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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Getting angry at my bf for giving me a birthday gift he knew I didn’t like and didn’t put thought into. (2) He seemed upset and that maybe I should be glad with present I got.
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YTA for not including that it’s polka dots and not actual holes. This sounds like an honest mistake, I don’t think most people would think that polka dots would trigger trypophobia.
Him giving jewelry to family members does not mean he should be giving his girlfriend of 5 months some. This sounds like a mismatch of expectations that was escalated wildly by you destroying the present.
Edit: I think it’s buried far down in the comments now, but for those who haven’t seen OP also admitted that they never told him they had trypophobia. She expected him to know because she freaked out over a wasps nest once when they were together.
Polka dots and holes are very different IMO. I was going to say N T A having read the story but the dots and the mere 5 months of dating firmly puts this in the YTA category
Have to disagree. I love getting socks! They're a great gift...in the right circumstances. But in this situation, socks were a low effort gift, and that's always hurtful.
I like socks too, but honestly if my bf got me just a pair of socks for my birthday I'd be disappointed. I think it doesn't have to be expensive, but it should at least be thoughtful ya know?
Like a book OP has wanted to read or an event they wanna go to, baking supplies, whatever applies to OP.
Even small cheap gifts could be better than socks, I would've been disappointed as well if I had gotten that by a bf. I mean u could throw a quick basket together with a bath bomb or something and like I wanted to spoil u for an evening, a small picnic basket for a nature date or even a cheap but sexy set of underwear, going with socks just screams "this didn't matter to me"
Small gifts need to be thoughtful. My mum and dad had been together about two weeks when it was his birthday. My mum stumbled across chocolate in the shape of his initial. They are still talking about it nearly fifty years later. My dad still thinks chocolate is the perfect gift.
Hell even flowers or a gift card, a dinner date, a chachki even. But socks?
When we first started dating my husband got me these silver plated couples necklaces for christmas (we started dating in november). He still wears his even though it's long worn out. They cost like 30 bucks for the pair and I still have mine hanging up in my car. It doesn't cost much to show someone you at least like them.
Yeah, unless she specifically said she wanted/needed socks, this is a thoughtless gift. There a plenty of little trinkets to give that would have been better.
I can think of only one thing that would tank a relationship faster and that’s taking a gift, even a low effort gift, and giving to your dog as a chew toy.
OP is not right here, but they can both suck. Frankly I do not think the relationship can survive this, and I think they are both equally to blame but will find partners better suited to them.
Might have been a test. She made it clear she wanted ‘expensive’ and followed/up with ‘thoughtful’. He might be wondering if she is with him for his money.
Or if he really wanted to give her socks, why not add another small little item to go along with them for the gift? Would definitely seem more thoughtful than plain socks and maybe the disappointment wouldn't be so apparent
To be fair, we don't really know if there was more to the gift. For all we know, he threw the party. I would say that since the OP threw in the descriptor of "expensive" as gifts he's given to his family in her presence, that she may not be the most reliable narrator here.
true, but when my partner (3 years now) got me a birthday gift for when we had only been dating for two weeks, I was at least given something that had a little more thought as to a general knowledge of my interests than just socks
My fiancé and I weren’t even dating, just hooking up, and he still went and picked out a really nice beer that he thought I would enjoy, based specifically on all the soda and juice I drank at work lmao. It was genuinely the best beer I have ever tasted and he got it right before my 21st bday. I love socks, get them for gifts literally every year, but there is no thoughtfulness behind *these* polka dot socks. I agree that “doesn’t like holes” doesn’t directly translate to “doesn’t like polka dots” but… does she own anything polka dot? Is it something she’s expressed liking? Does she have a thing for socks but he just went and grabbed the first ones he saw? (Also shitty anyway.) Aren’t you still supposed to be trying to impress each other at this point in the relationship? Lame effort. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to pick out a thoughtful gift.
My boyfriend of a week got me a ‘leo’ necklace for my birthday, which I think shows a bit more effort than a pair of socks. Even something like a cheap necklace or maybe some chocolate or a snack she liked would have been better than a pair of socks
Yeah, this honestly it's not a time to buy random socks.
Sock with favourite character, something witty, something silly on them? Sure. Polka dot socks that you can pick up in any shop on the way? No.
Idk man, you could still put a little bit of effort into it. My bday was a 5.5 months after my bf and I started dating and he spent the morning baking a specific pastry and making a silly gift that referenced our first conversation, got me a board game I wanted, and took me to a KBBQ place cause we both wanted to try it. Obviously to some that would seem overboard but I would think after five months OP's bf knows at least one of her interests to get a little something other than socks; even a t-shirt
Yeah, small gifts, but something better than a pair of socks unless you specifically wanted it. I mean I love socks and getting them as presents, but not as the only thing from a partner..
I guess, but tbf my bf had his birthday when id only known him 2 months, and we weren't even official yet, i got him a blanket, popcorn bowl filled with movie snacks, a dvd of a movie we could watch together and a bottle of wine, not a hugely personalized gift, but the underlying gift was that we would use the gift on a movie date night later, and it went over really well.
Just to say gifts don't have to be very personalized if you don't know them well, but honestly a gift card would have been better than just a pair of socks, like i love good socks, but really if you're new to the relationship you should still be in the 'trying to make a good impression phase' and if you cant think of something personalized, then at least get something to go with the socks, a candle and a book, or some nice chocolates
Her reaction is poor obviously, but i can definitely see how id be disappointed that my bf has apparently decided he cant be bothered to try and find something more personalized than one pair or socks for my birthday.
You hope he'd be willing to put more effort in next year, but this isn't a good sign that he thinks you'll make it to next year imo.
It should still be well thought out. I get socks every Christmas and I absolutely love them, but they're always special. I've got some with Frida Kahlo (I'm a Spanish teacher and I love Frida), I've got some with succulents and say "pot head" (bc I love puns, plants, and weed), and some with Aladdin (my favorite childhood movie.)
Just polka dot socks is very low effort, especially when you've demonstrated the ability and awareness to get better gifts for others. I'd rather a card with a well thought out note, than a pair of generic socks.
100% that seem like an overreaction and flat out immature. The enjoyment you get out of your bday party shouldn't rely on the gifts you receive from anyone. (I definitely think OP was an asshole and wouldn't argue against that, just think the bf was incosiderate as well)
I don't know, my birthday was yesterday and I was quite happy to get socks and some shirts. Just because it isn't expensive doesn't mean it’s not thoughtful.
And clearly she wasn’t a fan so obviously it wasn’t something catered to her at all. 5 months is long enough to think of something better than a single pair of polka dot socks. They weren’t even like cool novelty socks or anything. What a miss.
Same here. I have 2 drawers full of socks for all different occasions and with all different patterns, designs, prints and colours.
Plus they’re a fun way to keep some individuality with things like Uniforms or Suits.
I’ve had to ban myself and others from getting them for me unless they are super unique/desirable designs.
My favourite pair isn’t even anything crazy. Just a black pair with white writing that say ‘sole-mates’ on them that my wife got me on my birthday like 6 months into our relationship
Yeah they are a bit of a shit gift if it’s literally just that. I would only buy socks if it was either explicitly asked for, or part of like a parcel of goodies and there were other nice bits in there too
100%. I have awful tryophobia and while I don't enjoy polka dots they aren't triggering. Not saying they aren't for others but how is her boyfriend supposed to know.
My husband and partner of 16yrs doesn't understand my tryophobia
Correct me if I'm wrong, but if she actually has genuine trypophobia I'd imagine she wouldn't even be able to tolerate having something that triggers it lying around the house being used as a dog toy right?
Like if she had arachnophobia and he'd gotten her a spider plushie, giving it to her dog wouldn't make her not intensely scared of it...
Yep, OP sounds like a very materialistic person. Her BF is well off, so she expects expensive gifts. But that's not how it works for everyone.
Sounds like she cared more about a good present, than having her boyfriend at all.
Definite YTA, even though socks are a weird gift.
Huh what? Am I crazy for thinking that you should just never gift anyone socks unless they ask for it? I would be upset too if I got socks, and polka dot ones too. Yes OP should have mentioned that they were polka dots and not holes but that doesn't make OP an AH in the slightest. And anyways if he can gift her socks, she can do whatever she wants with them- they are hers now. I feel crazy here tbh.
I think that it was a crappy gift in this situation, but I don’t see why you should never give anyone socks; my grandma often gets me socks at Christmas and I appreciate them.
If my grandma gets me socks I appreciate them because she cannot use the Internet and her mobility is reduced so it means she made an effort to get out and get me something bless her heart. If my husband gets me socks despite Internet access and no trouble visiting shops I am wondering what I did to make him want to make no effort whatsoever for me. So I am with you, I think the suitability of the gift is the messaging behind it and there are situations where it's fine. It's not a materialism issue, which is what I think people are caught up on, it's the care that goes into the gift.
Agreeing with OP? No. Thinking that he should not have given her polka dot socks? Yes. It just shows a lack of effort for someone who you supposedly care about. Also where does she say that she never told him about her phobia and that she's thinking of leaving him?
I’m not scrolling through to find it but in one of her many comments
She was afraid of a wasp nest once and assumed he would know it meant she’s scared of holes lol.
and she said she no longer thinks they’re meant to be together now.
Unhinged is a kind description.
Tbh at this point idk if she is a reliable narrator at all, she excepted fancy jewelry at 5 months into a relationship, who knows they could have been very expensive socks, I don’t find that a distasteful gift tbh.
Oh wow. I didn't see those comments at all but yes OP is a major AH for that. That's honestly awful. You're right OP is not a reliable narrator. Changing my stance to YTA.
>I feel crazy here tbh.
Me too. Five months into a relationship you're still trying to make an impression on the person, you should still be in the infatuation stage. That's when you go all-out to impress someone with your thoughtfulness.
Giving someone a single pair of socks isn't a good gift at all - it's more of a stereotypically bad gift. Sure, if you know the person likes interesting socks, and you special order some with their favourite pet or character on them, that's a thoughtful gift. This sounds like a $5 gift.
I still think socks is a pretty lame gift for anyone on their birthday. That's a stocking filler on Christmas not a proper gift. Anything of the same value with just a little bit of thought put into it would have been a better gift than socks.
I think along with other things it can be a nice present. I’ve recently gotten into wearing socks and my husband and I have given a cute themed pair of socks to each other before as one of the gifts for a birthday/Christmas. It’s never been the main present though.
I can understand why it being the only present would be disappointing, but that doesn’t justify feeding them to their dog or trying to use trypophobia as a justification for doing so.
Meh let’s be real here. A boyfriend of any period of time getting you a shitty out of socks that make you think of your irrational fear is a pretty lame gift. You should at least put the thought to make sure it’s something you’d think they like and not just a random pair of socks.
It shouldn’t be about the money, but that doesn’t mean the socks were a well-thought out gift
This is my thought too. You’re disappointed in the gift - that’s fine. Maybe a tad bit entitled to think your bf of 5 months should get you jewelry like he gets his family, but socks are kind of a blah gift unless you really like socks a lot.
But to end the party early because of it? That’s the behavior of a child and pushes this into YTA for me.
ESH. A single pair of socks seems like a last minute gift so I understand your disappointment. However, giving them to your dog to play with was flat out disrespectful. It’s probably going to give him a bad taste about how you receive gifts. You should have accepted the gift and then maybe later, sat down and had a conversation of how it made you feel.
Expecting expensive jewelry after 5 months is also a bit much. But I get that you just wanted a gift with a little more thought put into it. This is a great opportunity for you guys to talk about what happened, take accountability, apologize, and perhaps get a pulse on how serious your relationship is at this point.
Wait... she meant polkadots, not actual holes? I thought she meant like... string vest socks or something.
For a 5 month relationship, some nice socks is a fine gift. 100% YTA.
Come on. Certainly an overreaction, but 5 months into a relationship and you get your SO a pair of socks? Not even comparing to what they got their family members, but that is a horribly out of touch gift. I think a 5-month relationship is being underestimated in terms of seriousness here. If he was struggling sure, but OP went out of her way to say he wasn’t.
Only if you are both 15. If you are a fully grown adult in a relationship with someone, put some effort into or don’t bother getting a gift at all.
She was being dramatic; he was thoughtless.
ESH
Damn, bf tested to see if you were about him or the money. You failed. YTA.
Edit: Am I the only person who would be perfectly happy with socks? Especially fun socks. My wife has gotten me socks with ice cream cones on them and I love them, wear them all the time.
Additional edit since I’m near the top of the shit heap: the “holes” in the socks were clarified as polka dots.
that's exactly what I was thinking. If OP had privately told him about her Trypophobia after the fact and asked for a different pattern on the socks, I think she'd pass his test.
Yes it's a stupid test, but there's been so many horror stories of wealthy people finding what they thought was love, when in reality they were only in it for the money and as soon as it dried up, they left and moved onto the next wealthy person.
Polka dots can still trigger typophobia. Its the illusion of wholes essentially. Shes still the AH tho.
I mean I feel that a 5mo relationship should get better than socks (maybe not $$$ jewelry) but socks are a pretty f.u. gift. But she could have just asked him to exchange them for a different pattern too. But it does seem like he put no thought into the gift which is a pretty big insult.
UNLESS there is a special meaning to the socks. (Like my husband gets me socks for christmas- when we were not well off, this was one thing he could afford. I get cold feet easily, so it was a thoughtful gift..now he gets them for me every year- but this is a special thing between us)
So she is trying to make him sound worse she could have just said polkadot. Maybe he had something else planned and socks were a gag gift. But her materialistic reaction made him reconsider.
I mean, my partner has mild trypophobia and even leggings covered in Mickey Mouse heads triggered him a bit… all those black circles reminded him of holes! But he just calmly told me he didn’t really want to wear them because it made him uncomfortable. So still YTA
When my ex admitted to me that most of our interactions were tests it made me sick to my stomach. Anyone that thinks it’s okay to test someone without their consent is a walking red flag
Agreed. In this case however, I somewhat understand, he bought her a cheap gift at a 5 month relationship, to see if she cared about him, or his money. It's unfortunate he chose polkadots though. People with a lot of money sometimes just can't tell the reasons their friends are friends.
I mean, I would've been insulted by that gift. Cheap doesn't mean giving something impersonal. He could have gotten her a cheap personal gift instead of socks. Hell, I would prefer a handwritten card to some cheap socks.
Nah. I can't believe people are backing up the BF in this thread. It's definitely an ESH situation. OP is an asshole for how she behaved, but the BF is also an asshole for getting her just socks for her birthday. I'm not saying he has to get her expensive jewelry, but he should have put in more effort than a pair of polka dot socks.
It was the ending the party early bit for me. Imagine ending your birthday party early because someone gave you socks. Getting THAT bent out of shape by a crummy gift screams "I don't actually care about y'all company I just wanted the gifts".
Also opening all your birthday presents at your party in front of your guests, and then having a tantrum and ending the party over one of the gifts. So childish
She told us that in the very first sentence, she’s proud of it. The whole opening paragraph is explaining that she is most excited about the gifts she receives. Hopefully everyone in attendance remembers for next year and just skips it.
Honestly, yeah. Phobias aside, it comes off as bratty-Princess when you throw a tantrum over a gift you don’t like, and end the party on the spot over it. Being a little sad or disappointed is understandable, but this reaction was over the top. YTA
NTA. Socks?!! Unless you have a particular thing for socks that's a really terrible gift. The holes thing is just icing on the shit cake. The only way this makes sense is if you've only been dating for less than a month and he's not sure how serious it is.
It’s a brand new relationship, and the holes thing was polka dots. Sue literally never even told him about her phobia, she’s just assuming he knows. Her comments are whack and she’s definitely TA.
I have trypophobia myself and it’s not just holes, hole-like patterns depending on how they’re spaced/presented can also set off my trypophobia. Small white polka dot pattern on a pastel background cool. Large black or other dark colored polka dots on any color background not cool. Also polka dot socks are really a plain design for socks he could’ve at least gotten a her a pattern that had cute animals on it or even flowers. I’m currently wearing a pair of leopard print socks that don’t set off my trypophobia as well. Also once you give someone a gift you have no say in what they do with it. She shouldn’t have ended the party early because of it, but also he was kind of crappy to get her a plain pair of socks. I’ve had a few boyfriends that I dated right before their birthdays, and I knew enough about them to get them something that would like if not love.
No, they’re not the same, however It can still trigger the fear. I have horrid arachnophobia and sometimes things like certain plants or loose fibers will trigger the same fear in me. It’s VERY obnoxious and sometimes embarrassing, but I can’t take away the visceral reaction is get. (It’s the legs. There’s too many moving too fast. Blegh. Otherwise spiders are cool AF).
Also learned recently ticks are arachnids. I have only a healthy fear of them since they carry disease, but otherwise I just find them yucky.
My point is phobias, by definition, are irrational. So one phobia can be triggered by multiple similar things, regardless of how logical it is.
Right? If it's a new relationship then IMO you try hard to impress them and be thoughtful. My husband found out I could draw when we were dating and he loved my stuff so for his birthday I did his portrait. Bit lame I know but it took a lot of time and effort.
Nope. OP then clarified that earlier when she was scared of a wasps nest that he should have realised it was due to a fear of holes. She had this weird expectation of him
She does, but still there's no excuse to give socks* as a birthday present.
Edit - Ok, I'll fix this: no excuse to give *ordinary everyday socks as a birthday present. But special socks are good 😇
There absolutely is. If he’s walking around with the racks on him this is something you do to see if someone is down for you or your money. And based on OPs description I don’t think it’s hard to see what’s going on here. “He gets expensive jewelry for family members” was all I needed to read. If I heard my girl say that she’s outta here
I do get that point too. I am the one who gives expensive gifts - or did until I quit. Got fed up with expectations.. not only my own kids have been asking, but also the extended family. Or tbh my kids don't really ask much, but extended family doesn't hesitate asking for tv's, phones or even vacations 🤯 Really, honestly. My SIL was so devastaded that she didn't know I had money (because I live quite modestly and def don't spend my money on brand clothes or fancy cars.. anyway SIL had said she should have asked me for a godmother of their twins because I "give more expensive gifts". And she has regretted it ever since. For couple of years she kept asking ridiculous things, but then I just quit. I moved further away from everyone and don't keep in touch much. Of course I still buy stuff for people & my nephews but I have told them I want to keep it reasonable & sensible.
I still wouldn't give socks because it does come across a bit insulting. I might give something else modest and a bit later say, "Oh well, I may have something else for you.." but wouldn't give it if they threw a tantrum.
Yeah I’m not dropping over $200 anyone I haven’t been with for at least a year. $1k+ gifts are exclusively reserved for family and people I’ve been with 2+ years.
I don't think bf was obligated to spend a couple hundred but idk novelty socks are something you give somebody for the office secret Santa and the limit is $10. There's and in between, dinner and some flowers, small venue concert, a book at least.
I agree. It sounds like OP expected jewelry and got angry with the socks. She likes him for the presents he can afford, not for the man himself. Personally, I love a new pair of socks.
A few years ago, I got a box of pretty expensive food-themed socks from friends of mine. I love food and I love socks, so it was one of the best gifts I've ever gotten
Well I'm sure she loves Baby Yoda 💚 It's different if you know them well and know they will love it. I know I expressed myself quite strictly. Because in real life I would be glad to get some Happy Socks because I do like funny socks. Also my hubby would want to give me jewelry and luxyry gifts but I don't want them. Instead I really appreciated his gesture when he gave me [Deadpool phone holder ](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/61hmdivyFUL._AC_UF1000,1000_QL80_.jpg) 😁
But regular ordinary socks is a total different thing.
Agreed. You don't have to spend a lot of money to give a decent gift. Socks as a birthday present is terrible (unless it's an in joke or they're some kind of extreme, specialist socks for a specific hobby etc). People are talking about how OP is fixating on him giving his family jewellery and how it sounds like she's expecting expensive jewellery, but for £25/$30 you can buy a pair of Pandora studs which make a lovely birthday gift - much more so than a pair of socks tbh and this isn't an unreasonable budget for a gift.
If the BF didn't want to drop £££'s on a gift, a simple pair of sterling silver earrings would have been more appropriate than socks.
I'm not caught up on the other things OP has been commenting that have factored into people's judgements, so I can't comment on those, but at the very least BF could have done better than socks and could have sourced something in the £30 or under bracket quite easily, especially since it sounds like BF would have been able to accommodate this kind of budget. I know not everyone can, but from the context it seems like £30 would be within BF's budget.
she is nta, socks are not an appropriate gift in that scenario anyway. there is a distinct lack of thought in the gift. that said I do find her mentioning jewellery is a bit suspect as well. like she was being a bit greedy if the relationship is new
the holes thing granted is a bit overkill, but if she didn't like the socks giving them to be a chew toy seems a Good compromise.
to be clear socks can be great gifts, a really good merino hiking sock, or ski socks etc. expensive technical socks basically.
but not everyday ones unless you know that person very well and its what they want,
It's funny how the most upvoted answer here is exactly opposite to the post where the guy got a crappy gift from his gf.
YTA for assuming he knows about your phobias and for being a golddigger
This sub shat on him for throwing out the cactus that is a hazard to his cat and the egg plastic gadget that he won't use and said he was callous.
But now when a gf gets upset that her boyfriend of 5 months got her polka dotted socks and not expensive jewellery its apparently a shit cake.
Turns out it was polka dots, not holes. And they've been together 5 months so I wouldn't say jewellery level is where they're at yet. Socks isn't the best gift, I won't disagree but OP is definitely blowing this out of proportion
It's not an officially recognized diagnosis because it falls under a different officially recognized diagnosis in the DSM. It would fall under Specific Phobia, like acrophobia or arachnophobia or emetophobia.
socks are such a devisive gift, give me a nice technical hiking pair or a pair of soft cashmere socks then thats great!
cheap everyday socks in a pattern I don't want then ug no thanks.
though cheap everyday socks with cats on are great.
What are you talking about?
Socks are one of the most well recieved gifts after food; they're universal and often lost or worn out. Moreso if you walk or exercise often.
Thoughtful by nature almost the same as caring for someone's basics such as food, covering and shelter
Way to tell me you're privileged without saying you are privileged.
I mean a fear of holes and a pointpattern isn't neccesarily connected.
It's a crappy present but so is her attitude for what he gave to family,crappy present from him but shitty attitude from her,which also is in the A territory
I'm right here with 1indaT. OP your malice seems much stronger than your phobia. You were punishing BF by being insulting and pooping on his gift! Perhaps herein lies the key to a cure.
Why are they not? Who are you to say socks are or, are not, valid gifts? Do you have some professional experience or a certificate certifying you of telling everyone socks is not a valid gift?
Socks are only a good gift if you know for sure that the person you're gifting is going to be happy about receiving them. Otherwise they could be a gag gift, if you get something else as well.
It's funny how people are so defendant of these socks when in another post they rip a girl to shreds for gifting OP a gemstone/crystal. It really is all about the person being gifted and most people would not be happy to receive a pair (really, just one pair? at least get a pack) of socks for their birthday
>Socks are only a good gift if you know for sure that the person you're gifting is going to be happy about receiving them
Can't you say the same about literally anything?
It's not about the validity of the gift, its that OP acted liked a brat. Even in the face of a mediocre gift you don't end the party, throw the present to the dog, and complain you didn't get something as nice as the giver's family.
Yeah as soon as I read OP really looks forwards to receiving gifts especially from a boyfriend I knew YTA, the rest of the post and OPs comments solidified it
I love when people say “my birthday is really special to me” like they have some unique connection to one of two experiences every human on the planet shares.
They really mean to say “I decided that my birthday is a really big deal.”
Yeah the trypophobia thing sounds like a total cover - for one thing it’s polka dots (never heard of that triggering trypophobia, but I’m no expert), and for another I’m pretty sure that if you have a phobia you’d throw them away (or get someone else to)… not give them to your dog to play with in full view of you
Anyone I know who has a phobia avoids that thing like the plague, to the point that I can’t imagine them touching the socks or keeping them anywhere visible. They’d ask someone else to dispose of them immediately
This is clearly OP wanting an expensive present (notice the focus on him being rich, not him being thoughtful)
Maybe he got her the socks to gauge a reaction..? Like haha I’m kidding here is what I actually got you.
But throwing a temper tantrum and calling the party early then giving the socks to the dog- instead of oh I don’t know, talking to the bf and explains why OP is upset..?
Who knows certainly not OP. Had me at “my birthday is special to me” sounds like someone has a birthday week or worse yet- month.
YTAH have a little composure and you certainly embarrassed yourself at the party.
Yeah I’m not super wealthy but I do okay for myself…. Enough that most women I date are earning noticeably less, not so much that I don’t have to work, that kinda ballpark
I tend to get a thoughtful-but-cheap present for a first “event” gift for a new partner, it’s a good way to know if they’re just interested in dating someone who they think can spoil them
YTA
I can't imagine reacting like this to a gift someone gave me.
You brought up the fact that your boyfriend bought his family members jewelry, and I assume you had certain expectations on what he was going to get you. May I just ask what you were expecting as a gift?
I mean...
...at 5 months into a relationship, unless there's a very specific inside joke or meaning, a couple pairs of random novelty socks just seems really thoughtless and low effort. He probably barely spent $10-15. That's like...the price of a fast food combo meal these days. Expecting ANYTHING more than that really isnt gold digging.
For sure, lots of entitledment here. Even if you hate something, the only acceptable thing to do is be polite. Then maybe later you can bring up how you didn't like your present or how you thought it made you feel like your bf didn't pay attention to you.
I N F O: how old are you? You’re worked up over a polka-dotted gift from your boyfriend of FIVE MONTHS? So this is definitely your first birthday with him? Why the actual fuck would you expect him to break out a Tiffany blue box and gift you in a similar way he’d gift his actual f a m i l y.
I also have trypophobia and have never once been set off by polka dots. And I’ve never been insulted by their presence either.
5 months. 5 months. He could’ve just got you a card and that would’ve been sufficient. YTA. A major, childish AH.
Would you have been fine and happy if he gave you plain socks with no polka dots?
Also, did you look in the socks and make sure there was nothing in them?
Edit: INFO
The amount of people in here who think it’s okay to emotionally manipulate your partners in to thinking you’re mistreating them to see if they will *checks notes* allow you to continue mistreating them is gross.
Everyone making this about money when this dude bought his gf of 5 months a single pair of socks, in a pattern that at the very least he’s never seen her show interest in, and gave them to her publicly. He clearly put 0 effort into finding a gift SHE would like. Seems like he wanted to get out of the store as quick as possible and just grabbed something.
She’s upset because her boyfriend just showed that he barely even knows her enough to get her her favorite candy or something personalized. All these other things are just factors adding to that core element imo
ESH. He seems a bit inconsiderate as do you. Making the dog chew the socks is inconsiderate. I'm sorry your boyfriend didn't put effort into your gift, but it also seems like you didn't do much to help the situation either.
Yeah definitely an ESH. Even though bf’s gift was thoughtless and super low effort, feeding it to your dog as soon as you got home? That’s pretty harsh. Could’ve just shoved them in a drawer and never looked at them again.
YTA
Maybe some kind of thought or joke or memory went into the sock giving? My friend got a pen for a Christmas gift from her boyfriend and loved it. Only pen she will use. Nothing crazy expensive just a better than normal one.
You could have atleast discussed it instead of reacting based on your estimated dollar value. And that was no way to react anyway.
~~Sounds like your bf either doesn't listen when you tell him things, or doesn't believe you really have this phobia.~~
~~Either way, red flag. NTA~~
I think it's a bit AHish to expect expensive presents, though.
ETA - it was polka dots? Then there's a good chance he didn't realise it would trigger you, depending on how you explained the phobia to him. Socks are still a shitty present unless there's a story behind them. Standing by YTA for expecting expensive jewellery
She also never explained she had a phobia to him. She reacted negatively to a wasp’s nest and decided that means he should have known she has trypophobia.
Not only that, but even if the dog didn't choke, the threads could get knotted up in its intestines, causing internal damage or the dreaded poo rope. The least issue giving socks to dogs causes is teaching them that socks = toy, so when they don't chew the appropriate sock, they get in trouble and don't understand why. Thank you for saying something because I was so thinking about how much no it is to give socks to dogs.
I agree it's not a great toy for dogs, but even if it were, if OP is "triggered" simply by looking at the socks, then why give it to your own dog, who will toss it about, dump it in you lap, and leave it lying around in unexpected places, all of which could "trigger" OP again.
ESH. Socks is a crap gift from a significant other. He didn’t have to give you expensive jewellery, but socks is crap.
You suck because you sound like an ungrateful brat. When someone gives you a gift, you say thank you.
As for the phobia, comments say that it’s a polka dot pattern not actual holes. It wouldn’t occur to me that that would trigger your phobia, so it seems like he just didn’t realise. Regardless, the way to handle it is to politely and quietly later say ‘Thanks for the kind gift. I’m really sorry but that pattern really sets off my phobia and I won’t be able to wear them. Is there any chance we could exchange them for a different pattern?’
Gross, YTA.
You are very self absorbed, and demanding.
A gift is a gift, whatever they give you is great. You mention how well off he is and then are upset he didn’t spend more on you? Why would he, you clearly don’t deserve it.
Balling them up and giving them to your dog, absolutely intolerable.
Polka dots and holes. Are NOT the same thing. He also didn’t know you have that phobia, that’s on YOU for not bringing it up.
He likely tested to see how you’d respond to his gift as well, which is kinda shady on his part, but you should feel grateful when anybody spends money buying you a gift. You failed that for sure.
Very much YTA
Yeah, YTA.
They're not holes, they're polka dots. So he wasn't maliciously going after your trypophobia.
And IDGAF about what gifts he's given exes after however many months, you still don't have a right to *expect* expensive gifts from a partner, *especially* early on in a relationship. My now-wife's first birthday present from me was a plastic Viking Helmet and Axe (she's Norwegian), and a book. We still have that helmet, 9 years on. Admittedly, I was pretty poor back then, and I'm not exactly well-off now, either, but she was grateful that I got her *anything*.
>Today is my birthday, and I was really excited for what others would get me. My birthday is really special to me and is one of the things I always look forward to.
You've made it clear right from the start of your post that your birthday is about presents for you. This is an *e x t r e m e l y* childish outlook. And then:
>it’s really insulting he got me socks for my birthday when he got expensive jewelry for his mom, sister, and grandma. Not even for special occasions.
I love how you're offended that you, a girlfriend of five months (don't particularly care that you were apparently friends for years before that), do not warrant the same degree of consideration as: the woman who raised him, the woman who raised the woman who raised him and probably had a hand in raising him too, and the woman he grew up alongside.
Oh, but I forgot, your birthday is *REALLY* special to you. Because you expect snazzy presents. And you're mad he didn't get you a snazzy present. Then you go and effectively throw his present away, and tell him he should be *grateful* that's what you did with it?
Yeah, YTA. YT *major* A. Like other people have said, I suspect a test, and I suspect you failed. Though tbh, if my partner was 'testing' me, I wouldn't want them as a partner anyway.
But you'll probably stick with it until you get to the 'expensive presents' stage.
...If it had actually been holes in the socks knowing your phobia then yeah he would have been ta. Sure, he could have done something better like set up a date night with you or something, but ffs you are using his gifts to FAMILY against him? It hasn't even been a year, even if its a serious relationship you sound incredibly entitled and uppity. If anything it shows you're more interested in fancy material goods than the actual relationship. He isn't entirely in the clear but you sure as hell aren't either. YTA.
YTA for your reaction and ALSO for giving something your dog can chew and get serious tummy issues with. If he swallows the sock pieces and can’t pass them are you going to be able to afford the surgery he requires? You know, since you can’t pawn off the gems and pearls you were expecting?
ESH. A pair of socks is a crappy birthday gift unless you know the recipient will love them. The recipient did not love them
You are intentionally misrepresenting the situation- polka dots aren’t holes, fearing a wasp nest doesn’t automatically correlate to trypophobia, and you sound like a gold digger.
ESH
You are obnoxious and entitled (even your comments are) and unless somebody really likes socks (for example fun ones with cute patterns or something - I do) it's a cheap and pretty shitty gift for a partner.
Omg you're upset over polka dots and using a fake phobia as the excuse. YTA.
[images of what triggers trypophobia](https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-tmus-us-revc&sxsrf=APwXEde1gNhS_ryCOypecwzQtowvokGEaQ:1688106011979&q=trypophobia+images&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjOsL_5rOr_AhUAg4kEHTksBPEQ0pQJegQIBxAB&biw=360&bih=664&dpr=3#imgrc=dOPNrrpAbwJtDM)
[Why Tryphobia Isn't a Real Phobia ](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320512#:~:text=At%20present%2C%20the%20American%20Psychiatric,simply%20a%20feeling%20of%20disgust.)
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YTA for not including that it’s polka dots and not actual holes. This sounds like an honest mistake, I don’t think most people would think that polka dots would trigger trypophobia. Him giving jewelry to family members does not mean he should be giving his girlfriend of 5 months some. This sounds like a mismatch of expectations that was escalated wildly by you destroying the present. Edit: I think it’s buried far down in the comments now, but for those who haven’t seen OP also admitted that they never told him they had trypophobia. She expected him to know because she freaked out over a wasps nest once when they were together.
Polka dots and holes are very different IMO. I was going to say N T A having read the story but the dots and the mere 5 months of dating firmly puts this in the YTA category
Apparently he was meant to connect being scared of a wasps nest and a fear of holes which extends to polka dots. Talk about unreasonable
socks are still a very shitty gift.
Have to disagree. I love getting socks! They're a great gift...in the right circumstances. But in this situation, socks were a low effort gift, and that's always hurtful.
I like socks too, but honestly if my bf got me just a pair of socks for my birthday I'd be disappointed. I think it doesn't have to be expensive, but it should at least be thoughtful ya know? Like a book OP has wanted to read or an event they wanna go to, baking supplies, whatever applies to OP.
Boyfriend of 5 months. That is still in the relationship window of “ok just small gifts as we are still seeing if this is serious or not”
yeah and nothing can tank that faster than a gift of socks on a birthday. there were so many better options even for small gifts
Even small cheap gifts could be better than socks, I would've been disappointed as well if I had gotten that by a bf. I mean u could throw a quick basket together with a bath bomb or something and like I wanted to spoil u for an evening, a small picnic basket for a nature date or even a cheap but sexy set of underwear, going with socks just screams "this didn't matter to me"
Small gifts need to be thoughtful. My mum and dad had been together about two weeks when it was his birthday. My mum stumbled across chocolate in the shape of his initial. They are still talking about it nearly fifty years later. My dad still thinks chocolate is the perfect gift.
The typical bouquet of flowers or box of candy would've been better than socks lol
Hell even flowers or a gift card, a dinner date, a chachki even. But socks? When we first started dating my husband got me these silver plated couples necklaces for christmas (we started dating in november). He still wears his even though it's long worn out. They cost like 30 bucks for the pair and I still have mine hanging up in my car. It doesn't cost much to show someone you at least like them.
Yeah, unless she specifically said she wanted/needed socks, this is a thoughtless gift. There a plenty of little trinkets to give that would have been better.
I can think of only one thing that would tank a relationship faster and that’s taking a gift, even a low effort gift, and giving to your dog as a chew toy.
OP is not right here, but they can both suck. Frankly I do not think the relationship can survive this, and I think they are both equally to blame but will find partners better suited to them.
Might have been a test. She made it clear she wanted ‘expensive’ and followed/up with ‘thoughtful’. He might be wondering if she is with him for his money.
The gift wasn't thoughtful.
Or if he really wanted to give her socks, why not add another small little item to go along with them for the gift? Would definitely seem more thoughtful than plain socks and maybe the disappointment wouldn't be so apparent
To be fair, we don't really know if there was more to the gift. For all we know, he threw the party. I would say that since the OP threw in the descriptor of "expensive" as gifts he's given to his family in her presence, that she may not be the most reliable narrator here.
true, but when my partner (3 years now) got me a birthday gift for when we had only been dating for two weeks, I was at least given something that had a little more thought as to a general knowledge of my interests than just socks
My fiancé and I weren’t even dating, just hooking up, and he still went and picked out a really nice beer that he thought I would enjoy, based specifically on all the soda and juice I drank at work lmao. It was genuinely the best beer I have ever tasted and he got it right before my 21st bday. I love socks, get them for gifts literally every year, but there is no thoughtfulness behind *these* polka dot socks. I agree that “doesn’t like holes” doesn’t directly translate to “doesn’t like polka dots” but… does she own anything polka dot? Is it something she’s expressed liking? Does she have a thing for socks but he just went and grabbed the first ones he saw? (Also shitty anyway.) Aren’t you still supposed to be trying to impress each other at this point in the relationship? Lame effort. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to pick out a thoughtful gift.
My boyfriend of a week got me a ‘leo’ necklace for my birthday, which I think shows a bit more effort than a pair of socks. Even something like a cheap necklace or maybe some chocolate or a snack she liked would have been better than a pair of socks
Yeah, this honestly it's not a time to buy random socks. Sock with favourite character, something witty, something silly on them? Sure. Polka dot socks that you can pick up in any shop on the way? No.
Idk man, you could still put a little bit of effort into it. My bday was a 5.5 months after my bf and I started dating and he spent the morning baking a specific pastry and making a silly gift that referenced our first conversation, got me a board game I wanted, and took me to a KBBQ place cause we both wanted to try it. Obviously to some that would seem overboard but I would think after five months OP's bf knows at least one of her interests to get a little something other than socks; even a t-shirt
Yeah, small gifts, but something better than a pair of socks unless you specifically wanted it. I mean I love socks and getting them as presents, but not as the only thing from a partner..
I guess, but tbf my bf had his birthday when id only known him 2 months, and we weren't even official yet, i got him a blanket, popcorn bowl filled with movie snacks, a dvd of a movie we could watch together and a bottle of wine, not a hugely personalized gift, but the underlying gift was that we would use the gift on a movie date night later, and it went over really well. Just to say gifts don't have to be very personalized if you don't know them well, but honestly a gift card would have been better than just a pair of socks, like i love good socks, but really if you're new to the relationship you should still be in the 'trying to make a good impression phase' and if you cant think of something personalized, then at least get something to go with the socks, a candle and a book, or some nice chocolates Her reaction is poor obviously, but i can definitely see how id be disappointed that my bf has apparently decided he cant be bothered to try and find something more personalized than one pair or socks for my birthday. You hope he'd be willing to put more effort in next year, but this isn't a good sign that he thinks you'll make it to next year imo.
It should still be well thought out. I get socks every Christmas and I absolutely love them, but they're always special. I've got some with Frida Kahlo (I'm a Spanish teacher and I love Frida), I've got some with succulents and say "pot head" (bc I love puns, plants, and weed), and some with Aladdin (my favorite childhood movie.) Just polka dot socks is very low effort, especially when you've demonstrated the ability and awareness to get better gifts for others. I'd rather a card with a well thought out note, than a pair of generic socks.
Yeah no. Socks. FFS
I would be disappointed too but wouldn't shut the party down because of it. OP is too focused on monetary value.
100% that seem like an overreaction and flat out immature. The enjoyment you get out of your bday party shouldn't rely on the gifts you receive from anyone. (I definitely think OP was an asshole and wouldn't argue against that, just think the bf was incosiderate as well)
I don't know, my birthday was yesterday and I was quite happy to get socks and some shirts. Just because it isn't expensive doesn't mean it’s not thoughtful.
But socks aren’t thoughtful at all in this situation? He chose to go as generic and low effort as possible 😂
And clearly she wasn’t a fan so obviously it wasn’t something catered to her at all. 5 months is long enough to think of something better than a single pair of polka dot socks. They weren’t even like cool novelty socks or anything. What a miss.
He knew they’d be opened in public too. Like he doesn’t want the people at the party to think the relationship is going anywhere.
Socks is fine but not alone
Same here. I have 2 drawers full of socks for all different occasions and with all different patterns, designs, prints and colours. Plus they’re a fun way to keep some individuality with things like Uniforms or Suits. I’ve had to ban myself and others from getting them for me unless they are super unique/desirable designs. My favourite pair isn’t even anything crazy. Just a black pair with white writing that say ‘sole-mates’ on them that my wife got me on my birthday like 6 months into our relationship
Yeah but you have an interest in socks, so it's validating. Apparently she has an interest in jewelry and doesn't care for socks.
Yeah they are a bit of a shit gift if it’s literally just that. I would only buy socks if it was either explicitly asked for, or part of like a parcel of goodies and there were other nice bits in there too
Part of a 'pamper time hamper' type thing - snuggly socks, some hot chocolate, sweets, a movie, etc.
You're so right, this is the correct way
I love getting socks - especially fun colourful socks. But that's me and I always make it clear that I want them.
You mean, he was expected to...connect the dots...?
Good old painting the picture to make you look like the absolute victim
100%. I have awful tryophobia and while I don't enjoy polka dots they aren't triggering. Not saying they aren't for others but how is her boyfriend supposed to know. My husband and partner of 16yrs doesn't understand my tryophobia
Oh FFS. I have trypophobia and I’m sitting here like “what monster invents socks that trigger this” and come to find out it’s polka dots. OP, YTA.
Right? Like I was expecting the beehive patterned socks I've seen one company near me make or something, not polka dots.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but if she actually has genuine trypophobia I'd imagine she wouldn't even be able to tolerate having something that triggers it lying around the house being used as a dog toy right? Like if she had arachnophobia and he'd gotten her a spider plushie, giving it to her dog wouldn't make her not intensely scared of it...
By “balled them up,” I assumed she meant like how you would fold socks into themselves, which generally hides patterns on the inside.
Yep, OP sounds like a very materialistic person. Her BF is well off, so she expects expensive gifts. But that's not how it works for everyone. Sounds like she cared more about a good present, than having her boyfriend at all. Definite YTA, even though socks are a weird gift.
Huh what? Am I crazy for thinking that you should just never gift anyone socks unless they ask for it? I would be upset too if I got socks, and polka dot ones too. Yes OP should have mentioned that they were polka dots and not holes but that doesn't make OP an AH in the slightest. And anyways if he can gift her socks, she can do whatever she wants with them- they are hers now. I feel crazy here tbh.
I think that it was a crappy gift in this situation, but I don’t see why you should never give anyone socks; my grandma often gets me socks at Christmas and I appreciate them.
If my grandma gets me socks I appreciate them because she cannot use the Internet and her mobility is reduced so it means she made an effort to get out and get me something bless her heart. If my husband gets me socks despite Internet access and no trouble visiting shops I am wondering what I did to make him want to make no effort whatsoever for me. So I am with you, I think the suitability of the gift is the messaging behind it and there are situations where it's fine. It's not a materialism issue, which is what I think people are caught up on, it's the care that goes into the gift.
[удалено]
Agreeing with OP? No. Thinking that he should not have given her polka dot socks? Yes. It just shows a lack of effort for someone who you supposedly care about. Also where does she say that she never told him about her phobia and that she's thinking of leaving him?
I’m not scrolling through to find it but in one of her many comments She was afraid of a wasp nest once and assumed he would know it meant she’s scared of holes lol. and she said she no longer thinks they’re meant to be together now. Unhinged is a kind description. Tbh at this point idk if she is a reliable narrator at all, she excepted fancy jewelry at 5 months into a relationship, who knows they could have been very expensive socks, I don’t find that a distasteful gift tbh.
Oh wow. I didn't see those comments at all but yes OP is a major AH for that. That's honestly awful. You're right OP is not a reliable narrator. Changing my stance to YTA.
>I feel crazy here tbh. Me too. Five months into a relationship you're still trying to make an impression on the person, you should still be in the infatuation stage. That's when you go all-out to impress someone with your thoughtfulness. Giving someone a single pair of socks isn't a good gift at all - it's more of a stereotypically bad gift. Sure, if you know the person likes interesting socks, and you special order some with their favourite pet or character on them, that's a thoughtful gift. This sounds like a $5 gift.
I still think socks is a pretty lame gift for anyone on their birthday. That's a stocking filler on Christmas not a proper gift. Anything of the same value with just a little bit of thought put into it would have been a better gift than socks.
I think along with other things it can be a nice present. I’ve recently gotten into wearing socks and my husband and I have given a cute themed pair of socks to each other before as one of the gifts for a birthday/Christmas. It’s never been the main present though. I can understand why it being the only present would be disappointing, but that doesn’t justify feeding them to their dog or trying to use trypophobia as a justification for doing so.
Meh let’s be real here. A boyfriend of any period of time getting you a shitty out of socks that make you think of your irrational fear is a pretty lame gift. You should at least put the thought to make sure it’s something you’d think they like and not just a random pair of socks. It shouldn’t be about the money, but that doesn’t mean the socks were a well-thought out gift
She's TA because she is greedy. Who ends a party early because they are disappointed with one gift?
This is my thought too. You’re disappointed in the gift - that’s fine. Maybe a tad bit entitled to think your bf of 5 months should get you jewelry like he gets his family, but socks are kind of a blah gift unless you really like socks a lot. But to end the party early because of it? That’s the behavior of a child and pushes this into YTA for me.
ESH. A single pair of socks seems like a last minute gift so I understand your disappointment. However, giving them to your dog to play with was flat out disrespectful. It’s probably going to give him a bad taste about how you receive gifts. You should have accepted the gift and then maybe later, sat down and had a conversation of how it made you feel. Expecting expensive jewelry after 5 months is also a bit much. But I get that you just wanted a gift with a little more thought put into it. This is a great opportunity for you guys to talk about what happened, take accountability, apologize, and perhaps get a pulse on how serious your relationship is at this point.
Wait... she meant polkadots, not actual holes? I thought she meant like... string vest socks or something. For a 5 month relationship, some nice socks is a fine gift. 100% YTA.
Come on. Certainly an overreaction, but 5 months into a relationship and you get your SO a pair of socks? Not even comparing to what they got their family members, but that is a horribly out of touch gift. I think a 5-month relationship is being underestimated in terms of seriousness here. If he was struggling sure, but OP went out of her way to say he wasn’t.
Only if you are both 15. If you are a fully grown adult in a relationship with someone, put some effort into or don’t bother getting a gift at all. She was being dramatic; he was thoughtless. ESH
“I ain’t sayin she’s a gold digger…” 🤣
Also for giving the socks to her dog as a chew toy, socks are a very common cause of obstructions.
Damn, bf tested to see if you were about him or the money. You failed. YTA. Edit: Am I the only person who would be perfectly happy with socks? Especially fun socks. My wife has gotten me socks with ice cream cones on them and I love them, wear them all the time. Additional edit since I’m near the top of the shit heap: the “holes” in the socks were clarified as polka dots.
that's exactly what I was thinking. If OP had privately told him about her Trypophobia after the fact and asked for a different pattern on the socks, I think she'd pass his test. Yes it's a stupid test, but there's been so many horror stories of wealthy people finding what they thought was love, when in reality they were only in it for the money and as soon as it dried up, they left and moved onto the next wealthy person.
From the comments I gather it was polkadot not holes so it wasn't really about trypophobia either just money.
Polka dots can still trigger typophobia. Its the illusion of wholes essentially. Shes still the AH tho. I mean I feel that a 5mo relationship should get better than socks (maybe not $$$ jewelry) but socks are a pretty f.u. gift. But she could have just asked him to exchange them for a different pattern too. But it does seem like he put no thought into the gift which is a pretty big insult. UNLESS there is a special meaning to the socks. (Like my husband gets me socks for christmas- when we were not well off, this was one thing he could afford. I get cold feet easily, so it was a thoughtful gift..now he gets them for me every year- but this is a special thing between us)
So she is trying to make him sound worse she could have just said polkadot. Maybe he had something else planned and socks were a gag gift. But her materialistic reaction made him reconsider.
I agree...her reaction was complete bullshit and she is the biggest AH here. But I dont think bf is completely off the hook.
I mean, my partner has mild trypophobia and even leggings covered in Mickey Mouse heads triggered him a bit… all those black circles reminded him of holes! But he just calmly told me he didn’t really want to wear them because it made him uncomfortable. So still YTA
My favourite relationship test: test me and you’re out.
yeah, the audacity to test your partner this way.. it makes my stomach turn
When my ex admitted to me that most of our interactions were tests it made me sick to my stomach. Anyone that thinks it’s okay to test someone without their consent is a walking red flag
Agreed. In this case however, I somewhat understand, he bought her a cheap gift at a 5 month relationship, to see if she cared about him, or his money. It's unfortunate he chose polkadots though. People with a lot of money sometimes just can't tell the reasons their friends are friends.
Ehhh I still find it unreasonable. It’s dishonest at best and manipulative at worst to “test” your partner in any way at all
I mean, I would've been insulted by that gift. Cheap doesn't mean giving something impersonal. He could have gotten her a cheap personal gift instead of socks. Hell, I would prefer a handwritten card to some cheap socks.
Nah. I can't believe people are backing up the BF in this thread. It's definitely an ESH situation. OP is an asshole for how she behaved, but the BF is also an asshole for getting her just socks for her birthday. I'm not saying he has to get her expensive jewelry, but he should have put in more effort than a pair of polka dot socks.
oh the horror, her partner bought her socks. Grow up.
It was the ending the party early bit for me. Imagine ending your birthday party early because someone gave you socks. Getting THAT bent out of shape by a crummy gift screams "I don't actually care about y'all company I just wanted the gifts".
She said as much in her first sentence, she was absolutely all about the gifts.
Exactly this. OP sounds like a child. “Birthdays are so important to me because I get presents.” Are you ten? Grow tf up. YTA.
Also opening all your birthday presents at your party in front of your guests, and then having a tantrum and ending the party over one of the gifts. So childish
She told us that in the very first sentence, she’s proud of it. The whole opening paragraph is explaining that she is most excited about the gifts she receives. Hopefully everyone in attendance remembers for next year and just skips it.
Honestly, yeah. Phobias aside, it comes off as bratty-Princess when you throw a tantrum over a gift you don’t like, and end the party on the spot over it. Being a little sad or disappointed is understandable, but this reaction was over the top. YTA
NTA. Socks?!! Unless you have a particular thing for socks that's a really terrible gift. The holes thing is just icing on the shit cake. The only way this makes sense is if you've only been dating for less than a month and he's not sure how serious it is.
Maybe Master is setting Dobby free?
It can't be that, Dobby would love those socks, regardless of the holes.
It’s a brand new relationship, and the holes thing was polka dots. Sue literally never even told him about her phobia, she’s just assuming he knows. Her comments are whack and she’s definitely TA.
Holes and polka dots are not the same
I have trypophobia myself and it’s not just holes, hole-like patterns depending on how they’re spaced/presented can also set off my trypophobia. Small white polka dot pattern on a pastel background cool. Large black or other dark colored polka dots on any color background not cool. Also polka dot socks are really a plain design for socks he could’ve at least gotten a her a pattern that had cute animals on it or even flowers. I’m currently wearing a pair of leopard print socks that don’t set off my trypophobia as well. Also once you give someone a gift you have no say in what they do with it. She shouldn’t have ended the party early because of it, but also he was kind of crappy to get her a plain pair of socks. I’ve had a few boyfriends that I dated right before their birthdays, and I knew enough about them to get them something that would like if not love.
No, they’re not the same, however It can still trigger the fear. I have horrid arachnophobia and sometimes things like certain plants or loose fibers will trigger the same fear in me. It’s VERY obnoxious and sometimes embarrassing, but I can’t take away the visceral reaction is get. (It’s the legs. There’s too many moving too fast. Blegh. Otherwise spiders are cool AF). Also learned recently ticks are arachnids. I have only a healthy fear of them since they carry disease, but otherwise I just find them yucky. My point is phobias, by definition, are irrational. So one phobia can be triggered by multiple similar things, regardless of how logical it is.
It's socks. I have put more care and thought into gifts for people I was hooking up with. Do better.
Right? If it's a new relationship then IMO you try hard to impress them and be thoughtful. My husband found out I could draw when we were dating and he loved my stuff so for his birthday I did his portrait. Bit lame I know but it took a lot of time and effort.
? > I told him before I have trypophobia he literally knows ??
Nope. OP then clarified that earlier when she was scared of a wasps nest that he should have realised it was due to a fear of holes. She had this weird expectation of him
okay wow. changed my mind. op sounds insufferable
She does, but still there's no excuse to give socks* as a birthday present. Edit - Ok, I'll fix this: no excuse to give *ordinary everyday socks as a birthday present. But special socks are good 😇
There absolutely is. If he’s walking around with the racks on him this is something you do to see if someone is down for you or your money. And based on OPs description I don’t think it’s hard to see what’s going on here. “He gets expensive jewelry for family members” was all I needed to read. If I heard my girl say that she’s outta here
I do get that point too. I am the one who gives expensive gifts - or did until I quit. Got fed up with expectations.. not only my own kids have been asking, but also the extended family. Or tbh my kids don't really ask much, but extended family doesn't hesitate asking for tv's, phones or even vacations 🤯 Really, honestly. My SIL was so devastaded that she didn't know I had money (because I live quite modestly and def don't spend my money on brand clothes or fancy cars.. anyway SIL had said she should have asked me for a godmother of their twins because I "give more expensive gifts". And she has regretted it ever since. For couple of years she kept asking ridiculous things, but then I just quit. I moved further away from everyone and don't keep in touch much. Of course I still buy stuff for people & my nephews but I have told them I want to keep it reasonable & sensible. I still wouldn't give socks because it does come across a bit insulting. I might give something else modest and a bit later say, "Oh well, I may have something else for you.." but wouldn't give it if they threw a tantrum.
Yeah I’m not dropping over $200 anyone I haven’t been with for at least a year. $1k+ gifts are exclusively reserved for family and people I’ve been with 2+ years.
I don't think bf was obligated to spend a couple hundred but idk novelty socks are something you give somebody for the office secret Santa and the limit is $10. There's and in between, dinner and some flowers, small venue concert, a book at least.
I agree. It sounds like OP expected jewelry and got angry with the socks. She likes him for the presents he can afford, not for the man himself. Personally, I love a new pair of socks.
A few years ago, I got a box of pretty expensive food-themed socks from friends of mine. I love food and I love socks, so it was one of the best gifts I've ever gotten
I love socks but he could have sprung for the 3 sock pack.
I gave my gf baby yoda socks. Highlight of her birthday. Ignored the £100+ spent on switch games. All she cared about was the socks
Well I'm sure she loves Baby Yoda 💚 It's different if you know them well and know they will love it. I know I expressed myself quite strictly. Because in real life I would be glad to get some Happy Socks because I do like funny socks. Also my hubby would want to give me jewelry and luxyry gifts but I don't want them. Instead I really appreciated his gesture when he gave me [Deadpool phone holder ](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/61hmdivyFUL._AC_UF1000,1000_QL80_.jpg) 😁 But regular ordinary socks is a total different thing.
Agreed. You don't have to spend a lot of money to give a decent gift. Socks as a birthday present is terrible (unless it's an in joke or they're some kind of extreme, specialist socks for a specific hobby etc). People are talking about how OP is fixating on him giving his family jewellery and how it sounds like she's expecting expensive jewellery, but for £25/$30 you can buy a pair of Pandora studs which make a lovely birthday gift - much more so than a pair of socks tbh and this isn't an unreasonable budget for a gift. If the BF didn't want to drop £££'s on a gift, a simple pair of sterling silver earrings would have been more appropriate than socks. I'm not caught up on the other things OP has been commenting that have factored into people's judgements, so I can't comment on those, but at the very least BF could have done better than socks and could have sourced something in the £30 or under bracket quite easily, especially since it sounds like BF would have been able to accommodate this kind of budget. I know not everyone can, but from the context it seems like £30 would be within BF's budget.
A friend once gave me socks with pizza slices and unicorns on for my birthday. They're amazing.
Yes those are quirky and cool, and that was from a friend. Generic polka dot socks from a boyfriend is lame as hell
she is nta, socks are not an appropriate gift in that scenario anyway. there is a distinct lack of thought in the gift. that said I do find her mentioning jewellery is a bit suspect as well. like she was being a bit greedy if the relationship is new the holes thing granted is a bit overkill, but if she didn't like the socks giving them to be a chew toy seems a Good compromise. to be clear socks can be great gifts, a really good merino hiking sock, or ski socks etc. expensive technical socks basically. but not everyday ones unless you know that person very well and its what they want,
It's funny how the most upvoted answer here is exactly opposite to the post where the guy got a crappy gift from his gf. YTA for assuming he knows about your phobias and for being a golddigger
This sub shat on him for throwing out the cactus that is a hazard to his cat and the egg plastic gadget that he won't use and said he was callous. But now when a gf gets upset that her boyfriend of 5 months got her polka dotted socks and not expensive jewellery its apparently a shit cake.
At least some thought went into the egg gadgets some socks is a no thought gift. Also OP atleast put them to good use instead of throwing them out
"some thought" and that thought was "I'm going to ignore everything you told me"
I was not at all expecting to see n-t-a votes in the top comments. This sub would usually be going off saying she's an immature brat or something.
Turns out it was polka dots, not holes. And they've been together 5 months so I wouldn't say jewellery level is where they're at yet. Socks isn't the best gift, I won't disagree but OP is definitely blowing this out of proportion
I would appreciate socks but with holes in them? What socks have holes in them
They don't have holes, they are polka dots.
Wasn't even holes, they were polka dot, she also never told him about her phobia.
Well, considering the medical board doesn't even recognize this as a phobia, OP's story is seriously full of holes.
It's not an officially recognized diagnosis because it falls under a different officially recognized diagnosis in the DSM. It would fall under Specific Phobia, like acrophobia or arachnophobia or emetophobia.
All socks have holes in them.
Now the holes where you put your feet in don't count
OP has holes in her story.
I just read a comment that said they were not actually holes, it was a polkadot pattern, not even holes.
Decorative socks with a lace pattern exist
later it was clarified the "holes" were polka dots. read OP's comments. the "holes" were polka dots. but she says polka dots *remind* her of holes.
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I thought the same. It’s a test sock that she failed bc she’s clearly very keen on jewellery. Tbh, ESH.
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socks are such a devisive gift, give me a nice technical hiking pair or a pair of soft cashmere socks then thats great! cheap everyday socks in a pattern I don't want then ug no thanks. though cheap everyday socks with cats on are great.
What are you talking about? Socks are one of the most well recieved gifts after food; they're universal and often lost or worn out. Moreso if you walk or exercise often. Thoughtful by nature almost the same as caring for someone's basics such as food, covering and shelter Way to tell me you're privileged without saying you are privileged.
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I mean a fear of holes and a pointpattern isn't neccesarily connected. It's a crappy present but so is her attitude for what he gave to family,crappy present from him but shitty attitude from her,which also is in the A territory
Exactly. I got socks for my birthday and I was over the fucking moon. But it's not something you get for someone if that's not what you want
YTA. When someone gives you a gift, say thank you. If you want to give it to the dog, then wait until the giver leaves.
I'm right here with 1indaT. OP your malice seems much stronger than your phobia. You were punishing BF by being insulting and pooping on his gift! Perhaps herein lies the key to a cure.
why are we acting like socks are a valid gift lmao
Why are they not? Who are you to say socks are or, are not, valid gifts? Do you have some professional experience or a certificate certifying you of telling everyone socks is not a valid gift?
Socks are only a good gift if you know for sure that the person you're gifting is going to be happy about receiving them. Otherwise they could be a gag gift, if you get something else as well. It's funny how people are so defendant of these socks when in another post they rip a girl to shreds for gifting OP a gemstone/crystal. It really is all about the person being gifted and most people would not be happy to receive a pair (really, just one pair? at least get a pack) of socks for their birthday
>Socks are only a good gift if you know for sure that the person you're gifting is going to be happy about receiving them Can't you say the same about literally anything?
It's not about the validity of the gift, its that OP acted liked a brat. Even in the face of a mediocre gift you don't end the party, throw the present to the dog, and complain you didn't get something as nice as the giver's family.
YTA. It sounds like you're just upset that he didn't spend a ton of money on you, but you haven't even been dating half a year.
Yeah as soon as I read OP really looks forwards to receiving gifts especially from a boyfriend I knew YTA, the rest of the post and OPs comments solidified it
I love when people say “my birthday is really special to me” like they have some unique connection to one of two experiences every human on the planet shares. They really mean to say “I decided that my birthday is a really big deal.”
Yeah the trypophobia thing sounds like a total cover - for one thing it’s polka dots (never heard of that triggering trypophobia, but I’m no expert), and for another I’m pretty sure that if you have a phobia you’d throw them away (or get someone else to)… not give them to your dog to play with in full view of you Anyone I know who has a phobia avoids that thing like the plague, to the point that I can’t imagine them touching the socks or keeping them anywhere visible. They’d ask someone else to dispose of them immediately This is clearly OP wanting an expensive present (notice the focus on him being rich, not him being thoughtful)
Maybe he got her the socks to gauge a reaction..? Like haha I’m kidding here is what I actually got you. But throwing a temper tantrum and calling the party early then giving the socks to the dog- instead of oh I don’t know, talking to the bf and explains why OP is upset..? Who knows certainly not OP. Had me at “my birthday is special to me” sounds like someone has a birthday week or worse yet- month. YTAH have a little composure and you certainly embarrassed yourself at the party.
Yeah I’m not super wealthy but I do okay for myself…. Enough that most women I date are earning noticeably less, not so much that I don’t have to work, that kinda ballpark I tend to get a thoughtful-but-cheap present for a first “event” gift for a new partner, it’s a good way to know if they’re just interested in dating someone who they think can spoil them
That makes sense. But the socks weren't thoughtful, just cheap.
YTA I can't imagine reacting like this to a gift someone gave me. You brought up the fact that your boyfriend bought his family members jewelry, and I assume you had certain expectations on what he was going to get you. May I just ask what you were expecting as a gift?
OP was expecting a new car, lots of jewelry and a marriage without a prenup of course.
I mean... ...at 5 months into a relationship, unless there's a very specific inside joke or meaning, a couple pairs of random novelty socks just seems really thoughtless and low effort. He probably barely spent $10-15. That's like...the price of a fast food combo meal these days. Expecting ANYTHING more than that really isnt gold digging.
For sure, lots of entitledment here. Even if you hate something, the only acceptable thing to do is be polite. Then maybe later you can bring up how you didn't like your present or how you thought it made you feel like your bf didn't pay attention to you.
Fiction, but interesting fiction as these go.
I admire this fiction for its simplicity.
YTA. You aren’t his family. You’ve been dating for 5 months. You failed the test. You want jewelry buy it yourself.
I N F O: how old are you? You’re worked up over a polka-dotted gift from your boyfriend of FIVE MONTHS? So this is definitely your first birthday with him? Why the actual fuck would you expect him to break out a Tiffany blue box and gift you in a similar way he’d gift his actual f a m i l y. I also have trypophobia and have never once been set off by polka dots. And I’ve never been insulted by their presence either. 5 months. 5 months. He could’ve just got you a card and that would’ve been sufficient. YTA. A major, childish AH.
Would you have been fine and happy if he gave you plain socks with no polka dots? Also, did you look in the socks and make sure there was nothing in them? Edit: INFO
Pretty sure she was more concerned about the gift being cheap compared to what the boyfriend gives to his family lol
I mean they’ve only web together 5 months. Could be a test
Pretty shit test. "It's not meant to be if you don't love my thoughtless, low effort gift."
If he wanted to test her. He could at least have given her a thoughtful gift. It didn't need to be expensive.
The amount of people in here who think it’s okay to emotionally manipulate your partners in to thinking you’re mistreating them to see if they will *checks notes* allow you to continue mistreating them is gross. Everyone making this about money when this dude bought his gf of 5 months a single pair of socks, in a pattern that at the very least he’s never seen her show interest in, and gave them to her publicly. He clearly put 0 effort into finding a gift SHE would like. Seems like he wanted to get out of the store as quick as possible and just grabbed something. She’s upset because her boyfriend just showed that he barely even knows her enough to get her her favorite candy or something personalized. All these other things are just factors adding to that core element imo
ESH. He seems a bit inconsiderate as do you. Making the dog chew the socks is inconsiderate. I'm sorry your boyfriend didn't put effort into your gift, but it also seems like you didn't do much to help the situation either.
Yeah definitely an ESH. Even though bf’s gift was thoughtless and super low effort, feeding it to your dog as soon as you got home? That’s pretty harsh. Could’ve just shoved them in a drawer and never looked at them again.
YTA Maybe some kind of thought or joke or memory went into the sock giving? My friend got a pen for a Christmas gift from her boyfriend and loved it. Only pen she will use. Nothing crazy expensive just a better than normal one. You could have atleast discussed it instead of reacting based on your estimated dollar value. And that was no way to react anyway.
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~~Sounds like your bf either doesn't listen when you tell him things, or doesn't believe you really have this phobia.~~ ~~Either way, red flag. NTA~~ I think it's a bit AHish to expect expensive presents, though. ETA - it was polka dots? Then there's a good chance he didn't realise it would trigger you, depending on how you explained the phobia to him. Socks are still a shitty present unless there's a story behind them. Standing by YTA for expecting expensive jewellery
She also never explained she had a phobia to him. She reacted negatively to a wasp’s nest and decided that means he should have known she has trypophobia.
YTA for giving an obvious choking hazard to your dog to play with. Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?!
Not only that, but even if the dog didn't choke, the threads could get knotted up in its intestines, causing internal damage or the dreaded poo rope. The least issue giving socks to dogs causes is teaching them that socks = toy, so when they don't chew the appropriate sock, they get in trouble and don't understand why. Thank you for saying something because I was so thinking about how much no it is to give socks to dogs.
I agree it's not a great toy for dogs, but even if it were, if OP is "triggered" simply by looking at the socks, then why give it to your own dog, who will toss it about, dump it in you lap, and leave it lying around in unexpected places, all of which could "trigger" OP again.
Your boyfriend may have been testing if you love him or his money, and you, my friend, failed.
a true loving boyfriend wouldnt test her gf for her birthday ??
Edit: YTA. They're polka dots, not holes.
ESH. Socks is a crap gift from a significant other. He didn’t have to give you expensive jewellery, but socks is crap. You suck because you sound like an ungrateful brat. When someone gives you a gift, you say thank you. As for the phobia, comments say that it’s a polka dot pattern not actual holes. It wouldn’t occur to me that that would trigger your phobia, so it seems like he just didn’t realise. Regardless, the way to handle it is to politely and quietly later say ‘Thanks for the kind gift. I’m really sorry but that pattern really sets off my phobia and I won’t be able to wear them. Is there any chance we could exchange them for a different pattern?’
Fake troll account. One post and all comments are from this one post.
Not saying it's real but throwaways are a thing, especially on this sub
And posted by a 12 year old.
Maybe throwaway account to hide identity?
YTA you’ve been dating for 5 months and expect him to get you the same type of gift he gets his family. Now he sees your true colors.
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I now have gold digger stuck in my head! 🤣
Gross, YTA. You are very self absorbed, and demanding. A gift is a gift, whatever they give you is great. You mention how well off he is and then are upset he didn’t spend more on you? Why would he, you clearly don’t deserve it. Balling them up and giving them to your dog, absolutely intolerable. Polka dots and holes. Are NOT the same thing. He also didn’t know you have that phobia, that’s on YOU for not bringing it up. He likely tested to see how you’d respond to his gift as well, which is kinda shady on his part, but you should feel grateful when anybody spends money buying you a gift. You failed that for sure. Very much YTA
YTA and sound like a gold digger. You shouldnt give an eff about what he gives his family.
Yeah, YTA. They're not holes, they're polka dots. So he wasn't maliciously going after your trypophobia. And IDGAF about what gifts he's given exes after however many months, you still don't have a right to *expect* expensive gifts from a partner, *especially* early on in a relationship. My now-wife's first birthday present from me was a plastic Viking Helmet and Axe (she's Norwegian), and a book. We still have that helmet, 9 years on. Admittedly, I was pretty poor back then, and I'm not exactly well-off now, either, but she was grateful that I got her *anything*. >Today is my birthday, and I was really excited for what others would get me. My birthday is really special to me and is one of the things I always look forward to. You've made it clear right from the start of your post that your birthday is about presents for you. This is an *e x t r e m e l y* childish outlook. And then: >it’s really insulting he got me socks for my birthday when he got expensive jewelry for his mom, sister, and grandma. Not even for special occasions. I love how you're offended that you, a girlfriend of five months (don't particularly care that you were apparently friends for years before that), do not warrant the same degree of consideration as: the woman who raised him, the woman who raised the woman who raised him and probably had a hand in raising him too, and the woman he grew up alongside. Oh, but I forgot, your birthday is *REALLY* special to you. Because you expect snazzy presents. And you're mad he didn't get you a snazzy present. Then you go and effectively throw his present away, and tell him he should be *grateful* that's what you did with it? Yeah, YTA. YT *major* A. Like other people have said, I suspect a test, and I suspect you failed. Though tbh, if my partner was 'testing' me, I wouldn't want them as a partner anyway. But you'll probably stick with it until you get to the 'expensive presents' stage.
NTA, but did these socks have holes in them when he bought them, or did he put the holes in them himself?
...If it had actually been holes in the socks knowing your phobia then yeah he would have been ta. Sure, he could have done something better like set up a date night with you or something, but ffs you are using his gifts to FAMILY against him? It hasn't even been a year, even if its a serious relationship you sound incredibly entitled and uppity. If anything it shows you're more interested in fancy material goods than the actual relationship. He isn't entirely in the clear but you sure as hell aren't either. YTA.
YTA for your reaction and ALSO for giving something your dog can chew and get serious tummy issues with. If he swallows the sock pieces and can’t pass them are you going to be able to afford the surgery he requires? You know, since you can’t pawn off the gems and pearls you were expecting?
ESH. A pair of socks is a crappy birthday gift unless you know the recipient will love them. The recipient did not love them You are intentionally misrepresenting the situation- polka dots aren’t holes, fearing a wasp nest doesn’t automatically correlate to trypophobia, and you sound like a gold digger.
ESH You are obnoxious and entitled (even your comments are) and unless somebody really likes socks (for example fun ones with cute patterns or something - I do) it's a cheap and pretty shitty gift for a partner.
Omg you're upset over polka dots and using a fake phobia as the excuse. YTA. [images of what triggers trypophobia](https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-tmus-us-revc&sxsrf=APwXEde1gNhS_ryCOypecwzQtowvokGEaQ:1688106011979&q=trypophobia+images&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjOsL_5rOr_AhUAg4kEHTksBPEQ0pQJegQIBxAB&biw=360&bih=664&dpr=3#imgrc=dOPNrrpAbwJtDM) [Why Tryphobia Isn't a Real Phobia ](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320512#:~:text=At%20present%2C%20the%20American%20Psychiatric,simply%20a%20feeling%20of%20disgust.)
Hard to say but socks are a no-effort gift
Polka dots are not holes, for fucks sake. But you had TA at "my birthday is special to me." Yeah, no shit.