They didn't just break in. They stole from you. You absolutely should press charges. Not doing so teaches them there are no consequences to their abhorrent behavior. This is NOT OK.
Also, stop with the key under a rock thing. You should probably change our rekey your locks, too, after this.
You have to press charges or they will do this to you again and again until you do. They broke into the house, used your car and obviously went through your belongings to steal what they could.
PRESS CHARGES ASAP.
Not the jerk.
This☝🏾! If you don't force them to face consequences for their actions, they won't stop and will do something like this again. It will get increasingly difficult to stop them because the guilt will prevent you from teaching them that they cannot treat you like this. Do not give them that power over your life.
if you let them get away with it they will take that as everything they did was ok, no consequences, so will do it again and you will be on pins till they do. You have to press charges, they had no concern for you or your feelings, you have no concerns for theirs
Honestly sounds like they aren't smart enough to commit fraud but as they approach this as "anything OP has is ours" then it isn't a bad idea, either!!!!
Possibly but I was thinking more like taking the card number from delivered mail while they are there. Opening and seeing his bank balance, or some other entitled behavior.
Just as an added bonus, opening someone else's mail is a felony punishable by up to five years in federal prison. You do not want to draw the ire of the US Postal Inspection Service.
Yes, they will. Charges for a crime and a restraining order are two different things and handled in two different sections of the court. The latter is usually held in family court.
Restraining orders are not held in Family Court and if you go to a judge and explain to them situation but tell him that you're not willing to file a police report or press charges there is a limited amount that they can do to offer you legal protection. If I go to a judge and say that I need legal protection from my family because they broke into my house and tried to steal from me, the judge is going to want proof of this. And if you're not willing to press charges then how serious is the judge going to take your claims.
This… op you have to teach them that actions have consequences, and if you press charges they know that you’re not to be messed with.
I also think you need to do a security update, change the locks ( maybe go electronic locks) definitely get cameras and an alarm system.
I would probably also contact a lawyer and see about getting a restraining order and start documenting things with them.
Op, don’t let other family members make you feel bad, they broke in , and they stole things , and mom and sis will have their side of things, but you’ll have documentation that tells the real story.
I so agree, Press charges. They literally stole from OP. The breaking in to the home and using his things was bonkers, but the theft is a literal crime and they were caught red handed. They didn’t take his reaction seriously, they don’t respect him and they *stole from him*. They’re awful people and actions have consequences
Change all locks, get cameras and motion lights all around. Put an extra set of keys in a secure place that thieves can't get at or find. Press charges and don't cave under family pressure. Mom and sis, and others, will do it again if you weaken.
But he has SOOOO MUCH... and they were on holiday celebrating golden child's good fortune. On one hand they didn't expect that he would call the cops, that their luggage would be searched, or that he would even miss the stuff for a good long time. On the other hand isn't it obvious that Golden Child deserved all these expensive things that her brother owned as gifts to help her celebrate her good fortune? /s
Nta and PRESS CHARGES!! They have proved that without a doubt they have absolutely no respect for you whatsoever and THEN they robbed you blind on the way out whilst thinking leaving meant you weren’t calling the police. They legitimately robbed you whilst fully believing that you were in the process of doing them a huge favour! They are disgustingly people and I am so sorry, you deserve much better. Good luck op.
If I'm wrong, I apologize, but I'm not buying this story. You're 28 and have your own "pretty big" home with a pool. You walked around outside to see if anything was missing, but you'd already seen that your car was gone. What could be missing outside that's more important than your vehicle? You had to go to your room to call the police? I would think that you would have called them as soon as you noticed your car was gone. And your mother just showed up out of nowhere? And why were you in your room for half an hour without even calling the police? Also, it took them only a couple of minutes to arrive? With you not being in any imminent danger? That's really hard to believe, as most people in your situation complain that the police take too long to arrive, if they arrive at all. The biggest sign for me that this story is bogus is your supposed conversation with your mother. Most people, when relaying a conversation, will narrate the conversation, condensing it to give the gist of it. You've written yours like a dialogue for a book. Just a big nope from me.
OP also didn't notice his mom's car parked nearby. If they were taking stuff, they would have it close by.
'Mom' also didn't attempt to stop OP from calling the cops when they 1st made the threat - she just whined and flounced off to chill on the couch, I guess.
Nailed it. These people act like we can’t tell if they took inspiration from another story. This sounds like a teenager on what he thinks is going to happen when he becomes an adult.. while simultaneously projecting his current issues with his mother, invading his privacy into the story.
Somehow magically came over with suitcases with his shit in it ?? Riiiight
And the evil family members stole a gold necklace he had lying around the house (just in case he got a girlfriend). Yeahhh that was a detail too far into wish fulfillment fantasy.
Your a jerk for leaving the key to your house where they could get to it and for leaving the keys to your car. You are asking them to break in and steal your car and anything in your house. It is 50% your fault. I would press charges - they knowingly broke into your house and were trying to steal your stuff. SMARTEN UP.
NTA. I was ready to say that you may have overreacted a TAD, but as soon as those suitcases had your stuff in it, then you were absolutely justified in every single thing you did
Honestly I don’t think you are being too harsh - everyone needed a reality check here - you about how you are viewed in the family (with no respect at all ) and them for a check on their behaviour - good on you actually
When someone steals from family, they aren't really family just a bloodline that can be ignored! Enjoy your life but leave these critters out of it. Fully charge them, they planned to steal and abuse you, because your FAMILY! You're not the Jerk!
Only you can decide what to do. Just remember:
If you don’t press charges they will probably do this again and it will probably escalate over time. They will use the fact that you didn’t press charges as proof of your being okay with this behavior (in future police and court proceedings).
If you do press charges you may lose contact with your family (for the quick birthday and merry Christmas chats).
Seems obvious to me, but it is your decision.
Press charges. If you dont who knows whats going to happen, they might pull off an even bigger stunt. Teach them the lesson they so much deserve. THEY WENT THROUGH YOUR THINGS! Get all that you can.
Not the jerk
Press charges. They literally stole from you. The breaking in to your home and using your things was bonkers, but the theft is a literal crime and they were caught red handed. They didn’t take you seriously, they don’t respect you and they *stole from you*. They’re awful people and actions have consequences
Absolutely you press charges. I am close with my family, and we have keys to one another's homes. But I promise you that none of us show up without advance notice and we sure as heck aren't taking one another's cars without their consent, nor do we load up our luggage with each others' belongings. That's breaking and entering and theft. Just because you happen to share some DNA doesn't change this.
NTJ. The flagrant weirdly entitled behaviour is one thing, the theft (including using your car w/o them being on yr insurance cover) is quite another. Press charges on the theft - they've shown you they don't treat you like family and that they might not even Like you very much.
This is not on you. This is all them. Just because you share DNA with someone doesn’t make them family. Family doesn’t break into your house, take your car on a joyride, ransack your home and steal your valuables
I’m calling a partial BS on this.
Your story is that you leave a key under a rock, and your mom “guessed” it was there, in fact planned a vacation relying on the fact that she could break into your house with this key?
I’m guessing you told her it was there. I’m not saying she’s right for what she did, but why embellish? It’s likely she was told it was there for emergencies and took advantage (if true). None of this sounds like real life.
Press charges and go no contact. This isn't her family treat each other. A stranger on the street would treat you better.
If any relatives or anyone else call you heartless, blame the situation or not but then cut them off too.
Only mistakes here were leaving a key under a rock, and I guess you could probably have called the non emergency line instead of 911. Press charges. Your mom and sister made their intent to disregard your privacy and steal your personal possessions very clear. You can't trust that kind of person to promise not to do that kind of thing again, and they _didn't_ even say they would change their behavior before or even after you called the cops. I don't really like or trust cops, but that's the avenue you had to deal with the situation after your mom and sister refused outright to listen to reason.
NTJ. If any other two females who you don't have relationships with did this TO you, would this even be a question?
You are being manipulated successfully if you do not press charges.
Even if you felt inclined to let the break-in off with a scare from the police (which would be a huge mistake), they stole from you. They were going to walk out of there with your stuff. They tried to take YOUR HOUSE, ffs. Imagine if the cops hadn't sided with you. There's no coming back from that, so there's nothing to save here.
NO!! you are not the jerk.
DUDE, THEY STOLE FROM YOU, on top of breaking into your house. Press charges. If you don't, you'll let these people know they can steal from you, break into your stuff, and completely disrespect you. Sharing dna does not make someone family and children owe parents nothing for decisions that were made without the kids consent (As a mother of two). You may feel bad about doing the right thing (guilt will go away eventually) by calling the police, but they did not feel bad AT ALL about using you, disrespecting you and stealing from you til they had to face the consequences of their actions.
Head up! Backbone straight! Don't back down.
Im not buying this. He leaves a house *and* his car keys available in front of the house and then tells his mother (who he claims he barely talks to) where they are? No.
ETA: reread it. I misunderstood whete his car keys were. It seems they were inside the house as opposed to with the house key. My bad. Still not sure I buy this one.
Why am I starting to feel like all these basically the same non-favored-child-experiences-jawdropping-behavior-from-favored-sibling-and-parent stories are all bullshit?
If you do not enforce consequences, they will continue to pull this shit.
(Same damn concept should've been applied when your mom and sister were being raised.)
NTJ.
Press. Charges.
NTJ. Press charges, get a restraining order, change your locks and don't have a hidden key, and get security cameras. They did not just break into your home. They were stealing from you. I, NAL, would tell the DA that if they agree not to contest a restraining order and pay $$ for new locks, you're willing to let them off with a guilty plea to some minor charge that carries no jail time but ensures serious consequences of they try any nonsense in the future.
Not the jerk. You’ll be the jerk to yourself if you don’t press charges on them though. If your logic is They are FAMILY… well why did you call the cops in the first place? Sorry to be so blunt… but they STOLE FROM YOU AND VROKE INTO YOUR HOUSE AND ACTED LIKE YOU OWE THEM YOUR HOME?!?! People who love you don’t do this hun.
Press charges bro are you fucking kidding? If you don't arrive at the time you did you would be missing all that jewelry and watches. THEY did that to you. Why are you trying to salvage whatever little bond you have left?
Actions have consequences in both your mother and your sister need to pay for their actions against you that's unacceptable Behavior never should be condoned and I would request a restraining order against them as well good luck to you
You have to press charges. They played FAFO and now it’s time for them to FIND OUT.
NTJ. Remember, if you don’t press charges, they will do this to you AGAIN. And AGAIN. They need to feel the deep painful consequences of their actions.
You will be the jerk if you don't press charges. First off you didn't invite them to stay at your place, and they both felt entitled to not only enter your home but to steal items from you. it would be petty theft or grand theft depending on the value of what they stole.
Pressing charges for the break-in and auto theft is not unreasonable. If they just had an unannounced visit, it might be different. Taking your car without permission took things to another level.
The items in their luggage that they tried to steal from you... That 100% removes all hesitation or guilt.
Full charges & restraining order. Share court records to friends and family online. This way, it is not a matter of "But SHE said..."
The consequences of their own actions will slap them sane. The fact that people they assume should take their side are unlikely to do so, may drive the point home. ....Or they will retreat further into comfortable delusion because reality hurts.
In any case, you are not responsible for their questionable sanity.
Think about what you *are* responsible for. Your home should be a safe space both for yourself and any hypothetical partner/children that you may ever have. Take the necessary steps to KEEP it safe.
Press charges.
Change the locks.
Stop leaving a spare key under a rock.
Buy security cameras.
Change your phone number. **ETA:** Keep your current number active for a while so that any texts/voice mails can be kept as evidence. Get a new number to give to those you trust.
Go no contact.
Not a jerk man press charges and don't be nice about it. Not only did they break into your house, but your bitch sister stole your car and then they tried to hide shit they stole in their luggage. Fuck them they don't deserve sympathy and family goes out the window when they try to steal your shit.
Press charges. My family is like that press charges. You will never teach them that they have no right ear things unless you press charges. Where is all of their understanding of you and what happened to your press charges!!
Why the hell is this even a question? They tresspassed used your stuff without asking then tried to nick valuables press charges sue their ass and get on with ur life
They actually squatted in their own family member’s house. It’s crazy that they would think it was okay. I’m glad you left when you were 18 and I think it’s right to press charges and file a restraining order. Their lack of respect is ridiculous. I hope everything works out and they stay away.
NTJ I was thinking pressing charges was a bit extreme until you got to the part of them having your valuables in their suitcases. At that point there’s no question that charges should be pressed. If for no other reason than to help your mother and sister understand boundaries and that she needs to respect you are a grown man and what belongs to you is 100% yours and not hers.
NTJ, these people thought they could BREAK IN AMD STEAL from you cause you’re “family”? What sort of family does that?! It’s literally abusive, good on you for pressing charges.
You need to get cameras and an alarm system as well. I have saved myself so much drama by putting an alarm and cameras on our house. With a larger home, it will always be a tempting target when you are gone.
Was OK with letting it go with using the car and home for a couple days while you were gone. But then the part about the stealing and them doing it ro your uncle, I guess proceeding is the only way they may realize this is not how family or friends treat each other.
I'd have a tough time actually testifying against them and maybe you take it to that point and drop it. As long as the RO is in place and they know you can have the charges refiled.
Yeah dude, press charge, they not only commited a crime, they commited it AGAINST FAMILY.
If you do so they'll definitely be cut off from you? All the more reason!
Good riddance, stupid losers.
NTJ- Good for you for having them arrested. Why have them arrested & not press charges? Kind of defeats the purpose of the arrest. I would suggest you change your door locks. They’ve probably already copied the key. I would also add, you need to invest in a doorbell camera. I can see the family paying you another visit. They appear to be the type who will seek vengeance, because how dare you have “family” arrested. You will have all the evidence you need for a RO or to press charges for property damage.
With a family like this, you would be better off as an orphan. Inform all the thieves (including daddy dearest) that they are no longer family but only people that you share DNA with.
You are not being too harsh. Giving them a half hour when the broke into your home and stole your belongings was pretty dang generous.
May I suggest that you get an electronic lock for your door? You can program it multiple times, so if you need to give the code to someone at some point for a time limited reason, you can then change it to a temporary code.
No key lock, no key under a rock.
You’re totally right on all fronts. And your feelings are absolutely justified. Just one question: are you sure you want to cut contact with your dad? Do you think he is trying to keep the peace and has been overrun for years by your mother and sister? It’s a thought, it may be out of
Left field.
I don’t know that you’ll get much Justice as I’m assuming this might be a first time offense for your mom and sister.
I don’t understand why they came to YOUR house. Why not stay at theirs? Do you live a distance from your family in a resort town or something ?
Press charges and follow through. That’s the only way they will learn that their behavior is criminal and that criminal behavior has very serious consequences..
NTA
"My father called me very angrily and told me not to yesterday, and said that I would be a bad son and brother, and that I would never be part of the family if I did."
"Dad, I was *never* a part of the family. Goodbye."
That should be your response. Good luck with your court case!!!
Gaslighting at its finest. They try to steal and use your property without permission but due to family reasons you shouldn't call the police. WTH is wrong with people? Why do people think it's OK to do bad things as long as you do it to family? No wonder the ways of the Nuclear Family are fading if this is how it's supposed to be.
Story falls apart.
Author notices someone has been in the house, messing with stuff, goes to "my room" and calls the police. Dude, it's the protagonist's house: every room is his room. Home owners don't talk like that. I have a den, I have a master bedroom, kids' rooms, guest room, master bathroom, water closet, master closet, kids' bathroom, guest bathroom, dining room, living room, kitchen, laundry room, garage, gym, etc. etc. I don't have "my room".
But okay, he's called the police at that point. The first call. Which they ignored apparently. I'm guessing the call went something like "my mom and sister are being total jerks! Come arrest them!" "This line is for emergencies only."
Then his mom comes in, they have their bru-ha-ha, his inner turmoil over daring to call the police against his mother or not. 30 minutes pass. Still no police, because they ignored that first call right? Finally, he calls the police and they arrived "a couple of minutes later". For a civil but still illegal domestic dispute? Or a B&E? You gotta' get that part of the story right, because the police response will vary. And either way, they won't show up in 2 or 5 minutes for that nonsense. Dispatch will want info regarding the situation, and they'll react appropriately. "My mom won't get off my couch, and I think she's stealing my clothes and jewelry for a girlfriend I have at another school... I mean business office. You wouldn't know her" will get a different reaction than "and I think she's stealing some of my licensed guns." You'll likely get one or maybe two cops in a car eventually, time (and number of further cop cars) based on how much of a risk to the community they think the call is. This sounds like a low risk call, so they'd not be in a big hurry.
But okay, then the cops come, mom and sis claim it's their house, and the author shows them proof it's really his. "See officer, I have my copy of the deed with my name on it!" "Well that's all well and good son, but that deed is months/years old. We don't know what the current paperwork says. We're still going to have to conduct an investigation. And we're going to bring you all down to the station to figure this out." Here's where it gets cute: the mom and sis either came clean fucking quick or they were lying to police during an investigation. At which point the author pressing charges or not was just extra ammo for the prosecution's case against the mom and sister.
tl;dr - story is fiction. Feels like a teenage kid got mad his mom let his younger sister into his room, take his car keys, and borrow his car without permission (except his parents probably bought it for him, and it's really their car and in their names). Kid goes to reddit with a fantasy of having his own house, his own car, and nobody can take it from him no matter how bad they want to.
NTJ. Press the fuckin charge on them! Let them learn their lesson hard way! Do it. They must learn to respect you. You will be fine even without them in your life.
Not the jerk. They expected to walk over you. They were wrong.
Now, they have to pay the price. And stealing from you, that is definitely a sign that they don't know what family is supposed to behave.
Let them learn today.
As someone who always locks myself out, get a key pad lock for your front door. I got one a few months ago, and it's a game changer.
As a paramedic, it is also something I recommend to EVERYONE. You never know when you may have an emergency and need the fire department, police, or EMS to enter your home. If you can't unlock the door, we may have to break in. Hidden keys are decent, but they make the home accessible to anyone that finds it. You can find key lock boxes, but those still need to be hidden, and if we struggle to find them, it's a delay in getting to you, or might still mean breaking in. Once you give the code to dispatch to let us in, you can change it to something else and never have to worry about it being given out.
NTA!
You family isn’t family at all; they are just people you came into the world with and should now leave behind!!!
When you get married you will be able to choose your family and build your own family and it will be beautiful.
True family doesn’t steal from you.
Until then, PRESS CHARGES.
Then get them out of your life forever!
So you’re a bad son for pressing charges, but they committed multiple crimes here and they’re NOT “bad” according to your father & mother?? Not a jerk.
NTJ. It truly doesn't explain whether they're family or not but they just have to have boundaries with your things. Breaking into someone's house is a crime and using it as an excuse isn't a solution.
NTA. A thief is a thief, even if they are family.
I did so enjoy the image of them running away with their suitcases filled with stolen items as the police pulled up. If you had not called the police, you never would have gotten these things back.
Do re-key the locks. It is most likely that they made copies.
Who needs people like this in your life? They deserve what they got. Even when you warned them, they sat there and watched tv. I hope your car was in good condition when it was returned. I bet there was little gas in it.
Not the jerk - good for you pressing charges. It’s the only way for people like your family to get the message loud and clear. I’m sure it’s not an easy decision to make but for your own sanity it’s the best decision.
NTA
I’m glad you followed through with pressing charges. The broke into your house, stole from you, your sister stole your car. Go NC with all these people, including your dad. Block them all. Put cameras on the outside of your house and a ring doorbell. Change your locks. Check your credit reports for fraud and put a freeze on your reports.
Lose the connection. You’ll be happier and safer.
You are not a jerk. It's time for Mother and Sister to grow up, and if you play stupid games, you get consequences. I moved out at 17 myself. My brother was "the golden child" syndrome that my grandmother cared for more than me, her other grandchildren, plus her own son's. All because my (our) mother was murdered and suddenly everything was poor ole brother, like I didn't exist.
They stole stuff, let them suffer the consequences. As for Dad's little threat, u moved out at 17. Obviously, he didn't care then and only cares now cause wife and sister on the hook have criminal records and might look bad to others? They need to be stopped.
I applaud you and stand strong. You will never matter more than the golden child 💛 your sister.
Nope- cut them all off and block them. They tried to steal from you. Family doesn’t do that. Make sure you get a restraining order because they will absolutely show up at your house again. Get security cameras also.
I think they need to hear in court by the justice system with a judge and lawyers that what they did was wrong. Period. They are deep into rationalizing all of this. And go no contact for as long as you want. This is not a family. This is a cesspool. You are not valued or appreciated.
Friend, you already don't have a connection with them. You haven't for quite some time. Let go of them - they are doing you no good.
I'm sorry your birth family sucks. I hope that you find a chosen family that cherishes you and treats you with love and respect.
NTJ. Your sister and mom did the wrong thing. Don't speak to them until they get their act together and come to you with a sincere apology, stating that they will never do it again.
Just own to being a 'bad son'. They were caught red-handed stealing from you which makes them a terrible mother and sister; actual thieves and liars. Merely 'bad' in comparison makes you positively dutiful and you should be praised by your father for being the only one to show any morals.
I would also point out that he's defending criminals now, and demonstrably not people who can 'do no wrong'. His parenting and assumption that she could do no wrong is the reason that she now *only does wrong.* He simply does not deserve an opinion as he's never had one separate to his criminal wife all his life.
If that doesn't work then a little plain honestly. "I don't like my mother or sister, but I do like not getting stolen from", or perhaps "I'd have called the police on them for stealing flowers from my garden, let alone gold. That's how little it feels I owe them for my lacklustre childhood".
You are doing the correct thing. They will never change. Press charges, Then block them. Cut all contact with all of them. Your new family will be your friends and future spouse. Hugs.
I would not only change the locks but install cameras inside & out. You can set them up to notify you if they detect movement and you can check them on your phone. This way, if they try or do break in you’ll know and will have video evidence to take to the police.
I like how your mother and father call you the “bad son”…like it means something coming from them. They can kiss MY ass! I would totally laugh in their fxxking face at that. Yeah, you’re the “bad som”…because they are bad parents!! What a PoS…
Dude you did the right thing, absolutely press charges, stick with it, and maybe these mental midgets will finally learn a lesson; at the very least, they will learn to not mess with you (because I guarantee they will continue with this behavior should you do nothing about it).
This is almost too much to believe. I am so sorry for you. Parents that favor one child over another are cruel. Prosecute and let the public know what they are. Cut all ties.
1.) Not a jerk! Not at all! Absolutely NOT! Nope. No way.
2.) Change your locks immediately! People can copy keys easily and maybe while your sister was gone, she made a trip to the hardware store to do that. Change all the locks! While you’re at it, get an alarm and cameras.
3.) Contact all banking and credit institutions. You don’t know what else they may have accessed in your home. Get credit monitoring and change any account information you can.
4.) Don’t use a Hide-a-Key. If you need to keep a spare key outside your home, give it to a trusted best friend or leave it in a safety deposit box or get a digital keypad.
5.) YOU worked hard for what you have. In no way were they right to steal from you, and don’t make a mistake: when they tried removing items that you owned from your house, it is stealing! While it’s possible that your sister may have felt entitled to a necklace that was originally supposed to go to her, that doesn’t excuse the watches or anything else that they decided to take.
6.) Absolutely press charges. Don’t even hesitate. Even if you press charges and the prosecutor decides not to go forward, at least your mother and sister will know that you mean business. I mean, it’s pretty ballsy that they lied to the police and said it was their home until you proved otherwise! PRESS CHARGES and tell the Prosecutor that you WANT them charged!
7.) And while you’re at it, look around and make sure that you aren’t missing anything else! Your sister may have already take a some things out of your home when she was out with your car. Make sure you look at all files too-not just for physical objects missing. It only takes a moment to photograph a file with an account number on it. If you don’t have a locking file cabinet-consider getting one.
8.) If this were strangers and not family members, you wouldn’t hesitate to press charges, right? Their actions have consequences and they need to face them. Do not feel sorry for them. If they respected you (and they don’t), they never would have done this in the first place.
9.) How did they know you were out of the country in the first place? Go no contract for now and let your friends know that you’re doing this. Don’t allow them to post anything about your whereabouts on their social media.
10.) IF you have a change of heart, and I REALLY HOPE THAT YOU DON’T, you can speak at sentencing and ask the Judge to not give them jail time, but please DON’T drop the charges.
Edited to add more information. The more I thought about what they did to the OP, the more upset I was on the OP’s behalf.
I stopped reading at "if press charges".
You a fucking clown if you don't. Destroy the shitty parts of your family so you don't have to deal with them ever again. Why would you even be asking Reddit.
Of course you press charges especially when they were caught red handed.
Unless this is a bullshit story like so many stories on here.
They will never respect you and will only continue to cause you further harm. For them to tell the cops it was their home… Cut all ties and press charges.
I was 50/50 on having them charged. Trespassing is a very low grade charge. Seems hardly worth permanent destruction of the family for little gain.
But then they loaded up their suitcase with your stuff. No real harm done while they were just intruders, even if stealing your car was a ridiculous escalation. But now they’re looting your house??
NTJ and charge them for the theft.
they not only invaded your house they STOLE from you. they arent family like they want you to think but scummy theives. Thieves who rob family need the law.
They didn't just break in. They stole from you. You absolutely should press charges. Not doing so teaches them there are no consequences to their abhorrent behavior. This is NOT OK. Also, stop with the key under a rock thing. You should probably change our rekey your locks, too, after this.
You have to press charges or they will do this to you again and again until you do. They broke into the house, used your car and obviously went through your belongings to steal what they could. PRESS CHARGES ASAP. Not the jerk.
This☝🏾! If you don't force them to face consequences for their actions, they won't stop and will do something like this again. It will get increasingly difficult to stop them because the guilt will prevent you from teaching them that they cannot treat you like this. Do not give them that power over your life.
if you let them get away with it they will take that as everything they did was ok, no consequences, so will do it again and you will be on pins till they do. You have to press charges, they had no concern for you or your feelings, you have no concerns for theirs
This is true.
No charges? You will leave town for a couple days and come home to find a LOT of stuff stolen and missing. Charges? They stay away.
Also, get a restraining order from a judge that says they have to stay 500 feet away from you. That’ll really drive it home. (No pun intended.)
Also check your credit cards & credit report ASAP. Put a freeze on your credit report as well.
Honestly sounds like they aren't smart enough to commit fraud but as they approach this as "anything OP has is ours" then it isn't a bad idea, either!!!!
Possibly but I was thinking more like taking the card number from delivered mail while they are there. Opening and seeing his bank balance, or some other entitled behavior.
Just as an added bonus, opening someone else's mail is a felony punishable by up to five years in federal prison. You do not want to draw the ire of the US Postal Inspection Service.
Of course no judge will grant this without charges.
Yes, they will. Charges for a crime and a restraining order are two different things and handled in two different sections of the court. The latter is usually held in family court.
Restraining orders are not held in Family Court and if you go to a judge and explain to them situation but tell him that you're not willing to file a police report or press charges there is a limited amount that they can do to offer you legal protection. If I go to a judge and say that I need legal protection from my family because they broke into my house and tried to steal from me, the judge is going to want proof of this. And if you're not willing to press charges then how serious is the judge going to take your claims.
A police report is made whether charges are pressed or not.
This… op you have to teach them that actions have consequences, and if you press charges they know that you’re not to be messed with. I also think you need to do a security update, change the locks ( maybe go electronic locks) definitely get cameras and an alarm system. I would probably also contact a lawyer and see about getting a restraining order and start documenting things with them. Op, don’t let other family members make you feel bad, they broke in , and they stole things , and mom and sis will have their side of things, but you’ll have documentation that tells the real story.
This ^ ^ ^
And forget the Happy Birthday Merry Christmas noise. Go no contact. Block them and everyone who thinks they were right coz family
NTJ. Press charges and for goodness sake stop hiding a key in an obvious place. You are a burglars best friend.
They're acting like criminals, not family. They should be treated like criminals.
This!
Exactly keypad locks have been a thing for years!!!!
Happy Cake Day
I so agree, Press charges. They literally stole from OP. The breaking in to the home and using his things was bonkers, but the theft is a literal crime and they were caught red handed. They didn’t take his reaction seriously, they don’t respect him and they *stole from him*. They’re awful people and actions have consequences
And if you don’t press charges, eventually the police in your community may not respond as quickly knowing you don’t really mean it.
*worse, they probably used your bathroom* *now you're gonna have to clean the stank out*
Change all locks, get cameras and motion lights all around. Put an extra set of keys in a secure place that thieves can't get at or find. Press charges and don't cave under family pressure. Mom and sis, and others, will do it again if you weaken.
Perfect response. Couldn’t get any more clear.
And never give them a chance to fix things because that's how you wind up with them both on the run and your stuff being sold off at a pawn shop,
I agree with this, and don’t feel bad about any bridges burned. They did that to themselves…
Press charges-this is stealing. They may be your family but they certainly didn’t consider you family when they were stealing from you
But he has SOOOO MUCH... and they were on holiday celebrating golden child's good fortune. On one hand they didn't expect that he would call the cops, that their luggage would be searched, or that he would even miss the stuff for a good long time. On the other hand isn't it obvious that Golden Child deserved all these expensive things that her brother owned as gifts to help her celebrate her good fortune? /s
Press charges. You can also get a keysafe that you can discreetly locate on the outside of your house for a spare key.
If you do not press charges, then they will do it again. They don’t respect you. They will be forced to respect consequences.
NTJ. Family doesn’t steal from family members.
Family
They didn't care for you all them years,so yes press charges to show you meant no contact
Press the charges, and either stop leaving a key out or put it in a realtors type lockbox (the kind with a combination lock)
Nta and PRESS CHARGES!! They have proved that without a doubt they have absolutely no respect for you whatsoever and THEN they robbed you blind on the way out whilst thinking leaving meant you weren’t calling the police. They legitimately robbed you whilst fully believing that you were in the process of doing them a huge favour! They are disgustingly people and I am so sorry, you deserve much better. Good luck op.
NTA-Press charges!
Boy, if you don't stop acting silly and grow a spine.
If I'm wrong, I apologize, but I'm not buying this story. You're 28 and have your own "pretty big" home with a pool. You walked around outside to see if anything was missing, but you'd already seen that your car was gone. What could be missing outside that's more important than your vehicle? You had to go to your room to call the police? I would think that you would have called them as soon as you noticed your car was gone. And your mother just showed up out of nowhere? And why were you in your room for half an hour without even calling the police? Also, it took them only a couple of minutes to arrive? With you not being in any imminent danger? That's really hard to believe, as most people in your situation complain that the police take too long to arrive, if they arrive at all. The biggest sign for me that this story is bogus is your supposed conversation with your mother. Most people, when relaying a conversation, will narrate the conversation, condensing it to give the gist of it. You've written yours like a dialogue for a book. Just a big nope from me.
OP also didn't notice his mom's car parked nearby. If they were taking stuff, they would have it close by. 'Mom' also didn't attempt to stop OP from calling the cops when they 1st made the threat - she just whined and flounced off to chill on the couch, I guess.
Also not responding to any comments
I've read this post in AITAH. I remember the key under the rock among other things.
Looks like they deleted it on there
I’ll just add: pre-buying jewelry for non-existent girlfriends.
Keys under a rock….. keys under a rock ffs!!!
That...is more believable than it should be.
And his low contact family knew about it!
I agree. This sounds made up.
And don’t forget they stole the necklace he brought just incase he got a girlfriend! Am I the only one who found that super fake?!
Nailed it. These people act like we can’t tell if they took inspiration from another story. This sounds like a teenager on what he thinks is going to happen when he becomes an adult.. while simultaneously projecting his current issues with his mother, invading his privacy into the story. Somehow magically came over with suitcases with his shit in it ?? Riiiight
And the evil family members stole a gold necklace he had lying around the house (just in case he got a girlfriend). Yeahhh that was a detail too far into wish fulfillment fantasy.
You should press charges!!! Them both breaking it and stealing it is insane! Ntj at all.
PRESS CHARGES!!
Your a jerk for leaving the key to your house where they could get to it and for leaving the keys to your car. You are asking them to break in and steal your car and anything in your house. It is 50% your fault. I would press charges - they knowingly broke into your house and were trying to steal your stuff. SMARTEN UP.
Press charges and cut contact. Only acceptable answer.
Why don’t you have a security system on your house? That would have scared them off and alerted you to their presence.
Nope, I’m thinking of installing one now though, and also they didn’t break down the door or anything, it was with a key.
They tried to run out of your house with a suitcase of jewelry. Press charges
NTJ BUT RELATED TO A FEW!!!
Definitely NTJ. but you will be setting yourself up for a repeat of events if you don't press those charges
NTA. I was ready to say that you may have overreacted a TAD, but as soon as those suitcases had your stuff in it, then you were absolutely justified in every single thing you did
Honestly I don’t think you are being too harsh - everyone needed a reality check here - you about how you are viewed in the family (with no respect at all ) and them for a check on their behaviour - good on you actually
You might want to change your locks in case they made copies of the key.
Not the jerk Press charges and block everyone
When someone steals from family, they aren't really family just a bloodline that can be ignored! Enjoy your life but leave these critters out of it. Fully charge them, they planned to steal and abuse you, because your FAMILY! You're not the Jerk!
Only you can decide what to do. Just remember: If you don’t press charges they will probably do this again and it will probably escalate over time. They will use the fact that you didn’t press charges as proof of your being okay with this behavior (in future police and court proceedings). If you do press charges you may lose contact with your family (for the quick birthday and merry Christmas chats). Seems obvious to me, but it is your decision.
Nope NTA they’re not your family they raised you, they’re your sisters family!
No you did the right thing
You leave car keys with your house key in a fake rock?
Press charges and sue for emotional damage, destroy them in court, show them actions have severe consequences
Press charges. If you dont who knows whats going to happen, they might pull off an even bigger stunt. Teach them the lesson they so much deserve. THEY WENT THROUGH YOUR THINGS! Get all that you can. Not the jerk
Yeah press charges, they are going to do it again. Change your locks!
You should absolutely press charges. The only reason they think this shit is ok is because they have never faced any consequences.
You win today’s award for craziest family story. 🏆
Press charges. They literally stole from you. The breaking in to your home and using your things was bonkers, but the theft is a literal crime and they were caught red handed. They didn’t take you seriously, they don’t respect you and they *stole from you*. They’re awful people and actions have consequences
Yes press charges
Absolutely you press charges. I am close with my family, and we have keys to one another's homes. But I promise you that none of us show up without advance notice and we sure as heck aren't taking one another's cars without their consent, nor do we load up our luggage with each others' belongings. That's breaking and entering and theft. Just because you happen to share some DNA doesn't change this.
Press charges on everything that you can… they need a good hard lesson.
NTJ. The flagrant weirdly entitled behaviour is one thing, the theft (including using your car w/o them being on yr insurance cover) is quite another. Press charges on the theft - they've shown you they don't treat you like family and that they might not even Like you very much.
Press charges. They will continue this behavior. Updateme
You better press those charges, man! If you don’t, they’ll try you again and again and again.
Press charges or they will do it again
This is not on you. This is all them. Just because you share DNA with someone doesn’t make them family. Family doesn’t break into your house, take your car on a joyride, ransack your home and steal your valuables
If you don’t press charges and get an order of protection and trespass then from your property, the WILL do it again.
I’m calling a partial BS on this. Your story is that you leave a key under a rock, and your mom “guessed” it was there, in fact planned a vacation relying on the fact that she could break into your house with this key? I’m guessing you told her it was there. I’m not saying she’s right for what she did, but why embellish? It’s likely she was told it was there for emergencies and took advantage (if true). None of this sounds like real life.
No it’s a habit I got from my dad so under the rock must’ve been one of the first places she checked
NTJ. An introduction long overdue… “Action” I’d like you to meet “Consequences”
I don't understand what the question is here, they literally stole from you, of course you press charges.
Press charges and go no contact. This isn't her family treat each other. A stranger on the street would treat you better. If any relatives or anyone else call you heartless, blame the situation or not but then cut them off too.
Only mistakes here were leaving a key under a rock, and I guess you could probably have called the non emergency line instead of 911. Press charges. Your mom and sister made their intent to disregard your privacy and steal your personal possessions very clear. You can't trust that kind of person to promise not to do that kind of thing again, and they _didn't_ even say they would change their behavior before or even after you called the cops. I don't really like or trust cops, but that's the avenue you had to deal with the situation after your mom and sister refused outright to listen to reason.
NTJ. If any other two females who you don't have relationships with did this TO you, would this even be a question? You are being manipulated successfully if you do not press charges.
Even if you felt inclined to let the break-in off with a scare from the police (which would be a huge mistake), they stole from you. They were going to walk out of there with your stuff. They tried to take YOUR HOUSE, ffs. Imagine if the cops hadn't sided with you. There's no coming back from that, so there's nothing to save here.
NO!! you are not the jerk. DUDE, THEY STOLE FROM YOU, on top of breaking into your house. Press charges. If you don't, you'll let these people know they can steal from you, break into your stuff, and completely disrespect you. Sharing dna does not make someone family and children owe parents nothing for decisions that were made without the kids consent (As a mother of two). You may feel bad about doing the right thing (guilt will go away eventually) by calling the police, but they did not feel bad AT ALL about using you, disrespecting you and stealing from you til they had to face the consequences of their actions. Head up! Backbone straight! Don't back down.
Im not buying this. He leaves a house *and* his car keys available in front of the house and then tells his mother (who he claims he barely talks to) where they are? No. ETA: reread it. I misunderstood whete his car keys were. It seems they were inside the house as opposed to with the house key. My bad. Still not sure I buy this one.
I left a spare key outside and the car key inside, they got inside and there was the car key
Updateme!
Done
Why am I starting to feel like all these basically the same non-favored-child-experiences-jawdropping-behavior-from-favored-sibling-and-parent stories are all bullshit?
**PRESS CHARGES AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!**
If you do not enforce consequences, they will continue to pull this shit. (Same damn concept should've been applied when your mom and sister were being raised.) NTJ. Press. Charges.
NTJ. Press charges, get a restraining order, change your locks and don't have a hidden key, and get security cameras. They did not just break into your home. They were stealing from you. I, NAL, would tell the DA that if they agree not to contest a restraining order and pay $$ for new locks, you're willing to let them off with a guilty plea to some minor charge that carries no jail time but ensures serious consequences of they try any nonsense in the future.
They wanted to screw you, press charges.
NTA... press charges. They have zero hesitation in stealing from you. They are not family.... they are parasites
Please press charges. They will never learn without consequences. Sweet Jesus....
Not the jerk. You’ll be the jerk to yourself if you don’t press charges on them though. If your logic is They are FAMILY… well why did you call the cops in the first place? Sorry to be so blunt… but they STOLE FROM YOU AND VROKE INTO YOUR HOUSE AND ACTED LIKE YOU OWE THEM YOUR HOME?!?! People who love you don’t do this hun.
Press charges bro are you fucking kidding? If you don't arrive at the time you did you would be missing all that jewelry and watches. THEY did that to you. Why are you trying to salvage whatever little bond you have left?
Press charges. Press charges! Holy hell *press charges*!!
Actions have consequences in both your mother and your sister need to pay for their actions against you that's unacceptable Behavior never should be condoned and I would request a restraining order against them as well good luck to you
You MUST press charges or they WILL do it again!!!!!
N T A . They're lucky it's ONLY the police and not...I would definitely go medieval on their arses.
Press charges! If the police had not opened the si Suitcase you were screwed! This lets them know you mean business.
NTA. Dude. They were robbing you and stole your car.
You have to press charges. They played FAFO and now it’s time for them to FIND OUT. NTJ. Remember, if you don’t press charges, they will do this to you AGAIN. And AGAIN. They need to feel the deep painful consequences of their actions.
Updateme!
Done
Your belongings didn't accidentally fall into their luggage. Press charges. Family doesn't steal from family. So they aren't your family.
You will be the jerk if you don't press charges. First off you didn't invite them to stay at your place, and they both felt entitled to not only enter your home but to steal items from you. it would be petty theft or grand theft depending on the value of what they stole.
Pressing charges for the break-in and auto theft is not unreasonable. If they just had an unannounced visit, it might be different. Taking your car without permission took things to another level. The items in their luggage that they tried to steal from you... That 100% removes all hesitation or guilt. Full charges & restraining order. Share court records to friends and family online. This way, it is not a matter of "But SHE said..." The consequences of their own actions will slap them sane. The fact that people they assume should take their side are unlikely to do so, may drive the point home. ....Or they will retreat further into comfortable delusion because reality hurts. In any case, you are not responsible for their questionable sanity. Think about what you *are* responsible for. Your home should be a safe space both for yourself and any hypothetical partner/children that you may ever have. Take the necessary steps to KEEP it safe.
Press charges. Change the locks. Stop leaving a spare key under a rock. Buy security cameras. Change your phone number. **ETA:** Keep your current number active for a while so that any texts/voice mails can be kept as evidence. Get a new number to give to those you trust. Go no contact.
Not a jerk man press charges and don't be nice about it. Not only did they break into your house, but your bitch sister stole your car and then they tried to hide shit they stole in their luggage. Fuck them they don't deserve sympathy and family goes out the window when they try to steal your shit.
Definitely press charges and !UpdateMe about these absolute clowns. You’re awesome
Thank you! Update out now
Press charges. My family is like that press charges. You will never teach them that they have no right ear things unless you press charges. Where is all of their understanding of you and what happened to your press charges!!
Good to know I’m not alone, thank you
Why the hell is this even a question? They tresspassed used your stuff without asking then tried to nick valuables press charges sue their ass and get on with ur life
Not a jerk whatsoever. Being family doesn't give someone free reign.
They actually squatted in their own family member’s house. It’s crazy that they would think it was okay. I’m glad you left when you were 18 and I think it’s right to press charges and file a restraining order. Their lack of respect is ridiculous. I hope everything works out and they stay away.
Change your locks. They are brazen enough to make copies of your keys and think you’ll forget all about it eventually.
NTJ I was thinking pressing charges was a bit extreme until you got to the part of them having your valuables in their suitcases. At that point there’s no question that charges should be pressed. If for no other reason than to help your mother and sister understand boundaries and that she needs to respect you are a grown man and what belongs to you is 100% yours and not hers.
NTJ, these people thought they could BREAK IN AMD STEAL from you cause you’re “family”? What sort of family does that?! It’s literally abusive, good on you for pressing charges.
You need to get cameras and an alarm system as well. I have saved myself so much drama by putting an alarm and cameras on our house. With a larger home, it will always be a tempting target when you are gone.
Was OK with letting it go with using the car and home for a couple days while you were gone. But then the part about the stealing and them doing it ro your uncle, I guess proceeding is the only way they may realize this is not how family or friends treat each other. I'd have a tough time actually testifying against them and maybe you take it to that point and drop it. As long as the RO is in place and they know you can have the charges refiled.
Yeah dude, press charge, they not only commited a crime, they commited it AGAINST FAMILY. If you do so they'll definitely be cut off from you? All the more reason! Good riddance, stupid losers.
NTJ- Good for you for having them arrested. Why have them arrested & not press charges? Kind of defeats the purpose of the arrest. I would suggest you change your door locks. They’ve probably already copied the key. I would also add, you need to invest in a doorbell camera. I can see the family paying you another visit. They appear to be the type who will seek vengeance, because how dare you have “family” arrested. You will have all the evidence you need for a RO or to press charges for property damage.
With a family like this, you would be better off as an orphan. Inform all the thieves (including daddy dearest) that they are no longer family but only people that you share DNA with.
NTJ Totally entitled to go no contact.
You should Deff be pressing charges on them because what they did was not ok
You are not being too harsh. Giving them a half hour when the broke into your home and stole your belongings was pretty dang generous. May I suggest that you get an electronic lock for your door? You can program it multiple times, so if you need to give the code to someone at some point for a time limited reason, you can then change it to a temporary code. No key lock, no key under a rock.
Why do you care if you lose connection to people who hate you?
You’re totally right on all fronts. And your feelings are absolutely justified. Just one question: are you sure you want to cut contact with your dad? Do you think he is trying to keep the peace and has been overrun for years by your mother and sister? It’s a thought, it may be out of Left field. I don’t know that you’ll get much Justice as I’m assuming this might be a first time offense for your mom and sister. I don’t understand why they came to YOUR house. Why not stay at theirs? Do you live a distance from your family in a resort town or something ?
Press charges and follow through. That’s the only way they will learn that their behavior is criminal and that criminal behavior has very serious consequences.. NTA
"My father called me very angrily and told me not to yesterday, and said that I would be a bad son and brother, and that I would never be part of the family if I did." "Dad, I was *never* a part of the family. Goodbye." That should be your response. Good luck with your court case!!!
Gaslighting at its finest. They try to steal and use your property without permission but due to family reasons you shouldn't call the police. WTH is wrong with people? Why do people think it's OK to do bad things as long as you do it to family? No wonder the ways of the Nuclear Family are fading if this is how it's supposed to be.
Story falls apart. Author notices someone has been in the house, messing with stuff, goes to "my room" and calls the police. Dude, it's the protagonist's house: every room is his room. Home owners don't talk like that. I have a den, I have a master bedroom, kids' rooms, guest room, master bathroom, water closet, master closet, kids' bathroom, guest bathroom, dining room, living room, kitchen, laundry room, garage, gym, etc. etc. I don't have "my room". But okay, he's called the police at that point. The first call. Which they ignored apparently. I'm guessing the call went something like "my mom and sister are being total jerks! Come arrest them!" "This line is for emergencies only." Then his mom comes in, they have their bru-ha-ha, his inner turmoil over daring to call the police against his mother or not. 30 minutes pass. Still no police, because they ignored that first call right? Finally, he calls the police and they arrived "a couple of minutes later". For a civil but still illegal domestic dispute? Or a B&E? You gotta' get that part of the story right, because the police response will vary. And either way, they won't show up in 2 or 5 minutes for that nonsense. Dispatch will want info regarding the situation, and they'll react appropriately. "My mom won't get off my couch, and I think she's stealing my clothes and jewelry for a girlfriend I have at another school... I mean business office. You wouldn't know her" will get a different reaction than "and I think she's stealing some of my licensed guns." You'll likely get one or maybe two cops in a car eventually, time (and number of further cop cars) based on how much of a risk to the community they think the call is. This sounds like a low risk call, so they'd not be in a big hurry. But okay, then the cops come, mom and sis claim it's their house, and the author shows them proof it's really his. "See officer, I have my copy of the deed with my name on it!" "Well that's all well and good son, but that deed is months/years old. We don't know what the current paperwork says. We're still going to have to conduct an investigation. And we're going to bring you all down to the station to figure this out." Here's where it gets cute: the mom and sis either came clean fucking quick or they were lying to police during an investigation. At which point the author pressing charges or not was just extra ammo for the prosecution's case against the mom and sister. tl;dr - story is fiction. Feels like a teenage kid got mad his mom let his younger sister into his room, take his car keys, and borrow his car without permission (except his parents probably bought it for him, and it's really their car and in their names). Kid goes to reddit with a fantasy of having his own house, his own car, and nobody can take it from him no matter how bad they want to.
NTJ They are living the consequences of their entitled actions.
Info: did anyone clap when the police arrested them? How much did people tip their servers?
NTJ. Press the fuckin charge on them! Let them learn their lesson hard way! Do it. They must learn to respect you. You will be fine even without them in your life.
So your grandma gave you a women’s necklace just to spite your sister?
NTA I'm sorry your family sucks
Man I was about to call you TA but then I read they had loaded up their bags. My bad 🤭
Not the jerk. They expected to walk over you. They were wrong. Now, they have to pay the price. And stealing from you, that is definitely a sign that they don't know what family is supposed to behave. Let them learn today.
As someone who always locks myself out, get a key pad lock for your front door. I got one a few months ago, and it's a game changer. As a paramedic, it is also something I recommend to EVERYONE. You never know when you may have an emergency and need the fire department, police, or EMS to enter your home. If you can't unlock the door, we may have to break in. Hidden keys are decent, but they make the home accessible to anyone that finds it. You can find key lock boxes, but those still need to be hidden, and if we struggle to find them, it's a delay in getting to you, or might still mean breaking in. Once you give the code to dispatch to let us in, you can change it to something else and never have to worry about it being given out.
Remind me! 2 weeks
Press charges .if you let it go now they'll be back at it .
NTA! You family isn’t family at all; they are just people you came into the world with and should now leave behind!!! When you get married you will be able to choose your family and build your own family and it will be beautiful. True family doesn’t steal from you. Until then, PRESS CHARGES. Then get them out of your life forever!
So you’re a bad son for pressing charges, but they committed multiple crimes here and they’re NOT “bad” according to your father & mother?? Not a jerk.
NTJ. What the hell is wrong with them?!
Press charges, and follow through with no contact. They broke in and stole from you and acted like you were at fault. Really you need help with this?
NTJ. It truly doesn't explain whether they're family or not but they just have to have boundaries with your things. Breaking into someone's house is a crime and using it as an excuse isn't a solution.
Absolutely press charges. This kind of thing cannot be allowed to happen without repercussions.
Press charges. A thief is a thief is a thief. Hope your sister loses her job over it. No one wants a thief working for them. Karma is a bitch.
You are absolutely 100% correct pressing charges. Anyone telling you otherwise is just an asshole enabling their shitty entitled behaviour.
NTA. A thief is a thief, even if they are family. I did so enjoy the image of them running away with their suitcases filled with stolen items as the police pulled up. If you had not called the police, you never would have gotten these things back. Do re-key the locks. It is most likely that they made copies. Who needs people like this in your life? They deserve what they got. Even when you warned them, they sat there and watched tv. I hope your car was in good condition when it was returned. I bet there was little gas in it.
Remind them they are bad family. They seem to throw that around alot but seem to ignore they are the bad family.
Not the jerk - good for you pressing charges. It’s the only way for people like your family to get the message loud and clear. I’m sure it’s not an easy decision to make but for your own sanity it’s the best decision.
NTA I’m glad you followed through with pressing charges. The broke into your house, stole from you, your sister stole your car. Go NC with all these people, including your dad. Block them all. Put cameras on the outside of your house and a ring doorbell. Change your locks. Check your credit reports for fraud and put a freeze on your reports. Lose the connection. You’ll be happier and safer.
OP -You called the cops. Press charges, or this will happen again.
I think you have a valid reason to press charges. If your family can't abide by your boundaries, court might help that issue. Good luck. 🍀🍀 NTJ
You are not a jerk. It's time for Mother and Sister to grow up, and if you play stupid games, you get consequences. I moved out at 17 myself. My brother was "the golden child" syndrome that my grandmother cared for more than me, her other grandchildren, plus her own son's. All because my (our) mother was murdered and suddenly everything was poor ole brother, like I didn't exist. They stole stuff, let them suffer the consequences. As for Dad's little threat, u moved out at 17. Obviously, he didn't care then and only cares now cause wife and sister on the hook have criminal records and might look bad to others? They need to be stopped. I applaud you and stand strong. You will never matter more than the golden child 💛 your sister.
Nope- cut them all off and block them. They tried to steal from you. Family doesn’t do that. Make sure you get a restraining order because they will absolutely show up at your house again. Get security cameras also.
They broke into your house, went through all of your stuff and stole from you… and they think you’d want them as family… why?
Not a jerk. Press charges. They need to learn their lesson, and you will probably never have to deal with their shenanigans again. Win win
NTA. Losing a connection to such people is a bonus, not a drawback!
I think they need to hear in court by the justice system with a judge and lawyers that what they did was wrong. Period. They are deep into rationalizing all of this. And go no contact for as long as you want. This is not a family. This is a cesspool. You are not valued or appreciated.
Friend, you already don't have a connection with them. You haven't for quite some time. Let go of them - they are doing you no good. I'm sorry your birth family sucks. I hope that you find a chosen family that cherishes you and treats you with love and respect.
*cums violently*
No
It doesn't sound like you were ever part of a loving family so nothing much is changing. I'm so sorry that you have had to experience this situation.
NTJ. Your sister and mom did the wrong thing. Don't speak to them until they get their act together and come to you with a sincere apology, stating that they will never do it again.
Get an alarm system and at least a doorbell camera. That's wild that they'd take the time to rob you before the police arrived.
Just own to being a 'bad son'. They were caught red-handed stealing from you which makes them a terrible mother and sister; actual thieves and liars. Merely 'bad' in comparison makes you positively dutiful and you should be praised by your father for being the only one to show any morals. I would also point out that he's defending criminals now, and demonstrably not people who can 'do no wrong'. His parenting and assumption that she could do no wrong is the reason that she now *only does wrong.* He simply does not deserve an opinion as he's never had one separate to his criminal wife all his life. If that doesn't work then a little plain honestly. "I don't like my mother or sister, but I do like not getting stolen from", or perhaps "I'd have called the police on them for stealing flowers from my garden, let alone gold. That's how little it feels I owe them for my lacklustre childhood".
any adult should know better than to leave a key under a rock. what if someone else had come in, took your stuff and left?
You are doing the correct thing. They will never change. Press charges, Then block them. Cut all contact with all of them. Your new family will be your friends and future spouse. Hugs.
Your dad told you that you would never be part of the family if you press charges? Sounds to me like you never were.
I would not only change the locks but install cameras inside & out. You can set them up to notify you if they detect movement and you can check them on your phone. This way, if they try or do break in you’ll know and will have video evidence to take to the police.
I like how your mother and father call you the “bad son”…like it means something coming from them. They can kiss MY ass! I would totally laugh in their fxxking face at that. Yeah, you’re the “bad som”…because they are bad parents!! What a PoS… Dude you did the right thing, absolutely press charges, stick with it, and maybe these mental midgets will finally learn a lesson; at the very least, they will learn to not mess with you (because I guarantee they will continue with this behavior should you do nothing about it).
Tell your dad you haven't felt like family since grandma died and you weren't treated like family even before you moved out. Not the jerk
Wow, even after they knew you were calling police they thought they could get away with the stolen items? Press Charges
This is almost too much to believe. I am so sorry for you. Parents that favor one child over another are cruel. Prosecute and let the public know what they are. Cut all ties.
1.) Not a jerk! Not at all! Absolutely NOT! Nope. No way. 2.) Change your locks immediately! People can copy keys easily and maybe while your sister was gone, she made a trip to the hardware store to do that. Change all the locks! While you’re at it, get an alarm and cameras. 3.) Contact all banking and credit institutions. You don’t know what else they may have accessed in your home. Get credit monitoring and change any account information you can. 4.) Don’t use a Hide-a-Key. If you need to keep a spare key outside your home, give it to a trusted best friend or leave it in a safety deposit box or get a digital keypad. 5.) YOU worked hard for what you have. In no way were they right to steal from you, and don’t make a mistake: when they tried removing items that you owned from your house, it is stealing! While it’s possible that your sister may have felt entitled to a necklace that was originally supposed to go to her, that doesn’t excuse the watches or anything else that they decided to take. 6.) Absolutely press charges. Don’t even hesitate. Even if you press charges and the prosecutor decides not to go forward, at least your mother and sister will know that you mean business. I mean, it’s pretty ballsy that they lied to the police and said it was their home until you proved otherwise! PRESS CHARGES and tell the Prosecutor that you WANT them charged! 7.) And while you’re at it, look around and make sure that you aren’t missing anything else! Your sister may have already take a some things out of your home when she was out with your car. Make sure you look at all files too-not just for physical objects missing. It only takes a moment to photograph a file with an account number on it. If you don’t have a locking file cabinet-consider getting one. 8.) If this were strangers and not family members, you wouldn’t hesitate to press charges, right? Their actions have consequences and they need to face them. Do not feel sorry for them. If they respected you (and they don’t), they never would have done this in the first place. 9.) How did they know you were out of the country in the first place? Go no contract for now and let your friends know that you’re doing this. Don’t allow them to post anything about your whereabouts on their social media. 10.) IF you have a change of heart, and I REALLY HOPE THAT YOU DON’T, you can speak at sentencing and ask the Judge to not give them jail time, but please DON’T drop the charges. Edited to add more information. The more I thought about what they did to the OP, the more upset I was on the OP’s behalf.
I stopped reading at "if press charges". You a fucking clown if you don't. Destroy the shitty parts of your family so you don't have to deal with them ever again. Why would you even be asking Reddit. Of course you press charges especially when they were caught red handed. Unless this is a bullshit story like so many stories on here.
Go through with it. Fuck what your dad says
They will never respect you and will only continue to cause you further harm. For them to tell the cops it was their home… Cut all ties and press charges.
I was 50/50 on having them charged. Trespassing is a very low grade charge. Seems hardly worth permanent destruction of the family for little gain. But then they loaded up their suitcase with your stuff. No real harm done while they were just intruders, even if stealing your car was a ridiculous escalation. But now they’re looting your house?? NTJ and charge them for the theft.
NTA and please update us nosy people on how this unfolds!!!
they not only invaded your house they STOLE from you. they arent family like they want you to think but scummy theives. Thieves who rob family need the law.
Press charges. They stole from you. It's the only way to make sure it doesn't happen to you again