It's astonishing that your parents could hear your brother openly admit that he destroyed the invitation and then frame is as a "misunderstanding", that's some grade-AAA cognitive dissonance there.
You are well rid of them. Live your best life, and never let them into it.
The "don't like" sounds like a justification she pulled out of her ass, because admitting that she stopped caring about her daughter as soon as she had a son was even worse.
Yes, this reminded me of the "boy mom's" on social media who are obsessed with their sons and dote on them whilst exploiting their daughters for views. I'm glad their judgmental community have shunned them.Ā
Exactly. I have two boys and two girls, and I love them all sameā¦ I canāt even imagine loving/liking my boys, but not my girls. What the actual hell??? Iām doing my best to raise them all to be the kind of people that other people like. Respect, considerate, empathetic, more happy than not, productive, open-minded, accepting, and all that. This woman is unbelievable.
I loathe the term boy mom. I have a son who I adore but this whole idea of making your son your entire personality is cringy. The women who call themselves boy moms will be the ones wearing white at his wedding and making his wife feel.like trash while continuing an unhealthy level of attachment to their adult sons
I mean this lady is similar to my mom sheāll tell everyone she loves us āequallyā but my brother is her everything. She literally kept a dog alive who bit my face because he wanted it. My weak ass dad actually married her because he wanted it and now both are miserable. I cut contact a few years ago because my bf encouraged me but there are moms like this in real life.Ā
This is my MIL, but she has openly admitted to me that my husband is her favorite child out of her 3 sons. She has now gone on to doing this with her grandchildren and openly admitted that my oldest son is her favorite. She has two older grandchildren that she makes no attempt to see, and one of them she flat out refuses to acknowledge as her grandchild. I've already warned my husband that I will shut it down if it gets to a point that my youngest kids would ever wonder "why doesn't Grandma love me like my brother" that heartbreak will not cross my children and I will burn every bridge down for my kids, no questions asked.
i always wondered why my aunts never liked me and treated me like shit growing up and that's because my dad is the oldest and only boy and my grandma's favorite (i wasn't though maybe because im a girl) but my one aunt always tells me she's glad im smart and not like my dad š
Honestly... this is kinda like my mom.. She rags on me in front of my little sister. Once she told my sister that she needs to do what she's told so she doesn't end up like me. For reference, I'm 20 yo, I graduated high school, don't have a job or a place of my own. I did go to college for a bit but had to drop out because I found I couldn't afford it.
When we were younger, my sister would get told to do chores and if she didn't, my mom got mad at me but had the nerve to say she doesn't have a favorite..
I was basically the slave once I hit double digits age wise. I couldnāt do anything right if my brother hurt me it was my fault for pissing him off. Honestly all I can say about that time before I left home and finally cut her off was I lived in a state of fear and anxiety. I never knew if I did something wrong or said the wrong thing to her she would fly into a rage and either scream at me making me feel like shit beneath her shoe or physically beat me and start dragging me out of the house by my hair. If she did it in front of my little brother he would just say I deserved it by not obeying her.Ā
What hurt is he got to sit in his room all the time either watching movies, playing video games, or whatever and all I wanted to do was read my books in mine but I couldnāt as I was always screamed at to help my mom in the kitchen. Iām glad I learnt how to cook but I have so so much resent meant for that, but she never had a favorite and loved us both equally. Yeah right itās so obvious you did so why lie and all I can think is control.Ā
Right. If I got mad at my sister and hit her or something (I had anger issues as a kid) it was my fault and I should've handled it better, but my sister doesn't get reprimanded for being a pest and sometimes purposely messing wth me.
There was one time my sister was mad at me for not giving her a doll she wanted because I was playing with it and she hit me with the one she was holding. I started crying and went to go tell. My mom literally laughed in my face and did nothing. I think she might've called my sister down and asked if she hit me. My sister said yeah and I think it only made her laugh harder. She told us to go back upstairs and play.
I don't remember what exactly happened after. I think she hit me again and I smacked tf out of her back, leaving a handprint. My sister broke out in tears and started screaming her head off. My mom asked what happened and picked my sister up to comfort her. When she saw what I did she got pissed and asked why I hit her. I told my mom it was because my sister hit me first.
Apparently that wasn't acceptable and she punished me hitting, but not my sister...
I didnāt dare hit my brother because I would get hurt so much worse. I had so much anger as a kid but had to bottle it because if I didnāt it always ended worse for me. Only time I fought back with my brother is when he wouldnāt stop so I choked him until he stopped and well my mom put a knife in my hand and said I should use it on myself. I was so scared she would kill me I just shut down after that. I lived through books and the hope one day I would get away and I would never take care of her when she gets older.Ā
Sadly being autistic and adhd and only knowing sadness, anger, or no emotions so now as an adult I struggle with emotions of the good sort. Whatās sad is I canāt tell people I love my significant other because I donāt know how that feels. I can say I love my dog but for humans itās so much harder.Ā
You can still learn to feel love/or recognise it. I don't know about autistic people, but the human brain is very apte for adaptation . I believe you could teach yourself to feel love and other emotions that you didn't experience in childhood or in other parts of life.
Through stories of people that survived horrible things for long years, the people are able to function afterwards ( the function depend on the people and how they recovered). So maybe not all hope is lost. :)
If I were you I would ask a professional that is specialised about it or read about it (there lots of books more or less useful about love and various aspect of psychology )
Oh no, it's entirely possible she's felt that way for a while. When I was a teenager my mom said that she only loved me because she had to, she didn't like me at all. She's apologized for most of what happened now that she's medicated and in therapy, but when I brought that up she said it was the truth back then.
She doesn't know how much that messed with my head. I'm glad OOP has support to help with that. There's not even a fear of rejection when that sort of thing happens, you just expect it. Whenever someone broke up with me it hurt, but it was never surprising because who could love me?
Thankfully after years of therapy and finding someone who loves me and wants to spend his life with me, I'm doing a lot better. Hopefully OP heals from this.
Omgoodness, my mom used to say the exact same thing to me, amongst other terrible things, such as "I should have had an abortion when I had the chance" to me. Unfortunately she never said any of these things with others around so if I tried telling people they thought I was making stuff up :( . I am so glad you were able to find good therapy and someone who truly loves you.
I'm just saying that it could be true that she didn't like her daughter. A lot of neglectful parents try to justify their actions in their own heads, and it's easier to say you don't like the kid (because it implies to them that the kid did something wrong) than to about they failed in the most basic of parenting responsibilities, caring for their child.
The mom totally failed, but like many abusers she tried to make it OPs fault. Or at least not a moral falling on her part.
The exact quote I would hear from my mother (on a weekly basis) was āyouāre my flesh and blood so I have to love you, but I donāt have to like youā. It f-cking hurt but I would never let her see that it did because it would have given her so much satisfaction to know that she got to me.
It's creepily common for women to be jealous of their female children and see them as competition of some sort. Then throw all their love and affection on their male children is a sort of f u.
Like what are you competing against it's your child. It's seriously is super gross
My Mom did this. she admitted to me when I was 21 that she hated me for anything my Dad complimented me on b/c he treated her and all of us so badly. he said I was smart, and she was stupid. commented on all of our bodies (5 girls) and we all developed eating disorders while he called her fat all the time. I ALWAYS STOOD UP FOR HER. I never let him say something degrading to her without my righteous indignation FULLY communicated. She took it all out on me, so instead of the loving mommy siblings remember I was abused by her. I donāt ever recall her acting like a āMotherā to me until I was well into my 20s.
Yeah, my mother told me she hated my guts when I was 10, her reason being "Your dad gives you too much attention, attention that he should be giving me" . . . She told me this whilst pinning me to the wall by my throat. So I understand how OP felt hearing her mother say that to her.
Your mother sucks, just like mine. That's why we call them mother and never mom. Mom is a loving creature, mother is just someone who gave birth. But somehow I can't stop thinking "imagen having a dad". I can still remember being 8 (7?9? Who knows š¤·) and messing around with mothers makeup. I was careful af cos ruining it would be painful. But she saw me and said "you look like a whore". Reminder: I was 8. What 8 yo knows how to put on makeup?! Like, not cake it on, actually apply it well?! The āØsmexualisation āØ was, and still is, mind blowing.
F poopy parents everywhere!
God, I'm so very sorry you had to go through such a horrible thing. 8 year old explore, its how they learn and to be called such a vile thing whilst also being wary of being hurt is horrendous š„
I couldn't imagine treating any child in such a disgusting way.
I'm sorry you too have a mother and not a mum.
Yeah, she can't grasp why I'm LC with her "I did everything for you" she says. I'm fine, I have learned to do my makeup as an adult. She didn't help, but she sure keeps asking how I do it when she sees pictures of me š I won by being a good person with friends and a partner who loves me. But I do have emotional scars. Thankfully people who love you help you deal and overcome much and move around the rest š
Edit: love your pfp, so cute!
My mom told me "i hate you because you resemble your dad in personality and looks" when i was 15. many years later, the woman can't fathom why i am cold and distant with heršš
It's so awful to see in person, but it's so real. I work with an 18 year old whose mom mirrors OPs.
Clearly favors the brother. Never has shown up for her concerts or programs or sporting events. Honestly is just rude to her (under the guise of joking) when she comes into the store. This girl has a great GPA, is headed to a great school in fall, did so many extra curriculars and yet can't do anything "right" to win her mom over.Ā
Until her death, my mom presented me as the worst child ever. My brother could do no wrong. I stayed home, went to work, the library, and the store. I had hardly any friends. My big rebellion was reading books Mom didn't approve of, having one boyfriend who she scared off, and at 21 I attended a valentine's dance at a local art studio. I moved out and got married to an awful man shortly after that. My mother showed up to the wedding and cursed our marriage and any fruit that came of it. My brother? He ran all over the place getting into trouble. He was hell on wheels, and drank, smoked, and is now fighting drug addiction.
My mother's old friends have told me what she said about me. How they tried to disagree, and she'd get belligerent with them about it. How she called ones pastor to tattle and was shut down by the pastor.
I'm now NC with my brother. Our parents are gone. My maternal grandmother ignores my existence because I won't let her live in a fantasy world about her daughter's behavior. My aunts are great though.
And the fact that Dad is just complacent. Your entire family is vile and disgusting towards your daughter and you didn't stop anything because you are a coward? Fuck no, if you go along with the charade and go to Disneyland, steal your daughter's college fund to buy a car and house for your son, it's not because your too cowardly to stand up for her. You are just as wretched, vile, and disgusting as the rest of them.
At least the father *seems* to have grasped his errors. But I wouldn't trust him until he follows through and divorces the mother. Maybe then give him a chance, but only then. And only if he meets OP's conditions and she wants it.
Stuff like that was said in my bio family when I was growing up. But now, I find the honesty preferable to those who lie. It's like, "Thank you for saving me years."
Seriously! I get parents and children not necessarily liking each other sometimes due to personality clashes, but I could never imagine treating my children poorly just because I didnāt care for their personality. Or telling them to their face that I didnāt like them. What a cruel woman
She will end up alone and miserable, trust me. The favored brother will eventually find a GF or wife and the competition between mom and her will force son to choose GF over mother and that will be the end of that.
When I was a teenager, my parents took in a relative. When the child was five years old, Her mom announced that they had a personality conflict and could not get along. She kept the twin brother, but sent the sister off to live with other relatives. I was flabbergasted! At five years old , a lot of that personality is still being shaped by the parents! I had awesome parents so at that point in my life.I really didn't understand bad parents.
This part had me stuck Iām a mother of 2 my daughter is the oldest (17) my son will be (12) in 15 days I canāt picture myself saying this to my kids. The fact that I can only bring myself to say Iām upset with you right now still bothers me.
Sheesh, if you didn't want the girl child give her up or abort her dumbass.
Sorry op, not saying they should have aborted you but the emotional and mental damage this has caused you would have been better off not nirn to such monsters who should not have bred or given up with hopes of finding a loving home.
Not saying the extended family didn't on some level provide that, and not having them wouldn't have been a tragedy but with a brother and parents like these, who needs enemies.
These people are the types that make me reconsider my stance on the ethocacy or eugenics.
My mother has never tried to hide the fact that she has disliked me from the day I was born. I have 3 siblings and they all know we are ranked and I am way at the bottom. Funny part is that kids ranked #1 and 2 hate her and #3 grovels for affection. For myself I have just cut all contact because her dislike of me has spilled to my 13yo which I won't allow. Some mothers really are as hateful and not shy to show it as OPs mother.
I had something similar happen, my step mom sent me a long angry rant calling my wife and I bullies and monsters prior to our wedding. Shortly after, my dad and I were talking about my issues with other members of the family and he mentioned his wife being excited to be there and I said āwait a second, you think sheās still invited to the wedding after that shit she pulled with her angry rant?ā He just said it was a misunderstanding. I absolutely uninvited her and havenāt spoken to her since.
People seem to think they can just hand wave some of the most vile shit being said or done as a āmisunderstanding.ā No, I understood it perfectly.
Yeah something tells me after that meeting that it was for the best that Mike ripped up that invite.
Who would want people like these 3 at your wedding. They would have done or said something to ruin OPs wedding.
No doubt in my mind.
He already attempted to ruin it by trying to hide it from their parents. But he unknowingly did OP a favor by ripping up the invite. It led directly to the meeting that led to OP going 100 percent no contact.
Right? Like that wouldn't make me forgive them at all. The fact that he did something so rotten and awful and they didn't completely tell him off for it would be all the proof I would need that I would never be as important as him.
So much happier. So many more real friends. A much more fulfilling life.
DAMHIK,IJK,OK.
This was so perfect that it couldn't have been planned nor scripted better. Toxic narcissist mom would have ruined the wedding anyway, had she shown up - and she would have, because hey, free attention - and brother did a favor by continuing to be a brat: OP came out blameless, faultless, and on the high road AND got to go, finally, full NC with her destructive blood relatives, with her real family's support and understanding.
Congrats, OP! Good for you, and I'm sure you're an inspiration to many lurking these threads. Go forth in the world and keep on kicking ass!
I want this for her. I want to second your words but I fear telling her that good is coming will seem a lie when she has a lot to deal with in therapy. There will be a lot of pain as she processes her life to this point. It is the path to happiness and healthy relationships but it means digging into the hard emotions and truly healing.
OP, you can face all that will come from now on.
There's initial relief, but still lots of pain. There's the joy of being free from that awfulness, but there's pain and sadness and anger there, too. It's really hard to extinguish the hope that a parent could maybe one day come around and task responsibility for all the crap they put us through. It's natural to want to be loved and approved of by a parent. I personally have found it easiest to lay into the anger, but that comes with its own bunch of problems along with avoiding the sadness.
Exactly; maybe she will or won't want to go through everything therapy often brings, but just the act of cutting these people out of her life forever will instantly lighten her load and make her feel better.
You can tell the grandpa was a good influence on the father too. That the father stood up and took blame, and realized he was spineless against the mother is truly heartening.
Ikr?! Iām planning on doing the same thing for similar reasons very soon and it is going to be amazing. This post gave me so much hope and courage about going NC with my family. No wayyy would I want them to taint my life (not to mention a wedding one day) with their shitty presence. They can go on living their miserable existence without me. And I know Iāll find my chosen family and true friends. I have a lot of optimism for the future and a new chapter away from all this narcissistic bs š»
Thank you for sharing OP! Your reaction was epic and you should feel like a badass for how you handled them. Have a great life and love ā¤ļø
I don't know, getting them shunned by their community is some pretty good revenge! š Good for OP there, bc that woman was no doubt acting all pious to her church group in public while being perfectly vile to her own daughter in private, and was most definitely playing the victim to them about why she missed OP's wedding. Whoopsie! Would be sweet for OP to send those flying monkeys' nasty messages to spouses and employers like she threatened, although I'm sure she just wants to get on with her life now.
OP, if you see this - well done!!! ššš You handled this beautifully!! You have so many people on your side, and I love how they were all with you and had your back at the park. Your paternal side (minus daddy himself) and husband ROCK! This definitely was dramatic, but in all the right ways, bc you got to end things with everyone *your* way - you got to tell them off and cut them off, and they've been publicly exposed for who they really are. I don't see many updates where the person who's suffered abuse like this comes out on top of everyone in such a big way. I hope you can get some satisfaction from how you handled everything so well.
And the topper: you got to have a perfect wedding *because* your parents and brother weren't there, they definitely would've caused drama. Hurtful as it was, Mike did you a favor, and now whenever you look at your wedding pictures, those vile people won't be in them, dredging up bad memories!
With all the people who love and support you, and through therapy, I think your healing journey will go well. Go live your best life!
I could feel her anger as she was telling her parents and brother what she really thought of them after all these years, and all I could think was, "Get it, girl!"
That update was so much more than I could have hope for, and the part where OP told her mother that she was so rotten even God couldn't save her? *mind blown* For someone who was so wrapped up in her church (until they shunned her, which made me chuckle), that was the moat amazing and perfect insult.
Also... Did anyone else want to punch OP's brother in the face when he said it ripped up and threw out the invite and deleted the texts? Seriously? So he could go to Disney? Between that and OP's mother's comments on her basically assuming she was never getting married and talking about some random scenario? Ummm... What? Ma'am, you need to sit your ass in the corner because you have lost all privileges. Which ones? ALL of them.
I honestly feel in the long run her Brother did her a favor by ripping up the invite. It directly led to the meeting and OP releasing herself from her toxic parents and brother.
Would you want any of these 3 people at a special day like a wedding?
I said the same thing. Now she can look back on her wedding pictures without having to see their faces or being reminded of how they treated her. Not to mention, if they had attended, at some point or another, they would have tried to make a scene. Or worse, faked being a happy family. I can also imagine one of them trying to make a toast š¤
Between the mother and Brother one of them would have done something to ruin OPs wedding day.
The Brother tearing up the invite had my blood boiling. Its like dude your THAT much of an AH to rip up your sisters wedding invite. And then sit back knowing your parents had no idea about it.
That is some evil shit ...who would want to be around someone like this.
OP is so much better off without these people in her life.
What I loved the most was that she called dad out for blaming everything on his wife. If you're craving for your parents' approval it's so easy to take that at face value and be like "OK dad, you're on the roll for reconciliation," but OP saw it for the bullshit it is and blocked him as well. I'm glad OP has many good people around her.
Dear internet stranger, I commend you for what you did!!!
That must have been the hardest confrontation ever, but you delivered their comeuppance with an eloquent firestorm and had your support system to allow you to let it all out; I admire you. It must have felt so cathartic!
Now down on your crown, like the queen you are, and leave those behind and surround yourself with only those that support and love you.
Take good care and congratulations on your wedding ā¤ļø!
I'm happy you stood up for yourself I want to say more but I am just so stuck on the fact that...
your parents missed your wedding to take their adult son who has no intellectual or developmental disabilities... to Disneyland
I won't trash anyone for wanting to go to an amusement park as an adult - but to do so *knowing* you're missing out on your oldest child's wedding is ... reprehensible to a degree I have trouble putting into words.
Listen, I am ALL for adults going to amusement parks. My issue was more the grown ass man having mommy and daddy pay for him and take him to Disney while also skipping his sister wedding...
Like, I feel like there's a difference between going on vacation with your family to spend time together and your parents paying... VS you telling your parents you want to go to Disney world on Saturday take me... one is normal family behavior, and the other I expect from a 8 yr old not a 21 yr old.
Nah mommy can keep him, God forbid she throws this petty. useless manchild into the dating pool... God help the poor girl he catfishes into dating him... I just known there's one poor naive soul thinking "I can fix him"
It sounds like you've managed to gain some catharsis, which I'm very glad about. Just remember that you are strong, have a solid support in your husband, and that you will be far better off without the emotional leeches who claimed to be your loving family members.
As Spock would say, "Live long, and prosper"!
Wow. Just wow. The nerve of some people, and these are OPs parents and brother. Iām shocked at the audacity of the actions of both the brother (tearing up a wedding invitation) and the egg donor (denying that her daughter was getting married). And, I agree with OP in that her sperm donor is taking advantage of the fallout to ātryā and make himself ālook good.ā I can never see OP neither forgiving nor communicating with them ever again.
Going NC is the best for OP. Good riddance.
I hope you live your best years without them!
I think the sperm donor has realized that he's about to be shunned by his entire family (not including the in-laws, maybe), & was pulling a hail mary damage control to prevent that.
Only it's too little, too late. Moreover, unless he manages to gas lamp wife & son that he really wasn't going to divorce wife, he's effectively lost everyone. Guy is going to die alone.
Well played, sperm donor.
I absolutely commend you for taking well deserved time to process it all and then confronting them and standing up for yourself!!! You absolutely deserve to be happy and rid of the toxicity inducing family members that donāt support you or understand your lifelong of hurt from them. I hope therapy helps you start to heal from all this, dear š¤
Glad you got it all out, and glad that others in your family wonāt tolerate that bullshit from them. I hope you heal from this soon and therapy is the right path, but having a spouse that has your back is extremely helpful too.
Those aunts, uncles and friends who were there backing you up are your family not those who stood across from you. I hope you find healing and happiness as you get farther away from this.
Enjoy your new Toxic Free Life!!! š
My you, your husband and Gramps have joy and fun from here onā¦š
Your Idiot, Moron Mother and Brother will NEVER Learn good luck because Karma is a Bā¦.š”
As for your Father š
>As for your Father š
OMG yes!! I just about pulled a muscle, I rolled my eyes so hard. Like, the mother and brother are clearly jerkful jerks, but dad is too pathetic for words.
Man. I grew up in a house that wasnāt super easy, but at least my parents werenāt actively trying to ruin my life. Im sorry you were saddled with a shit family, but it could be worse - you didnāt turn out like them.
Wish you the absolute best, OP. I have a similar family dynamic and cutting them out was the best thing I ever done. I was always an angry child and young adult. I couldnāt figure anything out until I tried EMDR with my therapist. I realized during the sessions I wasnāt angry with my parents, I was disappointed I always had to step it up and grow up fast to take care of my brothers. First daughter, third parent, yk?
I now focus on my found family. A close knit group of friends I have. I hope you grow so much into yourself! I know I did! All the best!!
I'm on the wait list for EMDR. I've been stuck in anger for 2 decades, although a few years ago I was able to access the sadness as well. Anger is a powerful emotion and I hate feeling vulnerable. I'm hopeful that EMDR will help get me over that hump.
When youāre able to get a session, I recommend clearing your schedule after! I cried so much after a few sessions I had to just cocoon myself in bed and watch tv. I didnāt realize it was going to be soooo much emotion. That being said, I donāt regret it. I had to face my childhood eventually or become my parents.
1. Got into therapy
2. Pulled in support from those you can trust
3. Cut off the rotten parts
4. Exposed the evil
5. Blocked those harassing you
6. You said what you needed to say to those you needed to hear it.
No, you pretty much covered everything I was hoping to hear you did at this stage. Stick to your guns, and invest your energy into creating the life and family you wish you had growing up.
Years ago I saw a post that simply said "if someone can hate you without even knowing you, why can't I love you without knowing you?" I thought that was the embodiment of the what Christian love should be. Even though I don't know you, I love you and want you to be happy, healthy, and successful, whatever success means to you. As anybody who loves you should
I plan to, in a future where Iāll be a tad bit more stable and in control of my feelings. As of now I think the amount of awful things theyāve discovered, and the guilt they feel for missing out on helping me, is enough
Proud of you OP.
I understand the feeling of just wanting their approval and love, and the devastation when it hits you that youāll never earn it. Been NC with my similarly weak father and his second wife 3 years now and while it was hard at first, Iāve had so much peace.
If you ever need a community, come to r/EstrangedAdultKids!
Thank you for your update, it felt both refreshing and necessary, to know that you have dealt with what has hurt you all your life.
Your mother's response to what she herself has done, by responding with anger, is such typical behavior of self-absorbed people, for even if one wishes, even if one's heart cries, they rarely bring the insight needed for the healing between people.
I wish you and Lucas the best!
Updateme!
>I know this isn't the drama filled, revenge full update you hoped for, but well, this is it.
There is nothing more vengeful than taking your power back and refusing to be manipulated anymore. You did good, OP.
It was the football thing for me.Ā The author fucked up in the original, got called out on it not being football season, and pretended they made it up for some reason? A clumsy, silly choice to close a plot holeĀ
Itās buried in the wall of text ā¦ but the idea is that her brother is playing *college football*. Something which has very public schedules. And they somehow decided to lie about him having a game.
That is why she added the Disneyland aspect. Everyone called her out on the other post for claiming a football game when college football ended in December.
I didnāt see the call-outs, just a bunch of āyaaas queen slayā from people who donāt get how ābrother is on a college football scholarshipā would actually work.
OP: āitās not fake!ā
Also OP: proceeds to post the fakest revenge porn follow up
Also did no one notice that Anna and Francis materialised halfway through?
Iāve been scrolling through the comments looking for info on Anna and Francis and youāre the first person to mention them that Iāve seen. I assumed more people would be trying to figure out who they are in this story - friends, I assume?
this is a very common plot issue with these writers. they write on impulse and they don't have plot formed. a good writer should write all the updates before they post the first part. that way they would have opportunity to make sure ther are no missing pieces that need to be added to the plot later.
this is a very common plot issue with these writers. they write on impulse and they don't have plot formed. a good writer should write all the updates before they post the first part. that way they would have opportunity to make sure ther are no missing pieces that need to be added to the plot later.
seeing all those support comments surprised me. come on people unless you went NC you can't miss conversations about your daughter's wedding. knowing this, author tries to introduce 3 solutions because they knew it was a big logic issue. despite all these, they still couldn't fix the issue.
attempt 1: I don't talk to my maternal side, I don't know what they discussed or why they didn't talk to mom about my wedding.
attempt 2: mom said she heard me but thought I was delusional so ignored me.
attempt 3: my evil brother not only destroyed the invitation which arrived conveniently when my parents were away but also removed every single text to either of my parent without either noticing. yep they always silenced their only daughter's messages, you know why not.
instead of coming up these ridiculous justifications the author should have just wrote that the mom not only disliked OOP but hated her and admitted they did not attend the wedding on purpose. why? cliche would had been OOP is an affair baby, on the father's side, or she was adopted. a more creative one would have been they were paid to not attend by a mysterious stranger turns out a rich guy OOP met at college but dumped in such a humiliating way this was the guy's revenge. or make the rich guy Lucas's boyfriend from whom OOP stole in the college. maybe I should write an AITAH.
> seeing all those support comments surprised me.
Because people on Reddit want the dopamine hit of a revenge story for reasons. They're willing to throw away all the red flags for the HAHA SEE!!! moment.
Very well put and I think your fanfiction is more compelling and believable! It's so bizarre to me that people can't pick up on the sheer number of unlikely specific explanations that need to align all exactly in this one way for the events to have happened as described. That being said, if people are harassing the OP in DMs that's shitty.
>Iāve realized that, the reason I never fully went NC, was that deep down I just wanted their approval, even now, for once. Pathetic, I know.
It's not pathetic. It's NORMAL. Most people want their parents to love them and care about them. The problem is just that some parents are shitty people and will never be able to give their kids the love they deserve. That's not your fault, but it is true that you eventually have to stop trying to make them care about you, because you will be wasting your time and energy on people that don't deserve it. I'm so sorry.
Damn this is fake, you can tell from the switching in and out of different Regional/National terms, the cartoonish evil brother, cartoonish evil mother, the perfect long suffering ā¦ mouseish ā¦and intelligent girl ā¦ who meets her perfect partner at college and the perfect accidental timing of literally everything in the story.
Cmon, who actually believes the wedding invitation just happens to arrive when the brother was visiting without the parents, he of course goes through the mail and instantly knows what it is and destroyed it. He is then able to secretly go through their phones (while not living with them) and delete every message from OP. The grandfather walked her down the aisle ā¦ but hadnāt talked to her father about her wedding ever? No person on the fatherās side ever mentioned a wedding ā¦ ever to the father or mother?
This is just too much BS and it isnāt even a compelling story.
Idk if it is ai or creative writing, but dad would have to be either extremely absent or just as malicious as mom to make it make sense. We know Mom changed the subject, but what did Dad say when OP talked to him about the wedding? Did she never talk to him without Mom present? If Dad is just spineless, how come they _both_ had her text thread archived? Dad throws mom under the bus, but didn't OP also only yell at him for being spineless and not standing up to mom?
Also, OP ends it with "sorry this wasn't a drama-filled, revengeful update" when they had an explosive confrontation in a public setting, disownment, parents being shunned by their community... That's a lot of drama and some satisfying revenge. Seems like an attempt to mimic the more "legit" posts
The thing that always gives it away to me is when theyāre essentially an omniscient narrator. Itās been a week but the entire town knows because of the email to a random church lady? How would the OP know that everyone knows when they have everyone blocked, live an hour away, and arenāt from the same town?
As much as you might not belive your dad might actually be remorseful. And genuine. He may be a weak man. Because he didn't want to lose his family. He knew your mother and if he went against her he was gonna lose. So he gave up.Ā
No, but this is *exactly* the kind of update we wanted.
You have support, and closure, and youāre making excellent choices to preserve and grow your happiness. Thatās the best possible kind of update.
I stopped reading at the brother ripping up the invitation and also deleting the messages off EVERYONEās phones. Then crying and such. Thereās absolutely no way this is real, in fact this is sounding more and more like a Liz story. I look forward to the sequel in which OP gets a new job making 400k a year, the brother goes to jail, and the parents begging for forgiveness and OP sticking it to them by sending them a long message via text then blocking them. Bonus points if they move to Spain or some other country people only go to on vacation.
I didn't even finish but Grandpa decided to give her the ranch. It turns out he's actually rich and has been hiding it! There are ponies everywhere!
Mom and dad lost their jobs and now they have to work for her tilling soil!
And then everybody in the park clapped?
You go out of your way to let us know itās not fake and all the haters must have wonderful livesā¦
The way everything clicks into place perfectly for you is just so far from believable.
Your brother destroyed the invitesā¦ sure thingā¦
They went to Disneyland without you knowing considering they are prolific Facebook oversharersā¦ There was no football game but you didnāt bother to check?
The saddest part, aside from lies for internet points is that if this is true you acknowledge your dads weakness and then he finally grows a spine and chooses you over his wife and you block him because fuck the one person that might want to salvage a relationship right?
Your mum admits she just doesnāt like you in front of her parents/siblings/w/e? No shot a textbook narcissist does that. Your brother gets a tantrum holiday, wtf are you even spewing? Youāre story doesnāt even add up. You say your parents didnāt get an invite and therefore didnāt know the date but at the same time they knew the date because they took your bro to Disneyland and yet theyāre shocked they missed the wedding. Which one is it?
Too many of these creative stories start out dire and then suddenly the family rallies behind them and they get some Shakespearean gotcha moment from a rom-con.
You got greedy and tried to be too creative and go too big with your story. Disneyland, destroyed invites, no football, everyone confesses, braveheart/Independence Day level speech, everyone at the park is holding their breath in awe of your majesty, pick one or two of these. Going for it all is just overkill.
I look forward to your next update where you receive a congressional medal of valour, a letter from queen Elizabeth from beyond the grave and then, SHOCK twist!!! They werenāt even your real parents. Youāre actually a grey from the planet Zark and you received a mysterious holo-invite to return home from your mission to spread as much bullshit over the internet as possible.
Iām so glad you got a degree of closure, and that youāre in therapy to work out those years of trauma. It is entirely possible your mother was emotionally abusing your father, as well. If he really follows through on divorcing your mom and does some therapy of his own, that relationship may be salvageable. It will never be what it should, but in time (a lot of it) you may be able to restore some of what your mother has destroyed. Sending tons and kilos of positive energy your way!
If your mother is narcissistic as you claim, then your father is also a victim. He needs therapy and compassion. Narcissists line the road with victims. Be kinder to your dad, he is a victim also.
I donāt know if sheās a narcissist or just evil. At this point, I donāt care. My father is a Peter Pettigrew kinda man, heās always on the side of the strongest person around no matter what he actually thinks. That he needs therapy, I agree. Compassion, Iām not sure. Time will tell.
"I asked Mike why would he do that, and he just shrugged, and claimed that it wasnāt as important as the stuff they had in program anyway"
What does this mean? "Had in program"? What?
Ah yes another one where father is white as snow he just couldnt stand up to evil mother (rightooā¦) just went to disneyland in secret lol and is gonna divorce herā¦.
If not for this i would believe it.
Thank you for this Update!
I'm amazed at the audacity of your family! On the other hand it is obvious who's got your back and I'm sure therapy will make it easier to heal.
You did great OP and you can be vert proud of yourself. You've been so strong and clear in your actions. Best of luck to your new chapter in lifeā¤ļø
Im glad you had the opportunity to vent your full feelings to your family. That will help with your mental healing as you go through therapy.
Personal view on your dad. If he actually does actually go though the divorce. It may be worth switching to LC with him. A weak willed person has no control over their life. But his divorce to your mother could be the first steps to putting iron into his spine. And you can start simply by only meeting and talking to him in family therapy. (He pays for that of course to help prove he is serious about fixing things with you) and then go from there.
And as for your mom and brother. Ya. No. There is no hope for them. They lied about were they went. Your bother trashed the invites and deleted the wedding texts. Your mom thinking you were delusional when she over heard your wedding plans. You are best of with a permanent NC with them
Anyways I wish you the absolute best. And hope things get better with time
Yeah I don't buy the "pos tore up their invitation and deleted the chats" for a second. Why would he? Your parents clearly wouldn't have come regardless or, from the looks of it, even read your messages/letter anyway. I think he said it to hurt you which is why your dad didn't respond to that. Your mom, she would have happily watched him do it so of course she didn't respond.
>I know this isnāt the drama filled, revenge full update you hoped for, but well, this is it. Iāll let you know if anything changes or evolves.
What do you mean? This was the most satisfying and happy update I could read!!! I was so invested!!! Thank you for sharing!!! I'm so sooo happy with your decisions and the outcome and the support you still haveš„°ā¤ļø
Maybe once your father is actually divorced and gone NC with her *and* your brother, there's a basis for some rekindling of your relationship. But wow.
Perhaps, but as of now I donāt want to think about it. Heās been a supportive dad, but heās never once defended me in his life. His love was āunconditionalā until my mother decided it was, in fact, conditional. And sometimes, it really felt like his love was just something on and off. I donāt want to stick around to see when the magic spell will wear off
It's astonishing that your parents could hear your brother openly admit that he destroyed the invitation and then frame is as a "misunderstanding", that's some grade-AAA cognitive dissonance there. You are well rid of them. Live your best life, and never let them into it.
The whole, "I just don't like you." What in the actual hell??? š¤Æ
could be that OPās mom saw her as competition, and has some weird enmeshment with her golden child son.
The "don't like" sounds like a justification she pulled out of her ass, because admitting that she stopped caring about her daughter as soon as she had a son was even worse.
Yes, this reminded me of the "boy mom's" on social media who are obsessed with their sons and dote on them whilst exploiting their daughters for views. I'm glad their judgmental community have shunned them.Ā
I am a boy mom and cringe when I hear stories like this. I love my boys but my job was to raise them so someone would want to marry them
AND to respect women
Exactly. I have two boys and two girls, and I love them all sameā¦ I canāt even imagine loving/liking my boys, but not my girls. What the actual hell??? Iām doing my best to raise them all to be the kind of people that other people like. Respect, considerate, empathetic, more happy than not, productive, open-minded, accepting, and all that. This woman is unbelievable.
I loathe the term boy mom. I have a son who I adore but this whole idea of making your son your entire personality is cringy. The women who call themselves boy moms will be the ones wearing white at his wedding and making his wife feel.like trash while continuing an unhealthy level of attachment to their adult sons
I mean this lady is similar to my mom sheāll tell everyone she loves us āequallyā but my brother is her everything. She literally kept a dog alive who bit my face because he wanted it. My weak ass dad actually married her because he wanted it and now both are miserable. I cut contact a few years ago because my bf encouraged me but there are moms like this in real life.Ā
This is my MIL, but she has openly admitted to me that my husband is her favorite child out of her 3 sons. She has now gone on to doing this with her grandchildren and openly admitted that my oldest son is her favorite. She has two older grandchildren that she makes no attempt to see, and one of them she flat out refuses to acknowledge as her grandchild. I've already warned my husband that I will shut it down if it gets to a point that my youngest kids would ever wonder "why doesn't Grandma love me like my brother" that heartbreak will not cross my children and I will burn every bridge down for my kids, no questions asked.
i always wondered why my aunts never liked me and treated me like shit growing up and that's because my dad is the oldest and only boy and my grandma's favorite (i wasn't though maybe because im a girl) but my one aunt always tells me she's glad im smart and not like my dad š
Honestly... this is kinda like my mom.. She rags on me in front of my little sister. Once she told my sister that she needs to do what she's told so she doesn't end up like me. For reference, I'm 20 yo, I graduated high school, don't have a job or a place of my own. I did go to college for a bit but had to drop out because I found I couldn't afford it. When we were younger, my sister would get told to do chores and if she didn't, my mom got mad at me but had the nerve to say she doesn't have a favorite..
I was basically the slave once I hit double digits age wise. I couldnāt do anything right if my brother hurt me it was my fault for pissing him off. Honestly all I can say about that time before I left home and finally cut her off was I lived in a state of fear and anxiety. I never knew if I did something wrong or said the wrong thing to her she would fly into a rage and either scream at me making me feel like shit beneath her shoe or physically beat me and start dragging me out of the house by my hair. If she did it in front of my little brother he would just say I deserved it by not obeying her.Ā What hurt is he got to sit in his room all the time either watching movies, playing video games, or whatever and all I wanted to do was read my books in mine but I couldnāt as I was always screamed at to help my mom in the kitchen. Iām glad I learnt how to cook but I have so so much resent meant for that, but she never had a favorite and loved us both equally. Yeah right itās so obvious you did so why lie and all I can think is control.Ā
Right. If I got mad at my sister and hit her or something (I had anger issues as a kid) it was my fault and I should've handled it better, but my sister doesn't get reprimanded for being a pest and sometimes purposely messing wth me. There was one time my sister was mad at me for not giving her a doll she wanted because I was playing with it and she hit me with the one she was holding. I started crying and went to go tell. My mom literally laughed in my face and did nothing. I think she might've called my sister down and asked if she hit me. My sister said yeah and I think it only made her laugh harder. She told us to go back upstairs and play. I don't remember what exactly happened after. I think she hit me again and I smacked tf out of her back, leaving a handprint. My sister broke out in tears and started screaming her head off. My mom asked what happened and picked my sister up to comfort her. When she saw what I did she got pissed and asked why I hit her. I told my mom it was because my sister hit me first. Apparently that wasn't acceptable and she punished me hitting, but not my sister...
I didnāt dare hit my brother because I would get hurt so much worse. I had so much anger as a kid but had to bottle it because if I didnāt it always ended worse for me. Only time I fought back with my brother is when he wouldnāt stop so I choked him until he stopped and well my mom put a knife in my hand and said I should use it on myself. I was so scared she would kill me I just shut down after that. I lived through books and the hope one day I would get away and I would never take care of her when she gets older.Ā Sadly being autistic and adhd and only knowing sadness, anger, or no emotions so now as an adult I struggle with emotions of the good sort. Whatās sad is I canāt tell people I love my significant other because I donāt know how that feels. I can say I love my dog but for humans itās so much harder.Ā
You can still learn to feel love/or recognise it. I don't know about autistic people, but the human brain is very apte for adaptation . I believe you could teach yourself to feel love and other emotions that you didn't experience in childhood or in other parts of life. Through stories of people that survived horrible things for long years, the people are able to function afterwards ( the function depend on the people and how they recovered). So maybe not all hope is lost. :) If I were you I would ask a professional that is specialised about it or read about it (there lots of books more or less useful about love and various aspect of psychology )
Oh no, it's entirely possible she's felt that way for a while. When I was a teenager my mom said that she only loved me because she had to, she didn't like me at all. She's apologized for most of what happened now that she's medicated and in therapy, but when I brought that up she said it was the truth back then. She doesn't know how much that messed with my head. I'm glad OOP has support to help with that. There's not even a fear of rejection when that sort of thing happens, you just expect it. Whenever someone broke up with me it hurt, but it was never surprising because who could love me? Thankfully after years of therapy and finding someone who loves me and wants to spend his life with me, I'm doing a lot better. Hopefully OP heals from this.
Omgoodness, my mom used to say the exact same thing to me, amongst other terrible things, such as "I should have had an abortion when I had the chance" to me. Unfortunately she never said any of these things with others around so if I tried telling people they thought I was making stuff up :( . I am so glad you were able to find good therapy and someone who truly loves you.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that too! It turns out there are a lot of us who grew up like that.
From OP's first post, the change occured as soon as her brother was born.
I'm just saying that it could be true that she didn't like her daughter. A lot of neglectful parents try to justify their actions in their own heads, and it's easier to say you don't like the kid (because it implies to them that the kid did something wrong) than to about they failed in the most basic of parenting responsibilities, caring for their child. The mom totally failed, but like many abusers she tried to make it OPs fault. Or at least not a moral falling on her part.
The exact quote I would hear from my mother (on a weekly basis) was āyouāre my flesh and blood so I have to love you, but I donāt have to like youā. It f-cking hurt but I would never let her see that it did because it would have given her so much satisfaction to know that she got to me.
I'm sorry. It's not fair that anyone has to go through that.
Her mom sounds exactly like my own mom. Glad she's getting away from her family.
wishing you peace and happiness moving forward, friend
It's creepily common for women to be jealous of their female children and see them as competition of some sort. Then throw all their love and affection on their male children is a sort of f u. Like what are you competing against it's your child. It's seriously is super gross
My Mom did this. she admitted to me when I was 21 that she hated me for anything my Dad complimented me on b/c he treated her and all of us so badly. he said I was smart, and she was stupid. commented on all of our bodies (5 girls) and we all developed eating disorders while he called her fat all the time. I ALWAYS STOOD UP FOR HER. I never let him say something degrading to her without my righteous indignation FULLY communicated. She took it all out on me, so instead of the loving mommy siblings remember I was abused by her. I donāt ever recall her acting like a āMotherā to me until I was well into my 20s.
Yeah, my mother told me she hated my guts when I was 10, her reason being "Your dad gives you too much attention, attention that he should be giving me" . . . She told me this whilst pinning me to the wall by my throat. So I understand how OP felt hearing her mother say that to her.
Your mother sucks, just like mine. That's why we call them mother and never mom. Mom is a loving creature, mother is just someone who gave birth. But somehow I can't stop thinking "imagen having a dad". I can still remember being 8 (7?9? Who knows š¤·) and messing around with mothers makeup. I was careful af cos ruining it would be painful. But she saw me and said "you look like a whore". Reminder: I was 8. What 8 yo knows how to put on makeup?! Like, not cake it on, actually apply it well?! The āØsmexualisation āØ was, and still is, mind blowing. F poopy parents everywhere!
God, I'm so very sorry you had to go through such a horrible thing. 8 year old explore, its how they learn and to be called such a vile thing whilst also being wary of being hurt is horrendous š„ I couldn't imagine treating any child in such a disgusting way. I'm sorry you too have a mother and not a mum.
Yeah, she can't grasp why I'm LC with her "I did everything for you" she says. I'm fine, I have learned to do my makeup as an adult. She didn't help, but she sure keeps asking how I do it when she sees pictures of me š I won by being a good person with friends and a partner who loves me. But I do have emotional scars. Thankfully people who love you help you deal and overcome much and move around the rest š Edit: love your pfp, so cute!
My mom told me "i hate you because you resemble your dad in personality and looks" when i was 15. many years later, the woman can't fathom why i am cold and distant with heršš
It's so awful to see in person, but it's so real. I work with an 18 year old whose mom mirrors OPs. Clearly favors the brother. Never has shown up for her concerts or programs or sporting events. Honestly is just rude to her (under the guise of joking) when she comes into the store. This girl has a great GPA, is headed to a great school in fall, did so many extra curriculars and yet can't do anything "right" to win her mom over.Ā
That's heartbreaking.
Until her death, my mom presented me as the worst child ever. My brother could do no wrong. I stayed home, went to work, the library, and the store. I had hardly any friends. My big rebellion was reading books Mom didn't approve of, having one boyfriend who she scared off, and at 21 I attended a valentine's dance at a local art studio. I moved out and got married to an awful man shortly after that. My mother showed up to the wedding and cursed our marriage and any fruit that came of it. My brother? He ran all over the place getting into trouble. He was hell on wheels, and drank, smoked, and is now fighting drug addiction. My mother's old friends have told me what she said about me. How they tried to disagree, and she'd get belligerent with them about it. How she called ones pastor to tattle and was shut down by the pastor. I'm now NC with my brother. Our parents are gone. My maternal grandmother ignores my existence because I won't let her live in a fantasy world about her daughter's behavior. My aunts are great though.
And the fact that Dad is just complacent. Your entire family is vile and disgusting towards your daughter and you didn't stop anything because you are a coward? Fuck no, if you go along with the charade and go to Disneyland, steal your daughter's college fund to buy a car and house for your son, it's not because your too cowardly to stand up for her. You are just as wretched, vile, and disgusting as the rest of them.
At least the father *seems* to have grasped his errors. But I wouldn't trust him until he follows through and divorces the mother. Maybe then give him a chance, but only then. And only if he meets OP's conditions and she wants it.
He seems to grasp shame and consequence. Not remorse.
Stuff like that was said in my bio family when I was growing up. But now, I find the honesty preferable to those who lie. It's like, "Thank you for saving me years."
The amount of times I gasped reading this!
Seriously! I get parents and children not necessarily liking each other sometimes due to personality clashes, but I could never imagine treating my children poorly just because I didnāt care for their personality. Or telling them to their face that I didnāt like them. What a cruel woman
She will end up alone and miserable, trust me. The favored brother will eventually find a GF or wife and the competition between mom and her will force son to choose GF over mother and that will be the end of that.
Yep! Watched that happen firsthand with my own mother and brother.
Oh, it isn't that unusual. My mother often told me that she didn't like me.
Want to bet OP was an unplanned child, while Mike was planned?
Wait until the parents are old and infirm. Mike will bail on caring for them and they'll demand that OP enslave herself to them.
When I was a teenager, my parents took in a relative. When the child was five years old, Her mom announced that they had a personality conflict and could not get along. She kept the twin brother, but sent the sister off to live with other relatives. I was flabbergasted! At five years old , a lot of that personality is still being shaped by the parents! I had awesome parents so at that point in my life.I really didn't understand bad parents.
This part had me stuck Iām a mother of 2 my daughter is the oldest (17) my son will be (12) in 15 days I canāt picture myself saying this to my kids. The fact that I can only bring myself to say Iām upset with you right now still bothers me.
It's not at all uncommon. What is uncommon is the mother being honest about it. Good riddance to her.
A mother telling her child that.. with no actual reason.
Sheesh, if you didn't want the girl child give her up or abort her dumbass. Sorry op, not saying they should have aborted you but the emotional and mental damage this has caused you would have been better off not nirn to such monsters who should not have bred or given up with hopes of finding a loving home. Not saying the extended family didn't on some level provide that, and not having them wouldn't have been a tragedy but with a brother and parents like these, who needs enemies. These people are the types that make me reconsider my stance on the ethocacy or eugenics.
My mother has never tried to hide the fact that she has disliked me from the day I was born. I have 3 siblings and they all know we are ranked and I am way at the bottom. Funny part is that kids ranked #1 and 2 hate her and #3 grovels for affection. For myself I have just cut all contact because her dislike of me has spilled to my 13yo which I won't allow. Some mothers really are as hateful and not shy to show it as OPs mother.
I had something similar happen, my step mom sent me a long angry rant calling my wife and I bullies and monsters prior to our wedding. Shortly after, my dad and I were talking about my issues with other members of the family and he mentioned his wife being excited to be there and I said āwait a second, you think sheās still invited to the wedding after that shit she pulled with her angry rant?ā He just said it was a misunderstanding. I absolutely uninvited her and havenāt spoken to her since. People seem to think they can just hand wave some of the most vile shit being said or done as a āmisunderstanding.ā No, I understood it perfectly.
Yeah something tells me after that meeting that it was for the best that Mike ripped up that invite. Who would want people like these 3 at your wedding. They would have done or said something to ruin OPs wedding.
Mike would have ruined the wedding somehow.
No doubt in my mind. He already attempted to ruin it by trying to hide it from their parents. But he unknowingly did OP a favor by ripping up the invite. It led directly to the meeting that led to OP going 100 percent no contact.
All they heard out of that was āItās not our fault.ā
Right? Like that wouldn't make me forgive them at all. The fact that he did something so rotten and awful and they didn't completely tell him off for it would be all the proof I would need that I would never be as important as him.
Theyāre a cult of their self-established unholy trio: mom, dad and Mike.
Awesome. Live your best life. All the best to you both ā¤ļø
Before she even knows it, OP is going to be feeling so much happier, so much freer, and so much more valued by people who are worthwhile.
So much happier. So many more real friends. A much more fulfilling life. DAMHIK,IJK,OK. This was so perfect that it couldn't have been planned nor scripted better. Toxic narcissist mom would have ruined the wedding anyway, had she shown up - and she would have, because hey, free attention - and brother did a favor by continuing to be a brat: OP came out blameless, faultless, and on the high road AND got to go, finally, full NC with her destructive blood relatives, with her real family's support and understanding. Congrats, OP! Good for you, and I'm sure you're an inspiration to many lurking these threads. Go forth in the world and keep on kicking ass!
I want this for her. I want to second your words but I fear telling her that good is coming will seem a lie when she has a lot to deal with in therapy. There will be a lot of pain as she processes her life to this point. It is the path to happiness and healthy relationships but it means digging into the hard emotions and truly healing. OP, you can face all that will come from now on.
I think just having her egg donor and sibling spawn out of her life will be a relief she can build on.
There's initial relief, but still lots of pain. There's the joy of being free from that awfulness, but there's pain and sadness and anger there, too. It's really hard to extinguish the hope that a parent could maybe one day come around and task responsibility for all the crap they put us through. It's natural to want to be loved and approved of by a parent. I personally have found it easiest to lay into the anger, but that comes with its own bunch of problems along with avoiding the sadness.
Exactly; maybe she will or won't want to go through everything therapy often brings, but just the act of cutting these people out of her life forever will instantly lighten her load and make her feel better.
It was all perfectly deserved.
Second this! OP, you deserve all the happiness.
Grandpa rocks!
Grandpa deserves an award or something, maybe OP should bake/buy the old guy some of his favourite foods
You can tell the grandpa was a good influence on the father too. That the father stood up and took blame, and realized he was spineless against the mother is truly heartening.
āI know this isnāt the drama filled, revenge full update some of you were hoping forā Girl it was much better. Good for you.
Exactly what I was thinking š this is genuine catharsis for everyone.
Ikr?! Iām planning on doing the same thing for similar reasons very soon and it is going to be amazing. This post gave me so much hope and courage about going NC with my family. No wayyy would I want them to taint my life (not to mention a wedding one day) with their shitty presence. They can go on living their miserable existence without me. And I know Iāll find my chosen family and true friends. I have a lot of optimism for the future and a new chapter away from all this narcissistic bs š» Thank you for sharing OP! Your reaction was epic and you should feel like a badass for how you handled them. Have a great life and love ā¤ļø
I don't know, getting them shunned by their community is some pretty good revenge! š Good for OP there, bc that woman was no doubt acting all pious to her church group in public while being perfectly vile to her own daughter in private, and was most definitely playing the victim to them about why she missed OP's wedding. Whoopsie! Would be sweet for OP to send those flying monkeys' nasty messages to spouses and employers like she threatened, although I'm sure she just wants to get on with her life now. OP, if you see this - well done!!! ššš You handled this beautifully!! You have so many people on your side, and I love how they were all with you and had your back at the park. Your paternal side (minus daddy himself) and husband ROCK! This definitely was dramatic, but in all the right ways, bc you got to end things with everyone *your* way - you got to tell them off and cut them off, and they've been publicly exposed for who they really are. I don't see many updates where the person who's suffered abuse like this comes out on top of everyone in such a big way. I hope you can get some satisfaction from how you handled everything so well. And the topper: you got to have a perfect wedding *because* your parents and brother weren't there, they definitely would've caused drama. Hurtful as it was, Mike did you a favor, and now whenever you look at your wedding pictures, those vile people won't be in them, dredging up bad memories! With all the people who love and support you, and through therapy, I think your healing journey will go well. Go live your best life!
I was gonna say that! Ain't NO punishment like a good ole church shunning!!
I could feel her anger as she was telling her parents and brother what she really thought of them after all these years, and all I could think was, "Get it, girl!" That update was so much more than I could have hope for, and the part where OP told her mother that she was so rotten even God couldn't save her? *mind blown* For someone who was so wrapped up in her church (until they shunned her, which made me chuckle), that was the moat amazing and perfect insult. Also... Did anyone else want to punch OP's brother in the face when he said it ripped up and threw out the invite and deleted the texts? Seriously? So he could go to Disney? Between that and OP's mother's comments on her basically assuming she was never getting married and talking about some random scenario? Ummm... What? Ma'am, you need to sit your ass in the corner because you have lost all privileges. Which ones? ALL of them.
I honestly feel in the long run her Brother did her a favor by ripping up the invite. It directly led to the meeting and OP releasing herself from her toxic parents and brother. Would you want any of these 3 people at a special day like a wedding?
I said the same thing. Now she can look back on her wedding pictures without having to see their faces or being reminded of how they treated her. Not to mention, if they had attended, at some point or another, they would have tried to make a scene. Or worse, faked being a happy family. I can also imagine one of them trying to make a toast š¤
Between the mother and Brother one of them would have done something to ruin OPs wedding day. The Brother tearing up the invite had my blood boiling. Its like dude your THAT much of an AH to rip up your sisters wedding invite. And then sit back knowing your parents had no idea about it. That is some evil shit ...who would want to be around someone like this. OP is so much better off without these people in her life.
Agreed!!!
Absolutely
What I loved the most was that she called dad out for blaming everything on his wife. If you're craving for your parents' approval it's so easy to take that at face value and be like "OK dad, you're on the roll for reconciliation," but OP saw it for the bullshit it is and blocked him as well. I'm glad OP has many good people around her.
šÆ
Dear internet stranger, I commend you for what you did!!! That must have been the hardest confrontation ever, but you delivered their comeuppance with an eloquent firestorm and had your support system to allow you to let it all out; I admire you. It must have felt so cathartic! Now down on your crown, like the queen you are, and leave those behind and surround yourself with only those that support and love you. Take good care and congratulations on your wedding ā¤ļø!
I'm happy you stood up for yourself I want to say more but I am just so stuck on the fact that... your parents missed your wedding to take their adult son who has no intellectual or developmental disabilities... to Disneyland
I won't trash anyone for wanting to go to an amusement park as an adult - but to do so *knowing* you're missing out on your oldest child's wedding is ... reprehensible to a degree I have trouble putting into words.
Listen, I am ALL for adults going to amusement parks. My issue was more the grown ass man having mommy and daddy pay for him and take him to Disney while also skipping his sister wedding... Like, I feel like there's a difference between going on vacation with your family to spend time together and your parents paying... VS you telling your parents you want to go to Disney world on Saturday take me... one is normal family behavior, and the other I expect from a 8 yr old not a 21 yr old.
He's never had to grow up from being 8 years old mentally, and it's unlikely he'll have to until his mommy dies.
And by then it will be far too late. Mummy better find a suitable replacement mum to marry him soon. Or he's in for a rude shock.
Nah mommy can keep him, God forbid she throws this petty. useless manchild into the dating pool... God help the poor girl he catfishes into dating him... I just known there's one poor naive soul thinking "I can fix him"
Oh I wasn't suggesting that actually happen, just that he's in for a big shock if it doesn't.
Well, i bet Mommy's plan was probably to convince some poor innocent girl from her church to marry him, so OP getting her shunned was a good thing
At his age, he should be going with friends. But I suspect even the toxic males found in university wonāt want to be around this jerk.
It sounds like you've managed to gain some catharsis, which I'm very glad about. Just remember that you are strong, have a solid support in your husband, and that you will be far better off without the emotional leeches who claimed to be your loving family members. As Spock would say, "Live long, and prosper"!
I love Spock in Star Wars... Such an awesome character
Luke Picard of the Stargate Galactica sends his regards
Use the force Harry!
Touche
Ooooh! Stargate Galactica! And who can't love Luke Picard?!?!? But my fave has to be Starbuck O'Neill!
š
I just want to tell OP in the immortal words of Gandalf, āMay the odds be ever in your favor.ā
Omg you just made me laugh so hard! š
What is wrong with you, everyone knows Dr. Spoke is a famous proctologist from the 70s.
I'm pretty sure he was a porn star.
You trying to bring an angry mob down on yourself?
ššš Eehh... Just thought I'd stir up some controversy
Wow. Just wow. The nerve of some people, and these are OPs parents and brother. Iām shocked at the audacity of the actions of both the brother (tearing up a wedding invitation) and the egg donor (denying that her daughter was getting married). And, I agree with OP in that her sperm donor is taking advantage of the fallout to ātryā and make himself ālook good.ā I can never see OP neither forgiving nor communicating with them ever again. Going NC is the best for OP. Good riddance. I hope you live your best years without them!
I think the sperm donor has realized that he's about to be shunned by his entire family (not including the in-laws, maybe), & was pulling a hail mary damage control to prevent that. Only it's too little, too late. Moreover, unless he manages to gas lamp wife & son that he really wasn't going to divorce wife, he's effectively lost everyone. Guy is going to die alone. Well played, sperm donor.
I absolutely commend you for taking well deserved time to process it all and then confronting them and standing up for yourself!!! You absolutely deserve to be happy and rid of the toxicity inducing family members that donāt support you or understand your lifelong of hurt from them. I hope therapy helps you start to heal from all this, dear š¤
I gotta start going to parksā¦
I'll bring popcorn šæ
It's where they do all the 'Catfish' (the tv show) meetups too.
Glad you got it all out, and glad that others in your family wonāt tolerate that bullshit from them. I hope you heal from this soon and therapy is the right path, but having a spouse that has your back is extremely helpful too.
Those aunts, uncles and friends who were there backing you up are your family not those who stood across from you. I hope you find healing and happiness as you get farther away from this.
Enjoy your new Toxic Free Life!!! š My you, your husband and Gramps have joy and fun from here onā¦š Your Idiot, Moron Mother and Brother will NEVER Learn good luck because Karma is a Bā¦.š” As for your Father š
>As for your Father š OMG yes!! I just about pulled a muscle, I rolled my eyes so hard. Like, the mother and brother are clearly jerkful jerks, but dad is too pathetic for words.
Man. I grew up in a house that wasnāt super easy, but at least my parents werenāt actively trying to ruin my life. Im sorry you were saddled with a shit family, but it could be worse - you didnāt turn out like them.
Wish you the absolute best, OP. I have a similar family dynamic and cutting them out was the best thing I ever done. I was always an angry child and young adult. I couldnāt figure anything out until I tried EMDR with my therapist. I realized during the sessions I wasnāt angry with my parents, I was disappointed I always had to step it up and grow up fast to take care of my brothers. First daughter, third parent, yk? I now focus on my found family. A close knit group of friends I have. I hope you grow so much into yourself! I know I did! All the best!!
I'm on the wait list for EMDR. I've been stuck in anger for 2 decades, although a few years ago I was able to access the sadness as well. Anger is a powerful emotion and I hate feeling vulnerable. I'm hopeful that EMDR will help get me over that hump.
When youāre able to get a session, I recommend clearing your schedule after! I cried so much after a few sessions I had to just cocoon myself in bed and watch tv. I didnāt realize it was going to be soooo much emotion. That being said, I donāt regret it. I had to face my childhood eventually or become my parents.
1. Got into therapy 2. Pulled in support from those you can trust 3. Cut off the rotten parts 4. Exposed the evil 5. Blocked those harassing you 6. You said what you needed to say to those you needed to hear it. No, you pretty much covered everything I was hoping to hear you did at this stage. Stick to your guns, and invest your energy into creating the life and family you wish you had growing up. Years ago I saw a post that simply said "if someone can hate you without even knowing you, why can't I love you without knowing you?" I thought that was the embodiment of the what Christian love should be. Even though I don't know you, I love you and want you to be happy, healthy, and successful, whatever success means to you. As anybody who loves you should
Youāll make me cry, this is such a nice commentš„¹ I love you too, internet stranger. Thank you for your loveš«¶š»
a question. you will tell your uncle, aunt and grandpa about the beat ups and brother stealing? im glad you are free from them. enjoy your life.
I plan to, in a future where Iāll be a tad bit more stable and in control of my feelings. As of now I think the amount of awful things theyāve discovered, and the guilt they feel for missing out on helping me, is enough
thats good and please update us if something happens. enjoy your life.
Please go nuclear with the rest of your family. Also send the messages to you brothers coach and teammates Updateme!
stay NC. And good luck. š
Proud of you OP. I understand the feeling of just wanting their approval and love, and the devastation when it hits you that youāll never earn it. Been NC with my similarly weak father and his second wife 3 years now and while it was hard at first, Iāve had so much peace. If you ever need a community, come to r/EstrangedAdultKids!
Love that you stood up for yourself. Fuck tour bro, dad and mom, along with her family. Hold onto Lucas tight. Heās all the family you need.
Thank you for your update, it felt both refreshing and necessary, to know that you have dealt with what has hurt you all your life. Your mother's response to what she herself has done, by responding with anger, is such typical behavior of self-absorbed people, for even if one wishes, even if one's heart cries, they rarely bring the insight needed for the healing between people. I wish you and Lucas the best! Updateme!
Thank you so so much. Not sure there will be any more updates tho.
>I know this isn't the drama filled, revenge full update you hoped for, but well, this is it. There is nothing more vengeful than taking your power back and refusing to be manipulated anymore. You did good, OP.
How are people buying this story?? LOL she said they went to Disneyland on their wedding day, chatgpt working overtime
It was the football thing for me.Ā The author fucked up in the original, got called out on it not being football season, and pretended they made it up for some reason? A clumsy, silly choice to close a plot holeĀ
Itās buried in the wall of text ā¦ but the idea is that her brother is playing *college football*. Something which has very public schedules. And they somehow decided to lie about him having a game.
Also dude is a college football player but doesnāt have anything going on in his life and spends 24/7 with his parents? Suuuuurre.
That is why she added the Disneyland aspect. Everyone called her out on the other post for claiming a football game when college football ended in December.
I didnāt see the call-outs, just a bunch of āyaaas queen slayā from people who donāt get how ābrother is on a college football scholarshipā would actually work.
OP: āitās not fake!ā Also OP: proceeds to post the fakest revenge porn follow up Also did no one notice that Anna and Francis materialised halfway through?
Iāve been scrolling through the comments looking for info on Anna and Francis and youāre the first person to mention them that Iāve seen. I assumed more people would be trying to figure out who they are in this story - friends, I assume?
this is a very common plot issue with these writers. they write on impulse and they don't have plot formed. a good writer should write all the updates before they post the first part. that way they would have opportunity to make sure ther are no missing pieces that need to be added to the plot later.
But what happens when you get called out for forgetting July isn't football season? Gotta shoehorn Disneyland in
this is a very common plot issue with these writers. they write on impulse and they don't have plot formed. a good writer should write all the updates before they post the first part. that way they would have opportunity to make sure ther are no missing pieces that need to be added to the plot later.
Really had a couple of the reddit greatest hits in here. Therapy, public confrontation, no contact, my rocky partner.
I got downvoted for calling it bullshit š
seeing all those support comments surprised me. come on people unless you went NC you can't miss conversations about your daughter's wedding. knowing this, author tries to introduce 3 solutions because they knew it was a big logic issue. despite all these, they still couldn't fix the issue. attempt 1: I don't talk to my maternal side, I don't know what they discussed or why they didn't talk to mom about my wedding. attempt 2: mom said she heard me but thought I was delusional so ignored me. attempt 3: my evil brother not only destroyed the invitation which arrived conveniently when my parents were away but also removed every single text to either of my parent without either noticing. yep they always silenced their only daughter's messages, you know why not. instead of coming up these ridiculous justifications the author should have just wrote that the mom not only disliked OOP but hated her and admitted they did not attend the wedding on purpose. why? cliche would had been OOP is an affair baby, on the father's side, or she was adopted. a more creative one would have been they were paid to not attend by a mysterious stranger turns out a rich guy OOP met at college but dumped in such a humiliating way this was the guy's revenge. or make the rich guy Lucas's boyfriend from whom OOP stole in the college. maybe I should write an AITAH.
> seeing all those support comments surprised me. Because people on Reddit want the dopamine hit of a revenge story for reasons. They're willing to throw away all the red flags for the HAHA SEE!!! moment.
Very well put and I think your fanfiction is more compelling and believable! It's so bizarre to me that people can't pick up on the sheer number of unlikely specific explanations that need to align all exactly in this one way for the events to have happened as described. That being said, if people are harassing the OP in DMs that's shitty.
Definitely a 13 year old girl and chat gpt. Football game in July. Oh it's out of season? Actually Disneyland.
>Iāve realized that, the reason I never fully went NC, was that deep down I just wanted their approval, even now, for once. Pathetic, I know. It's not pathetic. It's NORMAL. Most people want their parents to love them and care about them. The problem is just that some parents are shitty people and will never be able to give their kids the love they deserve. That's not your fault, but it is true that you eventually have to stop trying to make them care about you, because you will be wasting your time and energy on people that don't deserve it. I'm so sorry.
Damn this is fake, you can tell from the switching in and out of different Regional/National terms, the cartoonish evil brother, cartoonish evil mother, the perfect long suffering ā¦ mouseish ā¦and intelligent girl ā¦ who meets her perfect partner at college and the perfect accidental timing of literally everything in the story. Cmon, who actually believes the wedding invitation just happens to arrive when the brother was visiting without the parents, he of course goes through the mail and instantly knows what it is and destroyed it. He is then able to secretly go through their phones (while not living with them) and delete every message from OP. The grandfather walked her down the aisle ā¦ but hadnāt talked to her father about her wedding ever? No person on the fatherās side ever mentioned a wedding ā¦ ever to the father or mother? This is just too much BS and it isnāt even a compelling story.
She wrote herself into a corner with the original story and the new details are completely unbelievable.
The football thing was so convenient lol
And her dad is just poor guy who couldnt stand up to his wife and is divorcing her. This is ai.
Idk if it is ai or creative writing, but dad would have to be either extremely absent or just as malicious as mom to make it make sense. We know Mom changed the subject, but what did Dad say when OP talked to him about the wedding? Did she never talk to him without Mom present? If Dad is just spineless, how come they _both_ had her text thread archived? Dad throws mom under the bus, but didn't OP also only yell at him for being spineless and not standing up to mom? Also, OP ends it with "sorry this wasn't a drama-filled, revengeful update" when they had an explosive confrontation in a public setting, disownment, parents being shunned by their community... That's a lot of drama and some satisfying revenge. Seems like an attempt to mimic the more "legit" posts
āAs many of you guessed he ripped up the inviteā translation, thanks for the follow up idea guys
The thing that always gives it away to me is when theyāre essentially an omniscient narrator. Itās been a week but the entire town knows because of the email to a random church lady? How would the OP know that everyone knows when they have everyone blocked, live an hour away, and arenāt from the same town?
The biggest sin in fiction is writing a shitty story. Idc if it's fake but like...make it good at least.Ā
As much as you might not belive your dad might actually be remorseful. And genuine. He may be a weak man. Because he didn't want to lose his family. He knew your mother and if he went against her he was gonna lose. So he gave up.Ā
HUGS and congrats on taking care of yourself!
Thank you darling!
No, but this is *exactly* the kind of update we wanted. You have support, and closure, and youāre making excellent choices to preserve and grow your happiness. Thatās the best possible kind of update.
And then everyone clapped... What is with all the creative writing exercises / fake AI posts today?
Basically every one of these updates follows the exact same format. I don't believe any of them. AI stories run amok and upvoted by trusting dolts.
I stopped reading at the brother ripping up the invitation and also deleting the messages off EVERYONEās phones. Then crying and such. Thereās absolutely no way this is real, in fact this is sounding more and more like a Liz story. I look forward to the sequel in which OP gets a new job making 400k a year, the brother goes to jail, and the parents begging for forgiveness and OP sticking it to them by sending them a long message via text then blocking them. Bonus points if they move to Spain or some other country people only go to on vacation.
Grandpa gives OP the secret fortune and her dad leaves her evil mom over it. Mom begs for forgiveness
Jesus Christ. Thatās the worst written bullshit Iāve read here recently. Try harder without the obvious cliches!
Did everyone at the park clap?
I didn't even finish but Grandpa decided to give her the ranch. It turns out he's actually rich and has been hiding it! There are ponies everywhere! Mom and dad lost their jobs and now they have to work for her tilling soil!
And then everybody in the park clapped? You go out of your way to let us know itās not fake and all the haters must have wonderful livesā¦ The way everything clicks into place perfectly for you is just so far from believable. Your brother destroyed the invitesā¦ sure thingā¦ They went to Disneyland without you knowing considering they are prolific Facebook oversharersā¦ There was no football game but you didnāt bother to check? The saddest part, aside from lies for internet points is that if this is true you acknowledge your dads weakness and then he finally grows a spine and chooses you over his wife and you block him because fuck the one person that might want to salvage a relationship right? Your mum admits she just doesnāt like you in front of her parents/siblings/w/e? No shot a textbook narcissist does that. Your brother gets a tantrum holiday, wtf are you even spewing? Youāre story doesnāt even add up. You say your parents didnāt get an invite and therefore didnāt know the date but at the same time they knew the date because they took your bro to Disneyland and yet theyāre shocked they missed the wedding. Which one is it? Too many of these creative stories start out dire and then suddenly the family rallies behind them and they get some Shakespearean gotcha moment from a rom-con. You got greedy and tried to be too creative and go too big with your story. Disneyland, destroyed invites, no football, everyone confesses, braveheart/Independence Day level speech, everyone at the park is holding their breath in awe of your majesty, pick one or two of these. Going for it all is just overkill. I look forward to your next update where you receive a congressional medal of valour, a letter from queen Elizabeth from beyond the grave and then, SHOCK twist!!! They werenāt even your real parents. Youāre actually a grey from the planet Zark and you received a mysterious holo-invite to return home from your mission to spread as much bullshit over the internet as possible.
Iām so glad you got a degree of closure, and that youāre in therapy to work out those years of trauma. It is entirely possible your mother was emotionally abusing your father, as well. If he really follows through on divorcing your mom and does some therapy of his own, that relationship may be salvageable. It will never be what it should, but in time (a lot of it) you may be able to restore some of what your mother has destroyed. Sending tons and kilos of positive energy your way!
If your mother is narcissistic as you claim, then your father is also a victim. He needs therapy and compassion. Narcissists line the road with victims. Be kinder to your dad, he is a victim also.
I donāt know if sheās a narcissist or just evil. At this point, I donāt care. My father is a Peter Pettigrew kinda man, heās always on the side of the strongest person around no matter what he actually thinks. That he needs therapy, I agree. Compassion, Iām not sure. Time will tell.
"I asked Mike why would he do that, and he just shrugged, and claimed that it wasnāt as important as the stuff they had in program anyway" What does this mean? "Had in program"? What?
Writing more paragraphs than the first part won't make it more believable.
Ah yes another one where father is white as snow he just couldnt stand up to evil mother (rightooā¦) just went to disneyland in secret lol and is gonna divorce herā¦. If not for this i would believe it.
Thank you for this Update! I'm amazed at the audacity of your family! On the other hand it is obvious who's got your back and I'm sure therapy will make it easier to heal. You did great OP and you can be vert proud of yourself. You've been so strong and clear in your actions. Best of luck to your new chapter in lifeā¤ļø
Im glad you had the opportunity to vent your full feelings to your family. That will help with your mental healing as you go through therapy. Personal view on your dad. If he actually does actually go though the divorce. It may be worth switching to LC with him. A weak willed person has no control over their life. But his divorce to your mother could be the first steps to putting iron into his spine. And you can start simply by only meeting and talking to him in family therapy. (He pays for that of course to help prove he is serious about fixing things with you) and then go from there. And as for your mom and brother. Ya. No. There is no hope for them. They lied about were they went. Your bother trashed the invites and deleted the wedding texts. Your mom thinking you were delusional when she over heard your wedding plans. You are best of with a permanent NC with them Anyways I wish you the absolute best. And hope things get better with time
>amount of informations I'm calling ESOL writing exercise
Really had a couple of the reddit greatest hits in here. Therapy, public confrontation, no contact, my rocky partner.
this sounds fake?
āIs.ā This is fake.
I'm so proud of you for your Come to Jesus meeting with them ! Good for you for going NC. I wish you and your husband a lifetime of happiness
You are so sweetš«¶š»
I mean I might have exposed mom's family to the world too so you are definitely a better person than I am
Yeah I don't buy the "pos tore up their invitation and deleted the chats" for a second. Why would he? Your parents clearly wouldn't have come regardless or, from the looks of it, even read your messages/letter anyway. I think he said it to hurt you which is why your dad didn't respond to that. Your mom, she would have happily watched him do it so of course she didn't respond.
How do mfs find time to dm you to harass you? Even if its a fake story how do yall not have anything better to do than attack someone online?
Nice revenge fantasy
nice creative writing ngl
I hope you are able to put this behind you and have an amazing life!
Good. For. You!!! As long as your heart is finally at peace, that is all that matters!!!
>I know this isnāt the drama filled, revenge full update you hoped for, but well, this is it. Iāll let you know if anything changes or evolves. What do you mean? This was the most satisfying and happy update I could read!!! I was so invested!!! Thank you for sharing!!! I'm so sooo happy with your decisions and the outcome and the support you still haveš„°ā¤ļø
Hahaha Iām happy youāre invested in my life! And thank you for supporting my journey even as an internet stranger! Lots of love
Maybe once your father is actually divorced and gone NC with her *and* your brother, there's a basis for some rekindling of your relationship. But wow.
Perhaps, but as of now I donāt want to think about it. Heās been a supportive dad, but heās never once defended me in his life. His love was āunconditionalā until my mother decided it was, in fact, conditional. And sometimes, it really felt like his love was just something on and off. I donāt want to stick around to see when the magic spell will wear off