Looking amaaaazing and confident in whatever the hell you want to wear.
Lose the ball and chain already. If you have to ask - it’s clearly questionable.
A great way to break up will be from a cell phone when OP lands in Thailand. Perfect timing for the trip and she won’t be there for him to try to go to her house to talk her out of it.
This will only get worse (more controlling) not better. He is possessive of you and somehow feels comfortable already policing your body.
Throwing red flags like an NFL ref, run for this hills!!!! New boyfriends and new bikinis all around!!!
First it’s a bikini, then it’ll be a dress that’s a little “too revealing” then it’ll be just wearing makeup because why wear make up to go out? Who are you trying to impress???
He should definitely be proud of you, if this seems controlling. It could also be a big lack of self esteem on his part. "Too revealing" man wants you all to himself.
I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt at first like “ok well maybe he just means she won’t be comfortable in the suit if the cups aren’t reliably supportive…Nope never mind.”
Agreed. At first, I was willing to cut a little slack. They sound like a young couple, and I get a bf’s initial reaction if he’s a little jealous. That said, the only correct answer for him is “but it’s not my place, and I need to trust her.”
All that goes out the window with the comment about “disrespect.” Deal breaker. Red flag. Your cue to break up.
As one with more than a few laps around the sun, I’ve seen this before. The rare man gets it and changes. The majority don’t. If you decide to stay, know that when you finally have had enough, there’s plenty who will have your back. We get it, even if you (at this point in your life) don’t. Just don’t stay too long if you’re not already one foot out the door.
I agree that he needs to be tossed, but it has to be made clear why he's getting tossed. Too many guys are oblivious to why they're single, and continue the behavior that got them dumped and never improve.
This is so true! My ex did not allow me to wear bikinis but always stalks sexy girls in bikinis on social media! We were LDR and I am not stupid so I went to his place unannounced and was surprise to see him living with another girl! Bottomline is, when a guy is too possessive, overprotective or controlling over you, that's a big red flag. You have to run!
Yeah fuck this guy. A woman's body is her damn choice and he can take his insecurities and scream into the internet with the rest of those fuckwits. Honestly what the hell is wrong with people.
I bet that soon after exploring the world and getting that distance perspective, he'll be an ex.
There is something about traveling that often wakes you up a bit
I'm pretty sure most charities only take unopened or very gently used. So I don't think he'd qualify. Best just to send him with an express ticket out to garbage island. At least then he can potentially help the food chain instead of being an embarrassment to those of us on top of it.
Yes, but you only get a write-off for the market price for thrifted items-wait, what were we walking about? Oh... better just recycle him. Wouldn't want some poor soul to end up with that.
Yeah permission? I've been married 8 years and a long term bf of 6 years and the only "permission" I have asked for has been literally about spending money on our joint account. Your BF is a major AH, the type that really irk me as they can destroy a woman's autonomy with this BS.
My husband and I joke that when I tell him I’m doing things I’m not asking permission I’m just informing him because I’m going to do it whether he likes it or not.
If my husband told me not to do something, I’d be more likely to do it, just for spite. Now, I do ‘ask my husband’ before agreeing to plans, but that’s to make sure we don’t have prior arrangements and we both do that because we both suck at remembering things even though we have a shared calendar on our phones
I only say permission for joint accounts when it is above a few thousand bucks that we weren't expecting. This is purely to do with not messing up our mortgage payments to our investment property :p
Exactly. Big expenditures from either of us require a conversation, not permission. Nobody’s going out and dropping a thousand dollars without a, “Hey, I’d like to get X. It’s $1500. Can we swing that right now?”
>the only "permission" I have asked for has been literally about spending money on our joint account.
Exactly!!! It's the only thing I have ever asked my husband permission on and it's only when I wanted to make a big purchase. And that's just a courtesy.
Now my first husband on the other hand, thought he owned me and would tell me what I could and couldn't do. He became extremely possessive and smothering and then he became abusive because I wouldn't "do what he said".
Get a new bikini and a new boyfriend.
My gf has big boobs and an hourglass figure. I freaking love when she’s in a bathing suit and I don’t care who looks as long as they’re not being a creep. We joke that guys want to date a hot girl and once guys start dating a hot girl they forget that other people look at hot girls lol can’t have it both ways 🤷🏻♂️
It sounds like they’re both teenagers. Is that accurate?
I think he sounds young and stupid and like he’s bought into the ideology of the Tates or Tate-adjacent influencers.
OP, it’s probably smart to break up with him, and while it isn’t your job to help him grow, it might not hurt to sit him down and explain clearly and calmly why you’re breaking up with him and why his views are skewed, twisted, toxic, and wrong.
What's going on is that they are watching to much Andrew Tate and Myron for a start and also probably taking notice of the incels that are lurking all over social media putting every single women down for what she wears.
Tate is the influence. They think and do this like alpha-male to be. Huh? That is controlling. My friend broke with her bf (whose an ex now) due this kind of behaviour. His behaving changed from listening Tate a lot!
I honestly don’t know how any woman willing goes to that “man” willingly. If we as a gender made a unanimous decision to stay tf away from him, people would stop listening and there would be alot less ah men around imo.
Mostly, it develops and shows his true colors when the relationship begins. In the early talking stages, can/could not be seen, honestly it depends.
And when that behavious is seen you need to stay tf away.
I know before even couples get married or get married, the man starts to act like this...everything is spoken in the small details.
I understand that in any other man than Tate. He is all over the internet for being a massive misogynistic AH all the time so it’s not as if they don’t know you know?
If you mean to tate, that’s easy. He pays them. Not in a “I make the money cuz I’m a man” way, but in a “I’ll pay as long as you come, eat, pretend I’m interesting, and stay for a few photos.”
This is textbook Tate control garbage. You know, the same Andrew Tate who deceived women by pretending to want to have a relationship with then and then manipulated them into becoming cam girls whose earnings flow into his pockets. Sickening sex predator who preys on young women!
Guaranteed he’s going to try and make her trip miserable. He’s going to want her to stay in contact at all times, and complain if she doesn’t call/text him enough, “because you must be meeting people there” and then he’ll put her in the position of apologizing to him instead of enjoying herself. He’s going to make sure he stays the center of attention, even when he’s thousands of miles away!
Been there and done that, and paid off the $1,000 phone bill from back when international calls cost a LOT of money!
Used to date a guy like this. If he didn't know where I was or what I was doing or if I didn't respond quickly enough, the only POSSIBLE explanation was that I was screwing some other guy. (This was back when cell phones weren't as reliable as they are today, and texting was just starting to be a thing, so instant contact wasn't really the expectation yet) He'd even did this if I didn't respond while working. Or asleep. Or driving. Like, did he honestly think that the only things I did in life were talk to him and have sex 24/7?
When I broke it off, he was absolutely shocked and started crying and asking why. My answer: "because you think so little if me and my character that you think that all I do is have sex with random men."
Yeah I don't get this as a guy.
Partner: "I'm taking a weekend trip with my friends next weekend."
Me: "Awesome. Take some pics and can't wait to hear about it. Text me or call if you want or run into any problems."
My brain: "A weekend of no pants, no shaving, ordering in, drinking way too much coffee, turning up my music to 11 and watching a bunch of giallo movies."
I think this is less 🚩🚩🚩 and more 🚨🚨🚨
RUN, OP! Do not walk, do not stop to collect $200, you can even ghost this piece of work. It doesn’t stop at bikinis.
This, a million times. This is some controlling bs, and it's going to get worse.
Dump the BF. Buy the bikinis. Flaunt that hourglass figure and enjoy your holiday and freedom to do and wear whatever TF you want.
You're a grown ass woman you don't need his permission to do a MFing thing. He doesn't own you you're his girlfriend and if he keeps acting like an a****** you're going to be his ex-girlfriend
It might not be about permission with her parents, she's obviously going to be in their presence and wouldn't want them to feel uncomfortable about what she is wearing.
Even if it were a teenage drama the same principle applies. Boys can be just as misogynist as men can be. Abuse of a girl is just as serious as abuse of a women and must not be trivialised.
> Boys can be just as misogynist as men can be.
If not more so. Same (potential) level of misogyny, but with added insecurity, inexperience with adult relationships and boundaries, and raging hormones.
Not exactly a winning combination.
Definitely. I exhibited similar behaviors as a teen, it's how many of us are raised. It's fucked and I hate it. Anyone who teaches their kid to be that way is a goddamn idiot.
Not necessarily teenage drama.
My BFF had a boyfriend exactly like this... and she was in her late 30s/early 40s at the time. He was mid 40s.
She dumped him when it escalated after he contacted her place of employment and told them they needed to fire her because she wasn't wearing the clothes he had approved.
Men like this are real, and dangerous.
So you are saying the boyfriend (hopefully ex-boyfriend) sounds like an insecure 15 year old boy? I agree, sadly you see the same behavior from 35 year old boys.
Exactly. She'll be with her parents and probably siblings if she has any. It's not like she's going for a "girl's only weekend" or with a mixed group of friends. If he's this insecure when she's going on a family holiday...
There's a lot of threads on Reddit where people give very definitive answers to nuanced situations. This is not one of them. That's the clearest, simplest controlling language I've ever heard. It belongs to a male-female dynamic from 200 years ago, and she should run from it immediately.
This.
It's quite alarming terminology as for some people that seems to provide sufficient pretext to justify violent or otherwise controlling mechanism they will direct to the people who ' disrespected' or 'disobeyed' them.
NTA
No, you don't need his permission to wear a bikini. I highly doubt your breasts will falls out and that you should hide your figure or something. The guy has issues. What does he think, that you will be wearing a potato sack?
And he thinks of her as literally his property, not as an equal, sentient person with thoughts and feelings of her own.
Anyone who denies you agency is a walking red flag. Op should dump this jealous man-baby.
Oh wait, so this isn't the first time he's tried to assert some kind of authority over what you wear?
I'm not sure where you're from, but where I come from, that's red flag behavior. What's next? Once he gets you in line with letting him decide your wardrobe, I guarantee he'll find something else he wants you to ask permission for.
Just go to Thailand and tell him that in respect of his comfort level, you're breaking up because it seems too stressful for him to worry so much about everything you do, since you're not going to let him be in charge of your autonomy.
The ta tas have mobilized! They are developing their own thinking process and refuse to be held captive in the confines of fabric any longer. Free the ta tas!
Is this like LifeAlert?
"Ever have a bad boob day?
Do your chesticles flop out at the drop of a hat?
Well worry no more,
Introducing the BreastArrest!
No more embarrassing titty catastrophes!
With the Breast Arrest, you and everyone in a 3 block radius, will be acutely aware of the impending booby disaster when it goes off at an earth shattering 120 decibels!"
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm reading this in Billy Mays.
"Part of the big tittle commity? We got your back, literally! Buy one Breast Arrest now. Get two free for your bossom buddies! At NO ADDITIONAL COST!
I'm talking over two hundred dollars in savings
Don't want your arrest to be obvious? Get the discreet phone alert upgrade for only an additional twenty dollars a month and your soul!"
I think he thinks they are his breasts now! He must hide them from strong, confident, sexy men who have so much more to offer than this scared, insecure sexist jerk.
There is an easy solution to that, just don't wear a bikini top. (Not sure if that would be allowed in Thailand though).
On a serious note, I have seen women who wear a bikini to that is 8 sizes too small and barely works as a nipple shield, which looks ridiculous to me, but I'd still think their boyfriend does not have to give permission. You do you, no one else's problem.
He sounds like a typical controlling partner who thinks he has a say in everything you can and can't do. Does he have a say in who and where you can meet/ talk to?
That is because he considers them HIS tits. Get out. Seriously. I know reddit loves to break ppl up but it's time to start googling "how do I know if my boyfriend is controlling" and hopefully that'll show you way too many examples you can recognise.
I read somewhere here about abusive parents that the reason they can be abusive to their own child is because they don't see them as real human beings but as something they own, a thing. And things can't get hurt, it's no different than using a hammer on something or a knife, it's dead things, it doesn't matter cause they can't be hurt.
Control is often the start of abuse. Not always but it's a pretty standard start for any form of abuse and it entails putting boundaries on who you can see, when you can see them, how you can act with them, what you can say, what you can wear, how long you can see them etc. Love bombing is also pretty standard to make sure in the beginning that you choose that one person over everyone else - until there's no one else left. Before that you've often started to conform to demands you know is insane because it's just easier that way.
Given the emphasis on parents, I am getting the sense they’re both teenagers - so, yeah, he might actually still be a child…which means there’s still plenty of room for growth on his end, though he should probably do that work while single…
Okay and what's the issue with your tits falling out? Totally normal to have nude beaches in Europe or beaches where women can take off their bikini tops.
There is a difference in sunbathing/swimming and trying to seduce. Your partner seems to be insecure and controlling.
By saying "he thinks your tits will fall out", he just means he's afraid other people will see them and maybe find you attractive. He's ridiculous. I do believe you can do better and you should leave him.
But, if you decide to stay with him, get yourself a really racy micro-bikini or a mono-kini (not to wear but to needle him with.) Then when he says he is "worried your tits will fall out", tell him they are your tits and you know how they work. Tell him if he makes that kind of statement ever again, you will wear [ *pull out the micro-bikini* ] **THIS!**
THEN WATCH HIM PANIC!
Or give a small bikini top to the boyfriend so he can wear it and if he won't wear it then complain that his man boobs are hanging loose and you can't give him permission to go to the beach like that.
I'm 37, and I have big tits. I can count on NO hands the number of times they spontaneously jumped out of a bikini or top ever in my life.
Your tits will not magically tumble out and do a dance.
Your "boyfriend" is a controlling moron and you need to either educate him on how boobs work or just ditch him.
I wonder if boyfriend is watching those dumb animes where the girls are stick thin with boobs the size of beanbag chairs that levitate and bounce around constantly, because a boob falling out of any properly fitting clothing is very rare.
OP needs to dump the controlling asshat and have a wonderful vacation wearing whatever she chooses.
He's either very conservative and has a Victorian mindset or is very insecure that you will attract attention from lots of males
He needs to work on both those things because that will be exhausting to deal with for anyone.
Ultimately you have to trust your partner that regardless of attention they are loyal
Honestly I'd tell him I'm going to s nude beach and the bikini isn't needed at all.
Any man that is controlling what you wear needs to go. If you're an adult, even your parents no longer have a veto either.
While you are away from him, I'd be doing some serious thinking about what exactly he brings to the relationship and start deciding on some non-negotiable boundaries for yourself.
You need tot make this seriously. You are lol'ing about it now and complaining. But seriously, when someone becomes this controlling they often become abusive at some point in time. You know your bf best and if this could be possible. But remember, the kindest people can be the worst at home. You probably need tog et out while you can.
And do take care of getting out. Most victims die or are seriously injured when they are trying to leave their abuser.
"He then told me not to disrespect him and that some things need to be approved by the partner."
That is some controlling behavior and a HUGE red flag. If you don't like this, you should expect that it would get much worse if you got married. He thinks he gets to tell you what to wear and when, and if you don't obey him you are disrespecting him. This means he does not respect you. It also means there will be additional rules about where you can go and when, who you can see, and when you must be home.
You don't want this kind of life. Tell him his comments have given you clarity and you are letting him go. Dump him and find someone who respects you.
Judging by her comment history, she has made multiple posts about this guy and his shitty behaviour in the past month.
Titles of past posts include him calling her sense of humor average, him needing her to send him proof she isn’t cheating, him calling her mum a ‘natural beauty’, and her telling him to fuck off (can’t read post so don’t know why).
u/InterviewSecret2677, take this guy for how he is, not just at his ‘best’. He may be very effective in convincing you his behaviour is okay, normal, and ‘deserved’, but you wouldn’t be making multiple posts about this guy if you didn’t feel like what he is doing is okay.
I’m assuming you might still be a teenager or young adult. I’m still quite young and have dated some shitty guys, telling myself ‘I’m young, I’m not marrying this guy. He’s still fun to be around and it’s nice having a boyfriend’. Upon reflection, I was being stupid as hell. No boyfriend is worth taking continuous disrespect. At one point you’re just disrespecting yourself by letting someone treat you like that. Dating someone who wants to control you WILL severely impact your confidence, mental health, and sense of self. If you let them, they will break down every wall until the only thing you have left to lean on is them. They will remind you constantly of how weak you are. They will let you fall if you step out of line, or just because.
Guys like this don’t change because you asked them nicely. If they sense you’re going to leave, they will act nice for a bit, but when they sense you’ve forgiven them they will go back to normal. They can only keep it up for so long.
People are not telling you to break up because ‘that’s what reddit does’. We are trying to protect you. Your gut is bringing you here every time he tries to control you because you *know* what he’s doing is not okay.
Make a list of every single shitty thing he has done, no matter how small. Is this the kind of guy deserving of your love? Is this really a great boyfriend? Someone who doesn’t trust you, doesn’t find you funny, and wants to control what you’re wearing?
There’s no reasoning with an inherently selfish and controlling person. Respect should be the default in a relationship. No amount of asking pleading or bargaining will make him give it to you.
As the author of the oh so amazing 100% recommended ‘why does he do that?’ put it: ‘You do not respect someone whom you abuse, and you do not abuse someone whom you respect.’ Control is abuse. It will only escalate.
Exactly, this is insanely controlling. I'm a married woman and never in a million years would my husband dream of telling me what I can and can't wear or that I need his permission for anything. That's because he respects me and trusts that's I'm able to dress myself appropriately and make decisions that respect him and our marriage. This guy is a walking red flag.
NTA. This guy sounds like a jealous loser and this type of controlling behavior is only going to get worse with time.
Also for what it’s worth, I don’t think you need your parent’s approval either.
You know what would be really fun, OP? Ghost him while leaving him connected on your socials and post a bunch of vacation photos wearing whatever you want, captioning #nopermissionneeded / #bestlife /#trashdaywasyesterday.
NTA.
As a dude I would never think my wife needed my "permission" to wear anything. I give her my opinion when asked but what she wears is up to her.
This is a huge red flag, get out now.
If you ever asked the universe for a sign he isn’t the one, here are your very glaring red flags on a free silver platter. Any time a partner says “I don’t permit it” like you’re a child, take off and don’t look back. He sounds like the type of person to kill your confidence because he’s insecure.
NTA but while you’re out shopping for a new bikini, shop for a new boyfriend.
ETA: skimmed through your previous posts and all of the ones I’ve seen are you basically complaining about the dude. Seriously your relationship sounds miserable if it’s gotten to the point of looking for online validation every 3 business days with the internet telling you he ain’t shit (and you not listening🙄).
Buy yourself a bright red bikini in honor of the red flags that you’re heeding as you dump his jealous, controlling ass. Have a lovely time with your family on this vacation, which will mark the beginning of your beautiful new life without this insecure jerk.
Please please listen to all of the commenters, friend. Wishing you all the best 💕
NTA throw the asshole out and get the bikini you like the most.
This is abusive behavior, straight up. Don't entertain this man any longer, this is just the start of his controlling behavior. It won't end there.
I'm not usually the kind of guy with the "dump him" advice but... You two are not compatible. And tbh he's not going to be compatible with a lot of women in 2024 either.
Walk away if he isn't willing to discuss why he said what he said, cause not only is it disrespectful towards you, but his behaviour gives you enough reason to step away, rather than deal with someone's controlling behaviour.
We're not in the middle ages, he's lucky (im assuming your cultures are different from mine) that in some cultures, if your father heard that, dude would have been an imagination, NTA
Ewwww. Run as far away as you can from that boy.
You are so right in saying you don’t need permission, even if your parents weren’t fine with it you could wear whatever you wanted. That is YOUR body.
NTA
You are ab-so-lu-te-ly right. Period.
Show or hide as much of your figure as you feel like.
And please dump the ape-man. You can do better. Way better. In fact, you can hardly do any worse.
Why you women put up with hyper controlling men like this is beyond my brain capacity to understand.
No one has the right to tell you how to present yourself, I don’t care who you are or what god you bow down for.
This is a him problem, one you shouldn’t worry about when putting on swim trunks.
NTA
NTA. Just add a new boyfriend to the new bikinis. What is going on on this guys head?!
That bf is insecure and controlling!
And tell him you’ll be at the topless beach and pool.
NTA. Go on holiday with your parents and come back single
Go on the holiday single already, not only when you come back, so that you can maybe at least enjoy the vacation in that regard, if you want 😉
Plus new dating website pictures from a stress free vacation in Thailand!
Looking amaaaazing and confident in whatever the hell you want to wear. Lose the ball and chain already. If you have to ask - it’s clearly questionable.
Was gonna say the same. Hit the vacation single and have a holiday fling should the opportunity present itself.
Yes totally agree, I should have phrased it better
A great way to break up will be from a cell phone when OP lands in Thailand. Perfect timing for the trip and she won’t be there for him to try to go to her house to talk her out of it.
An interesting self fulfilling prophecy. He is unknowingly causing the thing he is most afraid of.
Eh, may as well do it from the departure gate. He's not getting through airport security. And then you can shut your phone off for the flight.
NTA, but I think you made a mistake on the title and meant "ex-boyfriend".
Agreed, sounds like a controlling ex-boyfriend in the making. 🚩
This will only get worse (more controlling) not better. He is possessive of you and somehow feels comfortable already policing your body. Throwing red flags like an NFL ref, run for this hills!!!! New boyfriends and new bikinis all around!!!
First it’s a bikini, then it’ll be a dress that’s a little “too revealing” then it’ll be just wearing makeup because why wear make up to go out? Who are you trying to impress???
He should definitely be proud of you, if this seems controlling. It could also be a big lack of self esteem on his part. "Too revealing" man wants you all to himself.
I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt at first like “ok well maybe he just means she won’t be comfortable in the suit if the cups aren’t reliably supportive…Nope never mind.”
You’re already better then me for giving the benefit of the doubt 🤣 Ive been on this earth too long and am too jaded 🥲
Agreed. At first, I was willing to cut a little slack. They sound like a young couple, and I get a bf’s initial reaction if he’s a little jealous. That said, the only correct answer for him is “but it’s not my place, and I need to trust her.” All that goes out the window with the comment about “disrespect.” Deal breaker. Red flag. Your cue to break up. As one with more than a few laps around the sun, I’ve seen this before. The rare man gets it and changes. The majority don’t. If you decide to stay, know that when you finally have had enough, there’s plenty who will have your back. We get it, even if you (at this point in your life) don’t. Just don’t stay too long if you’re not already one foot out the door.
This will end .... poorly.
Not if she tosses him into the trash immediately.
I agree that he needs to be tossed, but it has to be made clear why he's getting tossed. Too many guys are oblivious to why they're single, and continue the behavior that got them dumped and never improve.
Well said. Run girl, run a mile!
not while wearing the bikini though... not very supportive.
Probably more supportive than her bf though
Boooom. A true pugilist with a knockout blow.
Buy a really supportive swimsuit and then get a more supportive boyfriend 😉
Or go to France and go topless!
Unless OP is wanting to do the baywatch thing. Then it is OPs perogative.
Run like you are trying to qualify for the Olympics team.
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if he got away with this, next thing would be stopping her from having male friends...
Or any friends. Controllers isolate their partners.
And even family. Been there, done that.
This is so true! My ex did not allow me to wear bikinis but always stalks sexy girls in bikinis on social media! We were LDR and I am not stupid so I went to his place unannounced and was surprise to see him living with another girl! Bottomline is, when a guy is too possessive, overprotective or controlling over you, that's a big red flag. You have to run!
Yea,OP please "disrespect" him even more and break up with him,he's immature and insecure and thinks he can control you,you don't need that
Yeah fuck this guy. A woman's body is her damn choice and he can take his insecurities and scream into the internet with the rest of those fuckwits. Honestly what the hell is wrong with people.
I bet that soon after exploring the world and getting that distance perspective, he'll be an ex. There is something about traveling that often wakes you up a bit
NTA and time to get a new partner and bikinis
NTA I agree 💯. Your bf sounds like he’s insecure and controlling, OP. Get out before he exhibits more 🚩🚩 and toxic behaviors. You deserve better.
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He sounds like he thinks he bought and owns OP. Who the fuck would put up with that?
Exactly! OP run! This is only the beginning! Permission! KMT!
I vote for buying both bikinis and throwing away the boyfriend
since the Boyfriend is of no further use, i would suggest exchanging a slightly used boyfriend for a bikini
That would involve someone else wanting to take on the damaged goods lmao. Hard pass. Ruuuuunnnnnnn OP (read as: runnn Forrest, runnnnn)
Yep. Just toss him the garbage.
If you don't have a receipt for the boyfriend, can you donate him to charity?
I'm pretty sure most charities only take unopened or very gently used. So I don't think he'd qualify. Best just to send him with an express ticket out to garbage island. At least then he can potentially help the food chain instead of being an embarrassment to those of us on top of it.
Yes, but you only get a write-off for the market price for thrifted items-wait, what were we walking about? Oh... better just recycle him. Wouldn't want some poor soul to end up with that.
Don't donate useless stuff to charities.
They don’t need that stress. Why would you do that to a perfectly good charity?
Bikinis are obviously a better fit and will be more comfortable. You'll want to keep them around longer than the jerk too.
Yeah permission? I've been married 8 years and a long term bf of 6 years and the only "permission" I have asked for has been literally about spending money on our joint account. Your BF is a major AH, the type that really irk me as they can destroy a woman's autonomy with this BS.
My husband and I joke that when I tell him I’m doing things I’m not asking permission I’m just informing him because I’m going to do it whether he likes it or not.
If my husband told me not to do something, I’d be more likely to do it, just for spite. Now, I do ‘ask my husband’ before agreeing to plans, but that’s to make sure we don’t have prior arrangements and we both do that because we both suck at remembering things even though we have a shared calendar on our phones
I've been married for 49 years, and I don't ask permission for anything.
I only say permission for joint accounts when it is above a few thousand bucks that we weren't expecting. This is purely to do with not messing up our mortgage payments to our investment property :p
It's more, "agreement" than "permission."
Exactly. Big expenditures from either of us require a conversation, not permission. Nobody’s going out and dropping a thousand dollars without a, “Hey, I’d like to get X. It’s $1500. Can we swing that right now?”
Yep I like that
>the only "permission" I have asked for has been literally about spending money on our joint account. Exactly!!! It's the only thing I have ever asked my husband permission on and it's only when I wanted to make a big purchase. And that's just a courtesy. Now my first husband on the other hand, thought he owned me and would tell me what I could and couldn't do. He became extremely possessive and smothering and then he became abusive because I wouldn't "do what he said". Get a new bikini and a new boyfriend.
I like you! Take my upvote, I wish I could give more!!
My gf has big boobs and an hourglass figure. I freaking love when she’s in a bathing suit and I don’t care who looks as long as they’re not being a creep. We joke that guys want to date a hot girl and once guys start dating a hot girl they forget that other people look at hot girls lol can’t have it both ways 🤷🏻♂️
My husbie is like you, I see a cheeky look of pride when im looked at, he loves me dressing up to show off, I guess being older it changes (im 38).
It sounds like they’re both teenagers. Is that accurate? I think he sounds young and stupid and like he’s bought into the ideology of the Tates or Tate-adjacent influencers. OP, it’s probably smart to break up with him, and while it isn’t your job to help him grow, it might not hurt to sit him down and explain clearly and calmly why you’re breaking up with him and why his views are skewed, twisted, toxic, and wrong.
Tater tots are a scourge
NTA. Exactly! OP deserves freedom, not a controlling partner. Time to pack that bikini!
What's going on is that they are watching to much Andrew Tate and Myron for a start and also probably taking notice of the incels that are lurking all over social media putting every single women down for what she wears.
Tate is the influence. They think and do this like alpha-male to be. Huh? That is controlling. My friend broke with her bf (whose an ex now) due this kind of behaviour. His behaving changed from listening Tate a lot!
I honestly don’t know how any woman willing goes to that “man” willingly. If we as a gender made a unanimous decision to stay tf away from him, people would stop listening and there would be alot less ah men around imo.
Mostly, it develops and shows his true colors when the relationship begins. In the early talking stages, can/could not be seen, honestly it depends. And when that behavious is seen you need to stay tf away. I know before even couples get married or get married, the man starts to act like this...everything is spoken in the small details.
I understand that in any other man than Tate. He is all over the internet for being a massive misogynistic AH all the time so it’s not as if they don’t know you know?
If you mean to tate, that’s easy. He pays them. Not in a “I make the money cuz I’m a man” way, but in a “I’ll pay as long as you come, eat, pretend I’m interesting, and stay for a few photos.”
This is textbook Tate control garbage. You know, the same Andrew Tate who deceived women by pretending to want to have a relationship with then and then manipulated them into becoming cam girls whose earnings flow into his pockets. Sickening sex predator who preys on young women!
Tate is, at his core, a pimp. His followers ? Pimp wanna be
Guaranteed he’s going to try and make her trip miserable. He’s going to want her to stay in contact at all times, and complain if she doesn’t call/text him enough, “because you must be meeting people there” and then he’ll put her in the position of apologizing to him instead of enjoying herself. He’s going to make sure he stays the center of attention, even when he’s thousands of miles away! Been there and done that, and paid off the $1,000 phone bill from back when international calls cost a LOT of money!
Used to date a guy like this. If he didn't know where I was or what I was doing or if I didn't respond quickly enough, the only POSSIBLE explanation was that I was screwing some other guy. (This was back when cell phones weren't as reliable as they are today, and texting was just starting to be a thing, so instant contact wasn't really the expectation yet) He'd even did this if I didn't respond while working. Or asleep. Or driving. Like, did he honestly think that the only things I did in life were talk to him and have sex 24/7? When I broke it off, he was absolutely shocked and started crying and asking why. My answer: "because you think so little if me and my character that you think that all I do is have sex with random men."
I’ve seen men on here jump to assuming cheating at the most unassuming times and I kinda forgot that those are real people until this comment
Yeah I don't get this as a guy. Partner: "I'm taking a weekend trip with my friends next weekend." Me: "Awesome. Take some pics and can't wait to hear about it. Text me or call if you want or run into any problems." My brain: "A weekend of no pants, no shaving, ordering in, drinking way too much coffee, turning up my music to 11 and watching a bunch of giallo movies."
Don't forget leaving the seat up and pooping with the door open. It's the little things in life
My wife took a girls trip to Miami last week. I played 90 holes of golf
I think this is less 🚩🚩🚩 and more 🚨🚨🚨 RUN, OP! Do not walk, do not stop to collect $200, you can even ghost this piece of work. It doesn’t stop at bikinis.
“It doesn’t stop at bikinis” Please hear this OP
🛑 🛑 🛑
This, a million times. This is some controlling bs, and it's going to get worse. Dump the BF. Buy the bikinis. Flaunt that hourglass figure and enjoy your holiday and freedom to do and wear whatever TF you want.
You're a grown ass woman you don't need his permission to do a MFing thing. He doesn't own you you're his girlfriend and if he keeps acting like an a****** you're going to be his ex-girlfriend
Are we sure she's grown? This sounds like teenage drama.
Yeah, the line about needing her parents' permission to wear the bikini sounds like that's the case.
It might not be about permission with her parents, she's obviously going to be in their presence and wouldn't want them to feel uncomfortable about what she is wearing.
Maybe college-aged? Young enough that they are still footing the vacation bill and she needs to respect their wishes on matters, but still an adult.
Even if it were a teenage drama the same principle applies. Boys can be just as misogynist as men can be. Abuse of a girl is just as serious as abuse of a women and must not be trivialised.
> Boys can be just as misogynist as men can be. If not more so. Same (potential) level of misogyny, but with added insecurity, inexperience with adult relationships and boundaries, and raging hormones. Not exactly a winning combination.
Definitely. I exhibited similar behaviors as a teen, it's how many of us are raised. It's fucked and I hate it. Anyone who teaches their kid to be that way is a goddamn idiot.
Not necessarily teenage drama. My BFF had a boyfriend exactly like this... and she was in her late 30s/early 40s at the time. He was mid 40s. She dumped him when it escalated after he contacted her place of employment and told them they needed to fire her because she wasn't wearing the clothes he had approved. Men like this are real, and dangerous.
Yes, there are a lot of adult males that act like this as well.
No I am not sure but regardless she still don't have to ask him for permission
And it's great that she knows that
Sadly from experience nope, you don't need to be a teen to find an ass like that.
Does it really matter how old she is? He's not her father, and he has no right to tell her what to do, period!
So you are saying the boyfriend (hopefully ex-boyfriend) sounds like an insecure 15 year old boy? I agree, sadly you see the same behavior from 35 year old boys.
Break up with him while wearing the bikini.
Also look up the Jonah Hill controversy...get away from someone who tries to control you like that.
[удалено]
it's a red flag for an Andrew Tate disciple too
Andrew Tate's is a moron and a rapist
And a sex trafficker
And a self-snitch, airing all his illegal dirty laundry out in the open like an idiot. Like, on top of all of the above, he’s also a moron.
The follow up is usually violence. Mental, and physical
I can't believe that asshole even made a movie about his shitty therapist.
This. Get an awesome new bikini. Break up with silly boyfriend. Have a lovely time in Thailand. Get an awesome new boyfriend.
Exactly. If a partner does not allow you to do something, this is a reason to break up with him at the very moment when he did not allow something.
When your boyfriend starts acting like Christian Grey, it's time to find a new boyfriend.
3 new bikinis at least
Warning - whenever your partner uses the words “permission” or “disrespect me” - this person is controlling and you need to walk away.
Specially when it involves "you cant do this with your PARENTS" its a huge red flag that he is actively trying to distance her from her parents.
Exactly. She'll be with her parents and probably siblings if she has any. It's not like she's going for a "girl's only weekend" or with a mixed group of friends. If he's this insecure when she's going on a family holiday...
There's a lot of threads on Reddit where people give very definitive answers to nuanced situations. This is not one of them. That's the clearest, simplest controlling language I've ever heard. It belongs to a male-female dynamic from 200 years ago, and she should run from it immediately.
This. It's quite alarming terminology as for some people that seems to provide sufficient pretext to justify violent or otherwise controlling mechanism they will direct to the people who ' disrespected' or 'disobeyed' them.
Can confirm! Don't make the mistake I did and marry someone like this! Run now!
That’s some Andrew Tate energy
NTA No, you don't need his permission to wear a bikini. I highly doubt your breasts will falls out and that you should hide your figure or something. The guy has issues. What does he think, that you will be wearing a potato sack?
Lol he has concerns about EVERYTHING I wear because he thinks my tits will "fall out"
no - he has concerns other men will find you attractive and wooo you away from him
And he thinks of her as literally his property, not as an equal, sentient person with thoughts and feelings of her own. Anyone who denies you agency is a walking red flag. Op should dump this jealous man-baby.
It’s a gift when they reveal themselves early on and don’t wait until after marriage and kids. Get away from him and go live your life.
Yup, the trash is taking itself out
So much this. This is such a goddamn red flag for this. This will only escalate.
Bingo!!!
Which he knows is a realistic threat cause he’s clearly a fucken spud so he has to resort to manipulation to regain control
To be fair, it wouldn’t take much to make a better impression than he does. 🤪 NTA, get out before he escalates his control issues, OP!
Oh wait, so this isn't the first time he's tried to assert some kind of authority over what you wear? I'm not sure where you're from, but where I come from, that's red flag behavior. What's next? Once he gets you in line with letting him decide your wardrobe, I guarantee he'll find something else he wants you to ask permission for. Just go to Thailand and tell him that in respect of his comfort level, you're breaking up because it seems too stressful for him to worry so much about everything you do, since you're not going to let him be in charge of your autonomy.
Them boobs are always jumping out of shirts these days don't ya know lmao
The ta tas have mobilized! They are developing their own thinking process and refuse to be held captive in the confines of fabric any longer. Free the ta tas!
If your tits DID fall out, how is that his concern?
He would know because he has a alarm that go off if the bikini top starts to show to much skin..
Is this like LifeAlert? "Ever have a bad boob day? Do your chesticles flop out at the drop of a hat? Well worry no more, Introducing the BreastArrest! No more embarrassing titty catastrophes! With the Breast Arrest, you and everyone in a 3 block radius, will be acutely aware of the impending booby disaster when it goes off at an earth shattering 120 decibels!"
That's how all the boys know they need to go to the yard.
Damn right
🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm reading this in Billy Mays. "Part of the big tittle commity? We got your back, literally! Buy one Breast Arrest now. Get two free for your bossom buddies! At NO ADDITIONAL COST! I'm talking over two hundred dollars in savings Don't want your arrest to be obvious? Get the discreet phone alert upgrade for only an additional twenty dollars a month and your soul!"
"catitstrophes" perhaps?
I think he thinks they are his breasts now! He must hide them from strong, confident, sexy men who have so much more to offer than this scared, insecure sexist jerk.
There is an easy solution to that, just don't wear a bikini top. (Not sure if that would be allowed in Thailand though). On a serious note, I have seen women who wear a bikini to that is 8 sizes too small and barely works as a nipple shield, which looks ridiculous to me, but I'd still think their boyfriend does not have to give permission. You do you, no one else's problem.
Tell him that’s no risk because you’ll hit the beach topless.
He sounds like a typical controlling partner who thinks he has a say in everything you can and can't do. Does he have a say in who and where you can meet/ talk to?
That is because he considers them HIS tits. Get out. Seriously. I know reddit loves to break ppl up but it's time to start googling "how do I know if my boyfriend is controlling" and hopefully that'll show you way too many examples you can recognise. I read somewhere here about abusive parents that the reason they can be abusive to their own child is because they don't see them as real human beings but as something they own, a thing. And things can't get hurt, it's no different than using a hammer on something or a knife, it's dead things, it doesn't matter cause they can't be hurt. Control is often the start of abuse. Not always but it's a pretty standard start for any form of abuse and it entails putting boundaries on who you can see, when you can see them, how you can act with them, what you can say, what you can wear, how long you can see them etc. Love bombing is also pretty standard to make sure in the beginning that you choose that one person over everyone else - until there's no one else left. Before that you've often started to conform to demands you know is insane because it's just easier that way.
Are you dating a child? He clearly knows nothing about how tits or female clothing works
Given the emphasis on parents, I am getting the sense they’re both teenagers - so, yeah, he might actually still be a child…which means there’s still plenty of room for growth on his end, though he should probably do that work while single…
Okay and what's the issue with your tits falling out? Totally normal to have nude beaches in Europe or beaches where women can take off their bikini tops. There is a difference in sunbathing/swimming and trying to seduce. Your partner seems to be insecure and controlling.
Then ask yourself if that's the guy for you. I will give you a tip: it's not.
leave him. This is a giant red flag and will get worse and worse
By saying "he thinks your tits will fall out", he just means he's afraid other people will see them and maybe find you attractive. He's ridiculous. I do believe you can do better and you should leave him. But, if you decide to stay with him, get yourself a really racy micro-bikini or a mono-kini (not to wear but to needle him with.) Then when he says he is "worried your tits will fall out", tell him they are your tits and you know how they work. Tell him if he makes that kind of statement ever again, you will wear [ *pull out the micro-bikini* ] **THIS!** THEN WATCH HIM PANIC!
Or give a small bikini top to the boyfriend so he can wear it and if he won't wear it then complain that his man boobs are hanging loose and you can't give him permission to go to the beach like that.
Why spend money on a micro-bikini. Just show him two thimbles and a cork. (Stealing an old comedian’s joke)
Contact lenses and dental floss
I'm 37, and I have big tits. I can count on NO hands the number of times they spontaneously jumped out of a bikini or top ever in my life. Your tits will not magically tumble out and do a dance. Your "boyfriend" is a controlling moron and you need to either educate him on how boobs work or just ditch him.
I wonder if boyfriend is watching those dumb animes where the girls are stick thin with boobs the size of beanbag chairs that levitate and bounce around constantly, because a boob falling out of any properly fitting clothing is very rare. OP needs to dump the controlling asshat and have a wonderful vacation wearing whatever she chooses.
He's either very conservative and has a Victorian mindset or is very insecure that you will attract attention from lots of males He needs to work on both those things because that will be exhausting to deal with for anyone. Ultimately you have to trust your partner that regardless of attention they are loyal
So what if they decide to say hello? You get embarrassed for a minute and put em away.
Honestly I'd tell him I'm going to s nude beach and the bikini isn't needed at all. Any man that is controlling what you wear needs to go. If you're an adult, even your parents no longer have a veto either. While you are away from him, I'd be doing some serious thinking about what exactly he brings to the relationship and start deciding on some non-negotiable boundaries for yourself.
And if they do? He doesn’t own your tits.
You need tot make this seriously. You are lol'ing about it now and complaining. But seriously, when someone becomes this controlling they often become abusive at some point in time. You know your bf best and if this could be possible. But remember, the kindest people can be the worst at home. You probably need tog et out while you can. And do take care of getting out. Most victims die or are seriously injured when they are trying to leave their abuser.
You also don't need his permission to dump his controlling loser ass.
"He then told me not to disrespect him and that some things need to be approved by the partner." That is some controlling behavior and a HUGE red flag. If you don't like this, you should expect that it would get much worse if you got married. He thinks he gets to tell you what to wear and when, and if you don't obey him you are disrespecting him. This means he does not respect you. It also means there will be additional rules about where you can go and when, who you can see, and when you must be home. You don't want this kind of life. Tell him his comments have given you clarity and you are letting him go. Dump him and find someone who respects you.
Judging by her comment history, she has made multiple posts about this guy and his shitty behaviour in the past month. Titles of past posts include him calling her sense of humor average, him needing her to send him proof she isn’t cheating, him calling her mum a ‘natural beauty’, and her telling him to fuck off (can’t read post so don’t know why). u/InterviewSecret2677, take this guy for how he is, not just at his ‘best’. He may be very effective in convincing you his behaviour is okay, normal, and ‘deserved’, but you wouldn’t be making multiple posts about this guy if you didn’t feel like what he is doing is okay. I’m assuming you might still be a teenager or young adult. I’m still quite young and have dated some shitty guys, telling myself ‘I’m young, I’m not marrying this guy. He’s still fun to be around and it’s nice having a boyfriend’. Upon reflection, I was being stupid as hell. No boyfriend is worth taking continuous disrespect. At one point you’re just disrespecting yourself by letting someone treat you like that. Dating someone who wants to control you WILL severely impact your confidence, mental health, and sense of self. If you let them, they will break down every wall until the only thing you have left to lean on is them. They will remind you constantly of how weak you are. They will let you fall if you step out of line, or just because. Guys like this don’t change because you asked them nicely. If they sense you’re going to leave, they will act nice for a bit, but when they sense you’ve forgiven them they will go back to normal. They can only keep it up for so long. People are not telling you to break up because ‘that’s what reddit does’. We are trying to protect you. Your gut is bringing you here every time he tries to control you because you *know* what he’s doing is not okay. Make a list of every single shitty thing he has done, no matter how small. Is this the kind of guy deserving of your love? Is this really a great boyfriend? Someone who doesn’t trust you, doesn’t find you funny, and wants to control what you’re wearing? There’s no reasoning with an inherently selfish and controlling person. Respect should be the default in a relationship. No amount of asking pleading or bargaining will make him give it to you. As the author of the oh so amazing 100% recommended ‘why does he do that?’ put it: ‘You do not respect someone whom you abuse, and you do not abuse someone whom you respect.’ Control is abuse. It will only escalate.
Exactly, this is insanely controlling. I'm a married woman and never in a million years would my husband dream of telling me what I can and can't wear or that I need his permission for anything. That's because he respects me and trusts that's I'm able to dress myself appropriately and make decisions that respect him and our marriage. This guy is a walking red flag.
Tell him you will have to ask your next boyfriend. Seriously, keep the bikini and lose him. NTA.
Don’t wear anything, that will show him.
And everyone else too.
Also if you don't wear anything, you tits can't fall out :D
NTA. This guy sounds like a jealous loser and this type of controlling behavior is only going to get worse with time. Also for what it’s worth, I don’t think you need your parent’s approval either.
I see issues with this guy.
Nothing but red flags.
Time to tell this one goodbye. Have a great trip!
You know what would be really fun, OP? Ghost him while leaving him connected on your socials and post a bunch of vacation photos wearing whatever you want, captioning #nopermissionneeded / #bestlife /#trashdaywasyesterday.
He needs to be an “ex”quick smart.
NTA. As a dude I would never think my wife needed my "permission" to wear anything. I give her my opinion when asked but what she wears is up to her. This is a huge red flag, get out now.
YTA if you stay with him.
If you ever asked the universe for a sign he isn’t the one, here are your very glaring red flags on a free silver platter. Any time a partner says “I don’t permit it” like you’re a child, take off and don’t look back. He sounds like the type of person to kill your confidence because he’s insecure. NTA but while you’re out shopping for a new bikini, shop for a new boyfriend. ETA: skimmed through your previous posts and all of the ones I’ve seen are you basically complaining about the dude. Seriously your relationship sounds miserable if it’s gotten to the point of looking for online validation every 3 business days with the internet telling you he ain’t shit (and you not listening🙄).
NTA. Serious 🚩 with this guy!
Buy yourself a bright red bikini in honor of the red flags that you’re heeding as you dump his jealous, controlling ass. Have a lovely time with your family on this vacation, which will mark the beginning of your beautiful new life without this insecure jerk. Please please listen to all of the commenters, friend. Wishing you all the best 💕
NTA throw the asshole out and get the bikini you like the most. This is abusive behavior, straight up. Don't entertain this man any longer, this is just the start of his controlling behavior. It won't end there.
I'm not usually the kind of guy with the "dump him" advice but... You two are not compatible. And tbh he's not going to be compatible with a lot of women in 2024 either.
NTA your body your rules, feels like I post that at least weekly in this sub
This dude toxic. I’m getting the sense that you’re both still young. Don’t sweat it. You’ll date way cooler guys than him! NTA
NTA. He’s a boyfriend - not your owner. Enjoy your life without him.
I feel like this is a rage bait karma farm post given the posting history.
Definitely NTA. You should NOT seek *PERMISSION* from your boyfriend re anything. You can go find a mature BF. He can go find a flat-chested GF. 🤣
NTA and more red flags than a chinese parade.
Walk away if he isn't willing to discuss why he said what he said, cause not only is it disrespectful towards you, but his behaviour gives you enough reason to step away, rather than deal with someone's controlling behaviour. We're not in the middle ages, he's lucky (im assuming your cultures are different from mine) that in some cultures, if your father heard that, dude would have been an imagination, NTA
You're not the AITA here. Your body, your choice—simple as that. Your boyfriend's controlling behavior isn't okay.
Ewwww. Run as far away as you can from that boy. You are so right in saying you don’t need permission, even if your parents weren’t fine with it you could wear whatever you wanted. That is YOUR body.
Looks like you have a case of Andrew Tate topG guy on your hands, red flag 🚩 all over this one. Run..
NTA. And would he ever ask your permission on what he wears to the beach without you?
Your bf is a giant red flag, please leave him. NTA
NTA You are ab-so-lu-te-ly right. Period. Show or hide as much of your figure as you feel like. And please dump the ape-man. You can do better. Way better. In fact, you can hardly do any worse.
Why you women put up with hyper controlling men like this is beyond my brain capacity to understand. No one has the right to tell you how to present yourself, I don’t care who you are or what god you bow down for. This is a him problem, one you shouldn’t worry about when putting on swim trunks. NTA
Is this a serious question? Leave this asshole.
NTA- he's insecure and a controller. This issue will get worse overtime. You do not need his permission to wear anything.