That’s creepy af!
OP He might have not sexual assaulted you (yet) but It is still wildly inappropriate! Can you lock your room at night? Are you from a asia or a country where people value tradition and ask you to respect your elders?
Please take care of yourself! Don’t let them gaslight you into thinking it is okay what he did! He should sleep in your brother’s room and get a fan! So inappropriate to even ask to share a room with a teenager omg
It is creepy regardless of culture but in different cultures people can speak their mind.
Source: I am asian but born/raised in a western country and it is most definitely not the same mentality regarding „respecting the elders“
Yeah, so although I'm white, I can't really comment about the west. Even white South Africans have way more of a respect for elders thing than what it seems like it is elsewhere. But especially in Xhosa culture, intlonipho (respect) is huge. And the idea that elders and leaders look out for those under their care. Any time I've heard of a messed up situation like this in a Xhosa family, it's totally people abusing what the culture should be.
I was mostly coming at it from the perspective that often 'exotic/ethnic' cultures get lumped together and stereotyped beyond what would be a reasonable generalisation.
Am I right in guessing though that the Asian culture you're from, some elders/leaders abuse the 'don't talk back' rule, and others honour their role and do look out for those under their care?
So You’re from South Africa? I didn’t know this about South Africa! Very interesting.
It wasn’t meant in a insulting or judgemental way since I’m asian myself. I just noticed that it would 100% not happen here in Europe lol
Yes, Don’t talk back. Especially when she said her parents don’t see anything wrong I found it very weird.
It must be a country where children/girls don’t have many rights or elders are more „respected“.
Most Afrikaner families still keep to the custom where you \*always\* call your mom and dad that, not 'you'. So, for example, 'Wil Pa, Pa se koffie buite hê?' (Would Dad like Dad's coffee outside).
Most of us, across cultures, use specific terms for older men and women. Tata/bawo for an older Xhosa man, mama for an older Xhosa woman, uncle/oom for an older white or coloured guy (it means uncle in Afrikaans), tannie or auntie for an older white or coloured woman (interestingly, in many places, auntie is used even if people are otherwise speaking Afrikaans). Even among siblings, there's a kind of hierarchy: the one guy I'm really close with calls me 'umkhuluwa' (older bro), and I call him umninawa (younger bro).
Even when you're speaking with Xhosa people your own age who you've just met, terms like bhuda or sisi are often part of the conversation.
There's a weird dynamic here. On the one hand, there's still a huge amount of division and prejudice between different groups of people, and there's still many toxic and abusive families. Our national psyche shows deep trauma. On the other hand, that thread of respect is not only still there, it's growing stronger. We're growing together as a society, forming friendships and families across the divisions.
It‘s the same in our (asian) culture! Even the way you don’t say „you“ but need to use „papa“ or „mama“ in a sentence.
I’m sure it’s different now in Asia and maybe they don’t even do it anymore but I learned it as a kid and it had something to do with respect of elders as well.
Very surprised about the similarities because I know nothing about south african (or African in general) culture! I only know about the south african dance because it went viral a few months back! And saw a few videos where people talked about being South Africans (and the term „colored“ and the meaning of it). Very interesting! It made me realize how lil I know about other cultures
That is so cool! I have these conversations with a Nigerian friend who is pursuing his masters in sociology at the university here, and we concluded that maybe these similarities reflect general human culture, with the modern west being an aberration.
There are so many dances coming from here now, alongside amapiano blowing up internationally. I'm glad you've seen videos explaining what coloured means, because it can be misinterpreted internationally!
Usually when it reads "in my country", and "my family members agree with him" and "they say I'm disrespecting my elders" means this poor kid can do absolutely ZERO about it while she lives with her parents unfortunately.
I disagree with this only because the creepy uncle could take that as an opportunity to randomly appear in the bed of that room, because OP’s room was “too cold.”
Yep. I was uh. In a situation that resulted from my room being unsleepable. I slept on the couch for a while. Then it happened and I had to leave. Still working through it in therapy 6ish years later. Be careful, OP. Try to sleep over with friends where possible and plan to leave asap when you can. Hell, move away for college if you can. But God I wouldn't wish that trauma on anyone, especially from a relative.
I'm white, but most of my society isn't. I have plenty of friends among the dominant culture, and I can tell you: any time you see phrases like that here, it's a toxic family full of predators using 'culture' as an excuse.
Or even use furniture. Got a big dresser? Move it in front of the foot at night. Hell, move your bed(or the other mattress?) in front of that. Bitch ain’t getting through all of that. (And honestly, depending on the positioning of the door, sometimes even if he could push the furniture that’s blocking the door, if there’s a wall close enough it’ll just hit it and stop it from opening, possibly enough so that he can’t get in regardless.)
Correct. If he lost his job, it should be a wake up call for him to be grateful he was taken in anywhere. People like this think everything can be handed to them, and wanting to sleep in the same room let alome BED as his young neice is a sign hes already set on bad personal impulses. Protect yourself
The majority of sexual abuse is from family members. This is 100 percent preditory behavior. Absolutely stand up for yourself regardless of his age. You have a right to say you are uncomfortable with this. Honestly if your family is that blind. My advice is let him have the whole fucking room and go sleep somewhere else. I dont know what country your in but if you are legally considered an adult at 18 then I would try to leave that house as soon as possible for you. Clearly your family isn't protecting you. If he touches you CALL THE COPS. YELL, KICK, PUNCH, SCREAM! If he is willing to hurt you in the most devastating way someone can hurt another person, then you have the right to destroy the family and yell it from the roof. Dont stay silent. I feel like in these situations young people dont know how to speak up because they are afraid or they dont realize till way later that it was abuse. DONT BE SILENT
I support this. Leave him to have the room fully to himself! If he insists, something is definately wrong with this man! Just make sure you don't submit to your family's insanity!
Families who have lots of members (siblings included) and live in small quarters have a higher amount of incest, it's true. And different subcultures tend to have different patterns (it's gross data, but in a large number of cultures in the Western hemisphere, it's usually...uncle). In some places it's dad, stepdad or grandfather.
Oddly, in the work I did (I worked doing mental health research in jails), it was usually mother's brother.
Amen to this! I was molested by my own father for over a year when I was 15. They have that mentality where they gaslight you and make you feel like shit the moment you try to voice out and protect yourself. I'm glad you have access to a community like this to advise you to get out ASAP I wish I did so sooner. Get out as soon as you hit legal age please 🙏🏽 the horror and nightmare of sexual abuse trauma scars for life, I tell you 😔
I'm so sorry for you to have that pain. Any father that could do that deserves death imo. I hope that women talk to their daughters about speaking up and screaming and making a ruckus. I'm so saddened every time I hear someone say that they were just too scared and didn't know what to do and I GET IT! you're a fucking kid and don't understand what the fuck is going on. It's never the victim's fault. I just know that in these situations like the OP is saying that family is "practically looking the other way" that these families are brainwashed by religion and their bullshit faith telling them it's all in God's plan or "he's just sick and needs forgiveness" bullshit! We need to teach young people. Boys and girls want inappropriate touching is and to yell and be loud and what to look for. I can't stand families like this. Mothers that statistically speaking have probably received the same trauma! Protect your babies by teaching them and giving them the confidence to have a voice. Give them a safe place with you to talk to. In today's world this is too common to not believe that the men in your life aren't capable of this. It's too common to not be true most of the time. No child just makes this stuff up for shits and giggles.
So true. The few times I tried to point out that he molested me, he told my siblings I was sick in the head like my mom who left us.
This is why I discourage when my in-laws or maternal relatives try to force my toddler to kiss or hug them. I told my mom upfront when she tried this that this teaching was the cause I only froze when I was being invaded. I was taught to be a good girl and only listen and please grownups. That my gut feeling does not matter. Right now I'm doing my best to reparent my inner child and end a cycle of generational trauma. It's a great challenge of trying to balance between nurturing the flaming wings of my child, guiding her to be humble and kind, while blocking my ancestral trauma from extending to the next generation. Where we are now, access to mental health professionals is quite expensive, so I try following healing pages and understanding behaviors I've developed from my trauma. I feel that the better we understand and are more aware, the more hope for a better future self. Though the whirlpool of thoughts can so often be so draining.
What the hell is wrong with your family man??? Why would they want you to share with an old ass man? Especially since you stated that you don't want him there. It's your room, you should have the decision. Omg this is maddening.
Also, definitely keep like a pocket knife or a pepper spray near you. I hope you stay safe and nothing happens.
I'd have my recording app open while sleeping at night.
In these situations (usually), the family might be patriarchal and victimize the uncle even if she were acting in self defense. Best course of action is to just take the spare room with no ac and get a lock. Maybe take a shower before bed too.
Box fans and air mattresses are super cheap and available everywhere. No reason to put pressure on a young person like this by taking away there autonomy. It's very maddening
Uhhh... what? Lol I hope you're being funny. This creeper uncle is slowly working his way up sexual assault. If the dad wants sex then he needs to grab uncle by the collar and toss his happy ass out the door or rearrange the sleeping situation.
Yeah no. Absolutely not. Every fiber of my being is screaming “no” right now. They can go and get an AC unit for that other room your brother used to be in. An adult year old should never be sleeping with a 17 year old. Especially not some fucking creepy uncle which just adds to the situation. Definitely buy a lock for your door and put them in yourself if you have too.
It would probably be cheaper and more energy efficient to get a standing fan if money is an issue, as buying an account unit for a room might be pricey , if money isn't an issue of course buying an ac for the room is a good idea
Sleep on the floor in your parents room and continue to loudly accuse him of being creepy to anyone who will listen. If he takes over your room fuck it but you cannot be alone with him any longer. Keep asking your parents if theyre going to take his side when he assaults you. Raise holy living hell anytime he is near you. The only way you get out of this as of now is raising a huge stink about it. Do not take any food or drink offered by him.
this is much more practical because I doubt op's family is considering to install a separate ac in another room or else they would have done that in the first place. let him take the room anything is better than being alone with someone like that
1. Most sexual assaults come from people that aren't strangers
2. I'm 49M and would never dream of making that request or using those arguments
3. Your family are idiots for thinking this is a "disrespecting your elders" thing. Your "elder" in this case is being a creep.
Helllll no! You are not wrong. THIS is wrong. It is wrong for anyone to even suggest or support this idea. Why in the world would he be against a separate bed? Any grown ass man, family or not, has no business sleeping in your bed. This is NOT okay!
No no no not even on a separate mattress. He is a whole adult and can get a window AC like I have and like many people have. Tell your parents. If I was your parent I'd kick him out for even ASKING
There is a saying I was told once, "in order for a girl in India to not be a victim of incest, she must have no father, brothers, uncles, or male cousins".
So no you are not wrong for not wanting in your room while you are awake let alone unconscious.
WTF?
No, your 46 year old uncle can't sleep in your bed with you. He can sleep on floor -- somewhere else. I don't care what culture you're from -- this is not appropriate.
Like does he not have his own bed in the other room he can push into the parents room? There is no reason it has to be OPs room and even if hers was the only option HE HAS HIS OWN BED.
>One day he even bragged about how he came to my room at night , kissed me on my forehead and left.
Not an expert, but that's straight up weird and invasive. Sis, lock your door. Who knows what he's capable of if he gets more confident with the idea of getting into your room in the middle of the night.
Tell your family everything that has happened and then tell them that respecting your elders only counts if your elders aren't planning to rape you.
Trust me, it always STARTS like this.
Then get a lock for your door until he is gone.
From my own experience, is your family Hispanic? Hate to say it, but for some reason it's in the culture to sweep anything like that under the rug & you get shamed if you speak up about it. My uncle molested me when I was a kid and when I told my parents they said I must be confused. Entire side of my mom's family doesn't talk to me anymore because I spoke up about it finally after so many years because of flashbacks.
If he does anything, make a fucking ruckus. Get a camera. And tell him not to put his hands on you anymore. I'm sorry your family seems so indifferent about it. If they won't do anything, call the cops. They may hate you for a bit, but if they aren't going to protect you, especially at your age - you gotta do it yourself. I hope you'll be okay & safe. I'd also watch your drinks around him and don't let him serve you any food or anything.
I’m so sorry that happened.
I’ve never really understood the emphasis on family in Hispanic culture. I understand it’s very important to them, but as you’ve said, they seem to defend family member’s bad deeds by sweeping them under the rug, no matter how evil.
I’m predominately white, but my dad was half Hispanic. His mother (my grandma) lived off of my great aunt (her sister) and was awful to her (taking over the main fridge, turning the guest room into her own, telling my great aunt she was gonna kill her, etc.). My great aunt wouldn’t make her leave because she was family. My grandma wound up killing her a few years ago and burying her in the backyard. She’s in a mental hospital delaying trial and refuses to admit she’s guilty
I hate that this is a cultural or religious stereotype to brush this shit under the rug. I cant understand how anyone could be so blind as to not protect their kids.
The flashbacks sounds like ptsd.. My family is black and they sweep under the rug my brother sexually abusing me.. My mom still tells me not to tell anyone or I'll "ruin his life" or "make him look bad" it's fucking horrendous and disgusting.. I was recently diagnosed with ptsd, trauma, major depression, and anxiety. All because of my shitty family not supporting me after what happened and actively trying to ignore my trauma. So I'm sorry you had to deal with something so shitty too.
The majority of children are sexually assaulted by family members (or trusted people like clergy), and they are going to believe him, not you. You are not going to allow that to happen to you, no matter how much they want him to.
That's exactly what you say to anyone who asks.
He's already pushing the boundaries by kissing you. He is absolutely going to assault you in your sleep.
That's creepy AF. According to him he's family and that's OK? And your parents are OK with that? Do they know the majority of rapes are within family members or people very close to the family?
Get a lock, disrespect them all if that means you are safe.
No. Oh no.
Honey, you are in serious danger. This is textbook grooming behavior by a sexual predator.
In his twisted head, he is working to make you the girlfriend or wife he doesn’t have. A 46yo man insisting on sleeping in a 17 year old girl’s bed with her when there is no reason to - staring at, touching, and kissing her while she is asleep??
You are a woman, not a child.
This not endearing, it’s predatory.
Let’s compare and contrast. What would a normal man do?
- Get an AC for the room he has already been in
- Not want to sleep in a teen girl’s room
- Ask if he could sleep in a room with his brother & you with your mother
- Only sleep in your room as a last resort, maybe one night, on the ground or a cot (aka temporary), and be embarrassed about how badly he failed at life for this to have happened
For normal men, all of this is hitting rock bottom, not something to be happy about. His not feeling that way alone should tell you something very important….
He is violating your boundaries one at a time, getting your family’s ‘blessing’ each time by telling his version, not his actual intentions.
This is a way predators keep their victims silent:
- ‘Normalize’ bad behavior
- getting other people on their side
- making the victim feel like they are wrong or crazy
- making the victim feel like they have no one who will support them
And your family is falling for it - they do not respect your feelings. Do not look to them to confirm what you know in your heart.
If you still aren’t convinced, think about this: How would you feel if your friend at school told you this story? Would you not be very worried for her?
You need to get space from this man, and you need an ally to back you up with your family. Have you talked to your brother about these things and told him that you are not feeling safe?
You’re not wrong and no offense, but your family is messed up if they support a grown adult joining a teenager in bed. I don’t care what country you guys live in, this is how kids get SA’d.
Your uncle sounds like a pedophile. No you cannot sleep in bed with him … thats sick. Talk to someone you trust about this and stay away from him. Your family sounds fkd up. I also like the idea of a lock on your door. Your uncle wants to molest you. He’s ready to pounce
Where do you live where this isn't seen as creepy or gross? These are all red flags, especially kissing you anywhere in your sleep. The fact that you don't see anything inappropriate tells me they raised you to see things that way. Well, it's very creepy and concerning your family doesn't care. I don't know if you live in a country where women are treated badly, but none of this is normal.
So very true. When SA is perpetuated across generations in families, what we know to be dysfunction is normalized in each generation’s household, creating conditions to perpetuate the cycle.
I don't need to read the post. This is creepy and in no situation should happen. I've seen dirt poor families where parents chose to sleep on the floor to give their teens some privacy, even if they are in the same room it still matters.
That situation that your family is suggesting is an invitation to abuse. Your family is horribly wrong and do not care about your wellbeing. You must protect yourself since they will not.
What do your parents think?
If they are conservative about you dating, ask them what a potential husband would think about learning you share your bed with another man.
Maybe talk to their peers about how they are ok with you sharing a bed with men who are houseguests. Let them recover from that.
Get a lock for your door. Seriously. Maybe also a camera you turn on before you sleep.
best of luck OP.
Everything about this is highly inappropriate and creepy.
I am sorry that your family doesn't see that.
It would be the safest thing to do to move out of your room to his room.
You will quickly see that its not about the AC.
Speak with your mom, elder women in the house. This is inappropriate and wrong expectation at all levels, I come from an Indian family and we too are forced to have strong family bonds with relatives but this outright immature and insensitive.
It should be aware that most cases of rape or molestation are done by people close to the family. This is because they have a level of trust in the family that if you said ANYTHING, they may not believe you.
So yeah. He’s a fucking creep
About 60% of sexual assault is done by family members and friends. What he has done is actually wildly inappropriate, he has invaded your personal space by coming into your room at night without permission, and he did it to show you his ‘dominance’. If you don’t find a way to keep him out of your room his behavior will escalate and it is likely your family will turn a blind eye if not outright blame you if things get that far. You are not safe from him just because you are family, it actually puts you at more risk. If you can you need to find new living arrangements, if you can’t then at least try yo get a strong lock on your bedroom door and a deadbolt on the inside. Please don’t brush off his horrible behavior, because it is what your family is doing. You posted here because your instincts are telling you something is wrong, so listen to them and stay safe.
According to statistics, the most likely person to sexually assault your children, is an uncle. Followed by Dad, Stepdad, grandpa, brother, cousin.
>Using a sample of 982 mothers who reported on child care and living arrangements involving uncles, and case records documenting the sexual abuse of 171 children by 148 uncles, this study examined the ways uncles ordinarily become involved with children, the conditions under which that involvement becomes associated with sexual abuse, and the role gender plays in this dysfunction. Among the findings, it was noted that although aunts were responsible for 28 times more child care than uncles, uncles were responsible for 48 times more child sexual abuse. ...
>Although female children do not have more exposure to uncles than do males, they appeared four times more likely to be victimized. About 19% of the abusive uncles lived with the children they abused
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8199903/
No female child should ever sleep in the same room as an uncle and certainly not a bed. Your parents and family members are wrong and it's because they don't feel at risk.
Do not let him sleep in your bed, throw a tantrum at your parents or something, try to talk to them but dont let him sleep in your bed, thats creepy as hell and also inappropriate, he is a grown man and has to know better. And the kissing on your forehead while you were asleep, thats crazy.
Not sure what country you're from or culture, but for the uncle to even suggest to sleep in the same bed as you and want to is extremely perverted. And for everyone in your family to even support that is weird.
Under no circumstances should he share a bed with you and I’m really shocked than any of your family members find this appropriate. You’re a young woman and need your personal space. Stand your ground!
Okay… your uncle, is he super religious? r/gopedos r/pastorarrested r/NotADragQueen
This is very dangerous for you. Straight men are the number one sexual predator. Approximate Here are the Numbers and Percentages of child molesters:
1. Heterosexual Men:
• Percentage: Approximately 90-95%
• Number of Cases: 90,000 - 95,000 out of 100,000 cases
2. Heterosexual Women:
• Percentage: Approximately 5-10%
• Number of Cases: 5,000 - 10,000 out of 100,000 cases
3. LGBTQ Individuals:
• Percentage: Approximately 1-3%
• Number of Cases: 1,000 - 3,000 out of 100,000 cases
Key Points:
1. Heterosexual Men: The overwhelming majority of child molesters are heterosexual men, accounting for about 90-95% of offenders.
2. Heterosexual Women: A small percentage of child molesters are heterosexual women, estimated to be around 5-10%.
3. LGBTQ Individuals: LGBTQ individuals represent a very small fraction of child molesters, proportionately lower than their representation in the general population.
It's very concerning that your other family members take his side. I can't help but wonder if they're trying to downplay or minimize the fallout from future damage by trying to convince you that you're in the wrong already (family often protects and excuses monsters, even at the cost of their other family). It's not even like you said no to him staying in your room, you just said he couldn't sleep with you in your bed. If all the other family want to rally behind him, then maybe THEY should take creepy uncle in.
He's being super weird. Do NOT let him just walk all over you. In fact, you really should set up nighttime recordings. If nothing happens, okay, fine, still uncomfortable though. If it does, you have proof.
Talk to you parents about this. It sounds like he's trying to groom you. Never let anyone sleep in your bed you don't want. I wouldn't even sleep in the same bed as my own uncle and I am pretty sure he wouldn't want to either..
Say no and stand by it.
That is disgusting that he would want to share a bed with you and concerning your family is siding with him. Honestly he shouldn’t even be in the same room. It’s weird.
Op i hope u found a solution. Hes definitely trespassing and dont let your family tell you otherwise. My family in Mexico has only one room with an ac and they respect boundaries when it comes to sleeping.
I'm sorry you're not getting the support from your family that you actually need.
This is a huge red flag and highly inappropriate.
Him bragging about kissing your forehead is insane. What if he keeps going for higher stakes?
Please tell me you can lock your room at night.
What kind of parents allow this???
I'm non-white too and tbh most of these comments are giving pretty stupid advice- I would have been homeless in five seconds flat if I followed these. I'm offering some advice that might work
Have you spoken to your mother or an older woman family member about his behavior? Family usually gets pressured under the name of 'reputation' and 'the guest is our god' but if they hear this shit they are within rights to put their foot down. Female relatives usually understand, men may not. Plus any good mother would tear him apart for doing that shit, reputation be damned
If this doesn't work, ask if you can sleep on a mattress in your parents room. Luckily non-white families don't have that "kids should be independent past 15" bs so you can be relatively safe in your parents room. He won't pull any nonsense in front of your parents
If even this doesnt work, take the mattress to the hot room and lock the door. Keep earthen pots near the windows and on the floor (filled with water). They keep the room cool.
If even THIS is denied, you better stay up all night to prove a point or sleep in the gods area. I know that most such parents are religious and it sends a message across to them.
Im sorry this is happening to you. I pray for your safety
Absolutely insane! It is completely
inappropriate for him to be coming into your room at all. Ever. Without your consent. Let alone kissing you on the forehead or anywhere! Let alone bragging about it to your family. Jeez... you're not a 4 year old, you're a young adult woman.
This is f'ed up that her parents are doing nothing to protect her. Why were these sleeping arrangements even considered? This is absolutely crazy!!! Note to parents: Buy another A/C for the other room! If you continue making your teenage daughter share a room and bed with an adult male relative, then you are the worst kind of humans.
As a grown man I would never ask to sleep with a niece no matter what age. He had other intentions so u need to take steps to protect yourself and not let this man push his will on you. I would start by blocking ur door at night so he cannot sneak in. I would under no circumstance let him sleep in same room with you at this point. He already made his intentions known.
Yes it is wildly inappropriate to breach your private quarters at any time, let alone when you are sound asleep, then to kiss you during that sleep?!?! That is assault. You don't touch anyone without their consent and he touched you when you could not consent!
WTF? Have you been groomed for abuse by him or others because that's where this is headed.
Tell him NO and to stay TF out of your room. Period!
Yeah that’s pretty gross. I would and have shared with a brother or a sister as I grew up with them. I would object to the point of fighting if any uncles decided it was a good idea.
uh no you are not wrong for that at all. boundaries are something he needs to understand and that alone is crossing a boundary, whether you said it or not he’s your uncle and that’s wrong of him.
Everything about this is highly inappropriate!!!
I'm closer to my uncle than I am my own father and he would never come into my room while I'm sleeping and certainly wouldn't expect to sleep next to me!
Also sleeping next to someone makes it ever hotter! So him needing to be cool is a out right lie!
Stay safe and don't accept anything to eat or drink from him. You'd be surprised how many bad people drug people then do horrible things while they sleep.
Maybe put up a camera too for evidence.
You’re totally NOT WRONG !!!
Unless you subconsciously want your uncle to introduce you to the mystery’s of sex. Which is highly discouraged due to the wonderful subject of unpleasant recessives… soooo just say GET LOST!
Tell him to sleep outside like the animal he is, that's what I would do I would never in a million years want to sleep with a minor relative or not. Pure creepy imo.
Girl I don't even have to read your post to tell you that your uncle sleeping in your bed would be EXTREMELY inappropriate. Why in the hell would he even want that if his goal wasn't to SA you??? He came into your room and kissed your face in your sleep. You woke up to him STARING AT YOU. Oh my god. I'm disgusted with your entire family. Do they WANT him to assault you??? Most SA on children is perpetrated by a family member or close family friend (something like 85% but idk exact numbers). This is horrifying.
Is there somewhere else you can stay? If you have some good friends, I'm sure if you asked "hey can I crash at your place for a while? I'm worried my uncle is trying to rape me" they would make it work. Tell your friend's parents about the situation as well- if they're sane people, they'll allow you to stay with them, and maybe talk to your parents as well. I really hope you're safe.
Tell your family to let the uncle sleep in their bed with them if they think it's an honor. Your family is awful if they're recommend or allow such awful things. Buy mace and keep a knife in case. Don't be alone with him or sleep in the same room with him. He may try something. Lock your door and don't let him in. Keep a cell phone ready. See if you can sleep at a friends house.
Tell your uncle he cannot sleep in your room and is not welcome in there especially when you are sleeping. Also get a lock for your door. If he doesn't respect that sleep in your parents room until they tell him to fuck off.
I would never insist or even consider sharing a bed with my niece. She deserves the space. You uncle could easily sleep with your dad and you share the bed with your mom if the AC is the issue
Tell him it’s no longer appropriate to share a room as you feel uncomfortable. Fuck what the family say. This is how girls end up being sexually assaulted.
Where in hillbilly inbred town do you live where anyone would think this is okay? It is a disaster!!
Lock your door.
And good luck
And this sucks, but if its the only way for immediate peace swap rooms, bide your time and get out and away when it is safe to do so and never return any adults who think its is okay for a 46 year old man to sleep in the same bed as his 17 year old niece are not well in the head.
I think if he wants to sleep in your room and you have agreed then he needs to respect your boundaries, otherwise he can go back and stay in the spare room with no a/c. I would suggest that he buys a fan as you will only allow him to stay in your room for X amount of time.
I haven't even read the post, just the title. I don't care about the context, it is absurd. The only people you should share a bed with is your partner or maybe your dog/cat.
So, respect your elders is 2 way street. You respect them if they respect you.
I hate the phrase because more often than not, it's a way for 'our elders' to get away with stuff that would otherwise be deemed inappropriate. I.e used as a weapon.
You are too old now to not have boundaries that you have layed down respected. You are emphatically not wrong and you don't need to 'get where they're coming from' if you feel uncomfortable about something very reasonable.
Good luck OP, and stick to your guns.
No he’s wrong so sorry that your family can’t see this. This is a bad situation to put you in. If he has an issue with no AC he should get a fan(s) for the room, sleep with your brother’s door open for air flow, window open, sleep on the couch, or soemthing. Get a lock for your room this situation doesn’t sound like it will end well. I’m so sorry honey sending love 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼.
If you can, lock your door. If you can’t, I would honestly sleep in the other room where there is no AC and offer my own to the uncle. That would show how he’s not interested in the AC, because any move he made from them in would make absolutely no sense (it already makes no sense tbh, your family is insane), but try to do everything in you can to stay away from him. How he acted is wildly inappropriate.
I got two points to this
1)You shouldnt even think twice about that headline.
2) not to be rude or anything but is that really a headline that you would seek a no to from anything other than your gut feeling?
Everything about this is wildly inappropriate. There is a reason you are uncomfortable with his request: it’s inappropriate! Do not let them gaslight you into a situation you are not comfortable with. I’m so sorry this is happening and I hope you have somewhere safe to stay.
If your family is backing him I would sleep on the floor instead of him. It might not be ideal but it gets you out of bed with him.also have a knife beside you.
This is extremely creepy, and depending on where you live possibly not even a legal situation. Kids over a certain age are required to have their own room and cannot share the room with family of the opposite sex, or with an age gap larger than a few years (this generally is somewhere between 3-5 years depending on where you are). Your uncle is not only a man, but also way older than you. This is not appropriate. He shouldn’t even be sleeping in your room, let alone in your bed. Absolutely the fuck NOT.
You already proposed a mattress in the same AC room and he still said no i want the same bed ? Or what ?
Unfortunately i have seen this behaviour way too many times than I'd like to admit.
The most painful part to me is the trauma of your parents abandoning their caregiving roles and abandoning you, and for the sake of what ?
this is lazy parenting and selective ignorance, boundaries of your children has to be honoured and respected,
Some alternative suggestions:
Bury some pins in his side of the mattress/pillow, make yourself smell bad, do subtle petty things nothing majorly evil, make him suffer and choose to leave the room at least.
I am sorry, but he came at night and KISSED your forehead!! What the actual fuck that is NOT normal or ok
Don't even let him sleep in the same room not just the same bed bcs that's just top tier creepy behavior
This situation is definitely predatory. A grown man should never ask to share a room with a 17-year-old girl because it’s inappropriate. If he wanted to share the room for the AC, he would have accepted not sharing the bed. As a guest in your house, he isn't entitled to anything. There's a motive here, and it's heartbreaking that your family isn’t supporting you. It's not about you disrespecting him; he's being a creep.
Avoid being alone with him at all costs. Keep telling your parents that you're uncomfortable with him or any other grown man in your bed. Consider switching rooms, even though it's unfair since he's the guest—it's better than risking abuse. Lock your door at night or block it with a chair. Consider getting pepper spray and keeping it close to you.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this and that you have to defend yourself in your own home. Please take care.
I read what you said, and as a 37f I was like **RED FLAGS RED FLAGS RED FLAGS** and "eeeewwww... All the creeped out..."
Regardless of your age or gender, you set boundaries. You have an option so that he could enjoy the comforts of the AC while respecting your bodily autonomy and he is staring at you and touching/kissing your body without your permission while you are sleeping. Regardless of the location of the touching and kissing, that is not ok in and of itself. And on top of that, he is bragging about touching you? That is not ok. How do you know he is not doing more that you do not know about? You don't.
I would get a couple small security cameras that look like average objects, set them up around your room, and get a lock for your door. You could also explain to your family (possibly away from your uncle) that statistically sexual assault is perpetrated most often by a person known to the victim and frequently a family member and that as an almost adult they are being rather dismissive of your feelings.
Maybe something along the lines of "I am not attacking (Uncle), but I don't feel comfortable or like I am being respected. As someone who is growing up, soon to be an adult, I am learning how to be independent and to stand up for myself. How can you expect me to be able to do that, if you won't respect my wishes to not share my bed with someone? And not just someone, but an adult male who has admitted that he touched my body without permission while I was asleep? Statistically, 73% of sexual assaults are committed by a person known to the victim, and 34% of those are committed by a relative. Again, I am not attacking (Uncle), but he is saying that he already has violated my bodily autonomy and what is to stop him from doing other things if he has already kissed me against my will while I was sleeping?"
We need the red flag guy! This is insane! 34% of people who are sexually abused, it happens from family members. You need to tell someone out of the family, like a school official or something. Tell them you need help in the situation and your family is not listening. You need to prevent what's about to happen if you can.
I went through something kind of similar where due to some circumstances I had to stay with an uncle for a while and he also started hugging me and touching me which made me feel uncomfortable. Just like you it was nothing wildly inappropriate and I hesitated to tell my family. I finally opened up to my mum and one thing she said stuck to me is that your body just knows good from bad. Your body just knows, you wouldn’t feel creeped out otherwise. IF you’re feeling even the slightest bit uncomfortable, there’s a reason and don’t let anyone justify otherwise. Your body reacts. I would really suggest getting yourself out of the situation, maybe giving him the room and staying in ur parents room, or have a different family member take him in. And in terms of respect for your elders, culturally I come from the same sort of background where there’s a huge emphasis on that BUT it works both ways. Your uncle in the first place would never have agreed to sleep on the same bed no matter how close you are. I have uncles that I’m extremely close to but there’s always a boundary and a respect for each other. He should have felt uncomfortable first for suggesting that no matter what. It’s just not appropriate. Your safety and your comfort comes first ESPECIALLY since it’s your house and your room. Your house should be your safe haven. Try talking to ur mum as well, explain that why you feel uncomfortable. I hope that helps
Please protect yourself and do not let ANYONE guilt trip you into being “comfortable” around him, don’t let your guard down either. I hope you’ll be safe 💜💜
I really hope this is a shit post. If not, this is really fucked… NOT OK! Set boundaries and stick to them and if parents etc. don’t back you up then try to find a friends house to stay at because this is just dead wrong. To be honest, he shouldn’t even be in the same room as you. I know every culture is different and that could play part but is obviously makes you uncomfortable for some reason. (understandably so)
Are you in Asia? AC and elder/family hierarchy are NO excuse for this. Fuck that. Much of what you wrote is wildly inappropriate of your uncle. You're 17, no one should touch you while you sleep, let alone "kiss a forehead."
Fan life sucks. But if they aren't going to listen to you, the heat and sweat are worth not being molested.
no this is completely not okay, he clearly has ill intentions and i'm worried for you, please don't let him sleep with you even if your family can't see how disgusting that is
He HIMSELF SHOULD REFUSE to share your bed. He 99,99% doesn’t have any good intentions. Please trust your instincts. Idk how bold you are but if I were you, I would confront him and express my anger. You have every right for safety AND privacy. Lock your room if you can.
No but fr that uncle found a place to stay in but still dares to pick a room smh.
get a lock n key for your room and keep him out. no way. he can stay in your parents room. screw a culture that thinks this is acceptable and you're being disrespectful. the hell with that. what else is uncle in bed going to try to slip in while you're asleep to see if he can get away with it euw hell no throw the uncle and whole family out can you leave? stay with someone? talk your parents out of this? anything?
Yeah this is inappropriate im sorry u dealing with this, might look innofensive yet but it will be escalating, you use the mattress or take the couch or something but do not share the bed with this person or ask ur parents if u can sleep in the room with them
You’re in the right, and being a stranger has nothing to do with it. Additionally, the actions you described is inappropriate in my opinion, I don’t like my own parents getting up and personally with me (because I never grew up with that type of personal contact, until they suddenly realized they should probably be hugging and holding their kid a bit to late), and I consider that a breach of personal boundaries. That’s not evening mentioning the fact you were asleep and how strange it is to brag about something like that.
I suggest telling your parents about the comments he’s making because it’s creepy and the weird vibes he’s giving off, I’d low key kick him out of my room because it’s concerning. Moreover, I’d only share a bed with someone I trust or feel comfortable with and the fact he’s pushing you so much gives off red flags. If they (your parents) don’t take it seriously please look out for your own safety because someone who truly cares for you wouldn’t treat you this way.
Sorry for spelling errors and I hope you get out of this creepy situation.
You are not wrong. Even if your uncle is the kindest man in the world, you have a right to your own space and asking to have your own room, or at least your own bed is reasonable and still best for safety. Most abuse happens with people you know, family, friends, in the home. That's because parents are constantly over estimating the amount of trust someone deserves. Why can he not stay in your parents room?? Where they are adults and choosing for him to stay in the house at all. My uncle also lives with my family, it's summer and his garage space is too hot so he comes inside to stay in my mom's room during the day, that works for me because she's the one who invited him in, I would not have him in my room or children's and I don't distrust him in that way but just have my boundaries that are beyond fair.
Do not allow that. It may suck because its YOUR ROOM AND YOUR SPACE IN THE FIRST PLACE, but make the sacrifice and choose a different room, and if he magically doesnt want to sleep in your room anymore then thats a sign your parents should be aware of. Young women are always victims of behavior like this especially with uncles. Protect you as yourself and dont give in to "oh its just family. Repect your elders". Im just glad you were smart enough to bring this to others attention
wtf, your family shouldn’t prioritize his wants for your needs, that is disrespectful towards you. Don’t feel bad for wanting your mattress, he’s lucky you offered for him to sleep in your room. I wouldn’t let my uncle sleep in my room, I’d tell him to sleep on the couch 💀
No, that's fucking not okay.
Men get boners in the night as part of REM cycles. That alone is a no-no for a grown man to share a bed with a grown-up (almost) women.
While you may not be able to have a say while he stays out of respect, I say go above and beyond respect to avoid it. Out of respect for my elders, he can sleep on the bed and I will sleep on the couch. Out of respect for my elders, I will sleep on a different mattress in my sibling's room to give my uncle his own space. While it is unfair and really sucks, it is better than your uncle doing something perverted or whatnot and could make you feel safer. If you offer the second option, mention it to your sibling first and how you are scared or uncomfortable if you can. If that would not help, ask if he would mind because your uncle snores loud or because he is complaining about something of yours, etc. By doing this you escape your uncle, and your family believes you are being very hospitable or reasonable.
What...the....f. Excuse me whilst I go throw up my lunch. That is so freaking wrong. You're a young woman who deserves her own privacy. This wouldn't be normal if he was the same age, let alone 46!! That is just so wrong. Also as for him touching you, I feel like he's trying his luck to see how far he can get. He's testing the waters to see what you'll allow and girl you need to step up and tell him a firm no. Block the bedroom door if you must to stop him getting in, this is not ok
No, that’s pretty gross, especially when there are other options. Literally no reason for him to do that. If your parents/family have an issue with it, tell them to go sleep him
It’s all wildly wrong and inappropriate
You are not wrong at all.
He seems to be pushing your boundaries which is not a good sign and not ok.
I think the most charitable position you should take is :
Tell him never to touch you when you're awake and certainly not asleep. He can sleep in the room but not on the bed and if he makes you feel uncomfortable again the room is off limits.
that’s not normal at all. trust your gut and keep yourself safe!! he could be just testing the waters- if you allow him to get away with these small instances of him touching/kissing you he could eventually do much worse because he knows he can. abuse by male family members is so normalized in some cultures but DO NOT be lead to believe that this behavior is okay/normal, because it is not. be assertive and put your foot down. i know it’s hard but your safety is more important than pleasing your family. do everything in your power to get him out of your room. if nothing works then take your mattress and put it on the floor of another room and sleep there. do not let this man in your bed!!!
If the problem really is respecting your elder, you could offer to sleep on a spare mattress in your room while your uncle uses the bed.
You’re right, it’s very strange for a grown man to sleep in the same bed as a teenaged girl.
That’s fucking creepy. I’m so sorry your family doesn’t see that ):
That’s creepy af! OP He might have not sexual assaulted you (yet) but It is still wildly inappropriate! Can you lock your room at night? Are you from a asia or a country where people value tradition and ask you to respect your elders? Please take care of yourself! Don’t let them gaslight you into thinking it is okay what he did! He should sleep in your brother’s room and get a fan! So inappropriate to even ask to share a room with a teenager omg
Most cultures value elders - and have expectations of the roles those elders play, too. This is totally creepy regardless of culture.
It is creepy regardless of culture but in different cultures people can speak their mind. Source: I am asian but born/raised in a western country and it is most definitely not the same mentality regarding „respecting the elders“
Yeah, so although I'm white, I can't really comment about the west. Even white South Africans have way more of a respect for elders thing than what it seems like it is elsewhere. But especially in Xhosa culture, intlonipho (respect) is huge. And the idea that elders and leaders look out for those under their care. Any time I've heard of a messed up situation like this in a Xhosa family, it's totally people abusing what the culture should be. I was mostly coming at it from the perspective that often 'exotic/ethnic' cultures get lumped together and stereotyped beyond what would be a reasonable generalisation. Am I right in guessing though that the Asian culture you're from, some elders/leaders abuse the 'don't talk back' rule, and others honour their role and do look out for those under their care?
So You’re from South Africa? I didn’t know this about South Africa! Very interesting. It wasn’t meant in a insulting or judgemental way since I’m asian myself. I just noticed that it would 100% not happen here in Europe lol Yes, Don’t talk back. Especially when she said her parents don’t see anything wrong I found it very weird. It must be a country where children/girls don’t have many rights or elders are more „respected“.
Most Afrikaner families still keep to the custom where you \*always\* call your mom and dad that, not 'you'. So, for example, 'Wil Pa, Pa se koffie buite hê?' (Would Dad like Dad's coffee outside). Most of us, across cultures, use specific terms for older men and women. Tata/bawo for an older Xhosa man, mama for an older Xhosa woman, uncle/oom for an older white or coloured guy (it means uncle in Afrikaans), tannie or auntie for an older white or coloured woman (interestingly, in many places, auntie is used even if people are otherwise speaking Afrikaans). Even among siblings, there's a kind of hierarchy: the one guy I'm really close with calls me 'umkhuluwa' (older bro), and I call him umninawa (younger bro). Even when you're speaking with Xhosa people your own age who you've just met, terms like bhuda or sisi are often part of the conversation. There's a weird dynamic here. On the one hand, there's still a huge amount of division and prejudice between different groups of people, and there's still many toxic and abusive families. Our national psyche shows deep trauma. On the other hand, that thread of respect is not only still there, it's growing stronger. We're growing together as a society, forming friendships and families across the divisions.
It‘s the same in our (asian) culture! Even the way you don’t say „you“ but need to use „papa“ or „mama“ in a sentence. I’m sure it’s different now in Asia and maybe they don’t even do it anymore but I learned it as a kid and it had something to do with respect of elders as well. Very surprised about the similarities because I know nothing about south african (or African in general) culture! I only know about the south african dance because it went viral a few months back! And saw a few videos where people talked about being South Africans (and the term „colored“ and the meaning of it). Very interesting! It made me realize how lil I know about other cultures
That is so cool! I have these conversations with a Nigerian friend who is pursuing his masters in sociology at the university here, and we concluded that maybe these similarities reflect general human culture, with the modern west being an aberration. There are so many dances coming from here now, alongside amapiano blowing up internationally. I'm glad you've seen videos explaining what coloured means, because it can be misinterpreted internationally!
It's highly inappropriate and creepy as hell. Get a lock for your door, he can get an AC for his room.
Usually when it reads "in my country", and "my family members agree with him" and "they say I'm disrespecting my elders" means this poor kid can do absolutely ZERO about it while she lives with her parents unfortunately.
Except she could sleep with a weapon under her pillow because - fuck that!!
She can go to the room with no AC! I'd rather take the other room than have an AC and share a room with someone, family or not.
I disagree with this only because the creepy uncle could take that as an opportunity to randomly appear in the bed of that room, because OP’s room was “too cold.”
Yep. I was uh. In a situation that resulted from my room being unsleepable. I slept on the couch for a while. Then it happened and I had to leave. Still working through it in therapy 6ish years later. Be careful, OP. Try to sleep over with friends where possible and plan to leave asap when you can. Hell, move away for college if you can. But God I wouldn't wish that trauma on anyone, especially from a relative.
Yeah! Don't be alone! He's already creeping on her room when she's asleep
I'm white, but most of my society isn't. I have plenty of friends among the dominant culture, and I can tell you: any time you see phrases like that here, it's a toxic family full of predators using 'culture' as an excuse.
Absolutely NOT. Predator
And if you can't lock your door, buy a door wedge to keep it closed when you're sleeping.
Or even use furniture. Got a big dresser? Move it in front of the foot at night. Hell, move your bed(or the other mattress?) in front of that. Bitch ain’t getting through all of that. (And honestly, depending on the positioning of the door, sometimes even if he could push the furniture that’s blocking the door, if there’s a wall close enough it’ll just hit it and stop it from opening, possibly enough so that he can’t get in regardless.)
And all that ruckus would wake her up so atleast she’s be conscious if he even tried anything. She could fight back or get help.
Correct. If he lost his job, it should be a wake up call for him to be grateful he was taken in anywhere. People like this think everything can be handed to them, and wanting to sleep in the same room let alome BED as his young neice is a sign hes already set on bad personal impulses. Protect yourself
The majority of sexual abuse is from family members. This is 100 percent preditory behavior. Absolutely stand up for yourself regardless of his age. You have a right to say you are uncomfortable with this. Honestly if your family is that blind. My advice is let him have the whole fucking room and go sleep somewhere else. I dont know what country your in but if you are legally considered an adult at 18 then I would try to leave that house as soon as possible for you. Clearly your family isn't protecting you. If he touches you CALL THE COPS. YELL, KICK, PUNCH, SCREAM! If he is willing to hurt you in the most devastating way someone can hurt another person, then you have the right to destroy the family and yell it from the roof. Dont stay silent. I feel like in these situations young people dont know how to speak up because they are afraid or they dont realize till way later that it was abuse. DONT BE SILENT
I support this. Leave him to have the room fully to himself! If he insists, something is definately wrong with this man! Just make sure you don't submit to your family's insanity!
Families who have lots of members (siblings included) and live in small quarters have a higher amount of incest, it's true. And different subcultures tend to have different patterns (it's gross data, but in a large number of cultures in the Western hemisphere, it's usually...uncle). In some places it's dad, stepdad or grandfather. Oddly, in the work I did (I worked doing mental health research in jails), it was usually mother's brother.
Amen to this! I was molested by my own father for over a year when I was 15. They have that mentality where they gaslight you and make you feel like shit the moment you try to voice out and protect yourself. I'm glad you have access to a community like this to advise you to get out ASAP I wish I did so sooner. Get out as soon as you hit legal age please 🙏🏽 the horror and nightmare of sexual abuse trauma scars for life, I tell you 😔
I'm so sorry for you to have that pain. Any father that could do that deserves death imo. I hope that women talk to their daughters about speaking up and screaming and making a ruckus. I'm so saddened every time I hear someone say that they were just too scared and didn't know what to do and I GET IT! you're a fucking kid and don't understand what the fuck is going on. It's never the victim's fault. I just know that in these situations like the OP is saying that family is "practically looking the other way" that these families are brainwashed by religion and their bullshit faith telling them it's all in God's plan or "he's just sick and needs forgiveness" bullshit! We need to teach young people. Boys and girls want inappropriate touching is and to yell and be loud and what to look for. I can't stand families like this. Mothers that statistically speaking have probably received the same trauma! Protect your babies by teaching them and giving them the confidence to have a voice. Give them a safe place with you to talk to. In today's world this is too common to not believe that the men in your life aren't capable of this. It's too common to not be true most of the time. No child just makes this stuff up for shits and giggles.
So true. The few times I tried to point out that he molested me, he told my siblings I was sick in the head like my mom who left us. This is why I discourage when my in-laws or maternal relatives try to force my toddler to kiss or hug them. I told my mom upfront when she tried this that this teaching was the cause I only froze when I was being invaded. I was taught to be a good girl and only listen and please grownups. That my gut feeling does not matter. Right now I'm doing my best to reparent my inner child and end a cycle of generational trauma. It's a great challenge of trying to balance between nurturing the flaming wings of my child, guiding her to be humble and kind, while blocking my ancestral trauma from extending to the next generation. Where we are now, access to mental health professionals is quite expensive, so I try following healing pages and understanding behaviors I've developed from my trauma. I feel that the better we understand and are more aware, the more hope for a better future self. Though the whirlpool of thoughts can so often be so draining.
What the hell is wrong with your family man??? Why would they want you to share with an old ass man? Especially since you stated that you don't want him there. It's your room, you should have the decision. Omg this is maddening.
Also, definitely keep like a pocket knife or a pepper spray near you. I hope you stay safe and nothing happens. I'd have my recording app open while sleeping at night.
Oo this, consider a nanny cam in your room that only you know about and have access to, I got a pretty good affordable one from Amazon
The sad thing is I feel like her family would find a way to blame her, even with video evidence.
Bingo!
Pepper spray at close range in a small room is just as bad for the sprayer as the sprayee. Try to find a spray-gel that doesn't disperse as much.
In these situations (usually), the family might be patriarchal and victimize the uncle even if she were acting in self defense. Best course of action is to just take the spare room with no ac and get a lock. Maybe take a shower before bed too.
Box fans and air mattresses are super cheap and available everywhere. No reason to put pressure on a young person like this by taking away there autonomy. It's very maddening
I would suggest your mom stays with you and he sleeps with your dad.
The obvious answer
Yeah but the dad won't be having sex then 🤯 or at least during night time
Uhhh... what? Lol I hope you're being funny. This creeper uncle is slowly working his way up sexual assault. If the dad wants sex then he needs to grab uncle by the collar and toss his happy ass out the door or rearrange the sleeping situation.
Yeah no. Absolutely not. Every fiber of my being is screaming “no” right now. They can go and get an AC unit for that other room your brother used to be in. An adult year old should never be sleeping with a 17 year old. Especially not some fucking creepy uncle which just adds to the situation. Definitely buy a lock for your door and put them in yourself if you have too.
It would probably be cheaper and more energy efficient to get a standing fan if money is an issue, as buying an account unit for a room might be pricey , if money isn't an issue of course buying an ac for the room is a good idea
Sleep on the floor in your parents room and continue to loudly accuse him of being creepy to anyone who will listen. If he takes over your room fuck it but you cannot be alone with him any longer. Keep asking your parents if theyre going to take his side when he assaults you. Raise holy living hell anytime he is near you. The only way you get out of this as of now is raising a huge stink about it. Do not take any food or drink offered by him.
this is much more practical because I doubt op's family is considering to install a separate ac in another room or else they would have done that in the first place. let him take the room anything is better than being alone with someone like that
No that's weird as fuck
1. Most sexual assaults come from people that aren't strangers 2. I'm 49M and would never dream of making that request or using those arguments 3. Your family are idiots for thinking this is a "disrespecting your elders" thing. Your "elder" in this case is being a creep.
Helllll no! You are not wrong. THIS is wrong. It is wrong for anyone to even suggest or support this idea. Why in the world would he be against a separate bed? Any grown ass man, family or not, has no business sleeping in your bed. This is NOT okay!
No no no not even on a separate mattress. He is a whole adult and can get a window AC like I have and like many people have. Tell your parents. If I was your parent I'd kick him out for even ASKING
Do your parents know he's kissing you and touching you while you're asleep? Are you working? Pay to get a lock on your door
There is a saying I was told once, "in order for a girl in India to not be a victim of incest, she must have no father, brothers, uncles, or male cousins". So no you are not wrong for not wanting in your room while you are awake let alone unconscious.
Fuck, that just made my whole face contort with disgust.
WTF? No, your 46 year old uncle can't sleep in your bed with you. He can sleep on floor -- somewhere else. I don't care what culture you're from -- this is not appropriate.
Like does he not have his own bed in the other room he can push into the parents room? There is no reason it has to be OPs room and even if hers was the only option HE HAS HIS OWN BED.
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>One day he even bragged about how he came to my room at night , kissed me on my forehead and left. Not an expert, but that's straight up weird and invasive. Sis, lock your door. Who knows what he's capable of if he gets more confident with the idea of getting into your room in the middle of the night.
Read the title and I don’t need context, a massive NO
I’d set up a camera in your room without telling anyone and get hard evidence so he’ll get kicked out the house.
That's gross. Block your door at night so he can't get in
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GOOD DOGS!!!!!!
Good dog! When the doggos see the threat before the other humans…
Tell your family everything that has happened and then tell them that respecting your elders only counts if your elders aren't planning to rape you. Trust me, it always STARTS like this. Then get a lock for your door until he is gone.
From my own experience, is your family Hispanic? Hate to say it, but for some reason it's in the culture to sweep anything like that under the rug & you get shamed if you speak up about it. My uncle molested me when I was a kid and when I told my parents they said I must be confused. Entire side of my mom's family doesn't talk to me anymore because I spoke up about it finally after so many years because of flashbacks. If he does anything, make a fucking ruckus. Get a camera. And tell him not to put his hands on you anymore. I'm sorry your family seems so indifferent about it. If they won't do anything, call the cops. They may hate you for a bit, but if they aren't going to protect you, especially at your age - you gotta do it yourself. I hope you'll be okay & safe. I'd also watch your drinks around him and don't let him serve you any food or anything.
I’m so sorry that happened. I’ve never really understood the emphasis on family in Hispanic culture. I understand it’s very important to them, but as you’ve said, they seem to defend family member’s bad deeds by sweeping them under the rug, no matter how evil. I’m predominately white, but my dad was half Hispanic. His mother (my grandma) lived off of my great aunt (her sister) and was awful to her (taking over the main fridge, turning the guest room into her own, telling my great aunt she was gonna kill her, etc.). My great aunt wouldn’t make her leave because she was family. My grandma wound up killing her a few years ago and burying her in the backyard. She’s in a mental hospital delaying trial and refuses to admit she’s guilty
I hate that this is a cultural or religious stereotype to brush this shit under the rug. I cant understand how anyone could be so blind as to not protect their kids.
The flashbacks sounds like ptsd.. My family is black and they sweep under the rug my brother sexually abusing me.. My mom still tells me not to tell anyone or I'll "ruin his life" or "make him look bad" it's fucking horrendous and disgusting.. I was recently diagnosed with ptsd, trauma, major depression, and anxiety. All because of my shitty family not supporting me after what happened and actively trying to ignore my trauma. So I'm sorry you had to deal with something so shitty too.
He made himself look bad. I’m so sorry, my friend.
I'm sorry we both did. And yes, I have been diagnosed with PTSD and the like. It sucks, but, we do our best. Hugs ❤️🩹
Indian families are the same sadly. I've heard stories from my friends that are just horrible
The majority of children are sexually assaulted by family members (or trusted people like clergy), and they are going to believe him, not you. You are not going to allow that to happen to you, no matter how much they want him to. That's exactly what you say to anyone who asks. He's already pushing the boundaries by kissing you. He is absolutely going to assault you in your sleep.
That's creepy AF. According to him he's family and that's OK? And your parents are OK with that? Do they know the majority of rapes are within family members or people very close to the family? Get a lock, disrespect them all if that means you are safe.
Most sexual assault happens with a family member or family friend. This is creep AF. Why can’t he get an AC unit for your brothers room.
No. Oh no. Honey, you are in serious danger. This is textbook grooming behavior by a sexual predator. In his twisted head, he is working to make you the girlfriend or wife he doesn’t have. A 46yo man insisting on sleeping in a 17 year old girl’s bed with her when there is no reason to - staring at, touching, and kissing her while she is asleep?? You are a woman, not a child. This not endearing, it’s predatory. Let’s compare and contrast. What would a normal man do? - Get an AC for the room he has already been in - Not want to sleep in a teen girl’s room - Ask if he could sleep in a room with his brother & you with your mother - Only sleep in your room as a last resort, maybe one night, on the ground or a cot (aka temporary), and be embarrassed about how badly he failed at life for this to have happened For normal men, all of this is hitting rock bottom, not something to be happy about. His not feeling that way alone should tell you something very important…. He is violating your boundaries one at a time, getting your family’s ‘blessing’ each time by telling his version, not his actual intentions. This is a way predators keep their victims silent: - ‘Normalize’ bad behavior - getting other people on their side - making the victim feel like they are wrong or crazy - making the victim feel like they have no one who will support them And your family is falling for it - they do not respect your feelings. Do not look to them to confirm what you know in your heart. If you still aren’t convinced, think about this: How would you feel if your friend at school told you this story? Would you not be very worried for her? You need to get space from this man, and you need an ally to back you up with your family. Have you talked to your brother about these things and told him that you are not feeling safe?
You’re not wrong and no offense, but your family is messed up if they support a grown adult joining a teenager in bed. I don’t care what country you guys live in, this is how kids get SA’d.
Your uncle sounds like a pedophile. No you cannot sleep in bed with him … thats sick. Talk to someone you trust about this and stay away from him. Your family sounds fkd up. I also like the idea of a lock on your door. Your uncle wants to molest you. He’s ready to pounce
Where do you live where this isn't seen as creepy or gross? These are all red flags, especially kissing you anywhere in your sleep. The fact that you don't see anything inappropriate tells me they raised you to see things that way. Well, it's very creepy and concerning your family doesn't care. I don't know if you live in a country where women are treated badly, but none of this is normal.
So very true. When SA is perpetuated across generations in families, what we know to be dysfunction is normalized in each generation’s household, creating conditions to perpetuate the cycle.
I don't need to read the post. This is creepy and in no situation should happen. I've seen dirt poor families where parents chose to sleep on the floor to give their teens some privacy, even if they are in the same room it still matters.
That situation that your family is suggesting is an invitation to abuse. Your family is horribly wrong and do not care about your wellbeing. You must protect yourself since they will not.
What do your parents think? If they are conservative about you dating, ask them what a potential husband would think about learning you share your bed with another man. Maybe talk to their peers about how they are ok with you sharing a bed with men who are houseguests. Let them recover from that. Get a lock for your door. Seriously. Maybe also a camera you turn on before you sleep. best of luck OP.
This is so disgusting and I feel so sorry for you damn I wish it was something we can do
Everything about this is highly inappropriate and creepy. I am sorry that your family doesn't see that. It would be the safest thing to do to move out of your room to his room. You will quickly see that its not about the AC.
That’s nasty yo
Speak with your mom, elder women in the house. This is inappropriate and wrong expectation at all levels, I come from an Indian family and we too are forced to have strong family bonds with relatives but this outright immature and insensitive.
It should be aware that most cases of rape or molestation are done by people close to the family. This is because they have a level of trust in the family that if you said ANYTHING, they may not believe you. So yeah. He’s a fucking creep
Yeah he is 100% trying to be a predator here.
😱 🤮 God no! COMPLETELY gross and inappropriate!
About 60% of sexual assault is done by family members and friends. What he has done is actually wildly inappropriate, he has invaded your personal space by coming into your room at night without permission, and he did it to show you his ‘dominance’. If you don’t find a way to keep him out of your room his behavior will escalate and it is likely your family will turn a blind eye if not outright blame you if things get that far. You are not safe from him just because you are family, it actually puts you at more risk. If you can you need to find new living arrangements, if you can’t then at least try yo get a strong lock on your bedroom door and a deadbolt on the inside. Please don’t brush off his horrible behavior, because it is what your family is doing. You posted here because your instincts are telling you something is wrong, so listen to them and stay safe.
According to statistics, the most likely person to sexually assault your children, is an uncle. Followed by Dad, Stepdad, grandpa, brother, cousin. >Using a sample of 982 mothers who reported on child care and living arrangements involving uncles, and case records documenting the sexual abuse of 171 children by 148 uncles, this study examined the ways uncles ordinarily become involved with children, the conditions under which that involvement becomes associated with sexual abuse, and the role gender plays in this dysfunction. Among the findings, it was noted that although aunts were responsible for 28 times more child care than uncles, uncles were responsible for 48 times more child sexual abuse. ... >Although female children do not have more exposure to uncles than do males, they appeared four times more likely to be victimized. About 19% of the abusive uncles lived with the children they abused https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8199903/ No female child should ever sleep in the same room as an uncle and certainly not a bed. Your parents and family members are wrong and it's because they don't feel at risk.
Oh HELL to the NO! Whine! Cry! Threaten! Exaggerate! Lie! Booby trap! Do whatever it takes to get this man OUT of your room!
Do not let him sleep in your bed, throw a tantrum at your parents or something, try to talk to them but dont let him sleep in your bed, thats creepy as hell and also inappropriate, he is a grown man and has to know better. And the kissing on your forehead while you were asleep, thats crazy.
Not sure what country you're from or culture, but for the uncle to even suggest to sleep in the same bed as you and want to is extremely perverted. And for everyone in your family to even support that is weird.
Under no circumstances should he share a bed with you and I’m really shocked than any of your family members find this appropriate. You’re a young woman and need your personal space. Stand your ground!
Okay… your uncle, is he super religious? r/gopedos r/pastorarrested r/NotADragQueen This is very dangerous for you. Straight men are the number one sexual predator. Approximate Here are the Numbers and Percentages of child molesters: 1. Heterosexual Men: • Percentage: Approximately 90-95% • Number of Cases: 90,000 - 95,000 out of 100,000 cases 2. Heterosexual Women: • Percentage: Approximately 5-10% • Number of Cases: 5,000 - 10,000 out of 100,000 cases 3. LGBTQ Individuals: • Percentage: Approximately 1-3% • Number of Cases: 1,000 - 3,000 out of 100,000 cases Key Points: 1. Heterosexual Men: The overwhelming majority of child molesters are heterosexual men, accounting for about 90-95% of offenders. 2. Heterosexual Women: A small percentage of child molesters are heterosexual women, estimated to be around 5-10%. 3. LGBTQ Individuals: LGBTQ individuals represent a very small fraction of child molesters, proportionately lower than their representation in the general population.
It's very concerning that your other family members take his side. I can't help but wonder if they're trying to downplay or minimize the fallout from future damage by trying to convince you that you're in the wrong already (family often protects and excuses monsters, even at the cost of their other family). It's not even like you said no to him staying in your room, you just said he couldn't sleep with you in your bed. If all the other family want to rally behind him, then maybe THEY should take creepy uncle in. He's being super weird. Do NOT let him just walk all over you. In fact, you really should set up nighttime recordings. If nothing happens, okay, fine, still uncomfortable though. If it does, you have proof.
Talk to you parents about this. It sounds like he's trying to groom you. Never let anyone sleep in your bed you don't want. I wouldn't even sleep in the same bed as my own uncle and I am pretty sure he wouldn't want to either.. Say no and stand by it.
Then, if he does something to her, the family will blame her instead of him.
Don't ever let this creep near you.
That is disgusting that he would want to share a bed with you and concerning your family is siding with him. Honestly he shouldn’t even be in the same room. It’s weird.
Op i hope u found a solution. Hes definitely trespassing and dont let your family tell you otherwise. My family in Mexico has only one room with an ac and they respect boundaries when it comes to sleeping.
He is trying to groom you girl. Please call the authorities and get the help you need
I'm sorry you're not getting the support from your family that you actually need. This is a huge red flag and highly inappropriate. Him bragging about kissing your forehead is insane. What if he keeps going for higher stakes? Please tell me you can lock your room at night.
What kind of parents allow this??? I'm non-white too and tbh most of these comments are giving pretty stupid advice- I would have been homeless in five seconds flat if I followed these. I'm offering some advice that might work Have you spoken to your mother or an older woman family member about his behavior? Family usually gets pressured under the name of 'reputation' and 'the guest is our god' but if they hear this shit they are within rights to put their foot down. Female relatives usually understand, men may not. Plus any good mother would tear him apart for doing that shit, reputation be damned If this doesn't work, ask if you can sleep on a mattress in your parents room. Luckily non-white families don't have that "kids should be independent past 15" bs so you can be relatively safe in your parents room. He won't pull any nonsense in front of your parents If even this doesnt work, take the mattress to the hot room and lock the door. Keep earthen pots near the windows and on the floor (filled with water). They keep the room cool. If even THIS is denied, you better stay up all night to prove a point or sleep in the gods area. I know that most such parents are religious and it sends a message across to them. Im sorry this is happening to you. I pray for your safety
Absolutely insane! It is completely inappropriate for him to be coming into your room at all. Ever. Without your consent. Let alone kissing you on the forehead or anywhere! Let alone bragging about it to your family. Jeez... you're not a 4 year old, you're a young adult woman.
There is something fucked up with your uncle even suggesting sharing a room.
No. Not wrong at all. Actually get a lock to your room. Let him get an AC unit for his room.
This is f'ed up that her parents are doing nothing to protect her. Why were these sleeping arrangements even considered? This is absolutely crazy!!! Note to parents: Buy another A/C for the other room! If you continue making your teenage daughter share a room and bed with an adult male relative, then you are the worst kind of humans.
Wow, that is a very scary situation. I’m sorry! You are NOT wrong for feeling uncomfortable.
As a grown man I would never ask to sleep with a niece no matter what age. He had other intentions so u need to take steps to protect yourself and not let this man push his will on you. I would start by blocking ur door at night so he cannot sneak in. I would under no circumstance let him sleep in same room with you at this point. He already made his intentions known.
Yes it is wildly inappropriate to breach your private quarters at any time, let alone when you are sound asleep, then to kiss you during that sleep?!?! That is assault. You don't touch anyone without their consent and he touched you when you could not consent! WTF? Have you been groomed for abuse by him or others because that's where this is headed. Tell him NO and to stay TF out of your room. Period!
This feels like it went to a “nope” real quick. Don’t let that man even stay in your room anymore.
Go sleep in your bros room
Ew what the fuck you need to get away from them asap
are you kidding me?? your family is putting you in danger. out him on blast for being a creep! call him a pedo to his face!
Yeah that’s pretty gross. I would and have shared with a brother or a sister as I grew up with them. I would object to the point of fighting if any uncles decided it was a good idea.
Um... what culture is this?
What if you sleep in your brothers room, like basically swap?
Wrong? Absolutely not. This is very creepy behavior what kind of uncle wants to sleep in the same bed as their 17 year old niece
Ummmm what?!
I promise you that he will molest you. Where is this??? Sounds like Philippines
“Nothing about this is wildy inappropriate..” a grown man, family or not, coming into your room at night to kiss on you is VERY wildly inappropriate.
eww is this for real. tell your uncle to take a hike in a dyke
No bc why does he even want to share a bed?? Why is your family agreeing with him??
uh no you are not wrong for that at all. boundaries are something he needs to understand and that alone is crossing a boundary, whether you said it or not he’s your uncle and that’s wrong of him.
Nope, nope, nope, nope. NOPE. Not into it. I’m not sure how, but do not let him stay in your room or bed if you’re not comfortable. Talk to your dad?
He can have the AC, keep him out of your room. That’s not okay.
Everything about this is highly inappropriate!!! I'm closer to my uncle than I am my own father and he would never come into my room while I'm sleeping and certainly wouldn't expect to sleep next to me! Also sleeping next to someone makes it ever hotter! So him needing to be cool is a out right lie! Stay safe and don't accept anything to eat or drink from him. You'd be surprised how many bad people drug people then do horrible things while they sleep. Maybe put up a camera too for evidence.
You’re totally NOT WRONG !!! Unless you subconsciously want your uncle to introduce you to the mystery’s of sex. Which is highly discouraged due to the wonderful subject of unpleasant recessives… soooo just say GET LOST!
Tell him to sleep outside like the animal he is, that's what I would do I would never in a million years want to sleep with a minor relative or not. Pure creepy imo.
Girl I don't even have to read your post to tell you that your uncle sleeping in your bed would be EXTREMELY inappropriate. Why in the hell would he even want that if his goal wasn't to SA you??? He came into your room and kissed your face in your sleep. You woke up to him STARING AT YOU. Oh my god. I'm disgusted with your entire family. Do they WANT him to assault you??? Most SA on children is perpetrated by a family member or close family friend (something like 85% but idk exact numbers). This is horrifying. Is there somewhere else you can stay? If you have some good friends, I'm sure if you asked "hey can I crash at your place for a while? I'm worried my uncle is trying to rape me" they would make it work. Tell your friend's parents about the situation as well- if they're sane people, they'll allow you to stay with them, and maybe talk to your parents as well. I really hope you're safe.
Tell your family to let the uncle sleep in their bed with them if they think it's an honor. Your family is awful if they're recommend or allow such awful things. Buy mace and keep a knife in case. Don't be alone with him or sleep in the same room with him. He may try something. Lock your door and don't let him in. Keep a cell phone ready. See if you can sleep at a friends house.
Tell your uncle he cannot sleep in your room and is not welcome in there especially when you are sleeping. Also get a lock for your door. If he doesn't respect that sleep in your parents room until they tell him to fuck off.
I refuse to believe this is a real scenario.
No you are not wrong. This is weird af. And not okay.
Bro this is some “A series of unfortunate events” type situation where everyone’s frkn oblivious.
I would never insist or even consider sharing a bed with my niece. She deserves the space. You uncle could easily sleep with your dad and you share the bed with your mom if the AC is the issue
Tell him it’s no longer appropriate to share a room as you feel uncomfortable. Fuck what the family say. This is how girls end up being sexually assaulted.
Where in hillbilly inbred town do you live where anyone would think this is okay? It is a disaster!! Lock your door. And good luck And this sucks, but if its the only way for immediate peace swap rooms, bide your time and get out and away when it is safe to do so and never return any adults who think its is okay for a 46 year old man to sleep in the same bed as his 17 year old niece are not well in the head.
I think if he wants to sleep in your room and you have agreed then he needs to respect your boundaries, otherwise he can go back and stay in the spare room with no a/c. I would suggest that he buys a fan as you will only allow him to stay in your room for X amount of time.
I haven't even read the post, just the title. I don't care about the context, it is absurd. The only people you should share a bed with is your partner or maybe your dog/cat.
Your family agrees? Hell no! He shouldn’t even be in the same room with you. He’s a creep.
So, respect your elders is 2 way street. You respect them if they respect you. I hate the phrase because more often than not, it's a way for 'our elders' to get away with stuff that would otherwise be deemed inappropriate. I.e used as a weapon. You are too old now to not have boundaries that you have layed down respected. You are emphatically not wrong and you don't need to 'get where they're coming from' if you feel uncomfortable about something very reasonable. Good luck OP, and stick to your guns.
NTA You uncle sounds inappropriate, creepy and just plain weird And it’s bizarre that your family are siding with him
No.
No he’s wrong so sorry that your family can’t see this. This is a bad situation to put you in. If he has an issue with no AC he should get a fan(s) for the room, sleep with your brother’s door open for air flow, window open, sleep on the couch, or soemthing. Get a lock for your room this situation doesn’t sound like it will end well. I’m so sorry honey sending love 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼.
If you can, lock your door. If you can’t, I would honestly sleep in the other room where there is no AC and offer my own to the uncle. That would show how he’s not interested in the AC, because any move he made from them in would make absolutely no sense (it already makes no sense tbh, your family is insane), but try to do everything in you can to stay away from him. How he acted is wildly inappropriate.
I got two points to this 1)You shouldnt even think twice about that headline. 2) not to be rude or anything but is that really a headline that you would seek a no to from anything other than your gut feeling?
Everything about this is wildly inappropriate. There is a reason you are uncomfortable with his request: it’s inappropriate! Do not let them gaslight you into a situation you are not comfortable with. I’m so sorry this is happening and I hope you have somewhere safe to stay.
If your family is backing him I would sleep on the floor instead of him. It might not be ideal but it gets you out of bed with him.also have a knife beside you.
Get the fuck away. Now. This is going only one way if you don’t.
This is extremely creepy, and depending on where you live possibly not even a legal situation. Kids over a certain age are required to have their own room and cannot share the room with family of the opposite sex, or with an age gap larger than a few years (this generally is somewhere between 3-5 years depending on where you are). Your uncle is not only a man, but also way older than you. This is not appropriate. He shouldn’t even be sleeping in your room, let alone in your bed. Absolutely the fuck NOT.
You already proposed a mattress in the same AC room and he still said no i want the same bed ? Or what ? Unfortunately i have seen this behaviour way too many times than I'd like to admit. The most painful part to me is the trauma of your parents abandoning their caregiving roles and abandoning you, and for the sake of what ? this is lazy parenting and selective ignorance, boundaries of your children has to be honoured and respected, Some alternative suggestions: Bury some pins in his side of the mattress/pillow, make yourself smell bad, do subtle petty things nothing majorly evil, make him suffer and choose to leave the room at least.
I am sorry, but he came at night and KISSED your forehead!! What the actual fuck that is NOT normal or ok Don't even let him sleep in the same room not just the same bed bcs that's just top tier creepy behavior
You are not safe. Show your parents this post.
This situation is definitely predatory. A grown man should never ask to share a room with a 17-year-old girl because it’s inappropriate. If he wanted to share the room for the AC, he would have accepted not sharing the bed. As a guest in your house, he isn't entitled to anything. There's a motive here, and it's heartbreaking that your family isn’t supporting you. It's not about you disrespecting him; he's being a creep. Avoid being alone with him at all costs. Keep telling your parents that you're uncomfortable with him or any other grown man in your bed. Consider switching rooms, even though it's unfair since he's the guest—it's better than risking abuse. Lock your door at night or block it with a chair. Consider getting pepper spray and keeping it close to you. I'm sorry you're dealing with this and that you have to defend yourself in your own home. Please take care.
I read what you said, and as a 37f I was like **RED FLAGS RED FLAGS RED FLAGS** and "eeeewwww... All the creeped out..." Regardless of your age or gender, you set boundaries. You have an option so that he could enjoy the comforts of the AC while respecting your bodily autonomy and he is staring at you and touching/kissing your body without your permission while you are sleeping. Regardless of the location of the touching and kissing, that is not ok in and of itself. And on top of that, he is bragging about touching you? That is not ok. How do you know he is not doing more that you do not know about? You don't. I would get a couple small security cameras that look like average objects, set them up around your room, and get a lock for your door. You could also explain to your family (possibly away from your uncle) that statistically sexual assault is perpetrated most often by a person known to the victim and frequently a family member and that as an almost adult they are being rather dismissive of your feelings. Maybe something along the lines of "I am not attacking (Uncle), but I don't feel comfortable or like I am being respected. As someone who is growing up, soon to be an adult, I am learning how to be independent and to stand up for myself. How can you expect me to be able to do that, if you won't respect my wishes to not share my bed with someone? And not just someone, but an adult male who has admitted that he touched my body without permission while I was asleep? Statistically, 73% of sexual assaults are committed by a person known to the victim, and 34% of those are committed by a relative. Again, I am not attacking (Uncle), but he is saying that he already has violated my bodily autonomy and what is to stop him from doing other things if he has already kissed me against my will while I was sleeping?"
We need the red flag guy! This is insane! 34% of people who are sexually abused, it happens from family members. You need to tell someone out of the family, like a school official or something. Tell them you need help in the situation and your family is not listening. You need to prevent what's about to happen if you can.
I went through something kind of similar where due to some circumstances I had to stay with an uncle for a while and he also started hugging me and touching me which made me feel uncomfortable. Just like you it was nothing wildly inappropriate and I hesitated to tell my family. I finally opened up to my mum and one thing she said stuck to me is that your body just knows good from bad. Your body just knows, you wouldn’t feel creeped out otherwise. IF you’re feeling even the slightest bit uncomfortable, there’s a reason and don’t let anyone justify otherwise. Your body reacts. I would really suggest getting yourself out of the situation, maybe giving him the room and staying in ur parents room, or have a different family member take him in. And in terms of respect for your elders, culturally I come from the same sort of background where there’s a huge emphasis on that BUT it works both ways. Your uncle in the first place would never have agreed to sleep on the same bed no matter how close you are. I have uncles that I’m extremely close to but there’s always a boundary and a respect for each other. He should have felt uncomfortable first for suggesting that no matter what. It’s just not appropriate. Your safety and your comfort comes first ESPECIALLY since it’s your house and your room. Your house should be your safe haven. Try talking to ur mum as well, explain that why you feel uncomfortable. I hope that helps
Please protect yourself and do not let ANYONE guilt trip you into being “comfortable” around him, don’t let your guard down either. I hope you’ll be safe 💜💜
I really hope this is a shit post. If not, this is really fucked… NOT OK! Set boundaries and stick to them and if parents etc. don’t back you up then try to find a friends house to stay at because this is just dead wrong. To be honest, he shouldn’t even be in the same room as you. I know every culture is different and that could play part but is obviously makes you uncomfortable for some reason. (understandably so)
Are you in Asia? AC and elder/family hierarchy are NO excuse for this. Fuck that. Much of what you wrote is wildly inappropriate of your uncle. You're 17, no one should touch you while you sleep, let alone "kiss a forehead." Fan life sucks. But if they aren't going to listen to you, the heat and sweat are worth not being molested.
Bbg that's really fucking inappropriate. Beware of this man and don't share the bed with him at all.
no this is completely not okay, he clearly has ill intentions and i'm worried for you, please don't let him sleep with you even if your family can't see how disgusting that is
He HIMSELF SHOULD REFUSE to share your bed. He 99,99% doesn’t have any good intentions. Please trust your instincts. Idk how bold you are but if I were you, I would confront him and express my anger. You have every right for safety AND privacy. Lock your room if you can. No but fr that uncle found a place to stay in but still dares to pick a room smh.
Get out now those are all bad people.
get a lock n key for your room and keep him out. no way. he can stay in your parents room. screw a culture that thinks this is acceptable and you're being disrespectful. the hell with that. what else is uncle in bed going to try to slip in while you're asleep to see if he can get away with it euw hell no throw the uncle and whole family out can you leave? stay with someone? talk your parents out of this? anything?
Yeah this is inappropriate im sorry u dealing with this, might look innofensive yet but it will be escalating, you use the mattress or take the couch or something but do not share the bed with this person or ask ur parents if u can sleep in the room with them
You’re in the right, and being a stranger has nothing to do with it. Additionally, the actions you described is inappropriate in my opinion, I don’t like my own parents getting up and personally with me (because I never grew up with that type of personal contact, until they suddenly realized they should probably be hugging and holding their kid a bit to late), and I consider that a breach of personal boundaries. That’s not evening mentioning the fact you were asleep and how strange it is to brag about something like that. I suggest telling your parents about the comments he’s making because it’s creepy and the weird vibes he’s giving off, I’d low key kick him out of my room because it’s concerning. Moreover, I’d only share a bed with someone I trust or feel comfortable with and the fact he’s pushing you so much gives off red flags. If they (your parents) don’t take it seriously please look out for your own safety because someone who truly cares for you wouldn’t treat you this way. Sorry for spelling errors and I hope you get out of this creepy situation.
You are not wrong. Even if your uncle is the kindest man in the world, you have a right to your own space and asking to have your own room, or at least your own bed is reasonable and still best for safety. Most abuse happens with people you know, family, friends, in the home. That's because parents are constantly over estimating the amount of trust someone deserves. Why can he not stay in your parents room?? Where they are adults and choosing for him to stay in the house at all. My uncle also lives with my family, it's summer and his garage space is too hot so he comes inside to stay in my mom's room during the day, that works for me because she's the one who invited him in, I would not have him in my room or children's and I don't distrust him in that way but just have my boundaries that are beyond fair.
Do not allow that. It may suck because its YOUR ROOM AND YOUR SPACE IN THE FIRST PLACE, but make the sacrifice and choose a different room, and if he magically doesnt want to sleep in your room anymore then thats a sign your parents should be aware of. Young women are always victims of behavior like this especially with uncles. Protect you as yourself and dont give in to "oh its just family. Repect your elders". Im just glad you were smart enough to bring this to others attention
Omg so creepy. Sleep in your parents room on the floor.
wtf, your family shouldn’t prioritize his wants for your needs, that is disrespectful towards you. Don’t feel bad for wanting your mattress, he’s lucky you offered for him to sleep in your room. I wouldn’t let my uncle sleep in my room, I’d tell him to sleep on the couch 💀
What the actual, that’s predatory as mate, sounds like SA waiting to happen, I wouldn’t tolerate it at all. I’d notify the police if I was you
No, that's fucking not okay. Men get boners in the night as part of REM cycles. That alone is a no-no for a grown man to share a bed with a grown-up (almost) women.
Trust your gut. Your creeped out for a reason.
While you may not be able to have a say while he stays out of respect, I say go above and beyond respect to avoid it. Out of respect for my elders, he can sleep on the bed and I will sleep on the couch. Out of respect for my elders, I will sleep on a different mattress in my sibling's room to give my uncle his own space. While it is unfair and really sucks, it is better than your uncle doing something perverted or whatnot and could make you feel safer. If you offer the second option, mention it to your sibling first and how you are scared or uncomfortable if you can. If that would not help, ask if he would mind because your uncle snores loud or because he is complaining about something of yours, etc. By doing this you escape your uncle, and your family believes you are being very hospitable or reasonable.
“I mean nothing about this is wildly inappropriate” the whole fucking thing is wildly inappropriate wtf
What...the....f. Excuse me whilst I go throw up my lunch. That is so freaking wrong. You're a young woman who deserves her own privacy. This wouldn't be normal if he was the same age, let alone 46!! That is just so wrong. Also as for him touching you, I feel like he's trying his luck to see how far he can get. He's testing the waters to see what you'll allow and girl you need to step up and tell him a firm no. Block the bedroom door if you must to stop him getting in, this is not ok
Creepy ass
Tell your parents to buy him a window unit. Problem solved.
He is really creepy be careful !
Did you tell your parents about your uncle slipping into your room while you're sleeping??
This is not normal. You need to trust your feelings on this and put your foot down.
He’s clearly not to be trusted hold your ground
Let’s be as clear as possible. You are never wrong for not wanting to share a bed with someone.
Omg no. No no no NO!
Way too creepy. Trust your gut on this one
You are not wrong. Good for you for standing up for yourself.
No, that’s pretty gross, especially when there are other options. Literally no reason for him to do that. If your parents/family have an issue with it, tell them to go sleep him It’s all wildly wrong and inappropriate
This is wrong. Remove yourself from the situation asap.
Absolutely not.
If I were you I’d bear the heat and sleep in your brother’s room and lock the door.
He is a creep! Why TF are your parents allowing this?
You are not wrong at all. He seems to be pushing your boundaries which is not a good sign and not ok. I think the most charitable position you should take is : Tell him never to touch you when you're awake and certainly not asleep. He can sleep in the room but not on the bed and if he makes you feel uncomfortable again the room is off limits.
No absolutely not. It’s creepy for him to do that.
that’s not normal at all. trust your gut and keep yourself safe!! he could be just testing the waters- if you allow him to get away with these small instances of him touching/kissing you he could eventually do much worse because he knows he can. abuse by male family members is so normalized in some cultures but DO NOT be lead to believe that this behavior is okay/normal, because it is not. be assertive and put your foot down. i know it’s hard but your safety is more important than pleasing your family. do everything in your power to get him out of your room. if nothing works then take your mattress and put it on the floor of another room and sleep there. do not let this man in your bed!!!
That's not normal at all and super creepy.
If the problem really is respecting your elder, you could offer to sleep on a spare mattress in your room while your uncle uses the bed. You’re right, it’s very strange for a grown man to sleep in the same bed as a teenaged girl.