*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling my son if something happens to his dad then it will be his fault?**
My ex husband Mike has had a few really bad years. Last month his brother died after a long disease and was staying with Mike. I think between that and the last few years has broken him.
Our 16yo son Daniel says his dad has been self-medicating hard. I came by to drop something off for Daniel and told Mike I was sorry to hear about his brother, he was a nice guy. Wow. He aged like 10 years since the last time I saw him. Literally. He is in his early 40s and people thought he was in his early 30s. Now he looks like he's in his 50s. He casually mentioned he's been having chest pains too.
Daniel wants to go on a spring break camping trip and I said you really need to stay behind and watch your dad. He said he'll text and FaceTime him during the week that he's gone. I said your dad needs a body to check on him or you're going to walk in the door and see his dead body on the ground. If you go and something happens then it will be your fault. YOU need to stay behind and take care of him so you can't go.
I'm not trying to intervene on their relationship and I do occasionally text Mike but I don't live with him. This is a time when Daniel has to step up.
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OOP is so fucking disgusting for putting her ex's wellbeing on her child. And to say that to him is vile. What the hell is wrong with her? If she cares so damn much, *she* can stay with him.
>Her excuse is that she’s not his wife. She’s trash
She doesn't care enough to step in and try to help her ex, yet she apparently cares more for \*his\* wellbeing than for her minor son's. A 16-year-old should NOT be responsible for his dad's physical/mental health.
Seriously this kind of thing will fuck you up for life.
I grew up with an alcoholic father that regularly drank so much he would fall down and hit his head and stuff as well as an older sister who had a history of selfharm and suicide attempts.
Because I was constantly worried about them at night and felt extreme fear of one day waking up to find one of them dead I developed big time insomnia that has plagued me well into adulthood because I made sure to check on them until they were asleep. You end up being constantly on edge and can't even relax in your own home because you're always worried that 1 slip up means a lifetime of guilt.
And this was in a household where my mother despite her many faults also checked up on them and made sure to reassure me that even if something ever happened that it would absolutely not be my fault.
I can't imagine going through that alone on top of having my own mother guilt me into feeling even more responsible for that mess.
I sincerely hope that kid can save himself from that envoirment as soon as he's 18 because that's no way to live.
I know it's late, but I wanted to say that I understand exactly how you feel. My mother had an awful habit of falling asleep with lit cigarettes, sometimes because she was nodding out on pills. I would always make rounds, so that nothing would happen. I had to put out a pretty big fire once. If there hadn't been a lot of half-empty cups sitting on her bedside table, we would have been homeless. If I had been asleep, we would have been dead.
Less horrific, but I also had to keep an eye out for repo men and people we owed money. I remember feeling so helpless when they were towing our one car in the middle of the night, but I couldn't get any adult up. It's not the only reason I have insomnia, but it's one of them.
Things are better for me now, thankfully. But I empathize, I really do.
I had a much milder form of this, where my mom pulled me and my sister aside when I was around 11 or 12 and told us that if we didn't do something to help our dad lose weight he was going to die.
That was dramatic and he did not in fact die, despite not losing any weight until very recently. But it fucked me up and what is a 12 year old supposed to do to help their dad lose weight? I wasn't a nutritionist or a personal trainer, and I had no authority over my dad. The only thing I could think of was to sneak his unhealthy snacks and eat them myself so he'd eat less. Obviously that didn't work. And one time I took the last of his sodas and Mom basically went on a Spanish inquisition to find out who took it because it was *his.* Like ??? I remember her suspecting my sister and normally when the attention went onto her I'd fess up with things like this, but this was the one time I didn't because I knew if I explained it would seem like I was putting the blame on her and I *knew* that wouldn't go over well, so I was stuck.
Then she said something about it being weird to sneak food and lie about it, and if someone had a problem with food "we'd have a problem." Which sounded like she was threatening us into not having eating disorders??? I remember thinking even then that that was an absurd way to try to fix an eating disorder.
But whatever. The point is, kids shouldn't ever be made to feel responsible for their parents' lives. That's not how it's supposed to work.
These comments just reminded me of when I was a kid. I have one brother who’s a couple years older and my parents have been split but shared custody starting when I was a baby. My dad regularly used coke with his friends and drove after drinking. He never got caught/got a DUI so there wasn’t really anything my mom could do as far as changing the custody arrangement. So starting when I was around 6 she taught me to count how many drinks he had and if it were too much within the timeframe to refuse to get in the car and find a phone to call her. I understand why she did that to a certain extent, but that’s so much to put on a little kid.
My mom had a stroke while I was asleep. I was the only one home, and I was 17. She tried to scream for my help but I used to be a heavy sleeper. As soon as I woke up I called for my family to help, they took her to the hospital and now she's fine. But my family always blamed me for not waking up sooner. From my grandparents, to my uncle and aunt, they even made jokes about it while my mom was at the hospital. After that, I became a very light sleeper and now even small noises are enough to wake me up.
OOP is a vile woman, just utterly vile. Her comments on the post are vile. I think this has to be a troll and rage bait. If by some chance this is real, OOP will not be seeing much of her son in the future. He will go NC with this level of evil.
My Grandma told my sister and me that my Mom had a heart attack because we were bad little children, and if we didn't change our ways and behave, we would kill her.
Mom proceeded to come home from surgery and tell me if she died it would be my fault for not hanging up the cordless phone so she had it to dial 911 if she needed to, me not knowing where the nitro is to put under her tongue, etc.
That I'd find her dead body it would be MY FAULT is talking to my little friends worth that?
And there was a million ways apparently I could murder through neglect as a child. Like I guess I could kill my dogs by fire by leaving my curling iron plugged in on a marble counter turned OFF.
"They don't have hands, Ophelia, they can't open doors, they will die screaming in fire because YOU didn't unplug it and made a fire hazard again." (I was like 14).
So it definitely happens. And they thought they were in the right. Would they post on reddit today if they were tech savvy? That idk! They are pretty oblivious to their wrongness, possibly.
Anyways there is my identical trauma 😂😭
And yeah, you end up needing therapy for that.
I'm so sorry that your Grandma and Mom said such horrid things to you. You shouldn't have had to suffer through that. I hope therapy has helped you recover from their awful behavior.
Aw thank you 💜
I'm healed from that stuff, it helps to vent once in awhile, and just point out that like - while idk if THIS post is real, these PARENTS are out there. 😬💔
Poor kids, we learn nothing.
if you need a mom, even for a moment, then i am a mom who will love you unconditionally. you are a wonderful human being and while i hardly know you, you are worthy of a mother’s love and i’m here for you!
i am so sorry that the woman who incubated you ended her warmth after your birth. she, and “mothers” like her, are goddamn failures. you deserve better.
These are the exact sorts of things the anxiety in my brain tells me, I cannot imagine how damaging it would be to hear those things from the people who are supposed to protect me from that sort of thinking. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that
Fortunately I met some great friends in college who told me my anxieties were NOT nornal, and I could be happier, and I tried to start grappling with them and got help young.
I sometimes wonder what awful things my grandma probably said to my mother growing up. I wonder how much of the cycle is genetic and how much environmental...
One time my mom was being awful to me and my dad intervened, she yelled at my dad and he went out of the house (it was like 11 pm)
She then came into my room to wake me up and tell me that if my dad got in any type of accident it would be my fault.
Awful mothers like this exist, they do things like this, I wish it was fake, but if it isn't, makes sense that the kid lives with his dad.
i hope is rage bait cause the sarcasm really pissed me off. there are so many options oop could take (grandparents? neighbors? friends? other siblings? members of the church? nurses?) even if the kid did stay behind, dad could go in the middle of the night or when the kid is taking a shower.
seeing a body in such a state would be hard enough for an adult, but their own parent at a young age??? what a useless adult oop is
This is so wild to me. My kid’s father, from whom I’ve been separated for several years, is currently in crisis. I’m the one who checked on him and then started working with his family. Our shared goal is to shield our child from his fuckery. Wanting your child to experience trauma is so so messed up.
Honestly I buy that it is real. My mom went through a severe mental health crisis when I was a younger teen and I got a couple of "these are the things you need to do so your mom doesn't unal\*ve herself" talks, too. It was way too much to put on a 13 year old.
OP's demands are a bit more than I got, but the sentiment is the same.
I reckon it's real, my mother said this sort of thing to me a lot growing up. It messed with me and still does, even though we barely talk anymore. It's a horrible thing and OOP is an awful mother.
OOP sounds so persistent that the ex husband is gonna die if her son goes to the camping trip.
I'm starting to believe that she's actually gonna break into the house and kill him herself just so she could blame the son when he came back and yelled "I told you so!"
*Mother standing over father with a bloody hatchet*
"Mom?! What have you done?!"
"More like what have *you* done, Johnny! I told you he'd die if you went camping!"
I'm glad this is here so I can get pissy
How dare she put that emotional load on a teenager? He's a kid and let me tell you, I've been the 16 year old who had to deal with a dad having a drunken meltdown from nowhere. My mom was out of town and I didn't know what to do about it. It's fucking scary.
He may be her ex, but that's still the father of her child. If she doesn't want to help directly she should get in touch with someone who can.
Do not dump this shit on your kids, ever
She's treating her own son like that kid is her ex's emotional support dog. If she cares SO much about her ex's wellbeing, why doesn't SHE stays with him?
Yeah I can tell you that feeling responsible for a parent's well-being, especially one who's going down to their own bad choices, is NOT a good thing, and that inappropriate sense of responsibility manifests all too easily even *without* your own mother saying such an awful, inexcusable thing to you.
ETA and this would be true even if the kid WEREN'T a minor. Not even an adult can stop another adult from spiraling if they're determined to do so. It will at no point in this kid's life, even if he weren't a kid, be fair to expect him to hang around the house 24/7 (school and work both presenting a dangerous lack of supervision), figuring out finances somehow, just to watch his dad self-destruct and hope he figures out an overdose is happening soon enough to call 911 in time. Which is what this mom seems to expect.
I'm going to hope this is rage bait..otherwise that poor kid has no one he can rely on. His dad seems to be having a mental health crisis that is so bad he's self medicating and having chest pains and his mom wants this 16 year old child to step up and parent his father instead of stepping in or removing her child from the situation. Guilting her kid is gross. For the kid's sake I hope his dad gets the help he desperately needs and the mom learns some empathy
As a child who has been told that my actions could lead my parent to an early death... Absolutely the devil. Adults make their own choices and their children -- especially MINOR CHILDREN are not responsible for the consequences of those choices.
OOP is TA That is gross. Dad is self medicating - mom should be removing the child from the house as no child or teenager should live with an alcoholic or drug addict. Then she has the audacity to tell a teen they are responsible to be a caregiver for the addict and will be blamed if the addict dies. She is stealing her kid's childhood and not giving a care in the world that she is letting her kid become mentally and emotionally overloaded with reversing the parent child relationship. Her attitude and poor parenting is disgusting
I was looking to see if it was cross posted here already or I was going to do it. The OOP is an absolute fucking monster.
Edit to add: also take a look at the comments that she's been replying to people criticising her with. It's legitimately disgusting.
Holy parentifying BATMAN 😬
This is just... Awful. Why can't she check on him? If he's that bad off, and she cares about her son, she'll take some responsibility in all this
My family of origin told us we were responsible for our mother's schizophrenia, our father's alcoholism, sexual and physical abuse of us, and him going to prison for abusing us. We were responsible for us being in foster homes and being abused in care. We were responsible for everything bad that ever happened to us.....
My ex husband is often unstable because of his mental health. During the rough times, my second husband and I, and my family have absolutely run interference for our kids. Checking in him, making sure he's taking his meds, stopping by to talk and make sure he's eatin, getting to the doctor... And to raising and adopting his son from a relationship with his affair partner (born after our divorce). My ex is a decent man with a lot of trauma and mental health issues, he's decent father when he is stable.
And when my husband was severely injured in a car accident, my ex husband sat vigil with me at the hospital, totally step up financially and emotionally to support us and our kids.
We're forever tied to each other because we have kids
I had a friend of my mother's say this shit to me when I was younger. My parents split when I was a kid. I grew up with my mom until the state found her too crazy to look after my sister and me. There was a point when I was a little older and still living at my dad's when her friend called me and berated me for an hour about how it was my fault as her oldest child for leaving her alone and it was solely my job to watch my clinically insane mother to make sure she didn't commit suicide. I never brought that up to my mother's friend but she went from someone I could rely on to someone I held in extreme contempt.
I see she removed her post - what an absolute bitch for putting all this pressure on a high schooler.
Why can’t SHE check on her ex if she is so worried?
My mom would tell me that if she died it would be our fault for being horrible kids. I found my mom’s body and it fucked me up to the point I was nonfunctional for a year and a half, and I was 25 when that happened. I still have flashbacks and issues with nightmares because of it.
As someone who had a breakdown from the stress of trying to keep her alcoholic father under control after a suicide attempt and during a pandemic, this woman is beyond vile. I was in my 40’s and was having to check in solely because it was a pandemic and the damn world locked down. With my sister living at the other end of the country and state borders closed I was the only one who could physically visit him.
That is not something a 16 year old should ever be responsible for.
this has to be the kid posting if it’s not a creative writing post. if it is either way I feel horrible for the kid. in the context that’s a terrible thing to tell to anybody let alone a hormonal teenager.
I would think the same thing if my adoptive mother didn't blame my sister and I. She attempted suicide because my sister didn't clean her room and screamed at her saying "LOOK WHAT YOU DONE TO ME" when she came home from the hospital. She also told me if my dad got into a car accident after they got into a fight it would be my fault for starting it. I was 10 when she told me that.
Why is the onus of taking care of his ADULT father on your TEENAGE, minor son?
Your ex is "self-medicating", which is wrong on so many levels.
And to blame this on your son, if something "happens" to your ex, is ugh.
YTA.
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What if he stays behind to keep an eye on him and something happens? Wil it still be his fault? Yeah, there is no logic in blaming someone else for what another chooses do or how life effects them.
That is a horrible amount of responsibility to place on a kid. Also, its not even his responsibility to begin with! His dad needs help, but from a professional and not his child. To even suggest that it would be his fault if something happened is wretched.
Dr. Phil is controversial but he got a few things absolutely correct; you don't involve your child in adult issues. Period. It's really damaging, and that amount of pressure on a young person (especially at the onset of puberty, which is the most confusing and awkward stage of human development) is cruel. Let him be a kid and enjoy a fun trip with his friends. It's not that difficult to call in wellness checks on her ex husband for a few days if she is that concerned.
Omg I pray that this is fake. I couldn't tell this to either of my sons, who are in their late 20s and early 30s, if someone put a gun to my head and told me I had to. And she just casually drops it to a 16yo like it's nothing. Exactly why can't she come by and check on the ex while the kid is gone? That's the first thing I would've thought of if it were my ex (who I can easily see this happening to, hence why the post hit me as hard as it did)
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my son if something happens to his dad then it will be his fault?** My ex husband Mike has had a few really bad years. Last month his brother died after a long disease and was staying with Mike. I think between that and the last few years has broken him. Our 16yo son Daniel says his dad has been self-medicating hard. I came by to drop something off for Daniel and told Mike I was sorry to hear about his brother, he was a nice guy. Wow. He aged like 10 years since the last time I saw him. Literally. He is in his early 40s and people thought he was in his early 30s. Now he looks like he's in his 50s. He casually mentioned he's been having chest pains too. Daniel wants to go on a spring break camping trip and I said you really need to stay behind and watch your dad. He said he'll text and FaceTime him during the week that he's gone. I said your dad needs a body to check on him or you're going to walk in the door and see his dead body on the ground. If you go and something happens then it will be your fault. YOU need to stay behind and take care of him so you can't go. I'm not trying to intervene on their relationship and I do occasionally text Mike but I don't live with him. This is a time when Daniel has to step up. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
OOP is so fucking disgusting for putting her ex's wellbeing on her child. And to say that to him is vile. What the hell is wrong with her? If she cares so damn much, *she* can stay with him.
[удалено]
Real Parent of the Year here
Her excuse is that she’s not his wife. She’s trash
>Her excuse is that she’s not his wife. She’s trash She doesn't care enough to step in and try to help her ex, yet she apparently cares more for \*his\* wellbeing than for her minor son's. A 16-year-old should NOT be responsible for his dad's physical/mental health.
Seriously this kind of thing will fuck you up for life. I grew up with an alcoholic father that regularly drank so much he would fall down and hit his head and stuff as well as an older sister who had a history of selfharm and suicide attempts. Because I was constantly worried about them at night and felt extreme fear of one day waking up to find one of them dead I developed big time insomnia that has plagued me well into adulthood because I made sure to check on them until they were asleep. You end up being constantly on edge and can't even relax in your own home because you're always worried that 1 slip up means a lifetime of guilt. And this was in a household where my mother despite her many faults also checked up on them and made sure to reassure me that even if something ever happened that it would absolutely not be my fault. I can't imagine going through that alone on top of having my own mother guilt me into feeling even more responsible for that mess. I sincerely hope that kid can save himself from that envoirment as soon as he's 18 because that's no way to live.
I know it's late, but I wanted to say that I understand exactly how you feel. My mother had an awful habit of falling asleep with lit cigarettes, sometimes because she was nodding out on pills. I would always make rounds, so that nothing would happen. I had to put out a pretty big fire once. If there hadn't been a lot of half-empty cups sitting on her bedside table, we would have been homeless. If I had been asleep, we would have been dead. Less horrific, but I also had to keep an eye out for repo men and people we owed money. I remember feeling so helpless when they were towing our one car in the middle of the night, but I couldn't get any adult up. It's not the only reason I have insomnia, but it's one of them. Things are better for me now, thankfully. But I empathize, I really do.
I had a much milder form of this, where my mom pulled me and my sister aside when I was around 11 or 12 and told us that if we didn't do something to help our dad lose weight he was going to die. That was dramatic and he did not in fact die, despite not losing any weight until very recently. But it fucked me up and what is a 12 year old supposed to do to help their dad lose weight? I wasn't a nutritionist or a personal trainer, and I had no authority over my dad. The only thing I could think of was to sneak his unhealthy snacks and eat them myself so he'd eat less. Obviously that didn't work. And one time I took the last of his sodas and Mom basically went on a Spanish inquisition to find out who took it because it was *his.* Like ??? I remember her suspecting my sister and normally when the attention went onto her I'd fess up with things like this, but this was the one time I didn't because I knew if I explained it would seem like I was putting the blame on her and I *knew* that wouldn't go over well, so I was stuck. Then she said something about it being weird to sneak food and lie about it, and if someone had a problem with food "we'd have a problem." Which sounded like she was threatening us into not having eating disorders??? I remember thinking even then that that was an absurd way to try to fix an eating disorder. But whatever. The point is, kids shouldn't ever be made to feel responsible for their parents' lives. That's not how it's supposed to work.
These comments just reminded me of when I was a kid. I have one brother who’s a couple years older and my parents have been split but shared custody starting when I was a baby. My dad regularly used coke with his friends and drove after drinking. He never got caught/got a DUI so there wasn’t really anything my mom could do as far as changing the custody arrangement. So starting when I was around 6 she taught me to count how many drinks he had and if it were too much within the timeframe to refuse to get in the car and find a phone to call her. I understand why she did that to a certain extent, but that’s so much to put on a little kid.
Especially for a week! Jesus CHRIST
First off happy cake day. Second off I just want to give that baby a hug and tell him that he’s only responsible for himself and his own actions.
Thank you! ~~And frankly, if he chooses to deck his mother, I'd chip in for his legal fund~~
I worked as a Juvenile Probation Officer, we’ll argue his case effectively.
My mom had a stroke while I was asleep. I was the only one home, and I was 17. She tried to scream for my help but I used to be a heavy sleeper. As soon as I woke up I called for my family to help, they took her to the hospital and now she's fine. But my family always blamed me for not waking up sooner. From my grandparents, to my uncle and aunt, they even made jokes about it while my mom was at the hospital. After that, I became a very light sleeper and now even small noises are enough to wake me up.
I know, right? If she is so concerned, SHE could stay and keep an eye on her ex
Fr. If OOP cares so much why can't she do it?
OOP is a vile woman, just utterly vile. Her comments on the post are vile. I think this has to be a troll and rage bait. If by some chance this is real, OOP will not be seeing much of her son in the future. He will go NC with this level of evil.
My Grandma told my sister and me that my Mom had a heart attack because we were bad little children, and if we didn't change our ways and behave, we would kill her. Mom proceeded to come home from surgery and tell me if she died it would be my fault for not hanging up the cordless phone so she had it to dial 911 if she needed to, me not knowing where the nitro is to put under her tongue, etc. That I'd find her dead body it would be MY FAULT is talking to my little friends worth that? And there was a million ways apparently I could murder through neglect as a child. Like I guess I could kill my dogs by fire by leaving my curling iron plugged in on a marble counter turned OFF. "They don't have hands, Ophelia, they can't open doors, they will die screaming in fire because YOU didn't unplug it and made a fire hazard again." (I was like 14). So it definitely happens. And they thought they were in the right. Would they post on reddit today if they were tech savvy? That idk! They are pretty oblivious to their wrongness, possibly. Anyways there is my identical trauma 😂😭 And yeah, you end up needing therapy for that.
I'm so sorry that your Grandma and Mom said such horrid things to you. You shouldn't have had to suffer through that. I hope therapy has helped you recover from their awful behavior.
Aw thank you 💜 I'm healed from that stuff, it helps to vent once in awhile, and just point out that like - while idk if THIS post is real, these PARENTS are out there. 😬💔 Poor kids, we learn nothing.
if you need a mom, even for a moment, then i am a mom who will love you unconditionally. you are a wonderful human being and while i hardly know you, you are worthy of a mother’s love and i’m here for you! i am so sorry that the woman who incubated you ended her warmth after your birth. she, and “mothers” like her, are goddamn failures. you deserve better.
These are the exact sorts of things the anxiety in my brain tells me, I cannot imagine how damaging it would be to hear those things from the people who are supposed to protect me from that sort of thinking. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that
Fortunately I met some great friends in college who told me my anxieties were NOT nornal, and I could be happier, and I tried to start grappling with them and got help young. I sometimes wonder what awful things my grandma probably said to my mother growing up. I wonder how much of the cycle is genetic and how much environmental...
One time my mom was being awful to me and my dad intervened, she yelled at my dad and he went out of the house (it was like 11 pm) She then came into my room to wake me up and tell me that if my dad got in any type of accident it would be my fault. Awful mothers like this exist, they do things like this, I wish it was fake, but if it isn't, makes sense that the kid lives with his dad.
What a terrible thing for your mom to say.
Yeah, she's now out of my life for good.
i hope is rage bait cause the sarcasm really pissed me off. there are so many options oop could take (grandparents? neighbors? friends? other siblings? members of the church? nurses?) even if the kid did stay behind, dad could go in the middle of the night or when the kid is taking a shower. seeing a body in such a state would be hard enough for an adult, but their own parent at a young age??? what a useless adult oop is
This is so wild to me. My kid’s father, from whom I’ve been separated for several years, is currently in crisis. I’m the one who checked on him and then started working with his family. Our shared goal is to shield our child from his fuckery. Wanting your child to experience trauma is so so messed up.
Honestly I buy that it is real. My mom went through a severe mental health crisis when I was a younger teen and I got a couple of "these are the things you need to do so your mom doesn't unal\*ve herself" talks, too. It was way too much to put on a 13 year old. OP's demands are a bit more than I got, but the sentiment is the same.
you don't have to say "unalive", you can literally just say "kill."
I reckon it's real, my mother said this sort of thing to me a lot growing up. It messed with me and still does, even though we barely talk anymore. It's a horrible thing and OOP is an awful mother.
While it’s likely fake, if it is real he would be completely justified to never speak to her again.
OOP sounds so persistent that the ex husband is gonna die if her son goes to the camping trip. I'm starting to believe that she's actually gonna break into the house and kill him herself just so she could blame the son when he came back and yelled "I told you so!"
*Mother standing over father with a bloody hatchet* "Mom?! What have you done?!" "More like what have *you* done, Johnny! I told you he'd die if you went camping!"
lmao 🤣
I'm glad this is here so I can get pissy How dare she put that emotional load on a teenager? He's a kid and let me tell you, I've been the 16 year old who had to deal with a dad having a drunken meltdown from nowhere. My mom was out of town and I didn't know what to do about it. It's fucking scary. He may be her ex, but that's still the father of her child. If she doesn't want to help directly she should get in touch with someone who can. Do not dump this shit on your kids, ever
OOP sounds more like a 16 year old than an adult in the comments
She's treating her own son like that kid is her ex's emotional support dog. If she cares SO much about her ex's wellbeing, why doesn't SHE stays with him?
Yeah I can tell you that feeling responsible for a parent's well-being, especially one who's going down to their own bad choices, is NOT a good thing, and that inappropriate sense of responsibility manifests all too easily even *without* your own mother saying such an awful, inexcusable thing to you. ETA and this would be true even if the kid WEREN'T a minor. Not even an adult can stop another adult from spiraling if they're determined to do so. It will at no point in this kid's life, even if he weren't a kid, be fair to expect him to hang around the house 24/7 (school and work both presenting a dangerous lack of supervision), figuring out finances somehow, just to watch his dad self-destruct and hope he figures out an overdose is happening soon enough to call 911 in time. Which is what this mom seems to expect.
I'm going to hope this is rage bait..otherwise that poor kid has no one he can rely on. His dad seems to be having a mental health crisis that is so bad he's self medicating and having chest pains and his mom wants this 16 year old child to step up and parent his father instead of stepping in or removing her child from the situation. Guilting her kid is gross. For the kid's sake I hope his dad gets the help he desperately needs and the mom learns some empathy
As a child who has been told that my actions could lead my parent to an early death... Absolutely the devil. Adults make their own choices and their children -- especially MINOR CHILDREN are not responsible for the consequences of those choices.
I'm in that club too, agreed. All it did was make me literally sick with worry. It's not on us! 💜
OOP is TA That is gross. Dad is self medicating - mom should be removing the child from the house as no child or teenager should live with an alcoholic or drug addict. Then she has the audacity to tell a teen they are responsible to be a caregiver for the addict and will be blamed if the addict dies. She is stealing her kid's childhood and not giving a care in the world that she is letting her kid become mentally and emotionally overloaded with reversing the parent child relationship. Her attitude and poor parenting is disgusting
I was looking to see if it was cross posted here already or I was going to do it. The OOP is an absolute fucking monster. Edit to add: also take a look at the comments that she's been replying to people criticising her with. It's legitimately disgusting.
Is there any way I can read the comments? Its all deleted. Im dying to see her fight for her life in the comments.
Oh she wasn't fighting for her life. She was accusing everyone else of being delusional.
Of course she was.
Holy parentifying BATMAN 😬 This is just... Awful. Why can't she check on him? If he's that bad off, and she cares about her son, she'll take some responsibility in all this
What the hell is wrong with her!!!
My watch notified me that my heart rate changed enough to ask me if I was okay after reading this...
OK guys. Sub's over. We have found the devil...
My family of origin told us we were responsible for our mother's schizophrenia, our father's alcoholism, sexual and physical abuse of us, and him going to prison for abusing us. We were responsible for us being in foster homes and being abused in care. We were responsible for everything bad that ever happened to us..... My ex husband is often unstable because of his mental health. During the rough times, my second husband and I, and my family have absolutely run interference for our kids. Checking in him, making sure he's taking his meds, stopping by to talk and make sure he's eatin, getting to the doctor... And to raising and adopting his son from a relationship with his affair partner (born after our divorce). My ex is a decent man with a lot of trauma and mental health issues, he's decent father when he is stable. And when my husband was severely injured in a car accident, my ex husband sat vigil with me at the hospital, totally step up financially and emotionally to support us and our kids. We're forever tied to each other because we have kids
What was oop saying in the comments? Their account is now suspended. I really hope that means they were indeed a troll.
I had a friend of my mother's say this shit to me when I was younger. My parents split when I was a kid. I grew up with my mom until the state found her too crazy to look after my sister and me. There was a point when I was a little older and still living at my dad's when her friend called me and berated me for an hour about how it was my fault as her oldest child for leaving her alone and it was solely my job to watch my clinically insane mother to make sure she didn't commit suicide. I never brought that up to my mother's friend but she went from someone I could rely on to someone I held in extreme contempt.
I see she removed her post - what an absolute bitch for putting all this pressure on a high schooler. Why can’t SHE check on her ex if she is so worried?
She removed her account, too.
What the *fuck*.
This parentification is emotionally abusive.
OOP’s worse than the devil, she is the lava surrounding the devil
My mom would tell me that if she died it would be our fault for being horrible kids. I found my mom’s body and it fucked me up to the point I was nonfunctional for a year and a half, and I was 25 when that happened. I still have flashbacks and issues with nightmares because of it.
I am so sorry. I hope you know you are in no way at fault for what happened.
As someone who had a breakdown from the stress of trying to keep her alcoholic father under control after a suicide attempt and during a pandemic, this woman is beyond vile. I was in my 40’s and was having to check in solely because it was a pandemic and the damn world locked down. With my sister living at the other end of the country and state borders closed I was the only one who could physically visit him. That is not something a 16 year old should ever be responsible for.
this has to be the kid posting if it’s not a creative writing post. if it is either way I feel horrible for the kid. in the context that’s a terrible thing to tell to anybody let alone a hormonal teenager.
Eh, my maternal grandmother has said similarly cruel things to me before.
I’m really sorry to hear it.
Thanks. My family kind of sucks all around, so I’ve found my own family here and on Discord.
I would think the same thing if my adoptive mother didn't blame my sister and I. She attempted suicide because my sister didn't clean her room and screamed at her saying "LOOK WHAT YOU DONE TO ME" when she came home from the hospital. She also told me if my dad got into a car accident after they got into a fight it would be my fault for starting it. I was 10 when she told me that.
Why is the onus of taking care of his ADULT father on your TEENAGE, minor son? Your ex is "self-medicating", which is wrong on so many levels. And to blame this on your son, if something "happens" to your ex, is ugh. YTA.
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I am actually without words. I am rendered speechless. That doesn't happen often.
What if he stays behind to keep an eye on him and something happens? Wil it still be his fault? Yeah, there is no logic in blaming someone else for what another chooses do or how life effects them.
That is a horrible amount of responsibility to place on a kid. Also, its not even his responsibility to begin with! His dad needs help, but from a professional and not his child. To even suggest that it would be his fault if something happened is wretched. Dr. Phil is controversial but he got a few things absolutely correct; you don't involve your child in adult issues. Period. It's really damaging, and that amount of pressure on a young person (especially at the onset of puberty, which is the most confusing and awkward stage of human development) is cruel. Let him be a kid and enjoy a fun trip with his friends. It's not that difficult to call in wellness checks on her ex husband for a few days if she is that concerned.
What a disgusting thing to say
Ugh, why does reddit now nuke these AH accounts...?
This hag doesn't deserve kids with that attitude it's not his place to babysit his dad. If she's so concerned about it then she can babysit the ex.
Did anyone manage to grab her comments before she deleted? I am *incredibly* curious to read her justifications.
Omg I pray that this is fake. I couldn't tell this to either of my sons, who are in their late 20s and early 30s, if someone put a gun to my head and told me I had to. And she just casually drops it to a 16yo like it's nothing. Exactly why can't she come by and check on the ex while the kid is gone? That's the first thing I would've thought of if it were my ex (who I can easily see this happening to, hence why the post hit me as hard as it did)
He’s 16! His father’s health is not his responsibility! My G-d, OOP, what the fuck is wrong with you?
Yes. Wtf is wrong with you. Bad shit happens every day. And no I didn't read what you wrote because it doesn't matter.
Evil. The kid can't stop the father self medicating. She's only passing the baton to the kid because she's too selfish to be the adult here!