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He made her tell his friends he wasn't attending the sports thing because of her birthday....that's a no from me ! You use your big boy words, I'm not doing it for you.
That way she becomes the bad guy and the Controlling Girlfriend who won’t let him go play with the boys while he stays people pleasing. Classic passive/childish AH move right there.
An adult would just text his friends ‘hey it’s my gf’s birthday that night, can’t make it sorry’ and there would be zero problems with that very reasonable response. But instead he deliberately created a situation where he could be martyr and she the villain, over her *birthday*.
This dude’s vibe is pathetic, OP could do better by picking up a rock on the ground and writing Happy Birthday To Me on it instead.
>That way she becomes the bad guy and the Controlling Girlfriend
Yup, 💯 ... I said something similar in another reply.
The boyfriend and his buddies are definitely ' joking around ' about her being a controlling so and so.
My husband can be like this sometimes - not all the time - nor would he ditch my birthday, but we have had issues where he wants to stay out super late and then is hungover the next day when we have something planned, or we’re doing a trip with his family and all the other couples go do stuff together for a couple hours and he’s like nah I want to hang out with my cousin (or sometimes his mom).
It gets exhausting when you feel like last priority. Don’t get me wrong, he does do nice things for me, but we have had several conversations about how I’m the down time person and he turns on when we see friends. It’s not great. NTA.
As one of them, for me saying NO is the ultimate form of trust. My family, S/O and best friends are the only people I'm comfortable dissappointing. I know they love me and so I don't have to chase their approval.
Before you downvote me though I'm not playing devil's advocate here just explaining my process. I'm going to therapy to fix that.
Why do you think strangers deserve more effort and respect than the people you love and care about? I’m just curious why is hurting them better than hurting a stranger who means nothing to you? I’m just genuinely curious.
Not to take the words out of OC’s mouth but as someone who used to prioritize work over personal stuff, it’s not so much as we think “strangers” deserve more respect, but it’s definitely a misguided sense of “these people closer to me will understand better if I mess up.”
It’s the twisted cousin of how you can be in your pjs and no make up with the person you love (i.e. no effort) and know they still think you’re hot. Hurting them is a blindspot in this train of thought.
May I add though, I do not think this is the case for OP’s boyfriend. There’s a bit of it at play maybe, but OP made herself very clear several times already AND his reaction when OP decided to go ahead and enjoy without him was a red flag. Instead of realizing he effed up so much his gf went on without him (which he seems to do a lot btw!), he puts the blame on her, AGAIN.
It's always the people pleasers, letting down people they know already love them because they know it's OK to take them for granted, then serving the world on a platter to chase approval from those who don't.
And someone who blames you no matter what? Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
Also how active is his social life that he always has plans on your birthday every year???
NTA. He has shown you who he is. That’s a valuable birthday gift.
He has even told you, by complaining that he would have come to your birthday event if he’d known it would be fun.
You have communicated your wishes clearly, he knows you care about this very much, but he cares a lot more about himself than your happiness.
Your solution was perfect. His selfish objection further emphasizes that he’s unworthy of you.
A decent boyfriend: “It’s my job to help plan something fun for my girlfriend’s birthday, or at the very least to talk to her about the plans she’s making.”
OP’s boyfriend: “It never occurred to me that when I completely ignored your birthday, you would plan something FUN for yourself to do & I would miss out on something fun!”
NTA.
Girl!! Have some self-respect and dump him!! This man does not care about you at all. He's prioritizing his friends and himself on a day that should be dedicated to you. If you have already expressed your hurt over him neglecting your bday last year and he still chose to disregard it, he has made it clear that he does not care. The only apology you should accept is changed behaviour. The fact that he's mad at you rn is absolutely insane. Please dump him.
NTA, but i am sorry to say this: he is not forgetting your birthday, he plans stuff on purpose. look at his reaction: he couldnt be there, yet when he hears you did 'something fun on your bithday', he gets his knickers in a twist. He just wants to be there when you plan something fun. he doesnt care to plan something fun FOR you on your birtday. He is not a people pleaser, if he where, he would be trying the hell out of pleasing you. How often do you have to beg him for his attention? i think he likes to be begged....
Is this all you are worth? because this will happen on every anniversary, birthday, mothersday, achievement day for whatever.
NTA. but if you made it clear you wanted him to spend time with you on your birthday and he makes plans to do something else on your birthday your not an AH for not inviting him.
NTA at all.
Also he's not a people pleaser he just doesn't want to say 'No' to his friends, clearly has no issue doing it to you.
You deserve someone who makes you a priority.
1. NTA
2. Why are you still with this thoughtless, inconsiderate person?!? If you're at the point of not inviting him to your birthday, then why are you still in this relationship?
NTA- Even if you wanted to spend your birthday throwing rocks into a ditch, your bf should be out there looking for the best ditch to throw rocks into and bring a bucket of rocks for you to throw. Point being, the man has no consideration for your BIRTHDAY. How can he forget it? It's the same day every year. I'm glad you made your own plans, keep living your life.
He says he forgets because it’s usually during the weekday. But I work nights so I can’t celebrate it on weekdays. And he makes plans on the weekend of my birthday. And says “oh I didn’t realize it’s your birthday weekend because your birthday is the 6th and I made plans on the 10th”
He can check a calendar, and it's incredibly common to celebrate on the weekend, if a birthday falls on a weekday.
All he needs to do is put effort into checking.
NTA, but as a people pleaser myself, what he's doing really sucks, and isn't what a good partner should be doing.
If he knows your birthday is coming up and is on a weekday why is he not asking what your plans are and what day you want to celebrate? He knows your birthday is coming up but doesn’t care to do anything for it. It sounds like if your plans are more fun he will cancel with his friends but if his friends plan is more fun that is what he wants to do. He cares more about having fun then putting time and effort into your relationship. You should be with someone who cares about you and makes an effort. NTA
My god girl, do you not have any selfworth for yourself? Your boyfriend of 3 YEARS FORGETS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND OR DOING SOMETHING FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY! At what point does it ring in your head that he actually does not care about you but only his friends.
Girl ditch the boy cause he does not even care abot you.
FYI if he actually cared, he would put in his phone as a reminder if he is that forgetful.
Pardon me, I really don't want to be rude but that's a lame excuse. The weekend after your birthday is your bday weekend, that's common sense. Personally, I'd ask my gf what her plans are before making plans of my own. I'm just saying you deserve better.
I didn’t think of it that way. In his eyes he forgot and made a mistake and I’m punishing him for forgetting. He’s saying I push him away and he wanted to be there on my birthday. I get really confused with him. I never know if I’m being reasonable. I’m told that I’m overreacting a lot.
What if - and just hear me out here - your reactions are exactly suited to what he does? Why is he doing so many things that even cause you to react in the first place?
Pretty convenient that he can do things that upset you then tell you you’re “overreacting”. He sounds very manipulative. Please dump him. You deserve so, so much better x
You ***are*** being reasonable. You are ***not*** overreacting.
Please do yourself a favor and break up with him. People don’t forget about the birthdays of people they care about, much less twice in a row.
And it’s not just that he claims he forgot. You also had to literally beg him to be with you on his birthday over his plans last year, and then do the dirty work of telling his friends for him when ***he*** should have been the one say “Sorry, I can’t, I didn’t think about the fact that it’s the same day as OP’s birthday.”
NTA
He has a history of doing other things despite knowing you really want to spend time together on your birthday.
Why are you still with him when he doesn't seem to care about what's important to you?
NTA. So he would have came if it was something he “deemed fun” but not in general to celebrate your birthday? Why are you dating someone that doesn’t even LIKE you?? You deserve better.
You’ve only been together 3 years and two of those he’s forgotten your birthday and got you to tell his friends he can’t go with them …
He’s setting you up to his friends as the nagging girlfriend.
Ditch him now find someone who will treat you better x
You've been together three years. He should know the date of your birthday and if invited to things say 'ah, would love to but it's OP's birthday'.
Similarly, he should be asking in advance, 'so, what do you want to do for your birthday?'
He's been reminded multiple times that your birthday is important. If he's gonna forget, then that's on him. If he's not gonna make plans, then you aren't the AH for making plans without him. He's not a child who needs to be helped with everything.
NTA, this is on him for being a shit bf.
NTA
your boyfriend isnt a people pleaser because if he was he would be trying his best to please you. Instead he's letting you down. You dont matter to him.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I did not invite my boyfriend to my birthday because he has forgotten my birthday 2 years in a row. Does that make me an asshole?
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NTA
Forgetting about your SO's birthday is bad, but it is understandable that a poorly-organized person could make. Making plans on your SO's birthday is worse -- it demonstrates that you are well enough organized to make plans on a specific day, and yet somehow incapable of making a note of when your SO's birthday is.
NTA
Make plans for you and your friends on his Birthday and see how he likes it, maybe he'll finally understand your problem and finally start remembering your Birthday.
NTA! Ma’am this man may like having you around but he is not in love with you! A man in love moves mountains for the person he loves. This man can’t even remember your birthday. My advice…ditch the boyfriend and find your husband!
NTA. But it seems that he doesn't really like your birthday activities amd that's why he conveniently "forgets". Or have his friends helping him "forget" by scheduling something else on your birthday. It seems to me that if you had told him that you were going clubbing, he would have suddenly remembered what date it was. You might need a new boyfriend, one that cares more about you.
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For the second year in a row my boyfriend of 3 years has forgotten my birthday and made plans on my birthday. Last year I was very clear on how hurt this made me and I begged him not to do it again. He promised me it wouldnt happen again. This year it happened again. So instead of crying about it I just told him to do whatever he wanted on my birthday weekend and I will be going to my parents house that weekend. I made plans to go out for karaoke with some friends. I did not invite my boyfriend because he already made plans on my birthday. I wasn’t in the mood to beg him to show up. Last year I begged him for weeks not to ditch me on my birthday. His friends bought tickets to a sport event he really wanted to go to. And he kept begging me to go to the event. But I hate sports. I wanted a bday party with my friends. So finally a week before my birthday I sobbed and begged him please don’t ditch me on my birthday. So he didn’t in the end. But it took lots of convincing on my end. I had to tell his own friends for him “X can’t come because it’s my birthday”. X is a people pleaser and can’t say no to people. This year I just didn’t want to beg him. I didn’t want to tell his friends he can’t come to whatever they had planned. I told him the next day I went out and he was angry at me and said he wanted to come out with me. He said if he knew I was “doing something fun” on my bday he would have joined me. I told him it’s his responsibility as my partner to not make other plans on my birthday and if he keeps forgetting that’s on him. I said it’s not my responsibility to force you to show up for my birthday. He is angry and not talking to me. AITA?
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NTA. He seems like he doesn't care and will not do even the bare minimum for you–As in, remembering pretty basic stuff like your birthday. And maybe he could be one of those dudes that aren't good with dates and they forget stuff and blah blah blah but girl he could do something about it. He could put some damn effort but he won't. And he won't feel any remorse or try to fix his wrongs.
I do have to ask, if this is the man you've been with in a relationship for three years there's no way you don't know what kind of person you are dating. And you know what you will get from him. Truly, why are you still with him?
NTA. He sounds childish. He needs to have his needs pleased on your birthday? He can’t just do whatever you want to do? Then he’s either stupid or self absorbed. Dump him and find someone who can put your needs above his once in a while.
NTA but he's also not a people pleaser be had no trouble telling you he was going with his friends. Just get shot of him he's cleay not mature enough for a proper relationship
Edited for spelling
NTA but OP you need to uninvite him from your life imo. He clearly doesn't give two shits about you. You deserve better than this like this ain't even the bare minimum.
NTA, but you need to stop begging him and just move on. Also, he is not a people pleaser, he just would rather do the other options than your birthday.
NTA unless you allow this to drag on for another year. Begging and crying for your boyfriend not to make other plans on your birthday? No.
>He is angry and not talking to me.
Good. He can continue not talking to you for the rest of time. Get rid.
Nta, you say he's a people pleaser, but where in this story has he tried pleasing you? That shows where his priorities lie. It's like those men who are "pillars of the community " and then go home and torture their wife and children. Charity begins at home, or with the people who are closest to you. He's not being a partner, and you should never have to beg someone who claims to love you for treating you like you matter.
NTA
So from what I got out of his response was if what you’re doing for your birthday is what he considers fun than he wants to be there if he can find something better to do he will.
NTA. He has no consideration for you, has no respect for your time, and clearly places no value on your company. I'd love to know his reaction if the shoe was on the other foot, i.e., you forgot his birthday.
Honey, you are right about one thing. You shouldn't have to beg him to make time for you on your birthday. Do you want this to be the rest of your life? . Think about that, and go from there.
NTA- a relationship where you need to beg to get your needs med is not a relationship. Your boyfriend should prioritize you especially after 3 years together.
It's not like your birthday changes. I mean you said he's a people pleaser. But he doesn't seem very concerned about pleasing you.
He reminds me of ex-friends I had. If I invited them to stuff they waited till last minute to confirm or not because they were trying to see what else going on with other friends before they decided.
Did I mention they were ex friends?
>a week before my birthday I sobbed and begged him please don’t ditch me on my birthday. So he didn’t in the end. But it took lots of convincing on my end. I had to tell his own friends for him “X can’t come because it’s my birthday”. X is a people pleaser and can’t say no to people.
Ugh.
Being single is an option. Its surely better than being with a people pleaser who can't say no to anyone... Apart from his girlfriend whom he was ready to ditch 2 years in a row.
He even made YOU to make the call to his buddies ?? You do realise him and his mates are probably joking about you being controlling and a spoil sport?
NTA but girl, stand up for yourself. You should not have to beg and cry to someone who supposedly loves you to spend time with you on a day that's important to you.
NTA. And im generally against the automatic responses to be "break up with them" but seriously.... why are you together?
He clearly doesn't care about birthdays and you do - that could be worked around. But the fact that he makes plans with his friends that are more important than his gf on a regular basis is already enough to not be together. Birthday or not.
Friends are important, but if they are so important you neglect your partner of 3 years and dont feel bad about it, just dont have a gf!!!
NTA. I don't think he's a "people pleaser" because he has no issues with forgetting your birthday and saying no to you. For THREE years he's done this. And listen, my birthday is just another day for me because I'm old af (40). I like to get food from my favorite spot and just eat cheesecake and watch b-horror movies lol When I was younger though I really liked to go out and have fun. I was just never a "it's my birthday month" kinda gal like a lot of other people. I wouldn't mind if friends forgot my birthday but this is your bf! You communicated to him multiple times how important it was for you to have him not make other plans on your birthday and he keeps doing it. Why was he bothered this time? Because you went out without him and had fun without him. If it's something HE would enjoy then he's all down for it, right? That's so selfish. It's almost like he's doing it on purpose at this point. And if he's just a forgetful person, that's why we have calendars and reminders on our phones that are constantly in our hands. There's really no excuse here, he's not being a good partner.
Has he even gotten you a card or flowers or candy or anything for your birthday? Any gift at all whether it's big or small? Little things like this add up and I wouldn't even consider "forgetting" your birthday AGAIN a small thing.
You're very much nta for going out without him. He had already made plans (again) and you decided F this I'm not going to sit around crying, I'm going out with my friends to have fun. Good for you. Once he sees that you do in fact have a life outside of him and you're not begging him to be with you, he might realize he needs to put in the basic amount of effort in this relationship.
NTA. You deserve better and should break up with him. He’s not even putting in any effort. He’s a people pleaser, just not when it comes to you?? Sounds like weaponized incompetence to me.
NTA This guy doesn't care about your happiness. I hope you never plan anything for his birthday. You simply wasted your tie and money. Get rid of him. He is mad that you are treating him the way his actions have led you to believe would make YOU first of all happiest, and generally him as well. He does not want to be there for your birthday. He has made it quite clear. Now he switches the rules because you learned. He doesn't respect your intelligence either. "Hur hur, let's see her beg again this year. Wut? She figured it out?!"
NTA
So, let me get this straight- he's angry because you did something "fun" for your birthday? Did he expect you not to have fun on your bday?
Your bf is a clear AH here, and his logic is terrible. He cannot be your best option..... the bar is low
NTA. I'm not bothered if I do anything on my birthday. I've had to work, work nights as often as not, My wife has missed a few of mine. But we've been married for 37 years... you can get a bit complacent after the first 25 or so. Your BF just isn't putting in the effort.
You shouldn't have even told him or reminded him. You should have just made plans with friends and go out.
When hecfinds out through your Social media, and asks. Tell him you wentvdancing and that those guys you danced with had great moves ( even if you didn't dance with any) ... guarantee he won't forget your birthday again.
You shouldn't have to remind him or beg him to spend time with you on your birthday
Oh wait so he's a people pleaser and can't say no to anyone... But you apparently. Because if you had to cry and beg he was damn ready to ditch u last year for his friends
When you said “X can’t come it’s my birthday” you used the right word but it’s spelled like “Ex” as in ex-boyfriend. He can’t say No to anyone but you “some thing fun” deliberately making plans on your birthday weekend as if he isn’t your partner is WILD. What do you do for him on his birthday? Clearly birthdays mean something to you and if you want to spend the rest of your birthdays crying and begging then stick with “X” but if not when he finally gets over himself and try’s to reach out leave him on seen girl
Get some pride - do not BEG anyone to do anything, and get some backbone. You need to tell him exactly what you want, and if he doesn't follow through, there needs to be consequences.
Although, this all may be a waste of time...I mean, anyone normal would have dumped this idiot the first time he acted like an ass. So what's the draw with this guy? It is just the usual "In every other way he's perfect for me!" bullshit that everyone writes on these posts? LOL Because I can almostguarantee, he is not perfect in any other way. LOL
So when you get married.
Are you going to be ok with him forgetting every Wedding anniversary?
And when you have kids, are they going to be ok with him forgetting their birthdays? Or will it just be Him not organising the kids for your birthday, and Mother’s day, and probably Christmas presents every year?
Are you ok with carrying the mental load for this people pleaser who pleases everyone but you?
Or are you just waiting for him to break up with you so you’re not the bad guy and he’s just not thasat bad?
Because he sounds bad.
Girl. Take a good hard look in the mirror, please. Would you stand by while one of your friends was treated this way?? THREE YEARS IN A ROW??
Ywbta if you stay with someone who literally doesn’t care about you
"Fool me one time, shame on you
Fool me twice, can't put the blame on you
Fool me three times, fuck the peace sign
Load the chopper, let it rain on you"
YTA to yourself! It's 2023 we don't beg lil boys to do the bare minimum for us. We don't clap our hands and reward boys for thinking the bare minimum is all we need. We don't cry our hearts out while boys are out having a grand time knowing they don't respect us enough. We're Queens and should be treated as such. Anything less we gracefully dismiss ourselves. No one has time to fight for a boy that won't man up and be the partner we NEED them to be. It's not our place to mold them It's their place to grow and mature. This not a man. This is a boy and clearly a boy who doesn't deserve you. Break up now!
You do NOT need to be with such stressful unfair disrespectful
You deserve health happiness prosperity freedom fairness respect kindness independence friendships love
N
T
A
dated a guy exactly like this right out of college for 2.5 years. learn from my mistakes just leave now hes shown you he doesnt listen or care at all :(
NTA, you need to dump him. Tell me if this honestly sounds right to you: he is a people pleaser to everyone else but has no issues at all saying no to you? Even when you beg and cry for him to spend time with you? Somehow he would have magically been able to stop the people pleasing and say no to friends if he thought it would be fun?
He should be at your birthday whether it seems “fun” to him or not. Youre his gf of several years. Shouldn’t seeing you have a good night and be happy be fun for him??
Please stop crying and begging men to do anything. Find someone you don’t have to even ask.
I don’t understand the part about being a people pleaser, he’s perfectly happy upsetting you it seems! I don’t blame you for making your own plans after him being a repeated let down
NTA. A good bf wouldn't have to be begged to spend time, esp on a birthday, with their gf. Dump him and find someone that actually wants to be with you and puts you as a priority.
NTA. Yall have been together for three years and the man still doesn't know your birthday? Honestly, the line of
>He said if he knew I was “doing something fun” on my bday he would have joined me.
Makes it sound like he's waiting for something better to come along or likes the fact that you have to beg or compete for his attention. He's mad at the consequence of his own actions and can't handle it. For this much stress for your birthday, why even stay with him?
Are you dating somebody that treat you like this? There is no reason to be with somebody that’s like this. This is not love. Frankly, you need a better boyfriend NTA. That would happen to me once and they’d be gone.
I had friends that went through what you did. So when I got married, I started to train my husband every year at the beginning of February. I would say yay it’s my birthday month. I didn’t need a ton of stuff, but I needed to be recognizer on my birthday and be paid attention to. By the third year it wasn’t necessary anymore because of the beginning of every February he would say it’s your birthday month. I did it for him too. Life is too short to be with people that don’t treat you well.
How OLD are you two?? This sounds so superfluous. Stop trying to make your birthday special to someone who so obviously doesn’t care about your birthday. He doesn’t sound like he wants to be around you or your family. Make your plans, then go and enjoy. P.S is this guy worth your time?
ESH because you're still with him and haven't dumped his ass after that kind of blatant disrespect. These are not the actions of somebody who loves you.
NTA Explain to him how if he includes your birthday in your contact info on his phone he'll get a reminder your birthday is coming up, also explain how the calendar on his phone works. Then dump him
In relationships you have to decide what you can and can’t live with. If he still hasn’t changed his attitude after all the arguing you need to decide whether this is a dealbreaker for you.
Your other option is to remind him every year that your birthday is coming up about a week or so in advance. I have a friend whose husband is a genuinely good guy but she still has to remind him about her b-day and their anniversary. Just one remark ahead of time has saved them many arguments.
INFO: Are his birthdays a big deal to him? Does he like to go out and celebrate or is it pretty much another day? Is he thoughtful in other ways? It’s helpful to look at the big picture of your relationship and decide if, long term, this is something that’s workable, as is.
Even based solely on the first 2 sentences alone, NTA. But you need to prioritize yourself, because he clearly does not care about you very much and only wants to do something if it benefits him. Having a boyfriend is optional, not mandatory, you need to run
NTA. But be careful with how you continue with this man, because now you know how little regard he has for you - so if you stay with him - you could be the AH.
My husband doesn't like birthdays. I looooove my birthday. He would NEVER plan something on or around my birthday without asking me first. And while he isn't great about planning something FOR ME (he has surprised me in the past), he will 100% go full steam into whatever I have planned. THAT is your low bar. THAT is the least you should deserve. Because it is important to YOU. And if YOU are important to HIM, he will make an effort.
I would just like to make sure I’m reading this correctly. Your boyfriend of 3 years is mad at you, because he forgot your birthday. And he’s actually got you thinking that you’re in the wrong for not reminding him about your birthday.
NTA.
And also, this may be a stupid question, but has your birthday changed or something throughout the 3 years y’all been dating? Cause if not…..
NTA but he is. It’s your birthday and he’s picking and choosing what he wants to do based on if it’s fun?!?! Yet wants you to attend sports events which you don’t like. Find better, someone who will appreciate you and celebrate you.
He either doesn’t care or is purposely avoiding being there on your birthday, and neither one is good.
Birthdays are a day for celebrating you being you and why doesn’t he wanna do that?
Honestly remembering a birthday especially after 3 years of dating shouldn't be hard, and also to make plans on your birthday is a slap in the face. If it was me I would be reevaluating that whole relationship. You shouldn't have to beg anyone you are dating to be there for you.
Why are you with someone that you have to beg to be with you on your birthday? If it is that important to you, it feels like maybe he isn't the one. NTA, but maybe find a partner who is more compatible.
Sounds like my ex. He always had way more important people to spend time with other than me. Everyone else’s birthday was always a huge deal and he made sure to attend every single party anyone ever had. When it came to me…I was left home alone constantly and never felt like a priority….because I was not his priority. Just like you are not your boyfriend’s priority. You’re being taken for granted and getting whatever time he has leftover after all his other more important people are happy. Is this how you want to spend your life?
NTA. Ditch him, you should never have to beg for attention or love or the BARE MINIMUM from your s/o.
I've dated some shitty guys, but I am finally with one that has changed everything. On my bday he put together a super thoughtful gift and took me out to dinner where he surprised me with all my closest friends.
You are worth more.
>He said if he knew I was “doing something fun” on my bday he would have joined me
Since he thought you hadn't organised something fun for your bday, he could have organised something nice for both of you.
NTA , but please Op don't excuse him by saying he is a people pleaser. In my opinion it would be almost perfectly ok, if he ditched you to go comfort or help a friend in need, but he went to have fun.
NTA and reconsider him for his reaction- he sounds like he only cared because you picked a fun activity. Him pressuring you to go to a game last birthday was so much an Ah move.
Next year don’t mention your birthday but tell him your plans for that weekend or day AFTER he tells you his plans.
He doesn’t care about you atall and sounds extremely selfish. He only wants to do something with you if your with your girlfriends? Red flag 🚩
Dude just dump him already. A man who forgets your birthday and doesn’t want to spend it with you regardless of your plans and has to be begged, is not a man who loves you or sees you as a priority. Don’t be an AH to yourself and keep allowing this to happen. Raise your standards and don’t settle.
NTA. Can't do no except to you. Has you do his dirty work because he won't back out of plans. Decided to do stuff with you because u finally planned something fun. He sounds exhausting to even be around. You had to cry and beg for a week.... Why would you want to spend time with someone who clearly didn't want to be with you?? I feel sorry for you. He has you feeling bad that he treats you terribly. Time to move on to a guy who adores you, and can't wait to spoil you on your birthday!! Good luck...
NTA, I don’t understand why he’a angry? He got what he wanted? Like he made his decision that he doesn’t want to go out with you, and then is now mad that you went out?
It really sounds like this guy is sad you didn’t beg and ruin your birthday for him. But why are you putting yourself through all this and tormenting yourself like this for someone who is upset when they don’t get to ruin your birthday?
NTA.
Surprised you even have to ask this question.
Your boyfriend clearly cares very little for you. You should never have to beg anyone to spend time with you. Let alone on your birthday.
You should leave him. He sounds like a headache.
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NTA but why are you with someone who cares so little about you?
A people pleaser who can't say no - except to his girlfriend
He made her tell his friends he wasn't attending the sports thing because of her birthday....that's a no from me ! You use your big boy words, I'm not doing it for you.
That way she becomes the bad guy and the Controlling Girlfriend who won’t let him go play with the boys while he stays people pleasing. Classic passive/childish AH move right there. An adult would just text his friends ‘hey it’s my gf’s birthday that night, can’t make it sorry’ and there would be zero problems with that very reasonable response. But instead he deliberately created a situation where he could be martyr and she the villain, over her *birthday*. This dude’s vibe is pathetic, OP could do better by picking up a rock on the ground and writing Happy Birthday To Me on it instead.
>That way she becomes the bad guy and the Controlling Girlfriend Yup, 💯 ... I said something similar in another reply. The boyfriend and his buddies are definitely ' joking around ' about her being a controlling so and so.
Exactly what I was coming to say.
Sounds familiar😫
Yes, this. You are not a priority. Sorry.
My husband can be like this sometimes - not all the time - nor would he ditch my birthday, but we have had issues where he wants to stay out super late and then is hungover the next day when we have something planned, or we’re doing a trip with his family and all the other couples go do stuff together for a couple hours and he’s like nah I want to hang out with my cousin (or sometimes his mom). It gets exhausting when you feel like last priority. Don’t get me wrong, he does do nice things for me, but we have had several conversations about how I’m the down time person and he turns on when we see friends. It’s not great. NTA.
As one of them, for me saying NO is the ultimate form of trust. My family, S/O and best friends are the only people I'm comfortable dissappointing. I know they love me and so I don't have to chase their approval. Before you downvote me though I'm not playing devil's advocate here just explaining my process. I'm going to therapy to fix that.
Why do you think strangers deserve more effort and respect than the people you love and care about? I’m just curious why is hurting them better than hurting a stranger who means nothing to you? I’m just genuinely curious.
Not to take the words out of OC’s mouth but as someone who used to prioritize work over personal stuff, it’s not so much as we think “strangers” deserve more respect, but it’s definitely a misguided sense of “these people closer to me will understand better if I mess up.” It’s the twisted cousin of how you can be in your pjs and no make up with the person you love (i.e. no effort) and know they still think you’re hot. Hurting them is a blindspot in this train of thought.
May I add though, I do not think this is the case for OP’s boyfriend. There’s a bit of it at play maybe, but OP made herself very clear several times already AND his reaction when OP decided to go ahead and enjoy without him was a red flag. Instead of realizing he effed up so much his gf went on without him (which he seems to do a lot btw!), he puts the blame on her, AGAIN.
It's always the people pleasers, letting down people they know already love them because they know it's OK to take them for granted, then serving the world on a platter to chase approval from those who don't.
Sounds like ny bf. Have had many an argument about it. If he does it again, we are over.
Amen, throw the whole man away.
My thoughts exactly
Why can't people just set a recurring date in the calendar and their phone? NTA
Exactly, it’s really not that hard
And someone who blames you no matter what? Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Also how active is his social life that he always has plans on your birthday every year???
That not what she asked here. She doesn't seem to care about the fact that her bf doesn't care about her. She only cares about inviting him or not
Are you new here?
NTA. He has shown you who he is. That’s a valuable birthday gift. He has even told you, by complaining that he would have come to your birthday event if he’d known it would be fun. You have communicated your wishes clearly, he knows you care about this very much, but he cares a lot more about himself than your happiness. Your solution was perfect. His selfish objection further emphasizes that he’s unworthy of you.
A decent boyfriend: “It’s my job to help plan something fun for my girlfriend’s birthday, or at the very least to talk to her about the plans she’s making.” OP’s boyfriend: “It never occurred to me that when I completely ignored your birthday, you would plan something FUN for yourself to do & I would miss out on something fun!”
NTA. Girl!! Have some self-respect and dump him!! This man does not care about you at all. He's prioritizing his friends and himself on a day that should be dedicated to you. If you have already expressed your hurt over him neglecting your bday last year and he still chose to disregard it, he has made it clear that he does not care. The only apology you should accept is changed behaviour. The fact that he's mad at you rn is absolutely insane. Please dump him.
Agree
NTA but you should probably dump him at this point.
Don’t be an asshat to yourself. Straighten your crown. Don’t ever beg for someone to spend time with you. You are worth so much more than
NTA OP - why are you with this inconsiderate person who clearly does not care about you at all DUMP HIM
NTA, but i am sorry to say this: he is not forgetting your birthday, he plans stuff on purpose. look at his reaction: he couldnt be there, yet when he hears you did 'something fun on your bithday', he gets his knickers in a twist. He just wants to be there when you plan something fun. he doesnt care to plan something fun FOR you on your birtday. He is not a people pleaser, if he where, he would be trying the hell out of pleasing you. How often do you have to beg him for his attention? i think he likes to be begged.... Is this all you are worth? because this will happen on every anniversary, birthday, mothersday, achievement day for whatever.
Exactly what I was thinking, he didn't forget he chose to do something else.
NTA. but if you made it clear you wanted him to spend time with you on your birthday and he makes plans to do something else on your birthday your not an AH for not inviting him.
NTA at all. Also he's not a people pleaser he just doesn't want to say 'No' to his friends, clearly has no issue doing it to you. You deserve someone who makes you a priority.
Ditch him, don't look back
1. NTA 2. Why are you still with this thoughtless, inconsiderate person?!? If you're at the point of not inviting him to your birthday, then why are you still in this relationship?
NTA- Even if you wanted to spend your birthday throwing rocks into a ditch, your bf should be out there looking for the best ditch to throw rocks into and bring a bucket of rocks for you to throw. Point being, the man has no consideration for your BIRTHDAY. How can he forget it? It's the same day every year. I'm glad you made your own plans, keep living your life.
He says he forgets because it’s usually during the weekday. But I work nights so I can’t celebrate it on weekdays. And he makes plans on the weekend of my birthday. And says “oh I didn’t realize it’s your birthday weekend because your birthday is the 6th and I made plans on the 10th”
He can check a calendar, and it's incredibly common to celebrate on the weekend, if a birthday falls on a weekday. All he needs to do is put effort into checking. NTA, but as a people pleaser myself, what he's doing really sucks, and isn't what a good partner should be doing.
If he knows your birthday is coming up and is on a weekday why is he not asking what your plans are and what day you want to celebrate? He knows your birthday is coming up but doesn’t care to do anything for it. It sounds like if your plans are more fun he will cancel with his friends but if his friends plan is more fun that is what he wants to do. He cares more about having fun then putting time and effort into your relationship. You should be with someone who cares about you and makes an effort. NTA
My god girl, do you not have any selfworth for yourself? Your boyfriend of 3 YEARS FORGETS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND OR DOING SOMETHING FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY! At what point does it ring in your head that he actually does not care about you but only his friends. Girl ditch the boy cause he does not even care abot you. FYI if he actually cared, he would put in his phone as a reminder if he is that forgetful.
And then he gets mad at you for this? Gaslighting at it’s finest
Pardon me, I really don't want to be rude but that's a lame excuse. The weekend after your birthday is your bday weekend, that's common sense. Personally, I'd ask my gf what her plans are before making plans of my own. I'm just saying you deserve better.
Info : the only issue you have in this situation is AITA ? Not the fact that your bf doesn't care about your BD ?
I didn’t think of it that way. In his eyes he forgot and made a mistake and I’m punishing him for forgetting. He’s saying I push him away and he wanted to be there on my birthday. I get really confused with him. I never know if I’m being reasonable. I’m told that I’m overreacting a lot.
Wowzers. He's just through red flags all over the place. Stop picking them up for him.
What if - and just hear me out here - your reactions are exactly suited to what he does? Why is he doing so many things that even cause you to react in the first place? Pretty convenient that he can do things that upset you then tell you you’re “overreacting”. He sounds very manipulative. Please dump him. You deserve so, so much better x
Also NTA and give yourself the birthday present of honouring yourself by breaking up with him
jesus. this man sucks and he’s gaslighting you
Please see what you are saying here. MAJOR red flags -he's gaslighting you
You ***are*** being reasonable. You are ***not*** overreacting. Please do yourself a favor and break up with him. People don’t forget about the birthdays of people they care about, much less twice in a row. And it’s not just that he claims he forgot. You also had to literally beg him to be with you on his birthday over his plans last year, and then do the dirty work of telling his friends for him when ***he*** should have been the one say “Sorry, I can’t, I didn’t think about the fact that it’s the same day as OP’s birthday.”
NTA He has a history of doing other things despite knowing you really want to spend time together on your birthday. Why are you still with him when he doesn't seem to care about what's important to you?
NTA. So he would have came if it was something he “deemed fun” but not in general to celebrate your birthday? Why are you dating someone that doesn’t even LIKE you?? You deserve better.
"He's a people pleaser". Sadly you don't seem to be "people"
You’ve only been together 3 years and two of those he’s forgotten your birthday and got you to tell his friends he can’t go with them … He’s setting you up to his friends as the nagging girlfriend. Ditch him now find someone who will treat you better x
You've been together three years. He should know the date of your birthday and if invited to things say 'ah, would love to but it's OP's birthday'. Similarly, he should be asking in advance, 'so, what do you want to do for your birthday?' He's been reminded multiple times that your birthday is important. If he's gonna forget, then that's on him. If he's not gonna make plans, then you aren't the AH for making plans without him. He's not a child who needs to be helped with everything. NTA, this is on him for being a shit bf.
A people pleaser who forget his SO’s birthday? The math ain’t mathing!
NTA! Girl, please dump this boy and go find yourself a man that will make you feel like a queen on your birthday.
lol he’s a people pleaser except for u. Think about why u would accept that.
Nta how is it that he is your boyfriend again this year?
NTA your boyfriend isnt a people pleaser because if he was he would be trying his best to please you. Instead he's letting you down. You dont matter to him.
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NTA Run girl run!
NTA Forgetting about your SO's birthday is bad, but it is understandable that a poorly-organized person could make. Making plans on your SO's birthday is worse -- it demonstrates that you are well enough organized to make plans on a specific day, and yet somehow incapable of making a note of when your SO's birthday is.
NTA, he needs to understand some things come before his immediate short term enjoyment
NTA Why are you still with him? The sex must be amazing to stay. Sounds like you are both quite young and him even younger. Go find a man that cares.
NTA What value does he add to your life anyway? Because he doesn't care about you.
NTA Make plans for you and your friends on his Birthday and see how he likes it, maybe he'll finally understand your problem and finally start remembering your Birthday.
NTA. Do you really want a relationship with someone who cares so little about your feelings?
NTA but you would be an A if you continued seeing this guy. He doesn’t care about you in the slightest. Break up with him.
NTA! Ma’am this man may like having you around but he is not in love with you! A man in love moves mountains for the person he loves. This man can’t even remember your birthday. My advice…ditch the boyfriend and find your husband!
NTA. But it seems that he doesn't really like your birthday activities amd that's why he conveniently "forgets". Or have his friends helping him "forget" by scheduling something else on your birthday. It seems to me that if you had told him that you were going clubbing, he would have suddenly remembered what date it was. You might need a new boyfriend, one that cares more about you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For the second year in a row my boyfriend of 3 years has forgotten my birthday and made plans on my birthday. Last year I was very clear on how hurt this made me and I begged him not to do it again. He promised me it wouldnt happen again. This year it happened again. So instead of crying about it I just told him to do whatever he wanted on my birthday weekend and I will be going to my parents house that weekend. I made plans to go out for karaoke with some friends. I did not invite my boyfriend because he already made plans on my birthday. I wasn’t in the mood to beg him to show up. Last year I begged him for weeks not to ditch me on my birthday. His friends bought tickets to a sport event he really wanted to go to. And he kept begging me to go to the event. But I hate sports. I wanted a bday party with my friends. So finally a week before my birthday I sobbed and begged him please don’t ditch me on my birthday. So he didn’t in the end. But it took lots of convincing on my end. I had to tell his own friends for him “X can’t come because it’s my birthday”. X is a people pleaser and can’t say no to people. This year I just didn’t want to beg him. I didn’t want to tell his friends he can’t come to whatever they had planned. I told him the next day I went out and he was angry at me and said he wanted to come out with me. He said if he knew I was “doing something fun” on my bday he would have joined me. I told him it’s his responsibility as my partner to not make other plans on my birthday and if he keeps forgetting that’s on him. I said it’s not my responsibility to force you to show up for my birthday. He is angry and not talking to me. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why every post on reddit is a wall written paragraph. So painful to read. But yeah NTA. He is a people pleaser but not pleasing you on basics.
Bad UI. The phone app throws away line breaks.
NTA. He seems like he doesn't care and will not do even the bare minimum for you–As in, remembering pretty basic stuff like your birthday. And maybe he could be one of those dudes that aren't good with dates and they forget stuff and blah blah blah but girl he could do something about it. He could put some damn effort but he won't. And he won't feel any remorse or try to fix his wrongs. I do have to ask, if this is the man you've been with in a relationship for three years there's no way you don't know what kind of person you are dating. And you know what you will get from him. Truly, why are you still with him?
NTA in this situation but your an AH to yourself. He is upset because you didn't coddle him. You allowed the disrespect for quite sometime.
NTA. He sounds childish. He needs to have his needs pleased on your birthday? He can’t just do whatever you want to do? Then he’s either stupid or self absorbed. Dump him and find someone who can put your needs above his once in a while.
NTA but he's also not a people pleaser be had no trouble telling you he was going with his friends. Just get shot of him he's cleay not mature enough for a proper relationship Edited for spelling
NTA but OP you need to uninvite him from your life imo. He clearly doesn't give two shits about you. You deserve better than this like this ain't even the bare minimum.
NTA, but you need to stop begging him and just move on. Also, he is not a people pleaser, he just would rather do the other options than your birthday.
NTA unless you allow this to drag on for another year. Begging and crying for your boyfriend not to make other plans on your birthday? No. >He is angry and not talking to me. Good. He can continue not talking to you for the rest of time. Get rid.
NTA, but WTF are you with someone so disrespectful?
Nta, you say he's a people pleaser, but where in this story has he tried pleasing you? That shows where his priorities lie. It's like those men who are "pillars of the community " and then go home and torture their wife and children. Charity begins at home, or with the people who are closest to you. He's not being a partner, and you should never have to beg someone who claims to love you for treating you like you matter.
NTA. May want to rethink relationship.
NTA So from what I got out of his response was if what you’re doing for your birthday is what he considers fun than he wants to be there if he can find something better to do he will.
NTA. He has no consideration for you, has no respect for your time, and clearly places no value on your company. I'd love to know his reaction if the shoe was on the other foot, i.e., you forgot his birthday. Honey, you are right about one thing. You shouldn't have to beg him to make time for you on your birthday. Do you want this to be the rest of your life? . Think about that, and go from there.
NTA- a relationship where you need to beg to get your needs med is not a relationship. Your boyfriend should prioritize you especially after 3 years together. It's not like your birthday changes. I mean you said he's a people pleaser. But he doesn't seem very concerned about pleasing you. He reminds me of ex-friends I had. If I invited them to stuff they waited till last minute to confirm or not because they were trying to see what else going on with other friends before they decided. Did I mention they were ex friends?
NTA But why are you with this guy? You're just not a priority to him and you deserve better. I wish you well.
>a week before my birthday I sobbed and begged him please don’t ditch me on my birthday. So he didn’t in the end. But it took lots of convincing on my end. I had to tell his own friends for him “X can’t come because it’s my birthday”. X is a people pleaser and can’t say no to people. Ugh. Being single is an option. Its surely better than being with a people pleaser who can't say no to anyone... Apart from his girlfriend whom he was ready to ditch 2 years in a row. He even made YOU to make the call to his buddies ?? You do realise him and his mates are probably joking about you being controlling and a spoil sport? NTA but girl, stand up for yourself. You should not have to beg and cry to someone who supposedly loves you to spend time with you on a day that's important to you.
NTA. And im generally against the automatic responses to be "break up with them" but seriously.... why are you together? He clearly doesn't care about birthdays and you do - that could be worked around. But the fact that he makes plans with his friends that are more important than his gf on a regular basis is already enough to not be together. Birthday or not. Friends are important, but if they are so important you neglect your partner of 3 years and dont feel bad about it, just dont have a gf!!!
NTA. I don't think he's a "people pleaser" because he has no issues with forgetting your birthday and saying no to you. For THREE years he's done this. And listen, my birthday is just another day for me because I'm old af (40). I like to get food from my favorite spot and just eat cheesecake and watch b-horror movies lol When I was younger though I really liked to go out and have fun. I was just never a "it's my birthday month" kinda gal like a lot of other people. I wouldn't mind if friends forgot my birthday but this is your bf! You communicated to him multiple times how important it was for you to have him not make other plans on your birthday and he keeps doing it. Why was he bothered this time? Because you went out without him and had fun without him. If it's something HE would enjoy then he's all down for it, right? That's so selfish. It's almost like he's doing it on purpose at this point. And if he's just a forgetful person, that's why we have calendars and reminders on our phones that are constantly in our hands. There's really no excuse here, he's not being a good partner. Has he even gotten you a card or flowers or candy or anything for your birthday? Any gift at all whether it's big or small? Little things like this add up and I wouldn't even consider "forgetting" your birthday AGAIN a small thing. You're very much nta for going out without him. He had already made plans (again) and you decided F this I'm not going to sit around crying, I'm going out with my friends to have fun. Good for you. Once he sees that you do in fact have a life outside of him and you're not begging him to be with you, he might realize he needs to put in the basic amount of effort in this relationship.
NTA. You deserve better and should break up with him. He’s not even putting in any effort. He’s a people pleaser, just not when it comes to you?? Sounds like weaponized incompetence to me.
NTA - why is he a people pleaser to people who aren’t his life-long partner?
NTA, but for someone who is a "people pleaser" who can't say no to people, he must consider you not people, don't you think?
NTA This guy doesn't care about your happiness. I hope you never plan anything for his birthday. You simply wasted your tie and money. Get rid of him. He is mad that you are treating him the way his actions have led you to believe would make YOU first of all happiest, and generally him as well. He does not want to be there for your birthday. He has made it quite clear. Now he switches the rules because you learned. He doesn't respect your intelligence either. "Hur hur, let's see her beg again this year. Wut? She figured it out?!"
NTA So, let me get this straight- he's angry because you did something "fun" for your birthday? Did he expect you not to have fun on your bday? Your bf is a clear AH here, and his logic is terrible. He cannot be your best option..... the bar is low
A people pleaser who only wants to celebrate your birthday when you do something he likes to do? That doesn't sound like a people-pleaser.
Leave. He's pathetic.
NTA- But TA for begging.
NTA. I'm not bothered if I do anything on my birthday. I've had to work, work nights as often as not, My wife has missed a few of mine. But we've been married for 37 years... you can get a bit complacent after the first 25 or so. Your BF just isn't putting in the effort.
NTA He is a moron!
Come on, you deserve better! Get rid of that guy, who obviously does not give a crap about you!
NTA
NTA. Why are you with this man??
What is wrong with you that you continue to date this man who is inconsiderate and rude? If you continue to date him, this is your life. Wake up!!!!!
And why are you with this guy?
Yta for staying with this guy.
You shouldn't have even told him or reminded him. You should have just made plans with friends and go out. When hecfinds out through your Social media, and asks. Tell him you wentvdancing and that those guys you danced with had great moves ( even if you didn't dance with any) ... guarantee he won't forget your birthday again. You shouldn't have to remind him or beg him to spend time with you on your birthday
Find your self-esteem. Ditch him. You deserve better
NTA
Oh wait so he's a people pleaser and can't say no to anyone... But you apparently. Because if you had to cry and beg he was damn ready to ditch u last year for his friends
When you said “X can’t come it’s my birthday” you used the right word but it’s spelled like “Ex” as in ex-boyfriend. He can’t say No to anyone but you “some thing fun” deliberately making plans on your birthday weekend as if he isn’t your partner is WILD. What do you do for him on his birthday? Clearly birthdays mean something to you and if you want to spend the rest of your birthdays crying and begging then stick with “X” but if not when he finally gets over himself and try’s to reach out leave him on seen girl
Sounds like a his issue. It’s his problem to deal with.
Get some pride - do not BEG anyone to do anything, and get some backbone. You need to tell him exactly what you want, and if he doesn't follow through, there needs to be consequences. Although, this all may be a waste of time...I mean, anyone normal would have dumped this idiot the first time he acted like an ass. So what's the draw with this guy? It is just the usual "In every other way he's perfect for me!" bullshit that everyone writes on these posts? LOL Because I can almostguarantee, he is not perfect in any other way. LOL
INFO: How long were you dating before your birthday the first time?
So when you get married. Are you going to be ok with him forgetting every Wedding anniversary? And when you have kids, are they going to be ok with him forgetting their birthdays? Or will it just be Him not organising the kids for your birthday, and Mother’s day, and probably Christmas presents every year? Are you ok with carrying the mental load for this people pleaser who pleases everyone but you? Or are you just waiting for him to break up with you so you’re not the bad guy and he’s just not thasat bad? Because he sounds bad.
Why are you with him?
Girl. Take a good hard look in the mirror, please. Would you stand by while one of your friends was treated this way?? THREE YEARS IN A ROW?? Ywbta if you stay with someone who literally doesn’t care about you
"Fool me one time, shame on you Fool me twice, can't put the blame on you Fool me three times, fuck the peace sign Load the chopper, let it rain on you" YTA to yourself! It's 2023 we don't beg lil boys to do the bare minimum for us. We don't clap our hands and reward boys for thinking the bare minimum is all we need. We don't cry our hearts out while boys are out having a grand time knowing they don't respect us enough. We're Queens and should be treated as such. Anything less we gracefully dismiss ourselves. No one has time to fight for a boy that won't man up and be the partner we NEED them to be. It's not our place to mold them It's their place to grow and mature. This not a man. This is a boy and clearly a boy who doesn't deserve you. Break up now!
"X is a people pleaser and can’t say no to people." People....not you but other people. He seems to have no problem telling you no.
You do NOT need to be with such stressful unfair disrespectful You deserve health happiness prosperity freedom fairness respect kindness independence friendships love N T A
dated a guy exactly like this right out of college for 2.5 years. learn from my mistakes just leave now hes shown you he doesnt listen or care at all :(
NTA, you need to dump him. Tell me if this honestly sounds right to you: he is a people pleaser to everyone else but has no issues at all saying no to you? Even when you beg and cry for him to spend time with you? Somehow he would have magically been able to stop the people pleasing and say no to friends if he thought it would be fun? He should be at your birthday whether it seems “fun” to him or not. Youre his gf of several years. Shouldn’t seeing you have a good night and be happy be fun for him?? Please stop crying and begging men to do anything. Find someone you don’t have to even ask.
I don’t understand the part about being a people pleaser, he’s perfectly happy upsetting you it seems! I don’t blame you for making your own plans after him being a repeated let down
NTA. A good bf wouldn't have to be begged to spend time, esp on a birthday, with their gf. Dump him and find someone that actually wants to be with you and puts you as a priority.
NTA... and tbh run girl (or boy). you had to beg for him to be there for you on your one big day? you deserve so much better!
NTA. Yall have been together for three years and the man still doesn't know your birthday? Honestly, the line of >He said if he knew I was “doing something fun” on my bday he would have joined me. Makes it sound like he's waiting for something better to come along or likes the fact that you have to beg or compete for his attention. He's mad at the consequence of his own actions and can't handle it. For this much stress for your birthday, why even stay with him?
Are you dating somebody that treat you like this? There is no reason to be with somebody that’s like this. This is not love. Frankly, you need a better boyfriend NTA. That would happen to me once and they’d be gone. I had friends that went through what you did. So when I got married, I started to train my husband every year at the beginning of February. I would say yay it’s my birthday month. I didn’t need a ton of stuff, but I needed to be recognizer on my birthday and be paid attention to. By the third year it wasn’t necessary anymore because of the beginning of every February he would say it’s your birthday month. I did it for him too. Life is too short to be with people that don’t treat you well.
NTA, he only wanted to be there because it would be fun for him. Who cares if the bday girl is having fun? Wake up!
NTA. He has no problem saying no to YOU. This man does not care about your feelings.
How OLD are you two?? This sounds so superfluous. Stop trying to make your birthday special to someone who so obviously doesn’t care about your birthday. He doesn’t sound like he wants to be around you or your family. Make your plans, then go and enjoy. P.S is this guy worth your time?
ESH he sucks for being a horrible partner, but you are also enabling him by continuing to be with him year after year.
ESH because you're still with him and haven't dumped his ass after that kind of blatant disrespect. These are not the actions of somebody who loves you.
Maybe if you are lucky you eont here from them again.
NTA Explain to him how if he includes your birthday in your contact info on his phone he'll get a reminder your birthday is coming up, also explain how the calendar on his phone works. Then dump him
In relationships you have to decide what you can and can’t live with. If he still hasn’t changed his attitude after all the arguing you need to decide whether this is a dealbreaker for you. Your other option is to remind him every year that your birthday is coming up about a week or so in advance. I have a friend whose husband is a genuinely good guy but she still has to remind him about her b-day and their anniversary. Just one remark ahead of time has saved them many arguments. INFO: Are his birthdays a big deal to him? Does he like to go out and celebrate or is it pretty much another day? Is he thoughtful in other ways? It’s helpful to look at the big picture of your relationship and decide if, long term, this is something that’s workable, as is.
Everybody comes before you do in his people pleasing world. You’re not last place, so find someone who puts you first.
NTA - you deserve better than this. If he doesn’t see that now, I’m afraid he never will.
Even based solely on the first 2 sentences alone, NTA. But you need to prioritize yourself, because he clearly does not care about you very much and only wants to do something if it benefits him. Having a boyfriend is optional, not mandatory, you need to run
NTA. But be careful with how you continue with this man, because now you know how little regard he has for you - so if you stay with him - you could be the AH. My husband doesn't like birthdays. I looooove my birthday. He would NEVER plan something on or around my birthday without asking me first. And while he isn't great about planning something FOR ME (he has surprised me in the past), he will 100% go full steam into whatever I have planned. THAT is your low bar. THAT is the least you should deserve. Because it is important to YOU. And if YOU are important to HIM, he will make an effort.
I would just like to make sure I’m reading this correctly. Your boyfriend of 3 years is mad at you, because he forgot your birthday. And he’s actually got you thinking that you’re in the wrong for not reminding him about your birthday. NTA. And also, this may be a stupid question, but has your birthday changed or something throughout the 3 years y’all been dating? Cause if not…..
Just break up with them. I think both of you are @#$holes, mainly your bf, but also you since they are your boyfriend, invite them.
NTA. I'm telling you, it's very easy to put someone's birthday in your phone's calendar and add an alarm.
why are you still dating him?
NTA but he is. It’s your birthday and he’s picking and choosing what he wants to do based on if it’s fun?!?! Yet wants you to attend sports events which you don’t like. Find better, someone who will appreciate you and celebrate you.
NTA How many more red flags do you need?
Not at all TA he a piece of trash is all I'm gonna say
Why isn’t he your ex? You’re NTA for not inviting him, but you’re being TA to yourself for accepting this in a relationship.
NTA Hes not a people pleaser, just an AH. Why on earth would you put up with this nonsense all over again?
Nta.
He either doesn’t care or is purposely avoiding being there on your birthday, and neither one is good. Birthdays are a day for celebrating you being you and why doesn’t he wanna do that?
Honestly remembering a birthday especially after 3 years of dating shouldn't be hard, and also to make plans on your birthday is a slap in the face. If it was me I would be reevaluating that whole relationship. You shouldn't have to beg anyone you are dating to be there for you.
Why are you with someone that you have to beg to be with you on your birthday? If it is that important to you, it feels like maybe he isn't the one. NTA, but maybe find a partner who is more compatible.
Sounds like my ex. He always had way more important people to spend time with other than me. Everyone else’s birthday was always a huge deal and he made sure to attend every single party anyone ever had. When it came to me…I was left home alone constantly and never felt like a priority….because I was not his priority. Just like you are not your boyfriend’s priority. You’re being taken for granted and getting whatever time he has leftover after all his other more important people are happy. Is this how you want to spend your life?
Omg he's clueless AF. Do what you want. Maybe this time he'll learn the hard way.
Girl fuck him. ☠️ get you a new man
NTA. Drop this child who had you make excuses on his behalf last year and didn't bother to remember properly this year.
NTA. Ditch him, you should never have to beg for attention or love or the BARE MINIMUM from your s/o. I've dated some shitty guys, but I am finally with one that has changed everything. On my bday he put together a super thoughtful gift and took me out to dinner where he surprised me with all my closest friends. You are worth more.
Nta. Did you win him on the jerk lottery?
NTA - dump him now!
Honey, why do you think so little of yourself that you're with this creep? Dump him and find someone who values you.
>He said if he knew I was “doing something fun” on my bday he would have joined me Since he thought you hadn't organised something fun for your bday, he could have organised something nice for both of you. NTA , but please Op don't excuse him by saying he is a people pleaser. In my opinion it would be almost perfectly ok, if he ditched you to go comfort or help a friend in need, but he went to have fun.
NTA and reconsider him for his reaction- he sounds like he only cared because you picked a fun activity. Him pressuring you to go to a game last birthday was so much an Ah move.
Next year don’t mention your birthday but tell him your plans for that weekend or day AFTER he tells you his plans. He doesn’t care about you atall and sounds extremely selfish. He only wants to do something with you if your with your girlfriends? Red flag 🚩
NTA. You clearly are not a priority for your so called boyfriend. Why are you still with him?
NTA, I mean cmon now use a calendar for goodness sake!
Dude just dump him already. A man who forgets your birthday and doesn’t want to spend it with you regardless of your plans and has to be begged, is not a man who loves you or sees you as a priority. Don’t be an AH to yourself and keep allowing this to happen. Raise your standards and don’t settle.
NTA. Can't do no except to you. Has you do his dirty work because he won't back out of plans. Decided to do stuff with you because u finally planned something fun. He sounds exhausting to even be around. You had to cry and beg for a week.... Why would you want to spend time with someone who clearly didn't want to be with you?? I feel sorry for you. He has you feeling bad that he treats you terribly. Time to move on to a guy who adores you, and can't wait to spoil you on your birthday!! Good luck...
NTA, I don’t understand why he’a angry? He got what he wanted? Like he made his decision that he doesn’t want to go out with you, and then is now mad that you went out? It really sounds like this guy is sad you didn’t beg and ruin your birthday for him. But why are you putting yourself through all this and tormenting yourself like this for someone who is upset when they don’t get to ruin your birthday?
NTA. Surprised you even have to ask this question. Your boyfriend clearly cares very little for you. You should never have to beg anyone to spend time with you. Let alone on your birthday. You should leave him. He sounds like a headache.
[удалено]
She wasn't in the mood to beg **this year** like she did last year. Use the context clues.