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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for refusing to share a room with mom’s 14yo brother?** My mom’s little brother Alex (he’s 14) is moving in with us. I don’t really mind or care as there’s literally nowhere else for him to go right now but they want me (17f) to share a room with him. We have 3 rooms, mom and dad’s room, my room, and a room in the basement. No one uses that room so I assumed that’s where he’d be sleeping. But mom said no because Alex is scared of the dark and that specific room has no light. I told her to buy him a lamp but she got mad and said he’s not sleeping in the basement. I asked her why, he’s 14, not 4. She just said that I’m being very difficult and he’s just going to sleep in there so I need to get over it. I really don’t want to share a room with a 14 year old boy and plus I have my boyfriend over a lot. Also I don’t even know him and we’ve never met before either. It got really bad the night before Alex came. Mom kept talking about where they’d put the mattress as if it was already decided so I told her again that I really don’t want him sleeping in my room. She looked angrier than usual and told me that she’ll make me sleep in the room in the basement and give him my room if I don’t learn to cooperate. I told her that I don’t care, I’m not going to let him into my room. Then I went to my room and locked the door. Some time later her and my dad asked me to open the door so they could put the mattress in but I refused. Mom got really mad again and said I’m being extremely selfish. I told her I didn’t care. I did the same thing tonight even though Alex was here as well and mom isn’t talking to me anymore. Dad said he’s really disappointed in me as well but I think he’s just mad because they had to put the mattress in their room and that’s where Alex slept. I refuse to budge on this though I do feel a little bad. Still, he can totally sleep in the basement, they’re making it difficult for themselves. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Independent_Low_7219

It sounds a little dumb but I’ve had the room for years plus it’s nicely decorated and it’s in a really nice spot as well. It just feels unfair. The basement room is fine apart from the lighting and it is a fair bit smaller than my room but I wouldn’t mind, it’s just the fact that I have to give up my room for a stranger. Legit shock and surprise! OOP had a decent and age appropriate response (above) as to what’s wrong with her going to the basement. A rational person on AITA. I’ve seen everything. 🤣🤣


okileggs1992

Exactly the only issue I have is that they are opposite sexes. I think Mom needs to figure out why she needs to put her kid brother with her Senior in High School. The lack of privacy bothers me for not just her daughter but her brother.


TeaDidikai

I also think Mom needs to figure out why a teenager is afraid of the dark and get the kids some therapy. I realize that any parent trying to force a 17yo girl to share a room with a 14yo boy probably needs therapy as well, and that a 14yo sibling suddenly being adopted by his adult sister probably had bigger issues going on, but it's weird that the 17yo girl is the most reasonable ace mature person in this scenario


Sudden-Requirement40

I could sort of see it if they were super close, brought up as siblings. It wouldn't be ideal but it could tide over until a better solution is found. But there's no relationship and therefore no trust there. Privacy/ safety etc are a definite concern here!


throwaway7562994

Honestly I think a lot of this comes down to why the uncle is moving in. Being afraid of the dark and/or having to sleep with somebody else in the room could be a result of whatever trauma OOP not wanting to share a bedroom with another teenager she’s never met before is a completely normal and understandable feeling though


Background-War9535

OOP alludes to that, saying bio-gramps, mom and her brother’s father, wasn’t in the picture and he was not a good person. She also says she’s not allowed to ask mom’s brother any questions, indicating some serious things happened to him. What is less clear is why she can’t move to the basement. OOP says something about the basement not being fully connected to the house. Don’t know if mom is being weird or if the basement was designed as a separate apartment.


SecretInfluencer

Living in a basement you are sort of “disconnected” from everyone else socially. I live at home and I’m the only one with a bedroom in the basement; I’m definitely more socially disconnected. She also specified she can, but it makes no sense since she’s had the room since she was young. Plus moving everything down versus buying a lamp it’s clear which is easier. Given the details I think uncle might have done something to harm himself, since it seems they don’t want him alone. That or he has some trauma over being alone.


AHWatson

If there's trauma related to being alone or the dark, or a risk the uncle might harm himself then the parents 100% need to give OOP some idea of what is actually going on. Otherwise, they're possible placing OOP in a position where she might wake up to find him hurting himself with no heads up. If this is real, and if there is a risk of selfharm if the uncle is left alone, maybe the best solution is for OOP to move into the basement and the parents to trade off sharing a room with him. Otherwise, asking OOP to keep an eye on him is A LOT to ask of a 17yr old kid. There's helping out, and then there's being responsible for keeping another kid out of serious harm overnight.


pickledstarfish

I agree. “Because we said so” isn’t going to cut it in this situation. Asking your own kid to uproot everything to accommodate a stranger requires more than that and there’s ways to communicate it without violating uncle’s privacy, if they made the effort.


SecretInfluencer

You’re definitely right, I was trying to explain why it might be that way. Someone insisting they not sleep alone is usually because they fear they’ll do something to themselves. The idea might be because they’re so close in age it won’t feel as weird? But no they 100% need to say something if it’s the case.


Ill-Explanation-101

To be fair there are other comments where someone laid out "hey you don't have to but it would be nice to do it given your uncle probably is having a rough time" and OOP seemed to be taking that on board, like I think OOP seems to be alright, she's just a teenager so hadn't thought through every possibility in the way the mass hivemind of Reddit does.


Sudden-Requirement40

I think the solution is the parents take the basement. It's not fair to uproot her out of her room, it's decorated and has all her stuff. A kids room is very personal and throwing her out for another child is not OK. The parents made this decision so they are the ones that should have to compromise.


bishopyorgensen

Hopefully it works out. I completely see OOP's pov here. A 17 year old girl is told she'll be sharing a sleeping space with a 14 year old boy? That's a pretty obvious no. But if there's a reason why he can't be cut off in the basement then hopefully she can be the bigger person and move down there.


philemon23

that is not appropriate AT ALL


I_am_dean

Eh, I mean from 13 to 15, I shared a room with my brother, who is 3 years younger than me, I'm a woman. But we grew up together. It wasn't like OOPS situation where they're just meeting. That's kinda weird. I could see it being okay for a night or two until the parents set up the basement for one of them. Personally, 17 year old me would have *loved* a basement room all to myself. Lol


violetzoey

I'm glad your experience turned out okay. When I was 11-13 I shared a room with my older brother, and he sexually abused me until I was moved to another room. The guidance is at least around puberty, children should be separated by gender to prevent my situation from occurring.


gonnafaceit2022

Right?? Think about how much you could get away with! I would have totally moved into the basement in high school if it wasn't so dank and creepy and full of spiders.


hisimpendingbaldness

I am OK with OOP, while it's done they are kind of old to share a room and her hesitation is understandable. Boy can sleep in basement, and get him a real bed for Pete's sake.


Otherwise_Speaker_69

And a freaking lamp or something


[deleted]

>Also I don’t even know him and we’ve never met before either. Oh well, okay, that makes perfect sense


Secure-Force-9387

Some families are just fucked up. Mine certainly is. I have one brother I've never met. I also have a nephew who is older than my sister (his aunt) and I had great nieces and nephews by the time I was in my 30s.


[deleted]

Some families are like that.


marciallow

You and I definitely come from different areas


[deleted]

He can sleep with the parents, or if he has trauma that would stop him from entering the basement, the parents or OOP can take the basement


TheShapeShiftingFox

The parents can take the basement, honestly. If moving downstairs isn’t hard at all, they shouldn’t have any problems doing so.


olo7eopia

I just feel bad for the brother


twinkiesmom1

Uncle


StaceyPfan

It's her mom's brother also


HotOats

I can't imagine the 14yo not preferring to have his own space too, at least somewhere to stay during the day. I doubt he's asking to share with OOP specifically. At the very least, it is very unlikely. I feel like they could set up the mattress in the parent's room but make the basement room his personal space. That way, they can both have their privacy.


Fit-Meringue2118

Yeah, that’s a reasonable idea. I do think that if the 14 year old can’t work at night in the basement, that perhaps putting him in a bedroom with a locking door and no adult supervision would be a poor choice anyway.


Mochipants

I feel bad for OP. It's so creepy trying to force your teenaged daughter to share a room with her teenaged uncle! God, can you imagine trying to get dressed or go pee? What if he turns out to be a creep, will her parents take his side again and tell her she's lying?


Feisty_Affect_7487

Definitely not fair to share a room with him


Fit-Meringue2118

They just sound badly prepared to take him. I mean, it could be an emergency placement, but a mattress on the floor of their daughter’s room is not a great plan. If he can’t go in the basement, the better solution would be a camp cot in the common areas. I could see it both ways, though. Her arguments that she decorated her room and has her bf over a lot does not trump the younger relative that needs a safe space.


Sudden-Requirement40

It genuinely isn't fair. The parents should take the basement. Expecting your 17yo daughter to share with a 14yo stranger with abuse issues is absolutely unreasonable.


Fit-Meringue2118

Nah, that’s too AITA teen for me. Working adults that are the parent figures here get to keep their room. I agree that it’s unreasonable. They need to make the basement a livable space with lighting. I’d probably sell it to the girl as a space that is hers to decorate and keep if she’s leaving for college. I wouldn’t force her to move downstairs, but assuming the younger kid really can’t live down there, I’d work really hard to make her want to move down there. Solve the problems, add whatever she wants, give her a decorating budget, etc. alternatively, the boy is sleeping in the living room and him moving into the basement is a short term goal with his social worker/therapist. It’s one of those situations where life just isn’t fair, sadly. I feel for the OOP, and I think her feelings are valid. But “I decorated it” doesn’t trump the younger teen’s more serious needs.


Sudden-Requirement40

I don't agree. They are the ones choosing to uproot her life, albeit for a good reason. They should be the ones comprising. You can't really expect a teen to have compassion, at her own expense for a stranger she happens to share DNA with. It sucks all round but its for the adults to sort out. Not sending your teen daughter to the basement.


Fit-Meringue2118

She’s 17, you can certainly expect a 17 year old to have compassion. When did we stop expecting 17 year olds to manage compassion? Also, “uproot her life?” Even she admits she could change change rooms! At 18, she’s either off to college or pursuing some kind of training program. Heck, she’d likely have a roommate if she lived in the dorm. I’m not of the camp that 18 year olds should be be kicked out of the house, but it’s wild that you don’t consider a 17 year old capable of understanding and demonstrating age appropriate concepts. She’s old enough to work, drive, and date!


Sudden-Requirement40

I'm 35 and if you told me my uncle I'd never met was homeless my reaction would be that's sad but no strong feelings. Its not someone she knows/loves/cares about. It's a person who happens to be related to her. If parents feel that strongly he can't live in the basement then they can.


Fit-Meringue2118

You’d feel that way if your uncle was a vulnerable minor? That sounds like a you problem.


Sudden-Requirement40

I'd feel the exact same way as I would about any vulnerable minor. They share DNA but that's it there is no emotional connection there, they have never met. I can feel for a stranger but that's what this poor kid is a stranger.


gnomeweb

Is that a beginning of a long multi-post porn story? Because I have no other explanation why two parents would want forcing a barely related 14yo boy to live with a 17yo girl in the presence of a free room as a permanent situation.


According-Bug8150

"Barely related?" He's her uncle.


gnomeweb

They have never met before in their lives. He is a 14 yo teenager boy at the peak of his hormones being placed with a random 17 yo girl he has no "family feelings" for. Aside from words "this is a daughter of your sister" there is nothing stopping him from having "impure thoughts". Idk, I don't believe that there exists a world where people would actually rely on the power of these words in such circumstances.


CrazyButHarmless

This is the kind of parenting that leads to never knowing your grown up kids. My money is on daughter moving out and going LC or NC with parents and mother complaining and refusing to understand why.


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Otherwise_Speaker_69

Mom is completely the AH and if mom knew her brother was coming to stay there she should’ve made the basement more livable for him. OOP shouldn’t have to share, move, redecorate ANYTHING as that’s her house as much as it is the parents. Especially seeing as that OOP and their family hasn’t met this kid in the last 14 years he’s been born. Once again OOP shouldn’t have to move ANYTHING, Redecorate ANYTHING, hell him moving into her room shouldn’t even be an option. They should’ve been doing everything to get that basement ready for him. And if OOP HAS to go to the basement, the parents should move everything and pay for it to be renovated to OOPs liking since they’re moving her from her room. Parents have the shittiest entitlement and this is further evidence of that.


Significant_Menu_463

Sounds like the parents need to finish the basement into an extra (hopefully larger) room for OP. Also Mom's brother is 14?? An uncle younger than OP? Obviously possible but damn lol


[deleted]

When men keep having children after they are old enough to know better, it happens! My SIL has a brother 28 years younger than her.


SecretInfluencer

From what she said they had mom very young and OP is the result of a teenage pregnancy.


Significant_Menu_463

It makes sense either way, it's possible. Personally as a teenager I'd go for a larger basement room, presuming it gets finished.


I_am_dean

Right? Teenage me would leap at the opportunity lol.


marciallow

My uncle has a daughter who has a son who is my age. And his daughter is the same age as his sister. I'm the youngest, my middle sister is 8 years older than me, she was a teen mom and her daughter is 8 years younger than me. It's really not as uncommon as you'd think. First cause of dudes having kids when they're way too old. But also just life is long and lots of people are fertile for an unexpected amount of time (my parents were 40 when they had me, and the reason my Aunt is the same age as my Uncle's daughter is because Grandma thought she was menopause because she was even older).


Significant_Menu_463

That's nice your family is so big. I don't know why people are assuming I don't think it's possible when I literally said it's possible in the last sentence. I honestly should have gone to the OG sub when everyone else basically had the same reaction as me instead.


lowflyingsatelites

I have niblings 10+ years older than me, and some of my niblings have kids. So i'm in my early 30's and have grandniblings in their teens. It would also explain why she hasn't really met him before. Family situations like that can be messy lol.


chokoakhanta22

They are of different gender and too old to be sharing the same room. Even more so if the brother has some kind of trauma.( I've seen some comments mention trauma) You don't know how people deal with trauma. What if he accudentaly hurt her? Or what if she accidentally hurt him? NTA.


LadyMidnite1014

If you were 7 and he was 4, I might see you sharing a room, but you're teenagers. NTA


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

She would have to move all her stuff to the basement, seems like buying a lamp would be easier than that. Also why the fuck do they have a completely unlit basement bedroom and a mattress they can just move about? Get the unlit bedroom a lamp. It doesn't matter if anyone is using it, get a fucking lamp for the unlit room.


Superb_Intro_23

Great point! It seems weird that they're all being so dramatic when they could just get a good lamp for the basement.


emma_luver

Your so dumb


[deleted]

If you're going to insult someone's intelligence at least use the correct spelling and punctuation.