Oooooh, Mince

Such an underrated quote

I’d love to know what the second episode of camp David involved 😂

Action man bow tie pasta.

Pipe of Pringles for the nibbles.

Crescent of crisps on each plate

And a hot egg

And you want that now do you?

Any time in the next fifteen minutes.

I prefer fingers.

Chocolate?

Don’t mind, really.

Errrrrr AuguryKnox, you are so dirrrrty

Blue Nun

Lamb lunch and a bottle of scotch.

I don’t agree. You should go to Legoland. Bye.

Full English breakfast but as a buffet with big plates Toblerones Pipes of pringles Terry's chocolate orange with superficial damage Cheese board - smell my cheese Pints of bitter

Also some mashed up Dundee cake

A pound of it, no more, no less

Jews are good

Ladyboys as an aperitif

And do you know why? Because I'm a bloody bloke

Cuppa beans, a savory 99.

A Michael special.

Use a.sausage as a spoon.

Petrol station scotch eggs

Does that smell like gas?

Just serve some some ruby grapefruit juice alongside. Probbersov.

Ladyboy drinks upon arrival.

Nice refreshing glasses of Fizzy Benylin

A cheese sandwich. With cooked meat. And a hot egg. A crescent of crisps. And a side clump of cress. A pipe of Pringles would suffice for snacks. Blue Nun and tins of Directors for the drinks, and for those who want to push the boat out, a pint of ...mineral water. For any hangers on late on, some mashed up Dundee cake.

>a pint of ...mineral water. Still or sparkling?

Err, half and half.

Big plates only

I’ll bring my own plate

I’d have a barbecue, you’re welcome round and if your wife’s vegetarian it’s not a problem - she can have fish.

No she won’t eat fish either.

OH FORGET IT!

You people

Are you having mini kievs? Can I bring my guitar?

No thanks, it’s not that kind of party.

A nice big thick slice of Thin Lizzy. Followed by Tapas provided by Domingo in Little Oakley.

Mousse

Just don't get it on the valance

You’re not in the army now!

The what?

The biggest bowl of Alpen

Massive it is

An infected spinal column in a bap.

No it should be on a baguette.

Mustard

Colman's 🟡

Fish cakes, strawberry nesquilk

Hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot ham

A Ginsters pasty that is hotter than the Sun

Apple pie?

Stop getting Partridge wrong!

A jug of ruby grapefruit juice and a choice of tea or coffee. Tea or coffee.

🤖

# Cheese, Chops, Chocs, Cheap Chicken....Chicory 'n Chives

Meat lollies!

Shaved crackling

The starter would be a crescent of crisps and eggs (laid by Michael - the *chicken!*) The main course would be a fry up that surpasses that of the one served at Gary Wimott’s wedding. On a 12 inch plate. Desert would be a chocolate mousse served messily to you by a middle-aged divorcee. All of this washed down by a big glass of Blue Nun (or some fizzy Benalyn for the kids).

Lovely stuff

It sounds like bliss.

Chucky egg. Egg and butter chopped up in a bowl. And to drink, wine that tastes like chewits and chicken flavoured tea

Don’t put fennel in it because I don’t like fennel and I don’t want fennel in it

Please, please cook your eggs! Be safe. Be egg-safe.

2 packets of Toffo's

A big jam sandwich

Maybe a beef paste cob

Cheese, just cheese

I’ve got the cheese!

Beef paste sandwich

Thick spread

Hot egg

Depends. Monday is mince day!

Cheeseboard to start Ginsters pasty for main Toblerone for desert

American things and a pint of Director's.

Sausages as breakwaters between every item

Partridge

I should not have had to scroll this far down to get to this answer.

I think I'd have some wine actually

I'm going to the kitchen. To cook all the food.

Chicken nuggets that boast all the Smokey zing of mccains southern coating with the tenders cuts of white meat, luke warm but not overcooked beans and a generous dollop of smash that adds a buttery finish that sets the plate off beautifully. To drink? A mug of steaming tea. A really really gooood meal

A big metal salad bowl full of Coca Cola with 16 eggs.

Kippers.

I had a lovely blunch the other day. I had.... ... ... .... ..... why can't I remember?

Kippers!

Sliced bread cos it's the best thing.

Hand with sausages as the fingers and beef burger as the palm

Cup of beans and sausage dipper to start.

Toblerone for dessert

Chunky chips served jenga style

Sunny D and a big plate

Oxo Chippy

Everyone would have to bring their own big plate in a satchel.

Don’t forget need for a extra large plate

Hothothothothothot ham

Chocolate mousse.

Starter has got to be bull's testicle.

Provide big plates

Savoury 99

Everything already mentioned will of course need big plates.

I'd research Roger Moore's favourite meal

Ruby grapefruit juice

Dundee Cake for dessert

A microwaved hot pocket, hotter than the sun

Dolmio Pasta Gravy sauce and a net bag of Babybels, followed by a chocolate Marble Arch which is very well rendered.

A flav (flavia) to finish

King of coffees

How do you take it?

Unleaded

Mine’s diesel

What does that mean?

See how I feel after the fishcakes

Chocolate mousse

Cup of beans b2b a lovely lamb lunch. Chocolate orange from a soiled box to finish. On a big plate.

Toblerone for dessert.

A pint of ..bitter

Toblerone

“Lovely stuff” Shakin’ Stevens

Cup of beans, sausage to scoop with

Lion bar!!

Egg in a bap

Ginsters pasty, on the slate

Mug o beans

Terrys chocolate orange and a full English

Egg medley, cup of beans with a sausage, washed down with a refreshing pint of Director's bitter. Footnote. Must tell assistant that Chris Rea may not bring his guitar.

An egg in a bap

American things

A chocolate Marble Arch.

Scotch egg, at the end of the meal

Ladyboys A pot noodle Ginsters, from the fridge Followed by an apple slice that's hotter than the sun

Findas crispy pancakes and Arctic roll

Microwaved apple pie for dessert - could go your way could go mine.

Directors Bitter please

Eight chunky chips, served Jenga style, and twenty onion rings, all washed down with a pint of meat-free Lilt!

Cock au vann

Two and a half pounds of mashed-up Dundee cake.

Scotch Egg and a microwaved ginsters from the petrol station

Four British Isles breakfasts

Strawberry Nesquik. Fishcakes. Tin of Directors... Dump.

"Gravy." "That's not a condiment, it's a hot sauce."

Definitely NOT oysters or fennel

Serve at least one guests drinks in an Arielator when you've run out of glasses.

A crescent of crisps and cooked meat. On oblong plates of course.

Oooh, Ladyboys.

An egg in a sock

Shattered dreams

I would do a full come dine with me style menu: Starter: Option 1: Michael Special Cup of baked beans with a sausage in to be used to scoop the beans Option 2 (v): A mushroom slice from the BP garage (v) Main: Option 1: Full British Isles breakfast with sausage used as a breakwater between eggs and sausage Option 2 (v): Fettuccine al arrabiata but served with the pasta that looks like little action man bow ties instead (v) Desert: Option 1 (v): Pound and a half of mashed up dundee cake Option 2 (v): Microwaveable apple pie served hotter than the sun Drinks: The Ladyboy - Larger, Gin and Tonic with Baileys irish cream chaser Blue Nun Directors Bitter Stop Getting Bond Wrong - Martini, stirred not shaken

Cup of beans with a sausage

Fray bentos pies

A couple of solero's.. need to get my head together.

For desert, a Terry's chocolate orange with only superficial damage to the box. And for the coffee course, Flavia, king of coffees

Scotch eggs from the petrol station

Half a pound of mashed up Dundee cake

Cheese for sniffing.

Ginsters pastie bought from the petrol station

A big communal fishbowl of Sunny Delight, with plenty of straws

I'm gonna go into the kitchen and... cook all of the food

A crescent of crisps 

Hot, hot, hot, hot ham.

Partridge pie with peas

A crescent of crisps