I don't even know where to start based on your wording. Your BF is your first bf, someone who assaulted you does not count, and I'm sorry that happened.
You're young. You aren't ready to be in a serious relationship until you can embrace yourself. And this guy sounds like a pile of shit. Just tell him "I'm sorry, but I have to break up with you, my heart isn't in this anymore." And then leave, block him on everything.
You don't need anyone's permission to take care of yourself. This is the beginning of your journey.
I'm not the most experienced with this situation but I think it would be smart for her to not do this in person either. Just a quick message straight to the point an block him. People who mentally abuse someone are going to try their hardest to talk them into staying so she can't give that opportunity at all.
I'm unfortunately experienced on this. It is best to wait until he is gone (at work or when he's going to out for a few hours). You don't want to get caught. Have a couple friends help you get your things from the place you share with your bf. If you want leave him a note. I did. Then just leave. Block him on everything! If he tries to find you or starts trouble with people you know get a restraining order. You deserve better than this! Any man who abuses a woman or child is a fvcking coward. They are as low as you can get.
Contact a loved one, pack your things, and block him. He's not the only fish in the water, you'll find other good men out there. Besides, you'll need to focus on healing before you get in another relationship.
It’s obvious to me she doesn’t have a loved one to go to. Men like this isolate the woman and keep them under their thumb. Because they literally have no one to go to. And convince them being alone is worse than death.
Police report then restraining order if necessary if he has hurt you or threatened you file a report before you leave him. Do not tell him if he will not leave you alone and it gets worse then get the order.
This is the answer!! He's abusive and will try to keep OP under his thumb. Gather money to get your own place or go to a woman's shelter. File a police report JIC you need a restraining order and get all your paperwork into a secure place and go! Block him, and hopefully, you can move far enough away that it'll be hard to accidentally run into him. Get better friends if the don't support you 100%
Honestly you need to break up with him and just be single. Maybe get some therapy or some sort of healing to find your worth and hopefully never date a losers like this again. You are so young and have your entire life ahead of you. Take some time to grow and find your worth.
Then when your ready to start dating again make a list of values that you want in a partner and date for fun until you find all those values in someone. As soon as you see behaviour that is not in line with those values walk away. Also work on finding those values in yourself. If you want someone loving and kind, make sure you are loving and kind. If you want someone emotionally available, work on being emotionally available yourself. If you want a good communicator then make sure you embody that yourself. My entire world changed when I approached dating in this way.
Normal breakup advice isn't gonna be all that helpful here - you need an escape plan.
If he works, wait til then to disappear.
Call someone you trust, that doesn't like him - explain that he's a monster and you need to get away from him yesterday. If you make your own money get a hotel room if you don't have anywhere else to go.
You're gonna need to figure out real quick which outfits are your favorites and which of your possessions means the most to you, because the best thing you can do is pack light as possible. If you carry a purse then utilize that too.
Another option is to contact the women's shelter closest to you. They were a lot of help for my mom. Separating from such a toxic relationship is gonna come with difficulty and for a long time you're gonna be looking over your shoulder.
I'm telling you though - it's worth every minute of that stress. If you work at it and go to therapy your quality of life will improve so much for the better.
Emphasis on this. If you try to break up with him he will try to dissuade you or could be even worse. Pack all of your stuff and disappear from him. You can leave a note if you want but you don’t owe him anything. It will be the easiest way for you to leave. Block him and file a police report if necessary
Thinking of you. Hope you are safe. Please make a plan to get out of an abusive relationship. Your life and happiness is worth it. You really do deserve better ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Leave and don't tell him where you are going. Dont even tell him you are leaving because he might try to harm you. Leave while he's at work or somewhere for a long period of time , then block him on everything. You're literally being a doormat to a man who doesn't even value you. You don't even value yourself, and he knows that. You just going to allow him to continue cheating until you catch an incurable disease from him and be his punching bag? If you don't care about your life at all, just say that.
Leave him as soon as you possibly can. If you aren't living together, leave immediately.
Once you do, learn to be ok with your own company. If you want to break the familial cycle of abuse and toxicity, learn to love yourself, find the things that truly make you happy, figure out how you WANT to be treated.
If you don't take the time to be comfortable with yourself and love you, you will settle for a toxic relationship out of fear, or out of comfort because it's what you know. Talk to a therapist to help you work through this and learn to stand on your own while setting healthy and effective boundaries with others.
Girl leave him tf. You deserve better. Literally there’s people who are willing to treat you like a queen. Stop letting someone drag you down with them
Well I think one thing should be made very clear THIS is not love.
Love comes in different forms yes but most definitely not in form of abuse. You are 20 and will have so many opportunities to find all shapes of love, you don't have to be in a relationship cause you want to be loved. First and foremost comes self love and after that you can get love from friends too. You need to believe that you deserve better and for that you need to see your own worth first. Break up ( get the police involved if you can't just leave him, restraining order ofc would be ideal) and don't try to search for someone new. Try to work on what kind of love you can show yourself.
Trust that the way you treat youself is how others will treat you too. You will then find someone better when you know how you want to be treated cause you also know what you want from a relationship :)
Good luck🩷
If you are in a state with Turning Point, I highly recommend contacting them. They will give you shelter for a bit and they will contact police if needed. They are a great company! Do NOT be scared of being alone. Being alone will always be better than being with someone like that! Best of luck!!
Honey.. why would you *want* to find "another person like him"? He's abusive, both verbally and mentally.
Break up with him. The only way you'll ever learn to be happy in a relationship is to learn to be happy with yourself first. Fear of being alone will lead you to an abusive loser. Every. Single. Time.
There's nothing wrong with being alone. Alone isn't the same thing as lonely. And until you work through your issues and trauma, and learn to see red flags, you need to be alone.
Be careful breaking up with someone who is abusive to you. It is honestly ok for you to break up with an abusive partner by text or by phone if you're worried about his reaction. A break up with someone like this is the riskiest time for you, please please be careful.
And after, please give yourself the time and mental space to be on your own. It is honestly so so important to learn to be happy on your own, be happy developing your own hobbies and interests. You don't need a partner to be happy, especially seen as all that being in a relationship has brought you is feeling trapped and miserable. Time to begin loving yourself, if you love yourself you are less likely to tolerate abusive behaviour in the future. You are so young, you have so much time to find someone level headed, kind, interesting and who will treat you the way you deserve. Being alone can be scary, but it is so important, once you know you are happy and enjoy your own company you'll never let an abusive loser into your life ever again.
Good luck with everything
You don't have to have a boy friend. I know it might feel like you have to have someone in your life to fill that hole but it's just not true. Once you break up with him, take some time to yourself and think of how you want to be treated. Go see a therapist and try to talk some of this stuff out. Try to surround yourself with people that are like minded and with the "treating others as one would want to be treated by them."
"I'm scared I won't find another person like him, not specifically like him but someone I can get comfortable with"
Okay but you're NOT comfortable with this guy. You're scared of him. That's not comfort.
Don't let any memories of good times with him make you forget that he's abusive. If he truly loved you, he wouldn't be hurting you like this. This isn't love. He's a selfish POS. You can & will find someone that you'll have a good time with, be comfortable with and who ISN'T abusive.
Gosh you are so young. Do you have parents who can help you? You seem scared to leave. But you know, at least on some level, that you must.
All I can say is, you can never be too safe. Save texts, take pictures etc. document what you can document. Dates and times.
You know you need to leave. Do it in public or near a police station or something.
I understand how deeply you must be hurting. My first relationship was incredibly abusive as well, and I struggled with the same feelings. Ultimately, I left because I couldn't take it anymore. I want you to know that what you're feeling is just self-doubt and fear. You will find someone who treats you with the kindness and respect you deserve. Lean on your friends and family to help you leave. You are so young and have so much ahead of you. Adult life is full of ups and downs, but that's what makes us human. You won't be alone for long, even if it means finding new friends instead of a new relationship. Don't waste your time on someone who's abusive. Love is real, but what you have right now isn't it.
I know that for me to leave my incredibly abusive ex at a young age, I had to decide I would literally rather be alone for the rest of my life than be with that garbage truck of a person.
Its better to be alone than being with the wrong person. Hes not there for you emotionally or physically. He abuses you. Calls you a slut. Please leave him. Live your life to the fullest, not living in fear
There is no secret advice. Just leave him without thinking about it, when you will enter a phase where you cannot go back, you will be sad but then you will not regret
Okay so I was in a simular situation my ex was abusive mentally (ex before that when I at 18 was physically abusive) I didn't want to be alone and jumped to the next man who gave me attention who was my recent ex he was manipulative, serial cheater, gaslighter and an alcholic. Every time he accuse me of cheating (I never cheated, I couldn't do something like that) it turned out her was projecting and the one cheating so this is what I did as we were together 7 years. I had to learn to hate him, I stopped asking where he was or what he was doing I had to learn to no longer care! I read two books 1. The Book You Wished Your Parents Had Read - healing my inner child helped me so much! It was actually one of the most powerful things I have ever done and I highly suggest you read it 2. Manifesting 7 Steps To Living Your Best Life - this helped me change my mindset so much for the better and it 100% worked! I had to learn to love myself and use all that hate and anger and put it into loving myself! I told myself in 365 days I WILL be happy! I then did a countdown, I would watch Mathew Hussey on tiktok and YouTube on how to find a good man (I wasn't wanting to jump to the next relationship but I wanted to be prepared) I manifested true love. When I found out about his latest affair I tried to leave but he did an OD so I stayed because of guilt, he later on laughed about how he googled it first to make sure the pills wouldn't actually hurt him! This gave me more fuel to leave him! 2 months on I tried to leave again but he threatened another OD if I left so I stayed (side note if this happens to you which I didn't think of doing at the time, ring the police, ambulance and his family 1. He'll feel stupid for trying to manipulate you like that 2. He'll think twice before doing it again to you or someone else! 4 months on I finally walked out! I wasn't scared I felt free, this huge weight had been lifted! I kept working on myself and started to date a great guy, the only man to ever treat me so kindly, be so respectful, my whole family adore him and we are getting married in a few months! I found my "True Love" I had been Manifesting for someone kind, someone I could trust 100%, someone loyal he ticks every single box! With my ex when I had to have surgery he came in the hospital at visiting hours and shouted at me for being in there too long (day 2 after OP) complaining how he had to work, cook then come visit me. My fiancé last night had to take me to hospital for an emergency blood transfusion and all the time was holding my hand, giving me forehead kisses, getting me water and just being with me and refused to leave my side. You are worthy of finding your Mr Right, as my dad would tell me "you can't find your Mr Right if you're with Mr Wrong" so remember that! Your Mr Right is out there somewhere and he will cherrish you and love you, he'll never raise his voice to you or make your cry, so go heal and go find him but watch Mathew Hussey he's so good! He helped me find my Mr Right 🥰
I would rather be alone than being with someone that makes me feel small and alone. You need therapy and stop looking for men to fill the void of hurt and loneliness in your life. To quote RuPaul. If you can’t love yourself how in the hell are you going to love somebody else. It also seems you are using the chaos of the situation to stay where you are. You aren’t clear if you live with him or not. If you don’t then just tell him you aren’t happy and are ending it and then block him on all platforms. If you do live with him and are financially dependent on him. Please look for a woman’s shelter that can help you find some housing or temporary shelter to live in. You only have one life, is this how you want to live it?
It’s not clear to me if you live with your Bf or not but either way with an abuser you must make a plan and stick to it.
Make sure when you brake up you are in a safe place and in a position where no matter what he does he can’t hurt you.
Make sure the people you trust are aware of your situation and are truly on your side in case he comes back they will be your protection and hold you accountable to stay away from him.
You have to learn to be alone and love yourself. I would tell you to go to a therapist but that is so expensive many of us can’t afford that. So just watch self help videos, meditation and if you are religious maybe get closer to that so you can learn what self love is.
Once you grow up a bit and learn more about the would and people, you will find a true relationship. You have so much time to find love, so don’t stress about it. Worry about your self and your safety first.
Just leave. Don’t worry about what if this happens or he says this or I do this or yadda yadda. Just grab your stuff, and go when he’s not there. Talking to him might escalate things into a dangerous situation or he could just convince you to stay. Don’t talk, grab your stuff, make a plan to leave when you’ll have distance from him, and block him. I’d also suggest you seek therapy, especially since you’ve been assaulted in the past. I think it’s important so that way you don’t repeat patterns and find another person like him in the future.
Edit to clarify seek therapy so you can obtain healthy ways to cope from the assault and possibly heal from it. AND so that you can find a healthy relationship after this.
This sounds exactly like my ex boyfriend... it took me 6 months to find the guts to break up with him. I was scared of being alone as well and having no one but believ me it's a lot better than being in an abusive relationship :( I'm so sorry this is happening to you, just know leaving is the best option. I know it's really hard to do so and you will feel broken after but soon you'll feel so much happier than you are now
Ive been in 10+ "serious" relationships since i was 14. You can always find someone new. People arent rare. You might find 1 person that does 1 thing, and another does another, and 1 might do both things.. at the end of the day everybody is replaceable. If you're not happy, find someone new, and ensure each time you do ur kore careful than the last. Trust ur gut and pay attention to red flags
I grew up in a severely abusive family. Physical, verbal, mental, and sexual abuse. I made a vow to myself to NEVER allow any man to abuse me. I will walk away even if it takes me years to get over. I deserve better. It took me years to accept my worth after my own father told me how much of a slut and whore I was (still a virgin).
DO NOT TELL HIM YOU ARE LEAVING UNTIL YOU ACTUALLY DO. YOU have to accept your worth and never tolerate these behaviors from anyone.
Leave. Yes, it will hurt. Yes, you will want to go back. But you deserve better, and your future offspring certainly deserve you giving them an actual FATHER.
You need to work on yourself before you get into another relationship. You need to learn how to confide in yourself and trust your instincts. You already know you need to leave, you just don’t want to because you don’t want to be alone. You chose him because he’s familiar, it’s what you know from your parents. Often times we go with what’s familiar because we know how to navigate that. Therapy will help you unpack this and get to a place you feel confident to say “no” to abusive relationships.
I know it may seem like the harder decision, but leaving is what is right. In the end it will be easier than enduring this for many more years to come. He will get worse. Even if he apologizes again and again. It doesn’t sound like he has much empathy for you. Likely he thinks you’re cheating because he still is. That’s what happened with my ex. I almost got a lifelong STD from him. He almost ruined my entire life. Don’t let that happen to you. It was sheer luck I didn’t end up with the STD. I should’ve gotten it!!
I am so lucky I got out with only the current issues at hand. It could’ve gone much, much worse. Get out now before it gets worse. You can just send him a text, tell him it’s over, and block him. Never speak to him again. I’d prefer you get a protective order on him, but I know that’s emotionally difficult to do. It would be best for your safety if you did. He has been physically abusive. You’ll have protections in place if he tries to contact you again. When you leave, he will likely beg to have you back and he will love bomb you and become Prince Charming. At this time, stay strong. He’s just putting on a mask until you’re back. Once he has you back, the mask will fall.
Please, love yourself enough to know you deserve better than this. You deserve to be treated with kindness, love and respect. You deserve to have someone loyal.
Do not be scared of not having someone as your partner, I can assure you you'll be way better alone than with someone who treats you like that. Value yourself, I know it can be hard, but please, do this for you. There are other people out there, you'll meet someone else, someone who treats you well and makes you feel comfortable. Please be strong.
You're going to be very vulnerable after this situation. Working on your self is going to be your best bet. Self-defense, physical and mental. Your strength is all you have. Very good luck. Don't be a statistic.
You're so young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. My very first relationship was much like yours, and I stayed for 8 years. We had 3 children together, and when I was finally ready to leave, when I finally loved myself enough to know I did not deserve the abuse, and it was his fault, not mine, it truly was the best decision I've ever made!!
Literally, 2 weeks after I left him, a good friend from high school entered my life, and we will celebrate 14 years of marriage in August! While I'm not saying that exact thing will happen for you, I am saying that there is a great person out there for you.
Just love yourself, and please know that none of this abuse is your fault, and you are worthy of true love and respect from your partner. Abusers will do everything they can to break your self-esteem to make you think that they are the only people for you, but that is not the case. You are worthy ❤️ You deserve true happiness ❤️
Please reach out to a relative or your local authorities, and let them know your plan to leave. If you live with him, line up a safe place to stay, and have a friend/family member come with you to pack/move your things. Speak with local authorities and get a DV restraining order, and then block him on all of your social media, phone, etc.
Sending well wishes and love your way, and I hope that everything works out for the best!
Reach out to someone you trust—a friend, family member, or a counselor—who can offer emotional support and help you navigate the process of leaving. It's important to have a support system during this time.
Truthfully, love, you don't need to break up with him directly. In this sort of situation where abuse is happening? No explanation is required. If you live together, wait until he's out of the house, and have a friend help you take all your things and leave. You can leave a note if you want to tell him you won't be back. You then block him everywhere.
No one deserves to live in fear and dread of their partner. This isn't something you should try to work through with him.
If you don't live together, send a break up text and block him everywhere. Consider moving if you think he's going to be a nuisance.
The point is that you should put almost no effort into getting on the same page or having a discussion with someone so toxic and volatile. Your safety takes priority.
You should be able to contact a DV help group that will be able to help you.
You need to leave. Just safely. And don't keep putting it off. You can go with as friend to the DV group of you like
Hey hunnie I left an abusive marriage, if you have any text messages etc keep them just incase you need too take a non molestation order out ,but get as far away as possible block and go no contact even mutual friends, make sure you have everything that belongs too you because believe me they will do absolutely everything too come back , be straight too the point on a text message tell them if they come anywhere near you the police will be called , it's an awful situation too be in but get out now , love you for abit if you can , stay away from any areas in which they go ,good luck too you xx
Think of it this way, you might not feel like you know what love is but you surely know the opposite. Most people don’t know what it truly is until you just find that person, and it can be different for everyone. And I can assure you the right person will not make you feel unsafe. Stay strong OP, being single and being alone are very different.
Your main problem is that you are putting having a relationship over your mental well-being. You have to learn how to be comfortable without being in a relationship because otherwise, you just sound dependant. Being comfortable by yourself is an important factor to being in a good relationship anyway. You can still find someone to be with. You're only 20, so you don't have to worry about it that much. What else do you do? Go to school? Have a job? Hobbies? You have to learn to be comfort by yourself.
When you are ready to feel comfortable by yourself, tell him that you no longer want to be with him. List the reasons why and don't, I repeat, don't listen to anything he tries to say to justify his actions and don't listen to any promises. You have to be stone cold and cut it off. If you have to, do it through text.
You just need distance and blocking him. There are many people who will love to help you. The main issue is whether or not you will run back to him because you can't handle a stable relationship. Nothing is worse then helping someone only for them to self sabotage
You just slip out the back, Jack Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much Just drop off the key, Lee And get yourself free
Ooh, slip out the back, Jack Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
You just listen to me
I think what’s most important is that you love yourself, not these fuck off dudes who hurt you. There are steps you can take:
1) Call your local DV hotline and see what resources they have.
2) Call churches and see what resources they have (you don’t have to be a member to get help like this, I used to work at a church, they’re very helpful).
3) Call a family member or someone you can trust, and see if they are willing or able to help, even if it’s a distant one. Just someone who hasn’t hurt you.
4) Call the police and report him, but not unless you’re in a safe place he doesn’t know about.
5) HAVE CONVICTION. Know that you deserve better, set up your walls/boundaries, and follow through all the way. You’re 20 now, and the only person who can help you is you! You want out, do it. Even if it means falling down, because you can pick yourself up again.
6) Get a weapon (tasers are cool, I got a pink one that fits in my purse), in case you are faced with escalating behavior.
7) Don’t keep it a secret! Make sure you tell everyone you can, because one of them may be willing to help. Keeping it secret can enable them to continue; you want to stop it.
8) Sign up for therapy. Local places sometimes have like a 211 phone number to call for social service assistance outside of government help.
9) There are 1-800 numbers you can call that will also give you great advice for your location; start googling!
10) I was raped, abused, etc, and the only person who ended up actually helping me was me. You have to help yourself, and you must continue to do so; don’t go back if life gets hard. Once you’re out, stay out.
11) No offense meant, my dear, but you’re gonna need some therapy. Might I suggest looking for some EMDR therapy, and some regular talk/DV therapy? You need support. Just wanted to circle back to that real quick.
12) Trust yourself; your abuser is your opponent. What they say will never be in your best interest. Him accusing you of cheating is him admitting to cheating on you. I’d bet a lot of money on it. You’re risking std’s, and more, if he is sleeping around. He’s abusing you in too many ways.
Be your own hero, and try and leave as soon as possible. The world is unkind to women; you deserve so much more.
I don't even know where to start based on your wording. Your BF is your first bf, someone who assaulted you does not count, and I'm sorry that happened. You're young. You aren't ready to be in a serious relationship until you can embrace yourself. And this guy sounds like a pile of shit. Just tell him "I'm sorry, but I have to break up with you, my heart isn't in this anymore." And then leave, block him on everything. You don't need anyone's permission to take care of yourself. This is the beginning of your journey.
I'm not the most experienced with this situation but I think it would be smart for her to not do this in person either. Just a quick message straight to the point an block him. People who mentally abuse someone are going to try their hardest to talk them into staying so she can't give that opportunity at all.
I'm unfortunately experienced on this. It is best to wait until he is gone (at work or when he's going to out for a few hours). You don't want to get caught. Have a couple friends help you get your things from the place you share with your bf. If you want leave him a note. I did. Then just leave. Block him on everything! If he tries to find you or starts trouble with people you know get a restraining order. You deserve better than this! Any man who abuses a woman or child is a fvcking coward. They are as low as you can get.
Contact a loved one, pack your things, and block him. He's not the only fish in the water, you'll find other good men out there. Besides, you'll need to focus on healing before you get in another relationship.
It’s obvious to me she doesn’t have a loved one to go to. Men like this isolate the woman and keep them under their thumb. Because they literally have no one to go to. And convince them being alone is worse than death.
Yep and the faster you get out of this trap the better.
Police report then restraining order if necessary if he has hurt you or threatened you file a report before you leave him. Do not tell him if he will not leave you alone and it gets worse then get the order.
This is the answer!! He's abusive and will try to keep OP under his thumb. Gather money to get your own place or go to a woman's shelter. File a police report JIC you need a restraining order and get all your paperwork into a secure place and go! Block him, and hopefully, you can move far enough away that it'll be hard to accidentally run into him. Get better friends if the don't support you 100%
Honestly you need to break up with him and just be single. Maybe get some therapy or some sort of healing to find your worth and hopefully never date a losers like this again. You are so young and have your entire life ahead of you. Take some time to grow and find your worth. Then when your ready to start dating again make a list of values that you want in a partner and date for fun until you find all those values in someone. As soon as you see behaviour that is not in line with those values walk away. Also work on finding those values in yourself. If you want someone loving and kind, make sure you are loving and kind. If you want someone emotionally available, work on being emotionally available yourself. If you want a good communicator then make sure you embody that yourself. My entire world changed when I approached dating in this way.
It's better to be alone than with someone toxic. At least then you can work on yourself. And be away from his toxicity.
You should be happy to NOT find another person like him
Normal breakup advice isn't gonna be all that helpful here - you need an escape plan. If he works, wait til then to disappear. Call someone you trust, that doesn't like him - explain that he's a monster and you need to get away from him yesterday. If you make your own money get a hotel room if you don't have anywhere else to go. You're gonna need to figure out real quick which outfits are your favorites and which of your possessions means the most to you, because the best thing you can do is pack light as possible. If you carry a purse then utilize that too. Another option is to contact the women's shelter closest to you. They were a lot of help for my mom. Separating from such a toxic relationship is gonna come with difficulty and for a long time you're gonna be looking over your shoulder. I'm telling you though - it's worth every minute of that stress. If you work at it and go to therapy your quality of life will improve so much for the better.
Emphasis on this. If you try to break up with him he will try to dissuade you or could be even worse. Pack all of your stuff and disappear from him. You can leave a note if you want but you don’t owe him anything. It will be the easiest way for you to leave. Block him and file a police report if necessary
Get out now while you’re still able to. Don’t wait until he puts you in the hospital, I’m speaking from experience.
Or baby traps her. Leaving an abuser becomes even harder when there are kids involved.
Thinking of you. Hope you are safe. Please make a plan to get out of an abusive relationship. Your life and happiness is worth it. You really do deserve better ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Leave and don't tell him where you are going. Dont even tell him you are leaving because he might try to harm you. Leave while he's at work or somewhere for a long period of time , then block him on everything. You're literally being a doormat to a man who doesn't even value you. You don't even value yourself, and he knows that. You just going to allow him to continue cheating until you catch an incurable disease from him and be his punching bag? If you don't care about your life at all, just say that.
Leave him as soon as you possibly can. If you aren't living together, leave immediately. Once you do, learn to be ok with your own company. If you want to break the familial cycle of abuse and toxicity, learn to love yourself, find the things that truly make you happy, figure out how you WANT to be treated. If you don't take the time to be comfortable with yourself and love you, you will settle for a toxic relationship out of fear, or out of comfort because it's what you know. Talk to a therapist to help you work through this and learn to stand on your own while setting healthy and effective boundaries with others.
Just leave. Zero words. Walk out.
Girl leave him tf. You deserve better. Literally there’s people who are willing to treat you like a queen. Stop letting someone drag you down with them
Well I think one thing should be made very clear THIS is not love. Love comes in different forms yes but most definitely not in form of abuse. You are 20 and will have so many opportunities to find all shapes of love, you don't have to be in a relationship cause you want to be loved. First and foremost comes self love and after that you can get love from friends too. You need to believe that you deserve better and for that you need to see your own worth first. Break up ( get the police involved if you can't just leave him, restraining order ofc would be ideal) and don't try to search for someone new. Try to work on what kind of love you can show yourself. Trust that the way you treat youself is how others will treat you too. You will then find someone better when you know how you want to be treated cause you also know what you want from a relationship :) Good luck🩷
If you are in a state with Turning Point, I highly recommend contacting them. They will give you shelter for a bit and they will contact police if needed. They are a great company! Do NOT be scared of being alone. Being alone will always be better than being with someone like that! Best of luck!!
Honey.. why would you *want* to find "another person like him"? He's abusive, both verbally and mentally. Break up with him. The only way you'll ever learn to be happy in a relationship is to learn to be happy with yourself first. Fear of being alone will lead you to an abusive loser. Every. Single. Time. There's nothing wrong with being alone. Alone isn't the same thing as lonely. And until you work through your issues and trauma, and learn to see red flags, you need to be alone.
What are you afraid will happen if you don’t have a shitty boyfriend anymore?
Be careful breaking up with someone who is abusive to you. It is honestly ok for you to break up with an abusive partner by text or by phone if you're worried about his reaction. A break up with someone like this is the riskiest time for you, please please be careful. And after, please give yourself the time and mental space to be on your own. It is honestly so so important to learn to be happy on your own, be happy developing your own hobbies and interests. You don't need a partner to be happy, especially seen as all that being in a relationship has brought you is feeling trapped and miserable. Time to begin loving yourself, if you love yourself you are less likely to tolerate abusive behaviour in the future. You are so young, you have so much time to find someone level headed, kind, interesting and who will treat you the way you deserve. Being alone can be scary, but it is so important, once you know you are happy and enjoy your own company you'll never let an abusive loser into your life ever again. Good luck with everything
You don't have to have a boy friend. I know it might feel like you have to have someone in your life to fill that hole but it's just not true. Once you break up with him, take some time to yourself and think of how you want to be treated. Go see a therapist and try to talk some of this stuff out. Try to surround yourself with people that are like minded and with the "treating others as one would want to be treated by them."
I think you should wanna find another person that ISNT like him..
Who the fuck is counting bf’s and gf’s this some real high school shit
"I'm scared I won't find another person like him, not specifically like him but someone I can get comfortable with" Okay but you're NOT comfortable with this guy. You're scared of him. That's not comfort. Don't let any memories of good times with him make you forget that he's abusive. If he truly loved you, he wouldn't be hurting you like this. This isn't love. He's a selfish POS. You can & will find someone that you'll have a good time with, be comfortable with and who ISN'T abusive.
Gosh you are so young. Do you have parents who can help you? You seem scared to leave. But you know, at least on some level, that you must. All I can say is, you can never be too safe. Save texts, take pictures etc. document what you can document. Dates and times. You know you need to leave. Do it in public or near a police station or something.
I understand how deeply you must be hurting. My first relationship was incredibly abusive as well, and I struggled with the same feelings. Ultimately, I left because I couldn't take it anymore. I want you to know that what you're feeling is just self-doubt and fear. You will find someone who treats you with the kindness and respect you deserve. Lean on your friends and family to help you leave. You are so young and have so much ahead of you. Adult life is full of ups and downs, but that's what makes us human. You won't be alone for long, even if it means finding new friends instead of a new relationship. Don't waste your time on someone who's abusive. Love is real, but what you have right now isn't it.
I know that for me to leave my incredibly abusive ex at a young age, I had to decide I would literally rather be alone for the rest of my life than be with that garbage truck of a person.
Its better to be alone than being with the wrong person. Hes not there for you emotionally or physically. He abuses you. Calls you a slut. Please leave him. Live your life to the fullest, not living in fear
Well this is the best place to find someone else
There is no secret advice. Just leave him without thinking about it, when you will enter a phase where you cannot go back, you will be sad but then you will not regret
Dont be scared, if you find yourself isolated try to talk to other people. Communication to othrr humans is key.
Okay so I was in a simular situation my ex was abusive mentally (ex before that when I at 18 was physically abusive) I didn't want to be alone and jumped to the next man who gave me attention who was my recent ex he was manipulative, serial cheater, gaslighter and an alcholic. Every time he accuse me of cheating (I never cheated, I couldn't do something like that) it turned out her was projecting and the one cheating so this is what I did as we were together 7 years. I had to learn to hate him, I stopped asking where he was or what he was doing I had to learn to no longer care! I read two books 1. The Book You Wished Your Parents Had Read - healing my inner child helped me so much! It was actually one of the most powerful things I have ever done and I highly suggest you read it 2. Manifesting 7 Steps To Living Your Best Life - this helped me change my mindset so much for the better and it 100% worked! I had to learn to love myself and use all that hate and anger and put it into loving myself! I told myself in 365 days I WILL be happy! I then did a countdown, I would watch Mathew Hussey on tiktok and YouTube on how to find a good man (I wasn't wanting to jump to the next relationship but I wanted to be prepared) I manifested true love. When I found out about his latest affair I tried to leave but he did an OD so I stayed because of guilt, he later on laughed about how he googled it first to make sure the pills wouldn't actually hurt him! This gave me more fuel to leave him! 2 months on I tried to leave again but he threatened another OD if I left so I stayed (side note if this happens to you which I didn't think of doing at the time, ring the police, ambulance and his family 1. He'll feel stupid for trying to manipulate you like that 2. He'll think twice before doing it again to you or someone else! 4 months on I finally walked out! I wasn't scared I felt free, this huge weight had been lifted! I kept working on myself and started to date a great guy, the only man to ever treat me so kindly, be so respectful, my whole family adore him and we are getting married in a few months! I found my "True Love" I had been Manifesting for someone kind, someone I could trust 100%, someone loyal he ticks every single box! With my ex when I had to have surgery he came in the hospital at visiting hours and shouted at me for being in there too long (day 2 after OP) complaining how he had to work, cook then come visit me. My fiancé last night had to take me to hospital for an emergency blood transfusion and all the time was holding my hand, giving me forehead kisses, getting me water and just being with me and refused to leave my side. You are worthy of finding your Mr Right, as my dad would tell me "you can't find your Mr Right if you're with Mr Wrong" so remember that! Your Mr Right is out there somewhere and he will cherrish you and love you, he'll never raise his voice to you or make your cry, so go heal and go find him but watch Mathew Hussey he's so good! He helped me find my Mr Right 🥰
I would rather be alone than being with someone that makes me feel small and alone. You need therapy and stop looking for men to fill the void of hurt and loneliness in your life. To quote RuPaul. If you can’t love yourself how in the hell are you going to love somebody else. It also seems you are using the chaos of the situation to stay where you are. You aren’t clear if you live with him or not. If you don’t then just tell him you aren’t happy and are ending it and then block him on all platforms. If you do live with him and are financially dependent on him. Please look for a woman’s shelter that can help you find some housing or temporary shelter to live in. You only have one life, is this how you want to live it?
I always just txt them I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore and block them lol
It’s not clear to me if you live with your Bf or not but either way with an abuser you must make a plan and stick to it. Make sure when you brake up you are in a safe place and in a position where no matter what he does he can’t hurt you. Make sure the people you trust are aware of your situation and are truly on your side in case he comes back they will be your protection and hold you accountable to stay away from him. You have to learn to be alone and love yourself. I would tell you to go to a therapist but that is so expensive many of us can’t afford that. So just watch self help videos, meditation and if you are religious maybe get closer to that so you can learn what self love is. Once you grow up a bit and learn more about the would and people, you will find a true relationship. You have so much time to find love, so don’t stress about it. Worry about your self and your safety first.
Just leave. Don’t worry about what if this happens or he says this or I do this or yadda yadda. Just grab your stuff, and go when he’s not there. Talking to him might escalate things into a dangerous situation or he could just convince you to stay. Don’t talk, grab your stuff, make a plan to leave when you’ll have distance from him, and block him. I’d also suggest you seek therapy, especially since you’ve been assaulted in the past. I think it’s important so that way you don’t repeat patterns and find another person like him in the future. Edit to clarify seek therapy so you can obtain healthy ways to cope from the assault and possibly heal from it. AND so that you can find a healthy relationship after this.
This sounds exactly like my ex boyfriend... it took me 6 months to find the guts to break up with him. I was scared of being alone as well and having no one but believ me it's a lot better than being in an abusive relationship :( I'm so sorry this is happening to you, just know leaving is the best option. I know it's really hard to do so and you will feel broken after but soon you'll feel so much happier than you are now
Ive been in 10+ "serious" relationships since i was 14. You can always find someone new. People arent rare. You might find 1 person that does 1 thing, and another does another, and 1 might do both things.. at the end of the day everybody is replaceable. If you're not happy, find someone new, and ensure each time you do ur kore careful than the last. Trust ur gut and pay attention to red flags
I grew up in a severely abusive family. Physical, verbal, mental, and sexual abuse. I made a vow to myself to NEVER allow any man to abuse me. I will walk away even if it takes me years to get over. I deserve better. It took me years to accept my worth after my own father told me how much of a slut and whore I was (still a virgin). DO NOT TELL HIM YOU ARE LEAVING UNTIL YOU ACTUALLY DO. YOU have to accept your worth and never tolerate these behaviors from anyone. Leave. Yes, it will hurt. Yes, you will want to go back. But you deserve better, and your future offspring certainly deserve you giving them an actual FATHER.
You need to work on yourself before you get into another relationship. You need to learn how to confide in yourself and trust your instincts. You already know you need to leave, you just don’t want to because you don’t want to be alone. You chose him because he’s familiar, it’s what you know from your parents. Often times we go with what’s familiar because we know how to navigate that. Therapy will help you unpack this and get to a place you feel confident to say “no” to abusive relationships. I know it may seem like the harder decision, but leaving is what is right. In the end it will be easier than enduring this for many more years to come. He will get worse. Even if he apologizes again and again. It doesn’t sound like he has much empathy for you. Likely he thinks you’re cheating because he still is. That’s what happened with my ex. I almost got a lifelong STD from him. He almost ruined my entire life. Don’t let that happen to you. It was sheer luck I didn’t end up with the STD. I should’ve gotten it!! I am so lucky I got out with only the current issues at hand. It could’ve gone much, much worse. Get out now before it gets worse. You can just send him a text, tell him it’s over, and block him. Never speak to him again. I’d prefer you get a protective order on him, but I know that’s emotionally difficult to do. It would be best for your safety if you did. He has been physically abusive. You’ll have protections in place if he tries to contact you again. When you leave, he will likely beg to have you back and he will love bomb you and become Prince Charming. At this time, stay strong. He’s just putting on a mask until you’re back. Once he has you back, the mask will fall. Please, love yourself enough to know you deserve better than this. You deserve to be treated with kindness, love and respect. You deserve to have someone loyal.
Do not be scared of not having someone as your partner, I can assure you you'll be way better alone than with someone who treats you like that. Value yourself, I know it can be hard, but please, do this for you. There are other people out there, you'll meet someone else, someone who treats you well and makes you feel comfortable. Please be strong.
You're going to be very vulnerable after this situation. Working on your self is going to be your best bet. Self-defense, physical and mental. Your strength is all you have. Very good luck. Don't be a statistic.
You're so young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. My very first relationship was much like yours, and I stayed for 8 years. We had 3 children together, and when I was finally ready to leave, when I finally loved myself enough to know I did not deserve the abuse, and it was his fault, not mine, it truly was the best decision I've ever made!! Literally, 2 weeks after I left him, a good friend from high school entered my life, and we will celebrate 14 years of marriage in August! While I'm not saying that exact thing will happen for you, I am saying that there is a great person out there for you. Just love yourself, and please know that none of this abuse is your fault, and you are worthy of true love and respect from your partner. Abusers will do everything they can to break your self-esteem to make you think that they are the only people for you, but that is not the case. You are worthy ❤️ You deserve true happiness ❤️ Please reach out to a relative or your local authorities, and let them know your plan to leave. If you live with him, line up a safe place to stay, and have a friend/family member come with you to pack/move your things. Speak with local authorities and get a DV restraining order, and then block him on all of your social media, phone, etc. Sending well wishes and love your way, and I hope that everything works out for the best!
Reach out to someone you trust—a friend, family member, or a counselor—who can offer emotional support and help you navigate the process of leaving. It's important to have a support system during this time.
Truthfully, love, you don't need to break up with him directly. In this sort of situation where abuse is happening? No explanation is required. If you live together, wait until he's out of the house, and have a friend help you take all your things and leave. You can leave a note if you want to tell him you won't be back. You then block him everywhere. No one deserves to live in fear and dread of their partner. This isn't something you should try to work through with him. If you don't live together, send a break up text and block him everywhere. Consider moving if you think he's going to be a nuisance. The point is that you should put almost no effort into getting on the same page or having a discussion with someone so toxic and volatile. Your safety takes priority.
You should be able to contact a DV help group that will be able to help you. You need to leave. Just safely. And don't keep putting it off. You can go with as friend to the DV group of you like
You should be brave enough to leave him and trust that you will meet someone more suitable.
Hey hunnie I left an abusive marriage, if you have any text messages etc keep them just incase you need too take a non molestation order out ,but get as far away as possible block and go no contact even mutual friends, make sure you have everything that belongs too you because believe me they will do absolutely everything too come back , be straight too the point on a text message tell them if they come anywhere near you the police will be called , it's an awful situation too be in but get out now , love you for abit if you can , stay away from any areas in which they go ,good luck too you xx
Think of it this way, you might not feel like you know what love is but you surely know the opposite. Most people don’t know what it truly is until you just find that person, and it can be different for everyone. And I can assure you the right person will not make you feel unsafe. Stay strong OP, being single and being alone are very different.
Your main problem is that you are putting having a relationship over your mental well-being. You have to learn how to be comfortable without being in a relationship because otherwise, you just sound dependant. Being comfortable by yourself is an important factor to being in a good relationship anyway. You can still find someone to be with. You're only 20, so you don't have to worry about it that much. What else do you do? Go to school? Have a job? Hobbies? You have to learn to be comfort by yourself. When you are ready to feel comfortable by yourself, tell him that you no longer want to be with him. List the reasons why and don't, I repeat, don't listen to anything he tries to say to justify his actions and don't listen to any promises. You have to be stone cold and cut it off. If you have to, do it through text.
There must be sixty ways to leave your lover.
You just need distance and blocking him. There are many people who will love to help you. The main issue is whether or not you will run back to him because you can't handle a stable relationship. Nothing is worse then helping someone only for them to self sabotage
You just slip out the back, Jack Make a new plan, Stan You don't need to be coy, Roy Just get yourself free Hop on the bus, Gus You don't need to discuss much Just drop off the key, Lee And get yourself free Ooh, slip out the back, Jack Make a new plan, Stan You don't need to be coy, Roy You just listen to me
You just gotta leave bro
I think what’s most important is that you love yourself, not these fuck off dudes who hurt you. There are steps you can take: 1) Call your local DV hotline and see what resources they have. 2) Call churches and see what resources they have (you don’t have to be a member to get help like this, I used to work at a church, they’re very helpful). 3) Call a family member or someone you can trust, and see if they are willing or able to help, even if it’s a distant one. Just someone who hasn’t hurt you. 4) Call the police and report him, but not unless you’re in a safe place he doesn’t know about. 5) HAVE CONVICTION. Know that you deserve better, set up your walls/boundaries, and follow through all the way. You’re 20 now, and the only person who can help you is you! You want out, do it. Even if it means falling down, because you can pick yourself up again. 6) Get a weapon (tasers are cool, I got a pink one that fits in my purse), in case you are faced with escalating behavior. 7) Don’t keep it a secret! Make sure you tell everyone you can, because one of them may be willing to help. Keeping it secret can enable them to continue; you want to stop it. 8) Sign up for therapy. Local places sometimes have like a 211 phone number to call for social service assistance outside of government help. 9) There are 1-800 numbers you can call that will also give you great advice for your location; start googling! 10) I was raped, abused, etc, and the only person who ended up actually helping me was me. You have to help yourself, and you must continue to do so; don’t go back if life gets hard. Once you’re out, stay out. 11) No offense meant, my dear, but you’re gonna need some therapy. Might I suggest looking for some EMDR therapy, and some regular talk/DV therapy? You need support. Just wanted to circle back to that real quick. 12) Trust yourself; your abuser is your opponent. What they say will never be in your best interest. Him accusing you of cheating is him admitting to cheating on you. I’d bet a lot of money on it. You’re risking std’s, and more, if he is sleeping around. He’s abusing you in too many ways. Be your own hero, and try and leave as soon as possible. The world is unkind to women; you deserve so much more.
So basically like every guy ever? Hmmmmm🤔