How was a 4 year old and 6 year old left alone near water long enough, that gave them time to be pushed into water and then a 7 year old the chance to try to drown a 6 year old in WATER???? HOW do u not KNOW that drowning is the number ONE cause of death in children under 14?? EAH!
I never knew that, but then I was never stupid enough to have my son near water without adultsupervision.
Esh
Op your daughter needs a good talking to about how far is too far. She was trying to drown the naughty kid. I thought you were going to say she pushed him in the pool to get him bCk for pushing her brother in. No, she was trying to make sure he never did it again! She probably succeeded in warning him off for good, but her end game was too extreme.
As for the bratty 6 year old, he needs taking in hand, though I doubt you'll ever get any trouble out of him whilst your daughter is around.
Bottom line, 4, 6, and 7 year old should"nt (edired correction) be unattended near water.
I know you meant to say they should not be unattended near water. But your last sentence sounds so hilariously bad after reading the main part of your comment. It makes it sound like you’re advocating for it to happen.
I feel for OP, it's gotta be tough watching your son being bullied by an unrepentant bully, but someone's gotta make it clear to the daughter that drowning can't be a solution
Is it wrong that this comment made me laugh out loud? (and now I want a "drowning can't be a solution" t-shirt to add to my "throat punching is wrong" and "I will not shiv people with my pen" collection?)
My aunt got me one of my favorite shirts. It reads " I know what's wrong with the world today: no one drinks from the skulls of their enemies" with a picture of a skull in the middle. I definitely want a shirt with "drowning can't be a solution" on it now too.
I dunno. I think it'll turn out to be a fantastic solution. Every single time this kid thinks about bullying someone else he's going to remember that any target he chooses might have a protector who will make him regret it. Assuming he has even two brain cells to rub together that is.
I still remember being trapped under an inflatable dinghy when I was 4 years old. It was in shallow ocean water but deep enough I was under the water. My cousins sat on top of it laughing. I still remember the panic and being unable to breathe. I'm 32 and it still gives me the shudders.
Drowning a kid until he vomits water is NOT defending her brother OP. It's straight up fucking torture. 2 wrongs don't make a right. And you and your sisters all sound negligent AF
It's really no wonder the kids are acting like this. No one is keeping a close eye on the kids despite knowing there are these issues. The six year old clearly loves the attention he gets from hurting others. And the seven year old is so angry that the adults aren't doing something that she acted violently in a terrifying way. She could have killed the six year old. This family is going to kill each other.
I have to agree. Though her methods are extreme and her parents need to talk with her seriously, the 7 year old seems to be the only one addressing the situation. If that bully kid had parents who were worth a damn, that little girl wouldn't feel she has to take matters into her own hands.
I would also say that OP is responsible for her own children's actions. If she knows the cousin bullies her son she really shouldn't leave him unattended, much less near water.
The entire family seems irresponsible.
Drowning is a major cause of death when it comes to children.
A post where OP explains how they have toxic family they grew up with and don’t get along with now but also not realizing the apple didn’t fall as far from the tree as they thought?
Sounds about right.
WTF are these dynamics? Your husband has to defend a 4 year old from a 6 year old? You decided to rely on a 7 year old to defend the 4 year old? Where the fuck are you?
Knowing 6 year old picks on the 4 year old, you let him out of your sight long enough to allow the 6 year old to push him into a pool?? Then the 7 year old HOLDS HIM UNDER THE WATER AND IT TAKES MULTIPLE PEOPLE TO SAVE HIM??
And now y'all are arguing about apologies instead of dealing with the fact that your kids tried to seriously harm each other??
What is wrong with you people?
Having any children unsupervised at any pool is a recipe for eventual disaster. Children drown in even the shallowest of pools all the time. The statistics for it are pretty scary.
Yup. I witnessed this exact thing occur. We all thought all the kids were out of the pool and on line for dinner at a packed backyard BBQ when the food was served. We’d gotten them out and even counted to make sure, because there were at least 20 kids there of varying ages. Trying to be as safe and responsible as possible. But all it takes is for everyone to become complacent for 2 goddamn seconds, literally.
Don’t know who glanced over at the pool but it was divine intervention that made them look that way. All we knew was that someone screamed and we all then saw my girlfriend’s 4 year old son was sinking to the bottom of the pool and barely moving, like the fight was going out of him. Her teenage nephew, who was closest to the pool at the time, hopped right into action and got him out, and THANKFULLY he immediately started coughing and crying, threw up a bit of water and was fine. That could have so easily ended in tragedy.
Terrified me enough that when I had kids and moved into a house with an above ground pool, we put up gates around it that made the entire thing 9ft tall and even locked the gate on stairs to the pool deck with a combination lock all day, every day. I really wanted to remove the damn thing and throw it away, but it was a fairly new set up with a large deck and all, quite a bit of money was invested into this set up. So my husband thought it better that we keep it and just teach them how to swim, float and tread water young. He was right of course, but I was sick to my stomach over having that damn pool until my kids could swim well. I couldn’t teach them with my anxiety about kids near water, I didn’t even want their floatation devices off ever in the water. But you can’t learn how to swim, float or tread water with flotation devices on. My husband taught each of them how to swim really well, by 4 years old. They’re teenagers now both certified lifeguards. My husband for the win 💪♥️
the thing a lot of people dont know about drowning is that you do it in silence. you dont have the energy or breath to scream. lifeguards dont listen for screams, they look for the typical movements because thats the only thing to go by pretty much.
That’s actually the same rule for choking too! Outward coughing isn’t choking, for you to be able to make noise, some part of your airway is clear, even if there might be something lodged that’s causing the coughing. That ordinarily can be corrected without much of any intervention, either by being coughed up or by continuing to move downwards towards the stomach. It’s the silent gasping for air that indicates that the airway is completely blocked, and often missed at the first signs because there is no noise. Scary stuff!
Also, never use water wings. We had them banned at the pools I lifeguarded at. They are one of the leading causes of drowning in children outside of inattention
This terrifying story had a happy ending. A tv show had a character whose child had nearly drowned, and somehow still had water in his lungs and he passed away soon after. I forget what they called it, dry drowning or something. It was something I'd never heard of, and imagine how fucked up a parent would feel, thinking they'd saved their kid from the situation only to die later in their sleep or the next day.
Good on your husband making the kids water safe, and then excellent swimmers!
YES THIS IS FOR REAL
Even if someone is "saved" from drowning THEY MUST GO TO THE ER
Especially children! But anyone really. It's just harder for kids to know what's normal and what isn't, and how to communicate an emergency.
Huh wonder if you got my old house lmao. I grew up with that kind of set up with a wood deck on an above ground pool too. I think they got that set up with a wood deck and gate because they took their eyes off me for a second and saw me just as I jumped in without my arm floaties when I was little. Only ever happened once.
My husband has been wondering why I get so high strung at family gatherings lately. I’m only 34, I shouldn’t be acting like a middle aged biddy at birthday parties and such. But it’s because I’m the only adult willing to keep my Parent Hat on during these events. The blasé attitude of some of our family members during parties and gatherings astounds me, as though dangerous situations disappear when we all get together and drink.
About a decade ago my friend called me sobbing bc she was in her parent’s pool and family members kept being like “oh cool there’s an adult there go have fun” and in the chaos she looked around and realized she was the only adult with like ten kids, half of them little kids and they were going nuts because yay pool time!!!
The scene got heated bc she was trying to watch them all and yell at the various other adults to come back bc it wasn’t safe and she was promptly labeled a drama queen.
My parents have a great backyard pool. It's fenced as per the legal requirement in Australia. I have five nieces and a daughter of my own.
Whenever we had a family get together, we *took it in turns* to be the lifeguard. Those kids were never unsupervised around the pool. We would very deliberately and clearly tag each other out as we changed 'shifts'.
Families who don't do that have me shaking my head.
That’s such a good system you had in place and that should be standard practice!
That’s another bit that surprised me about the whole thing—this is a highly educated (and smart bc educated doesn’t necessarily mean smart but these people are both),competent and normally responsible family and I was shocked they’d be that cavalier.
My friend’s father was head of cardio thoracic surgery at a very well respected hospital at the time, ffs!
You weren't being a drama queen at all. I had taken my 2 kids to the pool with a friend of mine who had no kids. (Thankfully a good ending) I was about 8 months pregnant at the time. It was 1:1 ratio of adult to children. My son was almost 4, and my daughter had just turned 2. Son could swim/float/trend water enough to get to edges in water without floaties. 2 year old daughter was still learning. My son wanted to jump into "deep end" with me catching him. Like kids love to do. I made sure my friend would be watching and playing with my daughter. After about 6 times of him jumping in, she was suddenly right behind my shoulder on side of shallow end, and clapping for son "good job you're learning" type stuff. I looked over at her to smile and whatnot. Realized she was not holding my daughter, nor was daughter on shoulders or back or something. My son was about to jump back in. I yelled no and put hand out in stop motion. He sat promptly as was signed we'd worked out before summer started. I start looking frantically for my daughter. Asked fried where she was. "She was right next to me." Saw my daughter face down not moving with floaties holding her up to surface. I screamed daughters name, and I have no clue how I moved so quickly though the water and to the stairs. I had tossed her over my shoulder to use rail to get myself out since I was so pregnant. I bounced her hard on my shoulder to try and do himlick maneuver as I was getting out. Right as I flipped her around in front of me, she started vomiting, coughing water up from nose and things.
I had screamed so loudly that a lady who was a nurse that was walking into her front door apartment next to the pool came running over. She helped finish clearing her airway as best as we could while I told my friend to call 911. My son came over to the edge of where people had crowded around because of the commotion, and started crying because he was scared. I am thankful every summer (minimum) that I had looked around. Not just assuming she was sitting on the steps. I asked my daughter after we went to the hospital why she'd left the steps (friend had stated she told her to stay there while she went to watch her brother and I), and she just wanted to watch her brother too. She thought she'd be ok swimming to "Auntie". I NEVER went to the pool again unless there was 1:1 ration of adults to kids, and I had crazy paranoid rules after that until I KNEW all my kids could swim really well. What I hadn't realized was the floaties we'd bought, because they were ones she had picked out, weren't ones for kids that were just learning to swim on their own. The were triangle shaped, and only 2 sides inflated. Flat part went under the arm.
I had people telling me all the time that I needed to chill out about my rules with the pool. Including husband at the time. I was labeled a drama queen as well. Especially since I had paramedics take my daughter to the hospital. I went with her ofc, and all was ok at that point. We had to follow up several times over next 3 weeks with PCP to make sure she didn't develop pneumonia or anything. She wouldn't go into a pool the rest of that summer. I don't blame her.
Oh my god, even knowing there was a good ending, my heart sank reading through that—and it was not wearing floaties.
And good on you for insisting she go to the hospital! Dry drowning is no joke, and had you lost your sweet girl later, the same people who thought you were overreacting would be like “why the hell didn’t you get her checked out at the hospital?!“
I have to ask what became of your friend.
Yeah I knew the dangers of dry drowning thanks to reading to much. And the Nurse that stopped to help stressed even though she didn't appear to have gotten much water in her lungs, even a half teaspoon is enough to create it. That bit I didn't know.
My friend was beside herself with remorse and concern for my daughter. I can thankfully say she was an amazing woman. At that point she didn't have kids, and didn't really know the risks of just turning around and watching. She remained my best friend until she passed away 5 years ago. My daughter is now approaching her 18th birthday, and even though she does have vague memories of that happening, she still loved her, and forgave her in the way only children can. She still misses her too. ❤️
It's insane that adults thought a swimming adult was ample supervision for children in a pool. There's a reason lifeguards are never in the water unless there's an emergency
I was a certified lifeguard at 15 (the youngest possible here) and was "hired" to be the lifeguard for the family gathering (I don't remember what my compensation was, but I did get to drink with them later lol).
One kid was literally trying to jump *on top* of other kids' heads from the side of the pool. Aside from the drowning risk, they could just fucking die on the spot. The first time I didn't see it right as it happened, but I saw it the second time. He was out. Done. Came back with his mom (other side of the family, I had never met either of them) to come scream at me. Kid is crying, adults are telling me he won't do it again. Not ten seconds after she leaves he jumps on the smallest kid that's allowed in the pool, he comes up coughing up water.
Then it really got heated. They ended up leaving, just her and the kid, screaming about how it's unfair because he has ADHD. Like, bitch, I have ADHD too. I have not ever tried to kill small children.
They still just left me out there until it got dark and pool time was over, and I was finally able to explain without that horrible woman screaming over me. I've never heard that many apologies in my life.
From what I heard, she never went to another family function again. She knew what he was doing the whole time, but nobody else did because she was hardly even breathing between screams. She got shamed so hard I think she was too embarrassed to show her face again.
is there a hole in the hedge that the kids could crawl through?
let them sneak out one by one to meet your best friend with icecream & see how long it takes the other parents to notice there are no more kids present...?
added bonus: everyone will probably be so furious at you that you'll never be... invited... ever again... okay, maybe not the best idea!
disregard!
Hahaha that would be hilarious actually, just go off with all the kids and see how long it takes someone to notice.
I do like spending time with the kids, but it’d be nice to feel like I could walk away and trust that someone would make sure a responsible adult is always looking out.
I had that happen to me once. I attract kids like shit does flies. They just like me. Anyway we were somewhere at this singing where all the parents were otherwise occupied watching the musical acts. Somehow I ended up leading all the kids that were there on a hike. At this point I have to say it was not on purpose I played the role of the pied piper. It just happened. I thought their parents knew they were with me. So all of us had a great time walking and laughing and having fun. WE were gone maybe an hour and a hAlf or so. We came back to an absolute panic of frantic parents looking for their kids ready to call the police thinking there had been a mass abduction of about ten kids.
My husband saved a kid who fell into a pool because none of the adults around the pool were paying attention, my husband was inside!! And this lady agrees to go to a party after her 7 year old promises she will take care of the 4 year old? Unbelievable!
This is 100% a legit and important question but I’m still wondering wtf is going on with these people that a little girl says she’ll protect her sibling bc dad’s not here to do it like he usually does. Just what?
My partner and I are meticulous when it comes to our two, only one of us has a drink if it is a social event where drink is there, and we always know who is watching who, and we go tell the other if we are stepping out so they know they are solely in charge of both of them!! We often have people moan at us going “we’re all watching”, the issue is that when everyone is watching, no one is watching!
I go to any event where we have the kids around, like kids birthday parties, I get over the top, keeping eyes on all the children, not just my own. And it blows my mind, because usually these kids and their parents only ever see me at these events... like, none of them actually know me.... but they're perfectly fine with the fact that I am the only adult keeping tabs on 7 or 8 kids ranging from 2-12 years... and I just don't understand. I have fun, the kids have fun, their parents have fun, but I can't fathom being okay in their shoes. At all.
I almost drowned when I was about 5 because of this exact situation. We were at a big family party at my aunt and uncle's house, and none of the adults were paying attention to us. I had been playing in the shallow end, while my older cousins were in the deep end, and at some point they took off the rope that divided the deep and shallow ends bc it got in the way of the game they were playing. They eventually got out, and I was one of the only kids still in the pool, with no one watching us. I basically fell into the deep end from the shallow end since I couldn't tell where it started. Was underwater for what seemed like an incredibly long time, and was desperately hoping my mom (or any adult, really) would see me. Finally she noticed and sent my stepdad in to rescue me 🤦🏼♀️ I was vomiting up pool water and everything, it was a horrible experience. I firmly believe if I had been unattended for a few more minutes, I could have died. Please keep an eye on your kids around water!
when i was like 4 or 5, my aunt was supposed to watch me in her pool. she got my cousin to do it, who then had her friend (the neighbor) do it. somehow i got left alone, i remember the friend jumping over the fence to grab something from his house. next thing my ass knew i was drowning, i had drifted to the middle of the pool. my mom jumped in just in time, and everybody acted like I SHOULDVE KNOWN BETTER?
this entire family sucks imo. ESH
I got my kids swim lessons so that I wouldn't have to worry so much about them in the pool.
Turns out it took about 5 or 6 years of swim lessons before they became really confident swimmers and I don't have to watch them all the time. It's a big investment of time, and 100% worth it, to get kids to build some real water skills.
The "city" I grew up in viewed swim lessons as a safety issue, not a luxury. Taxes provided free lessons for anyone 4-14 during the summer every year, and wasn't like a one-summer-and-you're-done thing, nope, you'd go every summer.
You were "done" when you could identify someone drowning, administer CPR, how to save someone while they are panicking and pulling you under water & how to free yourself from a struggling person, etc etc. "Graduated" with Red Cross certs for CPR and Water Safety, usually took like 5 summers.
I think a kid drowned 30 years prior and my city said "never again!"
Yeah swim lessons are non negotiable imho, you have to do them. You can choose to stay out of pools but the world is a dangerous place and swimming isn’t always a recreational choice, it’s survival.
Yeah my 4 yo grandson didn’t want to take swimming lessons because he doesn’t like getting his face wet. My daughter was like “nope, not negotiable, you have to learn to be safe”. Of course, now he loves it, so win all around.
Two pools too?? I really want to know where in the world is this?
If they have enough money for two pools couldn’t they at least get a lifeguard or nanny to watch these little kids swimming?
And the dynamic has gotten so bad the daughter tried to drown her cousin?
And they only went because the 7 year old said she would watch the 4 year old? Because mom
Is incapable? Or just what?
I don't think a 6 year old is going to be able to push a 4 year old into a large inflatable pool that you have to climb up to get into. There was probably a traditional pool built into the backyard that they referred to as the adult pool. The kid pool might be the inflatable kind or cheap plastic type.
This.
OP, your children were not only left alone by a large body of water, but they actively tried to kill each other. Yall have bigger problems than a 7 year old refusing to say sorry.
THIS! Why should is OP’ decision to attend an event be based on her 7 yr old taking responsibility for a 4 yr old? WTF?
YTA for leaving children unsupervised by a pool TWICE.
Yes! And especially when there's an asshole nephew around and she knows it! Even if the kids got along great, this is never acceptable! Family needs to grow up and deal with their shit.
Per the story she was rescuing the 4yr old and getting him settled. She was going to speak to her sister when she heard the screams and her daughter drowning the 6yr old. The problem here is the bully is finally getting his just desserts and everyone thinks he’s the one that needs an apology. Had OP not been watching the 4 yr old he could’ve drowned. The daughter just let the nephew know what it felt like to be her brother. The sister who doesn’t discipline her child wants to smack her niece. Maybe if she kept an eye on her own son to be sure he wasn’t a terror he wouldn’t have been in this situation. This just means OP doesn’t go to family gatherings for the safety of her own children. I bet the nephew leaves both cousins alone or steps up his game to get even.
No, the question was "where was OP when the children first went to the pool? Why were they at a pool unsupervised? Why was the deciding factor that they would go that day that: the 7yo insisted she would look after the 4yo?"
Yeah the big question OP needs to ask herself is "Why do my kids feel safe with my husband, but when they're with only me, they feel so insecure in their emotional and physical safety, a 7 yo feels the need to reassure me and step up to be the "substitute father?" Why am I afraid to yell at a 6 yo so my children feel safe and protected around me? If it's bc I know my sister will yell at me for "disciplining" her child, than why is her feelings and standing up to her more important than the safety of my kids?"
This is a super toxic form of parentification where the daughter feels like she has to protect the brother bc her parent present won't and protect her mom from her family so she won't have to deal with them
or why does she keep going to family functions where she has to protect her child? is she afraid of her sister? because we’d have a rule. every time your kid hits mine, i hit you. i don’t even have a sister. i have a brother who’s 2x my height and almost 3x my weight and THIS IS THE RULE! he knows better! but he also disciplines his child
Also, why does what her father want matter more than her son’s safety? Oh and, why would you even put it in your daughter’s head that in her father’s absence it was HER job to defend her little brother?
Also, drowning a 6 year old is not in any way defending anyone.
What she was doing was AVENGING her brother. I'm totally behind it, but that's not defending.
a child can start drowning in 20 seconds, in as little as a tablespoon of water. Once the process starts, it takes a specialized intervention to stop it, which none of these adults seem capable of.
Just picture this girl's life if she'd killed her cousin at 7 yo, because no one in her life taught her the difference between saving vs defending vs avenging & the appropriate level of violence in your response.
Just for that possibility, I'm not behind her for her choices. Not saying she needs to be punished, but someone needs to have a serious, \*serious\* discussion with her, and follow up with her.
I'm not holding my breath for it to happen though, given how scatterbrained OP appears to approach raising her children.
No. The problem here is the gross parental negligence that allowed this situation to happen in the first place. Anyone who says that they can't watch their children around a pool well enough to prevent this situation entirely, should have never reproduced.
Yeah, all the adults in this family should be nuked from orbit.
Let's hope that little kickass daughter of OP gets help before she actually murders someone.
Attempting to drown a 6 year old is not just desserts. Also, I think they were originally asking where OP was while her four year old was being pushed into a pool.
The OP knew there were concerns. If her husband being there is the only way for the 4 year old to be safe then they shouldn’t have gone to the party. Placing that responsibility on a 7 year old is as asinine as not punishing a child for attempted murder. Yes the four year old should not have been thrown in the pool. Forcing someone under water to the point they are vomiting water is not a reasonable response to anything.
All those children need therapy for different reasons. 4 year old on how to deal with the family bully for his safety and mental health moving forward, the 7 yr old so she can learn to control her rage, the 6 yr old for being a bully to others. The parents however won’t do this because look how bad it already is. Husband has to protect child from the nephew at every family gathering. Just don’t go no matter the event if you have to be on guard duty. The family is AH’s for letting the 6 yr old be feral. The 7 yr old is at the end of her rope with dealing with her cousin. Makes you wonder if she was the victim before he turned his sights on the brother.
also, how ridiculous are these grandparents?
who installs 2 pools & then decides that one is for kids and one is for adults? Surely no one is seriously training during a family party? Why are they separating the family like this?
and after they created this problem with their stupidly designed pools, they're on OP's case about apologizing and punishing the 7 yo girl? Like, if anything happens to any of their grandkids, aren't the grandparents liable?
Where are these kids learning this kind of behaviour? In what world is trying to drown someone normal or acceptable behaviour for a 7 year old? Why are any of these kids left to interact without adult supervision if the dynamics are this fucked up? Take this entire family to therapy. None of this is ok.
The 7 years old has seen that the other kid gets away with anything, and pushing a 4 year old in a pool where his feet can't reach the ground IS attempted murder. The little girl can't know it's wrong if other kids get away with things like that.
The 7 year old could have easily drown the 6 year old! All of the adults suck here. The 6 year old needs to be dealt with for bullying. The 7 year old needs to be spoken to about why what she did was not OK. The parents need to learn how to watch their kids, or, they need to not have the family get together if they can’t properly supervise the kids and keep them safe.
I totally get why OP doesn't want to discipline her, and the sisters are way out of line in demanding an apology and public humiliation, but the sister wasn't defending, she was retaliating. You can't defend someone after the fact. And yes, it could absolutely have resulted in the 6yo drowning - it sounds like it very nearly did!
If OP is determined to defend her daughter, switch it around - what would have happened to her daughter if the 6yo *did* drown? Leaving aside legal consequences and family fallout, how would she have dealt with the knowledge that she'd killed someone? This kid cannot walk around thinking that holding someone underwater is acceptable behavior.
Agreed. The 7yo doesn't understand just how deadly her actions could have been - coughing up water is really scary. It's on OP to teach her daughter not only how dangerous this situation was, but also more appropriate ways of dealing with problems.
Of course, that would require that OP actually knows better ways of problem solving... it's kind of looking bad for literally that entire family.
A seven-year-old should know that holding someone underwater can result in their death. All of these children with the possible exception of the youngest sound feral and extraordinarily unpleasant.
No, the problem is op keeps leaving her 4yr old to be bullied without stopping it. This is absolutely ridiculous. I wouldn't keep putting my kids in this situation. No matter what the girl almost drowned her cousin and you're ok with this?? That's attempted murder you fool..
Someone call cps or SOMETHING HERE OMG
ESH
>the problem is op keeps leaving her 4yr old to be bullied without stopping it
Exactly. If OP was on top of handling the behavior problems with the 4yo, then the 7yo wouldn't feel the need to lash out to protect her brother. Instead OP seems to be okay with putting the responsibility of being a parent and making sure you're kids are safe on a 7yo.
The better question is why on earth does OP refuse to tell her daughter that trying to kill someone in revenge is actually bad and not good?
Seriously, OP needs to be reported so she can get the help she needs so she doesn't convince her child to kill someone.
Yeah, she lost me when several adults couldn't remove a 7 year old. My nearly 6 year old daughter is ridiculously strong. Sometimes even her dad struggles to get her calmed down and not fighting (in BT) plus she is super protective of her siblings. So it taking several adults to stop it, not even 3 grown women could handle it, sounds absolutely absurd. Is she a 7 year old or an adult on meth??
If this is real, it's one jacked up family that kids shouldn't be anywhere near. However, it sounds like a poor attempt at creative writing to me. Or, at the very least, a hyperbolic version of the truth.
All of this, yes. How the hell does that happen? Kids 7 and under should not be near pools unsupervised at all! Let alone long enough to try to murder each other!
Ooooh good catch. I was thinking maybe this was an ESL person because some of my foreign friends have gotten English idioms wrong before but AI is another consideration.
My thought exactly. This was a huge failure in parenting. The parent is responsible for the safety of their children. The kids shouldn't be playing in either pool without a responsible adult doing guard duty. If no one drowned this time there is always next time.
Those "Am I the Angel?" stories are wild. Sometime I end up there by accident and am horrified until I realize I am no longer on the "Asshole" thread. LOL
Hey, the girlz gotta unwind and enjoy their Chardonnay! Stop expecting them to do ridiculous tasks such as monitoring their kids and making sure they don't die!
This is a fake post if I've ever seen one. Don't believe this story it was clearly written by a child. The parents having the 7 yr old be the protector nah bitch that dont even make sense. Then 3 whole ass grown women can't pull a 7 yr old girl off another child man GTFOH with all that dumb bullshit. This child needs to stop trying to get attention and focus on school instead of make believe stories to get redditors all hyped up!!!!
All of this.
And “the only person who is in my side now is my husband saying he would have done the same if he had been in my daughter’s place”.
Excuse me, what the fuck?! Husband would have also attempted to drown the cousin? What is going on with this family
Right! The story is hilarious. In comes a 7 year old with super powers to save the day. LMAO! A family full of adults with no communications skills. The kids are 6 and 7, put them in time out and move on. Do it now, less problems later.
ESH. Every single last adult.
I have a little brother would/have defended him, HOWEVER, your daughter took it too far.
You failed to defend your son and forced your daughter to feel like it’s ok to nearly murder another child.
Think about that. Your 7yo attempted to murder a 6yo. You and every adult there made her feel like that was her only choice.
It wasn’t that she just pushed him in the water she held him down. You are lucky your nephew didn’t die. You should hope he doesn’t have a secondary (dry) drowning.
And you all are over here asking for an apology WTF.
If you can’t adequately supervise your children around your family then stop taking them there.
ESH. This the fact that a six year old pushed a 4yo in a pool to drown, and a 7yo tried to kill her cousin via drowning. You sister needs to discipline her six-year-old, and you need to discipline your seven year old because she went too far. Both kids need to apologize.
And you all are major assholes for having this many young children running around an open pool. This is one of the most likely situations for children to drown because everyone assumes that everyone is looking out for the children’s safety, no one notices the child drowning.
People shit on lifeguards, and it diminishes new guards idea of their responsibility, which is to always be on watch, which some presume to just be lazying atound,but you have to have a keen eye, cause drowning is very quick and quiet
YTA, and so is every adult in your family. Secondary drowning is a real risk. You don’t mess around with water!
Both daughter and nephew should be severely punished by adults, not each other. Neither child should be allowed around a pool for a very long time, at the least.
The adults should be brought up on child endangerment charges.
I agree with everything you said. Where the fuck was OP while her children were getting murdered and murdering other kids, lol, but wtf.
Small kudos for the daughter going all Heisenberg on that kid though. Yeah, murder is bad, it's unforgivable that such a thing was possible, I think the post is fake.
INFO: why were these children unsupervised around two pools in the first place? I’m genuinely asking. “It turns out” your nephew threw your son in the pool? You didn’t see this? In the nicest way possible, what else could you have possibly been doing that was more important than watching your children?
I’m so baffled by everything going on in this story. You and your husband are assholes for not watching your very small children around a pool. You are also assholes for being unconcerned about your daughter’s behavior. Your nephew’s behavior was wrong, of course it was, but that does not make your daughter’s behavior acceptable.
This is fake. It was posted recently, almost exactly the same with some details changed. Like it taking all the adults to break up the kids, the daughter being so strong. I think some genders were swapped too. In the original the nephew pushed kid in the pool and when parents were confronted it was, he’s just being a kid or something to that effect. Later kid held nephew down in pool. Im trying to find it but not having luck.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/s/XVPkZen9Bz
In the comments someone mentions that story seems to be a slightly modified version of another story.
We all out here reacting to chains of fake stories.
Oof, you need to have a talk and some kind of punishment with your daughter (I don’t care if she doesn’t apologize to the nephew) because if you don’t, your kid might actually accidentally kill another kid.
ESH, but you have to address this situation with your daughter. Ignoring the situation with your nephew, you are your daughter’s parents and should be teaching her right from wrong and how to function in society.
Tell your sisters that your daughter will apologize to nephew when nephew apologizes to son. You do not have to share that your daughter is being punished with your sisters, but you absolutely should be parenting your child within the privacy of your own home.
Edit: For God’s sake, tell your parents to kindly fuck off. This interaction could have ended with your son or nephew’s deaths. Tell your parents that you will no longer be attending any events with your nephew for the safety of all 3 children. They are welcome to meet with your children independently of nephew. If not, their loss, but you are done putting their happiness before the safety of the children. You are constantly putting your daughter in a situation where she sees her cousin bullying her little brother and getting away with it because the adults refuse to punish him or control his behavior and she feels it’s now her responsibility to protect him because you assholes won’t.
I’m pretty sure the comment you replied to is a bot, it’s copied verbatim from the second half of [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/qJZrDkRZaq)
And lets not forget OP said that her husband would have done the same thing to nephew. So... Would husband have murdered the kid or just a small dunk. Has he done this before. Where did the daughter learn that dunking a kid underwater was OK???
Let your sister punish her brat first and let him apologize, then you will do the same in return. It will never happen, and this is all you need to know.
Regardless, you need to teach your daughter that retaliation like that is very dangerous, even if her heart was in the right place, so to speak.
OP needs to watch her son if her husband can't. This was a situation just waiting to happen when you leave a 7-year-old in charge. She responded like a 7-year-old would.
Actually OP was watching her son she was the one who rescued him from the pool when she witnessed her nephew throw him in the adult pool. The daughter retaliated instantly and with purpose. Nothing short of extreme will deter a bully from doing it again. She made sure he remembered to leave her brother alone. I feel for her future BF who does her dirty.
She wasn't watching him at the time. It took her some time to realise what happened to her son. She said her husband normally watches her son, but this time he couldn't come and daughter promised to look after him instead.
OP should've never let him be unsupervised around pool and around his cousin since she knew there were issues. Relying on 7 year old is ridiculous.
This might not work here though. Throwing a 4 yo in an adult pool could have drowned him too. So if you only talk about proportionality with nothing else “an attempted drowning for an attempted drowning” might still feel very proportional
With the added benefit of putting the fear of cousin into the little shit, so he'll hopefully keep his distance in the future.
Still, in other cases, she may get into trouble if she's quite this enthusiastic about meting out punishment, so it would probably be advisable to teach her a little caution.
But it was.
Nephew throw little brother in the adult pool where he could have died, and sister put nephew under water where he could have died.
The message was: "Try to kill my little brother and I will try to kill you."
Lol, this actually reminds me of a girl I once met when I was still a teenager myself. It came up that she had a juvenile criminal record. We were of course intrigued and wanted to know details. Turns out an infamous school bully had pulled her little brother backwards out of the schoolbus by his backpack so that her brother fell and hit his head. She saw absolutely read and beat the living shit out of the bully - she actually broke his jaw and a few ribs and knocked out some teeth. She had to do an ungodly amount of community work - but, funnily enough, all the parents of all the bullied kids made a point of turning up to help her, brought her lunch, and offered her help and gifts and really anything she needed for about the next year - she became a local legend. 😂
We used to call that street justice. Someone finally stands up to these bullies and everyone celebrates.
Some random kid decided to go behind me when I was about 10 and throw me in the road in front of a vehicle. I didn’t even know his name or ever interact with him.
Luckily, the vehicle was able to stop in time, but it was very close. I ended up with some wounds and torn clothing and went home to tell my mom what happened.
She was absolutely furious and came right back down with me as she wanted me to point out who this boy was.
When we got there just a few minutes later, there was a circle of about 10 older kids beating the crap out of that kid. He was crying. He would never even look at me after that happened.
The real thing needing taught is the difference between self defense and revenge. The 4 year old was safe at that point so it's not self defense, but I get not wanting to punish her there either.
It's one thing to teach your daughter to protect her brother from active harm and getting her brother out of harm's way, but that isn't what she did.
I'd say she reacted the way she did because reading between the lines, the cousin was not being punished/chastised/berated immediately by his mother, which says to me he gets away with a lot of bad behaviour, so she took it upon herself to teach him a lesson. One part of me says she went overboard and shouldn't play vigilante, but the other (emotional) says he needed to be taught a lesson. That cousin could have done some serious damage to her brother, who may now be afraid of swimming pools and other bodies of water.
Not under the law. One was manslaughter and one was attempted murder. Do I expect a child to fully grasp this nuance? No. But that's why parents are supposed to watch their own kids. Regardless the conversation needs to be had with both aggressors.
“My daughter insisted that she would take care of her brother”
MA’AM! She is 7 do not put adult responsibilities on your child even is she says she is ready! She is a child, it is your job to make sure that she gets to just be a kid. Additionally, stop putting your kids in situations where that are not physically, emotionally, or mentally safe especially when you already know that this is the case.
Why would you ever leave your 4 year old around water unsupervised with someone who enjoys harming him????
You are a giant AH for putting your kids through this. It sounds like you need therapy to address why you continue to allow your kids to be traumatized by people who you say you don’t get along with
Edit to add you should not “punish” your daughter, but you should be concerned. She tried to drown someone. Think about how you can tell her you are not mad and understand why she did it ( I personally would apologize for putting her in the position where she felt like she needed to harm someone) and make sure she understands that actions have consequences. What if she had been successful? Therapy for all!
You are a shitty parent.
You allow your children to be exposed to people who make them feel so uncomfortable that your daughter tried TO KILL her cousin.
Do not misunderstand the situation. She would have killed that boy. And done so willingly and with no remorse.
Because you allow your son to be bullied so badly that she felt this was not only warranted but necessary.
You are a bad parent for allowing it to get to this point.
And your daughter needs to be punished so she understands that her actions have consequences. Because she TRIED TO KILL HER COUSIN.
Esh. You punish your daughter because she could have literally killed her cousin. I don't give a shit what the reason is, you don't let a 7 yr old think it's OK to try to drown someone. Water is not a toy it is lethal. Your nephew should bebpu wished for exactly the same reason. No one should be hit because child abuse is wrong and teaching kids not be be violent by beating them is ridiculously stupid.
Hard agree. How do you let your 4 year old out of sight around the pool long enough that another kid can throw him in? You should be in arms reach of a 4 year old near a pool. Who were the adults who were supposed to be watching the kid pool? Who were the adult supposed to be monitoring the adult pool to keep kids away?? Every single adult at that pool party failed the kids, including OP.
And no, it's not okay for 7 year old to get revenge by nearly drowning the 6 year old. This is not "defending her brother" it's revenge. It's not even tit for tat... that would be pushing the kid into the pool not holding his head under the water so fiercely that it takes SEVERAL ADULTS to keep her from murdering her cousin??
I would be having a serious talk with my daughter AND nephew about safety rules around water, and neither would be swimming for quite some time until they learned how to behave safely around water.
ESH.
Your sister is a horrible parent but you're also teaching your daughter it's perfectly acceptable to drown someone in retaliation.
You both need to grow up and do better.
Also, you know your sister is a neglectful parent. You know your nephew is dangerous due to how he is being raised. Stop going to family functions where they will be present. Put down a boundry with your family and stick to it. Why continue to put yourself and your children into situations like this? You do need to take some responsibility here, OP. You're allowing your son to be bullied instead of removing him from these situations.
This is such a messy ass situation. I agree, ESH. The sister is an awful mom but god damn, you can’t teach your young child that it is okay to intentionally drown someone else. What the fuck.
ESH, it sounds like your daughter tried to drown her cousin after what happened to your son, thats not defending him, thats revenge. your daughters actions did nothing to stop your son from being pushed into the pool, also she could have killed him you dont want your kid doing that i hope
Your daughter could have killed that boy. All you had to do to avoid this was not attend, some family is toxic and not worth your childrens well being. You shouldn't punish her but she should be made aware of how close she came to killing someone. ESH
YTA. First of all, the solution to your husband not being there is for YOU to look after YOUR child, not push him off on your other young child. Second, if you're going to have your children around pools, fucking watch them. Third, your daughter tried to physically drown another child. She doesn't understand the implications and potential consequences of what she did because she's 7, so it is your responsibility as a parent to teach them to her. You refusing to acknowledge the seriousness of the situation and your husband insisting that he also would have tried to kill your nephew in retaliation are teaching your daughter that extreme violence is a solution to conflict, and you'll be lucky if she doesn't end up institutionalized when it inevitably goes too far before an adult intervenes. Especially since the adults around her don't give a shit about her.
Based on your story, your daughter could have killed your nephew. While you might appreciate her standing up for her brother, you hopefully want her to understand that it's not okay to hold someone underwater like that. I don't know how you intend to communicate that lesson, but it's an incredibly important one to learn.
Thank you to this post and the comments on it for finally convincing me to get off these ridiculous subs.
“7 year old attempts to drown cousin as retribution to the point it took multiple adults to get her to stop and then the 6 year old started vomiting water”
Commenters: “good that will teach that little shit”
It is frightening how many people don't see an issue with this. Like this is not an appropriate response or even a normal over the top response from a seven year old. Attempted murder is not a normal reaction.
ESH!
OMG!! OP, I know you'd like to feel high and mighty over your sisters, but you're NO BETTER!!
Instead of parenting your own kids, and keeping a watch over your own, you sat back and ALLOWED YOUR 7 YEAR OLD TO LOOK AFTER YOUR 4 YEAR OLD?!?!
Then, because how can a 7 adequately do the adult job, th 6 year old nephew pushes the 4 year old into the adult swimming pool. And, of course, their parent can't do the right thing and discipline that 6 year old, and try to teach them that their actions could've been DEADLY!
But, said 7 year old, then is discovered actively trying to drown the 6 year culprit. So badly, that it took SEVERAL ADULTS TO PRY HER OFF HIM!
So, 2 kids ALMOST DROWNED!.AND, THE MOTHERS, ARE STUCK ON "WELL MY KID WON'T APOLOGIZE UNLESS THEIR KID WILL FIRST!"
YOUR DAUGHTER DIDN'T DEFEND HER BROTHER. SHE RETALIATED. MAJORLY!
YOUR 6 YEAR OLD NEPHEW ALMOST KILLED YOUR 4 YEAR OLD SON. AND THEN YOUR 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER IN RETURN, WAS DEFINITELY GOING TO KILL YOUR NEPHEW. WHO CARES ABOUT WHO APOLOGIZES FIRST? THIS IS 2 VERY YOUNG KIDS ALMOST DROWNING, (DYING, HELLO???), FROM ANOTHER KID'S ACTIONS!
TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT.
I'M A BIT MIFFED AT SO MANY NTA'S HERE. TWO KIDS ALMOST DROWNED AND DIED BECAUSE THESE SISTERS AREN'T TEACHING THEIR KIDS RIGHT.
OUTCOME: THE ADULTS, DON'T DO SH*T TO DISCIPLINE, NOR SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HOW DANGEROUS THEIR ACTIONS ARE. THE F*CKING ADULTS ARE JUST AS DANGEROUS AS THEIR OUT OF CONTROL KIDS! HEY, OP, THAT DEFINITELY INCLUDES YOU!! SHAME ON YOU, YOUR SISTERS, YOUR PARENTS, AND YOUR HUSBAND FOR "STANDING BY YOU!" IF YOU DON'T START PULLING YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR A$$ES THEN ONE OR MORE OF Y'ALLS KIDS ARE GOING TO KILL ONE ANOTHER, (OR SOMEBODY ELSE!) YOU'VE TAUGHT YOUR DAUGHTER THAT VIOLENCE IS ALRIGHT. NO BETTER THAN YOUR SIX YEAR OLD NEPHEW! YOU'RE A F*CKING PARENT, NOW ACT LIKE IT!
Had to edit because I missed one detail in OP'S post. So. OP'S husband "would've done the same thing had he been been in the daughter's place", that means that he, too, would've dunked the 6 year old under water.... WTF?!?! SMH!! NONE OF Y'ALL NEED TO BE PARENTING! Just proves how messed up all these adults are. Seriously, get your sh*t together, or there's going to be horrible consequences! Scary consequences!!
I posted a comment offering no judgement because this whoooole thing was avoidable. It sounded like she wasn't keen on going but her 7 year old insisted she'd watch her brother..if either of my sons ever said hey let's go anyway because I'll watch my brother because Dad's not coming, I'd be doing some serious introspection as to why my kid feels the need to MY job as a parent to protect his siblings. The future looks bleak for all of these kids because their parents are so preoccupied with one upping each other's assholery they aren't seeing the giant Texas sized red flags being waved by their kids. They literally could have ended up with two dead kids and one murderer had things played out differently.
I was a bit vicious in my comment, but I'm a mother. And I'm appalled by OP and her sisters actions. 2 kids almost died! And all of the adults are stuck on their egos. The kids are kids, and unless their parents teach them right and wrong, then they'd have dead kids/and child murderers.
ETAH
All of you are the AH’s. How and I mean HOW is a 4yo not supervised around water?
Two wrongs don’t make a right. Your nephew could have killed his cousin and your daughter could have killed her cousin. Retaliation is NOT healthy parenting.
All of you need extreme therapy.
smdh
Nah, you are fine.
You see, a these people telling you that your daughter is wrong because she tried to kill her cousin totally missed that the cousin tried to kill your son, and you needed to rescue him. So I won't punish her, she is okay. You, on the other hand, was wrong for going. You shouldn't take your kids to be target. You allowed it to go for years,as I can see, and it's escalated badly exactly because adults did nothing. So it's NTA for not punishing,and totally AH for how you handled it general
NTA. Your daughter probably did take it a bit too far, and you should probably talk to her about the boundaries where okay ends and too far begins (e.g., do not drown people). At the same time, if your sister isn't going to teach her son what appropriate behaviour towards another child is, then she needs to accept that another fed-up child is going to do it for her.
Good job big sister!
What the fuck were you doing while all this was going on? Why would you leave young children unsupervised near a pool?!
Why would you agree to go to a meeting when your son was getting bullied regularly? Your husband protects him, why can’t you?
Why rely on a 7 y/o to protect her brother? Who’s the parent, her or you?
ESH so so much. Bad parenting all round.
Girl what?!? You actually typed this out and posted this and thought yeah Reddit will have my back on this one. Jfc I thought maybe she punched your nephew in the face or something. That would have been more “reasonable.” And your husband actually saying he would have attempted to drown a 6 year old boy? Your whole family needs help and possible a CPS investigation because what the actual hell is wrong with you all.
Your daughter could have killed the six year old. The four year old could have died from a silly prank by a six year old.
There’s a serious failure in basic parenting by all the adults here.
This would be the last time I’d see these people. A grown man has to act as a body guard to your child. Your other child almost drowns another kid. Your sister wants to watch you punish your kid. wtf is happening here? ESH. I’d go full blown NC on that entire group
Flat out tell them I’ll have my daughter apologized and punished when your scummy little shit apologizes and gets punished for all the times he tormented my son.
Never attended any family gathering where your sisters are. Your family sucks ass.
Just make it clear to your sister that as long as her son leaves your son alone, his bodyguard sister wouldn’t have to intervene. And that if your sister had hit your daughter, you would have intervened resulting in bad news for your sister. End discussion. Walk away or hang up.
But I have to ask: why does your husband and now your daughter have to be the ones to handle your nephew? What the hell have you been doing, mamma bear? Just watching it happen? I believe you have created room for your nephew. Your nephew is afraid of your husband and now your daughter but not you? How passive are you? You seem so helpless.
YTA for not protecting your son.
Yeah Wtf. You DO punish your daughter, because she shouldn't try to kill anyone. Now she is 7 and you (barely) manage to get her off. Imagine when she is older? And stronger? Will you still be happy then? Imagine they both go to high school, someone say something to your son and your daughter tries to kill a school mate? Will you still be able to get her off when she is 16? So yes, YTA for raising your kid this way.
Regarding your son, YTA to leave him out of your sight in an unsafe environment and relying on your 7 year old while this is an adult job.
And yes, your sister is an asshole as well. But you are the one asking to be judged. And two wrongs don't make a right.
ESH to some degree. The six year old pushed a four year old into a deep pool. Where there other people in the pool who could aid the child? On the other hand, your daughter held a child under water and could have (apparently would have) KILLED that child had others not been quick to intervene. IF you are being truthful and the child vomited water he was seconds from drowning and could have suffered brain damage or death.
Your daughter is NOT the hero in this story-- but rather sounds like she needs some serious therapy. Pretty sure there are no states where the death penalty is given for pushing someone in a pool.
PLEASE get your daughter screened for mental health issues ASAP-- apologizing is the least of the worries at this point. Your daughter LITERALLY tried to kill a child. By your own admission it took MULTIPLE people to pull her off of him.
FYI please stop saying she was "defending" her brother. He was in ZERO danger while your daughter was drowning her cousin. Seriously ZERO danger.
How was a 4 year old and 6 year old left alone near water long enough, that gave them time to be pushed into water and then a 7 year old the chance to try to drown a 6 year old in WATER???? HOW do u not KNOW that drowning is the number ONE cause of death in children under 14?? EAH!
I never knew that, but then I was never stupid enough to have my son near water without adultsupervision. Esh Op your daughter needs a good talking to about how far is too far. She was trying to drown the naughty kid. I thought you were going to say she pushed him in the pool to get him bCk for pushing her brother in. No, she was trying to make sure he never did it again! She probably succeeded in warning him off for good, but her end game was too extreme. As for the bratty 6 year old, he needs taking in hand, though I doubt you'll ever get any trouble out of him whilst your daughter is around. Bottom line, 4, 6, and 7 year old should"nt (edired correction) be unattended near water.
I know you meant to say they should not be unattended near water. But your last sentence sounds so hilariously bad after reading the main part of your comment. It makes it sound like you’re advocating for it to happen.
Bottom line… Fuck dem kids
🤣🤣🤣
I feel for OP, it's gotta be tough watching your son being bullied by an unrepentant bully, but someone's gotta make it clear to the daughter that drowning can't be a solution
Is it wrong that this comment made me laugh out loud? (and now I want a "drowning can't be a solution" t-shirt to add to my "throat punching is wrong" and "I will not shiv people with my pen" collection?)
My aunt got me one of my favorite shirts. It reads " I know what's wrong with the world today: no one drinks from the skulls of their enemies" with a picture of a skull in the middle. I definitely want a shirt with "drowning can't be a solution" on it now too.
Sounds like y'all should grab a Mike Tyson "Everybody has a plan, until they get punched in the face" shirt for the collection.
I wore my "skulls of their enemies" T to church one Sunday, much to the amusement of the Elders. I'm a minister.
I dunno. I think it'll turn out to be a fantastic solution. Every single time this kid thinks about bullying someone else he's going to remember that any target he chooses might have a protector who will make him regret it. Assuming he has even two brain cells to rub together that is.
If I had a nephew like that, I'd be watching my own kids. Who was watching the kids?
The 7yo smh.
I still remember being trapped under an inflatable dinghy when I was 4 years old. It was in shallow ocean water but deep enough I was under the water. My cousins sat on top of it laughing. I still remember the panic and being unable to breathe. I'm 32 and it still gives me the shudders. Drowning a kid until he vomits water is NOT defending her brother OP. It's straight up fucking torture. 2 wrongs don't make a right. And you and your sisters all sound negligent AF
Maybe your family should hire some adults to supervise you all since you all behave like children.
It's really no wonder the kids are acting like this. No one is keeping a close eye on the kids despite knowing there are these issues. The six year old clearly loves the attention he gets from hurting others. And the seven year old is so angry that the adults aren't doing something that she acted violently in a terrifying way. She could have killed the six year old. This family is going to kill each other.
I have to agree. Though her methods are extreme and her parents need to talk with her seriously, the 7 year old seems to be the only one addressing the situation. If that bully kid had parents who were worth a damn, that little girl wouldn't feel she has to take matters into her own hands.
I would also say that OP is responsible for her own children's actions. If she knows the cousin bullies her son she really shouldn't leave him unattended, much less near water. The entire family seems irresponsible. Drowning is a major cause of death when it comes to children.
Exactly!
Uuh, the six year old could have caused the four year old to drown by pushing him in the pool…
Nevertheless, the kids shouldn’t be left alone to be vicious or vindictive near a pool.
Exactly. All of them behave like children.
Only the husband seems to be an adult and the one day he wasn't around to supervise everyone it all goes to trash.
Careful, you could find yourself suddenly held face down in a kiddie pool for comments like this. 😬
A post where OP explains how they have toxic family they grew up with and don’t get along with now but also not realizing the apple didn’t fall as far from the tree as they thought? Sounds about right.
Right all the adults in this situation are the AH.
WTF are these dynamics? Your husband has to defend a 4 year old from a 6 year old? You decided to rely on a 7 year old to defend the 4 year old? Where the fuck are you? Knowing 6 year old picks on the 4 year old, you let him out of your sight long enough to allow the 6 year old to push him into a pool?? Then the 7 year old HOLDS HIM UNDER THE WATER AND IT TAKES MULTIPLE PEOPLE TO SAVE HIM?? And now y'all are arguing about apologies instead of dealing with the fact that your kids tried to seriously harm each other?? What is wrong with you people?
Not to mention having young children that don’t get along unsupervised around pools!
Having ANY young children with ANY relationship dynamics alone in the pool is insane
Having any children unsupervised at any pool is a recipe for eventual disaster. Children drown in even the shallowest of pools all the time. The statistics for it are pretty scary.
And often at parties because everyone thinks someone else is watching the kids. Nightmare.
Yup. I witnessed this exact thing occur. We all thought all the kids were out of the pool and on line for dinner at a packed backyard BBQ when the food was served. We’d gotten them out and even counted to make sure, because there were at least 20 kids there of varying ages. Trying to be as safe and responsible as possible. But all it takes is for everyone to become complacent for 2 goddamn seconds, literally. Don’t know who glanced over at the pool but it was divine intervention that made them look that way. All we knew was that someone screamed and we all then saw my girlfriend’s 4 year old son was sinking to the bottom of the pool and barely moving, like the fight was going out of him. Her teenage nephew, who was closest to the pool at the time, hopped right into action and got him out, and THANKFULLY he immediately started coughing and crying, threw up a bit of water and was fine. That could have so easily ended in tragedy. Terrified me enough that when I had kids and moved into a house with an above ground pool, we put up gates around it that made the entire thing 9ft tall and even locked the gate on stairs to the pool deck with a combination lock all day, every day. I really wanted to remove the damn thing and throw it away, but it was a fairly new set up with a large deck and all, quite a bit of money was invested into this set up. So my husband thought it better that we keep it and just teach them how to swim, float and tread water young. He was right of course, but I was sick to my stomach over having that damn pool until my kids could swim well. I couldn’t teach them with my anxiety about kids near water, I didn’t even want their floatation devices off ever in the water. But you can’t learn how to swim, float or tread water with flotation devices on. My husband taught each of them how to swim really well, by 4 years old. They’re teenagers now both certified lifeguards. My husband for the win 💪♥️
the thing a lot of people dont know about drowning is that you do it in silence. you dont have the energy or breath to scream. lifeguards dont listen for screams, they look for the typical movements because thats the only thing to go by pretty much.
That’s actually the same rule for choking too! Outward coughing isn’t choking, for you to be able to make noise, some part of your airway is clear, even if there might be something lodged that’s causing the coughing. That ordinarily can be corrected without much of any intervention, either by being coughed up or by continuing to move downwards towards the stomach. It’s the silent gasping for air that indicates that the airway is completely blocked, and often missed at the first signs because there is no noise. Scary stuff!
Also, never use water wings. We had them banned at the pools I lifeguarded at. They are one of the leading causes of drowning in children outside of inattention
This terrifying story had a happy ending. A tv show had a character whose child had nearly drowned, and somehow still had water in his lungs and he passed away soon after. I forget what they called it, dry drowning or something. It was something I'd never heard of, and imagine how fucked up a parent would feel, thinking they'd saved their kid from the situation only to die later in their sleep or the next day. Good on your husband making the kids water safe, and then excellent swimmers!
YES THIS IS FOR REAL Even if someone is "saved" from drowning THEY MUST GO TO THE ER Especially children! But anyone really. It's just harder for kids to know what's normal and what isn't, and how to communicate an emergency.
Huh wonder if you got my old house lmao. I grew up with that kind of set up with a wood deck on an above ground pool too. I think they got that set up with a wood deck and gate because they took their eyes off me for a second and saw me just as I jumped in without my arm floaties when I was little. Only ever happened once.
My husband has been wondering why I get so high strung at family gatherings lately. I’m only 34, I shouldn’t be acting like a middle aged biddy at birthday parties and such. But it’s because I’m the only adult willing to keep my Parent Hat on during these events. The blasé attitude of some of our family members during parties and gatherings astounds me, as though dangerous situations disappear when we all get together and drink.
About a decade ago my friend called me sobbing bc she was in her parent’s pool and family members kept being like “oh cool there’s an adult there go have fun” and in the chaos she looked around and realized she was the only adult with like ten kids, half of them little kids and they were going nuts because yay pool time!!! The scene got heated bc she was trying to watch them all and yell at the various other adults to come back bc it wasn’t safe and she was promptly labeled a drama queen.
My parents have a great backyard pool. It's fenced as per the legal requirement in Australia. I have five nieces and a daughter of my own. Whenever we had a family get together, we *took it in turns* to be the lifeguard. Those kids were never unsupervised around the pool. We would very deliberately and clearly tag each other out as we changed 'shifts'. Families who don't do that have me shaking my head.
The 8” deep wading pool I bought for my toddler came with a “Pool Watcher” button so it would be clear at all times who the designated adult is.
That’s such a good system you had in place and that should be standard practice! That’s another bit that surprised me about the whole thing—this is a highly educated (and smart bc educated doesn’t necessarily mean smart but these people are both),competent and normally responsible family and I was shocked they’d be that cavalier. My friend’s father was head of cardio thoracic surgery at a very well respected hospital at the time, ffs!
When I was looking for a place to live, if it had a pool it was an automatic NO.
You weren't being a drama queen at all. I had taken my 2 kids to the pool with a friend of mine who had no kids. (Thankfully a good ending) I was about 8 months pregnant at the time. It was 1:1 ratio of adult to children. My son was almost 4, and my daughter had just turned 2. Son could swim/float/trend water enough to get to edges in water without floaties. 2 year old daughter was still learning. My son wanted to jump into "deep end" with me catching him. Like kids love to do. I made sure my friend would be watching and playing with my daughter. After about 6 times of him jumping in, she was suddenly right behind my shoulder on side of shallow end, and clapping for son "good job you're learning" type stuff. I looked over at her to smile and whatnot. Realized she was not holding my daughter, nor was daughter on shoulders or back or something. My son was about to jump back in. I yelled no and put hand out in stop motion. He sat promptly as was signed we'd worked out before summer started. I start looking frantically for my daughter. Asked fried where she was. "She was right next to me." Saw my daughter face down not moving with floaties holding her up to surface. I screamed daughters name, and I have no clue how I moved so quickly though the water and to the stairs. I had tossed her over my shoulder to use rail to get myself out since I was so pregnant. I bounced her hard on my shoulder to try and do himlick maneuver as I was getting out. Right as I flipped her around in front of me, she started vomiting, coughing water up from nose and things. I had screamed so loudly that a lady who was a nurse that was walking into her front door apartment next to the pool came running over. She helped finish clearing her airway as best as we could while I told my friend to call 911. My son came over to the edge of where people had crowded around because of the commotion, and started crying because he was scared. I am thankful every summer (minimum) that I had looked around. Not just assuming she was sitting on the steps. I asked my daughter after we went to the hospital why she'd left the steps (friend had stated she told her to stay there while she went to watch her brother and I), and she just wanted to watch her brother too. She thought she'd be ok swimming to "Auntie". I NEVER went to the pool again unless there was 1:1 ration of adults to kids, and I had crazy paranoid rules after that until I KNEW all my kids could swim really well. What I hadn't realized was the floaties we'd bought, because they were ones she had picked out, weren't ones for kids that were just learning to swim on their own. The were triangle shaped, and only 2 sides inflated. Flat part went under the arm. I had people telling me all the time that I needed to chill out about my rules with the pool. Including husband at the time. I was labeled a drama queen as well. Especially since I had paramedics take my daughter to the hospital. I went with her ofc, and all was ok at that point. We had to follow up several times over next 3 weeks with PCP to make sure she didn't develop pneumonia or anything. She wouldn't go into a pool the rest of that summer. I don't blame her.
Oh my god, even knowing there was a good ending, my heart sank reading through that—and it was not wearing floaties. And good on you for insisting she go to the hospital! Dry drowning is no joke, and had you lost your sweet girl later, the same people who thought you were overreacting would be like “why the hell didn’t you get her checked out at the hospital?!“ I have to ask what became of your friend.
Yeah I knew the dangers of dry drowning thanks to reading to much. And the Nurse that stopped to help stressed even though she didn't appear to have gotten much water in her lungs, even a half teaspoon is enough to create it. That bit I didn't know. My friend was beside herself with remorse and concern for my daughter. I can thankfully say she was an amazing woman. At that point she didn't have kids, and didn't really know the risks of just turning around and watching. She remained my best friend until she passed away 5 years ago. My daughter is now approaching her 18th birthday, and even though she does have vague memories of that happening, she still loved her, and forgave her in the way only children can. She still misses her too. ❤️
It's insane that adults thought a swimming adult was ample supervision for children in a pool. There's a reason lifeguards are never in the water unless there's an emergency
I was a certified lifeguard at 15 (the youngest possible here) and was "hired" to be the lifeguard for the family gathering (I don't remember what my compensation was, but I did get to drink with them later lol). One kid was literally trying to jump *on top* of other kids' heads from the side of the pool. Aside from the drowning risk, they could just fucking die on the spot. The first time I didn't see it right as it happened, but I saw it the second time. He was out. Done. Came back with his mom (other side of the family, I had never met either of them) to come scream at me. Kid is crying, adults are telling me he won't do it again. Not ten seconds after she leaves he jumps on the smallest kid that's allowed in the pool, he comes up coughing up water. Then it really got heated. They ended up leaving, just her and the kid, screaming about how it's unfair because he has ADHD. Like, bitch, I have ADHD too. I have not ever tried to kill small children. They still just left me out there until it got dark and pool time was over, and I was finally able to explain without that horrible woman screaming over me. I've never heard that many apologies in my life. From what I heard, she never went to another family function again. She knew what he was doing the whole time, but nobody else did because she was hardly even breathing between screams. She got shamed so hard I think she was too embarrassed to show her face again.
is there a hole in the hedge that the kids could crawl through? let them sneak out one by one to meet your best friend with icecream & see how long it takes the other parents to notice there are no more kids present...? added bonus: everyone will probably be so furious at you that you'll never be... invited... ever again... okay, maybe not the best idea! disregard!
Hahaha that would be hilarious actually, just go off with all the kids and see how long it takes someone to notice. I do like spending time with the kids, but it’d be nice to feel like I could walk away and trust that someone would make sure a responsible adult is always looking out.
I had that happen to me once. I attract kids like shit does flies. They just like me. Anyway we were somewhere at this singing where all the parents were otherwise occupied watching the musical acts. Somehow I ended up leading all the kids that were there on a hike. At this point I have to say it was not on purpose I played the role of the pied piper. It just happened. I thought their parents knew they were with me. So all of us had a great time walking and laughing and having fun. WE were gone maybe an hour and a hAlf or so. We came back to an absolute panic of frantic parents looking for their kids ready to call the police thinking there had been a mass abduction of about ten kids.
Responsible adult is becoming an oxymoron.
I like the way your mind works.
My husband saved a kid who fell into a pool because none of the adults around the pool were paying attention, my husband was inside!! And this lady agrees to go to a party after her 7 year old promises she will take care of the 4 year old? Unbelievable!
This is 100% a legit and important question but I’m still wondering wtf is going on with these people that a little girl says she’ll protect her sibling bc dad’s not here to do it like he usually does. Just what?
I don’t get it, in what world is that acceptable.
Stay vigilant!
Constant vigilance!
Family gathers are for parents to relax and not worry about their kid's safety and protection. Because FAMILY/s
My partner and I are meticulous when it comes to our two, only one of us has a drink if it is a social event where drink is there, and we always know who is watching who, and we go tell the other if we are stepping out so they know they are solely in charge of both of them!! We often have people moan at us going “we’re all watching”, the issue is that when everyone is watching, no one is watching!
I go to any event where we have the kids around, like kids birthday parties, I get over the top, keeping eyes on all the children, not just my own. And it blows my mind, because usually these kids and their parents only ever see me at these events... like, none of them actually know me.... but they're perfectly fine with the fact that I am the only adult keeping tabs on 7 or 8 kids ranging from 2-12 years... and I just don't understand. I have fun, the kids have fun, their parents have fun, but I can't fathom being okay in their shoes. At all.
I don't get why people expect strangers to watch their own kids. They are your responsibility, not some strangers.
This. Just 2 days ago one of my relative lost her 2y old after he drowned in a pool. She bought a new house with pool and was having a housewarming.
I almost drowned when I was about 5 because of this exact situation. We were at a big family party at my aunt and uncle's house, and none of the adults were paying attention to us. I had been playing in the shallow end, while my older cousins were in the deep end, and at some point they took off the rope that divided the deep and shallow ends bc it got in the way of the game they were playing. They eventually got out, and I was one of the only kids still in the pool, with no one watching us. I basically fell into the deep end from the shallow end since I couldn't tell where it started. Was underwater for what seemed like an incredibly long time, and was desperately hoping my mom (or any adult, really) would see me. Finally she noticed and sent my stepdad in to rescue me 🤦🏼♀️ I was vomiting up pool water and everything, it was a horrible experience. I firmly believe if I had been unattended for a few more minutes, I could have died. Please keep an eye on your kids around water!
when i was like 4 or 5, my aunt was supposed to watch me in her pool. she got my cousin to do it, who then had her friend (the neighbor) do it. somehow i got left alone, i remember the friend jumping over the fence to grab something from his house. next thing my ass knew i was drowning, i had drifted to the middle of the pool. my mom jumped in just in time, and everybody acted like I SHOULDVE KNOWN BETTER? this entire family sucks imo. ESH
Damn...
And that can happen even when they’re not actively trying to drown each other.
There;s a "gene pool" joke here somewhere........................
I got my kids swim lessons so that I wouldn't have to worry so much about them in the pool. Turns out it took about 5 or 6 years of swim lessons before they became really confident swimmers and I don't have to watch them all the time. It's a big investment of time, and 100% worth it, to get kids to build some real water skills.
The "city" I grew up in viewed swim lessons as a safety issue, not a luxury. Taxes provided free lessons for anyone 4-14 during the summer every year, and wasn't like a one-summer-and-you're-done thing, nope, you'd go every summer. You were "done" when you could identify someone drowning, administer CPR, how to save someone while they are panicking and pulling you under water & how to free yourself from a struggling person, etc etc. "Graduated" with Red Cross certs for CPR and Water Safety, usually took like 5 summers. I think a kid drowned 30 years prior and my city said "never again!"
Yeah swim lessons are non negotiable imho, you have to do them. You can choose to stay out of pools but the world is a dangerous place and swimming isn’t always a recreational choice, it’s survival.
Yeah my 4 yo grandson didn’t want to take swimming lessons because he doesn’t like getting his face wet. My daughter was like “nope, not negotiable, you have to learn to be safe”. Of course, now he loves it, so win all around.
Doesn't matter if they get along. Supervise kids around pools. Full.stop.
Two pools too?? I really want to know where in the world is this? If they have enough money for two pools couldn’t they at least get a lifeguard or nanny to watch these little kids swimming? And the dynamic has gotten so bad the daughter tried to drown her cousin? And they only went because the 7 year old said she would watch the 4 year old? Because mom Is incapable? Or just what?
You can buy an adult size inflatable and a kid size inflatable for about 100 bucks at the walmart
I don't think a 6 year old is going to be able to push a 4 year old into a large inflatable pool that you have to climb up to get into. There was probably a traditional pool built into the backyard that they referred to as the adult pool. The kid pool might be the inflatable kind or cheap plastic type.
This. OP, your children were not only left alone by a large body of water, but they actively tried to kill each other. Yall have bigger problems than a 7 year old refusing to say sorry.
Yeah the better question is where was OP?
THIS! Why should is OP’ decision to attend an event be based on her 7 yr old taking responsibility for a 4 yr old? WTF? YTA for leaving children unsupervised by a pool TWICE.
Yes! And especially when there's an asshole nephew around and she knows it! Even if the kids got along great, this is never acceptable! Family needs to grow up and deal with their shit.
In this situation kinda everybody was an asshole. EITA?
It's ESH. Everyone sucks here.
Per the story she was rescuing the 4yr old and getting him settled. She was going to speak to her sister when she heard the screams and her daughter drowning the 6yr old. The problem here is the bully is finally getting his just desserts and everyone thinks he’s the one that needs an apology. Had OP not been watching the 4 yr old he could’ve drowned. The daughter just let the nephew know what it felt like to be her brother. The sister who doesn’t discipline her child wants to smack her niece. Maybe if she kept an eye on her own son to be sure he wasn’t a terror he wouldn’t have been in this situation. This just means OP doesn’t go to family gatherings for the safety of her own children. I bet the nephew leaves both cousins alone or steps up his game to get even.
No, the question was "where was OP when the children first went to the pool? Why were they at a pool unsupervised? Why was the deciding factor that they would go that day that: the 7yo insisted she would look after the 4yo?"
Yeah the big question OP needs to ask herself is "Why do my kids feel safe with my husband, but when they're with only me, they feel so insecure in their emotional and physical safety, a 7 yo feels the need to reassure me and step up to be the "substitute father?" Why am I afraid to yell at a 6 yo so my children feel safe and protected around me? If it's bc I know my sister will yell at me for "disciplining" her child, than why is her feelings and standing up to her more important than the safety of my kids?" This is a super toxic form of parentification where the daughter feels like she has to protect the brother bc her parent present won't and protect her mom from her family so she won't have to deal with them
or why does she keep going to family functions where she has to protect her child? is she afraid of her sister? because we’d have a rule. every time your kid hits mine, i hit you. i don’t even have a sister. i have a brother who’s 2x my height and almost 3x my weight and THIS IS THE RULE! he knows better! but he also disciplines his child
Also, why does what her father want matter more than her son’s safety? Oh and, why would you even put it in your daughter’s head that in her father’s absence it was HER job to defend her little brother?
Also, drowning a 6 year old is not in any way defending anyone. What she was doing was AVENGING her brother. I'm totally behind it, but that's not defending.
a child can start drowning in 20 seconds, in as little as a tablespoon of water. Once the process starts, it takes a specialized intervention to stop it, which none of these adults seem capable of. Just picture this girl's life if she'd killed her cousin at 7 yo, because no one in her life taught her the difference between saving vs defending vs avenging & the appropriate level of violence in your response. Just for that possibility, I'm not behind her for her choices. Not saying she needs to be punished, but someone needs to have a serious, \*serious\* discussion with her, and follow up with her. I'm not holding my breath for it to happen though, given how scatterbrained OP appears to approach raising her children.
No. The problem here is the gross parental negligence that allowed this situation to happen in the first place. Anyone who says that they can't watch their children around a pool well enough to prevent this situation entirely, should have never reproduced.
Or at the very least, stay away from the pool.
Yeah, all the adults in this family should be nuked from orbit. Let's hope that little kickass daughter of OP gets help before she actually murders someone.
Attempting to drown a 6 year old is not just desserts. Also, I think they were originally asking where OP was while her four year old was being pushed into a pool. The OP knew there were concerns. If her husband being there is the only way for the 4 year old to be safe then they shouldn’t have gone to the party. Placing that responsibility on a 7 year old is as asinine as not punishing a child for attempted murder. Yes the four year old should not have been thrown in the pool. Forcing someone under water to the point they are vomiting water is not a reasonable response to anything.
All those children need therapy for different reasons. 4 year old on how to deal with the family bully for his safety and mental health moving forward, the 7 yr old so she can learn to control her rage, the 6 yr old for being a bully to others. The parents however won’t do this because look how bad it already is. Husband has to protect child from the nephew at every family gathering. Just don’t go no matter the event if you have to be on guard duty. The family is AH’s for letting the 6 yr old be feral. The 7 yr old is at the end of her rope with dealing with her cousin. Makes you wonder if she was the victim before he turned his sights on the brother.
also, how ridiculous are these grandparents? who installs 2 pools & then decides that one is for kids and one is for adults? Surely no one is seriously training during a family party? Why are they separating the family like this? and after they created this problem with their stupidly designed pools, they're on OP's case about apologizing and punishing the 7 yo girl? Like, if anything happens to any of their grandkids, aren't the grandparents liable?
Where are these kids learning this kind of behaviour? In what world is trying to drown someone normal or acceptable behaviour for a 7 year old? Why are any of these kids left to interact without adult supervision if the dynamics are this fucked up? Take this entire family to therapy. None of this is ok.
The 7 years old has seen that the other kid gets away with anything, and pushing a 4 year old in a pool where his feet can't reach the ground IS attempted murder. The little girl can't know it's wrong if other kids get away with things like that.
The 7 year old could have easily drown the 6 year old! All of the adults suck here. The 6 year old needs to be dealt with for bullying. The 7 year old needs to be spoken to about why what she did was not OK. The parents need to learn how to watch their kids, or, they need to not have the family get together if they can’t properly supervise the kids and keep them safe.
I totally get why OP doesn't want to discipline her, and the sisters are way out of line in demanding an apology and public humiliation, but the sister wasn't defending, she was retaliating. You can't defend someone after the fact. And yes, it could absolutely have resulted in the 6yo drowning - it sounds like it very nearly did!
If OP is determined to defend her daughter, switch it around - what would have happened to her daughter if the 6yo *did* drown? Leaving aside legal consequences and family fallout, how would she have dealt with the knowledge that she'd killed someone? This kid cannot walk around thinking that holding someone underwater is acceptable behavior.
Agreed. The 7yo doesn't understand just how deadly her actions could have been - coughing up water is really scary. It's on OP to teach her daughter not only how dangerous this situation was, but also more appropriate ways of dealing with problems. Of course, that would require that OP actually knows better ways of problem solving... it's kind of looking bad for literally that entire family.
A seven-year-old should know that holding someone underwater can result in their death. All of these children with the possible exception of the youngest sound feral and extraordinarily unpleasant.
I was referring what happens to her son. Any parent should be super vigilant with a pool nearby even without a 6 yo terrorist
No, the problem is op keeps leaving her 4yr old to be bullied without stopping it. This is absolutely ridiculous. I wouldn't keep putting my kids in this situation. No matter what the girl almost drowned her cousin and you're ok with this?? That's attempted murder you fool.. Someone call cps or SOMETHING HERE OMG ESH
>the problem is op keeps leaving her 4yr old to be bullied without stopping it Exactly. If OP was on top of handling the behavior problems with the 4yo, then the 7yo wouldn't feel the need to lash out to protect her brother. Instead OP seems to be okay with putting the responsibility of being a parent and making sure you're kids are safe on a 7yo.
The better question is why on earth does OP refuse to tell her daughter that trying to kill someone in revenge is actually bad and not good? Seriously, OP needs to be reported so she can get the help she needs so she doesn't convince her child to kill someone.
[удалено]
Yeah, she lost me when several adults couldn't remove a 7 year old. My nearly 6 year old daughter is ridiculously strong. Sometimes even her dad struggles to get her calmed down and not fighting (in BT) plus she is super protective of her siblings. So it taking several adults to stop it, not even 3 grown women could handle it, sounds absolutely absurd. Is she a 7 year old or an adult on meth?? If this is real, it's one jacked up family that kids shouldn't be anywhere near. However, it sounds like a poor attempt at creative writing to me. Or, at the very least, a hyperbolic version of the truth.
I hope it's not real, but even if it's fake OP needs to speak to a psychologist about it.
On her phone making this up.
All of this, yes. How the hell does that happen? Kids 7 and under should not be near pools unsupervised at all! Let alone long enough to try to murder each other!
Seriously this entire thing has to be fake. How can there be this many ridiculously stupid people all in one place?
Looks like an AI writing exercise. "Watching red" definitely stood out
Ooooh good catch. I was thinking maybe this was an ESL person because some of my foreign friends have gotten English idioms wrong before but AI is another consideration.
My thought exactly. This was a huge failure in parenting. The parent is responsible for the safety of their children. The kids shouldn't be playing in either pool without a responsible adult doing guard duty. If no one drowned this time there is always next time.
First time everyone is an AH.
Except the 4yr old
This is fake. This almost same exact story was posted recently. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/s/XVPkZen9Bz
Those "Am I the Angel?" stories are wild. Sometime I end up there by accident and am horrified until I realize I am no longer on the "Asshole" thread. LOL
Hey, the girlz gotta unwind and enjoy their Chardonnay! Stop expecting them to do ridiculous tasks such as monitoring their kids and making sure they don't die!
This is a fake post if I've ever seen one. Don't believe this story it was clearly written by a child. The parents having the 7 yr old be the protector nah bitch that dont even make sense. Then 3 whole ass grown women can't pull a 7 yr old girl off another child man GTFOH with all that dumb bullshit. This child needs to stop trying to get attention and focus on school instead of make believe stories to get redditors all hyped up!!!!
All of this. And “the only person who is in my side now is my husband saying he would have done the same if he had been in my daughter’s place”. Excuse me, what the fuck?! Husband would have also attempted to drown the cousin? What is going on with this family
Her 7 year old was intentionally trying to drown a 6 year and she completely fine with that. Damn this whole family sucks.
Right! The story is hilarious. In comes a 7 year old with super powers to save the day. LMAO! A family full of adults with no communications skills. The kids are 6 and 7, put them in time out and move on. Do it now, less problems later.
ESH. Every single last adult. I have a little brother would/have defended him, HOWEVER, your daughter took it too far. You failed to defend your son and forced your daughter to feel like it’s ok to nearly murder another child. Think about that. Your 7yo attempted to murder a 6yo. You and every adult there made her feel like that was her only choice. It wasn’t that she just pushed him in the water she held him down. You are lucky your nephew didn’t die. You should hope he doesn’t have a secondary (dry) drowning. And you all are over here asking for an apology WTF. If you can’t adequately supervise your children around your family then stop taking them there.
ESH. This the fact that a six year old pushed a 4yo in a pool to drown, and a 7yo tried to kill her cousin via drowning. You sister needs to discipline her six-year-old, and you need to discipline your seven year old because she went too far. Both kids need to apologize. And you all are major assholes for having this many young children running around an open pool. This is one of the most likely situations for children to drown because everyone assumes that everyone is looking out for the children’s safety, no one notices the child drowning.
People shit on lifeguards, and it diminishes new guards idea of their responsibility, which is to always be on watch, which some presume to just be lazying atound,but you have to have a keen eye, cause drowning is very quick and quiet
YTA, and so is every adult in your family. Secondary drowning is a real risk. You don’t mess around with water! Both daughter and nephew should be severely punished by adults, not each other. Neither child should be allowed around a pool for a very long time, at the least. The adults should be brought up on child endangerment charges.
I agree with everything you said. Where the fuck was OP while her children were getting murdered and murdering other kids, lol, but wtf. Small kudos for the daughter going all Heisenberg on that kid though. Yeah, murder is bad, it's unforgivable that such a thing was possible, I think the post is fake.
INFO: why were these children unsupervised around two pools in the first place? I’m genuinely asking. “It turns out” your nephew threw your son in the pool? You didn’t see this? In the nicest way possible, what else could you have possibly been doing that was more important than watching your children? I’m so baffled by everything going on in this story. You and your husband are assholes for not watching your very small children around a pool. You are also assholes for being unconcerned about your daughter’s behavior. Your nephew’s behavior was wrong, of course it was, but that does not make your daughter’s behavior acceptable.
This is fake. It was posted recently, almost exactly the same with some details changed. Like it taking all the adults to break up the kids, the daughter being so strong. I think some genders were swapped too. In the original the nephew pushed kid in the pool and when parents were confronted it was, he’s just being a kid or something to that effect. Later kid held nephew down in pool. Im trying to find it but not having luck. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/s/XVPkZen9Bz
When OPs don't even bother to feebly defend their stories you know it's all horseshit.
Probably a bot. Note "watching" red.
Thank god lol 🙏
In the comments someone mentions that story seems to be a slightly modified version of another story. We all out here reacting to chains of fake stories.
Oof, you need to have a talk and some kind of punishment with your daughter (I don’t care if she doesn’t apologize to the nephew) because if you don’t, your kid might actually accidentally kill another kid. ESH, but you have to address this situation with your daughter. Ignoring the situation with your nephew, you are your daughter’s parents and should be teaching her right from wrong and how to function in society. Tell your sisters that your daughter will apologize to nephew when nephew apologizes to son. You do not have to share that your daughter is being punished with your sisters, but you absolutely should be parenting your child within the privacy of your own home. Edit: For God’s sake, tell your parents to kindly fuck off. This interaction could have ended with your son or nephew’s deaths. Tell your parents that you will no longer be attending any events with your nephew for the safety of all 3 children. They are welcome to meet with your children independently of nephew. If not, their loss, but you are done putting their happiness before the safety of the children. You are constantly putting your daughter in a situation where she sees her cousin bullying her little brother and getting away with it because the adults refuse to punish him or control his behavior and she feels it’s now her responsibility to protect him because you assholes won’t.
Regardless, you need to teach your daughter that retaliation like that is very dangerous, even if her heart was in the right place, so to speak.
>retaliation like that is very dangerous I think she knows. That's why she did it.
I’m pretty sure the comment you replied to is a bot, it’s copied verbatim from the second half of [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/qJZrDkRZaq)
And lets not forget OP said that her husband would have done the same thing to nephew. So... Would husband have murdered the kid or just a small dunk. Has he done this before. Where did the daughter learn that dunking a kid underwater was OK???
So nobody was supervising the kids?
The dog was watching them
Let your sister punish her brat first and let him apologize, then you will do the same in return. It will never happen, and this is all you need to know. Regardless, you need to teach your daughter that retaliation like that is very dangerous, even if her heart was in the right place, so to speak.
OP needs to watch her son if her husband can't. This was a situation just waiting to happen when you leave a 7-year-old in charge. She responded like a 7-year-old would.
Actually OP was watching her son she was the one who rescued him from the pool when she witnessed her nephew throw him in the adult pool. The daughter retaliated instantly and with purpose. Nothing short of extreme will deter a bully from doing it again. She made sure he remembered to leave her brother alone. I feel for her future BF who does her dirty.
She wasn't watching him at the time. It took her some time to realise what happened to her son. She said her husband normally watches her son, but this time he couldn't come and daughter promised to look after him instead. OP should've never let him be unsupervised around pool and around his cousin since she knew there were issues. Relying on 7 year old is ridiculous.
She literally could’ve drowned that fucking child. Jesus y’all are nuts.
Teach her about proportionality - the punishment has to be proportionate to the crime.
This might not work here though. Throwing a 4 yo in an adult pool could have drowned him too. So if you only talk about proportionality with nothing else “an attempted drowning for an attempted drowning” might still feel very proportional
With the added benefit of putting the fear of cousin into the little shit, so he'll hopefully keep his distance in the future. Still, in other cases, she may get into trouble if she's quite this enthusiastic about meting out punishment, so it would probably be advisable to teach her a little caution.
The problem is that "eye for an eye" black and white justice is exactly how someone with the brain of a 7 year old operates.
But it was. Nephew throw little brother in the adult pool where he could have died, and sister put nephew under water where he could have died. The message was: "Try to kill my little brother and I will try to kill you."
Lol, this actually reminds me of a girl I once met when I was still a teenager myself. It came up that she had a juvenile criminal record. We were of course intrigued and wanted to know details. Turns out an infamous school bully had pulled her little brother backwards out of the schoolbus by his backpack so that her brother fell and hit his head. She saw absolutely read and beat the living shit out of the bully - she actually broke his jaw and a few ribs and knocked out some teeth. She had to do an ungodly amount of community work - but, funnily enough, all the parents of all the bullied kids made a point of turning up to help her, brought her lunch, and offered her help and gifts and really anything she needed for about the next year - she became a local legend. 😂
We used to call that street justice. Someone finally stands up to these bullies and everyone celebrates. Some random kid decided to go behind me when I was about 10 and throw me in the road in front of a vehicle. I didn’t even know his name or ever interact with him. Luckily, the vehicle was able to stop in time, but it was very close. I ended up with some wounds and torn clothing and went home to tell my mom what happened. She was absolutely furious and came right back down with me as she wanted me to point out who this boy was. When we got there just a few minutes later, there was a circle of about 10 older kids beating the crap out of that kid. He was crying. He would never even look at me after that happened.
The real thing needing taught is the difference between self defense and revenge. The 4 year old was safe at that point so it's not self defense, but I get not wanting to punish her there either. It's one thing to teach your daughter to protect her brother from active harm and getting her brother out of harm's way, but that isn't what she did.
I'd say she reacted the way she did because reading between the lines, the cousin was not being punished/chastised/berated immediately by his mother, which says to me he gets away with a lot of bad behaviour, so she took it upon herself to teach him a lesson. One part of me says she went overboard and shouldn't play vigilante, but the other (emotional) says he needed to be taught a lesson. That cousin could have done some serious damage to her brother, who may now be afraid of swimming pools and other bodies of water.
Not under the law. One was manslaughter and one was attempted murder. Do I expect a child to fully grasp this nuance? No. But that's why parents are supposed to watch their own kids. Regardless the conversation needs to be had with both aggressors.
Maybe that will get through to the miserable little fuck. I wouldn't bet the rent, though.
In the mind of a 7 year old, it was proportional. You try to drown my brother, I try to drown you.
“My daughter insisted that she would take care of her brother” MA’AM! She is 7 do not put adult responsibilities on your child even is she says she is ready! She is a child, it is your job to make sure that she gets to just be a kid. Additionally, stop putting your kids in situations where that are not physically, emotionally, or mentally safe especially when you already know that this is the case. Why would you ever leave your 4 year old around water unsupervised with someone who enjoys harming him???? You are a giant AH for putting your kids through this. It sounds like you need therapy to address why you continue to allow your kids to be traumatized by people who you say you don’t get along with Edit to add you should not “punish” your daughter, but you should be concerned. She tried to drown someone. Think about how you can tell her you are not mad and understand why she did it ( I personally would apologize for putting her in the position where she felt like she needed to harm someone) and make sure she understands that actions have consequences. What if she had been successful? Therapy for all!
You are a shitty parent. You allow your children to be exposed to people who make them feel so uncomfortable that your daughter tried TO KILL her cousin. Do not misunderstand the situation. She would have killed that boy. And done so willingly and with no remorse. Because you allow your son to be bullied so badly that she felt this was not only warranted but necessary. You are a bad parent for allowing it to get to this point. And your daughter needs to be punished so she understands that her actions have consequences. Because she TRIED TO KILL HER COUSIN.
Esh. You punish your daughter because she could have literally killed her cousin. I don't give a shit what the reason is, you don't let a 7 yr old think it's OK to try to drown someone. Water is not a toy it is lethal. Your nephew should bebpu wished for exactly the same reason. No one should be hit because child abuse is wrong and teaching kids not be be violent by beating them is ridiculously stupid.
...because she ~~could~~ WOULD have literally killed her cousin
Hard agree. How do you let your 4 year old out of sight around the pool long enough that another kid can throw him in? You should be in arms reach of a 4 year old near a pool. Who were the adults who were supposed to be watching the kid pool? Who were the adult supposed to be monitoring the adult pool to keep kids away?? Every single adult at that pool party failed the kids, including OP. And no, it's not okay for 7 year old to get revenge by nearly drowning the 6 year old. This is not "defending her brother" it's revenge. It's not even tit for tat... that would be pushing the kid into the pool not holding his head under the water so fiercely that it takes SEVERAL ADULTS to keep her from murdering her cousin?? I would be having a serious talk with my daughter AND nephew about safety rules around water, and neither would be swimming for quite some time until they learned how to behave safely around water.
ESH. Your sister is a horrible parent but you're also teaching your daughter it's perfectly acceptable to drown someone in retaliation. You both need to grow up and do better. Also, you know your sister is a neglectful parent. You know your nephew is dangerous due to how he is being raised. Stop going to family functions where they will be present. Put down a boundry with your family and stick to it. Why continue to put yourself and your children into situations like this? You do need to take some responsibility here, OP. You're allowing your son to be bullied instead of removing him from these situations.
This is such a messy ass situation. I agree, ESH. The sister is an awful mom but god damn, you can’t teach your young child that it is okay to intentionally drown someone else. What the fuck.
ESH, it sounds like your daughter tried to drown her cousin after what happened to your son, thats not defending him, thats revenge. your daughters actions did nothing to stop your son from being pushed into the pool, also she could have killed him you dont want your kid doing that i hope
Your daughter could have killed that boy. All you had to do to avoid this was not attend, some family is toxic and not worth your childrens well being. You shouldn't punish her but she should be made aware of how close she came to killing someone. ESH
YTA. First of all, the solution to your husband not being there is for YOU to look after YOUR child, not push him off on your other young child. Second, if you're going to have your children around pools, fucking watch them. Third, your daughter tried to physically drown another child. She doesn't understand the implications and potential consequences of what she did because she's 7, so it is your responsibility as a parent to teach them to her. You refusing to acknowledge the seriousness of the situation and your husband insisting that he also would have tried to kill your nephew in retaliation are teaching your daughter that extreme violence is a solution to conflict, and you'll be lucky if she doesn't end up institutionalized when it inevitably goes too far before an adult intervenes. Especially since the adults around her don't give a shit about her.
Based on your story, your daughter could have killed your nephew. While you might appreciate her standing up for her brother, you hopefully want her to understand that it's not okay to hold someone underwater like that. I don't know how you intend to communicate that lesson, but it's an incredibly important one to learn.
Her son could also have been killed. A 4yr old in the adult pool. I agree sister went overboard. But nephew needs to be told the same lesson.
It's all wrong and shows that none of the adults present were parenting. The kids acted like kids who have no supervision.
You're the problem here, you're putting your own children in danger why?
Thank you to this post and the comments on it for finally convincing me to get off these ridiculous subs. “7 year old attempts to drown cousin as retribution to the point it took multiple adults to get her to stop and then the 6 year old started vomiting water” Commenters: “good that will teach that little shit”
It is frightening how many people don't see an issue with this. Like this is not an appropriate response or even a normal over the top response from a seven year old. Attempted murder is not a normal reaction.
So many fake posts lately. If you’re gonna make things up at least learn how to write realistic characters and situations.
ESH! OMG!! OP, I know you'd like to feel high and mighty over your sisters, but you're NO BETTER!! Instead of parenting your own kids, and keeping a watch over your own, you sat back and ALLOWED YOUR 7 YEAR OLD TO LOOK AFTER YOUR 4 YEAR OLD?!?! Then, because how can a 7 adequately do the adult job, th 6 year old nephew pushes the 4 year old into the adult swimming pool. And, of course, their parent can't do the right thing and discipline that 6 year old, and try to teach them that their actions could've been DEADLY! But, said 7 year old, then is discovered actively trying to drown the 6 year culprit. So badly, that it took SEVERAL ADULTS TO PRY HER OFF HIM! So, 2 kids ALMOST DROWNED!.AND, THE MOTHERS, ARE STUCK ON "WELL MY KID WON'T APOLOGIZE UNLESS THEIR KID WILL FIRST!" YOUR DAUGHTER DIDN'T DEFEND HER BROTHER. SHE RETALIATED. MAJORLY! YOUR 6 YEAR OLD NEPHEW ALMOST KILLED YOUR 4 YEAR OLD SON. AND THEN YOUR 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER IN RETURN, WAS DEFINITELY GOING TO KILL YOUR NEPHEW. WHO CARES ABOUT WHO APOLOGIZES FIRST? THIS IS 2 VERY YOUNG KIDS ALMOST DROWNING, (DYING, HELLO???), FROM ANOTHER KID'S ACTIONS! TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT. I'M A BIT MIFFED AT SO MANY NTA'S HERE. TWO KIDS ALMOST DROWNED AND DIED BECAUSE THESE SISTERS AREN'T TEACHING THEIR KIDS RIGHT. OUTCOME: THE ADULTS, DON'T DO SH*T TO DISCIPLINE, NOR SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HOW DANGEROUS THEIR ACTIONS ARE. THE F*CKING ADULTS ARE JUST AS DANGEROUS AS THEIR OUT OF CONTROL KIDS! HEY, OP, THAT DEFINITELY INCLUDES YOU!! SHAME ON YOU, YOUR SISTERS, YOUR PARENTS, AND YOUR HUSBAND FOR "STANDING BY YOU!" IF YOU DON'T START PULLING YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR A$$ES THEN ONE OR MORE OF Y'ALLS KIDS ARE GOING TO KILL ONE ANOTHER, (OR SOMEBODY ELSE!) YOU'VE TAUGHT YOUR DAUGHTER THAT VIOLENCE IS ALRIGHT. NO BETTER THAN YOUR SIX YEAR OLD NEPHEW! YOU'RE A F*CKING PARENT, NOW ACT LIKE IT! Had to edit because I missed one detail in OP'S post. So. OP'S husband "would've done the same thing had he been been in the daughter's place", that means that he, too, would've dunked the 6 year old under water.... WTF?!?! SMH!! NONE OF Y'ALL NEED TO BE PARENTING! Just proves how messed up all these adults are. Seriously, get your sh*t together, or there's going to be horrible consequences! Scary consequences!!
I posted a comment offering no judgement because this whoooole thing was avoidable. It sounded like she wasn't keen on going but her 7 year old insisted she'd watch her brother..if either of my sons ever said hey let's go anyway because I'll watch my brother because Dad's not coming, I'd be doing some serious introspection as to why my kid feels the need to MY job as a parent to protect his siblings. The future looks bleak for all of these kids because their parents are so preoccupied with one upping each other's assholery they aren't seeing the giant Texas sized red flags being waved by their kids. They literally could have ended up with two dead kids and one murderer had things played out differently.
I was a bit vicious in my comment, but I'm a mother. And I'm appalled by OP and her sisters actions. 2 kids almost died! And all of the adults are stuck on their egos. The kids are kids, and unless their parents teach them right and wrong, then they'd have dead kids/and child murderers.
ETAH All of you are the AH’s. How and I mean HOW is a 4yo not supervised around water? Two wrongs don’t make a right. Your nephew could have killed his cousin and your daughter could have killed her cousin. Retaliation is NOT healthy parenting. All of you need extreme therapy. smdh
Is the fact that you're a horrible parent a concern of yours at all? Or just whether or not you're the asshole?
Nah, you are fine. You see, a these people telling you that your daughter is wrong because she tried to kill her cousin totally missed that the cousin tried to kill your son, and you needed to rescue him. So I won't punish her, she is okay. You, on the other hand, was wrong for going. You shouldn't take your kids to be target. You allowed it to go for years,as I can see, and it's escalated badly exactly because adults did nothing. So it's NTA for not punishing,and totally AH for how you handled it general
NTA. Your daughter probably did take it a bit too far, and you should probably talk to her about the boundaries where okay ends and too far begins (e.g., do not drown people). At the same time, if your sister isn't going to teach her son what appropriate behaviour towards another child is, then she needs to accept that another fed-up child is going to do it for her. Good job big sister!
All of you are terrible parents, holy shit YTA
Your daughter tried to drown a kid. That’s not cool. ESH. You all sound like a bunch of clowns. Also, you saw red, not you watched red. 😂
She gave the bully what he deserved. I’m proud of her too
My child wouldn’t be saying sorry 🤷🏽♀️
What the fuck were you doing while all this was going on? Why would you leave young children unsupervised near a pool?! Why would you agree to go to a meeting when your son was getting bullied regularly? Your husband protects him, why can’t you? Why rely on a 7 y/o to protect her brother? Who’s the parent, her or you? ESH so so much. Bad parenting all round.
Girl what?!? You actually typed this out and posted this and thought yeah Reddit will have my back on this one. Jfc I thought maybe she punched your nephew in the face or something. That would have been more “reasonable.” And your husband actually saying he would have attempted to drown a 6 year old boy? Your whole family needs help and possible a CPS investigation because what the actual hell is wrong with you all.
This whole family needs to be institutionalized.
Yall are some shitty parents.
Your daughter could have killed the six year old. The four year old could have died from a silly prank by a six year old. There’s a serious failure in basic parenting by all the adults here.
"sorry I almost killed you. if you don't want it to happen again, don't touch my brother."
JFC none of you should be parents
This would be the last time I’d see these people. A grown man has to act as a body guard to your child. Your other child almost drowns another kid. Your sister wants to watch you punish your kid. wtf is happening here? ESH. I’d go full blown NC on that entire group
Flat out tell them I’ll have my daughter apologized and punished when your scummy little shit apologizes and gets punished for all the times he tormented my son. Never attended any family gathering where your sisters are. Your family sucks ass.
Just make it clear to your sister that as long as her son leaves your son alone, his bodyguard sister wouldn’t have to intervene. And that if your sister had hit your daughter, you would have intervened resulting in bad news for your sister. End discussion. Walk away or hang up. But I have to ask: why does your husband and now your daughter have to be the ones to handle your nephew? What the hell have you been doing, mamma bear? Just watching it happen? I believe you have created room for your nephew. Your nephew is afraid of your husband and now your daughter but not you? How passive are you? You seem so helpless. YTA for not protecting your son.
Yeah Wtf. You DO punish your daughter, because she shouldn't try to kill anyone. Now she is 7 and you (barely) manage to get her off. Imagine when she is older? And stronger? Will you still be happy then? Imagine they both go to high school, someone say something to your son and your daughter tries to kill a school mate? Will you still be able to get her off when she is 16? So yes, YTA for raising your kid this way. Regarding your son, YTA to leave him out of your sight in an unsafe environment and relying on your 7 year old while this is an adult job. And yes, your sister is an asshole as well. But you are the one asking to be judged. And two wrongs don't make a right.
ESH to some degree. The six year old pushed a four year old into a deep pool. Where there other people in the pool who could aid the child? On the other hand, your daughter held a child under water and could have (apparently would have) KILLED that child had others not been quick to intervene. IF you are being truthful and the child vomited water he was seconds from drowning and could have suffered brain damage or death. Your daughter is NOT the hero in this story-- but rather sounds like she needs some serious therapy. Pretty sure there are no states where the death penalty is given for pushing someone in a pool. PLEASE get your daughter screened for mental health issues ASAP-- apologizing is the least of the worries at this point. Your daughter LITERALLY tried to kill a child. By your own admission it took MULTIPLE people to pull her off of him. FYI please stop saying she was "defending" her brother. He was in ZERO danger while your daughter was drowning her cousin. Seriously ZERO danger.