*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for saying my brother's stepdaughter is not gorgeous?**
My brother and SIL have 2 daughter F14 Bria that is his and F16 Leah that is hers.
The problem is my SIL. Every time someone compliments Bria we MUST also compliment Leah otherwise she will get mad. For example if I tell Bria that she is very talented in something SIL will interrupt me and say "but isn't Leah also very talented?" It's annoying. I can't say a single word to my niece unless I say it to Leah too.
A few days ago we were at their home and the girls were getting ready to go to a party. Bria was looking absolutely gorgeous so I told her "omg Bria you look gorgeous"
SIL interrupted me again and said "but isn't Leah very gorgeous?"
I finally snapped and said "no she is not" she looked at me shocked and said what the hell is wrong with you to say that. I told her I didn't want to say that but since she wanted to know I answered truthfully. If she thinks her daughter is gorgeous then she should tell her but she can't expect people to compliment her
Now she thinks I'm an asshole
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“I insulted an innocent child, AITA?” The pervasive “fuck your feelings” attitude that’s emerged in the last decade or so really has made the internet hell.
Imagine seeing a freaking child getting ready for a party and you're like "Sorry, but in my opinion she doesn't look good and I refuse to lie!" like some imbecile instead of just going "Oh yes sure, she looks wonderful!"
I said this in my comment on the AITD repost of this, but people heard “blood is thicker than water” and “I got mine” and made them personalities. I would also add that they willfully and aggressively misunderstand radical honestly to be as hurtful as possible. Absolute asshats.
For some reason this post keeps annoying me. That you said something like that in the heat of the moment does make you TA. But that you actually believe this was justified is stunning. Any decent human being would have thought about what they did and apologized to that girl.
The fact that you really feel justified in this action makes you a truly awful human being. Frankly I wouldn't allow you anywhere near my children going forward.
Just being honest.
I don't know how to learn compassion, but try to do so.
So you believe that 1. you do not believe it is necessary to be "cordial" to another person unless you are biologically related to them and that 2. If you are not biologically related to someone, you hate them.
Is that correct?
I means there's always been "I'm justified in treating my blood related grandkids/niblings better than my step-grandkids/niblings because *I'm* not the one who chose to marry into that family right?" as a theme.sicne I've been on Reddit the past couple of years
It sucks because there’s a grain of truth to it. Like of course you won’t be as attached to a 12yo who joins your family the first day you’re introduced to them as you are to a 12yo you’ve known since birth. But it’s no excuse to treat them noticeably differently, especially in front of each other (I’d still argue there are times it’s fine to continue traditions that just include, say, you’re bio niece if that’s what feels right). And some of the examples are so easy to treat them the same! Like yeah, compliment them both. It isn’t hard. Give them both presents for their birthday or for Christmas. You can even both be closer to one child than another and still make everyone feel welcome and included.
Reads more like OP is a girl; and even if not, what's wrong with you? A man can't compliment his niece without wanting to fuck her? Who hurt you? Get a grip.
Insulting a child to their face that aggressively is gross and def makes me feel there’s creepy undertones. It’s creepy for both kids. Family abuse is real
I genuinely got lecherous vibes from OP, so idk what to tell you. Obviously we all only have a few words to go by so we all are making assumptions. Saying ew gross doesn’t make lecherous family members disappear
Another piece of ragebait, another episode of deja vu... "I am a fully grown adult who is upset that a kid might one day have higher self esteem than I feel she's entitled to, AITA?"
This feels kind of like ragebait to me, with the OOP complimenting their niece in front of the step niece and saying nothing positive about her. Especially with their only reply to anyone being this:
>She is my SIL not stepmom and I don't think I insulted Leah she just wasn't looking that good in that dress
I saw one commenter say something along the lines of how you don't need to compliment everyone. As if Bria was getting ready for a date or was getting ready for her graduation, meanwhile, Leah was just dressed normally. But no. Both girls were getting ready for a party. And OOP immediately makes a comment about Bria's gorgeousness as soon as she walks in, saying nothing positive about Leah.
I could maybe give it a pass if it was just that OOP hadn't seen Leah to compliment yet, and was annoyed in general at *always* having to give her a compliment too and the forced "what about Leah" taking away from the compliments she'd more freely give her later when she sees her/finds out about the things she's good at and has the opportunity, and that's what the post was about. But no, OOP just never seems to have anything nice to say to her at all. Who wants to take bets on how long / how often OOP gave Bria compliments but not Leah with them both right there before SIL started trying to drag compliments out of OOP about Leah too? I bet it was a lot in just a few months personally
I'm so fascinated by the convergent evolution happening between Redditors who are way too into relationship advice and Facebook users who make a new "It's NOT An Attitude, it's The Way I AM!" post every time they start beef with someone. Maybe they can both trace their lineage back to whoever Happy Bunny was for in the early 2000s.
Literally. OOP walked in and immediately complimented her niece about how gorgeous she looked, yet said nothing about Leah. Then makes that comment about her not looking good in her dress. You can't tell me that this story wasn't written to piss people off.
He could have very easily expressed dismissal without being a total bastard by saying "yeah sure" in a flat tone and moving on with his conversation
But no, he had to just flat out insult a child
The funny thing is that after working for 7 and then 14 years, they were both “old” by the time he got to marry them. No wonder Rachel had trouble having children (even though she had 2)— 35 to start having kids would have been ancient in those days.
Or did she not have trouble and just died in childbirth and I’m conflating her childbearing issues with Sarah’s?
I’m not sure if their ages are ever given so we don’t know how old they were when they had children. Also, Jacob married Rachel a week after marrying Leah and then worked an additional seven years for her. He didn’t have to wait another seven years to marry. Rachel did have infertility issues like Rebecca (her aunt) and Sarah.
Does it say that somewhere? I thought that was possible but it didn't specify so with the age gap I was leaning more towards step sisters. Edit: especially since it says one is "his" and one is "hers" instead of saying "his" and "just hers" (and maybe flip the order) or "theirs" and "hers" makes it seem like neither one is a parent to both but idk
That comment was just weird as hell! The way I see either OOP is saying that Leah is a fat blob, or they're insinuating that Leah is less developed and not as curvy as their sister.
So basically, either OOP was being very mean and cruel, or they were being an absolute creep who needs to be kept away from his niece.
Right? What do you mean this teenage girl doesn't look good in her dress? They couldn't even say how the color brought out Leah's eyes or that the way she did her hair was nice?
I'm so glad that I read the comments and found [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/19ecill/comment/kjcogz4/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3):
>I was already 18 when my mum met my stepdad, but he’s still my dad. That man’s put in decades of work with a daughter who was already legally an adult when we met. He might not have raised a child, but he helped build a woman, and I *know* right to the marrow of my bones that if I’d been a baby when they met he’d’ve been exactly as good a dad. I’m almost 40 now, and I’ve never heard him so much as raise his voice.
>
>Know how it’s really common for men to leave their wives when they get sick? Not my dad. He was a widower when they met, and he cared for his first wife right to the end. Now they’re getting on, and my mum’s ageing a little worse than he is, and he flat out refuses to let her do a thing because “While I was sitting at a desk teaching, she was destroying her body looking after sick people” (she was a dementia nurse, came home exhausted, covered in bruises and black eyes with an eternally aching back and we ended up basically begging her to retire) and the only thing they ever fight about is her pathological inability to “just sit the fuck down for two fucking seconds, Jesus fucking Christ! Baby, the world won’t end if you don’t dust the ornaments in the spare room right this instant!” I love them so much, pair of little old heart-eyed weirdos though they are.
>
>ETA: the repeated use of “fucking” might make it look like my dad’s a bit aggressive. He’s not. We’re just Scottish, so we’re obligated by law to use it at least once per sentence in informal communication, and as freely after that as we believe the situation calls for.
I really hope that's all true because its so damn wholesome.
My stepdad married my mom when I was 14, and he mostly gave me the space I wanted in my teenage years. We built a really good relationship in my early adulthood, and I relate to this. He's family to me for a lot of reasons, but mostly because of how great a partner he is for my mom.
“hi i have a niece and a step niece and i think my step niece who is damn near 17 is ugly and fat and stupid. aita?”
I’d say that the flair fits perfectly with it (that and the “fockin ridic” flair). Poor her
“My sister in law was being annoying so I took an opportunity to be rude to her and insult her child. AITA?”
What a pickle what a conundrum I bet OP is super conflicted about whether or not they’re actually in the wrong here or not.
OOP could have just said “I am speaking to my niece, not to you” and left it at that. Absolutely no reason to shit on a teenage girl just because you’re annoyed with her mom 🤡 They also could have said “you girls look great! Have a nice time!” Honestly a little creepy to specifically make a point of telling your niece how gorgeous she is when she’s getting ready to go out.
Does OP say how old either were when the parents got together?
Like are we talking ten and twelve?
Is the Niece both of the parents or are they step parents to each others kids?
Because this can sway how I feel.
If you've known your niece all her life, but your brothers new wife and step daughter for less than five, it would seem irksome to constantly have the mother say "but what about my kid?"
With Bell end families as I read blended, not everyone outside of the parents has to play nice, it's good when they do, but depending on where you hang on the family tree, a cousins step sister of three years is more a friend of your cousin.
IDK if the step niece is in ear shot each time the mother whataboutisms when one is complemented or not.
It almost reads like a stranger interjecting at the school gates.
"I hear you got good grades in the test."
My daughter got good grades too.
"That's nice, but I'm talking to someone here."
That is different to the step Niece going "Mr Uncle's last name, I got good grades too."
But again, it can come off as needless competition, depending on what and when it is said.
TBH, I'd rater NOT be complemented on my looks by an uncle of my step sister. The exact same words could need to be showered off.
Sinceramente, não entendo a linha de pensamento americana de que quando você se casa com alguém que tem filhos, eles automaticamente também têm que ser seus filhos. Se meu irmão se separar da minha SIL e tiver uma enteada, nunca irei comparar meu relacionamento de 11 anos com minha sobrinha a uma garota que acabei de conhecer e considero nada mais do que a filha da nova esposa do meu irmão. Esse conceito não passa pela minha cabeça, por mais que eu tente. Então eu sei de onde vem o OP e também não gostaria de ser forçado a elogiar alguém a quem sou indiferente.
Edit: I find it really funny, the same people who, after getting married, no longer go to their parents' houses and don't even propose to call them once a day, but want to be fathers and mothers to other people's children.
>I honestly don't understand the American line of thinking that when you marry someone who has children they automatically have to be your children too.
It's not American, this is how the vast majority of the world operates lol.
It's not fkn Mendelian genetic science or something. It's very simple: people who marry into your family become family, people who are very close to your family are basically family, people who are born or adopted into your family are family. Weird that you don't understand. I hesitate to ask what you think about surrogacy or adoption lol. Maybe try a little harder to enter some empathetic thoughts into your head?
"forced to praise someone I'm indifferent to" YIKÉS
Maybe on your weird alien planet it's weird, but for most of us, it's common sense to just ***be nice*** to others. If a relative of mine brought home a friend or a kid or a pet or whatever, I would be nice to that person or animal because I know that they mean something to my relative. Heck, I'd be nice to strangers to. I give compliments to strangers as well, and especially to friends and acquaintances and colleagues, because it's just a few simple words, it costs me like maybe five seconds of my time, but it can brighten a person's whole day and boost their confidence. If I have that kind of power, why wouldn't I use it to make more people happy? The best way you can live your life is to "do unto others as you would like to have done unto you". I appreciate compliments, so I try to increase my karma so-to-speak by dishing it out to others. And this kind of thing is especially important for kids, because everything they experience at that age will make a HUGE impact later on. The effects are amplified by like ten times.
I'd even argue there are many places where families welcome people even more readily than the typical US family. My mother's cousin's (I usually just call her my aunt though) ex-husband is from Peru. Despite how distant my immediate family is from them AND the divorce, the ex-husband's immediate family still treats us as members of their family (it's the same in the other direction too)
Surrogacy and adoption are the same, because legally they are both adoption. Even where I live, surrogacy is prohibited and is only permitted for someone with proven family ties, if it is for friends, it must be authorized by the court. However, stepchildren and adopted children are not the same thing. If the child already has a father and a mother, you are there just as a companion to one of the parents. Adoption means you commit to being the only parent/co-parent of that child, rescuing them in their name, etc. My step-nephew is the same thing as a distant relative, who you know is part of the extended family but has no relationship with and makes no difference in your life.
Adoptive has nothing to do with a blended family, an adoptive is a child that you register your name and raise as the only parent, if the child already has a father or mother they are not your daughter.
In my country we do not adopt like Americans do. A child only gets their birth family. If that family is bad, the child should have thought about that before being born.
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Kinda yeah. Didn't need to say it. Just bite the bullet and be kind.
The daughter will learn via regular life. SIL may just be trying to keep the peace. Equity is better than favoritism.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for saying my brother's stepdaughter is not gorgeous?** My brother and SIL have 2 daughter F14 Bria that is his and F16 Leah that is hers. The problem is my SIL. Every time someone compliments Bria we MUST also compliment Leah otherwise she will get mad. For example if I tell Bria that she is very talented in something SIL will interrupt me and say "but isn't Leah also very talented?" It's annoying. I can't say a single word to my niece unless I say it to Leah too. A few days ago we were at their home and the girls were getting ready to go to a party. Bria was looking absolutely gorgeous so I told her "omg Bria you look gorgeous" SIL interrupted me again and said "but isn't Leah very gorgeous?" I finally snapped and said "no she is not" she looked at me shocked and said what the hell is wrong with you to say that. I told her I didn't want to say that but since she wanted to know I answered truthfully. If she thinks her daughter is gorgeous then she should tell her but she can't expect people to compliment her Now she thinks I'm an asshole *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“I insulted an innocent child, AITA?” The pervasive “fuck your feelings” attitude that’s emerged in the last decade or so really has made the internet hell.
Imagine seeing a freaking child getting ready for a party and you're like "Sorry, but in my opinion she doesn't look good and I refuse to lie!" like some imbecile instead of just going "Oh yes sure, she looks wonderful!"
"Wow girls, you both look gorgeous!" See, it's not that difficult.
I said this in my comment on the AITD repost of this, but people heard “blood is thicker than water” and “I got mine” and made them personalities. I would also add that they willfully and aggressively misunderstand radical honestly to be as hurtful as possible. Absolute asshats.
Honestly it really worries me. It’s like people are just starting to behave like having no empathy is normal?
I think a lot of them don't behave this way offline, but fantasise about being able to and AITA is where they live that out
I really hope that's true
Sorry this isn't new... just the amount of shitty people are now getting exposed.
I do think people have become more emboldened to act like this in the last 8 years…
You insult a 16 yo girl on her appearance because you're "being honest". Yes, YTA. I'm just being honest.
For some reason this post keeps annoying me. That you said something like that in the heat of the moment does make you TA. But that you actually believe this was justified is stunning. Any decent human being would have thought about what they did and apologized to that girl. The fact that you really feel justified in this action makes you a truly awful human being. Frankly I wouldn't allow you anywhere near my children going forward. Just being honest. I don't know how to learn compassion, but try to do so.
[удалено]
I mean, a nice comment makes the other person feel good; what do you get out of making someone feel bad?
[удалено]
You definitely need the /s in this sub, too easy to be mistaken for a lost Redditor without it!
Poe’s Law strikes again
The issue is your comment was not funny or obviously a joke.
I agree but reading it a second time, the “it’s not not illegal so I’m not an asshole” is amusing. It just wasn’t over the top enough :-)
Your sarcasm went too hard lmao
Why are you beefing with someone who can't even buy lottery tickets though
So you believe that 1. you do not believe it is necessary to be "cordial" to another person unless you are biologically related to them and that 2. If you are not biologically related to someone, you hate them. Is that correct?
No, it’s a joke following the AITA logic you laid out. Read it as if it has /s, and it lands.
I’ve heard of “Golden Child”, but “Golden Niece?”? 2024 is starting out with real AITA innovation
I means there's always been "I'm justified in treating my blood related grandkids/niblings better than my step-grandkids/niblings because *I'm* not the one who chose to marry into that family right?" as a theme.sicne I've been on Reddit the past couple of years
It sucks because there’s a grain of truth to it. Like of course you won’t be as attached to a 12yo who joins your family the first day you’re introduced to them as you are to a 12yo you’ve known since birth. But it’s no excuse to treat them noticeably differently, especially in front of each other (I’d still argue there are times it’s fine to continue traditions that just include, say, you’re bio niece if that’s what feels right). And some of the examples are so easy to treat them the same! Like yeah, compliment them both. It isn’t hard. Give them both presents for their birthday or for Christmas. You can even both be closer to one child than another and still make everyone feel welcome and included.
You know what? Fair.
As the kids would say, "new character unlocked!!!"
He only wants to fuck the one he’s related to. Why should he have to pretend differently
Reads more like OP is a girl; and even if not, what's wrong with you? A man can't compliment his niece without wanting to fuck her? Who hurt you? Get a grip.
Is this not a snark sub lol? OOP was a weirdo either way
There’s snark and there’s gross.
Insulting a child to their face that aggressively is gross and def makes me feel there’s creepy undertones. It’s creepy for both kids. Family abuse is real
Yes, and then you introduced a new kind of gross.
I genuinely got lecherous vibes from OP, so idk what to tell you. Obviously we all only have a few words to go by so we all are making assumptions. Saying ew gross doesn’t make lecherous family members disappear
Yeah, well, I and others got an aunt-ly vibe so I don’t know what to tell you.
Another piece of ragebait, another episode of deja vu... "I am a fully grown adult who is upset that a kid might one day have higher self esteem than I feel she's entitled to, AITA?"
"It's so unfair that people want me to be nice to others when I don't 1000% mean it"
This feels kind of like ragebait to me, with the OOP complimenting their niece in front of the step niece and saying nothing positive about her. Especially with their only reply to anyone being this: >She is my SIL not stepmom and I don't think I insulted Leah she just wasn't looking that good in that dress
“Listen, my niece looked like a supermodel and my step niece just looked like shit, what was I supposed to say?”
"You can't be an asshole if it's true!" - average AITA user
I saw one commenter say something along the lines of how you don't need to compliment everyone. As if Bria was getting ready for a date or was getting ready for her graduation, meanwhile, Leah was just dressed normally. But no. Both girls were getting ready for a party. And OOP immediately makes a comment about Bria's gorgeousness as soon as she walks in, saying nothing positive about Leah.
I could maybe give it a pass if it was just that OOP hadn't seen Leah to compliment yet, and was annoyed in general at *always* having to give her a compliment too and the forced "what about Leah" taking away from the compliments she'd more freely give her later when she sees her/finds out about the things she's good at and has the opportunity, and that's what the post was about. But no, OOP just never seems to have anything nice to say to her at all. Who wants to take bets on how long / how often OOP gave Bria compliments but not Leah with them both right there before SIL started trying to drag compliments out of OOP about Leah too? I bet it was a lot in just a few months personally
I'm so fascinated by the convergent evolution happening between Redditors who are way too into relationship advice and Facebook users who make a new "It's NOT An Attitude, it's The Way I AM!" post every time they start beef with someone. Maybe they can both trace their lineage back to whoever Happy Bunny was for in the early 2000s.
Literally. OOP walked in and immediately complimented her niece about how gorgeous she looked, yet said nothing about Leah. Then makes that comment about her not looking good in her dress. You can't tell me that this story wasn't written to piss people off.
He could have very easily expressed dismissal without being a total bastard by saying "yeah sure" in a flat tone and moving on with his conversation But no, he had to just flat out insult a child
Lololololol!
How convenient Bria & Leah rhyme
Leah was also the “ugly” older sister in the biblical tale of Jacob and his two wives.
The funny thing is that after working for 7 and then 14 years, they were both “old” by the time he got to marry them. No wonder Rachel had trouble having children (even though she had 2)— 35 to start having kids would have been ancient in those days. Or did she not have trouble and just died in childbirth and I’m conflating her childbearing issues with Sarah’s?
I’m not sure if their ages are ever given so we don’t know how old they were when they had children. Also, Jacob married Rachel a week after marrying Leah and then worked an additional seven years for her. He didn’t have to wait another seven years to marry. Rachel did have infertility issues like Rebecca (her aunt) and Sarah.
Especially for 2 step-sisters who don't share the same parents.
Half-sisters, they have the same mother
Does it say that somewhere? I thought that was possible but it didn't specify so with the age gap I was leaning more towards step sisters. Edit: especially since it says one is "his" and one is "hers" instead of saying "his" and "just hers" (and maybe flip the order) or "theirs" and "hers" makes it seem like neither one is a parent to both but idk
> F14 Bria that is his and F16 Leah that is hers. They don't have the same mother
That comment was just weird as hell! The way I see either OOP is saying that Leah is a fat blob, or they're insinuating that Leah is less developed and not as curvy as their sister. So basically, either OOP was being very mean and cruel, or they were being an absolute creep who needs to be kept away from his niece.
Right? What do you mean this teenage girl doesn't look good in her dress? They couldn't even say how the color brought out Leah's eyes or that the way she did her hair was nice?
https://i.redd.it/7j21erw5ueec1.gif
What episode is that from? I’m gonna watch it later
"All About Mormons", s7e12
This is stupid
It's AITA so what did you expect?
It is a well known fact that you cannot praise anyone who you are not blood related to because
I'm so glad that I read the comments and found [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/19ecill/comment/kjcogz4/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): >I was already 18 when my mum met my stepdad, but he’s still my dad. That man’s put in decades of work with a daughter who was already legally an adult when we met. He might not have raised a child, but he helped build a woman, and I *know* right to the marrow of my bones that if I’d been a baby when they met he’d’ve been exactly as good a dad. I’m almost 40 now, and I’ve never heard him so much as raise his voice. > >Know how it’s really common for men to leave their wives when they get sick? Not my dad. He was a widower when they met, and he cared for his first wife right to the end. Now they’re getting on, and my mum’s ageing a little worse than he is, and he flat out refuses to let her do a thing because “While I was sitting at a desk teaching, she was destroying her body looking after sick people” (she was a dementia nurse, came home exhausted, covered in bruises and black eyes with an eternally aching back and we ended up basically begging her to retire) and the only thing they ever fight about is her pathological inability to “just sit the fuck down for two fucking seconds, Jesus fucking Christ! Baby, the world won’t end if you don’t dust the ornaments in the spare room right this instant!” I love them so much, pair of little old heart-eyed weirdos though they are. > >ETA: the repeated use of “fucking” might make it look like my dad’s a bit aggressive. He’s not. We’re just Scottish, so we’re obligated by law to use it at least once per sentence in informal communication, and as freely after that as we believe the situation calls for. I really hope that's all true because its so damn wholesome.
My stepdad married my mom when I was 14, and he mostly gave me the space I wanted in my teenage years. We built a really good relationship in my early adulthood, and I relate to this. He's family to me for a lot of reasons, but mostly because of how great a partner he is for my mom.
“hi i have a niece and a step niece and i think my step niece who is damn near 17 is ugly and fat and stupid. aita?” I’d say that the flair fits perfectly with it (that and the “fockin ridic” flair). Poor her
I think you genuinely need to have brain damage to vote NTA.
There is zero chance an adult wrote that post
At least the comments weren't fucked up here.
YIKES. taking out your irritation at the mother on a teenage girl. Such an angel.
INFO: Is Leah autistic and/or fat?
Worse: she's simply not a blood relative.
If I were the sister in law, I would invite her out to dinner to appologize, and then I'd pay the waitress to compliment me on how beautiful I look.
“My sister in law was being annoying so I took an opportunity to be rude to her and insult her child. AITA?” What a pickle what a conundrum I bet OP is super conflicted about whether or not they’re actually in the wrong here or not.
"Since you asked, you may need to trick Jacob into marrying her first." \[/biblejoke\]
OOP could have just said “I am speaking to my niece, not to you” and left it at that. Absolutely no reason to shit on a teenage girl just because you’re annoyed with her mom 🤡 They also could have said “you girls look great! Have a nice time!” Honestly a little creepy to specifically make a point of telling your niece how gorgeous she is when she’s getting ready to go out.
Does OP say how old either were when the parents got together? Like are we talking ten and twelve? Is the Niece both of the parents or are they step parents to each others kids? Because this can sway how I feel. If you've known your niece all her life, but your brothers new wife and step daughter for less than five, it would seem irksome to constantly have the mother say "but what about my kid?" With Bell end families as I read blended, not everyone outside of the parents has to play nice, it's good when they do, but depending on where you hang on the family tree, a cousins step sister of three years is more a friend of your cousin. IDK if the step niece is in ear shot each time the mother whataboutisms when one is complemented or not. It almost reads like a stranger interjecting at the school gates. "I hear you got good grades in the test." My daughter got good grades too. "That's nice, but I'm talking to someone here." That is different to the step Niece going "Mr Uncle's last name, I got good grades too." But again, it can come off as needless competition, depending on what and when it is said. TBH, I'd rater NOT be complemented on my looks by an uncle of my step sister. The exact same words could need to be showered off.
Do you know where you are?
Sinceramente, não entendo a linha de pensamento americana de que quando você se casa com alguém que tem filhos, eles automaticamente também têm que ser seus filhos. Se meu irmão se separar da minha SIL e tiver uma enteada, nunca irei comparar meu relacionamento de 11 anos com minha sobrinha a uma garota que acabei de conhecer e considero nada mais do que a filha da nova esposa do meu irmão. Esse conceito não passa pela minha cabeça, por mais que eu tente. Então eu sei de onde vem o OP e também não gostaria de ser forçado a elogiar alguém a quem sou indiferente. Edit: I find it really funny, the same people who, after getting married, no longer go to their parents' houses and don't even propose to call them once a day, but want to be fathers and mothers to other people's children.
>I honestly don't understand the American line of thinking that when you marry someone who has children they automatically have to be your children too. It's not American, this is how the vast majority of the world operates lol. It's not fkn Mendelian genetic science or something. It's very simple: people who marry into your family become family, people who are very close to your family are basically family, people who are born or adopted into your family are family. Weird that you don't understand. I hesitate to ask what you think about surrogacy or adoption lol. Maybe try a little harder to enter some empathetic thoughts into your head? "forced to praise someone I'm indifferent to" YIKÉS Maybe on your weird alien planet it's weird, but for most of us, it's common sense to just ***be nice*** to others. If a relative of mine brought home a friend or a kid or a pet or whatever, I would be nice to that person or animal because I know that they mean something to my relative. Heck, I'd be nice to strangers to. I give compliments to strangers as well, and especially to friends and acquaintances and colleagues, because it's just a few simple words, it costs me like maybe five seconds of my time, but it can brighten a person's whole day and boost their confidence. If I have that kind of power, why wouldn't I use it to make more people happy? The best way you can live your life is to "do unto others as you would like to have done unto you". I appreciate compliments, so I try to increase my karma so-to-speak by dishing it out to others. And this kind of thing is especially important for kids, because everything they experience at that age will make a HUGE impact later on. The effects are amplified by like ten times.
I'd even argue there are many places where families welcome people even more readily than the typical US family. My mother's cousin's (I usually just call her my aunt though) ex-husband is from Peru. Despite how distant my immediate family is from them AND the divorce, the ex-husband's immediate family still treats us as members of their family (it's the same in the other direction too)
Surrogacy and adoption are the same, because legally they are both adoption. Even where I live, surrogacy is prohibited and is only permitted for someone with proven family ties, if it is for friends, it must be authorized by the court. However, stepchildren and adopted children are not the same thing. If the child already has a father and a mother, you are there just as a companion to one of the parents. Adoption means you commit to being the only parent/co-parent of that child, rescuing them in their name, etc. My step-nephew is the same thing as a distant relative, who you know is part of the extended family but has no relationship with and makes no difference in your life.
Foolish Americans and their love and acceptance. In my country, we hate step-families!
Adoptive has nothing to do with a blended family, an adoptive is a child that you register your name and raise as the only parent, if the child already has a father or mother they are not your daughter.
In my country we do not adopt like Americans do. A child only gets their birth family. If that family is bad, the child should have thought about that before being born.
And in my country we don't die of cancer due to lack of money either, don't forget that.
My country has also eradicated all disease! It turns out that step-siblings were the cause of all ills.
https://preview.redd.it/69qvqd7u0gec1.jpeg?width=910&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=68a7948905a3d7d24ddf5808cddd8ced04f05419
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Another lost Reditor…..
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Kinda yeah. Didn't need to say it. Just bite the bullet and be kind. The daughter will learn via regular life. SIL may just be trying to keep the peace. Equity is better than favoritism.