It doesn't even have to be malicious. At a previous place I worked the boss became really good friends with one of the staff. Then they took a joint family vacation together and it went very badly. The tension between the 2 after that made work unbearable at times. Neither of them set out to undermine the other. But once they haaaated each other they lost the ability to work well on a team.
Yea but the people I like that tell me this and I trust them I care for them in some way so I wouldn’t do this and I feel like that’s where I have a line. So like I have to sense first who they are and even then that’s a very dicey line to cross. I already messed that up for example by divulging too much about my private life to this one girl from work and yet her responses to me after the fact were kind of heavily weighed in judgement. So I knew from then on out she was sus especially when she started hanging out with and talking a lot with the people in my cohort that never talked to me. lol I’ve never talked to them either but they all made friends as a clique so it was really weird having this in your own office. People act like they can only hangout with certain people. And I finally get it. It’s because I also can’t trust anyone and I can’t divulge everything to people I work with because they’re people that I do not know and cannot trust right away. In the past I’ve had experiences at work where I’ve over shared and it cost me also. People treat you different and think they’re owed access to information about your private life even though they’re not and it can get really invasive and may even lead to harassment or worse you’re going to get mad like I did and then fuck up relationships at work.
At work I consider myself friends with everyone and friends with no one simultaneously.
I’m friendly and polite and will most likely do you a favour if you ask. But I’m not going to be sparing most of you a second thought as soon as I clock out.
Exactly. I keep things at a shallow level in terms of.... oh hey yeah I'm doing this fun thing this weekend. But I won't share things that are personal or that they could use against me.
100% this. Don't date where you work either. I've lived by the advice of -- don't sh*t where you sleep.
Seek to make friends through a hobby where your livelihood isn't threatened should something go sideways. You're also able to be yourself without fear of reprisal in a relationship based on mutual interests.
*Edited for grammar.
Agree completely. I also believe if there is a friendship there, it will rise to the surface organically (we’re around each other maybe 8 hours a day after all) so it doesn’t need to be forced. If there’s nothing there, so be it. It’s only work
Whatever you say to a coworker (subordinate or superior), can be used against you, even as a joke during off-hours.
The whole "company is your family" drivel = hunting grounds for ruthless ladder climbers, who will use any little thing you say to step on your face on the way up.
I had a coworker who kept a notebook with ALL this kind of information. When she would get into trouble she’d pull open her book and bam 💥
I got burned by her and it was a painful lesson.
This is so utterly common, it’s a habit solidified in youth. Think of when a child gets into trouble, they try to shift focus to something that’s not themselves. I see it all as immaturity and tattling, unless someone is harming someone (child or woman) or really putting others in danger, keep your fuckin mouth shut.
This is the simplest form of selfish preservation imo. We are all in this together. For anyone who tattles, just think if we all had each other’s backs as fellow employees/humans. Although that would be anti productive for anyone in power. We are busy fighting each other constantly so we don’t question any other authority, psychology 101. You can see this ideology in so many different facets of this life. It’s a shame really
Sorry for the rant. This aspect of shitty humaning really grinds my gears
My old manager and old IT director in my interview talked about how the company was like a family.
The director was fired within 1 month after 10 years at the company, my manager was fired 5 months later after 5 years with the company 🤷♂️
I'm not that type of person, but I realized other people are. I am a very open and trusting person naturally, and I would rather just maintain civil boundaries than have to try to police myself more detailed with work "friends"
Aka it's easier to just not trust them as friends than try to compartmentalize when they're your friends and when you need to be cautious
Same either. I got severely screwed over in a recent job trying to make friends. It was awful. They lied about me, told all my business, and spread horrible rumors about me. I know better now. Never making friends at work again.
Absolutely this. I've had too many people I thought I could trust stab me in the back when things didn't go their way. I have no problem being a congenial coworker, but I don't trust anyone at work and have no desire to be friends with any of these people.
Never understood this. I’ve always managed to get ahead by being generally likeable, team oriented, and the sort of person people enjoy being around.
I’m sure it’s different in like, sales jobs or big corporate jobs, but in your average company people tend to go to bat for the people who make the work day more enjoyable, and don’t want to reward the ones who make their days miserable
Yeah, I just try to be a friendly person at work and it’s always served me well. I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever had a boss or teacher that I didn’t get along with, and I’ve worked at some really shitty places like Walmart and Amazon. It pays off when people like you at work
Having worked with many types of teams from minimum wage to higher paying jobs, I can tell you people generally make friends at higher levels too, if they can get something out of them, if they party together, play a sport together or are banging.
Most people will just be nice and polite but not go into too many personal things, because some people are assholes who will use things against you or to make themselves look better. Others can get offended easily or whatever even if you're joking with someone else so you generally have to keep it very professional and surface level at work.
The other thing is the older you get and the higher up you get, the more you tend to work with older people who've already had friends for decades, they're not looking for more because they already have their family, hobbies and friend groups. When you work low level crappy jobs where people come and go every month you can make friends and relationships a lot easier because a larger percentage of people don't care about the job.
All my work friends are from more entry level jobs 10-15 years ago.
And in some ways, that’s not wrong. It’s not anyone’s job to baby other people or tend to their wounds. We’re all trying to make money, some are trying to advance, and that is just survival.
I am friendly with many people at work. I was recently promoted into a position that likely a few people wanted. I didn’t even apply to it, just worked hard and corrected some dumb behavior/worked to act like a leader, and they came to me for it.
Someone I am friendly with that very much has and wanted that position, and likely even applied, asked me a few weeks ago if I applied for the job. I told her I’d need to talk to her at a later time about it and haven’t gotten in touch since.
She has done nothing but bitch and moan and throw fits when not being promoted. Every time I wasn’t promoted it sucked, but I NEVER became unprofessional.
I feel bad internally for not talking to her about it, but I won’t talk shit or about the process of me getting that job. Maybe she’ll tell people I talked.
Work is survival.
Every type of job I’ve worked in had backstabbing and betrayal happening. I worked in retail, at a college, for the Apple Store, and at a country club/resort. Post college I’ve worked in law at law firms and a non profit. Every job I’ve ever had has had things like this happening at it. It’s pretty typical behavior in competitive environments.
I think people understand that at the end of the day they are working to play or working to pay the bills. If things go sideways at work there is not one person at work who is going to pay your bills. Add to this that some people like to watch the world burn, others love kaos, some love to hate, etc. Many will gladly throw you under the bus to save themselves even when/if they don't need to.
I work to pay my bills, I am friendly and helpful at work but work is not my life. It is not my job to be your social life just because I am a captive audience. My personal life is not your business and you don't get to be snippy because I politely let you know this. I have friends, family, and a life separate from work.
Yes this! I'm the same way. I've always enjoyed working and having a strong work ethic. So I'd also move to a leadership or management position pretty quickly at my jobs. And that always makes things weird. I mean try sitting down and telling your friend they suck at their job and have to get their shit together...it's awkward. Also I don't think a lot of people realize work friends are a thing. Just like school friends were. Once you leave that place you'll never talk to them again lol
Yeah. I agree. Some people seem to think work is part of your social life. I've never understood that. It's an entirely different social structure; certainly not based around friendship.
Occasionally you meet someone at work who becomes a close mate, but it's certainly not the norm in my view.
I worked at a place once where all the “entry level” people (mostly single, mid 20s so prime “seeking friends age”) hung out a ton, so anyone new to the job was basically let into the social group too.
its where I met a lot of my current close friends, and what’s been so fun is that we all have really grown up together, helped each other get better jobs, maintained friendships as “the work crew” even though barely anyone still works there.
but that environment is pretty atypical
I’ve learned some deep lessons that are hard to explain. But, people at work are fake. And, they will stab you in the back. People IRL also will do that. But, work stuff can have dramatic effects.
Let’s say you make friends with someone on your team. You’re both young and single. You head out to bars, drink a lot, and all that. Over the years, you kind of fade. But, they remember and maybe they move up. Then, when you’re recommend for projects or promotions, they’re like, nah, he’s not reliable and is an alcoholic. You won’t even know this is happening.
Just one example of many.
My dad told me the workplace is even worse than school. I said no way, school I was bullied etc.
I started work at 18 and I encountered bullying AND racism from my boss 🤣 couldnt make that shit up.
I told my dad in a chat and he said.. yeah.. I had years of that then went quiet.
Basically, anyone who wants to come at me in a work context can fuck off, it's time to note all that shit and come at it like a lawyer.
Doesnt happen now, I work with professionals.
"Friendly" as in "socially cordial, polite, cooperative in furtherance of your work responsibilities." Not as in "you're my bestest friend EVER, let's go to your house and listen to records and play Barbies".
I think that's really surface level shit that's perfectly normal. Oh you took your kids to swim class, you're a soccer mom, you're going golfing? No one gives a crop but it's just small talk to be nice. That's nothing really personal or unusual.
Making friends with people at work may make you too attached to your company, and in so it will be harder to leave a bad work environment and to pursue better opportunities. Therefore, I think it's for the best to keep work life and personal life separated.
This is where I'm at. I teach at a school with a toxic adult culture. My department is made up of twentysomethings who gossip about staff and students. You feel good at first, like you're in the in-group, but you quickly realize they are talking about everyone, so they likely talk about you when you're not there.
There also seems like a level of codependency, where they are such close friends so as to be able to weather how screwed up our admin is. I've withdrawn from my department socially and will be looking at other schools next year. I know education is all messed up but I've worked in a better school with a better culture. (Had to move for my wife's job or I'd still be there.)
That is true, took me a lot to move on from a job because of the team who became my friends. I was severely underpaid and I think management knew how close we were and played with that.
BUT i dont regret anything. Cause 7 years after quitting and moving on the other side of the planet, those coworkers are still my friends with whom I go out when I am back in my old city. One of them is literally still my best friend despite seeing her only once a year.
So yeah be careful but it can be worth it
I work for money, period. Just because we both work the same job, doesn’t connect us in any other ways. Keeping an arms length keeps me from being part of workplace dramas and anyone that has issue with that, I wouldn’t want to be their “friend” anyhow.
I currently work a job, that once my training is over, I won’t have to see a single co-worker, and I cannot be happier!!!
My god, I’m jealous of you. I am definitely the “standoffish” one in my office. I have my family and friends for connection, work is just work. I’d love a job where I don’t see anyone except for maybe the occasional Zoom meeting.
Oh, I’m going to be attached to these people via teams chat after training, which is fine. They invited me to a sub-chat where they piss, moan and carry on about their lives with a lot of stupid gifs and emojis. I immediately muted it as I don’t care what they are upto, I’ll just need assistance via the main work teams when the time comes.
I get traveling is lonely and difficult, but many of my co-workers are “try-hards”, braggadocios about their skill set while looking and acting absolutely unprofessional with customers and most thus far are quite passive aggressive. I can do without the shit talking about people I have yet to meet, “warning” me about them. I’m adult, I can figure these things out.
I already have a reputation as being “cold”, IDGAF, as the only person I care about is my manager and this far there’s been no issues with them.
The fun part of my job, at max 2 weeks with one customer installing stuff and off to the next job site!
People come and go, jobs change, roles change. Allegiances also change depending on the person and what's happening in their lives.
You can make friends. I have maybe one or two from a job I recently left after 5 years. One I speak to sometimes, the other more often. Loads of others I spent even more time with in my role, I don't speak to at all.
Ultimately, you got to look out for number 1. Everyone else does.
It's easy to be betrayed at work. People who you think are your friends can easily throw you under the bus, in hopes that you will lose your job and they can take your spot. Additionally, people above you can feel threatened by your abilities and competency, and will sabotage you to protect their own livelihood.
Never shit on your own front lawn...
Colleagues are not friends. You say something at a barbeque, and monday you get fired because of what you said in confidence.
Because I wouldn't be spending time or being friendly towards you if I weren't being paid to be your teammate.
Being friendly in a professional environment doesn't mean we're friends or that I even enjoy interacting with you, all it means is I'm taking the path of least resistance in this corporate hell so we can both continue to get paid.
As far as I've seen here it's usually people that had a bad experience related to this in the past. I've been lucky enough to not have had any issues or not give a shit about them. My best friend is a past coworker. So are most of my friends. Don't see any issue with it.
I think being a past coworker is different than current. I mean I could see becoming good friends, and leaving the company and then becoming best. It's just you never know if your work bestie will get in trouble and then they need you to defend them and then you have to choose them or the job, and yeah it sucks to say this. But we all need jobs to live, so.
I've been downsized 3 times, quit twice and fired once. I am friendly, cordial, even helpful at work but I have a work persona. I keep my laughter and mirth to a minimum and save it all for Taco Tuesday at the Elks club. I like to keep work and my personal life separate.
People gossip. People who do the same repetitive tasks thrive for change/stimulation. So they create it, at the expense/drama of others.
Started a new position last October. I met a person that worked for the company 20 years. We kinda clicked and even ate lunch together. This coworker was having a group conversation about pay increases. Two or three were sharing their history and experiences. One random coworker asked me and I told them I've haven't had positive experiences. In short, I quit to get my raise, left a company then they called me back months later, wouldn't recommend.
The next morning I was pulled aside by HR. They asked very direct but danced around trying to get me to chat about increases and threatening to quit. I seen right thru the stupidity and played dumb. I went to start work and there was the coworker waiting. So odd that they asked how the conversation with HR went. I haven't said a word to this coworker since that day.
This is a 20 year vet and befriending was not on their mind.
Because if they go bad - as they often do - you’re stuck in an office with someone who hates your guts.
Can I also say, as an autistic person who has been shat on for her entire life for “not making friends easily,” it’s hilarious (read: enraging) that nonautistics seem to speak out of both sides of their mouth about this kind of thing? “Reach out and be outgoing” too often turns into “you’re not the _exact_ kind of outgoing I wanted, so I’ve decided you’re weird and will bully you like we’re 10th graders.” Y’all need to make up your minds, lol.
Yup! Couldn´t agree more; I´ve always been shat on for "not being sociable enough" and "not making friends easily"; having a pretty much normal, sociable brother I was always being compared to didn´t help matters either.
Had avoided office jobs (As in, worked freelance my whole working life) until now, and only because the money was too good to pass up, for precisely the same reasons you´re mentioning; I couldn´t care less, but I do know a certain perception of normalcy is needed to survive in this kind of environment.
So I try to ask people how they´re doing, how the week is going and tried to join in some conversations, even though I´d rather walk on glass barefoot.
¿Why do I say tried? Because the result was "Don´t butt in conversations nobody has invited you to" "Nobody asked for your opinion" Fair enough, but then I stop getting involved in conversations and such, then people start saying "Why don´t you behave like a more normal person?" Dealing with people at office environments, in my experience at least, is like constantly walking through a minefield.
Which was the exact thing I loved about freelancing; I went wherever I was told, did my job for half a day, the whole day, at most one week at a specific place, then there´s a good chance I never saw those people again and as long as you´re a cordial person, the only thing that mattered was how well I did my job, none of the "You´re not socializing enough with people you barely have anything in common with, and who do not try to initiate either, so you´re a bad bad person" business.
Whew! Sorry for the wall of text haha, but I can certainly relate to everything you said.
I already spend most of my days with my coworkers and I don’t feel like seeing my coworkers on the weekends or days off where all we do is talk about work
I think as you get older you just learn boundaries. Plus after enough bad experiences at work you just learn to decouple from it and see it as a means to an end.
Because when it comes time for a raise, my family means more to me than your family, and I’d rather put my kid through a new sport than watch you put your kid through one and mine go without.
I don’t want to compete against friends for money.
We often have zero in common other than where we happen to work. I didn't pick them, they were assigned by someone else to be in my life for a certain period of time. And I don't want outside things to affect the professional relationship I have during the time I'm at work. Also, work 'friends' tend to want to talk about work or work gossip. I'll pass, thanks.
Work is not high school. It's your professional environment and you should keep it professional. People who go overboard at work trying to be your "friend" more likely than not are office politicians with a hidden agenda--or, more simply, want to have sex with you.
Having said that, sure, over time, you might develop a real relationship as friends with a work colleague. Maybe once or twice over a career if you're lucky.
You're getting paid to do a job. Not to nurture your social life.
DO YOUR EFFIN JOB.
I'm there just to exchange my time for their money. And people very often think when I say "I don't make friends at work becquse I dont care about them" that I hate everybody and everybody hate me. Its not the case. I have fine relationships with most of the people, but I don't share personal things and don't meer them or message them outside of work
Most my coworkers were/are trash humans. Lazy, back stabbing, immature, racist, bullies, etc
The fuck I want to get to know them for?
Go to a place I don't want to be to be around humans I never wanted to meet. No thanks!
I don’t mind being friends with someone I like. Everybody at my job are hypocritical crybabies or just plain annoying. Of all the jobs I’ve had I can count on two hands the people I would have wanted to hang out with after work.
I'm not going to be around for long. Im in my 30's moving up. If I get offered something better I will leave.
If Im not okay with the work conditions og the pay, I will leave.
I don't like my job, so I really need to disconnect during my time off. Having friends from work means you'll likely talk about work or coworkers when you hang out.
Because it’s the workplace..
Tell a coworker something in trust, and no matter your trust in them, they’ll screw you over to get a bit of an advantage.
The excuse always is that it’s not personal, it’s just business.
Because I’m very straight laced and professional at work and I’m a freak outside of work. I have a professional image to maintain… and I go to raves, I am a nudist, my GF and I go to swingers clubs, and it’s nobody’s business.
I'm antisocial and want very little social contact in general. I go to work because I have bills to pay, it's enough of a chore as is, I don't want to be bothered with people trying to add on the chore of socialization. If I wanted to make friends I'd seek them out on purpose in settings designed for that.
Because it’s too much work to remain filtered, so I mostly keep to myself. I also don’t want to get too invested In people that’ll just end up leaving. I’ve worked at the same place the past five years and have had friends be laid off or get fired. I just don’t care that much anymore. I just keep it civil and only talk about stuff others are willing to talk about without trying to get to know them on a deeper level. I’m not looking to make a bunch of shallow connections and deeper ones seem too risky.
My work is work, and my fun times are gonna be extremely fun.
If the coworkers saw how fun I am outside of work, I’m pretty sure no one’s gonna take me seriously at the time of work.
Been there, done that. In my previous job, I used to hang out with my colleagues. Ultimately, they started bringing up the crazy fun things that happened in our hangout to the workplace. Professionalism dropped. People perceived me differently, stopped taking me seriously, they knew that I’m an easy-going, fun-loving guy and started treating me as such at workplace by, you know, rubbing me off and such.
This is when I decided, enough is enough.
Now I work at a different place and it’s already been 2 and a half years, not a single hangout with my coworkers… and zero regrets!
My free time is spent with my wife and kid. Or my friends I’ve had since childhood. But if my wife is away and none of my friends are available, it’s gonna be me and only me, a date with myself, a cinema night, restaurant, PS5, you name it.
But never, ever with my colleagues.
You don't have to be friends with your co-workers. You just have to be civil and professional towards them. There are workplaces that are so toxic that they would use the information they gathered about you to sort of destroy you or they could use it against you when it suits their agenda. Not trying to be negative here but I've seen a lot of people who were burned due to their naiveté.
I avoid forming deep friendships at work because I know I wont be able to commit time to them to go deep and maintain it post job. Plus I have enough social obligations as it is, its unfair to "new friends" and myself to stretch myself thin and make them feel like I dont care about them. Work just makes it easier to maintain some barrier.
That said if I had the bandwidth for it, sure all the friends but the reality is we can only form so many bonds. Choose wisely.
It all comes down to the fact that people have to wear a mask when they come to work, yet you don’t really do that with friends and family( you can, but you don’t need to). I’ve seen it time and time again, while it’s nice to form solid relationships with people you work with, the setting and dynamic simply does not allow for these relationships to be truly genuine. The workplace is competitive by nature, and while some people understand that it’s best to get along and cooperate to meet a common goal, most people are cutthroat and ready to fuck you over to keep themselves comfortable, especially when there’s money involved.
My job is my means of support for my own life, not someone else’s life. The fact I happen to work for the same employer, or in the same or similar job, is like saying we both are in the same country, or on the same planet. Proximity, to me, does not equal similar views, or life goals. It can happen that you will meet someone at work that will become a friend, but it can also happen that you will meet someone that would stab you in the back, and step over your body, for a promotion, raise, or to get on the bosses good side. I would need to know you for a period of time, and in different situations before you would transition from colleague to friend.
It depends on the field. Some fields are so cutthroat the only friendships are those out of interest. Anything else is a liability (and believe me, they will use anythinf you say against you). Other are more chill, more conducive to friendships.
I've always worked in call centers or other corporate type office management stuff. My wife has always worked in service based jobs.
I've never had a "work friend" that didn't try to undermine, manipulate, or otherwise screw me over in some way, while she's made plenty of "work friends" that have converted into just "friends" for us both.
Hell, one guy started working where I was, I shared that I do videography on the side, and he asked me if I'd be interested in filming the podcast that he and his friends do on the weekends. I thought it sounded fun, sure, gave him my number and told him to call me off hours. The very next day, I get pulled aside by my supervisor and was told that I might be let go because I "tried to sell the new guy weed." He showed my supervisor that I gave him my number, told him that I was trying to sell him drugs.
Look, this guy didn't know I smoke, and it's absolutely legal to do so where I live, but I can guarantee you I've never sold weed in my life. I buy it to smoke it, not sell it. I had the job I had to make money, I was doing videography on the side to fulfill personal passions. I absolutely wasn't in a position where I had any reason to sell weed.
Anyway, I ended up quitting because the supervisor refused to believe me and that guy ended up taking my job.
Corporate structure incentivizes "every one out for themselves."
I stopped being anything more than professionally cordial years ago and have been much better off for it.
It's a one way ticket to picking up the slack of others. I stopped socializing with coworkers a few jobs ago and I no longer do favours out of the goodness of my heart either. I mean there's not much of that to begin with, but if anyone wants anything out of me, then a deal needs to be made immediately otherwise they can keep on walking.
They'll screw you over and if either leaves, it's unlikely they friendships lasts. I have a few dozen people on my phone that have never reched out and once I stopped reaching out, it's been years since I've heard from them.
I spent 12 hours a day with these people. Arguably more time than I spent with my friends and family, and I like those people.
Even the small handful of coworkers I liked I didn't want any part of on my days off.
Same reason why it is not recommended dating a coworker.
If things go sour you would still have to work together and constantly see each orher and the resentment coyld affect work quality.
In my experience of doing it, making friends at work leads to some toxic hang-ups. You can't always trust those people to be your friends outside of work. They are your coworkers first and foremost. They can betray your trust and treat you in ways a no friend ever would, and you can't rely on them for personal issues cause it's not very professional. Think about it, if they weren't your friends, would you want your coworkers to know about all of your personal, mental health problems and life story?
It also leads to attachments they can take advantage of to keep you tethered to a job even against your best interests. Workers and employers can rely on the "we're friends/family" to get you to work longer for less pay or keep you from quitting because you'd feel bad about losing those relationships over the job. And most of all, you likely will lose those relationships if/when that job comes to an end, no matter if it's on good terms or not. This has been my experience my whole life only being friends with people I go to school or work with. Graduation/quitting creates natural cut offs for those friendships to end.
It doesn't mean you can't make real connections at work, but as a general rule, don't put them much trust in those people and don't make yourself vulnerable to them. A lot of work cultures encourage taking advantage of that to get ahead.
I'm literally only there to be paid money, as well as everyone around me. We are all self interested. We have no option of failing to attend without be reprimanded. I am literally forced into seeing these people more than my own child, simply because capitalism.
No, I don't care about you. No I don't care what you did last weekend. No I don't care about the new car you bought or the second house you purchased. I am only here to put food on my and my child's plate.
It's literally as simple as that for me. It's strictly business. And if you think being friends with these people will benefit you...wait until it bites you in the ass and you find out just how corporate your work environment truly is.
Same here. If I'm forced to be somewhere against my will for 40 hours a week I would rather enjoy my time there with people I can share jokes with and talk to rather than wear a mask all day long and pretend.
The issue is not making friends with the boss or manager. Coworkers are fine and I have lots of friends who I worked with. I have regretted each time I’ve become too friendly with a manager.
Eh, my case was more so thinking that I was making friends.
TLDR car broke down 10 minutes from job-site on lunch break and I had to call out of work instead of the friends I thought I was making could pick me up. (I would have 1,000,000 % done that for them).
Because this attitude is something employers prefers and encourages. It's a lot harder to organize a union when people refuse to build relationships with each other.
I was at an expo with my coworkers. We shared a hotel suite, so the guys shared one bedroom and/or the couches and I got the smaller room to myself. We were hanging out and watching something and I said something along the lines of "yeah it was rough starting out at this job and I wasn't sure about it, but its worked out okay." After that I spent msot of the weekend alone, coaworkers seemed to avoid me, went out to meals without me, etc.
Not two weeks later I get pulled into my boss' office and I'm told I'm being fired for "negativity" and "unprofessional behavior." This place was very toxc and being my first real non-internship job out of college, it really scarred me. 6+ years later I still don't trust anyone at work and keep them at arm's length even though I'm fairly certain nobody would do that here. PTSD is a bitch man, and I like my job more than I need work friends.
Because it’s a dog eat dog world and your co-workers are competing with you for the next promotion or replace you. Co-workers play office politics, and fake kindness so they move forward with their agenda. But most of the time, money is the primary motivation.
Main reason for me is anytime I’m around coworkers outside of work, work is the main conversation, and I go home to escape that. Once I lived with 2 other coworkers. It sucked bad, like everything revolved around work.
Colleagues are not your friend so don’t tell them anything personal . when/if redundancies come along they are your competition and they will throw you under the bus to save themselves, I’ve seen it happen numerous times
You can never trust co workers and you choose friends but not work colleagues
I’m friendly and polite at work but if I wasn’t get paid to put up with most of em I 😂 fucking wouldn’t , but for more then the minute it would take to cross a road or leave a room
Because people often have to wear a bit of a mask at work, and some work places run off rumours and gossip.
A bit hard to let the guard down when any social issues become work issues. It's just too risky.
That being said, it does seem how some people climb the ladder; like it's some kinda boys club so I don't know.
Bad experiences with coworkers and more or less feeling left out of the work clique at times. Easier to just do your job to the best of your ability and train yourself not to care about their opinions.
Yeah, I've always made friends at work, too, but never really close friends.
I've heard a lot of stories on Reddit of coworkers backstabbing you once they get some dirt on you, and that's why people avoid friendships at work, but I don't know, I think you get ahead by being personable and likable, and maybe having everyone over for a barbecue every once in a while.
I understand not telling coworkers all your dark, dirty secrets, but I don't see any problem with forming casual friendships. Don't talk about drugs, religion, politics, or anything else that might get you into trouble at work, and you should be good.
1.) They will either screw you over or they become the worst "friend" you will meet.
2.) Most people are very very good at hiding their issues and red flags. The more you get to know a co worker the more you wish you didn't.
I'm ADHD. My working persona is someone who doesn't exist, I mask for 8h a day because otherwise I wouldn't have a job.
I am not interested in doing that after work. And I am not willing to risk unmasking with someone I have to work with, because there's a VERY good chance they will stop liking me and now it's awkward.
I also have a ton of friends already so I don't want to make more, I don't have space in my life for it.
Well, that's why I didn't do it back when I was still working for someone. I got tired and now I'm self-employed, so my "friend at work" is my dog and that dude is my bestie.
I just put up and pretend to be their friends juuuuust long enough to punch out. I find that most people are just looking for a way to use you to their advantage/ they feel entitled to your free time.
I used to wonder this too. I made what I thought were some great friends at my current job. But yeah, no. When you work with people, there will always be some form of transaction involved. If they can get away with something by throwing you under the bus, they usually will. And then you’re still stuck working with them every single day. It’s not worth my peace - at all. I’ll be as pleasant as I can but I’d rather not do much more than that.
Yeah I just don’t like getting too close to people or letting them know my personal life too much. Some people will use whatever they can to get ahead or even just try to seem like they’re better than you.
I honestly don’t get this either. And it’s not like I’m naive - I’ve been working for 25 years. Several of my best friends in the world are people I met at work. My three buddies that I have lunch with every day are the only reason I go into the office; otherwise I would work from home. Maybe I’m just lucky that no work friend has ever fucked me over?
It makes it very hard to try an exert some authority and discipline if you’ve put yourself in a potentially compromising position with people you’re supposed to be in charge of
My work life is separate from my personal life. I don't need disagreements with my friends bleeding into work or vice versa. With how polarized everything is nowadays, I prefer my work social situation to be as sterile and untainted as possible. I put headphones in and listen to audiobooks/podcasts, occasionally chat with coworkers, and go home to my life.
I was tight with many colleagues at my previous company, mostly since we were all mid-20's - mid-30's and pre-covid everyone WFH Fridays but commuted Mon-Thurs. Since mass layoffs affected all of us in 2021, I still talk regularly with ~7 of 20 or so work friends, actually hang out occasionally with 2.
Since accepting my new role shortly after the layoff, I commuted to the office once in three years until very recently when hybrid schedule was mandated. I work on a team of 10, half live in different times zones, 4 are over 45 and I (36M) have nothing in common, 1 is my age but doesn't have to commute as a mom to three young kids.
Whether I make an effort to befriend coworkers is entirely circumstantial, but it was nice building all those new friendships between age 28 & 32. Sadly, the vast majority fizzle out once they're not employed under the same roof, but that's expected.
I’m no stranger to making friends at work, have been tons of friends including my best friend from my last job. However, moving forward I just feel like… it’s not really something I need? I just kinda wanna be left alone at my current job aside from work related shit and casual pleasantries.
Trust issues.
You can make friends with a select few co-workers that you carefully vet before opening up to them.
But if you're not careful, anything you say or do can be used against you.
Bad experiences in the past. I just avoid giving or asking for any personal info. I’m nice to everyone but I go about my business and leave. If I connect with someone I’ll give my info/make time to hang with them outside of work
Professional boundaries for one. I’m so friendly with coworkers and talk about my life and everything, but outside of work I just want to life my life and already have a bunch of friends, I’m busy, a partner, etc.
I’ve always seen people who only have work friends as mostly boring people who were incapable of making friends on their own but I’m a shit talker like that.
I mean if you share similar interests like hobbies in common then sure, but to most colleagues is better to just act friendly even if you not interested in them in the slightest.
>It just has me thinking, in a world where adult friendships seem harder to make than ever, why are people so hesitant to befriend coworkers?
I'm in the midwestern US. My country is largely "at will" employment. Any company can fire you for any reason outside of federally protected status. So, a friendship gone wrong can literally cost you your job.
No. Thank. You.
Also, I like privacy and a strong work-life boundaries.
I thought we were close but my most recent work friend blocked me and left the job. I wasn’t hurt but it just seems like a fair amount of work friendships are just due to forced proximity. Not to say you can’t find genuine connections at your work space.
i used to be like that. i used to want to make friends bc we’re around these people every day until every coworker i’ve ever had has lied about me in order to get me fired. at one job they succeeded. despite all the evidence that proved they were lying but it was 20 against 1. now i show up, do my job and go home.
In my more scandalous days, I slept with a number of colleagues; one of them even turned into my wife.
These days, I keep a respectable distance between my professional and personal life. I’ll engage in work related extracurriculars (holiday gatherings, occasional happy hour) but nothing beyond that.
I don’t like most of them for friend material honestly. My resume sucks and I tend to get jobs in companies that are desperate enough to hire literally anyone.
My coworkers complain about having no money but they drink, eat fast food and smoke (pot and vape) all the time. Don’t show up to work on time. Get caught for drunk driving and brag about not voting. They are decent people, even with their flaws and I like them. But I want to be friends with people who inspire me to be better.
The last workplace I had was worse. They were religious, conservative and anti-vaccine in the pandemic era. Most of my coworkers sent out signals that they were racist and sexist too (although they would have disagreed with those terms). It sucked but a lot of what made it bearable was putting in my hours and going home.
I understand that says a lot about me. That I don’t value myself professionally, I haven’t put enough effort into my life to get a career or at least a job with a better class of people. Honestly, I have plans to change that. But in the meanwhile, my standards for friends are higher than for coworkers.
I work for the military. My coworkers move every 2-3 years. I’m cordial with them, even get to know them well, but I’m not exactly friends with any of them. Add to that I’m in my mid-40s (female) and they’re in their mid-20s (vast majority male), I’m more like a mother figure who helps them out with work situations than someone who they would be friends and hang out with. :)
Your coworkers are NOT your friends. The sooner you learn and accept this the better off you'll be. Keep your personal life private. Give them zero information that isn't work related. You're all there to do a job, not be buddy buddy. It's sad, but that's the reality of our work culture. People lie, are two faced, gossips and drama mongers. Best to just keep the lips zipped and get the work done.
I’ve worked really hard to maintain and nurture my friendships from elementary school on up and honestly don’t want to deal with anyone else’s BS at all I also am one to disappear for a few months and the couple of people that I thought were my friends that I met through work could not handle the disappearing act so I’d just rather stick with the people that know me best
Nobody can be trusted.
They just want to gossip and drag you into their petty quarrels.
Or,
Perhaps they don’t and you find that one great friend- but they do something to upset the higher ups… suddenly you’re guilty by association. All you did was perhaps give that friend good advice they never took.
Or
Everyone says they are your friends but when you get invited to the party it’s as the help.
I thought I was friends with this lady. She was 10 years older than me. I usually casually joke about the amount of hours I used to work(I was a part timer doing 40 hours a week). And I really mean very casually joking, smiling, laughing because I was still making a crap ton of money from overtime. Found out she went to the boss and said all my complaints but made it sound 7000% worse. Like I was just super unhappy to be there. We also had a temp worker, who was trying to be permanent. One time I had a shift with the temp and her. I casually said to the temp "good luck, I think you'll definitely get the job" as encouragement. She went and told the boss that I broke the news of the temp getting hired. As if I knew the temp was hired? Anyways, just a toxic mess, I kept to myself afterwards. Can't trust coworkers beyond food or pet talks. I'm at a much better workplace and am friendly to my coworkers but anything about my job, I keept it between me and my boss.
I've met both pretty cool people and pretty awful toxic people at work. Just like in life it's going to be a mixed bag. I try and just minimise the interactions I have to do with the people I don't get along with where possible
I’m not opposed to making friends with coworkers but I definitely don’t make it a priority. If I really click with someone then that is great. But I don’t want to make friends for the sake of it and they end up asking for favors/taking advantage. It is hard enough to manage those asks when it is just a coworker with whom I work regularly. I prefer to have polite professional relationships where people know I do good work and always my best to help but don’t get too cozy.
At my current job, most people are in totally different stages of life to me. I also work remotely 90% of the time.
That sounds so exhausting. I’m busy focusing on my job; I don’t have the mental space to also focus on socializing.
Plus I don’t want work and personal life to mix. They kind of have to, to an extent, but it feels so awkward and messed up to me.
I generally don't like people.
Especially work people. I'm there to get a job done, not be your emotional support puppy.
(Or your smuck to shit on to gain yourself popularity)
I have enough friends and managing relationships is a job in of itself. With coworkers it adds another layer of complexity. Ain't nobody got time for that
Saved me too many times keeping work at work. At one job they tried everything to get rid of me, imagine if they knew me personally? They might have known people around me but if they knew everything about me, I would have lost more. I remember once asking for different hours because my hours were ridiculous and when I told them I could not afford to drive back and forth to only work four hours a day, they used that against me, so later on when I asked for more hours, they used my financial situation against me to refuse letting me become a full-time employee.
**Let me put it like this:**
**You can break up with a friend and you just don't see each other, have a bad connection with your coworkers and you might just lose your job. I cant afford to lose a job, much less be thrown into a shitty job market with no mercy. I also can't afford for anyone to discriminate against me for being who I am or my lifestyle. That has no business being at work just like my coworkers having no right to mess with my life outside of work. Thats professionalism.**
Why do I want to make friends with people who don't really care about me and if I leave or am let go, will never talk to me again?
I am pleasant and nice and fun to work with but they are not my friends.
Your boss is not your friend and neither are your coworkers. Someone you may think you're becoming friends with will throw you under the bus to get ahead. And if I become friends with someone at work, would we then have to talk outside of work? I don't have friends outside work either. Idk what I would do with a friend. I'm shy and quiet and I don't have things to talk about with a friend or anyone else. I just prefer to be left alone in general.
I like to mind my own business. Things that come out over friendly drinks and hangs often get thrown back in your face in the office.
Also, I hate my job so I want to immediately forget about it when I walk out those doors in the evenings.
Too many people who pretend to be your friend so they can ask you to bend the rules or make exceptions for them later that will get you in trouble.
Depending on how toxic your workplace is, ANY information about your personal life will be used against you too
Yes. Gossip culture. My life, my privacy.
Absolute fact.
It doesn't even have to be malicious. At a previous place I worked the boss became really good friends with one of the staff. Then they took a joint family vacation together and it went very badly. The tension between the 2 after that made work unbearable at times. Neither of them set out to undermine the other. But once they haaaated each other they lost the ability to work well on a team.
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Yea but the people I like that tell me this and I trust them I care for them in some way so I wouldn’t do this and I feel like that’s where I have a line. So like I have to sense first who they are and even then that’s a very dicey line to cross. I already messed that up for example by divulging too much about my private life to this one girl from work and yet her responses to me after the fact were kind of heavily weighed in judgement. So I knew from then on out she was sus especially when she started hanging out with and talking a lot with the people in my cohort that never talked to me. lol I’ve never talked to them either but they all made friends as a clique so it was really weird having this in your own office. People act like they can only hangout with certain people. And I finally get it. It’s because I also can’t trust anyone and I can’t divulge everything to people I work with because they’re people that I do not know and cannot trust right away. In the past I’ve had experiences at work where I’ve over shared and it cost me also. People treat you different and think they’re owed access to information about your private life even though they’re not and it can get really invasive and may even lead to harassment or worse you’re going to get mad like I did and then fuck up relationships at work.
This is the answer and then if you do become their friend they dump you when you leave the company
Or they pretend to be your friend to gather intel to use against you later. Either as a means to shift blame or an outright attack of your character.
At work I consider myself friends with everyone and friends with no one simultaneously. I’m friendly and polite and will most likely do you a favour if you ask. But I’m not going to be sparing most of you a second thought as soon as I clock out.
Exactly. I keep things at a shallow level in terms of.... oh hey yeah I'm doing this fun thing this weekend. But I won't share things that are personal or that they could use against me.
This is how a healthy professional and personal life ought to be. There’s a clear boundary between each.
100% this. Don't date where you work either. I've lived by the advice of -- don't sh*t where you sleep. Seek to make friends through a hobby where your livelihood isn't threatened should something go sideways. You're also able to be yourself without fear of reprisal in a relationship based on mutual interests. *Edited for grammar.
Thank you for putting into words how I feel
Agree completely. I also believe if there is a friendship there, it will rise to the surface organically (we’re around each other maybe 8 hours a day after all) so it doesn’t need to be forced. If there’s nothing there, so be it. It’s only work
People ultimately care about the job more than they care about you and they'll screw you over the first chance they get if it'll get them ahead.
Whatever you say to a coworker (subordinate or superior), can be used against you, even as a joke during off-hours. The whole "company is your family" drivel = hunting grounds for ruthless ladder climbers, who will use any little thing you say to step on your face on the way up.
I had a coworker who kept a notebook with ALL this kind of information. When she would get into trouble she’d pull open her book and bam 💥 I got burned by her and it was a painful lesson.
Keeping personal info about others to use against them is wiiiild
This is so utterly common, it’s a habit solidified in youth. Think of when a child gets into trouble, they try to shift focus to something that’s not themselves. I see it all as immaturity and tattling, unless someone is harming someone (child or woman) or really putting others in danger, keep your fuckin mouth shut. This is the simplest form of selfish preservation imo. We are all in this together. For anyone who tattles, just think if we all had each other’s backs as fellow employees/humans. Although that would be anti productive for anyone in power. We are busy fighting each other constantly so we don’t question any other authority, psychology 101. You can see this ideology in so many different facets of this life. It’s a shame really Sorry for the rant. This aspect of shitty humaning really grinds my gears
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My old manager and old IT director in my interview talked about how the company was like a family. The director was fired within 1 month after 10 years at the company, my manager was fired 5 months later after 5 years with the company 🤷♂️
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I'm not that type of person, but I realized other people are. I am a very open and trusting person naturally, and I would rather just maintain civil boundaries than have to try to police myself more detailed with work "friends" Aka it's easier to just not trust them as friends than try to compartmentalize when they're your friends and when you need to be cautious
Some people just don’t grow past highschool.
This is so true. Omg. I will never ever disclose any personal information or attempt to make an honest friendship with coworkers ever again.
Same either. I got severely screwed over in a recent job trying to make friends. It was awful. They lied about me, told all my business, and spread horrible rumors about me. I know better now. Never making friends at work again.
Absolutely this. I've had too many people I thought I could trust stab me in the back when things didn't go their way. I have no problem being a congenial coworker, but I don't trust anyone at work and have no desire to be friends with any of these people.
Never understood this. I’ve always managed to get ahead by being generally likeable, team oriented, and the sort of person people enjoy being around. I’m sure it’s different in like, sales jobs or big corporate jobs, but in your average company people tend to go to bat for the people who make the work day more enjoyable, and don’t want to reward the ones who make their days miserable
We are talking friends not "friendly" they are completely different
Yeah, I just try to be a friendly person at work and it’s always served me well. I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever had a boss or teacher that I didn’t get along with, and I’ve worked at some really shitty places like Walmart and Amazon. It pays off when people like you at work
Having worked with many types of teams from minimum wage to higher paying jobs, I can tell you people generally make friends at higher levels too, if they can get something out of them, if they party together, play a sport together or are banging. Most people will just be nice and polite but not go into too many personal things, because some people are assholes who will use things against you or to make themselves look better. Others can get offended easily or whatever even if you're joking with someone else so you generally have to keep it very professional and surface level at work. The other thing is the older you get and the higher up you get, the more you tend to work with older people who've already had friends for decades, they're not looking for more because they already have their family, hobbies and friend groups. When you work low level crappy jobs where people come and go every month you can make friends and relationships a lot easier because a larger percentage of people don't care about the job. All my work friends are from more entry level jobs 10-15 years ago.
There’s definitely value in being the person who makes the work day more enjoyable! Doesn’t mean there can’t be boundaries
And in some ways, that’s not wrong. It’s not anyone’s job to baby other people or tend to their wounds. We’re all trying to make money, some are trying to advance, and that is just survival. I am friendly with many people at work. I was recently promoted into a position that likely a few people wanted. I didn’t even apply to it, just worked hard and corrected some dumb behavior/worked to act like a leader, and they came to me for it. Someone I am friendly with that very much has and wanted that position, and likely even applied, asked me a few weeks ago if I applied for the job. I told her I’d need to talk to her at a later time about it and haven’t gotten in touch since. She has done nothing but bitch and moan and throw fits when not being promoted. Every time I wasn’t promoted it sucked, but I NEVER became unprofessional. I feel bad internally for not talking to her about it, but I won’t talk shit or about the process of me getting that job. Maybe she’ll tell people I talked. Work is survival.
Jesus. What industry are you in?
Every type of job I’ve worked in had backstabbing and betrayal happening. I worked in retail, at a college, for the Apple Store, and at a country club/resort. Post college I’ve worked in law at law firms and a non profit. Every job I’ve ever had has had things like this happening at it. It’s pretty typical behavior in competitive environments.
Like every single one lol People in general are like that sadly.
I think people understand that at the end of the day they are working to play or working to pay the bills. If things go sideways at work there is not one person at work who is going to pay your bills. Add to this that some people like to watch the world burn, others love kaos, some love to hate, etc. Many will gladly throw you under the bus to save themselves even when/if they don't need to. I work to pay my bills, I am friendly and helpful at work but work is not my life. It is not my job to be your social life just because I am a captive audience. My personal life is not your business and you don't get to be snippy because I politely let you know this. I have friends, family, and a life separate from work.
\^\^\^ this
Key word is Friendly which isn't the same thing as friends
Yup. Also it’s never wise to shit where you eat… 👀
Work is just work for me. Once in a blue moon, I’ll make a solid connection, but for the most part, it’s just a job that we need to coexist to do.
Exactly this.
Yes this! I'm the same way. I've always enjoyed working and having a strong work ethic. So I'd also move to a leadership or management position pretty quickly at my jobs. And that always makes things weird. I mean try sitting down and telling your friend they suck at their job and have to get their shit together...it's awkward. Also I don't think a lot of people realize work friends are a thing. Just like school friends were. Once you leave that place you'll never talk to them again lol
Yeah. I agree. Some people seem to think work is part of your social life. I've never understood that. It's an entirely different social structure; certainly not based around friendship. Occasionally you meet someone at work who becomes a close mate, but it's certainly not the norm in my view.
I worked at a place once where all the “entry level” people (mostly single, mid 20s so prime “seeking friends age”) hung out a ton, so anyone new to the job was basically let into the social group too. its where I met a lot of my current close friends, and what’s been so fun is that we all have really grown up together, helped each other get better jobs, maintained friendships as “the work crew” even though barely anyone still works there. but that environment is pretty atypical
That sounds great. But, as you say, not the norm.
I don't want to make work friends because those people don't have a social life outside of work
I’ve learned some deep lessons that are hard to explain. But, people at work are fake. And, they will stab you in the back. People IRL also will do that. But, work stuff can have dramatic effects. Let’s say you make friends with someone on your team. You’re both young and single. You head out to bars, drink a lot, and all that. Over the years, you kind of fade. But, they remember and maybe they move up. Then, when you’re recommend for projects or promotions, they’re like, nah, he’s not reliable and is an alcoholic. You won’t even know this is happening. Just one example of many.
My dad told me the workplace is even worse than school. I said no way, school I was bullied etc. I started work at 18 and I encountered bullying AND racism from my boss 🤣 couldnt make that shit up. I told my dad in a chat and he said.. yeah.. I had years of that then went quiet. Basically, anyone who wants to come at me in a work context can fuck off, it's time to note all that shit and come at it like a lawyer. Doesnt happen now, I work with professionals.
at the same time, you have the highest likelihood of finding a long term partner at work
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"Friendly" as in "socially cordial, polite, cooperative in furtherance of your work responsibilities." Not as in "you're my bestest friend EVER, let's go to your house and listen to records and play Barbies".
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I think that's really surface level shit that's perfectly normal. Oh you took your kids to swim class, you're a soccer mom, you're going golfing? No one gives a crop but it's just small talk to be nice. That's nothing really personal or unusual.
After that incident, small talk is of the table for me.
Some people may have made "friends" at work at some point and got screwed over. This could be a way of trying to protect themselves.
Making friends with people at work may make you too attached to your company, and in so it will be harder to leave a bad work environment and to pursue better opportunities. Therefore, I think it's for the best to keep work life and personal life separated.
This is where I'm at. I teach at a school with a toxic adult culture. My department is made up of twentysomethings who gossip about staff and students. You feel good at first, like you're in the in-group, but you quickly realize they are talking about everyone, so they likely talk about you when you're not there. There also seems like a level of codependency, where they are such close friends so as to be able to weather how screwed up our admin is. I've withdrawn from my department socially and will be looking at other schools next year. I know education is all messed up but I've worked in a better school with a better culture. (Had to move for my wife's job or I'd still be there.)
That is true, took me a lot to move on from a job because of the team who became my friends. I was severely underpaid and I think management knew how close we were and played with that. BUT i dont regret anything. Cause 7 years after quitting and moving on the other side of the planet, those coworkers are still my friends with whom I go out when I am back in my old city. One of them is literally still my best friend despite seeing her only once a year. So yeah be careful but it can be worth it
I've made super close friends at work and it hasn't stopped me from moving on - but I still have those super close friends now that I work elsewhere!
I work for money, period. Just because we both work the same job, doesn’t connect us in any other ways. Keeping an arms length keeps me from being part of workplace dramas and anyone that has issue with that, I wouldn’t want to be their “friend” anyhow. I currently work a job, that once my training is over, I won’t have to see a single co-worker, and I cannot be happier!!!
My god, I’m jealous of you. I am definitely the “standoffish” one in my office. I have my family and friends for connection, work is just work. I’d love a job where I don’t see anyone except for maybe the occasional Zoom meeting.
Oh, I’m going to be attached to these people via teams chat after training, which is fine. They invited me to a sub-chat where they piss, moan and carry on about their lives with a lot of stupid gifs and emojis. I immediately muted it as I don’t care what they are upto, I’ll just need assistance via the main work teams when the time comes. I get traveling is lonely and difficult, but many of my co-workers are “try-hards”, braggadocios about their skill set while looking and acting absolutely unprofessional with customers and most thus far are quite passive aggressive. I can do without the shit talking about people I have yet to meet, “warning” me about them. I’m adult, I can figure these things out. I already have a reputation as being “cold”, IDGAF, as the only person I care about is my manager and this far there’s been no issues with them. The fun part of my job, at max 2 weeks with one customer installing stuff and off to the next job site!
Likelihood of it complications impacting either my professional or personal life, or BOTH are too risky.
People come and go, jobs change, roles change. Allegiances also change depending on the person and what's happening in their lives. You can make friends. I have maybe one or two from a job I recently left after 5 years. One I speak to sometimes, the other more often. Loads of others I spent even more time with in my role, I don't speak to at all. Ultimately, you got to look out for number 1. Everyone else does.
It's easy to be betrayed at work. People who you think are your friends can easily throw you under the bus, in hopes that you will lose your job and they can take your spot. Additionally, people above you can feel threatened by your abilities and competency, and will sabotage you to protect their own livelihood.
Never shit on your own front lawn... Colleagues are not friends. You say something at a barbeque, and monday you get fired because of what you said in confidence.
Because I wouldn't be spending time or being friendly towards you if I weren't being paid to be your teammate. Being friendly in a professional environment doesn't mean we're friends or that I even enjoy interacting with you, all it means is I'm taking the path of least resistance in this corporate hell so we can both continue to get paid.
As far as I've seen here it's usually people that had a bad experience related to this in the past. I've been lucky enough to not have had any issues or not give a shit about them. My best friend is a past coworker. So are most of my friends. Don't see any issue with it.
I think being a past coworker is different than current. I mean I could see becoming good friends, and leaving the company and then becoming best. It's just you never know if your work bestie will get in trouble and then they need you to defend them and then you have to choose them or the job, and yeah it sucks to say this. But we all need jobs to live, so.
I've been downsized 3 times, quit twice and fired once. I am friendly, cordial, even helpful at work but I have a work persona. I keep my laughter and mirth to a minimum and save it all for Taco Tuesday at the Elks club. I like to keep work and my personal life separate.
I'm not at work to make friends... I'm at work because I need money.
People gossip. People who do the same repetitive tasks thrive for change/stimulation. So they create it, at the expense/drama of others. Started a new position last October. I met a person that worked for the company 20 years. We kinda clicked and even ate lunch together. This coworker was having a group conversation about pay increases. Two or three were sharing their history and experiences. One random coworker asked me and I told them I've haven't had positive experiences. In short, I quit to get my raise, left a company then they called me back months later, wouldn't recommend. The next morning I was pulled aside by HR. They asked very direct but danced around trying to get me to chat about increases and threatening to quit. I seen right thru the stupidity and played dumb. I went to start work and there was the coworker waiting. So odd that they asked how the conversation with HR went. I haven't said a word to this coworker since that day. This is a 20 year vet and befriending was not on their mind.
Because if they go bad - as they often do - you’re stuck in an office with someone who hates your guts. Can I also say, as an autistic person who has been shat on for her entire life for “not making friends easily,” it’s hilarious (read: enraging) that nonautistics seem to speak out of both sides of their mouth about this kind of thing? “Reach out and be outgoing” too often turns into “you’re not the _exact_ kind of outgoing I wanted, so I’ve decided you’re weird and will bully you like we’re 10th graders.” Y’all need to make up your minds, lol.
Yup! Couldn´t agree more; I´ve always been shat on for "not being sociable enough" and "not making friends easily"; having a pretty much normal, sociable brother I was always being compared to didn´t help matters either. Had avoided office jobs (As in, worked freelance my whole working life) until now, and only because the money was too good to pass up, for precisely the same reasons you´re mentioning; I couldn´t care less, but I do know a certain perception of normalcy is needed to survive in this kind of environment. So I try to ask people how they´re doing, how the week is going and tried to join in some conversations, even though I´d rather walk on glass barefoot. ¿Why do I say tried? Because the result was "Don´t butt in conversations nobody has invited you to" "Nobody asked for your opinion" Fair enough, but then I stop getting involved in conversations and such, then people start saying "Why don´t you behave like a more normal person?" Dealing with people at office environments, in my experience at least, is like constantly walking through a minefield. Which was the exact thing I loved about freelancing; I went wherever I was told, did my job for half a day, the whole day, at most one week at a specific place, then there´s a good chance I never saw those people again and as long as you´re a cordial person, the only thing that mattered was how well I did my job, none of the "You´re not socializing enough with people you barely have anything in common with, and who do not try to initiate either, so you´re a bad bad person" business. Whew! Sorry for the wall of text haha, but I can certainly relate to everything you said.
I get to choose my friends, not HR
I already spend most of my days with my coworkers and I don’t feel like seeing my coworkers on the weekends or days off where all we do is talk about work
I think as you get older you just learn boundaries. Plus after enough bad experiences at work you just learn to decouple from it and see it as a means to an end.
Because when it comes time for a raise, my family means more to me than your family, and I’d rather put my kid through a new sport than watch you put your kid through one and mine go without. I don’t want to compete against friends for money.
We often have zero in common other than where we happen to work. I didn't pick them, they were assigned by someone else to be in my life for a certain period of time. And I don't want outside things to affect the professional relationship I have during the time I'm at work. Also, work 'friends' tend to want to talk about work or work gossip. I'll pass, thanks.
Employment is a financial transaction. No friends involved. Really though I'm in a competitive industry and it's easier to keep it surface level.
I'm not spending my little social energy on work people, that's reserved for my friends and family.
Work is not high school. It's your professional environment and you should keep it professional. People who go overboard at work trying to be your "friend" more likely than not are office politicians with a hidden agenda--or, more simply, want to have sex with you. Having said that, sure, over time, you might develop a real relationship as friends with a work colleague. Maybe once or twice over a career if you're lucky. You're getting paid to do a job. Not to nurture your social life. DO YOUR EFFIN JOB.
I'm there just to exchange my time for their money. And people very often think when I say "I don't make friends at work becquse I dont care about them" that I hate everybody and everybody hate me. Its not the case. I have fine relationships with most of the people, but I don't share personal things and don't meer them or message them outside of work
Most my coworkers were/are trash humans. Lazy, back stabbing, immature, racist, bullies, etc The fuck I want to get to know them for? Go to a place I don't want to be to be around humans I never wanted to meet. No thanks!
You can’t trust anyone. Other than the work place, I usually have nothing in common with them. I hate forced, fake, small talk.
I already spend 40 hours a week with these people, and that's plenty.
I don’t mind being friends with someone I like. Everybody at my job are hypocritical crybabies or just plain annoying. Of all the jobs I’ve had I can count on two hands the people I would have wanted to hang out with after work.
I'm not going to be around for long. Im in my 30's moving up. If I get offered something better I will leave. If Im not okay with the work conditions og the pay, I will leave.
I don't like my job, so I really need to disconnect during my time off. Having friends from work means you'll likely talk about work or coworkers when you hang out.
Because it’s the workplace.. Tell a coworker something in trust, and no matter your trust in them, they’ll screw you over to get a bit of an advantage. The excuse always is that it’s not personal, it’s just business.
I hated the corporate world so much that I just wanted to get out. I was polite, but I couldn’t care enough to make friends.
Because I’m very straight laced and professional at work and I’m a freak outside of work. I have a professional image to maintain… and I go to raves, I am a nudist, my GF and I go to swingers clubs, and it’s nobody’s business.
I'm antisocial and want very little social contact in general. I go to work because I have bills to pay, it's enough of a chore as is, I don't want to be bothered with people trying to add on the chore of socialization. If I wanted to make friends I'd seek them out on purpose in settings designed for that.
Because it’s too much work to remain filtered, so I mostly keep to myself. I also don’t want to get too invested In people that’ll just end up leaving. I’ve worked at the same place the past five years and have had friends be laid off or get fired. I just don’t care that much anymore. I just keep it civil and only talk about stuff others are willing to talk about without trying to get to know them on a deeper level. I’m not looking to make a bunch of shallow connections and deeper ones seem too risky.
My work is work, and my fun times are gonna be extremely fun. If the coworkers saw how fun I am outside of work, I’m pretty sure no one’s gonna take me seriously at the time of work. Been there, done that. In my previous job, I used to hang out with my colleagues. Ultimately, they started bringing up the crazy fun things that happened in our hangout to the workplace. Professionalism dropped. People perceived me differently, stopped taking me seriously, they knew that I’m an easy-going, fun-loving guy and started treating me as such at workplace by, you know, rubbing me off and such. This is when I decided, enough is enough. Now I work at a different place and it’s already been 2 and a half years, not a single hangout with my coworkers… and zero regrets! My free time is spent with my wife and kid. Or my friends I’ve had since childhood. But if my wife is away and none of my friends are available, it’s gonna be me and only me, a date with myself, a cinema night, restaurant, PS5, you name it. But never, ever with my colleagues.
Because genuinely good people are rare.
Crazy how many coworkers have created drama, tried to get me fired, fucked me ocer. In fact just happened recently.
You don't have to be friends with your co-workers. You just have to be civil and professional towards them. There are workplaces that are so toxic that they would use the information they gathered about you to sort of destroy you or they could use it against you when it suits their agenda. Not trying to be negative here but I've seen a lot of people who were burned due to their naiveté.
I avoid forming deep friendships at work because I know I wont be able to commit time to them to go deep and maintain it post job. Plus I have enough social obligations as it is, its unfair to "new friends" and myself to stretch myself thin and make them feel like I dont care about them. Work just makes it easier to maintain some barrier. That said if I had the bandwidth for it, sure all the friends but the reality is we can only form so many bonds. Choose wisely.
It all comes down to the fact that people have to wear a mask when they come to work, yet you don’t really do that with friends and family( you can, but you don’t need to). I’ve seen it time and time again, while it’s nice to form solid relationships with people you work with, the setting and dynamic simply does not allow for these relationships to be truly genuine. The workplace is competitive by nature, and while some people understand that it’s best to get along and cooperate to meet a common goal, most people are cutthroat and ready to fuck you over to keep themselves comfortable, especially when there’s money involved.
We are there for the paycheck not to socialize.
Friendly at work doesn't equate to being friends. No one is being paid to make friends.
My job is my means of support for my own life, not someone else’s life. The fact I happen to work for the same employer, or in the same or similar job, is like saying we both are in the same country, or on the same planet. Proximity, to me, does not equal similar views, or life goals. It can happen that you will meet someone at work that will become a friend, but it can also happen that you will meet someone that would stab you in the back, and step over your body, for a promotion, raise, or to get on the bosses good side. I would need to know you for a period of time, and in different situations before you would transition from colleague to friend.
It depends on the field. Some fields are so cutthroat the only friendships are those out of interest. Anything else is a liability (and believe me, they will use anythinf you say against you). Other are more chill, more conducive to friendships.
I don't trust coworkers to have my best interests at heart and I already have a life outside of work
I've always worked in call centers or other corporate type office management stuff. My wife has always worked in service based jobs. I've never had a "work friend" that didn't try to undermine, manipulate, or otherwise screw me over in some way, while she's made plenty of "work friends" that have converted into just "friends" for us both. Hell, one guy started working where I was, I shared that I do videography on the side, and he asked me if I'd be interested in filming the podcast that he and his friends do on the weekends. I thought it sounded fun, sure, gave him my number and told him to call me off hours. The very next day, I get pulled aside by my supervisor and was told that I might be let go because I "tried to sell the new guy weed." He showed my supervisor that I gave him my number, told him that I was trying to sell him drugs. Look, this guy didn't know I smoke, and it's absolutely legal to do so where I live, but I can guarantee you I've never sold weed in my life. I buy it to smoke it, not sell it. I had the job I had to make money, I was doing videography on the side to fulfill personal passions. I absolutely wasn't in a position where I had any reason to sell weed. Anyway, I ended up quitting because the supervisor refused to believe me and that guy ended up taking my job. Corporate structure incentivizes "every one out for themselves." I stopped being anything more than professionally cordial years ago and have been much better off for it.
It's a one way ticket to picking up the slack of others. I stopped socializing with coworkers a few jobs ago and I no longer do favours out of the goodness of my heart either. I mean there's not much of that to begin with, but if anyone wants anything out of me, then a deal needs to be made immediately otherwise they can keep on walking.
They'll screw you over and if either leaves, it's unlikely they friendships lasts. I have a few dozen people on my phone that have never reched out and once I stopped reaching out, it's been years since I've heard from them.
I spent 12 hours a day with these people. Arguably more time than I spent with my friends and family, and I like those people. Even the small handful of coworkers I liked I didn't want any part of on my days off.
I'm friendly with people but I don't delve into my personal life with people. I have made friends at work but it's rare.
Do they really want to be friends or nosey?
Same reason why it is not recommended dating a coworker. If things go sour you would still have to work together and constantly see each orher and the resentment coyld affect work quality.
My work persona is different from my true self, and never the two shall meet.
Be wary of the ones who claim to be your family/friends
In my experience of doing it, making friends at work leads to some toxic hang-ups. You can't always trust those people to be your friends outside of work. They are your coworkers first and foremost. They can betray your trust and treat you in ways a no friend ever would, and you can't rely on them for personal issues cause it's not very professional. Think about it, if they weren't your friends, would you want your coworkers to know about all of your personal, mental health problems and life story? It also leads to attachments they can take advantage of to keep you tethered to a job even against your best interests. Workers and employers can rely on the "we're friends/family" to get you to work longer for less pay or keep you from quitting because you'd feel bad about losing those relationships over the job. And most of all, you likely will lose those relationships if/when that job comes to an end, no matter if it's on good terms or not. This has been my experience my whole life only being friends with people I go to school or work with. Graduation/quitting creates natural cut offs for those friendships to end. It doesn't mean you can't make real connections at work, but as a general rule, don't put them much trust in those people and don't make yourself vulnerable to them. A lot of work cultures encourage taking advantage of that to get ahead.
I'm literally only there to be paid money, as well as everyone around me. We are all self interested. We have no option of failing to attend without be reprimanded. I am literally forced into seeing these people more than my own child, simply because capitalism. No, I don't care about you. No I don't care what you did last weekend. No I don't care about the new car you bought or the second house you purchased. I am only here to put food on my and my child's plate. It's literally as simple as that for me. It's strictly business. And if you think being friends with these people will benefit you...wait until it bites you in the ass and you find out just how corporate your work environment truly is.
Cuz fuck them hoes that’s why
The comments on this thread are sad. I dont seek friendship at work but wouldn't mind it especially if me and the person get along well!
Same here. If I'm forced to be somewhere against my will for 40 hours a week I would rather enjoy my time there with people I can share jokes with and talk to rather than wear a mask all day long and pretend.
You can get along well with lots of coworkers without making them your friends.
The issue is not making friends with the boss or manager. Coworkers are fine and I have lots of friends who I worked with. I have regretted each time I’ve become too friendly with a manager.
Eh, my case was more so thinking that I was making friends. TLDR car broke down 10 minutes from job-site on lunch break and I had to call out of work instead of the friends I thought I was making could pick me up. (I would have 1,000,000 % done that for them).
Because this attitude is something employers prefers and encourages. It's a lot harder to organize a union when people refuse to build relationships with each other.
I was at an expo with my coworkers. We shared a hotel suite, so the guys shared one bedroom and/or the couches and I got the smaller room to myself. We were hanging out and watching something and I said something along the lines of "yeah it was rough starting out at this job and I wasn't sure about it, but its worked out okay." After that I spent msot of the weekend alone, coaworkers seemed to avoid me, went out to meals without me, etc. Not two weeks later I get pulled into my boss' office and I'm told I'm being fired for "negativity" and "unprofessional behavior." This place was very toxc and being my first real non-internship job out of college, it really scarred me. 6+ years later I still don't trust anyone at work and keep them at arm's length even though I'm fairly certain nobody would do that here. PTSD is a bitch man, and I like my job more than I need work friends.
Because it rarely works out well and the penalty for failure is severe…especially if it’s opposite sex.
Cuz youre only friends until youre up for the same promotion, suddenly your 'friend' is in there showin your boss your weird memes or somethin
Because it’s a dog eat dog world and your co-workers are competing with you for the next promotion or replace you. Co-workers play office politics, and fake kindness so they move forward with their agenda. But most of the time, money is the primary motivation.
Main reason for me is anytime I’m around coworkers outside of work, work is the main conversation, and I go home to escape that. Once I lived with 2 other coworkers. It sucked bad, like everything revolved around work.
I'm picky about who I spend my energy on
Colleagues are not your friend so don’t tell them anything personal . when/if redundancies come along they are your competition and they will throw you under the bus to save themselves, I’ve seen it happen numerous times
You can never trust co workers and you choose friends but not work colleagues I’m friendly and polite at work but if I wasn’t get paid to put up with most of em I 😂 fucking wouldn’t , but for more then the minute it would take to cross a road or leave a room
Because people often have to wear a bit of a mask at work, and some work places run off rumours and gossip. A bit hard to let the guard down when any social issues become work issues. It's just too risky. That being said, it does seem how some people climb the ladder; like it's some kinda boys club so I don't know.
I have people that I actually love and care about. Your work friends aren't coming to your funeral.
Bad experiences with coworkers and more or less feeling left out of the work clique at times. Easier to just do your job to the best of your ability and train yourself not to care about their opinions.
I don't need more friends, I barely like the friends I do have. Can we just do our jobs and go home?
Yeah, I've always made friends at work, too, but never really close friends. I've heard a lot of stories on Reddit of coworkers backstabbing you once they get some dirt on you, and that's why people avoid friendships at work, but I don't know, I think you get ahead by being personable and likable, and maybe having everyone over for a barbecue every once in a while. I understand not telling coworkers all your dark, dirty secrets, but I don't see any problem with forming casual friendships. Don't talk about drugs, religion, politics, or anything else that might get you into trouble at work, and you should be good.
1.) They will either screw you over or they become the worst "friend" you will meet. 2.) Most people are very very good at hiding their issues and red flags. The more you get to know a co worker the more you wish you didn't.
Well I don't want to make friends anywhere...
Because I probably won't like you that much, anyway.
I'm ADHD. My working persona is someone who doesn't exist, I mask for 8h a day because otherwise I wouldn't have a job. I am not interested in doing that after work. And I am not willing to risk unmasking with someone I have to work with, because there's a VERY good chance they will stop liking me and now it's awkward. I also have a ton of friends already so I don't want to make more, I don't have space in my life for it. Well, that's why I didn't do it back when I was still working for someone. I got tired and now I'm self-employed, so my "friend at work" is my dog and that dude is my bestie.
Backstabbers
Because I have a wife and children that require my attention and I give all the people at work enough of my attention.
I think that working class jobs foster genuine friendship. Everyone isn’t trying to get ahead.
I just put up and pretend to be their friends juuuuust long enough to punch out. I find that most people are just looking for a way to use you to their advantage/ they feel entitled to your free time.
I do this too. Once they let their guard down ... Bam! I punch out
So u haven't stabbed in the back by your coworker...
Gossip. I have 2 work friends. And I know they won't throw me under the bus. The rest will so im just cordial.
I used to wonder this too. I made what I thought were some great friends at my current job. But yeah, no. When you work with people, there will always be some form of transaction involved. If they can get away with something by throwing you under the bus, they usually will. And then you’re still stuck working with them every single day. It’s not worth my peace - at all. I’ll be as pleasant as I can but I’d rather not do much more than that.
Yeah I just don’t like getting too close to people or letting them know my personal life too much. Some people will use whatever they can to get ahead or even just try to seem like they’re better than you.
I honestly don’t get this either. And it’s not like I’m naive - I’ve been working for 25 years. Several of my best friends in the world are people I met at work. My three buddies that I have lunch with every day are the only reason I go into the office; otherwise I would work from home. Maybe I’m just lucky that no work friend has ever fucked me over?
Because I don't give a shit about sports and that's all everyone at the office talks about
It makes it very hard to try an exert some authority and discipline if you’ve put yourself in a potentially compromising position with people you’re supposed to be in charge of
My work life is separate from my personal life. I don't need disagreements with my friends bleeding into work or vice versa. With how polarized everything is nowadays, I prefer my work social situation to be as sterile and untainted as possible. I put headphones in and listen to audiobooks/podcasts, occasionally chat with coworkers, and go home to my life.
I was tight with many colleagues at my previous company, mostly since we were all mid-20's - mid-30's and pre-covid everyone WFH Fridays but commuted Mon-Thurs. Since mass layoffs affected all of us in 2021, I still talk regularly with ~7 of 20 or so work friends, actually hang out occasionally with 2. Since accepting my new role shortly after the layoff, I commuted to the office once in three years until very recently when hybrid schedule was mandated. I work on a team of 10, half live in different times zones, 4 are over 45 and I (36M) have nothing in common, 1 is my age but doesn't have to commute as a mom to three young kids. Whether I make an effort to befriend coworkers is entirely circumstantial, but it was nice building all those new friendships between age 28 & 32. Sadly, the vast majority fizzle out once they're not employed under the same roof, but that's expected.
I’m no stranger to making friends at work, have been tons of friends including my best friend from my last job. However, moving forward I just feel like… it’s not really something I need? I just kinda wanna be left alone at my current job aside from work related shit and casual pleasantries.
Trust issues. You can make friends with a select few co-workers that you carefully vet before opening up to them. But if you're not careful, anything you say or do can be used against you.
Separating my professional life and my personal life is very important to me. I try, with difficultly, to leave work at my front door.
Bad experiences in the past. I just avoid giving or asking for any personal info. I’m nice to everyone but I go about my business and leave. If I connect with someone I’ll give my info/make time to hang with them outside of work
Because I'm forced to work and I don't want to bring work into my personal life.
Professional boundaries for one. I’m so friendly with coworkers and talk about my life and everything, but outside of work I just want to life my life and already have a bunch of friends, I’m busy, a partner, etc. I’ve always seen people who only have work friends as mostly boring people who were incapable of making friends on their own but I’m a shit talker like that.
I mean if you share similar interests like hobbies in common then sure, but to most colleagues is better to just act friendly even if you not interested in them in the slightest.
>It just has me thinking, in a world where adult friendships seem harder to make than ever, why are people so hesitant to befriend coworkers? I'm in the midwestern US. My country is largely "at will" employment. Any company can fire you for any reason outside of federally protected status. So, a friendship gone wrong can literally cost you your job. No. Thank. You. Also, I like privacy and a strong work-life boundaries.
Because, someday you are they will get promoted and giving orders to the friend can get awkward for some people.
I don’t necessarily want my coworkers knowing certain things about my personal life.
If there's a promotion opportunity but only one of you gets it, do you do the right thing and let your friend have it?
I thought we were close but my most recent work friend blocked me and left the job. I wasn’t hurt but it just seems like a fair amount of work friendships are just due to forced proximity. Not to say you can’t find genuine connections at your work space.
Because they will betray you as soon as their job is on the line.
I work in HR. I don't avoid it necessarily, but I'm cautious for various reasons.
i used to be like that. i used to want to make friends bc we’re around these people every day until every coworker i’ve ever had has lied about me in order to get me fired. at one job they succeeded. despite all the evidence that proved they were lying but it was 20 against 1. now i show up, do my job and go home.
In my more scandalous days, I slept with a number of colleagues; one of them even turned into my wife. These days, I keep a respectable distance between my professional and personal life. I’ll engage in work related extracurriculars (holiday gatherings, occasional happy hour) but nothing beyond that.
Same but in reverse. Slept with several wives. One even became a coworker!
https://media2.giphy.com/media/UbLnLnbbYQTDc2bmbJ/giphy.gif?cid=6c09b952svefrs1d2jboanwv07wvlfxkyiz92xvx2mbfuute&ep=v1_internal_gif_by_id&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g
It doesn't come naturally to me and I keep to myself
I don’t like most of them for friend material honestly. My resume sucks and I tend to get jobs in companies that are desperate enough to hire literally anyone. My coworkers complain about having no money but they drink, eat fast food and smoke (pot and vape) all the time. Don’t show up to work on time. Get caught for drunk driving and brag about not voting. They are decent people, even with their flaws and I like them. But I want to be friends with people who inspire me to be better. The last workplace I had was worse. They were religious, conservative and anti-vaccine in the pandemic era. Most of my coworkers sent out signals that they were racist and sexist too (although they would have disagreed with those terms). It sucked but a lot of what made it bearable was putting in my hours and going home. I understand that says a lot about me. That I don’t value myself professionally, I haven’t put enough effort into my life to get a career or at least a job with a better class of people. Honestly, I have plans to change that. But in the meanwhile, my standards for friends are higher than for coworkers.
I work for the military. My coworkers move every 2-3 years. I’m cordial with them, even get to know them well, but I’m not exactly friends with any of them. Add to that I’m in my mid-40s (female) and they’re in their mid-20s (vast majority male), I’m more like a mother figure who helps them out with work situations than someone who they would be friends and hang out with. :)
Your coworkers are NOT your friends. The sooner you learn and accept this the better off you'll be. Keep your personal life private. Give them zero information that isn't work related. You're all there to do a job, not be buddy buddy. It's sad, but that's the reality of our work culture. People lie, are two faced, gossips and drama mongers. Best to just keep the lips zipped and get the work done.
Because can I borrow $20 comes next.
I strive to be friendly but we'll never be friends
Those people will tell on you super fast! They can’t be trusted
I work in HR.
I’ve worked really hard to maintain and nurture my friendships from elementary school on up and honestly don’t want to deal with anyone else’s BS at all I also am one to disappear for a few months and the couple of people that I thought were my friends that I met through work could not handle the disappearing act so I’d just rather stick with the people that know me best
Nobody can be trusted. They just want to gossip and drag you into their petty quarrels. Or, Perhaps they don’t and you find that one great friend- but they do something to upset the higher ups… suddenly you’re guilty by association. All you did was perhaps give that friend good advice they never took. Or Everyone says they are your friends but when you get invited to the party it’s as the help.
Get into management and you'll understand fully why it's a bad idea.
I thought I was friends with this lady. She was 10 years older than me. I usually casually joke about the amount of hours I used to work(I was a part timer doing 40 hours a week). And I really mean very casually joking, smiling, laughing because I was still making a crap ton of money from overtime. Found out she went to the boss and said all my complaints but made it sound 7000% worse. Like I was just super unhappy to be there. We also had a temp worker, who was trying to be permanent. One time I had a shift with the temp and her. I casually said to the temp "good luck, I think you'll definitely get the job" as encouragement. She went and told the boss that I broke the news of the temp getting hired. As if I knew the temp was hired? Anyways, just a toxic mess, I kept to myself afterwards. Can't trust coworkers beyond food or pet talks. I'm at a much better workplace and am friendly to my coworkers but anything about my job, I keept it between me and my boss.
I've met both pretty cool people and pretty awful toxic people at work. Just like in life it's going to be a mixed bag. I try and just minimise the interactions I have to do with the people I don't get along with where possible
I’m not opposed to making friends with coworkers but I definitely don’t make it a priority. If I really click with someone then that is great. But I don’t want to make friends for the sake of it and they end up asking for favors/taking advantage. It is hard enough to manage those asks when it is just a coworker with whom I work regularly. I prefer to have polite professional relationships where people know I do good work and always my best to help but don’t get too cozy. At my current job, most people are in totally different stages of life to me. I also work remotely 90% of the time.
That sounds so exhausting. I’m busy focusing on my job; I don’t have the mental space to also focus on socializing. Plus I don’t want work and personal life to mix. They kind of have to, to an extent, but it feels so awkward and messed up to me.
I generally don't like people. Especially work people. I'm there to get a job done, not be your emotional support puppy. (Or your smuck to shit on to gain yourself popularity)
I have enough friends and managing relationships is a job in of itself. With coworkers it adds another layer of complexity. Ain't nobody got time for that
Saved me too many times keeping work at work. At one job they tried everything to get rid of me, imagine if they knew me personally? They might have known people around me but if they knew everything about me, I would have lost more. I remember once asking for different hours because my hours were ridiculous and when I told them I could not afford to drive back and forth to only work four hours a day, they used that against me, so later on when I asked for more hours, they used my financial situation against me to refuse letting me become a full-time employee. **Let me put it like this:** **You can break up with a friend and you just don't see each other, have a bad connection with your coworkers and you might just lose your job. I cant afford to lose a job, much less be thrown into a shitty job market with no mercy. I also can't afford for anyone to discriminate against me for being who I am or my lifestyle. That has no business being at work just like my coworkers having no right to mess with my life outside of work. Thats professionalism.**
The work snitch is prob in the comments
Why do I want to make friends with people who don't really care about me and if I leave or am let go, will never talk to me again? I am pleasant and nice and fun to work with but they are not my friends.
Your boss is not your friend and neither are your coworkers. Someone you may think you're becoming friends with will throw you under the bus to get ahead. And if I become friends with someone at work, would we then have to talk outside of work? I don't have friends outside work either. Idk what I would do with a friend. I'm shy and quiet and I don't have things to talk about with a friend or anyone else. I just prefer to be left alone in general.
I like to mind my own business. Things that come out over friendly drinks and hangs often get thrown back in your face in the office. Also, I hate my job so I want to immediately forget about it when I walk out those doors in the evenings.
I don't want to talk about work after work and people from work tend to talk about work after work.