Not a question, but just wanted to say I’m sorry to hear that this happened to you. This has always been a fear of mine as another young woman.
I guess my only question for you is how well did you know the person who gave it to you?
Didn’t know him too well. I had gotten out of a relationship that really hurt me, so I went on tinder. After a couple of months, I felt comfortable enough to stay over and get ready for work the next day at his place. His parents had their own business & gave him his own trailer, so it was nice having that kind of company. He wanted to pursue something serious but I wasn’t emotionally ready like that. We talked about having unprotected sex and its consequences. HIV was never mentioned. He didn’t bother to mention it & I didn’t ask bc it would’ve never crossed my mind to ask.
So take it from me to always wear protection. Hell, keep any stranger 10 feet away 😂
Wow, and it’s so crazy to me you couldn’t pursue legal action against him over it. Our system is so messed up.
Luckily for me, I’m married so I sure hope I never have to worry about STD’s haha. Definitely keep strangers at a distance because fuck em. 😂
A lot of stories of straight women with HIV is because of a cheating husband so always be careful regardless. Keep that man under lock & key lol jk but yeahhhh the legal system really made it me feel worse at the time. I talked to three different firms.
One firm straight up never called me back, another did the consultation while hyping me up but then next Apt told me they couldn’t do anything, and the last one even asked me to sign with them… just for them to send me a derepresntation letter basically dropping me as a client. I was so disappointed that I sent them an email asking why this kept happening. They pretty much said that a civil case is lengthy, and even if he was to be charged the most he’d get would be community service or up to 3 years in our state. So pretty much it wasn’t worth it to them.
I just wanted some indication that he knowingly affected me on his record… and I couldn’t get that. In some states he would’ve been put in jail almost immediately.
You better hurry up and try again
There is probably a statute of limitations on when you can file a suit, and every state has a different length of time for that so you need to get on this before you don’t have a chance to
A lot of it is from men who cheat with other men too, but no one likes hearing that. Every time I mention that, people think I’m being bigoted but…unfortunately it’s the truth. Was the guy into men as well or an intravenous drug user?
Interesting that they wouldn't do anything. Couldn't you go to the police then? According to the CDC a lot of states have criminal laws against people having sex without disclosing that they have HIV. https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/policies/law/states/exposure.html
I do have a question. Have you ever had issues getting your medication? Does any medication interfere with the HIV medication or anything you can’t take with it? How much are the pills and any side effects from them? Do you have insurance or pay out of pocket?
Just wondering as I have anxiety and the idea of getting any STDs is terrifying to me. I worry about a lot of things honestly. Like my mind goes to, “what if it’s so expensive that I have to be homeless to afford the pills? What happens if we go to war and the medication runs out and won’t be in stock for awhile?” Those type of things get to me a lot.
I'm sorry to hear, of your status Please remember everyone HIV is not something In Some far off community you can't be exposed to and PrEP isn't just for gay men anyone can be exposed so everyone should be protected.I'm curious where you live? My understanding is even if he is unaware that he's positive or even if he discloses and you're cool with it if there's exposure if there was the risk of a transmission the law can prosecute him for attempted murder and such. That's in MD at least. Do you have any further info on the situation? Was he aware? on treatment and monitoring his counts? It seems wild that someone would do this. I'm so scared of the conversation and rejection that I'm basically celibate since my wife passed even though I am on top of my medicine and with my undetectable status there isn't a risk of transmission, I would not feel comfortable not disclosing and if I did and wasn't rejected I'd be terrified of the law treating me like some kind of criminal so I just keep to myself.
Give how progressive California is with a lot of things im very shocked to find out this isn’t an automatic felony charge. Where I’m from consent laws protect you from the unknown. If your partner knows they are infected and doesn’t disclose it, then your consent is automatically invalidated and it becomes sexual assault. We have had several people in the last 5 or so years charged and prosecuted for that very thing.
I was lucky honestly. First time I ever had sex was with a 35 year old woman over Tinder. Trusted fully that she had an IUD and was in "clean health." Should've used a condom - but thankfully she wasn't lying and did have one and no active STDs after me dreading for MONTHS.
So yeah - no unprotected sex ever unless it's going very long term lol. I am sorry to hear how this relationship wasn't so fortunate.
I’m HIV positive bi guy. I got it from my first boyfriend the first time we didn’t use a condom.
Most people get HIV from people that didn’t know they had it. Because once a person gets diagnosed they go on the meds and after 6 months are undetectable and can no longer spread the virus.
Now the fuckers that think they have it but never get tested because they are scared are dangerous cowards. I have no pitty for them.
Spread the word about Undetectable equals non infectious!! U=U!!!
Not a question it’s crazy cause my friends and I just had a conversation about straight males/females being on prep. They all gave me the same answer, “prep is a gay thing” and I was like “prep should be an everyone thing…HIV/Aids doesn’t discriminate on straight or gay” and then most said their doctor never recommended it so no.
Sorry to hear about your diagnosis and wishing you the best.
How is your health today? I remember when hiv came out 1,000s every day was dying...tottaly freaked me out...there was no cure or treatment.
die from sex???..crazy..hope meds are better for next generation...
I’m hoping you have filed a lawsuit against him and his family? You have causes of action here. The civil law system is a great way to mete out the justice you deserve, and it sounds like you have a right to receive damages which can help you pay to fight the disease he gave you.
Was there any discussion of other STIs? Bc if you talked about it and he didn’t say he had HIV, it is still lying, and therefore a possibility of criminal transmission or even sexual assault bc consent is contingent on the information you have
That’s a serious crime and he should be in prison! I’d file a police report and give all information possible. The statute of limitations has not expired. Grill his ass 😤🤬
That's literally a crime. Knowing you have it and not disclosing it to a sexual partner is attempted murder or manslaughter. Seek legal action immediately!
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I hope you are feeling better. Are you on some sort of antiretroviral therapy (ART)?
How has this affected you mentally?
Yup, on biktarvy and it’s been great for me. I became undectable after almost two months, I had a 150,000 viral load at the time of diagnosis.
Mentally… I pretty much isolated myself my first year. 2022 is a blur for sure. Thankfully my siblings have been my biggest support system. It’s really the fear of the unknown, questions like “what do I do if I don’t have access to medication”. Im currently in school trying to get a bachelors for a well paying job, my goal is to make money not an issue.
You seem to be doing better, I know there’s still a stigma around HIV, but you can live a normal life on the meds! Family, kids etc (if that’s what you want). Don’t limit yourself because of indiscretions that almost every person made when they were young.
I told my brother first. I sat him down and just gave him the news, he was a reck at first too. It touched my heart when he came to me a few hours after our conversation with articles he researched on my quality of life. He was also telling me about how I can live a normal life, and it made me feel so happy to know my brother loves me enough to even do his own research. He also has a rage reaction and wanted me to tell him the address of my infector. While it would be great to know he got what’s coming to him, I thought about it for a bit and decided my brother possibly going to jail wouldn’t be worth. I already have HIV and nothing can change that.
Your last sentence is something I’ve had to keep in mind when women in my life have confided in me.
It’s easy to forget that the person who needs support is the victim here, and you can’t give them support from jail.
I’m glad your brother is on your side and the bit about research is super sweet
I was very sorry to read about your diagnosis but admire your sharing your experiences. If you can highlight it to others, it's invaluable.
I was genuinely surprised and shocked that the antiviral medication was not free. There is a massive need for public health and maintaince of health. I know different countries spend money differently.
Hi OP, totally understand your goals and mentality to ensure a future with accessible care. Was wondering if you’re in the US? If so, have you been connected to the Ryan White program? Should be able to help with HIV care
As a mom, I am super proud of you. I can’t imagine going through this and you are kicking some serious ass. As for the infector, I know karma will get him
Just wanted to tell you that you have an amazing outlook on life and you’re a great example of facing life’s challenges head on.
Ignore the hateful comments. The person who **knowingly** gave you HIV is the only person responsible for you having HIV. Period.
Your story will undoubtedly have a positive effect and encourage people to make more informed decisions with sexual partners.
Thank you for sharing!
150m you cannot even infect someone, even having intercourse without a condom.
What people need to understand is that having HIV is not a death sentence, is now just a chronic infection.
Nowdays, having diabetes is much more dangerous than having HIV
I didn’t really have any symptoms that I can specifically associate with HIV. I actually got diagnosed bc it was time for my annual check up (that I’ve been getting since I was 16, with the same clinic) and I happened to have gotten an std from the fwb (not my infector). So when he told me to go get checked, I didnt think much of it and just did the annual one since I was already there. HIV came back positive & we figured it was mistake so I retook it & same thing :/
Some symptoms I had that year were dizzy spells, and my hair started falling out. I went to the doc several times and all my hormone/thyroid tests came back normal. I had started a new job so she figured I was just stressed and low on vitamins. She gave me prenatal pills; I got diagnosed 5 months later.
The fwb was messing with his ex girl, and he got Chlamydia from her which he gave me. So he messaged me and told me what he was experiencing and I was experiencing similar things, so I went to get tested.
So you didn’t practice safe sex at all knowing you were sleeping with multiple partners and knowing that your partners were sleeping with others too? I guess what happened to you is the results of your poor judgement in practicing safe sex.
Did it in any way affect your love life?
Also have you looked in any gene therapy approaches for HIV? I know there are several methodologies that have been developed in the lab but I'm not sure if any has been put in clinical trials yet.
It has. I was always in long term relationships (1 year, 3 years, then another 1 year) so I was never really single for long. I’ve been single since 2020 so going on year 4 now….
I’d say it’s mostly me, before I was always excited to meet people. I loved going out to places like malls, concerts, bars, etc just to meet people. After my diagnosis I had isolated myself. Thoughts like “would this person still talk to me if they knew” would come in my head often. I even quit my job that I was at for 5 years at that time due to that fraud feeling.
In the beginning of last year I have been more open and have had people pursue me despite me having HIV. But idk, I’m also kinda picky haha I’ve been focusing on my physical well being, since I was depressed for so long, I’m like 30 pounds heavier than I’d like. So I do plan on being my outgoing self once I feel pretty enough ☺️
I'm confused. Were you working two jobs at the time of your diagnosis? You said you had just started a new job 5 months before being diagnosed, then said you quit your job of 5 years because you felt like a fraud. I don't mean to sound nosey. Just wondering.
As long as you’ve been taking all of your ART medications as directed perfectly (along with regular check-ups/testing) and telling every person before things get sexual (oral/vaginal/anal), then you’re being responsible.
I was extremely scared. I had “this it can’t be right” kind of mindset. I went to a couple of different clinics, I thought my doc was lying to me.
Three years later, the only thing that really scares me is just not having access to my medication. I’m so fortunate to live in a country that gives resources and access to the medications. I haven’t had any issues so far, but it’s always in the back of my mind.
I hear you. I have psoriatic arthritis and not getting my medication is my biggest fear. Before diagnosis I couldn't leave my house. I'm happy to hear that you are doing better. Stay tough stranger!
what symptoms do you commonly deal with and is there regular pain anywhere specific? (just noticed your edit about the diagnosis.... holy shit, i forgot it was uncurable)
You’re still young and I understand people live full long lives with HIV.
What is your dating life like now. Is it safe to have protected sex? Or do you abstain, seek out partners who already have HIV etc.
Pardon my ignorance, but my understanding is that treatment has come a loooong way for HIV, like not “curable” but basically no longer a factor once treated. Is this true?
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Are you taking care of yourself? I sympathize with having extreme health conditions, I’m in my 30’s and am on liver #3.
Hey so, this is crazy for me. As a straight guy who sleeps around we sometimes don’t think about stuff like is this. I do try to use condoms whenever but have stuck it in for a couple strokes THEN used the condom.
My question would be, were there any signs of this guy possibly having hiv? Signs such as needle marks or extremely promiscuous? or was he really like an extreme normal dude. I understand his dad was successful and he’s living off that but were there any signs at all?
Also was he taking medication to be undetectable? because it sounds like he was under the assumption he would be undetectable.
my last question is, what State (or country if outside of US) do you reside in?
The chances of you contracting it from a woman in general are really low. Even if she has full on AIDS you can still get very lucky. I believe it’s like 99% of semen which is why getting it from a guy is almost guaranteed.
He was normal as can be. He was a metal head (my type), had a nice gaming set up, plays guitar, and from watching him play games it sounded like he had good friends as well. Would tell me about his older brother, and his parents. In his bathroom, he had flyers of metal music shows that looked cool. I love smoking pot so he was also a pothead and we’d watch anime.
I didn’t find out about his HIV until I was diagnosed and confronted him. To which he swears he was undetectable, but I was never shown any medical records or anything. Which really sucks bc I really wanted to know that he was being truthful. If he really was undetectable and I was just unlucky then oh well, shit happens.
I’m in California
Edit: my percentages are so off but look into the comments below for accurate info.
Thanks for doing this AMA. you mentioned transmission rates so I thought I’d share some relevant info on them.
Activity Risk-per-exposure
Vaginal sex, female-to-male, no condom 0.04% (1 in 2380)
Vaginal sex, female-to-male, no condom, undetectable viral load 0%
Vaginal sex, male-to-female, no condom 0.08% (1 in 1234)
Vaginal sex, male-to-female, no condom, undetectable viral load 0%
Receptive anal sex, no condom 1.38% (1 in 72)
Receptive anal sex, no condom, undetectable viral load 0%
Insertive anal sex, no condom 0.11% (1 in 909)
Insertive anal sex, no condom, undetectable viral load 0%
Receptive fellatio (giving head), no condom, viral load not known Estimates range from 0.00% to 0.04% (1 in 2500)
Pregnancy and childbirth, no preventative measures 22.6% (1 in 4)
Pregnancy and childbirth, undetectable viral load 0.14% (1 in 715)
Injecting drug use 0.63% (1 in 158)
Needlestick injury with contaminated blood 0.23% (1 in 435)
Blood transfusion with contaminated blood 92.5% (9 in 10)
[source](https://www.aidsmap.com/about-hiv/estimated-hiv-risk-exposure)
FYI, your semen statistic is wildly inaccurate. It’s less than 1% to get it from being on the receiving end of PiV sex. It can vary depending on a lot of factors. I’m going off memory, but when someone has an STI like chlamydia, then it makes it way more likely, but even then around 30%. If both parties have chlamydia, it’s even higher. The type of cell that HIV latches onto is more present when someone has an STI, so it kind of gives it easy access. It’s kind of like your genitals have their own immune system, and when they’re weakened or fighting off another infection (even something like yeast or BV) it can make them more susceptible.
A very high viral load, like when someone is very recently infected, can increase the chances. That’s why most transmissions happen when someone doesn’t know that they have it.
But in general, yes, the receptive partner is at more of a risk than the insertive partner. Since STIs can increase the chances of transmission so much, that’s why STIs testing is so important since it’s essentially HIV prevention as well.
Someone "undetectable" passing it on. This could be you and you know it, since you miss medication sometimes(as you admitted).
You were already a victim of this. Dont put anyone else at risk no matter if they insist its ok. That other girl your ex is sleeping with probably dont know that you guys have done it unprotected.
I hope you reflect on this and be mindful of the possible consequences of your actions.
You may have better recourse reporting him straight to the state health department. Not necessarily direct civil action but the state health department usually has a lot of weight to throw around and can bypass typical channels. If there's a guy out there knowingly or unknowingly spreading HiV that's enough to make them shit their pants.
I’m going through the notifications one by one, if your questions been answered then great!
Regarding HIV, no confirmed symptoms (I can only assume)
Dizzy spells, once I fainted for like a few seconds in the shower while getting ready to my 9-5 I was at for years
Hair loss, 4/5 months before my diagnosis my hair rapidly started falling out
My doctor tested my hormones, thyroid, and I had a uterus ultrasound not too long before. Everything was normal. She prescribed me prenatal pills and assumed I was stressed due to a promotion at work, and that I was lacking a bit in vitamins.
Then months later a fwbs messaged me saying they tested positive for chlamydia and I should get checked. I did have a symptom for that (pain while peeing) so I had suspected he gave me something since I hadn’t felt like that in past with him.
I went to get tested, it was already the month I get my annual screening so just got it done. Results came back positive and also showed “activity” in the HIV bar. My doc said that bc I tested positive for another std, hiv could be a false positive. She ordered all the hiv tests, and all came back positive.
So within a year of meeting him, I was diagnosed with 150,000 copies.
Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry you went through this, but I am glad science has made possible for you live a better life. I hope you find much joy!
Generally speaking, with current medications, life expectancy is the same as if you were HIV negative. We can effectively stop the virus, with modern medicine, even though there is no "cure" yet.
Several patients have been cured and reverted back to negative status after extensive radiation therapy and bone marrow transplant, while being on anti retroviral therapy, but the long story short is "we kind of don't know why, exactly, sort of do, (edit: see imminologist's response, below, I'm copping out and have too little faith in the general public as well as not being as educated as an MD level to explain) but not how to replicate this safely and effectively for everyone" and it isn't a plausible treatment for everyone - they were being treated for cancer, bone marrow is hard to procure.
Undetectable means untransmittable. Its considered impossible to transmit, when you keep your viral load undetectable with medications. So, her partner was not undetectable at the time of transmission.
Pre exposure prophylaxis is also considered 100% effective. Barrier protection is still recommended, but there are no reported cases of anyone ever being infected or seroconverting while using Prep daily as prescribed.
OP, do you know if your FWB and his ex GF are HIV positive to?
Considering you all shared the same strand of chlamydia, which jump started your blood test.
Did he know he had it? In the majority of states, it's against the law to knowingly transmit HIV to an uninformed partner
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criminal_transmission_of_HIV_in_the_United_States#:~:text=The%20following%20states%20may%20currently,Missouri%2C%20Montana%2C%20Nevada%2C%20New
Not a question just a word of encouragement. HIV is now a manageable chronicle illness, not a death sentence and will not hold you back in life. It does not impact your life expectancy or quality of life as long as you take your medicine as prescribed. Once you go undetectable you can not infect anyone else, so think of it like it’s frozen inside you. Be strong and live your life to the fullest, don’t let a chronic illness hold you back.
This is why hook up culture is dangerous. But what is odd to me trying to warn others of hookup culture is looked down upon. Everybody wants to be free and sleep with whoever they want to but nobody wants to talk about the consequences or warning others of what could happen.
Anyway I'm sorry that you must now live with this. Do you find yourself wanting to spread awareness or warn others? Or do you mostly keep it to yourself and not voice your viewpoints within the current culture?
Im glad you’re doing better mentally and hope it’s nothing but good things in the future for you!
To all others judging here are some facts:
• you could have slept w ONE PERSON OR NO ONE, and still have HIV , just the same as one person sleeping w over 50+ could NOT have HIV or other STDs. STOP SHAMING. You sound ignorant.
• if you’re on your medication, and are undetectable, YOU CANNOT TRANSMIT IT. depending on when you started and how long you’ve taken your medicine, it will take a lot more than one or two skipped days to become detectable again. ( not recommended but everyone is human snd shit happens 🤷🏽♀️)
• there are 7 different types of HIV, and you can indeed get more than one, so use protection when you can out there.
• there is so much stigma around HIV, why be mean to people when they already feel oftentimes hopeless, lost, scared, SHAMEFUL, and depressed. Seriously. Stfu. 😑
• black women are actually the highest risk for infection, but all people should get regularly checked every 3-6 months, (monthly if you engage in high risk behavior)
• it can take a very long time for one to even be detected if infected depending on how high their white blood cell count is. (Roughly 3-6 months).
•HIV DOES NOT DEFINE A PERSON! Just like any other chronic condition. It’s a part of them yes but humans are multifaceted and deserve love and respect, regardless or their status.
•PEOPLE W HIV ARE NOT DIRTY.
Yall stay educated and blessed. ✌🏽
Not a question but just wanted to say my husband is positive and undetectable. We’ve met some incredible people through his diagnosis and he lives a really happy, positive (pun not intended life).
Obviously there isn’t much I can say or advise that you won’t already know other than you’re absolutely smashing it and keep doing what you’re doing.
I love you for this, and for all your honest answers, everyone takes risks with their own lives and others, but taking risks in aspects of life other than sex are deemed socially acceptable.
Covid showed how easily people can dismiss safe behaviours in order to exercise their own freedoms and agency.
There are many people who never take a risk, i bet those people aren’t the ones with hateful opinions on this matter tho.
❤️❤️❤️
Sorry you're going through this. As others have said, there is no reason you can't live a normal life, including HIV negative biological children, if you want any. The treatments available today are pretty unbelievable.
Wrap it up folks, and ask questions of your partners.
Damn, so sorry to hear that. If it helps, I’m old enough to remember when HIV was a death sentence. And then Magic Johnson announced that he was HIV positive. And just a few months ago, 30 some years later, he joined the ranks of the world’s billionaires (and one of the better ones at that). Does that help at all?
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this…I do want to do a as PSA and say: PreP isn’t just for gay men! If you’re sexually active and not a religious condom user you can go on it. One pill a day prevents transmission of HIV to you. You have to get an STD test every 3 months to stay on it (which you should do anyway). If you have an unprotected sexual encounter and start PeP within 72 hours it will drastically reduce your chances of infection if the other person had HIV. Also, get tested, show your partner your results and see theirs before you think of going condomless.
My question: how have you found the process of being on antivirals? Any side effects?
FWIW I’m a type 1 diabetic. Most doctors would say they’d rather have HIV than diabetes. Sucks to have it for sure but it’s manageable and doesn’t have to ruin your life anymore.
a girl i dated did the same thing to me pretty much, except with herpes. didnt care to mention it even though she had been diagnosed since 12 and hd medication for it too. i had known her for around 4 years before we dated, and she ended up ghosting me after 3 years to be with a 80 year old sugar daddy.
not the same necessarily, but I can probably relate on the feelings of anger/betrayal. Something easily avoidable, was permanent consequences, just completely disregarded for somebody’s moment of self indulgence. I could never imagine doing that to somebody and it sucks because I haven’t had the confidence to try to date anybody since then because most people don’t have herpes, at least not knowingly either if they do have it and the stigma terrible, as much as I wish people didn’t care like they do, I get it. Life has been very, very lonely since then.
If you’re somebody who has a disease and you sleep with people without using protection and letting them know just because they didn’t directly ask you is extremely fucked up and you’re a piece of shit. not only did you take it upon yourself to disclose this with a partner it’s pretty insinuated that if you’re going to be having unprotected sex that you’re both STI free, as far as you know.
honestly, I feel like if anybody, knowing these friends, any kind of disease like that just because they don’t care and are indifferent other peoples feelings and their lives, they should be sterilized, castrated, etc. no sympathy for you people.
Who am I to judge anyone but.. this wasn't the first rodeo
"[bohoson97](https://www.reddit.com/user/bohoson97/)OP•[14h ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/1dxcx4i/comment/lc0soo2/)
I didn’t really have any symptoms that I can specifically associate with HIV. I actually got diagnosed bc it was time for my annual check up (that I’ve been getting since I was 16, with the same clinic) and I happened to have gotten an std from the fwb (not my infector)"
Several promising new treatments for HIV have recently been developed and are currently available:
1. **Lenacapavir**: This twice-yearly injectable medication has shown remarkable efficacy in both treatment and prevention of HIV. In a recent trial, it demonstrated 100% efficacy in preventing HIV infections among cisgender women. It works by targeting the capsid of the virus, which is crucial for HIV's ability to replicate and infect cells. Lenacapavir is particularly beneficial for individuals who struggle with adherence to daily medication regimens [[❞]](https://www.gilead.com/news-and-press/press-room/press-releases/2024/6/gileads-twiceyearly-lenacapavir-demonstrated-100-efficacy-and-superiority-to-daily-truvada-for-hiv-prevention) [[❞]](https://medicalxpress.com/news/2023-09-fda-treatment-multi-drug-resistant-hiv.html).
2. **Islatravir and Lenacapavir Combination**: This once-weekly oral regimen has shown promising results in early trials. The combination was found to be both efficacious and well-tolerated, maintaining viral suppression in most participants. This regimen provides an alternative for those who find daily pills challenging and could become the first weekly oral treatment for HIV [[❞]](https://www.aidsmap.com/news/mar-2024/islatravir-plus-lenacapavir-could-be-first-once-weekly-oral-hiv-treatment).
3. **Long-acting Injectable ART**: Studies have highlighted the benefits of long-acting injectable antiretroviral therapies, such as cabotegravir and rilpivirine. These treatments have been effective in maintaining viral suppression in individuals who face barriers to daily pill-taking. This method has shown superior viral suppression rates compared to daily oral ART [[❞]](https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/long-acting-hiv-treatment-benefits-adults-barriers-daily-pill-taking-adolescents-suppressed-hiv).
These advancements represent significant steps forward in both the management and potential prevention of HIV, offering new hope and options for those affected by the virus. For more detailed information, you can explore the sources from [ScienceDaily](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2024/03/240326124555.htm), [Gilead Sciences](https://www.gilead.com/news-and-press/press-room/press-releases/2024/6/gilead-announces-phase-3-purpose-1-trial-results), and [National Institutes of Health](https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/long-acting-hiv-treatment-benefits-adults-barriers-daily-pill-taking-adolescents-suppressed-hiv).
It might be traumatic to watch, but have you ever seen the movie Kids? It's about a girl in your situation. The movie has a lot of trash but I think the main girl is such a strong and sympathetic character. There's a scene where a taxi driver tells her about appreciating the beauty of every day and I always found it really touching.
Even if you don't wanna watch it(it is loaded with triggers) I would recommend watching that scene on YouTube. Hope you are having a good week and enjoyed the holiday.
Not as much of a question but a statement.
I am sorry this happened to you especially after reading your comment history. Its disgusting and criminal that someone would spread this to you. More so that he didn't end up in jail for destroying your life.
I have not ever had very many sexual partners but I still got myself fully screened between them.
Its not acceptable that people like this are able to mingle with the general public and spread their diseases.
Okay, this might be mean, possibly illegal depending on the state you live but I remember there being “exposing” pages on Facebook about exposing people in your local area. Could exposing him online be a choice? After all, he could still be out here having sex with other women and knowingly infecting them.
As a man in the LGBT community HIV is talked about often and has been more “normalized” especially when talking about being undetectable and maintaining undetectable status. The conversation around PrEP (pre-exposure profilaxis) is very prevalent. There are of course still stigmas, misinformation, and prejudice unfortunately.
I feel like HIV isn’t talked about much in the heterosexual community.
How has your experience been as a heterosexual woman with HIV? How was your support system when you were first diagnosed?
I hope you are well and wish you the best!
I work at an independent ER. Some people even think we’re an urgent care when we’re not but we get plenty of people coming in to get STDs and HIV checks. Majority of them are young women. Second highest is young men. It can happen to you. If you’re gonna fool around—especially with more than one partner or with someone you hardly yet know—use protection and better yet try and get some paperwork saying they’re clean.
Most of this stuff is lifelong even if there’s new meds for it each year. It’s still going to affect you.
Op. This isn't for you, although I thank you for being frank and honest. I hope this has given you what you need ♡♡
But Y'ALL. I work around TONS of people, attractive, successful, young, wealthy, or otherwise, and a MAJORITY do NOT use condoms. The ones MOST ON TOP OF THEIR GAME are military personnel who get tested 1x/year. Trust no one until you see two tests at least 6 months apart. Be safe. Check out Japanese condoms. Have the bestest sex of your life while making sure you stay healthy.
I noticed a comment where you said your life expectancy is around 50 but my step grandma got it decades ago and is in her 60s living a comfortable and happy life with her new partner(my grandfather passed away a few years ago sadly) but please don’t let the hiv discourage you or make you feel like all those things aren’t still possible!
34F born with HIV. You will be fine! I have had some health issues but unrelated to HIV, and am otherwise totally healthy. I’ve had multiple long term, loving relationships with men I’ve told, who have actually become comfortable with sex without condoms (PrEP is huge, but they’ve also been reassured by U=U) and it’s basically a non-issue in my relationships. I’m on cabenuva, so 2 shots every two months, and I barely even think about my HIV anymore, except for my every 6 months checkups. Honestly, the biggest issue is the stigma surrounding it. But I’ve even met at least one guy for a 5-day hookup who I told literally 3 days after meeting and he still wanted to hook up (with condoms of course). So the stigma is slowly shifting.
Hey OP,
This might be too late but I was wondering what kind of supports do younger PLHIV need? I imagine much of the focus has historically been on gay men, some of who would be older now.
Why oh why did you come on here to subject yourself to the ill informed opinions of the masses about such a personal thing? I hope you’re looking after yourself and slowly destigmatising it. You’re normal, you just have to take drugs for your immune system.
First, thank you for sharing this. being open about “taboo” topics is super important in my opinion and I respect you for sharing your experience even though that was a really shitty thing to go through (and I truly hope karma beats the shit out of him 🙃)
Second, I’m sorry since I don’t know if this was answered and there’s a loooooot to go through (I tried to find it) but do you disclose to all of your partners or since you’re undetectable do you usually not say anything? And how do people typically respond it if you do tell them?
What's your quality of life like? What's the prognosis these days? I've heard anecdotally it's much more treatable than even a decade ago. Hope you're hanging on there man, sorry life's dealt you that hand. And thanks for talking to us all about it, it always helps us understand someone else's experience to hear this stuff. Best wishes 👍
No questions. Just hope you’re doing okay mentally. I work at an hiv pharmacy that has locations all around the US! Great care and support. HIV is wildly misunderstood and I’m sure you’re living a very full wonderful life regardless
Since you’re undetectable do you technically not really need to tell people? I mean I understand as a courtesy but is it like 100% impossible for you to pass it on to someone else? At that point you may as well not have it. Or am I misunderstanding.
It’s cool long as your undetectable you can have sex without worrying about passing it to anyone, but be wary people are very ignorant. Dating to find a serious relationship can be a hassle.
OP you’re doing yourself and the world a disservice. Even though your viral load is undetectable you still need to be responsible and have safe sex. Even if it means the other person don’t want to use protection…you should. People are willingly give each other STDs and it’s pretty disgusting. I’m a healthcare professional and we came a long way with HIV and other STDs treatments. We should thank our scientists who dedicated their careers to a save lives and here we are in 2024 pretty much dont give a shit whether we get HIv and or give to someone else. Unfortunately we live in a sad sad world.
You should take this as a blessing that it is not a death sentence anymore and take this opportunity to educate people about HIV and practicing safe sex. It is not just about you anymore.
I thought this AMA is about lessons learned from her experience but truthfully it is about bragging that she has the disease and yet still have not learned anything whatsoever. Truly sad.
I haven’t read all the comments yet so apologies if you’ve already responded. What stigma or discrimination have you experienced (if any), and who do you disclose your status to?
It takes courage to make such a public statement regarding this stuff, and this internet stranger is proud of you for putting such a hard topic on display like this and educating others selflessly!
I’m a little late to the party but I just want to say that I hope you’re doing well and I hope you can find peace and happiness. You seem like a very strong-willed person so I’m sure you’ll do just fine ☺️
Not a question—just a comment. My partner told me on our second date that he was positive (before we ever hooked up) and initially I was really scared (because of lack of knowledge). As I learned more, I decided it really wasn’t a big deal. He’s undetectable and we’ve been together 6 years. Initially I wore a condom to make both of us feel more comfortable, but now I’ve learned about undetectable=untrabnsmittable, and we no longer use condoms. It seems like nothing more thanjust a minor inconvenience of taking a single pill each day at this point. (And I have to take a pill every day for my reflux… so equally just slightly annoying). After living with a partner with HIV, I’d 100% take it over many other conditions.
I don’t have a question, but rather that I’m sorry that you were victimized by a true sexual predator, my Godmother was infected by her own husband who was cheating on her, then that fucking fucker had the audacity to shame her on the neighborhood by falsely accusing her of being the infected. Soon after they both died and left behind 3 young children that had to be spread around the family b/c nobody could take care of them 3 together. BTW you should put that predator on blast online to prevent others from being infected…and last but not least if I were your father I would have killed his parents and everyone close to him on Christmas season.
You deserve the best in life. You deserve your diploma and future career and the beautiful home and family you build. You are more valuable and wonderful today than you have ever been. You deserve to be happy in your body and free with your mind.
You did not deserve HIV and it's not your fault.
Medicine and science have come so far with HIV and by the sounds of it your medicine is working.
I'm sending you love and light and hope. You're going to have an incredible rest of your long life. This does not define you and it will not be how you are remembered.
You are beautiful and deserve love. Please update us in along the way. Many of us are rooting for you and believe in you.
Thanks for this post and thank you for still being here and not letting depression win.
Wise up. You’ve had Chlamydia, you’re HIV positive, having unprotected sex, and you’re not on birth control. Stop being so impulsive, haven’t you earned enough consequences?
How long from the projected sexual encounter that gave you HIV did it take for HIV to show up on your tests? Also, speaking from complete ignorance here, what exactly does taking Medicine for HIV exactly do? I ask as I’m curious, if taken correctly does it reach a point where you are u able to give other people HIV? Also wishing you the best mentally and physically !
Hives isn't the scare it used to be, go to the health department and get on the medications to suppress and make it undetectable. If you stay undetectable it's rare to transmit the virus but not impossible mostly due to people not taking thier meds like they are supposed to. They also have meds like prep to make sure your partner doesn't get infected. Don't stress it was a. Awful thing that guy did to you and we all feel for you, just remember it isn't 20 years ago when his was a death sentence, it's a manageable disease. Dm me if you need any more info - registered nurse who worked with how patients.
How is dating for you? I’m a HIV positive Bi man. I have been with only guys because HIV is more common in the gay community. Plus they are more knowledgeable. There are a lot of discordant couples. I would like to date a girl because I’m more romantically attracted to women.
HIV scares me the most... I had a scare 1 time with a different kind of STD but with how everything turned out, many people say that just because you know\think you know who gave ya an STD doesn't mean they even knew they were infected with it... especially if you had a conversation with the other person already & they didnt mention an STD!!
There is also so many things to factor in... Like some STDs\symptoms don't even show up for 6months to 1year later or some people will have an STD but never experience symptoms & they never know they have it & some dont get checked regularly.
In my state it is a felony to knowingly expose someone to HIV without informed consent. I just read that back in 2017 California downgraded this a misdemeanor and the accused must know they were infected, their actions must pose significant risk, and that they intended to transmit the disease. The first two are easy to prove, but how would you ever prove that the accused intended to transmit the disease? My guess is this is rarely ever prosecuted because the burden of proving that there was intent to infect is so high.
Wow California is so fucked. So sorry this happened to you OP.
I was a bailiff on a case in the Army where a guy was charged with cheating on his wife and having sex with over 22 women knowing he was HIV positive. Not one of them contracted it. Apparently it is very difficult to transmit through vaginal sex. This is why they used to call it the “gay disease”, because it is mostly contracted through anal sex.
Sorry to hear you contracted it, luckily this isn’t the 80’s and they have good treatments for it these days.
Have there been any blessings or good things that have happened to you because of your diagnosis? We often hear so much negativity around medical diagnoses, it would be nice to focus on the positive sometimes.
Did you get STD tested during each relationship you've had and/or hook up? No judgement here just curious 🙏 I went through a manic episode once and slept with people from Tinder until I eventually caught something. It was a rude awakening so from there, I went abstinent until I met my long term partner. I got tested multiple times throughout our relationship even though Ive only had sex with him and him with me.
Read a bunch of your comments and the common theme is you love sex. Not just love sex but you love to fuck. Raw. You love bareback sex because you’ve stated you have a bunch of unprotected sex with different people. I’m not shaming either. I’m honestly impressed with how open you are about it. I wish more women were like this. Bare sex just feels good huh? Get that shit, especially now. Live it up and be healthy.
Since you’re undetectable, how would getting pregnant look for you?
Do you pose a risk of passing it to a child? Are you able to have unprotected sex to get pregnant without giving it to your partner?
I'm so so sorry for you. He should be tortured for decades. With today's medical advances, you have great chances, and I wouldn't consider you damaged goods. I would date and marry a woman I loved with similar problems. Just keep your head up, and the best of luck to you.
I'm 27 and have only had sex maybe 2 dozen times in my life every one of those had been with condoms. What happened to you is a fear of mine. I trust nobody. Nowadays nobody has morals and like you experienced he had zero morals. In my state you could've sued him and he would've been charged with a F2 felony which I believe carries 8+ years. The good news at least we live in an age where they've had 30+ years to perfect medicine on HIV. I feel bad for you.
Imma be straight up honest. HIV is my number one irrational fear. I know a lot abt it and even my friends are on prep since i’m in the kink scene. At first this post gave me really really bad anxiety. Tho reading through it has helped a little
As a medical professional, the most reassuring statistic for you is that your life expectancy is the same as a non HIV person as long as you are taking treatment.
Just curious if you where a man with HIV would you get further information and support. Women seem so stereotyped still to this day. It's a double standard. And I hope your doing well physically and mentally.
If you're living in America or Canada, look for a Pharmaceutical Company called Merck.
If outside of those mentioned country, look for MSD.
Same company with two different names.
They have develop a medcine for HIV. Especially for women.
It is not a cure but it is for those who have been infected or tested positive for HIV.
There is non for men.
Call them and they will request you for some details of being positive with their company doctors and they will prescribe you for your treatment.
I wish you well and safe.
Why don’t you unveil the infector? He ruined your life seemingly knowingly all along the risk he posed to his sexual partner(s).
If you are uncomfortable disclosing him, share some markers about him, age, occupation and other identifiers.
This is a service to the community!
From reading all the comments my takeaway is that HIV isn’t really the modern issue it once was, so what has changed in your daily/weekly/monthly life ever since your diagnosis?
Given advancements in medicine, have any promising possibilities been revealed to you by your physician or any specialist? Maybe ongoing clinical trials for new drugs or recent approvals for medicine to help?
What symptoms did it cause you initially and what symptoms does it cause with you taking medication for it to keep it under control?
Is HIV controllable now and able to let the person infected with it live a normal life if one takes medication for it?
Vaginal sex is low. Like 3/4 of hiv are caused by men who have sex with men. Circumcision also helps men from getting it not lowering transmission to their partners. Men are at higher risk because they tend to engage in more risky activity se acts and drug use. Gay men are at higher risk because the ass is more receptive to the virus and also in sharing the various with the penis. Vagina is wayyyy safer
I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sure there are a lot of people who fall victim to people claiming: "The only thing I've done is use a public restroom! I must have gotten it from the toilet seat!"
If he knowingly had it, dude is scum. Any VD knowingly given to another makes you scummy. IMO since sex requires consent, then hiding something that could cause consent to not be given....is a violation.
I will take this a complete different route. There is a company out there called cytodyn and they have a drug Leronlimab. They feel they have a shot at curing HIV. Look into this as your future may be brighter than you think! I wish you the best. The cure is still a while off, but it is coming.
Not really a question but I work in clinical trial’s advancing treatment for PLWH and we are now starting a bunch of cure trials. It’s not the death sentence it used to be and hopefully someday sooner than later there will be a cure for you.
Im not a lawyer. But since bodily harm has been done through negigence or willful neglect to you. You need to file in the correct venue. A civil case is not possible. The venue in which by which you can call for redress is admiralty.
You wouldn't think that it would have a statue of limitations. I mean it is a death sentence for a lot of people. Do you know that he knew he had it when he gave it to you? Because if he did than yeah absolutely he should be jailed for attempted murder or even murder . I thought every state had this rule.
HIV is not a big deal anymore. Fun fact: most medical professionals would rather have HIV than diabetes. Diabetes destroys everything from your dental health to amputation of limbs. HIV can be properly managed and with prep and other drugs is literally about as close to a not a big deal as HIV can be. Ask any dr or nurse you know; almost all would rather have HIV than diabetes. That’s how far it’s come from the hysteria of people with HIV in public pools.
I hope you can get the medication you need. HIV is not the death sentence once feared. My brother has lived with HIV since the early 80’s and is living a full life.
Sorry this happened to you. Life is not fair. That said, this post alone will likely save at least a handful of ppl from taking a risk that ends with them contracting HIV. Insane to have that large of an impact on the lives of random strangers. Kudos to you. It was not for nothing.
sorry if answered elsewhere, but did u confront him? or pursue public shaming in some way given that it's been difficult to do anything legal wise against him?
If I get this right….you are a student, employed part time, HIV positive, has and continues to have multiple FWBs… no long term partner just a series of lays, and you want to have a child now and don’t really care who knocks you up ???!!!
Am I hearing this right ??? God help that child
Either she’s lying about not being so depressed, angry and lonely or lying about the whole thing. These are all signs of someone who isn’t happy, who doesn’t self love/approve and wants to be loved and accepted by others.
My mom die from HIV in 2004. Med were expensive back then and she also refused to take them. You should remain positive and live life responsibility, seeking to advise and help others through your own experiences could help you to stayed positive and motivated.
So do you need to take a lot of medicines? I hope it's not to expansive! Damn. But i heard it's not life threatening anymore at all. Which has this horrible side effect of people worry less about it , isn't that right?
not rly a q but im 28 with chronic hpv and wanted to say i know its not the same deal but im proud of you for sticking through everything and im glad youre here. take care of yourself
What exactly does that mean these days ? Isn't it easily controlled with medication ? Are there any symptoms or anything ? is there really any risk of it turning into AIDS ?
Did you get it from using needles? I only ask because I’m an alcoholic and drug addict myself. I never used needles, and I have been recovered for a while now. My sobriety date is 07/24/2023.
I mean my life expectancy is at least 50 years, and there have been 5 people cured.
While I don’t expect to be cured in my lifetime, I feel I’ll pretty much live a “normal” life. I mean, who’s to say either one of us isn’t killed today on our way to wherever we need to go, you know? I already outlived one of my roomates, she was athletic & had a bachelors in dance…. yet died two months ago bc her lungs randomly gave out.
I just take it one day at a time like the rest of the world
You were born at the right time. Take care of your health and take your meds. A cure is coming soon. Also, get counseling. One of my friends took a bad turn when he was diagnosed. (He is doing great 15 years later and has had partners).
I’m so sorry that this has happened to you.
I don’t have questions, I just hope that you can access enough health care to help you live your best life with this condition.
This is why you don’t sleep around ever. I honestly don’t feel that bad for you. However I do wish the best for you. Consequences to our actions suck sometimes. Stay strong
Sorry if it’s been asked but did the person who gave it to you know they had it? It’s illegal if they knew, and didn’t disclose that to you I believe, charges could be pressed.
As a brother with a younger sister, I might end up in prison for what I would do to the guy that did that to my sister. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Probably a pretty decent to mention PrEP and PEP.[https://www.rstreet.org/research/hiv-pre-exposure-prophylaxis-prep-and-post-exposure-prophylaxis-pep-basics/](https://www.rstreet.org/research/hiv-pre-exposure-prophylaxis-prep-and-post-exposure-prophylaxis-pep-basics/)
Maybe your medical insurance can go after his insurance for reimbursement? I mean, they would if it was a car wreck or household accident on his/his parents’ property.
Its wild to me I work with CSEC and the times my clients show me there inbox and men aggressively stating they pay more for bare with the rise of HIV is our younger cis het tells me this is gonna get bad again.
Do you feel betrayed by the state of California and their politicians making it so your infector isn’t legally liable for infecting you? In my state it is a felony to not disclose being HIV positive to a sexual partner
So sorry this happened to you, I hope you have found peace and moved on emotionally. I know letting go can be hard but it's essential for your happiness, you deserve that.
Not a question, but just wanted to say I’m sorry to hear that this happened to you. This has always been a fear of mine as another young woman. I guess my only question for you is how well did you know the person who gave it to you?
Didn’t know him too well. I had gotten out of a relationship that really hurt me, so I went on tinder. After a couple of months, I felt comfortable enough to stay over and get ready for work the next day at his place. His parents had their own business & gave him his own trailer, so it was nice having that kind of company. He wanted to pursue something serious but I wasn’t emotionally ready like that. We talked about having unprotected sex and its consequences. HIV was never mentioned. He didn’t bother to mention it & I didn’t ask bc it would’ve never crossed my mind to ask. So take it from me to always wear protection. Hell, keep any stranger 10 feet away 😂
Wow, and it’s so crazy to me you couldn’t pursue legal action against him over it. Our system is so messed up. Luckily for me, I’m married so I sure hope I never have to worry about STD’s haha. Definitely keep strangers at a distance because fuck em. 😂
A lot of stories of straight women with HIV is because of a cheating husband so always be careful regardless. Keep that man under lock & key lol jk but yeahhhh the legal system really made it me feel worse at the time. I talked to three different firms. One firm straight up never called me back, another did the consultation while hyping me up but then next Apt told me they couldn’t do anything, and the last one even asked me to sign with them… just for them to send me a derepresntation letter basically dropping me as a client. I was so disappointed that I sent them an email asking why this kept happening. They pretty much said that a civil case is lengthy, and even if he was to be charged the most he’d get would be community service or up to 3 years in our state. So pretty much it wasn’t worth it to them. I just wanted some indication that he knowingly affected me on his record… and I couldn’t get that. In some states he would’ve been put in jail almost immediately.
You better hurry up and try again There is probably a statute of limitations on when you can file a suit, and every state has a different length of time for that so you need to get on this before you don’t have a chance to
A lot of it is from men who cheat with other men too, but no one likes hearing that. Every time I mention that, people think I’m being bigoted but…unfortunately it’s the truth. Was the guy into men as well or an intravenous drug user?
What state are you from if you don’t mind my asking?
Interesting that they wouldn't do anything. Couldn't you go to the police then? According to the CDC a lot of states have criminal laws against people having sex without disclosing that they have HIV. https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/policies/law/states/exposure.html
I do have a question. Have you ever had issues getting your medication? Does any medication interfere with the HIV medication or anything you can’t take with it? How much are the pills and any side effects from them? Do you have insurance or pay out of pocket? Just wondering as I have anxiety and the idea of getting any STDs is terrifying to me. I worry about a lot of things honestly. Like my mind goes to, “what if it’s so expensive that I have to be homeless to afford the pills? What happens if we go to war and the medication runs out and won’t be in stock for awhile?” Those type of things get to me a lot.
I'm sorry to hear, of your status Please remember everyone HIV is not something In Some far off community you can't be exposed to and PrEP isn't just for gay men anyone can be exposed so everyone should be protected.I'm curious where you live? My understanding is even if he is unaware that he's positive or even if he discloses and you're cool with it if there's exposure if there was the risk of a transmission the law can prosecute him for attempted murder and such. That's in MD at least. Do you have any further info on the situation? Was he aware? on treatment and monitoring his counts? It seems wild that someone would do this. I'm so scared of the conversation and rejection that I'm basically celibate since my wife passed even though I am on top of my medicine and with my undetectable status there isn't a risk of transmission, I would not feel comfortable not disclosing and if I did and wasn't rejected I'd be terrified of the law treating me like some kind of criminal so I just keep to myself.
Give how progressive California is with a lot of things im very shocked to find out this isn’t an automatic felony charge. Where I’m from consent laws protect you from the unknown. If your partner knows they are infected and doesn’t disclose it, then your consent is automatically invalidated and it becomes sexual assault. We have had several people in the last 5 or so years charged and prosecuted for that very thing.
Wait. If you were to ask and he said no, wouldn’t that be illegal if he knew he had HIV and still said no?
I was lucky honestly. First time I ever had sex was with a 35 year old woman over Tinder. Trusted fully that she had an IUD and was in "clean health." Should've used a condom - but thankfully she wasn't lying and did have one and no active STDs after me dreading for MONTHS. So yeah - no unprotected sex ever unless it's going very long term lol. I am sorry to hear how this relationship wasn't so fortunate.
This is why I don’t participate in the hook up culture 😩, so sorry this happened to you.
I’m HIV positive bi guy. I got it from my first boyfriend the first time we didn’t use a condom. Most people get HIV from people that didn’t know they had it. Because once a person gets diagnosed they go on the meds and after 6 months are undetectable and can no longer spread the virus. Now the fuckers that think they have it but never get tested because they are scared are dangerous cowards. I have no pitty for them. Spread the word about Undetectable equals non infectious!! U=U!!!
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Not a question it’s crazy cause my friends and I just had a conversation about straight males/females being on prep. They all gave me the same answer, “prep is a gay thing” and I was like “prep should be an everyone thing…HIV/Aids doesn’t discriminate on straight or gay” and then most said their doctor never recommended it so no. Sorry to hear about your diagnosis and wishing you the best.
How is your health today? I remember when hiv came out 1,000s every day was dying...tottaly freaked me out...there was no cure or treatment. die from sex???..crazy..hope meds are better for next generation...
I’m hoping you have filed a lawsuit against him and his family? You have causes of action here. The civil law system is a great way to mete out the justice you deserve, and it sounds like you have a right to receive damages which can help you pay to fight the disease he gave you.
Was there any discussion of other STIs? Bc if you talked about it and he didn’t say he had HIV, it is still lying, and therefore a possibility of criminal transmission or even sexual assault bc consent is contingent on the information you have
That’s a serious crime and he should be in prison! I’d file a police report and give all information possible. The statute of limitations has not expired. Grill his ass 😤🤬
That's literally a crime. Knowing you have it and not disclosing it to a sexual partner is attempted murder or manslaughter. Seek legal action immediately!
It should be a felony to not mention something as serious as HIV to a sexual partner. Unless it already is and I’m just dumb lol
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I hope you are feeling better. Are you on some sort of antiretroviral therapy (ART)? How has this affected you mentally?
Yup, on biktarvy and it’s been great for me. I became undectable after almost two months, I had a 150,000 viral load at the time of diagnosis. Mentally… I pretty much isolated myself my first year. 2022 is a blur for sure. Thankfully my siblings have been my biggest support system. It’s really the fear of the unknown, questions like “what do I do if I don’t have access to medication”. Im currently in school trying to get a bachelors for a well paying job, my goal is to make money not an issue.
You seem to be doing better, I know there’s still a stigma around HIV, but you can live a normal life on the meds! Family, kids etc (if that’s what you want). Don’t limit yourself because of indiscretions that almost every person made when they were young.
Glad to hear that you’ve a good support system. Wish you the best with your education and career.
How were you about to tell your siblings what had happened to you?
I told my brother first. I sat him down and just gave him the news, he was a reck at first too. It touched my heart when he came to me a few hours after our conversation with articles he researched on my quality of life. He was also telling me about how I can live a normal life, and it made me feel so happy to know my brother loves me enough to even do his own research. He also has a rage reaction and wanted me to tell him the address of my infector. While it would be great to know he got what’s coming to him, I thought about it for a bit and decided my brother possibly going to jail wouldn’t be worth. I already have HIV and nothing can change that.
My uncle has had hiv since the 1980s. He’s almost 70 years old now and doing just fine! I pray you’ll do just as well as he has on the meds.
Your last sentence is something I’ve had to keep in mind when women in my life have confided in me. It’s easy to forget that the person who needs support is the victim here, and you can’t give them support from jail. I’m glad your brother is on your side and the bit about research is super sweet
I was very sorry to read about your diagnosis but admire your sharing your experiences. If you can highlight it to others, it's invaluable. I was genuinely surprised and shocked that the antiviral medication was not free. There is a massive need for public health and maintaince of health. I know different countries spend money differently.
Hi OP, totally understand your goals and mentality to ensure a future with accessible care. Was wondering if you’re in the US? If so, have you been connected to the Ryan White program? Should be able to help with HIV care
As a mom, I am super proud of you. I can’t imagine going through this and you are kicking some serious ass. As for the infector, I know karma will get him
Just wanted to tell you that you have an amazing outlook on life and you’re a great example of facing life’s challenges head on. Ignore the hateful comments. The person who **knowingly** gave you HIV is the only person responsible for you having HIV. Period. Your story will undoubtedly have a positive effect and encourage people to make more informed decisions with sexual partners. Thank you for sharing!
150m you cannot even infect someone, even having intercourse without a condom. What people need to understand is that having HIV is not a death sentence, is now just a chronic infection. Nowdays, having diabetes is much more dangerous than having HIV
so what was ur go-to-doc signs to get it checked?
I didn’t really have any symptoms that I can specifically associate with HIV. I actually got diagnosed bc it was time for my annual check up (that I’ve been getting since I was 16, with the same clinic) and I happened to have gotten an std from the fwb (not my infector). So when he told me to go get checked, I didnt think much of it and just did the annual one since I was already there. HIV came back positive & we figured it was mistake so I retook it & same thing :/ Some symptoms I had that year were dizzy spells, and my hair started falling out. I went to the doc several times and all my hormone/thyroid tests came back normal. I had started a new job so she figured I was just stressed and low on vitamins. She gave me prenatal pills; I got diagnosed 5 months later.
I’m confused. You said you got an std from the FWB, but not your infector. Who did you get the HIV from then?
The fwb was messing with his ex girl, and he got Chlamydia from her which he gave me. So he messaged me and told me what he was experiencing and I was experiencing similar things, so I went to get tested.
did your fwb get lucky and avoid contracting HIV from you?
So you didn’t practice safe sex at all knowing you were sleeping with multiple partners and knowing that your partners were sleeping with others too? I guess what happened to you is the results of your poor judgement in practicing safe sex.
Damn, hops on tinder to sleep around and not only gets hiv but also another std from someone else
Did it in any way affect your love life? Also have you looked in any gene therapy approaches for HIV? I know there are several methodologies that have been developed in the lab but I'm not sure if any has been put in clinical trials yet.
It has. I was always in long term relationships (1 year, 3 years, then another 1 year) so I was never really single for long. I’ve been single since 2020 so going on year 4 now…. I’d say it’s mostly me, before I was always excited to meet people. I loved going out to places like malls, concerts, bars, etc just to meet people. After my diagnosis I had isolated myself. Thoughts like “would this person still talk to me if they knew” would come in my head often. I even quit my job that I was at for 5 years at that time due to that fraud feeling. In the beginning of last year I have been more open and have had people pursue me despite me having HIV. But idk, I’m also kinda picky haha I’ve been focusing on my physical well being, since I was depressed for so long, I’m like 30 pounds heavier than I’d like. So I do plan on being my outgoing self once I feel pretty enough ☺️
It sounds like therapy could help you if you aren't already trying it.
I'm confused. Were you working two jobs at the time of your diagnosis? You said you had just started a new job 5 months before being diagnosed, then said you quit your job of 5 years because you felt like a fraud. I don't mean to sound nosey. Just wondering.
So you’ll tell guys you have HIV and they still wanna have sex? I just want to understand that part better
As long as you’ve been taking all of your ART medications as directed perfectly (along with regular check-ups/testing) and telling every person before things get sexual (oral/vaginal/anal), then you’re being responsible.
How is your HIV status now? Undetectable? I hope you’re doing well. At least you didn’t get it in the 80s.
We’re you scared when you found out? Are you still scared?
I was extremely scared. I had “this it can’t be right” kind of mindset. I went to a couple of different clinics, I thought my doc was lying to me. Three years later, the only thing that really scares me is just not having access to my medication. I’m so fortunate to live in a country that gives resources and access to the medications. I haven’t had any issues so far, but it’s always in the back of my mind.
I’m glad you have meds too! I didn’t realize there were meds to help until I saw your story
I hear you. I have psoriatic arthritis and not getting my medication is my biggest fear. Before diagnosis I couldn't leave my house. I'm happy to hear that you are doing better. Stay tough stranger!
Have you told everyone you could potentially have passed this onto?
Do you have a group of friends that support you, or have they pushed you away once they found out?
Thank you for doing this AMA, there is a ton of important info being shared here.
Damn that’s scary. Hopefully you tell all potential partners now that you have it?
what symptoms do you commonly deal with and is there regular pain anywhere specific? (just noticed your edit about the diagnosis.... holy shit, i forgot it was uncurable)
You’re still young and I understand people live full long lives with HIV. What is your dating life like now. Is it safe to have protected sex? Or do you abstain, seek out partners who already have HIV etc.
Pardon my ignorance, but my understanding is that treatment has come a loooong way for HIV, like not “curable” but basically no longer a factor once treated. Is this true? I’m so sorry this happened to you. Are you taking care of yourself? I sympathize with having extreme health conditions, I’m in my 30’s and am on liver #3.
Hey so, this is crazy for me. As a straight guy who sleeps around we sometimes don’t think about stuff like is this. I do try to use condoms whenever but have stuck it in for a couple strokes THEN used the condom. My question would be, were there any signs of this guy possibly having hiv? Signs such as needle marks or extremely promiscuous? or was he really like an extreme normal dude. I understand his dad was successful and he’s living off that but were there any signs at all? Also was he taking medication to be undetectable? because it sounds like he was under the assumption he would be undetectable. my last question is, what State (or country if outside of US) do you reside in?
The chances of you contracting it from a woman in general are really low. Even if she has full on AIDS you can still get very lucky. I believe it’s like 99% of semen which is why getting it from a guy is almost guaranteed. He was normal as can be. He was a metal head (my type), had a nice gaming set up, plays guitar, and from watching him play games it sounded like he had good friends as well. Would tell me about his older brother, and his parents. In his bathroom, he had flyers of metal music shows that looked cool. I love smoking pot so he was also a pothead and we’d watch anime. I didn’t find out about his HIV until I was diagnosed and confronted him. To which he swears he was undetectable, but I was never shown any medical records or anything. Which really sucks bc I really wanted to know that he was being truthful. If he really was undetectable and I was just unlucky then oh well, shit happens. I’m in California Edit: my percentages are so off but look into the comments below for accurate info.
Thanks for doing this AMA. you mentioned transmission rates so I thought I’d share some relevant info on them. Activity Risk-per-exposure Vaginal sex, female-to-male, no condom 0.04% (1 in 2380) Vaginal sex, female-to-male, no condom, undetectable viral load 0% Vaginal sex, male-to-female, no condom 0.08% (1 in 1234) Vaginal sex, male-to-female, no condom, undetectable viral load 0% Receptive anal sex, no condom 1.38% (1 in 72) Receptive anal sex, no condom, undetectable viral load 0% Insertive anal sex, no condom 0.11% (1 in 909) Insertive anal sex, no condom, undetectable viral load 0% Receptive fellatio (giving head), no condom, viral load not known Estimates range from 0.00% to 0.04% (1 in 2500) Pregnancy and childbirth, no preventative measures 22.6% (1 in 4) Pregnancy and childbirth, undetectable viral load 0.14% (1 in 715) Injecting drug use 0.63% (1 in 158) Needlestick injury with contaminated blood 0.23% (1 in 435) Blood transfusion with contaminated blood 92.5% (9 in 10) [source](https://www.aidsmap.com/about-hiv/estimated-hiv-risk-exposure)
thanks for your response, you are very strong
FYI, your semen statistic is wildly inaccurate. It’s less than 1% to get it from being on the receiving end of PiV sex. It can vary depending on a lot of factors. I’m going off memory, but when someone has an STI like chlamydia, then it makes it way more likely, but even then around 30%. If both parties have chlamydia, it’s even higher. The type of cell that HIV latches onto is more present when someone has an STI, so it kind of gives it easy access. It’s kind of like your genitals have their own immune system, and when they’re weakened or fighting off another infection (even something like yeast or BV) it can make them more susceptible. A very high viral load, like when someone is very recently infected, can increase the chances. That’s why most transmissions happen when someone doesn’t know that they have it. But in general, yes, the receptive partner is at more of a risk than the insertive partner. Since STIs can increase the chances of transmission so much, that’s why STIs testing is so important since it’s essentially HIV prevention as well.
Someone "undetectable" passing it on. This could be you and you know it, since you miss medication sometimes(as you admitted). You were already a victim of this. Dont put anyone else at risk no matter if they insist its ok. That other girl your ex is sleeping with probably dont know that you guys have done it unprotected. I hope you reflect on this and be mindful of the possible consequences of your actions.
IDK you sound like the next him sleeping around while "undetectable" while you also miss doses. Real sick
You may have better recourse reporting him straight to the state health department. Not necessarily direct civil action but the state health department usually has a lot of weight to throw around and can bypass typical channels. If there's a guy out there knowingly or unknowingly spreading HiV that's enough to make them shit their pants.
What symptoms led you to get checked, or was it part of a routine test?
I’m going through the notifications one by one, if your questions been answered then great! Regarding HIV, no confirmed symptoms (I can only assume) Dizzy spells, once I fainted for like a few seconds in the shower while getting ready to my 9-5 I was at for years Hair loss, 4/5 months before my diagnosis my hair rapidly started falling out My doctor tested my hormones, thyroid, and I had a uterus ultrasound not too long before. Everything was normal. She prescribed me prenatal pills and assumed I was stressed due to a promotion at work, and that I was lacking a bit in vitamins. Then months later a fwbs messaged me saying they tested positive for chlamydia and I should get checked. I did have a symptom for that (pain while peeing) so I had suspected he gave me something since I hadn’t felt like that in past with him. I went to get tested, it was already the month I get my annual screening so just got it done. Results came back positive and also showed “activity” in the HIV bar. My doc said that bc I tested positive for another std, hiv could be a false positive. She ordered all the hiv tests, and all came back positive. So within a year of meeting him, I was diagnosed with 150,000 copies.
Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry you went through this, but I am glad science has made possible for you live a better life. I hope you find much joy!
Life expectancy? How infectuous is having sex with a person who’s treated?
Generally speaking, with current medications, life expectancy is the same as if you were HIV negative. We can effectively stop the virus, with modern medicine, even though there is no "cure" yet. Several patients have been cured and reverted back to negative status after extensive radiation therapy and bone marrow transplant, while being on anti retroviral therapy, but the long story short is "we kind of don't know why, exactly, sort of do, (edit: see imminologist's response, below, I'm copping out and have too little faith in the general public as well as not being as educated as an MD level to explain) but not how to replicate this safely and effectively for everyone" and it isn't a plausible treatment for everyone - they were being treated for cancer, bone marrow is hard to procure. Undetectable means untransmittable. Its considered impossible to transmit, when you keep your viral load undetectable with medications. So, her partner was not undetectable at the time of transmission. Pre exposure prophylaxis is also considered 100% effective. Barrier protection is still recommended, but there are no reported cases of anyone ever being infected or seroconverting while using Prep daily as prescribed.
OP, do you know if your FWB and his ex GF are HIV positive to? Considering you all shared the same strand of chlamydia, which jump started your blood test.
Did he know he had it? In the majority of states, it's against the law to knowingly transmit HIV to an uninformed partner https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criminal_transmission_of_HIV_in_the_United_States#:~:text=The%20following%20states%20may%20currently,Missouri%2C%20Montana%2C%20Nevada%2C%20New
Not a question just a word of encouragement. HIV is now a manageable chronicle illness, not a death sentence and will not hold you back in life. It does not impact your life expectancy or quality of life as long as you take your medicine as prescribed. Once you go undetectable you can not infect anyone else, so think of it like it’s frozen inside you. Be strong and live your life to the fullest, don’t let a chronic illness hold you back.
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This is why hook up culture is dangerous. But what is odd to me trying to warn others of hookup culture is looked down upon. Everybody wants to be free and sleep with whoever they want to but nobody wants to talk about the consequences or warning others of what could happen. Anyway I'm sorry that you must now live with this. Do you find yourself wanting to spread awareness or warn others? Or do you mostly keep it to yourself and not voice your viewpoints within the current culture?
id call that attempted murder myself, regardless of advances in medicine
Im glad you’re doing better mentally and hope it’s nothing but good things in the future for you! To all others judging here are some facts: • you could have slept w ONE PERSON OR NO ONE, and still have HIV , just the same as one person sleeping w over 50+ could NOT have HIV or other STDs. STOP SHAMING. You sound ignorant. • if you’re on your medication, and are undetectable, YOU CANNOT TRANSMIT IT. depending on when you started and how long you’ve taken your medicine, it will take a lot more than one or two skipped days to become detectable again. ( not recommended but everyone is human snd shit happens 🤷🏽♀️) • there are 7 different types of HIV, and you can indeed get more than one, so use protection when you can out there. • there is so much stigma around HIV, why be mean to people when they already feel oftentimes hopeless, lost, scared, SHAMEFUL, and depressed. Seriously. Stfu. 😑 • black women are actually the highest risk for infection, but all people should get regularly checked every 3-6 months, (monthly if you engage in high risk behavior) • it can take a very long time for one to even be detected if infected depending on how high their white blood cell count is. (Roughly 3-6 months). •HIV DOES NOT DEFINE A PERSON! Just like any other chronic condition. It’s a part of them yes but humans are multifaceted and deserve love and respect, regardless or their status. •PEOPLE W HIV ARE NOT DIRTY. Yall stay educated and blessed. ✌🏽
Have you been intimate with someone since you got diagnosed? Do you want to be?
Not a question but just wanted to say my husband is positive and undetectable. We’ve met some incredible people through his diagnosis and he lives a really happy, positive (pun not intended life). Obviously there isn’t much I can say or advise that you won’t already know other than you’re absolutely smashing it and keep doing what you’re doing.
I love you for this, and for all your honest answers, everyone takes risks with their own lives and others, but taking risks in aspects of life other than sex are deemed socially acceptable. Covid showed how easily people can dismiss safe behaviours in order to exercise their own freedoms and agency. There are many people who never take a risk, i bet those people aren’t the ones with hateful opinions on this matter tho. ❤️❤️❤️
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Sorry you're going through this. As others have said, there is no reason you can't live a normal life, including HIV negative biological children, if you want any. The treatments available today are pretty unbelievable. Wrap it up folks, and ask questions of your partners.
Damn, so sorry to hear that. If it helps, I’m old enough to remember when HIV was a death sentence. And then Magic Johnson announced that he was HIV positive. And just a few months ago, 30 some years later, he joined the ranks of the world’s billionaires (and one of the better ones at that). Does that help at all?
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this…I do want to do a as PSA and say: PreP isn’t just for gay men! If you’re sexually active and not a religious condom user you can go on it. One pill a day prevents transmission of HIV to you. You have to get an STD test every 3 months to stay on it (which you should do anyway). If you have an unprotected sexual encounter and start PeP within 72 hours it will drastically reduce your chances of infection if the other person had HIV. Also, get tested, show your partner your results and see theirs before you think of going condomless. My question: how have you found the process of being on antivirals? Any side effects? FWIW I’m a type 1 diabetic. Most doctors would say they’d rather have HIV than diabetes. Sucks to have it for sure but it’s manageable and doesn’t have to ruin your life anymore.
a girl i dated did the same thing to me pretty much, except with herpes. didnt care to mention it even though she had been diagnosed since 12 and hd medication for it too. i had known her for around 4 years before we dated, and she ended up ghosting me after 3 years to be with a 80 year old sugar daddy. not the same necessarily, but I can probably relate on the feelings of anger/betrayal. Something easily avoidable, was permanent consequences, just completely disregarded for somebody’s moment of self indulgence. I could never imagine doing that to somebody and it sucks because I haven’t had the confidence to try to date anybody since then because most people don’t have herpes, at least not knowingly either if they do have it and the stigma terrible, as much as I wish people didn’t care like they do, I get it. Life has been very, very lonely since then. If you’re somebody who has a disease and you sleep with people without using protection and letting them know just because they didn’t directly ask you is extremely fucked up and you’re a piece of shit. not only did you take it upon yourself to disclose this with a partner it’s pretty insinuated that if you’re going to be having unprotected sex that you’re both STI free, as far as you know. honestly, I feel like if anybody, knowing these friends, any kind of disease like that just because they don’t care and are indifferent other peoples feelings and their lives, they should be sterilized, castrated, etc. no sympathy for you people.
Who am I to judge anyone but.. this wasn't the first rodeo "[bohoson97](https://www.reddit.com/user/bohoson97/)OP•[14h ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/1dxcx4i/comment/lc0soo2/) I didn’t really have any symptoms that I can specifically associate with HIV. I actually got diagnosed bc it was time for my annual check up (that I’ve been getting since I was 16, with the same clinic) and I happened to have gotten an std from the fwb (not my infector)"
Several promising new treatments for HIV have recently been developed and are currently available: 1. **Lenacapavir**: This twice-yearly injectable medication has shown remarkable efficacy in both treatment and prevention of HIV. In a recent trial, it demonstrated 100% efficacy in preventing HIV infections among cisgender women. It works by targeting the capsid of the virus, which is crucial for HIV's ability to replicate and infect cells. Lenacapavir is particularly beneficial for individuals who struggle with adherence to daily medication regimens [[❞]](https://www.gilead.com/news-and-press/press-room/press-releases/2024/6/gileads-twiceyearly-lenacapavir-demonstrated-100-efficacy-and-superiority-to-daily-truvada-for-hiv-prevention) [[❞]](https://medicalxpress.com/news/2023-09-fda-treatment-multi-drug-resistant-hiv.html). 2. **Islatravir and Lenacapavir Combination**: This once-weekly oral regimen has shown promising results in early trials. The combination was found to be both efficacious and well-tolerated, maintaining viral suppression in most participants. This regimen provides an alternative for those who find daily pills challenging and could become the first weekly oral treatment for HIV [[❞]](https://www.aidsmap.com/news/mar-2024/islatravir-plus-lenacapavir-could-be-first-once-weekly-oral-hiv-treatment). 3. **Long-acting Injectable ART**: Studies have highlighted the benefits of long-acting injectable antiretroviral therapies, such as cabotegravir and rilpivirine. These treatments have been effective in maintaining viral suppression in individuals who face barriers to daily pill-taking. This method has shown superior viral suppression rates compared to daily oral ART [[❞]](https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/long-acting-hiv-treatment-benefits-adults-barriers-daily-pill-taking-adolescents-suppressed-hiv). These advancements represent significant steps forward in both the management and potential prevention of HIV, offering new hope and options for those affected by the virus. For more detailed information, you can explore the sources from [ScienceDaily](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2024/03/240326124555.htm), [Gilead Sciences](https://www.gilead.com/news-and-press/press-room/press-releases/2024/6/gilead-announces-phase-3-purpose-1-trial-results), and [National Institutes of Health](https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/long-acting-hiv-treatment-benefits-adults-barriers-daily-pill-taking-adolescents-suppressed-hiv).
It might be traumatic to watch, but have you ever seen the movie Kids? It's about a girl in your situation. The movie has a lot of trash but I think the main girl is such a strong and sympathetic character. There's a scene where a taxi driver tells her about appreciating the beauty of every day and I always found it really touching. Even if you don't wanna watch it(it is loaded with triggers) I would recommend watching that scene on YouTube. Hope you are having a good week and enjoyed the holiday.
Not as much of a question but a statement. I am sorry this happened to you especially after reading your comment history. Its disgusting and criminal that someone would spread this to you. More so that he didn't end up in jail for destroying your life. I have not ever had very many sexual partners but I still got myself fully screened between them. Its not acceptable that people like this are able to mingle with the general public and spread their diseases.
Okay, this might be mean, possibly illegal depending on the state you live but I remember there being “exposing” pages on Facebook about exposing people in your local area. Could exposing him online be a choice? After all, he could still be out here having sex with other women and knowingly infecting them.
As a man in the LGBT community HIV is talked about often and has been more “normalized” especially when talking about being undetectable and maintaining undetectable status. The conversation around PrEP (pre-exposure profilaxis) is very prevalent. There are of course still stigmas, misinformation, and prejudice unfortunately. I feel like HIV isn’t talked about much in the heterosexual community. How has your experience been as a heterosexual woman with HIV? How was your support system when you were first diagnosed? I hope you are well and wish you the best!
So sorry for what happened. It could have happened to anyone. All you can do is the best possible for yourself. So, do so. Best wishes
I work at an independent ER. Some people even think we’re an urgent care when we’re not but we get plenty of people coming in to get STDs and HIV checks. Majority of them are young women. Second highest is young men. It can happen to you. If you’re gonna fool around—especially with more than one partner or with someone you hardly yet know—use protection and better yet try and get some paperwork saying they’re clean. Most of this stuff is lifelong even if there’s new meds for it each year. It’s still going to affect you.
Op. This isn't for you, although I thank you for being frank and honest. I hope this has given you what you need ♡♡ But Y'ALL. I work around TONS of people, attractive, successful, young, wealthy, or otherwise, and a MAJORITY do NOT use condoms. The ones MOST ON TOP OF THEIR GAME are military personnel who get tested 1x/year. Trust no one until you see two tests at least 6 months apart. Be safe. Check out Japanese condoms. Have the bestest sex of your life while making sure you stay healthy.
As someone who worked in HIV research for over 20 years, take your meds and listen to your doctor. It is not what it use to be. Be safe.
I noticed a comment where you said your life expectancy is around 50 but my step grandma got it decades ago and is in her 60s living a comfortable and happy life with her new partner(my grandfather passed away a few years ago sadly) but please don’t let the hiv discourage you or make you feel like all those things aren’t still possible!
34F born with HIV. You will be fine! I have had some health issues but unrelated to HIV, and am otherwise totally healthy. I’ve had multiple long term, loving relationships with men I’ve told, who have actually become comfortable with sex without condoms (PrEP is huge, but they’ve also been reassured by U=U) and it’s basically a non-issue in my relationships. I’m on cabenuva, so 2 shots every two months, and I barely even think about my HIV anymore, except for my every 6 months checkups. Honestly, the biggest issue is the stigma surrounding it. But I’ve even met at least one guy for a 5-day hookup who I told literally 3 days after meeting and he still wanted to hook up (with condoms of course). So the stigma is slowly shifting.
Hey OP, This might be too late but I was wondering what kind of supports do younger PLHIV need? I imagine much of the focus has historically been on gay men, some of who would be older now.
What did he say when you confronted him?
If you want to DM me his name I'll take care of him.
What does the future holds for u? Tell me about the medicines please. I sincerely hope and pray that u get healed and live a long life.
Why oh why did you come on here to subject yourself to the ill informed opinions of the masses about such a personal thing? I hope you’re looking after yourself and slowly destigmatising it. You’re normal, you just have to take drugs for your immune system.
First, thank you for sharing this. being open about “taboo” topics is super important in my opinion and I respect you for sharing your experience even though that was a really shitty thing to go through (and I truly hope karma beats the shit out of him 🙃) Second, I’m sorry since I don’t know if this was answered and there’s a loooooot to go through (I tried to find it) but do you disclose to all of your partners or since you’re undetectable do you usually not say anything? And how do people typically respond it if you do tell them?
What's your quality of life like? What's the prognosis these days? I've heard anecdotally it's much more treatable than even a decade ago. Hope you're hanging on there man, sorry life's dealt you that hand. And thanks for talking to us all about it, it always helps us understand someone else's experience to hear this stuff. Best wishes 👍
Fuck the state of California for allowing this shit to happen and for the dude to face zero fucking consequences.
Did the guy know he had it when he gave it to you?? What does this diagnosis mean for the rest of your life?
No questions. Just hope you’re doing okay mentally. I work at an hiv pharmacy that has locations all around the US! Great care and support. HIV is wildly misunderstood and I’m sure you’re living a very full wonderful life regardless
Since you’re undetectable do you technically not really need to tell people? I mean I understand as a courtesy but is it like 100% impossible for you to pass it on to someone else? At that point you may as well not have it. Or am I misunderstanding.
It’s cool long as your undetectable you can have sex without worrying about passing it to anyone, but be wary people are very ignorant. Dating to find a serious relationship can be a hassle.
OP you’re doing yourself and the world a disservice. Even though your viral load is undetectable you still need to be responsible and have safe sex. Even if it means the other person don’t want to use protection…you should. People are willingly give each other STDs and it’s pretty disgusting. I’m a healthcare professional and we came a long way with HIV and other STDs treatments. We should thank our scientists who dedicated their careers to a save lives and here we are in 2024 pretty much dont give a shit whether we get HIv and or give to someone else. Unfortunately we live in a sad sad world. You should take this as a blessing that it is not a death sentence anymore and take this opportunity to educate people about HIV and practicing safe sex. It is not just about you anymore. I thought this AMA is about lessons learned from her experience but truthfully it is about bragging that she has the disease and yet still have not learned anything whatsoever. Truly sad.
This is so messy… another STD from a fuck buddy and HIV from some bloke in a trailer? Why are you doing an AMA, your life is a mess.
I'm sorry you've gone through that. Hope and prayers to you for continued health and healing.
I don't have a question, only prayers. I lost a niece to AIDS a year ago.
I haven’t read all the comments yet so apologies if you’ve already responded. What stigma or discrimination have you experienced (if any), and who do you disclose your status to? It takes courage to make such a public statement regarding this stuff, and this internet stranger is proud of you for putting such a hard topic on display like this and educating others selflessly!
I’m a little late to the party but I just want to say that I hope you’re doing well and I hope you can find peace and happiness. You seem like a very strong-willed person so I’m sure you’ll do just fine ☺️
Not a question—just a comment. My partner told me on our second date that he was positive (before we ever hooked up) and initially I was really scared (because of lack of knowledge). As I learned more, I decided it really wasn’t a big deal. He’s undetectable and we’ve been together 6 years. Initially I wore a condom to make both of us feel more comfortable, but now I’ve learned about undetectable=untrabnsmittable, and we no longer use condoms. It seems like nothing more thanjust a minor inconvenience of taking a single pill each day at this point. (And I have to take a pill every day for my reflux… so equally just slightly annoying). After living with a partner with HIV, I’d 100% take it over many other conditions.
I don’t have a question, but rather that I’m sorry that you were victimized by a true sexual predator, my Godmother was infected by her own husband who was cheating on her, then that fucking fucker had the audacity to shame her on the neighborhood by falsely accusing her of being the infected. Soon after they both died and left behind 3 young children that had to be spread around the family b/c nobody could take care of them 3 together. BTW you should put that predator on blast online to prevent others from being infected…and last but not least if I were your father I would have killed his parents and everyone close to him on Christmas season.
You deserve the best in life. You deserve your diploma and future career and the beautiful home and family you build. You are more valuable and wonderful today than you have ever been. You deserve to be happy in your body and free with your mind. You did not deserve HIV and it's not your fault. Medicine and science have come so far with HIV and by the sounds of it your medicine is working. I'm sending you love and light and hope. You're going to have an incredible rest of your long life. This does not define you and it will not be how you are remembered. You are beautiful and deserve love. Please update us in along the way. Many of us are rooting for you and believe in you. Thanks for this post and thank you for still being here and not letting depression win.
Wise up. You’ve had Chlamydia, you’re HIV positive, having unprotected sex, and you’re not on birth control. Stop being so impulsive, haven’t you earned enough consequences?
How long from the projected sexual encounter that gave you HIV did it take for HIV to show up on your tests? Also, speaking from complete ignorance here, what exactly does taking Medicine for HIV exactly do? I ask as I’m curious, if taken correctly does it reach a point where you are u able to give other people HIV? Also wishing you the best mentally and physically !
Hives isn't the scare it used to be, go to the health department and get on the medications to suppress and make it undetectable. If you stay undetectable it's rare to transmit the virus but not impossible mostly due to people not taking thier meds like they are supposed to. They also have meds like prep to make sure your partner doesn't get infected. Don't stress it was a. Awful thing that guy did to you and we all feel for you, just remember it isn't 20 years ago when his was a death sentence, it's a manageable disease. Dm me if you need any more info - registered nurse who worked with how patients.
How is dating for you? I’m a HIV positive Bi man. I have been with only guys because HIV is more common in the gay community. Plus they are more knowledgeable. There are a lot of discordant couples. I would like to date a girl because I’m more romantically attracted to women.
HIV scares me the most... I had a scare 1 time with a different kind of STD but with how everything turned out, many people say that just because you know\think you know who gave ya an STD doesn't mean they even knew they were infected with it... especially if you had a conversation with the other person already & they didnt mention an STD!! There is also so many things to factor in... Like some STDs\symptoms don't even show up for 6months to 1year later or some people will have an STD but never experience symptoms & they never know they have it & some dont get checked regularly.
In my state it is a felony to knowingly expose someone to HIV without informed consent. I just read that back in 2017 California downgraded this a misdemeanor and the accused must know they were infected, their actions must pose significant risk, and that they intended to transmit the disease. The first two are easy to prove, but how would you ever prove that the accused intended to transmit the disease? My guess is this is rarely ever prosecuted because the burden of proving that there was intent to infect is so high. Wow California is so fucked. So sorry this happened to you OP.
I was a bailiff on a case in the Army where a guy was charged with cheating on his wife and having sex with over 22 women knowing he was HIV positive. Not one of them contracted it. Apparently it is very difficult to transmit through vaginal sex. This is why they used to call it the “gay disease”, because it is mostly contracted through anal sex. Sorry to hear you contracted it, luckily this isn’t the 80’s and they have good treatments for it these days.
My understanding is that meds now can take ur levels to 0 and it is not transmittable at that point. Is that true?
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m very sorry that happened to you.
Have there been any blessings or good things that have happened to you because of your diagnosis? We often hear so much negativity around medical diagnoses, it would be nice to focus on the positive sometimes.
Did you get STD tested during each relationship you've had and/or hook up? No judgement here just curious 🙏 I went through a manic episode once and slept with people from Tinder until I eventually caught something. It was a rude awakening so from there, I went abstinent until I met my long term partner. I got tested multiple times throughout our relationship even though Ive only had sex with him and him with me.
Read a bunch of your comments and the common theme is you love sex. Not just love sex but you love to fuck. Raw. You love bareback sex because you’ve stated you have a bunch of unprotected sex with different people. I’m not shaming either. I’m honestly impressed with how open you are about it. I wish more women were like this. Bare sex just feels good huh? Get that shit, especially now. Live it up and be healthy.
Since you’re undetectable, how would getting pregnant look for you? Do you pose a risk of passing it to a child? Are you able to have unprotected sex to get pregnant without giving it to your partner?
I'm so so sorry for you. He should be tortured for decades. With today's medical advances, you have great chances, and I wouldn't consider you damaged goods. I would date and marry a woman I loved with similar problems. Just keep your head up, and the best of luck to you.
I'm 27 and have only had sex maybe 2 dozen times in my life every one of those had been with condoms. What happened to you is a fear of mine. I trust nobody. Nowadays nobody has morals and like you experienced he had zero morals. In my state you could've sued him and he would've been charged with a F2 felony which I believe carries 8+ years. The good news at least we live in an age where they've had 30+ years to perfect medicine on HIV. I feel bad for you.
When meeting a new guy, how soon do u tell him that u have HIV ?
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How long until symptoms occurred?
Imma be straight up honest. HIV is my number one irrational fear. I know a lot abt it and even my friends are on prep since i’m in the kink scene. At first this post gave me really really bad anxiety. Tho reading through it has helped a little
I don't have any questions but I will say thank you for posting this and being so open! Posts like this help educate and destigmatize.
As a medical professional, the most reassuring statistic for you is that your life expectancy is the same as a non HIV person as long as you are taking treatment.
Just curious if you where a man with HIV would you get further information and support. Women seem so stereotyped still to this day. It's a double standard. And I hope your doing well physically and mentally.
If you're living in America or Canada, look for a Pharmaceutical Company called Merck. If outside of those mentioned country, look for MSD. Same company with two different names. They have develop a medcine for HIV. Especially for women. It is not a cure but it is for those who have been infected or tested positive for HIV. There is non for men. Call them and they will request you for some details of being positive with their company doctors and they will prescribe you for your treatment. I wish you well and safe.
Why don’t you unveil the infector? He ruined your life seemingly knowingly all along the risk he posed to his sexual partner(s). If you are uncomfortable disclosing him, share some markers about him, age, occupation and other identifiers. This is a service to the community!
What were your initial symptoms, and did they get progressively worse. What was the timeline for them?
Did you tell your infector once you tested positive? What was his reaction?
From reading all the comments my takeaway is that HIV isn’t really the modern issue it once was, so what has changed in your daily/weekly/monthly life ever since your diagnosis?
Given advancements in medicine, have any promising possibilities been revealed to you by your physician or any specialist? Maybe ongoing clinical trials for new drugs or recent approvals for medicine to help?
What symptoms did it cause you initially and what symptoms does it cause with you taking medication for it to keep it under control? Is HIV controllable now and able to let the person infected with it live a normal life if one takes medication for it?
Vaginal sex is low. Like 3/4 of hiv are caused by men who have sex with men. Circumcision also helps men from getting it not lowering transmission to their partners. Men are at higher risk because they tend to engage in more risky activity se acts and drug use. Gay men are at higher risk because the ass is more receptive to the virus and also in sharing the various with the penis. Vagina is wayyyy safer
I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sure there are a lot of people who fall victim to people claiming: "The only thing I've done is use a public restroom! I must have gotten it from the toilet seat!" If he knowingly had it, dude is scum. Any VD knowingly given to another makes you scummy. IMO since sex requires consent, then hiding something that could cause consent to not be given....is a violation.
I will take this a complete different route. There is a company out there called cytodyn and they have a drug Leronlimab. They feel they have a shot at curing HIV. Look into this as your future may be brighter than you think! I wish you the best. The cure is still a while off, but it is coming.
Do you disclose your status to potential partners now and what are their reactions?
Not really a question but I work in clinical trial’s advancing treatment for PLWH and we are now starting a bunch of cure trials. It’s not the death sentence it used to be and hopefully someday sooner than later there will be a cure for you.
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Im not a lawyer. But since bodily harm has been done through negigence or willful neglect to you. You need to file in the correct venue. A civil case is not possible. The venue in which by which you can call for redress is admiralty.
You wouldn't think that it would have a statue of limitations. I mean it is a death sentence for a lot of people. Do you know that he knew he had it when he gave it to you? Because if he did than yeah absolutely he should be jailed for attempted murder or even murder . I thought every state had this rule.
How do you feel about Cali making what that peace of scum did a misdemeanor so he faces no consequences?
HIV is not a big deal anymore. Fun fact: most medical professionals would rather have HIV than diabetes. Diabetes destroys everything from your dental health to amputation of limbs. HIV can be properly managed and with prep and other drugs is literally about as close to a not a big deal as HIV can be. Ask any dr or nurse you know; almost all would rather have HIV than diabetes. That’s how far it’s come from the hysteria of people with HIV in public pools.
I hope you can get the medication you need. HIV is not the death sentence once feared. My brother has lived with HIV since the early 80’s and is living a full life.
Sorry this happened to you. Life is not fair. That said, this post alone will likely save at least a handful of ppl from taking a risk that ends with them contracting HIV. Insane to have that large of an impact on the lives of random strangers. Kudos to you. It was not for nothing.
sorry if answered elsewhere, but did u confront him? or pursue public shaming in some way given that it's been difficult to do anything legal wise against him?
If I get this right….you are a student, employed part time, HIV positive, has and continues to have multiple FWBs… no long term partner just a series of lays, and you want to have a child now and don’t really care who knocks you up ???!!! Am I hearing this right ??? God help that child
Either she’s lying about not being so depressed, angry and lonely or lying about the whole thing. These are all signs of someone who isn’t happy, who doesn’t self love/approve and wants to be loved and accepted by others.
My mom die from HIV in 2004. Med were expensive back then and she also refused to take them. You should remain positive and live life responsibility, seeking to advise and help others through your own experiences could help you to stayed positive and motivated.
Are you able to afford antivirals to be undetectable and get treatment? If so, how has your experience been?
So do you need to take a lot of medicines? I hope it's not to expansive! Damn. But i heard it's not life threatening anymore at all. Which has this horrible side effect of people worry less about it , isn't that right?
Well, what are your plans going forward in terms of finding a partner?
not rly a q but im 28 with chronic hpv and wanted to say i know its not the same deal but im proud of you for sticking through everything and im glad youre here. take care of yourself
What exactly does that mean these days ? Isn't it easily controlled with medication ? Are there any symptoms or anything ? is there really any risk of it turning into AIDS ?
Did you get it from using needles? I only ask because I’m an alcoholic and drug addict myself. I never used needles, and I have been recovered for a while now. My sobriety date is 07/24/2023.
Reading OP’s comments about having and continuing to have unprotected sex makes me think one thing: “fuck around and find out”. Wrap it up people
Otherwise titled "I make stupid decisions and want to tell you all about it!"
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I mean my life expectancy is at least 50 years, and there have been 5 people cured. While I don’t expect to be cured in my lifetime, I feel I’ll pretty much live a “normal” life. I mean, who’s to say either one of us isn’t killed today on our way to wherever we need to go, you know? I already outlived one of my roomates, she was athletic & had a bachelors in dance…. yet died two months ago bc her lungs randomly gave out. I just take it one day at a time like the rest of the world
Have you had unprotected sex after your diagnosis and do you ever plan to.
You were born at the right time. Take care of your health and take your meds. A cure is coming soon. Also, get counseling. One of my friends took a bad turn when he was diagnosed. (He is doing great 15 years later and has had partners).
If prep discussed by doctors with their heterosexual patients? Or is the medication just known within the gay communities?
Girl I’m happy you are living your life. I am a bitch and would dedicate my life to harassing him for what he did to me. There would be no end.
There should honestly be legislation that you have a duty to inform sexual partners of STDs
I’m so sorry that this has happened to you. I don’t have questions, I just hope that you can access enough health care to help you live your best life with this condition.
This is why you don’t sleep around ever. I honestly don’t feel that bad for you. However I do wish the best for you. Consequences to our actions suck sometimes. Stay strong
Does it feel weird having a disease that killed so many people, but you will live a long a fruitful life with because of the advancement in treatment?
Sorry if it’s been asked but did the person who gave it to you know they had it? It’s illegal if they knew, and didn’t disclose that to you I believe, charges could be pressed.
As a brother with a younger sister, I might end up in prison for what I would do to the guy that did that to my sister. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Probably a pretty decent to mention PrEP and PEP.[https://www.rstreet.org/research/hiv-pre-exposure-prophylaxis-prep-and-post-exposure-prophylaxis-pep-basics/](https://www.rstreet.org/research/hiv-pre-exposure-prophylaxis-prep-and-post-exposure-prophylaxis-pep-basics/)
Maybe your medical insurance can go after his insurance for reimbursement? I mean, they would if it was a car wreck or household accident on his/his parents’ property.
So if you have HIV and are taking medication so that it’s undetectable…. Can it still be transmitted to a partner if having sex without condoms ?
I honestly don't know how anyone this young gets HIV. I get somebody in the '80s or '90s when nobody knew better and it took a long time to develop.
Its wild to me I work with CSEC and the times my clients show me there inbox and men aggressively stating they pay more for bare with the rise of HIV is our younger cis het tells me this is gonna get bad again.
Do you feel betrayed by the state of California and their politicians making it so your infector isn’t legally liable for infecting you? In my state it is a felony to not disclose being HIV positive to a sexual partner
But can't you live a normal life? Dont the drugs today basically make it so it's basically impossible to detect, or to spread?
This….breaks me. Did the person knowingly spread it to you ? Or just a bad accident ?
How r u , did you take your medicine today? These are the questions should be asked
Is it actively killing you? Do you need medication now to live? Is your medication covered?
One of my best friend was diag with hiv, have now the second child on the way :) no question but wish you the best :)
What are the treatments now? Back when Magic got it in 1991, it was taking AZT every 4 hours for life.
So sorry this happened to you, I hope you have found peace and moved on emotionally. I know letting go can be hard but it's essential for your happiness, you deserve that.