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America is a little slow on catching up to the health and well being of teen relationships . It hasn’t been more than 100 years since teens would get married and start families. Not sure why it got so rigid for teens and when that started and why.
Anyway check out the Netherlands. Parents allow sleepovers and are fine with sex. Unless they are religious. Share it with your mom as a conversation starter
https://www.quora.com/How-come-Dutch-parents-allow-their-teenagers-to-engage-in-intercourse-relations-openly-and-within-their-home
“If they are going to have sex, better that they are open about it, that they come to you for help and questions, that they have full access to contraception and information, that they do it in a place where they can focus on romance and fun rather than worrying about personal and property safety.”
Hi! Hymens can break from masturbation, exercise, using a tampon, and some are even born without one. A hymen is an unreliable source of whether you are having sex. Your mother seems uneducated in that sense, so she might not be as aware and worried about you.
Good for you for using protection!!
If you want to tell your mom I would make sure you can be 100% safe telling her, otherwise as hard as it might be you might just have to wait till your 16 before you talk to her.
Goodluck!! And wishing you the best with your relationship <3
Sounds like she is conflicted within herself. I am sorry you are getting such unnecessary hate from her and the rest of your family.
Couple ideas
Counsellors in schools sometimes have condoms and other things for free. Or perhaps his mother would help you get things you need.
I think with your mother it may need to be a slow introduction to this idea as her reactions aren't exactly stable. Perhaps, "Mom, I know you said I could always talk to you about sex, but the last reactions have me confused about how you actually are feeling. Can you tell me where you stand in everything now?" This way you are getting her to set her boundaries first.
I am glad you are making sure you are safe. There should be places to get free condoms if needed, but sounds like his mother is more supportive right now, so see if you can get support there. And then, if you are going to tell your Mom the truth, you'll have another adult to still have support through if your Mom gets angry and says hurtful things again.
Thank you so much for this advice, your the first person who's actually listened to what I'm saying and not just told me I'm not ready or trustworthy. I'm going to listen t your advice and try to wait a little longer because it's the beginning of summer. Thank you ❤️
Glad it helped. I wish all kids could openly talk to their parents, but sometimes, it has to be dealt with in a different way.
Good luck. I hope your Mom comes back around so you can have more honest conversations again.
Your mom is handling this terribly. I’m sorry you have to go through all this. 🩷
No real advice, as you are still a minor and have limited options. And I don’t know your mother. With mine, when she gets irrational, i combat it with ration. I explain slowly in a calm voice and when she gets excited, then she naturally mimics my tone. Then begins to digest what I’m saying. Most of the time people feel dumb if they’re the only one yelling in a convo. Again, this works for ME.
I have a lot of problems handling my emotions and me and my mother have gotten into physical fights with each other before. I am very grateful for the advice, I'm going to try that out next time she gets upset and see if it helps any! Thank you ❤️
You’re doing it in a very respectful way. Where most teenagers wouldn’t do. Just make sure you don’t rush with your relationship. Also, if you are having sex please know a lot about it. Even with birth control or condoms there are chances to get pregnant. If not used correctly. Be mindful of what sex brings. There’s so much to sex and I guarantee to you that almost every adult will tell you they wish they waited or understood more. I’m one of them. I would suggest Never do it without a condom rn ( not only for pregnancy but it can mess up your vagina ph balance ). Even with birth control. If condoms hurt see if you can get lube. There are chances of getting utis, bv, or yeast infections with sex. Make sure you pee afterwards. Don’t have him “cum in you” even with condoms. Be mindful that condoms can break. I’m not saying your boyfriend will cheat but be mindful of sti’s. Communicate with your boyfriend of what you want and what you don’t want. If for some reason the condom is not working or yall having trouble with the condom… do not have unprotected sex. That’s how a lot of teen pregnancy happens. Even if your on birth control do not let him finish in you… some teens got pregnant like that. If you’re taking bc pills make sure it’s correctly taken. Do not let him finish near your area and make sure you clean up or if your going multiple rounds make sure he clean is 🍆. The younger you are the more fertile you are so I really do suggest protective sex. Never do it unprotected if not on birth control. Don’t feel pressured into doing something you don’t want to do. Sex has so much to it when it comes to pleasure and most times you don’t really learn the true value of sex until you’re older. I’m sorry if this is long but I’m trying to tell you things that your mom should have told you. If you have questions you can ask.
Thank you for telling me this stuff. Most of this stuff we've discussed and even my friends have explained to me. Me and my boyfriend have talked about it a lot, and we make sure he pulls out a couple of minutes before he finishes. Or yk vice versa. I am really thankful for your advice and I'll come to you if I have any more questions thank you so much ❤️
Ohhhh man. Your mom is NOT handling this well. She should remember what it was like to be your age. It could also be that she's worried you'll end up pregnant young and doesn't know how to handle that.
Planned Parenthood offers free condoms. The health department does too. You can see if your local places also so birth control.
I made SURE my daughter could talk tome about anything. It wasn't always easy having those talks, I won't lie. I always held my freak outs until I was alone.
You could try having what we call a sit down conversation with your mom. Tell her point blank you don't feel like you can talk to her about sex because she flips out. Tell her as well she's sending you mixed messages. You want to be safe, and that's a mature choice.
Honestly thank you so much, knowing that this is coming from a mother makes me feel how a parents point of view is too. She grew up in a kind of strict household, but not overly strict like she is. Thank you for explaing to me and giving me this advice, I'm going to wait and try to do this ❤️❤️
I've already had sex. I've talked to her about sleepovers and stuff in the past, and she said no. I myself wanna wait till I'm 16. She wants me to wait till I'm older but she doesn't know I've already had sex.
Just use condoms and becareful. If your not ready to be a mom you really should think of alternatives than full on penetrative sex. Its extremely risky no matter how careful you are. Accidents do happen
I know, and we've been doing other things other than penetration, and it's been good, but sometimes we still do it, yk? We just are both trying to be safe about it and trying our best.
It's pretty apparent your mother was raised religious. Chances are, once you're honest, you'll never be allowed to see your boyfriend again. You need to decide if that's worth it to you.
I doubt that sleepovers are in your future. Not only does she seem opposed, but she won't want the judgement of the rest of your family.
Whether or not you're ready isn't for me to say... but you really do need to sit with the repercussions. Is telling your mom worth what she might do?
Honestly, I don't think it is. I love my mom. But I know her, and I know that in whatever way she will react, it won't be good for me. She's said that sleepovers could happen over time but not for a while. But thank you for your advice and everything it means a lot to me ❤️
She doesn't like us going out pretty much at all, I tried to go on a date today, and she said no bc of the heat outside. I gave an alternative, and she also said no. I can't really go to the movies because my step dad did things there when he was a teen and doesn't trust me there. The first time I went to a movie theater with him, he gave me a movie pop quiz to make sure. I was upset because it's about the only place we can talk in private, and then he didn't trust me.
Given that you're having sex and lying about it, getting upset that he didn't think you were trustworthy is interesting.
If you want to spend time with him you might consider just having him over at the house and watching movies in the living room. Sometimes you don't get everything you want and have to choose.... do you want to see him or do you only want to see him with privacy?
Both. What I never said my step dad was wrong. I'm just saying I've given him no reason not to trust me. The thing is, he is bad enough on his own and doesn't let me do anything, which is why I ask my mom. My mom probably wouldn't care at all if it wasn't for him.
Any mother that calls her own daughter a slut, whore, and bitch has lost the right to know what’s going on in her daughter’s life (IMO). Respect is a two way street and she should have lost some of your respect with that.
My mom is so hard to speak to that I was afraid to tell her I was pregnant at 24, despite being engaged, bc then she would know I had sex. There was no way I told her at 16 when I started.
Honestly, it’s nobody’s business except you and your partner *as long as* you are being safe. This means consent of both parties each time, and always condoms. No condom, no sex. And you should both get tested for STIs yearly now that you’re active.
I’m not saying to lie to your mom if she asks you outright, but in your case I don’t think you need to volunteer the information just yet.
Honestly, we've been in a lot of fights, and she has called me more than that. I love her, but a significant amount of my stress is from her. I don't trust her, and I barely like talking with her. I also feel like the bad guy because I just feel guilty after she gets upset.
I'm glad I can get advice from someone who understands this. Thank you so much, and I'm really thinking about waiting to tell her ❤️
FWIW, I have a 12yo daughter and we are very open with each other. Yes, there have been times I have lost my temper and told her to stop being so bitchy, but I immediately walk away, cool off, and apologize. She has done the same. She and I both understand that respect goes both ways. I grew up in a “my house my rules” home and didn’t feel like I could confide in either of my parents. It sucks. I can totally relate to what you’re going through. It sounds like his mom is at least supportive, so I hope you can go to her for female advice if needed.
I honestly really love and care about his mom. She has shown me nothing but kindness and respect, even after finding out about us. She asks about me and asks me how I'm doing. Even when I'm in the car with her, she asks me how I'm doing. She compliments me and is always calling me a pretty girl. I really feel like I can come to her, and I'm glad I can at least talk to her and other mothers who understand my situation. I'm very glad for you and your daughter, I'm also glad that you're both trying your best and you've done so much for her.
I am so sorry you're going through this. I am very proud of you for realizing that you need to be safe. If you're here in the US you can go to planned Parenthood and they'll give you a giant bag of condoms.
I wish I had advice on how to deal with your mom. But my mom was a lot like yours. So I just didn't tell her. I was not put on birth control. I had a baby at 17.
I decided early in the game that I was not going to parent the way my mother did. So when my daughter told me at 16 she was planning on losing her virginity at prom to her boyfriend I jumped into action. We talked about consent. We talked about safety. We talked about pregnancy, and the medication she was taking at the time. I wanted her to double check with her doctor and make sure it would not cancel out her birth control.
Thank you so much for your advice, I'm very sure your daughter is thankful too. I don't understand why my mom is acting like this when she lost it around the same age. She had me at about 21 or 22, and my father was abusive to her. I'm trying to see that maybe she's just scared of me getting abused, too. I love her and I'm trying my best but I honestly don't want to tell her. But thank you for the advice ❤️
Oh she is 100% terrified. And unfortunately a lot of Gen x parents raise their children the exact same way that fucked them up. I refuse to believe that they are so old they forget how it felt. I think a lot of parents are unwilling to admit that the way they're doing things isn't working, because then they have to take responsibility for their mistakes. They have to learn how to say they're sorry to their kids which I guess it hard?? Idk I say sorry all the time.
I really don't understand what goes through her mind. I give her alternatives, and she gives me alternatives, but it's like no matter what, I'm not doing good enough for her. I really am trying my best, I make good grades, and I really don't even get to go out that often, I help around, but I still get talked to like I'm nothing by her. She still talks to me like she doesn't trust me or wants me to have fun. She doesn't let me go out most of the time, and she doesn't like me having any type of privacy with my boyfriend. I know she's scared, but I really just wish she would understand where I'm coming from too.
There is a group on fb that I would love for you to join. The waiting list is long (which makes me so sad) but it's worth it. It's called The Sisterhood: Daughters of Narcissistic and Abusive Mothers
It sounds like she is projecting her fears and disappointment over how her life turned out on you. Parents will sometimes do that. I'm not saying that your mother is narcissistic or abusive. I'm simply saying that talking to other women in this group might be helpful. Especially since you live at home and I don't want you to do what I did. I ran away at 16. I ended up getting pregnant at 17 and going home for a few years. But I was out of work at 19 and didn't look back for many years.
I think it's one of those situations where no matter what you do she's not going to be happy. No matter what solution you offer, she's not going to accept it. And I am so very sorry because there's no reason for that. I don't know you, but from what I can tell you are taking a very responsible approach to this considering your age. And it just breaks my heart that you don't have the love and support that you need during this time. Because what if this relationship turns abusive? You're not going to want to tell her about it.
I was not the greatest mom bc of my mental health issues (anxiety, PTSD, etc) but I tried my hardest to not do the things that messed me up. Not all parents do the work to break those generational trauma patterns. Most of them realize that they're not doing a great job but they don't know where to start, so they just don't try.
Thank you for caring and giving me so much advice. It really does mean a lot to me. She does have my fb, though, so I wouldn't be able to join without her finding out. I'm really just probably not going to tell her for a while.
Hey whatever you need to do. You can also PM me and I will try my best to help you. In the end I made the decision to go low contact with my mom after my daughter graduated high school bc they were close and it was easier to just wait.
Then I went full no contact 3 yrs ago bc she was insistent on trying to have control over my life and I was nearly 40. Hang in there, freedom will come sooner or later.
It’s probably embarrassing but, planned parenthood gives out condoms, it can be a way to get them. I understand where you’re coming from not wanting to talk to your mom. At some point it needs to be a conversation tho
It seems your household can be volatile. There are a lot of people who, at 16, aren’t allowed to openly have sex. You’re gonna have to stay on the down low for now. Stay on your birth control, get together when you can, and give it some time. You are right on the threshold of having more independence. What are your future plans? Have you been considering what to do when you get older?
Yes, I already have my career picked out and a plan with my boyfriend. He wants to go into the military, and I want to become a respiratory therapist. It is about 2-3 years of school, I can take many of the classes needed for it in my junior and senior year of high school. I will make more than enough money to support me and my boyfriend, and eventually we are wanting to have kids. I'm trying to focus on my teenage years while still preparing for my future. I will never get these years back, so I want to make the most of them while also getting everything done.
Excellent. Respiratory is an excellent choice. You’ll have a set of skills that can move around with your spouse. You’re very intelligent. Having chosen a career path shows you’re a thinker. You gotta just hang in there. These years will pass quickly. My teenage years were rough and I survived. I wasn’t nearly as sensible as you. You’re gonna feel so much better when you are independent.
Yea, we try not to pressure her too much. She’s doing great, she’s gonna be fine. We have a good relationship. My wife is a great mom. I’m a decent dad. We’re just trying to make it work the best we can.
Just wait to tell her it almost feels like your mom likes the illusion of you telling her to keep you from being yourself. Yes you are young, yes you should be able to tell your mom but the reality is if you are apprehensive wait to tell her. Be safe look for the right time to have that conversation. You will know when that is but it sounds like now is not the time. Life happens and you can’t change that so don’t stress be safe.
I don't want to say not to tell your mom, but it seems like it might be a good option right now as she seems to just come unhinged when you try. It appears his mom is supportive, and if you can get the protection you need, then maybe your mom just can't handle it. It's a sad situation, but my mom was the same way. I tried to tell her, and she just flew off the handle and then ignored me for a while and then continued on like I never said anything about it. I had to go to planned parenthood to get on birth control, and my boyfriend went with me, and we got condoms as well. It sounds like, unfortunately, your mom is being incredibly immature and can't deal with this like an adult. It's sad to say you're being the adult in this situation.
Honestly, I really want to do that, but neither of us can drive yet. I took drivers Ed and am still waiting for them to take me driving so I can go to the dmv and get my permit. He hasn't had the money for the drivers Ed class, though. His mom is supportive and bought us some condoms, but i don't want to take advantage of her kindness and support, you know? I don't want her thinking we're just having sex all the time or that we're using each other.
Understandable. You should try talking to her. I would suggest then and let her know exactly that. That you don't want tonseen as though you're taking advantage of her kindness etc etc, but you cannot speak with your mom because of the way she is acting and reiterate how much you appreciate her help. I'm sure she'd rather be supportive of you two having safe sex in any circumstance. I don't think she would see it as you taking advantage of her if you and your boyfriend explain what's going on with your mom. She may be willing to help take you to the clinic and get free condoms. I'm certain she's not ready to be a grandmother yet.
I’m so sorry your mother is so awful. Why do you even have to tell her you’re having sex? You’re on BC. Tell your BF that condoms are his responsibility. You both have to do your part.
And I’d stop telling your family anything personal about you. Hopefully you can get out at 18.
Thank you, i love my mom, and I'm really trying my best with her. I don't want to tell her, and I'm going to wait and see if it gets better. Thank you so much ❤️
Probably should slow down a bit and take a step back. Make the dude wait a few months, see how things go. If he’s still around, then whatever. Tell your mom you can no longer be honest with her because of her actions. Taking a step back will bring clarity to the situation as a whole.
I've already done the first part and took steps back, he's with me and we've communicated a lot about this topic. We both agree, and when we don't agree on certain things, we talk and understand each other's points and help until we see eye to eye. I can't communicate with my mom, just tried to communicate to her about going on a date and she tried to make alternatives. I used to see my boyfriend about once a week and I haven't seen him in about 3 or 4 weeks. I miss him and she keeps refusing to let me go out.
I wouldn’t tell my mom if she had acted like that when I was 11 years old (without any proof or hearing me out). I would buy my own condoms at the 7-11 or whatever store my mom doesn’t frequent and keep on living my life. When she inevitably does find out - point out how she didn’t feel like a safe option after what happened and how you’ve been incredibly safe since starting sexual activity. Also - I wasn’t allowed to have sleepovers with my boyfriends when I was 19 at her house so I moved out. IDK if a lot of moms actually allow that.
*Maybe this isn’t good advice but my I didn’t tell my mom a lot growing up because she was always working.*
Yeah, my mom used to work all the time. She's currently back in college and still working. I really can't go anywhere to buy anything, though. I dont have a drivers license, a car, and no money. I don't get an allowance. I may get a 20 once in a while from my grandpa when I work with him. Even when I do get to go to the store, she's always over my shoulder. I can't buy anything without her seeing it.
might be in your best interest to tell her then. doesn’t sound like you have a lot of independence if the worst happened and you fell pregnant. maybe you can white lie and just say you’ve been close a couple times and want to make sure you’re prepared with condoms. good luck with whatever you decide to do 🤞
It's not about Independence, I have plenty of independence and do most things by myself and for myself. I just don't have freedom. But thank you for the advice ❤️
Hey girl, 17 here, my mom told me the same thing, the conversation will be awkward. Tell her you want Birth control and that you are being safe about it.
Thank you! Do you know a specific way to get them from online, I don't have any online banking or anything because she also doesn't trust that. But if you know anyway since it's summer please let me know!
[Mail or Pick-Up? | TeenSource](https://www.teensource.org/condoms/free/mail-or-pick-up)
This is the site my school encourages us to use, I used it once, see if it works for you!
Never raw dog in the vagina. The end. You can only raw dog in the butt hole and mouth. Have the male partner pull out and finish elsewhere. In mouth or down the toilet. On your body is a mite risky. Might drip down to vagina and your teenage super fertility is to be afraid of.\
Lesbian sex is totally safe on the other hand. Strap on might be comparable quality to dick.\
Tell you parents you are sexually active and list your precautions. Or say nothing.
Wow, it sounds like you're in a tough spot. It's really great that you're committed to being safe and responsible when it comes to your sexual health. That said, I can understand your hesitation to tell your mom about your decision to be sexually active, given how she's reacted in the past.
One thing to remember is that as much as your mom may want to protect you, you're ultimately the one in control of your body and your decisions. Of course, that doesn't mean you should disregard her concerns—she's your mom, and she wants what's best for you—but it does mean that you should feel empowered to make choices that you feel are right for you.
Have you considered talking to your mom about your feelings and concerns? It's possible that if you approach the conversation with honesty and respect, she may be more receptive to hearing what you have to say. Maybe you can start by telling her that you understand her concerns, but that you've made a decision that you feel is best for you, and you want her to respect that decision.
She just doesn’t want you to make the same mistakes she made . By that I don’t mean you but I think shes probably of a mind to tell you she would have lived a little more or done a little more before she had you . I don’t believe she’s sorry about having you she just wishes she had more experience in life to share and make both your lives easier ! I know I’m not telling you anything you don’t know but being a single parent at 16 is like having the weight of the world thrown upon you . All of a sudden the decisions you make are for two and they could be life changing ! Go easy on your mom and grandmother they’ve been through a lot also . Love them while you have them , mine passed long ago . Take advantage of the years of experience they have to share .
I’m sure physically you are ready for sex but emotionally, I can tell you, you are not. You are too young to be having sleep overs with your boyfriend and you are too young to be having sex. I’m glad you will be smart and safe about it when you ever get the chance. There are so many more fun and enjoyable things in life than sex. Especially at your age. Have fun with your friends, trying different hobbies, learning and doing fun activities that keep you physically active (not sex). Your mom sounds like a good mom even though she is confusing the hell out of you right now and seems hypocritical. She is trying to protect you and doing her best to keep you enjoying life as a kid because once you start marking adult decisions you have to deal with adult consequences. Those consequences can be absolutely devastating. And I’m not just talking about STDs, pregnancy and pregnancy scares. Don’t be in such a rush.
Definitely see your point but the mom calling her a slut and other offensive words then not apologizing was a bad move. She should have kept it real and told her she wants her to do better than her. That at her age she would get more pleasure out a sex toy than from a boy. Getting called those words and being yelled at from that degree just going to make her want to rebel, hurt her feelings, and not want to come to her . I agree with the mom on what she trying to say especially with the “sleepovers”. I didn’t start having sleepovers with my boyfriend until 18 by that time we were dating for a year. Plus it took us a very long time to have pleasurable sex ( 19 and he was 20 ) so your points of waiting and stuff is very accurate. With that being said she should be able to have more privacy with her boyfriend.
I'm saying this as for just this topic. She has always been overly protective and never letting me have any friends. I didn't have my first sleepover at another house till about a year ago. Mind you, my sister had to come with me for it too. I'm not trying to rush anything. I know I'm a teenager, and I know how teenage relationships are. We are both trying our best and I really think we're making progress. If I can have sleepovers at my friends house after she confessed to me and wasn't respecting my boundaries and I told my mom, I should be allowed to have sleepovers with my boyfriend. I'm not saying I wanna be right up on him all night with the door closed. No, I just want my mom to trust me and give me a chance to prove I can be safe.
I have, but it's mostly my step dad influencing her. He believes that because of what he did at 15, I'll do the same. I've proven many times that I'm not the same. I've never been caught doing anything and never given them a reason not to trust me. He continues to act like this and influence my mother though.
Saying I was never caught because I never did anything until a little bit ago? I don't see a problem if I'm being honest. I don't wanna have sex at the sleepover. Maybe learn not all teenagers are the same? I'm not going to have sex in the same house as my fucking parents and siblings.
I am a B honor roll student and have many academic awards. I volunteer for children's theatre, and I volunteer during summers to help out older people. I have many friends who are supportive and help me with my family. Just because I'm explaining one problem and trying to get advice from people who have experience doesn't mean my mind is on the wrong thing. Nice assumption though. Oh, and I'm 15, btw.
As a former 16 year old male, this post really makes me cringe OP.
I understand you have your own hormones going on, but testosterone is another creature. If I had to lie or cheat to get a girl to sleep with me, I would have. If lying could get a 2nd girl to sleep with me, all the better. I had no idea how to be a trusted and loving partner to a girl.
I look around at girls in my family and chruch being hurt by boys and I just recall how I hurt girls I used to date. But that is the reality of what you get to pick from at your age. Anyone older is a criminal pervert and anyone your own age is just a shit head.
I realize you don't feel this way about your boyfriend, but the odds of you being right for being together forever are next to 0. So you're probably going to break up with him and get hurt by him. Then you'll get another boyfriend, who will know you've already had sex, and will he want to put up with stricter limits? No. The cycle will continue.
Everyone out there wanting teenagers to wait a little bit longer know this. We don't advocate for abstinance just because of disease and pregnancy, there is also the guarantee of heartbreak. Your parents are fighting for your future happiness here. The same is true for most rules and boundaries your parents and trusted adults put in place. Resorting to name-calling is obviously not the right way to express that, but it is still true.
Man, this is the biggest load of shit. One, not every teenage boy is a shithead. If you were… that’s really on you and your parents.
And this?
>Everyone out there wanting teenagers to wait a little bit longer know this. We don't advocate for abstinance just because of disease and pregnancy, there is also the guarantee of heartbreak.
This is a lie. It’s almost *always* for religious reasons with people who are religious, and for those who aren’t, it’s probably the disease/pregnancy concern as well as a healthy helping of control in the exceptionally shitty parents. But it’s not because of some bullshit about how teenage boys will think in her next relationship lmao. Don’t even start that toxic shit, dude. It doesn’t matter if “he” wants to put up with something strict knowing her history. That’s his problem. And anyone who’s using it to call her whatever names *because she had sex* is toxic, an asshole, and raised by shitty people with shitty views or hung out with the wrong crowd of people, one of the two who instilled those views in them.
OP didn’t come to hear about how you were an asshole at 16, or any of this toxic stuff about having sex or if she should or not. She came here for help in talking to her (very shitty and hypocritical, tbf) mom.
Lmao, you don’t know what experience I have. But sure, I guess I was never a teenager. 🤦🏻♂️
No, they aren’t. **Your experience isn’t universal.** And just because *you* were that way doesn’t mean *every one* experienced that or *was that way.* I **do** know otherwise, thanks. 🤷🏻♂️
As a current 15 year old female, your comment made me cringe.
Just because you acted a certain way as a teenager doesn't mean everyone does. Times have changed, and a lot of us were raised better than you were. Honestly, admitting to being that way shows how much your parents really taught you, and if you believe that every guy and girl are like that, then that's a you problem.
I was asking for advice for my mom. I don't care about your opinion on me and my boyfriend. You don't know me. You don't know him. If you have a daughter, I can almost guarantee she's going to date and have sex and you can't stop it. I understand the risk I'm taking, but I don't need a middle-aged man to tell me stuff I already know. Just because you acted a certain way doesn't mean everyone else will. And if a guy doesn't like a girl because she's not a virgin, that's his own problem, and that just means the girl is dodging a bullet with him.
Op,
I realize I wasn't telling you anything you want to hear. But I'm also not telling you anything I wouldn't also tell a teenager I care about.
As you have mentioned in your original post, your parents and grandparents make a lot of mistakes in how they talk to their daughers about sex. I will make my own mistakes as well. But I challenge you to try to understand WHY they are setting the boundaries. It isn't just an irrational fear of std's and pregnancy. So much of your original post centered around mitigating those risks, but it's not the full story.
I didn't hurt girls I dated on purpose. I didn't do anything blatantly illegal, and I tried to approach relationships in an honorable way. But I'm humbly telling you I was incapable of being trusted in that way just by virtue of a teenage boy. Is that true 100% of the time? Probably not, but the risk is immense. Any man that has actually grown and matured will say the same thing if he is being honest.
Protecting your daughters from sexual trauma is the greatest gift you can give her.
i’m gonna assume that you’re a man . either way your comment is 1) unnecessary 2) ridiculous and 3) reflects your lack of intelligence. part of growing up is learning and exploring all aspects of life including sexual experiences . it ABSOLUTELY doesn’t decrease a females ‘value ‘ and the fact that you see the idea of dating as a marketplace shows your immaturity. rather than poorly attempting to degrade a minor why don’t you self reflect on why you’re so miserable that a young girl is getting more action that you get from your own wife .
I didn't even see this until now, your absolutely right, saying my "value" goes down is honestly disgusting as fuck. Women and girls don't have a value but thank you for examining all this too ❤️
Your mother is wrong for how she treated you but teenagers should not be having sex. It will destroy your entire life. You ca not afford the consequences of what can happen. Enjoy your life. Finish high school and college. And wait till your married. Once you lose that part of your innocence you'll never get it back. Having sex outside of marriage is a bad idea because most men especially at your age will run a t the first sign of serious commitment.
Oh shut up. I had plenty of sex as a teenager and my life isn’t ruined. I was with my first boyfriend for 4 years. I was in the pill and we always used condoms. Safe sex is fine, normal, and healthy.
Then why are you asking anyone if you know what you want ?
You're on the pill, that your mom told you to get. I don't think she is stupid, she knows sex is a possibility without you telling her.
Us parents can put two and two together. Sometimes we don't want to hear our child is having sex, even tho we know they are.
Trust me your parents don't want to hear it.
Sex is your choice, your responsibility.
Crazy how you're saying this kind of shit knowing you're a pare, too. I wouldn't tell you anything if you were my parent. Hell, if you were my parents, I'd snort lines.
STOP HAVING SEX until you are married . Ain’t no way you get pregnant and it will cause so much less hassle.
Heck at least wait til you get your own place and are an adult
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America is a little slow on catching up to the health and well being of teen relationships . It hasn’t been more than 100 years since teens would get married and start families. Not sure why it got so rigid for teens and when that started and why. Anyway check out the Netherlands. Parents allow sleepovers and are fine with sex. Unless they are religious. Share it with your mom as a conversation starter https://www.quora.com/How-come-Dutch-parents-allow-their-teenagers-to-engage-in-intercourse-relations-openly-and-within-their-home “If they are going to have sex, better that they are open about it, that they come to you for help and questions, that they have full access to contraception and information, that they do it in a place where they can focus on romance and fun rather than worrying about personal and property safety.”
Hi! Hymens can break from masturbation, exercise, using a tampon, and some are even born without one. A hymen is an unreliable source of whether you are having sex. Your mother seems uneducated in that sense, so she might not be as aware and worried about you. Good for you for using protection!! If you want to tell your mom I would make sure you can be 100% safe telling her, otherwise as hard as it might be you might just have to wait till your 16 before you talk to her. Goodluck!! And wishing you the best with your relationship <3
Thank you so much <3
Yea ofc! She may have also had something happen to her at that age and might be scared you’ll get hurt, however her reaction isn’t ok.
Yaya, of course, she met my father at 19. I think and had me at 21 or 22. He was abusive to her, and I understand that she may just be worried.
Sounds like she is conflicted within herself. I am sorry you are getting such unnecessary hate from her and the rest of your family. Couple ideas Counsellors in schools sometimes have condoms and other things for free. Or perhaps his mother would help you get things you need. I think with your mother it may need to be a slow introduction to this idea as her reactions aren't exactly stable. Perhaps, "Mom, I know you said I could always talk to you about sex, but the last reactions have me confused about how you actually are feeling. Can you tell me where you stand in everything now?" This way you are getting her to set her boundaries first. I am glad you are making sure you are safe. There should be places to get free condoms if needed, but sounds like his mother is more supportive right now, so see if you can get support there. And then, if you are going to tell your Mom the truth, you'll have another adult to still have support through if your Mom gets angry and says hurtful things again.
Thank you so much for this advice, your the first person who's actually listened to what I'm saying and not just told me I'm not ready or trustworthy. I'm going to listen t your advice and try to wait a little longer because it's the beginning of summer. Thank you ❤️
Glad it helped. I wish all kids could openly talk to their parents, but sometimes, it has to be dealt with in a different way. Good luck. I hope your Mom comes back around so you can have more honest conversations again.
Your mom is handling this terribly. I’m sorry you have to go through all this. 🩷 No real advice, as you are still a minor and have limited options. And I don’t know your mother. With mine, when she gets irrational, i combat it with ration. I explain slowly in a calm voice and when she gets excited, then she naturally mimics my tone. Then begins to digest what I’m saying. Most of the time people feel dumb if they’re the only one yelling in a convo. Again, this works for ME.
I have a lot of problems handling my emotions and me and my mother have gotten into physical fights with each other before. I am very grateful for the advice, I'm going to try that out next time she gets upset and see if it helps any! Thank you ❤️
I really feel bad for you but I really do not know what to say, never faced any situation like this. But I hope, everything is gonna be okay.
Thank you I honestly just wanna wait to tell her. ❤️
You’re doing it in a very respectful way. Where most teenagers wouldn’t do. Just make sure you don’t rush with your relationship. Also, if you are having sex please know a lot about it. Even with birth control or condoms there are chances to get pregnant. If not used correctly. Be mindful of what sex brings. There’s so much to sex and I guarantee to you that almost every adult will tell you they wish they waited or understood more. I’m one of them. I would suggest Never do it without a condom rn ( not only for pregnancy but it can mess up your vagina ph balance ). Even with birth control. If condoms hurt see if you can get lube. There are chances of getting utis, bv, or yeast infections with sex. Make sure you pee afterwards. Don’t have him “cum in you” even with condoms. Be mindful that condoms can break. I’m not saying your boyfriend will cheat but be mindful of sti’s. Communicate with your boyfriend of what you want and what you don’t want. If for some reason the condom is not working or yall having trouble with the condom… do not have unprotected sex. That’s how a lot of teen pregnancy happens. Even if your on birth control do not let him finish in you… some teens got pregnant like that. If you’re taking bc pills make sure it’s correctly taken. Do not let him finish near your area and make sure you clean up or if your going multiple rounds make sure he clean is 🍆. The younger you are the more fertile you are so I really do suggest protective sex. Never do it unprotected if not on birth control. Don’t feel pressured into doing something you don’t want to do. Sex has so much to it when it comes to pleasure and most times you don’t really learn the true value of sex until you’re older. I’m sorry if this is long but I’m trying to tell you things that your mom should have told you. If you have questions you can ask.
Thank you for telling me this stuff. Most of this stuff we've discussed and even my friends have explained to me. Me and my boyfriend have talked about it a lot, and we make sure he pulls out a couple of minutes before he finishes. Or yk vice versa. I am really thankful for your advice and I'll come to you if I have any more questions thank you so much ❤️
Ohhhh man. Your mom is NOT handling this well. She should remember what it was like to be your age. It could also be that she's worried you'll end up pregnant young and doesn't know how to handle that. Planned Parenthood offers free condoms. The health department does too. You can see if your local places also so birth control. I made SURE my daughter could talk tome about anything. It wasn't always easy having those talks, I won't lie. I always held my freak outs until I was alone. You could try having what we call a sit down conversation with your mom. Tell her point blank you don't feel like you can talk to her about sex because she flips out. Tell her as well she's sending you mixed messages. You want to be safe, and that's a mature choice.
Honestly thank you so much, knowing that this is coming from a mother makes me feel how a parents point of view is too. She grew up in a kind of strict household, but not overly strict like she is. Thank you for explaing to me and giving me this advice, I'm going to wait and try to do this ❤️❤️
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I've already had sex. I've talked to her about sleepovers and stuff in the past, and she said no. I myself wanna wait till I'm 16. She wants me to wait till I'm older but she doesn't know I've already had sex.
Just use condoms and becareful. If your not ready to be a mom you really should think of alternatives than full on penetrative sex. Its extremely risky no matter how careful you are. Accidents do happen
Combo of BC, condoms, and pulling out is about the safest thing you can do outside of abstinence.
Honestly, and I'm using all of those now. I'm just trying to deal with my mom 😭
I know, and we've been doing other things other than penetration, and it's been good, but sometimes we still do it, yk? We just are both trying to be safe about it and trying our best.
It's pretty apparent your mother was raised religious. Chances are, once you're honest, you'll never be allowed to see your boyfriend again. You need to decide if that's worth it to you. I doubt that sleepovers are in your future. Not only does she seem opposed, but she won't want the judgement of the rest of your family. Whether or not you're ready isn't for me to say... but you really do need to sit with the repercussions. Is telling your mom worth what she might do?
Honestly, I don't think it is. I love my mom. But I know her, and I know that in whatever way she will react, it won't be good for me. She's said that sleepovers could happen over time but not for a while. But thank you for your advice and everything it means a lot to me ❤️
You are young. Have patience. Meanwhile, have snuggle and movie dates in the afternoons instead. It's still summer break, after all.
She doesn't like us going out pretty much at all, I tried to go on a date today, and she said no bc of the heat outside. I gave an alternative, and she also said no. I can't really go to the movies because my step dad did things there when he was a teen and doesn't trust me there. The first time I went to a movie theater with him, he gave me a movie pop quiz to make sure. I was upset because it's about the only place we can talk in private, and then he didn't trust me.
Given that you're having sex and lying about it, getting upset that he didn't think you were trustworthy is interesting. If you want to spend time with him you might consider just having him over at the house and watching movies in the living room. Sometimes you don't get everything you want and have to choose.... do you want to see him or do you only want to see him with privacy?
Both. What I never said my step dad was wrong. I'm just saying I've given him no reason not to trust me. The thing is, he is bad enough on his own and doesn't let me do anything, which is why I ask my mom. My mom probably wouldn't care at all if it wasn't for him.
Any mother that calls her own daughter a slut, whore, and bitch has lost the right to know what’s going on in her daughter’s life (IMO). Respect is a two way street and she should have lost some of your respect with that. My mom is so hard to speak to that I was afraid to tell her I was pregnant at 24, despite being engaged, bc then she would know I had sex. There was no way I told her at 16 when I started. Honestly, it’s nobody’s business except you and your partner *as long as* you are being safe. This means consent of both parties each time, and always condoms. No condom, no sex. And you should both get tested for STIs yearly now that you’re active. I’m not saying to lie to your mom if she asks you outright, but in your case I don’t think you need to volunteer the information just yet.
Honestly, we've been in a lot of fights, and she has called me more than that. I love her, but a significant amount of my stress is from her. I don't trust her, and I barely like talking with her. I also feel like the bad guy because I just feel guilty after she gets upset. I'm glad I can get advice from someone who understands this. Thank you so much, and I'm really thinking about waiting to tell her ❤️
FWIW, I have a 12yo daughter and we are very open with each other. Yes, there have been times I have lost my temper and told her to stop being so bitchy, but I immediately walk away, cool off, and apologize. She has done the same. She and I both understand that respect goes both ways. I grew up in a “my house my rules” home and didn’t feel like I could confide in either of my parents. It sucks. I can totally relate to what you’re going through. It sounds like his mom is at least supportive, so I hope you can go to her for female advice if needed.
I honestly really love and care about his mom. She has shown me nothing but kindness and respect, even after finding out about us. She asks about me and asks me how I'm doing. Even when I'm in the car with her, she asks me how I'm doing. She compliments me and is always calling me a pretty girl. I really feel like I can come to her, and I'm glad I can at least talk to her and other mothers who understand my situation. I'm very glad for you and your daughter, I'm also glad that you're both trying your best and you've done so much for her.
I am so sorry you're going through this. I am very proud of you for realizing that you need to be safe. If you're here in the US you can go to planned Parenthood and they'll give you a giant bag of condoms. I wish I had advice on how to deal with your mom. But my mom was a lot like yours. So I just didn't tell her. I was not put on birth control. I had a baby at 17. I decided early in the game that I was not going to parent the way my mother did. So when my daughter told me at 16 she was planning on losing her virginity at prom to her boyfriend I jumped into action. We talked about consent. We talked about safety. We talked about pregnancy, and the medication she was taking at the time. I wanted her to double check with her doctor and make sure it would not cancel out her birth control.
Thank you so much for your advice, I'm very sure your daughter is thankful too. I don't understand why my mom is acting like this when she lost it around the same age. She had me at about 21 or 22, and my father was abusive to her. I'm trying to see that maybe she's just scared of me getting abused, too. I love her and I'm trying my best but I honestly don't want to tell her. But thank you for the advice ❤️
Oh she is 100% terrified. And unfortunately a lot of Gen x parents raise their children the exact same way that fucked them up. I refuse to believe that they are so old they forget how it felt. I think a lot of parents are unwilling to admit that the way they're doing things isn't working, because then they have to take responsibility for their mistakes. They have to learn how to say they're sorry to their kids which I guess it hard?? Idk I say sorry all the time.
I really don't understand what goes through her mind. I give her alternatives, and she gives me alternatives, but it's like no matter what, I'm not doing good enough for her. I really am trying my best, I make good grades, and I really don't even get to go out that often, I help around, but I still get talked to like I'm nothing by her. She still talks to me like she doesn't trust me or wants me to have fun. She doesn't let me go out most of the time, and she doesn't like me having any type of privacy with my boyfriend. I know she's scared, but I really just wish she would understand where I'm coming from too.
There is a group on fb that I would love for you to join. The waiting list is long (which makes me so sad) but it's worth it. It's called The Sisterhood: Daughters of Narcissistic and Abusive Mothers It sounds like she is projecting her fears and disappointment over how her life turned out on you. Parents will sometimes do that. I'm not saying that your mother is narcissistic or abusive. I'm simply saying that talking to other women in this group might be helpful. Especially since you live at home and I don't want you to do what I did. I ran away at 16. I ended up getting pregnant at 17 and going home for a few years. But I was out of work at 19 and didn't look back for many years. I think it's one of those situations where no matter what you do she's not going to be happy. No matter what solution you offer, she's not going to accept it. And I am so very sorry because there's no reason for that. I don't know you, but from what I can tell you are taking a very responsible approach to this considering your age. And it just breaks my heart that you don't have the love and support that you need during this time. Because what if this relationship turns abusive? You're not going to want to tell her about it. I was not the greatest mom bc of my mental health issues (anxiety, PTSD, etc) but I tried my hardest to not do the things that messed me up. Not all parents do the work to break those generational trauma patterns. Most of them realize that they're not doing a great job but they don't know where to start, so they just don't try.
Thank you for caring and giving me so much advice. It really does mean a lot to me. She does have my fb, though, so I wouldn't be able to join without her finding out. I'm really just probably not going to tell her for a while.
Hey whatever you need to do. You can also PM me and I will try my best to help you. In the end I made the decision to go low contact with my mom after my daughter graduated high school bc they were close and it was easier to just wait. Then I went full no contact 3 yrs ago bc she was insistent on trying to have control over my life and I was nearly 40. Hang in there, freedom will come sooner or later.
It’s probably embarrassing but, planned parenthood gives out condoms, it can be a way to get them. I understand where you’re coming from not wanting to talk to your mom. At some point it needs to be a conversation tho
Thank you, and I'm going to try later on down the road ❤️
It seems your household can be volatile. There are a lot of people who, at 16, aren’t allowed to openly have sex. You’re gonna have to stay on the down low for now. Stay on your birth control, get together when you can, and give it some time. You are right on the threshold of having more independence. What are your future plans? Have you been considering what to do when you get older?
Yes, I already have my career picked out and a plan with my boyfriend. He wants to go into the military, and I want to become a respiratory therapist. It is about 2-3 years of school, I can take many of the classes needed for it in my junior and senior year of high school. I will make more than enough money to support me and my boyfriend, and eventually we are wanting to have kids. I'm trying to focus on my teenage years while still preparing for my future. I will never get these years back, so I want to make the most of them while also getting everything done.
Excellent. Respiratory is an excellent choice. You’ll have a set of skills that can move around with your spouse. You’re very intelligent. Having chosen a career path shows you’re a thinker. You gotta just hang in there. These years will pass quickly. My teenage years were rough and I survived. I wasn’t nearly as sensible as you. You’re gonna feel so much better when you are independent.
Thank you so much. It feels nice to know someone is finally asking about this and thinks I'm doing good. ❤️
Yes ma’am, I have a daughter your age, she doesn’t know what she wants yet. You’re gonna do great.
Thank you, and honestly, just give her some time to think. It's a big decision with such little time.
Yea, we try not to pressure her too much. She’s doing great, she’s gonna be fine. We have a good relationship. My wife is a great mom. I’m a decent dad. We’re just trying to make it work the best we can.
That's really good, you almost sound like my dad from the way your talking, but I'm glad you guys are trying your best with her.
Just wait to tell her it almost feels like your mom likes the illusion of you telling her to keep you from being yourself. Yes you are young, yes you should be able to tell your mom but the reality is if you are apprehensive wait to tell her. Be safe look for the right time to have that conversation. You will know when that is but it sounds like now is not the time. Life happens and you can’t change that so don’t stress be safe.
Thank you so much, I'm really wanting to wait and your advice means a lot to me ❤️
The pharmacy in our supermarket has a box of contraceptives on the window. Just grab and go at no charge.
Thank you!
I don't want to say not to tell your mom, but it seems like it might be a good option right now as she seems to just come unhinged when you try. It appears his mom is supportive, and if you can get the protection you need, then maybe your mom just can't handle it. It's a sad situation, but my mom was the same way. I tried to tell her, and she just flew off the handle and then ignored me for a while and then continued on like I never said anything about it. I had to go to planned parenthood to get on birth control, and my boyfriend went with me, and we got condoms as well. It sounds like, unfortunately, your mom is being incredibly immature and can't deal with this like an adult. It's sad to say you're being the adult in this situation.
Honestly, I really want to do that, but neither of us can drive yet. I took drivers Ed and am still waiting for them to take me driving so I can go to the dmv and get my permit. He hasn't had the money for the drivers Ed class, though. His mom is supportive and bought us some condoms, but i don't want to take advantage of her kindness and support, you know? I don't want her thinking we're just having sex all the time or that we're using each other.
Understandable. You should try talking to her. I would suggest then and let her know exactly that. That you don't want tonseen as though you're taking advantage of her kindness etc etc, but you cannot speak with your mom because of the way she is acting and reiterate how much you appreciate her help. I'm sure she'd rather be supportive of you two having safe sex in any circumstance. I don't think she would see it as you taking advantage of her if you and your boyfriend explain what's going on with your mom. She may be willing to help take you to the clinic and get free condoms. I'm certain she's not ready to be a grandmother yet.
Yaya, of course. She was a teen mother, so I definitely feel kind of safer going to her anyway.
I’m so sorry your mother is so awful. Why do you even have to tell her you’re having sex? You’re on BC. Tell your BF that condoms are his responsibility. You both have to do your part. And I’d stop telling your family anything personal about you. Hopefully you can get out at 18.
Thank you, i love my mom, and I'm really trying my best with her. I don't want to tell her, and I'm going to wait and see if it gets better. Thank you so much ❤️
Probably should slow down a bit and take a step back. Make the dude wait a few months, see how things go. If he’s still around, then whatever. Tell your mom you can no longer be honest with her because of her actions. Taking a step back will bring clarity to the situation as a whole.
I've already done the first part and took steps back, he's with me and we've communicated a lot about this topic. We both agree, and when we don't agree on certain things, we talk and understand each other's points and help until we see eye to eye. I can't communicate with my mom, just tried to communicate to her about going on a date and she tried to make alternatives. I used to see my boyfriend about once a week and I haven't seen him in about 3 or 4 weeks. I miss him and she keeps refusing to let me go out.
Tell her in no uncertain terms that you are done speaking with her about anything going forward unless she agrees to be reasonable. Cut her off.
I wouldn’t tell my mom if she had acted like that when I was 11 years old (without any proof or hearing me out). I would buy my own condoms at the 7-11 or whatever store my mom doesn’t frequent and keep on living my life. When she inevitably does find out - point out how she didn’t feel like a safe option after what happened and how you’ve been incredibly safe since starting sexual activity. Also - I wasn’t allowed to have sleepovers with my boyfriends when I was 19 at her house so I moved out. IDK if a lot of moms actually allow that. *Maybe this isn’t good advice but my I didn’t tell my mom a lot growing up because she was always working.*
Yeah, my mom used to work all the time. She's currently back in college and still working. I really can't go anywhere to buy anything, though. I dont have a drivers license, a car, and no money. I don't get an allowance. I may get a 20 once in a while from my grandpa when I work with him. Even when I do get to go to the store, she's always over my shoulder. I can't buy anything without her seeing it.
might be in your best interest to tell her then. doesn’t sound like you have a lot of independence if the worst happened and you fell pregnant. maybe you can white lie and just say you’ve been close a couple times and want to make sure you’re prepared with condoms. good luck with whatever you decide to do 🤞
It's not about Independence, I have plenty of independence and do most things by myself and for myself. I just don't have freedom. But thank you for the advice ❤️
Hey girl, 17 here, my mom told me the same thing, the conversation will be awkward. Tell her you want Birth control and that you are being safe about it.
I'm already on birth control. She just doesn't want to get me condoms and she doesn't want me having sex.
You can get them for free, online and through your school! I hope this helps, good luck telling her
Thank you! Do you know a specific way to get them from online, I don't have any online banking or anything because she also doesn't trust that. But if you know anyway since it's summer please let me know!
[Mail or Pick-Up? | TeenSource](https://www.teensource.org/condoms/free/mail-or-pick-up) This is the site my school encourages us to use, I used it once, see if it works for you!
I am seeing a lot about California. Does it only apply for people who live there? I live in North Carolina 😭
Oooo I didn't even think of that, do you have a doctors office or 'Vybe care' they also hand them out, sorry about that!
It's perfectly okay. Thank you for trying to help! I'm going to do some research and ask my counslers at school about it. The help means a lot.
I wouldn’t tell her yet. Do you have free clinics you can get support from?
I'm not sure. I can't really go anywhere by myself anyway. She always sees what I come home with.
Never raw dog in the vagina. The end. You can only raw dog in the butt hole and mouth. Have the male partner pull out and finish elsewhere. In mouth or down the toilet. On your body is a mite risky. Might drip down to vagina and your teenage super fertility is to be afraid of.\ Lesbian sex is totally safe on the other hand. Strap on might be comparable quality to dick.\ Tell you parents you are sexually active and list your precautions. Or say nothing.
Wow, it sounds like you're in a tough spot. It's really great that you're committed to being safe and responsible when it comes to your sexual health. That said, I can understand your hesitation to tell your mom about your decision to be sexually active, given how she's reacted in the past. One thing to remember is that as much as your mom may want to protect you, you're ultimately the one in control of your body and your decisions. Of course, that doesn't mean you should disregard her concerns—she's your mom, and she wants what's best for you—but it does mean that you should feel empowered to make choices that you feel are right for you. Have you considered talking to your mom about your feelings and concerns? It's possible that if you approach the conversation with honesty and respect, she may be more receptive to hearing what you have to say. Maybe you can start by telling her that you understand her concerns, but that you've made a decision that you feel is best for you, and you want her to respect that decision.
I really try to talk to her and be honest with you, but it's like anytime, I'm honest with her she gets mad.
She just doesn’t want you to make the same mistakes she made . By that I don’t mean you but I think shes probably of a mind to tell you she would have lived a little more or done a little more before she had you . I don’t believe she’s sorry about having you she just wishes she had more experience in life to share and make both your lives easier ! I know I’m not telling you anything you don’t know but being a single parent at 16 is like having the weight of the world thrown upon you . All of a sudden the decisions you make are for two and they could be life changing ! Go easy on your mom and grandmother they’ve been through a lot also . Love them while you have them , mine passed long ago . Take advantage of the years of experience they have to share .
My mom didn't have me at 16. She lost her virginty at 16. She had me at 21 or 22.
I’m sure physically you are ready for sex but emotionally, I can tell you, you are not. You are too young to be having sleep overs with your boyfriend and you are too young to be having sex. I’m glad you will be smart and safe about it when you ever get the chance. There are so many more fun and enjoyable things in life than sex. Especially at your age. Have fun with your friends, trying different hobbies, learning and doing fun activities that keep you physically active (not sex). Your mom sounds like a good mom even though she is confusing the hell out of you right now and seems hypocritical. She is trying to protect you and doing her best to keep you enjoying life as a kid because once you start marking adult decisions you have to deal with adult consequences. Those consequences can be absolutely devastating. And I’m not just talking about STDs, pregnancy and pregnancy scares. Don’t be in such a rush.
Definitely see your point but the mom calling her a slut and other offensive words then not apologizing was a bad move. She should have kept it real and told her she wants her to do better than her. That at her age she would get more pleasure out a sex toy than from a boy. Getting called those words and being yelled at from that degree just going to make her want to rebel, hurt her feelings, and not want to come to her . I agree with the mom on what she trying to say especially with the “sleepovers”. I didn’t start having sleepovers with my boyfriend until 18 by that time we were dating for a year. Plus it took us a very long time to have pleasurable sex ( 19 and he was 20 ) so your points of waiting and stuff is very accurate. With that being said she should be able to have more privacy with her boyfriend.
Agree mom calling OP a slut, etc. was super F’d up.
I'm saying this as for just this topic. She has always been overly protective and never letting me have any friends. I didn't have my first sleepover at another house till about a year ago. Mind you, my sister had to come with me for it too. I'm not trying to rush anything. I know I'm a teenager, and I know how teenage relationships are. We are both trying our best and I really think we're making progress. If I can have sleepovers at my friends house after she confessed to me and wasn't respecting my boundaries and I told my mom, I should be allowed to have sleepovers with my boyfriend. I'm not saying I wanna be right up on him all night with the door closed. No, I just want my mom to trust me and give me a chance to prove I can be safe.
Then prove you can be safe with sleep overs with your friends who are not your boyfriend.
I have, but it's mostly my step dad influencing her. He believes that because of what he did at 15, I'll do the same. I've proven many times that I'm not the same. I've never been caught doing anything and never given them a reason not to trust me. He continues to act like this and influence my mother though.
LOL. @ “never been caught.” Girl. We were all teens at one time. You do not need to be having sleep overs with your boyfriend.
Saying I was never caught because I never did anything until a little bit ago? I don't see a problem if I'm being honest. I don't wanna have sex at the sleepover. Maybe learn not all teenagers are the same? I'm not going to have sex in the same house as my fucking parents and siblings.
Doesn’t matter
16 year old kid has her mind on the wrong things man this world is in the tanks
I am a B honor roll student and have many academic awards. I volunteer for children's theatre, and I volunteer during summers to help out older people. I have many friends who are supportive and help me with my family. Just because I'm explaining one problem and trying to get advice from people who have experience doesn't mean my mind is on the wrong thing. Nice assumption though. Oh, and I'm 15, btw.
As a former 16 year old male, this post really makes me cringe OP. I understand you have your own hormones going on, but testosterone is another creature. If I had to lie or cheat to get a girl to sleep with me, I would have. If lying could get a 2nd girl to sleep with me, all the better. I had no idea how to be a trusted and loving partner to a girl. I look around at girls in my family and chruch being hurt by boys and I just recall how I hurt girls I used to date. But that is the reality of what you get to pick from at your age. Anyone older is a criminal pervert and anyone your own age is just a shit head. I realize you don't feel this way about your boyfriend, but the odds of you being right for being together forever are next to 0. So you're probably going to break up with him and get hurt by him. Then you'll get another boyfriend, who will know you've already had sex, and will he want to put up with stricter limits? No. The cycle will continue. Everyone out there wanting teenagers to wait a little bit longer know this. We don't advocate for abstinance just because of disease and pregnancy, there is also the guarantee of heartbreak. Your parents are fighting for your future happiness here. The same is true for most rules and boundaries your parents and trusted adults put in place. Resorting to name-calling is obviously not the right way to express that, but it is still true.
Man, this is the biggest load of shit. One, not every teenage boy is a shithead. If you were… that’s really on you and your parents. And this? >Everyone out there wanting teenagers to wait a little bit longer know this. We don't advocate for abstinance just because of disease and pregnancy, there is also the guarantee of heartbreak. This is a lie. It’s almost *always* for religious reasons with people who are religious, and for those who aren’t, it’s probably the disease/pregnancy concern as well as a healthy helping of control in the exceptionally shitty parents. But it’s not because of some bullshit about how teenage boys will think in her next relationship lmao. Don’t even start that toxic shit, dude. It doesn’t matter if “he” wants to put up with something strict knowing her history. That’s his problem. And anyone who’s using it to call her whatever names *because she had sex* is toxic, an asshole, and raised by shitty people with shitty views or hung out with the wrong crowd of people, one of the two who instilled those views in them. OP didn’t come to hear about how you were an asshole at 16, or any of this toxic stuff about having sex or if she should or not. She came here for help in talking to her (very shitty and hypocritical, tbf) mom.
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Lmao, you don’t know what experience I have. But sure, I guess I was never a teenager. 🤦🏻♂️ No, they aren’t. **Your experience isn’t universal.** And just because *you* were that way doesn’t mean *every one* experienced that or *was that way.* I **do** know otherwise, thanks. 🤷🏻♂️
This comment targets a specific group of people
As a current 15 year old female, your comment made me cringe. Just because you acted a certain way as a teenager doesn't mean everyone does. Times have changed, and a lot of us were raised better than you were. Honestly, admitting to being that way shows how much your parents really taught you, and if you believe that every guy and girl are like that, then that's a you problem. I was asking for advice for my mom. I don't care about your opinion on me and my boyfriend. You don't know me. You don't know him. If you have a daughter, I can almost guarantee she's going to date and have sex and you can't stop it. I understand the risk I'm taking, but I don't need a middle-aged man to tell me stuff I already know. Just because you acted a certain way doesn't mean everyone else will. And if a guy doesn't like a girl because she's not a virgin, that's his own problem, and that just means the girl is dodging a bullet with him.
Op, I realize I wasn't telling you anything you want to hear. But I'm also not telling you anything I wouldn't also tell a teenager I care about. As you have mentioned in your original post, your parents and grandparents make a lot of mistakes in how they talk to their daughers about sex. I will make my own mistakes as well. But I challenge you to try to understand WHY they are setting the boundaries. It isn't just an irrational fear of std's and pregnancy. So much of your original post centered around mitigating those risks, but it's not the full story. I didn't hurt girls I dated on purpose. I didn't do anything blatantly illegal, and I tried to approach relationships in an honorable way. But I'm humbly telling you I was incapable of being trusted in that way just by virtue of a teenage boy. Is that true 100% of the time? Probably not, but the risk is immense. Any man that has actually grown and matured will say the same thing if he is being honest. Protecting your daughters from sexual trauma is the greatest gift you can give her.
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i’m gonna assume that you’re a man . either way your comment is 1) unnecessary 2) ridiculous and 3) reflects your lack of intelligence. part of growing up is learning and exploring all aspects of life including sexual experiences . it ABSOLUTELY doesn’t decrease a females ‘value ‘ and the fact that you see the idea of dating as a marketplace shows your immaturity. rather than poorly attempting to degrade a minor why don’t you self reflect on why you’re so miserable that a young girl is getting more action that you get from your own wife .
I didn't even see this until now, your absolutely right, saying my "value" goes down is honestly disgusting as fuck. Women and girls don't have a value but thank you for examining all this too ❤️
What a ridiculous and sexist comment. Go crawl back under your bridge.
Be civil. We don't tolerate insults, slurs, or any other forms of hate messages here.
Your mother is wrong for how she treated you but teenagers should not be having sex. It will destroy your entire life. You ca not afford the consequences of what can happen. Enjoy your life. Finish high school and college. And wait till your married. Once you lose that part of your innocence you'll never get it back. Having sex outside of marriage is a bad idea because most men especially at your age will run a t the first sign of serious commitment.
Oh shut up. I had plenty of sex as a teenager and my life isn’t ruined. I was with my first boyfriend for 4 years. I was in the pill and we always used condoms. Safe sex is fine, normal, and healthy.
Predator vibes
Why the f would you tell your parents? Sounds like you want some attention from them where it is negative or positive.
Or maybe I wanna be honest with my parents and not have to hide things from them?
I don't know what that other person was on about but i do think you should avoid telling her just based on the last reaction.
Then why are you asking anyone if you know what you want ? You're on the pill, that your mom told you to get. I don't think she is stupid, she knows sex is a possibility without you telling her. Us parents can put two and two together. Sometimes we don't want to hear our child is having sex, even tho we know they are. Trust me your parents don't want to hear it. Sex is your choice, your responsibility.
Crazy how you're saying this kind of shit knowing you're a pare, too. I wouldn't tell you anything if you were my parent. Hell, if you were my parents, I'd snort lines.
You even said anytime you're honest with your mom she gets upset.. So what's your point?
STOP HAVING SEX until you are married . Ain’t no way you get pregnant and it will cause so much less hassle. Heck at least wait til you get your own place and are an adult
Teens will have sex either way. Sex is normal and a lot of the time healthy. I'm not going to wait or stop.