not after this, i don’t think. we have been talking about our different views and i thought it would be cool to try and take things further since we’re so different but i will not tolerate someone telling me what i should and shouldn’t do
helped
Do you like him because he's hot, or because of his personality? It's good you found this out now, as you don't want to build a future with someone incompatible with your fundamental beliefs.
If Christians ever read their own book they'd know they've been instructed to not be "unevenly yoked" with non-believers.
The bible basically tells Christians not to date anyone who isn't Christian but they'll do it anyway.
As is almost always the case with the Bible, and for that matter most written religious written traditions.
The problem arises when people try to treat the Bible as unitary and internally valid, when in fact it’s more akin to a compiled selection of mythology. It can’t and shouldn’t be denied that one can use the Bible for truth-seeking, but in the same way that you can use the Odyssey, the Epic of Gilgamesh, Beowulf, or any number of other ancient texts. People just insist upon treating it as if the truth within it is self-executing and direct. Like no, man. You’ve gotta apply your own dialectic reasoning and morality to the thing. Otherwise it’s just a bunch of words written, revised, and retranslated by random dead people.
Any “God” there is to be found in the Bible has to be carefully extracted using every humanist, historical, and contextual lense you have at your disposal. My problem with the way organized religion utilizes “Faith” is that discourages people from beginning at a place of curiosity and working toward their own conclusions.
Not sure why I chose your perfectly valid and innocuous comment for this little midnight diatribe, but here we are.
For one this is Paul’s writing. Generally confusing. Peter says it’s confusing himself. Read 1 Corinthians 7:13-17.
The way I see it most “Christians” don’t read the Bible and most atheists read it more but still don’t actually understand it, even though they think they know everything.
And keep in mind Corinthians may have been added to be a later scribe or translator. The bit about women keeping silent in church in particular may have been added. The anti-women sentiments are much stronger than other messages from Paul.
He seemed a less derogatory and restrictive when it came to women until those sections. And he worked with several women in the gospel. Talked about them praying and labouring in the gospel with him.
Christian here. The part about women keeping silent in church is widely misunderstood. Back in Paul’s day, women weren’t given a religious education but men were. So basically, in the early church, women would be like freshmen with a whole bunch of newbie questions and the guys would be more like seniors or grad students. Women were instructed to study religion at home with their husbands instead of bogging down church services with their newbie questions.
Also there was a cultural aspect. Middle Eastern countries to this day have very traditional gender roles.
I don’t like the argument that atheists somehow “can’t understand” the Bible. It’s not a particularly difficult book to grasp.
Usually, when apologists say that atheists “don’t understand the Bible,” they mean that they don’t know about the centuries of retconning that Christians have had to do in order to make the Bible not seem like a bunch of nonsense written by ignorant people 2000 years ago
That’s not what I mean, it just seems as though atheists tend to come off in a condescending manner as if they have reached some higher truth that no one else has pondered. Both atheists and theists do this tho, this is not an atheist or theist specific thing. Honestly atheists understand the Bible better than most “Christians” do.
Pretty sure the entire bible isn’t the intent of where abrahamic religions are at today… intent was thrown out the window by its own devotees centuries ago.
Honestly, even if it isn’t the intent, it’s actually something I agree with. I don’t think that two people in different religions shouldn’t date, but it absolutely needs to be something they think about. A relationship between, say, a devout catholic and an agnostic is going to have problems that two Catholics/two agnostics wouldn’t necessarily experience, and I don’t think people actually *think* about it these days because religion doesn’t directly control our lives (for the most part) today, and we have the opportunity to free ourselves from those religions we don’t agree with.
Nah, he’s definitely wanting a woman who’s beholden to him financially and otherwise. Why have an independent woman with a career when he could just have a “traditional” wife? Get this guy out of your life and never look back.
You choose.
I'd personally choose your path as it provides flexibility and opportunities.
Or you could go his way and be a mom first dependent primarily on him.
Yeah, there's a reason he and many conservative men are against education, especially for women. The ignorance of their partners is one of the things that gives them a sense of power. It's also one of the reasons their partners stay with them. Babymaking is the real purpose for women in their world.
If you have kids, going back to school may be nearly impossible. He wants to trap you and make you a house wife. Get your education, be independent and get a good career, THEN have a family if you want. Education absolutely comes first, imo.
Is he going to give this advice to your daughter? It's not not like you are 53. Girl please, I can't respect a man saying that sht. Let alone giving him the time of day.
Tell him to kick rocks and don't settle for him. There is a man out there who will appreciate an educated woman. He isn't one of them. I know an Intensivist NP who is going back to medical school at 35 with 3 kids and a husband. her husband is supportive of her. Those men exist.
Also- ensure you are financially independent. His way will not guarantee that and if things don't work out and you don't have a skillset....you could potentially be trapped in this relationship. No bueno.
The idea that "opposites attract" is a myth. People are happiest in relationships where they have a lot in common with their partner, particularly their values and goals. It sounds like you have significantly different values and goals in life. It's not going to work.
Never give up your goals for someone else (unless it's for the sake of your children's well being). I gave up on mine and moved 650 miles to be with my highschool sweet heart and she dumped me four months later because "I'm just not feeling it".
Now I've been stuck living somewhere I hate for three years with no friends and I resent her. Trust me, it's a terrible idea.
Best to find someone who supports your goals and is willing to walk with you on your journey. Just be sure to do the same for them.
Oof man of the middle ages... You're right, he is wrong (you can easially have child at 32+) but if you have done nothing career wise and you want one, well it's gonna be hell hard.
Considering the world as it's now, having kids without having secured a way to support them seems fairly dumb to me.
Funny things is that it's always the uneducated that claim education and knowledge isn't important (generaly full of confidence).
thank you, i agree with you. i told him i would like to have children after my degree and settling down. degrees and education in general, even trade schools, provide a lot. i’m not about to listen to him! helped
There's a beat up rusted out POS that I see in the area sometimes and dude has no fewer than 10 of the same TRUMP PENCE sticker on his tailgate. It's so pathetic.
Ok, so you have children young. What if you separate? What if his income isn't enough? Kids are a 24/7, 365 days a year, for at least 18/21 years your responsibility. What are you gonna do then? You can always have children later. If not physically, adoption, surrogacy, IVF... There are so many ways. Getting a degree later would be extremely hard, not impossible, but hard. You would have too many expenses, people dependent on you, to have enough time or money for it. A degree before children doesn't ensure an easy life, but it makes it a bit more doable. It seems to me like he wants someone who he can control, manipulate and use as a baby 'easy bake oven'... I don't know him personally so I cannot be sure. You need to think if you are ready to possibly give up everything for someone who sees you as such. Good luck in making your decision. :)
Best to run. Men that hold this view typically have other underlying assumptions of a woman's role in the world. Based on how you value of education and independence, it's safe to conclude that this man will not respect you in the long run.
There are a lot of people who still believe that the sole role of a women is to be a stay at home mom. They have kids, cook, clean and be attentive to their wives. If that's what some people want to do that's fine, but its not a role you should be forced into. If you want to focus on your education, then I'd say go for it! Do what makes you happy, im sure you'll find someone who shares your views!
That’s a nope. He might be charming, but his viewpoint is not yours, and if you end up dating him you’ll struggle. He will pressure you and try to control your actions. His values are not yours. You’ll be miserable.
Source: been there. More than once.
I think your gut feeling is on point. You are a modern person with modern thoughts. I wouldn't settled down for his way of thinking. Probably someone who thinks women should still be at home doing chores instead of working a job.
I'd say to trust your judgement and move on for your own sake (and his for that matter).
Even if you really like him, it seems like your values and priorities are incompatible for any sort of serious relationship. It's better to end it now before you get too emotionally invested.
So dude has extremely archaic patriarchic views and you are wondering if you, as an educated female, are compatible? I’m going to place my bets on no. Also? Thinking way ahead in the future, if you have a daughter and a son together. He’s going to favor your son and treat your daughter as her education won’t matter because her role in the world is to become some man’s wife and incubator.
He literally told you he doesn't care about what you think is important. It doesn't matter what you say about it, he thinks differently and he's already prepared to brush off your wants and desires in order to push his own onto you.
Also I don't mean to generalize, but conservative Christians tend to not be accepting of ideas that are against their doctrine. The education system is full of things that contradict Christianity. If you're not Christian or even not as Christian as he is, be prepared for his family to dislike/ hate you, attempt to convert you, and instead of taking your side he will support them in pressuring you.
Do you think he would allow any children you might have to attend a secular school, if he doesn't even respect the importance you put on your own education?
Personally, I would choose career and self-goal over relationship, and will not date a Christian.(preference)
You can always find a new guy if things doesn’t go right.
But a career and education could always provide you opportunities and options.
A great partner should be supportive to your decisions, it’s YOUR path we are talking about.
It’s funny I just kind of watched a Netflix film “Look both ways” yesterday. Which is exactly what you’re talking about here, you might want to check it out.
RUN from this guy! I had an ex say this too me and now I’m 2 years away from graduating from law school. Run away and make money. Run away and get educated!!
i completely agree, i like people who care about education. my mom had me at 40, you can have children later in life and adopt if you’re unable to get pregnant.
I too believe education comes first, at the end of the day, without a stable income, how can you form a family?
But, despite of who's right or who's wrong, if you feel one way, and he feels the other, maybe you should reconsider the relationship.
i told him this basically. i thought things were going well until he told me that! i have yet to see what he told me after explaining to him why i think education comes first for me. helped
Walk away now.
I'm M/60. And I can't tell you how many people I've known in life who gave up entire portions of their lives, their ambitions, their educations, or their careers for a transitory romance. Or, more to the point, somebody who wants to control their life, their ambition, and their career aspirations.
Mind you, if you find someone who truly rocks your world, who can complete your sentences, who is someone with whom you can throw your lot in, then there are compromises to be made.
All strong relationships are living, breathing things unto themselves. When two people enter into a relationship, they give up a little piece of themselves to create something even bigger and better. But the problem here is that your romantic interest wants you to do all the sacrifice. This is not a guy who is going to happily work a job and take care of things around the house while you pursue a Masters or a Ph.D.
A true partner in a relationship doesn't impose limitations on the other partner in terms of ambitions and goals. Instead, you want to help that partner be the person he or she wants to be.
This guy sounds like trouble, in truth. He is putting limits on your aspirations by dangling the fear card in your face. That is unconscionable. It is tantamount to control. And if you go along with it, just wait. He'll find new limitations to impose, new manacles to slip onto your ankles.
My wife and I are professing Christians, but we're not conservative ones. There is nothing in Christian belief that agrees with what he's telling you. My wife and I have raised three children without ever putting a dent in her career ambitions. She's now the CFO of a mid-sized company. She has reached the pinnacle of her career.
And I never, ever stood in her way. You need to find someone who wants whatever you want within reason. Not someone who is trying to tell you who to be.
Consider this situation very carefully as to whether or not you want to continue. Ask him more questions about that because the expansion of his thought very well could be that he doesn’t believe women should do anything but be SAHM’s. It’s time to talk about what the two of you want and you should prepare yourself that the two of you may not want anything remotely similar in life.
> conservative Christian
girl byeeee lol
But in all seriousness, that's a fundamental incompatibility if he's a hard-core Christian and you're not. Drop him and focus on your education!
damn, dude deadass said “dont learn, be a baby factory”, thats taking “old soul” to a different level, you sure he’s 27? dude sounds like a dinosaur, you deserve better than that
What should you do? Recognize that you're not compatible and move on.
Wouldn't hurt if this situation made you realize that you'd do well to vet guys thoroughly before you allow emotional attachments to start clouding your judgment.
We're reaching a point where more and more people are migrating to the fringes and allowing for no compromise with what they want. Best to out intolerance quickly, before feelings start to intrude and it becomes easy to deny or ignore inconvenient facts.
The moment a guy thinks it's his place to tell you how to live your life is the moment to walk and not look back...which hopefully is going to happen here.
Conservative Christian’s like stupid and uneducated people. They’re easier to control. If you were my daughter, I’d tell you to run, don’t walk away from this guy.
“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore” -Lady Gaga
There’s red flags flying hun he sounds controlling he dosent want someone with an education he wants a servant and someone to bear his kids not an equal he wants to be able to control everything and not have someone who know things
No offense, but you're starting to talk with someone who you "like" but don't appear to be compatible. Putting aside the conservative christian aspect (which will likely be a huge issue down the road), he's already trying to tell you what to do with your life which is a big red flag. It's one thing to tell someone you're opinion. It's something entirely different to try and get them to go along with it. Next you'll say he's taking you to church and suddenly you're being groomed.
Once you get a degree you are going to be unable to simply look past your difference in values. He most likely doesn't want you to go to school to keep you easy to manipulate. Educated women ask questions and that is antithetical to "faith".
Sounds like he views all women as baby making machines. I'd dip as fast as possible. Christians aren't all bad, I've known some great ones. But this guy sounds off.
So when the marriage ends, as half of them do, you will be stuck with no career options, kids to feed, and try to juggle parenting and studying and working?
The best thing about my life is that I am financially independent and I have a career which pays well and is flexible (I work 7 days a fortnight, and don't work school holidays or weekends, making about $60/hr) so when I had to walk away from first my marriage and then my next relationship, I could, because I have a home and career and money.
I wouldn't let someone take that away from me.
Edit to add, could you tell him that you agree, but he will be the at home parent and give up his career. You will study until you have kids (it can take ages sometimes) and then go back to work when they are born, while he parents.
To be Frank… it doesn’t sound like he doesn’t think education should be prioritized in general. It sounds like he means education should take a back seat for *women*, because it’s their duty to be mothers to their husband’s children rather than focusing on their futures.
If you’re not the obedient house wife type then I’d say run.
He is a conservative christian, which mean there is a high chance he expects you to be a stay at home mum and that your main purpose in life will be to produce children. There is nothing wrong in it as long as it is YOUR choice.
Be careful: without education, it will be difficult to have a good choice and you might end up being totally dependent of him. If one day you want to live him, it would make it very difficult. Which, of course, as a conservative christian he wants to. The one with the money has the power, and he won't want his wife to have power.
Plus, you're 23. Even with long studies, you'll be able to have kids later if you wants to.
To be honest, this is a big red flag for me. I would tell him that you're an independent woman and this is YOUR life: if you wants to study, then study. If you wants to have kids, have some, if you don't (or later) just do as you want. If he is not happy with it he can F himself. It's not the 50s anymore.
In general, the more differing values you have, the more often those differences will show themselves in the form of disagreements and conflict. And a relationship that is dominated by conflict is probably not one that will last in the long run.
Consider also how this would affect how your children, especially daughters, would be raised.
Ultimately it’s up to you to decide if this is a dealbreaker or a sign of incompatibility or not
I work at a hospital and there's dayum near 40 year old woman trying to have kids and having them. It's all dependent on genetics, self care, etc. I wouldn't listen to this guy, especially if he doesn't value education (which is what you value). Education is important, since it is what's needed to get a good job. The reason families nowadays struggle is cause they don't have a good job, live paycheck to paycheck, and it ends up being worse for the kid that puts up with parents who are I'll prepared. My mom who dropped out at 14 regrets not ever finishing school and having lots of kids, she feels like she could've done more and tells me not to make her mistake.
He just showed you what he prioritises: child bearing. I, personally, wouldn't date a person like that because our values don't align. I prioritise education, travelling, career, and other relationships way way way over taking advantage of my "child bearing years" *shudders* Talk about misogynistic! It's your choice if you want to be with someone like this. Just be aware so you don't fully lose yourself and your values.
Well you've got at least a solid decade of peak fertility left and after that probably 10-15years where it's still perfectly possible to have kids. Finishing your degree probably won't take 25 years so I wouldn't worry too much.
I swear his logic but from the outside looking in it looks like this guy is trying to baby trap you because he knows you're too good for him. Just speaking as someone who has been in your place and made poor decisions.
That is a huge red flag. Also, if you're ever thinking of having children with this person their quality of life will be markedly worse than yours. That's potentially not fair to them. Find someone that doesn't think ignorance/stupidity is a virtue.
Christian guys with this traditional mindset always push for kids first because their backwards views of the world view woman as a birthing machine. Fuck this guy (not literally) and go find someone else with a brain
He wants a subservient broodmare. Do you want to be a subservient broodmare? If no, then you're not going to be happy with this guy. Don't waste your time.
And, this is why I don't bother with conservative. Christians. Take this as a learning opportunity: you can be as different as you wish, but if your values differ, that's a deal breaker. That's the one thing you don't want to differ too much with your SO. Good you realized this early on!
He needs you uninformed and chained to the kitchen to feel superior. What a catch!!!! For the future figure out what you"really like" about him so you can avoid that in future!
He’s an idiot. Either pop out a child and lose your freedom or learn skills, make more money (in theory) and get more freedom due to that) I would make yourself single very quickly
Run forest, Run.
Religious blokes like think that women only exist to be wives and mothers, cook and clean. That's it. It's prehistoric thinking and behaviour.
Run.
Tell him you appreciate his opinion, respectfully disagree and will be putting education first. He can respect you and your wishes or find someone else
I see you got good advice so I'll just add a thought. Part of meeting people is to learn about them. Sometimes we love so much about who they are we want to ignore some aspect of who they really are. Yet that's part of them and to ignore it would not be fair to anyone. You met a cool guy but he's not a good prospect for a relationship. That's OK. Goodluck at school!
My education has done more for me than any man and I’m glad I didn’t have kids until my 30’s because I got to do a lot of interesting stuff and I think I’m a better mom now than I would have been when I was younger.
I just see red flags flying already. To a very small extent he is true, unlike a male, a woman's biological clock does have a time limit on when kids can be conceived, or when it's not considered high risk. But does that mean you have to put off education till you have kids, absolutely not. If you want to get a PhD, then go for it. Pursuing a PhD won't even put you past the age for high risk pregnancies so he's just being misogynistic
And if he dies, how will you support the kids? You're only 23, so it's not like you don't have time to have kids. How many years of college do you have left?
Never let someone tell you this education is important to set yourself up in life. It also helps you be more independent it sounds to me like either he’s intimidated by the fact that you want to learn and are willing to put in that effort for yourself or he’s the type of person to not want someone to succeed for his own selfish reasons.
Me personally I was in a two year relationship and eventually I put my schooling first and it created some bumpy moments because for a while I couldn’t make my partner a priority like I once did because my nana gave me wise advice and told me your education will be more valuable in the long run so don’t make my partner so much of a priority that it makes me throw away my goals and dreams in life.
Hope this helped stranger!
If he’s a conservative Christian, and you’re not, I don’t see what your dilemma is. Him telling you that your education isn’t important, and that your only purpose is to be a baby incubator should turn you 100% off. You cannot convince him otherwise. It is not your job to convince him otherwise. Pursuing a relationship with him will not end well for you. He will never respect you or your life/education goals. Focus on your education, and let this dude go.
you really like him despite having huge differences? you're kidding yourself. you can always find another person close to what you want later. you're only 23
My wife and I recently had this conversation as we were talking about education for our children ( 4 and 1 1/2). Her college boyfriend was in the trades and her dad told her that eventually their interests would peter out as she continued on to get two masters. He didn’t prioritize education in the same sense and within two years they split paths…worked out for me! You should never hinder your personal growth for your partner or else it just won’t be compatible in the long term regardless of how much fun you have in the here and now
Yep, sounds like a conservative christian.
“Don’t get an education cause you’ll be to damn old to have my BABIES”.
Fuck this guy, you can do better! Get an education girl! You don’t need him.
I’d be Out. Also in my experience he’s exactly wrong: I’ve knowna lot more people who had kids in their 30s than went back to school. It’s possible to literally get pregnant after 30 without trying or even wanting to, but going back to school requires you to actively choose to uproot your life and spend a bunch of money/make less money while you get your degree. It’s incredibly difficult and most people just accept that they missed their chance and move on.
If you value education then a Conservative Christian is not for you. They value beliefs over science and over time you will try and change eachothers views which won't work. Go with someone who is like minded.
It sounds like he's the kind of guy who believes a "woman's place" is having children for males. If he says you having children is more important than your education, the farther you get into this relationship, the more it's going to become a 1950s housewife nightmare.
At least that's my impression based on your post.
Ah yes the classic “the only true value a woman can bring into this world is an offspring” type. I would recommend you stop seeing him. You’re smart and you love to learn and I really admire that. One day, you’ll find someone who loves that about you.
You can be educated and have kids. He sounds intimidated by your education.Men get scared when in reality they need to stay confident. Trying to impress males can often go south (genetics and social programming)
Don't let him decide what you want to do, you don't necessarily need to focus just on one thing... you should have balance, not saying force yourself in to a situation you don't want to be in. But it's definitely an idea... also i wouldn't get in the trades unless YOU want to. To me, he sounds kinda controlling/manipulative, so I'd watch out.
He has different priorities then you which would make the relationship unable to work in the future. People are allowed to have different priorities then you but he shouldn’t budge in and tell you what you should do.
I wouldn’t go near one of these. They look great on the outside sometimes, but tell him no, find out his views on social issues, fact-check something to him. His reaction will show you whats underneath.
Sorry.
Run! I did this for 3 years and she held me back so much job and education came second to her. He’s replaceable and there’s someone out there who will value your education.
My father was the same way, my mother left him early in my childhood. I'm thankful for that, because now I'm really smart, at least having the common sense to be a contributing member of society.
Girl what's your question? Move on there's about a 1% chance that pairing works out long term. Get out now before you're stuck with a kid with this guy.
Religious people normally have this in them. I’m assuming if you’re 23 you probably have a bachelors and probably thinking of doing a masters. That’s fine because you would still be at an age to have kids. But if you want to Perdue even more higher education like a phd, then that would take you a very long while especially with year or two in industry.
He’s just showing you his priorities; he wants a wife who can raise children instead of a working wife.
My advice? Best to leave it. You’re 23 and you’ll find plenty of people you’ll love and they will be tolerant of your education.
Well you are young and he is old. You have different objectives and opinions and if that is a dealbreaker, you should always put yourself first.
My advice is that you should date people your age, who are more likely to have the same goals as you.
Honestly, I don't think a conservative Christian is going to be a good match for anyone except another conservative Christian. Their worldview has diverged from the rest of the country radically over the last few years. If you're a more reality-based person, you're going to continue to find conflicts.
That said, you should also be open to different points of view. There is some truth to what he says. Wife and I had our daughter when I was 43 and she 41. It's a higher risk pregnancy and honestly having a child can be exhausting, and as we age it's less and less fair to our daughter.
You shouldn't be with this guy as you're not on the same page on faith. Frankly he should know this as a "conservative Christian" that you don't marry unbelievers, so he's not exactly a great example of Christianity to start with, and his beliefs are not in line with anything that Jesus would actually teach.
Plenty of women actually funded Jesus ministry. They were considered wealthy and good with business. God repeatedly has shown in scripture that the value of a woman is not just her child bearing years. Never believe any man who tells you that unquestioning servitude to him is your place.
This is coming from a Christian married man.
You are simply incompatible. Personally I as well think that education shouldn’t be everything but if you think otherwise he should respect it and move on.
Why is everyone who gives any advice other than "pursue your education/career" being down voted ?
That's not how it works. Advice is advice even if it doesn't align with what you want to hear. Even if it doesn't align with the majority. Down vote bad advice, sure. But I don't think anyone has given bad advice. Different takes and perspectives sure but I found where all the advice was that didn't necessarily align with the career path. Down voted at the bottom.
Consider that currently it is important. But 10 years from now, it may not be. It is incredibly difficult to predict how we will grow and develop in the future, even though for most it is very easy to look back and see our growth and change in the past year.
At the end of the day make your decisions and choices. But I'd say, as my other comment said - do the research. Don't take what this echo chamber says as truth. It's just one piece of advice. It doesn't mean it's correct, or the best or the only advice. Doesn't mean it's bad advice either. You're young, but doesn't mean you cannot make wise decisions now.
You have people saying don't wait too long to start a family and have others saying put it off. Both are valid. But you make the decision. You may end up at 40, great career and lonely or get married now and have kids and wish you never had them. Life can play out in many different ways. Consider carefully where you want to go and make the decisions that get you there.
Do you really think you and this guy are truly compatible?
not after this, i don’t think. we have been talking about our different views and i thought it would be cool to try and take things further since we’re so different but i will not tolerate someone telling me what i should and shouldn’t do helped
Do you like him because he's hot, or because of his personality? It's good you found this out now, as you don't want to build a future with someone incompatible with your fundamental beliefs.
If you're also not a conservative Christian it's not going to work. Have you been keeping up with the news?
If Christians ever read their own book they'd know they've been instructed to not be "unevenly yoked" with non-believers. The bible basically tells Christians not to date anyone who isn't Christian but they'll do it anyway.
That's a half truth, it says both.
As is almost always the case with the Bible, and for that matter most written religious written traditions. The problem arises when people try to treat the Bible as unitary and internally valid, when in fact it’s more akin to a compiled selection of mythology. It can’t and shouldn’t be denied that one can use the Bible for truth-seeking, but in the same way that you can use the Odyssey, the Epic of Gilgamesh, Beowulf, or any number of other ancient texts. People just insist upon treating it as if the truth within it is self-executing and direct. Like no, man. You’ve gotta apply your own dialectic reasoning and morality to the thing. Otherwise it’s just a bunch of words written, revised, and retranslated by random dead people. Any “God” there is to be found in the Bible has to be carefully extracted using every humanist, historical, and contextual lense you have at your disposal. My problem with the way organized religion utilizes “Faith” is that discourages people from beginning at a place of curiosity and working toward their own conclusions. Not sure why I chose your perfectly valid and innocuous comment for this little midnight diatribe, but here we are.
For one this is Paul’s writing. Generally confusing. Peter says it’s confusing himself. Read 1 Corinthians 7:13-17. The way I see it most “Christians” don’t read the Bible and most atheists read it more but still don’t actually understand it, even though they think they know everything.
And keep in mind Corinthians may have been added to be a later scribe or translator. The bit about women keeping silent in church in particular may have been added. The anti-women sentiments are much stronger than other messages from Paul. He seemed a less derogatory and restrictive when it came to women until those sections. And he worked with several women in the gospel. Talked about them praying and labouring in the gospel with him.
Christian here. The part about women keeping silent in church is widely misunderstood. Back in Paul’s day, women weren’t given a religious education but men were. So basically, in the early church, women would be like freshmen with a whole bunch of newbie questions and the guys would be more like seniors or grad students. Women were instructed to study religion at home with their husbands instead of bogging down church services with their newbie questions. Also there was a cultural aspect. Middle Eastern countries to this day have very traditional gender roles.
I don’t like the argument that atheists somehow “can’t understand” the Bible. It’s not a particularly difficult book to grasp. Usually, when apologists say that atheists “don’t understand the Bible,” they mean that they don’t know about the centuries of retconning that Christians have had to do in order to make the Bible not seem like a bunch of nonsense written by ignorant people 2000 years ago
Also this
That’s not what I mean, it just seems as though atheists tend to come off in a condescending manner as if they have reached some higher truth that no one else has pondered. Both atheists and theists do this tho, this is not an atheist or theist specific thing. Honestly atheists understand the Bible better than most “Christians” do.
I find that they will take part of a verse and change the meaning of the verse.
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Pretty sure the entire bible isn’t the intent of where abrahamic religions are at today… intent was thrown out the window by its own devotees centuries ago.
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Well Christian's take the Bible out of context constantly to further their own ends so really that's just fair play.
Honestly, even if it isn’t the intent, it’s actually something I agree with. I don’t think that two people in different religions shouldn’t date, but it absolutely needs to be something they think about. A relationship between, say, a devout catholic and an agnostic is going to have problems that two Catholics/two agnostics wouldn’t necessarily experience, and I don’t think people actually *think* about it these days because religion doesn’t directly control our lives (for the most part) today, and we have the opportunity to free ourselves from those religions we don’t agree with.
That's the things with most Christian conservatives, their whole existence is telling others what to do.
>but i will not tolerate someone telling me what i should and shouldn’t do Warms my heart to read this. Good for you.
Nah, he’s definitely wanting a woman who’s beholden to him financially and otherwise. Why have an independent woman with a career when he could just have a “traditional” wife? Get this guy out of your life and never look back.
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While it's possible it can work these major differences will likely only get worse over time
You choose. I'd personally choose your path as it provides flexibility and opportunities. Or you could go his way and be a mom first dependent primarily on him.
thank you, i am a very very independent person. i needed opinions on this , but i’m not changing for anyone. final answer. helped
as a "very very independent person" you're not gonna have much fun dating a conservative christian man.
Yeah, there's a reason he and many conservative men are against education, especially for women. The ignorance of their partners is one of the things that gives them a sense of power. It's also one of the reasons their partners stay with them. Babymaking is the real purpose for women in their world.
If you have kids, going back to school may be nearly impossible. He wants to trap you and make you a house wife. Get your education, be independent and get a good career, THEN have a family if you want. Education absolutely comes first, imo.
Exactly. What happens if/when they get divorced and she becomes single with kids and no career or education? This is a very old-fashioned trap.
Or he becomes abusive and she has no way out.
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Finding fundamental incompatibilities is essential. You know what to do with this information.
i shall focus on my education! helped
Education lasts forever, men don't.
Some last only a few seconds if you know what I mean
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Great thing you found out now, you are both simply not compatible in values, and it wouldn’t work out
He's not the one for you. Too incompatible on a big life issue.
Is he going to give this advice to your daughter? It's not not like you are 53. Girl please, I can't respect a man saying that sht. Let alone giving him the time of day.
Tell him to kick rocks and don't settle for him. There is a man out there who will appreciate an educated woman. He isn't one of them. I know an Intensivist NP who is going back to medical school at 35 with 3 kids and a husband. her husband is supportive of her. Those men exist. Also- ensure you are financially independent. His way will not guarantee that and if things don't work out and you don't have a skillset....you could potentially be trapped in this relationship. No bueno.
The idea that "opposites attract" is a myth. People are happiest in relationships where they have a lot in common with their partner, particularly their values and goals. It sounds like you have significantly different values and goals in life. It's not going to work.
Never give up your goals for someone else (unless it's for the sake of your children's well being). I gave up on mine and moved 650 miles to be with my highschool sweet heart and she dumped me four months later because "I'm just not feeling it". Now I've been stuck living somewhere I hate for three years with no friends and I resent her. Trust me, it's a terrible idea. Best to find someone who supports your goals and is willing to walk with you on your journey. Just be sure to do the same for them.
No one should stand in your way of self-betterment like going to college. You’re worth more than just cranking out babies.
Oof man of the middle ages... You're right, he is wrong (you can easially have child at 32+) but if you have done nothing career wise and you want one, well it's gonna be hell hard. Considering the world as it's now, having kids without having secured a way to support them seems fairly dumb to me. Funny things is that it's always the uneducated that claim education and knowledge isn't important (generaly full of confidence).
thank you, i agree with you. i told him i would like to have children after my degree and settling down. degrees and education in general, even trade schools, provide a lot. i’m not about to listen to him! helped
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He doesn’t want to be with someone who is financially independent because he knows nobody will stay for his stellar personality.
I see lots of bud light and a trailer in this dude's future
Lots of MAGA stickers on his $200 truck that barely runs.
There's a beat up rusted out POS that I see in the area sometimes and dude has no fewer than 10 of the same TRUMP PENCE sticker on his tailgate. It's so pathetic.
Ok, so you have children young. What if you separate? What if his income isn't enough? Kids are a 24/7, 365 days a year, for at least 18/21 years your responsibility. What are you gonna do then? You can always have children later. If not physically, adoption, surrogacy, IVF... There are so many ways. Getting a degree later would be extremely hard, not impossible, but hard. You would have too many expenses, people dependent on you, to have enough time or money for it. A degree before children doesn't ensure an easy life, but it makes it a bit more doable. It seems to me like he wants someone who he can control, manipulate and use as a baby 'easy bake oven'... I don't know him personally so I cannot be sure. You need to think if you are ready to possibly give up everything for someone who sees you as such. Good luck in making your decision. :)
Best to run. Men that hold this view typically have other underlying assumptions of a woman's role in the world. Based on how you value of education and independence, it's safe to conclude that this man will not respect you in the long run.
My advice is to tell him to go f himself and look for a nice man with a sane worldview who is not in some fucking bronze age cult
this made me laugh. thank you. i won’t change ! helped
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There are a lot of people who still believe that the sole role of a women is to be a stay at home mom. They have kids, cook, clean and be attentive to their wives. If that's what some people want to do that's fine, but its not a role you should be forced into. If you want to focus on your education, then I'd say go for it! Do what makes you happy, im sure you'll find someone who shares your views!
He told you that his opinion outweighs yours. But since you're just a women, you should really be silent anyway /s
Yeah... Don't believe him. I have a sister. I wouldn't let some dude say something like this to her.
That’s a nope. He might be charming, but his viewpoint is not yours, and if you end up dating him you’ll struggle. He will pressure you and try to control your actions. His values are not yours. You’ll be miserable. Source: been there. More than once.
I think your gut feeling is on point. You are a modern person with modern thoughts. I wouldn't settled down for his way of thinking. Probably someone who thinks women should still be at home doing chores instead of working a job. I'd say to trust your judgement and move on for your own sake (and his for that matter).
He wants you reliant on him so he can freely abuse you. You can have kids when you’re older. You’re so young. Don’t go for uneducated pigs…
My first thought was, sure he wants you to have kids soon, it ties you down. Furthering education would be consistently pushed back.
Even if you really like him, it seems like your values and priorities are incompatible for any sort of serious relationship. It's better to end it now before you get too emotionally invested.
So dude has extremely archaic patriarchic views and you are wondering if you, as an educated female, are compatible? I’m going to place my bets on no. Also? Thinking way ahead in the future, if you have a daughter and a son together. He’s going to favor your son and treat your daughter as her education won’t matter because her role in the world is to become some man’s wife and incubator.
Saw "conservative christian" and it was all I needed to know.
He literally told you he doesn't care about what you think is important. It doesn't matter what you say about it, he thinks differently and he's already prepared to brush off your wants and desires in order to push his own onto you. Also I don't mean to generalize, but conservative Christians tend to not be accepting of ideas that are against their doctrine. The education system is full of things that contradict Christianity. If you're not Christian or even not as Christian as he is, be prepared for his family to dislike/ hate you, attempt to convert you, and instead of taking your side he will support them in pressuring you. Do you think he would allow any children you might have to attend a secular school, if he doesn't even respect the importance you put on your own education?
Personally, I would choose career and self-goal over relationship, and will not date a Christian.(preference) You can always find a new guy if things doesn’t go right. But a career and education could always provide you opportunities and options. A great partner should be supportive to your decisions, it’s YOUR path we are talking about. It’s funny I just kind of watched a Netflix film “Look both ways” yesterday. Which is exactly what you’re talking about here, you might want to check it out.
Run. Doesn't how matter how much you like someone. Them not wanting your growth is a dangerous sign.
Wait until he learns that that baby shit goes both ways and that male factor infertility exists.
RUN from this guy! I had an ex say this too me and now I’m 2 years away from graduating from law school. Run away and make money. Run away and get educated!!
i completely agree, i like people who care about education. my mom had me at 40, you can have children later in life and adopt if you’re unable to get pregnant.
I too believe education comes first, at the end of the day, without a stable income, how can you form a family? But, despite of who's right or who's wrong, if you feel one way, and he feels the other, maybe you should reconsider the relationship.
i told him this basically. i thought things were going well until he told me that! i have yet to see what he told me after explaining to him why i think education comes first for me. helped
Walk away now. I'm M/60. And I can't tell you how many people I've known in life who gave up entire portions of their lives, their ambitions, their educations, or their careers for a transitory romance. Or, more to the point, somebody who wants to control their life, their ambition, and their career aspirations. Mind you, if you find someone who truly rocks your world, who can complete your sentences, who is someone with whom you can throw your lot in, then there are compromises to be made. All strong relationships are living, breathing things unto themselves. When two people enter into a relationship, they give up a little piece of themselves to create something even bigger and better. But the problem here is that your romantic interest wants you to do all the sacrifice. This is not a guy who is going to happily work a job and take care of things around the house while you pursue a Masters or a Ph.D. A true partner in a relationship doesn't impose limitations on the other partner in terms of ambitions and goals. Instead, you want to help that partner be the person he or she wants to be. This guy sounds like trouble, in truth. He is putting limits on your aspirations by dangling the fear card in your face. That is unconscionable. It is tantamount to control. And if you go along with it, just wait. He'll find new limitations to impose, new manacles to slip onto your ankles. My wife and I are professing Christians, but we're not conservative ones. There is nothing in Christian belief that agrees with what he's telling you. My wife and I have raised three children without ever putting a dent in her career ambitions. She's now the CFO of a mid-sized company. She has reached the pinnacle of her career. And I never, ever stood in her way. You need to find someone who wants whatever you want within reason. Not someone who is trying to tell you who to be.
thank you, i appreciate that. i’m glad you guys are very happy. thank you for the inspiration. helped
oh I'm so sorry u had to hear that, no one should say stuff like that. Please prioritize urself and f that guy honestly
Consider this situation very carefully as to whether or not you want to continue. Ask him more questions about that because the expansion of his thought very well could be that he doesn’t believe women should do anything but be SAHM’s. It’s time to talk about what the two of you want and you should prepare yourself that the two of you may not want anything remotely similar in life.
This is a values question, and it hints at the possibility of a deeper divide. You have to delve into that.
This is Homer.  Be like Homer and slowly back away.
> conservative Christian girl byeeee lol But in all seriousness, that's a fundamental incompatibility if he's a hard-core Christian and you're not. Drop him and focus on your education!
Dump him
Sounds like me when I was like 14. Run lol
damn, dude deadass said “dont learn, be a baby factory”, thats taking “old soul” to a different level, you sure he’s 27? dude sounds like a dinosaur, you deserve better than that
What should you do? Recognize that you're not compatible and move on. Wouldn't hurt if this situation made you realize that you'd do well to vet guys thoroughly before you allow emotional attachments to start clouding your judgment. We're reaching a point where more and more people are migrating to the fringes and allowing for no compromise with what they want. Best to out intolerance quickly, before feelings start to intrude and it becomes easy to deny or ignore inconvenient facts. The moment a guy thinks it's his place to tell you how to live your life is the moment to walk and not look back...which hopefully is going to happen here.
Run. Do not walk. Run from this person. There are another 4 billion men to choose from later.
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Well at least you found out he's dumb before you're stuck with his kids
Conservative Christian’s like stupid and uneducated people. They’re easier to control. If you were my daughter, I’d tell you to run, don’t walk away from this guy.
“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore” -Lady Gaga
oh my god i love this. this is the best comment on here. HELPED
There’s red flags flying hun he sounds controlling he dosent want someone with an education he wants a servant and someone to bear his kids not an equal he wants to be able to control everything and not have someone who know things
No offense, but you're starting to talk with someone who you "like" but don't appear to be compatible. Putting aside the conservative christian aspect (which will likely be a huge issue down the road), he's already trying to tell you what to do with your life which is a big red flag. It's one thing to tell someone you're opinion. It's something entirely different to try and get them to go along with it. Next you'll say he's taking you to church and suddenly you're being groomed.
Christians: My ignorance is equal to your knowledge. Dump and run.
I’m gonna be *that guy* and say there’s a reason conservatives fear education. Complete red flag. Walk away.
you’re that guy and you’re right. thank you! helped
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Dude doesn't want an intelligent woman, he wants an obedient one he can breed.
My advice would be date someone with ideals from this century
Once you get a degree you are going to be unable to simply look past your difference in values. He most likely doesn't want you to go to school to keep you easy to manipulate. Educated women ask questions and that is antithetical to "faith".
Education first, men will always come into your life
Dude don't go for the conservative Christians
Sounds like he views all women as baby making machines. I'd dip as fast as possible. Christians aren't all bad, I've known some great ones. But this guy sounds off.
It is highly unlikely you will ever have a successful relationship with a conservative Christian when you are not one.
"He's a conservative and christian" that right there is a red flag.
Tell him to kick rocks.
So when the marriage ends, as half of them do, you will be stuck with no career options, kids to feed, and try to juggle parenting and studying and working? The best thing about my life is that I am financially independent and I have a career which pays well and is flexible (I work 7 days a fortnight, and don't work school holidays or weekends, making about $60/hr) so when I had to walk away from first my marriage and then my next relationship, I could, because I have a home and career and money. I wouldn't let someone take that away from me. Edit to add, could you tell him that you agree, but he will be the at home parent and give up his career. You will study until you have kids (it can take ages sometimes) and then go back to work when they are born, while he parents.
He sees you as a baby incubator. If that's not your life goal, ditch him.
Absolutely put your education first
Run away!
To be Frank… it doesn’t sound like he doesn’t think education should be prioritized in general. It sounds like he means education should take a back seat for *women*, because it’s their duty to be mothers to their husband’s children rather than focusing on their futures. If you’re not the obedient house wife type then I’d say run.
i’m definitely not that time. i’m more of an independent fireball. thank you. helped
Had my suspicions when I read your user handle. Don’t let em extinguish your spark!
He is a conservative christian, which mean there is a high chance he expects you to be a stay at home mum and that your main purpose in life will be to produce children. There is nothing wrong in it as long as it is YOUR choice. Be careful: without education, it will be difficult to have a good choice and you might end up being totally dependent of him. If one day you want to live him, it would make it very difficult. Which, of course, as a conservative christian he wants to. The one with the money has the power, and he won't want his wife to have power. Plus, you're 23. Even with long studies, you'll be able to have kids later if you wants to. To be honest, this is a big red flag for me. I would tell him that you're an independent woman and this is YOUR life: if you wants to study, then study. If you wants to have kids, have some, if you don't (or later) just do as you want. If he is not happy with it he can F himself. It's not the 50s anymore.
In general, the more differing values you have, the more often those differences will show themselves in the form of disagreements and conflict. And a relationship that is dominated by conflict is probably not one that will last in the long run. Consider also how this would affect how your children, especially daughters, would be raised. Ultimately it’s up to you to decide if this is a dealbreaker or a sign of incompatibility or not
thank you, i am very much agreeing. we have opposing views (i dabble with the tenets of the satanic temple and he is a christian). edit: helped
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I work at a hospital and there's dayum near 40 year old woman trying to have kids and having them. It's all dependent on genetics, self care, etc. I wouldn't listen to this guy, especially if he doesn't value education (which is what you value). Education is important, since it is what's needed to get a good job. The reason families nowadays struggle is cause they don't have a good job, live paycheck to paycheck, and it ends up being worse for the kid that puts up with parents who are I'll prepared. My mom who dropped out at 14 regrets not ever finishing school and having lots of kids, she feels like she could've done more and tells me not to make her mistake.
Solid advice in comments. Dude is a dud.
He just showed you what he prioritises: child bearing. I, personally, wouldn't date a person like that because our values don't align. I prioritise education, travelling, career, and other relationships way way way over taking advantage of my "child bearing years" *shudders* Talk about misogynistic! It's your choice if you want to be with someone like this. Just be aware so you don't fully lose yourself and your values.
He's wrong, education is the only thing you can take with you and use to get into and out of a situation; good or bad
Well you've got at least a solid decade of peak fertility left and after that probably 10-15years where it's still perfectly possible to have kids. Finishing your degree probably won't take 25 years so I wouldn't worry too much. I swear his logic but from the outside looking in it looks like this guy is trying to baby trap you because he knows you're too good for him. Just speaking as someone who has been in your place and made poor decisions.
Nah. You're not livestock. Get your education.
I got to "He's a conservative Christian and I am not" He's not for you
That is a huge red flag. Also, if you're ever thinking of having children with this person their quality of life will be markedly worse than yours. That's potentially not fair to them. Find someone that doesn't think ignorance/stupidity is a virtue.
Christian guys with this traditional mindset always push for kids first because their backwards views of the world view woman as a birthing machine. Fuck this guy (not literally) and go find someone else with a brain
He wants a subservient broodmare. Do you want to be a subservient broodmare? If no, then you're not going to be happy with this guy. Don't waste your time.
> he is a conservative christian Somehow I guessed that from the title
And, this is why I don't bother with conservative. Christians. Take this as a learning opportunity: you can be as different as you wish, but if your values differ, that's a deal breaker. That's the one thing you don't want to differ too much with your SO. Good you realized this early on!
He needs you uninformed and chained to the kitchen to feel superior. What a catch!!!! For the future figure out what you"really like" about him so you can avoid that in future!
helped. it was just the fact that we were trying to work through our different beliefs, but that took it a bit too far for me.
Sounds like he listens to Andrew Tate. Don’t listen to any guy that tells you having kids is more important than achieving your goals.
I think he wants you dumb and ignorant so he can manipulate you better.
You lost me at “conservative christian”
He’s an idiot. Either pop out a child and lose your freedom or learn skills, make more money (in theory) and get more freedom due to that) I would make yourself single very quickly
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AMEN
Run forest, Run. Religious blokes like think that women only exist to be wives and mothers, cook and clean. That's it. It's prehistoric thinking and behaviour. Run.
So you recognize what your values are and he doesn't match your values. Sounds like y'all don't match
Tell him you appreciate his opinion, respectfully disagree and will be putting education first. He can respect you and your wishes or find someone else
I see you got good advice so I'll just add a thought. Part of meeting people is to learn about them. Sometimes we love so much about who they are we want to ignore some aspect of who they really are. Yet that's part of them and to ignore it would not be fair to anyone. You met a cool guy but he's not a good prospect for a relationship. That's OK. Goodluck at school!
You're not compatible Don't prolong the inevitable break up.
My education has done more for me than any man and I’m glad I didn’t have kids until my 30’s because I got to do a lot of interesting stuff and I think I’m a better mom now than I would have been when I was younger.
I just see red flags flying already. To a very small extent he is true, unlike a male, a woman's biological clock does have a time limit on when kids can be conceived, or when it's not considered high risk. But does that mean you have to put off education till you have kids, absolutely not. If you want to get a PhD, then go for it. Pursuing a PhD won't even put you past the age for high risk pregnancies so he's just being misogynistic
And if he dies, how will you support the kids? You're only 23, so it's not like you don't have time to have kids. How many years of college do you have left?
Never let someone tell you this education is important to set yourself up in life. It also helps you be more independent it sounds to me like either he’s intimidated by the fact that you want to learn and are willing to put in that effort for yourself or he’s the type of person to not want someone to succeed for his own selfish reasons. Me personally I was in a two year relationship and eventually I put my schooling first and it created some bumpy moments because for a while I couldn’t make my partner a priority like I once did because my nana gave me wise advice and told me your education will be more valuable in the long run so don’t make my partner so much of a priority that it makes me throw away my goals and dreams in life. Hope this helped stranger!
If he’s a conservative Christian, and you’re not, I don’t see what your dilemma is. Him telling you that your education isn’t important, and that your only purpose is to be a baby incubator should turn you 100% off. You cannot convince him otherwise. It is not your job to convince him otherwise. Pursuing a relationship with him will not end well for you. He will never respect you or your life/education goals. Focus on your education, and let this dude go.
you really like him despite having huge differences? you're kidding yourself. you can always find another person close to what you want later. you're only 23
…then he’s an idiot. Find someone else. This pilgrim dumb as shit
Why would you date a guy like that? Everything about him screams sexism.
My wife and I recently had this conversation as we were talking about education for our children ( 4 and 1 1/2). Her college boyfriend was in the trades and her dad told her that eventually their interests would peter out as she continued on to get two masters. He didn’t prioritize education in the same sense and within two years they split paths…worked out for me! You should never hinder your personal growth for your partner or else it just won’t be compatible in the long term regardless of how much fun you have in the here and now
He's a conservative. Run
Yep, sounds like a conservative christian. “Don’t get an education cause you’ll be to damn old to have my BABIES”. Fuck this guy, you can do better! Get an education girl! You don’t need him.
RUN
Run, if he can't be supportive of your future then he doesn't deserve to be in it.
red flag
He’s basically telling you your job is to, first & foremost, be a brood mare. A thing else is secondary.
I’d be Out. Also in my experience he’s exactly wrong: I’ve knowna lot more people who had kids in their 30s than went back to school. It’s possible to literally get pregnant after 30 without trying or even wanting to, but going back to school requires you to actively choose to uproot your life and spend a bunch of money/make less money while you get your degree. It’s incredibly difficult and most people just accept that they missed their chance and move on.
Well duck what he thinks, you can do better than him
If you value education then a Conservative Christian is not for you. They value beliefs over science and over time you will try and change eachothers views which won't work. Go with someone who is like minded.
I wish everyone prioritized education, then we’d actually have a high standard educated society
Girl YOU call the shots, he doesn’t get an opinion. But now you know how he feels about your dreams/hopes. Act accordingly lol
It sounds like he's the kind of guy who believes a "woman's place" is having children for males. If he says you having children is more important than your education, the farther you get into this relationship, the more it's going to become a 1950s housewife nightmare. At least that's my impression based on your post.
I wonder what other horrible beliefs he has to share with you
Ah yes the classic “the only true value a woman can bring into this world is an offspring” type. I would recommend you stop seeing him. You’re smart and you love to learn and I really admire that. One day, you’ll find someone who loves that about you.
You can be educated and have kids. He sounds intimidated by your education.Men get scared when in reality they need to stay confident. Trying to impress males can often go south (genetics and social programming)
Don't let him decide what you want to do, you don't necessarily need to focus just on one thing... you should have balance, not saying force yourself in to a situation you don't want to be in. But it's definitely an idea... also i wouldn't get in the trades unless YOU want to. To me, he sounds kinda controlling/manipulative, so I'd watch out.
run
End it if education is that big of an issue can only imagine when y’all get to real problems
What the actual fuck is hoing on america (?). Id never tell my gf to value anything above education (and health)
He has different priorities then you which would make the relationship unable to work in the future. People are allowed to have different priorities then you but he shouldn’t budge in and tell you what you should do.
Break up with him he's not worth it he should support all your best interests and have good morals
This is a big deal. That and him being a conservative Christian and you are not makes this a terrible match.
Your first mistake was seeing a conservative christian.
if you think hes pushing his religion on you now, just imagine if you got married
As a moderate Christian, you need to do your part and put a hard stop on these conservatives from procreating.
I’ll tell you same advice I just told someone else: Stop talking to crackheads
I wouldn’t go near one of these. They look great on the outside sometimes, but tell him no, find out his views on social issues, fact-check something to him. His reaction will show you whats underneath. Sorry.
Run! I did this for 3 years and she held me back so much job and education came second to her. He’s replaceable and there’s someone out there who will value your education.
he’s prob been watching the Tate guy on tiktok. Avoid
girll you deserve better. i'm a christian as well and i've seen this before, it's not worth it!!
My father was the same way, my mother left him early in my childhood. I'm thankful for that, because now I'm really smart, at least having the common sense to be a contributing member of society.
Wow.... why do you like this person? He sounds like a horrible human being.
Girl what's your question? Move on there's about a 1% chance that pairing works out long term. Get out now before you're stuck with a kid with this guy.
Religious people normally have this in them. I’m assuming if you’re 23 you probably have a bachelors and probably thinking of doing a masters. That’s fine because you would still be at an age to have kids. But if you want to Perdue even more higher education like a phd, then that would take you a very long while especially with year or two in industry. He’s just showing you his priorities; he wants a wife who can raise children instead of a working wife. My advice? Best to leave it. You’re 23 and you’ll find plenty of people you’ll love and they will be tolerant of your education.
Well you are young and he is old. You have different objectives and opinions and if that is a dealbreaker, you should always put yourself first. My advice is that you should date people your age, who are more likely to have the same goals as you.
Honestly, I don't think a conservative Christian is going to be a good match for anyone except another conservative Christian. Their worldview has diverged from the rest of the country radically over the last few years. If you're a more reality-based person, you're going to continue to find conflicts. That said, you should also be open to different points of view. There is some truth to what he says. Wife and I had our daughter when I was 43 and she 41. It's a higher risk pregnancy and honestly having a child can be exhausting, and as we age it's less and less fair to our daughter.
You shouldn't be with this guy as you're not on the same page on faith. Frankly he should know this as a "conservative Christian" that you don't marry unbelievers, so he's not exactly a great example of Christianity to start with, and his beliefs are not in line with anything that Jesus would actually teach. Plenty of women actually funded Jesus ministry. They were considered wealthy and good with business. God repeatedly has shown in scripture that the value of a woman is not just her child bearing years. Never believe any man who tells you that unquestioning servitude to him is your place. This is coming from a Christian married man.
If you were 33, he’d have a valid point, but not at 23.
You are simply incompatible. Personally I as well think that education shouldn’t be everything but if you think otherwise he should respect it and move on.
Why is everyone who gives any advice other than "pursue your education/career" being down voted ? That's not how it works. Advice is advice even if it doesn't align with what you want to hear. Even if it doesn't align with the majority. Down vote bad advice, sure. But I don't think anyone has given bad advice. Different takes and perspectives sure but I found where all the advice was that didn't necessarily align with the career path. Down voted at the bottom. Consider that currently it is important. But 10 years from now, it may not be. It is incredibly difficult to predict how we will grow and develop in the future, even though for most it is very easy to look back and see our growth and change in the past year. At the end of the day make your decisions and choices. But I'd say, as my other comment said - do the research. Don't take what this echo chamber says as truth. It's just one piece of advice. It doesn't mean it's correct, or the best or the only advice. Doesn't mean it's bad advice either. You're young, but doesn't mean you cannot make wise decisions now. You have people saying don't wait too long to start a family and have others saying put it off. Both are valid. But you make the decision. You may end up at 40, great career and lonely or get married now and have kids and wish you never had them. Life can play out in many different ways. Consider carefully where you want to go and make the decisions that get you there.