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YTA
Your sister is 100% right. This young woman **told you what she needed and asked for your help** . what more do you need? Give her a #$% sweatshirt.
And this isn't about getting a girl to like you, or thinking about reciprocity. It's about being a basic human being and treating someone with respect and care.
So true. This was about being a decent person.
One of my friend’s mom’s said to us that if you ever want to know a man’s character, notice how he behaves with women who he is not interested in or a woman who he knows isn’t interested in him. That is who he is.
OP YTA. Now you know that even in the best of times, you aren’t capable of being a decent human.
This has just triggered a forgotten memory! My friend hooked up with a girl in a ski resort (all from the same university). It had been fancy dress at the party but somehow he had ended up basically in just shorts at hers (I think he got hot in the club and lost his tee and the costume was this paper thin boiler suit that had basically dissolved?). She had a full box of free T-shirts which she was allowed to give to anyone (we were all on the committee and had the same kind of stuff - there would have been 0 issue with her giving him one). He asked to have one and she… refused. So my poor boy came home through a ski resort at like 5am in a pair of board shorts and trainers. I know a T-shirt wouldn’t have fully solved it but you’ve got to think someone is on a cruel power trip to not do that. I got mad at him and told him he should have called me and I would have brought him jeans and a coat over. Judged her SO hard. But I also think OP is a bit worse because that girl was basically trapped in her underwear with him whereas my friend could leave.
Sweatshirt theft on campus is NOT a joke, Jim! Hundreds of people suffer every year!
(But seriously OP, mega YTA. I hope your $5.99 Costco sweatshirt is worth it)
What was your basis for refusal? Did you interpret this as some sort of weird sexual advance? Or do you have limited clothes and worried she wouldn't return them? Just didn't care and wanted to get back to your game? Watching too much Tate content and this is some weird RP tactic/misogynistic view of a woman wearing an outfit you disapprove of? Have you never looked out for younger siblings? Never learned to share or sacrifice for another person or pet? Trying to understand your reasoning here. Because right now all it's giving is YTA. Elaborate?
YTA, you handled this very immaturely. You could’ve loaned her a pair of sweats for the night, or at the very least found her a proper blanket, or any of the other options your sister suggested. She is right that you are clearly lacking in empathy, and it will hurt your chances with girls.
YTA — you were more comfortable with having a half naked girl in your room (which she was clearly uncomfortable doing) rather than let her wear a tshirt and sweats to cover up, be warm, and *not be half naked in front of you*. She was doing the right thing for her friend and you know you would’ve gotten the clothes back. Why was her being half naked the preferable choice to letting her wear your clothes?
YTA - first because she’s not asking for a kidney, she was asking for two articles of clothing she said she would return to you. Good on her for being there for her friend. Maybe it’s an uncomfortable situation for you but being a decent human being isn’t. Second for calling these women “slutty” when they are college girls trying to have fun. I doubt this girl was into you but that doesn’t mean you leave someone shivering on a coach.
Based on how you talk about these women , yes YTA.
Your sister is right,you had every chance to be a decent human being but you chose to be an ass and for no reason at all other than to what? Prove her that her choice of clothing was wrong or something?
She was extremely respectful of you , the least you could’ve done is find a bigger blanket and not just the first thing you saw.
Something tells me you call yourself a nice guy and then complain that women just don’t understand you and always go for the “bad guys”.
>Do you have some sweats I can borrow?
>I told her no I wasn’t comfortable with that.
INFO: why not?
She explained her situation, and it sounded awful and emberassing for them having to ask that. Allowing them to borrow a pair of sweats is one of the easiest, low effort, simplest things anyone could have done or been asked for.
Do you refuse to pass food at the dinner table because that'd also be asking too much of you?
Do you have an incurable contageous skin condition that is immediately transferred if someone wears your clothes for even 60 seconds?
*If not*, then yeah man you were a major fucking asshole.
YTA. You could have helped her out. This whole post reads like you opted to be a dick because you didn't like that she was wearing a revealing costume.
Yeah this stuck out. No real rationale for why he was “uncomfortable” with lending sweats. Almost like he just wanted to punish her showing “way too much skin”.
Yes YTA. You could have offered her some clothes or a proper blanket. There were so many opportunities to be a decent human being but I guess this is why you were home playing fortnite instead of out being social with other people
YTA.
Reddit feels very strongly about the "nobody owes anybody anything" thing and yet the feedback here is overwhelmingly YTA. That should really tell you something.
Dude. Really? You have to ask?
YTA
It was a hoodie and sweats!
Now you will be known by her, her friends, their friends' friends, and even your sister as a jerk who wouldn't help a girl be comfortable.
Your sister is right. You need to grow up and become a man. What you did was childish.
GROW UP!
YTA, your sister was absolutely right. You had every opportunity to do the right thing...and didn't. Sweats and a hoodie, or even a t-shirt, wouldn't have inconvenienced you, and you might have even made a friend.
Time to grow up.
YTA you see this girl at college during the week and since she's the designated driver, she seems responsible. Lending her some clothes was not risky at all, but if you feared losing those clothes, didn't you have ANY old t shirt you could lend her? One that even if she didn't return you could live without? I find that hard to believe.
Then you just give her a baby blanket to sleep on a couch, why couldn't you give her a full blanket? Would you go cold during the night if you didn't have a full blanket on your bed so you let her to freeze?
I get that she's not your responsibility at all, but I hope the strangers in your future treat you with more kindness than you had for this girl, to show you how a real human should act
YTA - why didn’t you just give them to her? she was cold and asked very politely. it’s called getting over yourself and having some empathy. god people really write these stories out and clearly think they AREN’T the asshole 🙄 left a cold half naked woman on the couch, great job!
YTA. If I were that girl, you bet I'd be warning other girls on campus that you aren't the type to look out for others. Basic human kindness is helping the girl out in one of the dozens of way you could have and chose not to, including when she asked.
INFO: did you have another blanket she could borrow? Did you have extra, clean sweats? It kind of sounds like you might be the stereotypical “broke college kid” or living in a dorm where you just don’t have a lot of spare things to offer, in which case I’m more sympathetic.
Let’s not forget the true asshole here, and that’s Sydney, who made her friend come with her to her drunken hook up. Who had little respect for her DD and friend trying to look out for her. Apparently didn’t make sure her bf/ex/hookup offered her friend a sweat shirt or even checked on her. If I were the friend I would’ve left after 20 min or so, not slept on the sofa. Hell, I would’ve told her her options are to be *dropped off* with the ex or dropped off at home, I’m not waiting to begin with. She was a good friend.
your sister is correct YTA here
Its called a decent human being, she told you what she needed. All you had to do was give her a freaking sweatshirt or something to cover up. It has absolutely nothing to do with getting anything from her at all.
Its called respect and caring and being, plus you had so many opportunities to to be caring. Seriously not that difficult to be a decent human being.
YTA. A girl in an uncomfortable and vulnerable position, trying to look out for her friend, asked you for an extremely small favor, a tiny act of human decency... and you refused because why?
It's honestly quite concerning that you would have so little empathy, your sister is right. This situation is not even about man & woman, it's just about being a kind person.
The ppl saying N-T-A also sound like assholes / incels hating on this girl for "dressing slutty".
EDIT: And I wanted to add, the way she asked you was EXTREMELY reasonable and polite. She didn't act entitled to your sweatpants or anything, she was very respectful. Man I feel so bad for this girl imagining how awkward that must have been. The fact you don't understand this situation makes me wonder if you are perhaps on the autism spectrum?
Absolutely YTA. Being a decent human being is not something hard to do. You had so many opportunities to be kind to another person. Wtf? Someone in my home needs such a small thing, I’d happily give it. I want to expand on my response. YTFA.
The sub is am I the AH and not am I legally bound to do this thing. No you aren’t required at gunpoint to give her clothes, but there isn’t a good reason to NOT give her something either, which makes you an AH. YTA.
YTA
You literally tried your best not to help someone in need who was looking out for her friend. You should take note of how she was treating her own friend.
Grow up and act like a gentleman, it really does not take much to be a decent human being
YTA - In the grand scheme of things, it was a pretty small ask that would have gone a long way. That doesn't absolve her of her poor decisions, like not having spare clothes in her car if she was the DD, but shit happens and she was trying to be a good friend. You are also not responsible for other adults and have every right to not give your things out, but again, small ask for big reward*.
*Reward being the general comfort of someone else who is in a very uncomfortable situation, not a personal one.
YTA totally. Like alright fine maybe you didn’t want to loan her a sweater (even though you clearly had a way of getting hold of her to get it back) but you couldn’t even give her a proper-sized blanket???
It sounds like you were either punishing her for dressing “slutty” for a party theme or wanted to ogle her. Both of these things make you an asshole
YTA. If someone asks you for help and you can provide it without putting yourself in a bad situation why wouldn’t you? I don’t think you needed to offer her your bed or anything, but a warm set of clothes would have been the bare minimum of human decency you could have offered. It doesn’t cost much to be kind.
YTA
How hard would it have been to find an actual blanket for her? Or since you actually see her at least twice a week, was it difficult to hand her a sweatshirt? Even one of your roommate's, since he was the reason she was there?
It seems you practically went out of your way to be an AH to someone that was trying to look out for her friend.
And I find it quite weird that you refer to her as a "girl I barely knew"when you see her multiple times a week.
You also come off as unusually angry that people would wear revealing clothing to a beach themed party.
Here's the thing, sometimes in life, we put in the tiniest amount of effort to help someone else, not because we're required to, but rather that, as a society, we recognize that we're all here together. And that while this time you're in a position to help someone, next time you may be the one needing help.
Seriously, you couldn't even find her a proper blanket, extra sheet, towel, robe, jacket, etc?
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Not sure where to begin with this. I guess last night one of the more popular frats on campus was having a “Christmas on the beach” themed party so all around the bar area were girls dressed in bikinis with vague Christmas themes.
My roommate is dating this total nut job named Sydney and as far as I knew they were broken up. Well at like 2am he bombs through the door with Sydney and her friend in tow, both dressed like “slutty elves” with way too much skin showing. My roommate and Sydney went to his room and still haven’t come out. I was playing Fortnite and the other girl said she was the designated driver and was stuck would she mind if she charged her phone and hung out until she knew what Sydney was doing. I said fine.
Maybe 15 minutes later she said something like “I know this is so weird for both of us but I’m not here by choice, I just don’t want to bail on my friend but sitting here with a guy I don’t really know in a bikini is weird and I’m cold. Do you have some sweats I can borrow? I see you every Monday and Wednesday and I promise I’ll give them back.”
I told her no I wasn’t comfortable with that. She asked if I at least had a blanket. I found one in my roommates spare room but it was really small and said I was sorry it’s the best I could do. She fell asleep on the couch and i went to bed.
My older sister came to pick me up for breakfast and she saw the girl sleeping on the couch and asked why a half naked girl is sleeping under a baby blanket. In the car I told her what happened and she basically got so mad at me saying I had about 30 opportunities to be a really decent guy and I blew it. She said it sounds like the girl was trying to do the right thing by her friend and I could have let her use sweats, I could have let her sleep in my bed while I took the couch, I could have said that she should go home and I’d drive Sydney home…but basically I was an asshole because I left an apparently nice girl in a vulnerable position and I didn’t even care.
She said that I need to grow up if I want to have friends and have some empathy if I ever want girls to like me. She has no idea if that girl was into me or not but I missed a great “practice round” of treating someone in a nice way that they may reciprocate.
AITA?
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YTA, how are you gonna complain about her having “way too much skin showing” then complain when she tried to cover up? You sound insatiable and unhappy.
YTA. You had an opportunity to do a small favor that would make a big difference for another person’s comfort, and you refused. That’s pretty much textbook asshole behavior. Frankly I don’t understand why you might think you weren’t?
YTA
You weren’t obligated to, but that doesn’t stop it from being kind of an asshole move. It really was a small gesture and I see no good reason NOT to offer her sweats.
YTA. Because mostly it seems like you were very put off by the idea of women wearing bikinis and showing "too much skin." So you punished her. We have sayings like "would give the shirt off his back for a stranger" but then there are people like you. Too busy judging the World to be a useful and meaningful part of it.
Edit- it's true we don't really owe anyone anything, but it's also true that there are times where doing nothing inherently makes you an asshole.
Both can be true. Owing someone or not owing someone does not explicitly make or not make someone the asshole. Context matters.
Your sister was talking to you about how to be a good person and help people when they need it. Bless her. I hope you really think about what it means to have empathy and to be a kind individual.
YTA for everyone saying she should have planned better. This most likely wasn't her plan. She was stuck in a situation cause she was the savety net for her friend and didn't want her to stuck there. So no, propably she didn't plan for beeing stuck at a strangers place that has the decency of a wet washglove.
At least some hoodie or a better planet or even a jacket would have been something.
I mean her friend she came with was probably the biggest es A there to not telling her to go home without her or not making her sit alone, half named with a basicly stranger.
YTA. What could possibly be the downside of giving her something to wear? She was a guest in your home and was cold and uncomfortable. Showing her that courtesy would have been a bare minimum of decent behavior.
Grow the fuck, YTA. Playing games are one thing but you could’ve been a better host and human being. Not saying you need to hit on the woman or or offer her a drink but damn.
YTA. this girl is half naked in an apartment with some rando and all she wants is a blanket or sweats to cover her half naked self? how does that make YOU uncomfortable? did you want her to sit there half naked for your enjoyment? get your head out of your behind and stop playing fortnite to be a decent human being. good luck, she’s about to drag you through the mud with all her friends. it doesn’t take much to be a decent human, bro.
YTA for all of the reasons your sister told you about, and then doubly so for not listening to her sage advice and instead coming on here looking to justify your behaviour.
Maybe when you grow up you'll look back on this as a turning point where you learned to show empathy and start the journey toward being a decent person.
YTA. Sounds like you were “slut shaming” her because she was a fearing a freakin’ COSTUME. You could’ve been a decent human being and actually been polite but you chose to be a dick about it because you were “uncomfortable”. That was a cop out excuse. Your sister’s right: you left her in a vulnerable position and showed that you have no respect for anyone.
YTA.
You stated several times just how skimpy these outfits were. She asked you and gave a very good and clear reason for her request- she was uncomfortable in such little clothing sitting in your living room.
She promised to return them, and you know her.
You could have been a decent human, but you grabbed her a blanket instead. Lol.
I’d be disappointed in my brothers or sons for this behavior.
YTA. Forget about practicing your lothario ways, giving her something to wear is just the decent human thing to do. Did you at least give that girl a blanket to use on the couch?
You didn't feel comfortable letting a girl borrow a jumper? It was more comfortable for you to leave a girl you didn't know, sit around half clothed after she expressed she was uncomfortable?
YTA dude. Wow. She wasn't demanding, she was polite, she was forced into an uncomfortable situation and literally asked for a little kindness. Who knows...your odd cold behavior could have cost you a new friendship or even more. Don't be shocked if this gets around.
Wow. Just wow. Did you miss the lesson on how to be a decent human being? YTA.
Let’s hope you never have to rely on someone else’s kindness in the future. Karma is a bitch with good aim.
Right? I find it really telling that he would search through the spare room and give her a baby blanket rather than get a blanket from his own room when he didn't find an appropriately sized blanket.
YTA because she was only there to be a good friend, she was polite and reasonable, she explained exactly when she would see you to return them. The day I refuse to make someone's life a little easier at no cost to myself "because I don't want to", just take me out back and shoot me.
YTA or at the minimum just not a nice person.
She sees you twice a week but you "barely know her". And does that make a difference? It doesn't, cause she didn't ask you how well you knew her she asked you for some common decency.
Such a subtle yet deeply unattractive way to treat another human.
Yeah YTA. She wasn’t trying to rip off your clothes and take advantage of you. She was asking for help. She obviously didn’t want to be there as much as you didn’t want her there. The kind thing to do was give her something to cover up with. Kudos for your sister calling out this behavior.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took is I did not allow a girl I barely know to borrow some sweats and a hoodie when she showed up at my house in a bikini after a frat party. I may be the asshole because I guess I left her in a vulnerable position.
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Yta give the girl some clothes or a real blanket ffs. I wouldn’t go so far as giving up your bed like some suggested but here’s a blanket and a pillow enjoy the couch
YTA man, let this be a learning experience. It's better to be a nice guy, you gain nothing from being a dick. You're also kinda cockblocking your roommate by giving the friend more of a reason to interrupt Sydney in an effort to leave early, because she was extra uncomfortable. Honestly dude, you sound Salty af.
So you were in your right not to offer her your clothes. The thought of someone else wearing my clothes makes my skin crawl, and that's absolutely a boundary you're within your rights to hold. But YTA for not at least giving her the blanket off your bed if there wasn't anything else. Just letting her suffer while trying to do the right thing for her, frankly, extremely selfish friend, was a pretty callous thing to do. Having a bit of compassion goes a long way. I feel so sorry for that poor girl. Your roommate and his girlfriend are assholes as well, and as much or more to blame than you. Pretty much everyone involved treated her like crap when she was trying to be there for her friend.
YTA she was really cold and all you could muster was a baby blanket. And she said she would give your clothes back if she could borrow them and you still declined.
YTA but thank you for asking about it and hopefully this will become an opportunity for growth.
Technically you owe this person nothing but you had a cold person in need in your home and refused them a small kindness when asked.
Your sister is right and doing kindnesses for others is how we get kindnesses back, this is why we live in communities and not alone on an ice float in the middle of the ocean.
I know it can be hard to open yourself up to others but it’s worth it I promise.
YTA
You could have easily found some old clothes you don't need or are easily replaced for the lassie to borrow/take, if that's not possible then I'm sure you could have easily found a spare bedsheet she could wrap around herself instead of a tiny blanket.
I know it's not your fault she was stranded at your house or dressed in that manner, but your sister is right in that you easily had several different choices in how to help that poor lassie but for some reason you did as little as possible.
YTA
Let me paraphrase this for you:
"AITA because my buddy came home with 2 girls who were dressed for a beach party, but I THOUGHT were dressed like sluts, took one to his bedroom, left their DD in the room with me, and i wouldn't help her out because i didn't like that she was dressed like a slut?"
YTA
Raised 3 boys now all in their 20s. If I, their dad, got wind of them behaving like that they would have gotten a severe tongue lashing and a smack upside the head. A gentleman never behaves like that.
YTA.
Your sister explained it pretty clearly. And it didn’t even be about getting girls to like you. You had an opportunity to help someone out with extremely low cost to yourself, and you chose not to. That’s sort of the definition of AH. It’s worth reflecting on whether that’s the person you want to be.
I was just listening to this story told by a guy who had a great lesson on generosity from his roommate. It’s a gorgeously told story, ~5 minutes, and I think would be helpful for you as you reflect. https://player.themoth.org/#/?actionType=ADD_AND_PLAY&storyId=11490
YTA 100%
I'm all about being accountable for your own situation, and that girl put herself in the situation without your help... but she was pretty much at your mercy and you showed none.
The fact that you prioritized your own discomfort of letting her borrow clothes (which like, why?) over her discomfort of being in a strange place alone and half naked… Not cool dude. YTA
YTA - she was polite and you were rude. She just wanted to cover up and all she got was a baby blanket. What a nice girl? She just took it and fell asleep and didn’t even complain. You’re awful!
Well, you could have given her some clothing. No idea why she should be sleeping in your bed and you on the couch. Next time call your sister and have the half-naked girl collected and put to sleep in her bed 😅.
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INFO So if she's the designated driver, did she not bring any clothes to change into or a hoodie in the trunk of the car? Or if she was really uncomfortable go home if it was clear her friend was spending the night?
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This situation can be summed up as “I was minding my own goddamn business at home when my AH roommate and two girls showed up. They ditched one of the girls with me and I was expected to cater to her.”
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Mild YTA
She shouldn’t be tori problem, but you could have banged on your roommates door and made them take care of their friend.
I wouldn’t have given my clothes away either, but I would have interrupted the roommate.
I have to say I wouldn't give my clothes to a stranger with a "promise" they would bring them back. I have loaned out things in the past, to strangers and people who my friends were friends with, and I never got my stuff back, even after asking a million times and making it easy to do so. I also wouldn't have given up my bed, or driven her home. I have been in her situation and would never have expected any of that from anyone. You have to learn to prepare for any scenario and take care of yourself, not expect others to do it for you. NTA
I will say NAH. Yes the OP demonstrated the complete lack of empathy, but missing the empathy does not make you automatically T.A.
However I believe that with this altitude the OP may have problems in getting laid.
NTA, but it appears I'm in the minority. They bring a stranger into the house, who chose to dress up incredibly scantily clad, she wasn't there for Op to meet. I mean it is weird that you don't have an extra blanket you could have given her to wrap up in, but op should not be responsible for any stranger that his roommate brings in the door. I would have knocked on roommate's door and said "hey your friend's cold and we don't have any blankets or clothes for her." Sounds like her friend and the roommate are the A.
NTA. It's your property and you weren't comfortable with lending it to a stranger.
That's that as far as I'm concerned.
Would it be nicer if you helped out? Yes.
Are you under any obligation to do so? No.
Nta, she decided to leave the house unprepared. Not your fault, nor are you her parents or someone you have to take care of. Just the way the world works. Sorry that alot of dumb redditors think it's the other way around.
NTA. Not being nice is not the same as being mean. It’s not being an AH. That being said, yeah you blew a chance to be nice and most the things your sister said. She went out to parties without a jacket or a change of clothes. She could have just went home while Sydney got her smash on.
Not sure how you left her in a vulnerable position. She’s sleeping on a couch. Her friend is hooking up with your roommate and no one else is there. Sounds safe.
people have forgotten that actions have consequences these days , NTA , she chose to do this shit , a whole grown women . i wouldve given her some clothes but i dont blame you for not doing that also youre sister just sounds like dumb
People have forgotten how to be decent human beings these days. This "every man for himself" mentality is what is wrong with our society. Like, did he have to give this girl a pair of sweats? No. Would doing it have made him a decent human? Absolutely. Was he a selfish prick for not giving this girl a cheap pair of sweats or even a T-shirt? Absolutely!
His sister sounds like someone who understands that sometimes helping people is the right thing to do.
NTA, she put herself in that situation. Also her friend dated your friend, so why would she not leave her there after them clearly not coming back out? It’s not like she left him with a stranger, they dated before! You don’t know her and she has a car, does she not know how to stand up for herself and say “let’s go or you’re staying here, I’m not being half naked in some house I don’t want to be in.”.
NTA it is not your responsibility to clothe every half naked elf that stumbles into your home. Also I don’t know about you but my sweat pants and hoodies are expensive and I’m not taking the word of someone I barely know to bring them back. It’s her responsibility to have clothes for herself, no foul…
NTA. You don't know this woman. She's a stranger to you. You got her a blanket and went to bed. Would your sister have offered sweats to some random dude who tagged along her roommate's boyfriend? Would she have offered her bed to some stranger dude? Blanket and couch for strangers crashing is a common courtesy.
She said he sees her twice a week, so not a stranger, he did know her. And he got her basically a baby blanket.. that's not much of a courtesy for an adult.
Wtf guys.
Everybody knows that if you loan out clothes, they may not be returned.
It's absolutely not on OP to provide adequate clothing to an adult who chose to go to a party in inadequate clothing. She could have brought a change of clothes and chose not to.
This in no way makes OP responsible for her choices, especially considering they were the friend of OP's roommate. Wtf kind of responsibility does OP have over people who are not even acquaintances?!
ETA since comments are locked:
I disagree. *As a poor girl who can't afford to lose one piece of clothing, especially to somebody who chose to buy a specific set of clothing for the holiday*
Even a friend may not realise that clothes should be returned, let alone a friend of a friend, except no it's the friend of the roommate's ex/off/on-gf. That's not a specifically trustworthy combination, though I wouldn't necessary trust any roommate's spouse right off the bat.
This person is a friend of a friend. They were in their house. It's not like this was some stranger on the street. This was a girl looking out for her friend. She was a good person. It's a sad indictment of OP's character to not even lend some old clothes to the girl.
NTA /NAH. I too would be highly uncomfortable with this as I don't want random people wearing my clothes. I keep the exact amount of blankets I need to sleep. To make storage space I use everything I own. I think my only spare thing is a spare bedsheet and a spare towel. If that.
>She said it sounds like the girl was trying to do the right thing by her friend and I could have let her use sweats, I could have let her sleep in my bed while I took the couch, I could have said that she should go home and I’d drive Sydney home…but basically I was an asshole because I left an apparently nice girl in a vulnerable position and I didn’t even care.
So why is it on you to inconvenience yourself due to her lack of planning? An emergency on her part is not an emergency on your part.
How was she left vulnerable in the house? Cold,sure but vulnerable? Uncomfortable, sure. Inconvenienced, sure. But none of that is on OP.
Swap the genders around. None would be against OP side telling her she would not need to give up her clothes for a guy who's friend was crashing over.
Could you have done something? Sure. Do you have to or it makes you AH? Nope.
Your sister and everyone else is infantasizing that woman. She's a grown woman. There were plenty of things DD could do. Hell she could have driven home and changed clothes or picked up a blanket and come back.
Coming from the perspective of someone who was a DD complying to girl code.
NTA - they are your clothes and you don’t know her well. SHE chose to go out like that and that’s fine. I don’t know why so many people think you’re the AH, but it’s literally not your place to extend hospitality to someone who’s not your guest. She could have grabbed her friend and went home or gone and changed and come back. She could have brought extra clothes in her car.
NTA
I’m gobsmacked at all the replies here. You’re not required to give someone your personal possessions, she chose that outfit. Reddit is so big on not being obligated to do anything yet here they are lambasting you for having boundaries.
NTA. Every single time I let someone “borrow” my clothes in college, I never got them back, even when I had classes with them and reminded them every time I saw them to bring them back. Then when they wouldn’t but I kept asking, I would end up looking like an asshole for “harassing” them over a t-shirt.
ETA: I also had guys “borrow” t-shirts from me just because they wanted to lie to other people and say it was a shacker shirt from us sleeping together when we never even had sex.
People on this sub are weird. Hes NTA for not giving his clothes to a stranger lmao. This is coming from someone who went thru the era of wearing little clothing in cold temps. Unless i was hooking up with the guy or he was my friend, id never expect a rando to give me his clothes lol
Meh, I’ll go NTA. She should have brought a jacket if she’s gonna leave the house in nothing but a bikini in the middle of winter. But everything your sister said is BS. Give her your bed? Why would you do that?
You are not obliged to help some random girl you’ve never met.
It's not my responsibility to hold the door for someone coming behind me but I'd still be an asshole if I let it slam in their face.
This sub is AM I THE ASSHOLE, not AM I LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE
Pedantic means "like a pedant," someone who's too concerned with literal accuracy or formality. It's a negative term that implies someone is showing off book learning or trivia, especially in a tiresome way.
Have a nice day 🥰
NAH, she was a stranger. The DD should’ve left for her place rather than stay over so her drunk friend can shack up with your roommate. Your sister is making things up to fit her own narrative.
That doesn't mean they know each other. I used to see two hundred people I recognized a few times a week and I knew three of them. Two hundred is pretty conservative. And they all recognized me because, at the time, my facial hair was distinct. Even if they recognize me, I don't know them.
They continue to be strangers if they've never talked. OP was told she said she saw him twice a week. OP didn't confirm that he was familiar with her. Didn't say he knew her name. Acted like he didn't know who she was. I have neighbors I've talked to fifteen times that are still strangers.
NTA, you don’t owe anyone anything, not alone you aren’t required to be nice to anyone.
That girl is not your responsibility, she was perfectly capable of going to find her friend and to arrange to get something from them or to make plans.
Yes you could have done more but you aren’t obligated too, you aren’t required to play the nice guy card trying to get with a scantily clad woman.
If anything it’s appreciated to hear a story where the guy isn’t trying to take advantage of a girl in need and is in fact indifferent.
That seems to be what’s really upset people in the comments. You were indifferent and they take that as being an AH. I bet those people don’t go out of there way to help anyone themselves.
Why is he not allowed to have limits what he is comfortable with?
He isn’t flaunting his sweats and blankets in front of her. He went and looked for something to help her.
When is she responsible for herself?
She's a guest in his home. She's not a stranger, she's someone he sees twice a week. Lending a sweatshirt is the bare minimum of decency in this situation and costs him nothing. "Not comfortable" lol, she's not asking him to keep her warm with his body.
She is not his guest.
She can definitely talk to her GF or the guy who actually brought her there. That’s a reasonable expectation.
What you’re suggesting is not. Stop pretending to be helpless.
If your roommate invites someone over and they ask you for a glass of water, you're just going to tell them, "fuck you, you're not my guest?" You don't have very many friends, do you?
This isn’t the was I obligated Reddit, this is was I the asshole. He had the opportunity to help someone in need with minimal effort or sacrifice required on his part and chose to let them suffer. That 100% makes him an asshole.
To suffer? You make it sound like she had no other options.
Was her friend there?
Was the guy who she was a guest of there?
Could she have left?
Apparently she had many options and chose to impose on someone who clearly did not want anything to do with her.
But she was a girl! Stop expecting her to have to make her own choices, it’s sexist tbh. This guy tbh should have left and slept outside so she would have been more comfortable
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YTA Your sister is 100% right. This young woman **told you what she needed and asked for your help** . what more do you need? Give her a #$% sweatshirt. And this isn't about getting a girl to like you, or thinking about reciprocity. It's about being a basic human being and treating someone with respect and care.
So true. This was about being a decent person. One of my friend’s mom’s said to us that if you ever want to know a man’s character, notice how he behaves with women who he is not interested in or a woman who he knows isn’t interested in him. That is who he is. OP YTA. Now you know that even in the best of times, you aren’t capable of being a decent human.
This right here. He probably blames the girl for her situation because she dressed like that in the first place. Getting incel vibes to be honest.
Nah you’re right, the “way too much skin” stuff was implicit but added anyways.
This has just triggered a forgotten memory! My friend hooked up with a girl in a ski resort (all from the same university). It had been fancy dress at the party but somehow he had ended up basically in just shorts at hers (I think he got hot in the club and lost his tee and the costume was this paper thin boiler suit that had basically dissolved?). She had a full box of free T-shirts which she was allowed to give to anyone (we were all on the committee and had the same kind of stuff - there would have been 0 issue with her giving him one). He asked to have one and she… refused. So my poor boy came home through a ski resort at like 5am in a pair of board shorts and trainers. I know a T-shirt wouldn’t have fully solved it but you’ve got to think someone is on a cruel power trip to not do that. I got mad at him and told him he should have called me and I would have brought him jeans and a coat over. Judged her SO hard. But I also think OP is a bit worse because that girl was basically trapped in her underwear with him whereas my friend could leave.
Ugh, she's just as bad as OP because she had free shirts that she could have just given a couple to your friend to layer up with.
Sweatshirt theft on campus is NOT a joke, Jim! Hundreds of people suffer every year! (But seriously OP, mega YTA. I hope your $5.99 Costco sweatshirt is worth it)
What was your basis for refusal? Did you interpret this as some sort of weird sexual advance? Or do you have limited clothes and worried she wouldn't return them? Just didn't care and wanted to get back to your game? Watching too much Tate content and this is some weird RP tactic/misogynistic view of a woman wearing an outfit you disapprove of? Have you never looked out for younger siblings? Never learned to share or sacrifice for another person or pet? Trying to understand your reasoning here. Because right now all it's giving is YTA. Elaborate?
YTA, you handled this very immaturely. You could’ve loaned her a pair of sweats for the night, or at the very least found her a proper blanket, or any of the other options your sister suggested. She is right that you are clearly lacking in empathy, and it will hurt your chances with girls.
YTA — you were more comfortable with having a half naked girl in your room (which she was clearly uncomfortable doing) rather than let her wear a tshirt and sweats to cover up, be warm, and *not be half naked in front of you*. She was doing the right thing for her friend and you know you would’ve gotten the clothes back. Why was her being half naked the preferable choice to letting her wear your clothes?
I think you're answering your own question here. OP is clearly TA, in more ways than one.
YTA - first because she’s not asking for a kidney, she was asking for two articles of clothing she said she would return to you. Good on her for being there for her friend. Maybe it’s an uncomfortable situation for you but being a decent human being isn’t. Second for calling these women “slutty” when they are college girls trying to have fun. I doubt this girl was into you but that doesn’t mean you leave someone shivering on a coach.
Legit he calls her a slut and when she tries to cover up he's like lmao Nah. Like pick a lane Jesus Christ
Based on how you talk about these women , yes YTA. Your sister is right,you had every chance to be a decent human being but you chose to be an ass and for no reason at all other than to what? Prove her that her choice of clothing was wrong or something? She was extremely respectful of you , the least you could’ve done is find a bigger blanket and not just the first thing you saw. Something tells me you call yourself a nice guy and then complain that women just don’t understand you and always go for the “bad guys”.
>Do you have some sweats I can borrow? >I told her no I wasn’t comfortable with that. INFO: why not? She explained her situation, and it sounded awful and emberassing for them having to ask that. Allowing them to borrow a pair of sweats is one of the easiest, low effort, simplest things anyone could have done or been asked for. Do you refuse to pass food at the dinner table because that'd also be asking too much of you? Do you have an incurable contageous skin condition that is immediately transferred if someone wears your clothes for even 60 seconds? *If not*, then yeah man you were a major fucking asshole.
YTA. You could have helped her out. This whole post reads like you opted to be a dick because you didn't like that she was wearing a revealing costume.
Yeah this stuck out. No real rationale for why he was “uncomfortable” with lending sweats. Almost like he just wanted to punish her showing “way too much skin”.
Yes! I read the slut shaming in this immediately.
Or he really liked her wearing a revealing costume.
Why not both? Madonna/whore shit is common with guys like this.
Yes YTA. You could have offered her some clothes or a proper blanket. There were so many opportunities to be a decent human being but I guess this is why you were home playing fortnite instead of out being social with other people
YTA. Reddit feels very strongly about the "nobody owes anybody anything" thing and yet the feedback here is overwhelmingly YTA. That should really tell you something.
Dude. Really? You have to ask? YTA It was a hoodie and sweats! Now you will be known by her, her friends, their friends' friends, and even your sister as a jerk who wouldn't help a girl be comfortable. Your sister is right. You need to grow up and become a man. What you did was childish. GROW UP!
YTA, your sister was absolutely right. You had every opportunity to do the right thing...and didn't. Sweats and a hoodie, or even a t-shirt, wouldn't have inconvenienced you, and you might have even made a friend. Time to grow up.
YTA you see this girl at college during the week and since she's the designated driver, she seems responsible. Lending her some clothes was not risky at all, but if you feared losing those clothes, didn't you have ANY old t shirt you could lend her? One that even if she didn't return you could live without? I find that hard to believe. Then you just give her a baby blanket to sleep on a couch, why couldn't you give her a full blanket? Would you go cold during the night if you didn't have a full blanket on your bed so you let her to freeze? I get that she's not your responsibility at all, but I hope the strangers in your future treat you with more kindness than you had for this girl, to show you how a real human should act
YTA - why didn’t you just give them to her? she was cold and asked very politely. it’s called getting over yourself and having some empathy. god people really write these stories out and clearly think they AREN’T the asshole 🙄 left a cold half naked woman on the couch, great job!
YTA. If I were that girl, you bet I'd be warning other girls on campus that you aren't the type to look out for others. Basic human kindness is helping the girl out in one of the dozens of way you could have and chose not to, including when she asked.
INFO: did you have another blanket she could borrow? Did you have extra, clean sweats? It kind of sounds like you might be the stereotypical “broke college kid” or living in a dorm where you just don’t have a lot of spare things to offer, in which case I’m more sympathetic. Let’s not forget the true asshole here, and that’s Sydney, who made her friend come with her to her drunken hook up. Who had little respect for her DD and friend trying to look out for her. Apparently didn’t make sure her bf/ex/hookup offered her friend a sweat shirt or even checked on her. If I were the friend I would’ve left after 20 min or so, not slept on the sofa. Hell, I would’ve told her her options are to be *dropped off* with the ex or dropped off at home, I’m not waiting to begin with. She was a good friend.
your sister is correct YTA here Its called a decent human being, she told you what she needed. All you had to do was give her a freaking sweatshirt or something to cover up. It has absolutely nothing to do with getting anything from her at all. Its called respect and caring and being, plus you had so many opportunities to to be caring. Seriously not that difficult to be a decent human being.
YTA. A girl in an uncomfortable and vulnerable position, trying to look out for her friend, asked you for an extremely small favor, a tiny act of human decency... and you refused because why? It's honestly quite concerning that you would have so little empathy, your sister is right. This situation is not even about man & woman, it's just about being a kind person. The ppl saying N-T-A also sound like assholes / incels hating on this girl for "dressing slutty". EDIT: And I wanted to add, the way she asked you was EXTREMELY reasonable and polite. She didn't act entitled to your sweatpants or anything, she was very respectful. Man I feel so bad for this girl imagining how awkward that must have been. The fact you don't understand this situation makes me wonder if you are perhaps on the autism spectrum?
Absolutely YTA. Being a decent human being is not something hard to do. You had so many opportunities to be kind to another person. Wtf? Someone in my home needs such a small thing, I’d happily give it. I want to expand on my response. YTFA.
The sub is am I the AH and not am I legally bound to do this thing. No you aren’t required at gunpoint to give her clothes, but there isn’t a good reason to NOT give her something either, which makes you an AH. YTA.
YTA You literally tried your best not to help someone in need who was looking out for her friend. You should take note of how she was treating her own friend. Grow up and act like a gentleman, it really does not take much to be a decent human being
YTA - In the grand scheme of things, it was a pretty small ask that would have gone a long way. That doesn't absolve her of her poor decisions, like not having spare clothes in her car if she was the DD, but shit happens and she was trying to be a good friend. You are also not responsible for other adults and have every right to not give your things out, but again, small ask for big reward*. *Reward being the general comfort of someone else who is in a very uncomfortable situation, not a personal one.
YTA totally. Like alright fine maybe you didn’t want to loan her a sweater (even though you clearly had a way of getting hold of her to get it back) but you couldn’t even give her a proper-sized blanket??? It sounds like you were either punishing her for dressing “slutty” for a party theme or wanted to ogle her. Both of these things make you an asshole
Yes, of course YTA! You should’ve just given her some sweats.
YTA. If someone asks you for help and you can provide it without putting yourself in a bad situation why wouldn’t you? I don’t think you needed to offer her your bed or anything, but a warm set of clothes would have been the bare minimum of human decency you could have offered. It doesn’t cost much to be kind.
i don't understand how you think you could possibly not be the asshole in this scenario.
YTA How hard would it have been to find an actual blanket for her? Or since you actually see her at least twice a week, was it difficult to hand her a sweatshirt? Even one of your roommate's, since he was the reason she was there? It seems you practically went out of your way to be an AH to someone that was trying to look out for her friend. And I find it quite weird that you refer to her as a "girl I barely knew"when you see her multiple times a week. You also come off as unusually angry that people would wear revealing clothing to a beach themed party. Here's the thing, sometimes in life, we put in the tiniest amount of effort to help someone else, not because we're required to, but rather that, as a society, we recognize that we're all here together. And that while this time you're in a position to help someone, next time you may be the one needing help. Seriously, you couldn't even find her a proper blanket, extra sheet, towel, robe, jacket, etc?
OP Next week: A lot of my classmates are looking at me like I have the plague. Do you think I’m being paranoid? YTA
YTA, why would you not treat another human with a bit of dignity? The poor girl said she felt uncomfortable and you didn’t help?! Grow up.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Not sure where to begin with this. I guess last night one of the more popular frats on campus was having a “Christmas on the beach” themed party so all around the bar area were girls dressed in bikinis with vague Christmas themes. My roommate is dating this total nut job named Sydney and as far as I knew they were broken up. Well at like 2am he bombs through the door with Sydney and her friend in tow, both dressed like “slutty elves” with way too much skin showing. My roommate and Sydney went to his room and still haven’t come out. I was playing Fortnite and the other girl said she was the designated driver and was stuck would she mind if she charged her phone and hung out until she knew what Sydney was doing. I said fine. Maybe 15 minutes later she said something like “I know this is so weird for both of us but I’m not here by choice, I just don’t want to bail on my friend but sitting here with a guy I don’t really know in a bikini is weird and I’m cold. Do you have some sweats I can borrow? I see you every Monday and Wednesday and I promise I’ll give them back.” I told her no I wasn’t comfortable with that. She asked if I at least had a blanket. I found one in my roommates spare room but it was really small and said I was sorry it’s the best I could do. She fell asleep on the couch and i went to bed. My older sister came to pick me up for breakfast and she saw the girl sleeping on the couch and asked why a half naked girl is sleeping under a baby blanket. In the car I told her what happened and she basically got so mad at me saying I had about 30 opportunities to be a really decent guy and I blew it. She said it sounds like the girl was trying to do the right thing by her friend and I could have let her use sweats, I could have let her sleep in my bed while I took the couch, I could have said that she should go home and I’d drive Sydney home…but basically I was an asshole because I left an apparently nice girl in a vulnerable position and I didn’t even care. She said that I need to grow up if I want to have friends and have some empathy if I ever want girls to like me. She has no idea if that girl was into me or not but I missed a great “practice round” of treating someone in a nice way that they may reciprocate. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, how are you gonna complain about her having “way too much skin showing” then complain when she tried to cover up? You sound insatiable and unhappy.
YTA quit watching Tate and grow up.
Yes I agree with your sister. It was a very minor request. Are you obligated? No but any decent person would have given her something. You’re an AH.
YTA. You had an opportunity to do a small favor that would make a big difference for another person’s comfort, and you refused. That’s pretty much textbook asshole behavior. Frankly I don’t understand why you might think you weren’t?
YTA. Is someone only worth your kindness when you want to fuck them?
Yta. Be more hospitable next time. It costs you nothing to lend a sweatshirt.
Wtf, show some empathy. YTA. Poor girl
YTA in so many levels. Sister is correct time to grow up to a descent human being.
quiet cows summer scandalous zonked grandfather ossified sparkle vegetable tap ` this post was mass deleted with www.Redact.dev `
YTA. Boo this man. Boooo.
YTA You weren’t obligated to, but that doesn’t stop it from being kind of an asshole move. It really was a small gesture and I see no good reason NOT to offer her sweats.
YTA. Because mostly it seems like you were very put off by the idea of women wearing bikinis and showing "too much skin." So you punished her. We have sayings like "would give the shirt off his back for a stranger" but then there are people like you. Too busy judging the World to be a useful and meaningful part of it. Edit- it's true we don't really owe anyone anything, but it's also true that there are times where doing nothing inherently makes you an asshole. Both can be true. Owing someone or not owing someone does not explicitly make or not make someone the asshole. Context matters.
Your sister was talking to you about how to be a good person and help people when they need it. Bless her. I hope you really think about what it means to have empathy and to be a kind individual.
Yta
YTA - why wouldn’t you her something to sleep in?
YTA for... all of those reasons you listed.
YTA for everyone saying she should have planned better. This most likely wasn't her plan. She was stuck in a situation cause she was the savety net for her friend and didn't want her to stuck there. So no, propably she didn't plan for beeing stuck at a strangers place that has the decency of a wet washglove. At least some hoodie or a better planet or even a jacket would have been something. I mean her friend she came with was probably the biggest es A there to not telling her to go home without her or not making her sit alone, half named with a basicly stranger.
You’re terrible with women
YTA You had a chance to be a good person, and you chose not to.
YTA. Gross.
YTA Everything your sister said is spot on. If I could upvote your sister I would.
YTA. What could possibly be the downside of giving her something to wear? She was a guest in your home and was cold and uncomfortable. Showing her that courtesy would have been a bare minimum of decent behavior.
Yes, YTA big time. Stop slutshaming people. And yes, your sister is right. You had 30 opportunities to be a decent guy and you blew them all. Grow up
Grow the fuck, YTA. Playing games are one thing but you could’ve been a better host and human being. Not saying you need to hit on the woman or or offer her a drink but damn.
YTA. this girl is half naked in an apartment with some rando and all she wants is a blanket or sweats to cover her half naked self? how does that make YOU uncomfortable? did you want her to sit there half naked for your enjoyment? get your head out of your behind and stop playing fortnite to be a decent human being. good luck, she’s about to drag you through the mud with all her friends. it doesn’t take much to be a decent human, bro.
YTA for all of the reasons your sister told you about, and then doubly so for not listening to her sage advice and instead coming on here looking to justify your behaviour. Maybe when you grow up you'll look back on this as a turning point where you learned to show empathy and start the journey toward being a decent person.
YTA. Sounds like you were “slut shaming” her because she was a fearing a freakin’ COSTUME. You could’ve been a decent human being and actually been polite but you chose to be a dick about it because you were “uncomfortable”. That was a cop out excuse. Your sister’s right: you left her in a vulnerable position and showed that you have no respect for anyone.
YTA. You stated several times just how skimpy these outfits were. She asked you and gave a very good and clear reason for her request- she was uncomfortable in such little clothing sitting in your living room. She promised to return them, and you know her. You could have been a decent human, but you grabbed her a blanket instead. Lol. I’d be disappointed in my brothers or sons for this behavior.
YTA but a negligent one. Your sister is right too. You had the chance to be a good human. Don’t do it again.
YTA. Forget about practicing your lothario ways, giving her something to wear is just the decent human thing to do. Did you at least give that girl a blanket to use on the couch?
According to his post, he gave her a blanket the size of a baby blanket.
yta completely giving her a tiny blanket??
You didn't feel comfortable letting a girl borrow a jumper? It was more comfortable for you to leave a girl you didn't know, sit around half clothed after she expressed she was uncomfortable?
YTA dude. Wow. She wasn't demanding, she was polite, she was forced into an uncomfortable situation and literally asked for a little kindness. Who knows...your odd cold behavior could have cost you a new friendship or even more. Don't be shocked if this gets around.
Wow. Just wow. Did you miss the lesson on how to be a decent human being? YTA. Let’s hope you never have to rely on someone else’s kindness in the future. Karma is a bitch with good aim.
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Right? I find it really telling that he would search through the spare room and give her a baby blanket rather than get a blanket from his own room when he didn't find an appropriately sized blanket.
YTA because she was only there to be a good friend, she was polite and reasonable, she explained exactly when she would see you to return them. The day I refuse to make someone's life a little easier at no cost to myself "because I don't want to", just take me out back and shoot me.
Yes yta. You can spare an old tshirt or sweatshirt. Difference between being a boy and a gentleman.
YTA or at the minimum just not a nice person. She sees you twice a week but you "barely know her". And does that make a difference? It doesn't, cause she didn't ask you how well you knew her she asked you for some common decency. Such a subtle yet deeply unattractive way to treat another human.
Wow, your sister is a class act. Also the "why is there a half naked girl sleeping under a blanket" made me lol. YTA, be better Dude.
Yeah YTA. She wasn’t trying to rip off your clothes and take advantage of you. She was asking for help. She obviously didn’t want to be there as much as you didn’t want her there. The kind thing to do was give her something to cover up with. Kudos for your sister calling out this behavior.
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Yta give the girl some clothes or a real blanket ffs. I wouldn’t go so far as giving up your bed like some suggested but here’s a blanket and a pillow enjoy the couch
YTA man, let this be a learning experience. It's better to be a nice guy, you gain nothing from being a dick. You're also kinda cockblocking your roommate by giving the friend more of a reason to interrupt Sydney in an effort to leave early, because she was extra uncomfortable. Honestly dude, you sound Salty af.
Yup, YTA.
So you were in your right not to offer her your clothes. The thought of someone else wearing my clothes makes my skin crawl, and that's absolutely a boundary you're within your rights to hold. But YTA for not at least giving her the blanket off your bed if there wasn't anything else. Just letting her suffer while trying to do the right thing for her, frankly, extremely selfish friend, was a pretty callous thing to do. Having a bit of compassion goes a long way. I feel so sorry for that poor girl. Your roommate and his girlfriend are assholes as well, and as much or more to blame than you. Pretty much everyone involved treated her like crap when she was trying to be there for her friend.
YTA she was really cold and all you could muster was a baby blanket. And she said she would give your clothes back if she could borrow them and you still declined.
YTA but thank you for asking about it and hopefully this will become an opportunity for growth. Technically you owe this person nothing but you had a cold person in need in your home and refused them a small kindness when asked. Your sister is right and doing kindnesses for others is how we get kindnesses back, this is why we live in communities and not alone on an ice float in the middle of the ocean. I know it can be hard to open yourself up to others but it’s worth it I promise.
You totally suck
YTA You could have easily found some old clothes you don't need or are easily replaced for the lassie to borrow/take, if that's not possible then I'm sure you could have easily found a spare bedsheet she could wrap around herself instead of a tiny blanket. I know it's not your fault she was stranded at your house or dressed in that manner, but your sister is right in that you easily had several different choices in how to help that poor lassie but for some reason you did as little as possible.
YTA your sister was right. You were selfish for zero reason with a woman who felt exposed to a relative stranger. Be better
YTA
YTA Let me paraphrase this for you: "AITA because my buddy came home with 2 girls who were dressed for a beach party, but I THOUGHT were dressed like sluts, took one to his bedroom, left their DD in the room with me, and i wouldn't help her out because i didn't like that she was dressed like a slut?"
YTA Raised 3 boys now all in their 20s. If I, their dad, got wind of them behaving like that they would have gotten a severe tongue lashing and a smack upside the head. A gentleman never behaves like that.
Yta. You clearly know how to contact her if she left with it and you gave her a napkin when she said she feels weird being in a bikini at your house.
YTA
Having to ask after that if your TA makes you 1000 times a bigger TA. You suck dude
YTA another person on here mad their roommates/friends have a social/sex life must be a day that ends in y
YTA. Bare minimum would have been a decent warm blanket. Show a little kindness.
YTA. Your sister explained it pretty clearly. And it didn’t even be about getting girls to like you. You had an opportunity to help someone out with extremely low cost to yourself, and you chose not to. That’s sort of the definition of AH. It’s worth reflecting on whether that’s the person you want to be. I was just listening to this story told by a guy who had a great lesson on generosity from his roommate. It’s a gorgeously told story, ~5 minutes, and I think would be helpful for you as you reflect. https://player.themoth.org/#/?actionType=ADD_AND_PLAY&storyId=11490
YTA, geez dude. Huge AH
YTA and it sounds like you just hate hot women cause they’re not into you.
YTA 100% I'm all about being accountable for your own situation, and that girl put herself in the situation without your help... but she was pretty much at your mercy and you showed none.
YTA. Like offer her a hoodie or blanket... Basically everything the comments have said.
The fact that you prioritized your own discomfort of letting her borrow clothes (which like, why?) over her discomfort of being in a strange place alone and half naked… Not cool dude. YTA
YTA - she was polite and you were rude. She just wanted to cover up and all she got was a baby blanket. What a nice girl? She just took it and fell asleep and didn’t even complain. You’re awful!
Well, you could have given her some clothing. No idea why she should be sleeping in your bed and you on the couch. Next time call your sister and have the half-naked girl collected and put to sleep in her bed 😅.
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INFO So if she's the designated driver, did she not bring any clothes to change into or a hoodie in the trunk of the car? Or if she was really uncomfortable go home if it was clear her friend was spending the night?
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This situation can be summed up as “I was minding my own goddamn business at home when my AH roommate and two girls showed up. They ditched one of the girls with me and I was expected to cater to her.”
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out of curiosity are you apathy?
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You don’t remember that time either, you weren’t alive when those things happened. 😂😂😂
Mild YTA She shouldn’t be tori problem, but you could have banged on your roommates door and made them take care of their friend. I wouldn’t have given my clothes away either, but I would have interrupted the roommate.
I have to say I wouldn't give my clothes to a stranger with a "promise" they would bring them back. I have loaned out things in the past, to strangers and people who my friends were friends with, and I never got my stuff back, even after asking a million times and making it easy to do so. I also wouldn't have given up my bed, or driven her home. I have been in her situation and would never have expected any of that from anyone. You have to learn to prepare for any scenario and take care of yourself, not expect others to do it for you. NTA
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I will say NAH. Yes the OP demonstrated the complete lack of empathy, but missing the empathy does not make you automatically T.A. However I believe that with this altitude the OP may have problems in getting laid.
NTA, but it appears I'm in the minority. They bring a stranger into the house, who chose to dress up incredibly scantily clad, she wasn't there for Op to meet. I mean it is weird that you don't have an extra blanket you could have given her to wrap up in, but op should not be responsible for any stranger that his roommate brings in the door. I would have knocked on roommate's door and said "hey your friend's cold and we don't have any blankets or clothes for her." Sounds like her friend and the roommate are the A.
NTA
NTA. You didn’t owe her shit.
NTA. It's your property and you weren't comfortable with lending it to a stranger. That's that as far as I'm concerned. Would it be nicer if you helped out? Yes. Are you under any obligation to do so? No.
NTA If she's designated driver she should have had a change of clothes in her car. Not your problem
NAH but your sister
Nta, she decided to leave the house unprepared. Not your fault, nor are you her parents or someone you have to take care of. Just the way the world works. Sorry that alot of dumb redditors think it's the other way around.
NTA, it’s not nice, but its not your fault she dressed like that and has shitty friends.
NTA. Not being nice is not the same as being mean. It’s not being an AH. That being said, yeah you blew a chance to be nice and most the things your sister said. She went out to parties without a jacket or a change of clothes. She could have just went home while Sydney got her smash on. Not sure how you left her in a vulnerable position. She’s sleeping on a couch. Her friend is hooking up with your roommate and no one else is there. Sounds safe.
people have forgotten that actions have consequences these days , NTA , she chose to do this shit , a whole grown women . i wouldve given her some clothes but i dont blame you for not doing that also youre sister just sounds like dumb
People have forgotten how to be decent human beings these days. This "every man for himself" mentality is what is wrong with our society. Like, did he have to give this girl a pair of sweats? No. Would doing it have made him a decent human? Absolutely. Was he a selfish prick for not giving this girl a cheap pair of sweats or even a T-shirt? Absolutely! His sister sounds like someone who understands that sometimes helping people is the right thing to do.
NTA if genders were reversed this wouldn’t even be a question
NTA, she put herself in that situation. Also her friend dated your friend, so why would she not leave her there after them clearly not coming back out? It’s not like she left him with a stranger, they dated before! You don’t know her and she has a car, does she not know how to stand up for herself and say “let’s go or you’re staying here, I’m not being half naked in some house I don’t want to be in.”.
NTA it is not your responsibility to clothe every half naked elf that stumbles into your home. Also I don’t know about you but my sweat pants and hoodies are expensive and I’m not taking the word of someone I barely know to bring them back. It’s her responsibility to have clothes for herself, no foul…
NTA. You don't know this woman. She's a stranger to you. You got her a blanket and went to bed. Would your sister have offered sweats to some random dude who tagged along her roommate's boyfriend? Would she have offered her bed to some stranger dude? Blanket and couch for strangers crashing is a common courtesy.
She said he sees her twice a week, so not a stranger, he did know her. And he got her basically a baby blanket.. that's not much of a courtesy for an adult.
Wtf guys. Everybody knows that if you loan out clothes, they may not be returned. It's absolutely not on OP to provide adequate clothing to an adult who chose to go to a party in inadequate clothing. She could have brought a change of clothes and chose not to. This in no way makes OP responsible for her choices, especially considering they were the friend of OP's roommate. Wtf kind of responsibility does OP have over people who are not even acquaintances?! ETA since comments are locked: I disagree. *As a poor girl who can't afford to lose one piece of clothing, especially to somebody who chose to buy a specific set of clothing for the holiday* Even a friend may not realise that clothes should be returned, let alone a friend of a friend, except no it's the friend of the roommate's ex/off/on-gf. That's not a specifically trustworthy combination, though I wouldn't necessary trust any roommate's spouse right off the bat.
This person is a friend of a friend. They were in their house. It's not like this was some stranger on the street. This was a girl looking out for her friend. She was a good person. It's a sad indictment of OP's character to not even lend some old clothes to the girl.
NTA /NAH. I too would be highly uncomfortable with this as I don't want random people wearing my clothes. I keep the exact amount of blankets I need to sleep. To make storage space I use everything I own. I think my only spare thing is a spare bedsheet and a spare towel. If that. >She said it sounds like the girl was trying to do the right thing by her friend and I could have let her use sweats, I could have let her sleep in my bed while I took the couch, I could have said that she should go home and I’d drive Sydney home…but basically I was an asshole because I left an apparently nice girl in a vulnerable position and I didn’t even care. So why is it on you to inconvenience yourself due to her lack of planning? An emergency on her part is not an emergency on your part. How was she left vulnerable in the house? Cold,sure but vulnerable? Uncomfortable, sure. Inconvenienced, sure. But none of that is on OP. Swap the genders around. None would be against OP side telling her she would not need to give up her clothes for a guy who's friend was crashing over. Could you have done something? Sure. Do you have to or it makes you AH? Nope. Your sister and everyone else is infantasizing that woman. She's a grown woman. There were plenty of things DD could do. Hell she could have driven home and changed clothes or picked up a blanket and come back. Coming from the perspective of someone who was a DD complying to girl code.
NTA - they are your clothes and you don’t know her well. SHE chose to go out like that and that’s fine. I don’t know why so many people think you’re the AH, but it’s literally not your place to extend hospitality to someone who’s not your guest. She could have grabbed her friend and went home or gone and changed and come back. She could have brought extra clothes in her car.
YTA. You probably could've got some if you played your cards right, you fucking oaf.
NTA I’m gobsmacked at all the replies here. You’re not required to give someone your personal possessions, she chose that outfit. Reddit is so big on not being obligated to do anything yet here they are lambasting you for having boundaries.
NTA she chooses to dress like this she can ask her friend's boyfriend for sweat pants.
NTA. Every single time I let someone “borrow” my clothes in college, I never got them back, even when I had classes with them and reminded them every time I saw them to bring them back. Then when they wouldn’t but I kept asking, I would end up looking like an asshole for “harassing” them over a t-shirt. ETA: I also had guys “borrow” t-shirts from me just because they wanted to lie to other people and say it was a shacker shirt from us sleeping together when we never even had sex.
People on this sub are weird. Hes NTA for not giving his clothes to a stranger lmao. This is coming from someone who went thru the era of wearing little clothing in cold temps. Unless i was hooking up with the guy or he was my friend, id never expect a rando to give me his clothes lol
NTA alutty else might have slutty body lice. But you could have offered to cuddle with her for warmth. And investigate if she had body lice.
Meh, I’ll go NTA. She should have brought a jacket if she’s gonna leave the house in nothing but a bikini in the middle of winter. But everything your sister said is BS. Give her your bed? Why would you do that? You are not obliged to help some random girl you’ve never met.
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It's not my responsibility to hold the door for someone coming behind me but I'd still be an asshole if I let it slam in their face. This sub is AM I THE ASSHOLE, not AM I LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE
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That's not what pedantic means. Don't be a hypocrite.
Pedantic means "like a pedant," someone who's too concerned with literal accuracy or formality. It's a negative term that implies someone is showing off book learning or trivia, especially in a tiresome way. Have a nice day 🥰
The basic purpose of the sub isn't pedantry. Hope that helps.
Not your responsibility doesn't mean OP is not TA. This isn't Is It My Responsibility?
NAH, she was a stranger. The DD should’ve left for her place rather than stay over so her drunk friend can shack up with your roommate. Your sister is making things up to fit her own narrative.
> she was a stranger She sees OP twice a week.
That doesn't mean they know each other. I used to see two hundred people I recognized a few times a week and I knew three of them. Two hundred is pretty conservative. And they all recognized me because, at the time, my facial hair was distinct. Even if they recognize me, I don't know them.
She's not a stranger if they see each other on a regular basis.
They continue to be strangers if they've never talked. OP was told she said she saw him twice a week. OP didn't confirm that he was familiar with her. Didn't say he knew her name. Acted like he didn't know who she was. I have neighbors I've talked to fifteen times that are still strangers.
She was not a stranger. She was an acquaintance. OP is an asshole for being inhospitable for no good reason.
NTA, you don’t owe anyone anything, not alone you aren’t required to be nice to anyone. That girl is not your responsibility, she was perfectly capable of going to find her friend and to arrange to get something from them or to make plans. Yes you could have done more but you aren’t obligated too, you aren’t required to play the nice guy card trying to get with a scantily clad woman. If anything it’s appreciated to hear a story where the guy isn’t trying to take advantage of a girl in need and is in fact indifferent. That seems to be what’s really upset people in the comments. You were indifferent and they take that as being an AH. I bet those people don’t go out of there way to help anyone themselves.
"not owing" anything isn't the same as not being an asshole.
Why is he not allowed to have limits what he is comfortable with? He isn’t flaunting his sweats and blankets in front of her. He went and looked for something to help her. When is she responsible for herself?
She's a guest in his home. She's not a stranger, she's someone he sees twice a week. Lending a sweatshirt is the bare minimum of decency in this situation and costs him nothing. "Not comfortable" lol, she's not asking him to keep her warm with his body.
She is not his guest. She can definitely talk to her GF or the guy who actually brought her there. That’s a reasonable expectation. What you’re suggesting is not. Stop pretending to be helpless.
She is a guest in his home. He's an asshole with no basic decency.
Not his guest.
If your roommate invites someone over and they ask you for a glass of water, you're just going to tell them, "fuck you, you're not my guest?" You don't have very many friends, do you?
This isn’t the was I obligated Reddit, this is was I the asshole. He had the opportunity to help someone in need with minimal effort or sacrifice required on his part and chose to let them suffer. That 100% makes him an asshole.
To suffer? You make it sound like she had no other options. Was her friend there? Was the guy who she was a guest of there? Could she have left? Apparently she had many options and chose to impose on someone who clearly did not want anything to do with her.
But she was a girl! Stop expecting her to have to make her own choices, it’s sexist tbh. This guy tbh should have left and slept outside so she would have been more comfortable
You’re right. He could have at least offered to leave.
NTA.