It’s sort of a thing to give someone your Instagram to get them off your back, rather than your number, it’s common enough that it can be taken as a sign of lack of interest
Nope but I also wear a fake engagement ring when I go to bars without my bf just to avoid being hit on.
I literally sat in a corner texting my best friend last week when I went to a bar with a group, and was asked by 2 men why I was so unfriendly. I just wanted a good drink and to be left alone. Big shiny fake diamond ring on and everything.
I am not here to make friends. I came to have a drink with my already existent friends.
I was outside on the playground with my class today, and a guy was walking by, slowed down and started smiling and looking like he wanted to talk. I ignored him because PRESCHOOLERS and he started yelling at me and calling me a f****** C u next week,,a stuck up C, etc, but at least he kept going. My coworker was in shock.
Sounds like. To me anyway, being a man. Dude needs 1. Trespassed from your school grounds/area(if he was on them) 2. A serious head exam mri, and all. 3. A law enforcement education about using profanity in front of minors, and sexual harassment of their adult educator.(You). And 4. (If you're married/dating) Found by your significant other, and his foot planted firmly into his anal cavity. J.M.O.
I wear a fake ring to the pool where I go to swim, read, and lay out. Literally nearly every visit I was getting unsolicited attention and worse yet, guys really wouldn't go away, as if laying alone in a bathing suit is just such an invite I have to be interested in them.
Men and women tend to view an engagement/wedding ring differently. This does not universally apply to everybody before y’all jump down my
Throat saying “not all men” or “not all women”. From what I have noticed, men tend to respect a ring more and will ignore a women wearing one. Women however, take a wedding ring as a challenge for them to overcome for whatever reason.
This right here. A man wearing a ring shows preselection. Another woman sees him as husband material. It builds attraction in her. That doesn't mean she will act on it though. It served a purpose in our survival. Women didn't have to go out in the woods looking for a man and maybe run into a bear if another woman already did that for her and married the man. Mate poaching is much quicker.
Men respect a ring because they respect the (assumed) man that is married to the woman, and not the woman who is expressing disinterest in front of them.
For men it's different. The ring signifies another woman already vetted you, and you are safe. It's preselection.
My job doesn't allow me to wear a ring everyday so inorder not to lose it, I only wear it on my days off. My wife used to make sure I wore it everywhere thinking it marks me as taken. After I told her more women approach me when I have it on than when I don't, and it filters out the ones who would never do anything with a married man from those who will, she didnt want me wearing it without her around. She didn't even question it because it's even worse when I'm out with her and the kids!
Preselection is real thing.
That’s right. I got that same advice, back in 1961, and it’s still valid, today. Women don’t want marriage out of a one-night stand any more than men do. A married man is less likely to want to assume that a restroom quickie equals come-back pussy. He’s willing to get it and forget it.
I shouldn't have to worry about fanning my face with a huge stack of crisp 100 dollar bills while walking through poorest suburbs in St. Louis at 2am on a Saturday, but I'd be a fucking fool to do that.
What people "shouldn't have to" do and what people sometimes reasonably should do anyway are two completely different subjects. We're talking about the latter, and you interrupted to talk about the former.
I agree. Sadly they often don’t feel safe around men they don’t know. At least not safe enough to say no without the fear of some kind of bad response.
Better to send him to a decoy than your main in those instances.
No it’s not, it’s a waste of time and effort to make a whole separate account when you could just give someone your Instagram in the moment and then unfollow, block, or restrict them later or just not accept them at all if you’re private. It’s also going to be suspicious if you have an account with so few followers and then you face the potential of being asked even more questions you are not in the mood to answer and while it happens enough that it isn’t uncommon, it’s not something worth making an entire new account in the case of.
Agreed. It can be awkward for the female in the moment to flat out deny someone especially if they’re pushing hard to get something from her. Don’t worry about it
It’s awkward to reject anyone tbh. I literally just say “ thanks but I’m not interested.” Bc it’s happened too many times where I say “oh I have a boyfriend”, *and they keep pushing.* it’s exhausting and I’m not gonna sit there and repeat myself. Too many people interpret “I have boyfriend” as a challenge to overcome and an opportunity for no strings hook ups.
Yeah it’s obnoxious. I know some people think it’s “mean” to just say “not interested” without giving a reason, but it’s honestly what gets people to just leave me alone.
Once I told a man I had a boyfriend, he said “it’s okay I can keep a secret, I’m married.”
An old man asked me out and bc I didn’t want to be rude, I said I had a boyfriend and he stood there telling me that he has his own business and that he could take care of me better than my boyfriend so I wouldn’t have to be there working.
Another time it was 2 guys both hitting on me together saying, “oh he’s not here though. Cmon it’s okay, we can have drinks later.” Fucking creepy. I’ve also gotten “oh so you can’t have friends then?” 🙄
does she have to? It's socially implied.
> "She said she will probably just unfollow later and that the guy is unlikely to even reach out in her DMs."
Reads to me as "I wanted him to back off and (I can just unfollow later.)"with the first part being seen (by her at least) as so obvious she doesn't need to say it directly.
She can unfollow him, but if he notices, depending on what his reasons were for asking for it, he will just make a new account. Even if she blocks him, he can still find her from other accounts. I deleted an IG account because of someone doing exactly this. To this day I don't know why that person kept following me around with new accounts, and yes, it never took long to realize who it was.
No, Instagram created a new feature to block their account and any other accounts they may create. You can’t even use the same device and either way it’s unlikely that a complete stranger is going to do all that or remember your username once they’re blocked.
Oh wow, I had no idea they could do that. It's been quite some time since my "stalker." It would have been nice to have had that feature back then. I can't imagine how that works though, now I'll spend way too much time trying to figure it out, lol.
Honestly, I agree with the original comment. It can be scary to say no and face someone tailing you or hounding you for your number. Insta is a platform that has "blocking" and "reporting" capabilities, so it can be seen as a safety option to get someone off your back in a pinch.
No seriously. I'm EXTREMELY shy and non confrontational in real life yet I literally always say "I don't give out my number" or "I don't have instagram".. I have never given my instagram and 100% not my number to anyone I didn't fw. I don't get how someone is too scared to say "I don't have an instagram" but not too scared to say "I won't give you my number"
That’s awesome for you, but it does happen. I’ve given my number in college because a guy wasn’t talking no for an answer, and then just didn’t answer when he called. When I say no and he still won’t leave, my reaction is to panic. Now what? That wasn’t the response no is supposed to have. I’d love to not react in the “fawn” response, but the brain/body just does it.
He was probably standing right there.
If the GF has lots of followers, would it be worth going through to unfollow later if he doesn’t do anything? I take her response to mean that if he starts hounding her she will block him, but for now she has gotten safely out of an uncomfortable situation and doesn’t need to go reopening that.
My insta is private. I can choose not to add them if they request, or I can delete them if I accept. Getting an entirely different number is a lot more difficult.
Phone numbers are typically seen as less safe to give away
Edit because im.getting bloody sick of these comments.
Many socials use contact lists to find and reccomend friends, follows, ect to you. So giving out your number **does not safeguard your social media.** they'll just have both!
People can use your phone number to sign up for various spam and scams. This behaviour put ypu at higher risk of hacking because more people doing shitty things have info that may be linked to your online accounts.
If you have your personal number linked to your job in any way they can find your workplace and harass you there, or above spam and scams could interfere with your business. Particularly for small businesses owners or people with side gigs this can be very negatively impactful.
> "But but but they can stalk you"
**it depends what you put on your socials that you choose to give to strangers.** Most people who go that route will give their least used social media, or an otherwise "locked down" one they don't share details to. Clearly this caveat does not go without saying as i erroneously thought.
Fact is your social media is at high stalk risk if you're giving out anything to the public. Anyone concerned that adding on socials can cause stalking should check their own socials for what they and their friends are actually posting publicly, and make sure only people you know are on any private social media. Creeps don't have to meet you irl first to stalk you!
Unfortunately thats not always a safe option, particularly for persistent people. Persistent people can turn threatening very quickly.
Giving a firm of social media you feel safe about giving away is usually a safe way to make such types fuckoff. Then you can block them after.
What? An instagram is much more personal than a number, then they know your name and everything. Can find you on multiple social media channels. A number is much more empty and easy to ignore.
I get that is completely understandable, but it would be nice just to have a girl not feel the need to compensate for some random guys hurt feelings. Because doing anything other than kindly saying "no I have a boyfriend" can cause exactly what is happening with OP. And it can happen to anyone in any kind of relationship.
Yeah this is crazy, "here's a window into my private life, picture of me, my friends, my family" as a sign of no interest, this thread is fucking insane.
She mentioned she has a boyfriend and gave him her insta where she can easily block him later. I get what you're saying but unless she's given you reason not to trust her before, I'd say she's good.
As a woman, it can be scary and intimidating to say no outright because we know how men tend to react when you say no.
So, we usually find a way to placate them while also being able to keep yourself safe and block.
The 4 responses (previously 3) to avoid danger/conflict are Fight, Flee, Freeze and in this case Fawn. Which is appeasing the aggressor to avoid danger.
If that’s what she did then she would probably appreciate not only your understanding but her support. It would be shitty to react to an aggressor then be shit on by your partner for the way your reacted, lose lose in her mind.
But if she’s cheating (even emotionally) then youre outta luck. Just a tough situation for both of you. Good luck!
Ya but she could of given the dude her boyfriends phone number and said it was hers, that would've achieved the exact same thing July placating the interested man
People give out phone numbers, Insta, etc. to get out of an uncomfortable situation all the time. It's far easier and safer for women than dealing with an angry rejected man in the moment. Doubly so in places like bars where alcohol is involved.
In my opinion giving the Instagram can be worse. You basically let them into your life to see your photos of yourself or whatever you post. They can find out where you work, go to school etc. I much rather be with a girl who can just say no to the number. And no to the instagram. Even giving a guy that time of day is a slap in the face to her boyfriend and let’s be real guys can’t get away with this excuse of “it’s easier to get out of situations”
100%
It's a bullshit excuse to get out of a situation by placating someone with your personal information.
It just isn't smart.
Give someone a fake phone number or a number of a strong friend.
Or give them nothing.
You have to try and put yourself in the shoes of a woman (presumably alone) being faced with a man persisting after she’s already said no once. Likely a lot easier (and safer) to just give him something so he’ll fuck off.
Adding on, I think 2 months ago it was on the news that in NY, a girl was with her sister and she was hit on by a guy and he asked for her number. She rejected, and he literally beat her up so bad that she ended up dead and the sister was hurt pretty bad too. The man was arrested two days later. So..from a woman's perspective..it really is a hard and dangerous situation to reject a man b/c you truly never know.
Yes, this happened to me recently — I let someone give me their number instead of giving them mine, with no intention of ever using it, because they were persistent and I wanted them to go away lol.
Typically different context but even as a large dude, I still do this.
It's way easier to tell someone at an industry event, like yeah we'll work it out here's my number or LinkedIn and then immediately ignore their existence. Much more fluid socially, protects everyone's ego.
Just talk to your girl with genuine curiosity about it.
Ngl, it's disheartening that men cannot think this way. We try to explain every day that we are always on alert, and at risk of being harmed.
I'm not sure why many men cannot acknowledge this, or understand this? While it is good you are grasping it now, it genuinely blows my mind how you even need to be educated on it.
Dude would’ve probably been standing right in front of her - not following him back would have gone against the attempt to deescalate the situation and flee.
Nah, as a fellow woman if I want to give a softer rejection or some sort of out for myself then giving one of my socials and then blocking later is one the best ways to go about it.
If she outright told you and didn’t try to hide it, then avoid overreacting. Show your concern but don’t be overtly jealous, so she at least knows that you care. If she does indeed delete the person and is not allowing him to follow her, then easy day, and rest assured you have an honest and trustworthy girlfriend. If she doesn’t and finds an excuse, or allows him to continue to follow her, even though she unfollowed him, then she likely appreciates the validation and attention the guy gives her and she has breached a form of trust with you - in that case you could either step up your game so she feels more appreciated or you’ll have a tough decision to make. Hope this helps, and good luck bro!
What happened to the good old days when a woman would just give me the wrong number and I wouldn't know until I dialed it up from home and got a Red Lobster across town?
Haven’t you heard the adage, “Men fear women making fun of them. Women fear men killing them.”? Men can be creepy and persistent. I wore a wedding ring five years before I got married so guys would leave me alone.
Your girlfriend may get hit on. That’s just a fact of life. Getting out of a situation in which she feels uncomfortable by providing an insta account is the same as giving a guy a fake number. Some guys just won’t take no for an answer. Now as for a boyfriend who gets clingy and jealous and exhibits mistrust, that’s a relationship killer. Keep your eyes open but don’t be confrontational.
Thanks everyone for their input(except that one person who still thinks im a bot for a typo in the title), I talked to her about it and she just wanted to reject him in a more subtle way so gave him her insta and she didn't even accept his insta follow request. I guess I was just overthinking it and she didn't want to do such a direct rejection.
I’ve done something along these lines when a guy isn’t taking the hint and refuses to see themselves out, and especially if I’m out without someone I know. Usually what I do though is I’ll give into adding them, but i let them tell me their handle and I follow them. After a few hours I’ll unfollow them. My profile is private so it forces them to request me and that request will be quietly denied.
Men can quickly turn angry, abusive and really quite scary after a rejection. Even guys we think we know can flip like a switch when they hear "no." Sounds like your girlfriend found a workaround that avoided a scene or any unpleasantness. Fair play.
They're is a subset of men who get really angry and aggressive when a women reject their advances. Giving her insta is a way to mitigate that risk, while keeping the control over further contact because it's easy to block someone.
It's probably a better alternative than giving a fake number.
I had to do this the other day to a guy who walked up to me. I told my boyfriend right after it happened and felt really bad about it. But unfortunately, sometimes we feel safer doing this where we can very easily ignore them vs reject them to their face.
I’ve heard too many horror stories of women saying no and then being attacked shortly after and am now too frightened to chance it 😅
If you trust her, don't worry about it. It's possible that this was her way to say no and get away from him safely. You may not realize how uncomfortable and difficult it is for some women to say no and get out of a situation safely, especially if she was by herself when this interaction happened.
Sometimes men don't react well to being told no. You should check out r/whenwomenrefuse and then decide whether your girlfriend did the safe thing or the wrong thing. #NotAllMen, but too dang many of them.
i understand how you feel op but i dont think she gave him her ig with the intention to continue speaking. a lot of women get attacked by men simply for refusing to give phone numbers/social media so she might have seen it as a safer alternative
Hey bro. I know people are saying it can be used as a safety tactic to get men off of a girl but I’m gonna be completely honest.
That shit is unacceptable.
While I don’t believe your girlfriend goes out with intentions of cheating on you or being hit on by men, I do believe that she entertains the bull.
At the end of the day there’s always gonna be some Alpha male who has the balls to approach your woman even if he knows she’s taken. The problem is not giving the instagram. But it’s entertaining him and be open to temptation.
Just set boundaries. If it’s something you’re uncomfortable with stop now and talk about it before it gets out of hand because trust, in the culture we live in, it can easily get out of hand.
Nah, fam... I'd be weirded out too hearing that.
My ex wife (again, EX), got hit on by a dude and said she was married obvi, ring on, my kid present... and he still gave her his number. That made me mad enough to hear but then she said she still had it like 5 hours later. She said I was overreacting for being bothered by it...
Anyways, they're married now.
I know a lot of people who do something similar, fake number is a thing of the past because text won’t go through. If she’s not even talking to the person later I’d say she’s just being non-confrontational
i totally understand but heres the thing guys are crazy they can’t handle rejection, some guys will hurt a female for not giving there number or instagram it could of been used as a “ok here now leave me alone “ now if you trust her and you think your relationship is just fine she told you about it as well so she’s not hiding it you may be a wee over reacting mate
You've never had to deal w men who think no is the start of a negotiation, nor had to worry about a man getting violent when you won't give him your info.
This is a low stakes way to appease him and then be able to get away and cut him off.
While I'm not her, and can't speak for her 😉, she may just not GAF enough to care any which way.
And isn't hyper focused on it. And is indifferent to it because existing as a woman means many who an to you and can make things harder then they need to be since no one is more emotional then a man while is told no by a woman.
Or just doesn't want him to get pissy and find another way to harass her. That also happens.
See, when you have hobbies and a life, you don't obsess over silly things.
Ok but it’s not uncommon for persistent men to only get the message when the boyfriend comes to claim his woman.
Like:
Woman: I have a boyfriend.
Persistent man: sure you do baby. But here, just take my number in case you need help with xyz
Boyfriend: hi, sorry I was late! Who is this guy?
Persistent man: oh, sorry bro, I didn’t realise she was taken, my bad!
If this dude is anything like this AND sees another man all over her Instagram? That could keep him away.
As a woman, I also do that. I'd rather block them than worry about being harmed. Especially with having had men harass me at my old job for my socials or number.
Yes you're overreacting. Women are raped and murdered every day for rejecting men. Your girlfriend declined giving her number and he persisted, she likely gave her IG to get him off her back. If your girl was trying to cheat, she wouldn't have gone about it like that.
Stop being so insecure and maybe think for a second why she would do this without the lens of "she's flirting!" over it.
it’s actually quite normal to give a guy your instagram just so he doesn’t get upset or harass you if you decline. unless she didn’t block him already immediately after doing so, that would be a red flag
She’s gonna do what she’s gonna do. You have no control over her. Enjoy her and treat her well. Wasting time thinking about her cheating will lead to a decline in your relationship and cause the very thing you were trying to avoid. Just be happy for the time you have. You’ll never regret enjoying yourself.
Women feel like we need to be nice and will give men something just to make them feel better. It's just easier than setting a boundary and being called a bitch or upsetting someone.
Women do this all the time so we do not end up assaulted or murdered.
Most men do not take rejection well, and we would rather give them our details then block later, versus try and stand our ground and end up maimed.
As a woman, I don’t understand the giving Instagram for safety, as an Instagram has a lot of personal information, more than just a phone number….when men hit on me, I say very politely with much gratitude, thanks but no thanks. Or give a wrong number. I’d be pissed if my bf was giving out his insta to random girls….I really can’t believe the comments on here
You're not overreacting. Your girlfriend kept the door open for some random dude that was hitting on her. That's not a rejection. All she did here was give him another way to contact her. Not saying she has any nefarious plans or anything, but simply stating the facts.
That all being said, you used words like "confront" in your post, but this can hopefully be resolved with a simple conversation indicating your concerns. I suspect you're both relatively young, so hopefully you're both willing to recognize mistakes and flaws in one another and move past them.
Giving out your Instagram is not an appropriate way to "get them off your back," as one of the top comments claims. It's questionable conduct that's disrespectful of the person you're in an actual relationship with.
As a woman ive never given info out to someone i threatened by or was uncomfortable around that's a word angle to take "I've got a boyfriend not interested strange man, but here's a ton of personal info on me now go away" seems counter productive
No you are NTA. You are just naive. Have you seen her insta? If a random person looked at it would they know you are her boyfriend? Is it private? If you answer no to any of those, then your girl is essentially advertising still and keeping her options open. You are a place holder until a better man comes by.
Women make themselves available and present themselves to men. Men approach and make moves. You going out and approaching women and asking for their numbers is the same as her making herself available on the gram. She definitely has interest in the man and she definitely looked at his Instagram account to see into his life. Simply her telling you all this, was a test to see how you would react. Ask yourself why would she feel the need to tell you this? If you blew up and got emotional, you failed. If you shut up and said nothing, then you didn't fail but you also didn't pass.
Instagram is the biggest dating app on the planet. This might not be the one, but eventually if you allow this to keep going, there will be one who she takes the next step and talks to. Ask to see her Instagram. Then Tell her she is free to do whatever she wants, but you don't take women seriously who are still making themselves approachable online. Leave it at that. It's not being controlling, it's laying down a boundary. The better looking your girl is, the sooner it will happen.
This isn't being insecure, it's telling you how dating works today. Your girl is keeping her options open right under your nose. She will never admit to it so just lay down the boundary.
Ehh. It’s worth a having another conversation with her. I do know that sometimes, rejecting a man can be scary. She very well may have just given him her Instagram to get him off her back, thinking it was a safer option (I don’t have an Instagram, so, I’m not even sure if that’s a thing🤷🏻♀️). However, based on your post, she didn’t express that sentiment. She even said something about what she would probably do if he contacted her. But I don’t know her or how she speaks.
If it’s not sitting right with you, call her and let her know that after having time to think, you’re uncomfortable about what she told you/you may not have understood what she said. That you of course appreciate her honesty and that you’re not suggesting that she’s being unfaithful but that you care too much about your relationship with her to not discuss it again.
Yep, it's common for women to give something like IG to avoid harassment and conflict. Don't overthink it. The fact that she told you about it in the first place should be a clue that she's honest with you.
Its hard for me to get on the boat of she gave the info to feel safe. If she had said he was being pushy or i felt unsafe i would let it go because she did what she had to. However i doubt she felt threatened or she would have said something.
All the more she is following him too? Obviously the next step.would be to block the guy....ive never been on insta but i hear sliding into dms daily.
I think lastly there is alot of people and i mean alot of people who feel like a phone number is too much to give a stranger, but somehow in their brains giving a insta, snap or Facebook is ok...when in 2024 that is exactly the same as giving your number to someone.
I would ask her to block him or delete him however it goes on insta. If she gives you any shit about controlling her then you got your answer. She shouldnt need validation from this stranger.
i mean coming from another woman with a boyfriend, i don’t know why she followed him back.. but having a good talk about personal boundaries in a relationship would be a good idea as maybe you and her have a different perspectives on things.
He was probably standing right there expecting her to follow him back though.
If she was trying to get him to go away, she had to follow him to get the encounter to end.
They will read it and they won’t care because their hate for women overrides any common sense. They could have 100 women tell them the same exact thing and still argue. They’re the men who don’t take no for an answer.
i’ve had guys make me literally call or text them so it’s the right number 😭 so i just give out my insta or snap bc i don’t post and block them when im home !
When I was single and not interested, I'd say "I don't have social media" and "I don't give out my number" and guess what I do now that I have a boyfriend? The same thing. I'm extremely shy and introverted yet I manage to have the tiniest backbone so they can't see my name and face and have access to me whenever they want lmao
It can be hard to reject men (as a woman) because you aren't sure how they'll react when faced with rejection, so giving him her IG is a safer bet than flat out rejection.
I have been in this situation and I am married. To me they were fight or flight moments. The men were very pushy and in my space. A polite “ I am married”, did nothing. Promising them to add them got them away. Doubt it was a pleasant situation for her!
Not normal,I was in the same situation, except I was the guy the girl gave her IG to. Then proceeded to hit on/flirt/send pics to me even though she had already told me she had a bf. You gotta say something my man
I'd break up. You don't give insta unless you want them in your dms. She should have rejected and left if he harassing. get someone to help get rid of him.
Long distance is risky, especially for younger people. She's female and you're attracted to her which means other males will be too. Live with it or don't.
I get why you feel that way but she was probably being pressured by him, women go through some horrible shit at the hands of men who think they’re owed something. I would ask her if she’s okay or feeling any way about it before flying off the handle, maybe ask if she’s heard from him and maybe even offer to interject. I’m not saying find the guy and punch him but maybe get his insta from her and drop him a polite (or not if you want) message telling him to back off
He asked for her number, why wouldn't he DM her?
She may not even realize it, but she is keeping her options open. Guarantee she checks out his profile and sees what he has to offer.
Not really. Should it be a deal breaker? Not necessarily. Red flag? Definitely. She needs to either learn to actually say "no", rather than, "Not quite yes, but also not no," when another guy is flirting with her, trying to get contact info, etc., assuming she simply went that route because she didn't feel sufficiently "comfortable" saying no, rather than because she like the attention or addition to her follower count.
If she gave it to him to get him to back off then she has to delete him once he’s backed off and she isn’t going to see him again. Her keeping him but having no interest to talk to him is weird because she’s still giving him the green light through him being able to contact her and interact with her profile.
When I use that tactic I already have my profile private and say my phones dead and I’ll accept them later. But later I just delete and block them once I leave their presence.
Has she given you any reason before to doubt her loyalty and/or integrity? Women are hit on all day every day. If she wants to cheat, she literally has to walk down the sidewalk to find willing suitors. Sometimes rejecting men can be inconvenient at best or even dangerous. Sounds like she rejected him AND THEN gave him the instagram blow off.
The guy took his chance and she shot him down and you have to also look at it from the point of view that is a girl supposed to only be friends with guys that she's going to sleep with? Did you ever ask out a girl and she said no but you still remained on friendly terms with her? Or did you ban her from existence? The guy hit on her, she said I have a boyfriend and the polite thing to do in this Society is to tell someone well you're still worth knowing even if I can't go out with you. Otherwise girls are being told they're good for nothing except a piece of ass
Now on the other hand if this guy keeps on flirting with her and asking her out then he has crossed the line but I can tell you I've asked girls out and got turned down and remained friends with them and that's because there was more to appreciate about that girl besides tits and ass
It’s sort of a thing to give someone your Instagram to get them off your back, rather than your number, it’s common enough that it can be taken as a sign of lack of interest
Sounds like a decoy insta would be a worthwhile thing to have, with the only followers being rejected men
Women shouldn't need to set up a whole new Instagram account just to deal with men who don't respect the word "no".
Nope but I also wear a fake engagement ring when I go to bars without my bf just to avoid being hit on. I literally sat in a corner texting my best friend last week when I went to a bar with a group, and was asked by 2 men why I was so unfriendly. I just wanted a good drink and to be left alone. Big shiny fake diamond ring on and everything. I am not here to make friends. I came to have a drink with my already existent friends.
I was outside on the playground with my class today, and a guy was walking by, slowed down and started smiling and looking like he wanted to talk. I ignored him because PRESCHOOLERS and he started yelling at me and calling me a f****** C u next week,,a stuck up C, etc, but at least he kept going. My coworker was in shock.
Sounds like. To me anyway, being a man. Dude needs 1. Trespassed from your school grounds/area(if he was on them) 2. A serious head exam mri, and all. 3. A law enforcement education about using profanity in front of minors, and sexual harassment of their adult educator.(You). And 4. (If you're married/dating) Found by your significant other, and his foot planted firmly into his anal cavity. J.M.O.
I wear a fake ring to the pool where I go to swim, read, and lay out. Literally nearly every visit I was getting unsolicited attention and worse yet, guys really wouldn't go away, as if laying alone in a bathing suit is just such an invite I have to be interested in them.
That's strange, I discovered that after my divorce, it was easier hook up with a woman if I wore my wedding ring when I went out.
QUALITY CHICKS
Men and women tend to view an engagement/wedding ring differently. This does not universally apply to everybody before y’all jump down my Throat saying “not all men” or “not all women”. From what I have noticed, men tend to respect a ring more and will ignore a women wearing one. Women however, take a wedding ring as a challenge for them to overcome for whatever reason.
Part of the congruency test -- If he's in a committed relationship he's not a serial killer, rapist, or even a bear.
This right here. A man wearing a ring shows preselection. Another woman sees him as husband material. It builds attraction in her. That doesn't mean she will act on it though. It served a purpose in our survival. Women didn't have to go out in the woods looking for a man and maybe run into a bear if another woman already did that for her and married the man. Mate poaching is much quicker.
Or they just take it as a sign that you won't be staying the night or calling back the next day.
Men respect a ring because they respect the (assumed) man that is married to the woman, and not the woman who is expressing disinterest in front of them.
If you think about they they’re not respecting the ring, they respecting a hypothetical man.
For men it's different. The ring signifies another woman already vetted you, and you are safe. It's preselection. My job doesn't allow me to wear a ring everyday so inorder not to lose it, I only wear it on my days off. My wife used to make sure I wore it everywhere thinking it marks me as taken. After I told her more women approach me when I have it on than when I don't, and it filters out the ones who would never do anything with a married man from those who will, she didnt want me wearing it without her around. She didn't even question it because it's even worse when I'm out with her and the kids! Preselection is real thing.
That’s right. I got that same advice, back in 1961, and it’s still valid, today. Women don’t want marriage out of a one-night stand any more than men do. A married man is less likely to want to assume that a restroom quickie equals come-back pussy. He’s willing to get it and forget it.
God bless you ❤️
Shouldn't have to provide their real one also... The No should have been sufficient enough.
I shouldn't have to worry about fanning my face with a huge stack of crisp 100 dollar bills while walking through poorest suburbs in St. Louis at 2am on a Saturday, but I'd be a fucking fool to do that. What people "shouldn't have to" do and what people sometimes reasonably should do anyway are two completely different subjects. We're talking about the latter, and you interrupted to talk about the former.
Agreed, this is what giving fake numbers is for
I agree. Sadly they often don’t feel safe around men they don’t know. At least not safe enough to say no without the fear of some kind of bad response. Better to send him to a decoy than your main in those instances.
No it’s not, it’s a waste of time and effort to make a whole separate account when you could just give someone your Instagram in the moment and then unfollow, block, or restrict them later or just not accept them at all if you’re private. It’s also going to be suspicious if you have an account with so few followers and then you face the potential of being asked even more questions you are not in the mood to answer and while it happens enough that it isn’t uncommon, it’s not something worth making an entire new account in the case of.
Trash advice
I agree, we shouldn't need to, and yet we feel we must for good reason.
The kids call those Finsta
Haha actually the opposite. Usually finsta is more for close/personal friends
Maybe we should start calling the reject insta "rinsta" ™
I use my 2nd insta as a personal project photography dump. Call it my phinsta.
I have a "spam account" for this
A spinsta?
Or just say no? Tf
Agreed. It can be awkward for the female in the moment to flat out deny someone especially if they’re pushing hard to get something from her. Don’t worry about it
It’s awkward to reject anyone tbh. I literally just say “ thanks but I’m not interested.” Bc it’s happened too many times where I say “oh I have a boyfriend”, *and they keep pushing.* it’s exhausting and I’m not gonna sit there and repeat myself. Too many people interpret “I have boyfriend” as a challenge to overcome and an opportunity for no strings hook ups.
I’ve had someone ask me “well where is he” and keep pushing when I said I had a boyfriend. Like I’m not allowed to exist separately
Yeah it’s obnoxious. I know some people think it’s “mean” to just say “not interested” without giving a reason, but it’s honestly what gets people to just leave me alone. Once I told a man I had a boyfriend, he said “it’s okay I can keep a secret, I’m married.” An old man asked me out and bc I didn’t want to be rude, I said I had a boyfriend and he stood there telling me that he has his own business and that he could take care of me better than my boyfriend so I wouldn’t have to be there working. Another time it was 2 guys both hitting on me together saying, “oh he’s not here though. Cmon it’s okay, we can have drinks later.” Fucking creepy. I’ve also gotten “oh so you can’t have friends then?” 🙄
>It can be awkward for the female Why do you talk about people like they're the subject of a nature documentary?
That’s not the excuse she gave lmfao
does she have to? It's socially implied. > "She said she will probably just unfollow later and that the guy is unlikely to even reach out in her DMs." Reads to me as "I wanted him to back off and (I can just unfollow later.)"with the first part being seen (by her at least) as so obvious she doesn't need to say it directly.
She can unfollow him, but if he notices, depending on what his reasons were for asking for it, he will just make a new account. Even if she blocks him, he can still find her from other accounts. I deleted an IG account because of someone doing exactly this. To this day I don't know why that person kept following me around with new accounts, and yes, it never took long to realize who it was.
No, Instagram created a new feature to block their account and any other accounts they may create. You can’t even use the same device and either way it’s unlikely that a complete stranger is going to do all that or remember your username once they’re blocked.
Oh wow, I had no idea they could do that. It's been quite some time since my "stalker." It would have been nice to have had that feature back then. I can't imagine how that works though, now I'll spend way too much time trying to figure it out, lol.
They flag multiple factors like similar account details, IP addresses, and other indicators like the specific device used.
I see, thanks for your input!
Honestly, I agree with the original comment. It can be scary to say no and face someone tailing you or hounding you for your number. Insta is a platform that has "blocking" and "reporting" capabilities, so it can be seen as a safety option to get someone off your back in a pinch.
Also you never have to accept someones follow request in the first place
Except she had already said no to giving her number. The ask for her Instagram should be met with "sorry i don't have one, bye"
No seriously. I'm EXTREMELY shy and non confrontational in real life yet I literally always say "I don't give out my number" or "I don't have instagram".. I have never given my instagram and 100% not my number to anyone I didn't fw. I don't get how someone is too scared to say "I don't have an instagram" but not too scared to say "I won't give you my number"
That’s awesome for you, but it does happen. I’ve given my number in college because a guy wasn’t talking no for an answer, and then just didn’t answer when he called. When I say no and he still won’t leave, my reaction is to panic. Now what? That wasn’t the response no is supposed to have. I’d love to not react in the “fawn” response, but the brain/body just does it.
Women get shot for less.
You’re cooked
But why didn’t she block or unfollow them right away? I just don’t like the saying - “probably” unfollow, this also means she followed him back
He was probably standing right there. If the GF has lots of followers, would it be worth going through to unfollow later if he doesn’t do anything? I take her response to mean that if he starts hounding her she will block him, but for now she has gotten safely out of an uncomfortable situation and doesn’t need to go reopening that.
It’s also a safer option then insisting on a rejection when their basically refusing to accept the no
Truthfully, I would rather give my insta than give my personal number to someone I didnt know. It is indeed safer.
Literally the same thing as giving your number tho? They still have access to you
My insta is private. I can choose not to add them if they request, or I can delete them if I accept. Getting an entirely different number is a lot more difficult.
Phone numbers are typically seen as less safe to give away Edit because im.getting bloody sick of these comments. Many socials use contact lists to find and reccomend friends, follows, ect to you. So giving out your number **does not safeguard your social media.** they'll just have both! People can use your phone number to sign up for various spam and scams. This behaviour put ypu at higher risk of hacking because more people doing shitty things have info that may be linked to your online accounts. If you have your personal number linked to your job in any way they can find your workplace and harass you there, or above spam and scams could interfere with your business. Particularly for small businesses owners or people with side gigs this can be very negatively impactful. > "But but but they can stalk you" **it depends what you put on your socials that you choose to give to strangers.** Most people who go that route will give their least used social media, or an otherwise "locked down" one they don't share details to. Clearly this caveat does not go without saying as i erroneously thought. Fact is your social media is at high stalk risk if you're giving out anything to the public. Anyone concerned that adding on socials can cause stalking should check their own socials for what they and their friends are actually posting publicly, and make sure only people you know are on any private social media. Creeps don't have to meet you irl first to stalk you!
Wouldn’t giving out any of your information be seen as unsafe if you don’t want to interact with the person?
Unfortunately thats not always a safe option, particularly for persistent people. Persistent people can turn threatening very quickly. Giving a firm of social media you feel safe about giving away is usually a safe way to make such types fuckoff. Then you can block them after.
Same. I gave someone my FB they friended me and I immediately blocked him
What? An instagram is much more personal than a number, then they know your name and everything. Can find you on multiple social media channels. A number is much more empty and easy to ignore.
Yeah, that makes sense. It's a lot safer to give out an Instagram instead of a phone number. 👍🏻
I get that is completely understandable, but it would be nice just to have a girl not feel the need to compensate for some random guys hurt feelings. Because doing anything other than kindly saying "no I have a boyfriend" can cause exactly what is happening with OP. And it can happen to anyone in any kind of relationship.
Yeah no, stop defending for the streets behavior
Yeah this is crazy, "here's a window into my private life, picture of me, my friends, my family" as a sign of no interest, this thread is fucking insane.
Exactly lol I got trashed because I said it’s bullshit that she did this out of fear due to his POTENTIAL reaction of being rejected 💀
Ya you guys are the only 2 sane ones in this whole thread These people are freaking nuts
Thank you I ❤️ u
She mentioned she has a boyfriend and gave him her insta where she can easily block him later. I get what you're saying but unless she's given you reason not to trust her before, I'd say she's good.
Wait why did he need to be added in the first place?
Some times it’s easier to get away from a situation if you placate the person in a low risk way. Some people have no boundaries and can be persistent.
As a woman, it can be scary and intimidating to say no outright because we know how men tend to react when you say no. So, we usually find a way to placate them while also being able to keep yourself safe and block.
Perhaps so he'd leave her alone in the moment.
The 4 responses (previously 3) to avoid danger/conflict are Fight, Flee, Freeze and in this case Fawn. Which is appeasing the aggressor to avoid danger. If that’s what she did then she would probably appreciate not only your understanding but her support. It would be shitty to react to an aggressor then be shit on by your partner for the way your reacted, lose lose in her mind. But if she’s cheating (even emotionally) then youre outta luck. Just a tough situation for both of you. Good luck!
He has absolutely zero evidence that she’s cheating.
Ya but she could of given the dude her boyfriends phone number and said it was hers, that would've achieved the exact same thing July placating the interested man
They usually ask to call or text you right then and there to "make sure it's right" so no, she couldn't have without risking pissing him off.
People give out phone numbers, Insta, etc. to get out of an uncomfortable situation all the time. It's far easier and safer for women than dealing with an angry rejected man in the moment. Doubly so in places like bars where alcohol is involved.
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In my opinion giving the Instagram can be worse. You basically let them into your life to see your photos of yourself or whatever you post. They can find out where you work, go to school etc. I much rather be with a girl who can just say no to the number. And no to the instagram. Even giving a guy that time of day is a slap in the face to her boyfriend and let’s be real guys can’t get away with this excuse of “it’s easier to get out of situations”
100% It's a bullshit excuse to get out of a situation by placating someone with your personal information. It just isn't smart. Give someone a fake phone number or a number of a strong friend. Or give them nothing.
You have to try and put yourself in the shoes of a woman (presumably alone) being faced with a man persisting after she’s already said no once. Likely a lot easier (and safer) to just give him something so he’ll fuck off.
That's fair, I didn't think about it that way. Thanks for your input!
Adding on, I think 2 months ago it was on the news that in NY, a girl was with her sister and she was hit on by a guy and he asked for her number. She rejected, and he literally beat her up so bad that she ended up dead and the sister was hurt pretty bad too. The man was arrested two days later. So..from a woman's perspective..it really is a hard and dangerous situation to reject a man b/c you truly never know.
Yes, this happened to me recently — I let someone give me their number instead of giving them mine, with no intention of ever using it, because they were persistent and I wanted them to go away lol.
Typically different context but even as a large dude, I still do this. It's way easier to tell someone at an industry event, like yeah we'll work it out here's my number or LinkedIn and then immediately ignore their existence. Much more fluid socially, protects everyone's ego. Just talk to your girl with genuine curiosity about it.
Welcome to the world of being a woman and feeling unsafe so you do what you have to do to get away safely
Ngl, it's disheartening that men cannot think this way. We try to explain every day that we are always on alert, and at risk of being harmed. I'm not sure why many men cannot acknowledge this, or understand this? While it is good you are grasping it now, it genuinely blows my mind how you even need to be educated on it.
I second this- men only respect other men. As a woman it was probably her safest option
r/whenwomenrefuse
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Dude would’ve probably been standing right in front of her - not following him back would have gone against the attempt to deescalate the situation and flee.
She is not actively following him, in fact he’s not even following her because she never accepted his follow request.
100% agreed
Nah, as a fellow woman if I want to give a softer rejection or some sort of out for myself then giving one of my socials and then blocking later is one the best ways to go about it.
If she outright told you and didn’t try to hide it, then avoid overreacting. Show your concern but don’t be overtly jealous, so she at least knows that you care. If she does indeed delete the person and is not allowing him to follow her, then easy day, and rest assured you have an honest and trustworthy girlfriend. If she doesn’t and finds an excuse, or allows him to continue to follow her, even though she unfollowed him, then she likely appreciates the validation and attention the guy gives her and she has breached a form of trust with you - in that case you could either step up your game so she feels more appreciated or you’ll have a tough decision to make. Hope this helps, and good luck bro!
What happened to the good old days when a woman would just give me the wrong number and I wouldn't know until I dialed it up from home and got a Red Lobster across town?
Haven’t you heard the adage, “Men fear women making fun of them. Women fear men killing them.”? Men can be creepy and persistent. I wore a wedding ring five years before I got married so guys would leave me alone.
Your girlfriend may get hit on. That’s just a fact of life. Getting out of a situation in which she feels uncomfortable by providing an insta account is the same as giving a guy a fake number. Some guys just won’t take no for an answer. Now as for a boyfriend who gets clingy and jealous and exhibits mistrust, that’s a relationship killer. Keep your eyes open but don’t be confrontational.
Thanks everyone for their input(except that one person who still thinks im a bot for a typo in the title), I talked to her about it and she just wanted to reject him in a more subtle way so gave him her insta and she didn't even accept his insta follow request. I guess I was just overthinking it and she didn't want to do such a direct rejection.
I’ve done something along these lines when a guy isn’t taking the hint and refuses to see themselves out, and especially if I’m out without someone I know. Usually what I do though is I’ll give into adding them, but i let them tell me their handle and I follow them. After a few hours I’ll unfollow them. My profile is private so it forces them to request me and that request will be quietly denied.
A lot of girls will do this & then block the dude 💀
Men can quickly turn angry, abusive and really quite scary after a rejection. Even guys we think we know can flip like a switch when they hear "no." Sounds like your girlfriend found a workaround that avoided a scene or any unpleasantness. Fair play.
They're is a subset of men who get really angry and aggressive when a women reject their advances. Giving her insta is a way to mitigate that risk, while keeping the control over further contact because it's easy to block someone. It's probably a better alternative than giving a fake number.
I had to do this the other day to a guy who walked up to me. I told my boyfriend right after it happened and felt really bad about it. But unfortunately, sometimes we feel safer doing this where we can very easily ignore them vs reject them to their face. I’ve heard too many horror stories of women saying no and then being attacked shortly after and am now too frightened to chance it 😅
The comments in this thread by some of the dudes are giving off serious r/niceguys incel type vibes.
And they’re completely disregarding the dozens of women in the comments explaining it’s a safety thing. It’s infuriating
Look, historically speaking, men don't take rejection too well. If she were alone, she may have done that so she didn't end up in a human centipede.
She had to do something to get the guy to leave her alone. Sometimes a flat out no is dangerous for a woman.
If you trust her, don't worry about it. It's possible that this was her way to say no and get away from him safely. You may not realize how uncomfortable and difficult it is for some women to say no and get out of a situation safely, especially if she was by herself when this interaction happened.
It’s scary to reject men. She gave a safer option. She didn’t have to tell you anything but she chose to
Sometimes men don't react well to being told no. You should check out r/whenwomenrefuse and then decide whether your girlfriend did the safe thing or the wrong thing. #NotAllMen, but too dang many of them.
i understand how you feel op but i dont think she gave him her ig with the intention to continue speaking. a lot of women get attacked by men simply for refusing to give phone numbers/social media so she might have seen it as a safer alternative
If she hasn’t blocked him yet …
She gave him a way to contact her. That's not nothing.
Hey bro. I know people are saying it can be used as a safety tactic to get men off of a girl but I’m gonna be completely honest. That shit is unacceptable. While I don’t believe your girlfriend goes out with intentions of cheating on you or being hit on by men, I do believe that she entertains the bull. At the end of the day there’s always gonna be some Alpha male who has the balls to approach your woman even if he knows she’s taken. The problem is not giving the instagram. But it’s entertaining him and be open to temptation. Just set boundaries. If it’s something you’re uncomfortable with stop now and talk about it before it gets out of hand because trust, in the culture we live in, it can easily get out of hand.
Nah, fam... I'd be weirded out too hearing that. My ex wife (again, EX), got hit on by a dude and said she was married obvi, ring on, my kid present... and he still gave her his number. That made me mad enough to hear but then she said she still had it like 5 hours later. She said I was overreacting for being bothered by it... Anyways, they're married now.
I know a lot of people who do something similar, fake number is a thing of the past because text won’t go through. If she’s not even talking to the person later I’d say she’s just being non-confrontational
She handled it well and was honest with you about it. Let it go or tell her you love her for how she handled it.
i totally understand but heres the thing guys are crazy they can’t handle rejection, some guys will hurt a female for not giving there number or instagram it could of been used as a “ok here now leave me alone “ now if you trust her and you think your relationship is just fine she told you about it as well so she’s not hiding it you may be a wee over reacting mate
Whoever has a problem with that should see this sub r/whenwomenrefuse
Some of y’all have never listened to a woman in your whole damn lives.
You've never had to deal w men who think no is the start of a negotiation, nor had to worry about a man getting violent when you won't give him your info. This is a low stakes way to appease him and then be able to get away and cut him off.
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While I'm not her, and can't speak for her 😉, she may just not GAF enough to care any which way. And isn't hyper focused on it. And is indifferent to it because existing as a woman means many who an to you and can make things harder then they need to be since no one is more emotional then a man while is told no by a woman. Or just doesn't want him to get pissy and find another way to harass her. That also happens. See, when you have hobbies and a life, you don't obsess over silly things.
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Ok but it’s not uncommon for persistent men to only get the message when the boyfriend comes to claim his woman. Like: Woman: I have a boyfriend. Persistent man: sure you do baby. But here, just take my number in case you need help with xyz Boyfriend: hi, sorry I was late! Who is this guy? Persistent man: oh, sorry bro, I didn’t realise she was taken, my bad! If this dude is anything like this AND sees another man all over her Instagram? That could keep him away.
I'm a woman . I don't want to reject guys straight away because I might get stabbed . Id rather just give him my Instagram then block later on.
As a woman, I also do that. I'd rather block them than worry about being harmed. Especially with having had men harass me at my old job for my socials or number.
Yes you're overreacting. Women are raped and murdered every day for rejecting men. Your girlfriend declined giving her number and he persisted, she likely gave her IG to get him off her back. If your girl was trying to cheat, she wouldn't have gone about it like that. Stop being so insecure and maybe think for a second why she would do this without the lens of "she's flirting!" over it.
it’s actually quite normal to give a guy your instagram just so he doesn’t get upset or harass you if you decline. unless she didn’t block him already immediately after doing so, that would be a red flag
She’s gonna do what she’s gonna do. You have no control over her. Enjoy her and treat her well. Wasting time thinking about her cheating will lead to a decline in your relationship and cause the very thing you were trying to avoid. Just be happy for the time you have. You’ll never regret enjoying yourself.
I rejected you, but I'm going to give you my Instagram 😉😉
I wouldn’t worry about it
Women feel like we need to be nice and will give men something just to make them feel better. It's just easier than setting a boundary and being called a bitch or upsetting someone.
Women do this all the time so we do not end up assaulted or murdered. Most men do not take rejection well, and we would rather give them our details then block later, versus try and stand our ground and end up maimed.
It very well was the safest thing for her to do in the moment.
You realize sometimes women give info for safety right?
As a woman, I don’t understand the giving Instagram for safety, as an Instagram has a lot of personal information, more than just a phone number….when men hit on me, I say very politely with much gratitude, thanks but no thanks. Or give a wrong number. I’d be pissed if my bf was giving out his insta to random girls….I really can’t believe the comments on here
You're not overreacting. Your girlfriend kept the door open for some random dude that was hitting on her. That's not a rejection. All she did here was give him another way to contact her. Not saying she has any nefarious plans or anything, but simply stating the facts. That all being said, you used words like "confront" in your post, but this can hopefully be resolved with a simple conversation indicating your concerns. I suspect you're both relatively young, so hopefully you're both willing to recognize mistakes and flaws in one another and move past them. Giving out your Instagram is not an appropriate way to "get them off your back," as one of the top comments claims. It's questionable conduct that's disrespectful of the person you're in an actual relationship with.
As a woman ive never given info out to someone i threatened by or was uncomfortable around that's a word angle to take "I've got a boyfriend not interested strange man, but here's a ton of personal info on me now go away" seems counter productive
No you are NTA. You are just naive. Have you seen her insta? If a random person looked at it would they know you are her boyfriend? Is it private? If you answer no to any of those, then your girl is essentially advertising still and keeping her options open. You are a place holder until a better man comes by. Women make themselves available and present themselves to men. Men approach and make moves. You going out and approaching women and asking for their numbers is the same as her making herself available on the gram. She definitely has interest in the man and she definitely looked at his Instagram account to see into his life. Simply her telling you all this, was a test to see how you would react. Ask yourself why would she feel the need to tell you this? If you blew up and got emotional, you failed. If you shut up and said nothing, then you didn't fail but you also didn't pass. Instagram is the biggest dating app on the planet. This might not be the one, but eventually if you allow this to keep going, there will be one who she takes the next step and talks to. Ask to see her Instagram. Then Tell her she is free to do whatever she wants, but you don't take women seriously who are still making themselves approachable online. Leave it at that. It's not being controlling, it's laying down a boundary. The better looking your girl is, the sooner it will happen. This isn't being insecure, it's telling you how dating works today. Your girl is keeping her options open right under your nose. She will never admit to it so just lay down the boundary.
You’re not overreacting. She should’ve never entertained his interaction.
He already ignored her rejection. Do you think he’s a good guy with pure intentions??
The thread is trippin fosho
Reddit is a toxic waste
Ehh. It’s worth a having another conversation with her. I do know that sometimes, rejecting a man can be scary. She very well may have just given him her Instagram to get him off her back, thinking it was a safer option (I don’t have an Instagram, so, I’m not even sure if that’s a thing🤷🏻♀️). However, based on your post, she didn’t express that sentiment. She even said something about what she would probably do if he contacted her. But I don’t know her or how she speaks. If it’s not sitting right with you, call her and let her know that after having time to think, you’re uncomfortable about what she told you/you may not have understood what she said. That you of course appreciate her honesty and that you’re not suggesting that she’s being unfaithful but that you care too much about your relationship with her to not discuss it again.
Yep, it's common for women to give something like IG to avoid harassment and conflict. Don't overthink it. The fact that she told you about it in the first place should be a clue that she's honest with you.
Its hard for me to get on the boat of she gave the info to feel safe. If she had said he was being pushy or i felt unsafe i would let it go because she did what she had to. However i doubt she felt threatened or she would have said something. All the more she is following him too? Obviously the next step.would be to block the guy....ive never been on insta but i hear sliding into dms daily. I think lastly there is alot of people and i mean alot of people who feel like a phone number is too much to give a stranger, but somehow in their brains giving a insta, snap or Facebook is ok...when in 2024 that is exactly the same as giving your number to someone. I would ask her to block him or delete him however it goes on insta. If she gives you any shit about controlling her then you got your answer. She shouldnt need validation from this stranger.
She is not following him, and he isn’t even following her, she never even accepted his follow request.
i mean coming from another woman with a boyfriend, i don’t know why she followed him back.. but having a good talk about personal boundaries in a relationship would be a good idea as maybe you and her have a different perspectives on things.
He was probably standing right there expecting her to follow him back though. If she was trying to get him to go away, she had to follow him to get the encounter to end.
She could have easy said no to both, but still wanted some attention.
Whatever happened to giving out fake numbers? Lol
These dudes will literally send you a text right there to make sure it goes through.
Also THIS is why she followed him back! All the people in this thread in her back because she followed him too need to read this!
They will read it and they won’t care because their hate for women overrides any common sense. They could have 100 women tell them the same exact thing and still argue. They’re the men who don’t take no for an answer.
i’ve had guys make me literally call or text them so it’s the right number 😭 so i just give out my insta or snap bc i don’t post and block them when im home !
*"I’ve been hearin’ that she been givin’ that stuff out to ALL them graffiti guys.”*
These women gaslighting OP real hard in this comment section.
When I was single and not interested, I'd say "I don't have social media" and "I don't give out my number" and guess what I do now that I have a boyfriend? The same thing. I'm extremely shy and introverted yet I manage to have the tiniest backbone so they can't see my name and face and have access to me whenever they want lmao
It can be hard to reject men (as a woman) because you aren't sure how they'll react when faced with rejection, so giving him her IG is a safer bet than flat out rejection.
Just give the number of The Rejection Hotline. *605–477–3018*
I have been in this situation and I am married. To me they were fight or flight moments. The men were very pushy and in my space. A polite “ I am married”, did nothing. Promising them to add them got them away. Doubt it was a pleasant situation for her!
If the guy was being weird or aggressive I give my socials.
The reason she gave insta is bc you don’t have it. I’d walk
No
You should just leave bro..
Not normal,I was in the same situation, except I was the guy the girl gave her IG to. Then proceeded to hit on/flirt/send pics to me even though she had already told me she had a bf. You gotta say something my man
Set a boundary with your girlfriend that you're not comfortable with this
She's only getting a back up plan in case things go south with you guys. I wouldn't worry about it
I'd break up. You don't give insta unless you want them in your dms. She should have rejected and left if he harassing. get someone to help get rid of him.
Doesn’t seem concerning except the “probably will unfollow later” instead of “already blocked him”.
She gave someone her info on the infidelity app while y’all are long distance?
Not
Long distance is risky, especially for younger people. She's female and you're attracted to her which means other males will be too. Live with it or don't.
I get why you feel that way but she was probably being pressured by him, women go through some horrible shit at the hands of men who think they’re owed something. I would ask her if she’s okay or feeling any way about it before flying off the handle, maybe ask if she’s heard from him and maybe even offer to interject. I’m not saying find the guy and punch him but maybe get his insta from her and drop him a polite (or not if you want) message telling him to back off
As someone who has been pressured into being given that info out of fear, I’d say give her a break.
He asked for her number, why wouldn't he DM her? She may not even realize it, but she is keeping her options open. Guarantee she checks out his profile and sees what he has to offer.
Your not overreacting. Now is the time to set boundaries little bro. Give an inch they take a mile. Empower your girl to be able to say no.
Not really. Should it be a deal breaker? Not necessarily. Red flag? Definitely. She needs to either learn to actually say "no", rather than, "Not quite yes, but also not no," when another guy is flirting with her, trying to get contact info, etc., assuming she simply went that route because she didn't feel sufficiently "comfortable" saying no, rather than because she like the attention or addition to her follower count.
To hell with that.
Not overreacting
Hoes will hoe
Although I agree with the comments about her being honest and no issue. I personally would not like it either
If she gave it to him to get him to back off then she has to delete him once he’s backed off and she isn’t going to see him again. Her keeping him but having no interest to talk to him is weird because she’s still giving him the green light through him being able to contact her and interact with her profile. When I use that tactic I already have my profile private and say my phones dead and I’ll accept them later. But later I just delete and block them once I leave their presence.
Sounds to me like she’s giving him access & that’s all it takes for things to go south real quick .
Nope, still entertaining them
Has she given you any reason before to doubt her loyalty and/or integrity? Women are hit on all day every day. If she wants to cheat, she literally has to walk down the sidewalk to find willing suitors. Sometimes rejecting men can be inconvenient at best or even dangerous. Sounds like she rejected him AND THEN gave him the instagram blow off.
The guy took his chance and she shot him down and you have to also look at it from the point of view that is a girl supposed to only be friends with guys that she's going to sleep with? Did you ever ask out a girl and she said no but you still remained on friendly terms with her? Or did you ban her from existence? The guy hit on her, she said I have a boyfriend and the polite thing to do in this Society is to tell someone well you're still worth knowing even if I can't go out with you. Otherwise girls are being told they're good for nothing except a piece of ass Now on the other hand if this guy keeps on flirting with her and asking her out then he has crossed the line but I can tell you I've asked girls out and got turned down and remained friends with them and that's because there was more to appreciate about that girl besides tits and ass