....and life-threatening.....pregnancy and child-birth are not a walk in the park! The mortality rate among pregnant women (in the US) is far higher (highest of all "first world" or "wealthy" nations) than it should be.
As a wife and mother of three children already, is it worth the risk to OP's wife to be a surrogate (regardless of person wanting her surrogacy previous nasty,hateful behavior).
I am still stuck on the joke and their reaction. They seem to think OP was AH for bringing up the past.
OP next time they bring it up, tell them: that past was a singularity (singular issue and timefrsme) for you, but for my wife, it was EVERYDAY FOR YEARS! This was one joke, if you can't see it and laugh at it, get comfortable, I have a few more that get more annoying the less you laugh.
If they are so pissed about bring up the past. Why they did horrible things in the past? Most German are ok to talk about Nazi now. But these in-laws don’t.
She can do it if she REALLY wants to. But given that her pregnancies are “really hard on her” I don’t consider her a good candidate. Her sister just sees Christina as a gestational device.
I didn’t say otherwise. I’m just pointing out that the best surrogate has easy pregnancies. But it’s always up to the potential surrogate.
Every person is worth more than their reproductive organs!
Does anyone here remember the AITA story about a woman paying her husband's sister to be a surrogate? The OP talked about the baby with a slight reference to how "unfortunately" there were complications and SIL died during or right after delivery. Then breezed on to how she invited BIL to the baby's first birthday and was SHOCKED that instead of being happy about the birthday party, he thought her very insensitive. That is, the celebration would be the anniversary of his wife's death.
NTA OP
Not to mention they would probably make her life hell throughout the pregnancy telling her what she can and can't do because it's their baby she is carrying, thinking they have the right to lord over and nit pick everything she does.
OP even says pregnancy has been hard on his wife and she is CURRENTLY PREGNANT. If someone asked me to be their surrogate (currently 6months pregnant), I would laugh at them even if we were on good terms and I hadn’t been belittled by them for years.
OP’s wife laughed and as far as I’m concerned, her opinion is the one that matters so NTA
For those downvoting: this person was answering the question of
'Is it worth risking Christina in surrogacy'
They had the correct response:
>Nope, it's not.
You know people are stupid. Apparently, they can't help it. Critical thinking isn't a common trait these days, apparently. Thank you for having my back.
>The mortality rate among pregnant women (in the US) is far higher (highest of all "first world" or "wealthy" nations) than it should be.
That's a feature not a bug
The people controlling the medical industry only want patients that can AFFORD it
Since they "fixed" the relationship after OP's wife was married and had 2 kids... I think that the in laws reconciled just to have access to her kids and possibly use her as a surrogate. The sister did mention that she had the most successful pregnancies, so perhaps that is why the in laws decided to accept her now.
Yup. Was going to post this but found your comment.
I honestly believe this is the whole reason for the fixed relationship. The fact she is "of blood" with a working uterus.
Not only asking difficult and selfless, but in a public setting? IMO that's too personal for a public discussion. And was the SIL willing to cough up the 50 or 60 thousand surrogates get these days?
For real, I wouldn’t even be a surrogate for someone who had always been perfect to me let alone someone who emotionally abused me over things I couldn’t control. NTA but Christina’s family sure are
She's still not more than a piece of flesh to them obviously, no sister would ask this after knowing the pregnancies are so hard on her she wasn't even sure on having her own third child.
Surrogate pregnancies are a HUGE ask. These people are so entitled.
No, OP, shut this one right down, and mention the whole "affair baby" thing as much as you like. What TAs this family are.
You're right, they can't expect your wife to just forget their past treatment and agree to something so significant without acknowledging her feelings.
Yeah, I 100% thought his wife was going to be mortified, and was about to call this guy a massive AH. But no, he knew how she felt about them and made her family face their own actions. Big NTA.
Me too. My first thought was "oh my god how could you! Prepare to grovel." But thankfully OP knows his wife better than you and I and was spot on, so all the power to him! And fuck the in-laws.
I went through the exact same process.
"That's a bold move for someone wanting to keep his wife."
"Oh, that was an excellent move for not just keeping his wife but also keeping her in good spirits."
The in-laws needed to be told, and they got told. I'm here for it.
Yeah, I read it in his voice and heard total snark. Good for him. They've treated her like the "black sheep " of the family. Think of it like spreading rumors that someone is an alcoholic (when they aren't), and now they're asking her to donate a piece of her liver.
100%. This is a story about a man standing up for his wife, in a way she liked. She felt supported by her partner, not embarrassed.
Further, he was very much a part of her life before this too-little-too-late reconciliation. It isn’t like he is throwing out comments about a sibling fight from 20 years ago, he had only heard 2nd hand.
Good for OP. NTA
NTA.
Look, there is always a point where "all is forgiven". But there is no reason to show that your wife would have been treated fairly in pregnancy just like when growing up.
Being called "Affair Baby" would give more cause for injustice if sadly your wife's surrogacy became tainted in some way, and it be another thing to be hated for.
Now, regardless if they used 100% of their DNA (Sperm and Egg), or donor DNA, too many surrogates are facing lawsuits if the fetus or birthed child are not perfect. Even with legal assistance and documentation, surrogacy is starting to become extremely expensive due to entitled parents.
Give your wife a hug, and know you got a huge supporter here, who is cheering you on. Stay petty
AND they’d likely expect her to do it 100% for free and because they don’t respect her (and wouldn’t have an agency forcing them to abide by certain contact) they’d likely also expect to dictate how she lives her life throughout the pregnancy. Nope!
Right?! And if her paternal family had been paying any attention to the fact she’s had difficult pregnancies, they won’t care if she has a difficult time as a surrogate, likely being angry if she complains.
Oh definitely. This would be thrown up in her face somehow for the rest of her life. If she's an "affair baby" now, I can only imagine the names she'd be called for carrying their child for them.
I am trying to remember if it did succeed or not, but I do remember that there was a court case in the 90s in the USA about the right to life of the mother, the situation, as I remember it although fuzzy, the woman was going to give up her child upon it's natural birth, but if the baby created a fatal birth, to save the woman. (I do remember the term natural birth being used)
Now, this is where it gets fuzzy.
The way I remember it, the father of the baby, the woman's family, and the father's family had no worries that the woman put her own life above the baby, but someone did, and tried to make it a law even that the baby's life no matter what, was more important than the woman birthing it.
With the over turning of RVW, and now the right to birth control being challenged, I look at the USA from Australia and just want to understand why a country that proclaims to be the land of the free, have so many people in fetters
Some days, you just got to start playing Apocalypse Bingo, and see which religion or cult is getting it right.
The other day I heard a "prediction" so stupid, I wouldn't be surprised if it comes about.
The prediction was that whoever the next USA president is, the supreme court will override the election and appoint one of their own as leader.
NTA. I applaud you. Way to stick up for your wife. She laughed so her opinion is the only one that counts. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
On to the surrogate issue:
1) SIL is being selfish. She doesn’t care how difficult pregnancy is for your wife. She just wants what she wants.
2) Forgiveness is not absolution. Forgiving SIL enough to have a relationship doesn’t include undergoing a difficult (possibly life ending) pregnancy so SIL gets what she wants.
3) If this is the last baby for you and your wife, she should close the store and have her tubes tied.
4) If SIL doesn’t want people to know she was shitty, she shouldn’t have been shitty.
Don’t listen to people that don’t know the full extent of the damage your ILs did to your wife. You live with her.
Congratulations on baby #3. May you always be happy. May your ups be many and your downs be few.
Why do you and your wife even bother having a relationship with these people? They abused her when she was a kid? Why not go no contact? Your life would be more peaceful if you did that. They sucked before and they still act like assholes towards your wife.
As an affair baby I get it. It's really hard to let go of the fantasy that one day you'll he as valued as the other kids/family.
Also weirdly there's a lot of shame involved even though it's not your fault
NTA. You did exactly what your wife needed you to do when you saw how uncomfortable she was with the request and you quite rightly put her sister in her place by pointing out that she has no respect for your wife and just sees her as a womb for rent. No doubt she would expect your wife to do this without the usual surrogacy agreement and would expect to not have to cover the full expenses of surrogacy which she would be charged if she went through the proper channels. She is also not showing any consideration for your wife’s health or the toll another pregnancy may take on both her health and her ability to do everything she already has to do for the 3 children you have. Before anyone comes at me with some comment about how she might get pregnant again with you so it would be no different, it WOULD be different because if it was another pregnancy of her own she would have a baby at the end of it, not a niece or nephew who would be brought up by a woman who doesn’t like or respect her.
I mean....when did surrogacy become something to be expected? No, let me reformulate this: why does anyone need a reason why they wouldn't want to be a surrogate, outside of: I don't want to.
Like, I have two kids, Great pregnancies, I'm healthy. There is no way in hell I would be surrogate for anyone BC IT would be unfathomable to me to grow a baby in me and then give it to someone else. I don't know anyone, even my own sister who would just ask me that so nonchalantly.
And I have to admit that, od anyone thinks the argument "she might get pregnant again"is valid, WTF people-having your own baby and carrying and giving birth for someone else are just..not comparable. I seriously hope People thinking Like this aren't parents.
Even if the wife was interested in being a surrogate, which is a big if, how could she possibly be willing to hand over a baby she had carried to a woman she KNOWS is cruel?
I think it was perfect to bring up how she was treated in the past just when they started asking her for such a huge favor. And it was funny and de-weaponizing.
Nta,you stood up for your wife as I would have. And it was funnily passive-aggressive, which makes it funnier, BUT I do hope your wife never says yes to being their surrogate.
Imagine asking someone you bullied their entire life to be your surrogate at their baby shower… like my womb is not for rent nor is it even available now.
NTA good on you for standing up for your wife.
Nta. I wasn't an affair baby, but I was a "blamed baby" too.
Her entire family deserves to be blasted and wife should start removing acess to herself (you and the kids) from them because now she's "truly useful" to them.
Sil sounds like shes either going to pester her or find a way to make life difficult if she doesn't agree. (She is the golden child after all. The non affair baby.)
>My in-laws got pissed at me for “brining up the past” and called my wife childish for laughing. They left, Christina was still laughing.
Of course their pissed, what they really mean is she's "not a child anymore and should be an adult!"
They were Trash Adults who blamed her simply for being born of their sin, who were they mad at? Your wife an infant/toddler/child. Now that they've finally got a taste of their own words and behaivors thrown in their face, who are they mad at again, instead of reflecting on their behaivors? Your wife.
When the inlaws realise your wife is being serious about not surrogating, wife will likely be blamed for causing more misery for the inlaws family.
NTA but a huge part of me wants your wife to tell them she had to have an emergency hysterectomy during birth so she is unable to help her sister (only if you two go for permanent BC after this last pregnancy so no chance she has an oopsie baby after she tells them that) because you know they are going to push her to be a surrogate for her after this child is born. She could even say the doctor said any future pregnancies would kill her but I have a feeling they would still push and say she needs a second opinion or a new doctor
NTA
Ahhhh, so *that's* why all was suddenly forgiven. Good job on standing up for your wife to the POS relatives who have degraded her all her life and now consider her little more than an incubator.
>During the baby shower trinity made a “joke” about how Christina was qualified to be a surrogate now.
She's wrong. If your wife has a history of difficult pregnancies, she won't be eligible for surrogacy at all.
Let's be real, trinity doesn't actually care about her sisters health or difficult pregnancies as it has resulted in her giving birth to healthy babies. She would be totally find with putting her sisters life in danger in any small or big way if she could get what she wanted.
NTA.
Your wife knew you were joking and took it as such.
Maybe if your in-laws didn't blame an innocent baby (your wife) for her mother having an affair (which, come on, seriously? How tf can a baby be blamed for one or both of their parents cheating on each other?).
If your SIL was part of all that bullshit, shame on her for following in her parents footsteps.
But beyond that, your wife doesn't owe any of them anything. And the way you've worded things, it sounds like your SIL kind of expected your wife to just go along with it. Like "Oh, we've treated you like shit your entire life, but now that I can see your value to me getting what I want, you *will* do this to make *me* happy!"
100% not TA, they got what they dished out for years turned back on them. Your wife laughed at it, so there is no wrong in anything you did. You showed her you will always have her back.
NTA at all, amazing how people can dish it out but not take it 😂.
Only persons who's opinion matters in this is your wife and she laughed so you are all good.
NTA. I would have followed up with - This is a good example of why you should always be nice to people. You never know when you might want to ask them for a huge favor. 😁
I would be that petty.
NTA. The only rude AH are your ILS. Who the hell pushes for surrogacy during the said persons baby shower. Also didn’t you say your wife has difficult pregnancies, why would she want to put herself through that for her bitch of half sister.
NTA. They had no issue making your wife feel like shit her entire life. Your wife's father abandoned her to grow up the way she did. Trinity got off lightly with the joke you made, I'd have said, maybe the reason you can't have kids is because you're a shit human being who doesn't deserve them.
So I'll preface this by saying I'm old. I was a kid in the 60s, and the Supremes had a song called Love Child. The kid was blamed and looked down on. Common sense and critical thinking tell you that the child is innocent, but apparently, that is still lacking in this day and age. Tell sil to pound sand.
People are stupid.
Will never understand this kind of thing. Your wife, an affair baby through no doing if hers, suffered in her family for years. Apparently treating her as culpable for the circumstances of her birth was not rude!!!!
But delivering a single slap back to the culprit is somehow about her being rude!!!!
Why do bullies always get a pass when victims fight back or respond in kind get told they are out of line.
How many Reddit post deal with awful behavior until the bad actor wants something from their victim and then it is “in the past” and no reason to hold a grudge.
Thank you, I’m surprised no one else as said this. Especially with the additional information that his wife has barely laughed or smiled during the pregnancy that HE wanted but she didn’t really.
nta. Your wife laughed and that was your goal, and it made fun of the way she was treated by her family. They don't like it then maybe FIL shouldn't have cheated 💁♀️
NTA. Who jokes about surrogacy at a baby shower? Also, Trinity likely said this to your wife for years. Consequences suck sometimes but Trinity made the comments so now she can wear the consequences which may include being reminded of the fact that she has been awful for years.
NTA and honestly I would said the same thing. You don't chastise and belittle someone their entire life until they become useful to you. That's messed up.
NTA- husband of the year right here!!! You stood up for your wife and you made your wife laugh which is a bonus so hey let them stay mad, they suck anyways.
NTA tell them maybe if their father wasn't a slut he wouldn't have ruined their family but you're thankful he didn't cause your wife was the only decent thing to come from him clearly.
NTA i too think it’s laughable (that SIL was actually hinting around about surrogacy at your wife’s shower). Talk about inappropriate!!
Your in-laws seem to have little to no class. Proceed with that knowledge
NTA. I get a feeling that they are using this as a "I know you always wanted to be part of our family and I can use this" sort of ask. It's like the in-laws burned her as a child and then get mad that she still has scars.
NTA. They put her down. Called her an affair baby and now they want her to carry their child? What happen to the other siblings who weren’t affair babies??? NTA. Tell your wife not to do it.
NTA. Three words: F all them! Your wife isn’t responsible for how she was brought into this world. Maybe her sister need to start wish she had the same genetic mix since she’s the broken one.
While I do not think the joke appropriate, I do not think your wife’s sister has any right to ask. Do not
make a joke like that again, I hope your wife does not consider this idea of surrogacy. Her 3rd pregnancy needs to be her last. And shame on you putting her in her current condition knowing how hard her second pregnancy was on her.
NTA, so it’s childish to dish it so someone, but when they dish it back, now there’s an issue? They only see your wife as a way to get a baby for them. It’s crazy how people get mad when they smell their own shit
So this is just FIL and "his" wife's family. Her actual bio-Mom is really your MIL .....you keep referencing your in-laws, but technically, that's your FIL, and his wife Christina's mother is your MIL....
Honestly, it's probably a little "rude," but the 'half-SIL' was being a jack-ass .....wanting to USE your wife as a baby-carrying mule.
#1 she's currently pregnant 🤰let her have HER baby is effing peace
2) One would assume she knew how difficult "her half-sibiling's" pregnancies have been in the past.....so it's IMO incredibly rude AF to a) ignore that and b) actually even ASK her to endure another pregnancy in general....again let alone allow her to deliver a healthy child THIS TIME! Brain-dead
This is Karma at its best.
After degrading your beautiful wife for decades, they now see her worth only in what she could give them, if she so wishes.
These people do not deserve your wife’s kindness, especially as pregnancy is difficult for her.
I would firmly tell them that another pregnancy is too medically risky for your wife and a surrogate pregnancy is not going to happen.
I would also remove these toxic people from my life given how unkind and uncomfortable they make your wife feel.
Girl I would have cussed their asses OUT and gave them the bird with a SMILE. NTA. Your wife isn't entitled to do jack shit for them after their horrific behavior towards her during her entire childhood.
What? Yes you’re an AH for that. Of course your wife laughed, what else could she do? That doesn’t mean you didn’t hurt her.
And yes they are AHs all no around.. ESH
NTA. I'm not sure if we're using the correct nomenclature about this. Where they suggesting that your wife Carrie there fertilized eggs since they are unable to, or were they suggesting that her husband fertilize your wife's eggs and then give them the child when they are born?
Either way just let it go unless they bring it up again. And they will. They can't help themselves. They think she should be grateful that she is finally allowed to be part of their family. Even though it was the sperm donor that cheated they have blamed your wife for being born and punish her accordingly for entire life. So, yeah, they will come back and either be mad because you and your wife are unrepentant and are not acting in the subservient manner required by the circumstances of her birth, or being sickeningly sweet and kind trying to convince your wife to help them have a child. With this family it could even end up being both. Here's what you tell them.
" Due to health reasons this will be the last child that my wife will be carrying. Even if she was healthy enough and willing to be a surrogate for somebody it certainly wouldn't be for someone like you who has treated her like garbage her entire life. And the entire time that I've known you you've been a horrible person to us and a horrible human being in general. Maybe the reason you are having so many issues getting pregnant because God knows what a horrible parent would be and is trying to stop it."
Burn that bridge. Drop that mic. Walk Away clean
NTA. Your friend said you were rude, huh? What's more "rude", constantly blaming someone from their childhood up for something they had no say in (being conceived) and calling them an "Affair Baby" only to then try and get them to do a massive "favor" for you or calling the person who did all those things out for being a piece of garbage? It's clear that your wife's sperm donor and his spawn only wanted to come back into her life for a reason: that reason being her ability to carry and give birth to a child. If evil half-sister wants a baby so bad, she can do what a lot of people do when they want/need to use a surrogate, go to a surrogacy agency and go through the proper channels. Also, way to make your wife laugh while supporting her!
NTA
They are still treating your wife like crap, they are still living in the past of FIL's affair. They're just doing it in a more indirect way.
My bitchy, petty bits say: If they can't stop with the "bringing up the past" then remind them that in order for it all to be equal and fair they have 24 years worth of 'bringing up the past' owed. After all, they kept 'bringing up the past' every. single. time. they treated your wife badly. And it wasn't even something that should have been directed at an innocent child like your wife! That is what really brings out the rage in me.
NTA. Your in laws have been rubbing the fact that your wife is an affair baby in her face throughout her life. Now they are changing the narrative because they want something from her. I'd advise your wife not to be a surrogate.
Hell, if Trinity is so desperate to have a baby, tell her husband to go have his own affair baby. But that would be bringing an innocent child in contact with shitty people.
NTA
The way my petty is setup I would've been like
" A working uterus; must be from MY Dad's side of the family"...
"Now don't we all wish we were affair babies..."
You had your wife laughing. And called out her family for mistreating her then playing nice because they want something huge. That's what I call a win.
Bro, you are good!
You could be more polite but I think you chose wisely. You showed the support your wife needed in a strong way! Can't believe the nerve of some people!
Wish you good fortune for all your children and happiness for your family!
Op, I guarantee you that your in laws only made contact to have access to your children.
I would have *never* gone back to people who think an innocent child who never asked to be born nor had a *choice* in their own conception and blamed that poor child.
OP, your sister in law revealed themselves at your baby shower. She doesn't respect or love or even like your wife. Your parent in laws just wanted access to **YOUR** children as their grandchildren and your sister in law only now sees your wife as some incubator for her infertility. It's bullshit.
NTA.
You pointed out how your family has treated your wife her whole life, and now that they want something from her, they “value” her.
They deserved having that thrown back in their faces.
I clutched my pearls after you said what you did, worried about your wife’s feelings. But you know her best and got her to laugh. And to continue laughing. Nope you’re good kid. You had her back and shoved their crap back in their face. Good for you. And congrats on the new baby.
NTA
As long as your wife was laughing, all is well
Screw the in laws. Theyre the ones who treated her like crap. You reap what you sow and they sowed nothing but shit
Info. How is your wife's relationship with Trinity? Is it good, or does your wife not like her sister very much?
I'm almost certain you are NTA, but I'm wondering if they fixed their relationship, and this could be a setback.
NTA
People do nice things for nice people. They do nice things for people who love and appreciate what they do and who they are. Her sister is not one of those people, so why would she think her sister…the affair baby, would want to help her out? Naw! You did right by your wife! I’m glad she has a sense of humor. You put her sister in her place!
NTA, it made your wife laugh. Your wife’s happiness is the only thing that matters. If your wife was upset about the comment than she could be the only one to call you an ah
NTA. Your wife wasn't offended, and if anyone should be offended, it should be her. If she's not mad, why is everyone else? You took their power from them and they are salty about it. They'll be alright.
What friend have you been talking to… he has no sense of humor… your wife laughed because of how perfectly fit your response was to such a ridiculous proposition from a person whom is just barely tolerable
NTA. Even if there was a sprinkling of passive aggressive in the joke, the Affair Baby laughed. I suspect she was probably thinking the same thing.
They treated her like dirt her entire childhood. Now they want something from her. They would be out of line asking to borrow a car for nine months, much less her body. I can’t imagine how awful and controlling they would be if she agreed
Lol so they can dish the insults at your wife for her entire life but you cant joke about it too… especially when your wife laughed.. omg your inlaws are pathetic n the sister is a moron for even suggesting surrogacy… lets face it that wasnt a joke, that was her way of bringing up the topic
Nope NTA. Your wife was treated like crap for most of her life by these people for something she had no part it.
Tell the flying monkeys that when they apologize and make up for all of the mistreatment of your wife over the years, then you will consider being a surrogate.
Until then they can go rent a surrogate like everyone else done. How entitled can her sister be. I will treat you like crap and insult you for most of your life but the moment I want something you need to smile and do it? Pffft piss off
NTA! Your wife enjoyed the joke and that’s the only thing that matters. I’m sure they intervene when Trinity was the one making the joke. Good luck with baby number 3! 🎉
NTA
Congrats on your upcoming birth of the little one.
If your in-laws or anyone else want a surrogate birth let them find a group that provides that service and pay accordingly.
Your wife owes no one anything and IMO should actually be dissuaded from considering it.
Your in-laws have been cruel to her for existing.
Can you imagine how they would be if the unthinkable happens if your wife were a surrogate and the pregnancy was lost or the child was born with a defect?
There is absolutely no good reason for her to remotely consider doing it.
There’s something wrong and disgusting about them: the couple specifically and that whole side of the family in general. It doesn’t seem like your wife might wanna get pregnant again because it’s been so hard on her but the fact that they’re making that kind of joke is creepy. It feels like this is probably the first time they’ve ever seen a use for her in their eyes. So I think you are right to make it awkward and shut down anybody who says differently. Because that might be the way you save your wife from being asked that question again because I don’t know if she’s the type to give in because she wants them to care for her even though they’ve been terrible, but be mean for her. Make it as hard as possible for them to ask that question again. To me, it’s extremely creepy and disgusting and terrible. If anything for me that would be enough reason to go low contact because I don’t like the idea of them coming around and seeing me as a potential womb for them. And if it’s something that they really want, they should spend the money for it because I also think that they’re thinking about it because it’ll be free for them. And your wife will be getting all the negatives.
NTA. Considering your wife was still laughing when they left, it sounds like you did the right thing and stuck up for her in a way she couldn't for herself.
NTA
As someone who suffered from infertility, I would never ask anyone I knew to be a surrogate. It’s too close to home. I’d certainly not do it at that person’s baby shower. You saved your wife from an inappropriate conversation. That’s something she should speak to your wife about privately.
NTA your comment was hilarious. Imagine bullying someone all their lives over something they had no control over, then asking them to be a surragate. The absolute cheek. Please tell you wife NOT to do this and make it abundantly clear to her sister why. Karma is a bitch.
NTA
That was a ridiculously presumptuous ask out of someone they've treated so poorly, especially considering how hard the pregnancies have been on your wife. Anyone who sided with them is completely out of line.
Nta
They want to be assholes and degrade someone just for being born and then they want to turn around and ask such a huge monumental favor. Miss me with that. Sorry you can't have kids but I'm not sacrificing my body for a brat that's never been kind to me. Find someone else.
NTA
So they can dish it out to your wife all her life, but can't take it that one time when you are defending your wife from her pushy sister?
You don't want people like that around your children.
NTA. If they want a baby, they can find their own surrogate and pay her. Your wife will shortly be caring for two young ones, plus a newborn. She doesn’t need another pregnancy anywhere on her horizon. Anywhere!
NTA, they have degraded your wife most of her life and now ask her to do something that difficult and selfless?!?
....and life-threatening.....pregnancy and child-birth are not a walk in the park! The mortality rate among pregnant women (in the US) is far higher (highest of all "first world" or "wealthy" nations) than it should be. As a wife and mother of three children already, is it worth the risk to OP's wife to be a surrogate (regardless of person wanting her surrogacy previous nasty,hateful behavior).
I am still stuck on the joke and their reaction. They seem to think OP was AH for bringing up the past. OP next time they bring it up, tell them: that past was a singularity (singular issue and timefrsme) for you, but for my wife, it was EVERYDAY FOR YEARS! This was one joke, if you can't see it and laugh at it, get comfortable, I have a few more that get more annoying the less you laugh.
If they are so pissed about bring up the past. Why they did horrible things in the past? Most German are ok to talk about Nazi now. But these in-laws don’t.
THIS was my thought. Christina shouldn’t put her life on the line as a surrogate for anyone let alone members of that family.
She can do it if she REALLY wants to. But given that her pregnancies are “really hard on her” I don’t consider her a good candidate. Her sister just sees Christina as a gestational device.
I am worth more than my reproductive organs 🤔✨️
I didn’t say otherwise. I’m just pointing out that the best surrogate has easy pregnancies. But it’s always up to the potential surrogate. Every person is worth more than their reproductive organs!
Does anyone here remember the AITA story about a woman paying her husband's sister to be a surrogate? The OP talked about the baby with a slight reference to how "unfortunately" there were complications and SIL died during or right after delivery. Then breezed on to how she invited BIL to the baby's first birthday and was SHOCKED that instead of being happy about the birthday party, he thought her very insensitive. That is, the celebration would be the anniversary of his wife's death. NTA OP
Not to mention they would probably make her life hell throughout the pregnancy telling her what she can and can't do because it's their baby she is carrying, thinking they have the right to lord over and nit pick everything she does.
OP even says pregnancy has been hard on his wife and she is CURRENTLY PREGNANT. If someone asked me to be their surrogate (currently 6months pregnant), I would laugh at them even if we were on good terms and I hadn’t been belittled by them for years. OP’s wife laughed and as far as I’m concerned, her opinion is the one that matters so NTA
I agree 100%. Your in-laws and SIL can go suck eggs!
We held a vote, the US has been kicked out of the first world. Start treating women better, and we will consider your application for reentry.
How do you upvote more than once?🤣🤣😅
Nope, it's not.
For those downvoting: this person was answering the question of 'Is it worth risking Christina in surrogacy' They had the correct response: >Nope, it's not.
You know people are stupid. Apparently, they can't help it. Critical thinking isn't a common trait these days, apparently. Thank you for having my back.
>The mortality rate among pregnant women (in the US) is far higher (highest of all "first world" or "wealthy" nations) than it should be. That's a feature not a bug The people controlling the medical industry only want patients that can AFFORD it
Since they "fixed" the relationship after OP's wife was married and had 2 kids... I think that the in laws reconciled just to have access to her kids and possibly use her as a surrogate. The sister did mention that she had the most successful pregnancies, so perhaps that is why the in laws decided to accept her now.
My thoughts exactly. My guess now is that the daughter feels inferior to the affair baby cause she has kids and she can't get pregnant.
Yup. Was going to post this but found your comment. I honestly believe this is the whole reason for the fixed relationship. The fact she is "of blood" with a working uterus.
She’s also someone that they’ve always felt entitled to treat poorly. Moving on to using her isn’t a big step.
Especially since she's "of blood" on the FIL side. I doubt they'd be interested (or still married) if she was born to an affair of MIL.
Not only asking difficult and selfless, but in a public setting? IMO that's too personal for a public discussion. And was the SIL willing to cough up the 50 or 60 thousand surrogates get these days?
But, but we're FAMMIILLYY! Why should we have to pay?!
Of course not. The surrogate is going to cover all the costs of the pregnancy.
If the wife laughed who cares what anyone else thinks? The in laws can kick rocks. Maybe this will make them want to avoid OP and wife for a while
For real, I wouldn’t even be a surrogate for someone who had always been perfect to me let alone someone who emotionally abused me over things I couldn’t control. NTA but Christina’s family sure are
She's still not more than a piece of flesh to them obviously, no sister would ask this after knowing the pregnancies are so hard on her she wasn't even sure on having her own third child.
Surrogate pregnancies are a HUGE ask. These people are so entitled. No, OP, shut this one right down, and mention the whole "affair baby" thing as much as you like. What TAs this family are.
You're right, they can't expect your wife to just forget their past treatment and agree to something so significant without acknowledging her feelings.
Exactly. Some people are shameless.
NTA. Your wife thought it was funny and that's what matters. The others can go to hell.
Yeah, I 100% thought his wife was going to be mortified, and was about to call this guy a massive AH. But no, he knew how she felt about them and made her family face their own actions. Big NTA.
Me too. My first thought was "oh my god how could you! Prepare to grovel." But thankfully OP knows his wife better than you and I and was spot on, so all the power to him! And fuck the in-laws.
I went through the exact same process. "That's a bold move for someone wanting to keep his wife." "Oh, that was an excellent move for not just keeping his wife but also keeping her in good spirits." The in-laws needed to be told, and they got told. I'm here for it.
Yeah, I read it in his voice and heard total snark. Good for him. They've treated her like the "black sheep " of the family. Think of it like spreading rumors that someone is an alcoholic (when they aren't), and now they're asking her to donate a piece of her liver.
100%. This is a story about a man standing up for his wife, in a way she liked. She felt supported by her partner, not embarrassed. Further, he was very much a part of her life before this too-little-too-late reconciliation. It isn’t like he is throwing out comments about a sibling fight from 20 years ago, he had only heard 2nd hand. Good for OP. NTA
Yeah, I thought his wife would be mad, but he wasn't insulting her. He was calling them and their hypocrisy out. And that *is* worth a laugh.
This! NTA
NTA. Look, there is always a point where "all is forgiven". But there is no reason to show that your wife would have been treated fairly in pregnancy just like when growing up. Being called "Affair Baby" would give more cause for injustice if sadly your wife's surrogacy became tainted in some way, and it be another thing to be hated for. Now, regardless if they used 100% of their DNA (Sperm and Egg), or donor DNA, too many surrogates are facing lawsuits if the fetus or birthed child are not perfect. Even with legal assistance and documentation, surrogacy is starting to become extremely expensive due to entitled parents. Give your wife a hug, and know you got a huge supporter here, who is cheering you on. Stay petty
AND they’d likely expect her to do it 100% for free and because they don’t respect her (and wouldn’t have an agency forcing them to abide by certain contact) they’d likely also expect to dictate how she lives her life throughout the pregnancy. Nope!
Right?! And if her paternal family had been paying any attention to the fact she’s had difficult pregnancies, they won’t care if she has a difficult time as a surrogate, likely being angry if she complains.
"But did she die??" -- Wife's family
Those people are the worse. Only Reddit can I be safe in my opinion, because at work I am considering evil if I think that way
Oh nah, you ALWAYS use an agency, they pay. All.
Exactly - plus they execute the contract, accept liability for upholding both sides of it and have conduct standards and boundaries!
And even if she did do it, they wouldn't be grateful; they would resent her even more.
Oh definitely. This would be thrown up in her face somehow for the rest of her life. If she's an "affair baby" now, I can only imagine the names she'd be called for carrying their child for them.
Just think what would happen if a situation arose where a decision between the pregnancy and life of the mother.
I am trying to remember if it did succeed or not, but I do remember that there was a court case in the 90s in the USA about the right to life of the mother, the situation, as I remember it although fuzzy, the woman was going to give up her child upon it's natural birth, but if the baby created a fatal birth, to save the woman. (I do remember the term natural birth being used) Now, this is where it gets fuzzy. The way I remember it, the father of the baby, the woman's family, and the father's family had no worries that the woman put her own life above the baby, but someone did, and tried to make it a law even that the baby's life no matter what, was more important than the woman birthing it. With the over turning of RVW, and now the right to birth control being challenged, I look at the USA from Australia and just want to understand why a country that proclaims to be the land of the free, have so many people in fetters
I am in the USA, today the courts nearly made the office of the president more like a king. It is only free for certain people. I am terrified.
Some days, you just got to start playing Apocalypse Bingo, and see which religion or cult is getting it right. The other day I heard a "prediction" so stupid, I wouldn't be surprised if it comes about. The prediction was that whoever the next USA president is, the supreme court will override the election and appoint one of their own as leader.
nta.
NTA. I applaud you. Way to stick up for your wife. She laughed so her opinion is the only one that counts. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 On to the surrogate issue: 1) SIL is being selfish. She doesn’t care how difficult pregnancy is for your wife. She just wants what she wants. 2) Forgiveness is not absolution. Forgiving SIL enough to have a relationship doesn’t include undergoing a difficult (possibly life ending) pregnancy so SIL gets what she wants. 3) If this is the last baby for you and your wife, she should close the store and have her tubes tied. 4) If SIL doesn’t want people to know she was shitty, she shouldn’t have been shitty. Don’t listen to people that don’t know the full extent of the damage your ILs did to your wife. You live with her. Congratulations on baby #3. May you always be happy. May your ups be many and your downs be few.
100% agree with all of this. Congrats OP and may you and wife have a happy, healthy pregnancy and bouncing baby boy!
Why do you and your wife even bother having a relationship with these people? They abused her when she was a kid? Why not go no contact? Your life would be more peaceful if you did that. They sucked before and they still act like assholes towards your wife.
As an affair baby I get it. It's really hard to let go of the fantasy that one day you'll he as valued as the other kids/family. Also weirdly there's a lot of shame involved even though it's not your fault
I am so sorry for what you endured.
My thoughts exactly. Imagine what the kids see and hear how the in laws talk about their mom...I would've cut contact.
>Why do you and your wife even bother having a relationship with these people? Because it's idiot rage bait, that's all.
NTA. That’s funny dude! Wife is happy…all seems fine to me! Excellent husband points! ❤️
NTA. You did exactly what your wife needed you to do when you saw how uncomfortable she was with the request and you quite rightly put her sister in her place by pointing out that she has no respect for your wife and just sees her as a womb for rent. No doubt she would expect your wife to do this without the usual surrogacy agreement and would expect to not have to cover the full expenses of surrogacy which she would be charged if she went through the proper channels. She is also not showing any consideration for your wife’s health or the toll another pregnancy may take on both her health and her ability to do everything she already has to do for the 3 children you have. Before anyone comes at me with some comment about how she might get pregnant again with you so it would be no different, it WOULD be different because if it was another pregnancy of her own she would have a baby at the end of it, not a niece or nephew who would be brought up by a woman who doesn’t like or respect her.
I mean....when did surrogacy become something to be expected? No, let me reformulate this: why does anyone need a reason why they wouldn't want to be a surrogate, outside of: I don't want to. Like, I have two kids, Great pregnancies, I'm healthy. There is no way in hell I would be surrogate for anyone BC IT would be unfathomable to me to grow a baby in me and then give it to someone else. I don't know anyone, even my own sister who would just ask me that so nonchalantly. And I have to admit that, od anyone thinks the argument "she might get pregnant again"is valid, WTF people-having your own baby and carrying and giving birth for someone else are just..not comparable. I seriously hope People thinking Like this aren't parents.
Right!! Also the AUDACITY to push the surrogacy at their baby shower in front of people.
Even if the wife was interested in being a surrogate, which is a big if, how could she possibly be willing to hand over a baby she had carried to a woman she KNOWS is cruel?
Perfect comment
Looks like we are on the same wavelength.
NTA With that history I think you showed a lot of restraint.
Nah fr. I would have been so outta pocket
I think it was perfect to bring up how she was treated in the past just when they started asking her for such a huge favor. And it was funny and de-weaponizing.
The only thing that matters is that he made his wife, who seems to be suffering from a bit of depression, laugh out loud.
NTA you stood up for your wife using their words
Nta,you stood up for your wife as I would have. And it was funnily passive-aggressive, which makes it funnier, BUT I do hope your wife never says yes to being their surrogate.
Imagine asking someone you bullied their entire life to be your surrogate at their baby shower… like my womb is not for rent nor is it even available now. NTA good on you for standing up for your wife.
Nta. I wasn't an affair baby, but I was a "blamed baby" too. Her entire family deserves to be blasted and wife should start removing acess to herself (you and the kids) from them because now she's "truly useful" to them. Sil sounds like shes either going to pester her or find a way to make life difficult if she doesn't agree. (She is the golden child after all. The non affair baby.) >My in-laws got pissed at me for “brining up the past” and called my wife childish for laughing. They left, Christina was still laughing. Of course their pissed, what they really mean is she's "not a child anymore and should be an adult!" They were Trash Adults who blamed her simply for being born of their sin, who were they mad at? Your wife an infant/toddler/child. Now that they've finally got a taste of their own words and behaivors thrown in their face, who are they mad at again, instead of reflecting on their behaivors? Your wife. When the inlaws realise your wife is being serious about not surrogating, wife will likely be blamed for causing more misery for the inlaws family.
NTA but a huge part of me wants your wife to tell them she had to have an emergency hysterectomy during birth so she is unable to help her sister (only if you two go for permanent BC after this last pregnancy so no chance she has an oopsie baby after she tells them that) because you know they are going to push her to be a surrogate for her after this child is born. She could even say the doctor said any future pregnancies would kill her but I have a feeling they would still push and say she needs a second opinion or a new doctor
NTA Ahhhh, so *that's* why all was suddenly forgiven. Good job on standing up for your wife to the POS relatives who have degraded her all her life and now consider her little more than an incubator.
>During the baby shower trinity made a “joke” about how Christina was qualified to be a surrogate now. She's wrong. If your wife has a history of difficult pregnancies, she won't be eligible for surrogacy at all.
Let's be real, trinity doesn't actually care about her sisters health or difficult pregnancies as it has resulted in her giving birth to healthy babies. She would be totally find with putting her sisters life in danger in any small or big way if she could get what she wanted.
NTA. Your wife knew you were joking and took it as such. Maybe if your in-laws didn't blame an innocent baby (your wife) for her mother having an affair (which, come on, seriously? How tf can a baby be blamed for one or both of their parents cheating on each other?). If your SIL was part of all that bullshit, shame on her for following in her parents footsteps. But beyond that, your wife doesn't owe any of them anything. And the way you've worded things, it sounds like your SIL kind of expected your wife to just go along with it. Like "Oh, we've treated you like shit your entire life, but now that I can see your value to me getting what I want, you *will* do this to make *me* happy!"
100% not TA, they got what they dished out for years turned back on them. Your wife laughed at it, so there is no wrong in anything you did. You showed her you will always have her back.
NTA at all, amazing how people can dish it out but not take it 😂. Only persons who's opinion matters in this is your wife and she laughed so you are all good.
NTA I love a petty man who uses his evil sense of humor to avenge his wife/partner. You sir are a gem NTA. Keep protecting your wife.
NTA. And now you know why your FIL was rekindling a relationship with his affair baby. They need an organ (your wife's uterus).
You got me in the first half dude!!! obviously NTA!!!
NTA. I’m sending a BIG fuck you to your in laws. Hope your wife decides she doesn’t need them. Congrats on your new addition!
NTA. I would have followed up with - This is a good example of why you should always be nice to people. You never know when you might want to ask them for a huge favor. 😁 I would be that petty.
NTA. The only rude AH are your ILS. Who the hell pushes for surrogacy during the said persons baby shower. Also didn’t you say your wife has difficult pregnancies, why would she want to put herself through that for her bitch of half sister.
NTA. They had no issue making your wife feel like shit her entire life. Your wife's father abandoned her to grow up the way she did. Trinity got off lightly with the joke you made, I'd have said, maybe the reason you can't have kids is because you're a shit human being who doesn't deserve them.
So I'll preface this by saying I'm old. I was a kid in the 60s, and the Supremes had a song called Love Child. The kid was blamed and looked down on. Common sense and critical thinking tell you that the child is innocent, but apparently, that is still lacking in this day and age. Tell sil to pound sand. People are stupid.
Yeah, after the baby is born just tell them all that no more children are possible. Don’t say why just try to look sad.
Will never understand this kind of thing. Your wife, an affair baby through no doing if hers, suffered in her family for years. Apparently treating her as culpable for the circumstances of her birth was not rude!!!! But delivering a single slap back to the culprit is somehow about her being rude!!!! Why do bullies always get a pass when victims fight back or respond in kind get told they are out of line. How many Reddit post deal with awful behavior until the bad actor wants something from their victim and then it is “in the past” and no reason to hold a grudge.
These are such weird interactions I don't even know what's going on.
NTA but kinda are for wanting a third child knowing your wife had difficult pregnancies. You try doing it.
Thank you, I’m surprised no one else as said this. Especially with the additional information that his wife has barely laughed or smiled during the pregnancy that HE wanted but she didn’t really.
Yeah, I'm hoping that wife ties her tubes after this one.
nta. Your wife laughed and that was your goal, and it made fun of the way she was treated by her family. They don't like it then maybe FIL shouldn't have cheated 💁♀️
NTA. You defended your wife and called them on their BS.
NTA. Who jokes about surrogacy at a baby shower? Also, Trinity likely said this to your wife for years. Consequences suck sometimes but Trinity made the comments so now she can wear the consequences which may include being reminded of the fact that she has been awful for years.
NTA - Hopefully wife cuts them out of her life.
NTA. The only approval you needed was your wife laughing. That’s what makes it ok.
If your wife thought it was funny you did nothing wrong
NTA and honestly I would said the same thing. You don't chastise and belittle someone their entire life until they become useful to you. That's messed up.
NTA your wife good a good kick out of it, who cares about anyone else.
NTA. If your wife was good with it that’s all that matters in the end. Congrats on the baby!
NTA. They don't get to bury the past when it's conveinent for them
NTA- husband of the year right here!!! You stood up for your wife and you made your wife laugh which is a bonus so hey let them stay mad, they suck anyways.
Bro is a good husband NTA 💯
NTA Tell wife that you won't agree with her having someone else's baby so if her family tries to bring it up to her she can tell them to talk to you.
I was worried about your wife's reaction. But it amused your wife. So NTA. SIL, however, is a piece of work. Damn.
NTA tell them maybe if their father wasn't a slut he wouldn't have ruined their family but you're thankful he didn't cause your wife was the only decent thing to come from him clearly.
NTA i too think it’s laughable (that SIL was actually hinting around about surrogacy at your wife’s shower). Talk about inappropriate!! Your in-laws seem to have little to no class. Proceed with that knowledge
NTA. I get a feeling that they are using this as a "I know you always wanted to be part of our family and I can use this" sort of ask. It's like the in-laws burned her as a child and then get mad that she still has scars.
NTA. They put her down. Called her an affair baby and now they want her to carry their child? What happen to the other siblings who weren’t affair babies??? NTA. Tell your wife not to do it.
NTA you’re just doing what a husband should do, stick up for his wife.
NTA. Three words: F all them! Your wife isn’t responsible for how she was brought into this world. Maybe her sister need to start wish she had the same genetic mix since she’s the broken one.
I would have said YTA from the title, but NTA as they want to use her after mistreating her for something she had no control over.
While I do not think the joke appropriate, I do not think your wife’s sister has any right to ask. Do not make a joke like that again, I hope your wife does not consider this idea of surrogacy. Her 3rd pregnancy needs to be her last. And shame on you putting her in her current condition knowing how hard her second pregnancy was on her.
You're never TAH for having your wife's back
NTA, so it’s childish to dish it so someone, but when they dish it back, now there’s an issue? They only see your wife as a way to get a baby for them. It’s crazy how people get mad when they smell their own shit
Nta. They hate your wife so much that they want to rent her body too.
So this is just FIL and "his" wife's family. Her actual bio-Mom is really your MIL .....you keep referencing your in-laws, but technically, that's your FIL, and his wife Christina's mother is your MIL.... Honestly, it's probably a little "rude," but the 'half-SIL' was being a jack-ass .....wanting to USE your wife as a baby-carrying mule. #1 she's currently pregnant 🤰let her have HER baby is effing peace 2) One would assume she knew how difficult "her half-sibiling's" pregnancies have been in the past.....so it's IMO incredibly rude AF to a) ignore that and b) actually even ASK her to endure another pregnancy in general....again let alone allow her to deliver a healthy child THIS TIME! Brain-dead
This is Karma at its best. After degrading your beautiful wife for decades, they now see her worth only in what she could give them, if she so wishes. These people do not deserve your wife’s kindness, especially as pregnancy is difficult for her. I would firmly tell them that another pregnancy is too medically risky for your wife and a surrogate pregnancy is not going to happen. I would also remove these toxic people from my life given how unkind and uncomfortable they make your wife feel.
Girl I would have cussed their asses OUT and gave them the bird with a SMILE. NTA. Your wife isn't entitled to do jack shit for them after their horrific behavior towards her during her entire childhood.
What? Yes you’re an AH for that. Of course your wife laughed, what else could she do? That doesn’t mean you didn’t hurt her. And yes they are AHs all no around.. ESH
F those people And keep your 3 kids far, far away from them. Seriously
NTA. I'm not sure if we're using the correct nomenclature about this. Where they suggesting that your wife Carrie there fertilized eggs since they are unable to, or were they suggesting that her husband fertilize your wife's eggs and then give them the child when they are born? Either way just let it go unless they bring it up again. And they will. They can't help themselves. They think she should be grateful that she is finally allowed to be part of their family. Even though it was the sperm donor that cheated they have blamed your wife for being born and punish her accordingly for entire life. So, yeah, they will come back and either be mad because you and your wife are unrepentant and are not acting in the subservient manner required by the circumstances of her birth, or being sickeningly sweet and kind trying to convince your wife to help them have a child. With this family it could even end up being both. Here's what you tell them. " Due to health reasons this will be the last child that my wife will be carrying. Even if she was healthy enough and willing to be a surrogate for somebody it certainly wouldn't be for someone like you who has treated her like garbage her entire life. And the entire time that I've known you you've been a horrible person to us and a horrible human being in general. Maybe the reason you are having so many issues getting pregnant because God knows what a horrible parent would be and is trying to stop it." Burn that bridge. Drop that mic. Walk Away clean
Well it wasn’t the nicest thing to say. You brought up a painful situation at what should have been a happy occasion. I’m surprised your wife laughed.
NTA That is hilarious.
NTA cudoos for sticking up for your wife
Looks like you are your wife had a good laugh and the in laws didn’t like being reminded of how awful they are.
NTA. Your friend said you were rude, huh? What's more "rude", constantly blaming someone from their childhood up for something they had no say in (being conceived) and calling them an "Affair Baby" only to then try and get them to do a massive "favor" for you or calling the person who did all those things out for being a piece of garbage? It's clear that your wife's sperm donor and his spawn only wanted to come back into her life for a reason: that reason being her ability to carry and give birth to a child. If evil half-sister wants a baby so bad, she can do what a lot of people do when they want/need to use a surrogate, go to a surrogacy agency and go through the proper channels. Also, way to make your wife laugh while supporting her!
NTA, but that was quick thinking on your part.
NTA They are still treating your wife like crap, they are still living in the past of FIL's affair. They're just doing it in a more indirect way. My bitchy, petty bits say: If they can't stop with the "bringing up the past" then remind them that in order for it all to be equal and fair they have 24 years worth of 'bringing up the past' owed. After all, they kept 'bringing up the past' every. single. time. they treated your wife badly. And it wasn't even something that should have been directed at an innocent child like your wife! That is what really brings out the rage in me.
NTA
Were you the asshole: Yes Did it need to be said: Also Yes Ruling: Justified Assholiness.
NTA you should make more jokes at your shitty in laws’ expense. It sparks joy
NTA but they are for thinking that the very person that they treated like grade A 🐂 💩 would actually be a brood mare for them.
NTA. Your in laws have been rubbing the fact that your wife is an affair baby in her face throughout her life. Now they are changing the narrative because they want something from her. I'd advise your wife not to be a surrogate.
Hell, if Trinity is so desperate to have a baby, tell her husband to go have his own affair baby. But that would be bringing an innocent child in contact with shitty people. NTA
The way my petty is setup I would've been like " A working uterus; must be from MY Dad's side of the family"... "Now don't we all wish we were affair babies..."
The golden spot in this story was your wife’s laughter. NTA, you’re a good hubby 💜
You had your wife laughing. And called out her family for mistreating her then playing nice because they want something huge. That's what I call a win.
Breh you’re goated, happy wife, happy life. Keep that woman laughing and feeling loved my G. Enjoy your family.
Bro, you are good! You could be more polite but I think you chose wisely. You showed the support your wife needed in a strong way! Can't believe the nerve of some people! Wish you good fortune for all your children and happiness for your family!
Op, I guarantee you that your in laws only made contact to have access to your children. I would have *never* gone back to people who think an innocent child who never asked to be born nor had a *choice* in their own conception and blamed that poor child. OP, your sister in law revealed themselves at your baby shower. She doesn't respect or love or even like your wife. Your parent in laws just wanted access to **YOUR** children as their grandchildren and your sister in law only now sees your wife as some incubator for her infertility. It's bullshit.
NTA, you did good with that “joke” they are users and obviously attended to start the surrogacy topic for future reference.
NTA. You pointed out how your family has treated your wife her whole life, and now that they want something from her, they “value” her. They deserved having that thrown back in their faces.
Defending your wife is always in style
I clutched my pearls after you said what you did, worried about your wife’s feelings. But you know her best and got her to laugh. And to continue laughing. Nope you’re good kid. You had her back and shoved their crap back in their face. Good for you. And congrats on the new baby.
NTA As long as your wife was laughing, all is well Screw the in laws. Theyre the ones who treated her like crap. You reap what you sow and they sowed nothing but shit
Info. How is your wife's relationship with Trinity? Is it good, or does your wife not like her sister very much? I'm almost certain you are NTA, but I'm wondering if they fixed their relationship, and this could be a setback.
NTA. Have to wonder if that is the reason they came back into her life? Smh. Trash people.
NTA you had your wife’s back against vultures and that’s all it matters!
NTA as long as it doesn’t upset your pregnant wife, fuck the rest of them.
NTA People do nice things for nice people. They do nice things for people who love and appreciate what they do and who they are. Her sister is not one of those people, so why would she think her sister…the affair baby, would want to help her out? Naw! You did right by your wife! I’m glad she has a sense of humor. You put her sister in her place!
NTA as the only person whose opinion matters on the subject thought it was funny
NTA. You were defending your wife and made her laugh all in one! Good job!!
NTA did trinity know of her situation before wifey fixed things with fil? I wonder how long trinity has been biting her tongue to ask that.
NTA, it made your wife laugh. Your wife’s happiness is the only thing that matters. If your wife was upset about the comment than she could be the only one to call you an ah
NTA.
NTA people just don't like having their shitty behaviour in front of a mirror.
NTA.
NTA. Your wife wasn't offended, and if anyone should be offended, it should be her. If she's not mad, why is everyone else? You took their power from them and they are salty about it. They'll be alright.
NTA If your wife can laugh about it, that's all that matters
In no way are you the asshole, I am laughing. I thought it was funny and they deserved it, lol
What friend have you been talking to… he has no sense of humor… your wife laughed because of how perfectly fit your response was to such a ridiculous proposition from a person whom is just barely tolerable
NTA. Even if there was a sprinkling of passive aggressive in the joke, the Affair Baby laughed. I suspect she was probably thinking the same thing. They treated her like dirt her entire childhood. Now they want something from her. They would be out of line asking to borrow a car for nine months, much less her body. I can’t imagine how awful and controlling they would be if she agreed
Updateme
Lol so they can dish the insults at your wife for her entire life but you cant joke about it too… especially when your wife laughed.. omg your inlaws are pathetic n the sister is a moron for even suggesting surrogacy… lets face it that wasnt a joke, that was her way of bringing up the topic
NTA. Your wife is happy, and that’s all that matters.
Nope NTA. Your wife was treated like crap for most of her life by these people for something she had no part it. Tell the flying monkeys that when they apologize and make up for all of the mistreatment of your wife over the years, then you will consider being a surrogate. Until then they can go rent a surrogate like everyone else done. How entitled can her sister be. I will treat you like crap and insult you for most of your life but the moment I want something you need to smile and do it? Pffft piss off
NTA! Your wife enjoyed the joke and that’s the only thing that matters. I’m sure they intervene when Trinity was the one making the joke. Good luck with baby number 3! 🎉
Updateme!
NTA. Screwem.
NTA
NTA Congrats on your upcoming birth of the little one. If your in-laws or anyone else want a surrogate birth let them find a group that provides that service and pay accordingly. Your wife owes no one anything and IMO should actually be dissuaded from considering it. Your in-laws have been cruel to her for existing. Can you imagine how they would be if the unthinkable happens if your wife were a surrogate and the pregnancy was lost or the child was born with a defect? There is absolutely no good reason for her to remotely consider doing it.
There’s something wrong and disgusting about them: the couple specifically and that whole side of the family in general. It doesn’t seem like your wife might wanna get pregnant again because it’s been so hard on her but the fact that they’re making that kind of joke is creepy. It feels like this is probably the first time they’ve ever seen a use for her in their eyes. So I think you are right to make it awkward and shut down anybody who says differently. Because that might be the way you save your wife from being asked that question again because I don’t know if she’s the type to give in because she wants them to care for her even though they’ve been terrible, but be mean for her. Make it as hard as possible for them to ask that question again. To me, it’s extremely creepy and disgusting and terrible. If anything for me that would be enough reason to go low contact because I don’t like the idea of them coming around and seeing me as a potential womb for them. And if it’s something that they really want, they should spend the money for it because I also think that they’re thinking about it because it’ll be free for them. And your wife will be getting all the negatives.
NTA. Karma comes around.
NTA it’s good you have your wife’s back in all this cos her family are assholes
NTA. Keep looking out for your wife.
NTA. Considering your wife was still laughing when they left, it sounds like you did the right thing and stuck up for her in a way she couldn't for herself.
NTA. They are.
NTA As someone who suffered from infertility, I would never ask anyone I knew to be a surrogate. It’s too close to home. I’d certainly not do it at that person’s baby shower. You saved your wife from an inappropriate conversation. That’s something she should speak to your wife about privately.
As long as your for wasn't offended, that's all that matters. I wouldn't be surprised if that is the only reason they reconciled with your wife.
It's only a joke as long as their feelings don't get hurt. Forgetting/Putting aside the years of abuse that gave your wife! NTA
NTA your comment was hilarious. Imagine bullying someone all their lives over something they had no control over, then asking them to be a surragate. The absolute cheek. Please tell you wife NOT to do this and make it abundantly clear to her sister why. Karma is a bitch.
NTA at all. They talk trash about your wife but then want her to be a surrogate? They only will be nice when it benefits them
NTA That was a ridiculously presumptuous ask out of someone they've treated so poorly, especially considering how hard the pregnancies have been on your wife. Anyone who sided with them is completely out of line.
Nta They want to be assholes and degrade someone just for being born and then they want to turn around and ask such a huge monumental favor. Miss me with that. Sorry you can't have kids but I'm not sacrificing my body for a brat that's never been kind to me. Find someone else.
Did the right thing remember they said she ruined there family ! Why would you want to have me carry your child
NTA. You stood up for your wife. She seemed happy with it.
NTA - not even a spec of an a-hole. Also you made your wife laugh so win-win.
NTA So they can dish it out to your wife all her life, but can't take it that one time when you are defending your wife from her pushy sister? You don't want people like that around your children.
NTA it was a good joke lol 😂
NTA. If they want a baby, they can find their own surrogate and pay her. Your wife will shortly be caring for two young ones, plus a newborn. She doesn’t need another pregnancy anywhere on her horizon. Anywhere!