This exactly. I’ve had people tell me it’s “selfish” to not want children but personally, I can’t think of anything more selfish than bringing a person into this world who you *know* you won’t be able to care for the way they deserve.
In my case, I have zero maternal instinct and don’t see that changing ever. Kids are an enormous responsibility (maybe even the biggest responsibility) and it should be completely up to the individual whether or not to have them.
I don’t understand people who feel this way about people who don’t want kids. In general, every person I’ve known who didn’t want kids had some things in common: they were relatively introverted, educated and introspective. I think it’s a wonderful thing that people know themselves enough to know that kids aren’t for them instead of just going out and having them because that’s what you do.
Hmm I'm that way. That's interesting and now that I think about it other people I know who don't want kids are similar. Neat. I'm not saying all are but many are in my case as well
It makes sense! Especially the introverted part. I myself really need alone time and the thought of having kids is not appealing to me at all - I would probably be miserable with being needed all the time. And the introspective part makes sense as well, people who are introspective are more likely to really reflect on what works for them even if it goes against the prescribed template.
That's how I feel as well. The alone time and feeling miserable with being needed all the time.. dogs are bad enough (im a cat person) I couldn't imagine a human child.
My mother was like this. She absolutely could not fathom that when I said I didn't want kids when I was 12, I meant it. She continued to annoy me about it until I was 40, long after everyone else stopped. She only stopped because she was dying.
Whenever people play the “selfish” card on me I just respond, “ok, and???” It throws them every single time. 😂😂😂😂 Like it affects no one but myself if I decide to have kids or not. Worry about yourself.
It’s weird because I have the exact same feeling as op, i really don’t like kids, i don’t like the screaming or the tantrums, but the is always that biological part that just innately just wants them
Ignore it. It's not an intelligent or compassionate part of you. It's strong, but you are stronger.
I actually like kids, but don't want any of my own. Got the lady-snip this year. That part is quieter now. I can focus my attention on supporting the next generation in more intelligent, compassionate ways.
There are so many ways to establish a legacy. Genetics is the most common and boring method.
I have no idea of what clock everyone's talking about. 31F here. Find little shits disgusting. And the idea that my body can potentially produce that even more so. Would have gotten rid of it a long time ago if there were no annoying side effects down the line.
I feel the same way about pregnancy?! Like my body gets that feeling you get when you see someone injured or a wounded animal if I think about it. Or even see a heavily preggo woman. It just icks me out something could grow in my body, distort it, and make me unable to enjoy the things I love. For 8-9months and then for what? You don't stop parenting at 18. You're kinda responsible for them forever, at least if you're a good parent, which I would want to be.
Way easier to say nah not for me. 1/10 little kids I can be charmed by but for about 20min. I just don't have the instinct either.
It's a good thing to know what you actually want and standing up for yourself.
Imo, way more mature than people becoming parents because That's What You Do.
It makes me so sad how many people dont see kids as a choice. That its just "well its what you're supposed to do right?" Id feel guilty being born into that situation.
If you don't want kids for any reason, you shouldn't have them.
I've avoided buying a house for many, many years because I like the idea of picking up and moving to a new city when I feel like it. I've done this three times. No regrets.
Now, I've inherited a house and after 6 months, I'm already entertaining the possibility of renting it out and taking a job elsewhere. You can't rent out kids when you're bored with them.
Live the lifestyle you want (within reason of course).
Nope. Kids aren't for everyone. If you can't put a helpless life you helped bring into the world before yourself, or don't think that you can, kids are probably not for you.
Nah, that's not messed up at all. I will say that being tied down to a situation is really only partially because of kids - you can still have a proper mentality about work and relationships and have kids, but they do complicate matters without question.
when you get down to it, the *only* reason anyone should have a child is because they want to. If there's any reason you don't want one, don't have one.
Not at all. Not wanting kids is extremely popular these days. My only issue is too many of these people are looking down people who want/have kids or talk about children like vermin.
Not having kids for ANY reason is valid.
Not wanting kids bc of money is valid, bc of circumstances is valid, bc of global warming is valid, etc etc.
The MOST valid reason, tho?
You don't want to have kids. The end.
Nah. You don't owe anyone a reason.
Having the freedom to do as you please, is huge, and def underated. There are so many people in regretful situations, mostly because of feeling like they have no options to choose.
You don’t need a reason or an excuse to not want kids.
You can refuse to have kids the same way youd refuse to have mayo on a sandwich.
It’s your life live it how you want, fuck what other people think.
Bare in mind that expecting relationships to be bad will put that lense on your perspective and you’ll seek out the bad things of every relationship, even if they may not be.
Think about a Ferrari for 3 weeks or 3 months and surely you will notice every single one that drives by.
When you’re hungry and think about food, you’ll find it.
If you don't want them, you don't want them...that's it...the reason doesn't really matter, and there's nothing wrong with that. My 45 year old sister has never wanted kids and does not have kids...she honestly probably wouldn't be a particularly good parent, though she is good with her nephews, but that's in short stints. She's always off on adventures and whatnot and kids would definitely hold her back with the things she likes to do.
As far as ending up in a bad relationship or whatever, My wife and I dated for five years before deciding to get married and then spent another five years just being us and being together in our new lives and climbing our corporate ladders before having kids. Not that shit can't happen, but we were pretty sure of things with 10 years being together. We've been married for 19 years and together for 24.
As far as work goes, I've been with the same organization for 14 years....not because I have mouths to feed, but because it's a good organization that treats people well. If I was in a shitty organization it wouldn't matter that I had kids...I would leave. I'm in a profession where there is no shortage of job opportunities and there's actually a shortage of professionals to do these jobs so it wouldn't take me long to find something else.
its not wrong to have your preferences but it will cut your potential list of life partners down if you are looking for that. For years i told myself i dont want kids because imo its selfish to have them in this economy if you cant provide a decent life for them. Im thinking rationally and thinking rationally has killed alot of potential relationships but im holding my ground, im still young though and i do look at families and kids and get that butterfly feeling so you could say biologically my brains screaming to procreate but im fighting that.
For now im just working focusing on my health and having fun, maybe later on when im financially stable ill consider it but its not the 60's anyone having kids in their 20's these days have a tough road ahead if they dont come from money and not only that you gotta be emotionally ready for them and be hands on if you cant do that dont do it. Theres enough fucked up kids due to emotional neglect lets not add to it.
Nothing wrong with your stance. Just make sure you take the precautions to be childless and not get to the point where you're pressuring a woman to make a decision that she might feel morally conflicted in making.
Growing up I always thought this thought process (oh I don't have the means to support a baby therefore I shouldn't have one at this time) was normal and everyone did it. But nope, majority of the people have kids and then figure it out after.
What shocks me still to this day is in the US it's very expensive to have a kid but that has never actually seemed to deter people from having them.
Well, if you don't want kids then don't have them. That's not a good environment for raising a child. That being said, there is something freeing about being "tied down to a situation". It sounds counterintuitive but that's the truth
No. As a dad of two great kids. Most parents will sacrifice freedom to be able to provide for their kids. Its just a responsibility that shows up and you cant offload (you CAN but YKWIM). But about loosing your job dont worry. You will find a way if you have kids.
I want to say that having a child is a choice and it is absolutely yours to opt out.
However, your reasoning is interesting to me. I think it comes from a hurt place even. I can honestly relate to it. You can find the best partner possible, but they may change or you may change 10-15 years from now. You can have a beautiful partner, and then have a child who is developmentally challenged or a psychopath...! We never know what is in the future and I think it's best not to make major life decisions out of fear. You have a partner that you feel is making your life better, but there is a possibility that you might still split up because not all relationships will last. And you can only hope that your partner in the end will be a good co-parent with you for the sake of your child.
Get yourself some therapy and just work on getting yourself into a stable situation. If anyone is trying to pressure you into having kids, "nah, I need a year's worth of expenses saved up to even consider it" and "I like freedom" are hard to argue with.
You don't say how old you are, but I will say that if you're young, you don't have to have this figured out already. Lots of twentysomethings want **or** don't want kids for trauma reasons, and only figure out their true feelings once they've unkinked the trauma. Much better to "not have kids" until then, than to have them and kick yourself.
I’d get pressured by coworkers at past employment about having children. Honestly, it was extremely awkward having essentially strangers forcing their lives on me. Even odder that it was always opposite gender initiating these conversations. IMO it’s a private discussion not meant for anyone else other than your partner. Child free with no regerts!
It's a million times better not to have kids for any reason, then to have kids for the wrong reasons. Such as because family members want grandchildren, or it's because it's the thing people do, or because only one of the partners of a couple wants them.
Not st all. As someone who has been in education and social work for 20 years, I applaud your self-awareness. I have seen first hand too many children brought into this world under horrible circumstances, and those children pay the price for their parents poor choices. Having kids because you’re expected to is way worse and frankly reprehensible.
No you're not. You're "allowed" not to want kids for any reason, or for no reason.
If you don't truly, emphatically want kids, you shouldn't have them.
Your reasons are your own and entirely valid. The only question that matters is - do *you* want kids? If yes, then you gotta find a way to make it work. Of course kids will tie you down, but they offer a heap in return. But only if it’s what you want!
I would certainly find it "messed up" if someone DID succumb to the pressure/temptation to have kids in the knowledge that they don't want to be tied down to a situation. That someone was so nearly me.
You honestly don't need to justify not wanting kids. You can just simply not want them. There is nothing messed up about not wanting kids for any reason and especially just because you don't want to. It's fine.
No, not at all. I’ve always seen most peoples dream or “ideal life”, almost every aspect, seems like a tortuous prison hell, I don’t know why it’s just who I am. And it seems like we think alike. There is nothing “wrong” with it but you will have quite a bit of people who will criticize you because they don’t understand because that hasn’t been their own experience
That's an unusual reason, tying it all to a job. For me, I don't really relate to kids and don't want to spend all my free time in a kid world. Their expensiveness is a secondary reason. But are you also wary about being in a long term relationship?
No I'm married and all is good with us. I'm just saying that people can change, circumstances can too. If a time ever comes (God fobid) one or both of us decide to end our relationship, it'll be tougher to do with kids vs without them. The job thing is pretty self explanatory. Most folks I've seen with kids are so stressed out, afraid to mess up or lose their jobs, and what have you.
"I don't want them."
Boom, just fixed it for you. That's all the reason you needed. You don't owe anyone an answers. It's your life. You get to decide what you do with it. I feel like people going on these long tangent rants are either trying to convince themselves or others. You do you, and they do them. Not that hard.
You don't have to have a reason to not want kids at all. "I don't want them" is a valid reason, so it's not messed up. You're allowed to have an opinion about your own life!
It would be more messed up if you had kids and didn't want them. If it's not for you, it's not for you. Nothing wrong with that. I'm a bit of a commitment phobe myself and it's true, you're less likely to make a major career change when you have a family. I"m feeling that now.
Whatever your reasons, be true to yourself. You should let prospective partners know that upfront though.
I feel the same way. Nothing wrong with that, it's your life to live.
If anything we need less people in the world because overpopulation is definitely a certainty.
It's not messed up at all. Children are a humongous, lifelong commitment. Should should absolutely be 100% on board before you make it. Never ever have kids "just because."
And it's a red flag for sure that the workplaces needs people without options in order to keep workers. It's one of the reasons I've always made it a point to tell prospective jobs that I don't need their money and I have other fall back options to see how they react.
I am pro kids - for ME. But if that is not your thing, pull the trigger and get snipped/tied so you never have another person that is an unwanted burden for you. (I am all for wanted burdens, but unwanted burdens is a bad formula for you AND the child.
If you have lingering doubts, volunteer to watch your sibling's kids for a week while they are on vacation. You MIGHT be surprised at how fun and rewarding the week turns out to be. But, more likely, a week of rugrats under foot will cause you to phone the doctors office to get things taken care of.
I have learned not to judge the childless. Most mature and sophisticated people have figured out it is best not to judge folks who decided not to have kids.
I feel like that’s the most common reason people don’t have kids. The lifestyle change and lack of freedom are huge. I think most of the time when people reference finances or the state of the world as reasons, they’re often second or tertiary reasons. If that person truly wanted kids they would do so even in the face of not being financially where they’d like or worrying about the future. The big reason is usually “I don’t want kids because I don’t want to be tied down and responsible for a life for the next 18+ years.” Which is totally valid.
Whatever your reason for not wanting kids is totally fine. If you don't want them, for any reason, you shouldn't have them.
I never wanted kids and I didn't have any. Have not regretted it for a moment. Life is good!
It’s perfectly reasonable to not want kids when you can choose to not want to have them. Your reasons are yours, and no one but you can change your mind.
Sure! You make your decisions for your own reasons, because nobody else can tell you what's important to YOU!
And yes, massive committmentphobia is part of the reason I don't want kids, but of course it's a comparatively small reason. The biggest is that I don't like children, or family life.
I’m so proud of you for this self awareness. Never, ever, let anyone tell you anything. There is no right or wrong when it comes to your personal gut feeling on something like this. I am of similar mindset. I just know myself, and I fully believe a child would be a negative in my life.
I believe having a child would destroy my relationship.. and I love my partner. I don’t want to have to sacrifice him for something that doesn’t exist right now.
If I chose to have a baby, I wouldn’t be able to grow career wise with out extreme sacrifice. I’d sacrifice myself in ways I am simply not willing to do, if I don’t have to.
There is nothing wrong with that. You know yourself and you have to ability to choose.
You can have whatever reason not to have kids tbh.
If you don't want kids it shouldn't be needed any other reason really.
But it was one of the reasons I decided to go childfree. I don't feel safe in my work situation and a kid would create more tension and stress.
No. More people should come to that realization before they have children. It’s responsible to recognize that now while you don’t have a tiny human who relies on you completely to survive
Na I think we should do what we want with our lives and not feel pressure to live how others think we should. If that means not having kids then good for you for knowing that for certain. So many will have kids then resent them for one reason or another. I feel like that’s worse than just not having them.
You don't need any kind of justification for not having kids. You could choose not to have kids so you can sleep in on the weekends and it wouldn't be messed up at all. It's your life
Question, if you were rich, say had a trust fund, would you then want kids? Still no? Then its not about being tied down to a job. And that's fine. You don't have to want kids, they will bring the biggest change ever to your life, for better or worse
I suffer from schizoaffective disorder, a severe mental illness and I 1. wouldn't want to pass my illness to my kid and 2. wouldn't be able to care for someone other than myself with how debilitating it is for me to just look after myself.
It is o.k. to don't want the responsibility.
I have kids and I am "tied down".
It is worth it for me, but not for everybody.
And that is absolutely o.k.
Why be a bad parent when you can prevent being a parent?
That's the responsible way.
You do you. Things might change in the future. I want kids because I feel it’s normal but I can’t even stand the thought of having a dog and I love dogs😂
My husband struggled to leave a job before kids that he'd had for seven years. The first time can be the hardest. He quit another job (though I think he'd lined up a new one) when our firstborn was a few months old because they thought that paying on time wasn't 100% necessary. He quit another one without anything lined up at the end of parental leave for our second, because they kept sending him overseas and lining up late-night conference calls. Had someone at work tell him his family would be grateful for him working long hours. It did take him longer than he wanted to find a new job, but it was one compatible with a young family.
So, sometimes you can be tied down. But I think people are more likely to find work again than not.
It's not messed up at all to have personal reasons for not wanting kids. It's important to be honest with yourself about what you want in life. Your concerns about being tied down in a bad situation or feeling trapped in a job are valid. Everyone's circumstances and priorities are different, and it's okay to make decisions based on what you feel is best for your happiness and well-being. Ultimately, it's your life and your choice.
That’s a bit of an immature way of looking at it. Someone with responsibilities is going to be hustling to make a better life for their family. They’re not going to do dumb things and lose their job, not when they have mouths to feed. If you’ve still got mommy and daddy bailing you out then you won’t see it the same way.
Yes having kids was a major responsibility but it’s also a really amazing joy to build a family.
That's why I waited into my 30's. Don't regret it, but when I was about 40 I started to get jealous of adults who's kids were leaving the nest (and they were basically still young enough to have fun).
There's never a "convenient" time to have kids.
No it's not messed up. Too many people have kids simply because they think they are supposed to, well guess what? You dont have to at all. I'm in my 40s and very glad I don't have any kids. Not the slightest feeling of "missing out" or anything.
Just because you exist doesn't mean you have to reproduce. That's what the world's low iq and poor all do, which isn't helping anything. Not everyone should be a parent. And the fact that you can realize that and know it and say it.....that's good. Let all those people who talk shit, let them get 2 hours of sleep every nite and age 20 years in five. You ever notice how people who have kids seems to pile on the years quick? I've seen 30 year Olds with grey af hair stressed out about life.
Not me. I'm doing life on easy mode. I make decent money to not do much work....3 day weekends every week. Kid free is the way to go. No regrets.
I mean if you don't want don't. my biggest reason is financial situation I can't do typical 9-5 job i love my freedom. Children are huge commitment. did you ever think about becoming donor to help other couples?
Personally I didn’t want children for this very reason, I ended up having one she is the best thing that ever happened to me. She comes running through that door when I get home from the 9-5 job and it is just the best thing ever.
So I totally understand where you are coming from, personally it has changed my life for the better but that is a decision you have to make yourself, instead of being angry about the situation I have made the most of it.
Absolutely not. I have one child and ended up divorced with a geographic restriction. I live on the Coast. With climate change, I get anxiety about this a lot.
Definitely one of my reasons. I’ve seen so many people stay in mediocre/ bad relationships because they have kids.
And then if you do untangle all the finances and life with that person, then you’re a single parent, and are still tied to them (and eventually their new partner) for life. It’s my nightmare.
No lol there are so many reasons not to have kids and each one is perfectly fine. Too many people having kids that they can fully engage with and neglect. The tie down aspect is real you not only have to think about you and your actions but how those actions affect your child.
If you don't want kids, don't have them. If you are on the fence about having kids, don't have them. Any reason to not have kids is a good one. It's literally the biggest decision anyone will ever make and it's annoying that we pretend it's routine. Having serious thoughts about even "small" gripes like this are important and good to think about.
Also fuck that manager and anyone like him.
I respect you for your decision. Better you realize it now then bring a innocent child into the world. Besides the way this world is going and it's getting worse by the day.
You don't have to justify or explain your decision to anyone. Do what's right for you. No one needs to know your reasons. It's your personal business, no one else's. So don't worry about what others may think.
It’s not messed up. It’s actually a fair and responsible outlook. Ideally, the people who should have kids are the ones who not only want them, but know they are prepared to take care of them no matter what.
With kids, chances are, you will be tied down to some kind of situation. That comes with the territory. Now, imagine this: the situation you find yourself in makes you deeply unhappy. Then, your kids have an unhappy father to look forward to. Resentment can build. Maybe that leads to other problems.
I don’t know you. I don’t want to make assumptions about how you’d handle an unwanted scenario. However, things like this do happen. Miserable parents can make for miserable households. That will affect kids long after they’ve grown up.
That's 100% a valid reason to not have/want kids. If you really want kids, but are scared about this (being tied down) that's a different conversation. I don't think fear of being tied down should hold you back if you want kids
I’m 48, felt the same way my whole life.
Zero regrets. (I say that while on a multi-week vacation in Europe, while my friends with kids send me texts like “Must be nice…”) lol
I don’t think my husband feels the kids are a burden in that way. His point of view was that working life would be a bit brutal no matter what and he’s happy to keep going because of the kids. He was going to be working full time regardless but it’s purposeful now.
I sent him photos of the youngest two sharing an icecream at the pool & it made his day. We just bought the house two weeks ago . It’s a family community with a nice private pool for residents .
It is totally understandable that you do not want it, many people are going to find themselves in a situation in the future in which they are going to rethink their lives because they have followed society's script and they are not going to be able to fix it, it is better to be critical and think for yourself than being another sheep.
No. Then again it's only women who moan about being single moms and make up shit like you didn't want them that's why you left kinda thing, don't fall for it
The thing is the situation is always changing the kids the wife the economy I can not control any of these variables. That means any hardships or setbacks I have to be ready to handle 100% myself., money is the easiest you can get a 2nd job, work harder you can rise up to that, the kid you can guide a bit,but they gotta live their life. the wife or SO you have to hope they stay on track. All this work so your kid gets to play the game again? No thanks.
You atr obviously free to choose and should not have kids if you don't want them.
I do think that as a society all the people choosing not to have kids is absolutely going to bite us in the ass in 30 years, but that is the societies problem.
I never had kids for the exact same reason and I haven't ever regretted it. In fact the worse things get in this country the happier I am about that decision.
I get where your coming from however, it’s easy to think that the employer wants a person who is tied to their job but you’re assuming it’s because they want to mistreat an employee who has no options. In reality nobody wants an employee who isn’t reliable. If you are of the mindset that any employer wants to hire people that will just decide that they don’t want to work that day, or that after the time and resources went into training that particular person they want to move on for whatever reason you’re mistaken. I’m sure there are employers that want to work their employees to the bone but for the most part they just need people to do the jobs that they applied for.
You are allowed to choose to not have kids for any reason you like, it’s *your* life. You don’t have to rationalize or excuse it to anyone.
I will say that if you make this decision and stick with it for a while, you may want to consider getting a vasectomy to permanently remove the possibility and have less to worry about.
You don’t have to have a reason to not want kids. If anything, yours *is* ethics based because you know you wouldn’t be able to give them what they need.
Nah, I’m exactly the same. And not even for things as big as partners or jobs, tho definitely those too - I have my life set up in such a way that I can take off at a moment’s notice to do whatever I want. I wouldn’t want to give that up. The life of having to plan your weekend like a military operation and you can’t go out for dinner without a week’s notice and cash for a sitter looks hellish to me. Never been interested in it
Why does this question keep appearing???? if you want kids then have them. If you don’t want kids then don’t. If you want a dog or a cat then get one. If you don’t like animals then don’t. If you like broccoli then eat it. If you hate broccoli, then don’t. Most Life decisions are really not that difficult,
“I once had a manager that could keep PEOPLE”
This rings a bell with that statement….
If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.
Raylan Givens Justified
Your boss was an asshole.
That's more reasonable than my situation. I just think kids are fucking annoying. When they cry it physically hurts my ear drums. Can't stand them. Kittens for me.
No, not messed up at all! More like reality-based & self-aware. So many young adults are swallowed up by social and/or familial pressure to find the “right” S.O., have kids & nest. All with the assumption they’d master 3 huge riddles fundamental to a good life: finding true companion, figuring out how to pay for it all & having a personality compatible with nesting/settling down.
Expectations of others can be brutal, so much is based on what the expectant wish for themselves not you.
Imo parenting is the most difficult job on earth in current era where helping community & resources are so difficult to find no less access. Parenting is a 24/7 endeavor, at times a maze that feels impossible to navigate. Being financially grounded/housed & in field you’re satisfied with, having compatible partner & enjoying role/truly liking kids & wanting to nest are so important yet sadly, often tossed to the wayside in the interest of meeting expectations.
You’re def ahead of the game to know where you are & what you need. An interesting side note for those who love kids yet choose not to be biological parents is how vital you can still be in the life of a child/children. Favorite uncle/aunt, big brother/sister, godfather/godmother or teacher in many contexts can be the greatest influence in the life of a child!
>Is it messed up that I don't want kids because I don't want to be "tied down?" to a situation?
No, it is not wrong that you don't want to have kids for this (and any other) reason, and definitely do not have kids if you don't want to. Thankfully, we live in an era where having children is a choice, and we have access to birth control (well, depending on where you live).
#
Not messed up at all. I love that I am not beholden to my children and that I can live my life the way I want to without having to constantly say ‘I can’t do xyz because of the kids”.
I have no problem with children I hasten to add, I just don’t want any of my own for those reasons.
The only people complaining about you opting out are the people who stand to benefit to an increased workforce, which is the older generation who need people to pay taxes and ensure their pension.
You literally don't need any reason to not want to have kids. It's fine to not have them, period, full stop. If you don't want them for literally whatever reason or no reason at all, totally fine.
My wife and I don’t have kids for many reasons.. Having children can be a bigger financial commitment than buying a house. Most people I know with kids struggle financially. I work with a guy who pays $2100 a month just on day care. That’s insane to me. My wife and I both agreed that we do not want to be financially tied down like that.
I’m also not the type of person who wants to drive a minivan and drive the kids to soccer or gymnastics. I rather just work, save for retirement, treat myself to a few nice things every now and then and enjoy my free time. With having kids you don’t get to do that.
Also, my family has bad genes. So does my wife’s family.. Why would I want to bring children into this world who are at high risk of being fucked up like me or my wife?
It seems there’s a million reasons to not have kids but only 2 reasons to have kids.. So they can take care of you when you’re older and to continue your family’s blood line… Not worth it to me.
I think it's "messed up" to feel you have to give reasons or justifications for why you don't want to do something. Whether it's kids, a job, wanting or not wanting to get married, etc. etc. Adults don't give justifications for what they want to do in their personal lives. They say, this is the way I am like me or leave me, I don't care. I no longer give people justifications.
I ended up being stupid and not wearing protection(she said she couldn’t get pregnant😒) we ended up separating because we weren’t compatible, I love my son a lot but EVERY single thing I used to want to do now involves how it will affect my son, job opportunities in other parts of the country, travelling, saving money(just having an emergency fund alone increases with having a child, that 2-3 month safety net now has to include another human)
You can not want kids for any reason you choose.
I do find it to be odd that your story is basically a complicated way of saying that you want the ability to avoid responsibility or obligation at all costs.
But if that's how you want to live, it's your life.
I think that you might start getting lonely when you get older, but who knows.
The fucked up thing would be for you to have them tho you don't want them.
This x a million.
This exactly. I’ve had people tell me it’s “selfish” to not want children but personally, I can’t think of anything more selfish than bringing a person into this world who you *know* you won’t be able to care for the way they deserve. In my case, I have zero maternal instinct and don’t see that changing ever. Kids are an enormous responsibility (maybe even the biggest responsibility) and it should be completely up to the individual whether or not to have them.
I don’t understand people who feel this way about people who don’t want kids. In general, every person I’ve known who didn’t want kids had some things in common: they were relatively introverted, educated and introspective. I think it’s a wonderful thing that people know themselves enough to know that kids aren’t for them instead of just going out and having them because that’s what you do.
Hmm I'm that way. That's interesting and now that I think about it other people I know who don't want kids are similar. Neat. I'm not saying all are but many are in my case as well
It makes sense! Especially the introverted part. I myself really need alone time and the thought of having kids is not appealing to me at all - I would probably be miserable with being needed all the time. And the introspective part makes sense as well, people who are introspective are more likely to really reflect on what works for them even if it goes against the prescribed template.
That's how I feel as well. The alone time and feeling miserable with being needed all the time.. dogs are bad enough (im a cat person) I couldn't imagine a human child.
yup.
You described me to a T. I've been going through a difficult breakup, and hearing this helped me, thank you.
My mother was like this. She absolutely could not fathom that when I said I didn't want kids when I was 12, I meant it. She continued to annoy me about it until I was 40, long after everyone else stopped. She only stopped because she was dying.
Whenever people play the “selfish” card on me I just respond, “ok, and???” It throws them every single time. 😂😂😂😂 Like it affects no one but myself if I decide to have kids or not. Worry about yourself.
It’s weird because I have the exact same feeling as op, i really don’t like kids, i don’t like the screaming or the tantrums, but the is always that biological part that just innately just wants them
Ignore it. It's not an intelligent or compassionate part of you. It's strong, but you are stronger. I actually like kids, but don't want any of my own. Got the lady-snip this year. That part is quieter now. I can focus my attention on supporting the next generation in more intelligent, compassionate ways. There are so many ways to establish a legacy. Genetics is the most common and boring method.
yup & for all ik my child may end up Yolanda Salvidar or Jeffrey Dahmer or Bruce Jenner. no thanks. ill pass.
I have no idea of what clock everyone's talking about. 31F here. Find little shits disgusting. And the idea that my body can potentially produce that even more so. Would have gotten rid of it a long time ago if there were no annoying side effects down the line.
I feel the same way about pregnancy?! Like my body gets that feeling you get when you see someone injured or a wounded animal if I think about it. Or even see a heavily preggo woman. It just icks me out something could grow in my body, distort it, and make me unable to enjoy the things I love. For 8-9months and then for what? You don't stop parenting at 18. You're kinda responsible for them forever, at least if you're a good parent, which I would want to be. Way easier to say nah not for me. 1/10 little kids I can be charmed by but for about 20min. I just don't have the instinct either.
yup. I’m female and don’t want kids at all! Men immediately red flag 🚩 since they have no other use for me. Ok. Good. Bye. 🥤
You don't like screaming or the tantrums. **Why in the world are you on reddit???? :)**
Having to plan your entire life around the kids isn't the life for me.
So true. My mother did this but I can't
Same
It's a good thing to know what you actually want and standing up for yourself. Imo, way more mature than people becoming parents because That's What You Do.
It makes me so sad how many people dont see kids as a choice. That its just "well its what you're supposed to do right?" Id feel guilty being born into that situation.
I remember telling my aunt about not wanting kids. Her reply: "But you have to." Really? Where does it say that?
If you don't want kids for any reason, you shouldn't have them. I've avoided buying a house for many, many years because I like the idea of picking up and moving to a new city when I feel like it. I've done this three times. No regrets. Now, I've inherited a house and after 6 months, I'm already entertaining the possibility of renting it out and taking a job elsewhere. You can't rent out kids when you're bored with them. Live the lifestyle you want (within reason of course).
❤️
You don't need a reason. This is YOUR life. Your once chance, the only chance you'll ever get to do whatever you want. So live it unapologetically
Your reasons are valid, just be very honest and clear with whom you’re dating right away. State it firmly without vagueness
Nope. Kids aren't for everyone. If you can't put a helpless life you helped bring into the world before yourself, or don't think that you can, kids are probably not for you.
Nah, that's not messed up at all. I will say that being tied down to a situation is really only partially because of kids - you can still have a proper mentality about work and relationships and have kids, but they do complicate matters without question.
when you get down to it, the *only* reason anyone should have a child is because they want to. If there's any reason you don't want one, don't have one.
Not at all. Not wanting kids is extremely popular these days. My only issue is too many of these people are looking down people who want/have kids or talk about children like vermin.
Yeah the childfree sub reddit is not a good space at all.
Not at all. In fact you don't need a "reason" or to justify to anybody why you're choosing to be child free
Check out r/regretfulparents
I have 2 kids and they cost me a fortune and a life of slavery. I love them both but I basically had to give up both my life and free will.
Why?
It’s completely valid
Not having kids for ANY reason is valid. Not wanting kids bc of money is valid, bc of circumstances is valid, bc of global warming is valid, etc etc. The MOST valid reason, tho? You don't want to have kids. The end.
Nah. You don't owe anyone a reason. Having the freedom to do as you please, is huge, and def underated. There are so many people in regretful situations, mostly because of feeling like they have no options to choose.
You don’t need a reason or an excuse to not want kids. You can refuse to have kids the same way youd refuse to have mayo on a sandwich. It’s your life live it how you want, fuck what other people think.
It’s fine. Kids are a massive commitment. More people should examine their reasons and the realities. Good for you!!!
Nothing wrong with that, but get yourself fixed so that does not happen.
Well, you are here asking Internet strangers the question so maybe?
Bare in mind that expecting relationships to be bad will put that lense on your perspective and you’ll seek out the bad things of every relationship, even if they may not be. Think about a Ferrari for 3 weeks or 3 months and surely you will notice every single one that drives by. When you’re hungry and think about food, you’ll find it.
If you don't want them, you don't want them...that's it...the reason doesn't really matter, and there's nothing wrong with that. My 45 year old sister has never wanted kids and does not have kids...she honestly probably wouldn't be a particularly good parent, though she is good with her nephews, but that's in short stints. She's always off on adventures and whatnot and kids would definitely hold her back with the things she likes to do. As far as ending up in a bad relationship or whatever, My wife and I dated for five years before deciding to get married and then spent another five years just being us and being together in our new lives and climbing our corporate ladders before having kids. Not that shit can't happen, but we were pretty sure of things with 10 years being together. We've been married for 19 years and together for 24. As far as work goes, I've been with the same organization for 14 years....not because I have mouths to feed, but because it's a good organization that treats people well. If I was in a shitty organization it wouldn't matter that I had kids...I would leave. I'm in a profession where there is no shortage of job opportunities and there's actually a shortage of professionals to do these jobs so it wouldn't take me long to find something else.
its not wrong to have your preferences but it will cut your potential list of life partners down if you are looking for that. For years i told myself i dont want kids because imo its selfish to have them in this economy if you cant provide a decent life for them. Im thinking rationally and thinking rationally has killed alot of potential relationships but im holding my ground, im still young though and i do look at families and kids and get that butterfly feeling so you could say biologically my brains screaming to procreate but im fighting that. For now im just working focusing on my health and having fun, maybe later on when im financially stable ill consider it but its not the 60's anyone having kids in their 20's these days have a tough road ahead if they dont come from money and not only that you gotta be emotionally ready for them and be hands on if you cant do that dont do it. Theres enough fucked up kids due to emotional neglect lets not add to it.
Nothing wrong with your stance. Just make sure you take the precautions to be childless and not get to the point where you're pressuring a woman to make a decision that she might feel morally conflicted in making. Growing up I always thought this thought process (oh I don't have the means to support a baby therefore I shouldn't have one at this time) was normal and everyone did it. But nope, majority of the people have kids and then figure it out after. What shocks me still to this day is in the US it's very expensive to have a kid but that has never actually seemed to deter people from having them.
Well, if you don't want kids then don't have them. That's not a good environment for raising a child. That being said, there is something freeing about being "tied down to a situation". It sounds counterintuitive but that's the truth
No. As a dad of two great kids. Most parents will sacrifice freedom to be able to provide for their kids. Its just a responsibility that shows up and you cant offload (you CAN but YKWIM). But about loosing your job dont worry. You will find a way if you have kids.
I want to say that having a child is a choice and it is absolutely yours to opt out. However, your reasoning is interesting to me. I think it comes from a hurt place even. I can honestly relate to it. You can find the best partner possible, but they may change or you may change 10-15 years from now. You can have a beautiful partner, and then have a child who is developmentally challenged or a psychopath...! We never know what is in the future and I think it's best not to make major life decisions out of fear. You have a partner that you feel is making your life better, but there is a possibility that you might still split up because not all relationships will last. And you can only hope that your partner in the end will be a good co-parent with you for the sake of your child.
Get yourself some therapy and just work on getting yourself into a stable situation. If anyone is trying to pressure you into having kids, "nah, I need a year's worth of expenses saved up to even consider it" and "I like freedom" are hard to argue with. You don't say how old you are, but I will say that if you're young, you don't have to have this figured out already. Lots of twentysomethings want **or** don't want kids for trauma reasons, and only figure out their true feelings once they've unkinked the trauma. Much better to "not have kids" until then, than to have them and kick yourself.
yea tie yourself down to a job for 30yrs is a situation all its own
i read a while back that it’s better to regret not having kids than it is to regret having kids, so i think it’s a totally fair reason
I’d get pressured by coworkers at past employment about having children. Honestly, it was extremely awkward having essentially strangers forcing their lives on me. Even odder that it was always opposite gender initiating these conversations. IMO it’s a private discussion not meant for anyone else other than your partner. Child free with no regerts!
It's a million times better not to have kids for any reason, then to have kids for the wrong reasons. Such as because family members want grandchildren, or it's because it's the thing people do, or because only one of the partners of a couple wants them.
No it’s not messed up. I love my kids dearly but I wish I could go back. I wish I had known I wasn’t good enough to give them a two parent home.
Come on over to r/childfree if you haven't already!
If you view them as a burden or trap that will tie you down - then absolutely not, do not have kids.
It irritates me so much that we even has to ask this question. No, you are very much NOT 'messed up'.
No.
Not st all. As someone who has been in education and social work for 20 years, I applaud your self-awareness. I have seen first hand too many children brought into this world under horrible circumstances, and those children pay the price for their parents poor choices. Having kids because you’re expected to is way worse and frankly reprehensible.
No you're not. You're "allowed" not to want kids for any reason, or for no reason. If you don't truly, emphatically want kids, you shouldn't have them.
Your reasons are your own and entirely valid. The only question that matters is - do *you* want kids? If yes, then you gotta find a way to make it work. Of course kids will tie you down, but they offer a heap in return. But only if it’s what you want!
I would certainly find it "messed up" if someone DID succumb to the pressure/temptation to have kids in the knowledge that they don't want to be tied down to a situation. That someone was so nearly me.
You’re allowed to not want kids for any reason whatsoever or no reason at all. End of story.
Nope, that's exactly my reason too. Nothing gives my boss more power to exploit me than me having kids.
That's the full reason I don't want kids lol I was a kid once, no thank you on having my own me.
I feel the same way. It's a massive commitment and a lot of people end up getting fucked over by being tied to the wrong person
Nope, you do you.
You honestly don't need to justify not wanting kids. You can just simply not want them. There is nothing messed up about not wanting kids for any reason and especially just because you don't want to. It's fine.
No, not at all. I’ve always seen most peoples dream or “ideal life”, almost every aspect, seems like a tortuous prison hell, I don’t know why it’s just who I am. And it seems like we think alike. There is nothing “wrong” with it but you will have quite a bit of people who will criticize you because they don’t understand because that hasn’t been their own experience
U can do whatever you want to do. Just make sure 100% this is what you want. For both men and women fertility goes down as we age.
I have always felt this way. No it’s not messed up. It’s a totally valid reason
Do what makes you happy.
That's an unusual reason, tying it all to a job. For me, I don't really relate to kids and don't want to spend all my free time in a kid world. Their expensiveness is a secondary reason. But are you also wary about being in a long term relationship?
No I'm married and all is good with us. I'm just saying that people can change, circumstances can too. If a time ever comes (God fobid) one or both of us decide to end our relationship, it'll be tougher to do with kids vs without them. The job thing is pretty self explanatory. Most folks I've seen with kids are so stressed out, afraid to mess up or lose their jobs, and what have you.
Not messed up. I never had kids and it was the best decision I ever made.
You should not need to justify the reason you don't want a kid.
It'd be hell of a lot worse to have kids and then be passive aggressive or negligent because you are bitter about it.
"I don't want them." Boom, just fixed it for you. That's all the reason you needed. You don't owe anyone an answers. It's your life. You get to decide what you do with it. I feel like people going on these long tangent rants are either trying to convince themselves or others. You do you, and they do them. Not that hard.
You don't have to have a reason to not want kids at all. "I don't want them" is a valid reason, so it's not messed up. You're allowed to have an opinion about your own life!
It would be more messed up if you had kids and didn't want them. If it's not for you, it's not for you. Nothing wrong with that. I'm a bit of a commitment phobe myself and it's true, you're less likely to make a major career change when you have a family. I"m feeling that now. Whatever your reasons, be true to yourself. You should let prospective partners know that upfront though.
I feel the same way. Nothing wrong with that, it's your life to live. If anything we need less people in the world because overpopulation is definitely a certainty.
I've got one kid who is child free, and one who is not. Do you. Get that vasectomy/tubes tied, but be honest with any partners.
It's not messed up at all. Children are a humongous, lifelong commitment. Should should absolutely be 100% on board before you make it. Never ever have kids "just because." And it's a red flag for sure that the workplaces needs people without options in order to keep workers. It's one of the reasons I've always made it a point to tell prospective jobs that I don't need their money and I have other fall back options to see how they react.
I am pro kids - for ME. But if that is not your thing, pull the trigger and get snipped/tied so you never have another person that is an unwanted burden for you. (I am all for wanted burdens, but unwanted burdens is a bad formula for you AND the child. If you have lingering doubts, volunteer to watch your sibling's kids for a week while they are on vacation. You MIGHT be surprised at how fun and rewarding the week turns out to be. But, more likely, a week of rugrats under foot will cause you to phone the doctors office to get things taken care of. I have learned not to judge the childless. Most mature and sophisticated people have figured out it is best not to judge folks who decided not to have kids.
I don't think there's anything wrong with it and you shouldn't have to justify your reasons to anyone. It doesn't matter what your reasons are.
I feel like that’s the most common reason people don’t have kids. The lifestyle change and lack of freedom are huge. I think most of the time when people reference finances or the state of the world as reasons, they’re often second or tertiary reasons. If that person truly wanted kids they would do so even in the face of not being financially where they’d like or worrying about the future. The big reason is usually “I don’t want kids because I don’t want to be tied down and responsible for a life for the next 18+ years.” Which is totally valid.
Nobody should ever feel guilty or made to feel guilty for not wanting to have children.
Nope, do you and be happy 😊
Whatever your reason for not wanting kids is totally fine. If you don't want them, for any reason, you shouldn't have them. I never wanted kids and I didn't have any. Have not regretted it for a moment. Life is good!
It’s perfectly reasonable to not want kids when you can choose to not want to have them. Your reasons are yours, and no one but you can change your mind.
Sure! You make your decisions for your own reasons, because nobody else can tell you what's important to YOU! And yes, massive committmentphobia is part of the reason I don't want kids, but of course it's a comparatively small reason. The biggest is that I don't like children, or family life.
You don’t need to explain why. You’re under no obligation to do so. Your reasons are your own.
I’m so proud of you for this self awareness. Never, ever, let anyone tell you anything. There is no right or wrong when it comes to your personal gut feeling on something like this. I am of similar mindset. I just know myself, and I fully believe a child would be a negative in my life. I believe having a child would destroy my relationship.. and I love my partner. I don’t want to have to sacrifice him for something that doesn’t exist right now. If I chose to have a baby, I wouldn’t be able to grow career wise with out extreme sacrifice. I’d sacrifice myself in ways I am simply not willing to do, if I don’t have to. There is nothing wrong with that. You know yourself and you have to ability to choose.
Having kids is not for everyone
You can have whatever reason not to have kids tbh. If you don't want kids it shouldn't be needed any other reason really. But it was one of the reasons I decided to go childfree. I don't feel safe in my work situation and a kid would create more tension and stress.
It is true that having a family means there is more at stake with each decision. You can choose whether or not that’s a life you want.
It’s not messed up at all. I think good for you. People forget the most important decision they make is who they have children with
It’s not wrong. It’s a lifelong commitment that is hard.
No. More people should come to that realization before they have children. It’s responsible to recognize that now while you don’t have a tiny human who relies on you completely to survive
Na I think we should do what we want with our lives and not feel pressure to live how others think we should. If that means not having kids then good for you for knowing that for certain. So many will have kids then resent them for one reason or another. I feel like that’s worse than just not having them.
You don't need any kind of justification for not having kids. You could choose not to have kids so you can sleep in on the weekends and it wouldn't be messed up at all. It's your life
Question, if you were rich, say had a trust fund, would you then want kids? Still no? Then its not about being tied down to a job. And that's fine. You don't have to want kids, they will bring the biggest change ever to your life, for better or worse
No, your reasons are your own and nobody else's opinion matters.
Tied down right now. Don't do it if you don't want to. It's enjoyable but maddening
I suffer from schizoaffective disorder, a severe mental illness and I 1. wouldn't want to pass my illness to my kid and 2. wouldn't be able to care for someone other than myself with how debilitating it is for me to just look after myself.
Reddit will offer you one-sided opinions on this matter.
It is o.k. to don't want the responsibility. I have kids and I am "tied down". It is worth it for me, but not for everybody. And that is absolutely o.k. Why be a bad parent when you can prevent being a parent? That's the responsible way.
above all, its YOUR body & YOUR choice, so you get to be selfish about it and you dont have to justify it to anyone
The fact that you are aware that parenthood isn’t for you is very self-aware and responsible. Good on you for knowing this about yourself.
Not at all. Silly question .. Enjoy life without kids 😁
You do you. Things might change in the future. I want kids because I feel it’s normal but I can’t even stand the thought of having a dog and I love dogs😂
Nope not at all
My husband struggled to leave a job before kids that he'd had for seven years. The first time can be the hardest. He quit another job (though I think he'd lined up a new one) when our firstborn was a few months old because they thought that paying on time wasn't 100% necessary. He quit another one without anything lined up at the end of parental leave for our second, because they kept sending him overseas and lining up late-night conference calls. Had someone at work tell him his family would be grateful for him working long hours. It did take him longer than he wanted to find a new job, but it was one compatible with a young family. So, sometimes you can be tied down. But I think people are more likely to find work again than not.
It's not messed up at all to have personal reasons for not wanting kids. It's important to be honest with yourself about what you want in life. Your concerns about being tied down in a bad situation or feeling trapped in a job are valid. Everyone's circumstances and priorities are different, and it's okay to make decisions based on what you feel is best for your happiness and well-being. Ultimately, it's your life and your choice.
That’s a bit of an immature way of looking at it. Someone with responsibilities is going to be hustling to make a better life for their family. They’re not going to do dumb things and lose their job, not when they have mouths to feed. If you’ve still got mommy and daddy bailing you out then you won’t see it the same way. Yes having kids was a major responsibility but it’s also a really amazing joy to build a family.
That's why I waited into my 30's. Don't regret it, but when I was about 40 I started to get jealous of adults who's kids were leaving the nest (and they were basically still young enough to have fun). There's never a "convenient" time to have kids.
No it's not messed up. Too many people have kids simply because they think they are supposed to, well guess what? You dont have to at all. I'm in my 40s and very glad I don't have any kids. Not the slightest feeling of "missing out" or anything. Just because you exist doesn't mean you have to reproduce. That's what the world's low iq and poor all do, which isn't helping anything. Not everyone should be a parent. And the fact that you can realize that and know it and say it.....that's good. Let all those people who talk shit, let them get 2 hours of sleep every nite and age 20 years in five. You ever notice how people who have kids seems to pile on the years quick? I've seen 30 year Olds with grey af hair stressed out about life. Not me. I'm doing life on easy mode. I make decent money to not do much work....3 day weekends every week. Kid free is the way to go. No regrets.
I mean if you don't want don't. my biggest reason is financial situation I can't do typical 9-5 job i love my freedom. Children are huge commitment. did you ever think about becoming donor to help other couples?
ANY reason is a good reason to not have kids.
Nobody wants kids because we all realize we’re terrible. lol
Nope. Not at all.
any reason is a valid reason
Personally I didn’t want children for this very reason, I ended up having one she is the best thing that ever happened to me. She comes running through that door when I get home from the 9-5 job and it is just the best thing ever. So I totally understand where you are coming from, personally it has changed my life for the better but that is a decision you have to make yourself, instead of being angry about the situation I have made the most of it.
No, that is not messed up at all.
Nope. Things may change like they do for all of us. We live in the here and now. Nothing is static.
Absolutely not. I have one child and ended up divorced with a geographic restriction. I live on the Coast. With climate change, I get anxiety about this a lot.
Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?
Definitely one of my reasons. I’ve seen so many people stay in mediocre/ bad relationships because they have kids. And then if you do untangle all the finances and life with that person, then you’re a single parent, and are still tied to them (and eventually their new partner) for life. It’s my nightmare.
I love my kids. But I dream of the freedom i would have without them. I would literally be rich and retired at 50
No lol there are so many reasons not to have kids and each one is perfectly fine. Too many people having kids that they can fully engage with and neglect. The tie down aspect is real you not only have to think about you and your actions but how those actions affect your child.
Cant*
No I agree with you.
If you don't want kids, don't have them. If you are on the fence about having kids, don't have them. Any reason to not have kids is a good one. It's literally the biggest decision anyone will ever make and it's annoying that we pretend it's routine. Having serious thoughts about even "small" gripes like this are important and good to think about. Also fuck that manager and anyone like him.
Nope at 39 i have no interest. I dont want to take care of anyone... a dog is hard enough
I respect you for your decision. Better you realize it now then bring a innocent child into the world. Besides the way this world is going and it's getting worse by the day.
You don't have to justify or explain your decision to anyone. Do what's right for you. No one needs to know your reasons. It's your personal business, no one else's. So don't worry about what others may think.
No.
It’s not messed up. It’s actually a fair and responsible outlook. Ideally, the people who should have kids are the ones who not only want them, but know they are prepared to take care of them no matter what. With kids, chances are, you will be tied down to some kind of situation. That comes with the territory. Now, imagine this: the situation you find yourself in makes you deeply unhappy. Then, your kids have an unhappy father to look forward to. Resentment can build. Maybe that leads to other problems. I don’t know you. I don’t want to make assumptions about how you’d handle an unwanted scenario. However, things like this do happen. Miserable parents can make for miserable households. That will affect kids long after they’ve grown up.
That's 100% a valid reason to not have/want kids. If you really want kids, but are scared about this (being tied down) that's a different conversation. I don't think fear of being tied down should hold you back if you want kids
Not at all. Especially in this day and age where everybody wants to make you a modern day slave and feel like you have no way out 💯.
I’m 48, felt the same way my whole life. Zero regrets. (I say that while on a multi-week vacation in Europe, while my friends with kids send me texts like “Must be nice…”) lol
Not at all , it’s a good thing you know yourself so well. Otherwise the cycle of passing trauma continues
You don’t need strangers’ approval to have or not have kids. Weigh the pros/cons for you and decide.
I don’t think my husband feels the kids are a burden in that way. His point of view was that working life would be a bit brutal no matter what and he’s happy to keep going because of the kids. He was going to be working full time regardless but it’s purposeful now. I sent him photos of the youngest two sharing an icecream at the pool & it made his day. We just bought the house two weeks ago . It’s a family community with a nice private pool for residents .
It is totally understandable that you do not want it, many people are going to find themselves in a situation in the future in which they are going to rethink their lives because they have followed society's script and they are not going to be able to fix it, it is better to be critical and think for yourself than being another sheep.
No. Then again it's only women who moan about being single moms and make up shit like you didn't want them that's why you left kinda thing, don't fall for it
No one cares. Have them or don’t. It’s your life.
The thing is the situation is always changing the kids the wife the economy I can not control any of these variables. That means any hardships or setbacks I have to be ready to handle 100% myself., money is the easiest you can get a 2nd job, work harder you can rise up to that, the kid you can guide a bit,but they gotta live their life. the wife or SO you have to hope they stay on track. All this work so your kid gets to play the game again? No thanks.
You atr obviously free to choose and should not have kids if you don't want them. I do think that as a society all the people choosing not to have kids is absolutely going to bite us in the ass in 30 years, but that is the societies problem.
It’s not messed up at all and makes perfect sense. You have to do what’s right for you
do what you want.
I never had kids for the exact same reason and I haven't ever regretted it. In fact the worse things get in this country the happier I am about that decision.
I get where your coming from however, it’s easy to think that the employer wants a person who is tied to their job but you’re assuming it’s because they want to mistreat an employee who has no options. In reality nobody wants an employee who isn’t reliable. If you are of the mindset that any employer wants to hire people that will just decide that they don’t want to work that day, or that after the time and resources went into training that particular person they want to move on for whatever reason you’re mistaken. I’m sure there are employers that want to work their employees to the bone but for the most part they just need people to do the jobs that they applied for.
I don't think there's a wrong reason to not want kids. What's messed up is people feeling pressured to justify not wanting kids.
Thank you for doing your part to combat overpopulation!
Nope!
You are allowed to choose to not have kids for any reason you like, it’s *your* life. You don’t have to rationalize or excuse it to anyone. I will say that if you make this decision and stick with it for a while, you may want to consider getting a vasectomy to permanently remove the possibility and have less to worry about.
Totally valid bud. Don't find yourself in a situation of a pregnancy scare, wrap your tool!
You don’t have to have a reason to not want kids. If anything, yours *is* ethics based because you know you wouldn’t be able to give them what they need.
Nah, I’m exactly the same. And not even for things as big as partners or jobs, tho definitely those too - I have my life set up in such a way that I can take off at a moment’s notice to do whatever I want. I wouldn’t want to give that up. The life of having to plan your weekend like a military operation and you can’t go out for dinner without a week’s notice and cash for a sitter looks hellish to me. Never been interested in it
Why does this question keep appearing???? if you want kids then have them. If you don’t want kids then don’t. If you want a dog or a cat then get one. If you don’t like animals then don’t. If you like broccoli then eat it. If you hate broccoli, then don’t. Most Life decisions are really not that difficult,
This is one of the main reasons modern capitalism creates low birthrates
“I once had a manager that could keep PEOPLE” This rings a bell with that statement…. If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole. Raylan Givens Justified Your boss was an asshole.
As a parent of two, I fully support people who don’t want kids not having kids.
Nope, not messed up at all. You are being a loving parent without actually being one. Good job!
Any decision that you make which takes your well-being and happiness into consideration can never be wrong.
That's more reasonable than my situation. I just think kids are fucking annoying. When they cry it physically hurts my ear drums. Can't stand them. Kittens for me.
+1 for cats
No, not messed up at all! More like reality-based & self-aware. So many young adults are swallowed up by social and/or familial pressure to find the “right” S.O., have kids & nest. All with the assumption they’d master 3 huge riddles fundamental to a good life: finding true companion, figuring out how to pay for it all & having a personality compatible with nesting/settling down. Expectations of others can be brutal, so much is based on what the expectant wish for themselves not you. Imo parenting is the most difficult job on earth in current era where helping community & resources are so difficult to find no less access. Parenting is a 24/7 endeavor, at times a maze that feels impossible to navigate. Being financially grounded/housed & in field you’re satisfied with, having compatible partner & enjoying role/truly liking kids & wanting to nest are so important yet sadly, often tossed to the wayside in the interest of meeting expectations. You’re def ahead of the game to know where you are & what you need. An interesting side note for those who love kids yet choose not to be biological parents is how vital you can still be in the life of a child/children. Favorite uncle/aunt, big brother/sister, godfather/godmother or teacher in many contexts can be the greatest influence in the life of a child!
NTA. This is one of the valid reasons why people don't have kids.
>Is it messed up that I don't want kids because I don't want to be "tied down?" to a situation? No, it is not wrong that you don't want to have kids for this (and any other) reason, and definitely do not have kids if you don't want to. Thankfully, we live in an era where having children is a choice, and we have access to birth control (well, depending on where you live). #
Perfectly reasonable sentiment, just don't have kids, childbearing isn't a requirement.
You never need an excuse for not making more people.
Not messed up at all. I love that I am not beholden to my children and that I can live my life the way I want to without having to constantly say ‘I can’t do xyz because of the kids”. I have no problem with children I hasten to add, I just don’t want any of my own for those reasons.
The only people complaining about you opting out are the people who stand to benefit to an increased workforce, which is the older generation who need people to pay taxes and ensure their pension.
Perfectly valid
It’s not messed up for you to not want kids - it doesn’t matter the reason. Even if there’s no reason at all. Period.
No. It's just conditioning from society. They want you to have kids so you can work hard and be forced to consume products.
You literally don't need any reason to not want to have kids. It's fine to not have them, period, full stop. If you don't want them for literally whatever reason or no reason at all, totally fine.
Personally, seems everyone has a kid so why do I need one to
My wife and I don’t have kids for many reasons.. Having children can be a bigger financial commitment than buying a house. Most people I know with kids struggle financially. I work with a guy who pays $2100 a month just on day care. That’s insane to me. My wife and I both agreed that we do not want to be financially tied down like that. I’m also not the type of person who wants to drive a minivan and drive the kids to soccer or gymnastics. I rather just work, save for retirement, treat myself to a few nice things every now and then and enjoy my free time. With having kids you don’t get to do that. Also, my family has bad genes. So does my wife’s family.. Why would I want to bring children into this world who are at high risk of being fucked up like me or my wife? It seems there’s a million reasons to not have kids but only 2 reasons to have kids.. So they can take care of you when you’re older and to continue your family’s blood line… Not worth it to me.
I think it's "messed up" to feel you have to give reasons or justifications for why you don't want to do something. Whether it's kids, a job, wanting or not wanting to get married, etc. etc. Adults don't give justifications for what they want to do in their personal lives. They say, this is the way I am like me or leave me, I don't care. I no longer give people justifications.
Foresight, friend. Good job!!
That is one of the primary reasons to not have kids, nothin messed up about it
I ended up being stupid and not wearing protection(she said she couldn’t get pregnant😒) we ended up separating because we weren’t compatible, I love my son a lot but EVERY single thing I used to want to do now involves how it will affect my son, job opportunities in other parts of the country, travelling, saving money(just having an emergency fund alone increases with having a child, that 2-3 month safety net now has to include another human)
The sooner you realize that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks but you, you will live a much happier life.
You can not want kids for any reason you choose. I do find it to be odd that your story is basically a complicated way of saying that you want the ability to avoid responsibility or obligation at all costs. But if that's how you want to live, it's your life. I think that you might start getting lonely when you get older, but who knows.
I'm married. Don't have an issue with a partner, we just don't want kids. She has her reasons, these are mine.