Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I ignored my friend when she was in a crisis and cursed at her telling her to leave me alone when she tried to impress the direness of the situation to me. We've been friends for 30 years and I feel like I ruined our friendship.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, she failed to consider that you could possibly be doing something that cannot be interrupted because ***she is the main character***. And now, having learned that she was interrupting you in the middle of something critical, her response is not to apologize but to act as though you were in the wrong for not stopping whatever you're doing, anything, because she is the priority? That's fucked, this person is not a friend, she considers you a servant OP.
Definitely some r/ImTheMainCharacter material. Yikes on bikes.
NTA, OP. It was pretty clear you were unavailable and even went out of your way to tell her when you'd be able to pick up. She refused to respect that. She clearly thinks her life is more important and you should put everything on hold when she rings.
If you plan on keeping this friendship for whatever reason, set some boundaries and STICK TO THEM. That shit is not okay.
Yeah, def seems like a one sided friendship, probably not worth keeping.
But, in a related note, has OP never heard of 'do not disturb?' It's this cool feature on your phone that stops it from ringing, buzzing, or otherwise making itself a nuisance. It's usually easily accessible and can be assigned a time limit. I have mine set to dnd if I set it face down on a table.
I think DND settings can be overridden by 3 calls from the same number within a very short time. So that wouldn’t have worked. Perhaps “airplane mode” with wifi enabled would work (just turn off “calls via wifi” if you have it enabled).
My father was like this. I had to explain multiple times "does the nature of the problem involve words like 'emergency room/emergency vet,' 'police,' 'fire,' 'break in/burglary/theft/assault/etc?' Has a pet run away or gotten injured? Is someone I love dead or dying? If I don't act immediately is there a high likelihood of significant property damage or financial loss, like a pipe burst or my car is about to be towed? If no to all of the above, it's not an emergency."
Yet still this same thing. His excuse was always "well it was an emergency to me."
Because he's the main character. While somehow also being very people pleasing, anti confrontational, and having poor boundaries for himself as well as others. Made no sense till I heard about covert narcissism
When I and my siblings were kids, my mom's 'emergency' question was, "Is there blood?"
One day, I came running up to her while she was on the phone, complaining loudly about how my one brother wouldn't leave me alone. Yet again, she asked, "Is there blood?" Without missing a beat, I tossed back, "No, but there's gonna be!" ... She hung up the phone.
Not to mention, her consequence was a written warning for work. But OP was in the middle of a work requirement, too, and would have ended or failed that timed assessment to drop everything to help. Both of them could have communicated better, though, to be clear about what their needs were - friend could have texted "car broke down, cant be late to work" and OP could have texted "in a work training, can't speak or leave". Instead there's, "need you now!" and "fuck off!"
But he did respond before the “fuck off.” He said “busy, call you in twenty.” That is a full sentence; no other explanation needed. She’s a selfish drama queen and purposely didn’t tell him what the emergency was because she knew it wasn’t life or death—the only REAL reason to blow up someone’s phone, and even then, she should call emergency services. NTA.
Not to mention she kept calling OP instead of trying her dad or someone else earlier when it was clear he was busy. Maybe she wouldn't have been late for work.
Why would she consider it? She’s never had to face any consequences before because OP always took care of her every emergency. OP is like a helicopter parent. I’m very glad OP took a stand, and he is NTA, but he should also have never let it get to this point.
Also, what was OP supposed to do? Leave work to make sure SHE got to work?
Calling once was fine (although I'm not sure OP could solve this problem for her without leaving HIS place of work), but when OP didn't pick up, she needed to call someone else or find another solution.
NTA she’s the girl that cried wolf, seeing that you knew upon seeing her 911 text that it was likely to be not an emergency is telling in itself. Clearly if someone has the time to call and text multiple times without moving on to a new contact (or emergency services) she does not fully understand what “emergency” means
That’s a really good point. She could have texted, “Help! My car broke down and I need a ride!” She wanted OP to indulge her in her histrionic behavior. Wanting help was secondary.
And speaking of the calling an uber.......if she had called work instead of her friend and said "my car broke down I'm going to be late" I doubt she'd face ANY of the repercussions that she did......I mean unless this is a chronically late situation in which case, nothing OP could have done would have saved her from getting into trouble....... I'd be asking her why she A-didnt call into work to let them know and B-why when OP didn't pick up she didn't call her dad? How many ignored calls before she even thought to ask her dad for help
but even if it was a legit emergency this particular time, OP would still be NTA. lucy claims everything is an emergency. how is OP supposed to know what’s a real emergency and what’s an inconvenience? this should be a lesson to her. she’s the girl who cried 911.
i dunno how OP has managed to maintain a 30 year-long friendship with someone like this. i’d be fed up within months.
And the thing is, even if its a massive emergency. Still, its not his problem to begin with. Call actual 911, they will come. What if her house is on fire and the cat is inside, fireman are there faster then him...
>And the thing is, even if its a massive emergency. Still, its not his problem to begin with.
This right here! Sometimes you've gotta figure your own shit out. This woman is almost 40! She couldn't solve her own problem? Call a tow truck, get a ride, talk to your job - done. Sounds like OP has been her "get out of everything" card for a long time.
NTA
I mean it sounds like Lucy is the proverbial boy who cried wolf. Everything is an emergency and as such nothing is an emergency.
And today it wasn’t an emergency. When she couldn’t get a hold of her friend she should have called someone else or called an Uber. She didn’t manage her time well and wasted it by continuing to try and get Op to respond.
NTA
I got irritated just reading it. She must be absurdly entitled if she thinks she can simply demand that you drop what you're doing whatever it is the moment she calls.
I hate Lucy just reading this. What part of I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW AND CALLING BACK A BUNCH OF TIMES WON'T HELP THAT can she not understand? I get that that was dire for her and ended in bad consequences, but not everyone is available to you at any time they need you.
Honestly, if the friendship ends over this, it might very well be a relief.
A write up for being late isn’t even all that bad on its own ya know? Like it sucks, and if you have more it can be bad. But it’s also not on OP if Lucy is closing in on enough late write ups to get fired.
I feel bad for her, I hate policies like this. But it’s still not OPs problem especially since there was another option, her father
To add to your reply, my observation has been that if you are on time to work and reliable 99% of the time and one day you have car trouble and call and tell your boss right away, inform them before your shift started that you have car trouble and waiting for a ride and will be X minutes late, the boss understands. If Lucy got a write up, likely she had been late multiple times before.
Or during all the minutes she could've been calling her boss to let them know and probably prevented a writeup, she was instead spam-calling OP 🙄
I bet she never even called work or texted them to let them know lol
This. She was too busy panicking, she didn't take responsibility for her own life. It's his fault, and her dad's fault, and traffic's fault, and the car's fault...never her own.
I was thinking this too, or that she was so busy spamming OP with calls that she never even called her boss with the reason she would be late. if she had just texted him her issue and gotten a "sorry I can't right now" she probably would have gotten ahold of her father much sooner, if she would even take "I can't" as an answer. I can't imagine being friends with someone so entitled that they think my entire life revolves around them and that I can just drop whatever I'm doing to help them out at any given time
Lol. Yes.
I will say from what little info we have here, and what I experienced with shift work, an Uber may have been out of reach for Lucy. All the clues in the story makes me lean towards Lucy being very bad with money (I am also projecting some of my own issues and past experiences on her here)
I didn't mention an uber/taxi because I also assumed she was bad with money. also because I figured with the type of person she seems to be (acting like OP's life revolves around her and that he can drop whatever he's doing to help her at any given time without even a text explaining what's wrong) that an uber wouldn't have even crossed her mind. she's probably too used to taking advantage of people she knows and them always being around to help. if she *did* consider an uber or taxi she probably would have no idea how to contact them and panic for no reason
Right? Why couldn't Lucy have texted OP with "my car died and I need a ride"?
I've never understood the "911 call me ASAP". You took the time to write a text, so take the time to explain what is happening.
"hey it's steve, please call me back". "it's steve, again, call me back". "hey its steve. I'm still waiting for you to call me back". "why haven't you called me back yet".
Then you finally call them and they're like "Do you want tacos for dinner?" - THIS COULD HAVE BEEN A TEXT MESSAGE!!!!!
I kind of understand why people don't explain their overly complicated stories over text, but you can always text "need to talk to you about , but too much to text. call me soon"
I hate that crap so much. I know someone who regularly texts people "can you call me?" "About what?" "Just call". NO. Tell me wtf you want! In her case she's admitted she doesn't give people an idea of what it's about so she can get their "honest reaction", aka be manipulative and trap people so she feels like she has the advantage. It's bullshit. Some people who do that regularly may actually be oblivious to how obnoxious it is but I personally think most who do it do it because it's an excuse to get someone into a situation where they feel pressured and they know that if they just say what it's actually about first the other person won't put themselves in that spot.
Oh come on, she intentionally left out details because she knows "911 emergency" is far more likely to get her the immediate response she wanted. This was manipulation from the get go.
What I want to know is how much time did she waste spamming her friend when she could have just called her dad. She might not have had to be late, lol.
Exactly!! And if you call and someone doesn't answer, send the text with the important emergency information. Since OP was unavailable she could have called her dad right away and got to work on time, why is OP the only person to be inconvenienced by her emergency?
Edit to add: I guess Lucy feels what OP was doing wasn't important in the World according to Lucy.
It's not that she doesn't understand, it's that she doesn't care. Her issues and wants are the most important thing and screw everyone else. That's how she is behaving. She didn't get what she wanted, so she is now blaming OP. Even though, this was her issue, she is refusing to take fault. I don't think she is really OP's friend. It's one sided. The second OP stops catering to her, she will stop contacting them all together. The optimistic view is that she will learn to respect OP but in my experience, that is rarely what happens.
NTA I hate when people call or text and don't actually say what the message is. Just say in the text the information you want me to know, don't be vague. That way I can decide if I want to contact them.
NTA! Yup! She could have mentioned she was stranded and needed a ride. 911 emergency is not a proper text message. On the other hand, OP should have put phone on DND or silent after the first call.
Edit: for those that didn't know, you can configure your phone to not allow people to bypass the DND. It's in the settings of DND and you slide the "allow repeated calls" or "repeat callers" to off.
This was intentional.
"911 emergency!"
Is far more likely to get an immediate response than "omg I need a ride to work!"
Lucy is used to getting her way, because she pulls shit like this.
When everything is an emergency, nothing is.
If OP isn't exaggerating that she treats every problem like an emergency eventually the word is going to lose all meaning
> On the other hand, OP should have put phone on DND or silent after the first call.
I believe on iPhones the default DND setting is if someone calls you a 2nd time in a row it will ring through. (I'm assuming there's an option to change that behavior)
See I would assume it is, and then if I called them and found out the 'emergency' was car trouble (and not like "I am stranded in an unsafe situation please come get me right now" car trouble) I would be royally pissed.
Like 'emergency' means "someone is hurt/dead/dying and I don't have time or a free hand to text it all out so call me now". It's understandable provided you are _actively driving to a hospital_ to send a text like that but not for much else.
OPs friend sounds exhausting and manipulative.
This is the part of the post that made me so angry on OP’s behalf. If it’s an actual emergency, just text me the actual information that I need to know. If you just say “call me” I’m not going to respond. Don’t tell me it’s an emergency, tell me what is *actually happening*.
"911 emergency"
"Cool story bro"
"I need you to call me, NOW!!"
In all of that time she could have sent the reason she needed help, but it's not about getting help. It's all about immediate gratification.
This! I mean, WTF? She's 39 and can't figure out how to arrange alternate transportation for herself to work? Grow up. I do, however, agree that OP should have put his phone on DND, but he was also under pressure, and it may not have occurred to him at the time.
Edit: Didn't pay attention to the fact that OP said he was 38M, lol. So I changed the pronouns.
But they need you NAOWWWWEEEWWWWW /s
I agree, being connected 24/7 is a major stress factor. Just because I am around doesn’t mean I’m available. I have my own schedule and my own shit to do. If you need someone, and I’m available, I’ll help. But if I’m not available, I’m not available. Fuck off lol
NTA
But the bigger issue here is that your friend is an idiot, I don't understand how she wouldn't think to just text "car broke down need ride to work" since if you were ignoring her calls instead of just letting it ring you obviously were able to glance at your screen or you were even near your phone.
What does your friend do if you just don't have your phone with you when she has an emergency?
>What does your friend do if you just don't have your phone with you when she has an emergency?
How dare you imply that OP doesn't have their phone with them at all times in the chance that Lucy needs her help.
NTA
She sounds exhausting.
Good of you to be her go-to person 24/7, but when has she been there for you?
You needed her to leave you alone for a few minutes and she couldn't comprehend that fact.
She sounds like a user, and a spoiled one at that.
She's the boy who cried wolf. She has filled your friendship with SOSes for years and everything being an emergency for herl she blew her ability for you to take her seriously.
My supervisor at my first job (she was director of operations, basically had a finger in every pot) had some very wise words for me that I took to heart and follow to this day. Was plain and simple, really. Everyone in our firm would go to her at the first sign of inconvenience that they couldn't fix in 5 minutes, and every single time her response was the same:
"Who do you call in an emergency? 911. If you wouldn't call 911, it's not an emergency - so it will have to wait."
A real emergency is something you call a professional to handle. Missing a shift because your car broke down is not an emergency. It is an unlucky incident. That's all.
NTA.
But also, put your phone on do not disturb and it'll 'hide' notifications from popping up and taking up the whole screen until you take it off. Just something to know next time.
This is the answer.
ETA: in case OP sees this, I do think some boundary setting and gentle feedback to Lucy is in order - she needs to understand that she has created a ‘boy who cries wolf’ situation so her ‘emergencies’ are not taken seriously, and that while you are broadly supportive of her and willing to help her, she needs to communicate with you in a mature way. You can take responsibility for lashing out in a moment of frustration, but she needs to take responsibility for her communication style and she needs to generally have more respect for your time and sanity, frankly. If she’s not willing to be accountable for her actions, then this relationship hasn’t matured since you met as children, and it might be time to let it go. NTA.
I don’t know if android does this but iPhones have a setting that can turn off that feature of “more than one call overrides it”. It even has a way to let certain people be exceptions to DND.
NTA
The second phone call you sent to voicemail or at the very least your busy text should’ve been her sign to call someone else.
If she hadn’t wasted so much time bugging you she could’ve called her dad right away and who knows? Maybe she would’ve been at work on time.
You are allowed to be busy. You’re also not her bf/husband/partner so it’s not your responsibility to save her all the time. She needs to learn to save herself.
>You’re also not her bf/husband/partner so it’s not your responsibility to save her all the time.
That's not the bf/husband/partner job either, she's a grown woman she can fix her own shit
And even if she was their partner, I also understand my boyfriend can’t just drop everything to help me with things. If he was in a meeting or something, there arent many situations I’d expect him to walk out of to help me (but there are a few I’d expect him to lol) being an adult means learning how to cope with life by yourself
A grown arsed woman at her age should know that when a call goes to voicemail or gets declined, someone is busy. You texted her as well to let her know, and she still hammered your phone. NTA for telling her to fuck off because I would have honestly done the same. The fact that she is now ignoring you proves how childish she is.
Wish I could upvote more than once! It’s so entitled to think that of someone doesnt answer first time you should just let calling until they do. It’s immature and shitty to do that to ppl. Leave me a message or send me a text that includes the info you want and I’ll respond when I’m free. His cell phones have ruined ppls patience
NTA, surprised nobody's mentioned that she could have said "car broke down, need help" in her text instead of being vague.
It's impossible and unreasonable to expect someone to be available 24/7 your entire life. Even if it works for a while, eventually, life will throw a wrench into things. She's being unreasonable imo.
NTA. I'm around both of your ages and your friend is super immature and codependent. She also seems totally histrionic and unreliable. Does she ever do anything for you or are you always responding to every little thing that happens to her as if it's the worst thing ever?
I had someone like that in my life, and I cut them off entirely. I cannot deal with someone stressing out like someone is dying over minor things that I would just take care of myself and then forget an hour later.
It really drove it home to me once when she called me in hysterics that her car battery was dead and she had a doctor's appointment she was going to miss. This person is an adult, and not a young one. I was about to go into trial (I'm a lawyer) and it almost threw me off my game.
That's when I knew that person was not bringing anything but incredible stress to my life. If my car battery was dead, I would just have a neighbor jump it to get to where I absolutely had to be, or, if I didn't have somewhere to be immediately, I'd call roadside assistance and have someone come replace it within an hour or two.
After trial, and basically gaslighting myself into forgetting that she ever called me and then *called me horrible names* when I told her to take care of it herself, I realized what a rube I had been. This woman doesn't have a job, she's wealthy, and she's useless. She did nothing but use me and then abuse me as soon as I was not giving her attention.
Sound familiar? You really need to have a come-to-Jesus with your friend and, if she can't respect your boundaries, cut her off.
NTA. You’re not her husband or even her romantic partner and the expectations she’s putting on you are that of one. Like the other comments say, boundaries. What’s going to happen if you find yourself in a committed relationship with her having one of her daily “emergencies”? You’re not responsible for what happens to her as a grown adult. You shouldn’t have to risk your job in order for her to keep hers. Like they say, “lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency of mine.”
>You’re not her husband or even her romantic partner and the expectations she’s putting on you are that of one.
Hell I'd go further.
If I had a boyfriend/husband who was *clearly* tied up and busy and my "emergency" was so minor I'd actually want a boundary drawn there.
There's 2 bad extremes - hyper independence - people that insist on doing everything by themselves, that's how you end up with mental breakdowns...and codependents - people who literally cannot actually function without the "help" of another person (excluding those with disabilities where that's totally understandable - obviously someone paralysed from the neck down needs someone else to aid them in matters of hygiene and such). Both of these are bad. You wanna be somewhere in between.
Obviously sometimes it is a good flirt tactic if you know a guys free to ring him up and REALLY lean into the delicate dainty woman who needs a big strong man to help put a shelf up but outside that...sometimes people just need to handle their own shit
OP, she doesn’t have any right to expect you to stop what you’re doing and come to her when she calls, what she’s doing is very rude and you explained that you were working on something and couldn’t help her at that time, besides, it wasn’t even that big of an emergency, she could’ve called roadside assistance and then call her job and say that she was going to be late because her car broke down.
NTA, even though I don’t agree with you cursing at her, I do think that your friend is very clingy to you and that’s something she needs to work on, it also sounds like she might have abandonment issues as well, the only thing I can fault you for is that you haven’t set up some boundaries with her yet, I mean, she’s an adult and can’t expect you to come at her beck and call.
NTA - she could have got a taxi, an uber, sent a text detailing what the issue was instead of calling over and over, left a voicemail, and generally just have respected your clear signals that now was not a good time.
You say you're always there for Lucy, but is she ever there for you? The fact she pushed and pushed until you snapped then played the victim, and seems to hold her work issues against you, makes me think she's a leech and you'd see a lot less of her if you stopped jumping for her every whim.
NTA.
In general terms, I don't agree with cussing at people, but once in a great while someone needs to be told to fuck off.
This was one of those moments.
NTA I used to be a friend like Lucy. I had a mother who panicked over everything and I didn't know any other way to handle stress and distress so I grew up doing the same thing. If I was freaking out about anything (even if I didn't need to) I was calling my friends and especially my bff like my life depended on it.
I wasn't trying to be annoying or inconsiderate, but I was. It got particularly bad at one point years ago and she stopped taking my calls. We talked it out and are just as close as ever but I had to knock that sh*t off and so did your friend, Lucy. This isn't a question of you not being there for your friend. This is about your friend learning how to handle distress and boundaries in an adult way. And being almost 40, she should damn well learn.
I will say you could've spoken to her about this before though. Might've spared you a headache, some guilt and her hurt feelings.
NTA. But in the future, don't engage with stuff like this. Turn off your phone, put it on DND, something. Your friend needs to be taught the concept of boundaries.
NTA
After so many times, some people need to get a kick in the gut and be told to fuck off for the message to really sink in. You need to set boundaries such that she can't expect you to just drop everything to help here at a moment's notice.
If you want my honest opinion, Lucy isn't really your friend. She only views you as a lifeguard while she's the toddler that keeps jumping into the pool without a lifevest and can't swim. At some point, you're going to have to force her to figure out her own problems instead of constantly roping you into them and solving them for her.
After the second decline she should have fucked off, it was not a life or death she coukd of called a cab or like she did her father.
NTA but set better boundaries for her
NTA.
I'm trying to understand her thought process. If you had dropped what you were doing to fix her immediate need, it would have helped her. But it also would have hurt you.
Her job isn't more important than yours. If she had tried her dad the first time you didn't take the call, then he may have gotten her to work on time.
Her insistence about needing YOUR help only ended up giving you both a problem.
It sounds like she has some life lessons to learn.
Actually, it probably wouldn't have got her to work on time even if OP drove over to pick her up straight away. She was obviously already running late when she called, and so any time taken to get to her location would likely have been too much. She should have just called her boss and told them what was going on and (possibly) avoided the write up, then found a ride.
NTA..
>I've apologized for cursing at her
You've done your part in this. And now it's her turn.
>She's been very cold to me
Maybe she'll use this opportunity to actually grow up and understand even you have important things in life and can't just keep magically appearing like a genie to help her out everytime.
Don't think you need to take any disrespect from her over this. She's almost 40 and should have learned how to take care of a car break down by now or at least exhibit the common sense that when someone ignores your phone calls 5 times and even texts you that he is busy, that's when you call someone else..
NTA. Tell Lucy that she can't always ask you for everything! Did she understand that you have a life outside friends? Working and having time for yourself when needed? Didn't she learn anything on how to take care of herself in case if there is no one available to help her out? It might be time to put in some distance between Lucy and you in order to focus on YOUR own mental health. It sounds like you are having a toxic friendship with Lucy. Basically, she's trying to get you to let her walk all over you for no reasons so you could get in trouble. Please consider about putting yourself first.
NTA, She is absolutely not entitled to you at every moment and that kind of dependence is not good for either of you. She very clearly could have called someone else, or gotten an Uber, or found a solution but instead chose to call you over and over again despite you telling her you couldn't take the call. She's an adult and needs to be able to know what really is pressing, take no for an answer, and look for other solutions.
NTA
It really wasn't an emergency that she needed a ride to work. If she needed that ride immediately, you telling her you were busy at that moment should have been enough to tell her to ask someone else.
NTA.
You said you were busy. At that point, she needs to be looking for other options. She's not entitled to your time, no matter how much she seems to think she is.
Set boundaries with her and keep them, or she'll continue to abuse you.
NTA From how this reads, this has been a long time coming. This gal is not a friend, she’s a user who takes advantage of people and expects everyone to be at her every beck and call. At her age she would fully understand that people can’t just drop their lives to do things for her. You had every right to tell her to fuck off. You deserve better friends.
NTA 911/it’s an emergency when it absolutely is not. I’ve gone quiet on friends for a fortnight for far less
She is wounded because she KNOWS this is a well earned correction
NTA she could’ve called a taxi. Not being funny but like it was obv that you were busy and she kept pressing your buttons. Maybe if she tried someone else instead of bugging you because she knew she could, she would’ve gotten to work faster
NTA.
We can't all expect everyone to just drop everything because we think our needs are more important than someone else's. Sucks her car broke down, but you're not the only person in her life that can help when needs arise. She could've called AAA, any tow company, called work first and explained her car broke down and she maybe late, or her father after the first time you responded you are busy.
NTA. Lucy's old enough to have the tale of the "Boy who cried wolf". She's calling every issue an emergency so how are you supposed to know when there's an actual emergency? Even this wasn't a true emergency. It's time to set some boundaries with Lucy. The excessive calling, especially after you told her you were busy is ridiculous. She's acting like a teenager, not a grown woman near 40, ffs.
NTA. but oh boy you have 30 years of some poor habits to change. You had a valid reason and her expecting you to drop everything for her is ridiculous, but it seems you usually do just that. She solved the problem on her own and the best thing you can do for your friendship is to encourage her to continue doing just that. Doesn’t mean you won’t be there as a friend or in a true emergency.
God Lucy is exhausting and insufferable WHO CALLS someone 3 times like that. Like, call a damn Uber wtf. She’s nearly 40 years old, it’s time she learn how to deal with problems like an adult. JFC
LOL and NTA. When you call someone more than once and are ignored and they text you that they are busy, GET THE HINT. My mom does this to me all the time and I can't stand it. Like, why call me 3 times in a row? Obviously I'm busy, sleep, or don't want to talk. I'll answer on the 4th ring, and it's "Oh, I was just wondering if you had 10 bucks? I need a pack of cigs." Like, really?? THAT IS NOT AN EMERGENCY.
In her case, it kind of was, but you couldn't have helped her anyway. She should have texted *what the emergency was* and you could've told her you were taking a test and she'd need to call someone else.
NTA. You aren’t her mother & you don’t have to handle her crises. She has to grow up & learn to deal with life without someone holding her hand through it
NTA An emergency is a limb hanging off or something like that, this was a minor inconvenience. She should of rang her dad in the first place or hell a taxi.
NTA so if I understand well, she wanted you to leave your work to go pick her up and bring her to work ? Why your job is supposed to be less important ? Does she knew you were at work ? Why in hell does she feel so entilted to your time ?
Would love to here her answer....
NTA.
Sure, being told to fuck off doesn't feel good. But some people need to understand that the world doesn't revolve around them.
If you call someone once or twice and they decline, get the hint. They're busy. Needing a ride to work does not constitute an emergency. Get an Uber.
NTA, but there's a lesson to be learnt: if you have an extremely important task on your hand that you can not be disturbed, make sure nobody can disturb you: put do not disturb on, close your phone, put it away. It is your responsibility to make sure you are in the correct setup for these assessments, and making you you can dedicate your time and attention is one of these responsibilities.
NTA but you need to put some boundaries on your relationship with Lucy. I know you’ve been friends for so long, and forgive me if this is out of bounds, but it just seems strange that she depends on you so much when you are not in a romantic or sexual relationship. It sounds like you’re her plan for every little thing that goes wrong in her life and frankly that’s just not healthy for a friendship, even a lifelong friendship. She’s an adult and she needs to be able to sort her stuff out without it getting in the way of your life
NTA. She needs to find other ways to cope, you were busy with work, she can’t expect for you to drop everything every time she has a problem. If she just wants your friendship for what she gets from you she is not a friend.
NTA. 911 call me? For a car break down. Is she serious? She was solely relying on you to help her before being told off.
I'd suggest sitting her down and talking about this problem of making minor bs an emergency.
NTA
You are a utility for her. Since you never say no she feels entitled. Sorry but this is kinda toxic. You need to re-evaluate this relationship. And at the minimum talk this out and set your boundaries.
The fact that she spent all that time harassing you with calls and texts when she should have moved onto the next person that could help her shows just how powerfully she feels entitled to your energy, attention, and time.
Was there another way to handle it? Sure, but after getting sent to voicemail 2 times in a row. She should have called the next person.
NTA and she isn't your friend, you're a resource to her. Making everything an emergency is her way of controlling the conversation and pressuring you to provide whatever service she currently needs. If you want to continue friendly contact with her I'd recommend making a list of requirements and bring it up with her. She agrees or she loses you as a resource.
NTA. You’re allowed to be busy. Or to just not answer the phone for any reason. She needs to grow up and get a bigger support system, sounds like she’s depended on you for too much for too long and now you’re her only answer to any problem.
INFO: Has she ever been there for YOU when YOU'VE needed help? You've only mentioned times that she has needed something. If not, I suggest that she may not be a friend.
Either way, NTA.
NTA. Boy who cried wolf much?
If my friend did this, texted 911 etc, and it turned out to be about a ride to work, I would be furious.
If this is the kind of thing that she needs your help with, she can wait 5 minutes for you to finish your timed assignment.
I think your response was harsh and you needed to be. Set more of these boundaries, because she doesn't seem to think that you can have any priorities besides her.
NTA, yes you definitely could have been softer with her but you made it very clear that you couldn’t help her at that time. I highly suggest setting some boundaries and letting her developers some self reliance. She can’t expect everyone else to handle her needs.
NTA. You need to set boundaries here. If your at work you shouldn't be expected to drop everything for her.
She expects you to be at her beck and call no matter what impact it has on you. You need to set boundaries and be prepared to get serious if she crosses them. She's an adult, not a needy toddler, and needs to understand people can't hang on her every need immediately.
NTA but why don’t people know about silencing their phones? This is like the third time in a week an entire drama could have been avoided if the ringer on someone’s phone were off.
NTA but at some point over the past 30 years you couldn't have a conversation with her about an actual emergency vs whatever you'd consider this bs was
NTA but in the time you wrote call in twenty, you could have put your phone on Do Not Disturb or something. Let her cool off now you've explained yourself. Hopefully she'll see what you were doing was important and come round once she stops feeling slighted. It would be a good time to discuss boundaries going forward, though.
NTA
Lucy needs to learn to take a hint. If someone who is usually there for you is declining your calls, there is a reason. Either wait or find someone else to solve your problem for you.
NTA. You can’t expect someone to be available all them time. If you were working would you have been able to drop everything to take her to work? Is she frequently late to work? Seems a bit harsh an employer would give you a written warning for being late as a 1 off.
NTA. You can not be there for 24/7 for every little emergency. Idk if she knew you would be busy and unavailable at that time but she should have taken the hint the first time she got sent to voice mail. One of these she's gonna have to realize you can't solve all her problems for her.
Aside from treating you like a secretarial miracle worker, is she even a decent friend? Sure doesn't sound that way.
NTA. Lucy needs to put on her pull-ups and her big girl pants.
If you were truly the only person that could have helped her in that situation why is she wasting texts asking you to call her? Why didn’t she just text “I need a ride my car broke down”? Sounds like you wouldn’t have been able to help her anyway. NTA and maybe it’s time for an honest discussion about her boy who cried wolf nature.
Boundaries are important. The reason why this is an issue is because you’ve never stated them to her. You drop everything for her ‘emergencies’ knowing they almost always aren’t.
NTA
But once she cools off learn to communicate. She’s your friend, not your S/O. And even if she was, she obviously doesn’t respect you or your time.
NTA and friendships/relationships go both ways. She needs to appreciate you had your own important priorities at the time and couldn't drop everything and sacrifice your work life to help her deal with hers.
NTA - She prioritized her needs before yours and didn't get the cue with the forwarded calls and telling her directly that you were busy. Cursing did the trick. She should have called somebody else right away. I think you can apologize for the rudeness, but set boundaries for the future.
NTA You can’t help her with everything. But you should’ve set boundaries earlier. Also why didn’t she just tell you her car broke down after you ignored her phone calls or ask someone else?
Wait mb I forgot you said she approaches things in emergency.
NTA, but this doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic at all. You need to have a talk with Lucy. Let her know that you care about her, but other people have lives too and some things can't be placed on hold for her emergencies unless it's a life-or-death situation (she had an accident and is bleeding out kind of issue). If she sees you've seen her call but sent it to voicemail, it means you are busy. Period. You will get back to her, but bombing your phone is weird and rude. She needs to knock it off or you need to distance yourself from her.
Yes for saying FO off but not the rest.
She could have TEXTED she had a flat, she wasn’t in danger just running late. If her job wrote her up for one flat she’s got bigger problems.
She also could have tried others the second you weren’t available. You also have a job. Being first call isn’t same as only call.
Note though, use do not disturb mode
NTA. You told her you were busy, even if you had answered or knew what the issue was, you would not have been able to help her at that time. She kept calling you knowing you were busy and couldn’t talk when she could’ve been calling someone else to try and get a ride and avoided being late for work. Did you go a little too far by cursing at her? Probably, but you were stressed and had repeatedly made it clear that you weren’t available to talk/help her and she ignored that completely.
NTA. You wouldn't have been able to help her even if you did answer. She's possibly affected your assessment marks and this could jeopardise whatever it was for. You don't have to be her hero all the time and she really needs to not be so dependant and so demanding of your time. It feelsbpike she's taken advantage of your friendship in more ways than one
NTA.
I have a similar friend. We've been friends for 41 years now.
She still does not have her life together, and calls when she needs things or when she wants to give herself a pity-party.
NTA. If it’s an emergency and you aren’t answering why wouldn’t she text you what was wrong??? As a general rule if you call me and I don’t answer, if you don’t leave a voicemail or text you aren’t getting a call back. I don’t care if you call 1000 times, leave a message saying what is wrong. It seems sneaky to call over and over again. My sil does this and we don’t answer because she’s always trying to back us into a corner to do something for her. If she gets us on the phone it’s harder to say no to her so we just don’t even answer and don’t call back unless we know why she’s calling.
NTA
You where busy and you have your own life, she need to respect that and accept that she will not always be first in every moment.
It may be time to rediscuss some boundaries with her and explain that her emergencies cannot always become yours.
Nahhh, you’re never an asshole for expecting a friend to figure out daily life.
Instead of calling you, after you said you were busy, she could have dialed her boss and told them she was having car trouble and would be late. Then she could’ve dialed her dad or Uber.
You’ve put up with this “crisis of the day” mode for 30 years? You need to start doing some reading on setting boundaries, and how to stick to them.
Will you lose your “friend?” Maybe. Hopefully, because she’s become accustomed to you revolving around her and treating her as if she’s more important than your own needs.
You’re NTA. I would’ve told her where to go after the third call.
NTA that is the level of calling for "I am bleeding out and need you to know who did it", not, "I'm going to be late for my job". She needs a reality check.
NTA, but knowing people like her, she's going to keep making you feel like one for a while anyway. In her mind, you weren't there for her, even though you had a valid reason, and all the other times you were there don't matter. I've been down that road. Once she is willing to talk again, set up some very clear limits on what she can reasonably expect from you, as well as some rules for communicating, like if you put her on voice-mail twice in a row, she should stop calling you. That might keep things from escalating in the future.
NTA
poor planning by her does not necessitate an emergency on yours.
If she would have spent the time she used harrassing you to call a cab. She would have been at work on time.
Spoiled brat your friend is. Sorry about maybe losing a friend tho...that sucks no matter the reason.
Instead of 911 emergency she could have text
My car broke down I need a ride to work
But no she wanted to get you on the phone to guilt you into driving her. She would not have taken no for an answer imo and answering the call would have resulted in you telling her to fuck off all the same, as you still had the timed thingy to complete .
NTA- she’s almost 40 and her only solution to a car breaking down is to call you 5 times in a row even after you told her you were busy. She needs to grow up
NTA. She wasn't giving you much choice. I do find it interesting that she was willing to let you get in trouble at work for not finishing your assessment to avoid her getting in trouble at work for being late. Especially when there were other people she could call. I don't see why she couldn't call a taxi or an uber. Red flags imo.
NTA - When someone cries wolf about everything, your empathy numbs towards that person. So when they do actually have a sort of crisis, you are so numb to it that you just check out. Plus you were busy doing a test, you couldn't have helped her out anyway even if you wanted to.
You do not need to set yourself on fire to keep her warm.
NTA. your friend needs to learn how to communicate and needs to learn boundaries and how to be self sufficient.
Like oh. my friend is busy apparently, let me call an uber.
She sounds like a leech or a bum.
NTA.
You were AT WORK and doing a time assessment.
Yes, she ended up late for work but it was because she wouldn't call someone else to help her after you couldn't.
Sounds like she takes you for complete granted.
Nta. She has no right to expect you to jump every time she calls. She should have called her dad after he first call to reach you went to voice mail. After her second call you should have turned off your phone. You were at work. She is the ahole for contacting you repeatedly at work. You should not have apologized. This is all on here. People will continue to use you as a servant if you let them. Stop being her doormat. Grow a spine. She deserved to be told to fuck off. She could have left a message about her car but decided to insist you answer your phone. Your phone you decide when to use it. Not her.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I ignored my friend when she was in a crisis and cursed at her telling her to leave me alone when she tried to impress the direness of the situation to me. We've been friends for 30 years and I feel like I ruined our friendship. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. It wasn't a 911. It was an inconvenience. It sounds like a toxic relationship in which she just uses you. Move on dude. She's not a friend.
NTA, she failed to consider that you could possibly be doing something that cannot be interrupted because ***she is the main character***. And now, having learned that she was interrupting you in the middle of something critical, her response is not to apologize but to act as though you were in the wrong for not stopping whatever you're doing, anything, because she is the priority? That's fucked, this person is not a friend, she considers you a servant OP.
NTA, and OP is the NPC who always gets screwed. Edit: NPC = Non Playable Character from Video Games
So basically OP is basically that one NPC at the beginning of Skyrim who always gets an arrow in their back?
Do you get to the Cloud District very often? Oh, what am I saying, of course you don't. ETA: for the record, I eat his heart.
Ah Nazeem. I enjoy killing him. Send his soul to the highest clouds.
I will never not set him on fire. It’s the least he deserves.
Definitely some r/ImTheMainCharacter material. Yikes on bikes. NTA, OP. It was pretty clear you were unavailable and even went out of your way to tell her when you'd be able to pick up. She refused to respect that. She clearly thinks her life is more important and you should put everything on hold when she rings. If you plan on keeping this friendship for whatever reason, set some boundaries and STICK TO THEM. That shit is not okay.
Yeah, def seems like a one sided friendship, probably not worth keeping. But, in a related note, has OP never heard of 'do not disturb?' It's this cool feature on your phone that stops it from ringing, buzzing, or otherwise making itself a nuisance. It's usually easily accessible and can be assigned a time limit. I have mine set to dnd if I set it face down on a table.
I think DND settings can be overridden by 3 calls from the same number within a very short time. So that wouldn’t have worked. Perhaps “airplane mode” with wifi enabled would work (just turn off “calls via wifi” if you have it enabled).
Omg yikes on bikes gave me a good chuckle!
My father was like this. I had to explain multiple times "does the nature of the problem involve words like 'emergency room/emergency vet,' 'police,' 'fire,' 'break in/burglary/theft/assault/etc?' Has a pet run away or gotten injured? Is someone I love dead or dying? If I don't act immediately is there a high likelihood of significant property damage or financial loss, like a pipe burst or my car is about to be towed? If no to all of the above, it's not an emergency." Yet still this same thing. His excuse was always "well it was an emergency to me." Because he's the main character. While somehow also being very people pleasing, anti confrontational, and having poor boundaries for himself as well as others. Made no sense till I heard about covert narcissism
When I and my siblings were kids, my mom's 'emergency' question was, "Is there blood?" One day, I came running up to her while she was on the phone, complaining loudly about how my one brother wouldn't leave me alone. Yet again, she asked, "Is there blood?" Without missing a beat, I tossed back, "No, but there's gonna be!" ... She hung up the phone.
Unfortunately poor grandma's stroke went undealt with for days
Not to mention, her consequence was a written warning for work. But OP was in the middle of a work requirement, too, and would have ended or failed that timed assessment to drop everything to help. Both of them could have communicated better, though, to be clear about what their needs were - friend could have texted "car broke down, cant be late to work" and OP could have texted "in a work training, can't speak or leave". Instead there's, "need you now!" and "fuck off!"
But he did respond before the “fuck off.” He said “busy, call you in twenty.” That is a full sentence; no other explanation needed. She’s a selfish drama queen and purposely didn’t tell him what the emergency was because she knew it wasn’t life or death—the only REAL reason to blow up someone’s phone, and even then, she should call emergency services. NTA.
OP did not owe an explanation of why he couldn't talk. He wasn't the one who needed a favor.
I bet she considers everyone a servant.
Not to mention she kept calling OP instead of trying her dad or someone else earlier when it was clear he was busy. Maybe she wouldn't have been late for work.
Why would she consider it? She’s never had to face any consequences before because OP always took care of her every emergency. OP is like a helicopter parent. I’m very glad OP took a stand, and he is NTA, but he should also have never let it get to this point.
Also, what was OP supposed to do? Leave work to make sure SHE got to work? Calling once was fine (although I'm not sure OP could solve this problem for her without leaving HIS place of work), but when OP didn't pick up, she needed to call someone else or find another solution.
NTA she’s the girl that cried wolf, seeing that you knew upon seeing her 911 text that it was likely to be not an emergency is telling in itself. Clearly if someone has the time to call and text multiple times without moving on to a new contact (or emergency services) she does not fully understand what “emergency” means
Oh she knows what emergency means and knows this wasn’t one, which is why she never text to explain what the ‘emergency’ was
That’s a really good point. She could have texted, “Help! My car broke down and I need a ride!” She wanted OP to indulge her in her histrionic behavior. Wanting help was secondary.
This! She 100% could have/ should have texted the nature of the “emergency” or call an Uber/Lyft to get to work on time.
And speaking of the calling an uber.......if she had called work instead of her friend and said "my car broke down I'm going to be late" I doubt she'd face ANY of the repercussions that she did......I mean unless this is a chronically late situation in which case, nothing OP could have done would have saved her from getting into trouble....... I'd be asking her why she A-didnt call into work to let them know and B-why when OP didn't pick up she didn't call her dad? How many ignored calls before she even thought to ask her dad for help
Yep, drop everything and ring. me. now.
but even if it was a legit emergency this particular time, OP would still be NTA. lucy claims everything is an emergency. how is OP supposed to know what’s a real emergency and what’s an inconvenience? this should be a lesson to her. she’s the girl who cried 911. i dunno how OP has managed to maintain a 30 year-long friendship with someone like this. i’d be fed up within months.
And the thing is, even if its a massive emergency. Still, its not his problem to begin with. Call actual 911, they will come. What if her house is on fire and the cat is inside, fireman are there faster then him...
yes! there are professionals who deal with emergencies. call them. she obviously knows their number. leave OP out of it.
>And the thing is, even if its a massive emergency. Still, its not his problem to begin with. This right here! Sometimes you've gotta figure your own shit out. This woman is almost 40! She couldn't solve her own problem? Call a tow truck, get a ride, talk to your job - done. Sounds like OP has been her "get out of everything" card for a long time. NTA
Facts well said🥇
I mean it sounds like Lucy is the proverbial boy who cried wolf. Everything is an emergency and as such nothing is an emergency. And today it wasn’t an emergency. When she couldn’t get a hold of her friend she should have called someone else or called an Uber. She didn’t manage her time well and wasted it by continuing to try and get Op to respond.
I am betting she doesn't have any other friends. She sounds like a particular variety of energy vampire.
I’m imagining Colin Robinson eyes glowing hacking the energy out of OP
Anybody got any updog? Lucy ran out and needs more. It's an emergency.
NTA: even if it was a true 911, that’s what actual 911 is for.
NTA I got irritated just reading it. She must be absurdly entitled if she thinks she can simply demand that you drop what you're doing whatever it is the moment she calls.
I hate Lucy just reading this. What part of I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW AND CALLING BACK A BUNCH OF TIMES WON'T HELP THAT can she not understand? I get that that was dire for her and ended in bad consequences, but not everyone is available to you at any time they need you. Honestly, if the friendship ends over this, it might very well be a relief.
A write up for being late isn’t even all that bad on its own ya know? Like it sucks, and if you have more it can be bad. But it’s also not on OP if Lucy is closing in on enough late write ups to get fired. I feel bad for her, I hate policies like this. But it’s still not OPs problem especially since there was another option, her father
To add to your reply, my observation has been that if you are on time to work and reliable 99% of the time and one day you have car trouble and call and tell your boss right away, inform them before your shift started that you have car trouble and waiting for a ride and will be X minutes late, the boss understands. If Lucy got a write up, likely she had been late multiple times before.
Exactly! Lucy is serially late, so her lack of planning does not constitute an emergency for OP.
Or during all the minutes she could've been calling her boss to let them know and probably prevented a writeup, she was instead spam-calling OP 🙄 I bet she never even called work or texted them to let them know lol
This. She was too busy panicking, she didn't take responsibility for her own life. It's his fault, and her dad's fault, and traffic's fault, and the car's fault...never her own.
I was thinking this too, or that she was so busy spamming OP with calls that she never even called her boss with the reason she would be late. if she had just texted him her issue and gotten a "sorry I can't right now" she probably would have gotten ahold of her father much sooner, if she would even take "I can't" as an answer. I can't imagine being friends with someone so entitled that they think my entire life revolves around them and that I can just drop whatever I'm doing to help them out at any given time
Or, y'know, call an Uber...
Lol. Yes. I will say from what little info we have here, and what I experienced with shift work, an Uber may have been out of reach for Lucy. All the clues in the story makes me lean towards Lucy being very bad with money (I am also projecting some of my own issues and past experiences on her here)
I didn't mention an uber/taxi because I also assumed she was bad with money. also because I figured with the type of person she seems to be (acting like OP's life revolves around her and that he can drop whatever he's doing to help her at any given time without even a text explaining what's wrong) that an uber wouldn't have even crossed her mind. she's probably too used to taking advantage of people she knows and them always being around to help. if she *did* consider an uber or taxi she probably would have no idea how to contact them and panic for no reason
Right? Why couldn't Lucy have texted OP with "my car died and I need a ride"? I've never understood the "911 call me ASAP". You took the time to write a text, so take the time to explain what is happening.
No shit, right?!? Just explain already, don't leave fifteen voicemails saying call me back!
"hey it's steve, please call me back". "it's steve, again, call me back". "hey its steve. I'm still waiting for you to call me back". "why haven't you called me back yet". Then you finally call them and they're like "Do you want tacos for dinner?" - THIS COULD HAVE BEEN A TEXT MESSAGE!!!!! I kind of understand why people don't explain their overly complicated stories over text, but you can always text "need to talk to you about, but too much to text. call me soon"
I hate that crap so much. I know someone who regularly texts people "can you call me?" "About what?" "Just call". NO. Tell me wtf you want! In her case she's admitted she doesn't give people an idea of what it's about so she can get their "honest reaction", aka be manipulative and trap people so she feels like she has the advantage. It's bullshit. Some people who do that regularly may actually be oblivious to how obnoxious it is but I personally think most who do it do it because it's an excuse to get someone into a situation where they feel pressured and they know that if they just say what it's actually about first the other person won't put themselves in that spot.
Oh come on, she intentionally left out details because she knows "911 emergency" is far more likely to get her the immediate response she wanted. This was manipulation from the get go. What I want to know is how much time did she waste spamming her friend when she could have just called her dad. She might not have had to be late, lol.
Exactly!! And if you call and someone doesn't answer, send the text with the important emergency information. Since OP was unavailable she could have called her dad right away and got to work on time, why is OP the only person to be inconvenienced by her emergency? Edit to add: I guess Lucy feels what OP was doing wasn't important in the World according to Lucy.
It's not that she doesn't understand, it's that she doesn't care. Her issues and wants are the most important thing and screw everyone else. That's how she is behaving. She didn't get what she wanted, so she is now blaming OP. Even though, this was her issue, she is refusing to take fault. I don't think she is really OP's friend. It's one sided. The second OP stops catering to her, she will stop contacting them all together. The optimistic view is that she will learn to respect OP but in my experience, that is rarely what happens.
"When a person claims everything is an emergency, then nothing is an emergency".
NTA. Tbh, she needed to fuck off. Lucy needs a reality check that she’s not the center of everyone else’s universe.
She needs to read the boy who cried wolf apparently
Oh good one,great comparison!
yup. she wholeheartedly deserved to be told to fuck off. what a drama queen.
NTA I hate when people call or text and don't actually say what the message is. Just say in the text the information you want me to know, don't be vague. That way I can decide if I want to contact them.
NTA! Yup! She could have mentioned she was stranded and needed a ride. 911 emergency is not a proper text message. On the other hand, OP should have put phone on DND or silent after the first call. Edit: for those that didn't know, you can configure your phone to not allow people to bypass the DND. It's in the settings of DND and you slide the "allow repeated calls" or "repeat callers" to off.
This was intentional. "911 emergency!" Is far more likely to get an immediate response than "omg I need a ride to work!" Lucy is used to getting her way, because she pulls shit like this.
The Michael Scott approach
When everything is an emergency, nothing is. If OP isn't exaggerating that she treats every problem like an emergency eventually the word is going to lose all meaning
> On the other hand, OP should have put phone on DND or silent after the first call. I believe on iPhones the default DND setting is if someone calls you a 2nd time in a row it will ring through. (I'm assuming there's an option to change that behavior)
If someone texted me 911 emergency I would assume it is certainly not an emergency.
911 emergency!!!!! Okay wrong number then lol
See I would assume it is, and then if I called them and found out the 'emergency' was car trouble (and not like "I am stranded in an unsafe situation please come get me right now" car trouble) I would be royally pissed. Like 'emergency' means "someone is hurt/dead/dying and I don't have time or a free hand to text it all out so call me now". It's understandable provided you are _actively driving to a hospital_ to send a text like that but not for much else. OPs friend sounds exhausting and manipulative.
This is the part of the post that made me so angry on OP’s behalf. If it’s an actual emergency, just text me the actual information that I need to know. If you just say “call me” I’m not going to respond. Don’t tell me it’s an emergency, tell me what is *actually happening*.
Literally! It’s such a waste of time to be like 911 emergency!!! Call 911 then or text me the issue ! Send me a voice memo if typing is too hard!!!
"911 emergency" "Cool story bro" "I need you to call me, NOW!!" In all of that time she could have sent the reason she needed help, but it's not about getting help. It's all about immediate gratification.
In that time she could’ve ordered an uber lol
This! I mean, WTF? She's 39 and can't figure out how to arrange alternate transportation for herself to work? Grow up. I do, however, agree that OP should have put his phone on DND, but he was also under pressure, and it may not have occurred to him at the time. Edit: Didn't pay attention to the fact that OP said he was 38M, lol. So I changed the pronouns.
But they need you NAOWWWWEEEWWWWW /s I agree, being connected 24/7 is a major stress factor. Just because I am around doesn’t mean I’m available. I have my own schedule and my own shit to do. If you need someone, and I’m available, I’ll help. But if I’m not available, I’m not available. Fuck off lol
NTA But the bigger issue here is that your friend is an idiot, I don't understand how she wouldn't think to just text "car broke down need ride to work" since if you were ignoring her calls instead of just letting it ring you obviously were able to glance at your screen or you were even near your phone. What does your friend do if you just don't have your phone with you when she has an emergency?
She knew once she had him talking he would do whatever. She likely manipulates the hell out of OP
Ding ding ding
>What does your friend do if you just don't have your phone with you when she has an emergency? How dare you imply that OP doesn't have their phone with them at all times in the chance that Lucy needs her help.
If her car broke down why not just get an Uber/Lyft/Taxi?
why do that when you have a "friend" who you can guilt into doing whatever you want for free!!! /s
NTA. Why is her work more important than yours?
Why couldn't she have called her workplace and told them her car broke down? Or more importantly, called an Uber?
Or called her father after OP declined the first call?
Lots of other options Lucy could have picked but she chose to play stupid games and win stupid prizes
Because Lucy is a jerk. Hammer calling like that during a non-emergency is simply a jerk move.
Exactly! Most people would get an Uber/Lyft/taxi. Sounds like the friend needs to learn to deal with her own life herself.
NTA She sounds exhausting. Good of you to be her go-to person 24/7, but when has she been there for you? You needed her to leave you alone for a few minutes and she couldn't comprehend that fact. She sounds like a user, and a spoiled one at that. She's the boy who cried wolf. She has filled your friendship with SOSes for years and everything being an emergency for herl she blew her ability for you to take her seriously.
My supervisor at my first job (she was director of operations, basically had a finger in every pot) had some very wise words for me that I took to heart and follow to this day. Was plain and simple, really. Everyone in our firm would go to her at the first sign of inconvenience that they couldn't fix in 5 minutes, and every single time her response was the same: "Who do you call in an emergency? 911. If you wouldn't call 911, it's not an emergency - so it will have to wait." A real emergency is something you call a professional to handle. Missing a shift because your car broke down is not an emergency. It is an unlucky incident. That's all.
Yes, and the fact that she got written up means it's not her first time. she's a perpetual fuck-up.
Or she didn’t contact them to let them know in advance because she was too busy calling OP.
NTA. But also, put your phone on do not disturb and it'll 'hide' notifications from popping up and taking up the whole screen until you take it off. Just something to know next time.
This is the answer. ETA: in case OP sees this, I do think some boundary setting and gentle feedback to Lucy is in order - she needs to understand that she has created a ‘boy who cries wolf’ situation so her ‘emergencies’ are not taken seriously, and that while you are broadly supportive of her and willing to help her, she needs to communicate with you in a mature way. You can take responsibility for lashing out in a moment of frustration, but she needs to take responsibility for her communication style and she needs to generally have more respect for your time and sanity, frankly. If she’s not willing to be accountable for her actions, then this relationship hasn’t matured since you met as children, and it might be time to let it go. NTA.
Given the number of calls she made, even DND would have gotten overriden
Maybe that's why she called so many times. In her mind, her "emergency" is always more important than ANYTHING OP is doing.
I don’t know if android does this but iPhones have a setting that can turn off that feature of “more than one call overrides it”. It even has a way to let certain people be exceptions to DND.
NTA The second phone call you sent to voicemail or at the very least your busy text should’ve been her sign to call someone else. If she hadn’t wasted so much time bugging you she could’ve called her dad right away and who knows? Maybe she would’ve been at work on time. You are allowed to be busy. You’re also not her bf/husband/partner so it’s not your responsibility to save her all the time. She needs to learn to save herself.
>You’re also not her bf/husband/partner so it’s not your responsibility to save her all the time. That's not the bf/husband/partner job either, she's a grown woman she can fix her own shit
Oh I agree, but some people don’t get that
And even if she was their partner, I also understand my boyfriend can’t just drop everything to help me with things. If he was in a meeting or something, there arent many situations I’d expect him to walk out of to help me (but there are a few I’d expect him to lol) being an adult means learning how to cope with life by yourself
A grown arsed woman at her age should know that when a call goes to voicemail or gets declined, someone is busy. You texted her as well to let her know, and she still hammered your phone. NTA for telling her to fuck off because I would have honestly done the same. The fact that she is now ignoring you proves how childish she is.
Wish I could upvote more than once! It’s so entitled to think that of someone doesnt answer first time you should just let calling until they do. It’s immature and shitty to do that to ppl. Leave me a message or send me a text that includes the info you want and I’ll respond when I’m free. His cell phones have ruined ppls patience
NTA, surprised nobody's mentioned that she could have said "car broke down, need help" in her text instead of being vague. It's impossible and unreasonable to expect someone to be available 24/7 your entire life. Even if it works for a while, eventually, life will throw a wrench into things. She's being unreasonable imo.
NTA. I'm around both of your ages and your friend is super immature and codependent. She also seems totally histrionic and unreliable. Does she ever do anything for you or are you always responding to every little thing that happens to her as if it's the worst thing ever? I had someone like that in my life, and I cut them off entirely. I cannot deal with someone stressing out like someone is dying over minor things that I would just take care of myself and then forget an hour later. It really drove it home to me once when she called me in hysterics that her car battery was dead and she had a doctor's appointment she was going to miss. This person is an adult, and not a young one. I was about to go into trial (I'm a lawyer) and it almost threw me off my game. That's when I knew that person was not bringing anything but incredible stress to my life. If my car battery was dead, I would just have a neighbor jump it to get to where I absolutely had to be, or, if I didn't have somewhere to be immediately, I'd call roadside assistance and have someone come replace it within an hour or two. After trial, and basically gaslighting myself into forgetting that she ever called me and then *called me horrible names* when I told her to take care of it herself, I realized what a rube I had been. This woman doesn't have a job, she's wealthy, and she's useless. She did nothing but use me and then abuse me as soon as I was not giving her attention. Sound familiar? You really need to have a come-to-Jesus with your friend and, if she can't respect your boundaries, cut her off.
NTA. You’re not her husband or even her romantic partner and the expectations she’s putting on you are that of one. Like the other comments say, boundaries. What’s going to happen if you find yourself in a committed relationship with her having one of her daily “emergencies”? You’re not responsible for what happens to her as a grown adult. You shouldn’t have to risk your job in order for her to keep hers. Like they say, “lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency of mine.”
>You’re not her husband or even her romantic partner and the expectations she’s putting on you are that of one. Hell I'd go further. If I had a boyfriend/husband who was *clearly* tied up and busy and my "emergency" was so minor I'd actually want a boundary drawn there. There's 2 bad extremes - hyper independence - people that insist on doing everything by themselves, that's how you end up with mental breakdowns...and codependents - people who literally cannot actually function without the "help" of another person (excluding those with disabilities where that's totally understandable - obviously someone paralysed from the neck down needs someone else to aid them in matters of hygiene and such). Both of these are bad. You wanna be somewhere in between. Obviously sometimes it is a good flirt tactic if you know a guys free to ring him up and REALLY lean into the delicate dainty woman who needs a big strong man to help put a shelf up but outside that...sometimes people just need to handle their own shit
OP, she doesn’t have any right to expect you to stop what you’re doing and come to her when she calls, what she’s doing is very rude and you explained that you were working on something and couldn’t help her at that time, besides, it wasn’t even that big of an emergency, she could’ve called roadside assistance and then call her job and say that she was going to be late because her car broke down. NTA, even though I don’t agree with you cursing at her, I do think that your friend is very clingy to you and that’s something she needs to work on, it also sounds like she might have abandonment issues as well, the only thing I can fault you for is that you haven’t set up some boundaries with her yet, I mean, she’s an adult and can’t expect you to come at her beck and call.
NTA - she could have got a taxi, an uber, sent a text detailing what the issue was instead of calling over and over, left a voicemail, and generally just have respected your clear signals that now was not a good time. You say you're always there for Lucy, but is she ever there for you? The fact she pushed and pushed until you snapped then played the victim, and seems to hold her work issues against you, makes me think she's a leech and you'd see a lot less of her if you stopped jumping for her every whim.
NTA. In general terms, I don't agree with cussing at people, but once in a great while someone needs to be told to fuck off. This was one of those moments.
NTA, your friend needs adulthood training.
NTA I used to be a friend like Lucy. I had a mother who panicked over everything and I didn't know any other way to handle stress and distress so I grew up doing the same thing. If I was freaking out about anything (even if I didn't need to) I was calling my friends and especially my bff like my life depended on it. I wasn't trying to be annoying or inconsiderate, but I was. It got particularly bad at one point years ago and she stopped taking my calls. We talked it out and are just as close as ever but I had to knock that sh*t off and so did your friend, Lucy. This isn't a question of you not being there for your friend. This is about your friend learning how to handle distress and boundaries in an adult way. And being almost 40, she should damn well learn. I will say you could've spoken to her about this before though. Might've spared you a headache, some guilt and her hurt feelings.
NTA. But in the future, don't engage with stuff like this. Turn off your phone, put it on DND, something. Your friend needs to be taught the concept of boundaries.
She was using the phone to do the assessment. She can't turn it off.
OP is male
NTA After so many times, some people need to get a kick in the gut and be told to fuck off for the message to really sink in. You need to set boundaries such that she can't expect you to just drop everything to help here at a moment's notice. If you want my honest opinion, Lucy isn't really your friend. She only views you as a lifeguard while she's the toddler that keeps jumping into the pool without a lifevest and can't swim. At some point, you're going to have to force her to figure out her own problems instead of constantly roping you into them and solving them for her.
She’s 38. She not your wife. She’s not your problem. NTA
Girl needs to learn how to use Uber/Lyft. You're not her personal assistant. I would be so over this friendship.
After the second decline she should have fucked off, it was not a life or death she coukd of called a cab or like she did her father. NTA but set better boundaries for her
NTA. I'm trying to understand her thought process. If you had dropped what you were doing to fix her immediate need, it would have helped her. But it also would have hurt you. Her job isn't more important than yours. If she had tried her dad the first time you didn't take the call, then he may have gotten her to work on time. Her insistence about needing YOUR help only ended up giving you both a problem. It sounds like she has some life lessons to learn.
Actually, it probably wouldn't have got her to work on time even if OP drove over to pick her up straight away. She was obviously already running late when she called, and so any time taken to get to her location would likely have been too much. She should have just called her boss and told them what was going on and (possibly) avoided the write up, then found a ride.
You are allowed to be busy. NTA.
NTA.. >I've apologized for cursing at her You've done your part in this. And now it's her turn. >She's been very cold to me Maybe she'll use this opportunity to actually grow up and understand even you have important things in life and can't just keep magically appearing like a genie to help her out everytime. Don't think you need to take any disrespect from her over this. She's almost 40 and should have learned how to take care of a car break down by now or at least exhibit the common sense that when someone ignores your phone calls 5 times and even texts you that he is busy, that's when you call someone else..
NTA. Tell Lucy that she can't always ask you for everything! Did she understand that you have a life outside friends? Working and having time for yourself when needed? Didn't she learn anything on how to take care of herself in case if there is no one available to help her out? It might be time to put in some distance between Lucy and you in order to focus on YOUR own mental health. It sounds like you are having a toxic friendship with Lucy. Basically, she's trying to get you to let her walk all over you for no reasons so you could get in trouble. Please consider about putting yourself first.
Next time you’re doing an assessment put your phone on do not disturb. 😊
NTA, She is absolutely not entitled to you at every moment and that kind of dependence is not good for either of you. She very clearly could have called someone else, or gotten an Uber, or found a solution but instead chose to call you over and over again despite you telling her you couldn't take the call. She's an adult and needs to be able to know what really is pressing, take no for an answer, and look for other solutions.
NTA It really wasn't an emergency that she needed a ride to work. If she needed that ride immediately, you telling her you were busy at that moment should have been enough to tell her to ask someone else.
NTA. You said you were busy. At that point, she needs to be looking for other options. She's not entitled to your time, no matter how much she seems to think she is. Set boundaries with her and keep them, or she'll continue to abuse you.
NTA From how this reads, this has been a long time coming. This gal is not a friend, she’s a user who takes advantage of people and expects everyone to be at her every beck and call. At her age she would fully understand that people can’t just drop their lives to do things for her. You had every right to tell her to fuck off. You deserve better friends.
NTA 911/it’s an emergency when it absolutely is not. I’ve gone quiet on friends for a fortnight for far less She is wounded because she KNOWS this is a well earned correction
NTA: You were already at work, based on your description of Lucy, she will forgive you in time for her next emergency.
NTA she could’ve called a taxi. Not being funny but like it was obv that you were busy and she kept pressing your buttons. Maybe if she tried someone else instead of bugging you because she knew she could, she would’ve gotten to work faster
NTA. We can't all expect everyone to just drop everything because we think our needs are more important than someone else's. Sucks her car broke down, but you're not the only person in her life that can help when needs arise. She could've called AAA, any tow company, called work first and explained her car broke down and she maybe late, or her father after the first time you responded you are busy.
NTA - she could have called a cab, and managed to solve it on her own. It doesn’t really sound that’s she’s respectful of you and your time?!
NTA. Lucy's old enough to have the tale of the "Boy who cried wolf". She's calling every issue an emergency so how are you supposed to know when there's an actual emergency? Even this wasn't a true emergency. It's time to set some boundaries with Lucy. The excessive calling, especially after you told her you were busy is ridiculous. She's acting like a teenager, not a grown woman near 40, ffs.
NTA. but oh boy you have 30 years of some poor habits to change. You had a valid reason and her expecting you to drop everything for her is ridiculous, but it seems you usually do just that. She solved the problem on her own and the best thing you can do for your friendship is to encourage her to continue doing just that. Doesn’t mean you won’t be there as a friend or in a true emergency.
God Lucy is exhausting and insufferable WHO CALLS someone 3 times like that. Like, call a damn Uber wtf. She’s nearly 40 years old, it’s time she learn how to deal with problems like an adult. JFC
NTA. She’s very selfish, you were doing an assessment. What were you supposed to do? Leave and fail it to take her to work?
LOL and NTA. When you call someone more than once and are ignored and they text you that they are busy, GET THE HINT. My mom does this to me all the time and I can't stand it. Like, why call me 3 times in a row? Obviously I'm busy, sleep, or don't want to talk. I'll answer on the 4th ring, and it's "Oh, I was just wondering if you had 10 bucks? I need a pack of cigs." Like, really?? THAT IS NOT AN EMERGENCY. In her case, it kind of was, but you couldn't have helped her anyway. She should have texted *what the emergency was* and you could've told her you were taking a test and she'd need to call someone else.
NTA. You aren’t her mother & you don’t have to handle her crises. She has to grow up & learn to deal with life without someone holding her hand through it
NTA - She could've simply texted you what her problem was and it wasn't an actual emergency. She needs to respect you and your time.
NTA An emergency is a limb hanging off or something like that, this was a minor inconvenience. She should of rang her dad in the first place or hell a taxi.
NTA so if I understand well, she wanted you to leave your work to go pick her up and bring her to work ? Why your job is supposed to be less important ? Does she knew you were at work ? Why in hell does she feel so entilted to your time ? Would love to here her answer....
NTA. Crying wolf or something. Putting all eggs in one basket. Had she called her father sooner, maybe not late. Also, taxis exist.
NTA, but SHE IS. Uber exists. Her work does NOT prevail over your work. You are adults, not children.
Lucy is the girl who cried wolf. NTA.
NTA. Sure, being told to fuck off doesn't feel good. But some people need to understand that the world doesn't revolve around them. If you call someone once or twice and they decline, get the hint. They're busy. Needing a ride to work does not constitute an emergency. Get an Uber.
NTA, but there's a lesson to be learnt: if you have an extremely important task on your hand that you can not be disturbed, make sure nobody can disturb you: put do not disturb on, close your phone, put it away. It is your responsibility to make sure you are in the correct setup for these assessments, and making you you can dedicate your time and attention is one of these responsibilities.
NTA but you need to put some boundaries on your relationship with Lucy. I know you’ve been friends for so long, and forgive me if this is out of bounds, but it just seems strange that she depends on you so much when you are not in a romantic or sexual relationship. It sounds like you’re her plan for every little thing that goes wrong in her life and frankly that’s just not healthy for a friendship, even a lifelong friendship. She’s an adult and she needs to be able to sort her stuff out without it getting in the way of your life
NTA. She needs to find other ways to cope, you were busy with work, she can’t expect for you to drop everything every time she has a problem. If she just wants your friendship for what she gets from you she is not a friend.
NTA.... also her job sucks for writing her up because of car trouble... shit happens
NTA. 911 call me? For a car break down. Is she serious? She was solely relying on you to help her before being told off. I'd suggest sitting her down and talking about this problem of making minor bs an emergency.
NTA You are a utility for her. Since you never say no she feels entitled. Sorry but this is kinda toxic. You need to re-evaluate this relationship. And at the minimum talk this out and set your boundaries. The fact that she spent all that time harassing you with calls and texts when she should have moved onto the next person that could help her shows just how powerfully she feels entitled to your energy, attention, and time. Was there another way to handle it? Sure, but after getting sent to voicemail 2 times in a row. She should have called the next person.
NTA and she isn't your friend, you're a resource to her. Making everything an emergency is her way of controlling the conversation and pressuring you to provide whatever service she currently needs. If you want to continue friendly contact with her I'd recommend making a list of requirements and bring it up with her. She agrees or she loses you as a resource.
NTA. You’re allowed to be busy. Or to just not answer the phone for any reason. She needs to grow up and get a bigger support system, sounds like she’s depended on you for too much for too long and now you’re her only answer to any problem.
INFO: Has she ever been there for YOU when YOU'VE needed help? You've only mentioned times that she has needed something. If not, I suggest that she may not be a friend. Either way, NTA.
NTA. Boy who cried wolf much? If my friend did this, texted 911 etc, and it turned out to be about a ride to work, I would be furious. If this is the kind of thing that she needs your help with, she can wait 5 minutes for you to finish your timed assignment. I think your response was harsh and you needed to be. Set more of these boundaries, because she doesn't seem to think that you can have any priorities besides her.
No, not at all. The only problem i see on your side, is you failed.to set boundaries early on, and enabled thia behavior.
NTA, yes you definitely could have been softer with her but you made it very clear that you couldn’t help her at that time. I highly suggest setting some boundaries and letting her developers some self reliance. She can’t expect everyone else to handle her needs.
NTA. You need to set boundaries here. If your at work you shouldn't be expected to drop everything for her. She expects you to be at her beck and call no matter what impact it has on you. You need to set boundaries and be prepared to get serious if she crosses them. She's an adult, not a needy toddler, and needs to understand people can't hang on her every need immediately.
NTA but why don’t people know about silencing their phones? This is like the third time in a week an entire drama could have been avoided if the ringer on someone’s phone were off.
NTA but at some point over the past 30 years you couldn't have a conversation with her about an actual emergency vs whatever you'd consider this bs was
The little boy who cried wolf. NTA. How were you to know this was a real emergency?
NTA but in the time you wrote call in twenty, you could have put your phone on Do Not Disturb or something. Let her cool off now you've explained yourself. Hopefully she'll see what you were doing was important and come round once she stops feeling slighted. It would be a good time to discuss boundaries going forward, though.
NTA Lucy needs to learn to take a hint. If someone who is usually there for you is declining your calls, there is a reason. Either wait or find someone else to solve your problem for you.
NTA - just reading this gave me hives. In the future, don’t respond at all until you’re free. Or put your phone on silent
NTA. You can’t expect someone to be available all them time. If you were working would you have been able to drop everything to take her to work? Is she frequently late to work? Seems a bit harsh an employer would give you a written warning for being late as a 1 off.
NTA. You can not be there for 24/7 for every little emergency. Idk if she knew you would be busy and unavailable at that time but she should have taken the hint the first time she got sent to voice mail. One of these she's gonna have to realize you can't solve all her problems for her.
Aside from treating you like a secretarial miracle worker, is she even a decent friend? Sure doesn't sound that way. NTA. Lucy needs to put on her pull-ups and her big girl pants.
If you were truly the only person that could have helped her in that situation why is she wasting texts asking you to call her? Why didn’t she just text “I need a ride my car broke down”? Sounds like you wouldn’t have been able to help her anyway. NTA and maybe it’s time for an honest discussion about her boy who cried wolf nature.
So you have known each other since you were kids and she doesn't know when to shut up yet? NTA
Boundaries are important. The reason why this is an issue is because you’ve never stated them to her. You drop everything for her ‘emergencies’ knowing they almost always aren’t. NTA But once she cools off learn to communicate. She’s your friend, not your S/O. And even if she was, she obviously doesn’t respect you or your time.
NTA and friendships/relationships go both ways. She needs to appreciate you had your own important priorities at the time and couldn't drop everything and sacrifice your work life to help her deal with hers.
NTA - She prioritized her needs before yours and didn't get the cue with the forwarded calls and telling her directly that you were busy. Cursing did the trick. She should have called somebody else right away. I think you can apologize for the rudeness, but set boundaries for the future.
NTA You can’t help her with everything. But you should’ve set boundaries earlier. Also why didn’t she just tell you her car broke down after you ignored her phone calls or ask someone else? Wait mb I forgot you said she approaches things in emergency.
Doesn't sound like a friend if they only reach out when they need something from you
NTA, but this doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic at all. You need to have a talk with Lucy. Let her know that you care about her, but other people have lives too and some things can't be placed on hold for her emergencies unless it's a life-or-death situation (she had an accident and is bleeding out kind of issue). If she sees you've seen her call but sent it to voicemail, it means you are busy. Period. You will get back to her, but bombing your phone is weird and rude. She needs to knock it off or you need to distance yourself from her.
Yes for saying FO off but not the rest. She could have TEXTED she had a flat, she wasn’t in danger just running late. If her job wrote her up for one flat she’s got bigger problems. She also could have tried others the second you weren’t available. You also have a job. Being first call isn’t same as only call. Note though, use do not disturb mode
NTA she was being annoying as hell
NTA. You told her you were busy, even if you had answered or knew what the issue was, you would not have been able to help her at that time. She kept calling you knowing you were busy and couldn’t talk when she could’ve been calling someone else to try and get a ride and avoided being late for work. Did you go a little too far by cursing at her? Probably, but you were stressed and had repeatedly made it clear that you weren’t available to talk/help her and she ignored that completely.
NTA. You wouldn't have been able to help her even if you did answer. She's possibly affected your assessment marks and this could jeopardise whatever it was for. You don't have to be her hero all the time and she really needs to not be so dependant and so demanding of your time. It feelsbpike she's taken advantage of your friendship in more ways than one
NTA. I have a similar friend. We've been friends for 41 years now. She still does not have her life together, and calls when she needs things or when she wants to give herself a pity-party.
NTA. If it’s an emergency and you aren’t answering why wouldn’t she text you what was wrong??? As a general rule if you call me and I don’t answer, if you don’t leave a voicemail or text you aren’t getting a call back. I don’t care if you call 1000 times, leave a message saying what is wrong. It seems sneaky to call over and over again. My sil does this and we don’t answer because she’s always trying to back us into a corner to do something for her. If she gets us on the phone it’s harder to say no to her so we just don’t even answer and don’t call back unless we know why she’s calling.
NTA You where busy and you have your own life, she need to respect that and accept that she will not always be first in every moment. It may be time to rediscuss some boundaries with her and explain that her emergencies cannot always become yours.
NTA But you should put your phone on do not disturb or silent when you are unavailable.
NTA - She could have texted 'car broke down' obviously you were busy.
NTA, she is an adult. She needs to put on her big girl pants and figure things out on her own sometimes
NTA she’s a grown up. She can take a cab to work. You’re not her 911. You’re a friend.
Nahhh, you’re never an asshole for expecting a friend to figure out daily life. Instead of calling you, after you said you were busy, she could have dialed her boss and told them she was having car trouble and would be late. Then she could’ve dialed her dad or Uber. You’ve put up with this “crisis of the day” mode for 30 years? You need to start doing some reading on setting boundaries, and how to stick to them. Will you lose your “friend?” Maybe. Hopefully, because she’s become accustomed to you revolving around her and treating her as if she’s more important than your own needs. You’re NTA. I would’ve told her where to go after the third call.
NTA that is the level of calling for "I am bleeding out and need you to know who did it", not, "I'm going to be late for my job". She needs a reality check.
NTA, but knowing people like her, she's going to keep making you feel like one for a while anyway. In her mind, you weren't there for her, even though you had a valid reason, and all the other times you were there don't matter. I've been down that road. Once she is willing to talk again, set up some very clear limits on what she can reasonably expect from you, as well as some rules for communicating, like if you put her on voice-mail twice in a row, she should stop calling you. That might keep things from escalating in the future.
NTA poor planning by her does not necessitate an emergency on yours. If she would have spent the time she used harrassing you to call a cab. She would have been at work on time. Spoiled brat your friend is. Sorry about maybe losing a friend tho...that sucks no matter the reason. Instead of 911 emergency she could have text My car broke down I need a ride to work But no she wanted to get you on the phone to guilt you into driving her. She would not have taken no for an answer imo and answering the call would have resulted in you telling her to fuck off all the same, as you still had the timed thingy to complete .
NTA- she’s almost 40 and her only solution to a car breaking down is to call you 5 times in a row even after you told her you were busy. She needs to grow up
NTA. She wasn't giving you much choice. I do find it interesting that she was willing to let you get in trouble at work for not finishing your assessment to avoid her getting in trouble at work for being late. Especially when there were other people she could call. I don't see why she couldn't call a taxi or an uber. Red flags imo.
NTA - When someone cries wolf about everything, your empathy numbs towards that person. So when they do actually have a sort of crisis, you are so numb to it that you just check out. Plus you were busy doing a test, you couldn't have helped her out anyway even if you wanted to. You do not need to set yourself on fire to keep her warm.
NTA. your friend needs to learn how to communicate and needs to learn boundaries and how to be self sufficient. Like oh. my friend is busy apparently, let me call an uber. She sounds like a leech or a bum.
NTA. You were AT WORK and doing a time assessment. Yes, she ended up late for work but it was because she wouldn't call someone else to help her after you couldn't. Sounds like she takes you for complete granted.
Nta. She has no right to expect you to jump every time she calls. She should have called her dad after he first call to reach you went to voice mail. After her second call you should have turned off your phone. You were at work. She is the ahole for contacting you repeatedly at work. You should not have apologized. This is all on here. People will continue to use you as a servant if you let them. Stop being her doormat. Grow a spine. She deserved to be told to fuck off. She could have left a message about her car but decided to insist you answer your phone. Your phone you decide when to use it. Not her.
Boundaries how many of us have them..
She should have just texted you about the situation.