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It’s cool that you’re thinking about this and trying to be respectful. Just call them by their names. If you feel like it eventually then yes dad is good for both. Sometimes you might have to say “no not you. Other dad”. Or when you’re talking about them just say “My dads…” Definitely don’t give either of them something for Mother’s Day. That plays into the old stereotype of one being the real man and one being the woman. They are both men.
I defo wanna be respectful bc they're really nice and it would be so cool to have two dads and just a family ig. Yeh that will probably work better for the names. Damn I didn't think of it like that I definitely won't get anybody anything for mothers day then. Thanks for ur help.
I have guardianship of my two oldest granddaughters, and we don't celebrate either Mother's Day or Father's Day.
June 20th is our "Gotcha Day", which is the day I went and picked them up from their bitchy aunt who kept them from me for almost a year. We do dinner and gifts. You could do that with your two Dads.
I'm an adoptee. We do a gotcha day, too. It is one of my favorite family traditions. When I was young, my parents would take me on a little unique day trip, but they wouldn't tell me where we were going. It was to sort of commemorate the anticipation and surprise they experienced when they got me.
Or Papa. I often call my dad Pop (or Pop Pop) when my kids/nieces are around because that's what the grandchildren call him. I've also seen Dad and Daddy, but you may be a little old for that one.
The mothers day thing depends on the couple. Just ask them if theyd like to celebrate it or if theyd prefer not to. Im sure theyre willing to answer questions you have, this is a new experience for all of you. Congratulations!
I love my dads. It's absolutely the best because if someone hassles me there are two dudes revving each other up about kicking someone's ass on my behalf.
They are much more likely to go right for the throat if someone does me dirty, compared to hetero couple parents. It is the absolute safest place to be a child, as maybe one 6 foot dude giving the stink eye will make someone stop, but two is not fighting fair.
When I went to grad school, I read an account about a pair of gay swans chasing a female off a nest and claiming the cignets. With two big guard swans, the survival rate of the cignets was really high, and the swans fought off foxes and all other forms of trouble. I was like "I AM A BABY SWAN" And got a big kick out of it.
My husband and ex husband both call the school threatening the administration in their own ways to address when my daughter was bullied. She is 7 and proud to have 2 dads. Sometimes they even joke that they are happy gay couple and I’m a surrogate 😂😂
I got this idea from a movie, but this little girl who had two dads called them "daddy (their name)". You could do something similar, if you want to. There's no real "right" answer for that one, just whatever fits your family
You can buy them stuff for Father's day and Mother's day. Nothing stopping you. Enjoy your new family and have fun with it!
I have a friend who is gay and he and his husband adopted a son, he calls them both dad. :)
On the flip side…you could celebrate both holidays with both of them as they will be trying to fill both roles.
I’m so happy for you that you are being adopted. I have the feeling that they are going to be amazing…🤗
I mean if you got them both something small for both mothers and Father’s Day and say something like parents day maybe? My family wishes my mom happy fathers since she’s a single parent, but that is different lol
I would write 'happy father's day' on a card for them on mother's. For Father's Day, I would then write something corny about being so awesome that you wanted to celebrate them twice!
This is solid advice! OP, happy for you and your family! Your questions are normal and I think a lot of things (I.e. what to call them) will naturally fall into place overtime.
You can always talk to them about preferences. Maybe in time, if you're feeling it, have some fun and call them Dad-1 and Dad-2, like thing 1 and thing 2 from Dr Seuss. Tall dad, shorter dad. All assuming it feels comfortable to you.
I have an adopted daughter, which has had joys and sorrows and challenges and wonderful times. I wish you the best, and hope that you all become the best family you could hope for (including all the "warts").
Or you could get them both gifts for mother's and father's days since they are both filling both roles in various ways. But it would depend on the household dynamics.
This is such a lovely post to read. You are a very thoughtful person.
I have a lot of friends who are same sex parents. Their kids often call both parents something different, like “Dad” and “Pop.” It’s the same thing my kids do because they have four grandmothers (two are step grandmothers). One is Gram, one is grandma, etc.
I hope your new family is full of so much love and kindness. ❤️
(Edited typo)
Run with ittt
Serious: it’s normal to have questions. Ask them! Come up with answers together
Just a quick note, being gay doesn’t mean they will want to use female terms like mom. That would be transgender
When you are ready you can call them dad. I *promise* you that it’ll be a HUGE deal to them
and then you can even have some fun with it
You can call them dads, the dads, dad^2, dad 1&2, etc
Yeah this made me smile to read for a few reasons. So much pressure is on the adopting parents to create a welcoming environment for their new kid, moreso if it's a teen, and this kid's out here trying to make THEM as comfortable as possible. If everyone keeps this energy as they establish this new family, they're all going to do just fine. Congrats, OP!
That’s great. Try to be as accepting as possible, as it seems they are trying to be with you.
And for the love of God, do not ever use the nuclear option of saying ‘you’re not my real dad’ in an argument, ever.
It's up to you nothing more to say :) As of Mother's day they are two dads so you do nothing.
Families come in all shapes and sizes as long as there is true love and happiness there it doesn't matter the slightest.
Just the fact that you are trying to be respectful of their feelings shows what a beautiful person you are. I'm sure you will be cared for and loved by them.
I call my actual Dad “Dad” and his partner “Pops” and no don’t do the Mother’s Day gift just give em both something on Fathers Day. Call em by their names to begin with. Then when you feel comfortable you can call em dad, pops, poppa, etc. I love having 2 dads and wouldn’t change it for anything. It’s actually more normal than you think.
I have friends who are a lesbian couple. They each had one kid with the same sperm donor. Their kids call them mom and mama.
Since you’re a teen, you might be using their names, or maybe you can call them dad and papa.
Congratulations on being adopted. I bet you are thrilled. When it comes to Mother's Day and Father's Day, I will wish it for everyone. Whether they are adopted parents, pet parents, play both roles, etc. Small gifts would be a wonderful idea. I don't have 2 dads, but a close friend of mine does. He said that he loves them both.
Congrats on finding your family! Talk to them about your questions. Chances are they didn't grow up with two married dads either so it's new territory for them too. All that matters is you all being a happy family and I'm happy for you
Give it time. You are right it's going to take time to work out the kinks and for you all to find your flow as a family. I think with open communication you will all do great. But it's wonderful that you will have this now. Im actually crying tears of happiness for you
Start open communication as early as possible with them. Also, understand that out of every kid in the world that they could've chosen, they chose you. That's love and an incredibly flattering gift. You're their dream. Don't forget that.
I'm very happy for you. Most people don't get to pick who their family is, but you all chose each other and that's beautiful. I wish you the very best.
it makes me happy to see you concerned about this, it speaks a lot to your character good job kid.
so this depends on the dynamic inside there are gay couples where ones a mom and ones not.
id say get them both something for fathers day and mothers day until you can easily determine what theyd prefer since mother is a role and so is father. but they can fulfill both rolls simultaneously. and either way its the thought that counts theyd probably be very happy to feel appreciated by you. and theyd probably LOVE to both be called dad it will probably be a huge moment in their lives to be accepted like that.
Thanks :)
Ok I can do that and then I'll just see what they prefer and stuff. Oh that's good bc I think I'd like to call them both dad eventually so I hope they're ok with that.
Ask them what they want to be called. Then, over time, if it feels right to you, use that.
They're as nervous as you and are probably messaging support groups asking a million questions. The great part is that 3 people are determined to build a family, and THAT is everything 💜
You seem like an awesome person! Thoughtful and considerate of others’ feelings, open minded to the idea of having two dads, resourceful for posting your question here. Here are my thoughts: I would just ignore Mother’s Day and give them each something on Father’s Day, if you feel ready for that. You can use their first names, or when you’re comfortable use Dad, Papa, Pops. Or combine the two: Dad Mike and Dad Ben, for example. You could also ask them for ideas on what they’d like to be called. I wish you all the best!
It sounds like you’re being very caring and considerate. I’d say you’ve gotten a lot of good answers already. I don’t have gay parents but I know people who have and if they had gay dads they didn’t get them something for Mother’s Day, they got them each something special for Father’s day, vice versa for my friends who had two moms, they never celebrated Father’s day. I hope the best for you!
I was orphaned at 13 and I’d have taken gay dads in a second. I would call one dad and one some other word meaning dad like pops, poppa, Padre. You probably skip Mother’s Day, but I’m sure if you got them a card or something saying “ I know you aren’t a mom but thanks for giving me a home etc they’d love it.
that sucks I'm sorry to hear that. I'm 13 now but I haven't had a mom or dad in yearsssss. Yeh I'm gonna prolly do that and ask them what they'd like too :)
My sister and her ex-wife have kids. One goes by Mama and the other Mommy. So if you reach a point where you want some sort of “dad” type name, maybe you can find something similar that works for you.
I don’t have any advice for the rest of your questions, but I hope this helps with the name part.
Congrats!!! I'm glad that you are going to be loved and have a family.
There are many ways to reference dad as others mentioned. Dad, pops, father,
Lots of people with divorced and blended family's just go dad or my other dad if one is in the room. Dad J Dad P. Using first name initials.
I also think having two dads or moms or 2moms and a dad, two thems, 3 parents or whatever config is beautiful. Love is love.
Just ask. It's being to be a bit before you probably say dad, so names will be the way to go for a bit
Thanks :) I'm glad too!
Yeh that's true I think I'll call them their names first and then just see what works for everybody after that. I already call them by their names when I see them now anyway :)
Once you get to know them one of them can get something for mothers day or one of them might joke that the other should get something for mothers day lol
Hey, congratulations!
It's not going to be all that weird. Most of us need to go find an external father figure, you'll probably be on the lookout for an external mother figure.
But, yo, that's super great!
You can't know what to do until you know them better. Just take it slow and learn what they appreciate. You really seem to care about this, so you should be sure to do it right rather than jumping to conclusions without factoring in their personalities.
For all we, the commenters, know, they may both want to be mom despite being male. So, you can just ask them, or try to figure it out yourself, but without knowing them we can't help.
It won’t be awkward! Y’all have made it past that
There’s no Mother’s Day for 2 dads…quit worrying ~you’re on of the lucky ones my friend~ good luck to all of you!! And hey~ I had 2 dads/ everybody has a step something!/ it’ll be great❣️
I have two moms. When I was younger I called one of them mom and the other mama (muh-muh). As I got older I thought mama was weird so I started just calling them both mom. I just celebrate them both on Mother’s Day and do nothing on Father’s Day. Let me know if you have any other questions. I hope this helps!
Just like any couple, they’ll have their own mix of personalities that’s unique to this family. While your feelings and concerns are completely valid, I encourage you not to worry much about their sexuality. What matters most is that they respect and treat you and each other well. There are plenty of people who were adopted by just one dad, and you get two, and I think that’s really neat and special. It’ll be different than the “norm,” but that doesn’t make it any better or worse than any other potential adoption couple out there. They, as people, determine this. As for what to call them, have that conversation and just ask them. I’m sure you’ll start by calling them by name and eventually may start calling them both dad, or maybe one will have a nickname. I wish you so much luck, my dear.
My parents are bisexual. Sometimes I’ve two moms and sometimes two dads. They are in an open relationship but also have a partner when one of my biological parents are away from home for a while. It is a bit confusing to explain to people but I’m super happy with all of them.
Call them by name until you are comfortable. Dad, pop, papa, daddy, father etc. are all great alternatives if you need a difference between them when or if you decide to call them by such. Or dad (male parents name) is good for each of you want. As far as mothers day goes well if one of em is fem or likes dressing acting etc. ask them about their feelings on it. Just remember communicating is key and its ok to be honest with them. They seem to care about you greatly and want to adopt you so I imagine that they are more than willing to help with the hard questions. It's important for families to be able to communicate and feel safe and comfortable. Otherwise you can write it out in a letter and give it to them. But no matter is its traditional or other you should always try to communicate.
I’m just happy for you.. the gay dads I know are the best dads because many of them were locked out of adoption for a long time and they love their kids fiercely. Why not ask what they’d like to be called?
Should we assume you're an orphan? If that's the case, I would recommend you call them wonderful! Seriously, most people who are looking to adopt, want younger children. These two deserve every ounce of gratitude that their community can heap on them. Because of that, I have a feeling that you will be in great hands with them.
As for your other questions, some of it depends on their relationship and personalities. That will all work itself out as you grow together.
Edit: I know of one who addresses his parents with "Hey Dads"
my bf has 2 dads and a deadbeat mom - its actually easy to navigate
you do nothing on mother's day, treat them out for fathers day.
you can call them both dad, one papa, whatever feels right to you. that is totally your call.
dads tend to be easier to gift for since they're upfront ab what they want.
you got this, and best of luck!!
I have a friend that was adopted by a lesbian couple. All I can say is he refers to them both as mom he was also adopted quite young at about 2-3 years old so they raised him so he's always called them both mom. He also gives them both stuff on mother's day and nothing on fathers day
Congratulations!!! I think that when the time is right, you'll know what to call each one of them. The important thing is that you're going to be a family, no matter how you refer to each other!! 💜
Awe, I really hope this works out for you. You can pick 2 different dad names such as dad, pops, father, pa, or ask them if they have a preference for whenever you are ready. You can celebrate gotcha day and fathers day. There are some Instagram accounts with 2 dads, 2 moms, or single dads if you would like to see more families like yours.
I know someone who was adopted by 2 moms. She calls both mom. Sometimes she will add a first name after mom. This girl went through hell before these women saved her. And they’ve always been great about keeping her in touch with her biological family. Some wanted to take her, but her mom nixed it out of spite. Others weren’t in a position to. But still wanted to be a part of her life. They understood it was important for her to still have that connection.
You could do something small on Mother’s Day for both, like make a brunch, and then do more on Father’s Day if you wish, or skip Mother’s Day. Some who have a single parent still celebrate the other day for their parent, as they are taking on both roles. Whatever you feel most comfortable with. And fortunately, both just passed, so you have time to figure out what works for you.
You three will find your own rhythm and what works for you. If you are not comfortable calling them dad right away, which is very understandable, you can ask what they would prefer to be called until you are comfortable using the word dad.
Trust me, they are just as nervous, wondering the best ways to make you feel comfortable. They wouldn’t be considering adoption if they did not care about what is best for you.
Everyone has a different normal, and the routine and parent/child relationship will become normal for all 3 soon enough.
I sometimes volunteer with a charity that works with foster kids. This happens a lot. And I swear, these stories always seem to have the happier endings.
Please update on how things work out if you feel comfy doing so. I’m rooting for all 3 of you.
Every one is different, and some gay men playfully call each other the wrong gender as a joke, and at the same time gender is super sensitive for others, but I would follow their lead. I can imagine it would be super fun to tell my child if they needed to ask my husband for something to “go ask your mother” and I know I’d laugh if he did the same to me. You’ll spend a lot of time getting to know each other, and learning what they like and don’t like to joke about, what they want you to call them, what they call each other… even if you develop a nickname or ever have questions about your identity… that’s the bonding as a family part, and it’ll happen before you know it! As far as the holidays, they may want to know your thoughts too, or if you want to celebrate a mother figure in your life, but I’m sure they would both deeply appreciate some Father’s Day thoughtfulness
You will know what to call them when the time comes. It will be natural. I think we’re all overjoyed for your possible adoption. Take things one day at a time. I’m sure your new parents would welcome the questions.
I once knew a lesbian couple with two children, toddlers at the time. They called one of their mothers Mama and the other one Ima, which is Hebrew for mother.
So when you're ready, you can call one of them Dad and the other one father in a foreign language. Aba Is Hebrew, but choose any language you like.
You could call one of them, Dad and the other Pops. Give your new grand mothers a card for mothers day. You could give one card to each of them or one joint card for father's day
Please update us and let us know if you get adopted. I think you're going to be ok with two dads. You sound respectful and considerate of their feelings and opinions. The main thing as is in any relationship, to communicate. Ask them what they prefer if anything and talk things out with them. Share your feelings and opinions with them too. Work together as a family. It will take awhile for everyone to adjust and adapt which takes time but I think you'll get there.
I don’t know anyone who has two dads as parents, but I have a friend who has two moms as parents that are lesbians. They’re extremely successful, supportive and caring, and my friend loves them and so does his little sister. My friend calls them mom and mama. I think for two dads you could call them dad and papa.
Aw I’m such a fan! If it helps, there is no such thing as a “normal” family. Everybody’s family is majorly messed up no matter what gender they are or how long they have been married.
It is really sweet that you are putting thought into this, but I think the best thing you should know is that there really are no rules about life.
Everyone just sort of makes things up until something sticks, and then they find other people who feel the same way. It’s pretty much that simple.
I’m so happy for you - best wishes to all of you!!!
You can talk with them about what they want to be called. I'm sure they have discussed it already. As for mother's day, I would assume you just skip it, but again this is absolutely something you can figure out as a family, if you decide to go through with this.
I'm not gay, and I haven't been a teenager for a long time but I've worked with a lot of adoptive and/or gay families, and if I could give you just one piece of advice it would be this: if this is the family you want to join, trust them as if they were your parents. They want to do what's best for you, and to make that transition as easy as possible for you. Ultimately I think it's good that you have these questions, and I think they'll appreciate it too.
If you're curious, I'm a former teacher and worked with all sorts of families, so feel free to ask any other questions.
I truly think they would love to have this conversation with you. It may be awkward at first, but it's an important topic. Openly let them know you're unsure how to go about it. They also know this is not an ordinary thing. A great opportunity to build communication and openness with them.
You're supposed to give them weekly updates on which parent is Dad 1 and Dad 2 based on completely arbitrary measures of which one was nicer to you recently. Every once and awhile you're obligated to coinflip for it (in front of them). If you're feeling extra spicy one week, they can be Dads 2 and 3, since nobody earned Dad 1
They chose you. As an adopted kid myself (many years ago now) revel in the fact you get two parents the want to love you. They will make mistakes, so will you. You will learn from them and they from you. I am legitimately happy for you.
Ask your questions, maybe the don't want to be called "Dad" but Pop or Papa or Father, or just their first name. Ask them how they want to celebrate holidays. Traditions are good but starting new traditions is also cool. Not knowing your situation... Start a tradition of having a nice meal in remembrance of all of your birth givers and move off with the day.
Be respectful but again they chose you, they knew coming In there would be awkward conversations.
My cousin and her wife are referred to as Mama X and Mama Y by their three boys. Sorry this kinda rambled
First off congratulations! Just think of them both as your parents. Gender isn't really that important when it comes to family. It might feel odd at first but eventually you will see them as parents rather than two men in a relationship. Gay or straight really doesn't matter when it comes to love. Just treat them as you would any other people that adopted you.
Personally I don't, but my uncle and his partner (possibly husband but if they married then they kept it quite) decided to foster and then adopt after being together for nearly 20 years..
In the end they adopted 5 children, 3 siblings from one mother and 2 from another, had almost all of them from birth. To add to the complexity, my uncle and his partner and white and the children are black. It's been over 20 years, the youngest child jusy turned 21.
I've asked the kids their experiences once they were adults, amd they said while at times when they were young people were confused and some other kids acted weird- it never mattered because my uncles gave them so much love and supported them so much- any sport/activity/new fashions or music/etc, their dad's were there for them 100% and ALWAYS more active in their lives (while giving them freedom to be themselves), that it was widely known they had the coolest, best parents BUT they took no BS, and held their kids to high expectations.. Even if they still were a bit spoiled lol.
Now some of their kids have kids amd always say how they aspire to be as incredible as their dad's were/are, but being parents themselves now don't understand how they did it...
My uncles say they had always wanted children and never thought it would be a possibly, so when the opportunity came they threw themselves into parenthood 100% and while it definitely wasn't easy, how hard they worked and fought to get their children *DID* make it easier. There was no resentment of being trapped by their kids. They didn't go into it with expectations of "what their kid(s) will or *should* be like", they just loved and supported them...
As a mother of two with a husband, WE aspire to be the parents my uncles are...
I know every case is different, and my uncles are by no means the only same-sex couple I know with kids, but am the closest with them and all those couples I know also seem to have a extremely loving, supportive and open-communication bond with their kids that I feel many heterosexual couples seem to struggle more with.. Again, not always the case. Anyone can be an incredible parent, anyone can be a terrible one- but my uncles kids are some of the most emotionally healthy, overall successful people I know and grew up with virtually no truama... It makes me so happy every time I think of their family
First off that is so amazing. And I hope that happens for you. I follow two dads and one dad reserves Mother’s Day for them (but still highly respect mothers and women it’s just how they work their marriage and family and it’s so cute! ) and the other on Father’s Day. Just start with names and whatever comes naturally to you just let it happen! I wish you the absolute best in your future endeavors.
One of my friends is Dad, and his husband is Papa. At first, they left it open to what their kid felt comfortable calling them. When their kid first started asking about calling them dads, they just talked about it over dinner to discuss what they wanted.
Wishing you well!
It's ok to call them by their names at first, especially while you're all getting to know each other / getting used to each other. And then you can figure out what works for you all - just ask them what they want to be called For instance "Dad" and "Pops" might work, or something like that. Or you may develop nicknames on your own - like maybe it will come naturally as you get to know them. My siblings and I were raised by our bio parents,but we've all developed different nicknames for them over the years. That can be nice too - like a special name that just feels right.
You should call them whatever you are comfortable with. I assume you are older and probably have memories of bioparents, so it would probably be awkward even if they were heterosexual parents. It will probably take time to decide what names to call them. The names should come to you naturally, but maybe one could be dad and other Papa or pops. You could still celebrate mother's day for important female role models or treat the day as a neutral parent's day.
My niece has two dads. She def has to answer questions, and some people are ignorant, but all in all it's just fine. Don't worry about mother's day, you'll just have to double up on father's day. The main thing is to communicate what your feeling and how you're dealing to your new parents. They will want to support you and help you adjust as much as they can.
idk about much else but i think on mothers day they'd still want to call their moms and stuff and if you are in contact and wanna do something for your bio mom or any other figure like that in your life i bet theyd be supportive. i think its just get them both something on fathers day as well, so yea...
Hey Im in my late 20's and I have 2 moms, not exactly the same but i hope it helps. My mom was originally married to my step dad, who later down the line adopted me as his own. He turned out an ass hole and abusive after he had his own son. Well, my mom ended up coming out gay and left him for my godmother. When I was in high-school my sophomore year. My step mom has been more of a dad and a full supportive parent than any dad I have had. My mom is happier and healthier herself and out of an abusive relationship. Our relationship is better as well. I wish had two moms sooner. Now, I'm not going to lie it was a bit different at first, but I'm very open-minded, and not too many people were at the time because gay marriage was not legal during this time frame. But I have two very supportive parents (my two moms), while my adoptive dad doesn't even try to have a relationship with me. I am considering asking my step mom to adopt me because she has been the stand-up parent since day one. And it's kind of funny when people ask me about my parents and when they ask for my dad's number i say "my other mom, her number" and to see the more openess time has come with it as well as support there is. If you have any specific questions, feel free to ask. I'm not saying I may have the answers, but I can definitely try.
Hey 👋 there . So that is so awesome if you’re gonna be adopted ! I just wanted to say I do not have 2 dads myself but I’d imagine when you go to live with them , hopefully they are nice people and just tell them you’d like to talk to them . And just be honest you don’t mean any disrespect or anything you just want to know how they would like you to treat them or call them . Ask them about Mother’s Day and Father’s Day . They could both want to take Father’s Day and celebrate you having 2 fathers or one could be more feminine and want the Mother’s Day . It’ll really depend on them and if they are thinking of adopting you they should probably already be thinking about the same questions as you . If they don’t already have children. If they do have any children maybe find out from them how they like things to go . But either way everyone is different and I’m sure when and if they adopt you there will be some kind of talk so that everyone is happy In the way that things go. Like I said I do not have two fathers of my own so these are just my thoughts but hope they are helpful! And hopefully this adoption is a wonderful thing for you ❤️ best of luck friend !
People can have two dads, they can have a stepdad and a biological dad, or a biological dad and an adopted dad, some people even have half dads, there are all kinds of different dads and you can have two. Some people even have more than two dads and that's okay too.
So my dad left my mom for my Pop when I was 8. Typically we just celebrate Father's day, not mother's day. Ultimately I think that it will be up to you and them to figure out what makes you all comfortable and happy. If you do end up getting adopted, just try and communicate with them. I hope all goes well!
Hey OP
First off, by the way you’ve written, it seems that you are feeling good about these men maybe adopting you. So I am happy for you and I hope it works out.
Most of what you’ve asked here have the same answer: ask them about it. You are clearly coming from a position of respect and grace, and that will come through when you talk to them. So ask them. Take their feelings and preferences into account, express your own feelings and preferences, and work together with them to come to a solution you can all like.
I hope this works out well for you, OP.
Yh I really want them to adopt me so I hope it works out too :)
I'm defo gonna ask them about what they'd like too I just know the last time I asked what they wanted me to call them and they were shocked lol and they said that I can call them whatever I want to call them so I was jw what people think they'd like but I'll talk to them again more serious next time :)
Thanks!
I feel bad for you, like this is probably worst case scenario, get ready for double the bad dad jokes, or relentlessly being stuck in a never ending cycle of “go ask your dad”, it’s going to be hell. ❤️❤️
Often one dad will get called something like “dad” and the other will be “daddy”, “baba”, “papa”, or “father”! It’s up to you and your dads to figure out how you want to do Mother’s Day! You could even give them both something on both days! It’s really up to you all as a family to decide! Don’t worry too much about it; as you bond it will all start to feel natural!
Mazel Tov! I'm very happy for you!
I know a gay couple who have an adopted son.
He calls them 'Dad' and 'Pops', sometimes 'Daddy' and 'Poppa'. It's my understanding that they chose the names for themselves.
He gets them both a card for Mother's Day, and Cards and gifts for Father's Day.
My son is gay and wants kids someday. We discussed it, and I soooo want this for him. They are just as deserving, and I love that you have this awesome opportunity to experience diversity. You're already going into it with an open mindset, and as a mom, I can't love this enough.
Often, it's one Dad, and another is Daddy. Or something of that sort.
That so cool :) One of my friends got adopted like 2 years ago by just one gay guy and he comes and visits sometimes and he said it's the best thing ever so I'm excited 😝
If/when you want to start calling them something like dad instead of by their first names, you can talk to them about what they would like to be called. For example, one of the gay couples I know decided that one of the men would go by “dad” and the other would go by “abba,” which means dad in his first language.
Well, my niece technically has two dads, cause his father is my twin, but well, not really. I've helped raise her cause they lived in the family house for a time (they were teenagers when that happened) so... I think we can say that my niece has technically two dads (she used to say that at school too lol)
I don’t… but if it doesn’t matter to you it doesn’t matter… I you rather have a dad and mom then that’s what you want… whatever you want is fine hope this makes sense
One of my best friends growing up. Never affected me never even really thought about it. They were just Nick's parents growing up. Society is a lot better now than it was 25 years ago.
most of these are things you should simply talk to your new guardians about! adoption is meant to be making a child feel safe and comfortable at home, and most people who are adopting kids will be thrilled to talk about what's making you uncomfortable to relieve your anxiety over it.
I think whatever you wind up calling each of them, it'll come naturally. It's good that you're showing genuine concern about the situation. Which I'm sure they probably talked about and would be willing to talk with you about. I would start by using their names, and as the relationship gets better, you might start calling them dad1 & dad2. I wouldn't stress mother's day though. Unless one of them is transitioning, and prefers being called that.
They will probably explain it to you. Gay people are pretty chill people. They will be happy to ancer all of your questions. Don't forget you are something they have to take care of as well. Take babby steps I think every thing will be great.. and congratulations on finding new parents.. you should take this opportunity to make your self better and become a good person. I don't know if you're a bad person or good you can make changes happen
F it celebrate both of them for Mother’s Day and for Father’s Day. And then maybe like Dad and Pops so there’s a little less confusion on who you’re talking to, doesn’t have to be that exactly but ask them what they prefer when you feel comfy.
You know, I think they’ll be expecting you to have tons of question. ☺️ If they adopt you, which would be wonderful, they must be anticipating the situation to be awkward for you at first and many of your questions are going to be about their relationship/ life style. I’m sure they’ll be understanding.
As of what to call them if you do eventually feel comfortable calling them both dad, I have a suggestion. It comes from what I call my best friend’s mom. I call her Mama D, because her last name begins with a D. You may try something like Papa or Dad and then add the first letter of their first name.
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It’s cool that you’re thinking about this and trying to be respectful. Just call them by their names. If you feel like it eventually then yes dad is good for both. Sometimes you might have to say “no not you. Other dad”. Or when you’re talking about them just say “My dads…” Definitely don’t give either of them something for Mother’s Day. That plays into the old stereotype of one being the real man and one being the woman. They are both men.
I defo wanna be respectful bc they're really nice and it would be so cool to have two dads and just a family ig. Yeh that will probably work better for the names. Damn I didn't think of it like that I definitely won't get anybody anything for mothers day then. Thanks for ur help.
I have guardianship of my two oldest granddaughters, and we don't celebrate either Mother's Day or Father's Day. June 20th is our "Gotcha Day", which is the day I went and picked them up from their bitchy aunt who kept them from me for almost a year. We do dinner and gifts. You could do that with your two Dads.
That's a really good idea acc :)
I'm an adoptee. We do a gotcha day, too. It is one of my favorite family traditions. When I was young, my parents would take me on a little unique day trip, but they wouldn't tell me where we were going. It was to sort of commemorate the anticipation and surprise they experienced when they got me.
I got adopted by a gay dad. I call him pops. I hook him up for Father's day.
Oh cool :) My friend got adopted by a single gay dad like two years ago but now he has two dads as well lol
I was going to suggest Dad and Pops too, I call mine Pops all the time
Or Papa. I often call my dad Pop (or Pop Pop) when my kids/nieces are around because that's what the grandchildren call him. I've also seen Dad and Daddy, but you may be a little old for that one.
The mothers day thing depends on the couple. Just ask them if theyd like to celebrate it or if theyd prefer not to. Im sure theyre willing to answer questions you have, this is a new experience for all of you. Congratulations!
Yh I'm gonna ask them :) Thanks!
No problem, give us an update to let us know how the meeting goes
I love my dads. It's absolutely the best because if someone hassles me there are two dudes revving each other up about kicking someone's ass on my behalf. They are much more likely to go right for the throat if someone does me dirty, compared to hetero couple parents. It is the absolute safest place to be a child, as maybe one 6 foot dude giving the stink eye will make someone stop, but two is not fighting fair. When I went to grad school, I read an account about a pair of gay swans chasing a female off a nest and claiming the cignets. With two big guard swans, the survival rate of the cignets was really high, and the swans fought off foxes and all other forms of trouble. I was like "I AM A BABY SWAN" And got a big kick out of it.
My husband and ex husband both call the school threatening the administration in their own ways to address when my daughter was bullied. She is 7 and proud to have 2 dads. Sometimes they even joke that they are happy gay couple and I’m a surrogate 😂😂
Maybe you can call one Dad and the other Pops? 🤷🏼♀️
I got this idea from a movie, but this little girl who had two dads called them "daddy (their name)". You could do something similar, if you want to. There's no real "right" answer for that one, just whatever fits your family
You can buy them stuff for Father's day and Mother's day. Nothing stopping you. Enjoy your new family and have fun with it! I have a friend who is gay and he and his husband adopted a son, he calls them both dad. :)
On the flip side…you could celebrate both holidays with both of them as they will be trying to fill both roles. I’m so happy for you that you are being adopted. I have the feeling that they are going to be amazing…🤗
That’s a good idea :) thank you 😁
I mean if you got them both something small for both mothers and Father’s Day and say something like parents day maybe? My family wishes my mom happy fathers since she’s a single parent, but that is different lol
Yea Op, this seams like the kinda thing you will figure out or can talk with them about. Don't take internet people's advise as an absolute.
I would write 'happy father's day' on a card for them on mother's. For Father's Day, I would then write something corny about being so awesome that you wanted to celebrate them twice!
Just call them by their names for now, but eventually you can do something like Papa or Pop and Dad or another variant
get them both something for fathers n mothers day
This is solid advice! OP, happy for you and your family! Your questions are normal and I think a lot of things (I.e. what to call them) will naturally fall into place overtime.
Thanks :)
You can always talk to them about preferences. Maybe in time, if you're feeling it, have some fun and call them Dad-1 and Dad-2, like thing 1 and thing 2 from Dr Seuss. Tall dad, shorter dad. All assuming it feels comfortable to you. I have an adopted daughter, which has had joys and sorrows and challenges and wonderful times. I wish you the best, and hope that you all become the best family you could hope for (including all the "warts").
Or you could get them both gifts for mother's and father's days since they are both filling both roles in various ways. But it would depend on the household dynamics.
Give them both mothers and fathers day gifts. Four in total. As long as the gifts are thoughful.
This is such a lovely post to read. You are a very thoughtful person. I have a lot of friends who are same sex parents. Their kids often call both parents something different, like “Dad” and “Pop.” It’s the same thing my kids do because they have four grandmothers (two are step grandmothers). One is Gram, one is grandma, etc. I hope your new family is full of so much love and kindness. ❤️ (Edited typo)
Thanks :) Yeh I think that's what I'll do. I'm gonna talk to them as well and just see what everybody would like. Thanks!
You’ll be immune to yo momma jokes. Run with it
Hahaha yh I didn't even think of that lol
Run with ittt Serious: it’s normal to have questions. Ask them! Come up with answers together Just a quick note, being gay doesn’t mean they will want to use female terms like mom. That would be transgender When you are ready you can call them dad. I *promise* you that it’ll be a HUGE deal to them and then you can even have some fun with it You can call them dads, the dads, dad^2, dad 1&2, etc
this is wholesome
Yeah this made me smile to read for a few reasons. So much pressure is on the adopting parents to create a welcoming environment for their new kid, moreso if it's a teen, and this kid's out here trying to make THEM as comfortable as possible. If everyone keeps this energy as they establish this new family, they're all going to do just fine. Congrats, OP!
Yeh they do so much to make me comfortable every time we meet and they're really nice so I just wanna try make them happy too :) Thanks!
That’s great. Try to be as accepting as possible, as it seems they are trying to be with you. And for the love of God, do not ever use the nuclear option of saying ‘you’re not my real dad’ in an argument, ever.
I defo won't ever say that dw
It's up to you nothing more to say :) As of Mother's day they are two dads so you do nothing. Families come in all shapes and sizes as long as there is true love and happiness there it doesn't matter the slightest. Just the fact that you are trying to be respectful of their feelings shows what a beautiful person you are. I'm sure you will be cared for and loved by them.
Ok that makes sense :) Thank u I think I will be bc they're really nice :)
I am so happy for you and your dads.
I call my actual Dad “Dad” and his partner “Pops” and no don’t do the Mother’s Day gift just give em both something on Fathers Day. Call em by their names to begin with. Then when you feel comfortable you can call em dad, pops, poppa, etc. I love having 2 dads and wouldn’t change it for anything. It’s actually more normal than you think.
Okk thanks! Im gonna call them by their names and see how it feels after a while :) Yh I think it's normal now so idc I'm just excited :)
I’d be excited too 🙂 big hugs to you and well wishes.
Thanks :)
I have friends who are a lesbian couple. They each had one kid with the same sperm donor. Their kids call them mom and mama. Since you’re a teen, you might be using their names, or maybe you can call them dad and papa.
Ok cool! Dad and papa could work. Ima ask them what they'd like :)
Congratulations on being adopted. I bet you are thrilled. When it comes to Mother's Day and Father's Day, I will wish it for everyone. Whether they are adopted parents, pet parents, play both roles, etc. Small gifts would be a wonderful idea. I don't have 2 dads, but a close friend of mine does. He said that he loves them both.
Thanks :) yeh I'm really happy but I still have to wait for a while bc it takes so longggg. Ok cool I can get them gifts :)
Congrats on finding your family! Talk to them about your questions. Chances are they didn't grow up with two married dads either so it's new territory for them too. All that matters is you all being a happy family and I'm happy for you
Thanks :) Its still gonna take a little while but I hope it works out. Yeh that's true. I guess we can all talk about it and decide.
Give it time. You are right it's going to take time to work out the kinks and for you all to find your flow as a family. I think with open communication you will all do great. But it's wonderful that you will have this now. Im actually crying tears of happiness for you
Yeh I'm really happy and excited :) thanks!
Start open communication as early as possible with them. Also, understand that out of every kid in the world that they could've chosen, they chose you. That's love and an incredibly flattering gift. You're their dream. Don't forget that.
I defo will thanks :) and yeh that's true they are kinda my dream too tbh I just want a family and they're a reallllly nice family :)
I'm very happy for you. Most people don't get to pick who their family is, but you all chose each other and that's beautiful. I wish you the very best.
You are immune to your mom jokes😂that's a dub in my book
Yep hahaha
it makes me happy to see you concerned about this, it speaks a lot to your character good job kid. so this depends on the dynamic inside there are gay couples where ones a mom and ones not. id say get them both something for fathers day and mothers day until you can easily determine what theyd prefer since mother is a role and so is father. but they can fulfill both rolls simultaneously. and either way its the thought that counts theyd probably be very happy to feel appreciated by you. and theyd probably LOVE to both be called dad it will probably be a huge moment in their lives to be accepted like that.
Thanks :) Ok I can do that and then I'll just see what they prefer and stuff. Oh that's good bc I think I'd like to call them both dad eventually so I hope they're ok with that.
when i called my step parents mom/dad for the first time they cried. it was huge. im sure theyll love it
Ask them what they want to be called. Then, over time, if it feels right to you, use that. They're as nervous as you and are probably messaging support groups asking a million questions. The great part is that 3 people are determined to build a family, and THAT is everything 💜
Yh that's true. Thanks :)
Congrats OP! This is such a nice post to read. I’m so happy for you. Like others said I would call them by their names and see how it feels naturally.
You seem like an awesome person! Thoughtful and considerate of others’ feelings, open minded to the idea of having two dads, resourceful for posting your question here. Here are my thoughts: I would just ignore Mother’s Day and give them each something on Father’s Day, if you feel ready for that. You can use their first names, or when you’re comfortable use Dad, Papa, Pops. Or combine the two: Dad Mike and Dad Ben, for example. You could also ask them for ideas on what they’d like to be called. I wish you all the best!
That's a good idea :) Thanks!
It sounds like you’re being very caring and considerate. I’d say you’ve gotten a lot of good answers already. I don’t have gay parents but I know people who have and if they had gay dads they didn’t get them something for Mother’s Day, they got them each something special for Father’s day, vice versa for my friends who had two moms, they never celebrated Father’s day. I hope the best for you!
Hey, Simba was raised by two dudes and he turned out fine.
YES!! OP should totally call them Timon and Pumbaa!
Hahaha yh you're right :)
2 Dads winning, some people don't even have 1 Dad.
That’s what I told My daughter. She calls her bio dad Papa and step dad Dad. And they love her a LOT
I was orphaned at 13 and I’d have taken gay dads in a second. I would call one dad and one some other word meaning dad like pops, poppa, Padre. You probably skip Mother’s Day, but I’m sure if you got them a card or something saying “ I know you aren’t a mom but thanks for giving me a home etc they’d love it.
that sucks I'm sorry to hear that. I'm 13 now but I haven't had a mom or dad in yearsssss. Yeh I'm gonna prolly do that and ask them what they'd like too :)
So happy to you about to cry 😭
Thanks :)
My sister and her ex-wife have kids. One goes by Mama and the other Mommy. So if you reach a point where you want some sort of “dad” type name, maybe you can find something similar that works for you. I don’t have any advice for the rest of your questions, but I hope this helps with the name part.
Ok thanks :)
Congrats!!! I'm glad that you are going to be loved and have a family. There are many ways to reference dad as others mentioned. Dad, pops, father, Lots of people with divorced and blended family's just go dad or my other dad if one is in the room. Dad J Dad P. Using first name initials. I also think having two dads or moms or 2moms and a dad, two thems, 3 parents or whatever config is beautiful. Love is love. Just ask. It's being to be a bit before you probably say dad, so names will be the way to go for a bit
Thanks :) I'm glad too! Yeh that's true I think I'll call them their names first and then just see what works for everybody after that. I already call them by their names when I see them now anyway :)
Once you get to know them one of them can get something for mothers day or one of them might joke that the other should get something for mothers day lol
Hey, congratulations! It's not going to be all that weird. Most of us need to go find an external father figure, you'll probably be on the lookout for an external mother figure. But, yo, that's super great!
Thanks :)
You can't know what to do until you know them better. Just take it slow and learn what they appreciate. You really seem to care about this, so you should be sure to do it right rather than jumping to conclusions without factoring in their personalities. For all we, the commenters, know, they may both want to be mom despite being male. So, you can just ask them, or try to figure it out yourself, but without knowing them we can't help.
I’m so excited for you. I don’t think there’s one right way to do this so just be flexible and roll with it.
Thanks :) Yh you're right I'll just roll with it
It won’t be awkward! Y’all have made it past that There’s no Mother’s Day for 2 dads…quit worrying ~you’re on of the lucky ones my friend~ good luck to all of you!! And hey~ I had 2 dads/ everybody has a step something!/ it’ll be great❣️
I have gay moms
I have two moms. When I was younger I called one of them mom and the other mama (muh-muh). As I got older I thought mama was weird so I started just calling them both mom. I just celebrate them both on Mother’s Day and do nothing on Father’s Day. Let me know if you have any other questions. I hope this helps!
Just like any couple, they’ll have their own mix of personalities that’s unique to this family. While your feelings and concerns are completely valid, I encourage you not to worry much about their sexuality. What matters most is that they respect and treat you and each other well. There are plenty of people who were adopted by just one dad, and you get two, and I think that’s really neat and special. It’ll be different than the “norm,” but that doesn’t make it any better or worse than any other potential adoption couple out there. They, as people, determine this. As for what to call them, have that conversation and just ask them. I’m sure you’ll start by calling them by name and eventually may start calling them both dad, or maybe one will have a nickname. I wish you so much luck, my dear.
My parents are bisexual. Sometimes I’ve two moms and sometimes two dads. They are in an open relationship but also have a partner when one of my biological parents are away from home for a while. It is a bit confusing to explain to people but I’m super happy with all of them.
Call them by name until you are comfortable. Dad, pop, papa, daddy, father etc. are all great alternatives if you need a difference between them when or if you decide to call them by such. Or dad (male parents name) is good for each of you want. As far as mothers day goes well if one of em is fem or likes dressing acting etc. ask them about their feelings on it. Just remember communicating is key and its ok to be honest with them. They seem to care about you greatly and want to adopt you so I imagine that they are more than willing to help with the hard questions. It's important for families to be able to communicate and feel safe and comfortable. Otherwise you can write it out in a letter and give it to them. But no matter is its traditional or other you should always try to communicate.
I’m just happy for you.. the gay dads I know are the best dads because many of them were locked out of adoption for a long time and they love their kids fiercely. Why not ask what they’d like to be called?
Thanks :) Yh that's true. I'm gonna ask them next week when I see them :)
Should we assume you're an orphan? If that's the case, I would recommend you call them wonderful! Seriously, most people who are looking to adopt, want younger children. These two deserve every ounce of gratitude that their community can heap on them. Because of that, I have a feeling that you will be in great hands with them. As for your other questions, some of it depends on their relationship and personalities. That will all work itself out as you grow together. Edit: I know of one who addresses his parents with "Hey Dads"
Yh I'm in care. Yh almost everybody wants little babies and stuff so I didn't think I'd ever get adopted and I'm excited :) Thanks!
my bf has 2 dads and a deadbeat mom - its actually easy to navigate you do nothing on mother's day, treat them out for fathers day. you can call them both dad, one papa, whatever feels right to you. that is totally your call. dads tend to be easier to gift for since they're upfront ab what they want. you got this, and best of luck!!
You have gained a new passive perk "immune to your mama jokes"
Congrats on being adopted. Enjoy your new family ..
Thanks :)
I have a friend that was adopted by a lesbian couple. All I can say is he refers to them both as mom he was also adopted quite young at about 2-3 years old so they raised him so he's always called them both mom. He also gives them both stuff on mother's day and nothing on fathers day
Congratulations!!! I think that when the time is right, you'll know what to call each one of them. The important thing is that you're going to be a family, no matter how you refer to each other!! 💜
Awe, I really hope this works out for you. You can pick 2 different dad names such as dad, pops, father, pa, or ask them if they have a preference for whenever you are ready. You can celebrate gotcha day and fathers day. There are some Instagram accounts with 2 dads, 2 moms, or single dads if you would like to see more families like yours.
I know someone who was adopted by 2 moms. She calls both mom. Sometimes she will add a first name after mom. This girl went through hell before these women saved her. And they’ve always been great about keeping her in touch with her biological family. Some wanted to take her, but her mom nixed it out of spite. Others weren’t in a position to. But still wanted to be a part of her life. They understood it was important for her to still have that connection. You could do something small on Mother’s Day for both, like make a brunch, and then do more on Father’s Day if you wish, or skip Mother’s Day. Some who have a single parent still celebrate the other day for their parent, as they are taking on both roles. Whatever you feel most comfortable with. And fortunately, both just passed, so you have time to figure out what works for you. You three will find your own rhythm and what works for you. If you are not comfortable calling them dad right away, which is very understandable, you can ask what they would prefer to be called until you are comfortable using the word dad. Trust me, they are just as nervous, wondering the best ways to make you feel comfortable. They wouldn’t be considering adoption if they did not care about what is best for you. Everyone has a different normal, and the routine and parent/child relationship will become normal for all 3 soon enough. I sometimes volunteer with a charity that works with foster kids. This happens a lot. And I swear, these stories always seem to have the happier endings. Please update on how things work out if you feel comfy doing so. I’m rooting for all 3 of you.
Every one is different, and some gay men playfully call each other the wrong gender as a joke, and at the same time gender is super sensitive for others, but I would follow their lead. I can imagine it would be super fun to tell my child if they needed to ask my husband for something to “go ask your mother” and I know I’d laugh if he did the same to me. You’ll spend a lot of time getting to know each other, and learning what they like and don’t like to joke about, what they want you to call them, what they call each other… even if you develop a nickname or ever have questions about your identity… that’s the bonding as a family part, and it’ll happen before you know it! As far as the holidays, they may want to know your thoughts too, or if you want to celebrate a mother figure in your life, but I’m sure they would both deeply appreciate some Father’s Day thoughtfulness
You will know what to call them when the time comes. It will be natural. I think we’re all overjoyed for your possible adoption. Take things one day at a time. I’m sure your new parents would welcome the questions.
I once knew a lesbian couple with two children, toddlers at the time. They called one of their mothers Mama and the other one Ima, which is Hebrew for mother. So when you're ready, you can call one of them Dad and the other one father in a foreign language. Aba Is Hebrew, but choose any language you like.
One is dad, the other is dadio. Switch it up every few weeks to keep em on their toes.
You can call one Dad and one Pop... something like that
You gotta bust in the room with them and be like:"so father's day is really gonna cost me, huh"? Break the ice.
Hahaha yh that's true lol
You could call one of them, Dad and the other Pops. Give your new grand mothers a card for mothers day. You could give one card to each of them or one joint card for father's day
Oh yh that's a good idea. Thanks :)
Congratulations!! And I think it's so entirely sweet you're doing some asking around!! 👏❤️
Thanks :)
Please update us and let us know if you get adopted. I think you're going to be ok with two dads. You sound respectful and considerate of their feelings and opinions. The main thing as is in any relationship, to communicate. Ask them what they prefer if anything and talk things out with them. Share your feelings and opinions with them too. Work together as a family. It will take awhile for everyone to adjust and adapt which takes time but I think you'll get there.
I don’t know anyone who has two dads as parents, but I have a friend who has two moms as parents that are lesbians. They’re extremely successful, supportive and caring, and my friend loves them and so does his little sister. My friend calls them mom and mama. I think for two dads you could call them dad and papa.
DM me. I'm a gay dad, married with two adopted kids. I can certainly help.
I didn't have a father growing up , now I celebrate my mother for being both my mom and dad.
Aw I’m such a fan! If it helps, there is no such thing as a “normal” family. Everybody’s family is majorly messed up no matter what gender they are or how long they have been married. It is really sweet that you are putting thought into this, but I think the best thing you should know is that there really are no rules about life. Everyone just sort of makes things up until something sticks, and then they find other people who feel the same way. It’s pretty much that simple. I’m so happy for you - best wishes to all of you!!!
Yh that’s true 😁 idc about normal anyway bc nobodies normal 😝 Thank you 😁
You can talk with them about what they want to be called. I'm sure they have discussed it already. As for mother's day, I would assume you just skip it, but again this is absolutely something you can figure out as a family, if you decide to go through with this. I'm not gay, and I haven't been a teenager for a long time but I've worked with a lot of adoptive and/or gay families, and if I could give you just one piece of advice it would be this: if this is the family you want to join, trust them as if they were your parents. They want to do what's best for you, and to make that transition as easy as possible for you. Ultimately I think it's good that you have these questions, and I think they'll appreciate it too. If you're curious, I'm a former teacher and worked with all sorts of families, so feel free to ask any other questions.
I truly think they would love to have this conversation with you. It may be awkward at first, but it's an important topic. Openly let them know you're unsure how to go about it. They also know this is not an ordinary thing. A great opportunity to build communication and openness with them.
You're supposed to give them weekly updates on which parent is Dad 1 and Dad 2 based on completely arbitrary measures of which one was nicer to you recently. Every once and awhile you're obligated to coinflip for it (in front of them). If you're feeling extra spicy one week, they can be Dads 2 and 3, since nobody earned Dad 1
Hahahahaha that’s a good idea I’m gonna do that 🤣
They chose you. As an adopted kid myself (many years ago now) revel in the fact you get two parents the want to love you. They will make mistakes, so will you. You will learn from them and they from you. I am legitimately happy for you. Ask your questions, maybe the don't want to be called "Dad" but Pop or Papa or Father, or just their first name. Ask them how they want to celebrate holidays. Traditions are good but starting new traditions is also cool. Not knowing your situation... Start a tradition of having a nice meal in remembrance of all of your birth givers and move off with the day. Be respectful but again they chose you, they knew coming In there would be awkward conversations. My cousin and her wife are referred to as Mama X and Mama Y by their three boys. Sorry this kinda rambled
That’s good advice thanks so much 😁 I hope they let me call them dad tbh haha I think it would be cool 😝 but I’m gonna ask and see what they’d like :)
Best of luck to you my dude
First off congratulations! Just think of them both as your parents. Gender isn't really that important when it comes to family. It might feel odd at first but eventually you will see them as parents rather than two men in a relationship. Gay or straight really doesn't matter when it comes to love. Just treat them as you would any other people that adopted you.
At some point you could ask them if they have a preference-Maybe not right away though.
Ok thanks 🙂
Personally I don't, but my uncle and his partner (possibly husband but if they married then they kept it quite) decided to foster and then adopt after being together for nearly 20 years.. In the end they adopted 5 children, 3 siblings from one mother and 2 from another, had almost all of them from birth. To add to the complexity, my uncle and his partner and white and the children are black. It's been over 20 years, the youngest child jusy turned 21. I've asked the kids their experiences once they were adults, amd they said while at times when they were young people were confused and some other kids acted weird- it never mattered because my uncles gave them so much love and supported them so much- any sport/activity/new fashions or music/etc, their dad's were there for them 100% and ALWAYS more active in their lives (while giving them freedom to be themselves), that it was widely known they had the coolest, best parents BUT they took no BS, and held their kids to high expectations.. Even if they still were a bit spoiled lol. Now some of their kids have kids amd always say how they aspire to be as incredible as their dad's were/are, but being parents themselves now don't understand how they did it... My uncles say they had always wanted children and never thought it would be a possibly, so when the opportunity came they threw themselves into parenthood 100% and while it definitely wasn't easy, how hard they worked and fought to get their children *DID* make it easier. There was no resentment of being trapped by their kids. They didn't go into it with expectations of "what their kid(s) will or *should* be like", they just loved and supported them... As a mother of two with a husband, WE aspire to be the parents my uncles are... I know every case is different, and my uncles are by no means the only same-sex couple I know with kids, but am the closest with them and all those couples I know also seem to have a extremely loving, supportive and open-communication bond with their kids that I feel many heterosexual couples seem to struggle more with.. Again, not always the case. Anyone can be an incredible parent, anyone can be a terrible one- but my uncles kids are some of the most emotionally healthy, overall successful people I know and grew up with virtually no truama... It makes me so happy every time I think of their family
First off that is so amazing. And I hope that happens for you. I follow two dads and one dad reserves Mother’s Day for them (but still highly respect mothers and women it’s just how they work their marriage and family and it’s so cute! ) and the other on Father’s Day. Just start with names and whatever comes naturally to you just let it happen! I wish you the absolute best in your future endeavors.
One of my friends is Dad, and his husband is Papa. At first, they left it open to what their kid felt comfortable calling them. When their kid first started asking about calling them dads, they just talked about it over dinner to discuss what they wanted. Wishing you well!
It's ok to call them by their names at first, especially while you're all getting to know each other / getting used to each other. And then you can figure out what works for you all - just ask them what they want to be called For instance "Dad" and "Pops" might work, or something like that. Or you may develop nicknames on your own - like maybe it will come naturally as you get to know them. My siblings and I were raised by our bio parents,but we've all developed different nicknames for them over the years. That can be nice too - like a special name that just feels right.
You should call them whatever you are comfortable with. I assume you are older and probably have memories of bioparents, so it would probably be awkward even if they were heterosexual parents. It will probably take time to decide what names to call them. The names should come to you naturally, but maybe one could be dad and other Papa or pops. You could still celebrate mother's day for important female role models or treat the day as a neutral parent's day.
I feel like it would be lit ngl 😂
Yh I think so too 😁
My niece has two dads. She def has to answer questions, and some people are ignorant, but all in all it's just fine. Don't worry about mother's day, you'll just have to double up on father's day. The main thing is to communicate what your feeling and how you're dealing to your new parents. They will want to support you and help you adjust as much as they can.
Congratulations MF! Thats all.
Thank you 😁
idk about much else but i think on mothers day they'd still want to call their moms and stuff and if you are in contact and wanna do something for your bio mom or any other figure like that in your life i bet theyd be supportive. i think its just get them both something on fathers day as well, so yea...
Yh thats prolly true. I don’t see my bio mom anymore but maybe I can just get their moms a gift :)
yeah, good luck with that man, super happy for you, i know a ton of amazing people who are gay, im glad ur happy about it.
Hey Im in my late 20's and I have 2 moms, not exactly the same but i hope it helps. My mom was originally married to my step dad, who later down the line adopted me as his own. He turned out an ass hole and abusive after he had his own son. Well, my mom ended up coming out gay and left him for my godmother. When I was in high-school my sophomore year. My step mom has been more of a dad and a full supportive parent than any dad I have had. My mom is happier and healthier herself and out of an abusive relationship. Our relationship is better as well. I wish had two moms sooner. Now, I'm not going to lie it was a bit different at first, but I'm very open-minded, and not too many people were at the time because gay marriage was not legal during this time frame. But I have two very supportive parents (my two moms), while my adoptive dad doesn't even try to have a relationship with me. I am considering asking my step mom to adopt me because she has been the stand-up parent since day one. And it's kind of funny when people ask me about my parents and when they ask for my dad's number i say "my other mom, her number" and to see the more openess time has come with it as well as support there is. If you have any specific questions, feel free to ask. I'm not saying I may have the answers, but I can definitely try.
Hey 👋 there . So that is so awesome if you’re gonna be adopted ! I just wanted to say I do not have 2 dads myself but I’d imagine when you go to live with them , hopefully they are nice people and just tell them you’d like to talk to them . And just be honest you don’t mean any disrespect or anything you just want to know how they would like you to treat them or call them . Ask them about Mother’s Day and Father’s Day . They could both want to take Father’s Day and celebrate you having 2 fathers or one could be more feminine and want the Mother’s Day . It’ll really depend on them and if they are thinking of adopting you they should probably already be thinking about the same questions as you . If they don’t already have children. If they do have any children maybe find out from them how they like things to go . But either way everyone is different and I’m sure when and if they adopt you there will be some kind of talk so that everyone is happy In the way that things go. Like I said I do not have two fathers of my own so these are just my thoughts but hope they are helpful! And hopefully this adoption is a wonderful thing for you ❤️ best of luck friend !
My good friend from church and his husband adopted his grandkids, and they referred to them as Papa (first name) and Papa (first name).
People can have two dads, they can have a stepdad and a biological dad, or a biological dad and an adopted dad, some people even have half dads, there are all kinds of different dads and you can have two. Some people even have more than two dads and that's okay too.
Yh that’s true bc everyone’s family is different and it doesn’t even matter :)
So my dad left my mom for my Pop when I was 8. Typically we just celebrate Father's day, not mother's day. Ultimately I think that it will be up to you and them to figure out what makes you all comfortable and happy. If you do end up getting adopted, just try and communicate with them. I hope all goes well!
Okk that’s prolly what I’m gonna do. Thanks :) And happy cake day 😁
Thank you!!
Hey OP First off, by the way you’ve written, it seems that you are feeling good about these men maybe adopting you. So I am happy for you and I hope it works out. Most of what you’ve asked here have the same answer: ask them about it. You are clearly coming from a position of respect and grace, and that will come through when you talk to them. So ask them. Take their feelings and preferences into account, express your own feelings and preferences, and work together with them to come to a solution you can all like. I hope this works out well for you, OP.
Yh I really want them to adopt me so I hope it works out too :) I'm defo gonna ask them about what they'd like too I just know the last time I asked what they wanted me to call them and they were shocked lol and they said that I can call them whatever I want to call them so I was jw what people think they'd like but I'll talk to them again more serious next time :) Thanks!
I feel bad for you, like this is probably worst case scenario, get ready for double the bad dad jokes, or relentlessly being stuck in a never ending cycle of “go ask your dad”, it’s going to be hell. ❤️❤️
Hahahaha that's true. I never thought of that 😂
Often one dad will get called something like “dad” and the other will be “daddy”, “baba”, “papa”, or “father”! It’s up to you and your dads to figure out how you want to do Mother’s Day! You could even give them both something on both days! It’s really up to you all as a family to decide! Don’t worry too much about it; as you bond it will all start to feel natural!
Okk that makes sense. Ig we can all decide what to do :) thanks for your help.
You’re welcome!
Mazel Tov! I'm very happy for you! I know a gay couple who have an adopted son. He calls them 'Dad' and 'Pops', sometimes 'Daddy' and 'Poppa'. It's my understanding that they chose the names for themselves. He gets them both a card for Mother's Day, and Cards and gifts for Father's Day.
Thanks :) Ok that's cool I'll probably end up doing that too :)
My son is gay and wants kids someday. We discussed it, and I soooo want this for him. They are just as deserving, and I love that you have this awesome opportunity to experience diversity. You're already going into it with an open mindset, and as a mom, I can't love this enough. Often, it's one Dad, and another is Daddy. Or something of that sort.
That so cool :) One of my friends got adopted like 2 years ago by just one gay guy and he comes and visits sometimes and he said it's the best thing ever so I'm excited 😝
You all might hang out once it settles down! ❤️❤️❤️
This is a conversation you need to have with them.
Yh im gonna do that too :)
No. But my mom could have been an NFL linebacker.
Sounds like you’re trolling. Two dads. What to do on Mother’s Day? Good one.
A heavenly father, and an earthly father.
i dont even really have one lol
Nope
Ask them!
If/when you want to start calling them something like dad instead of by their first names, you can talk to them about what they would like to be called. For example, one of the gay couples I know decided that one of the men would go by “dad” and the other would go by “abba,” which means dad in his first language.
Well, my niece technically has two dads, cause his father is my twin, but well, not really. I've helped raise her cause they lived in the family house for a time (they were teenagers when that happened) so... I think we can say that my niece has technically two dads (she used to say that at school too lol)
Like the show?
Nobody does.
I will if they adopt me 😁
I don’t… but if it doesn’t matter to you it doesn’t matter… I you rather have a dad and mom then that’s what you want… whatever you want is fine hope this makes sense
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One of my best friends growing up. Never affected me never even really thought about it. They were just Nick's parents growing up. Society is a lot better now than it was 25 years ago.
You might wanna consider reevaluating that claim.
Answers here don’t matter. You have to talk to them about it and figure out what works for you guys
most of these are things you should simply talk to your new guardians about! adoption is meant to be making a child feel safe and comfortable at home, and most people who are adopting kids will be thrilled to talk about what's making you uncomfortable to relieve your anxiety over it.
With both parents being males, I think it’s best not to celebrate Mother’s Day. And just call them by their names.
[https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092410/](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092410/) Geez nobody can come up with new ideas anymore, everything is a remake!
I think whatever you wind up calling each of them, it'll come naturally. It's good that you're showing genuine concern about the situation. Which I'm sure they probably talked about and would be willing to talk with you about. I would start by using their names, and as the relationship gets better, you might start calling them dad1 & dad2. I wouldn't stress mother's day though. Unless one of them is transitioning, and prefers being called that.
They will probably explain it to you. Gay people are pretty chill people. They will be happy to ancer all of your questions. Don't forget you are something they have to take care of as well. Take babby steps I think every thing will be great.. and congratulations on finding new parents.. you should take this opportunity to make your self better and become a good person. I don't know if you're a bad person or good you can make changes happen
F it celebrate both of them for Mother’s Day and for Father’s Day. And then maybe like Dad and Pops so there’s a little less confusion on who you’re talking to, doesn’t have to be that exactly but ask them what they prefer when you feel comfy.
The kids get bullied mercilessly. Think of them when you adopt.
What kids?
Technically speaking it's not possible. No I did not read more than the title. It's possible for twins to have two different dads
You know, I think they’ll be expecting you to have tons of question. ☺️ If they adopt you, which would be wonderful, they must be anticipating the situation to be awkward for you at first and many of your questions are going to be about their relationship/ life style. I’m sure they’ll be understanding. As of what to call them if you do eventually feel comfortable calling them both dad, I have a suggestion. It comes from what I call my best friend’s mom. I call her Mama D, because her last name begins with a D. You may try something like Papa or Dad and then add the first letter of their first name.
I think you gonna have a great time with them kiddo. It will be like having two amazing uncles most likely…
I know a girl named Lily, she had two dads. Don’t really see them around much anymore.
You could, I dunno, ask them what they would be comfortable with
Dad and pops? Dude and guy? Hombre and amigo?