He probably told her he wanted to date OP at one point in the past, and she figured get rid of any future temptation. So, to "prove" his loyalty, he ditched OP, stupidly throwing away a great friendship in the process. As for the wedding photo, what did she expect? Can't have it both ways. Now, they both want to try and save face for a snub of their own making. Nope! Not happening, and cost them another friend, if not more, since others know how she is.
Happy cake day! 🎂
OP, if I were in your position I would not apologize but I would offer an explanation, to both Liam and his wife, in person, all three of you together. This is when you would share how badly it hurt that Liam abruptly ended your friendship at the behest of his wife. And that while you can be politely cordial you chose not to be pretend friends for the sake of a picture at your own wedding.
After all, it is you that is owed an apology, not them.
NTA.
Oh, and congrats on the nuptials!
Hello! Thank you! We are very happy 😊
I already talked to Liam. When I started coming around again. He “apologized” for hurting me but told me his wife was the most important woman to him. She didn’t apologize but I would’ve expected her to. She wasn’t the one who hurt me. I told him I accepted his apology but we would never be friends again. Outside of my husband’s friend, he’s nothing to me.
I had a friend in the marines who unfriended all us women bc of his gf. I told him I’m sorry you lost your freedom and her sorry that you’re so insecure. My husband occasionally sees them but I’m ok. To me blocking me shows that you’re interested in me and can’t control/trust yourself around me. It’s a compliment.
I’m guessing that he also told his wife that he had feelings for you at one time, and she gave him a “me or her” ultimatum. Not the healthiest relationship strategy, but whatever. Tell him that you respected his feelings at that time and didn’t try to continue the friendship, and ask that he show you the same respect now
I disagree about her owing you an apology. She destroyed a friendship because of her own insecurity, and it impacted your life and happiness. How does she not owe you an apology if she expects to form any kind of relationship with you let alone being a photograph? She sounds a bit unhinged, TBH. And I actually understand Liam, but he should have talked to you about it. Just cutting you off was bullshit. He should have written you a letter or something at least explaining why. But honestly, what kind of guy is he that he lets his wife dictate stuff like that to him? Who he can have as a friend? Yeah, hard pass on that kind of controlling BS.
This. She made him unfriend you, and then gets pissed off because you didn’t smile and have your photographer take pictures with you. She can’t have it both ways. Then she started talking shit about you. She’s the one who owes you an apology.
Is it *possible* that he at some point confided in her that he was in love with you and crazy about you and that he was having a hard time getting over you, and that was the reason *he* had to stop talking to you? It may be far-fetched; I'm just searching for some kind of rationale that could explain this. He clearly did not anticipate that you would marry his other best friend years later and that he would have to be around you again. Maybe she's not insecure anymore because he fell in love with her and she was no longer concerned. That's the weird thing to me - I would not expect her to be involved at all. I would think that your husband and Liam would just be solo friends who get together without spouses given the weirdness. Regardless, you were hurt, and although you say you're over it, I don't know if one can ever get over losing a true best friend over something you had no control over. You can't just ghost someone like that and then bring them back into your life and expect things to be normal. Very tough dynamic. But, I'm glad that you had a great wedding and that nothing could shake you on your special day. That type of moment could be really tough on a lot of other people. Good for you.
OP should take her husband, a friend or record the conversation. And if you record the conversation be sure to let them know your recording so nothing gets taken out of context. Also so they can't try and turn the story around.
NTA
This is exactly what I was thinking as I read through!
Op, Liam straight up ghosted your close friendship, because of the person he is still with, you own him (them) nothing
NTA OP.
I agree she owes them nothing. He owed her an explanation years ago when he cut contact. It sounds like she was cordial for the sake of her now hubby prior to their wedding. It sounds like this couple can’t handle what they are rightfully served.
This! Although I would also include the husband in said conversation for back up especially as she confided in him how hurt she was in the first place.
So lemme get this straight: a woman who basically refused to allow you to continue being friends with your former friend who was also basically a +1 of a friend of the groom is upset that the bride she isn't friends with wouldn't take a picture with her?
NTA.
Eh, that’s giving Liam’s wife too much emphasis. She probably made him do that with all women, some people are just….. insecure, whatever. The problem is that Liam didn’t have the balls to act like an adult by either telling her no, or telling OP what was up before ghosting. As much as Liam’s wife is …. not someone I understand, or whose opinion anyone should care about, Liam is the PoS here.
I think we're losing the plot line a bit here. It's not the woman's fault. She had a right to set the boundary. It was Liam's fault the OP was hurt. He's the one who ghosted her instead of just texting her and letting her know they were no longer going to be friendly. No one owes anyone a friendship, no matter how close they are of how long they've known each other. It was the way Liam ended the friendship that's the problem.
Conversely, the OP doesn't owe either of them pictures or anything else she doesn't want to give. The reason is immaterial. If it were me, I'd put the problem squarely back in Liam's lap for ghosting a good friend out of the blue. NTA.
No, I didn't lose the plot. She wanted Liam all to herself and didn't want him to have other female friends. The only reason she was there at the wedding is because Liam and OP's husband are still friends. OP and Dumb Bitch aren't friends, so her getting upset that she wasn't treated as a friend is an AH move.
Granted, Liam should have dumped her when that ultimatum was made but that's an entirely different issue.
Yes, Liam should’ve told her that she can’t dictate who he’s friends with and she should trust him. She sounds really insecure. Why would she even want a picture with OP if she doesn’t want Liam to associate with OP. Liam is at fault for letting her control who he’s friends with. Liam is also at fault for blocking OP without explaining. Liam’s wife is also at fault for making him end long-term relationships with OP because she’s a woman. They’re both terrible people.
Agree that Liam handled the original situation very poorly (and in a way, in a cowardly fashion). OK, your new gf insists you no longer remain friends with someone of the opposite sex. Not cool, but whatever two people in a relationship agree will be the boundaries in that relationship is up to them. However, Liam should have at the very least, texted an explanation before cutting off all contact with OP. That would have been the adult thing to do. But he chickened out, and chose to just cut her off with zero explanation. Every choice will have some sort of consequence. He and his gf just ran straight into the consequence of their choice/actions and didn't care for it. Too bad.
Taking away friends/support is one of the first things an abuser does. It's important to remember that and act accordingly. If she made a fair boundary of not talking to people he was attracted to that's one thing, but she isolated him from every woman in his life. Then she tried painting herself as the victim when one of those women didn't want to pretend they were besties.
It’s not a boundary to have your spouse not allowed to be friends with anyone of the opposite gender. Boundaries are for yourself. It’s controlling and sexist.
It absolutely is at least partly the woman's fault.
"You can't be friends with any other women besides me" is insecure, controlling, immature, utter bullshit.
Liam is at most fault because OP was his friend and because he allowed his now-wife to pull this controlling BS, but she needs to own her responsibility here.
I lost my best friend in this exact same scenario. He met a girl, she didnt want him to associate with any other women and I was cut off without an explanation. I had to hear it from a mutual friend what happened. We grew up together and had been best friends for ten years.. I can’t even put into words how much that hurt me.. but I’m guessing you already know anyway.
Years later, I’ve made my peace with it and can understand (kind of) why he did what he did.. but I couldn’t be around him again. It would just be too hard.
Liam doesn’t have the right to get butt hurt after how he treated you. Don’t give him an apology.. I would send a text telling him that he removed you from his life and you didn’t understand it but you respected his wishes, he now needs to do the same for you and not turn it into gossip.
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Well maybe a little. But I leaned more to NTA. Your wedding your day and your decision. It's not someone else's day. Liam hurt your feelings turning his back on you as a friend. I would feel the same way. If the want to act like children let them. Let the drama go and enjoy your marriage. If Liam wants to be friends with your hubby he will if he won't he won't. That decision is theirs to make. Enjoy your life and marriage.
NTA. It’s extremely phony for this couple to want photos with you after cutting you off abruptly years ago for simply being a female friend. Now they can only speak to you if it gives them a photo for social media and perpetuates the illusion that you’re friends? No, you don’t have to do that. It was classy for you to invite them, but you’re not obligated to play pretend with them for their social clout.
I’ve had a similar thing happen to me: platonic friends with a guy for years and he starts dating this woman. I become friends with her, get excited about a new girlfriend when she randomly blocks me, talks shit about and to me online, and her boyfriend eventually blocks me too. No explanation, no reason given. I’m hurt, but whatever, I can’t force a friendship.
Recently they worked with a friend of mine. I assume they talked shit an out me to her, but no. She told me that they said I was “cool” and that we “went way back.” I ran into them at an event and it was all “oh yeah saladressed! Good to see you! We’ve been buddies since back in the day!” This was all done publicly. They’ve never called, texted, sent a FB friend request. I realized they perceived being “cool” with me as socially and professionally beneficial. I was polite but it still hurt. To have a years long friendship abruptly ended for no reason only to have them pretend it didn’t happen and be phony friendly when it was useful to them was extremely shitty.
So yeah, NTA.
You might want to let your friend know the truth. The reason it's professionally useful is because it's a social endorsement of her character. If she goes rogue in the new position then it can cause people to question your judgement.
Oh no I told her I was shocked that they consider me a “friend” after how they treated me. My actual friend ended up having a comically bad work experience with them. She told me about the whole thing after the fact and mentioned it because she was asking what their deal was.
Not going to lie, after that bs treatment, I’d be going “Oh? I don’t think I know them. Hi I’m saladdressed, nice to meet you. And you are?”
Every. Time. You have to meet professionally. Hopefully that’s not to often, preferably never!
NTA. Congratulations!! I would have done the same thing. I don't phony kick it with anybody. Those are his friends and you did the right thing by telling them that they can take a pic with just him. The friend's girl has some nerve being mad when she was the jealous one. Liam doesn't sound like that great of a friend so I don't see it as a loss if he unfriends your husband.
First, congrats on your wedding. I just want to know; why were they even invited to the wedding, especially since your husband knows the history? How can this really be one of your husband's best friends if he ghosted and continues to snub his wife like that? Was this issue ever discussed before the wedding? This is all a little weird honestly, them being invited, them even wanting a "happy, haha, we're all friends" picture together, them making a huge fuss. Embarrassing for them.
NTA, but maybe a little petty (well-deserved) 💅🏻
Thank you! They are best friends and my husband is the godfather to Liam’s oldest. He originally wanted him as a groomsman. I told him I would not like that. However, if he was insistent on it, I would just have him digitally removed from any pictures in our living room. He just decided to have him as a guest instead lol. They’re cordial to me as I am to them.
NTA. Liam and his wife are delusional if they can't figure out why you refused and expect you to apologize. Apparently, your friendship meant more to you than it did to Liam, and he thought blocking you was no big deal.
NTA.
Liam owed you the courtesy of a heads up and explanation on why he was going to cut you off, and his wife is nobody to you.
You don't owe either of them a thing.
I had a friend who ghosted me after he got married.
Wife was very controlling and didn’t like her husband being around a gay guy. He was 100% straight and I had no romantic interest in him. She obviously thought I was a threat because I knew his favorite color, his pizza order and what kind of underwear he wore.
After a few years I got a call from him one day and he wanted to hang out. I told him I wouldn’t want to endanger his relationship with his wife by being his friend. He didn’t call back after that.
Not all friendships are meant to last; some are only meant for a season of your life. Take the good and the bad from those relationships and move on!
Dang. It never realized occurred to me that guys have to put up with this crap, too. Your response to your friend was much kinder than the "I'm just not that into you" that I was thinking.
Lol wat? Just tell your husband to say “why are you upset? You cut my wife out of your life, which hurt her. Why would you want a photo with her when you don’t want anything to do with her?”
You already know you’re NTA. You’re not a light switch and cannot turn your feelings on and off. Liam ghosted you to make her happy. What did they expect? NTA and congrats! Hubby is a good one!
This happened to a friend of mine. Military women often have this issue. Service members bond and form deep friendships. Spouses sometimes don’t understand that or are massively jealous of it. Her battle buddy turned his back on her and OP’s hurt. Problem is that only reason he’s allowed now to be your friend is bc you’re married. If that wasn’t the case Liam wouldn’t be allowed to speak to you.
So now that you're married, Liam's partner is cool with you, right? You're not a threat anymore. What's up with friends cutting off long-term friends because their partners are insecure? I totally get why you did what you did. Their actions towards you were hurtful. You owe them, nothing, not even a photo, and i would tell Liam where he can shove his apology wheres your apology for cutting you out of his life. It's time to wipe your hands off this so-called friend. NTA
NTA. He chose to cut you off and you had no say. Now you are uninterested in being friendly and *he* has no say. Relationships are a two-way street. I also find it rich his wife is pissed when she's the one who insisted he unfriend you. Then they twisted the story to say you were hostile and aggressive, trying to ruin your reputation (on your own wedding day, at that), when you were perfectly polite. They owe *you* an apology.
Tell Liam he burned that bridge and there's no walking back across it now. He's more than welcome to hang with your husband, but your friendship is never going to be what it was, and you are uninterested in playing pretend.
NTA, but I’m confused as to why Liam’s wife is suddenly okay with attending your wedding and wanting to be in a pic with you if she was so insecure in her relationship with Liam that he had to block his female friends? Like girl what? She can’t have it both ways.
Why would the wife who hates you want a picture with you? And why would someone who foster your friendship want a pic with you? These people are nuts and the wife is too controlling.
Good on you for having a shiny spine and politely refusing a photo, and good on your husband for having your back.
Hello! I don’t think she hates. I just have big boobs and almost every SO I have met thought I was trying to steal their man until they met me. I didn’t meet her until like 2ish years ago
NTA… I would just communicate to his wife and him that you didn’t accept his apology from when she made him cut off all female friends and you only hang out with them because your husband and him are still friends. Tell her you’ll never feel comfortable being photographed with someone who wanted you out of someone else’s life. Tell her she created all the hostility and allowed Liam to participate so you washed your hands of both of them.
NTA!
“I don’t want to be in a photo with either spineless or insecure people, especially those that display those characteristics to me when totally unwarranted. Since between the two of you both have all of that covered, I simply didn’t see the point of pretending with you.”
You’re not the a$$hole for refusing to take a picture with a wedding guest, especially given the history you have with Liam and his wife. Here’s why:
Your feelings about Liam and the way he abruptly ended your friendship due to his wife’s discomfort are completely valid. It’s understandable that you would feel hurt and betrayed by someone you considered a best friend. Even though you’ve moved on, it doesn’t mean you have to force yourself into uncomfortable situations, especially on your wedding day.
Weddings are about celebrating love and happiness, and you have every right to prioritize your comfort and well-being on such an important day. Declining to take a picture with someone who caused you emotional pain is a reasonable boundary to set.
It’s commendable that you were polite and encouraged them to take a picture with your husband instead. You didn’t cause a scene or make a big deal out of it, which shows your maturity and ability to handle the situation gracefully.
Liam’s wife’s reaction and their subsequent behavior by spreading rumors about you being hostile and aggressive are unfortunate. It’s clear that they are not respecting your boundaries and are trying to make you feel guilty for maintaining them.
Your husband’s support in this situation is also important. It’s great that he stands by you and understands your perspective. While it’s unfortunate that Liam is refusing to hang out until you apologize, it’s also telling of his priorities and understanding of the situation.
Ultimately, you’re not responsible for Liam’s or his wife’s feelings. You did what was best for you on your special day. It’s important to stand by your boundaries and not let others manipulate you into feeling guilty for them.
If maintaining the peace is important to you, you could consider having a conversation with Liam and his wife to explain your side of things more clearly, but that’s entirely up to you. You’ve already made a gesture by offering an “I’m sorry you felt that way,” and it’s up to them to accept it or not.
You’re not the a$$hole for prioritizing your comfort and well-being on your wedding day.
You can say, “I’m not angry, I have forgiven you for hurting me. However, I *was* deeply hurt, and because of that, I’m just not interested in being close to you anymore. I’ve established my boundaries and I will stick to them.” Sounds to me like that wound is not done healing. But there is no need to tell them that. None of their business.
I honestly think that Liam could have called you and told you about his very insecure girlfriend not wanting him to speak to other women. At least then you would know why and not have had to deal with this hurt he caused by just ghosting you.
You don't owe them anything. You should explain to both of them that you were Liam friend and did not have any romantic involvement. And the fact that he just blocked you with no explanation was very hurtful.
NTA
*edited to say his girlfriend didn't want him to speak to other women. I put guys. My bad!
Girl. This person was your best friend and he ghosted you suddenly out of the blue.
The woman who insisted he do so is now insisting she has a right to be in YOUR life, & you’re rude for being uninterested.
And now the friend who ghosted is insisting on an apology- from YOU.
Audacity must be 80% off where he’s from. NTA
NTA
Your husband is kind of an asshole for not telling Liam and his wife off when Liam first cut you off without so much as a word. You should never have to find out that a friend cut you off due to his girlfriend's insecurities from someone else.
Honestly, he stopped being friends with you for the worst of reasons. Now him and his wife want to make nice without actually apologizing for the hurt they caused you? That’s majorly fucked up. And your husband continuing to be friends with a person that would do this to you, let alone a BESR friend, is also fucked up.
It’s time for you both to drop this couple and move on with your lives together. They are toxic.
NTA
I’m more confused by the husband being ok with a mutual being disrespectful and ghosting as well as hanging out with/inviting such a person to your wedding. Drawing the line at the pic seems a boundary too late.
The guy goes into war zones but is not able to A) tell his gf he will not stop having female friends or B) at least telling you he is doing this and why. What an ass.
I mean, NTA, but..
>I am not hurt or bitter about Liam’s friendship anymore.
...I think you are not being honest with yourself. If you truly felt no pain or bitterness about Liam, then you would pose for photos with your husband and his friends and then move on with your evening, just like you would with any other friends of your husband that you weren't particularly close with yourself.
NTA
NOBODY has a right to a picture with you if you don't want it. In a public setting, they can take a picture but you don't need to actively participate in it.
NTA. When you snuggle up with your husband, and flip through your wedding photo album, or whatever y’all youngin’s do these days (we just celebrated 41 years, so Hard Copy Baby!), you want every picture to make you happy. IMHO, that’s ’nuff said.
NTA. I would have reacted the exact same way. You do not owe Liam or his insecure wife anything. She made him make a choice between your friendship and her and he chose her. Fine, but neither he or she can pretend that all is hunky dory when they know its not. This is all on them and not on you. I would not apologize and I wouldn't give them any more thought as you do not need friends like that in your life. Enjoy your marriage and life without them in it.
NTA
She sounds like one of those phony people out there that smiles to your face while she stabs you in the back.
I have run into quite a few of these kinds of women who pretend to be all friendly with someone in public and take photos, but they talk nothing but trash about them privately.
You’re right to place the ultimate blame at Liam for throwing away your friendship. He made the choice.
I find it amusing that Liam ghosted you, completely blocked you, disappeared without giving you a reason because his GF said to and now they are mad because you do not want to be in a picture with two people that purposely hurt you. NTA. I don’t understand why they want a picture with someone the pushed out of their lives.
So from reading this and your comments 100% NTA.
You always decline photos with them so why did they think this would be any different?
Now they are trying to punish your husband? Liam doesn't seem like a very good friend....
Nta
Of course, the one who thinks they are allowed to control what others do is mad that you didn't allow her to control you. 😂 just par for the course.
Liam accepted the nose ring. Good for him. It's good to be loyal to your SO. Although he does sound quite childish.
I like your man!
nta their egos are huge, like absolutely ridiculous. you don’t ever own someone a photo, it’s the same as any other social interaction. if someone doesn’t want to do something and says no, the person who pushes back on that is the asshole. every time. stand your ground and say good riddance
NTA. WE are not friends, you are friends with my husband. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. You got a picture with their friend. What is the problem.
They just wanted to make you learn your place. Now they are hurt that you returned the same energy they gave you. Why don't petty people understand that others don't have to placate them and get over things they did to them.
Whatever, you continue to live your best life without them. They have not apologized or recognized how they treated you was not right or cool and just expect you to suck it up.
Nope, your friends need to understand that right is right and if they don't understand that, then they will be on the sidelines as well. Those type of people can't be trusted to do the right thing, only the convenient thing and easy thing
NTA. Shine on Bride, shine on.
NTA and I agree it’s a good idea to explain. Y’all were best buds and he excommunicated you from his life and never apologized for it. Why would you want anything to do with either of them? You’re fine with them being friends with your husband but that doesn’t mean you’re gonna smile and pretend like Liam didn’t severely hurt you with his sudden silent rejection at her request.
It’s the consequences of their actions. If they want to make it right thru both have a million miles of road to walk and even then you’re not obligated to take him back as a friend.
Almost makes you wonder if Liam’s wife even did say she wanted him to cut you out doesn’t it. NTA how awkward would that be? “Haven’t talked to you for years”
NTA, his wife is an insecure woman who wanted you to pretend for the camera. It sounded like this lady also tried to make a scene at her wedding. This is what Liam has chosen. His wife is isolating him. I hope he enjoys living in a world with him and her until Liam decides to be in a healthy relationship. None of this is your fault.
NTA - people have lives and friends, and telling someone you forbid them interacting with ANYONE of a certain gender is an instant red flag. And letting someone do that is a sign they're not a friend.
I don't think I'd be OK with my husband being friends with a guy that treated me so badly. Why does he want to be friends with a guy that acts that way and treated you with such little respect? Even now he's asking like an arsehole. Is he planning to keep being matey matey with him? Don't get me started on the disrespect of group outings with them.
First…thank you for you and your husbands service.
Second, NTA. They cut you off and then expected sunshine and rainbows. I had a really good friend cut me out but she explained that her future husband didn’t like the idea of us being friends. I moved on with my life and got over it. They are the AH.
NTA. A boundary is a boundary. U tolerate them based on the love for ur husband. U invited them off the strength of the love for ur husband. Anyone saying otherwise is crazy. I don’t have to bend over backwards for people I don’t rock with. I can be cordial, but to expect anything beyond that is entitlement on their end. ON TOP of the fact u regularly shut them down for photos. They thought they were going to bully u into pretending ur relationship with them is different than what it truly is. Their plan failed. Then his wife bad mouthed u when it didn’t work..that plan also failed. If they don’t rock with u, then taking a pic with just ur husband shouldn’t have been a problem. It was all about optics at this point.
NTA Ah, I've been through something like this. One of my ex's (an abusive guy but that's another story) had this group of friends who all did this as they got married. They would literally call up or ghost any former gfs or women they had had crushes on as a performance for their wife to be. Even if she didn't ask for it. Even if the former gfs hadn't spoken to them in eons.
Up until this time, I had stayed friends with all my ex bfs, and when we broke up (and I moved thousands of miles away to grad school), he asked if we cld still be friends and I agreed. But I told him not to pull that performative bs on me abt friendships etc. I moved away, puzzled around abt why I was relieved rather than sad, and then lo and behold, 9 months later, he fell in love and before proposing, he called from 2000 miles away to tell me we needed to keep our distance and that we "couldn't be friends."
He asked if we could "keep a window open" and I said no. Then he called all of our mutual friends to lie abt it and say I was very sad he was getting married. (He didn't tell me he was getting married.) Bless her heart, she has had to deal w/him ever since. Good riddance. I'm pretty sure she had no idea he'd even done this, because she actually seems pretty nice. It's too bad we never got a chance to be friends. Oh well.
I was really angry with myself as much as him because I should have known.
This dude and his gf are like he was/is. They are narcissistic, self centered, and they lied abt your behavior to make themselves look like victims.
He made his little Bed of Woe. He can lie in it.
You've done everything you need to do.
Op congrats! I wouldn’t apologize. Please do not apologize…you did absolutely nothing wrong. Them not coming around is actually doing you a favor. I wouldn’t have even invited them, but because he’s your husband’s bf you sucked it up and invited them…now they want a photo? I’m confused as to why? She doesn’t want him talking to you, but she wants a photo with you? Is she a pyscho or something?? NTA. Don’t apologize.
Not to be an idiot but what was the purpose of inviting them? Were they invited so this could be done? Lmao like this is beyond childish all parties are silly except your husband.
You don't have to be in a photo if you don't want.
Having said that, this seems to be an extreme reaction to a photo. It doesn't sound like you're over being hurt. It sounds like you're using the photo etc to try to get back at him and make him feel how you felt. You don't need to be friends with him. He dumped you (as a friend) and you honored that and are no longer friends. But carrying the hurt isn't helping you any. You might want to consider that.
"y'all treated me like a homewrecker without reason for years. You do not get to make demands of me (on MY wedding day no less!) to make others think we're friends. You are my husband's friend and wife. I have more self respect than that."
You blew an opportunity to heal a breach. You held onto a resentment. You want to be right and made your point. Being right all the time in personal relationships has two results: people around you’ll be pissed off and you will be isolated. Gentle YTA because you’re young and you were ignorant. You should go to them and tell them that you were hurt when Liam cut you off and that you used this opportunity to lash back. Admit you were wrong and say that you regretyour actions. Invite their comments and ask if there’s anything you can do to make it right. If you handle all your interactions with others in this manner, you will live a lonely life.
I didn’t use this opportunity to lash back, nor am I resentful. I just didn’t want to do it, so I didn’t. I have plenty of friends and loved ones and will survive my life without these two.
YTA for sure. “I was not being petty or passive aggressive…” Of course you were! People take photos with near-complete strangers at their weddings. If you weren’t still bitter and petty then you would have taken the picture. Liam and wife could have been wrong, but you’re still bitter and petty. The fact that you’re still so bitter may even mean that Liam and his wife were a little bit right.
NTA. It’s not new. You’ve always refused to take a photo with them. Why did they think your wedding would cause you to magically change your stance? You have a good one. Loved to hear how your hubs had your back, your front your all around:)
I wish more brides thought like OP! That even if things go wrong, at the end of the day, you’re married. I have never been involved in a wedding that didn’t have a hiccup.
Bestie got married. Beautiful hall at the local fair grounds. The toilets in the facility overflowed. Women in heels traipsing over a quarter of a mile of grass, to the closest bathroom.
SIL wedding, the groom locked the keys to the car in the trunk. Instead of popping the lock out, my husband, then boyfriend, grabbed his tool box and took the back seat off to get into the trunk.
Siblings wedding. We spent 4 hours weaving pink crepe paper through the fencing. Only to have it rain and soak everything and the wind turn those streamers into jump ropes. A mild five minute rain.
My own? We had out of town people coming and forget to get signs up at the freeway exit and subsequent streets.
Minor things. Yet stressful when you wanted perfect. But at the end of the day, your marriage license has been signed and you have done tied the knot!
Spent several years in bridal and can tell you there is always someone in the wedding who ain’t happy. Moms, brides, bridesmaids, family. Some just can’t let that control go.
Congratulations on your marriage. I hope the joyful times will outweigh the sorrowful.
“Dear Liam,
“When you decided, some years after the event, to not-actually-apologise for abruptly cutting me out of your life, your words were ‘Sorry, but I made the right decision.’
“And you did. You made the right decision. For you. In the most spineless, pathetic way you could muster.
“And when I decided not to have my photo taken with you and your wife, I made the right decision. For me.
“And when you moaned to our mutual friends and acquaintances, and they all told you that it was your own fault? They all made the right decision too.
“And if, after reading this, you realise what a sad man you are, and get the words ‘Absolute moron’ tattooed on your forehead? That will be the right decision as well.
“But don’t contact me, and don’t keep whinging line a little hitch. That would be the wrong decision.”
NTA
.. are we allowed to cuss in here??
Girl, FUCK THEM. You are not obligated to be in any damn photo. Least of all at an event that YOU are hosting and paying for. Shoutout to your husband for standing up for you. Major green flags. 🟩🟩🟩
Riding around crying listening to drake is the most light skinned thing I’ve ever head and i seriously laughed out loud. But NTA it’s your wedding whatever you and your husband want should be the only thing that mattered.
I think you should do absolutely nothing at all. Drop them out like he dropped you out. You owe them nothing. Get on with your life with your wonderful husband and forget they ever existed.
NTA
Have fun trying something like this:
"Years ago when we were great friends you Blocked me with no explanation. You could have sent a quick note that said "I'm sorry, but my wife is too jealous of random people for me to keep my own female friends." And then Blocked me. Instead you disappeared with no explanation. When I found out from other people how cowardly you were, and how insecure your wife is, I finally understood. However, I want no part of your Drama.
You are good friends with my husband and you can keep that relationship but as per YOUR WISHES I am not part of your life and I will never be part of it.
Frankly, it was reasonable of me NOT to want to be in photos with you both at *my own wedding* in case it stirred up new rounds of jealousy in your relationship.
I don't care about your drama then, and I have no interest in the Drama you are trying to stir up now. Go away."
You are in same friend group, your husband is close with him, they were at your wedding. It’s a little bit weird not to take a picture together at your wedding but it’s your choice. It’s weirder that they are so upset about it. Helloo you blocked this person? what happened your ego took a hit? (I’m assuming this subject never had been talked? They didn’t apologize?)
NTA
Yta. If this was such an issue you should not have invited them to the wedding. If you did, your guests deserve politeness and a photo would be an example.
It doesnt seem like you ever spoke to them about how his actions hurt you. Without that, not taking a picture at your wedding, which you invited them to, comes across as rude. You are owed an apology, but they are owed an explanation.
NAH
NTA but did you and Liam ever have a talk? He should have apologized for blocking you and not talking to you. But I understand why you didn’t want pictures and your husband should get rid of them as friends
Curious, why not take the picture in the moment, but never have it printed? When my wife and I got married 36+ years ago, we had to go through hundreds of pictures, but our wedding album only has about 60 pictures. So several hundred pictures were never printed.
NTA. You reap what you sow. She refused to allow Liam to be friends with you. She is not your friend and neither is he because he allowed this. Get on social media. Make sure that they are included when you inform everyone who has an opinion that you had no intention of coming off as ‘hostile and aggressive’ but you also had no intention of having your photograph taken on your wedding day with a woman who instructed your friend to refuse to have anything to do with you or a friend who followed that instruction and dropped you like you were nothing. Don’t let these idiots control the narrative. Call them out and point out that YOU are the one who is owed an apology for their shitty immature behaviour but you are willing to forgive them when they apologise and let bygones be bygones.
Overall NTA.
But, one question, if you disliked someone enough to refuse a picture with them, why were they invited to your wedding?
I feel like this is something that could have been handled before the big day. Either don’t invite them, or take it as an opportunity to clear the air before it comes up. As a guest of your wedding, it is very reasonable to assume that pictures will be taken, even if it’s just table pictures. There could have been some foresight to avoid this situation.
Of course, it is easy to say some of this in hindsight…
NTA They were there as your husband s friends. They made it perfectly clear that Liam can’t be near you, so you are simply respecting their wishes. He doesn’t get to treat you like that then expect you to want to be friendly and smile in photos
I think we need to take into consideration the circumstances of Op's friendship with Liam. The military isn't like any other workplace. There are so many situations where you need to think as one and have a very close bond. Doesn't make it romantic.
Give Liam his own “apology” back to him. Honestly, he’s got a nerve to not understand how hurt you would be by his actions, and then to exaggerate what happened at your wedding. Guess you were right to keep your distance, your husband needs to follow suit now.
I don’t understand - why are you apologising? He did wrong and you kept to your boundaries. If he decides to be childish how is that your problem? I will add that rather than just keeping your distance or declining abit of sass isn’t so bad to just communicate your feelings. Or a private conversation so that everyone is on the same page. Yes it’s awkward but I do find these stories frustrating when bad behaviour isn’t called out and allowed to fester:
He ghosted you because he had feelings for you. He knew he couldn't be with his wife if you were too close, cuz his feelings would always be there.
NTA tho. With how he cut you off and disrespected you, why would you want a picture with them?
NTA. I’d be fucking clear that if she didn’t want your friendship she doesn’t get to pretend it for a photo. She’s clearly a very pathetic and jealous woman. You were right to cut them off
Consequences are real. He dropped op for zero reason and op gracious enough to still let him be at the wedding for her husband. They asked op said no because they aren't friends or hers. She tolerates them. Glad the group friends called them out. Hubby will lose him anyway because wife comes first and honestly after hearing a friend did that I wouldn't want to be around that
I'd question why hubby still hangs out with him after this. They made a big deal to friend group about nothing and now want an apology for op not wanting picture for HER album. Op hubby if you're reading this dump him because this will cause issues after the blinders of honeymoon stage are off
If hubby was female Liam would also have cut him off without a thought. If they do it to someone else they would do it to you
No you aren't. Actually a smart move.
It's your husband choice to hang out with him
For him, Liam, being a best friend he sure is an asshole.
It's sad he lost all his (best) friends for some chick.
Just stay away from them. More bad juju then good can come from being around them, toxic people
If he wanted respect, he should have respected you. He owed you at least an explanation as to why he could no longer be friends if he had really valued y’all’s friendship, but he just threw you away. Now he expects you to just accept him. What an AH
Liam and wifey should consider themselves lucky they were invited to the wedding at all. I wouldn't even have had that. But I also enjoy a reputation of being difficult - keeps others from even trying to take advantage. They already know the answer will be 'no' so they don't bother asking when they know it's an unreasonable request.
Honestly your husband was an arse for remaining so connected to do someone who hurt you so much (I mean godfather come on?!) let alone insisting on them being at your freaking wedding in the first place. Good luck op.
Liam is a wuss
You never drop true-blue, longtime, proven friends - of either gender! - at the request of a new (often short-lived) dating partner. That’s bullshit
Insecurity and disloyalty are 2 of the biggest turnoffs I know
"sorry if i hurt you for not faking a picture, but i made the right decision"
cause who tf are they? first of all congrats to him for making the "right decision" (🤢) but he still hurt people. his actions were still shitty idc what the reason was. to do that to a close friend, tossing them away as if they were nothing is gross, and you should tell them that. "yes i have moved on, im okay with my husband's friendship with you, but i do not want to be close to you" its not that you're harboring feelings its the simple fact that your connection to him ended by his own doing. its been a closed case; cordial and nothing more. were you even invited to his wedding? or did his wife still feel unsecured enough to make sure you didnt attend?
NTA. Liam ghosting you, blocking you on everything, and ending the friendship (without an explanation) happened before you started dating your future husband. Liam not wanting to hangout with other the group is his own choice. Liam’s wife is only ok with Liam being around OP if she’s around to keep watch. OP you and your husband have been consistent. That’s your husband’s friend and his wife. You aren’t allowed to be friends with Liam according to him and his wife. You don’t take photos with them and don’t get personal with them. They thought at your wedding they could have forced you take a photo with them and wouldn’t turn down. But you stayed consistent, and politely declined a photo with them. You’ve been following the rules and boundaries that Liam and his wife set all those years ago. You have nothing to apologize for. Liam and wife need to apologize you and your hubby for spreading lies. Liam needs to just value the friendship that he still has with your husband. And Liam and his wife need to stop trying to make a fake friendship happen with you.
You know what’s worse than what he did to you? You not letting it go and moving on with your life.
People think acting like this and holding a grudge is some sort of win. It ain’t. You’re just petty, bitter and immature.
YTA.
Someone he ended up marrying ( not a small commitment) asked him for something to make the relationship go smoothly at the start. Sometimes you have to put close friends at a distance to make something else work. Given the chance to reconnect and reestablish a new relationship with him and his spouse with new boundaries, you decided to be petty. In my opinion he doesn’t need you in his life.
Yta in my opinion
Kind of. They are still friends with your husband.
It's childish to invite someone (or allow them to be invited) and single them out. Either don't invite or be gracious and cordial to everyone.
I admit I'm a bit sensitive to this because my in-laws invited me to things and constantly ignored me. It's hurtful.
Hahaha- oh the irony. He ghosted you bc she made him but now she’s mad you don’t want a photo with them…NTA
Kinda wonder if she even did tell him to ghost you tbh
He probably told her he wanted to date OP at one point in the past, and she figured get rid of any future temptation. So, to "prove" his loyalty, he ditched OP, stupidly throwing away a great friendship in the process. As for the wedding photo, what did she expect? Can't have it both ways. Now, they both want to try and save face for a snub of their own making. Nope! Not happening, and cost them another friend, if not more, since others know how she is. Happy cake day! 🎂
100% this. You hit the nail on the head.
Happy cake day 🎉
Happy Cakde day 🎉
Happy Cake Day!
Happy cake day 🥳
OP, if I were in your position I would not apologize but I would offer an explanation, to both Liam and his wife, in person, all three of you together. This is when you would share how badly it hurt that Liam abruptly ended your friendship at the behest of his wife. And that while you can be politely cordial you chose not to be pretend friends for the sake of a picture at your own wedding. After all, it is you that is owed an apology, not them. NTA. Oh, and congrats on the nuptials!
Hello! Thank you! We are very happy 😊 I already talked to Liam. When I started coming around again. He “apologized” for hurting me but told me his wife was the most important woman to him. She didn’t apologize but I would’ve expected her to. She wasn’t the one who hurt me. I told him I accepted his apology but we would never be friends again. Outside of my husband’s friend, he’s nothing to me.
Well done.
I had a friend in the marines who unfriended all us women bc of his gf. I told him I’m sorry you lost your freedom and her sorry that you’re so insecure. My husband occasionally sees them but I’m ok. To me blocking me shows that you’re interested in me and can’t control/trust yourself around me. It’s a compliment.
It sucks. Sorry that happened to you!
I’m guessing that he also told his wife that he had feelings for you at one time, and she gave him a “me or her” ultimatum. Not the healthiest relationship strategy, but whatever. Tell him that you respected his feelings at that time and didn’t try to continue the friendship, and ask that he show you the same respect now
I disagree about her owing you an apology. She destroyed a friendship because of her own insecurity, and it impacted your life and happiness. How does she not owe you an apology if she expects to form any kind of relationship with you let alone being a photograph? She sounds a bit unhinged, TBH. And I actually understand Liam, but he should have talked to you about it. Just cutting you off was bullshit. He should have written you a letter or something at least explaining why. But honestly, what kind of guy is he that he lets his wife dictate stuff like that to him? Who he can have as a friend? Yeah, hard pass on that kind of controlling BS.
This. She made him unfriend you, and then gets pissed off because you didn’t smile and have your photographer take pictures with you. She can’t have it both ways. Then she started talking shit about you. She’s the one who owes you an apology.
Liam is a grown man. His girlfriend didn’t “make” him do shit.
Is it *possible* that he at some point confided in her that he was in love with you and crazy about you and that he was having a hard time getting over you, and that was the reason *he* had to stop talking to you? It may be far-fetched; I'm just searching for some kind of rationale that could explain this. He clearly did not anticipate that you would marry his other best friend years later and that he would have to be around you again. Maybe she's not insecure anymore because he fell in love with her and she was no longer concerned. That's the weird thing to me - I would not expect her to be involved at all. I would think that your husband and Liam would just be solo friends who get together without spouses given the weirdness. Regardless, you were hurt, and although you say you're over it, I don't know if one can ever get over losing a true best friend over something you had no control over. You can't just ghost someone like that and then bring them back into your life and expect things to be normal. Very tough dynamic. But, I'm glad that you had a great wedding and that nothing could shake you on your special day. That type of moment could be really tough on a lot of other people. Good for you.
Think hubby should just gost him the friendship has run it's course and now needs to end , Liam is two faced and will never like being in the wrong .
OP should take her husband, a friend or record the conversation. And if you record the conversation be sure to let them know your recording so nothing gets taken out of context. Also so they can't try and turn the story around. NTA
Agreeeeeed. They’ll def try and turn it to suit them best.
Most of the friend have had their own issues with Liam and his wife
Ooh now I want the tea of the issues others have had with them
Girl, there is so much tea to give but unfortunately that’s not really my tea to tell :/
I respect that. And I’m sorry you’re dealing with this drama. But congratulations on your marriage!
Well that says a lot. Sounds like the whole friend group should be ghosting the drama King and Queen.
This is exactly what I was thinking as I read through! Op, Liam straight up ghosted your close friendship, because of the person he is still with, you own him (them) nothing NTA OP.
I agree she owes them nothing. He owed her an explanation years ago when he cut contact. It sounds like she was cordial for the sake of her now hubby prior to their wedding. It sounds like this couple can’t handle what they are rightfully served.
This! Although I would also include the husband in said conversation for back up especially as she confided in him how hurt she was in the first place.
This is the best advice! Don't apologize, explain.
Toight nups!!
#ALL OF THIS!!!
So lemme get this straight: a woman who basically refused to allow you to continue being friends with your former friend who was also basically a +1 of a friend of the groom is upset that the bride she isn't friends with wouldn't take a picture with her? NTA.
Eh, that’s giving Liam’s wife too much emphasis. She probably made him do that with all women, some people are just….. insecure, whatever. The problem is that Liam didn’t have the balls to act like an adult by either telling her no, or telling OP what was up before ghosting. As much as Liam’s wife is …. not someone I understand, or whose opinion anyone should care about, Liam is the PoS here.
I think we're losing the plot line a bit here. It's not the woman's fault. She had a right to set the boundary. It was Liam's fault the OP was hurt. He's the one who ghosted her instead of just texting her and letting her know they were no longer going to be friendly. No one owes anyone a friendship, no matter how close they are of how long they've known each other. It was the way Liam ended the friendship that's the problem. Conversely, the OP doesn't owe either of them pictures or anything else she doesn't want to give. The reason is immaterial. If it were me, I'd put the problem squarely back in Liam's lap for ghosting a good friend out of the blue. NTA.
No, I didn't lose the plot. She wanted Liam all to herself and didn't want him to have other female friends. The only reason she was there at the wedding is because Liam and OP's husband are still friends. OP and Dumb Bitch aren't friends, so her getting upset that she wasn't treated as a friend is an AH move. Granted, Liam should have dumped her when that ultimatum was made but that's an entirely different issue.
Yes, Liam should’ve told her that she can’t dictate who he’s friends with and she should trust him. She sounds really insecure. Why would she even want a picture with OP if she doesn’t want Liam to associate with OP. Liam is at fault for letting her control who he’s friends with. Liam is also at fault for blocking OP without explaining. Liam’s wife is also at fault for making him end long-term relationships with OP because she’s a woman. They’re both terrible people.
Agree that Liam handled the original situation very poorly (and in a way, in a cowardly fashion). OK, your new gf insists you no longer remain friends with someone of the opposite sex. Not cool, but whatever two people in a relationship agree will be the boundaries in that relationship is up to them. However, Liam should have at the very least, texted an explanation before cutting off all contact with OP. That would have been the adult thing to do. But he chickened out, and chose to just cut her off with zero explanation. Every choice will have some sort of consequence. He and his gf just ran straight into the consequence of their choice/actions and didn't care for it. Too bad.
It is the woman's fault for acting like a psycho control freak and then wanting to play friends
And he just went right along with it and continues to this day! They deserve each other.
That’s a shitty “boundary” and anyone who has to force their spouse to cut people off needs therapy.
‘You can’t talk to women’ is not a boundary…
Taking away friends/support is one of the first things an abuser does. It's important to remember that and act accordingly. If she made a fair boundary of not talking to people he was attracted to that's one thing, but she isolated him from every woman in his life. Then she tried painting herself as the victim when one of those women didn't want to pretend they were besties.
That’s not setting a boundary, that’s being controlling.
It’s not a boundary to have your spouse not allowed to be friends with anyone of the opposite gender. Boundaries are for yourself. It’s controlling and sexist.
Exactly. And why even have them at the wedding? That’s so weird.
This ⬆️
His wife is immature and selfish.
It absolutely is at least partly the woman's fault. "You can't be friends with any other women besides me" is insecure, controlling, immature, utter bullshit. Liam is at most fault because OP was his friend and because he allowed his now-wife to pull this controlling BS, but she needs to own her responsibility here.
Soft disagree. If Liam's wife feels she can't trust him around women, why marry him?
Don't play the game and let the hubs handle it. He'll get sick of it soon enough and cut them off himself. Good for you for standing up for yourself.
I lost my best friend in this exact same scenario. He met a girl, she didnt want him to associate with any other women and I was cut off without an explanation. I had to hear it from a mutual friend what happened. We grew up together and had been best friends for ten years.. I can’t even put into words how much that hurt me.. but I’m guessing you already know anyway. Years later, I’ve made my peace with it and can understand (kind of) why he did what he did.. but I couldn’t be around him again. It would just be too hard. Liam doesn’t have the right to get butt hurt after how he treated you. Don’t give him an apology.. I would send a text telling him that he removed you from his life and you didn’t understand it but you respected his wishes, he now needs to do the same for you and not turn it into gossip.
Yeah. It hurt so bad. He was like a brother to me. I’m sorry that happened to you!
Nta. Liam sounds like a bit of a 🔔🔚. He should have said to his other half that being friends with you is on the level Updateme!
Absolutely love seeing that insult expressed through emojis 🤣🤣🤣
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Well maybe a little. But I leaned more to NTA. Your wedding your day and your decision. It's not someone else's day. Liam hurt your feelings turning his back on you as a friend. I would feel the same way. If the want to act like children let them. Let the drama go and enjoy your marriage. If Liam wants to be friends with your hubby he will if he won't he won't. That decision is theirs to make. Enjoy your life and marriage.
NTA. It’s extremely phony for this couple to want photos with you after cutting you off abruptly years ago for simply being a female friend. Now they can only speak to you if it gives them a photo for social media and perpetuates the illusion that you’re friends? No, you don’t have to do that. It was classy for you to invite them, but you’re not obligated to play pretend with them for their social clout. I’ve had a similar thing happen to me: platonic friends with a guy for years and he starts dating this woman. I become friends with her, get excited about a new girlfriend when she randomly blocks me, talks shit about and to me online, and her boyfriend eventually blocks me too. No explanation, no reason given. I’m hurt, but whatever, I can’t force a friendship. Recently they worked with a friend of mine. I assume they talked shit an out me to her, but no. She told me that they said I was “cool” and that we “went way back.” I ran into them at an event and it was all “oh yeah saladressed! Good to see you! We’ve been buddies since back in the day!” This was all done publicly. They’ve never called, texted, sent a FB friend request. I realized they perceived being “cool” with me as socially and professionally beneficial. I was polite but it still hurt. To have a years long friendship abruptly ended for no reason only to have them pretend it didn’t happen and be phony friendly when it was useful to them was extremely shitty. So yeah, NTA.
You might want to let your friend know the truth. The reason it's professionally useful is because it's a social endorsement of her character. If she goes rogue in the new position then it can cause people to question your judgement.
Oh no I told her I was shocked that they consider me a “friend” after how they treated me. My actual friend ended up having a comically bad work experience with them. She told me about the whole thing after the fact and mentioned it because she was asking what their deal was.
Not going to lie, after that bs treatment, I’d be going “Oh? I don’t think I know them. Hi I’m saladdressed, nice to meet you. And you are?” Every. Time. You have to meet professionally. Hopefully that’s not to often, preferably never!
NTA. Congratulations!! I would have done the same thing. I don't phony kick it with anybody. Those are his friends and you did the right thing by telling them that they can take a pic with just him. The friend's girl has some nerve being mad when she was the jealous one. Liam doesn't sound like that great of a friend so I don't see it as a loss if he unfriends your husband.
First, congrats on your wedding. I just want to know; why were they even invited to the wedding, especially since your husband knows the history? How can this really be one of your husband's best friends if he ghosted and continues to snub his wife like that? Was this issue ever discussed before the wedding? This is all a little weird honestly, them being invited, them even wanting a "happy, haha, we're all friends" picture together, them making a huge fuss. Embarrassing for them. NTA, but maybe a little petty (well-deserved) 💅🏻
Thank you! They are best friends and my husband is the godfather to Liam’s oldest. He originally wanted him as a groomsman. I told him I would not like that. However, if he was insistent on it, I would just have him digitally removed from any pictures in our living room. He just decided to have him as a guest instead lol. They’re cordial to me as I am to them.
Social guilt. They thought she would continue to be polite and while I think she was, she showed both of them she doesn’t play that game.
NTA for a variety of reasons, the most important being that them asking you for a pic did not mandate you to do so. That was some serious gall!!!!
This was the end of the friendship. Honestly, it was over when he blocked you, but this was the final blow. I’m sure your husband is done too.
NTA. Liam and his wife are delusional if they can't figure out why you refused and expect you to apologize. Apparently, your friendship meant more to you than it did to Liam, and he thought blocking you was no big deal.
NTA. Liam owed you the courtesy of a heads up and explanation on why he was going to cut you off, and his wife is nobody to you. You don't owe either of them a thing.
I had a friend who ghosted me after he got married. Wife was very controlling and didn’t like her husband being around a gay guy. He was 100% straight and I had no romantic interest in him. She obviously thought I was a threat because I knew his favorite color, his pizza order and what kind of underwear he wore. After a few years I got a call from him one day and he wanted to hang out. I told him I wouldn’t want to endanger his relationship with his wife by being his friend. He didn’t call back after that. Not all friendships are meant to last; some are only meant for a season of your life. Take the good and the bad from those relationships and move on!
Dang. It never realized occurred to me that guys have to put up with this crap, too. Your response to your friend was much kinder than the "I'm just not that into you" that I was thinking.
Lol wat? Just tell your husband to say “why are you upset? You cut my wife out of your life, which hurt her. Why would you want a photo with her when you don’t want anything to do with her?”
DING DING DING DING Folks, we have a winner of a response here. Sensible and logical. 🫵🏆
You already know you’re NTA. You’re not a light switch and cannot turn your feelings on and off. Liam ghosted you to make her happy. What did they expect? NTA and congrats! Hubby is a good one!
Thank you! He’s amazing 😁
I honestly wouldn't give this a second thought. r/updateme
This happened to a friend of mine. Military women often have this issue. Service members bond and form deep friendships. Spouses sometimes don’t understand that or are massively jealous of it. Her battle buddy turned his back on her and OP’s hurt. Problem is that only reason he’s allowed now to be your friend is bc you’re married. If that wasn’t the case Liam wouldn’t be allowed to speak to you.
So now that you're married, Liam's partner is cool with you, right? You're not a threat anymore. What's up with friends cutting off long-term friends because their partners are insecure? I totally get why you did what you did. Their actions towards you were hurtful. You owe them, nothing, not even a photo, and i would tell Liam where he can shove his apology wheres your apology for cutting you out of his life. It's time to wipe your hands off this so-called friend. NTA
NTA. He chose to cut you off and you had no say. Now you are uninterested in being friendly and *he* has no say. Relationships are a two-way street. I also find it rich his wife is pissed when she's the one who insisted he unfriend you. Then they twisted the story to say you were hostile and aggressive, trying to ruin your reputation (on your own wedding day, at that), when you were perfectly polite. They owe *you* an apology. Tell Liam he burned that bridge and there's no walking back across it now. He's more than welcome to hang with your husband, but your friendship is never going to be what it was, and you are uninterested in playing pretend.
NTA, but I’m confused as to why Liam’s wife is suddenly okay with attending your wedding and wanting to be in a pic with you if she was so insecure in her relationship with Liam that he had to block his female friends? Like girl what? She can’t have it both ways.
Your husband is right. You do not need to be manipulated.
Why would the wife who hates you want a picture with you? And why would someone who foster your friendship want a pic with you? These people are nuts and the wife is too controlling. Good on you for having a shiny spine and politely refusing a photo, and good on your husband for having your back.
Hello! I don’t think she hates. I just have big boobs and almost every SO I have met thought I was trying to steal their man until they met me. I didn’t meet her until like 2ish years ago
NTA… I would just communicate to his wife and him that you didn’t accept his apology from when she made him cut off all female friends and you only hang out with them because your husband and him are still friends. Tell her you’ll never feel comfortable being photographed with someone who wanted you out of someone else’s life. Tell her she created all the hostility and allowed Liam to participate so you washed your hands of both of them.
We seldom hangout just the 4 of us. They are aware of our issues and know we’re not friends. I have no problem with her. Liam was the problem.
NTA! “I don’t want to be in a photo with either spineless or insecure people, especially those that display those characteristics to me when totally unwarranted. Since between the two of you both have all of that covered, I simply didn’t see the point of pretending with you.”
NTA. Good job standing your ground. They owe you an apology if anything. F them.
You’re not the a$$hole for refusing to take a picture with a wedding guest, especially given the history you have with Liam and his wife. Here’s why: Your feelings about Liam and the way he abruptly ended your friendship due to his wife’s discomfort are completely valid. It’s understandable that you would feel hurt and betrayed by someone you considered a best friend. Even though you’ve moved on, it doesn’t mean you have to force yourself into uncomfortable situations, especially on your wedding day. Weddings are about celebrating love and happiness, and you have every right to prioritize your comfort and well-being on such an important day. Declining to take a picture with someone who caused you emotional pain is a reasonable boundary to set. It’s commendable that you were polite and encouraged them to take a picture with your husband instead. You didn’t cause a scene or make a big deal out of it, which shows your maturity and ability to handle the situation gracefully. Liam’s wife’s reaction and their subsequent behavior by spreading rumors about you being hostile and aggressive are unfortunate. It’s clear that they are not respecting your boundaries and are trying to make you feel guilty for maintaining them. Your husband’s support in this situation is also important. It’s great that he stands by you and understands your perspective. While it’s unfortunate that Liam is refusing to hang out until you apologize, it’s also telling of his priorities and understanding of the situation. Ultimately, you’re not responsible for Liam’s or his wife’s feelings. You did what was best for you on your special day. It’s important to stand by your boundaries and not let others manipulate you into feeling guilty for them. If maintaining the peace is important to you, you could consider having a conversation with Liam and his wife to explain your side of things more clearly, but that’s entirely up to you. You’ve already made a gesture by offering an “I’m sorry you felt that way,” and it’s up to them to accept it or not. You’re not the a$$hole for prioritizing your comfort and well-being on your wedding day.
It's OK to spell out asshole :)
You can say, “I’m not angry, I have forgiven you for hurting me. However, I *was* deeply hurt, and because of that, I’m just not interested in being close to you anymore. I’ve established my boundaries and I will stick to them.” Sounds to me like that wound is not done healing. But there is no need to tell them that. None of their business.
I honestly think that Liam could have called you and told you about his very insecure girlfriend not wanting him to speak to other women. At least then you would know why and not have had to deal with this hurt he caused by just ghosting you. You don't owe them anything. You should explain to both of them that you were Liam friend and did not have any romantic involvement. And the fact that he just blocked you with no explanation was very hurtful. NTA *edited to say his girlfriend didn't want him to speak to other women. I put guys. My bad!
Girl. This person was your best friend and he ghosted you suddenly out of the blue. The woman who insisted he do so is now insisting she has a right to be in YOUR life, & you’re rude for being uninterested. And now the friend who ghosted is insisting on an apology- from YOU. Audacity must be 80% off where he’s from. NTA
NTA Your husband is kind of an asshole for not telling Liam and his wife off when Liam first cut you off without so much as a word. You should never have to find out that a friend cut you off due to his girlfriend's insecurities from someone else.
Honestly, he stopped being friends with you for the worst of reasons. Now him and his wife want to make nice without actually apologizing for the hurt they caused you? That’s majorly fucked up. And your husband continuing to be friends with a person that would do this to you, let alone a BESR friend, is also fucked up. It’s time for you both to drop this couple and move on with your lives together. They are toxic. NTA
NTA, and the absolute audacity of these two human barnacles to make your wedding day about them has me fuming on your behalf.
I’m more confused by the husband being ok with a mutual being disrespectful and ghosting as well as hanging out with/inviting such a person to your wedding. Drawing the line at the pic seems a boundary too late.
The guy goes into war zones but is not able to A) tell his gf he will not stop having female friends or B) at least telling you he is doing this and why. What an ass.
I mean, NTA, but.. >I am not hurt or bitter about Liam’s friendship anymore. ...I think you are not being honest with yourself. If you truly felt no pain or bitterness about Liam, then you would pose for photos with your husband and his friends and then move on with your evening, just like you would with any other friends of your husband that you weren't particularly close with yourself.
NTA NOBODY has a right to a picture with you if you don't want it. In a public setting, they can take a picture but you don't need to actively participate in it.
You’re obviously NTA here
NTA r/OhNoConsequence
NTA. When you snuggle up with your husband, and flip through your wedding photo album, or whatever y’all youngin’s do these days (we just celebrated 41 years, so Hard Copy Baby!), you want every picture to make you happy. IMHO, that’s ’nuff said.
Congratulations! I can’t wait to spend the rest of time with my husband. He has all the pictures I don’t like in his office
Digitally replace her face with a dog photo if he puts that photo out in his office.
NTA congratulations and you don’t owe them anything they are not your friends they are friends with your hubby
NTA. I would have reacted the exact same way. You do not owe Liam or his insecure wife anything. She made him make a choice between your friendship and her and he chose her. Fine, but neither he or she can pretend that all is hunky dory when they know its not. This is all on them and not on you. I would not apologize and I wouldn't give them any more thought as you do not need friends like that in your life. Enjoy your marriage and life without them in it.
NTA - this guy and his wife are AHs. They can't have it both ways.
NTA She sounds like one of those phony people out there that smiles to your face while she stabs you in the back. I have run into quite a few of these kinds of women who pretend to be all friendly with someone in public and take photos, but they talk nothing but trash about them privately. You’re right to place the ultimate blame at Liam for throwing away your friendship. He made the choice.
I find it amusing that Liam ghosted you, completely blocked you, disappeared without giving you a reason because his GF said to and now they are mad because you do not want to be in a picture with two people that purposely hurt you. NTA. I don’t understand why they want a picture with someone the pushed out of their lives.
You owe them nothing. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
So from reading this and your comments 100% NTA. You always decline photos with them so why did they think this would be any different? Now they are trying to punish your husband? Liam doesn't seem like a very good friend....
As Liam chose his wife, it’s way pass time for your hb to choose you. NTA.
What a great insult to a dude. “Hey you look like my sister”. 😆
It’s a scary how much they look alike. We did a side by side once and everyone was shocked 😂
Honestly it’s chaos to have someone at your wedding you wouldn’t take a picture with YTA for that
NTA
This is way too dramatic even to take the time to entertain. Your wedding and people are complaining? NTA
Nta Of course, the one who thinks they are allowed to control what others do is mad that you didn't allow her to control you. 😂 just par for the course. Liam accepted the nose ring. Good for him. It's good to be loyal to your SO. Although he does sound quite childish. I like your man!
Ntah. You were actually very polite in an awkward situation of not your doing. Stay classy sister!
nta their egos are huge, like absolutely ridiculous. you don’t ever own someone a photo, it’s the same as any other social interaction. if someone doesn’t want to do something and says no, the person who pushes back on that is the asshole. every time. stand your ground and say good riddance
NTA. WE are not friends, you are friends with my husband. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. You got a picture with their friend. What is the problem. They just wanted to make you learn your place. Now they are hurt that you returned the same energy they gave you. Why don't petty people understand that others don't have to placate them and get over things they did to them. Whatever, you continue to live your best life without them. They have not apologized or recognized how they treated you was not right or cool and just expect you to suck it up. Nope, your friends need to understand that right is right and if they don't understand that, then they will be on the sidelines as well. Those type of people can't be trusted to do the right thing, only the convenient thing and easy thing NTA. Shine on Bride, shine on.
NTA. Friends aren’t disposable just because you’re in a new relationship.
NTA and I agree it’s a good idea to explain. Y’all were best buds and he excommunicated you from his life and never apologized for it. Why would you want anything to do with either of them? You’re fine with them being friends with your husband but that doesn’t mean you’re gonna smile and pretend like Liam didn’t severely hurt you with his sudden silent rejection at her request. It’s the consequences of their actions. If they want to make it right thru both have a million miles of road to walk and even then you’re not obligated to take him back as a friend.
Almost makes you wonder if Liam’s wife even did say she wanted him to cut you out doesn’t it. NTA how awkward would that be? “Haven’t talked to you for years”
NTA fuck them guys
NTA, his wife is an insecure woman who wanted you to pretend for the camera. It sounded like this lady also tried to make a scene at her wedding. This is what Liam has chosen. His wife is isolating him. I hope he enjoys living in a world with him and her until Liam decides to be in a healthy relationship. None of this is your fault.
NTA Avoid them and don't apologize
Seems like the perfect opportunity to fully cut Liam out once and for all.
NTA at all!
NTA - people have lives and friends, and telling someone you forbid them interacting with ANYONE of a certain gender is an instant red flag. And letting someone do that is a sign they're not a friend.
I don't think I'd be OK with my husband being friends with a guy that treated me so badly. Why does he want to be friends with a guy that acts that way and treated you with such little respect? Even now he's asking like an arsehole. Is he planning to keep being matey matey with him? Don't get me started on the disrespect of group outings with them.
First…thank you for you and your husbands service. Second, NTA. They cut you off and then expected sunshine and rainbows. I had a really good friend cut me out but she explained that her future husband didn’t like the idea of us being friends. I moved on with my life and got over it. They are the AH.
NTA. A boundary is a boundary. U tolerate them based on the love for ur husband. U invited them off the strength of the love for ur husband. Anyone saying otherwise is crazy. I don’t have to bend over backwards for people I don’t rock with. I can be cordial, but to expect anything beyond that is entitlement on their end. ON TOP of the fact u regularly shut them down for photos. They thought they were going to bully u into pretending ur relationship with them is different than what it truly is. Their plan failed. Then his wife bad mouthed u when it didn’t work..that plan also failed. If they don’t rock with u, then taking a pic with just ur husband shouldn’t have been a problem. It was all about optics at this point.
NTA Ah, I've been through something like this. One of my ex's (an abusive guy but that's another story) had this group of friends who all did this as they got married. They would literally call up or ghost any former gfs or women they had had crushes on as a performance for their wife to be. Even if she didn't ask for it. Even if the former gfs hadn't spoken to them in eons. Up until this time, I had stayed friends with all my ex bfs, and when we broke up (and I moved thousands of miles away to grad school), he asked if we cld still be friends and I agreed. But I told him not to pull that performative bs on me abt friendships etc. I moved away, puzzled around abt why I was relieved rather than sad, and then lo and behold, 9 months later, he fell in love and before proposing, he called from 2000 miles away to tell me we needed to keep our distance and that we "couldn't be friends." He asked if we could "keep a window open" and I said no. Then he called all of our mutual friends to lie abt it and say I was very sad he was getting married. (He didn't tell me he was getting married.) Bless her heart, she has had to deal w/him ever since. Good riddance. I'm pretty sure she had no idea he'd even done this, because she actually seems pretty nice. It's too bad we never got a chance to be friends. Oh well. I was really angry with myself as much as him because I should have known. This dude and his gf are like he was/is. They are narcissistic, self centered, and they lied abt your behavior to make themselves look like victims. He made his little Bed of Woe. He can lie in it. You've done everything you need to do.
Op congrats! I wouldn’t apologize. Please do not apologize…you did absolutely nothing wrong. Them not coming around is actually doing you a favor. I wouldn’t have even invited them, but because he’s your husband’s bf you sucked it up and invited them…now they want a photo? I’m confused as to why? She doesn’t want him talking to you, but she wants a photo with you? Is she a pyscho or something?? NTA. Don’t apologize.
Not to be an idiot but what was the purpose of inviting them? Were they invited so this could be done? Lmao like this is beyond childish all parties are silly except your husband.
You don't have to be in a photo if you don't want. Having said that, this seems to be an extreme reaction to a photo. It doesn't sound like you're over being hurt. It sounds like you're using the photo etc to try to get back at him and make him feel how you felt. You don't need to be friends with him. He dumped you (as a friend) and you honored that and are no longer friends. But carrying the hurt isn't helping you any. You might want to consider that.
If I wanted to hurt him I would tell my husband not to be friends with him. I don’t want to hurt him. I just didn’t want a picture
You are absolutely STILL hurt and bitter. You should admit that to yourself. You are the asshole for inviting them and then shunning them.
"y'all treated me like a homewrecker without reason for years. You do not get to make demands of me (on MY wedding day no less!) to make others think we're friends. You are my husband's friend and wife. I have more self respect than that."
You blew an opportunity to heal a breach. You held onto a resentment. You want to be right and made your point. Being right all the time in personal relationships has two results: people around you’ll be pissed off and you will be isolated. Gentle YTA because you’re young and you were ignorant. You should go to them and tell them that you were hurt when Liam cut you off and that you used this opportunity to lash back. Admit you were wrong and say that you regretyour actions. Invite their comments and ask if there’s anything you can do to make it right. If you handle all your interactions with others in this manner, you will live a lonely life.
I didn’t use this opportunity to lash back, nor am I resentful. I just didn’t want to do it, so I didn’t. I have plenty of friends and loved ones and will survive my life without these two.
YTA for sure. “I was not being petty or passive aggressive…” Of course you were! People take photos with near-complete strangers at their weddings. If you weren’t still bitter and petty then you would have taken the picture. Liam and wife could have been wrong, but you’re still bitter and petty. The fact that you’re still so bitter may even mean that Liam and his wife were a little bit right.
NTA. It’s not new. You’ve always refused to take a photo with them. Why did they think your wedding would cause you to magically change your stance? You have a good one. Loved to hear how your hubs had your back, your front your all around:)
I wish more brides thought like OP! That even if things go wrong, at the end of the day, you’re married. I have never been involved in a wedding that didn’t have a hiccup. Bestie got married. Beautiful hall at the local fair grounds. The toilets in the facility overflowed. Women in heels traipsing over a quarter of a mile of grass, to the closest bathroom. SIL wedding, the groom locked the keys to the car in the trunk. Instead of popping the lock out, my husband, then boyfriend, grabbed his tool box and took the back seat off to get into the trunk. Siblings wedding. We spent 4 hours weaving pink crepe paper through the fencing. Only to have it rain and soak everything and the wind turn those streamers into jump ropes. A mild five minute rain. My own? We had out of town people coming and forget to get signs up at the freeway exit and subsequent streets. Minor things. Yet stressful when you wanted perfect. But at the end of the day, your marriage license has been signed and you have done tied the knot! Spent several years in bridal and can tell you there is always someone in the wedding who ain’t happy. Moms, brides, bridesmaids, family. Some just can’t let that control go. Congratulations on your marriage. I hope the joyful times will outweigh the sorrowful.
“Dear Liam, “When you decided, some years after the event, to not-actually-apologise for abruptly cutting me out of your life, your words were ‘Sorry, but I made the right decision.’ “And you did. You made the right decision. For you. In the most spineless, pathetic way you could muster. “And when I decided not to have my photo taken with you and your wife, I made the right decision. For me. “And when you moaned to our mutual friends and acquaintances, and they all told you that it was your own fault? They all made the right decision too. “And if, after reading this, you realise what a sad man you are, and get the words ‘Absolute moron’ tattooed on your forehead? That will be the right decision as well. “But don’t contact me, and don’t keep whinging line a little hitch. That would be the wrong decision.” NTA
.. are we allowed to cuss in here?? Girl, FUCK THEM. You are not obligated to be in any damn photo. Least of all at an event that YOU are hosting and paying for. Shoutout to your husband for standing up for you. Major green flags. 🟩🟩🟩
Riding around crying listening to drake is the most light skinned thing I’ve ever head and i seriously laughed out loud. But NTA it’s your wedding whatever you and your husband want should be the only thing that mattered.
I think you should do absolutely nothing at all. Drop them out like he dropped you out. You owe them nothing. Get on with your life with your wonderful husband and forget they ever existed. NTA
Have fun trying something like this: "Years ago when we were great friends you Blocked me with no explanation. You could have sent a quick note that said "I'm sorry, but my wife is too jealous of random people for me to keep my own female friends." And then Blocked me. Instead you disappeared with no explanation. When I found out from other people how cowardly you were, and how insecure your wife is, I finally understood. However, I want no part of your Drama. You are good friends with my husband and you can keep that relationship but as per YOUR WISHES I am not part of your life and I will never be part of it. Frankly, it was reasonable of me NOT to want to be in photos with you both at *my own wedding* in case it stirred up new rounds of jealousy in your relationship. I don't care about your drama then, and I have no interest in the Drama you are trying to stir up now. Go away."
You are in same friend group, your husband is close with him, they were at your wedding. It’s a little bit weird not to take a picture together at your wedding but it’s your choice. It’s weirder that they are so upset about it. Helloo you blocked this person? what happened your ego took a hit? (I’m assuming this subject never had been talked? They didn’t apologize?) NTA
I don’t take pictures with them outside of my wedding either.
I saw your other comments and edit about his ‘apologize’. You were clear to them so they shouldn’t even ask for that picture.
Yta. If this was such an issue you should not have invited them to the wedding. If you did, your guests deserve politeness and a photo would be an example.
It doesnt seem like you ever spoke to them about how his actions hurt you. Without that, not taking a picture at your wedding, which you invited them to, comes across as rude. You are owed an apology, but they are owed an explanation. NAH
Why would a conversation of blatant asshole behavior need to be had? Her husband is Liam’s friend, not her, she owes them nothing.
NTA. But offer to have them come over and the 4 of you talk about it and explain everything. If they still demand an apology demand one back
NTA but did you and Liam ever have a talk? He should have apologized for blocking you and not talking to you. But I understand why you didn’t want pictures and your husband should get rid of them as friends
Updateme!
Curious, why not take the picture in the moment, but never have it printed? When my wife and I got married 36+ years ago, we had to go through hundreds of pictures, but our wedding album only has about 60 pictures. So several hundred pictures were never printed.
I just didn’t want to
@Updateme
UpdateMe! RemindMe! 7 days
NTA. You reap what you sow. She refused to allow Liam to be friends with you. She is not your friend and neither is he because he allowed this. Get on social media. Make sure that they are included when you inform everyone who has an opinion that you had no intention of coming off as ‘hostile and aggressive’ but you also had no intention of having your photograph taken on your wedding day with a woman who instructed your friend to refuse to have anything to do with you or a friend who followed that instruction and dropped you like you were nothing. Don’t let these idiots control the narrative. Call them out and point out that YOU are the one who is owed an apology for their shitty immature behaviour but you are willing to forgive them when they apologise and let bygones be bygones.
Overall NTA. But, one question, if you disliked someone enough to refuse a picture with them, why were they invited to your wedding? I feel like this is something that could have been handled before the big day. Either don’t invite them, or take it as an opportunity to clear the air before it comes up. As a guest of your wedding, it is very reasonable to assume that pictures will be taken, even if it’s just table pictures. There could have been some foresight to avoid this situation. Of course, it is easy to say some of this in hindsight…
I have refused every picture with them. Not just on my wedding day
NTA They were there as your husband s friends. They made it perfectly clear that Liam can’t be near you, so you are simply respecting their wishes. He doesn’t get to treat you like that then expect you to want to be friendly and smile in photos
I think we need to take into consideration the circumstances of Op's friendship with Liam. The military isn't like any other workplace. There are so many situations where you need to think as one and have a very close bond. Doesn't make it romantic.
Give Liam his own “apology” back to him. Honestly, he’s got a nerve to not understand how hurt you would be by his actions, and then to exaggerate what happened at your wedding. Guess you were right to keep your distance, your husband needs to follow suit now.
NTA. Liam’s wife doesn’t get to play like you’re friends for pictures, but freeze you out for everything else. Ain’t nobody got time for that shit!
I don’t understand - why are you apologising? He did wrong and you kept to your boundaries. If he decides to be childish how is that your problem? I will add that rather than just keeping your distance or declining abit of sass isn’t so bad to just communicate your feelings. Or a private conversation so that everyone is on the same page. Yes it’s awkward but I do find these stories frustrating when bad behaviour isn’t called out and allowed to fester:
He ghosted you because he had feelings for you. He knew he couldn't be with his wife if you were too close, cuz his feelings would always be there. NTA tho. With how he cut you off and disrespected you, why would you want a picture with them?
NTA. I’d be fucking clear that if she didn’t want your friendship she doesn’t get to pretend it for a photo. She’s clearly a very pathetic and jealous woman. You were right to cut them off
Consequences are real. He dropped op for zero reason and op gracious enough to still let him be at the wedding for her husband. They asked op said no because they aren't friends or hers. She tolerates them. Glad the group friends called them out. Hubby will lose him anyway because wife comes first and honestly after hearing a friend did that I wouldn't want to be around that I'd question why hubby still hangs out with him after this. They made a big deal to friend group about nothing and now want an apology for op not wanting picture for HER album. Op hubby if you're reading this dump him because this will cause issues after the blinders of honeymoon stage are off If hubby was female Liam would also have cut him off without a thought. If they do it to someone else they would do it to you
NTA. You not a drawer to be closed and then reopened at their will. Be consistent, fuck. They feel entitled to remove your agency constantly.
NTA-They need to look in the mirror before they judge.
NTA. They have a lot of nerve to be mad at you after how he treated you in the past.
No you aren't. Actually a smart move. It's your husband choice to hang out with him For him, Liam, being a best friend he sure is an asshole. It's sad he lost all his (best) friends for some chick. Just stay away from them. More bad juju then good can come from being around them, toxic people
If he wanted respect, he should have respected you. He owed you at least an explanation as to why he could no longer be friends if he had really valued y’all’s friendship, but he just threw you away. Now he expects you to just accept him. What an AH
Updateme!
NTA. I'm also glad your husband is on your side. Don't apologize. They are playing victim for nothing.
Liam and wifey should consider themselves lucky they were invited to the wedding at all. I wouldn't even have had that. But I also enjoy a reputation of being difficult - keeps others from even trying to take advantage. They already know the answer will be 'no' so they don't bother asking when they know it's an unreasonable request.
Honestly your husband was an arse for remaining so connected to do someone who hurt you so much (I mean godfather come on?!) let alone insisting on them being at your freaking wedding in the first place. Good luck op.
Updateme
Liam is a wuss You never drop true-blue, longtime, proven friends - of either gender! - at the request of a new (often short-lived) dating partner. That’s bullshit Insecurity and disloyalty are 2 of the biggest turnoffs I know
"sorry if i hurt you for not faking a picture, but i made the right decision" cause who tf are they? first of all congrats to him for making the "right decision" (🤢) but he still hurt people. his actions were still shitty idc what the reason was. to do that to a close friend, tossing them away as if they were nothing is gross, and you should tell them that. "yes i have moved on, im okay with my husband's friendship with you, but i do not want to be close to you" its not that you're harboring feelings its the simple fact that your connection to him ended by his own doing. its been a closed case; cordial and nothing more. were you even invited to his wedding? or did his wife still feel unsecured enough to make sure you didnt attend?
Updateme
NTA let them kick rocks and be gone
You are NTA but your husbans is an AH. He’s not backing you up very much at all.
SOO not the AH
NTA. Liam ghosting you, blocking you on everything, and ending the friendship (without an explanation) happened before you started dating your future husband. Liam not wanting to hangout with other the group is his own choice. Liam’s wife is only ok with Liam being around OP if she’s around to keep watch. OP you and your husband have been consistent. That’s your husband’s friend and his wife. You aren’t allowed to be friends with Liam according to him and his wife. You don’t take photos with them and don’t get personal with them. They thought at your wedding they could have forced you take a photo with them and wouldn’t turn down. But you stayed consistent, and politely declined a photo with them. You’ve been following the rules and boundaries that Liam and his wife set all those years ago. You have nothing to apologize for. Liam and wife need to apologize you and your hubby for spreading lies. Liam needs to just value the friendship that he still has with your husband. And Liam and his wife need to stop trying to make a fake friendship happen with you.
You know what’s worse than what he did to you? You not letting it go and moving on with your life. People think acting like this and holding a grudge is some sort of win. It ain’t. You’re just petty, bitter and immature. YTA.
Someone he ended up marrying ( not a small commitment) asked him for something to make the relationship go smoothly at the start. Sometimes you have to put close friends at a distance to make something else work. Given the chance to reconnect and reestablish a new relationship with him and his spouse with new boundaries, you decided to be petty. In my opinion he doesn’t need you in his life. Yta in my opinion
He didn’t distance himself. He abruptly cut me off. I do not wish to reconnect nor do I owe him or his spouse my friendship.
Kind of. They are still friends with your husband. It's childish to invite someone (or allow them to be invited) and single them out. Either don't invite or be gracious and cordial to everyone. I admit I'm a bit sensitive to this because my in-laws invited me to things and constantly ignored me. It's hurtful.
I didn’t ignore them and I was gracious. I just don’t care for them
Liam. No more fucking Liam.
TLDR
Nta... and be sure to use his own words, "Sorry if I hurt you, but it was the right decision!"