NTA
I absolutely support trans right and, believe people should have the right to identify how they like and love who they love without interference from others.
However, I think it’s hypocritical for the trans community to force people to identify as “cis” male/female, in the same way I think it’s wrong to intentionally misgender or deadname someone.
What was the context in which he called you a "cis gendered male"? I see some commenting that you have a right to be called what you'd like while others are comments that this is not a big deal as it's an accurate description.
I think the key here is context. It is easy to be intentionally offensive using real descriptors. For example, who would say, "this is my husband, he is an underweight/obese white man" when introducing their SO. That's a ridiculous thing to say at a pool party, it might not be ridiculous if describing him to a medical professional. Clearly, this is about context.
That said, I have no interest in someone qualifying who I am generally. I don't qualify others. I'd like the same amount of dignity.
NTA. It’s entirely redundant, there are already descriptors for the minority of people who aren’t comfortable with their sex (trans, non-binary etc).
Cis isn’t actually needed as man, woman, boy, girl do just fine. If a differentiation is needed, then the descriptor/prefix of ‘trans’ works just fine.
It’s unlikely to be a situation where you will need to worry about it but if you were born one gender and you identify as that gender, congratulations! You are cis, as a scientific term. But you can just identify as a man too. No worries!
I would never go up to someone and say I am a cis woman. I also would not expect a trans person to point out that they were trans to me.
You say “Hi, I’m Kerry. What’s your name?”
The only time it needs to be brought up is if it may lead to intimacy.
Or perhaps correcting pronouns if the person is NB and you didn’t know.
NTA, in terms of how you want to be called.
I'll jsay that "cis" literally just means that you were "born a male, etc etc" with a lot fewer words. In terms of efficiency, it'll get you in and out that discussion real quick.
„A lot fewer words“, in 98% (?) of cases, is „male“ or “female“. We don‘t have to use „cis gendered“ - I‘d rather only use more specific terms where applicable, and stick to „male“ and „female“ for the majority of cases.
Also, if I want to be referred to a/s a „male“ only, that should not trigger any progressive person, because the hypocrisy would literally be mind-blowing.
I‘m not upset, it‘s just that „male“ and „female“ works just fine for 98% of the population, and not understanding why someone wouldn‘t want that screams hypocrisy. Which you seem to have actually been unaware of, considering your reply to another user.
Sure. We'll just call him a not-trans man. Means the same thing.
I mean yes, if it really upsets someone then I would try not to use it to describe them as an individual. But it's such nonsense. I remember the same huffiness over people not wanting to be called 'heterosexual': "I don't need a special term. I'm just normal" It's either shock-of-the-new or it's prejudice and both are something that should really be got over frankly.
Thank you. I've been searching for words to be polite and deliver my message in this thread, but I guess your way is the politest way to say it. I'm normal, therefore I want to be called just that. Just a female. Nothing more. I'm sure it'll offend some people though.
Of course NTA, if other people can pick their gender or rest neutral or how they want to be called ( they/them) etc. So you also have right to pick how you want to be called
I agree with the stance of not wanting to be called cis gendered. People don’t like being referred to as male (a person with XY chromosomes) when they are a transgender woman. People don’t like being called female (a person with XX chromosomes) when they’re a transgender man. Even though it is accurate.
Either everyone gets to choose how they’re referred to or nobody is. If he wants to be referred to as male or just as a man that’s fine.
If he’s a snowflake then so is every transgender person who doesn’t want to be referred to as their biological sex.
So by this logic, you're ok with calling a trans woman a woman. There is no need for the trans descriptor, right?
It's a description and not an identifier. You don't identify as cis, you just either are or aren't. Either you're cis, and you identify with the gender you were assigned at birth, or you're trans and you don't identify with the gender you were assigned at birth.
Generally used to discuss the different issues at play whether someone is cis or trans.
It's not progressive, and it's not a pronoun - it's just an adjective. Do people now take issue with adjectives, too?
If "cis gendered male" is the correct term for you then apparently we are focused on calling people what they actually *are* and not how they feel or prefer to be called.
Oh dear.
Your brothers friend might not like where this is going.
I mean, you might as well be saying "I'm not a *straight* male, I'm just a male!"
Adding cis is just an additional descriptor, means you were born male and identify as male. It shouldn't be offensive to you.
They didn't say it can't be offensive, just that it shouldn't be. People who are bothered by the word "cis" have some serious problems (or are desperate to invent some).
Maybe if you guys respected trans people more, I'd respect you more. The fact is, people like you go out of your way to misgender, deadname, and bully trans people, but then you want people to handle you with kid gloves. I don't care if you think it's a slur, the same way the majority of you don't care about trans people.
Both of my kids as well as one’s fiancée who lives with us plus many friends of theirs are LGBTQIA+. I never intentionally deadname or misgender any of them and always apologize when I mistakenly do. I’ve been as supportive as if know how to be of them and have great relationships with them all. I always show them respect unless they’re being rude or disrespectful themselves to which I call them out.
Why should I be treated with less respect? I don’t consider cis to be a slur unless it’s bandied around in a derogatory way (so only within context of an insult or dismissive statement) but I prefer to be referred to as a woman as opposed to a cis woman unless it’s relevant to the discussion. Then again I also refer to my kids’ friends as man or woman or person (for non-binary) unless it’s relevant to the conversation. I wish to be treated as I treat others. Why is that not okay. Your “you people” attitude hurts everyone else in the community.
Cis people almost never have to explain those things. Noone has asked me who I identify as because it's clear as day. That's why cis is a term that is absolutely not needed.
The problem is that the term "cis" is often used in a very derogatory and dismissive way. The amount of times that my opinion is dismissed and worthless because I'm a "cis white male" is infuriating. and often on things that have nothing to do with gender, politics, or relationships.
You must have not been on the internet long, or it's because you're female.
"cis white male" is a common insult to disregard someone's opinion. Downvoters clearly also haven't been on the internet long -- people will attack you for your "privilege" with this as a backing insult.
It being used like that sometimes makes it enough for us to prefer not being called that.
If you can identify as something I disagree with, why can't I \*not\* identify as something you disagree with?
I just think refusing to identify as cis is sort of like refusing to identify as gay. Yes, people have used it as an insult but that doesn't change what it actually means.
It's not refusing to identify with the core description of cis, just a dislike of the word.
If you're allowed to ask to be called something, I'm allowed to ask you to \*not\* call me something.
God give me the strength to be patient with this one...
Do me a favor and replace the word "cis" with just about any marginalized identity.
Congrats! That's like... maybe 10% of what being part of a marginalized group is like. That's how all of us have been treated all throughout history, all mostly led by cis white men. So understandably, we have all found out the hard way by now that cis white males in general do not care enough about our best interests to critically analyze the power they hold and do good with it. Or to even at least oppose each other in meaningful ways when they're flat out wrong. Exactly how many human rights movements have had white cis men being the flagship of opposition to them again?
Historically, white cis men have actually decided that conversion therapy, medical rape, women having less rights than property, taking away all independence from the mentally ill, slavery, and many other violent crimes on humanity were all things that needed to happen, and even defended some of these things to the death. Anyone who isn't a cis white male has more than enough reasons to not blindly accept what cis white males say. So yes, you will experience scrutiny, dismissal, and skepticism. Like everybody else.
Here's the thing. If you gave me advice on something wrt the real world, I probably *would* dismiss it, or at the very least heavily scrutinize it. To you, this is unfair and hurtful, but to me, it would be extremely stupid to take your opinion as anything more than a white dudes POV. The boldest parts of your advice would likely do nothing but harm me, possibly even kill me. Because I can't get away with the same shit you can. Never have, and probably never will in this lifetime, even if you're just now starting to be scrutinized. I try do the same shit you can do, and I get arrested and gifted a criminal history, do you understand? Meanwhile, you're more likely to get a slap on the wrist for the same exact thing, if even that.
You need to come to terms with the fact that you do not know everything, and that your perspective is in fact bpth defined and limited by your identity. Who you are makes a drastic difference in how you're treated in this world. Cis white males have power and privelege whether they like it or not, the same way I'm marginalized whether I like it or not. It's on you to use that power fairly. Part of that means going out of your way to break the power structure that inherently benefits you. In this context, that means understanding that absolutely nobody is obligated to validate your opinions, or protect your feelings from the bite of rejection. If you show ignorance, people WILL call it out. Choose to learn instead.
NTA. In my opinion if a trans person asks me to refer to them as whatever pronoun they prefer then I will be respectful and call them that. It’s disrespectful to call someone by something they do not want to be called. Straight, gay, bi, trans, etc. Respect should be given both ways. If a male is born a male and then decides to become a woman and asks me to use female terminology, no matter what I believe about the transition or lifestyle I am going to be respectful and call them the female terminology because I want to be respectful of all people.
Instead of characterizing people by their perceived gender or preferred sexual partner, shouldn't we characterize them by their favorite meal?
I'm a meatloaf man. She is a sausage and mushrooms pizza woman.
Hi, I'm Jason, and I like pineapple on pizza. (Hi Jason). I've been eating pineapple since I was first introduced to it in high-school. (Everyone nods) I went almost 3 months, but then I saw pineapple upside-down cake and fell into temptation.
I mean, do you REALLY want to categorize people by those terms? Which would you rather hear:
I'm a cis-gendered white male
Or
I'm a guy who likes meatloaf, soft instrumental music and a good book?
Ah... the ground beef, peppers, onion and crushed crackers kind of meatloaf. Also, I've done the bacon wrapped with baby Bella cheese inside. Mine is delicious.
NTA. Labeling someone in a manner they don’t wish to be is wrong. You are male…that’s sufficient. Would your friend be ok with someone being deadnamed.
Cis gender is not progressive lingo lol. It’s just a statement.
It’s like are you gay or straight?
Are you tall or short?
Are you cis or trans?
Are you usually this fragile when people use basic terminology to describe you or themselves? Is this a hill you want to die on?
He’s asking to not be called cis. If a M2F asks to be called woman/her/she/ma’am and is continually disrespected by not being called those things “the community” would be in an uproar about the disrespect but can’t see how someone doesn’t want to be called cis and is still being called cis is upset just shows the bias.
I don’t want to be labeled as cis. I’m just a man. I have a trans friend that is F2M. I call him dude and all the other male terms. I don’t call him trans man. Just dude.
I disagree with you. Saying that someone is cis-gendered, when the immense majority of people is cis-gendered, is really just virtue signalling. It means "Hey, look, I care about trans people."
Would you describe someone saying: "This is my green-eyed friend Chris" or "My non-dyslexic friend Nathalie here..." ? You wouldn't, because there's not much virtue signalling to do with this.
I wouldn't be offended beingcalled cis-gendered, but I would find it incredibly stupid. Unless it is relevant to the conversation.
So people have to respect what trans people want to be called but we don’t get respected with not wanting the “cis” term to be used. Why even have that in place if it means something already used?????
So is male and female, no? If his preference is to not be called that why not just do so? There's no harm in it. Same reason we should respect pronouns others wish for themselves.
The entire problem with this issue is people are operating from two completely ideological foundations and saying it is inconsequential ignores the opposing side, regardless which you are on. And it's entirely disingenuous because if it were trivial neither side would be arguing so fiercely.
One side believes it is;
Human -> male/trans-male | female/trans-female
The other believes it is;
Human -> male -> cis/trans-male | female -> cis/trans-female
These are not inconsequential differences because the choice affects everything from legal protections to how we frame biology.
And people need to actually come to terms with this. Because both sides calling the other names isn't getting anywhere and neither side is going to succeed in stomping the other into submission.
I think the problem is thinking just a basic term is name calling lol. It’s like people who freak out when they’re called white. Like, get over it. Being called Cis or white doesn’t actually affect anyone negatively (if they actually are)
Actual LGBTQ people face actual discrimination based on pronouns and misgendering and these people claiming they are offended by the word Cis just need attention
I'm in my 40s and had never heard the term cis until 3 years ago, but all the rest yeah but I don't use my sexuality, height nor eye colour to describe myself when speaking.
Isn't the hill trans etc people die on? They wish to be referred to their preferred pronouns etc so how is tjis different? Can't be a hypocrite about it.
Just because you haven’t heard of it, doesn’t mean it didn’t exist lol. So if someone asked you if you are gay or straight, you would say what then? I don’t understand why people are against describing themselves lol
NTA for not wanting to be called something you don't want to be called. I'll call anyone whatever they want to be called and do it respectfully, but I don't care for that word and I don't and won't use it to identify myself. That being said, it sounds like you handled it rather inelegantly...
NTA. Considering everyone else gets to decide what they want to be called, you should be able to.
On the other hand, who cares. Not a significant issue worth any time or concern.
I think it's acceptable to use the term if it's relevant to the discussion that's being had. 🤷♂️ But you're right, I'm not referred to as a "medium height, not balding male" in regular conversation lol...
No. You are not an asshole for this.
I don't like that myself. The ones that get bent out of shape over pronouns and misgendering seem to me to not have many issues and I feel many of them are looking for something to be upset about.
I am a man with very long hair. I have been 'misgendered' more times than I can count.... oh well... it's not a huge problem unless I would freak out about it.
I served in the military and was in a combat zone where people were killing others. THAT is something to worry about over a damn word someone might say.
NTA.
There is absolutely zero need to feel bad about not kowtowimg to a bunch of brainwashed teenage girls, autogynophiliac fetishists, and the so-called "progressives" who aid and abet this nonsense because they're too chickenshit to point out the bleeding obvious: sex is an immutable genetically-determined characteristic that cannot actually be changed.
NTA, don‘t listen to the idiots here.
They cry and throw a tantrum when you don‘t use the pronouns they want, but if you say don‘t call me that it‘s a problem.
I don‘t get why everyone needs to adjust to a few. They use the prefix trans, to show that the person isn‘t a real men/women, you on the other hand are a real men and that doesn‘t need to be said.
Damn, your feelings sure are fragile. If you can transition from snowflake to man, it might make you happier and easier to be around. YTA.
For anyone less well-regarded, cis is a Latin prefix meaning "on this side of." Roman maps would distinguish Cisalpine Gaul (the part on the near side of the Alps) from Transalpine Gaul (the part on the far side). When it comes to gender, we use "cis" simply to mean "not-trans" in the same way we use "straight" rather than "not-gay."
When people piss themselves like this over being accurately described as cis, it's because they are uncomfortable with the existence of trans people and want to push back against any language that acknowledges their existence. Imagine someone insisting they're not a Homo sapiens because they're sure homo means gay.
There's only one way to stop being cis big dog, and that's to trans your gender. Personally, I'd just accept it.
If some people are entitled by society to identify as whatever they please, why are some not granted this same right in social situations when \*not\* wanting to identify as something? If choosing what we're called is the big thing now, how is this any different?
It's not.
Well yeah, I see why that would be hurtful. But that's the exact opposite of what's happening here, so I don't get why he'd choose to get his feelings hurt.
You are being a hypocrite right now, I'm shocked you don't get.
I will respect how anyone wishes to be referred to when it comes to gender and that includes being g wanting to be called just male or female or whatever!! And let's not pretend that cis has been actually in use mainstream wise until last few years, I'm educated and had never heard it in regards to my gender and how I identify.
Ah, so if you don't understand it, it's not valid?
Whatever happened to "calling people what they want to be called?"
Or can you only muster respect for people just like you?
Nobody needs to adjust anything, I'm just saying that the word means what it means and describes him accurately. If that makes you mad, take it up with ancient Rome instead of me.
Just because it "describes him accurately" doesn't mean he needs to or *should* shut up and take it. By that logic, it's okay to use the F-word on gay men, right? I mean *sure* it's a slur but it's *technically* accurate. And this-
>When people piss themselves like this over being accurately described as cis, it's because they are uncomfortable with the existence of trans people
-is complete bull. Not liking unnecessary labels *on yourself* has nothing to do with people who use them.
In the rome context it‘s used for something else. It‘s funny that you said not-trans instead of saying nothing.
Op is male so a men and that‘s it, it‘s the trans community that is fragile. You are not a real men/woman thats why the prefix.
That's some mental gymnastics you did there. There's men, women and confused people seeking attention. He just didn't want to be counted as the third. Is that so difficult to understand?
NTA. I will not call my self cis, you want to change what you are you take on the prefix. Language may change but for a small portion of the population wanting huge changes is insane. Like when they tried to make Latinx a thing
There's a difference between someone using an accurate term someone simply doesn't care for for personal reasons, and misgendering someone despite knowing better (aka being aware they're trans)
Edit: and to be clear, I agree that he has a right to say he doesn't want to be called cis, I don't think he's an AH for that. My only point is that calling someone cis who is in fact by definition cis and has said himself that he identifies with what that term means, is not on the same level as misgendering someone when you're aware they're trans. Once you know someone doesn't like the word cis, stop using it for them, who cares, everyone is allowed preferences. But it's not an intrinsically offensive term the same way a deliberate use of wrong pronouns is
No, sex and gender are not the same thing. Calling them their sex (not gender) is accurate. But it's offensive.
So, do we "call people how they want to be called" or not?
As a cis woman I’d be pissed off if someone referred to me as a female, because that’s a biological term that reduces me to my genitalia. I’m more than a vagina: I’m a person. More specifically, I’m a woman. That’s how I identify.
The same goes for trans folks. They aren’t penises or vaginas, they’re people. Refusing to acknowledge the gender/non-gender by which they identify and instead referring to them by what’s between their legs is reducing them to their genitalia and makes you seem like a pervert.
Anyway, if we start referring to people by their genitalia it’s just a matter of time before things start to get specific and personal. I don’t think you want that, Fish Bait.
Edited to fix typo
That's a lot of words to not answer the question.
I love how you had to try to make a dig, though. Really cements how incapable you are of addressing the topic at hand.
YTA for making me roll my eyes that hard. You are a cis/het male, the neutral description isn't an insult, and you don't have to use it yourself. Calm down.
Cis is just an adjective that gives a little more information. It just means whatever gender you are now is the same as what was presumed for you at birth. Which is almost exactly how you describe yourself. What is the problem here?
I do think it’s not nessesary to precise to everyone you meet. If person changes gender and becomes men or women so be it. We don’t need to precise that he/she was not it at birth
So...we no longer need to respect what people ask us to call them and can just insist on using our own words?
So I don't need to respect your pronouns, because I am just using pronouns to give a little more information?
I think respecting how people identify is important. If someone doesn't like being called "cis" and doesn't identify with the term then forcing it on them isn't ok. If someone has identified as male or female, or a man or woman, their whole life it's who they believe they are and how they describe themself. The alternative is a situation where only some people are allowed to self identify and others have to accept what they are told, and that's not fair or sustainable.
It's a bit like saying I'm annoyed to be referred to as a white male because I'm "just a male".
It's a dumb thing to be offended about. You act like he graffitied your house with the word.
YTA
NTA. Especially because a large amount of people who use Cis, which is already like only 1% of the population to begin with, use it as a derogatory manner
NTA - If people find it offensive to be called transman or transwoman, than it's no more than logical others feel the same way about being called cisman or ciswoman.
NTA.. Getting others to call a biological male 'cis', is a way of getting the heterosexuals to conform to the progressive's sexual ideology in terms of accepting other genders besides biological males and females which goes against the human design and nature of reproduction. If nature wanted more than two distinct sexes, it would have developed more than just male and female. These progressives may be insulted if you don't conform to their preferred sexual terminology, but it is an insult to Heterosexuals to be forced to submit to their choice of labeling people who don't agree with them.
Has everything to do with sexual ideology. Cis is a made up term by the trans community to identify biological males/females who are not trans. Natural born males/females do not need sexual identity labels. The Trans have already labeled themselves to differentiate their preferred gender change so no cis labeling is needed or required for biological heterosexuals.
It's a descriptor. Red-Headed man. Muscular man. Tall man. Cis man.
Personally, I find it an incredibly useful descriptor and use it to describe myself frequently.
I'm looking forward to the day when people don't react to cis any differently then they would to any of the other descriptors I listed.
You’re kind of the asshole because that’s what cis means, it means “assigned male at birth, identifies as male” in shorter terms. Being upset about it is like if I was annoyed that someone said my hair was ashy blond instead of “blond with a touch of an ash color” they mean the same thing, one is just a shorter description.
Actually, using your example, it's more like saying that calling someone "a blond" is not good enough - and that it's offensive to use the terms "natural blond" vs "bleach blond" (when needing to differentiate between the two).
So the bleach blond people have now come up with a different term for people who were born with blond hair, and they insist everyone use that instead.
I mean, we need more context. If I introduced my friend as a trans man he would likely request that I not refer to him as a trans man as its not relevant to the context.
I think some people in the comments are acting intentionally obtuse- words mean more than just their definition. I do not want to be referred to as a "female" due to how the term has evolved. I want to be referred to as a "woman", because people that use the term "female" tend to do so in derogatory contexts.
If OP's friend is using cis as a way of invalidating his opinion or to showcase OP in a certain loaded way, then that's a reasonable critique.
There's a reasonable position here.
My brain can’t even figure out what you’re mad about? You’re upset he referred to you as a cisgender man… but (correct me if I’m wrong) you are a cisgender man?
A lot of these comments “moaning about being called cis” for example just shows how one sided it is. It’s ok for others to aggressively demand I use the pronouns they choose. But if you make the same request you’re whining or downright a bigot??
I kind of assume every dude that complains about being called "cis" is an asshole, honestly. Haven't been wrong yet.
So, yeah, yta.
It's a term to help distinguish you from all the "not you" types without labeling yourself as "normal" or "standard" so as to avoid everyone else being "abnormal" just because they're different.
It's not hard, and it's certainly not insulting.
All it means is that you identify as the gender you were born as.
It's... accurate?
Like, go with whatever noises you want for yourself, but being all butthurt that a technical term that applies to you was applied to you is stupid.
I'll add though, that every d-bag in the comments that has seized the opportunity to get some anti-trans rhetoric out, u/some-web-2362 for example, first comment, y'all are also assholes. You saw that opportunity to get some prejudice out there and by gawd did you seize on it. Fucking gross.
> as to avoid everyone else being "abnormal" just because they're different.
While I agree with you that there is no issue with cis labels, this line of thinking is really weird to me. Being different is being abnormal, trying to hide that by applying a label to those that conform to the norm doesn't change that fact. 8f you don't fall into the normal distribution you are abnormal by definition.
The key shouldn't be trying to hide being different/abnormal by adding labels to everyone else, it's accepting that different/abnormal doesn't also mean bad or wrong.
NTA
It is made up crap to spare the feelings of some who were offended when normal males and females were referred to as 'normal'.
If you want to offend, correct anyone who uses 'cis' by saying "Oh! You mean normal."
--
As long as you are fine with trans men being called men, there is no need to differentiate.
If you want to classify trans men as something separate from you as a man, then yeah, cis is the term you would use to describe yourself.
NTA. Im a lesbian and sick of this shit. Sick of being told I should be sleeping with men, whether they wear wigs or not I dont care. Stay the fuck away from me homophobic fucks.
Tell them you find the term cis-gender offensive and ask them to call you non-trans instead.
From Wikipedia/Cisgender:
“After the Oxford Dictionary added cisgender as a word in 2015, The Advocate wrote that "even among LGBT people, the word is hotly debated";[37] transgender veteran Brynn Tannehill argued that it was "often used in a negative way" by trans people to express "a certain level of contempt" for people they think should not partake in discussions on trans issues.[37] Transgender scholar K.J. Rawson, by contrast, stated that "cis" was "not meant to be dismissive, but rather descriptive", and was no different than using the word "straight" to describe people that are heterosexual. Rawson explained that people who are straight "don't typically experience their heterosexuality as an identity, many don't identify as heterosexual—they don't need to, because culture has already done that for them", and that "similarly, cisgender people don't generally identify as cisgender because societal expectations already presume that they are."
I'm not sure why you'd come to Reddit of all places looking for advice on this unless you want to be called an asshole.
This place is absolutely crawling with people who are deep into all this Transformers stuff.
NTA.
NTA, Cis is a "new" term used is a derogatory way to demean those who do not hold enough victim cards. It's offensive, because it is used in an offensive way.
NTA. You do not identify as cis and therefore he has to respect that. Otherwise, if you're not given respect in how you identify, then the people who insist on calling you cis do not deserve the respect of being called what they identify as.
Isn't that just the memo of the woke movement. Accuse everyone else of being inconsiderate and bigoted, and doing so in the most inconsiderate and bigoted manner?
NTA - If someone wants to identify as something society generally requires one to respect it these days, cis people should be granted the same respect in not wanting to be called cis.
Wait, what? "...trying to equate a male with a transexual"? You do know that "cis" means that you identify as the same gender that matches your biological sex, right?
What I'm saying is that most people have no use for the word "cis" because you have males and you have trans people. The "cis" is an attempt to make people believe that there are two types of man. That's the only explanation for the term. It just happens most people don't believe that. The term itself is an attempt of social engineering. An obvious manipulation attempt.
This logic only holds if you don't believe that both cisgender males and transgender males exist. Since the existence of both is factual, though, any argument based on this logic falls apart immediately.
Would you call the term heterosexual male an attempt at social engineering and obvious manipulation attempt?
NTA, it’s the same as when people want me to call my wife my “partner”
They are weaponizing language to ease you into accepting a new world view. Don’t tolerate it
She is my partner, but her title is wife. If I introduced her as my partner, that would be downplaying her role in my life. She was my partner before we were married. Partner doesn’t describe a relationship status.
Partner used to be what gay people would call their significant other before it was legal for them to be married. Partner is a term that is ambiguous in how it described the level of relationship and ambiguous in gender. My wife is a woman and is proud to be a wife. There’s no need to use a title that obscures either of those things
YTA. "Man gets called a Man, reacts badly." Bro, chill. If it's not that serious, like you claim, then why do you care? You fought back on it because you wanted to be a dick, not because you have a real moral standpoint on the issue.
You’re confusing me. You describe yourself as a cis gendered male: “I was born a male, raised a male, and in fact am a male”. Why would you object to be referred to as a cis gendered male?
NTA. Male (XY and Boy/Man) and Female (XX and Girl/Woman) are the default. If someone is something else, they need to label themselves. It’s not an insult to them - just a recognition of the basic default biological system.
A straight biological male is a cis male. But it’s the same thing as the pronoun argument, just call people what they want you to call them and don’t call them things that they don’t want to be called. If you don’t like the term then why does he feel the need to call you that?
Use whatever YOU want
100% NTA
NTA I absolutely support trans right and, believe people should have the right to identify how they like and love who they love without interference from others. However, I think it’s hypocritical for the trans community to force people to identify as “cis” male/female, in the same way I think it’s wrong to intentionally misgender or deadname someone.
NTA 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
What was the context in which he called you a "cis gendered male"? I see some commenting that you have a right to be called what you'd like while others are comments that this is not a big deal as it's an accurate description. I think the key here is context. It is easy to be intentionally offensive using real descriptors. For example, who would say, "this is my husband, he is an underweight/obese white man" when introducing their SO. That's a ridiculous thing to say at a pool party, it might not be ridiculous if describing him to a medical professional. Clearly, this is about context. That said, I have no interest in someone qualifying who I am generally. I don't qualify others. I'd like the same amount of dignity.
NTA If you don’t want to be called something, they should respect that. If they want to be called or not called something, you respect it, too.
NTA. It’s entirely redundant, there are already descriptors for the minority of people who aren’t comfortable with their sex (trans, non-binary etc). Cis isn’t actually needed as man, woman, boy, girl do just fine. If a differentiation is needed, then the descriptor/prefix of ‘trans’ works just fine.
NTA- we don't need 'cis' attached to us. If you are trans, then say 'trans man', I thought that's why the prefix exists?
I've never used the Cis prefix or intend to.
It’s unlikely to be a situation where you will need to worry about it but if you were born one gender and you identify as that gender, congratulations! You are cis, as a scientific term. But you can just identify as a man too. No worries!
I'll stick to being female
Same (male in my case)
I'm with you
So am I and so is my oldest son
I would never go up to someone and say I am a cis woman. I also would not expect a trans person to point out that they were trans to me. You say “Hi, I’m Kerry. What’s your name?” The only time it needs to be brought up is if it may lead to intimacy. Or perhaps correcting pronouns if the person is NB and you didn’t know.
NTA, in terms of how you want to be called. I'll jsay that "cis" literally just means that you were "born a male, etc etc" with a lot fewer words. In terms of efficiency, it'll get you in and out that discussion real quick.
„A lot fewer words“, in 98% (?) of cases, is „male“ or “female“. We don‘t have to use „cis gendered“ - I‘d rather only use more specific terms where applicable, and stick to „male“ and „female“ for the majority of cases. Also, if I want to be referred to a/s a „male“ only, that should not trigger any progressive person, because the hypocrisy would literally be mind-blowing.
You really do seem far more upset than I do about this. I said he was NTA.
I‘m not upset, it‘s just that „male“ and „female“ works just fine for 98% of the population, and not understanding why someone wouldn‘t want that screams hypocrisy. Which you seem to have actually been unaware of, considering your reply to another user.
Either people's choice about how they are addressed matters or it doesn't. We have to pick one
Sure. We'll just call him a not-trans man. Means the same thing. I mean yes, if it really upsets someone then I would try not to use it to describe them as an individual. But it's such nonsense. I remember the same huffiness over people not wanting to be called 'heterosexual': "I don't need a special term. I'm just normal" It's either shock-of-the-new or it's prejudice and both are something that should really be got over frankly.
Thank you. I've been searching for words to be polite and deliver my message in this thread, but I guess your way is the politest way to say it. I'm normal, therefore I want to be called just that. Just a female. Nothing more. I'm sure it'll offend some people though.
**NTA** Reason never was the strong suit of the "_words are violence_"-kind of people.
You’re 100% not the asshole. Agree totally.
Of course NTA, if other people can pick their gender or rest neutral or how they want to be called ( they/them) etc. So you also have right to pick how you want to be called
I agree with the stance of not wanting to be called cis gendered. People don’t like being referred to as male (a person with XY chromosomes) when they are a transgender woman. People don’t like being called female (a person with XX chromosomes) when they’re a transgender man. Even though it is accurate. Either everyone gets to choose how they’re referred to or nobody is. If he wants to be referred to as male or just as a man that’s fine. If he’s a snowflake then so is every transgender person who doesn’t want to be referred to as their biological sex.
So by this logic, you're ok with calling a trans woman a woman. There is no need for the trans descriptor, right? It's a description and not an identifier. You don't identify as cis, you just either are or aren't. Either you're cis, and you identify with the gender you were assigned at birth, or you're trans and you don't identify with the gender you were assigned at birth. Generally used to discuss the different issues at play whether someone is cis or trans. It's not progressive, and it's not a pronoun - it's just an adjective. Do people now take issue with adjectives, too?
If the trans woman doesn't want to put trans in front of it, I don't have an issue
NTA. Label's are nonsense anyway. Why do we need another term for a straight person FFS?
cisgender does not equal straight
You're aware people can be cis and queer, right?
It’s not a term specifically for straight people, it’s used as a term for anybody who identifies as the gender they were born
so 99% of the world
Slightly less but thereabouts, yes
Why did you call them straight? Labels are nonsense
If "cis gendered male" is the correct term for you then apparently we are focused on calling people what they actually *are* and not how they feel or prefer to be called. Oh dear. Your brothers friend might not like where this is going.
I mean, you might as well be saying "I'm not a *straight* male, I'm just a male!" Adding cis is just an additional descriptor, means you were born male and identify as male. It shouldn't be offensive to you.
Why do you get to decide what is offensive to someone else?
They didn't say it can't be offensive, just that it shouldn't be. People who are bothered by the word "cis" have some serious problems (or are desperate to invent some).
I don't, you're right. But I do get to share my opinion on it which is what I did.
Maybe if you guys respected trans people more, I'd respect you more. The fact is, people like you go out of your way to misgender, deadname, and bully trans people, but then you want people to handle you with kid gloves. I don't care if you think it's a slur, the same way the majority of you don't care about trans people.
Both of my kids as well as one’s fiancée who lives with us plus many friends of theirs are LGBTQIA+. I never intentionally deadname or misgender any of them and always apologize when I mistakenly do. I’ve been as supportive as if know how to be of them and have great relationships with them all. I always show them respect unless they’re being rude or disrespectful themselves to which I call them out. Why should I be treated with less respect? I don’t consider cis to be a slur unless it’s bandied around in a derogatory way (so only within context of an insult or dismissive statement) but I prefer to be referred to as a woman as opposed to a cis woman unless it’s relevant to the discussion. Then again I also refer to my kids’ friends as man or woman or person (for non-binary) unless it’s relevant to the conversation. I wish to be treated as I treat others. Why is that not okay. Your “you people” attitude hurts everyone else in the community.
straight does not equal cis
You're correct it does not, it's an additional descriptor like "cis" is.
No but it is an analogue example, same as 'I am not white, I am male'
Cis people almost never have to explain those things. Noone has asked me who I identify as because it's clear as day. That's why cis is a term that is absolutely not needed.
My aunt feels the same way about the term white and straight
The problem is that the term "cis" is often used in a very derogatory and dismissive way. The amount of times that my opinion is dismissed and worthless because I'm a "cis white male" is infuriating. and often on things that have nothing to do with gender, politics, or relationships.
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm a cis white female and have never felt that the word "cis" was used in a derogatory way toward me at all.
It is, frequently, Just read through these comments, where OPs feelings are literally being dismissed because he's a "cis" male.
it is only if you’re dumb as hell
You must have not been on the internet long, or it's because you're female. "cis white male" is a common insult to disregard someone's opinion. Downvoters clearly also haven't been on the internet long -- people will attack you for your "privilege" with this as a backing insult.
The people who use it that way are in the wrong.
Which doesn't change that is how it is used and that people don't like being insulted.
That's how it's used sometimes, not all the time. 'Gay' is used to insult people too even though it shouldn't be.
It being used like that sometimes makes it enough for us to prefer not being called that. If you can identify as something I disagree with, why can't I \*not\* identify as something you disagree with?
I just think refusing to identify as cis is sort of like refusing to identify as gay. Yes, people have used it as an insult but that doesn't change what it actually means.
It's not refusing to identify with the core description of cis, just a dislike of the word. If you're allowed to ask to be called something, I'm allowed to ask you to \*not\* call me something.
And if someone asked me not to use gay to refer to them, I wouldn't, even if they were same sex attracted. It's called respect.
Having 'privilege' isn't an insult either. That you hear it that way is your choice.
God give me the strength to be patient with this one... Do me a favor and replace the word "cis" with just about any marginalized identity. Congrats! That's like... maybe 10% of what being part of a marginalized group is like. That's how all of us have been treated all throughout history, all mostly led by cis white men. So understandably, we have all found out the hard way by now that cis white males in general do not care enough about our best interests to critically analyze the power they hold and do good with it. Or to even at least oppose each other in meaningful ways when they're flat out wrong. Exactly how many human rights movements have had white cis men being the flagship of opposition to them again? Historically, white cis men have actually decided that conversion therapy, medical rape, women having less rights than property, taking away all independence from the mentally ill, slavery, and many other violent crimes on humanity were all things that needed to happen, and even defended some of these things to the death. Anyone who isn't a cis white male has more than enough reasons to not blindly accept what cis white males say. So yes, you will experience scrutiny, dismissal, and skepticism. Like everybody else. Here's the thing. If you gave me advice on something wrt the real world, I probably *would* dismiss it, or at the very least heavily scrutinize it. To you, this is unfair and hurtful, but to me, it would be extremely stupid to take your opinion as anything more than a white dudes POV. The boldest parts of your advice would likely do nothing but harm me, possibly even kill me. Because I can't get away with the same shit you can. Never have, and probably never will in this lifetime, even if you're just now starting to be scrutinized. I try do the same shit you can do, and I get arrested and gifted a criminal history, do you understand? Meanwhile, you're more likely to get a slap on the wrist for the same exact thing, if even that. You need to come to terms with the fact that you do not know everything, and that your perspective is in fact bpth defined and limited by your identity. Who you are makes a drastic difference in how you're treated in this world. Cis white males have power and privelege whether they like it or not, the same way I'm marginalized whether I like it or not. It's on you to use that power fairly. Part of that means going out of your way to break the power structure that inherently benefits you. In this context, that means understanding that absolutely nobody is obligated to validate your opinions, or protect your feelings from the bite of rejection. If you show ignorance, people WILL call it out. Choose to learn instead.
look at people using it as a slur here in this very thread!
LOL, right? I'm getting downvoted, and yet the very example of it is literally in this thread.
Well, yeah. There's like ten of em brigading right now.
A whole brigade of ten lol
It was a small thread then.
NTA. It sounds like you were just stating how you prefer to be addressed, just like many members of the LGBTQ+ community do.
NTA. In my opinion if a trans person asks me to refer to them as whatever pronoun they prefer then I will be respectful and call them that. It’s disrespectful to call someone by something they do not want to be called. Straight, gay, bi, trans, etc. Respect should be given both ways. If a male is born a male and then decides to become a woman and asks me to use female terminology, no matter what I believe about the transition or lifestyle I am going to be respectful and call them the female terminology because I want to be respectful of all people.
Instead of characterizing people by their perceived gender or preferred sexual partner, shouldn't we characterize them by their favorite meal? I'm a meatloaf man. She is a sausage and mushrooms pizza woman. Hi, I'm Jason, and I like pineapple on pizza. (Hi Jason). I've been eating pineapple since I was first introduced to it in high-school. (Everyone nods) I went almost 3 months, but then I saw pineapple upside-down cake and fell into temptation. I mean, do you REALLY want to categorize people by those terms? Which would you rather hear: I'm a cis-gendered white male Or I'm a guy who likes meatloaf, soft instrumental music and a good book?
Meatloaf guy sounds fun :) I don't think Meatloaf is *soft instrumental* though...
Ah... the ground beef, peppers, onion and crushed crackers kind of meatloaf. Also, I've done the bacon wrapped with baby Bella cheese inside. Mine is delicious.
Bacon wrapped is best. Get it crispy on the outside
NTA. Labeling someone in a manner they don’t wish to be is wrong. You are male…that’s sufficient. Would your friend be ok with someone being deadnamed.
Cis gender is not progressive lingo lol. It’s just a statement. It’s like are you gay or straight? Are you tall or short? Are you cis or trans? Are you usually this fragile when people use basic terminology to describe you or themselves? Is this a hill you want to die on?
Would you ask a trans person if they were fragile for someone using the wrong/assuming pronoun?
This doesn’t make sense, op is in fact cis, no one called him something he’s not, how can you compare it to calling someone the wrong thing?
He’s asking to not be called cis. If a M2F asks to be called woman/her/she/ma’am and is continually disrespected by not being called those things “the community” would be in an uproar about the disrespect but can’t see how someone doesn’t want to be called cis and is still being called cis is upset just shows the bias. I don’t want to be labeled as cis. I’m just a man. I have a trans friend that is F2M. I call him dude and all the other male terms. I don’t call him trans man. Just dude.
So if it's all about facts it's okay if your family refer to you as "Fat Albert" if your BMI is above 30 and your name is Albert?
He doesn’t identify as cis. Whether or not you feel he fits the definition, is irrelevant according to the logic from the other side.
I disagree with you. Saying that someone is cis-gendered, when the immense majority of people is cis-gendered, is really just virtue signalling. It means "Hey, look, I care about trans people." Would you describe someone saying: "This is my green-eyed friend Chris" or "My non-dyslexic friend Nathalie here..." ? You wouldn't, because there's not much virtue signalling to do with this. I wouldn't be offended beingcalled cis-gendered, but I would find it incredibly stupid. Unless it is relevant to the conversation.
So people have to respect what trans people want to be called but we don’t get respected with not wanting the “cis” term to be used. Why even have that in place if it means something already used?????
So is male and female, no? If his preference is to not be called that why not just do so? There's no harm in it. Same reason we should respect pronouns others wish for themselves.
We need to pick a lane. Either it’s fragile to want to be called a particular thing, or it’s not.
The entire problem with this issue is people are operating from two completely ideological foundations and saying it is inconsequential ignores the opposing side, regardless which you are on. And it's entirely disingenuous because if it were trivial neither side would be arguing so fiercely. One side believes it is; Human -> male/trans-male | female/trans-female The other believes it is; Human -> male -> cis/trans-male | female -> cis/trans-female These are not inconsequential differences because the choice affects everything from legal protections to how we frame biology. And people need to actually come to terms with this. Because both sides calling the other names isn't getting anywhere and neither side is going to succeed in stomping the other into submission.
I think the problem is thinking just a basic term is name calling lol. It’s like people who freak out when they’re called white. Like, get over it. Being called Cis or white doesn’t actually affect anyone negatively (if they actually are) Actual LGBTQ people face actual discrimination based on pronouns and misgendering and these people claiming they are offended by the word Cis just need attention
Gas lighting at its finest
I'm in my 40s and had never heard the term cis until 3 years ago, but all the rest yeah but I don't use my sexuality, height nor eye colour to describe myself when speaking. Isn't the hill trans etc people die on? They wish to be referred to their preferred pronouns etc so how is tjis different? Can't be a hypocrite about it.
Just because you haven’t heard of it, doesn’t mean it didn’t exist lol. So if someone asked you if you are gay or straight, you would say what then? I don’t understand why people are against describing themselves lol
NTA for not wanting to be called something you don't want to be called. I'll call anyone whatever they want to be called and do it respectfully, but I don't care for that word and I don't and won't use it to identify myself. That being said, it sounds like you handled it rather inelegantly...
NTA. Considering everyone else gets to decide what they want to be called, you should be able to. On the other hand, who cares. Not a significant issue worth any time or concern.
I think it's acceptable to use the term if it's relevant to the discussion that's being had. 🤷♂️ But you're right, I'm not referred to as a "medium height, not balding male" in regular conversation lol...
No. You are not an asshole for this. I don't like that myself. The ones that get bent out of shape over pronouns and misgendering seem to me to not have many issues and I feel many of them are looking for something to be upset about. I am a man with very long hair. I have been 'misgendered' more times than I can count.... oh well... it's not a huge problem unless I would freak out about it. I served in the military and was in a combat zone where people were killing others. THAT is something to worry about over a damn word someone might say.
If you're not cis that means you're trans.
You are assuming he believes there are two types of men... Most people don't.
NTA- he has just as much right to choose his pronouns and the way he is labelled. Cis is just a unnecessary label.
Cis is not a pronoun
OP being called Cis male, preferred pronoun OP male. Reasonable for OP to say what they would like to be called.
NTA. There is absolutely zero need to feel bad about not kowtowimg to a bunch of brainwashed teenage girls, autogynophiliac fetishists, and the so-called "progressives" who aid and abet this nonsense because they're too chickenshit to point out the bleeding obvious: sex is an immutable genetically-determined characteristic that cannot actually be changed.
NTA, don‘t listen to the idiots here. They cry and throw a tantrum when you don‘t use the pronouns they want, but if you say don‘t call me that it‘s a problem. I don‘t get why everyone needs to adjust to a few. They use the prefix trans, to show that the person isn‘t a real men/women, you on the other hand are a real men and that doesn‘t need to be said.
NTA
Damn, your feelings sure are fragile. If you can transition from snowflake to man, it might make you happier and easier to be around. YTA. For anyone less well-regarded, cis is a Latin prefix meaning "on this side of." Roman maps would distinguish Cisalpine Gaul (the part on the near side of the Alps) from Transalpine Gaul (the part on the far side). When it comes to gender, we use "cis" simply to mean "not-trans" in the same way we use "straight" rather than "not-gay." When people piss themselves like this over being accurately described as cis, it's because they are uncomfortable with the existence of trans people and want to push back against any language that acknowledges their existence. Imagine someone insisting they're not a Homo sapiens because they're sure homo means gay. There's only one way to stop being cis big dog, and that's to trans your gender. Personally, I'd just accept it.
If some people are entitled by society to identify as whatever they please, why are some not granted this same right in social situations when \*not\* wanting to identify as something? If choosing what we're called is the big thing now, how is this any different? It's not.
Are trans people fragile when they get offended about being called their biological sex?
Well yeah, I see why that would be hurtful. But that's the exact opposite of what's happening here, so I don't get why he'd choose to get his feelings hurt.
You are being a hypocrite right now, I'm shocked you don't get. I will respect how anyone wishes to be referred to when it comes to gender and that includes being g wanting to be called just male or female or whatever!! And let's not pretend that cis has been actually in use mainstream wise until last few years, I'm educated and had never heard it in regards to my gender and how I identify.
Ah, so if you don't understand it, it's not valid? Whatever happened to "calling people what they want to be called?" Or can you only muster respect for people just like you?
Thats a lot of bullshit. So the whole world should adjust for the maybe 2%, that‘s dumb. If he is a man he is a man no need to add anything.
Nobody needs to adjust anything, I'm just saying that the word means what it means and describes him accurately. If that makes you mad, take it up with ancient Rome instead of me.
Just because it "describes him accurately" doesn't mean he needs to or *should* shut up and take it. By that logic, it's okay to use the F-word on gay men, right? I mean *sure* it's a slur but it's *technically* accurate. And this- >When people piss themselves like this over being accurately described as cis, it's because they are uncomfortable with the existence of trans people -is complete bull. Not liking unnecessary labels *on yourself* has nothing to do with people who use them.
In the rome context it‘s used for something else. It‘s funny that you said not-trans instead of saying nothing. Op is male so a men and that‘s it, it‘s the trans community that is fragile. You are not a real men/woman thats why the prefix.
That's some mental gymnastics you did there. There's men, women and confused people seeking attention. He just didn't want to be counted as the third. Is that so difficult to understand?
Ah snowflake, the 3rd gender.
nta
NTA. I will not call my self cis, you want to change what you are you take on the prefix. Language may change but for a small portion of the population wanting huge changes is insane. Like when they tried to make Latinx a thing
You're quite happy to use the random name assigned to you by Reddit. what's the big deal? People get so agitate over nothing.
So you have no problem when people call trans people by their genetic sex?
There's a difference between someone using an accurate term someone simply doesn't care for for personal reasons, and misgendering someone despite knowing better (aka being aware they're trans) Edit: and to be clear, I agree that he has a right to say he doesn't want to be called cis, I don't think he's an AH for that. My only point is that calling someone cis who is in fact by definition cis and has said himself that he identifies with what that term means, is not on the same level as misgendering someone when you're aware they're trans. Once you know someone doesn't like the word cis, stop using it for them, who cares, everyone is allowed preferences. But it's not an intrinsically offensive term the same way a deliberate use of wrong pronouns is
No, sex and gender are not the same thing. Calling them their sex (not gender) is accurate. But it's offensive. So, do we "call people how they want to be called" or not?
As a cis woman I’d be pissed off if someone referred to me as a female, because that’s a biological term that reduces me to my genitalia. I’m more than a vagina: I’m a person. More specifically, I’m a woman. That’s how I identify. The same goes for trans folks. They aren’t penises or vaginas, they’re people. Refusing to acknowledge the gender/non-gender by which they identify and instead referring to them by what’s between their legs is reducing them to their genitalia and makes you seem like a pervert. Anyway, if we start referring to people by their genitalia it’s just a matter of time before things start to get specific and personal. I don’t think you want that, Fish Bait. Edited to fix typo
That's a lot of words to not answer the question. I love how you had to try to make a dig, though. Really cements how incapable you are of addressing the topic at hand.
YTA for making me roll my eyes that hard. You are a cis/het male, the neutral description isn't an insult, and you don't have to use it yourself. Calm down.
And they don't have to use it either. It is his right. Or is it ok to use that stance when it is woke crowd using it?
Cis is just an adjective that gives a little more information. It just means whatever gender you are now is the same as what was presumed for you at birth. Which is almost exactly how you describe yourself. What is the problem here?
I do think it’s not nessesary to precise to everyone you meet. If person changes gender and becomes men or women so be it. We don’t need to precise that he/she was not it at birth
So...we no longer need to respect what people ask us to call them and can just insist on using our own words? So I don't need to respect your pronouns, because I am just using pronouns to give a little more information?
I think respecting how people identify is important. If someone doesn't like being called "cis" and doesn't identify with the term then forcing it on them isn't ok. If someone has identified as male or female, or a man or woman, their whole life it's who they believe they are and how they describe themself. The alternative is a situation where only some people are allowed to self identify and others have to accept what they are told, and that's not fair or sustainable.
Let me guess, you also hate being called a white American? YTA.
It's a bit like saying I'm annoyed to be referred to as a white male because I'm "just a male". It's a dumb thing to be offended about. You act like he graffitied your house with the word. YTA
NTA. Plain and simple.
NTA. Especially because a large amount of people who use Cis, which is already like only 1% of the population to begin with, use it as a derogatory manner
NTA. "Cis" is used as a slur. Treat it as such.
NTA - If people find it offensive to be called transman or transwoman, than it's no more than logical others feel the same way about being called cisman or ciswoman.
Trans and cis in this context are adjectives, not prefixes. So trans person/ cis person.
NTA.. Getting others to call a biological male 'cis', is a way of getting the heterosexuals to conform to the progressive's sexual ideology in terms of accepting other genders besides biological males and females which goes against the human design and nature of reproduction. If nature wanted more than two distinct sexes, it would have developed more than just male and female. These progressives may be insulted if you don't conform to their preferred sexual terminology, but it is an insult to Heterosexuals to be forced to submit to their choice of labeling people who don't agree with them.
This has nothing to do with sexual ideology. Being referred to to as cis gendered as nothing to do with being heterosexual (or not).
Has everything to do with sexual ideology. Cis is a made up term by the trans community to identify biological males/females who are not trans. Natural born males/females do not need sexual identity labels. The Trans have already labeled themselves to differentiate their preferred gender change so no cis labeling is needed or required for biological heterosexuals.
NTA. this whole show has gotten too far, hate all u want idc ✌️
Exactly!
It's a descriptor. Red-Headed man. Muscular man. Tall man. Cis man. Personally, I find it an incredibly useful descriptor and use it to describe myself frequently. I'm looking forward to the day when people don't react to cis any differently then they would to any of the other descriptors I listed.
You’re kind of the asshole because that’s what cis means, it means “assigned male at birth, identifies as male” in shorter terms. Being upset about it is like if I was annoyed that someone said my hair was ashy blond instead of “blond with a touch of an ash color” they mean the same thing, one is just a shorter description.
Actually, using your example, it's more like saying that calling someone "a blond" is not good enough - and that it's offensive to use the terms "natural blond" vs "bleach blond" (when needing to differentiate between the two). So the bleach blond people have now come up with a different term for people who were born with blond hair, and they insist everyone use that instead.
BEST COMMENT BY FAR.
I mean, we need more context. If I introduced my friend as a trans man he would likely request that I not refer to him as a trans man as its not relevant to the context. I think some people in the comments are acting intentionally obtuse- words mean more than just their definition. I do not want to be referred to as a "female" due to how the term has evolved. I want to be referred to as a "woman", because people that use the term "female" tend to do so in derogatory contexts. If OP's friend is using cis as a way of invalidating his opinion or to showcase OP in a certain loaded way, then that's a reasonable critique. There's a reasonable position here.
My brain can’t even figure out what you’re mad about? You’re upset he referred to you as a cisgender man… but (correct me if I’m wrong) you are a cisgender man?
A lot of these comments “moaning about being called cis” for example just shows how one sided it is. It’s ok for others to aggressively demand I use the pronouns they choose. But if you make the same request you’re whining or downright a bigot??
I'm with you on this. The "cis" thing only came about in 1994. I don't buy into that terminology either.
I kind of assume every dude that complains about being called "cis" is an asshole, honestly. Haven't been wrong yet. So, yeah, yta. It's a term to help distinguish you from all the "not you" types without labeling yourself as "normal" or "standard" so as to avoid everyone else being "abnormal" just because they're different. It's not hard, and it's certainly not insulting. All it means is that you identify as the gender you were born as. It's... accurate? Like, go with whatever noises you want for yourself, but being all butthurt that a technical term that applies to you was applied to you is stupid. I'll add though, that every d-bag in the comments that has seized the opportunity to get some anti-trans rhetoric out, u/some-web-2362 for example, first comment, y'all are also assholes. You saw that opportunity to get some prejudice out there and by gawd did you seize on it. Fucking gross.
> as to avoid everyone else being "abnormal" just because they're different. While I agree with you that there is no issue with cis labels, this line of thinking is really weird to me. Being different is being abnormal, trying to hide that by applying a label to those that conform to the norm doesn't change that fact. 8f you don't fall into the normal distribution you are abnormal by definition. The key shouldn't be trying to hide being different/abnormal by adding labels to everyone else, it's accepting that different/abnormal doesn't also mean bad or wrong.
Then people shouldn't be butthurt by the word normal. Normal means majority. People want to cry over facts.
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It probably wouldn't occupy any of his day if no one were insisting he call himself cisgendered.
YTA because cis is just a normal, factual word. I am tall, I am a redhead, I am cis. It's a simple biological fact.
NTA It is made up crap to spare the feelings of some who were offended when normal males and females were referred to as 'normal'. If you want to offend, correct anyone who uses 'cis' by saying "Oh! You mean normal." --
YTA for throwing a tantrum over a term that accurately describes in less words what you yourself told them you identify as. Grow up dude
As long as you are fine with trans men being called men, there is no need to differentiate. If you want to classify trans men as something separate from you as a man, then yeah, cis is the term you would use to describe yourself.
Dont give in to there stupid ways. Those are the people that are ignorant and want .02% population conform to them
NTA. Im a lesbian and sick of this shit. Sick of being told I should be sleeping with men, whether they wear wigs or not I dont care. Stay the fuck away from me homophobic fucks.
The amount of homophobia and sexism in 2024 gender ideology is *wild* isn't it?
Tell them you find the term cis-gender offensive and ask them to call you non-trans instead. From Wikipedia/Cisgender: “After the Oxford Dictionary added cisgender as a word in 2015, The Advocate wrote that "even among LGBT people, the word is hotly debated";[37] transgender veteran Brynn Tannehill argued that it was "often used in a negative way" by trans people to express "a certain level of contempt" for people they think should not partake in discussions on trans issues.[37] Transgender scholar K.J. Rawson, by contrast, stated that "cis" was "not meant to be dismissive, but rather descriptive", and was no different than using the word "straight" to describe people that are heterosexual. Rawson explained that people who are straight "don't typically experience their heterosexuality as an identity, many don't identify as heterosexual—they don't need to, because culture has already done that for them", and that "similarly, cisgender people don't generally identify as cisgender because societal expectations already presume that they are."
I'm not sure why you'd come to Reddit of all places looking for advice on this unless you want to be called an asshole. This place is absolutely crawling with people who are deep into all this Transformers stuff. NTA.
NTA, Cis is a "new" term used is a derogatory way to demean those who do not hold enough victim cards. It's offensive, because it is used in an offensive way.
Single neuron idiots downvoting you while in this same thread there are people using "cis" as perjorative.
NTA. You do not identify as cis and therefore he has to respect that. Otherwise, if you're not given respect in how you identify, then the people who insist on calling you cis do not deserve the respect of being called what they identify as.
NTA but watch people go nuclear to force you to accept the label
It's happening up and down this thread. The frothing gender radical brigade is here!
Yup. I said something similar in a post a while back and got the most disgusting outpouring of abuse. Case in point, I've been downvoted already.
It's not worth your time. There's no reason to be offended at being called cis.
Yeah, YTA. You are a cis gendered male, as am I. Get over it. Snowflake.
This is pretty disrespectful to someone who wants to present a certain way.
Isn't that just the memo of the woke movement. Accuse everyone else of being inconsiderate and bigoted, and doing so in the most inconsiderate and bigoted manner?
Exact same story when it comes to body shaming.
And then they call you a snow flake.
I doubt you get identified as a normal male often...
YTA The dawn of time? 😂😂
"Cis" only came about in 1994.
NTA - If someone wants to identify as something society generally requires one to respect it these days, cis people should be granted the same respect in not wanting to be called cis.
NTA I ain't taking that "cis" crap someone want to push on me just for the sake of trying to equate a male with a transexual. I'm 100% with you.
Wait, what? "...trying to equate a male with a transexual"? You do know that "cis" means that you identify as the same gender that matches your biological sex, right?
What I'm saying is that most people have no use for the word "cis" because you have males and you have trans people. The "cis" is an attempt to make people believe that there are two types of man. That's the only explanation for the term. It just happens most people don't believe that. The term itself is an attempt of social engineering. An obvious manipulation attempt.
This logic only holds if you don't believe that both cisgender males and transgender males exist. Since the existence of both is factual, though, any argument based on this logic falls apart immediately. Would you call the term heterosexual male an attempt at social engineering and obvious manipulation attempt?
NTA, it’s the same as when people want me to call my wife my “partner” They are weaponizing language to ease you into accepting a new world view. Don’t tolerate it
So you don't consider your wife your partner?
She is my partner, but her title is wife. If I introduced her as my partner, that would be downplaying her role in my life. She was my partner before we were married. Partner doesn’t describe a relationship status. Partner used to be what gay people would call their significant other before it was legal for them to be married. Partner is a term that is ambiguous in how it described the level of relationship and ambiguous in gender. My wife is a woman and is proud to be a wife. There’s no need to use a title that obscures either of those things
You sound like a cis male to me
YTA. "Man gets called a Man, reacts badly." Bro, chill. If it's not that serious, like you claim, then why do you care? You fought back on it because you wanted to be a dick, not because you have a real moral standpoint on the issue.
YTA. You are the very definition of cis male as evidence by your own description. Grow up.
Grow up yourself. Call people what they'd like.
Yeah, YTA snowflake
That’s funny how snowflakes are trying to turn this word around on everyone else😄😄
You’re confusing me. You describe yourself as a cis gendered male: “I was born a male, raised a male, and in fact am a male”. Why would you object to be referred to as a cis gendered male?
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NTA
NTA. I agree. Some stuff is just... a bit much.
NTA. Male (XY and Boy/Man) and Female (XX and Girl/Woman) are the default. If someone is something else, they need to label themselves. It’s not an insult to them - just a recognition of the basic default biological system.
What a wonderful representation for why OP doesn't like being called CIS gendered, congratulations on proving their point
A straight biological male is a cis male. But it’s the same thing as the pronoun argument, just call people what they want you to call them and don’t call them things that they don’t want to be called. If you don’t like the term then why does he feel the need to call you that?
NTA agree 100%
NTA. I'm comfortably male, I don't need any special prefixes to separate myself from people that are not (male).