What do you mean what do you do? You talk to her and figure out a plan. You keep it or you don't. If she is pregnant, she didn't get there by herself. Y'all are a team now.
I think it's more than just chronological age, though. It's more to do with the level of maturity and mental preparedness, as you stated.
If this kid happens to still be living at home and his mom is still doing all of his cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc, he's going to still be in that teenage mindset and he's gonna have a MUCH more difficult time adapting to being thrust into the newfound world of fatherhood.
You sound like you were much more prepared and ready for it, which I highly commend. I definitely would not have been at your age, so I have such deep respect for anyone who can not only grow up that quickly but excel in their life while doing so, like you have.
However... just from this guy's post, it sounds like he's in a deep state of panic right now, and if he keeps that mindset up, he'll probably struggle with newfound fatherhood.
I do wish them well, as it's going to be hard for them for a while.
Not old enough to buy a handgun, alcohol, weed, rent a car... yeah, they call you an "adult" at 18 but you're still not able to do adult things. We'll go with "old kid".
Sorry to say this but yes, at 21 youâre still a kid in this age. This society has made it where people stay younger longer than they really should. 2000 years ago an adult was about 15 to 18 years of age now itâs about 10 years later. The mind hasnât fully developed.
Because you're asking a question, I'll answer it, but I have a feeling you're not gonna listen
USUALLY, at 20 years old, people are still very much a teenager mentally especially compared to the old days. There is a massive difference in maturity when you compare a 20 year old to a 40 year old even though they're both legally adults. Especially when you're talking about raising a child
Of course theres a huge difference between people twenty years apart in age. Be it a newborn and 20yr old, 20yr old and 40yr old, 40 and 60, and 60 and 80. Nobody is done maturing, but what I was responding to is saying a 21yr old isnt an adult. Our brains dont stop developing until 25, so should every crime committed by someone >24 be charged as juvenile by that logic?
No one was saying >24 should be charged as a juvenile, that wasn't even in the conversation, you're on a different planet rn.
It's recognizing that even though society says 18 is an adult, an adult is much more than just your age. Generally speaking, most people are still mentally a teenager in their 20s, especially in decision making. There are definitely exceptions though
Well what you'd consider "mentally a teen" is what Id consider "trying new experiences for the first time", which happens to everyone. You can easily see adults into their 30's and 40's doing the same things as young/new adults because they refuse to learn from their mistakes. You can also see people with mental health issues refusing to grow because it takes them out of their comfortability with being mentally ill because changing and/or getting help requires them to face their problems. This makes them the same mentally their whole lives, which won't change with age unless they choose to
We're speaking in the context of a 20 year old making poor decisions and having a baby by accident, again, you're on another fucking planet.
I hope you can realize that a baby isn't just a "new experience for the first time", its a whole ass human, and I don't think I have to explain why raising kids is so difficult...
yes. every crime committed by a person under 25 should be tried as a juvenile offense due to the fact that their brain was not fully developed and unable to fully grasp the consequences. that wasnât the conversation tho â the conversation was about kids having kids. I am 26 and the person i was at 21 is ASTRONOMICALLY different. my mindset from 17 to 21 was very similar. Teen parents/young parents can make great parents. But they are essentially kids. their brains arenât developed enough to be full blown adults. our legal age has more to do with ability to join the military/be at a good physical ability to be a militant than to do with actually being an adult and our brain development. Thatâs why selective service is 18-25. Best physical time for men to fight.
Yeah I stopped reading after your first sentence ngl. While youre at it tell everyone >25 they cant drink, smoke, vote, get their own apartment, or take out loan/grants to go to college
First of all, 21 years is not a kid. Don't push the teens in the mindset they are kids anymore , You can fk means you are a man now .In asia by 21, you will try to get somewhere in life, many will get married, and your family will support you.Unless you had a weak, useless family structure, you will name it as we are still young.It's the USA, which still thinks 21 is a kid .First of all, 24 years nepolean became a general of French army . So anyone above 16 is not even treated as a kid.
âYou kill it or you donâtâ
Wild to me we live in a society where we literally celebrate killing children. Like wtf, I donât give a flip if this gets downvoted or not, what kind of person would I be if I didnât stand up for children?
They never do. It's always "we'll deal with that later". Well IVF done the "right way" means that nobody gets to decide what embryos they get. That's all a life! If you implant 6 and they all take good luck with that.
If you implant 6 and none of them take is that a murder investigation? Manslaughter? Who's responsible? That's a LIFE
Actually there is a vast difference between a fully actualised human being with hopes, dreams, memories, achievements, people who know and love them, and a blob with none of that. But you know that, youâre just being deliberately obtuse.
Its dna will never be replicated again, it can also feel pain. Why does your life suck so much that you have to downplay creation? Whatâs happened to you to full your heart with so much hate.
[Current medical consensus puts the age where a fetus can begin to feel pain at 24-25 weeks, although there are arguments for as early as 12 weeks. ](https://www.webmd.com/baby/when-can-a-fetus-feel-pain-in-the-womb) Note that the EARLIEST time that might be supported by medical science is 12 weeks, the end of the first trimester. The vast majority of abortions are performed before the end of the first trimester.
Let me know if this is too harsh.
You two are grown adults. Young, but still grown. You've made the decision to have possibly unprotected sex, so guess what? Pregnancies happen. So whether the test comes back positive or negative, you need to talk to your fiance. This is a team thing. Marriage is about navigating through the ups and downs of life together. If it's negative, talk about birth control moving forward if you're not ready for parenthood. If it's positive, talk to her about her thoughts on the situation. If she wants to keep it, then buckle up and get ready to be a dad.
If anyone finds this too harsh they are not ready for marriage, let alone having sex. You should be able to talk about protection and pregnancy with your sexual partners and especially your fiance.
And they even write it on the back of the condom box I'm js
And there's a disclaimer on your birth control pack.... or literally any other method you use.
Cheating happens more often than condoms failing. If they are used correctly, the chance to get pregnant within one year is 2%.
A 2021 survey by Health Testing Centers polled 441 people and reported:
a little over 46% of respondents in a monogamous relationship said they had affairs
nearly 24% of marriages affected by infidelity reported staying together
He said they used protection. If that means he used a condom, the chance for her to get pregnant from him is for sure way lower than the chance that she cheated.
the fact that you think its more likely that she cheated and didn't use protection than her getting pregnant from someone she has sex with all the time. condoms break, they aren't put on properly- the chances of her just being pregnant because she has sex with her fiance is much much higher than some random theory that she went out and cheated and used 0 protection. weird ass thing to jump to and just kind of shows that you have hella trust issues. you don't need to project your trust issues onto the op, I don't think they need the idea of her cheating in their head when they already have to deal with a surprise pregnancy.
Based on typical use, condoms are about 87% effective. That means that generally speaking, 13 out of 100 people using condoms will get pregnant *each year*.
"Typical use" includes forgetting it sometimes.
Are condoms an effective form of birth control?
Yes. Condoms are an effective form of birth control. If used âtypicallyâ (not following the directions every time or forgetting to wear one sometimes), about 13 out of 100 people will get pregnant in one year of use (1). If used âperfectlyâ every time (following the directions on the package), 1-2 people out of 100 will get pregnant in one year (2%) (1).Â
It also cannot measure if the woman actually cheated. It would count as pregnancy while using a condom, though it wasn't.
Cheating is more common than you might think.
A 2021 survey by Health Testing Centers polled 441 people and reported:
a little over 46% of respondents in a monogamous relationship said they had affairs
nearly 24% of marriages affected by infidelity reported staying together
No point in stressing until you get a positive test.
Sometimes life doesnât happen the way itâs âsupposed toâ but can make for wonderful experiences
If that were true, there would be a lot fewer abusive fathers out there. For some reason, people who shouldn't be parents still manage to have children. And guess what? Parenthood doesn't magically change them into good people who can deal with a kid.
So many people are horrible parents. Neglectful, sexuallt abusive, physically abusive, etc, parents. What If the pregnancy was going to kill the mom? What if the parents will abuse the kid. Or live in poverty and the baby will struggle to eat? So many reasons that an abortion is perfectly ethical, and at this stage a fly has much more consciousness than a baby. Do you think twice when you squish a fly?
We are over populated as is, your comment is nonsense.
There are other options besides abortion as well but if OP can't afford a kid then it's extremely selfish to bring that child into the world only to have it suffer. It could either just not exist or be adopted into a family that is better off and actually wants/is ready for a kid. I don't know OP's financial situation though, hence why I asked if they can even afford a kid.
Someone else's choice for what they do with a fetus has zero effect on you though. Don't guilt people into a life they may or may not want yet.
No one asks to be born. It isnât even about what you want as a potential parent, not one iota. If you arenât equipped to give a child a good life or even want to have them then itâs the ultimate act of selfishness to keep the baby.
Youre right, nothing better in the world than being a father, if you're actually able to be a father. To afford a child and be able to actually raise it well.
I'm sure OP will happily supply their bank account details so you can deposit $1million each year, for the next 18 years, to cover the mums costs for birth, any time off she needs, 3 full time nannies to cover any parenting stress, college funds , all child related expenses, and so on.
I mean, if you really love babies and want them to be born, you won't mind putting your money where your mouth is.
>Like what some of you said, abortion is an option, but my fiancee said she doesnât want to, so weâre keeping the baby. I told her Iâll be there for her, so weâre keeping it. Thanks for the advices
Marry her before the child is born. IMO
Welcome the new born to a 2 parent wedded couple.
That increases the odd of success.
The abortion pill is really easy to get, and the abortion itself feels like a period with cramps. She can take this 70 days, or 10 weeks after her last period for it to work. Good luck
Personally I found Mifepriston to be really horrible, but it may have been due to my gestational age (the later it is the harder and I was 9 weeks since LMP, but embryo stopped growing at 5 weeks).
I ended up needing a d&C after, which was much easier for me.
Mifepristone is the progesterone blocker - the first pill. Chances are youâre talking about misoprostol, the second pill, which causes the evacuation/cramps.
I had 2 miscarriages, both only about a month along and it was brutal. maybe some people take it better than others, but it is not âlike a period with crampsâ
Or perhaps that person has really terrible cramps with their periods? I gave birth recently, and if we put transition and my prepregnancy period cramps on a pain scale, transition was an 11, and cramps were an 8. I pretty much didn't even feel the post birth contractions that my mom friends all complained about.
I was 19yo when I got pregnant with my first while on birth control. I was petrified. I was in college, still living at home (my parents moved to the USA too), working as a waitress. I had move to the USA from another country too and had only been here for about a year and a half before I got pregnant. My home country didnât have healthcare on our island like the USA, I only knew nurses to do vaccines, vitals, and lab work. I moved here thinking I was going to go to school to become a CPA.
Well my daughter put me through the ringer medically and I was hospitalized several times. During those times the world of healthcare opened up for me and I switched majors after she was born. Today I am an RN in the ICU and am planning to further my degree in the next few years when my husband is done with his doctorates. I say all that because if it wasnât for my daughter, I never would have opened up to the world of nursing as I never knew it was so advanced. I am where I am because I had her.
No matter what people tell you, youâre never truly ready to have a child no matter what because they are so much more than you can imagine in the best of ways. Youâll never love anything like you will love and adore that precious baby. They little thing will bring so much happiness, joy, and purpose to your life. Youâll look at that baby and know you were apart of making that little miracle and feel proud, as you should.
Babies, no matter the time or circumstance are blessing. My first dramatically changed the course of my life and I am truly grateful I had her.
Congratulations! You may not think so, but you got this. When the time comes youâll need help but you got this. You both do. Wishing you all the best đ
young dad here had my first son at 19. scary shit dude but both my boys were the best thing that has ever happend to me. much like you and your fiance, my wife and i talked a long time about abortion i was for she was against and im glad she was. just remeber there is no handbook, sure theres tips and tricks but no actual manual. Good luck and i hope the baby is born happy and healthy.
Thank you. I suggested abortion since I was reading what people said and I know.. I was fucking irresponsible and itâs my fault. But Iâm willing to step up and embrace my responsibilities. I know itâll be tough, but if she wants to keep the baby, then Iâll support her through it
A lot of people do end up regretting it, especially once they become stable in life. But if OP doesn't have the finances or time to give this baby a good life then abortion might be the only way
This is not supported by statistics. It is overwhelmingly statistically likely that a person who gets an abortion will feel relief and not regret it later.
I was 20f when I found out I was pregnant, he was 19. Now we have a beautiful 5 year old. It could be hard being parents so young, but if you work together, you could still have a beautiful life and raise a beautiful child together. Good luck
What happens if she is? Congratulations, you're gonna be a dad.
Considering you're already engaged, at least you're on the right path. Now start saving your money, babies are expensive.
I am glad to hear you are going to keep the baby! I know it can be scary, but one day you will look back at this decision and I am sure there will be no regrets. No one is expected to be the perfect parent. Just do the best you can with the resources you have, and everything will fall into place.
What you should do is get yourself prepared for the possibility. Look into what it's like raising a child. Make sure you're setting aside money to help with it. If she is pregnant then congratulations. Raising a kid is difficult, but you have each other and there should be plenty of resources for you to look into. I wish you good luck, my friend.
I know you donât want to hear this but itâs the truth. No one is ever ready, financially or otherwise, to have a baby. Not really. Of course you can be in a better place but youâre never totally prepared. You just make it work. Weâve had to make a lot of sacrifices even though we felt we were ready. And itâs all been worth it.
Always keep in mind, especially since youâre now engaged, that yâall are a team. Work together not against each other. Youâll be fine! And lastly, donât panic period but really no need to stress until and if you get the results youâre afraid of. There have been several times I was sure I was pregnant even when we were careful and I wasnât. But my stressing out over it made my period even later, which added to the stress. It was a dreadful cycle, literally and figuratively.
Everyone says how expensive babies are, but they exaggerate. Babies don't need new clothes, you can thrift. Breastfeed if possible- better for the baby and it's practically free. Cloth diapers. So many ways to save money
Iâm glad you have come to a solution!
As a tip from someone who has been in a similar situation on protected sex, did you know that Johnny has to be suited before any kind of genital contact (even rubbing?) or you could risk pregnancy? I didnât know that and we just suited up before penetration. So pro tip!
I'd suggest a paternity test if you really don't think it could have been you, as you said you used protection. I discussed this waaaaay in advance with my partner, as I recommend every adult does.
You get a job. You raise your son or daughter. You do the right thing. Pretend that little human is you and then decide what you would want done to yourself.
Maybe Iâm dumb, but if youâre planning on marrying this person shouldnât you be prepared for a future where you have kids together? How do you get engaged to a person and not already have a plan in place for having/preventing having kids?
1, support her and be there for her. Becoming a parent is the greatest experience Iâve had so far in life.
2, probably find a job thatâll give you the financial stability you need to have a family.
3, gotta walk away from things thatâll hold you back from being a better father and husband.
4, never stop reaching for better for your family
My baby was born on 12/18/2023
I wasn't ready to be a dad.
As soon as she came screaming in to the world, I knew what I had to do.
You'll be okay, and you'll love that baby with all your existence.
You've got 9 months to get things prepared as best you can.
Stabilize income and prepare for getting up every hour and a half to feed the baby. It's rough and there's little sleep, but staring in to the eyes of your own newborn child is a magical feeling.
You guys will be okay. It's normal to be scared. But you guys will surprise yourself what you can accomplish
Congratulations, I'm only hoping this is your kid. The world is a rough place, and honesty isn't in abundance these days. I'm just saying. It happens. Good luck with parenting.
Happened to me at 24, youâve both agreed to have the baby so just go into grind mode. Hustle as much as you can now the baby will come & give you more motivation. Itâll be rough sometimes but itâs life, be confident & never let them down. As scary as it sounds you are a dad now, itâs your job to keep a roof over their heads & food on the table & the work you put in financially, emotionally & or spiritually will pay off
Well honestly this should be something you two talk about. Iâm not a dad but me and my ex talked extensively about this when we became sexually active. I see that you two decided to keep the baby. You may not feel ready but i donât think anyone really does. Welcome to life. Things donât go as you would have planned but this is a huge chapter in your life now. Congratulations! I wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year and i hope that the beginning of your family will bring you nothing but happiness and joy. Try not to stress too much things will ultimately work out in the end just be there for her and your child and I honestly believe you will be fine.
Maybe its time to have the how many kids do we want talk- ideally youâd have a kids talk before you get engaged or even before having sex, but now that youâre this far, if youâre going to continue to have sex talk about birth control or how many kids you do want in the future. If you only want 1 kid, make sure youâre discussing effective birth control.
First of all, be a man. If you are an American, you have a lot of opportunities to work some job. Unless you had a useless family structure and no one to support, it's a different story .You are a man now by your age. Many became generals and led armies . Woke culture destroyed our country. Raising kids is hard, but if you had good family structure and support from both of your parents and her parents .Raising kids at a younger age is the luckiest thing. At the end of the day, both of you need to be committed to live until your death. Then Raising kids at young age is an wonderful thing. You can enjoy and watch them growing and becoming something in life
Hmm but are YOU actually ready to be a father?!! Yall are still young asf and have yall whole lives ahead of yall to have a lot of kids in the future....hey good luck. But don't back on here when you're having guilt coz reddit will torture you lol. Again Good luck to yall! Parenthood isn't easy!!
Well congratulations really. You are young but you already planning on getting married. You are a team. This is a blessing that life has brought you. Ideal time? Uh no, but it rarely is there is no right time. Do your best together to raise your child. When you look back in the future you will be glad you didnât give up. I wish you both the best of luck.
Congratulations! Very seldom are people âpreparedâ for a child, that doesnât mean you wonât be a great father and husband. You will learn on the way and figure out how to make things work!
Chiming in a little late but I had an unexpected pregnancy at 21 and not engaged, not even close. At least you guys have that part figured out. 7 years and 2 kids later we figured it out (as much as we can) and love our boys. It's rough out here but nothing has been more rewarding than seeing these kids grow. Good luck on your parenting journey đ
OP, I read the update. I highly encourage you to go and speak to other young parents, in person, and find out what life is truly like. Not to persuade you in one direction or another, but being a parent is a huge task. You need to be as fully prepared as you can, and the only way to do that is by talking to other people who had children at your age. Not just any parents, young parents. Your age does make a difference so please, do everything you can to find out what your life will be like.
This is crazy that you're coming to Reddit for this, but here we go.
You have the baby with your future wife, and start a family. Pretty simple. You're an adult.
Ok I donât mean to be rude.
But you be the man and take full responsibility, if sheâs actually pregnant then this baby was made by YOU and her and so you take full responsibility and treat her and the baby well.
I understand not wanting a child or wanting it later. What I don't understand is the utter confusion. Like stop with the surprised pikachu face, this is what happens when you have sex. "WhAt dO I Do???" Sorry, but you should have thought about this before now. Plans for an unexpected pregnancy are necessary for anyone having sex ffs.
I get that, but protection and birth control can fail (obviously). That's why everyone having sex needs a plan for what they will do if they get pregnant.
Some people are open to marriage but not necessarily to having children. It happens. I know lots of happily child-free couples. But they all talked about it beforehand. You'd hope that this couple had that talk.
And condoms do fail sometimes. Irksome, but it happens. There is no 100% safe method apart from the blindingly obvious.
I had my first at almost 30 and my biggest thing is I'll be so old by the time their 18. But you, you'll still be young đ enjoy it. Babies are stressful, but their full of so much love to give. I recommend a savings account you put $5 or more in a week for them. As your income grows, so does their savings.
Become your fiances kids dad? Why is this a problem y'all are engaged were you not wanting kids? If that's the case that's something y'all should have discussed before getting engaged...
He said they used protection. If that means he used a condom, the chance for her to get pregnant from him is for sure way lower than the chance that she cheated.
If you're ready to commit to a marriage, then you're ready for a baby. I'm 25, been together with my GF for 6 years and still haven't proposed cuz we are in no financial or socially viable position to get married yet. So being able to afford a marriage at 20, then you're ready to pay for a baby too
>If you're ready to commit to a marriage, then you're ready for a baby.
This is just awful. Babies cost 10s of thousands of dollars while a wedding could cost a few hundred with court house. The 2 aren't comparable.
I would have said the same about abortion, however if I was to fall pregnant again I would die, leaving my 5 kids without a parent. I have no fallopian tubes, and a damaged uterus, and don't usually have sex with men, but if it happened, my death is not an option.
I donât think itâs necessarily about the other person, more whether youâre prepared to have the kid (financially as well). 20 can be young for a lot of people since youâre fresh out of teenage years.
This happened with me and my ex all the time. Just give her another good pounding and it usually will kick start that period. If not then youâre definitely having a baby. Lol
What do you mean what do you do? You talk to her and figure out a plan. You keep it or you don't. If she is pregnant, she didn't get there by herself. Y'all are a team now.
Kids having kids đ€Šđ»ââïž
I got pregnant and had my daughter at 18 and sheâs the best thing to have ever happened to me
Cool
Get a grip i had my son at 21, well two weeks before my 22nd but i was fully prepared. Im happily almost 24 and married. Not a child.
I think it's more than just chronological age, though. It's more to do with the level of maturity and mental preparedness, as you stated. If this kid happens to still be living at home and his mom is still doing all of his cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc, he's going to still be in that teenage mindset and he's gonna have a MUCH more difficult time adapting to being thrust into the newfound world of fatherhood. You sound like you were much more prepared and ready for it, which I highly commend. I definitely would not have been at your age, so I have such deep respect for anyone who can not only grow up that quickly but excel in their life while doing so, like you have. However... just from this guy's post, it sounds like he's in a deep state of panic right now, and if he keeps that mindset up, he'll probably struggle with newfound fatherhood. I do wish them well, as it's going to be hard for them for a while.
not a kid
Not old enough to buy a handgun, alcohol, weed, rent a car... yeah, they call you an "adult" at 18 but you're still not able to do adult things. We'll go with "old kid".
Sorry to say this but yes, at 21 youâre still a kid in this age. This society has made it where people stay younger longer than they really should. 2000 years ago an adult was about 15 to 18 years of age now itâs about 10 years later. The mind hasnât fully developed.
A 21yr old can drink, smoke, own a home/apartment, take out loans/buy a gun, have sex and kids so how are they kids themselves? Because they're young?
Because you're asking a question, I'll answer it, but I have a feeling you're not gonna listen USUALLY, at 20 years old, people are still very much a teenager mentally especially compared to the old days. There is a massive difference in maturity when you compare a 20 year old to a 40 year old even though they're both legally adults. Especially when you're talking about raising a child
Of course theres a huge difference between people twenty years apart in age. Be it a newborn and 20yr old, 20yr old and 40yr old, 40 and 60, and 60 and 80. Nobody is done maturing, but what I was responding to is saying a 21yr old isnt an adult. Our brains dont stop developing until 25, so should every crime committed by someone >24 be charged as juvenile by that logic?
No one was saying >24 should be charged as a juvenile, that wasn't even in the conversation, you're on a different planet rn. It's recognizing that even though society says 18 is an adult, an adult is much more than just your age. Generally speaking, most people are still mentally a teenager in their 20s, especially in decision making. There are definitely exceptions though
Well what you'd consider "mentally a teen" is what Id consider "trying new experiences for the first time", which happens to everyone. You can easily see adults into their 30's and 40's doing the same things as young/new adults because they refuse to learn from their mistakes. You can also see people with mental health issues refusing to grow because it takes them out of their comfortability with being mentally ill because changing and/or getting help requires them to face their problems. This makes them the same mentally their whole lives, which won't change with age unless they choose to
We're speaking in the context of a 20 year old making poor decisions and having a baby by accident, again, you're on another fucking planet. I hope you can realize that a baby isn't just a "new experience for the first time", its a whole ass human, and I don't think I have to explain why raising kids is so difficult...
yes. every crime committed by a person under 25 should be tried as a juvenile offense due to the fact that their brain was not fully developed and unable to fully grasp the consequences. that wasnât the conversation tho â the conversation was about kids having kids. I am 26 and the person i was at 21 is ASTRONOMICALLY different. my mindset from 17 to 21 was very similar. Teen parents/young parents can make great parents. But they are essentially kids. their brains arenât developed enough to be full blown adults. our legal age has more to do with ability to join the military/be at a good physical ability to be a militant than to do with actually being an adult and our brain development. Thatâs why selective service is 18-25. Best physical time for men to fight.
Yeah I stopped reading after your first sentence ngl. While youre at it tell everyone >25 they cant drink, smoke, vote, get their own apartment, or take out loan/grants to go to college
First of all, 21 years is not a kid. Don't push the teens in the mindset they are kids anymore , You can fk means you are a man now .In asia by 21, you will try to get somewhere in life, many will get married, and your family will support you.Unless you had a weak, useless family structure, you will name it as we are still young.It's the USA, which still thinks 21 is a kid .First of all, 24 years nepolean became a general of French army . So anyone above 16 is not even treated as a kid.
âYou kill it or you donâtâ Wild to me we live in a society where we literally celebrate killing children. Like wtf, I donât give a flip if this gets downvoted or not, what kind of person would I be if I didnât stand up for children?
I'm sure the 8 celled embryos are applauding your comment right now
Youâre correct, good job. Youâve identified a stage of life, there is no difference between life inside and outside the womb.
So just to be clear, you're also against IVF right? Since they create dozens of embryos every round and dispose of the unwanted ones?
Shh. They don't happen because of sex so the millions of embryos disposed of by fertility clinics don't count. /S
This is such a soft ball question, too. But no answer from Mr. Defender of the Cells.
They never do. It's always "we'll deal with that later". Well IVF done the "right way" means that nobody gets to decide what embryos they get. That's all a life! If you implant 6 and they all take good luck with that. If you implant 6 and none of them take is that a murder investigation? Manslaughter? Who's responsible? That's a LIFE
Actually there is a vast difference between a fully actualised human being with hopes, dreams, memories, achievements, people who know and love them, and a blob with none of that. But you know that, youâre just being deliberately obtuse.
Well thatâs because that âblobâ never got a chance to experience those things.
Yeah, because itâs not yet a life and wonât be if it gets aborted.
Its dna will never be replicated again, it can also feel pain. Why does your life suck so much that you have to downplay creation? Whatâs happened to you to full your heart with so much hate.
[Current medical consensus puts the age where a fetus can begin to feel pain at 24-25 weeks, although there are arguments for as early as 12 weeks. ](https://www.webmd.com/baby/when-can-a-fetus-feel-pain-in-the-womb) Note that the EARLIEST time that might be supported by medical science is 12 weeks, the end of the first trimester. The vast majority of abortions are performed before the end of the first trimester.
Itâs still killing children
Okay but who celebrates killing children..? đđ
You ever been to a leftist rally?
Wtf, ur mistaking âcelebratingâ with protesting for abortion rights. who tf celebrated abortion, their celebrating womenâs rights đ€·ââïž
A right to kill children?
I never said killed. I said keep. Wild to me that you're here lecturing me and can't even read.
Let me know if this is too harsh. You two are grown adults. Young, but still grown. You've made the decision to have possibly unprotected sex, so guess what? Pregnancies happen. So whether the test comes back positive or negative, you need to talk to your fiance. This is a team thing. Marriage is about navigating through the ups and downs of life together. If it's negative, talk about birth control moving forward if you're not ready for parenthood. If it's positive, talk to her about her thoughts on the situation. If she wants to keep it, then buckle up and get ready to be a dad.
If anyone finds this too harsh they are not ready for marriage, let alone having sex. You should be able to talk about protection and pregnancy with your sexual partners and especially your fiance.
I've had the discussion with fwbs for Christs sake
Op mentioned he had protected sex đđ
Protected sex can still lead to getting pregnant unless you're both gay or one of you is infertile.
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Protection is not 100% effective. It happens.
This was in fact mentioned in the first 2 weeks of sex ed class
And they even write it on the back of the condom box I'm js And there's a disclaimer on your birth control pack.... or literally any other method you use.
Cheating happens more often than condoms failing. If they are used correctly, the chance to get pregnant within one year is 2%. A 2021 survey by Health Testing Centers polled 441 people and reported: a little over 46% of respondents in a monogamous relationship said they had affairs nearly 24% of marriages affected by infidelity reported staying together
Why do you automatically go to cheating
He said they used protection. If that means he used a condom, the chance for her to get pregnant from him is for sure way lower than the chance that she cheated.
the fact that you think its more likely that she cheated and didn't use protection than her getting pregnant from someone she has sex with all the time. condoms break, they aren't put on properly- the chances of her just being pregnant because she has sex with her fiance is much much higher than some random theory that she went out and cheated and used 0 protection. weird ass thing to jump to and just kind of shows that you have hella trust issues. you don't need to project your trust issues onto the op, I don't think they need the idea of her cheating in their head when they already have to deal with a surprise pregnancy.
Based on typical use, condoms are about 87% effective. That means that generally speaking, 13 out of 100 people using condoms will get pregnant *each year*.
Every release of ejaculate does not result in fertilization.
"Typical use" includes forgetting it sometimes. Are condoms an effective form of birth control? Yes. Condoms are an effective form of birth control. If used âtypicallyâ (not following the directions every time or forgetting to wear one sometimes), about 13 out of 100 people will get pregnant in one year of use (1). If used âperfectlyâ every time (following the directions on the package), 1-2 people out of 100 will get pregnant in one year (2%) (1). It also cannot measure if the woman actually cheated. It would count as pregnancy while using a condom, though it wasn't. Cheating is more common than you might think. A 2021 survey by Health Testing Centers polled 441 people and reported: a little over 46% of respondents in a monogamous relationship said they had affairs nearly 24% of marriages affected by infidelity reported staying together
No point in stressing until you get a positive test. Sometimes life doesnât happen the way itâs âsupposed toâ but can make for wonderful experiences
Have your fiancĂ© set up an appointment with her physician as soon as possible to rule in or rule out the at-home positive pregnancy test. I appreciate that you said you would be there for her, but donât also forget that you have to be there for the baby as well. I truly wish you both the best and congratulations.
Have a look on r/predaddit itâs helped me a lot
Do what you think is best for yourself and the baby. Even if it means abortion. You're barely out of high school. Can you even afford a child?
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If that were true, there would be a lot fewer abusive fathers out there. For some reason, people who shouldn't be parents still manage to have children. And guess what? Parenthood doesn't magically change them into good people who can deal with a kid.
Dang, itâs downvoted almost 300 times what did he say
Something about just learning how to be a father instinctively or something.
Oh shut the fuck up with your forced birth propaganda. đđ
Took the words right out of my mouth!
So many people are horrible parents. Neglectful, sexuallt abusive, physically abusive, etc, parents. What If the pregnancy was going to kill the mom? What if the parents will abuse the kid. Or live in poverty and the baby will struggle to eat? So many reasons that an abortion is perfectly ethical, and at this stage a fly has much more consciousness than a baby. Do you think twice when you squish a fly? We are over populated as is, your comment is nonsense.
There are other options besides abortion as well but if OP can't afford a kid then it's extremely selfish to bring that child into the world only to have it suffer. It could either just not exist or be adopted into a family that is better off and actually wants/is ready for a kid. I don't know OP's financial situation though, hence why I asked if they can even afford a kid. Someone else's choice for what they do with a fetus has zero effect on you though. Don't guilt people into a life they may or may not want yet.
It's no one else's business whatever choice they make - shut the fuck up with your b.s.
No one asks to be born. It isnât even about what you want as a potential parent, not one iota. If you arenât equipped to give a child a good life or even want to have them then itâs the ultimate act of selfishness to keep the baby.
Youre right, nothing better in the world than being a father, if you're actually able to be a father. To afford a child and be able to actually raise it well.
And that is a HUGE âIF!â
I'm sure OP will happily supply their bank account details so you can deposit $1million each year, for the next 18 years, to cover the mums costs for birth, any time off she needs, 3 full time nannies to cover any parenting stress, college funds , all child related expenses, and so on. I mean, if you really love babies and want them to be born, you won't mind putting your money where your mouth is.
Horseshit, die in a fire. They can be parents later. Totally acceptable.
No one should be murdered for your convenience.
It's not murder
>Like what some of you said, abortion is an option, but my fiancee said she doesnât want to, so weâre keeping the baby. I told her Iâll be there for her, so weâre keeping it. Thanks for the advices Marry her before the child is born. IMO Welcome the new born to a 2 parent wedded couple. That increases the odd of success.
lol what ? what do you mean what do you do ?
The abortion pill is really easy to get, and the abortion itself feels like a period with cramps. She can take this 70 days, or 10 weeks after her last period for it to work. Good luck
Personally I found Mifepriston to be really horrible, but it may have been due to my gestational age (the later it is the harder and I was 9 weeks since LMP, but embryo stopped growing at 5 weeks). I ended up needing a d&C after, which was much easier for me.
Mifepristone is the progesterone blocker - the first pill. Chances are youâre talking about misoprostol, the second pill, which causes the evacuation/cramps.
It's Ru486 in Australia, yes two pills.
I had 2 miscarriages, both only about a month along and it was brutal. maybe some people take it better than others, but it is not âlike a period with crampsâ
Or perhaps that person has really terrible cramps with their periods? I gave birth recently, and if we put transition and my prepregnancy period cramps on a pain scale, transition was an 11, and cramps were an 8. I pretty much didn't even feel the post birth contractions that my mom friends all complained about.
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Can confirm. Iâve had 2, and the with the first one I didnât feel shit. With the second one I was moaning, yelling, and crying in pain.
Fiance or girlfriend?
Fiance
Sounds like you guys aren't ready...
I was 19yo when I got pregnant with my first while on birth control. I was petrified. I was in college, still living at home (my parents moved to the USA too), working as a waitress. I had move to the USA from another country too and had only been here for about a year and a half before I got pregnant. My home country didnât have healthcare on our island like the USA, I only knew nurses to do vaccines, vitals, and lab work. I moved here thinking I was going to go to school to become a CPA. Well my daughter put me through the ringer medically and I was hospitalized several times. During those times the world of healthcare opened up for me and I switched majors after she was born. Today I am an RN in the ICU and am planning to further my degree in the next few years when my husband is done with his doctorates. I say all that because if it wasnât for my daughter, I never would have opened up to the world of nursing as I never knew it was so advanced. I am where I am because I had her. No matter what people tell you, youâre never truly ready to have a child no matter what because they are so much more than you can imagine in the best of ways. Youâll never love anything like you will love and adore that precious baby. They little thing will bring so much happiness, joy, and purpose to your life. Youâll look at that baby and know you were apart of making that little miracle and feel proud, as you should. Babies, no matter the time or circumstance are blessing. My first dramatically changed the course of my life and I am truly grateful I had her. Congratulations! You may not think so, but you got this. When the time comes youâll need help but you got this. You both do. Wishing you all the best đ
young dad here had my first son at 19. scary shit dude but both my boys were the best thing that has ever happend to me. much like you and your fiance, my wife and i talked a long time about abortion i was for she was against and im glad she was. just remeber there is no handbook, sure theres tips and tricks but no actual manual. Good luck and i hope the baby is born happy and healthy.
Thank you. I suggested abortion since I was reading what people said and I know.. I was fucking irresponsible and itâs my fault. But Iâm willing to step up and embrace my responsibilities. I know itâll be tough, but if she wants to keep the baby, then Iâll support her through it
awesome. im 24 now and mine are 3-4 gl out there and dont listen to any but your wife lol
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dude, stfu. Let people make thier own choices without being a prick maybe?
A lot of people do end up regretting it, especially once they become stable in life. But if OP doesn't have the finances or time to give this baby a good life then abortion might be the only way
This is not supported by statistics. It is overwhelmingly statistically likely that a person who gets an abortion will feel relief and not regret it later.
This is statistically untrue. Don't let these fuckers scare you.
Letâs see what the test results and you guys need to talk to each other what options there are between you.
If she is your fiancé, move up the wedding. Get your lives started together.
Be there for her donât leave, treat her like a queen.
I was 20f when I found out I was pregnant, he was 19. Now we have a beautiful 5 year old. It could be hard being parents so young, but if you work together, you could still have a beautiful life and raise a beautiful child together. Good luck
Support her through it. This opportunity only comes once.
If you're not mentally and/or financially ready then the best thing is to get an abortion.
After the baby is born also make sure to do paternity since u said u used protection. No offense to your partner. But rather be safe than deceived.
What do you do? You love the baby girl/boy and you do everything humanly possible to be the best freaking dad possible. Thatâs what you do.
you used protection, I know its not 100 but its 99.9
What happens if she is? Congratulations, you're gonna be a dad. Considering you're already engaged, at least you're on the right path. Now start saving your money, babies are expensive.
I am glad to hear you are going to keep the baby! I know it can be scary, but one day you will look back at this decision and I am sure there will be no regrets. No one is expected to be the perfect parent. Just do the best you can with the resources you have, and everything will fall into place.
This just simply isnât a world to bring kids into right now anyway. I agree with you- I would be freaking out too.
if ur not 100% wanting kids rn abort it? if you want kids donât !!
What you should do is get yourself prepared for the possibility. Look into what it's like raising a child. Make sure you're setting aside money to help with it. If she is pregnant then congratulations. Raising a kid is difficult, but you have each other and there should be plenty of resources for you to look into. I wish you good luck, my friend.
I know you donât want to hear this but itâs the truth. No one is ever ready, financially or otherwise, to have a baby. Not really. Of course you can be in a better place but youâre never totally prepared. You just make it work. Weâve had to make a lot of sacrifices even though we felt we were ready. And itâs all been worth it. Always keep in mind, especially since youâre now engaged, that yâall are a team. Work together not against each other. Youâll be fine! And lastly, donât panic period but really no need to stress until and if you get the results youâre afraid of. There have been several times I was sure I was pregnant even when we were careful and I wasnât. But my stressing out over it made my period even later, which added to the stress. It was a dreadful cycle, literally and figuratively.
Have you guys talked about if both of you want kids or not? If you're getting married you should be long comfortable with that conversation.
Everyone says how expensive babies are, but they exaggerate. Babies don't need new clothes, you can thrift. Breastfeed if possible- better for the baby and it's practically free. Cloth diapers. So many ways to save money
Congratulations! This is your Christmas miracle! To anyone reading this: I posted after his update.
Hey I saw the update and that you have decided to keep the baby. I just want to say good luck!
Iâm glad you have come to a solution! As a tip from someone who has been in a similar situation on protected sex, did you know that Johnny has to be suited before any kind of genital contact (even rubbing?) or you could risk pregnancy? I didnât know that and we just suited up before penetration. So pro tip!
Congratulations on the engagement and the baby, OP!
Idk but don't use blue tests and test a lot to be certain. And also the digital tests require more pregnancy hormone, so take that into consideration.
Congrats! A new baby is a precious gift, once you see their little face you wont regret your decision. â€ïž
get a paternity test⊠all Iâm thinking is you are confidently saying you used protection and condoms are 98% effective. Unless it magically popped or something, Iâd be absolutely taking a paternity test before that fiancĂ© became a wife. Just some food for thought
You mentioned you used protection - I would talk about a paternity test. Although protection isnât 100% itâs still better than nothing.
I'd suggest a paternity test if you really don't think it could have been you, as you said you used protection. I discussed this waaaaay in advance with my partner, as I recommend every adult does.
You get a job. You raise your son or daughter. You do the right thing. Pretend that little human is you and then decide what you would want done to yourself.
Maybe Iâm dumb, but if youâre planning on marrying this person shouldnât you be prepared for a future where you have kids together? How do you get engaged to a person and not already have a plan in place for having/preventing having kids?
Get prego with her! Best way to support your lady
1, support her and be there for her. Becoming a parent is the greatest experience Iâve had so far in life. 2, probably find a job thatâll give you the financial stability you need to have a family. 3, gotta walk away from things thatâll hold you back from being a better father and husband. 4, never stop reaching for better for your family
My baby was born on 12/18/2023 I wasn't ready to be a dad. As soon as she came screaming in to the world, I knew what I had to do. You'll be okay, and you'll love that baby with all your existence. You've got 9 months to get things prepared as best you can. Stabilize income and prepare for getting up every hour and a half to feed the baby. It's rough and there's little sleep, but staring in to the eyes of your own newborn child is a magical feeling. You guys will be okay. It's normal to be scared. But you guys will surprise yourself what you can accomplish
Congratulations, I'm only hoping this is your kid. The world is a rough place, and honesty isn't in abundance these days. I'm just saying. It happens. Good luck with parenting.
Happened to me at 24, youâve both agreed to have the baby so just go into grind mode. Hustle as much as you can now the baby will come & give you more motivation. Itâll be rough sometimes but itâs life, be confident & never let them down. As scary as it sounds you are a dad now, itâs your job to keep a roof over their heads & food on the table & the work you put in financially, emotionally & or spiritually will pay off
Man up you got the best gift in the world don't ruin it
Well honestly this should be something you two talk about. Iâm not a dad but me and my ex talked extensively about this when we became sexually active. I see that you two decided to keep the baby. You may not feel ready but i donât think anyone really does. Welcome to life. Things donât go as you would have planned but this is a huge chapter in your life now. Congratulations! I wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year and i hope that the beginning of your family will bring you nothing but happiness and joy. Try not to stress too much things will ultimately work out in the end just be there for her and your child and I honestly believe you will be fine.
Maybe its time to have the how many kids do we want talk- ideally youâd have a kids talk before you get engaged or even before having sex, but now that youâre this far, if youâre going to continue to have sex talk about birth control or how many kids you do want in the future. If you only want 1 kid, make sure youâre discussing effective birth control.
Start saving and find a nice little place to raise it.
Who gets married this early in life? Like find yourself first!
You're already engaged, so you might as well.
Bro shes pregnant your gonna marry her either way theres no point. Take responsibility and move on.
All the wisdom, grace, wellness, and joy for your budding new family. How exciting!!!!
BTW for future advice say goodbye to Xbox constantly , going out all the time, expensive clothes, Say hello to responsibly
First of all, be a man. If you are an American, you have a lot of opportunities to work some job. Unless you had a useless family structure and no one to support, it's a different story .You are a man now by your age. Many became generals and led armies . Woke culture destroyed our country. Raising kids is hard, but if you had good family structure and support from both of your parents and her parents .Raising kids at a younger age is the luckiest thing. At the end of the day, both of you need to be committed to live until your death. Then Raising kids at young age is an wonderful thing. You can enjoy and watch them growing and becoming something in life
Hmm but are YOU actually ready to be a father?!! Yall are still young asf and have yall whole lives ahead of yall to have a lot of kids in the future....hey good luck. But don't back on here when you're having guilt coz reddit will torture you lol. Again Good luck to yall! Parenthood isn't easy!!
You be a father.
Or you talk to your partner and potentially make the choice to abort the pregnancy.
Well congratulations really. You are young but you already planning on getting married. You are a team. This is a blessing that life has brought you. Ideal time? Uh no, but it rarely is there is no right time. Do your best together to raise your child. When you look back in the future you will be glad you didnât give up. I wish you both the best of luck.
get an abortion
Congratulations! Very seldom are people âpreparedâ for a child, that doesnât mean you wonât be a great father and husband. You will learn on the way and figure out how to make things work!
Donât panic until you know for sure. If you were planning on children, you just started a little early.
Chiming in a little late but I had an unexpected pregnancy at 21 and not engaged, not even close. At least you guys have that part figured out. 7 years and 2 kids later we figured it out (as much as we can) and love our boys. It's rough out here but nothing has been more rewarding than seeing these kids grow. Good luck on your parenting journey đ
OP, I read the update. I highly encourage you to go and speak to other young parents, in person, and find out what life is truly like. Not to persuade you in one direction or another, but being a parent is a huge task. You need to be as fully prepared as you can, and the only way to do that is by talking to other people who had children at your age. Not just any parents, young parents. Your age does make a difference so please, do everything you can to find out what your life will be like.
This is crazy that you're coming to Reddit for this, but here we go. You have the baby with your future wife, and start a family. Pretty simple. You're an adult.
You need to sit down and have an honest conversation with your fiancĂ© (if the test is positive or not tbh) about what you want/what she wants now and for the future. Is it that kids are not on the table at all or that itâs just not yet? If she wants to can she access abortion or do you need to look at adoption? What measures can you put in place to prevent this in future (pill, implant, the snip-itâs reversible)?
My advice is to marry her and start a family together.
Ok I donât mean to be rude. But you be the man and take full responsibility, if sheâs actually pregnant then this baby was made by YOU and her and so you take full responsibility and treat her and the baby well.
Step up
Blows my mind. Guy is old enough to ask a girl to be the love of his life forever , proposes . Has sex . Fiancé gets pregnant and he seem to not want the child. Blows my mind.
I understand not wanting a child or wanting it later. What I don't understand is the utter confusion. Like stop with the surprised pikachu face, this is what happens when you have sex. "WhAt dO I Do???" Sorry, but you should have thought about this before now. Plans for an unexpected pregnancy are necessary for anyone having sex ffs.
They used protection. Blows my mind how many people overread this.
I get that, but protection and birth control can fail (obviously). That's why everyone having sex needs a plan for what they will do if they get pregnant.
Some people are open to marriage but not necessarily to having children. It happens. I know lots of happily child-free couples. But they all talked about it beforehand. You'd hope that this couple had that talk. And condoms do fail sometimes. Irksome, but it happens. There is no 100% safe method apart from the blindingly obvious.
Yeah sounds like sometimes there are happy accidents and this might be one of âem. Good luck to you both!
Buy some diapers
Thanks, I will
Congratulations
I had my first at almost 30 and my biggest thing is I'll be so old by the time their 18. But you, you'll still be young đ enjoy it. Babies are stressful, but their full of so much love to give. I recommend a savings account you put $5 or more in a week for them. As your income grows, so does their savings.
Huh? You marry the fucking woman and raise your child together.
Become your fiances kids dad? Why is this a problem y'all are engaged were you not wanting kids? If that's the case that's something y'all should have discussed before getting engaged...
Wear a condom next timeâŠ
He did.
Then I have many questions
You both adults love each other planning to get married you raise your baby Lot couples your age have children.
You said you used protection. How sure are you that she did not cheat on you? What kind of protection was it? Pill, condom, spiral, diaphragma?
Yea, like, all guys should get a DNA test and have it in the back there head baby isn't there's.
He said they used protection. If that means he used a condom, the chance for her to get pregnant from him is for sure way lower than the chance that she cheated.
Hope op is smart enough gor DNA test
If you're ready to commit to a marriage, then you're ready for a baby. I'm 25, been together with my GF for 6 years and still haven't proposed cuz we are in no financial or socially viable position to get married yet. So being able to afford a marriage at 20, then you're ready to pay for a baby too
>If you're ready to commit to a marriage, then you're ready for a baby. This is just awful. Babies cost 10s of thousands of dollars while a wedding could cost a few hundred with court house. The 2 aren't comparable.
lol sounds like youâll keep her âengagedâ for six more years before the marriage title
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the fact that thatâs your first instinct is⊠interesting
Marry her, raise the baby, have another, good job bro
My fiancĂ© and I had the same situation, we got engaged on Nov 1st and weâre both 20. Abortion will never, ever be an option for us. While it was scary and I wasnât pregnant, him and I knew weâd do the most sensible thing and step up as parents and get married sooner than expected. I mean why spend the rest of your life with someone if youâre scared of raising a child with them?
I would have said the same about abortion, however if I was to fall pregnant again I would die, leaving my 5 kids without a parent. I have no fallopian tubes, and a damaged uterus, and don't usually have sex with men, but if it happened, my death is not an option.
I donât think itâs necessarily about the other person, more whether youâre prepared to have the kid (financially as well). 20 can be young for a lot of people since youâre fresh out of teenage years.
You had protected sex? With a condom and now your girlfriend is pregnant? If you've always used a condom that babies not yours
A gift from God. You will find something you never knew you needed with your child. Congratulations!
You're engaged, and a full adult. Sorry if I'm too blunt but if you weren't planning on having kids that's a conversation to be had BEFORE you get down on one knee. In which case she would likely be on birth control if that wasn't in yall's plan. If I was pregnant and my literal fiancé was freaking out like this, I would be very much unsettled by the lack of maturity in his part.
Dude ur not ready for a baby if u asking reddit for advice
You do what all fathers do: repeat the cycle, man (go get the milk)
Just married earlier, even if itâs not a pregnancy, than you planned because the child needs your last name.
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Plz donât listen to this guy. Be present in ur childâs life
It's the truth, my guy. And this is coming from a female thank you very much. Don't twist my words.
no.. some ppl literally canât at that age
This happened with me and my ex all the time. Just give her another good pounding and it usually will kick start that period. If not then youâre definitely having a baby. Lol
That's so gross, and not at all how it works đ€Šââïž
Whatâs gross about it. Grow up