*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not offering a girl I barely knew a hoodie and sweat pants to cover up her “slutty elf” costume when she ended up at our house after the bars and frats let out?**
Not sure where to begin with this. I guess last night one of the more popular frats on campus was having a “Christmas on the beach” themed party so all around the bar area were girls dressed in bikinis with vague Christmas themes.
My roommate is dating this total nut job named Sydney and as far as I knew they were broken up. Well at like 2am he bombs through the door with Sydney and her friend in tow, both dressed like “slutty elves” with way too much skin showing. My roommate and Sydney went to his room and still haven’t come out. I was playing Fortnite and the other girl said she was the designated driver and was stuck would she mind if she charged her phone and hung out until she knew what Sydney was doing. I said fine.
Maybe 15 minutes later she said something like “I know this is so weird for both of us but I’m not here by choice, I just don’t want to bail on my friend but sitting here with a guy I don’t really know in a bikini is weird and I’m cold. Do you have some sweats I can borrow? I see you every Monday and Wednesday and I promise I’ll give them back.”
I told her no I wasn’t comfortable with that. She asked if I at least had a blanket. I found one in my roommates spare room but it was really small and said I was sorry it’s the best I could do. She fell asleep on the couch and i went to bed.
My older sister came to pick me up for breakfast and she saw the girl sleeping on the couch and asked why a half naked girl is sleeping under a baby blanket. In the car I told her what happened and she basically got so mad at me saying I had about 30 opportunities to be a really decent guy and I blew it. She said it sounds like the girl was trying to do the right thing by her friend and I could have let her use sweats, I could have let her sleep in my bed while I took the couch, I could have said that she should go home and I’d drive Sydney home…but basically I was an asshole because I left an apparently nice girl in a vulnerable position and I didn’t even care.
She said that I need to grow up if I want to have friends and have some empathy if I ever want girls to like me. She has no idea if that girl was into me or not but I missed a great “practice round” of treating someone in a nice way that they may reciprocate.
AITA?
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To him she made the choice to be slutty and that makes her less moral and worthy of respect then conservatively dressed women. I'm sure there was a bigger blanket he could have found but he was trying to punish her for being like that. Make her stay uncomfortable in a strange guys house and maybe she'll learn to act how op thinks a woman ought to
She came from a costume party, and even if she were a "slut" she has the same right to receive the same respect from everyone, and the boy was not punishing her, he is just socially awkward and did not understand that the girl was vulnerable
Not a boy, an adult. No matter how "socially awkward" adults are, there's a bare minimum decency we're expected to show each other. He had the upper hand and used it to teach her a lesson.
What was the lesson? Not lending her clothes, in addition to giving her something to cover herself with, that was the "minimum of decency", not meeting your expectations is a different matter.
So if you're in the shower and out of towels, ask your roommate to bring you one, and they bring you a washcloth but refuse to bring a regular towel to teach you a lesson about not forgetting towels, on a scale of 1 to 5 how unoffended would you be? OP brought a baby blanket and had to grandstand before giving it to her.
Do you follow the law to the word or by spirit? Social expectations can be taken either way but every situation demands scrutiny. OP was objectively obtuse and now that it's morning they're rethinking their actions for how morally justifiable and socially acceptable they were. Turns out it was neither.
It is a completely different situation, first the girl was not naked, and second in the example you give she is in a safe/own space; and the fact that you admit that OP was obtuse and is reevaluating his actions, means that he didn't do that to teach her a lesson.
I was in uni almost 20 years ago and I remember guys like this fucker. They looked at you like a piece of meat but then also mocked you for not having a coat or whatever with you. They maybe offered a place to sleep where you felt scared but not as scared as walking home at that kind of hour.
They wouldn't touch you because you were too "slutty". So they'd shame you and vaguely guilt trip you instead.
He in fact did. He is what men call a nonclaimable. We don't claim him. No man would ever do that. I would have offered it to her before she had to ask.
If you say a coffee has "way too much cream", or that or that a movie has "way too many plot holes", you're complaining.
Saying these women were showing "way too much skin" is a complaint.
I know this is real because motherfucker's first question after being a complete dick to this lady is if his sister thinks the girl is into him. Like that's what would've gotten her some decent clothes while waiting for her friend.
Where did he ask her that? The way it's phrased it sounds a lot more like the sister said something along the lines of "if you act like that towards women they aren't going to like you. I don't know if she maybe liked you or not but now she definitely doesn't, and if she didn't it could have at least been a good practice round of how to treat women."
And honestly I don’t really like how she worded it either. Wdym a man should be nice or a gentleman only because he’s interested in us and not because he is aware we need help and just give with no strings attached??
He sure has a transactional attitude toward people in the "silly" social sciences classes he has to take, which is where the woman knows him from (she said she sees him every MW and could return the sweats then). He didn't recognize her because he doesn't pay attention to people in his non-math classes because they can't help him.
Exactly - kindness isn’t the reward of being assessed as fuckable by someone lol.
I mean, I think that the prospect of an unannounced third-wheeling overnight guest isn’t awesome.
If that's how he thinks, then I'm really glad he didn't let her borrow any clothes. A night of being cold is preferable to a guy like that thinking you owe him your body in return for common decency.
Let's be honest, OOP was punishing her for being the friend of the girl his roommate dates that he considers a nut job. He obviously doesn't approve of the gf and then her friend showing up in what he considered inappropriate clothing just helped confirm it in his awful mind.
Let’s be honest, he is a misogynist. No normal decent human being is that purposely mean. Particularly to a designated driver who is preventing a drunk person from driving and putting others at risk.
Among his comments he says that other people, not him, suspect that he is autistic, in addition to comments about how socializing with others is uncomfortable for him.
No her friend seems like an asshole, she left her friend freezing in someone’s house while she hung out with her boyfriend for an extended period of time.
Both OP and his roommates girlfriend sound like assholes
It is a crappy situation to put your friend in, but OOP is still an asshole for being shitty to the innocent bystander who was just trying to be a good person. I'm very sure his dislike of the gf factored into his treatment of her friend.
I think it's that you started the comment with "no" that makes the comment seem a little off. We're aware they both suck, but we're mostly focused on him because he's the OOP and asked. Plus his sister calling him out means it's a pattern for him.
What displeasure? Nothing OP wrote indicates displeasure, OP wasn't empathetic but he wasn't shit either, and if he was kind or else he would have left without giving the girl anything or he would have insulted her.
Why? She is a girl who left her friend stranded in a room with a stranger, while wearing clothes that left her very exposed, it does not seem like the behavior of a sensible woman.
None of that happened, nothing he writes is judging the girl, the description of her costume is just to add context, he never wanted to punish her, it is obvious that she is a socially inept person who responded the best she could to a situation. very uncomfortable for him, among his comments he says that other people suspect that he is autistic, in addition to comments about how socializing with others is uncomfortable for him.
part of the things she said before that was 'if he ever wants to have friends' and I think she's trying to show him all the different ways he alienates people by not being empathetic. I don't think her implication is that he should only be nice because she might reciprocate. I think she's trying to tell him how to human.
And technically, it's called reciprocal altruism for a reason and humans do it.
Looking at the comments, he says specifically that he wants friends, so it makes total since for his sister, who assumedly knows he wants to make friends, to outline how he fucked up.
He also says that he didn't care about her because she is in his social science class and he thinks the social sciences are stupid and doesn't care about the people in them, because he'll "never collaborate with them in the future".
Oh that's too funny! Did he really say that? My undergrad was sociology and I studied linguistics for graduate and have an extensive career in IT aka STEM.
The thing about having advanced languaging processing capabilities is that the skill extends to computer languages. Syntax is syntax whether spoken or typed.
He most ceeeertainly will be working and collaborating with us in the future. We're everywhere. And unlike him, we aren't limiting ourselves so...whew! Hahaha idk that's just such an absurdly inexperienced, naive, ignorant thing to believe that I can't even be mad at it. It's just very funny and very incorrect.
Sociology buddies! I also got a minor is statistics (STEM).
And it's incredibly funny how he's bragging about going into CERN (no idea what that is) when, like, dollars to donuts, companies want to diversify. Companies don't care for one trick ponies anymore, they're all about "Jack of all trades, master of none, but still better than a master of one".
I know this is extrapolating, but I feel like, the STEM bros who brag about not being into social sciences and don't care about the people involved in them are often the people who make the least imaginative tech. They're the guys who reinvent the wheel and try to sell you a subscription to it. It's the guy who made the Titan submarine, or Elon Musk's whole twitter* dumpster fire.
*Another fun fact about his comments: he legit, unironically, responded to someone talking about Twitter with "uh, Twitter? What's that? I don't know Twitter. I know X if that's what you mean." So, yeah, I'm comfortable with my extrapolation.
ETA to include the link because I can't let this go unsourced. https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/23PQY6EpSK
Humans can do that yes, but the lesson here shouldve been “this wouldve been a kind thing to do, with no strings attached” not “maybe if you did this thing, you would get it back in return” cause thats not actually doing something kind because its the right thing to do. Dont think he’ll unlearn selfishness if he just shifts it to tit for tat
He doesn't have the emotional intelligence to know what is the right thing so expecting him to jump to altruism is not realistic
It's also not realistic to believe most people do the right thing because it's right. That's your perception of how people ought to be and doesn't align with how people actually are.
>In evolutionary biology, reciprocal altruism is a behaviour whereby an organism acts in a manner that temporarily reduces its fitness while increasing another organism's fitness, with the expectation that the other organism will act in a similar manner at a later time. Wikipedia
Maybe not the only reason to be nice, but obviously, this guy isn't going to be nice unless there is something in it for him. This dude just tanked his reputation with a girl he sees twice a week and pretty much every girl she knows and tells this story to. He will be known around campus as a butt munch of the highest order.
I would bet so much money that this sister has listened to him conplain about 7967 times about girls not giving him the time of day. And he probably is the specific kind of incel who is convinced he’s the nice guy who women don’t appreciate. If so, I cannot blame the sister for going straight to this argument as a way of saying “if you were the nice guy you claimed to be, you would have done these things. And if you want to do something about your love life instead of complain to me all the time, you’d learn to do better. Because I’m sick of your whining and this was your chance to step up and be more, but look what you did instead.”
Possibly, he kind of gives me vibes that he doesnt fuck with ANYONE & probably talks shit about everyone he looks down upon. But either way, it’s just a personal ick for me at someone’s first thought turning too “maybe she would be romantically interested in you if you did the bare minimum” when she was just a woman who needed help
Even if he was jealous of his roommate- he *completely * missed his chance to hang out with the woman who landed in his living room! Had he offered her a sweatshirt and sweatpants, handed her a gaming controller and made a lighthearted joke about making the best of the time they had together- he may actually have ended up with a female friend. But nope, he decided to be a misogynistic tool instead. How surprising. I swear 80% of misogynists just constantly shoot themselves in the foot and need an excuse to disguise it.
I mean, he did give her a blanket and I have to say, as a young man, you are donating clothes when you give a woman something warm to wear, the return rate is like 10%, tops. This sub is pretty crazy honestly.
It’s not anyone’s responsibility to donate their possessions to you, especially when you aren’t in need of any help, at all. She’s the DD, she’s not stranded or in need. Her friend isn’t with some stranger she has to protect her from, it’s her boyfriend. She likely was there to meet him, and he isn’t into her, obviously.
He gave her a baby blanket, which is absolutely heartless. And I highly, highly, highly doubt he didn't have a full size blanket, sheet, fitted sheet, robe, hoodie, or beat up clothes he could've lent to her. He also sees her often, so there's no reason he couldn't ask for his clothes back, or even just have her return the clothes before she left.
And why would you make the leap that she was there to meet him? lol. If she was I'm confident she would've left. It's pretty common for women to not abandon each other, unless you are an absolute trash friend.
I definitely have 0 understanding of this man. Sure I'm not one but if a stranger came over and was isolated basically by her friend I would probably make her tea, get her blankets, get her water, and set her up comfortably on the couch. I've actually done this for dudes who have come over when my roommate has passed out in his room with a guest over. I find it annoying that friends would leave each other stranded like that, but some friends are selfish. And clearly the poor woman waiting for her friend on the couch was the opposite of selfish.
I was told on that sub that women shouldn't wear thong bikinis at the beach because buttcheeks are "private parts" and it will lead to children being molested (???).
On the other hand I enjoyed the thread where someone was like "oh well would you ever just lend a stranger clothes????"
And then a bunch of people in the very short stretch before comments got locked responded with variations on "yes and I have, more than once".
I also loved that one. It’s worth it to remember that yeah, there are definitely people out there lacking in basic human decency and empathy…*but look how many more aren’t lacking that at all.*
For sure! Comments were already locked by the time I got there but I have loaned hoodies or jackets to friends colder than me more than once. In fairness, it helps that I both love the cold and was raised by a mother who would die if she saw me heading out in freezing weather without a coat of some kind!
In my own home? Even easier. Even in college that would have been an easy ask, and I wasn't swimming in blankets like I am now.
I once loaned my favorite wool shawl to a gal I had just met in a city I had just moved to. She drove across town to return it to me too, and we’re still friends even though I decided I didn’t want to live there and went back to my home state. Sometimes you just gotta do the kind thing and hope that the person gives your stuff back. It doesn’t always feel great to take that risk but life is uncomfortable sometimes.
One of my most treasured clothing items is an absolutely *gorgeous* scarf / shawl - I complimented a customer on it and asked where she'd gotten it, she was like "oh its a boutique up in Jersey" and then as I handed her her bagged items she took it off and handed it to me and said "it's yours now" and took off before I could even open my mouth. There's no tag but by quality alone I can tell this was not a cheap item. She was from out of state and knew it was very unlikely she'd ever see me again.
Someday when I'm older and feel I've had my share of time with it I plan to pass it on in a similar manner. I've always tried to be kind enough to loan and so forth but that really cemented for me how *much* certain acts can mean to others.
I totally have myself. I’d rather lose the item tbh than let someone be cold. That’s just me though and not something I expect anyone to follow necessarily.
I was only 13 when I gave a classmate I barely knew and her sister both my pairs of gloves before standing out in the snow for hours at a Christmas parade while they and all of my family had nice warm fingers. By the time I got home, I had no feeling left in my hands, had missed out on 90% of the parade candy, and all of my family was perfectly comfortable. I spent at least an hour crying as my fingers gradually warmed up because it hurt so much.
At 13, I was nicer than this guy. He's as inconsiderate as my mom, who sat on a bench watching me freeze for hours because "I made the choice to share instead of taking care of myself." Dude is 100% an asshole, just as much as my mom was.
I feel you, stranger. The same thing happened to me, but it was my coat. My mom let me freeze rather than give me her extra sweater. By the time we got back to the car it had become incredibly painful. Still, having my mom treat me that way makes me even more determined never to be like that.
Oof, some parents just really suck at their job, don't they? Like you though, I always say that thanks to her I know the kind of person and mother I never want to be so at least something good came of it.
The kicker is they apparently share a class or something because they see each other twice a week. While I wouldn't consider most of my college classmates friends, I also wouldn't consider them strangers if they needed something as simple as sweatpants or a blanket
She will. She’ll probably talk about ‘that one weird ass guy’ for years after this. And she no doubt told her friend who told his roommate who’s also telling people he knows…
every time I've lent clothes to someone, it's been under the assumption I won't be getting them back no matter how much they promise to return them... and y'know, I never have gotten them returned, but it won't stop me from doing it again.
If only everyone was so generous
I love helping strangers
Most recently I picked up a woman who was walking up the onramp onto the freeway. She looked so lost. She said she's a tourist from Jamaica, she just got here, she was trying to find the bus stop to go back to her friend's house. She didn't even know what a freeway was.
The only reason I’m wary of lending out clothes is because in high school i gave my friend some stuff to wear after she’d been tossed in the lake behind my house and she kept laughing about how big my jeans were on her. But that’s my own shit, and if someone was awkwardly underdressed and freezing I’d give them something.
It would be incredibly tempting to be like “well if they don’t fit, give them back” in that situation. Good on you for letting it slide off your back. Though I would gently argue that her making fun of your size after you were so generous is more about her shit than yours. ❤️
>She has no idea if that girl was into me or not but I missed a great “practice round” of treating someone in a nice way that they may reciprocate.
In one ear, out the other
People OOP wants something from are real. People who he has no interest in are imaginary “practice people.” No reason to treat the latter with any kindness except to train for interaction with the former.
It's really a comment from the sister, she was the one who suggested that the girl might be interested in OP and is worried about her lack of social interaction.
I can bet OOP is the same type of guy who thinks a woman deserves whatever happens when she dresses in a way he disapproves but he will be crying and ranting and raving if a man's misbehavior/criminal acts follows him for the rest of his life. It never ceases to amaze me the difference in how men and women are regarded were women choices which is usually just what she wears are seen as big issues that she needs to always be accountable for but men's shitty behavior like SA is seen as a mistake that can't follow him around for life and ruin his life. I swear most of the times when men are posting about their interactions with women I honestly and genuinely feel like men hate women
What an asshole. It's people like OOP who could have easily chosen kindness, he did not. He needed that "slutty elf" to suffer the consequences of her "slutty elf" behavior. And he feels so indignant and justified in it.
Wow. OP really should listen to his sister. But what really got me:
>She has no idea if that girl was into me or not but I missed a great “practice round” of treating someone in a nice way that they may reciprocate.
The fact he needs to ***practice being nice to someone***, who's trying to just be there for her friend to top it off, is quite disturbing. OOP needs professional help.
Sounds like he has 0 experience with social interaction. Just wants his cave and to be alone until he gets weird angry feelings he can't control and blames women
Yea agree. This is her BF's room. Why couldn't she just sleep over and go wherever she lives when age sobered up. Her friend has to sit and be awkward with OOP when she could've gone home
Initially yes.
But OOP’s refusal to offer just the barest amount of decency imo trumps that.
I see the friend as drunk and inconsiderate but there is the possibility that she will be sorry and regretful the next day and not do it again. Drunk people can be inconsiderate assholes sometimes, their judgement is impaired.
OOP was perfectly sober. At home. Knew the girl because they had class together twice a week and INTENTIONALLY chose to be mean. His behavior seems part of a pattern of misogyny. I don’t see redemption. I see a man who hates women. The friend was a designated driver trying to keep a drunk person from driving and had done nothing wrong and yet he treated her like garbage
Not a complete stranger. She sees him in class twice a week.
Serious question. What kind of society do you want to live in? The one where simple human decency is the default or where selfishness is the norm?
Lack of simple human decency and empathy is going to be the death of us.
Let me be clear: OOP was a complete asshole. There's no excusing his actions. But personally, I expect more out of my friends than strangers. The friend was loyal to a fault leaving herself in an uncomfortable and potentially unsafe situation by staying instead of just leaving like she probably should have done.
I knew this one was coming here.
I promise if there is a comment from me there I was not brigading. I commented a couple of posts today and I don't remember if this one was one of them.
Yeah, you seemed a little worried that people would accuse you of brigading, so I was trying to reassure you that you weren’t doing it so you don’t need to worry.
I used to have 20 different sweatpants and plain black shirts that are now owned by girls because they wanted to put something on over the clothes they were wearing after party’s I’ll never get guys like this
maybe it’s because i’m also a woman’s but like… it’s common decency to help someone out? i would give the shirt off my back to someone who was cold or needed something extra. it takes 0 effort to be empathetic and give another person on article of clothing or a fuckin bigger blanket. or fuck knock on homies door and demand clothes for the girl he brought home?
If you're going to be in a bikini in December, bring a change of clothes in the car. Even if you're going straight home after an event. Never know if you're going to be broken down on the side of the road with no service.
I'm surprised nobody is suggesting that he didn't want her to cover up because he wanted to keep seeing her half naked. Getting strong 'what was she wearing' vibes from him.
I always find it funny when these kind of people are in a situation where they ask a simple favor of another and then become upset when the person they’re asking is another one of themselves. Honestly, if I asked someone for something and they turned to me and straight up said “I am under no obligation to give you that” I would start getting ready to be in the documentary Netflix puts together after they’re convicted of killing several people.
She was there all night? Sydney and her bf? Should have told her she could go home. Tho I would take a chance of clothes with me in the car I know most people wouldn't. Oop could have just given her a jumper or at least a blanket that isn't for baby's. It would have taken 0 effort to not be a piece of shit. Sydney, bf? And oop are all the AH.
I will say I think the sister was a little out of line in suggesting he should have given a stranger his bed and slept on the couch. I might do that for an elderly family member, or a younger relative even, maybe. But not just a random uninvited guest .
Years ago when I was on college, I was working the door of a party my fraternity was throwing when this cute girl approached me. All I really knew about her was she hung out with the football player fraternity and partied pretty hard. She comes up to me and says “[name], you’re a nice guy, right? Can you give me a ride home?”
From what I had heard of this girl I didn’t approve of her much, and this was literally the first time she had ever spoken to me. But I did give her that ride home and walked her to her door. Then I left and went back to my party. We became friendly after that and I learned a lot of my assumptions about her were completely wrong.
That was 33 years ago. We are married with three kids, and I don’t regret doing the right thing one bit.
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I guess I don't understand why she was unable to go home and change into her own warmer clothes and sleep in her own bed? She was the DD for the night and had completed her duties by getting her friend/friend's bf back to where they were staying for the night. She was sober and able to drive. She ended up sleeping on the couch.... why? Was the plan to swing by the apartment so her friend could get some dick and then head back out but everyone ended up passing out?
Maybe he's a bit of an AH for not letting her borrow clothes, but people are allowed to feel weird about letting people borrow clothes, especially people they don't know well. And if that's the only extra blanket he had, then that's the only extra blanket he had. College guys are very likely to only have the bedding they need for themselves and not any/many extras. He didn't invite her over and then leave her in the cold with no clothes or blanket, it got sprung on him. And again, she was perfectly capable of transporting herself back to her own living quarters, he didn't force her to sleep on the couch under a small blanket in a bikini.
Same here - to say nothing of it being kinda inconsiderate to have unannounced guests.
I mean, OP clearly doesn’t have much going for him, but I’d be thinking of my own evening plans being screwed because of a stranger sleeping on my couch. Now I can’t leave them alone to go do my own thing, or invite someone else over without disturbing them.
Yeah the AH here is the roommate and his girlfriend. They had her DD, then as soon as they got there they dipped to the bedroom to do the deed without getting her anything to be more comfortable in, and presumably never came back out of the room to check on her because she was still asleep under the tiny blanket in a bikini in the morning. And I have to assume that the reason she stayed instead of dropping them off and leaving is that the roommate's girlfriend was supposed to need a further ride that night, which never happened and wasn't communicated to her wasn't needed.
OP may not be the greatest guy but he isn't the asshole here. DD/couch girl hopefully learned something about her friend that night, and learned that when you bend over backwards to help friends like that, sometimes you end up stuck sitting in a living room with an awkwardish guy who doesn't let people borrow clothes and doesn't own extra blankets. Thankfully he wasn't a much worse kind of guy and hopefully she learned that helping friends is great but sometimes you have to look out for yourself as well.
Yep - just poor decisions all around.
Why not just drop off the drunk hookup-in-progress? Either they’re safe together and they don’t need their dd, or they aren’t safe and she should’ve intervened.
And once it was clear they were staying, why not leave for her own home? She’s the dd so she’s got transportation available.
Just going to put this out there, if the rolls where reversed and it was a guy in a Speedo I don’t think everyone would feel the same way, crazy OP is getting so much flak when someone literally came into their home basically uninvited then sat in his living room all night while they where trying to just relax. It’s not like the friend was forced to sat there all night.
At what point did he embarrass her for her clothes? He only said that her costume showed a lot of skin, which is something that must be noted for the context of the story, he simply did not feel comfortable lending clothes to a stranger, it also seems that his family thinks he could be autistic
At uni if I ever went out in anything skin flashy I took out a cardigan to cover up with, she’s an adult it’s not for someone else to pick up after her. Sounds like a bit of a germ phobia/ not wanting to get involved of oop. She was inflicting herself and doing a damsel save me shit. Which as women who always got my own ass warm and home pisses me off. NTA never mind not the devil
Wow, he’s an idiot five ways to Sunday. A cute woman asking to WEAR HIS CLOTHES and he’s mad. A cute woman lounging around him in a bikini and he’s mad. Cute woman tries to set them up to meet again so she can return the clothes and he shuts that DOWN. I’ve never seen anyone so determined to be mean.
I’m not gonna lie, this is some pick me energy. Like, if she was “ugly”, would it be okay?! Physical appearance doesn’t have a place in this story at all.
Love how everyone on that sub was like "noo you have to babysit her and care for her and provide her with your clothes". OP hadn´t invited her. He gave her a blanket. She did not think literally one step aheadwhich is "if i wear a bikini in december, i might get cold => get backup clothes". She had the option to drive home anytime.
OP is not a nice person but far from being a Devil, he just doesnt like giving his clothing to strangers, which is a personal thing and should be accepted.
Edit: Because of this post I´ve had a message from reddit like "oh a concerned redditor reached out to us because youre in a bad place" and the comment train here has found a clear judgement: If you dont provide clothes to someone at your home, then youre an Incel, hate women, got other problems and can generally go f yourself and are responsible for why the world is going downhill. Alright then. You still dont get clothes from me if I dont know you
This is unhinged sorry. I've never in my life not offered a blanket/jumper to someone in my house if its colder than they're dressed for, especially at the point where she was asleep on the couch, but even before that. No matter why they're here and why they're not properly covered. "Babysitting" my arse its just common decency.
Nah, he straight up says they were “showing too much skin” and clearly wants to emphasize the slutty nature of her clothing as a basis off of which she should be denied all concern lol. Her fucking up is irrelevant to the central question: he’s an asshole, and if you think throwing someone a sweatshirt or finding them a blanket = “babysitting” someone that kind of says a lot about your character too.
And by his sisters words which he didn’t dispute, he gave her a baby blanket. If it had been a guy who’d worn a costume which caused him to be cold would he have given him a normal blanket or let him borrow some sweats/jacket? I think we know the answer is yes, he would have. But he was cruel just because it was a woman who he deemed slutty and he wanted to punish her. He seems to be jealous. And his own sister implied that he is not happy with his own life cause of having no friends or experiences with women. His sister was spot on, he could have been kind and maybe even made a friend. But as he implied by say “she (sister)doesn’t even know if she (the elf girl) was into me or not” after sister said he should have empathy if he wants girls to like him. So he only will be empathetic to a woman if and only if she “into” him aka wants to be with him. OPP is on his way to becoming an incel and the outlook not only for the people around him, but for his own happiness is not very good unless he really consciously makes major changes in his thoughts and actions. He may not be a devil yet but he is definitely knocking on that door. Everyone needs to be kind to others unless they have proven themselves to not deserve it.
> If it had been a guy who’d worn a costume which caused him to be cold would he have given him a normal blanket or let him borrow some sweats/jacket? I think we know the answer is yes
I don’t think so - the policy seems to be “fend for yourself, uninvited/unwanted third-wheeling guest”
Because of people like you the world has become to crumble. Why hurt someone or make them miserable, if you can help them. Even if the person wouldn't give me back my clothes, I would gladly give them to them. I checked your comment history and you are either German or Austrian. You should be aware of situations where you feel helpless. Asking for help is embarrassing and hard, but sometimes you don't have a choice.
I’m with you. Do I take good care of my guests? Yes. Would I feel the same about a third wheel rando who has informed me that they are sleeping on my couch?
This is the correct take. If you're going to be wearing a bikini in December, bring a change of clothes in the car. Hell, what if the car broke down on the side of the road?
Right. Like, he’s an AH for the “way too much skin” remark. But other than that, nah. I’m not giving some strange person my clothes or the blanket from my bed. He gave her what was available.
They’re in college and apparently share a class together since she knows who he is and they see each other twice a week. It’s his roommate’s girlfriend’s friend, not some rando meth head. Lending someone a sweatshirt when they’re cold is bare minimum common decency.
Well, I’m not giving the blanket from my bed, bc that’s the one I use when I sleep. And I have no way of knowing if I’d ever get the clothes back to wash, so, yea. If it’s selfish to want the things I bought for me to stay in my possession for me to use, then yea I guess I’m selfish 🤷🏼♀️
StRaNgE PeRsOn
They see each other every week, what the fuck do you think is gonna happen to his precious blanket? And he did NOT give her what was available. I highly doubt he only has two blankets (one being a BABY blanket) in a house with two people.
All this bc I don’t think the guy was wrong to not give away his clothes and blankets? Maybe you should seek some happiness of your own instead of reading wayyyyyyy too much into one thing you saw on Reddit.
Bc of ONE instance. You’re basing this off of ONE opinion that I hold. She asked for clothes, he didn’t want to give them to her. It’s not like she was bleeding from a head wound and asked for a ride to the hospital and he was like, “nah”. This is so low stakes lol but you keep making your assumptions about my entire life if it makes you feel better about yourself.
Because it’s your attitude about such a small low stakes thing that reveals your character.
The fact that you don’t see that means you don’t see how broken you are.
And of course it’s kind of hilarious of how you call me judgmental when all you did was judge this woman who asked for so little
Where did I call you judgmental? I said you’re making assumptions, which you are. You’re assuming I’m unhappy, from one situation. You’re assuming I have no empathy, from one situation. It is kind of hilarious though, bc I have not made one comment about your life or you as a person. That was you. Have a nice evening. I’m done engaging with you and indulging your moral superiority.
Being some sort of weird DD who… either doesn’t feel comfortable intervening when her friends in a bad/volatile relationship, or is too clingy to give them some space when they’re clearly someplace safe.
Also, if she’s driving, wouldn’t she keep a coat in her car, or a change of clothes?
That’s to say nothing of how presumptuous it is to just sleep on someone’s couch uninvited while being a third wheel.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not offering a girl I barely knew a hoodie and sweat pants to cover up her “slutty elf” costume when she ended up at our house after the bars and frats let out?** Not sure where to begin with this. I guess last night one of the more popular frats on campus was having a “Christmas on the beach” themed party so all around the bar area were girls dressed in bikinis with vague Christmas themes. My roommate is dating this total nut job named Sydney and as far as I knew they were broken up. Well at like 2am he bombs through the door with Sydney and her friend in tow, both dressed like “slutty elves” with way too much skin showing. My roommate and Sydney went to his room and still haven’t come out. I was playing Fortnite and the other girl said she was the designated driver and was stuck would she mind if she charged her phone and hung out until she knew what Sydney was doing. I said fine. Maybe 15 minutes later she said something like “I know this is so weird for both of us but I’m not here by choice, I just don’t want to bail on my friend but sitting here with a guy I don’t really know in a bikini is weird and I’m cold. Do you have some sweats I can borrow? I see you every Monday and Wednesday and I promise I’ll give them back.” I told her no I wasn’t comfortable with that. She asked if I at least had a blanket. I found one in my roommates spare room but it was really small and said I was sorry it’s the best I could do. She fell asleep on the couch and i went to bed. My older sister came to pick me up for breakfast and she saw the girl sleeping on the couch and asked why a half naked girl is sleeping under a baby blanket. In the car I told her what happened and she basically got so mad at me saying I had about 30 opportunities to be a really decent guy and I blew it. She said it sounds like the girl was trying to do the right thing by her friend and I could have let her use sweats, I could have let her sleep in my bed while I took the couch, I could have said that she should go home and I’d drive Sydney home…but basically I was an asshole because I left an apparently nice girl in a vulnerable position and I didn’t even care. She said that I need to grow up if I want to have friends and have some empathy if I ever want girls to like me. She has no idea if that girl was into me or not but I missed a great “practice round” of treating someone in a nice way that they may reciprocate. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
did he....did he just complain about how much skin a person was showing, and then deny them the opportunity to cover up? what
To him she made the choice to be slutty and that makes her less moral and worthy of respect then conservatively dressed women. I'm sure there was a bigger blanket he could have found but he was trying to punish her for being like that. Make her stay uncomfortable in a strange guys house and maybe she'll learn to act how op thinks a woman ought to
Slut shaming at its finest
She came from a costume party, and even if she were a "slut" she has the same right to receive the same respect from everyone, and the boy was not punishing her, he is just socially awkward and did not understand that the girl was vulnerable
Not a boy, an adult. No matter how "socially awkward" adults are, there's a bare minimum decency we're expected to show each other. He had the upper hand and used it to teach her a lesson.
What was the lesson? Not lending her clothes, in addition to giving her something to cover herself with, that was the "minimum of decency", not meeting your expectations is a different matter.
So if you're in the shower and out of towels, ask your roommate to bring you one, and they bring you a washcloth but refuse to bring a regular towel to teach you a lesson about not forgetting towels, on a scale of 1 to 5 how unoffended would you be? OP brought a baby blanket and had to grandstand before giving it to her. Do you follow the law to the word or by spirit? Social expectations can be taken either way but every situation demands scrutiny. OP was objectively obtuse and now that it's morning they're rethinking their actions for how morally justifiable and socially acceptable they were. Turns out it was neither.
It is a completely different situation, first the girl was not naked, and second in the example you give she is in a safe/own space; and the fact that you admit that OP was obtuse and is reevaluating his actions, means that he didn't do that to teach her a lesson.
Angry incel was angry.
He wasn't "comfortable" enough to show any decency
I was in uni almost 20 years ago and I remember guys like this fucker. They looked at you like a piece of meat but then also mocked you for not having a coat or whatever with you. They maybe offered a place to sleep where you felt scared but not as scared as walking home at that kind of hour. They wouldn't touch you because you were too "slutty". So they'd shame you and vaguely guilt trip you instead.
He in fact did. He is what men call a nonclaimable. We don't claim him. No man would ever do that. I would have offered it to her before she had to ask.
He never complained, he explained how he was dressed to explain the context.
If you say a coffee has "way too much cream", or that or that a movie has "way too many plot holes", you're complaining. Saying these women were showing "way too much skin" is a complaint.
I know this is real because motherfucker's first question after being a complete dick to this lady is if his sister thinks the girl is into him. Like that's what would've gotten her some decent clothes while waiting for her friend.
If she did she sure as heck don't now.
Where did he ask her that? The way it's phrased it sounds a lot more like the sister said something along the lines of "if you act like that towards women they aren't going to like you. I don't know if she maybe liked you or not but now she definitely doesn't, and if she didn't it could have at least been a good practice round of how to treat women."
It sounds like the sister is aware that he can’t get dates and is trying to illustrate why. Because he’s a jerk
And honestly I don’t really like how she worded it either. Wdym a man should be nice or a gentleman only because he’s interested in us and not because he is aware we need help and just give with no strings attached??
I interpreted it as that women will be attracted to someone who is kind not that he should only act as if he is to get women.
I took it as she knows he’s an idiot who needs external motivation to treat people kindly
He sure has a transactional attitude toward people in the "silly" social sciences classes he has to take, which is where the woman knows him from (she said she sees him every MW and could return the sweats then). He didn't recognize her because he doesn't pay attention to people in his non-math classes because they can't help him.
I don't love it either but I assume she was trying to knock some sense into him.
I'm not sure it's her who said it. I read the last sentence in his voice, changes the tone.
Exactly - kindness isn’t the reward of being assessed as fuckable by someone lol. I mean, I think that the prospect of an unannounced third-wheeling overnight guest isn’t awesome.
its a guess, an educated one.
How is it an educated one? It doesn't align with the story as told. Making up additional facts to be mad about isn't an "educated guess"
If that's how he thinks, then I'm really glad he didn't let her borrow any clothes. A night of being cold is preferable to a guy like that thinking you owe him your body in return for common decency.
That wasn't OP's thought, it was a sister's comment.
The OP never asks that, that was a comment from the sister, that maybe the OP liked the girl and that was some attempt at flirting.
judge not another's elf unless thine own shelf is clean
Underrated comment
I both hate and love you for that comment.
LOL
Let's be honest, OOP was punishing her for being the friend of the girl his roommate dates that he considers a nut job. He obviously doesn't approve of the gf and then her friend showing up in what he considered inappropriate clothing just helped confirm it in his awful mind.
Let’s be honest, he is a misogynist. No normal decent human being is that purposely mean. Particularly to a designated driver who is preventing a drunk person from driving and putting others at risk.
Yes. And good on his sister for telling him no one likes him because of the way he acts now.
Among his comments he says that other people, not him, suspect that he is autistic, in addition to comments about how socializing with others is uncomfortable for him.
Being on the spectrum doesn’t excuse deliberate meanness.
and in this situation there is no meanness
Because meanness is now so ingrained in our society that being a shitty selfish person is a badge of honor.
Lets be honest, he think shes a “nut job” cause she picked the roommate and not him
No her friend seems like an asshole, she left her friend freezing in someone’s house while she hung out with her boyfriend for an extended period of time. Both OP and his roommates girlfriend sound like assholes
It is a crappy situation to put your friend in, but OOP is still an asshole for being shitty to the innocent bystander who was just trying to be a good person. I'm very sure his dislike of the gf factored into his treatment of her friend.
That’s why I said both OP and his roommates girlfriends sound like an asshole
I think it's that you started the comment with "no" that makes the comment seem a little off. We're aware they both suck, but we're mostly focused on him because he's the OOP and asked. Plus his sister calling him out means it's a pattern for him.
What displeasure? Nothing OP wrote indicates displeasure, OP wasn't empathetic but he wasn't shit either, and if he was kind or else he would have left without giving the girl anything or he would have insulted her.
Seems like a stretch - could just be a history of being an aggressive/destructive drunk. No one wants to be around that if they can avoid it.
Calling her a nut job is such a 🚩🚩🚩
It really is, add that to his obvious slut shaming the choice of clothing and we have enough flags to identify a "nope".
Why? She is a girl who left her friend stranded in a room with a stranger, while wearing clothes that left her very exposed, it does not seem like the behavior of a sensible woman.
None of that happened, nothing he writes is judging the girl, the description of her costume is just to add context, he never wanted to punish her, it is obvious that she is a socially inept person who responded the best she could to a situation. very uncomfortable for him, among his comments he says that other people suspect that he is autistic, in addition to comments about how socializing with others is uncomfortable for him.
Good on the sister.
I agree. At least someone he knows has manners. He’s such a judgmental AH!
But tbh im not a fan of her saying he should only be nice to her because she mightve reciprocated 🙄
part of the things she said before that was 'if he ever wants to have friends' and I think she's trying to show him all the different ways he alienates people by not being empathetic. I don't think her implication is that he should only be nice because she might reciprocate. I think she's trying to tell him how to human. And technically, it's called reciprocal altruism for a reason and humans do it.
Looking at the comments, he says specifically that he wants friends, so it makes total since for his sister, who assumedly knows he wants to make friends, to outline how he fucked up. He also says that he didn't care about her because she is in his social science class and he thinks the social sciences are stupid and doesn't care about the people in them, because he'll "never collaborate with them in the future".
Oh that's too funny! Did he really say that? My undergrad was sociology and I studied linguistics for graduate and have an extensive career in IT aka STEM. The thing about having advanced languaging processing capabilities is that the skill extends to computer languages. Syntax is syntax whether spoken or typed. He most ceeeertainly will be working and collaborating with us in the future. We're everywhere. And unlike him, we aren't limiting ourselves so...whew! Hahaha idk that's just such an absurdly inexperienced, naive, ignorant thing to believe that I can't even be mad at it. It's just very funny and very incorrect.
Sociology buddies! I also got a minor is statistics (STEM). And it's incredibly funny how he's bragging about going into CERN (no idea what that is) when, like, dollars to donuts, companies want to diversify. Companies don't care for one trick ponies anymore, they're all about "Jack of all trades, master of none, but still better than a master of one". I know this is extrapolating, but I feel like, the STEM bros who brag about not being into social sciences and don't care about the people involved in them are often the people who make the least imaginative tech. They're the guys who reinvent the wheel and try to sell you a subscription to it. It's the guy who made the Titan submarine, or Elon Musk's whole twitter* dumpster fire. *Another fun fact about his comments: he legit, unironically, responded to someone talking about Twitter with "uh, Twitter? What's that? I don't know Twitter. I know X if that's what you mean." So, yeah, I'm comfortable with my extrapolation. ETA to include the link because I can't let this go unsourced. https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/23PQY6EpSK
Humans can do that yes, but the lesson here shouldve been “this wouldve been a kind thing to do, with no strings attached” not “maybe if you did this thing, you would get it back in return” cause thats not actually doing something kind because its the right thing to do. Dont think he’ll unlearn selfishness if he just shifts it to tit for tat
He doesn't have the emotional intelligence to know what is the right thing so expecting him to jump to altruism is not realistic It's also not realistic to believe most people do the right thing because it's right. That's your perception of how people ought to be and doesn't align with how people actually are. >In evolutionary biology, reciprocal altruism is a behaviour whereby an organism acts in a manner that temporarily reduces its fitness while increasing another organism's fitness, with the expectation that the other organism will act in a similar manner at a later time. Wikipedia
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Yea, that's how I took it.
Maybe not the only reason to be nice, but obviously, this guy isn't going to be nice unless there is something in it for him. This dude just tanked his reputation with a girl he sees twice a week and pretty much every girl she knows and tells this story to. He will be known around campus as a butt munch of the highest order.
I would bet so much money that this sister has listened to him conplain about 7967 times about girls not giving him the time of day. And he probably is the specific kind of incel who is convinced he’s the nice guy who women don’t appreciate. If so, I cannot blame the sister for going straight to this argument as a way of saying “if you were the nice guy you claimed to be, you would have done these things. And if you want to do something about your love life instead of complain to me all the time, you’d learn to do better. Because I’m sick of your whining and this was your chance to step up and be more, but look what you did instead.”
Possibly, he kind of gives me vibes that he doesnt fuck with ANYONE & probably talks shit about everyone he looks down upon. But either way, it’s just a personal ick for me at someone’s first thought turning too “maybe she would be romantically interested in you if you did the bare minimum” when she was just a woman who needed help
that isn't what she said
She did, she said this couldve been a “practice round” over being nice so she could reciprocate
Yeah and she didn't say the **ONLY** reason OP should be nice was for reciprocation.
But she suggested it be his reason, which I dont like. Thats my opinion🙄
A 'slutty elf'. Dude knows it's Christmas at the beach theme. What a weird way to say she's in swimwear. Bathing suits are slutty, I guess.
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Even if he was jealous of his roommate- he *completely * missed his chance to hang out with the woman who landed in his living room! Had he offered her a sweatshirt and sweatpants, handed her a gaming controller and made a lighthearted joke about making the best of the time they had together- he may actually have ended up with a female friend. But nope, he decided to be a misogynistic tool instead. How surprising. I swear 80% of misogynists just constantly shoot themselves in the foot and need an excuse to disguise it.
I mean, he did give her a blanket and I have to say, as a young man, you are donating clothes when you give a woman something warm to wear, the return rate is like 10%, tops. This sub is pretty crazy honestly. It’s not anyone’s responsibility to donate their possessions to you, especially when you aren’t in need of any help, at all. She’s the DD, she’s not stranded or in need. Her friend isn’t with some stranger she has to protect her from, it’s her boyfriend. She likely was there to meet him, and he isn’t into her, obviously.
He gave her a baby blanket, which is absolutely heartless. And I highly, highly, highly doubt he didn't have a full size blanket, sheet, fitted sheet, robe, hoodie, or beat up clothes he could've lent to her. He also sees her often, so there's no reason he couldn't ask for his clothes back, or even just have her return the clothes before she left. And why would you make the leap that she was there to meet him? lol. If she was I'm confident she would've left. It's pretty common for women to not abandon each other, unless you are an absolute trash friend. I definitely have 0 understanding of this man. Sure I'm not one but if a stranger came over and was isolated basically by her friend I would probably make her tea, get her blankets, get her water, and set her up comfortably on the couch. I've actually done this for dudes who have come over when my roommate has passed out in his room with a guest over. I find it annoying that friends would leave each other stranded like that, but some friends are selfish. And clearly the poor woman waiting for her friend on the couch was the opposite of selfish.
I was told on that sub that women shouldn't wear thong bikinis at the beach because buttcheeks are "private parts" and it will lead to children being molested (???).
He probably thinks all women are “slutty”. He seems the type
It’s good to read the comments on posts with such obvious misogyny so you can like, tune your ear to how many assholes and incels there are on AITA.
On the other hand I enjoyed the thread where someone was like "oh well would you ever just lend a stranger clothes????" And then a bunch of people in the very short stretch before comments got locked responded with variations on "yes and I have, more than once".
I also loved that one. It’s worth it to remember that yeah, there are definitely people out there lacking in basic human decency and empathy…*but look how many more aren’t lacking that at all.*
I loved that the top response said "you betcha" a minnesotan probably. People raised in cold places tend to be more generous about stuff like that.
For sure! Comments were already locked by the time I got there but I have loaned hoodies or jackets to friends colder than me more than once. In fairness, it helps that I both love the cold and was raised by a mother who would die if she saw me heading out in freezing weather without a coat of some kind! In my own home? Even easier. Even in college that would have been an easy ask, and I wasn't swimming in blankets like I am now.
I once loaned my favorite wool shawl to a gal I had just met in a city I had just moved to. She drove across town to return it to me too, and we’re still friends even though I decided I didn’t want to live there and went back to my home state. Sometimes you just gotta do the kind thing and hope that the person gives your stuff back. It doesn’t always feel great to take that risk but life is uncomfortable sometimes.
One of my most treasured clothing items is an absolutely *gorgeous* scarf / shawl - I complimented a customer on it and asked where she'd gotten it, she was like "oh its a boutique up in Jersey" and then as I handed her her bagged items she took it off and handed it to me and said "it's yours now" and took off before I could even open my mouth. There's no tag but by quality alone I can tell this was not a cheap item. She was from out of state and knew it was very unlikely she'd ever see me again. Someday when I'm older and feel I've had my share of time with it I plan to pass it on in a similar manner. I've always tried to be kind enough to loan and so forth but that really cemented for me how *much* certain acts can mean to others.
I totally have myself. I’d rather lose the item tbh than let someone be cold. That’s just me though and not something I expect anyone to follow necessarily.
I was only 13 when I gave a classmate I barely knew and her sister both my pairs of gloves before standing out in the snow for hours at a Christmas parade while they and all of my family had nice warm fingers. By the time I got home, I had no feeling left in my hands, had missed out on 90% of the parade candy, and all of my family was perfectly comfortable. I spent at least an hour crying as my fingers gradually warmed up because it hurt so much. At 13, I was nicer than this guy. He's as inconsiderate as my mom, who sat on a bench watching me freeze for hours because "I made the choice to share instead of taking care of myself." Dude is 100% an asshole, just as much as my mom was.
I feel you, stranger. The same thing happened to me, but it was my coat. My mom let me freeze rather than give me her extra sweater. By the time we got back to the car it had become incredibly painful. Still, having my mom treat me that way makes me even more determined never to be like that.
JFC. I hope your mom was better than that in other ways. That’s a major mom fuck up.
Oof, some parents just really suck at their job, don't they? Like you though, I always say that thanks to her I know the kind of person and mother I never want to be so at least something good came of it.
The kicker is they apparently share a class or something because they see each other twice a week. While I wouldn't consider most of my college classmates friends, I also wouldn't consider them strangers if they needed something as simple as sweatpants or a blanket
I hope she talks major shit about him to everyone
Oh, she definitely will. As she should. Other women need to be forewarned about him.
She will. She’ll probably talk about ‘that one weird ass guy’ for years after this. And she no doubt told her friend who told his roommate who’s also telling people he knows…
Like shit Id *give* a stranger my clothes. I'm not about to screw someone over, especially in my own home
every time I've lent clothes to someone, it's been under the assumption I won't be getting them back no matter how much they promise to return them... and y'know, I never have gotten them returned, but it won't stop me from doing it again.
If only everyone was so generous I love helping strangers Most recently I picked up a woman who was walking up the onramp onto the freeway. She looked so lost. She said she's a tourist from Jamaica, she just got here, she was trying to find the bus stop to go back to her friend's house. She didn't even know what a freeway was.
Oh gosh, that's such a scary situation to be in. You were her angel that day. 🥰
The only reason I’m wary of lending out clothes is because in high school i gave my friend some stuff to wear after she’d been tossed in the lake behind my house and she kept laughing about how big my jeans were on her. But that’s my own shit, and if someone was awkwardly underdressed and freezing I’d give them something.
It would be incredibly tempting to be like “well if they don’t fit, give them back” in that situation. Good on you for letting it slide off your back. Though I would gently argue that her making fun of your size after you were so generous is more about her shit than yours. ❤️
I bet a lot.
>She has no idea if that girl was into me or not but I missed a great “practice round” of treating someone in a nice way that they may reciprocate. In one ear, out the other
People OOP wants something from are real. People who he has no interest in are imaginary “practice people.” No reason to treat the latter with any kindness except to train for interaction with the former.
Oohh I'm keeping that on the back burner for the future
That comment is from the sister, not from OP.
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It's really a comment from the sister, she was the one who suggested that the girl might be interested in OP and is worried about her lack of social interaction.
I can bet OOP is the same type of guy who thinks a woman deserves whatever happens when she dresses in a way he disapproves but he will be crying and ranting and raving if a man's misbehavior/criminal acts follows him for the rest of his life. It never ceases to amaze me the difference in how men and women are regarded were women choices which is usually just what she wears are seen as big issues that she needs to always be accountable for but men's shitty behavior like SA is seen as a mistake that can't follow him around for life and ruin his life. I swear most of the times when men are posting about their interactions with women I honestly and genuinely feel like men hate women
What an asshole. It's people like OOP who could have easily chosen kindness, he did not. He needed that "slutty elf" to suffer the consequences of her "slutty elf" behavior. And he feels so indignant and justified in it.
In OP's publication and comments there is nothing that indicates that, in any case what they do indicate is that he could have undiagnosed autism
Wow. OP really should listen to his sister. But what really got me: >She has no idea if that girl was into me or not but I missed a great “practice round” of treating someone in a nice way that they may reciprocate. The fact he needs to ***practice being nice to someone***, who's trying to just be there for her friend to top it off, is quite disturbing. OOP needs professional help.
Sounds like he has 0 experience with social interaction. Just wants his cave and to be alone until he gets weird angry feelings he can't control and blames women
Anyone else think he was enjoying the opportunity to oogle a young woman dressed as a Slutty Elf hence the tiny blanket ?
I think he just wanted her to suffer because he hates or resents women
who are we kidding? it's obviously both
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Yea agree. This is her BF's room. Why couldn't she just sleep over and go wherever she lives when age sobered up. Her friend has to sit and be awkward with OOP when she could've gone home
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I feel like designated driver ends when someone wants to go to stay over night at their significant others house?
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Initially yes. But OOP’s refusal to offer just the barest amount of decency imo trumps that. I see the friend as drunk and inconsiderate but there is the possibility that she will be sorry and regretful the next day and not do it again. Drunk people can be inconsiderate assholes sometimes, their judgement is impaired. OOP was perfectly sober. At home. Knew the girl because they had class together twice a week and INTENTIONALLY chose to be mean. His behavior seems part of a pattern of misogyny. I don’t see redemption. I see a man who hates women. The friend was a designated driver trying to keep a drunk person from driving and had done nothing wrong and yet he treated her like garbage
I'd see still roommate's gf sucks more. OOP is definitely an ass, but he was an ass to a complete stranger. Roommate was terrible to her friend.
Not a complete stranger. She sees him in class twice a week. Serious question. What kind of society do you want to live in? The one where simple human decency is the default or where selfishness is the norm? Lack of simple human decency and empathy is going to be the death of us.
Let me be clear: OOP was a complete asshole. There's no excusing his actions. But personally, I expect more out of my friends than strangers. The friend was loyal to a fault leaving herself in an uncomfortable and potentially unsafe situation by staying instead of just leaving like she probably should have done.
Yeah, the friend acted like a jerk.
I don’t think a college classmate is much better than a stranger.
I knew this one was coming here. I promise if there is a comment from me there I was not brigading. I commented a couple of posts today and I don't remember if this one was one of them.
It’s not brigading if you comment there first.
Yeah, that's what I meant. I didn't go from this post to there, I saw that post first.
Yeah, you seemed a little worried that people would accuse you of brigading, so I was trying to reassure you that you weren’t doing it so you don’t need to worry.
Thank you! I didn't mean to sound defensive, pardon.
They can tell by how long ago your other comment was made.
Strong “Am I an Incel” vibes from this one
Super asshole
I used to have 20 different sweatpants and plain black shirts that are now owned by girls because they wanted to put something on over the clothes they were wearing after party’s I’ll never get guys like this
A decent pair of sweats are 40-60$ each. To be honest, a lot of people can’t afford to give away >1000$ of clothing.
This is why you buy them at Wal-mart for like $10. $50 for sweats?
If you want sandpaper all over your legs lol. A pair of sweats you would actually want to wear are at least $50.
I’m guessing most guys want their shit back?
People stole your clothes and you don’t get why OP wouldn’t ‘lend’ his clothes?
You don’t understand, you’re a bad person if you don’t let people steal your clothes /s
maybe it’s because i’m also a woman’s but like… it’s common decency to help someone out? i would give the shirt off my back to someone who was cold or needed something extra. it takes 0 effort to be empathetic and give another person on article of clothing or a fuckin bigger blanket. or fuck knock on homies door and demand clothes for the girl he brought home?
What adult needs a “practice round” of treating someone with basic decency?? Also “reciprocate”???? barf
If you're going to be in a bikini in December, bring a change of clothes in the car. Even if you're going straight home after an event. Never know if you're going to be broken down on the side of the road with no service.
For winter emergencies, always keep gloves a hat and coat in the car, plus spares!
What a little dickhead. Hope he grows out of it.
Let's play spot the incel
I'm surprised nobody is suggesting that he didn't want her to cover up because he wanted to keep seeing her half naked. Getting strong 'what was she wearing' vibes from him.
Weird that oop doesn't mind or acknowledge that the men at the party's are all in swimwear too?
I always find it funny when these kind of people are in a situation where they ask a simple favor of another and then become upset when the person they’re asking is another one of themselves. Honestly, if I asked someone for something and they turned to me and straight up said “I am under no obligation to give you that” I would start getting ready to be in the documentary Netflix puts together after they’re convicted of killing several people.
This is AITA people. Most of them are sociopaths and think that common kindness is a weakness, and compromise is a tool of the devil.
She was there all night? Sydney and her bf? Should have told her she could go home. Tho I would take a chance of clothes with me in the car I know most people wouldn't. Oop could have just given her a jumper or at least a blanket that isn't for baby's. It would have taken 0 effort to not be a piece of shit. Sydney, bf? And oop are all the AH.
I will say I think the sister was a little out of line in suggesting he should have given a stranger his bed and slept on the couch. I might do that for an elderly family member, or a younger relative even, maybe. But not just a random uninvited guest .
Years ago when I was on college, I was working the door of a party my fraternity was throwing when this cute girl approached me. All I really knew about her was she hung out with the football player fraternity and partied pretty hard. She comes up to me and says “[name], you’re a nice guy, right? Can you give me a ride home?” From what I had heard of this girl I didn’t approve of her much, and this was literally the first time she had ever spoken to me. But I did give her that ride home and walked her to her door. Then I left and went back to my party. We became friendly after that and I learned a lot of my assumptions about her were completely wrong. That was 33 years ago. We are married with three kids, and I don’t regret doing the right thing one bit.
We usually have less sociopaths commenting on this sub. Are you visiting us from AITA, dudes who think lacking basic human decency is normal?
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What a fucking douchebag. There is no good reason to leave her sitting like that. That dude needs a woodshed experience. WTF
I guess I don't understand why she was unable to go home and change into her own warmer clothes and sleep in her own bed? She was the DD for the night and had completed her duties by getting her friend/friend's bf back to where they were staying for the night. She was sober and able to drive. She ended up sleeping on the couch.... why? Was the plan to swing by the apartment so her friend could get some dick and then head back out but everyone ended up passing out? Maybe he's a bit of an AH for not letting her borrow clothes, but people are allowed to feel weird about letting people borrow clothes, especially people they don't know well. And if that's the only extra blanket he had, then that's the only extra blanket he had. College guys are very likely to only have the bedding they need for themselves and not any/many extras. He didn't invite her over and then leave her in the cold with no clothes or blanket, it got sprung on him. And again, she was perfectly capable of transporting herself back to her own living quarters, he didn't force her to sleep on the couch under a small blanket in a bikini.
Same here - to say nothing of it being kinda inconsiderate to have unannounced guests. I mean, OP clearly doesn’t have much going for him, but I’d be thinking of my own evening plans being screwed because of a stranger sleeping on my couch. Now I can’t leave them alone to go do my own thing, or invite someone else over without disturbing them.
Yeah the AH here is the roommate and his girlfriend. They had her DD, then as soon as they got there they dipped to the bedroom to do the deed without getting her anything to be more comfortable in, and presumably never came back out of the room to check on her because she was still asleep under the tiny blanket in a bikini in the morning. And I have to assume that the reason she stayed instead of dropping them off and leaving is that the roommate's girlfriend was supposed to need a further ride that night, which never happened and wasn't communicated to her wasn't needed. OP may not be the greatest guy but he isn't the asshole here. DD/couch girl hopefully learned something about her friend that night, and learned that when you bend over backwards to help friends like that, sometimes you end up stuck sitting in a living room with an awkwardish guy who doesn't let people borrow clothes and doesn't own extra blankets. Thankfully he wasn't a much worse kind of guy and hopefully she learned that helping friends is great but sometimes you have to look out for yourself as well.
Yep - just poor decisions all around. Why not just drop off the drunk hookup-in-progress? Either they’re safe together and they don’t need their dd, or they aren’t safe and she should’ve intervened. And once it was clear they were staying, why not leave for her own home? She’s the dd so she’s got transportation available.
I mean, he was the worst thing you could be in an AITA post: judgmental.
"She doesn't deserve any sweats because she dressed like a s\*\*\*!"
I'm so sure her clothing choice had NOTHING to do with the sea of "NTA" at the bottom
Just going to put this out there, if the rolls where reversed and it was a guy in a Speedo I don’t think everyone would feel the same way, crazy OP is getting so much flak when someone literally came into their home basically uninvited then sat in his living room all night while they where trying to just relax. It’s not like the friend was forced to sat there all night.
At what point did he embarrass her for her clothes? He only said that her costume showed a lot of skin, which is something that must be noted for the context of the story, he simply did not feel comfortable lending clothes to a stranger, it also seems that his family thinks he could be autistic
At uni if I ever went out in anything skin flashy I took out a cardigan to cover up with, she’s an adult it’s not for someone else to pick up after her. Sounds like a bit of a germ phobia/ not wanting to get involved of oop. She was inflicting herself and doing a damsel save me shit. Which as women who always got my own ass warm and home pisses me off. NTA never mind not the devil
"But it was too much effort to show any decency and empathy!"
Another red pill incel.
Wow, he’s an idiot five ways to Sunday. A cute woman asking to WEAR HIS CLOTHES and he’s mad. A cute woman lounging around him in a bikini and he’s mad. Cute woman tries to set them up to meet again so she can return the clothes and he shuts that DOWN. I’ve never seen anyone so determined to be mean.
Why is it relevant that she’s cute? Decency isn’t contingent on attractiveness.
Because sexists say he should be nice to her so he can fuck her
I’m not gonna lie, this is some pick me energy. Like, if she was “ugly”, would it be okay?! Physical appearance doesn’t have a place in this story at all.
Love how everyone on that sub was like "noo you have to babysit her and care for her and provide her with your clothes". OP hadn´t invited her. He gave her a blanket. She did not think literally one step aheadwhich is "if i wear a bikini in december, i might get cold => get backup clothes". She had the option to drive home anytime. OP is not a nice person but far from being a Devil, he just doesnt like giving his clothing to strangers, which is a personal thing and should be accepted. Edit: Because of this post I´ve had a message from reddit like "oh a concerned redditor reached out to us because youre in a bad place" and the comment train here has found a clear judgement: If you dont provide clothes to someone at your home, then youre an Incel, hate women, got other problems and can generally go f yourself and are responsible for why the world is going downhill. Alright then. You still dont get clothes from me if I dont know you
This is unhinged sorry. I've never in my life not offered a blanket/jumper to someone in my house if its colder than they're dressed for, especially at the point where she was asleep on the couch, but even before that. No matter why they're here and why they're not properly covered. "Babysitting" my arse its just common decency.
Nah, he straight up says they were “showing too much skin” and clearly wants to emphasize the slutty nature of her clothing as a basis off of which she should be denied all concern lol. Her fucking up is irrelevant to the central question: he’s an asshole, and if you think throwing someone a sweatshirt or finding them a blanket = “babysitting” someone that kind of says a lot about your character too.
And by his sisters words which he didn’t dispute, he gave her a baby blanket. If it had been a guy who’d worn a costume which caused him to be cold would he have given him a normal blanket or let him borrow some sweats/jacket? I think we know the answer is yes, he would have. But he was cruel just because it was a woman who he deemed slutty and he wanted to punish her. He seems to be jealous. And his own sister implied that he is not happy with his own life cause of having no friends or experiences with women. His sister was spot on, he could have been kind and maybe even made a friend. But as he implied by say “she (sister)doesn’t even know if she (the elf girl) was into me or not” after sister said he should have empathy if he wants girls to like him. So he only will be empathetic to a woman if and only if she “into” him aka wants to be with him. OPP is on his way to becoming an incel and the outlook not only for the people around him, but for his own happiness is not very good unless he really consciously makes major changes in his thoughts and actions. He may not be a devil yet but he is definitely knocking on that door. Everyone needs to be kind to others unless they have proven themselves to not deserve it.
> If it had been a guy who’d worn a costume which caused him to be cold would he have given him a normal blanket or let him borrow some sweats/jacket? I think we know the answer is yes I don’t think so - the policy seems to be “fend for yourself, uninvited/unwanted third-wheeling guest”
Because of people like you the world has become to crumble. Why hurt someone or make them miserable, if you can help them. Even if the person wouldn't give me back my clothes, I would gladly give them to them. I checked your comment history and you are either German or Austrian. You should be aware of situations where you feel helpless. Asking for help is embarrassing and hard, but sometimes you don't have a choice.
I’m with you. Do I take good care of my guests? Yes. Would I feel the same about a third wheel rando who has informed me that they are sleeping on my couch?
Oh look, an incel has become self aware!
This is the correct take. If you're going to be wearing a bikini in December, bring a change of clothes in the car. Hell, what if the car broke down on the side of the road?
Right. Like, he’s an AH for the “way too much skin” remark. But other than that, nah. I’m not giving some strange person my clothes or the blanket from my bed. He gave her what was available.
They’re in college and apparently share a class together since she knows who he is and they see each other twice a week. It’s his roommate’s girlfriend’s friend, not some rando meth head. Lending someone a sweatshirt when they’re cold is bare minimum common decency.
Why? You realize you can wash clothes and a blanket correct? So what is the reason to be so selfish?
Well, I’m not giving the blanket from my bed, bc that’s the one I use when I sleep. And I have no way of knowing if I’d ever get the clothes back to wash, so, yea. If it’s selfish to want the things I bought for me to stay in my possession for me to use, then yea I guess I’m selfish 🤷🏼♀️
What a sad way to be.
If you say so…
StRaNgE PeRsOn They see each other every week, what the fuck do you think is gonna happen to his precious blanket? And he did NOT give her what was available. I highly doubt he only has two blankets (one being a BABY blanket) in a house with two people.
It’s sad to me that you don’t see how broken you are.
I’m fully aware of how broken I am.
If you recognize it, then why not try to take steps to fix it. You might find happiness and peace.
All this bc I don’t think the guy was wrong to not give away his clothes and blankets? Maybe you should seek some happiness of your own instead of reading wayyyyyyy too much into one thing you saw on Reddit.
All this because you seem to not understand simple concepts of decency or empathy at all. You are blind to how messed up that is.
Bc of ONE instance. You’re basing this off of ONE opinion that I hold. She asked for clothes, he didn’t want to give them to her. It’s not like she was bleeding from a head wound and asked for a ride to the hospital and he was like, “nah”. This is so low stakes lol but you keep making your assumptions about my entire life if it makes you feel better about yourself.
Because it’s your attitude about such a small low stakes thing that reveals your character. The fact that you don’t see that means you don’t see how broken you are. And of course it’s kind of hilarious of how you call me judgmental when all you did was judge this woman who asked for so little
Where did I call you judgmental? I said you’re making assumptions, which you are. You’re assuming I’m unhappy, from one situation. You’re assuming I have no empathy, from one situation. It is kind of hilarious though, bc I have not made one comment about your life or you as a person. That was you. Have a nice evening. I’m done engaging with you and indulging your moral superiority.
Quite a few assumptions going on in this thread. Everyone in this story sucks, from the elves, to OP, to OP l'S sister.
Why does the elf girl denied a decent blanket suck?
Being some sort of weird DD who… either doesn’t feel comfortable intervening when her friends in a bad/volatile relationship, or is too clingy to give them some space when they’re clearly someplace safe. Also, if she’s driving, wouldn’t she keep a coat in her car, or a change of clothes? That’s to say nothing of how presumptuous it is to just sleep on someone’s couch uninvited while being a third wheel.