Incorporate Metamucil into your diet. You will poop more/bigger but the upside it makes it less sticky and smeary and usually there isn't anything to wipe afterwards.
>Incorporate Metamucil into your diet. You will poop more/bigger but the upside it makes it less sticky and smeary and usually there isn't anything to wipe afterwards.
Better yet, just buy bulk Psyllium Husk powder instead; that's *literally* all that Metamucil is, and you can get bulk Psyllium Husk powder for a ***significantly*** lower price.
Mix it with orange juice in a blender. Or just cut it up in a food processor. Or add it to food. Psyllium husk is 10x more useful for 1/100th the cost.
10x more useful? Metamucil has the same ingredient they just make it tasty and smooth. I have tried pure Psyllium Husk and found it very unpleasant and less effective (likely due to the texture but I wasn’t using a blender). Also the prices for both seem very similar.
To each his own, but where I am you can get psyllium husk in bulk. I'll buy like a gallon of it at a time and it's never cost me more than like $10 Canadian.
Dextrin (Benefiber style generic) is so much easier to work with, it actually dissolves in water alone with zero taste. No slimy clumps even with minimal mixing
Unlike psyllium, which still has gel clumps unless you use plenty of water and put effort into mixing, and you still need to taste it when consuming
Also if your starting, start slow, like 1/4 teaspoon in a serving to start for dextrin, and drink plenty of water with any of the options. The instructions on the package assume your diet has zero fiber, which hopefully isn't true
Nope, pretty sure Trump is the only one who has a history of incontinence and wearing diapers.
Context that gives an amazing explanation for Trump's smell: https://www.reddit.com/r/OutOfTheLoop/comments/18sa3cl/comment/kf6lrsp/
I use these 'Neutrogena Fragrance-Free Makeup Remover Cleansing Towelette Singles, Individually-Wrapped' ...
You just carry one small/single packet in you and wipe after for a nice clean and refreshing butt. My life got better.
Yeah, I got a free few samples of dude wipes, which is obvs mandatory considering my dude status....
Only issue I find with them, is after I'm done I've gotta get a shit covered wipe into some trash receptacle, generally across the room, which is also not really intended for shit covered wipes...
We don't oft have those fancy little shitter-side waste recepticals such as the ladies get.
It just taint easy.
Ah wait, I wipe normally with tissue and then do the wipe after for that extra clean
Fresh effect. Then wrap that wipe with more tissue. Goes in the trash bin.
No mess.
When the water splashes and makes your butthole wet is one of the worst feelings known to man. I can't imagine doing this to myself intentionally every time.
It's not even the thought of a wet butt crack that bothers me. it's what's happening inside the bowl. Shit water flying all over the place, sneaking out in the gap in between the bowl and the seat, climbing around on the wall, the bathroom scale, the floor. Now it's in your feet and follows you around the house. All these non-soap anus cleaners here are giving me the heebs, man.
It's you and me against the world. We'll wash our holes together with soap, as God intended. I'll be her. You be him.
Dude go ask a proctologist before you _need_ to see them. Maybe they can recommend something you’ll be ok with. But what you’re doing now is inviting a _truly_ disgusting issue later in your life. And painful, too.
You gotta try bidet, my dude. It's not like getting Poseidon's kiss. It's more like getting a pressure washer where you control the pressure.
Think of it this way. Imagine you get shit on your body somewhere you can't see without a mirror, anywhere except your butt. Face, back, neck, wherever you choose.
Now I give you a piece of dry paper and say, "Rub this on that spot, and when you can't see any more poop on it, stop." Would you be satisfied with that? You'd happily walk around all day like that? Or would you rather go wash it off?
It's....not gross. It's the opposite of gross. It makes you feel so much better.
Consider this - you're still drying the butt after you've cleaned it - so just like when you're shower fresh and you use a towel, you can do the same thing with a bidet!
I don't think it's about how nasty they are. I think it's like getting bird shit on your car immediately after washing it. It's the principle of "this was washed a second ago and now this unclean thing has happened." Even with proper wiping It just feels tainted (no pun intended?) until your next shower.
The toilet paper getting wet had never been an issue for me, but there is something about a post shower shit that I find deeply disturbing. I think my skin is just extra sensitive so it makes pooping feel weird.
Absolutely wild how many people are still using dry toilet paper in 2024.
A basic bidet is like $30 on Amazon.
Stop walking around with dry shit smeared on your asshole.
You shower. You make yourself clean. Now you get out of the shower and have to poop. You poop. You are not clean. You need to get clean once more. You need to shower a second time after already doing that and getting dressed and ready for the day.
This operates on the assumption that OP doesn't have a bidet and just uses dry toilet paper to wipe themselves.
Lesson here is get a bidet. Cheap and easy. It's not like a crazy $2,500 Japanese bidet that primes you with soap, rinses, sanitises, dries you and shines UV light to disinfect or something. You can get a cheap attachment that you screw between the water supply and the toilet. It's like $25 on Amazon and takes 15-30 minutes to install yourself with no professional help besides watching a 5 minute YouTube video.
Although let's be real. Having different water pressure options and really warm water is pretty fabulous. I don't use the heated seat, but if I lived somewhere really cold I would love that, too.
Agree, but they can discover those wonders on their own. As long as they get their foot in the door. Just make that jump and if they want to upgrade from there, great.
Bidets really are an absolute game changer. I don't know why they aren't more popular in the USA. Someone probably said it was gay to wash your own butthole. That tracks.
Either way, team bidet all day. Cheap attachment or heated seats and everything in between. Live like kings and queens. Clean your buttholes.
> You poop. You are not clean.
This is a bit odd to me. The poop has come from inside you. Does that mean the inside of your body is not clean?
In Australia, bidets aren't common. I can't say I've ever seen one. We wipe with toilet paper, clean our hands, and go on our way.
And, hypothetically, if after you pooped you pulled down your pants, bent over and touched your toes while someone else sniffed your bootyhole, it would smell like dookie. Dry wiping with TP doesn't really "clean" you down there.
No one is denying that poop is a waste product.
I'm instead challenging people's notion of cleanliness and what it constitutes. There are fecal specimens on your toothbrush, underneath your fingernails, and yet you probably don't blink an eye. People kiss their dogs, knowing or not knowing where the dogs mouths have been. Your bed is a florid environment of microbes, fungal spores, dust mites, etc.
Your question was literally, "The poop has come from inside you. Does that mean the inside of your body is not clean?" to which the answer is yes.
I guess the second part can be boiled down to, if you got poop on your arm, would you just use paper to wipe it off? Or would you at least wash it? Few people are going to be touching your forearm. Yet it follows you everywhere you go.
My toothbrush lives in my medicine cabinet, not in the toilet, nor in my butthole. After I rinse my ass, I still wash my hands. I don't kiss my dog, and you'll have a lot more fecal matter under your fingernails by wiping the literal shit off of them instead of rinsing it off first.
I guess the question is this, if someone shit on your floor, would you just wipe it up with paper towels, or would you also mop to make sure it's cleaner?
Hard agree, brother. I've honestly stopped even trying to explain all of the benefits, instead opting for "Are you the kind of person that would, upon finding dogshit on the floor, wipe it up with a dry paper towel and be like "this is fine", or are you the kind of person who would use some water to actually clean it up?". If you're the former, then blessed be and best of luck with your stank ass.
It puzzles me how other people behave sometimes.
Unless I'm really in a rush, I just sit down on the toilet before taking a shower, every single time. If I need to take a dump, I'll find out there. If not, no worries, I just get up and take a shower as planned.
It's crazy to me how people act like they have 0% control over their own bodies. Sure, maybe you prefer to let your body's natural rhythm guide your schedule for the most part. But that doesn't mean you can't influence it at all. You can make a suggestion to your body and see how it responds.
Just sit down. 9 times out of 10, something will come out. And you'll pretty much know immediately whether you're wasting your time based on the way you feel.
"Ever take a post shower shit t? Ugh, might as well go back to bed and start the day over." - Daniel Tosh
"Things are wrong! That's not the order of events. There's a glitch in the matrix... This world's not real! Mom! "
Thank you! I knew the follow up was something like that. But I wasn't confident enough to make it up.
https://www.tiktok.com/@standup/video/6826039935192124678
I quote this in my head every time.
I don't think he knows about 2nd showers!
Or 3 seashells
fuck shit damn cock well now I have toilet paper!
We had one shower, yes. But how about a second shower?
Incorporate Metamucil into your diet. You will poop more/bigger but the upside it makes it less sticky and smeary and usually there isn't anything to wipe afterwards.
Metamucil giveth, cheese taketh away!
One wipe wonders. All the time. Best thing I've done for my health in a long time.
The angel wipe
>Incorporate Metamucil into your diet. You will poop more/bigger but the upside it makes it less sticky and smeary and usually there isn't anything to wipe afterwards. Better yet, just buy bulk Psyllium Husk powder instead; that's *literally* all that Metamucil is, and you can get bulk Psyllium Husk powder for a ***significantly*** lower price.
That’s quite literally not all that Metamucil is. They add a bunch of shit to make it taste good instead feeling like your drinking chunky sawdust.
Mix it with orange juice in a blender. Or just cut it up in a food processor. Or add it to food. Psyllium husk is 10x more useful for 1/100th the cost.
10x more useful? Metamucil has the same ingredient they just make it tasty and smooth. I have tried pure Psyllium Husk and found it very unpleasant and less effective (likely due to the texture but I wasn’t using a blender). Also the prices for both seem very similar.
To each his own, but where I am you can get psyllium husk in bulk. I'll buy like a gallon of it at a time and it's never cost me more than like $10 Canadian.
Or just buy a $20 bidet...
https://off-the-hook.livejournal.com/53420.html Jack Black knows
Dextrin (Benefiber style generic) is so much easier to work with, it actually dissolves in water alone with zero taste. No slimy clumps even with minimal mixing Unlike psyllium, which still has gel clumps unless you use plenty of water and put effort into mixing, and you still need to taste it when consuming Also if your starting, start slow, like 1/4 teaspoon in a serving to start for dextrin, and drink plenty of water with any of the options. The instructions on the package assume your diet has zero fiber, which hopefully isn't true
Bidet makes this issue null
I read this as “Biden” at first glance and was REAL curious about his new initiative.
Draining the real swamp!
The guffaw I just guffed. Hats off to you, internet being.
Biden sticker on the toilet: “I did that”
Me too
His is diapers either before or after
Pretty sure that's already heavily associated with the other side of US politics.
Yeah trump does too, loads of old people do, they depend on them
Nope, pretty sure Trump is the only one who has a history of incontinence and wearing diapers. Context that gives an amazing explanation for Trump's smell: https://www.reddit.com/r/OutOfTheLoop/comments/18sa3cl/comment/kf6lrsp/
Props for the subtle "Depends" joke.
The only regret I have about a Bidet...is how fricking long it took me to finally get one.
That and taking a shit in a public toilet/hotel sucks.
You can get a portable bidet which is basically a squeeze bottle. Check Amazon.
Yes! I have one called a Tushy and it works well for travel.
Same here!
Get a bidet, damned barbarians!!!
Why I gotta be singled out?
I now face any spicy and/or oily food head on without looking back
Yup!
I shit at work for reasons so sadly this won't fly.... I have heard there are portable ones but dang... I should try a portable....
Search for "travel bidet" and you'll probably get better results.
I gotchu fam. This plus tp is gonna change your life. https://www.honest.com/add-ons/soothing-bottom-wash/H01SOO00V400S.html
Now this seems to be the best option I've seen mentioned yet... I may try this, thank you! If you're affiliated with them I'll tell em you sent me! ;)
Nah, just used this for my baby when not home and realized the usefulness. There are other brands out there.
I use these 'Neutrogena Fragrance-Free Makeup Remover Cleansing Towelette Singles, Individually-Wrapped' ... You just carry one small/single packet in you and wipe after for a nice clean and refreshing butt. My life got better.
Yeah, I got a free few samples of dude wipes, which is obvs mandatory considering my dude status.... Only issue I find with them, is after I'm done I've gotta get a shit covered wipe into some trash receptacle, generally across the room, which is also not really intended for shit covered wipes... We don't oft have those fancy little shitter-side waste recepticals such as the ladies get. It just taint easy.
Ah wait, I wipe normally with tissue and then do the wipe after for that extra clean Fresh effect. Then wrap that wipe with more tissue. Goes in the trash bin. No mess.
A bidet is superior to dry paper, but doesn't match soap and scrubbing.
My showerhead reaches my toilet. It's a fucking lifesaver
When the water splashes and makes your butthole wet is one of the worst feelings known to man. I can't imagine doing this to myself intentionally every time.
It's not even the thought of a wet butt crack that bothers me. it's what's happening inside the bowl. Shit water flying all over the place, sneaking out in the gap in between the bowl and the seat, climbing around on the wall, the bathroom scale, the floor. Now it's in your feet and follows you around the house. All these non-soap anus cleaners here are giving me the heebs, man. It's you and me against the world. We'll wash our holes together with soap, as God intended. I'll be her. You be him.
How do you clean your butthole without getting it wet?
I'm in the shower scrubbing it with a soapy loofah. Then I immediately dry it with a towel when I get out.
You’re scrubbing your anus with soap and loofah?! What in the hemorrhoids are you thinking? https://lacolon.com/article/keeping-clean-use-soap-anus
That's fucking disgusting.
Dude go ask a proctologist before you _need_ to see them. Maybe they can recommend something you’ll be ok with. But what you’re doing now is inviting a _truly_ disgusting issue later in your life. And painful, too.
No, I'm pretty sure most people wash their ass with soap ... Actually based on the smell on the metro, maybe not.
Aight, have fun with your anal abrasions.
You gotta try bidet, my dude. It's not like getting Poseidon's kiss. It's more like getting a pressure washer where you control the pressure. Think of it this way. Imagine you get shit on your body somewhere you can't see without a mirror, anywhere except your butt. Face, back, neck, wherever you choose. Now I give you a piece of dry paper and say, "Rub this on that spot, and when you can't see any more poop on it, stop." Would you be satisfied with that? You'd happily walk around all day like that? Or would you rather go wash it off?
The difference is we are talking about my butthole, not my face, back, or neck. I'll pass on the gross butt water machine.
It's....not gross. It's the opposite of gross. It makes you feel so much better. Consider this - you're still drying the butt after you've cleaned it - so just like when you're shower fresh and you use a towel, you can do the same thing with a bidet!
How am I drying it? Do I keep a nasty butt towel by my bidet?
TP... its not that hard.
Eww. So now I'm dealing with wet tp? Yeah man, just gonna keep wiping my butt the normal way.
You don't know what you're saying.
I'm quite certain that I do. Pooping is a specialty of mine.
I hope the loofah is reserved for that purpose alone....
Uhh no. Like most people, I wash my entire body.
I have a bidet so it's all good
What kinda nasty shits are you making?
I don't think it's about how nasty they are. I think it's like getting bird shit on your car immediately after washing it. It's the principle of "this was washed a second ago and now this unclean thing has happened." Even with proper wiping It just feels tainted (no pun intended?) until your next shower.
No, it's the moisture of your skin after a shower sticking to the TP.
Fuckin worst. I'd almost rather leave shit in that crater than even a bit of wet and shit-covered paper.
Have you tried the 3 seashells?
Have you tried drying off with a towel 🤷
The toilet paper getting wet had never been an issue for me, but there is something about a post shower shit that I find deeply disturbing. I think my skin is just extra sensitive so it makes pooping feel weird.
12 pack Crave case with extra onions.
Well usually they come out of my butthole,and consist primarily of fecal matter.
Absolutely wild how many people are still using dry toilet paper in 2024. A basic bidet is like $30 on Amazon. Stop walking around with dry shit smeared on your asshole.
Lol, that’s cute you think that shit is dry. More like M-O-I-SSS-T!
Or......you know........a puddle with no solid matter.
[удалено]
Hot
Every. Single. Fucking. Time.
And it isn't a clean one with no wipe, it is creamy peanut butter.
Yummy!
Surprised nobody brought up the waffle stomp incident yet. Guess most of the old timers have abandoned the reddits.
It's a new generation on reddit these days.
I shower the lower half after, to be complete.
A long time ago I learned from reddit that this was called a *saboturd*.
Happens to me infuriatingly often. Scumbag body.
Wet Kleenex! Just be sure to get it before you sit down
This is how you plug up the sewer.
What does this mean? What does showering and getting ready have to do with pooping?
You shower. You make yourself clean. Now you get out of the shower and have to poop. You poop. You are not clean. You need to get clean once more. You need to shower a second time after already doing that and getting dressed and ready for the day. This operates on the assumption that OP doesn't have a bidet and just uses dry toilet paper to wipe themselves. Lesson here is get a bidet. Cheap and easy. It's not like a crazy $2,500 Japanese bidet that primes you with soap, rinses, sanitises, dries you and shines UV light to disinfect or something. You can get a cheap attachment that you screw between the water supply and the toilet. It's like $25 on Amazon and takes 15-30 minutes to install yourself with no professional help besides watching a 5 minute YouTube video.
Although let's be real. Having different water pressure options and really warm water is pretty fabulous. I don't use the heated seat, but if I lived somewhere really cold I would love that, too.
Agree, but they can discover those wonders on their own. As long as they get their foot in the door. Just make that jump and if they want to upgrade from there, great. Bidets really are an absolute game changer. I don't know why they aren't more popular in the USA. Someone probably said it was gay to wash your own butthole. That tracks. Either way, team bidet all day. Cheap attachment or heated seats and everything in between. Live like kings and queens. Clean your buttholes.
Who the fuck showers after pooping? I shower every day, I poop at different times, I don’t shower whenever I poop. Just wash your hands.
> You poop. You are not clean. This is a bit odd to me. The poop has come from inside you. Does that mean the inside of your body is not clean? In Australia, bidets aren't common. I can't say I've ever seen one. We wipe with toilet paper, clean our hands, and go on our way.
And, hypothetically, if after you pooped you pulled down your pants, bent over and touched your toes while someone else sniffed your bootyhole, it would smell like dookie. Dry wiping with TP doesn't really "clean" you down there.
Must be a cultural thing. We don't go around hypothetically sniffing each other's buttholes after pooping.
Believe it or not, your poop is indeed not clean. It's a waste product.
No one is denying that poop is a waste product. I'm instead challenging people's notion of cleanliness and what it constitutes. There are fecal specimens on your toothbrush, underneath your fingernails, and yet you probably don't blink an eye. People kiss their dogs, knowing or not knowing where the dogs mouths have been. Your bed is a florid environment of microbes, fungal spores, dust mites, etc.
Your question was literally, "The poop has come from inside you. Does that mean the inside of your body is not clean?" to which the answer is yes. I guess the second part can be boiled down to, if you got poop on your arm, would you just use paper to wipe it off? Or would you at least wash it? Few people are going to be touching your forearm. Yet it follows you everywhere you go. My toothbrush lives in my medicine cabinet, not in the toilet, nor in my butthole. After I rinse my ass, I still wash my hands. I don't kiss my dog, and you'll have a lot more fecal matter under your fingernails by wiping the literal shit off of them instead of rinsing it off first. I guess the question is this, if someone shit on your floor, would you just wipe it up with paper towels, or would you also mop to make sure it's cleaner?
Why don't people have bidets...
Brother, buy a bidet and start living like a king.
This is the worst.
I have no sympathy for folks who don't own a bidet in 2024. Savages.
Bidet??? I don't even own a toilet! I just shit in the pool at the local YMCA!
Hard agree, brother. I've honestly stopped even trying to explain all of the benefits, instead opting for "Are you the kind of person that would, upon finding dogshit on the floor, wipe it up with a dry paper towel and be like "this is fine", or are you the kind of person who would use some water to actually clean it up?". If you're the former, then blessed be and best of luck with your stank ass.
What is the worst triple S order?
"Your whole day is ruined!" -Daniel Tosh
My household calls this a "Glitch in the Matrix!"
First Poop or Second Poop?
Taps head: Not an issue if you shower the night before! (You can also sleep a little later! I'm bed to bus in 25 minutes.)
why? do you not clean yourself after pooping? is showering the only way you know to clean your butt?
Leave the shower going, hop out onto the toilet to shit, then hop right back to the shower to wash your ass.
Yeah my body be like *we do a lil trollin hehe fuck you*
It puzzles me how other people behave sometimes. Unless I'm really in a rush, I just sit down on the toilet before taking a shower, every single time. If I need to take a dump, I'll find out there. If not, no worries, I just get up and take a shower as planned. It's crazy to me how people act like they have 0% control over their own bodies. Sure, maybe you prefer to let your body's natural rhythm guide your schedule for the most part. But that doesn't mean you can't influence it at all. You can make a suggestion to your body and see how it responds. Just sit down. 9 times out of 10, something will come out. And you'll pretty much know immediately whether you're wasting your time based on the way you feel.
Yeah removing ass makeup is such a bitch.
Buy a bidet.
Clean that butthole. Need a squeaky clean butthole. One so clean you could eat off it.
i feel seen... ...as in are there hidden cameras in my house and have you been watching me today? I feel so bad for you if so.
Thats what the bidet is for