mutual friend wide PR statement with a timeline of all the facts. How she behaved, how you are concerned for your nibbling. How much financial damage she has caused. NTA
You did. Make a group chat/post, list the facts, reference how you are disappointed but not surprised that they believe her lies & block them all. Grow a backbone.
Just wait until she starts pulling all that crap at mom and dad’s house and they see how big of an entitled brat she is. NTA
Can’t wait to find out how her behavior is at her parents place. When they se where smoke or drink or have her use their credit cards. It’s only a matter of time. And then their tune will change.
Nta but unless/until you cut your parents out of your life, you will continue to carry around this toxic stress and anxiety. Your choice completely but you obviously can’t see that your sister is the golden child and that won’t change unless/until she shows her true colours to them in a hugely painful way.
"Family is everything," yet they're so quick to not even consider what you're saying is true. I'm offended for you. They're not giving you the same benefit of the doubt as your sister. You're both grown ass women, and your parents are childish for viewing your relationship that way just because she's younger. God forbid the baby's born with alcohol/smoking defects, but she won't be able to hide from that. Sadly it sounds like your parents would believe her still. You're NTA. Show your whole family this thread. Make a book of it. They should be embarrassed.
I was raging for you until the edit. NTA for kicking her out. You did the right thing. Let her go live like that with your parents. YTA for making yourself *and* your husband continue to go through that. By not going NC with your toxic family (doesn't have to be forever), *you* are putting a strain on your marriage. You are allowing that conflict into *both* of your lives, and that is not fair to your husband. You both deserve better. If my family called me half of those names, I'd block them faster than you could say "fuck off". You know why? Because my parents raised me to not allow people to abuse me without consequences, family or no. Your parents may not have been bad parents, I don't know. But they certainly are now. How you can sit there and take the beatings from them and in the same breath preach that they raised you to believe "family is everything" is beyond me. Because they do not believe the same. If they did, they would have had a conversation with you, your sister, and your husband and gotten to the bottom of it. If for no other reason than to make sure your sister isn't spiraling and harming her baby in the process. But they don't care. They're just mad that they're being burdened with your pregnant sister and need someone to blame. For the love of your family (your husband) cut them off until they can learn to treat you with basic familial decency.
Absolutely NTA
NTA. Why would you feel guilty for kicking her to the curb if she was such a pain in the ass?! Nobody that’s guilt-tripping you had to deal with her shit. Block the lot of them, and keep living your life.
NTAx your parents will soon she the true spoiled brat your sister is. Tell all the relatives that call you a bitch to take her in.
eventually her mask will slip and they will all see her for who she really is. It might take until the baby is born and she starts taking off on weekends and refusing to do anything for the baby. but eventually the truth will win out. also, block all those nasty people harassing you, you don't deserve that.
You deserve so so so much better, please, block all their numbers. They will find out eventually that you're not lying, because with behavior like that, she can only keep up the façade for so long, she will slip up. When she does, believe that NO ONE will apologise for the absolute horrific and vile commentary thrown your way. I'd say esh but you and your hb are NTA, everyone else though...
NTA Your family offered a solution when they claimed they should have disowned you years ago... I'd make that a reality now. I can think of no better way to live your life than going absolutely no contact with your entire family. Let them take care of Emily, soon enough she'll show her true collars.
Should've called the cops for destruction on property shit you can still take her to small claims. Block everyone who has something to say. Don't worry your parents will experience the same shit with her and when they do just sit back and laugh and keep them blocked
NTA. Go NC with them and press charges.
NTA. I had a sister that sounds just like yours. She pulled all the same crap, though she didn't live with us. The last straw came when she wrecked the car we co-signed for and decided she wasn't making payments since she couldn't drive the car. Unfortunately, our mother died just after that and she became even worse since mom was no longer there to give her money. Things were said and I decided to go NC with her. She told anyone who would listen how terrible I was and many of them believed her. That was 35 years ago. Over time, many realized that she was the problem and tried to ease back into the picture. I was unaccepting of them and have lived happily. The point being, you're not alone, you didn't do wrong and you shouldn't bear any guilt. When they come around and decide to apologize, you can decide who your real friends and family are.
I can’t believe your parents would let their sweet pregnant daughter move in with such a horrible person. It is good they got her away from your influence. It is time she set a good example for you. She needs to marry that good man who blessed her with a child. They can live happily ever after. You just keep doing what it takes to save your marriage. The parents know what is happening. They will come around.
Hey Emily and fam: you're total idiots and I feel awful for that child that Emily clearly doesn't give two shits about. Get bent.
After reading your ypdates I feel you are ignoring your marriage and the needs to repair your marriage. Who cares what lies your sister is stating if your parents want to believe her they are going to deal with the fallout of an underweight birth, possible birth defects and learning disabilities all because they want a grandchild more than you! Learn what is more important your marriage or bow down and lie about what went on. Don't come on here and ask for help when you really don't want it!
Get a spine...your family doesn't care about you. They only care about the golden child and it's time you realized you are NOT that golden child. Geezus F'ing Christ you're weak. Get a backbone and kick the entire family to the curb. They don't give one bit of crap about you at all. Can't you see it? I was that child...it took me decades to realize they never cared. It's time you grew up and realized the same. NC with family!!!! Get some help. Your family already has shown they don't care about you. Get the help YOU need. Your sister is a narcissist b and c. and you know it. Your parents are AH's and don't deserve your love. Doesn't matter they raised you. They raised you to give to your sister and be ignored. Time to go NC!!! Stop being so nice to a family that doesn't care and give your hubby your full attention. He's the one that's helping... And you are completely ignoring the fact that your own family is shunning you and telling you outright exactly how they feel. Time to put on your big girl britches and leave them in the dust where they belong. NTA
Dear OP’s parents and sister, and all the flying monkeys you’ve recruited, you’re all massive assholes and karma WILL come for you. OP, NTA. I know you say you can’t cut them off but you need to seriously consider doing exactly that. These people are worthless scum who don’t give a damn about you. Your sister is clearly the golden child who can do no wrong. Cut the toxic waste out of your life and realise how much happier you will be without their bullshit to gaslight you and make you miserable.
Your sister would be dead to me
"i WoNt cUt TiEs WiTh mYpArEnTs bEcAuSe tHeY rAiSeD mE". Then congratulations, you just lost your husband, the only person who's on your side, because you are a doormat who refuses to do what's objectively best for you and your marriage. Grow a damn spine and excise the tumor from your life before you fuck up the only good thing you ever had. If I were your husband, I would have left a long time ago. No one is worth dealing with in-laws from hell.
YTA for letting it go on so long that it’s affecting your relationship and the fact that you’re still in contact with those people who are still harassing you.
NTA block them. They will learn the truth when she gives birth to an undersized child with potential Fetal Alcohol syndrome. Just ignore all of it. Radio silence and block them for a month or two they will either be in denial when they learn the truth or they have their eyes opened and try and dump her on you again
NTA. Your family enables Emily because they are just like her: abusive, entitled hypocrites. Look at how they bully you for posting (anonymously online), when they have publicly dragged your name through the mud to family, friends, neighbors. At least you kept it to people who didn't know them. Don't blame your husband for their actions, especially when he supports you. I know victims often lash out at the people who least deserve it, because they know that is the safest person TO lash out at, but you can't give them the kind of power to destroy your marriage. Tell your parents she's their problem now and you look forward to the day when she pulls the same shit with them, and then mute your family (don't block in case you need evidence) and any friends that joined in becoming flying monkeys.
OP. You are NTA. Hold fast and stay strong. Believe in yourself and your right to a home with respect. Your sister is horribly entitled and your parents are the reason why. Look in the mirror and be kind to yourself and also proud for having good boundaries.
NTA sounds like cutting them off is the healthiest thing you could do. They are stuck with Emily now.
Don't take the post down and go no contact with them. Have your husband's family block them as well.
Just block them wtf why are you letting them abuse you like this?
NTA - Tell all of them since you all think I’m doing the wrong thing how about you do the right thing and let her come stay with you? Watch all the excuses start to pour in. Nobody wants her, they just want you to have to deal with her nut job self. File a police report for the credit card fraud and make sure you name her as the suspect. I’m sure she has all the shit she bought on your cards with her so the evidence is right there for them to find. If she posted any of it on social media make sure you take a screenshot as proof as it will have the date and time in the photo when she posted it. Don’t take the post down, they are all just mad you are telling the truth and it puts the spot light back on THEM! Block them all and go NC, with family and friends like that who needs enemies. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Reddit update me please!
For your own mental health you need to go low contact with them. Your sister is their golden child no matter what. I'm sure she'll soon show her true colours, she is manipulative and does not care for the health of her baby. NTA and find that spine with those that are judging you, they weren't there they don't know what she put you through. Block and cut off anyone who supports her lies.
r/estrangedadultkids it is very possible. And likely for the best. We will help you. They are letting themselves be manipulated, you can only save yourself. No matter how good someone is, they don’t deserve you if they treat you this badly. And if they always sided with her, they were never that good. We can wish for them to understand, but we can’t make them.
NTA... but let go of the damn excuses. You didn't ask to be born and your parents did what they were required to do. You are letting them treat you like a doormat and worse and you're excusing it because TheY'Re FaMiLy.... and? Your sister caused undo stress to you and your husband and your relationship there sounds strained. So you are clearly willing to risk your marriage for "family" because... reasons? You claim it's not practical or possible to cut off your family, yeah when you have a wet noodle spine that is true. Yeah I'm being harsh because someone in the world has to advocate for you to cut the toxicity out. If you don't -want- to cut that cancer out of your life then just take your sister back in like a good doormat so she can walk all over you. The alternative is suck up the pain and do what you need to do for you and your husband. This boils down to want... you don't want to cut toxic people out because you have some antiquated view of family loyalty that THEY DO NOT SHARE! They don't give crap one about your wellbeing or happiness but you're defending that on the grounds of family. You were right to kick her out... but they say they should have disowned you long ago and you accept that. Stop being a victim! Tell them all in no uncertain terms to stop the abuse or leave your life. Grow a spine and cut them out, block their numbers, report the threats and harassment and let them suffer for their obvious favoritism.... or don't and just be the family doormat for the rest of your life but don't come to others and whine about it if you aren't willing to actually change things.
NTA. HOWEVER, while you don't have to cut ties with your parents, please consider taking a break and go NC for a bit. At least until things stabilize with your SO. Also, consider therapy. If your relationship implodes because of your family, you will hate yourself for it later.
NTA. Have you ever wondered *why* you put up with so much crap from your sister? We don't like to admit it, but parents can be assholes, too. We put them on a pedestal because they teach us to, yet it's clear to everyone but you that your parents are absolute fucktards. Please cut out your whole family; they are all toxic and will do nothing productive for your mental health. Family is who we pick; we are born in blood, but we die with those we choose. Good luck.
Nah your sister is a disrespectful spoiled brat and it's easy to tell who the golden child is. Let your parents have her. Ignore and block EVERYONE. It's actually quite easy and the guilt melts away pretty quickly once you aren't exposed to that toxicity anymore.
Op, NTA YOU absolutely can put your family on a time out. Just block/mute them ALL. You claim them as family but family doesn’t treat kin like a dirty poo stained rug. Cause they are treating that rug better than YOU!
Protect yourself and your marriage, that alone is your only priority. I have 3 older sisters, the oldest caused HUGE issues and I cut her off because the familial link is not worth fucking up your own life and marriage. Her staying with your parents will soon show her colors/behavior to them, just stay quiet, let it happen and go from there. You tried, she was an ass, now you wait QUIETLY. Enjoy your summer in peace.
You're an idiot for not getting the police involved 🤦🏼♀️ she didn't "borrow" she STOLE off you and did criminal damage to your property. I can't say you're NTA fully, because you're an AH for ALLOWING her to get away with the things she's done. Where are the consequences of her actions??? That's where you're an AH, for not holding her accountable by law, she's just going to do all this to someone else! You do realise that!!! That's why you're an AH. However you're definitely NTA for finally growing a backbone and kicking her out. Now you need to solidify that backbone and shine it up real good and take the little thief to the police and courts. Also tell your cowardly relatives "Thank you for volunteering to house her when our parents kick her out, or the next time she's homeless due to her disgusting and illegal behaviour. It's extremely kind of you to volunteer and I will make a note and list of all the people who have volunteered to house such an obnoxious, thieving little swine that trashed houses and steals off her own family. I'm sure she will be extremely grateful to you all for your generosity."
NTA. It doesn’t matter how your parents used to be . They are now selfish, conceded, controlling assholes that you should cut ties with. Let them deal with your horrible sister.
YTA to yourself and your husband. Your sister is not your problem she is 24 years old, pregnant, unable to make proper decisions for her unborn child and unable to fend for herself. Your parents Golden child can do no wrong let them deal with her and her dumb ass decisions. The minute you let anyone interfere in your marriage, you are disrespecting your spouse. Your parents are huge AH, they created this monster. Trust me there will be huge repercussions. You have to let go of the “but we’re family” mentality. Why are you setting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm? Get all the bs out of your head, go NC with all of them and let them deal with their own actions. Stop giving a shit of what anyone else thinks, people can’t deal with their own lives yet they want to tell you how to live yours. You have to look out for number one, yourself. Go get therapy if you need help developing a backbone.
Nta, but if you keep up this ppl pleaser you'll be divorced and miserable with your family loyalty, cause its gotten you alot thus far
“Today, I will apply the concept of detachment, to the best of my ability, in my relationships. If I can't let go completely, I'll try to “hang on loose.” -Melody Beattie in Codependent No More
Hard to sympathise with a masochist.
To the Op's parents, you guys deal with your shitty pregnant daughter, OP doesn't have to be a doormat for her. Teach your bratty entitled daughter some manners instead of complaining about OP. Let your bitchy pregnant daughter trash your home. To the bitchy sister, know your place. Smoking and alcohol party while being pregnant?
I feel like I was reading a part of my story… let me cut it short for you. I haven’t talked to my parents and younger sister for 4 years now. And ever since my ties to my own family got stronger. Sometimes we hold on to things the hurt us the most, out of comfort, fear and believes. Letting go of all that and thinking for your own safety, peace and happiness is what is needed. You are NTA your family is toxic and you need therapy to see that…
Waiting on update from OP hoping she’s doing okay mentally. I have 2 sisters like this and they get the whole family to gang up on you. It’s the worst feeling ever being intentionally bullied by your own family. OP : your sister clearly admitted on this thread to credit card fraud and we have the screenshots if you need them
You're basically being spineless and coming up with so many fake justifications so that you won't rock the boat and rip the band aid off. All of this could have been avoided if you just said "No," but you didn't even have the spine for that. Your parents and family do not have the right to bully you. But you give them that right. Screw any family gathering and seriously just go NC for the next few years. You're receiving nothing from the people who're taking everything.
OP is addicted to the drama of her toxic family. I don’t even feel bad for her because she says she knows they’re toxic, but fAmiLy! She’s gonna end up being a terrible mother when she has kids if this is what familial loyalty looks like to her. YTA
Your family is dog shit and your sister needs an actual beating.
Yta. You’re sacrificing your marriage to stay in contact with people who don’t give a fuck about you.
NTA at all. She took advantage of you. Is the pregnancy even real? Either way, I think it’s time for you to go low or no contact with your family and mutual friends for your own peace and marriage. There is no reason for you and your husband to be fighting. It’s you two against them, not each other. UPDATEME
NTA keep the post up and go no contact with your ungrateful family.
You should have taken pictures when you caught her smoking...
She is not ready for a baby but that is not your problem. She needs her mom and an abortion
Ah yes the classic everyone in your life suddenly is blowing up your phone and calling you names. This is such an overdone theme I wish you trolls would get better with your creative writing and at least try to make it sound believable.
"Mom, Dad, you're right: family should stick together. Emily's flight will arrive tomorrow. You might want to buy some ashtrays."
Get that bitch the FUCK out of your house NTA omfg
I never understood the “but she’s pregnant!” argument. Yeah she’s pregnant, which means she’s got her own shit to figure out and WHAT does that have you do with you?? You didn’t get her pregnant!
Your parents aren't loving or caring. How can you stay in contact with people who are so cruel and condescending? You really need to go NC with everyone, friends and family who are ignoring what your sister did. You also talk about the strain on your marriage this has been. Your husband should come first, and the rest of your family can suck eggs!
NTA You don’t want to cut ties because of loyalty to your family…what about their loyalty to YOU? They’ve shown absolutely no loyalty to you! Your sister AND your parents are worthless pieces of shit! The kicker is, YOU’RE laying down and letting them treat you like shit. There’s only ONE person you need, your husband and it looks like you’re willing to push him aside for you pathetic family.
Your parents and other family are SOOOO PISSED. because they now have to deal with her.
Listen. I’ve been where you are. (Well not the drunk pregnant sister living with me but emotionally similar.) It wasn’t until I came to Reddit and asked if I was the a hole for taking a break from my parents after I found out they were purposefully feeding my celiac 5yo gluten. They even gaslighted me into believing that nothing was wrong with her and that the doctors just wanted money. They failed but not did they gaslight me hard. When all along they were the ones poisoning her. When they were called out I was the bad person. I was the one wrong and I was weaponizing my children. When I finally went no contact with them and found peace in everything I started looking back and realized how toxic my home was growing up. Yes they worked hard to provide for us. Well my sister more than me. They treated us as “equals” rofl…or so they say. They paid for part of her college. They caused me 100k in college debt when I could have been out maybe 15k. It took them almost unaliving my child by feeding her food they knew she couldn’t have for me to realize how horrible they actually were bc Reddit started informing me that it’s not normal to live in these situations. Let me help you out. This isn’t normal. This is a golden child vs black sheep situation. You are the black sheep. You’re not good enough. Your purpose is to provide for them later on and help take care of the golden child. That’s why they are mad. You’re not living up to your role. Oh my parents are pissed. The golden child will be in charge of their long term care. She’s divorced now. She will have a whole house they can live in together. You deserve a safe clean home to live in that is pest free and crazy people free. You are being treated this way to guilt you and shame you back into their role they have created for you. This isn’t ok. Nta
Do you not see the irony of people who family is Everything treating you like dog shit in their boot? They have shown you who they are so believe them. these people are the very definition of C@nt. This goes so far beyond golden child syndrome it’s actually abusive. You deserve so much better. I hope you grow a shiny new spine and stand up for yourself.
NTA. I don’t get why parents baby their youngest even through adulthood. I’m (26) with kids too and I wouldn’t base capabilities on age. Your sister is 24 she should know what is right and wrong. Sounds like your parents are the problem for enabling this behaviour, doesn’t help that your sister is selfish and a brat.
NTA, OP, but your parents raised you because they were parents. They don't get medals for that. They paid for your med school, which was a choice. I suspect they did it so you would take care of them and your fail whale of a sister later. Was your sister manipulative as a child, or has she always been the baby golden child who can do no wrong? If your parents have constantly sided with her, that is also a choice. In disaster management and emergency first response, the first thing they teach is that you can't help others of you become another casualty. By allowing your sister and your family to cause you and your marriage this much stress, you are becoming that casualty. You need to step back and go low to no contact for the sake of your marriage. Take the time to do couples therapy with your husband. Repair the hole your sister has dug. Spend time with your in-laws and friends. See a therapist for you to unpack your family dynamics. Because family should not make you feel like this. If your blood family is dysfunctional, found/chosen family is fine.
NTA! I hope your sister does some of the same things she did at your house while living with your parents. And to be honest, even as a people pleaser I would still be cutting off my parents and sister if this was happening to me. It’s not fair to you and you deserve to have family that supports you. Family doesn’t have to be blood related. Family can be who you choose it to be! Updateme!
They aren’t going to change their minds and see your point, because they believe Emily and are taking her side, not yours. If you can’t see that, you are going to be miserable. She has always been the Golden Child and always will be. Now she is giving them a Golden Grandchild. You don’t want to cut them off, but they have already cut you off. You are going to have to grovel and apologize to their favorite child before they let you back in their lives. And Emily will sit back with a smug smile because she wins again. You are NTA and I’m sorry you are dealing with this, but all you can do is save your relationship with Mark and not let Emily ruin that too.
Being loyal to people who are not only disloyal to you but are determined to actively mistreat you is not loyalty--it's stupidity. Raising you wasn't a favor you are obligated to repay--it's literally their job. Your enmeshment is deeply problematic and unhealthy and you need to stop. They're not going to change their minds about you being the asshole--they've heard your side and they don't care. They know what kind of person your sister is and they don't care.