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>Do not put your hands on a woman EVER. There is no excuse for domestic violence of any kind. But, that goes the other way as well. If you are being hit, pushed, or threatened with objects, that is also domestic violence and you need to get yourself out of that situation as quickly as you can.
Nobody should lay hands regardless of gender. Also one thing that I learned as a young man is to be avoidant of women/girls who can't control their temper.
Be wary of women/girls whose male relatives "protect" them. If a girl's dad threatens you or gives you a "talk" about how you are to treat his daughter or else, its a form of abuse.
Young people of this sub, block every single person who said negative things about this post. Those are the very people who will message you and ask for nudes.
This was a fine post.
I read your post for teen girls and now this one. I respect your attempt to put some good into the world, and your advice for teen girls was pretty solid. However, this post falls a little more flat. You are a grown woman in her 30s. Giving advice to teen boys is going to go poorly, as well as some of the information you provided are things that as a grown man I can understand, but are not things that need to be taught and told to teen boys.
I know you were trying to help, but please leave the advice for teen boys to the men who have went through it. You have no idea the struggles and hardships a teen boy goes through mentally and physically, nor the good times and what makes them happy in this portion of their lives. Us men do. We lived it. As much as you are well qualified to give teen girls advice because you were there, let us men give advice to the teen boys since we were there. I do appreciate what you were trying to do though. Your efforts do not go unnoticed.
Great! In that case, you might want to pop over to my girls' post and tell the misogynists who claim I'm a terrible person for not bringing up boy issues in my girl post that
I apologize for my fellow men that may have acted incorrectly on your other post. Instead of me popping over there and commenting, it might do better for you to just say exactly what I said: "I am a grown woman in my 30s who has experienced being a teen girl before. I do not have experience being a teen boy, so I do not feel qualified to give advice on that matter."
And if they have an argument to that, then just don't respond. Some people exist on reddit just to argue with people 🤷
This, Leave the boys to get advice from the Men and the girls to get advice from the Women.
I do agree with from her list is "Do not put your hands on a woman EVER", others too but not in the way she typed it out.
Agreed. As I mentioned, there is some advice that is golden. I also believe men should never put their hands on a woman, and some of the other points she made were good too, just needed rewording. However, as an overall, I think men can have this handled.
I think also it’s about the character and where the person is coming from in life. If your speaking out of raw emotion and pain and things you went through it’s not the best example to speak from cause now your just emotionally involved and to me that always just comes out like you still have things that need to be cleaned up in your own life. For instance I wouldn’t take relationship advice from divorced people but rather people who have been married long time. One looked for a way out another found a way to stay.
I would agree with you should be better worded and advice for boys or girls is for both man and women to give.
Would u rather your girlfriend ask advice about YOU from guy friends or from girl friends? Should she only ever ask women for advice in any area just bc she's a woman? Sometimes you should listen to the opposite sex.
29m(I was on your other post lol) Boys. A lot of this is very good general advice. The only other thing I’d like to add is don’t fall down the alpha male pipeline. It is misogyny disguised as a “male empowerment” or whatever the fuck those weirdos are calling it. But. If you’re here, boys and girls, please take a moment to read how some men are acting and behaving in this post, and ops post for girls, and take note of their behaviors. It is a very good example of toxic masculinity and/or straight up misogyny. Men who attack(virtually or not) women are never who you want to learn from.
These guys who claim I'm totally wrong and women don't actually want that and say this is misandry and a result of the metoo movement going overboard are exactly the problem. Women, ALL women, suffer at the hands of men who didn't take advice like this when they were young, then turn around and blame all their problems on women, even when the women are begging them to listen and change their ways. There's a epidemic of male loneliness, because women are realizing that dating men isn't worth the abuse, the emotional labor, the stress, the mistreatment, and so men are lonely and instead of looking and seeing why that is they just blame women all the more for the Patriarchal nonsense that hurts everyone and keep insisting that it's actually great. These dudes keep insisting that teaching boys toxic behavior is the way to go when they're all single, divorced, or perpetually miserable. It isn't what women want, it's not even what men want, they are just too stubborn, selfish, and privileged to understand that Patriarchy hurts EVERYONE.
All well articulated. The biggest issue will be changing the view of the indoctrinated men in the patriarchal society. And I wish I had an idea on how to do that but it’s on the individual to change.
Oh of course. That’s all we can do is be the change we want for the future. I know you had hate spewed your way for this. But I’m glad you stood on business and posted a “for the boys” for all the neckbeards on your “for the girls” post
I applaud you for giving advice but I think you missed the mark here. I'd give it a 50/50 rating.
Here are the ones that either needed better wording or just different advice all together.
(1) Recognize you have emotions, and even more understand how you react to those emotions. Should you find you struggle with a specific one, seek out a trusted mentor to help you with it.
(2) Body dismorphia is more than just the size your member. You need to be comfortable in your entire body
(3) I agree with #3
(4) Rewrite #4 this way. There is no excuse for domestic violence of any kind. But that does not mean you should not defend yourself. Learn to use the proper amount of force and when it is justified to use force.
(5) Rewrite #5 this way. Eventually you will become an adult and have to live your life. It's OK to set boundaries with your own parents. It is not your responsibility to take care of your parents once you are no longer dependent on them.
(6) I get what you are saying, but to a young man this will come off very negative. Instead say, Always be a gentleman. Seek out wisdom and gain an understanding of everyone's individual experiences. This will allow you to becareful of what and how you speak.
(7) this one is good
(8) This one is good
(9) This one needs to rewritten. A man must conduct himself with honor at all times. When you struggle seek out a trusted mentor to help you.
(10) This one also needs to be touched up, remember relationships are partnerships. In both romantic and platonic relationships, only seek those who wish to participate as an equal. Never bear all the burden for yourself. There are many who will use you given the opportunity. Be the guardian for the weight you choose to bear.
All in all I think it was pretty good, but I would make these edits for young men.
>Edit: This post was actually to prove a point
Please. This is a sub for genuine advice for teens, not for adults to grind their political axes. If you want to Smash The patriarchy™, try r/twox.
>I wrote a post for girls, and was told I was sexist for not including boys in my post
One person. One person said that. And he got dragged. As he should have.
Another advice for teen boys:
You will encounter adults who will offer you advice and guidance in all sorts of matters. Some will do so because they genuinely care about **you.** Others will do so because they’ve got some other agenda. Receive advice, especially unsolicited advice (yes, including this one) with a bit of skepticism. Ask yourself why this person is advising you. Remember that just because advice was offered to you, you are under no obligation to accept it.
Ya know, I 100% appreciate what you’ve done OP, some of woman are single mothers to boys and this is a reminder to some of us that we need to teach our boys to be better men.. (Men on this Reddit, you got advice for us single moms who may not have an active male role model in their life? I do so that’s not an issue but some don’t) I do appreciate what you’ve done OP.. It is great sound advice and I am happy you did this
@LargLarg
If you're taking it that way, it's on you. I'm a woman who has to deal with the men these boys grow up into, and that's a horror show BTW. Time to learn now so they don't become toxic, abusive, unhealed, misogynistic jerks who blame women for everything wrong in their lives like half the dudes in these comments
Interesting, i disagree with some your relationship related advice, because in my experience as a man it doesnt apply with the majority of women. Most women will want you to take the initiative and make decisions as a man, not necessarily for the whole relationship and everything but things like asking them out, planning dates, solving major problems, etc, and will hold you accountable if something goes wrong. Cant really do all of that without being considered the leader even if your wife is extremely helpful in many ways, since a leader is someone who the responsibility falls on, and most women expect you to be the one responsible for the well being of the family.
Same with the emotional part, while it should be more acceptable a lot of women will get the ick and men will make fun of you for it. Its absolutely okay to be emotional but you also should try and become very good at dealing with your emotions for a multitude of reasons - learning to think rationally even when emotional will allow you to not succumb to anger, fear, etc, not just sadness.
Most women are taught from birth that what you mentioned is the way it should be. This is a Patriarchal influence on both boys and girls that says they have to fit in these boxes and treat each other accordingly, so of course that is how they approach relationships up front. I tell both parties that they don't have to if that isn't what works for them. Girls can be strong and independent and do things for themselves, boys can be soft and emotional and not always in charge. Yes, there's going to be pushback, on both ends as people try to maintain the status quo, but point being, girls and boys are often miserable as they try to fit in these boxes that society has told them to stay in, and it doesn't have to be that way. It takes both sides to make positive changes.
Thats not just taught from birth in my opinion, it’s biological instinct. Men and women evolved a certain way for tens of thousands of years and a modern enabled lifestyle and relationship balance wasn’t available until very recently. You cant really help what you are and arent attracted to.
Yeah obviously if something isnt working for you, it isnt working for you. But what works for the majority is a slightly more traditional relationship approach. Not necessarily the guy paying for 100% of the things and a SAHM that does only what her husband says, but you still need to be taking initiative as a guy or you will simply not attract most women.
Id be very surprised if your husband wasnt the one who asked you out, or planned the first date.
Also people are too quick to point out only the negatives of what you call the “patriarchy” but there was also very good principles it taught, like men should protect women, men should work hard to provide for others, men should fix things around the household (which is an incredibly useful thing especially in this economy), etc.
People didn't evolve that way for thousands of years. Many non white, non European cultures didn't have the same gender roles that we have been taught, but they were wiped out by colonization. There are bodies of ancient warriors that were always assumed to be men that are now being discovered to be women. Matriarchal societies existed, and still do in certain places. Just because that is not what we have been exposed to doesn't mean it didn't happen or doesn't exist. Our current views of gender roles are heavily influenced by Patriarchal Christianity being pervasive in European culture, and perpetuated by violence as the monarchies of those countries erased the histories of the people they conquered and colonized.
As far as positives of patriarchy, I will tell you, I have never in my life been protected by a man. I've been assaulted at bars, in front of other men who stood by watching and did nothing. I have been abused by a partner who I found out later had abused every woman he'd ever been with and his friends knew, and not one of them ever confronted him about his behavior, or warned me before I dated him.
The majority of women in gen X who are married to men have a bunch of projects left undone around the house that the man half assedly did wrong, never completed, or simply never started, but refuses to call a professional for help because his ego won't allow it.
I do know a lot of men who work hard, but I've known many who used how hard they worked to weaponize that against wives who also had full time jobs and took care of the kids and home 100% of the time, but he still guilt tripped her because he worked so hard.
There's a difference between how something is supposed to be and how something is. Patriarchy on paper might sound good, but in practice it almost always hurts everyone involved. There's a better way, and it takes everyone to create that better way.
They did, the vast majority of warriors were men worldwide. Just because a few bodies here and there were female doesnt mean it was different. Theres no single culture you can point at where the majority of fighters were women, 99% of war casualties to date are men. Matriarches existed in places like england but at the ruling class not in most families or on the war front.
It’s unfortunate that youve had negative experiences with men, but thats the truth of the matter, back then more men wouldve stood up to protect you because that was the norm. Nowadays because of things like the me too movement getting out of hand and men being told they are evil (especially white men) just for existing, men are more afraid to associate with and less inclined to help women. Back then more people took pride in and were taught basic plumbing and mechanical/household work, but nowadays people cant even cook.
You are overly attributing the negative experiences youve had with men to men as a whole because negatives stick way harder than positives do.
A traditional leaning relationship is good, arguably the best if people adhere to it the way they are supposed to, and many do. The reality is you will likely not be in a financial position to accomplish this anymore, but you should strive for ideals.
Its better to bring up men to be both strong and benevolent rather than discourage them from becoming leaders and telling them masculinity is toxic, it isnt, the people who wield it incorrectly are.
Maybe you dont share this perspective because you experienced life as a woman, but this is the reality of life and what you have to go through and learn to be most successful as a man. Be strong, be a leader, learn to take care of the home and basic maintenance skills, strive to be able to provide and protect everyone important to you on your own, and try and provide the best life for those people. Thats what a man should be taught.
Being taught to sit back and be more emotional wont land you nearly the same level of success in reality. Not that its bad to be emotional or less of a leader, its just what world we live in. These lessons are what created the men you have a problem with today.
Some of these are terrible advice.
I'd never recommend any boy to cry/show emotions infront of a girl.
All woman and girls act like they want a emotional man but when it really comes down to it girls go laughing about said cry baby boy, and woman don't like men that are emotional.
It’s not about not showing emotion it’s about having emotional control and sometimes that looks like we are stone walled and don’t have emotions but that’s not always the case.
Why do women make fun of men who cry? Because Patriarchy teaches men that real men don't cry and teaches women that men crying is a sign of weakness, and neither of those things are actually true, but harm both parties. It's not bad advice, it's advice on how to break cycles of abuse and toxic masculinity. If a woman mistreats a man for showing emotion, that's a product of her brainwashing too, and that man is not obligated to stay with someone who disrespects him like that. "But women will make fun of him" is a cop out.
Self actualized women like sensitive men, not thugs, not guys who punch walls because they haven't talked to anyone about their feelings in 20 years.
Showing emotions and talking about how you feel about something is not the same as violently assaulting someone. If you think it is, then you need help. What about equality? I literally said abuse goes both ways and he should get out ASAP if a woman is bring violent with him. 😑
Completely ignored everything else I said.
Whatever, just funny, any man knows that the advice given here is poor. Any teenage boy wouldn't know until they learn from their own experience.
Crying infront of a girl is the worst thing you can do for yourself.
You won't ever understand the damage that is done to a teenage boys life from doing something that is considered normal for a teenage girl.
Than again, times have changed, we got transgender kids in school that don't get bullied so never know.
You're intentionally missing the point. It is MEN telling boys from birth that crying is for girls, and they're telling girls the same thing which is why they then mistreat boys for crying.
Teens grow up with these gross messages, and men resent women and belive that women are responsible for all their problems, and women buy into the bs that they are supposed to be attracted to these angry dudes with little man syndrome, and the cycle just repeats forever. You break it for girls and tell them they don't need a big strong man to lead them, they can do that themselves. You break it for boys by telling them it's not a woman's responsibility to do all the emotional labor for them, that they are valid even when being vulnerable.
No, you're missing his point. it's predominantly women who punish men for being vulnerable. I'm soft with all male friends. All my rural- red-state blue-collar male friends. Not a single one has a problem with it. Every single woman I've been with has lost respect for me for being vulnerable to, and used it against me later in pretty much the most psychologically violent way possible. I appreciate you trying but I think you're way to set on things you hold as fundamental truths that are based in gender roles to have said anything of much use to a young man. It does come off as talking down to, in a situation where you don't have any experience. It's woman-splaining compassion, consent, and emotions, all with a slightly dehumanizing tone.
Not crying is not the same as punching walls and violently exploding. You can show strength through adversity without being an asshat.
I am forever grateful to my father who taught me to be the rock in my family. It allows me to be there for the people in my life that need me. There is nothing wrong with being able to control your emotions. It’s often perverted into crying is for girls and the like but the actual message is learning to manage your emotions in a way that let you remain functional in crisis.
" I am a woman in my 30s"
Sorry but giving advice to teen boys when you are a woman isn't gonna end well.
Theres a reason why so many boys turn feminine who are raised by mothers with no fathers in the house hold. Just saying.
I'm sorry but after reading this, I am LOL at you.
LMAO some misogynist just went on my post for teen girls and told me I was perpetuating generation problems by not offering advice to boys too. Obviously that's nonsense, but you know, just goes to show that toxic men will be toxic no matter what. I'm an adult who's worked in education for many many years and have seen a lot of boys with the same problems brought up in this thread a lot. If you can't listen to an adult woman's perspective because the boys might turn feminine, that's on you bud. I'm married to a man who you might refer to as "feminine", but guess what, dude doesn't punch holes in dry wall, has good communication skills, isn't afraid washing a dish will turn him gay, and we make decisions together because we're equal partners, which is what women actually want in a husband. This hyper-masculine violent ego crap has got to go, not just for girls' sake but for the boys who deserve safety in expressing their feelings in a healthy way.
You're an idiot. Advice from someone who has much more experience in any way is always helpful. Especially if the advice is from someone who knows how women should be treated. People like you need this advice more than anyone.
Dude, That's like saying a 30 year old man should tell teenage girls how to treat boys/men.............................................................
This subreddit is intended for life experiences and navigating through teenage years into adulthood. It's advice from others' perspectives. Even if it doesn't apply to you, it can still provide something to take away that you didn't think about before.
If I were to give advice like "boys like to receive compliments also," to this sub, that would be completely appropriate, and I think OP is a good example.
I don't think you read the post at all. Point 8 and point 9 are about listening to other perspectives and saying that boys have struggles. She doesn't say anything about what they are because she might not know. But she acknowledged they exist.
I guarantee she's met several boys growing up and has experienced different type of boys with different struggles. This experience can be used by a teen girl who maybe hasn't started dating yet.
Am I the only one who thinks it makes a lot of sense to also get advice from the opposite gender?
I feel like women know more about women and men know more about men, so if a dude is learning about how to treat women.... Maybe he should learn from a woman? Just like chicks should learn how men want to be treated, from men? And men aren't exactly stepping up to write this post, but they are SOOOO quick to edit rate and judge it.
Exactly. As a woman who has dated many men, including some toxic abusive ones, I'll tell you there's a LOT of men out there who have no emotional intelligence, who blame all their problems on women, expect women to be their therapist and mommy and have a mental breakdown at age 40 because they basically don't know how to do anything but go to work, yell at football games and cheat on and abuse their partners who eventually catch on and leave.
That guy earlier who was criticizing me validating boys' emotions by saying it's horrible advice because girls will laugh at men who cry, that's just another form of blaming women for why men don't do the work to be better. So what if a woman laughs at you? As a woman I've endured a lifetime of abuse, rape, mockery, aggression, stalking, harassment etc. By men, and then they turn around and call me a misandrist man hater when I talk about how horrible that feels. And yet, here I am trying to make the world a better place and continuing to better myself instead of crapping on my own healing journey and everyone else's because someone else might think of me badly for it.
People may down vote you , but all your speaking is facts. And I've had the same experiences :/ so annoying. So thankful for the men that do step up and speak out or help when they can.
I think the issue maybe it don’t sound like much healing going on. You’re still talking about past acts men have done to you now in your 30s. Sounds like pain to me personally.
This is not to attack you but just how I’m reading it seems emotionally probably not in the best position to be giving advice cause we as humans are always gonna project how we feel about our selves etc.
If you have not healed and made amends then you’re still gonna project that emotion of anger and frustration towards men.
Now I’m not saying that don’t validate what you have said above but when I read it and read your comments you seem more mad the encouraging and more hurt then healed.
I disagree entirely especially digging through past post of yours… I would say your in no place to give sound advice to anyone and should instead work on emotionally healing your self. It’s a journey know doubt and a long one a lot of mirror looking and humility and also self accountability to keep at it. Please don’t share anymore though
So because I've used reddit as a place for venting about certain things, that means I have nothing going for me huh? Unfortunately you seem to not comprehend that people are complex, and someone can still be doing really well in life and also have some problems or frustrations they gotta deal with. That's being human friend.
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>Do not put your hands on a woman EVER. There is no excuse for domestic violence of any kind. But, that goes the other way as well. If you are being hit, pushed, or threatened with objects, that is also domestic violence and you need to get yourself out of that situation as quickly as you can. Nobody should lay hands regardless of gender. Also one thing that I learned as a young man is to be avoidant of women/girls who can't control their temper. Be wary of women/girls whose male relatives "protect" them. If a girl's dad threatens you or gives you a "talk" about how you are to treat his daughter or else, its a form of abuse.
God, fathers like that are the creepiest. They can't have sex with their daughters, so NOBODY can!!!
Young people of this sub, block every single person who said negative things about this post. Those are the very people who will message you and ask for nudes. This was a fine post.
I read your post for teen girls and now this one. I respect your attempt to put some good into the world, and your advice for teen girls was pretty solid. However, this post falls a little more flat. You are a grown woman in her 30s. Giving advice to teen boys is going to go poorly, as well as some of the information you provided are things that as a grown man I can understand, but are not things that need to be taught and told to teen boys. I know you were trying to help, but please leave the advice for teen boys to the men who have went through it. You have no idea the struggles and hardships a teen boy goes through mentally and physically, nor the good times and what makes them happy in this portion of their lives. Us men do. We lived it. As much as you are well qualified to give teen girls advice because you were there, let us men give advice to the teen boys since we were there. I do appreciate what you were trying to do though. Your efforts do not go unnoticed.
Great! In that case, you might want to pop over to my girls' post and tell the misogynists who claim I'm a terrible person for not bringing up boy issues in my girl post that
I apologize for my fellow men that may have acted incorrectly on your other post. Instead of me popping over there and commenting, it might do better for you to just say exactly what I said: "I am a grown woman in my 30s who has experienced being a teen girl before. I do not have experience being a teen boy, so I do not feel qualified to give advice on that matter." And if they have an argument to that, then just don't respond. Some people exist on reddit just to argue with people 🤷
(you)
Exactly makes more sense to be humble. No one has anything to prove on Reddit lol
This, Leave the boys to get advice from the Men and the girls to get advice from the Women. I do agree with from her list is "Do not put your hands on a woman EVER", others too but not in the way she typed it out.
Agreed. As I mentioned, there is some advice that is golden. I also believe men should never put their hands on a woman, and some of the other points she made were good too, just needed rewording. However, as an overall, I think men can have this handled.
I think also it’s about the character and where the person is coming from in life. If your speaking out of raw emotion and pain and things you went through it’s not the best example to speak from cause now your just emotionally involved and to me that always just comes out like you still have things that need to be cleaned up in your own life. For instance I wouldn’t take relationship advice from divorced people but rather people who have been married long time. One looked for a way out another found a way to stay. I would agree with you should be better worded and advice for boys or girls is for both man and women to give.
Would u rather your girlfriend ask advice about YOU from guy friends or from girl friends? Should she only ever ask women for advice in any area just bc she's a woman? Sometimes you should listen to the opposite sex.
29m(I was on your other post lol) Boys. A lot of this is very good general advice. The only other thing I’d like to add is don’t fall down the alpha male pipeline. It is misogyny disguised as a “male empowerment” or whatever the fuck those weirdos are calling it. But. If you’re here, boys and girls, please take a moment to read how some men are acting and behaving in this post, and ops post for girls, and take note of their behaviors. It is a very good example of toxic masculinity and/or straight up misogyny. Men who attack(virtually or not) women are never who you want to learn from.
These guys who claim I'm totally wrong and women don't actually want that and say this is misandry and a result of the metoo movement going overboard are exactly the problem. Women, ALL women, suffer at the hands of men who didn't take advice like this when they were young, then turn around and blame all their problems on women, even when the women are begging them to listen and change their ways. There's a epidemic of male loneliness, because women are realizing that dating men isn't worth the abuse, the emotional labor, the stress, the mistreatment, and so men are lonely and instead of looking and seeing why that is they just blame women all the more for the Patriarchal nonsense that hurts everyone and keep insisting that it's actually great. These dudes keep insisting that teaching boys toxic behavior is the way to go when they're all single, divorced, or perpetually miserable. It isn't what women want, it's not even what men want, they are just too stubborn, selfish, and privileged to understand that Patriarchy hurts EVERYONE.
All well articulated. The biggest issue will be changing the view of the indoctrinated men in the patriarchal society. And I wish I had an idea on how to do that but it’s on the individual to change.
Reaching younger folks in hopes they never become that is what I'm hoping to do with posts like this
Oh of course. That’s all we can do is be the change we want for the future. I know you had hate spewed your way for this. But I’m glad you stood on business and posted a “for the boys” for all the neckbeards on your “for the girls” post
I applaud you for giving advice but I think you missed the mark here. I'd give it a 50/50 rating. Here are the ones that either needed better wording or just different advice all together. (1) Recognize you have emotions, and even more understand how you react to those emotions. Should you find you struggle with a specific one, seek out a trusted mentor to help you with it. (2) Body dismorphia is more than just the size your member. You need to be comfortable in your entire body (3) I agree with #3 (4) Rewrite #4 this way. There is no excuse for domestic violence of any kind. But that does not mean you should not defend yourself. Learn to use the proper amount of force and when it is justified to use force. (5) Rewrite #5 this way. Eventually you will become an adult and have to live your life. It's OK to set boundaries with your own parents. It is not your responsibility to take care of your parents once you are no longer dependent on them. (6) I get what you are saying, but to a young man this will come off very negative. Instead say, Always be a gentleman. Seek out wisdom and gain an understanding of everyone's individual experiences. This will allow you to becareful of what and how you speak. (7) this one is good (8) This one is good (9) This one needs to rewritten. A man must conduct himself with honor at all times. When you struggle seek out a trusted mentor to help you. (10) This one also needs to be touched up, remember relationships are partnerships. In both romantic and platonic relationships, only seek those who wish to participate as an equal. Never bear all the burden for yourself. There are many who will use you given the opportunity. Be the guardian for the weight you choose to bear. All in all I think it was pretty good, but I would make these edits for young men.
>Edit: This post was actually to prove a point Please. This is a sub for genuine advice for teens, not for adults to grind their political axes. If you want to Smash The patriarchy™, try r/twox. >I wrote a post for girls, and was told I was sexist for not including boys in my post One person. One person said that. And he got dragged. As he should have. Another advice for teen boys: You will encounter adults who will offer you advice and guidance in all sorts of matters. Some will do so because they genuinely care about **you.** Others will do so because they’ve got some other agenda. Receive advice, especially unsolicited advice (yes, including this one) with a bit of skepticism. Ask yourself why this person is advising you. Remember that just because advice was offered to you, you are under no obligation to accept it.
I ain’t reading all of that 🤓
Ya know, I 100% appreciate what you’ve done OP, some of woman are single mothers to boys and this is a reminder to some of us that we need to teach our boys to be better men.. (Men on this Reddit, you got advice for us single moms who may not have an active male role model in their life? I do so that’s not an issue but some don’t) I do appreciate what you’ve done OP.. It is great sound advice and I am happy you did this
You are giving valuable advice.
@LargLarg If you're taking it that way, it's on you. I'm a woman who has to deal with the men these boys grow up into, and that's a horror show BTW. Time to learn now so they don't become toxic, abusive, unhealed, misogynistic jerks who blame women for everything wrong in their lives like half the dudes in these comments
this is the best post on the sub
Women are attracted to exactly the opposite of everything she said?! This is very much a case of "look at what women do and not what they say"...
Are you married with a family?
Yes
Interesting, i disagree with some your relationship related advice, because in my experience as a man it doesnt apply with the majority of women. Most women will want you to take the initiative and make decisions as a man, not necessarily for the whole relationship and everything but things like asking them out, planning dates, solving major problems, etc, and will hold you accountable if something goes wrong. Cant really do all of that without being considered the leader even if your wife is extremely helpful in many ways, since a leader is someone who the responsibility falls on, and most women expect you to be the one responsible for the well being of the family. Same with the emotional part, while it should be more acceptable a lot of women will get the ick and men will make fun of you for it. Its absolutely okay to be emotional but you also should try and become very good at dealing with your emotions for a multitude of reasons - learning to think rationally even when emotional will allow you to not succumb to anger, fear, etc, not just sadness.
Most women are taught from birth that what you mentioned is the way it should be. This is a Patriarchal influence on both boys and girls that says they have to fit in these boxes and treat each other accordingly, so of course that is how they approach relationships up front. I tell both parties that they don't have to if that isn't what works for them. Girls can be strong and independent and do things for themselves, boys can be soft and emotional and not always in charge. Yes, there's going to be pushback, on both ends as people try to maintain the status quo, but point being, girls and boys are often miserable as they try to fit in these boxes that society has told them to stay in, and it doesn't have to be that way. It takes both sides to make positive changes.
Thats not just taught from birth in my opinion, it’s biological instinct. Men and women evolved a certain way for tens of thousands of years and a modern enabled lifestyle and relationship balance wasn’t available until very recently. You cant really help what you are and arent attracted to. Yeah obviously if something isnt working for you, it isnt working for you. But what works for the majority is a slightly more traditional relationship approach. Not necessarily the guy paying for 100% of the things and a SAHM that does only what her husband says, but you still need to be taking initiative as a guy or you will simply not attract most women. Id be very surprised if your husband wasnt the one who asked you out, or planned the first date. Also people are too quick to point out only the negatives of what you call the “patriarchy” but there was also very good principles it taught, like men should protect women, men should work hard to provide for others, men should fix things around the household (which is an incredibly useful thing especially in this economy), etc.
People didn't evolve that way for thousands of years. Many non white, non European cultures didn't have the same gender roles that we have been taught, but they were wiped out by colonization. There are bodies of ancient warriors that were always assumed to be men that are now being discovered to be women. Matriarchal societies existed, and still do in certain places. Just because that is not what we have been exposed to doesn't mean it didn't happen or doesn't exist. Our current views of gender roles are heavily influenced by Patriarchal Christianity being pervasive in European culture, and perpetuated by violence as the monarchies of those countries erased the histories of the people they conquered and colonized. As far as positives of patriarchy, I will tell you, I have never in my life been protected by a man. I've been assaulted at bars, in front of other men who stood by watching and did nothing. I have been abused by a partner who I found out later had abused every woman he'd ever been with and his friends knew, and not one of them ever confronted him about his behavior, or warned me before I dated him. The majority of women in gen X who are married to men have a bunch of projects left undone around the house that the man half assedly did wrong, never completed, or simply never started, but refuses to call a professional for help because his ego won't allow it. I do know a lot of men who work hard, but I've known many who used how hard they worked to weaponize that against wives who also had full time jobs and took care of the kids and home 100% of the time, but he still guilt tripped her because he worked so hard. There's a difference between how something is supposed to be and how something is. Patriarchy on paper might sound good, but in practice it almost always hurts everyone involved. There's a better way, and it takes everyone to create that better way.
They did, the vast majority of warriors were men worldwide. Just because a few bodies here and there were female doesnt mean it was different. Theres no single culture you can point at where the majority of fighters were women, 99% of war casualties to date are men. Matriarches existed in places like england but at the ruling class not in most families or on the war front. It’s unfortunate that youve had negative experiences with men, but thats the truth of the matter, back then more men wouldve stood up to protect you because that was the norm. Nowadays because of things like the me too movement getting out of hand and men being told they are evil (especially white men) just for existing, men are more afraid to associate with and less inclined to help women. Back then more people took pride in and were taught basic plumbing and mechanical/household work, but nowadays people cant even cook. You are overly attributing the negative experiences youve had with men to men as a whole because negatives stick way harder than positives do. A traditional leaning relationship is good, arguably the best if people adhere to it the way they are supposed to, and many do. The reality is you will likely not be in a financial position to accomplish this anymore, but you should strive for ideals. Its better to bring up men to be both strong and benevolent rather than discourage them from becoming leaders and telling them masculinity is toxic, it isnt, the people who wield it incorrectly are. Maybe you dont share this perspective because you experienced life as a woman, but this is the reality of life and what you have to go through and learn to be most successful as a man. Be strong, be a leader, learn to take care of the home and basic maintenance skills, strive to be able to provide and protect everyone important to you on your own, and try and provide the best life for those people. Thats what a man should be taught. Being taught to sit back and be more emotional wont land you nearly the same level of success in reality. Not that its bad to be emotional or less of a leader, its just what world we live in. These lessons are what created the men you have a problem with today.
Some of these are terrible advice. I'd never recommend any boy to cry/show emotions infront of a girl. All woman and girls act like they want a emotional man but when it really comes down to it girls go laughing about said cry baby boy, and woman don't like men that are emotional.
It’s not about not showing emotion it’s about having emotional control and sometimes that looks like we are stone walled and don’t have emotions but that’s not always the case.
Why do women make fun of men who cry? Because Patriarchy teaches men that real men don't cry and teaches women that men crying is a sign of weakness, and neither of those things are actually true, but harm both parties. It's not bad advice, it's advice on how to break cycles of abuse and toxic masculinity. If a woman mistreats a man for showing emotion, that's a product of her brainwashing too, and that man is not obligated to stay with someone who disrespects him like that. "But women will make fun of him" is a cop out. Self actualized women like sensitive men, not thugs, not guys who punch walls because they haven't talked to anyone about their feelings in 20 years.
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Showing emotions and talking about how you feel about something is not the same as violently assaulting someone. If you think it is, then you need help. What about equality? I literally said abuse goes both ways and he should get out ASAP if a woman is bring violent with him. 😑
Completely ignored everything else I said. Whatever, just funny, any man knows that the advice given here is poor. Any teenage boy wouldn't know until they learn from their own experience. Crying infront of a girl is the worst thing you can do for yourself. You won't ever understand the damage that is done to a teenage boys life from doing something that is considered normal for a teenage girl. Than again, times have changed, we got transgender kids in school that don't get bullied so never know.
You're intentionally missing the point. It is MEN telling boys from birth that crying is for girls, and they're telling girls the same thing which is why they then mistreat boys for crying. Teens grow up with these gross messages, and men resent women and belive that women are responsible for all their problems, and women buy into the bs that they are supposed to be attracted to these angry dudes with little man syndrome, and the cycle just repeats forever. You break it for girls and tell them they don't need a big strong man to lead them, they can do that themselves. You break it for boys by telling them it's not a woman's responsibility to do all the emotional labor for them, that they are valid even when being vulnerable.
No, you're missing his point. it's predominantly women who punish men for being vulnerable. I'm soft with all male friends. All my rural- red-state blue-collar male friends. Not a single one has a problem with it. Every single woman I've been with has lost respect for me for being vulnerable to, and used it against me later in pretty much the most psychologically violent way possible. I appreciate you trying but I think you're way to set on things you hold as fundamental truths that are based in gender roles to have said anything of much use to a young man. It does come off as talking down to, in a situation where you don't have any experience. It's woman-splaining compassion, consent, and emotions, all with a slightly dehumanizing tone.
This comment targets a specific group of people
Not crying is not the same as punching walls and violently exploding. You can show strength through adversity without being an asshat. I am forever grateful to my father who taught me to be the rock in my family. It allows me to be there for the people in my life that need me. There is nothing wrong with being able to control your emotions. It’s often perverted into crying is for girls and the like but the actual message is learning to manage your emotions in a way that let you remain functional in crisis.
100% if your not in emotional control at all times when hard choices come you won’t be able to make the hard choice.
" I am a woman in my 30s" Sorry but giving advice to teen boys when you are a woman isn't gonna end well. Theres a reason why so many boys turn feminine who are raised by mothers with no fathers in the house hold. Just saying. I'm sorry but after reading this, I am LOL at you.
LMAO some misogynist just went on my post for teen girls and told me I was perpetuating generation problems by not offering advice to boys too. Obviously that's nonsense, but you know, just goes to show that toxic men will be toxic no matter what. I'm an adult who's worked in education for many many years and have seen a lot of boys with the same problems brought up in this thread a lot. If you can't listen to an adult woman's perspective because the boys might turn feminine, that's on you bud. I'm married to a man who you might refer to as "feminine", but guess what, dude doesn't punch holes in dry wall, has good communication skills, isn't afraid washing a dish will turn him gay, and we make decisions together because we're equal partners, which is what women actually want in a husband. This hyper-masculine violent ego crap has got to go, not just for girls' sake but for the boys who deserve safety in expressing their feelings in a healthy way.
You're an idiot. Advice from someone who has much more experience in any way is always helpful. Especially if the advice is from someone who knows how women should be treated. People like you need this advice more than anyone.
Dude, That's like saying a 30 year old man should tell teenage girls how to treat boys/men.............................................................
This subreddit is intended for life experiences and navigating through teenage years into adulthood. It's advice from others' perspectives. Even if it doesn't apply to you, it can still provide something to take away that you didn't think about before. If I were to give advice like "boys like to receive compliments also," to this sub, that would be completely appropriate, and I think OP is a good example.
Yes however she wasn't a teenager boy, In reality she knows nothing of the average Teenage boys struggle.
I don't think you read the post at all. Point 8 and point 9 are about listening to other perspectives and saying that boys have struggles. She doesn't say anything about what they are because she might not know. But she acknowledged they exist. I guarantee she's met several boys growing up and has experienced different type of boys with different struggles. This experience can be used by a teen girl who maybe hasn't started dating yet.
Am I the only one who thinks it makes a lot of sense to also get advice from the opposite gender? I feel like women know more about women and men know more about men, so if a dude is learning about how to treat women.... Maybe he should learn from a woman? Just like chicks should learn how men want to be treated, from men? And men aren't exactly stepping up to write this post, but they are SOOOO quick to edit rate and judge it.
Exactly. As a woman who has dated many men, including some toxic abusive ones, I'll tell you there's a LOT of men out there who have no emotional intelligence, who blame all their problems on women, expect women to be their therapist and mommy and have a mental breakdown at age 40 because they basically don't know how to do anything but go to work, yell at football games and cheat on and abuse their partners who eventually catch on and leave. That guy earlier who was criticizing me validating boys' emotions by saying it's horrible advice because girls will laugh at men who cry, that's just another form of blaming women for why men don't do the work to be better. So what if a woman laughs at you? As a woman I've endured a lifetime of abuse, rape, mockery, aggression, stalking, harassment etc. By men, and then they turn around and call me a misandrist man hater when I talk about how horrible that feels. And yet, here I am trying to make the world a better place and continuing to better myself instead of crapping on my own healing journey and everyone else's because someone else might think of me badly for it.
People may down vote you , but all your speaking is facts. And I've had the same experiences :/ so annoying. So thankful for the men that do step up and speak out or help when they can.
I think the issue maybe it don’t sound like much healing going on. You’re still talking about past acts men have done to you now in your 30s. Sounds like pain to me personally. This is not to attack you but just how I’m reading it seems emotionally probably not in the best position to be giving advice cause we as humans are always gonna project how we feel about our selves etc. If you have not healed and made amends then you’re still gonna project that emotion of anger and frustration towards men. Now I’m not saying that don’t validate what you have said above but when I read it and read your comments you seem more mad the encouraging and more hurt then healed.
I disagree entirely especially digging through past post of yours… I would say your in no place to give sound advice to anyone and should instead work on emotionally healing your self. It’s a journey know doubt and a long one a lot of mirror looking and humility and also self accountability to keep at it. Please don’t share anymore though
So because I've used reddit as a place for venting about certain things, that means I have nothing going for me huh? Unfortunately you seem to not comprehend that people are complex, and someone can still be doing really well in life and also have some problems or frustrations they gotta deal with. That's being human friend.
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*yawn*
Be civil. We don't tolerate insults, slurs, or any other forms of hate messages here. Banned.