At 23, the only losing possibility is giving up. Come on, there is so much life ahead... this person should give him/herself the chance to build a life gradually in a direction that has some meaning to him/her!
Seriously, aren't you supposed to be a loser at 23? You have no money, no work experience, and an underdeveloped frontal lobe. Best case scenario is that you have a fancy piece of paper and a bunch of debt.
I didn't get my shit together until I was like 28-29.
Same I just turned 29 and finally found a career and company that I genuinely don’t dread going to every weekday.
I got my degree about 4 years ago and was jumping job to job low paying that had nothing to do with my degree. I was depressed and felt like a major loser throughout my 20s I’m finally feeling good.
Luckily I was blessed with a supportive family that helped me through hard times. My advice is stop comparing yourself to others, especially online. Everyone’s journey has its own story.
You were still trying and looking and doing. A loser will give up and concede defeat. That's why losers become winners when they strive for higher and keep trying and oimg
Agree with this take. I remember being in my early 20’s and things only finally just started falling into place on my 24th bday. I oftentimes would say, “24 is the year to get shit done!” to my peers who felt rudderless.
Now, as a mid-30’s woman, I feel like your 20’s are the time to make mistakes and be a mess bc you’re able to rebound so much more easily as a 30-something with some life experience under your belt.
I mean you should probably have some friends at 23, and having a curfew is kinda crazy as a grown man but you gotta follow the rules of the house so 🤷♂️
Well I'm 28 and I get 12k a year what silver spoon did your arse consume. It is subjective and most people don't actually definitively settle into their skin until later 30s early 40s
Sounds like your doing really well honestly. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're working towards your goals and have time to enjoy life. That's the dream honestly. It's very common nowadays for 20s sometimes to live with their parents. Hell in the rest of the world you don't really move out till you're married.
Oh pls. Early 20s don’t even have enough experience for jobs. What makes you consider young 20s to have any actual experience/deserved to be called a loser around that age? Failing college? Embarassing video posted on a social media? Fine call me a loser then.
I don’t think the person is a loser. My son is 23 and living at home while in college.
I think the parents are rather controlling.
If they live in a remote area (no Uber, no public transportation, etc.) they need to get a side hustle or better paying job to work on getting a car.
Next, get the education or skills to a better paying job to be able to move out even if that means a room in someone’s home.
They need more friends and to reconsider this LDR.
My brother is in his late 20s almost 30 still never moved out! yet he has maintained a job( not the best, but maintained and moved up) he has never been arrested, doesn’t do drugs! Has a core group of friends( internet, but they have met regularly last few years) the fucker is boring but has lived a good life. Has more opportunities then I have now! Main thing this day and age don’t get a felony( holds you back, even if your a good person) is trade with my”boring” no friends brother in a heart beat, to have his opportunities again. With What I know now!
Yeah. A felony can screw a person in so many ways.
As someone who worked in the system, I think people need to be given another chance. It’s a huge reason recidivism occurs.
My neighbor is 45+ never had a job, still lives off the teet of his mommy in her house, a dead beat dad to a little girl, drug user, no car, brings low life's, criminals, & homeless onto our street. Is he a loser?
Agreed with the parents being controlling from the sons prospective tho. Only reason I still live at home is because my parents are quite easy to get along with and we have a large house such that we don't bother each other but can spend time if desired. But it sounds like your parents are trapping you a little and preventing you from exploring yourself a bit. Sometimes you need space to make your own mistakes to know yourself better , some parents will understand and some parents only stop when you move far enough away that they don't get a say in or hardly know what you do
You need to move out of your parents house or work on establishing boundaries. Not because of social stigma, but because they are maintaining you in a stunted adolescence. A curfew would *maybe* be reasonable if it was like a "we can't have you coming in and out at all hours waking us up", but not ALLOWING you to drive is completely inappropriate.
One of the reasons why I want to move out, my mom has no sense of boundaries. I don’t think she even knows what that is. She literally told me that she gave birth to me so I can do things for her and she owns me. She really used the word own.
They need some friends. And to get to a point of moving out on their own. Since leagally they are adults they can't be forced to live where they are anymore. The law forbids it.
I feel like the only Losers here are your parents! You’re not a loser, you’ve been stunted by your parents’ inability to realize that you’re a whole adult. They’ve probably stunted you socially too. I would secretly start saving all of my money and get out. You’re NOT a loser! Your parents sound controlling and toxic and that alone can restrain you from becoming the independent adult that you want to be.
You are describing me at 23 except I hadn’t graduated yet and was single. I was fine and I had fun. Now I’m an archaeologist applying to graduate school.
I do cultural resource management. We do surveys for land that needs to be developed. Usually we don’t find anything, but sometimes we excavated cool sites. I’ve escalated an 18th century home, and we have a Native American village coming up soon.
This person needs to develop a friendship, ANY friendship. Ask a coworker to go to lunch to discuss a work project. If they naturally talk about other things, great, if not, move on to the next person. They have to work with someone they might be friends with. Second, get a car. Get some freedom. They need freedom. That means they need their own place. Seriously. A studio apartment. Find out if they can get an on campus apartment while going to grad school as part of an assistantship. They have to get out of that oppressive environment.
I think someone is only considered a "loser" if they don't have any physical or mental disabilities and activley choose not to get a job or volunteer or do anything with their life. So no. I don't think they're a "loser."
No, I don't think they're a loser, but I do think they need to work on moving out and making friends. It seems like living at home is preventing them from being their own person and everyone needs a few good friends.
Honestly sounds to me like this person's parents are way too controlling of their 23yo adult kid, than the kid being a loser.
Yeah, if you live with your parents then you gotta respect them and follow *reasonable* rules even as an adult, but, a curfew? Not being allowed to drive? Not being allowed out at night? In your almost mid-20s? Wtf? Bro my parents stopped giving a fuck about stuff like that by the time I was 18
At 23 no not a loser. In my mind a loser at 23 is a guy with multiple babymamas and cant hold down a job.
Living with your folks in this economy isn't anything to be ashamed of. And working to make your life better is always a good thing. And ya dont need a big social circle to be content.
Not a loser.
A loser would be someone who fathered a kid and then refused to get a job and pay child support or do anything to support the kid. Something like that.
What you described sounds pretty normal for a 20-something-year-old.
I certainly wouldn't wait until this supposed higher education leads to a massive career pivot. Who knows if that will happen.
Make a plan to get the hell out of a place where you have a curfew and "aren't allowed" to drive.
they need to save up as much as they can and move out of their parents house. it seems that this is the most detrimental thing to their life at this point. there is no reason a grown adult with a full time job should not be "allowed" to do something. you can do whatever you want, but start with getting out of the house.
Honestly when I was a kid, I remember my parents’ rent was like $600 or somewhere still the hundreds. Now it’s in the thousands and sometimes that just for a studio. And it’s not even like the neighborhood is nice either. That’s just the minimum now.
Cheapest I found in my area was 2,500.00( two bedroom). A area known as murder dubbs. Hour plus away from work and definitely not an area I wanna raise my two little girls…
Why is this so upvoted? Waste money on rent to never afford a down payment. Americans are crazy. Staying at home is a blessing in this day and age, but I guess you need cool points for being independent over making smart financial long term decisions.
I don't think they're a loser but I don't think that's describing a healthy relationship with their family or one that's good for them, especially their parents 'not letting' them drive and enforcing a curfew at 23.
>>curfew>>
Fix this. Person needs to be polite to parents by telling them about what time they plan to be home, and text parents if it gets later than that so parents don’t worry.
>>sit in their room depressed
This is the only problematic part. Go out and do things after work. Check out meetup.com, local classes, local Facebook social or activity groups, etc. Don’t marinate in one’s room or in front of a screen.
Being a "loser" is a society created standard. Because people cannot comprehend that lables aren't for everything, pretty sure not all people have their qtips labeled in a jar.
I was a bit of a loser in my early 20s.
I worked a dead end and part time retail job. I lived at my gf's house rent free. We were not in love romantically but I stuck around. I didnt know what to do with my life. Instead of being proactive, I spent almost 5 years just playing video games, reading books, and getting some tattoos.
The only positive is I went to the gym.
Around 25 years old I realised I was going nowhere and enrolled in a pre-college course and slowly climbed out of my mess of a life.
This person sounds like they are trying and have a plan. Even if they didn't, they sound like a pretty normal person figuring out life to me.
Ps. I'm 40 and still figuring out life 😉 I think it's kinda how life works.
I think what makes you a loser is letting your parents control your life. You're not allowed to go out late. You're not allowed to drive. Or.... what? Rent a room, get up from under their control, and live your life. You will never live a full life in that house.
I think this hypothetical person is doing the best they can with the tools they were given. It sounds like they are trying to get an education and working towards a brighter future. If anyone says your 20s are the best years of your life, then they haven't lived past their younger days, as in they still live in the past. Yes, your twenties can be very fun, but they're also a time where you are trying to figure out who you are, which can be very confusing and frustrating. I spent most of my twenties working two jobs and going to school for 8 years.... Decided I wanted to be a software engineer at age 25... Graduated at age 29.
Did I have fun? Yes. Was it extremely hard to get where I am today? Yes. Was it my best years? No. Lol by far my 30s have been than my 20s and am excited for my 40s.
Don't feel like your wasting your youth, you have so much time left. Life lived is never wasted.
This person is absolutely not a loser.
Lol sorry but if my parents (25M) told me now I had a curfew I’d just laugh and pull up apartments.com or find a room too rent
I understand living with some stipulations if you’re back w the rents, but a curfew? GFTO 😂
Some say the 20s are your best years but I find that to be untrue. You’re still figuring things out. It wasn’t until my 30s and now into my 40s that I really started to love my life. So rest easy knowing the best years are yet to come. Tbh, life gets better and better the older you get.
Keep working towards your goals. The world will have you believing your life has to be a certain in order for it to be great but that’s simply not true. Everyone’s life is different and everyone’s path is different.
A "loser" would likely be someone who's trying to force their life to fit someone else's ideal sacrificing personal happiness and even identity along the way.
I'd say no, not a loser. College grad, gainfully employed, plans for the future. Living with parents is what it is - housing is stupid expensive and I never judge someone living with parents if they need to (I wouldn't be able to afford an apartment by myself, even though on paper I make decent money). The curfew is a bit ehhh but the lack of car access isn't a dealbreaker - my husband didn't get his licence until he was 26 and I didn't get mine until I was 29.
This person needs some friends and maybe an out from under their parents' thumb, mostly because the parents are controlling and not because living with parents is necessarily a bad thing.
You accept your parents authority even tho you feel trapped by it for no reason other than it makes your life easier.
I want to be absolutely clear: living with your parents doesn't make you a loser. Why would your family waste money on multiple houses if you can tolerate living together??
BUT if your parents don't respect you as a human and still treat you like property and like because they provide for you they ever had the right to control who you are as a person, you're kinda a loser. And it sucks, because it's your parents fault, not yours
But it's your job to do something about it. I rejected curphew at like 15 idk how you can possibly tolerate it at 23.
Being a loser is literally just not having self respect. I can't think of any other definition.
And in this situation, homie got no self respect.
You’re a loser baby, a loser just like me.
No but for real, I don’t think this makes that person a loser. It’s all subjective. Honestly this seems like the kind of life I would love to have and I’m 32. Hell, at 23 I had friends, and was living on my own. But I was working 3 part time jobs while in school, never had time to volunteer or read or exercise or go anywhere because I was so exhausted and had no money. I was living in an absolute crap hole of an apartment. I saw myself as a loser because I didn’t have any achievements in the way my friends did.
Right now I have two degrees, an apartment, make decent money, have friends, but no relationship and feel like I’m a loser in that way. But I know that 23 year old me would have considered present me to be amazing and not a loser. It’s all subjective.
Haha I definitely was, a good chunk of my 30s too. Finally feeling kind of cool in my early 40s haha. I heard that none of us know anything until we’re at least 65 and then we start forgetting it.
Nothing can make you a loser in your early 20s. My goodness, you are just a baby. You haven't had the time or the opportunity to even approach being a loser at that life stage (not that I think people are anyhow). You're just beginning.
Not a loser at all. Person should try to set up family therapy & get some issues out and understood with a third party. Living in anyone’s home, yea a curfew I can see (be in by midnight, 1/2 on the weekends) but in by 9/10!? Nah.
Not allowed to drive or uncomfortable with helping them/allowing them to use a car to assist with upward mobility + maintaining social connections in a positive way? Definitely helicopter vibes.
If parents won’t commit to a family therapy session, then it’s definitely avoidance and control. Person should bite their tongue and do what’s needed to save $$ (and look into either therapy or a trusted relative/ultra close friend to share perspectives and get ideas on progression)
Person got an education, stays out of trouble, has involvements and gives back + a relationship shows a level of emotional stability and maturity for someone to reciprocate that interest.
Not a loser. But sounds like this person might be ready for some life changes. My theory is that loneliness and feelings of depression (not clinical) are the mind’s way of telling us that we aren’t living true to our values, dreams, and potential. I’d suggest this person spends some time imagining the life they really want, then taking some steps to make it happen.
I was the stereotypical poser at 23, low salary, smoker, stoner, low status, single male living at home in childhood hometown basically spending wages on hobbies and going out each weekend, but I was lot happier then than I am now, 21 years later with nice car, own house, married, kids, degree and professional career tbh. More responsibility is just more pressure and nice things need paid off. I wish I could have a holiday from 44 year old me for a week of 23 year old me each year.
I’m a parent and would love to know how some parents get this much control. My kids would look at me weird if I tried to control them this much. A curfew at 23? I’d be more concerned about the online relationship and be encouraging my kid to go out and get hobbies and go meet people in real life.
> have a curfew
> They aren’t allowed to be out late at night
> their parents are reluctant to let them drive
At 23? I think it's clear what the issue is here. This person needs to take control of their own life.
I think calling someone a loser is mean spirited and not helpful. People are always worthy of being treated with basic dignity and respect. That being said, mean spirited people would probably say that of this person. Those types of people are best to avoid.
A wake up call in this case is needed, though: at 23, it's important to get out of the parents' house, if possible, as soon as possible. Especially with a curfew and being kept from getting a car - this person is a full adult, and needs to have their own place and car, and the ability to go where they want when they want. Their parents shouldn't be preventing them from this, at this age. Maybe at 16, not at 23. That doesn't sound healthy for this person's life. The parents should know better than to do those things. But rather than changing the parents, the key is just to go out on one's own. It is totally possible. Even a cheap apartment is better than living in such a situation.
A long distance relationship, where there isn't much communication, might not be worth keeping. Sounds like it might be a hindrance to both parties. Depends on the specifics of the situation, so that might not be the case. But this person should consider ending it, since romantic relationships should almost always be real (in person). Examples of where that isn't the case: if one of the partners is on a military deployment, or temporarily traveling for their job, etc.
It's good to have friends and acquaintances that you can chat with and at least have a few moments of laughter together. One way to meet people is by going out to do various activities. There are meetup groups, clubs, etc. The best way to make friends, I believe, is side by side...focus on things together, such as activities that you have to do together, interests that you may share, and friendship can develop naturally. Just keep trying to do that. The opposite approach is making friends "face to face", which is more of something women do...that approach doesn't work as well for men, who do better when they are focused on something else such as a task at hand. So, for instance, a meetup group where you go nature hiking could be a good way to make friends, as you could be out doing that, talking about hiking gear or trails, etc. Then naturally, conversation goes to other things, you get to know more of who people are, and friendship is just a side effect. Even if friendship doesn't develop outside of such a meetup group, you're at least hanging out with acquaintances during the hike, which will do wonders for how you feel, compared to sitting in your room after work alone.
Furthermore - what is enjoyable in life? What can you work toward, that inspires and interests you? Are there plans to make, and work to achieve? Working on those things will enrich your life...as opposed to working your job, then coming home and having nothing else. Focus on life's simple pleasures. Focus on things that are cool and fascinating. Develop some hobbies that you like. Get out in nature, rather than solely being inside. Most towns and cities have tons of events happening all of the time...go out and check those things out. For instance, where I live, tonight there's a blues music show. Two weekends ago there was a carnival in the downtown area, with foods, games, rides, etc. If you look on Facebook Events that's one way to find out what's going on around you. Another way, sometimes cities have a local newspaper where various events are listed.
Some examples of hobbies I have: making woodfired pizzas (planning the dough recipe, making my own tomato sauce, growing basil, making my own mozzarella...roasting my own coffee, and brewing it different ways such as pourovers, lattes, etc. Spiritual development through learning meditation and life philosophy, and researching about these things. Etc. Notice that all of these are individual pursuits, in my case. These hobbies don't lead to making friendships, although with the pizzas that can be something to share with people you invite over, and for me it led me to talk about making pizzas with others who share the hobby. For coffee roasting, I talk with a couple of guys who similarly do that, and have had a get together where we both try different ways of brewing it to see what tastes better. I talk with someone at work about spiritual topics, etc. I led a meetup group in the past, where we practiced qigong and mudras, etc, and got to know some people with similar interests that way.
Hope some of these ideas help, whether the person described is you or someone you know. The only person who determines whether you're leading a good life or not is you, not others with their opinions. Are you having things you enjoy, and living well? If not, then maybe add more good things to your life!
Losers would shoot up a school because they can’t get a girlfriend.
The person in the hypothetical scenario is depressed and can’t see how much better they have it than other people.
I define a loser as someone who is very behind in terms of development, to the point where it harms others, and has no plans to change or even concern about his current state.
So at 23, you are not a loser. Are you successful? No obviously, but you're doing ok. It sucks that you still need to live with your parents, but that's life. I was living at home at that age, and tbh I didn't feel like a loser at all.
A lot of the other stuff you describe isn't a matter of being a loser or not, it's a matter of being "cool". Which honestly bro, no you're not cool. But who gives a shit lol. That's a moronic concept to begin with and its honestly sad so many adults still give a shit about that kind of thing.
Also, no offense but are you sure you're in a "decently happy relationship" because not SEEING each other is one thing, not talking to each other is another. Long distance relationships require MORE communication than normal, not less. So maybe that's something to look into. Maybe its time to move on and find someone else to date?
Yes. This person needs to get out of their parents home and be independent. For one the parents still appear to have complete control over this person's life (BTW, is this you, lol?) and secondly, having the safety net of living at home retards the speed at which you grow into your adult self.
Adversity leads to change and growth. You have to put yourself out there and take risks. My eldest son had some of the same feelings you had. Eventually I started putting pressure on him to add friction to him living at home, and soon he found his own space to live. From there he flourished. I remember him telling me that he thought moving out would suck but he loved the independence it gave him. It also took a lot of strain out of our relationship because I didn't need to be the authority figure anymore. He's a man, he makes his own decisions. Now I get to enjoy our relationship as adult friends, instead of being his Dad.
So save up some money, buy a beater car like a 1992 Toyota Carrola or something, and get going!
Not gonna read your post, just a replying to the title.
Loser is just a term use by the average people to drag others back to average or lower, everyone acts like their hot shit or that they all have their shit together when in reality everyone is just trying their best and to put a premium on their best the try to talk down to others best efforts. Truth be told the world and society is held together with peoples best efforts and if everyone listened to those people bringing each other down then society would cease to exist.
Not a loser, but definitely a weirdo. I moved back in with my parents at 25 and while I respect their house rules, they would never be giving me a fuckin curfew. I think you need to have a talk with Mom and Dad to let them know that you are an adult now and need to have adult privileges. People aren't going to see you as a fully formed adult if you tell them everything you've said here and you seem like a mature person who wants to be taken seriously. Your parents need to start realizing that you're not their precious little baby anymore. You've got a good attitude and a plan, you're definitely not a loser.
I'm 57. That word left my vocabulary many years ago. People go through all kinds of shit, and we never know about it. It's so easy to just throw on a label on someone. To me, "loser" is almost as bad as "ret@rd".
I feel like the only Losers here are your parents!
You're not a loser, you've been stunted by your parents' inability to realize that you're a whole adult. They've probably stunted you socially too.
I would secretly start saving all of my money and get out. You're NOT a loser! Your parents sound controlling and toxic and that alone can restrain you from becoming the independent adult that you want to be.
Not a loser at all, sounds like you have a good head on your shoulder given all you’ve accomplished already: getting the college diploma, getting the job, working toward a higher paying position, long distance relationship, volunteering and reading books. Make sure you’re saving money while living with your parents, if you want a car then work on a savings fund for it. Spending money on concerts and trips is only worth doing if you can a) afford it, and b) derive great joy from it.
The only thing that stands out is that despite all this you’re still lonely, so maybe reflect on your long distance relationship, and your volunteering. You may need better matches in these two areas.
And remember: nothing wonderful is going to happen to you on a screen. Spend time outside, talk to real people, go out and meet people, that will make life more fulfilling.
A loser in their early twenties considers that their peak years are already behind them and have settled into a nihilistic lifestyle that they know isn't going to end well and the people who love them know isn't going to end well. They will keep to this self destructive path until they have sapped good will and energy from those people around them, hit thirty and wonder why none of their old friends really want to talk to them anymore and they struggle to make meaningful adult relationships.
The fact you live like a child sounds bad to me.
Its not about living at HOME. It's about needing their permission for curfew and driving. You're an adult and you should have the freedom to make your own choices. If you can afford trips and concerts, you could probably afford your own living arrangements without needing to cowtow to parents.
You're a loser in your 20's if you have been indoctrinated to hate swaths of people who have never doing anything bad to you or society. You spend your days working to make lives horrible for people you don't know. You are closed to educating yourself about the world.
If you're a kind person - you are not a loser.
you need to ask yourself what a loser is and if you are one, honestly do not derive your worth or status from society as that's a really fast ticket to being miserable. Stuff like living with your parents is considered loser stuff in some societies and the absolute norm in others. Really spend time thinking about what you want in life and if you're in that process or not.
I wouldn’t insult that person by calling them a loser, but I would strongly encourage them to create a five year plan that would set them up well. Take 2 months to draw up the plan, then apply for as many new jobs with higher salaries. You can always level up as long as you have work experience. The new job needs to be enough to pay the rent and for cell, electric, insurance, Internet, gas, and food. Simultaneously, see how much rents are for a 1 bdrm apt at 2-3 cities/towns you would like. Simultaneously, research the schools with the degrees you want.
Move to the new job and move out at first possible opportunity. As long as you are geographically near the school, you may be able to start that later with financial aid. But give the new location 6 months to see if it’s working out. If you like it, apply to the school and pursue a degree that will always be needed (no journalism or arts, yes to business or health care)
You’ll meet new people doing all this and can always go back and visit the parents. If a crisis arises, can ask the parents for help put it on a CC if you must, but try not to rack up a ton of debt.
If you get bored, exercise. Buy some neoprene dumbbells at Target, a yoga mat, and YouTube some exercises. Get a gym membership if you can afford it.
The relationship will work itself out, and if it’s a drain cut bait and start fresh. For me, long distance relationships were depressing.
This person is depressed and needs help reframing their situation, because they’re calling themselves a loser for things that sound beyond their control.
Save up for a car of your own, then a place of your own, and you will feel more “successful”
Not a loser, but get a car. If you live with your parents and have a decent paying job you should be able to afford a car. It'll make you feel way better too.
(I'm writing this under the assumption that this is in America and you don't live in a very walkable city and have limited public transport)
Absolutely normal. People will feel like losers at any point in their life, regardless of age— and it happens more often than you think.
Who are you comparing yourself to? That’s an important question. Even if you’re comparing yourself to people in your class or social circles, they do serve as a good general measurement tool but in the end, they aren’t you and you aren’t them (different families, backgrounds, genetics, experiences… way too many factors). So, the only one you can truly compare yourself to is just yourself. Compete with yourself.
So, what are you going to do about it?
The times that I felt like a loser, I disliked every second of it because I knew that those feelings were telling me I could do way better and I wasn’t doing it because of lame excuses. So, I put my excuses aside and started ramping up my knowledge and skill set. (That was my personal preference, everyone has their own.)
‘hypothetical’ … but no, not a loser. Graduating college is a success, having a job is a success and having goals for the future is also a positive thing. Hobbies are good too. Sure, you could work on having more friends and also sort out your depression, but you don’t need to feel like a loser. Life isn’t all figured out right away. There are much more pathetic people out there anyways, like me lol
"The best years of your life". Imagine how pathetic it would be if you did actually peak as a human in your early 20s, if they were truly the best years. I think that is the crux of your proposition also, the idea that it's like life is permanently over if someone is in a period of suffering as a young man.
That isn't what makes someone a loser, you know what, it makes this person's enabling parents fucking losers because they're killing their child with comfort.
I think today with social media it’s easy to believe that we’re not doing enough or we’re behind but in all honesty there are so many people in the same boat and its pretty normal to live with your parents. The only person that can make you feel like a loser it’s you. Your on your own path in the world, also remember that the economy right now is pretty rough and living with your parents is probly smart
Just look at me. Look at my post history it tells everything. I’m 22.
I’ll sum it up here since I know no one will do that.
I never had a girlfriend and I can’t imagine someone who’d make me feel whatever love is.
I don’t have friends and mainly stay in my room watching YouTube.
I used to drink alone frequently. Hard stuff from the liquor yet I never went to a bar once last year.
I have a job, I make money, but I can’t care for a future and I keep to myself mainly
Finally, I destroy my body taking opioids.
Not a loser, just someone trying to figure out how to be independent as a very young adult. I was in a similar situation in my early twenties, but I at least had my own car so I could go places if I wanted to. Over time I grew in my career, moved out to a new state, and made way more friends than I ever expected by putting myself out there more and choosing to focus on my personal life instead of working more. I think this is the case for a lot of people in their early twenties these days, so long as someone is willing to learn and grow as a person life will most likely improve by 30!
Sounds like you need to find an affordable place to rent, or hash out some boundaries with your folks. Hate to say it, but if your volunteering isn't garnering you friends then it seems like a pit of effort and time. Maybe try to find another volunteer program where you meet people with common interests? But the number one thing is to get your folks off your back and get a car. Once you achieve that, then you can finally feel like a real loser... or it might work out and you're comfortable with who you are and the goals you strive for.
This person is not a loser BUT they do need to become more independent. Some people can live at home comfortably until they save for a home- those people do household tasks, have friendly relationships with parents, make food and cleanup after themselves, live as an adult with no curfew, etc… if you want to eventually
Live with significant other make a plan for maybe 6mo-a year away to get to the same city and have jobs there.
This person should join a social club- for gaming, sports, even a networking group like Jaycees or a chamber of commerce type group. If you keep showing up to those things they are bound to hit it off with someone.
Need to find a way to get out of the parents house or sit down and discuss why the distrust and why they are still treating them as a child. Look at the relationship and if it doesn’t work find one that will work and your needs.
At 23, nope. Your 23 year old hypothetical has actually accomplished quite a bit. It is not uncommon for college students to take a few breaks in atttendance before graduating. To already have that degree and be working, good job. Cars are overrated. Definitely needs to get out of the parents house for their own sanity, but in this day and age, nobody is judging.
Definitely not. This may be an assumption, but in the US there’s probably more pressure to have a car & a house by 23? I may be wrong idk.
In the UK, the average 23 year old still lives with their parents. It also depends on culture etc, also depending on the city, ex. London, getting a car is not a priority. Tbh housing here is horrendous, so it’s not very possible for the average 23 year old to get one rn.
But regardless of where you’re based, as long as you’re working on yourself to move forward & you’re not just sitting around doing nothing, you’re 100% not a loser.
After you turn 18 you technically are an adult and should be able to Drive and Not have a curfew. They are not a child they can live however they want.
Hey man. I lived at home until I was 29. Mostly because shit economy. My advice? Get a car. That's some freedom right there. Then you wanna save for a down payment on a house. Trust me on this.
Other than that you're doing great. Keep it up bro.
Not a loser, but this person could definitely be happier and have a better life than they currently do. The main thing seems to be overly strict parents for the age. At 23, someone should be allowed to be out when they want, not have a curfew, and come and go from their home freely. It is the parent’s house so they do get to make the rules they want. So, it may be good if this person moves out and gets their own place or a place with their partner. Long distance relationships are difficult and this would solve that issue as well. Also, going back to school is not always required to make more money. Exploring other income options may improve the situation as well.
A curfew? Homie tf these parents on, like sure ask for some help in paying bills to an extent since they live under your roof but they are 23 ffs let em stay out, I suggest they go out meet some people, those parents seemm way to controlling though
I’d say by 26 you should have a forever partner. A house or condo. A good paying job (at least 77k usd.) and a nice car if you need a car depending on where you live.
And be finished school. Going back to school is fine if you can avoid debt.
Stop pitying yourself. The only person who can help is you.
Take yourself out of your “comfort” zone and try some new things. You’re young till you’re 30 and then maybe, just maybe you will have some things starting to make sense.
Apply for a totally different job, move into a share house, go to a beginner session of a sport or activity.
When we are bored and lonely it is crushing, use it as recognition that something needs to change because what is happening now, ain’t it.
You’ll do well man, I used to feel like you.
But I treat my life like this.
I’m the captain of my own ship. The ocean is large and unpredictable but I can slowly point my ship in the general direction of where I want to go. Eventually, if I keep going. I might not end up where I thought I would but I’m where I want to be.
Trust the process, take a risk friend.
Change your mind change your life. Everything is within the control of the person. Discover and know the things you can change and the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference
Life is not a competition. To keep score is a sign that someone has more to learn that people are on different paths and comparison to other people is stupud.
The only thing that can make someone a “loser” is someone else’s opinion. Learn to ignore others opinions and just live your life and be happy. If living with your parents makes you happy (and they don’t mind of course) then do it. If going out and making a bunch of friends makes you happy…then do it. I think you get the point.
People care way too much about others opinions about themselves.
Yes. Definite loser. They're an NPC, boring as hell. They obviously can't sustain social relationships. Can't figure out a way to be independent. Literally wasting away life at the time when life mistakes are pivotal. Imagine being that and then being thrown into the world in their 30s. The mistakes they will inevitably make, will be way more embarrassing because they are at an age where they should be a grown up. Bro needs some life experience.
If you think you're a loser, you'll feel like a loser. If you think you're in early stages of success, you're not a loser.
The three most important parts of life are health, family and wealth, in that order. It's easy to prioritize them in reverse when you're young, healthy and broke.
With your focus on work, if you're investing properly I'd say you're on the right track for wealth.
You mention parents but no other family, and it sounds like your relationship with your parents is unique due to living with them. Nothing wrong with living with parents in your early 20s but you should be focused on building enough savings to move out (6+ months of living expenses in a high yield savings). You should also be thinking about if you want your own family and work toward bettering yourself to be a good partner, which means being an excellent communicator who's patient and kind.
You don't mention any part of your routine focused on your personal health, and the tone of what's written feels depressed or pessimistic. Building healthy habits that include healthy diet and aerobic physical exercise will benefit you more than anything else throughout life. Good physical health helps a lot with good mental health, but having a good friend or two can help with a fresh perspective. Get involved in a hobby that involves other people. Hope this helps.
it's def a loser thing to post about yourself as a hypothetical. it's even more of a loser thing to post about others as a hypothetical.
most people don't get to achieve much in their early 20s, being a loser is more vibes than actual accomplishments. there are people who fail but take it in stride and move on, usually no one considers them losers. it's the ones who wallow and languish, even if they're objectivelly not unsuccesful, that are losers.
In your totally hypothetical scenario, I think you know the answer. Now what exactly makes you decide that answer will tell you what you need to improve. Which it sounds like you already know what to improve considering you wrote all of that out.
To me a loser in their 20s is someone with no drive who doesn't do anything, and *especially* if they mooch on their parents too. I know you live with your parents but this doesn't sound like you. I would recommend working to have friends, especially if it means they turn into roommates and you can leave home, because honestly it sounds like your living from home situation is not optimal for your mental health.
Person needs to move out of their parents home and tell them off. A curfew and and ‘reluctant to let them drive’ is insane for someone in their 20s. Live your life for YOU
If not a loser then loser-adjacent.
Have to get out of that house. Some people are able to pull off the living with their parents to save money thing so long as they have an appropriately robust work and social life so that it keeps them out of the house, but the controlling parents are a non-starter. Find a roommate and move out immediately. Doesn’t matter who.
Imo the only thing that makes someone a loser is how they treat others. If someone is disrespectful and rude to others purely because they can, then that person is a loser. If someone is kind and respects others, then they're an amazing person.
Money doesn't make the person. How that person chooses to act defines them. Nothing else.
They’re only a loser if *they themselves* think they are one. Don’t let anybody else get you down, if you are content with your situation. The living at home in your 20s thing? Way more common than what a lot of people let on and that’s ok. Needs to be normalized. Everything expensive af. If they are lonely in a relationship, then that’s something the couple should work on together or they are not meant to be
You don’t seem like a loser at all. That sounds really similar to my situation a year ago at 23, except I wish I had lived with my parents. Instead I lived in a nightmare house straight out of r/badroomates and my bf wasn’t long distance. I would recommend the first thing you save up for is a car. Working full time and living at home is a great time to invest in one. This would help A LOT.
No one's really a loser unless you're a stereotypical basement dweller who's content with having no hopes or aspirations, living off your parents for the rest of your life. Everyone has ups and downs in life, but that's one thing I think that is not just a "down" but a permanent content with being lazy and a leech
Definitely not a loser. I think this person just needs to finds ways to improve their situation and move on into their own lifestyle. Being in your 20s with a curfew is rough, but they are living under their parents roof so they have to follow their rules. As long as this person finds the motivation to improve their situation, everything else should fall into place. I hope this person finds happiness because life is too short to be depressed. Plus depression is super boring! 😊
Your mind, others' minds, society in general... other than that, there's no such thing as being a loser or a winner. You exist or you don't, you are alive or just aren't. That's it.
No. You're supposed to be a bit of a mess in your 20s - that's the time to do it. I spent my entire 20s doing drugs and not much else, but you grow up. Don't worry about it, there's plenty of time to settle down and be serious.
I'm 23 myself. I just recently have finally stomached the courage to leave my parents in my hometown and venture off to a new city. I have been working in my career field since I was 20. I haven't did anything the last 4 years besides sit in my house and play World of Warcraft every minute of my free time. If I could give this person any advice, I would say just don't give up and go out and try new things, figure out what works for you. If you don't, your life will never change, and you will eventually get to the age where you look back and wonder where all those years went. This is the advice that finally made me make a change for the better. Is it scary? Of course, but I know I have to do it.
Too much emphasis is put on where you should be by a certain age and the definition of a loser. It's a strong indicator that person or society is the textbook definition of a loser. Humanity truly is a wretched animal.
Move out of your parents and get out of whatever this relationship is (it’s not a real relationship).
It’s normal to have a low paying job as a 23 year old. Just keep working at it and things will improve over time in that aspect.
Get a license and a car, as well as an apartment. You are an adult, so go do adult things
To many variables. I have met a 30 year old that lived at home, and don't contribute at all to their parents bills. They lived with their parents until their parent died. They have no realistic ambitions, and are basically a burden. I have a friend almost 30 that works full time makes good money lives at home, and probably pays half the Bill's. Just lives in one of those families where generations live in the same house. Early 20s is to young to judge someone for still living at home. It's what you do with the money you save, and the time that matters.
Doesn’t sound like a loser at all. It seems like someone who’s lonely without anything to do or people to do it with. I’d suggest a second job. Wouldn’t you want to have more money if the alternative is being alone in their room
I don't consider anyone in their 20s living with their parents a loser, but it's different when they lack independence or ambition. I have a friend in his mid-20s who graduated five years ago but avoided working until last year. For him, job hunting means spending weeks on a single cover letter. His controlling family often causes him to cancel plans for trivial reasons.
He complains about living at home, but he has enough money to move out and could find roommates among our college friends. Yet he always finds excuses not to. He has made no progress since college and remains stagnant. It breaks my heart because he used to be my best friend, but despite all his friends’ efforts to help, he refuses to help himself. We can't handle it anymore—we have real adult issues, while he’s still dealing with parental demands like it's high school.
So, yes, I'd consider him a loser.
Being a felon, in prison, or drugged up homeless on the streets. Other than that you have plenty of ways to recover from damn near anything in your 20s.
Definitely not a loser! I think like others have pointed out, the parents seem controlling. They might have reasons for this, but at 23 you are allowed to live your life and make mistakes. The parents need to let go. I would look into finding some roommates and move out. This will help in meeting people and potentially networking into a better job. I would also consider the long distance relationship. Is moving to close that gap an option? Seems like this person just needs to venture out on their own a little bit.
Tbh I don't really think someone in their early twenties can be a loser in the "failed as an adult" sense. They haven't even had enough time to really become an adult yet. The only way I could using that label is if someone was a NEET.
The only truly bad part here is the curfew. If you’re 23 years old, your parents don’t have a say over how late you stay out. That’s insane.
I live with my parents in my early 20s too but the idea of them being like “nuh uh uh bluerose297, it’s past X o’clock, you’re not allowed to go out…” I would immediately start looking for the cheapest apartment I could find and figuring out a way to make that work. Luckily that hasn’t been a problem because my parents aren’t interested in controlling their adult son’s life
Check out running clubs its early in the morning so that way you will meet people and no problem with the curfew and you will get to work out.
I have not joined one myself but what I have seen on social media it seems like fun. Maybe look into that :)
It depends how you measure winning and losing. Everyone's got a different ruler. Maybe this person feels like a loser because they're not leading their own life. They're still on childhood autopilot following their parents leadership.
At 23, the only losing possibility is giving up. Come on, there is so much life ahead... this person should give him/herself the chance to build a life gradually in a direction that has some meaning to him/her!
Seriously, aren't you supposed to be a loser at 23? You have no money, no work experience, and an underdeveloped frontal lobe. Best case scenario is that you have a fancy piece of paper and a bunch of debt. I didn't get my shit together until I was like 28-29.
Same I just turned 29 and finally found a career and company that I genuinely don’t dread going to every weekday. I got my degree about 4 years ago and was jumping job to job low paying that had nothing to do with my degree. I was depressed and felt like a major loser throughout my 20s I’m finally feeling good. Luckily I was blessed with a supportive family that helped me through hard times. My advice is stop comparing yourself to others, especially online. Everyone’s journey has its own story.
You were still trying and looking and doing. A loser will give up and concede defeat. That's why losers become winners when they strive for higher and keep trying and oimg
Agree with this take. I remember being in my early 20’s and things only finally just started falling into place on my 24th bday. I oftentimes would say, “24 is the year to get shit done!” to my peers who felt rudderless. Now, as a mid-30’s woman, I feel like your 20’s are the time to make mistakes and be a mess bc you’re able to rebound so much more easily as a 30-something with some life experience under your belt.
I mean you should probably have some friends at 23, and having a curfew is kinda crazy as a grown man but you gotta follow the rules of the house so 🤷♂️
Well I'm 28 and I get 12k a year what silver spoon did your arse consume. It is subjective and most people don't actually definitively settle into their skin until later 30s early 40s
These kids will give up at the drop of a hat.
Sounds like your doing really well honestly. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're working towards your goals and have time to enjoy life. That's the dream honestly. It's very common nowadays for 20s sometimes to live with their parents. Hell in the rest of the world you don't really move out till you're married.
Yeah mate, cost of living and the lack of wages these days, its a smart decision. It’s all younger people can afford.
Oh pls. Early 20s don’t even have enough experience for jobs. What makes you consider young 20s to have any actual experience/deserved to be called a loser around that age? Failing college? Embarassing video posted on a social media? Fine call me a loser then.
I don’t think the person is a loser. My son is 23 and living at home while in college. I think the parents are rather controlling. If they live in a remote area (no Uber, no public transportation, etc.) they need to get a side hustle or better paying job to work on getting a car. Next, get the education or skills to a better paying job to be able to move out even if that means a room in someone’s home. They need more friends and to reconsider this LDR.
My brother is in his late 20s almost 30 still never moved out! yet he has maintained a job( not the best, but maintained and moved up) he has never been arrested, doesn’t do drugs! Has a core group of friends( internet, but they have met regularly last few years) the fucker is boring but has lived a good life. Has more opportunities then I have now! Main thing this day and age don’t get a felony( holds you back, even if your a good person) is trade with my”boring” no friends brother in a heart beat, to have his opportunities again. With What I know now!
Yeah. A felony can screw a person in so many ways. As someone who worked in the system, I think people need to be given another chance. It’s a huge reason recidivism occurs.
My neighbor is 45+ never had a job, still lives off the teet of his mommy in her house, a dead beat dad to a little girl, drug user, no car, brings low life's, criminals, & homeless onto our street. Is he a loser?
Obviously. He will be a homeless one when the parents die.
never had a job? In some ways he’s a winner.
Agreed with the parents being controlling from the sons prospective tho. Only reason I still live at home is because my parents are quite easy to get along with and we have a large house such that we don't bother each other but can spend time if desired. But it sounds like your parents are trapping you a little and preventing you from exploring yourself a bit. Sometimes you need space to make your own mistakes to know yourself better , some parents will understand and some parents only stop when you move far enough away that they don't get a say in or hardly know what you do
You need to move out of your parents house or work on establishing boundaries. Not because of social stigma, but because they are maintaining you in a stunted adolescence. A curfew would *maybe* be reasonable if it was like a "we can't have you coming in and out at all hours waking us up", but not ALLOWING you to drive is completely inappropriate.
One of the reasons why I want to move out, my mom has no sense of boundaries. I don’t think she even knows what that is. She literally told me that she gave birth to me so I can do things for her and she owns me. She really used the word own.
oof I hope you get out of that situation soon
That’s when you tell her you will stick her in a nursing home lmao
This! I want my adult son to create a life. These parents seem as if they want them to stay home and possibly take care of them.
sounds like my mom
A 23-year-old shouldn't have a curfew. The parents are overly restrictive. I understand it's their house, but damn.
asian parents have entered the chat.
You haven’t met African ones 😂
I was just going to say this, and I’m 22😭
They need some friends. And to get to a point of moving out on their own. Since leagally they are adults they can't be forced to live where they are anymore. The law forbids it.
I feel like the only Losers here are your parents! You’re not a loser, you’ve been stunted by your parents’ inability to realize that you’re a whole adult. They’ve probably stunted you socially too. I would secretly start saving all of my money and get out. You’re NOT a loser! Your parents sound controlling and toxic and that alone can restrain you from becoming the independent adult that you want to be.
I felt attacked
And a loser
You are describing me at 23 except I hadn’t graduated yet and was single. I was fine and I had fun. Now I’m an archaeologist applying to graduate school.
You're awesome. What kind of archaeologist?
I do cultural resource management. We do surveys for land that needs to be developed. Usually we don’t find anything, but sometimes we excavated cool sites. I’ve escalated an 18th century home, and we have a Native American village coming up soon.
This person needs to develop a friendship, ANY friendship. Ask a coworker to go to lunch to discuss a work project. If they naturally talk about other things, great, if not, move on to the next person. They have to work with someone they might be friends with. Second, get a car. Get some freedom. They need freedom. That means they need their own place. Seriously. A studio apartment. Find out if they can get an on campus apartment while going to grad school as part of an assistantship. They have to get out of that oppressive environment.
I think someone is only considered a "loser" if they don't have any physical or mental disabilities and activley choose not to get a job or volunteer or do anything with their life. So no. I don't think they're a "loser."
No, I don't think they're a loser, but I do think they need to work on moving out and making friends. It seems like living at home is preventing them from being their own person and everyone needs a few good friends.
Honestly sounds to me like this person's parents are way too controlling of their 23yo adult kid, than the kid being a loser. Yeah, if you live with your parents then you gotta respect them and follow *reasonable* rules even as an adult, but, a curfew? Not being allowed to drive? Not being allowed out at night? In your almost mid-20s? Wtf? Bro my parents stopped giving a fuck about stuff like that by the time I was 18
At 23 no not a loser. In my mind a loser at 23 is a guy with multiple babymamas and cant hold down a job. Living with your folks in this economy isn't anything to be ashamed of. And working to make your life better is always a good thing. And ya dont need a big social circle to be content.
I second this
Not a loser. A loser would be someone who fathered a kid and then refused to get a job and pay child support or do anything to support the kid. Something like that. What you described sounds pretty normal for a 20-something-year-old.
Bro, you are doing decently. Be patient and start enjoying the process. Why try hack it? why are you not trying to have some fun
I certainly wouldn't wait until this supposed higher education leads to a massive career pivot. Who knows if that will happen. Make a plan to get the hell out of a place where you have a curfew and "aren't allowed" to drive.
they need to save up as much as they can and move out of their parents house. it seems that this is the most detrimental thing to their life at this point. there is no reason a grown adult with a full time job should not be "allowed" to do something. you can do whatever you want, but start with getting out of the house.
Have you seen the cost of living lately? I wish I didn’t move out at 18! This ain’t the 80s no more…
Honestly when I was a kid, I remember my parents’ rent was like $600 or somewhere still the hundreds. Now it’s in the thousands and sometimes that just for a studio. And it’s not even like the neighborhood is nice either. That’s just the minimum now.
Cheapest I found in my area was 2,500.00( two bedroom). A area known as murder dubbs. Hour plus away from work and definitely not an area I wanna raise my two little girls…
It’s nearly impossible to even buy a house in my area and the cost of rent is unbelievable.
I have two young kids, and have come to terms I will never own my own house, I’m now working to hopefully give my kids enough to do something!
Why is this so upvoted? Waste money on rent to never afford a down payment. Americans are crazy. Staying at home is a blessing in this day and age, but I guess you need cool points for being independent over making smart financial long term decisions.
I don't think they're a loser but I don't think that's describing a healthy relationship with their family or one that's good for them, especially their parents 'not letting' them drive and enforcing a curfew at 23.
Well come to middle age!!! You just found it in your 20’s
>>curfew>> Fix this. Person needs to be polite to parents by telling them about what time they plan to be home, and text parents if it gets later than that so parents don’t worry. >>sit in their room depressed This is the only problematic part. Go out and do things after work. Check out meetup.com, local classes, local Facebook social or activity groups, etc. Don’t marinate in one’s room or in front of a screen.
Why the fuck do you have a curfew at 23?
Being a "loser" is a society created standard. Because people cannot comprehend that lables aren't for everything, pretty sure not all people have their qtips labeled in a jar.
I was a bit of a loser in my early 20s. I worked a dead end and part time retail job. I lived at my gf's house rent free. We were not in love romantically but I stuck around. I didnt know what to do with my life. Instead of being proactive, I spent almost 5 years just playing video games, reading books, and getting some tattoos. The only positive is I went to the gym. Around 25 years old I realised I was going nowhere and enrolled in a pre-college course and slowly climbed out of my mess of a life.
This person sounds like they are trying and have a plan. Even if they didn't, they sound like a pretty normal person figuring out life to me. Ps. I'm 40 and still figuring out life 😉 I think it's kinda how life works.
I think what makes you a loser is letting your parents control your life. You're not allowed to go out late. You're not allowed to drive. Or.... what? Rent a room, get up from under their control, and live your life. You will never live a full life in that house.
everybody is a loser, we are all loosing time no? clock ticking whether u do nothing, u sleep, eat - just no way to stop it.
I think this hypothetical person is doing the best they can with the tools they were given. It sounds like they are trying to get an education and working towards a brighter future. If anyone says your 20s are the best years of your life, then they haven't lived past their younger days, as in they still live in the past. Yes, your twenties can be very fun, but they're also a time where you are trying to figure out who you are, which can be very confusing and frustrating. I spent most of my twenties working two jobs and going to school for 8 years.... Decided I wanted to be a software engineer at age 25... Graduated at age 29. Did I have fun? Yes. Was it extremely hard to get where I am today? Yes. Was it my best years? No. Lol by far my 30s have been than my 20s and am excited for my 40s. Don't feel like your wasting your youth, you have so much time left. Life lived is never wasted. This person is absolutely not a loser.
Lol sorry but if my parents (25M) told me now I had a curfew I’d just laugh and pull up apartments.com or find a room too rent I understand living with some stipulations if you’re back w the rents, but a curfew? GFTO 😂
Some say the 20s are your best years but I find that to be untrue. You’re still figuring things out. It wasn’t until my 30s and now into my 40s that I really started to love my life. So rest easy knowing the best years are yet to come. Tbh, life gets better and better the older you get. Keep working towards your goals. The world will have you believing your life has to be a certain in order for it to be great but that’s simply not true. Everyone’s life is different and everyone’s path is different.
A "loser" would likely be someone who's trying to force their life to fit someone else's ideal sacrificing personal happiness and even identity along the way.
They need to set boundaries with their parents, as they are more than capable and old enough to do what they choose.
I'd say no, not a loser. College grad, gainfully employed, plans for the future. Living with parents is what it is - housing is stupid expensive and I never judge someone living with parents if they need to (I wouldn't be able to afford an apartment by myself, even though on paper I make decent money). The curfew is a bit ehhh but the lack of car access isn't a dealbreaker - my husband didn't get his licence until he was 26 and I didn't get mine until I was 29. This person needs some friends and maybe an out from under their parents' thumb, mostly because the parents are controlling and not because living with parents is necessarily a bad thing.
You accept your parents authority even tho you feel trapped by it for no reason other than it makes your life easier. I want to be absolutely clear: living with your parents doesn't make you a loser. Why would your family waste money on multiple houses if you can tolerate living together?? BUT if your parents don't respect you as a human and still treat you like property and like because they provide for you they ever had the right to control who you are as a person, you're kinda a loser. And it sucks, because it's your parents fault, not yours But it's your job to do something about it. I rejected curphew at like 15 idk how you can possibly tolerate it at 23. Being a loser is literally just not having self respect. I can't think of any other definition. And in this situation, homie got no self respect.
Sitting around, hanging out all the time instead of striving to achieve something.
You’re a loser baby, a loser just like me. No but for real, I don’t think this makes that person a loser. It’s all subjective. Honestly this seems like the kind of life I would love to have and I’m 32. Hell, at 23 I had friends, and was living on my own. But I was working 3 part time jobs while in school, never had time to volunteer or read or exercise or go anywhere because I was so exhausted and had no money. I was living in an absolute crap hole of an apartment. I saw myself as a loser because I didn’t have any achievements in the way my friends did. Right now I have two degrees, an apartment, make decent money, have friends, but no relationship and feel like I’m a loser in that way. But I know that 23 year old me would have considered present me to be amazing and not a loser. It’s all subjective.
I lived at home until 25 🤷♂️ its your life man, do what you want and dont let peoples opinions hold weight on you
Everyone is a loser in their early 20s
Haha I definitely was, a good chunk of my 30s too. Finally feeling kind of cool in my early 40s haha. I heard that none of us know anything until we’re at least 65 and then we start forgetting it.
Nothing can make you a loser in your early 20s. My goodness, you are just a baby. You haven't had the time or the opportunity to even approach being a loser at that life stage (not that I think people are anyhow). You're just beginning.
Thats perfectly normal for a youth. I’m sorry your parents give you a curfew.
This person is jaded by the authoritarian parent. I believe this person should go to school full time if possible and network with peers.
Not a loser at all. Person should try to set up family therapy & get some issues out and understood with a third party. Living in anyone’s home, yea a curfew I can see (be in by midnight, 1/2 on the weekends) but in by 9/10!? Nah. Not allowed to drive or uncomfortable with helping them/allowing them to use a car to assist with upward mobility + maintaining social connections in a positive way? Definitely helicopter vibes. If parents won’t commit to a family therapy session, then it’s definitely avoidance and control. Person should bite their tongue and do what’s needed to save $$ (and look into either therapy or a trusted relative/ultra close friend to share perspectives and get ideas on progression) Person got an education, stays out of trouble, has involvements and gives back + a relationship shows a level of emotional stability and maturity for someone to reciprocate that interest.
Christianity, any denomination
Imo you should start gambling
Not a loser. But sounds like this person might be ready for some life changes. My theory is that loneliness and feelings of depression (not clinical) are the mind’s way of telling us that we aren’t living true to our values, dreams, and potential. I’d suggest this person spends some time imagining the life they really want, then taking some steps to make it happen.
I was the stereotypical poser at 23, low salary, smoker, stoner, low status, single male living at home in childhood hometown basically spending wages on hobbies and going out each weekend, but I was lot happier then than I am now, 21 years later with nice car, own house, married, kids, degree and professional career tbh. More responsibility is just more pressure and nice things need paid off. I wish I could have a holiday from 44 year old me for a week of 23 year old me each year.
I’m a parent and would love to know how some parents get this much control. My kids would look at me weird if I tried to control them this much. A curfew at 23? I’d be more concerned about the online relationship and be encouraging my kid to go out and get hobbies and go meet people in real life.
Some people die at the age of 25 and aren't buried until 75. The person in question should own his/her narrative; take control of things.
Calling someone a loser instantly makes you a failure of a human
> have a curfew > They aren’t allowed to be out late at night > their parents are reluctant to let them drive At 23? I think it's clear what the issue is here. This person needs to take control of their own life.
This person isn't a loser. This person is depressed.
I think calling someone a loser is mean spirited and not helpful. People are always worthy of being treated with basic dignity and respect. That being said, mean spirited people would probably say that of this person. Those types of people are best to avoid. A wake up call in this case is needed, though: at 23, it's important to get out of the parents' house, if possible, as soon as possible. Especially with a curfew and being kept from getting a car - this person is a full adult, and needs to have their own place and car, and the ability to go where they want when they want. Their parents shouldn't be preventing them from this, at this age. Maybe at 16, not at 23. That doesn't sound healthy for this person's life. The parents should know better than to do those things. But rather than changing the parents, the key is just to go out on one's own. It is totally possible. Even a cheap apartment is better than living in such a situation. A long distance relationship, where there isn't much communication, might not be worth keeping. Sounds like it might be a hindrance to both parties. Depends on the specifics of the situation, so that might not be the case. But this person should consider ending it, since romantic relationships should almost always be real (in person). Examples of where that isn't the case: if one of the partners is on a military deployment, or temporarily traveling for their job, etc. It's good to have friends and acquaintances that you can chat with and at least have a few moments of laughter together. One way to meet people is by going out to do various activities. There are meetup groups, clubs, etc. The best way to make friends, I believe, is side by side...focus on things together, such as activities that you have to do together, interests that you may share, and friendship can develop naturally. Just keep trying to do that. The opposite approach is making friends "face to face", which is more of something women do...that approach doesn't work as well for men, who do better when they are focused on something else such as a task at hand. So, for instance, a meetup group where you go nature hiking could be a good way to make friends, as you could be out doing that, talking about hiking gear or trails, etc. Then naturally, conversation goes to other things, you get to know more of who people are, and friendship is just a side effect. Even if friendship doesn't develop outside of such a meetup group, you're at least hanging out with acquaintances during the hike, which will do wonders for how you feel, compared to sitting in your room after work alone. Furthermore - what is enjoyable in life? What can you work toward, that inspires and interests you? Are there plans to make, and work to achieve? Working on those things will enrich your life...as opposed to working your job, then coming home and having nothing else. Focus on life's simple pleasures. Focus on things that are cool and fascinating. Develop some hobbies that you like. Get out in nature, rather than solely being inside. Most towns and cities have tons of events happening all of the time...go out and check those things out. For instance, where I live, tonight there's a blues music show. Two weekends ago there was a carnival in the downtown area, with foods, games, rides, etc. If you look on Facebook Events that's one way to find out what's going on around you. Another way, sometimes cities have a local newspaper where various events are listed. Some examples of hobbies I have: making woodfired pizzas (planning the dough recipe, making my own tomato sauce, growing basil, making my own mozzarella...roasting my own coffee, and brewing it different ways such as pourovers, lattes, etc. Spiritual development through learning meditation and life philosophy, and researching about these things. Etc. Notice that all of these are individual pursuits, in my case. These hobbies don't lead to making friendships, although with the pizzas that can be something to share with people you invite over, and for me it led me to talk about making pizzas with others who share the hobby. For coffee roasting, I talk with a couple of guys who similarly do that, and have had a get together where we both try different ways of brewing it to see what tastes better. I talk with someone at work about spiritual topics, etc. I led a meetup group in the past, where we practiced qigong and mudras, etc, and got to know some people with similar interests that way. Hope some of these ideas help, whether the person described is you or someone you know. The only person who determines whether you're leading a good life or not is you, not others with their opinions. Are you having things you enjoy, and living well? If not, then maybe add more good things to your life!
Parents are the losers here
Losers would shoot up a school because they can’t get a girlfriend. The person in the hypothetical scenario is depressed and can’t see how much better they have it than other people.
I define a loser as someone who is very behind in terms of development, to the point where it harms others, and has no plans to change or even concern about his current state. So at 23, you are not a loser. Are you successful? No obviously, but you're doing ok. It sucks that you still need to live with your parents, but that's life. I was living at home at that age, and tbh I didn't feel like a loser at all. A lot of the other stuff you describe isn't a matter of being a loser or not, it's a matter of being "cool". Which honestly bro, no you're not cool. But who gives a shit lol. That's a moronic concept to begin with and its honestly sad so many adults still give a shit about that kind of thing. Also, no offense but are you sure you're in a "decently happy relationship" because not SEEING each other is one thing, not talking to each other is another. Long distance relationships require MORE communication than normal, not less. So maybe that's something to look into. Maybe its time to move on and find someone else to date?
Yes. This person needs to get out of their parents home and be independent. For one the parents still appear to have complete control over this person's life (BTW, is this you, lol?) and secondly, having the safety net of living at home retards the speed at which you grow into your adult self. Adversity leads to change and growth. You have to put yourself out there and take risks. My eldest son had some of the same feelings you had. Eventually I started putting pressure on him to add friction to him living at home, and soon he found his own space to live. From there he flourished. I remember him telling me that he thought moving out would suck but he loved the independence it gave him. It also took a lot of strain out of our relationship because I didn't need to be the authority figure anymore. He's a man, he makes his own decisions. Now I get to enjoy our relationship as adult friends, instead of being his Dad. So save up some money, buy a beater car like a 1992 Toyota Carrola or something, and get going!
Well you are not smoking meth so 🤷
Not gonna read your post, just a replying to the title. Loser is just a term use by the average people to drag others back to average or lower, everyone acts like their hot shit or that they all have their shit together when in reality everyone is just trying their best and to put a premium on their best the try to talk down to others best efforts. Truth be told the world and society is held together with peoples best efforts and if everyone listened to those people bringing each other down then society would cease to exist.
Not a loser, but definitely a weirdo. I moved back in with my parents at 25 and while I respect their house rules, they would never be giving me a fuckin curfew. I think you need to have a talk with Mom and Dad to let them know that you are an adult now and need to have adult privileges. People aren't going to see you as a fully formed adult if you tell them everything you've said here and you seem like a mature person who wants to be taken seriously. Your parents need to start realizing that you're not their precious little baby anymore. You've got a good attitude and a plan, you're definitely not a loser.
I'm 57. That word left my vocabulary many years ago. People go through all kinds of shit, and we never know about it. It's so easy to just throw on a label on someone. To me, "loser" is almost as bad as "ret@rd".
I feel like the only Losers here are your parents! You're not a loser, you've been stunted by your parents' inability to realize that you're a whole adult. They've probably stunted you socially too. I would secretly start saving all of my money and get out. You're NOT a loser! Your parents sound controlling and toxic and that alone can restrain you from becoming the independent adult that you want to be.
Not a loser at all, sounds like you have a good head on your shoulder given all you’ve accomplished already: getting the college diploma, getting the job, working toward a higher paying position, long distance relationship, volunteering and reading books. Make sure you’re saving money while living with your parents, if you want a car then work on a savings fund for it. Spending money on concerts and trips is only worth doing if you can a) afford it, and b) derive great joy from it. The only thing that stands out is that despite all this you’re still lonely, so maybe reflect on your long distance relationship, and your volunteering. You may need better matches in these two areas. And remember: nothing wonderful is going to happen to you on a screen. Spend time outside, talk to real people, go out and meet people, that will make life more fulfilling.
A loser in their early twenties considers that their peak years are already behind them and have settled into a nihilistic lifestyle that they know isn't going to end well and the people who love them know isn't going to end well. They will keep to this self destructive path until they have sapped good will and energy from those people around them, hit thirty and wonder why none of their old friends really want to talk to them anymore and they struggle to make meaningful adult relationships.
The fact you live like a child sounds bad to me. Its not about living at HOME. It's about needing their permission for curfew and driving. You're an adult and you should have the freedom to make your own choices. If you can afford trips and concerts, you could probably afford your own living arrangements without needing to cowtow to parents.
You're a loser in your 20's if you have been indoctrinated to hate swaths of people who have never doing anything bad to you or society. You spend your days working to make lives horrible for people you don't know. You are closed to educating yourself about the world. If you're a kind person - you are not a loser.
23 and still living on daddy and mommy curfew?
They are not a loser if they have a mission in life to get ahead.
Sounds like your parents are the losers.
Giving up.
Losers give up and whine about the situation without doing anything about it.
you need to ask yourself what a loser is and if you are one, honestly do not derive your worth or status from society as that's a really fast ticket to being miserable. Stuff like living with your parents is considered loser stuff in some societies and the absolute norm in others. Really spend time thinking about what you want in life and if you're in that process or not.
A loser would be someone living at home with their parents with no job and means of transportation/car just eating Cheetos and playing video games
“Asking for a friend”
Everyone is a loser. People are born, they do some random shit, die, then get forgotten about within a relative blink of an eye.
Not a loser yet but if they continue to let their parents dictate their lives, they’re gonna wake up one day at 30 in the same position
I wouldn’t insult that person by calling them a loser, but I would strongly encourage them to create a five year plan that would set them up well. Take 2 months to draw up the plan, then apply for as many new jobs with higher salaries. You can always level up as long as you have work experience. The new job needs to be enough to pay the rent and for cell, electric, insurance, Internet, gas, and food. Simultaneously, see how much rents are for a 1 bdrm apt at 2-3 cities/towns you would like. Simultaneously, research the schools with the degrees you want. Move to the new job and move out at first possible opportunity. As long as you are geographically near the school, you may be able to start that later with financial aid. But give the new location 6 months to see if it’s working out. If you like it, apply to the school and pursue a degree that will always be needed (no journalism or arts, yes to business or health care) You’ll meet new people doing all this and can always go back and visit the parents. If a crisis arises, can ask the parents for help put it on a CC if you must, but try not to rack up a ton of debt. If you get bored, exercise. Buy some neoprene dumbbells at Target, a yoga mat, and YouTube some exercises. Get a gym membership if you can afford it. The relationship will work itself out, and if it’s a drain cut bait and start fresh. For me, long distance relationships were depressing.
This person is depressed and needs help reframing their situation, because they’re calling themselves a loser for things that sound beyond their control. Save up for a car of your own, then a place of your own, and you will feel more “successful”
If they ain’t on drugs, going to jail every two weeks is count that as a win in today society for early 20s
Just by existing. At least that's how i realised I was a loser
Not a loser, but get a car. If you live with your parents and have a decent paying job you should be able to afford a car. It'll make you feel way better too. (I'm writing this under the assumption that this is in America and you don't live in a very walkable city and have limited public transport)
"they still live with their parents and have a curfew"...
Absolutely normal. People will feel like losers at any point in their life, regardless of age— and it happens more often than you think. Who are you comparing yourself to? That’s an important question. Even if you’re comparing yourself to people in your class or social circles, they do serve as a good general measurement tool but in the end, they aren’t you and you aren’t them (different families, backgrounds, genetics, experiences… way too many factors). So, the only one you can truly compare yourself to is just yourself. Compete with yourself. So, what are you going to do about it? The times that I felt like a loser, I disliked every second of it because I knew that those feelings were telling me I could do way better and I wasn’t doing it because of lame excuses. So, I put my excuses aside and started ramping up my knowledge and skill set. (That was my personal preference, everyone has their own.)
‘hypothetical’ … but no, not a loser. Graduating college is a success, having a job is a success and having goals for the future is also a positive thing. Hobbies are good too. Sure, you could work on having more friends and also sort out your depression, but you don’t need to feel like a loser. Life isn’t all figured out right away. There are much more pathetic people out there anyways, like me lol
"The best years of your life". Imagine how pathetic it would be if you did actually peak as a human in your early 20s, if they were truly the best years. I think that is the crux of your proposition also, the idea that it's like life is permanently over if someone is in a period of suffering as a young man. That isn't what makes someone a loser, you know what, it makes this person's enabling parents fucking losers because they're killing their child with comfort.
If you're trying your best, you're not a loser. Only you know if you can do more. Just don't lie to yourself.
They haven’t had a significant other
This person is not a loser lol this is normal life
I think today with social media it’s easy to believe that we’re not doing enough or we’re behind but in all honesty there are so many people in the same boat and its pretty normal to live with your parents. The only person that can make you feel like a loser it’s you. Your on your own path in the world, also remember that the economy right now is pretty rough and living with your parents is probly smart
Just look at me. Look at my post history it tells everything. I’m 22. I’ll sum it up here since I know no one will do that. I never had a girlfriend and I can’t imagine someone who’d make me feel whatever love is. I don’t have friends and mainly stay in my room watching YouTube. I used to drink alone frequently. Hard stuff from the liquor yet I never went to a bar once last year. I have a job, I make money, but I can’t care for a future and I keep to myself mainly Finally, I destroy my body taking opioids.
Not a loser, just someone trying to figure out how to be independent as a very young adult. I was in a similar situation in my early twenties, but I at least had my own car so I could go places if I wanted to. Over time I grew in my career, moved out to a new state, and made way more friends than I ever expected by putting myself out there more and choosing to focus on my personal life instead of working more. I think this is the case for a lot of people in their early twenties these days, so long as someone is willing to learn and grow as a person life will most likely improve by 30!
Sounds like you need to find an affordable place to rent, or hash out some boundaries with your folks. Hate to say it, but if your volunteering isn't garnering you friends then it seems like a pit of effort and time. Maybe try to find another volunteer program where you meet people with common interests? But the number one thing is to get your folks off your back and get a car. Once you achieve that, then you can finally feel like a real loser... or it might work out and you're comfortable with who you are and the goals you strive for.
Waking up broke.
This person is not a loser BUT they do need to become more independent. Some people can live at home comfortably until they save for a home- those people do household tasks, have friendly relationships with parents, make food and cleanup after themselves, live as an adult with no curfew, etc… if you want to eventually Live with significant other make a plan for maybe 6mo-a year away to get to the same city and have jobs there. This person should join a social club- for gaming, sports, even a networking group like Jaycees or a chamber of commerce type group. If you keep showing up to those things they are bound to hit it off with someone.
Need to find a way to get out of the parents house or sit down and discuss why the distrust and why they are still treating them as a child. Look at the relationship and if it doesn’t work find one that will work and your needs.
At 23, nope. Your 23 year old hypothetical has actually accomplished quite a bit. It is not uncommon for college students to take a few breaks in atttendance before graduating. To already have that degree and be working, good job. Cars are overrated. Definitely needs to get out of the parents house for their own sanity, but in this day and age, nobody is judging.
Definitely not. This may be an assumption, but in the US there’s probably more pressure to have a car & a house by 23? I may be wrong idk. In the UK, the average 23 year old still lives with their parents. It also depends on culture etc, also depending on the city, ex. London, getting a car is not a priority. Tbh housing here is horrendous, so it’s not very possible for the average 23 year old to get one rn. But regardless of where you’re based, as long as you’re working on yourself to move forward & you’re not just sitting around doing nothing, you’re 100% not a loser.
Not a loser in my books. Get a hobby though to meet new people and fill time after work. Try bouldering. Very social
After you turn 18 you technically are an adult and should be able to Drive and Not have a curfew. They are not a child they can live however they want.
Hey man. I lived at home until I was 29. Mostly because shit economy. My advice? Get a car. That's some freedom right there. Then you wanna save for a down payment on a house. Trust me on this. Other than that you're doing great. Keep it up bro.
Not a loser, but this person could definitely be happier and have a better life than they currently do. The main thing seems to be overly strict parents for the age. At 23, someone should be allowed to be out when they want, not have a curfew, and come and go from their home freely. It is the parent’s house so they do get to make the rules they want. So, it may be good if this person moves out and gets their own place or a place with their partner. Long distance relationships are difficult and this would solve that issue as well. Also, going back to school is not always required to make more money. Exploring other income options may improve the situation as well.
A curfew? Homie tf these parents on, like sure ask for some help in paying bills to an extent since they live under your roof but they are 23 ffs let em stay out, I suggest they go out meet some people, those parents seemm way to controlling though
Nothing. People have different opinions of what it means.
Incel behaviour
I’d say by 26 you should have a forever partner. A house or condo. A good paying job (at least 77k usd.) and a nice car if you need a car depending on where you live. And be finished school. Going back to school is fine if you can avoid debt.
Stop pitying yourself. The only person who can help is you. Take yourself out of your “comfort” zone and try some new things. You’re young till you’re 30 and then maybe, just maybe you will have some things starting to make sense. Apply for a totally different job, move into a share house, go to a beginner session of a sport or activity. When we are bored and lonely it is crushing, use it as recognition that something needs to change because what is happening now, ain’t it. You’ll do well man, I used to feel like you. But I treat my life like this. I’m the captain of my own ship. The ocean is large and unpredictable but I can slowly point my ship in the general direction of where I want to go. Eventually, if I keep going. I might not end up where I thought I would but I’m where I want to be. Trust the process, take a risk friend.
Working towards a goal is not “being a loser”.
Only thing i can think of is doing hard drugs, sleeping all day doing nothing productive no job/no education . No will to better yourself .
Am I the only one who thinks it’s the 20 something always posting so often here? What is happening to our young ones. Wtf is society now 🥲
Change your mind change your life. Everything is within the control of the person. Discover and know the things you can change and the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference
Life is not a competition. To keep score is a sign that someone has more to learn that people are on different paths and comparison to other people is stupud.
The only thing that can make someone a “loser” is someone else’s opinion. Learn to ignore others opinions and just live your life and be happy. If living with your parents makes you happy (and they don’t mind of course) then do it. If going out and making a bunch of friends makes you happy…then do it. I think you get the point. People care way too much about others opinions about themselves.
Giving up after they fail at something. Life can be challenging, and it’s how we respond to the challenges that defines us.
If they still hang out with high schoolers is a very big one
Not a loser. Just need friends
Loser? or lack of ambition, or in bad perspective ?
Yes. Definite loser. They're an NPC, boring as hell. They obviously can't sustain social relationships. Can't figure out a way to be independent. Literally wasting away life at the time when life mistakes are pivotal. Imagine being that and then being thrown into the world in their 30s. The mistakes they will inevitably make, will be way more embarrassing because they are at an age where they should be a grown up. Bro needs some life experience.
Being mean and selfish
If you think you're a loser, you'll feel like a loser. If you think you're in early stages of success, you're not a loser. The three most important parts of life are health, family and wealth, in that order. It's easy to prioritize them in reverse when you're young, healthy and broke. With your focus on work, if you're investing properly I'd say you're on the right track for wealth. You mention parents but no other family, and it sounds like your relationship with your parents is unique due to living with them. Nothing wrong with living with parents in your early 20s but you should be focused on building enough savings to move out (6+ months of living expenses in a high yield savings). You should also be thinking about if you want your own family and work toward bettering yourself to be a good partner, which means being an excellent communicator who's patient and kind. You don't mention any part of your routine focused on your personal health, and the tone of what's written feels depressed or pessimistic. Building healthy habits that include healthy diet and aerobic physical exercise will benefit you more than anything else throughout life. Good physical health helps a lot with good mental health, but having a good friend or two can help with a fresh perspective. Get involved in a hobby that involves other people. Hope this helps.
it's def a loser thing to post about yourself as a hypothetical. it's even more of a loser thing to post about others as a hypothetical. most people don't get to achieve much in their early 20s, being a loser is more vibes than actual accomplishments. there are people who fail but take it in stride and move on, usually no one considers them losers. it's the ones who wallow and languish, even if they're objectivelly not unsuccesful, that are losers.
Move out in favor of a shared accommodation arrangement. That's how it was done in my day.
Nothing really besides thinking they are a loser themselves
No, losers your age are grooming teenagers. Op is not a loser.
Video games
In your totally hypothetical scenario, I think you know the answer. Now what exactly makes you decide that answer will tell you what you need to improve. Which it sounds like you already know what to improve considering you wrote all of that out.
To me a loser in their 20s is someone with no drive who doesn't do anything, and *especially* if they mooch on their parents too. I know you live with your parents but this doesn't sound like you. I would recommend working to have friends, especially if it means they turn into roommates and you can leave home, because honestly it sounds like your living from home situation is not optimal for your mental health.
Person needs to move out of their parents home and tell them off. A curfew and and ‘reluctant to let them drive’ is insane for someone in their 20s. Live your life for YOU
If not a loser then loser-adjacent. Have to get out of that house. Some people are able to pull off the living with their parents to save money thing so long as they have an appropriately robust work and social life so that it keeps them out of the house, but the controlling parents are a non-starter. Find a roommate and move out immediately. Doesn’t matter who.
Imo the only thing that makes someone a loser is how they treat others. If someone is disrespectful and rude to others purely because they can, then that person is a loser. If someone is kind and respects others, then they're an amazing person. Money doesn't make the person. How that person chooses to act defines them. Nothing else.
They’re only a loser if *they themselves* think they are one. Don’t let anybody else get you down, if you are content with your situation. The living at home in your 20s thing? Way more common than what a lot of people let on and that’s ok. Needs to be normalized. Everything expensive af. If they are lonely in a relationship, then that’s something the couple should work on together or they are not meant to be
No but what’s wrong with your parents
You don’t seem like a loser at all. That sounds really similar to my situation a year ago at 23, except I wish I had lived with my parents. Instead I lived in a nightmare house straight out of r/badroomates and my bf wasn’t long distance. I would recommend the first thing you save up for is a car. Working full time and living at home is a great time to invest in one. This would help A LOT.
No one's really a loser unless you're a stereotypical basement dweller who's content with having no hopes or aspirations, living off your parents for the rest of your life. Everyone has ups and downs in life, but that's one thing I think that is not just a "down" but a permanent content with being lazy and a leech
Of course not In MUCH better position than lots of peers. But has some challenges to overcome.
Definitely not a loser. I think this person just needs to finds ways to improve their situation and move on into their own lifestyle. Being in your 20s with a curfew is rough, but they are living under their parents roof so they have to follow their rules. As long as this person finds the motivation to improve their situation, everything else should fall into place. I hope this person finds happiness because life is too short to be depressed. Plus depression is super boring! 😊
You're respectful of the people you live with. Think of it that way instead of a curfew. You've got plenty of time to get yourself together.
Losers are the people that look to others to define what makes them are loser/winner
Your mind, others' minds, society in general... other than that, there's no such thing as being a loser or a winner. You exist or you don't, you are alive or just aren't. That's it.
What benefit is it for the parents not allowing their grown ass adult child out late at 23 yrs old? I don’t even understand the rationale behind that
No. You're supposed to be a bit of a mess in your 20s - that's the time to do it. I spent my entire 20s doing drugs and not much else, but you grow up. Don't worry about it, there's plenty of time to settle down and be serious.
Still living at home with their parents and especially unemployed
I'm 23 myself. I just recently have finally stomached the courage to leave my parents in my hometown and venture off to a new city. I have been working in my career field since I was 20. I haven't did anything the last 4 years besides sit in my house and play World of Warcraft every minute of my free time. If I could give this person any advice, I would say just don't give up and go out and try new things, figure out what works for you. If you don't, your life will never change, and you will eventually get to the age where you look back and wonder where all those years went. This is the advice that finally made me make a change for the better. Is it scary? Of course, but I know I have to do it.
Too much emphasis is put on where you should be by a certain age and the definition of a loser. It's a strong indicator that person or society is the textbook definition of a loser. Humanity truly is a wretched animal.
Move out of your parents and get out of whatever this relationship is (it’s not a real relationship). It’s normal to have a low paying job as a 23 year old. Just keep working at it and things will improve over time in that aspect. Get a license and a car, as well as an apartment. You are an adult, so go do adult things
To many variables. I have met a 30 year old that lived at home, and don't contribute at all to their parents bills. They lived with their parents until their parent died. They have no realistic ambitions, and are basically a burden. I have a friend almost 30 that works full time makes good money lives at home, and probably pays half the Bill's. Just lives in one of those families where generations live in the same house. Early 20s is to young to judge someone for still living at home. It's what you do with the money you save, and the time that matters.
Lmao I’m 28 still living with my parents making $20/hr I am a loser 😭
Doesn’t sound like a loser at all. It seems like someone who’s lonely without anything to do or people to do it with. I’d suggest a second job. Wouldn’t you want to have more money if the alternative is being alone in their room
Drug and alcohol use. That’s all. There’s no other way to be a loser.
If you're a neet and on drugs
I don't consider anyone in their 20s living with their parents a loser, but it's different when they lack independence or ambition. I have a friend in his mid-20s who graduated five years ago but avoided working until last year. For him, job hunting means spending weeks on a single cover letter. His controlling family often causes him to cancel plans for trivial reasons. He complains about living at home, but he has enough money to move out and could find roommates among our college friends. Yet he always finds excuses not to. He has made no progress since college and remains stagnant. It breaks my heart because he used to be my best friend, but despite all his friends’ efforts to help, he refuses to help himself. We can't handle it anymore—we have real adult issues, while he’s still dealing with parental demands like it's high school. So, yes, I'd consider him a loser.
Nothing...
Being a felon, in prison, or drugged up homeless on the streets. Other than that you have plenty of ways to recover from damn near anything in your 20s.
I didn't see drug addict who steals from their parents in that diatribe, so no they are not even close to being a loser.
Definitely not a loser! I think like others have pointed out, the parents seem controlling. They might have reasons for this, but at 23 you are allowed to live your life and make mistakes. The parents need to let go. I would look into finding some roommates and move out. This will help in meeting people and potentially networking into a better job. I would also consider the long distance relationship. Is moving to close that gap an option? Seems like this person just needs to venture out on their own a little bit.
Tbh I don't really think someone in their early twenties can be a loser in the "failed as an adult" sense. They haven't even had enough time to really become an adult yet. The only way I could using that label is if someone was a NEET.
The only truly bad part here is the curfew. If you’re 23 years old, your parents don’t have a say over how late you stay out. That’s insane. I live with my parents in my early 20s too but the idea of them being like “nuh uh uh bluerose297, it’s past X o’clock, you’re not allowed to go out…” I would immediately start looking for the cheapest apartment I could find and figuring out a way to make that work. Luckily that hasn’t been a problem because my parents aren’t interested in controlling their adult son’s life
Check out running clubs its early in the morning so that way you will meet people and no problem with the curfew and you will get to work out. I have not joined one myself but what I have seen on social media it seems like fun. Maybe look into that :)
Giving up on life
It depends how you measure winning and losing. Everyone's got a different ruler. Maybe this person feels like a loser because they're not leading their own life. They're still on childhood autopilot following their parents leadership.
This case isn't a loser.