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All the fat sympathizers and saviors thought op was a misogynistic man. š¤£š¤£š¤£ Turns out op is a woman. And the mental gymnastics are HILARIOUS!!
NTA
You should be clear about the damage furniture. Furniture has weight limits and life expectancy under certain conditions. I'm assuming this is an over time thing and not a newer issue.
Although I guess the issue is who paid for what and is the damaged stuff considered communal or personal. Like the gaming chair. If that was personal, he needs to replace it since his guest broke it.
>Idk if i should just tell him straight out that they are literally fucking up our furniture because of their size
I think you should. That's what the whole issue is about, after all. Be careful with the framing: it's not about insulting them or putting them down because of their weight -- it's a practical problem. They are causing damage.
Is he willing to pay for replacements/repairs? If so, maybe you can get a deposit out of him so he can't go back on his word. Get him to replace your chair, for a start, regardless.
He has a right to his guests, but if they are damaging the furniture, especially that which is yours and not shared, he should be paying for the damage. He doesn't have a right to have his guests use and damage your things. Maybe get him to tell guests that your computer chair is off bounds because you don't want others to use it (no mention of weight needed).
NTA
If you break it you replace it. If your guests break it they or you replace it.
That's just common curtesy/common sense.
Your friend should replace what he and his ladies have broken.
>California isnāt as expensive as NYC so you can easily move.
What a weird and unrelated comparison to make. That's like saying "your solid platinum engagement ring isn't expensive to replace because it didn't have a diamond on it" or "you can easily afford chemotherapy because it's cheaper than a heart transplant". I'm obsessed with the idea that only one thing can be expensive at a time and everything else is cheap.
Um exactly how large are these women? You say āa bit curvier.ā Sorry but people who are āa bit curvierā donāt regularly break furniture unless itās made of pizza boxes.
Also, you live in California? I thought that anyone over 200 was considered a hippo out there? How is your roommate finding hordes of massive women?
Leaning YTA because this smells like you just hate fat women, especially since you claim to be a former fat woman.
YWBTA if you told him not to bring these women home. This is a communication problem. The guy probably doesn't understand what your problem is because (it seems) you didn't tell him outright that his guest broke the chair. You say you witnessed it, but did you speak up then and ask for compensation? If not, you cannot expect your roomate to be a mindreader.
YTA for trying to tell him what to do, *without telling him the reason why*.
This post makes no sense.
His friend broke your expensive desk chair - ask him to replace it. And move your valuable stuff out of the common areas.
His friend broke the kitchen stool - point it out & ask him to fix it or replace it.
Couch cushions - thatās just the price of having a cheap couch. Buy yourself extra cushions & keep them in your room, if itās truly that uncomfortable to use now (but donāt do that as a passive-aggressive alternative to using your words!).
But stop trying to tell him who he can bring home - thatās not your business.
YTA.
What type of furniture do you own that they break when someone sits on it ???
It feels that thereās more to the story and of your dynamic with your flatmate.
The issue canāt be the weight. Either his flings are demons and use your furnitures in an inappropriate manner (like hanging off a chair and standing on it), either youāve bought cheap af furniture and it was bound to happen, or you have an underlying issue with your flatmate dating chubby people.
Also about the fluffiness or the pillows, you truly are a miserable person. Are they sitting for 20h+ on your couch at a time ? Pillow will lose fluffiness. Itās not with a fat person sitting on it for an hour that it will.
I hope your flatmate dumps the 60kg of crap he has been dragging around (you) if this is your behaviour with him dating someone.
NTA.
OP, don't listen to comments about you hating on big girls. Your issue is with the fact that your furniture is being harmed. You can't control who your roommate brings over. But let him know very clearly if another furniture breaks because of his guests,no matter who they are, he or his guest has to pay for that.
YTA sorry I used to weigh 120 kg when I had to take steroids for my asthma Iām down to 70 kg now all in 5 years and none of my furniture has broken just from being used by me and Iām a it rougher with my own things than I am with other peopleās. Itās not their fault your furniture sucks and youāre being mean.
A girl coming over for one or two visits is not going to do that to all your furniture. you also donāt get to pick and choose who your friend gets to bring home sorry. YTA
My ex's morbidly obese friend did exactly that the few times he came over. Broke 3 separate chairs -- one of which he broke so severely his ass hit the floor.
Was it cheap furniture? Yeah, which is exactly why I had asked him to sit in x seat instead that was sturdier. He said it was nbd and that he wanted to sit here instead... and immediately broke it. Repeat the next time, and the next...
And honestly, if my roommate keeps bringing over people who break my things, I absolutely get to ask that he either compensate the damages, control their actions better to avoid the damages, or yes those ppl don't get to come over anymore.
OP is very much NTA here
Who said they were new??
The time he shattered a chair to the floor, we had over a dozen ppl over for Thanksgiving, and had out a dozen sturdy chairs. He actively chose the shabbiest chair I had as backup seating despite me actively telling him not to sit there, but to please take one of the quality chairs
ETA: also, how is it ever ridiculous to have my own chairs in my own house? Whose house am I supposed to have my furniture in??
Yes and furniture doesnāt just do that it happens over time. Also they donāt get to pick who comes over. because they donāt like their weight? please ridiculous reason
Then put your expensive computer chair in your room when you leave. Itās quite simple and put out a stationary chair as replacement if you are spending 750 on a chair I wouldnāt be leaving it out. He has know the roommate since middle school. Its not like they suddenly preferred plus size ladies
It wasn't just the chair, it was a stool amd the couch too. He may have known about his roommates preferences but not how it would end up costing OP. OP and roommate both get a say in who comes over to their shared home.
Things wear over time. The furniture is from IKEA. The roommate is also a larger person. It happens. Add more stuffing to the furniture. You can not decide who your roommate has to visit based on weight.
Yes it does happen. OP is trying to prevent it from happening. I've had to replace a couch a couldn't afford because of heavy people too.
OP needs to talk to his roommate or perhaps find a new place to live. His roommates preferences shouldn't be costing him money.
ETA...this isn't one girl the roommate is seeing. These are random hook ups. It's not too much to ask the roommate to go to her house.
Ok but there is nothing in this post stating who purchased the furniture. What if it was purchased together? And the roommate is also a larger person. Should he not be allowed to sit or use the furniture? You canāt restrict company based on weight sorry. The op could also do things to prevent their things from being broken too
What if OP purchased all the furniture himself...we don't know and it doesn't matter. It does say he purchased his chair but whatever. OP can voice concerns about to their roommate and see what happens. I absolutely can restrict company based on weight...and I do. Thank you very much.
NTA, but I'd just focus on the broken furniture rather than the girls sizes. Honestly it might be more what he gets up to than that they're heavier, I know a friend with a broken couch from similar and she's not heavy by any means.
If he wants to bring girls home he can replace the broken furniture, and keep off your stuff. Or he can fuck on the floor cause I doubt he can break that. If he does break something it's his job to replace it, especially if it's yours. This includes if one of his guests breaks it, cause they're there for him, he's taking responsibility for them.
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Me and a friend of mine Ive known since middle school share an apartment. He likes his women a bit curvier, i didnāt mind at all, but theres a pattern of the furniture getting fucked up because of this. I have a computer chair that was a few hundreds, one of the girls broke it when she sat on it so now its wobbly and tilts to the side. The couch cushions are no longer fluffy, they are flat, and one of our kitchen stools got stuck the same problem where one of the legs broke and itās lopsided. I tried to lay it on him easy when i asked him next time if he can just go to the girlsā homes instead, he got defensive and told me he paid rent too, I started pushing it more because we literally do not have money for new furniture and its to the point where im begging him to please stop bringing girls home, i dont want to bring up their size because its rude, but hes refusing and keeps on bringing girls over weekly. Idk if i should just tell him straight out that they are literally fucking up our furniture because of their size, i really feel fucked up about it but thats why our furniture is now lopsided and hes not getting the hint, i also canāt afford to move out because we live in california. WIBTA?
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Eh, if you say stop bringing fat girls home YWBTA. But if you say, āIf you have a guest over and they damage something in the house, then you are responsible for replacing it,ā YWNBTA. Because size aside, anybody can break something and it should still be expected they he or they should replace or repair it. Itās incredibly rude and nasty behavior to just go into peopleās home damaging things and then shrug your shoulders and say oh well.
Couch cushions go flat with wear, even if featherlight people sit on them (fluff them up if it worries you). That detail, I think, is pushing the envelope a bit - you don't need to buy new cushions or a new couch.
Iāve since realised OP is a woman, do you think she has feelings or something for roomie? Seems wild to tell someone you live with they canāt bang fat chicks anymore lol
Itās at the very least short sighted and otherwise mean spirited. If a skinny person came to OPās house and broke the furniture, then what? What about one of the roommateās male friends? Is that okay? I wonder what she would say about that.
NTA. Get him to pay for new furniture everytime anything gets broken. He already owes you a desk chair (though potentially it's just the wheel that's broken and you can buy replacements).
Rather than saying he can't have guests, have you said: Your guest broke my chair, I would like you to fix it or buy a replacement.
YTA. Itās not the fat girls that are breaking your furniture. Itās furniture, the amount of chairs Iāve had break on me and Iām clinically underweight. Just admit you hate fat girls, the fact that your roommate has game, and find somewhere else to live
I was physically present on the chair when it broke too. Furniture breaks and a few hundred is not a lot for a gaming chair. Thatās low end. Buying low end furniture means it breaks faster.
A few hundred isnāt a low enough end gaming chair that it should break from someone sitting in it as someone whoās 230lbs š these chicks have to be 250+ to be breaking all that furniture.
Weighing more also means furniture will break more? I broke a bed when I was 240 because I sat down to hard? Trying to pretend being 300lbs DOESNT damage furniture just detracts from your defence. Being vastly heavy will. Infact. Affect the furniture you can use. If you donāt take that into account. Itās YOUR OWN FAULT.
Not OPs responsibility to weigh these women and compare their weights to ensure they fall within the max of their shit? NTA. Tell your buddy to keep them in his room if they are breaking shit.
Iām overweight (not morbidly) and yes my couch cushions are flat where I sit, the other areas, are fine (where normal weight people sit). It is $3000.00 couch. My brother and I got the same 550.00 (on sale) gaming chair. Mine broke and his is fine.
Your clinically underweight so you probably have no experience with furniture and the obese. Yes we damage furniture, even expensive furniture doesnāt last like it is supposed to. OP isnāt a fat phobic or isnāt a a fat basher, he is stating a fact. Plus some people cant afford high end furniture or to replace cheap furniture if someone damages or breaks it. Yes low end furniture breaks fast but it breaks a whole lot faster if someone weighs more than the weight it was designed for.
I have fat family, I bought a special chair just for them to use when they come over because itās wider and holds weight better. Hate to inform you that a $300 couch is cheap furniture. The foam is obviously not going to be as good quality as a $5,000 couch and thatās the fact of cheap furniture. I had sags on my $300 couch too, from my flat ass. Your big butt is obviously making a bigger more noticeable sag, if it wasnāt there to compare you would notice that normal weighted people cause deterioration to the foam as well. Gaming chairs start being averaged priced at around $1,000 so while $550 might have felt like a lot itās still not high end.
Edit: also I mean no offence by saying you have a big butt, thatās purely from a place of jealousy and no butt
I donāt know what the original price was the chairs were 50 or 60% off. The couch was $3,000.00 (sorry I didnāt put the comma in). Yes my ass is huge. Iām working with Dr.s, a dietician, nutritionist to help me loose weight. I have 3 medical conditions and 6 meds that cause weight gain. They are trying to figure out what to do. One medicine I was on I gained 45 pounds without a change in diet or exercise, they too me off of it I lost 40 in 2 months but I have to go back on it.
I hope I can kinda keep the ass but loose the stomach. š
Like my gran said āyou can always lose weight but you canāt lose a bad personality, and a good personality is the true sign of beautyā, weight it just weight isnāt it. It doesnāt change who you are or make you less than. All the best on your weight loss/health journey! Iām on a weight gain journey because Iāve been chronically underweight for medical reasons for almost a decade. First time in a decade (besides when I was pregnant) that a weigh a decent amount! Trying to stay healthy is such a struggle, but staying mentally healthy is the most important part!
Is it where normal people sit or where people sit less frequently? I'm a normal weight and my "spots" are also kinda indented because they see the most use.
Additionally if 2 people of the same weight buy 2 of the same chair one will still break earlier than the other. While it's absolutely reasonable to assume your weight has something to do with it a sample size of 2 really doesn't prove that much. Hell I bet you can find people with your situation where the brothers chair broke first and it still wouldn't prove or disprove anything.
Oh honey. Unless āa fewā to you means 9 or more, you really donāt get it.
And if you think a 180lb person is going to break furniture just by sitting on it, you have some serious issues.
It the world of gaming and office chairs that is cheap. Furniture is made cheaply these days, cheap furniture even more so, Iāve learned the hard way after having my furniture break so often. Iāve had $600 chairs break under skinny asses. And thatās still cheap for a chair. Do I wish manufacturers would stop ripping us off? Sure. But that doesnāt change the fact that youāre blaming fat chicks for cheap furniture.
Idk if I sit down in a chair and it randomly breaks I wouldn't feel responsible. The chair might have been old, already damaged, shoddily constructed or improperly assembled. Assuming I'm not constantly breaking chairs everywhere simply by sitting down on them.
If I misused an item like jumping around on it or smth that's different.
It's a bell curve. Ikea can withstand 100% of the Swedish population and 70% of the US population. Facts is facts, America is obese and we greatly understate how fat the majority of our citizens are.
Again. 240lbs here. Use ikea stuff constantly. No issues. These women will be 300+lbs. and at that point. YES it is ON YOU to ensure the seat you take can support your weight?
But if your weight is significantly higher than most people, I think you could safely assume it might have something to do with the chair breaking. If a woman has a period accident on someone's upholstery, it's not her fault or intention, but she should definitely offer to have it cleaned. Just common courtesy to take responsibility for something your actions caused.
Unless you're really very very VERYheavy most chairs are built to support your weight especially if you sit on it once/infrequently so no I don't think that's reasonable. If I bleed on someone's furniture then yeah the chair itself can't possibly bleed on itself. It's not about fault, it's about reasonable assumption of cause.
If a chair breaks after years of wear and tear by people other than me I don't think it's reasonable to assume I'm solely responsible when I might just be the straw that broke the camels back iykwm.
A quick google says that the average weight rating for chairs is 200-250 lbs and the average weight capacity for a three seat couch is 750lbs. If the roommate is consistently bringing over people who weigh 300lbs or significantly more as OP said then itās very likely the repeated use of these items by people over the weight limit has caused damage. OP and their roommate should just agree that if a date breaks some furniture then the roommate should make sure the item is replaced, but I donāt think OP is crazy for thinking the weight is a relevant factor in why these items are breaking.
You should be accurate about their weight. By understating it, you are sounding ridiculous. I have lived for many years with people in the weight range you you mentioned (300 lbs), and not one piece of furniture broke.
So either they are much heavier than youāre saying, or the furniture is otherwise being abused, or your furniture is shoddily made.
Have you asked your roommate to replace the broken furniture? Because the girl sitting on it should have offered, failing that she didnāt, the roommate should have. I understand being annoyed at having to replace furniture before you expected or should have had to, but the fact of the matter is, furniture fucking sucks these days especially $300 office chairs.
If you do get yourself a new chair make a new house rule that NOBODY is allowed on your gaming chair. That is a fair rule.
Idk itās just hard to believe. My family has some medically obese individuals who require two airplane seats and our homes are not full of broken furniture.
$700 is a lot for a chair. If I have furniture that doesn't break when we use it, and then a fat person sits on it and breaks it, then it's the fat person's fault. The chair was fine, works fine for us, but not for the fat person.
I got it, HAES, but damn stop being so obtuse
You used a flat cushion as evidence. It certainly sounds like xoure just trying to find shit because heavy women bother you whether you wanna admit it or not.
I have lots of furniture and friends with all different body types. Even the IKEA stuff doesnāt fall apart when sat on. By the way, ācurvyā doesnāt mean obese or 300+lbs.
If that were the case (at least to the point where sitting on it a few times would break it rather than long-term wear and tear) then any of us who know overweight/obese people would constantly see them break furniture with comical regularity and obese people would NEED to only buy specialised furniture for them otherwise they'd have no intact furniture. C'mon.
OP description of what is happening sounds accurate.
Standard safety weight rating for household furniture is for people"up to 250 pounds". You can see this on the product details page of any furniture website. The assumption is that each person weighs 250 pounds or under. So a 2 person sofa is designed to hold 500 pounds.
Commerical furniture used to have similar ratings. However, with the rise of morbid obesity in the US, commercial furniture had to be manufactured to a higher weight rating, to reduce the risk of lawsuits in public places.
When I've buy furniture for commerical places, I look for a 500 pounds weight rating per seat. Some metal chairs or special bariatric chairs go up to 750 pounds. You see these in places like hospital waiting rooms and chain restaurants
So yes, a 300 pound plus person could definitely destroy or weaken good household furniture simply by sitting on it.
This is especially true if the guests don't know enough about furniture to recognize antique or vintage furniture, basically was made for a time when people were smaller and lighter. I've had several valuable antique chairs damaged that way, by huge guests (including athletes).dropping into them suddenly like tired St. Bernards. Luckily no one was hurt, and I've learned to hide such chairs away. But they unwittingly did hundreds of dollars of damage.
Op is using a cushion as an argument so excuse me for not taking their word as gospel after that massive reach lol
One might even say that reach was so fat she doesn't want it on her furniture
Cushions get flat when people sit on them, regardless of weight. Iām nowhere near fat and I have to fluff my couch cushions and switch the ones I sit on most with the others pretty regularly. Being āformerlyā overweight doesnāt mean you donāt hate fat people. Self loathing is a thing. You really need to get over your issues rather than put them off on the women your roommate chooses to date.
I've never had a chair break under me or seen/heard of a chair breaking under anyone I know (I don't know a lot of people though) and I always buy the cheapest junk available. Are you using moldy 200 year old chairs from a crackhouse or what?
Iām not one for body shaming and I think OP should come up with a sensitive approach for this situation. But, I used to think someoneās weight didnāt effect furniture too much until I hired someone who was overweight and they ended up breaking every chair we had in our store eventually. I started buying more expensive chairs thinking that would help, but within a few weeks they were broken too. OPās complaint is valid, itās how he handles the situation that makes him an asshole or not.
This is such a detached from reality answer. Most furniture is not designed for a 300lb person. Addressing that someone is destroying things with their body is fine. Iām baffled these people are breaking things and itās completely fine in their mind.
Being overweight is not something others should have to tiptoe around. Donāt be crass, but they should have it brought to their attention that destroying furniture isnāt acceptable.
Plot twistā and because this is Reddit: š¤£
OP has wanted roomie for years but she weighed 180 and he said she āwasnāt his type.ā So she worked super hard to lose weight and is now 105. Oopsie. She went the wrong direction. Now OP hates fat ladies.
Well pro tip for the future
That shit sucks. There's a reason it's so affordable and it's because it's cheap shit that lasts only lasts a couple years at best with regular ongoing use. Alot of their shit It's designed to fail in around 3 years. so you have to go back to Ikea to get more.
Planned obsolescence is baked into the Ikea model
I have plenty of decades old Ikea furniture that I love. Yeah the quality isnāt perfect but I actually think itās pretty good for the price and Iāve had no issue with my items breaking. I do think someone weighing over 300lbs could do some damage to even well built furniture thoughā¦
Depends what, obviously. A bookshelf could last indefinitely because it never moves and is always carrying the same load. A chair that's being frequently used is a different story
Put things you care about/don't want broken into your room, where he's presumably not hooking up with anyone. Get sturdy stuff as replacements for the communal areas and make sure your roommate pays for it.
NTA.
From the childrenās department, maybe?
My good OP my ass is fat. I am a fat girl. I have yet to break:
Eight Ikea chairs
One cheap Walmart desk chair
One Ikea desk chair
One Ikea couch
Four cheap barstools
Three Ikea beds
Only ONE of which is rated for my weight plus that of my husband.
We did break one 40+ year old double bed about a year into our marriage, but that was from activities and it was the slats that gave not the bed itself, and it had been repaired repeatedly prior to us inheriting it. š¤·š»āāļø
YTA for making it about the girlsā weight. If stuff is being broken, itās about HOW it is used. No dropping. No plopping. No shoving backwards while sitting etc. it would be better to express concern that this is YOIR furniture contribution to the home that is being destroyed. Itās about respecting the home.
Love how everyone is ignoring the fact you don't have money in the household and then telling you to get the guy to replace stuff.
You can't police who he has over but you can protect your stuff.
Making rules for having visitors other be sure you follow them too.
You haven't bought the weight up so it's not like you hate people overweight.
ESH
It's Ikea furniture
It falls apart on its own in a few years with regular use.
Shits designed to get 2-3 years of regular use then fail so you have to go back to Ikea
It's called planned obsolescence and it's fkin dumb
NTA. I would say y t a if I thought you were just being mean about their size but this is impacting your living environment. Just show him all the broken furniture. And tell him it's fine for him to bring bigger girls over as long as he pays to repair/replace the furniture they are breaking.
YTA
Seriously youāre mad because your couch and stools arenāt as fluffy as they used to be when you first purchased them? You know theyāre not the only people to have ever sat on them right? What about the hours YOU and your roommate have spent sitting on them? Do you think that didnāt also contribute to its flatness? Itās called wear and tear. Itās not the fault of the women that he brings over.
The only thing I can see them kind of paying for is your gaming chair. But even then, itās not like she was roughhousing on it or anything right? All she did was sit on it. That is its intended purpose right? To be sat on? It was an unfortunate accident. Nothing that you should still be stewing over.
Other than what sounds like the gaming chair, you purchased cheap crap from IKEA and are now upset that they didnāt perform up to your standards.
NTA. How about a rephrase though, if he's bringing in people who are breaking furniture, he needs to pay to get new furniture. That's it.
And "oh it still works" doesn't apply for things that are fundamentally broken. Flattened pillows are eh, but broken chairs that lilt to the side are outright busted. Especially when it's your personal computer chair that's broken.
NTA ask him to keep his activities to the bed room. That might help to preserve the furniture. Cheaper furniture has a weight limit and will break when it meets those limits.
Yta, even if you bring up their size, heās going to still be bringing them over. The issue is his guests are breaking stuff and he needs to pay for them to be fixed or replaced
You won't be TA if you concentrate solely on the furniture damage & that it seems to be the people he's bringing home who are causing the issues.
Having said that ime it takes a LOT to break furniture even from Ikea if it's assembled properly unless the quality has drastically reduced in the last few years!!
Ikeas always been pretty good, itās the IKEA wannabes you gotta be careful of, in Australia (where I live) Freedom Furniture and Amart are all assembled by toddlers apparently
YTA move your chair into your room if you dont want it sat on. Sofa cushions squish, youre supposed to fluff them. Ive known some fat mfs I refuse to believe their heft is fuckin up your furniture that bad that fast unless your furniture came out of the mcD's happy meal or some shit
Lmao no and the people saying furniture is cheap because it breaks doesnāt understand there are weight ratings for everything and not everything has to have a weight rating of 600lbs for fat chicks that you arenāt seeing
YTA for policing who he can and canāt have over.
youād be better to set a boundary that they stay in his room rather than hanging out in communal spaces, thatās a reasonable request.
I would treat it like any other situation where a guest damages anything-- The guest or the person hosting them should pay for the item. If I(or my kid) break or damage my friend's mug, dish, toy, etc, I would certainly offer to reimburse them. Ignore the weight issue and ask your roommate to replace the computer chair and stool.
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You are so afraid of sounding like a bad person that youāve ended up sounding like an even worse person. Instead of telling your friend to stop bringing fat girls home, tell him to keep his activities to his own bedroom. That would be a perfectly reasonable request.
You wouldn't be the AH if you decide to express your concern about the repeated damage caused by your friend's partners' sizes. However, it's important to approach the conversation with empathy and without body-shaming. If your friend is aware of the damage but fails to address the issue or take responsibility for it, despite your efforts to communicate, then he might be considered the "ah" for not showing consideration for your shared living space and disregarding your feelings. You two need to have a real heart to heart about this and work it out.
Question Just how big are these women? How often do they come over and how cheap is your furniture? It takes a lot to cause the type damage you are describing. It's hard to believe that the damage you're describing could be caused solely by them.
Tbh if i as so fat i broke chairs in the apartment of a fling i would be sorry and replace it but also pretty much ashamed to hell about it. This isnt about weight but about respect and manners. If u break it u repair or replace it. The weight is just playing a part in Op being scared to say smth and the issue arising
Tell him that your furniture has a weight limit. Thats not a dig on the girls sizes, just the plain truth. If they break something, they need to pay for it, or he does since he invited them there.
Well if that's the case then all you can really do since you say moving is out is to be more direct in addressing the issue, you could say something like, "Look, these guests you keep inviting over are destroying our furniture, and it's becoming a real problem. We can't afford to be replacing things because of their size. We need to find a different solution or set some ground rules about who we invite over." You should be prepared that using a harsh tone may escalate the situation and harm your relationship, so it's important to consider the potential consequences before using this approach.
I wouldnāt even bring up size. Just say youāve noticed furniture breaking and you havenāt been the one breaking it. And that, whether itās him or his guests he is responsible for it if it breaks and from this conversation forward into the future OP will be expecting him to pay for any furniture that is broken by him or his guests, so please try to be more careful when using the furniture.
This is the obvious, adult, way to handle this. It doesnāt matter if they broke because the guests were large, or if it was because they were playing around, or really for whatever reason. If the roommateās guests destroy furniture, the onus is on the roommate to replace it or have the guest replace it.
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All the fat sympathizers and saviors thought op was a misogynistic man. š¤£š¤£š¤£ Turns out op is a woman. And the mental gymnastics are HILARIOUS!!
Either this story is fake or you bought furniture made of bendy straws
NTA You should be clear about the damage furniture. Furniture has weight limits and life expectancy under certain conditions. I'm assuming this is an over time thing and not a newer issue. Although I guess the issue is who paid for what and is the damaged stuff considered communal or personal. Like the gaming chair. If that was personal, he needs to replace it since his guest broke it.
>Idk if i should just tell him straight out that they are literally fucking up our furniture because of their size I think you should. That's what the whole issue is about, after all. Be careful with the framing: it's not about insulting them or putting them down because of their weight -- it's a practical problem. They are causing damage. Is he willing to pay for replacements/repairs? If so, maybe you can get a deposit out of him so he can't go back on his word. Get him to replace your chair, for a start, regardless. He has a right to his guests, but if they are damaging the furniture, especially that which is yours and not shared, he should be paying for the damage. He doesn't have a right to have his guests use and damage your things. Maybe get him to tell guests that your computer chair is off bounds because you don't want others to use it (no mention of weight needed). NTA
If you break it you replace it. If your guests break it they or you replace it. That's just common curtesy/common sense. Your friend should replace what he and his ladies have broken.
Your computer chair should have a knob under it you can twist to tighten back up, if not you bought a shitty chair
Jeezā¦just how big are these women you are talking about? My room mate is around 300 pounds and weāve never had issues with the furniture, so I canāt really do anything here other than assume that all your furniture is made out of fucking papier-mĆ¢chĆ©
They are American. Let that guide you lol
Roommate got riz, you don't. YTA.
California isnāt as expensive as NYC so you can easily move. Also leases are easier to break there. NTA though.
>California isnāt as expensive as NYC so you can easily move. What a weird and unrelated comparison to make. That's like saying "your solid platinum engagement ring isn't expensive to replace because it didn't have a diamond on it" or "you can easily afford chemotherapy because it's cheaper than a heart transplant". I'm obsessed with the idea that only one thing can be expensive at a time and everything else is cheap.
Um exactly how large are these women? You say āa bit curvier.ā Sorry but people who are āa bit curvierā donāt regularly break furniture unless itās made of pizza boxes. Also, you live in California? I thought that anyone over 200 was considered a hippo out there? How is your roommate finding hordes of massive women? Leaning YTA because this smells like you just hate fat women, especially since you claim to be a former fat woman.
YWBTA if you told him not to bring these women home. This is a communication problem. The guy probably doesn't understand what your problem is because (it seems) you didn't tell him outright that his guest broke the chair. You say you witnessed it, but did you speak up then and ask for compensation? If not, you cannot expect your roomate to be a mindreader.
YTA for having incredibly weak furniture and blaming it on this happy shagger.
Then RM can spend more on quality furniture that handles his guests. Win win
YTA for trying to tell him what to do, *without telling him the reason why*. This post makes no sense. His friend broke your expensive desk chair - ask him to replace it. And move your valuable stuff out of the common areas. His friend broke the kitchen stool - point it out & ask him to fix it or replace it. Couch cushions - thatās just the price of having a cheap couch. Buy yourself extra cushions & keep them in your room, if itās truly that uncomfortable to use now (but donāt do that as a passive-aggressive alternative to using your words!). But stop trying to tell him who he can bring home - thatās not your business.
YTA. What type of furniture do you own that they break when someone sits on it ??? It feels that thereās more to the story and of your dynamic with your flatmate. The issue canāt be the weight. Either his flings are demons and use your furnitures in an inappropriate manner (like hanging off a chair and standing on it), either youāve bought cheap af furniture and it was bound to happen, or you have an underlying issue with your flatmate dating chubby people. Also about the fluffiness or the pillows, you truly are a miserable person. Are they sitting for 20h+ on your couch at a time ? Pillow will lose fluffiness. Itās not with a fat person sitting on it for an hour that it will. I hope your flatmate dumps the 60kg of crap he has been dragging around (you) if this is your behaviour with him dating someone.
NTA. OP, don't listen to comments about you hating on big girls. Your issue is with the fact that your furniture is being harmed. You can't control who your roommate brings over. But let him know very clearly if another furniture breaks because of his guests,no matter who they are, he or his guest has to pay for that.
YTA sorry I used to weigh 120 kg when I had to take steroids for my asthma Iām down to 70 kg now all in 5 years and none of my furniture has broken just from being used by me and Iām a it rougher with my own things than I am with other peopleās. Itās not their fault your furniture sucks and youāre being mean.
"but theres a pattern of the furniture getting fucked up because of this" Hahahhahahahahahahhahahahhaha - NTA for wanting to preserve your furniture.
A girl coming over for one or two visits is not going to do that to all your furniture. you also donāt get to pick and choose who your friend gets to bring home sorry. YTA
My ex's morbidly obese friend did exactly that the few times he came over. Broke 3 separate chairs -- one of which he broke so severely his ass hit the floor. Was it cheap furniture? Yeah, which is exactly why I had asked him to sit in x seat instead that was sturdier. He said it was nbd and that he wanted to sit here instead... and immediately broke it. Repeat the next time, and the next... And honestly, if my roommate keeps bringing over people who break my things, I absolutely get to ask that he either compensate the damages, control their actions better to avoid the damages, or yes those ppl don't get to come over anymore. OP is very much NTA here
Then you were ridiculous to keep leaving a new chair out over and over
Who said they were new?? The time he shattered a chair to the floor, we had over a dozen ppl over for Thanksgiving, and had out a dozen sturdy chairs. He actively chose the shabbiest chair I had as backup seating despite me actively telling him not to sit there, but to please take one of the quality chairs ETA: also, how is it ever ridiculous to have my own chairs in my own house? Whose house am I supposed to have my furniture in??
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Yes and furniture doesnāt just do that it happens over time. Also they donāt get to pick who comes over. because they donāt like their weight? please ridiculous reason
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Then put your expensive computer chair in your room when you leave. Itās quite simple and put out a stationary chair as replacement if you are spending 750 on a chair I wouldnāt be leaving it out. He has know the roommate since middle school. Its not like they suddenly preferred plus size ladies
It wasn't just the chair, it was a stool amd the couch too. He may have known about his roommates preferences but not how it would end up costing OP. OP and roommate both get a say in who comes over to their shared home.
Things wear over time. The furniture is from IKEA. The roommate is also a larger person. It happens. Add more stuffing to the furniture. You can not decide who your roommate has to visit based on weight.
Yes it does happen. OP is trying to prevent it from happening. I've had to replace a couch a couldn't afford because of heavy people too. OP needs to talk to his roommate or perhaps find a new place to live. His roommates preferences shouldn't be costing him money. ETA...this isn't one girl the roommate is seeing. These are random hook ups. It's not too much to ask the roommate to go to her house.
Ok but there is nothing in this post stating who purchased the furniture. What if it was purchased together? And the roommate is also a larger person. Should he not be allowed to sit or use the furniture? You canāt restrict company based on weight sorry. The op could also do things to prevent their things from being broken too
What if OP purchased all the furniture himself...we don't know and it doesn't matter. It does say he purchased his chair but whatever. OP can voice concerns about to their roommate and see what happens. I absolutely can restrict company based on weight...and I do. Thank you very much.
NTA, but I'd just focus on the broken furniture rather than the girls sizes. Honestly it might be more what he gets up to than that they're heavier, I know a friend with a broken couch from similar and she's not heavy by any means. If he wants to bring girls home he can replace the broken furniture, and keep off your stuff. Or he can fuck on the floor cause I doubt he can break that. If he does break something it's his job to replace it, especially if it's yours. This includes if one of his guests breaks it, cause they're there for him, he's taking responsibility for them.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me and a friend of mine Ive known since middle school share an apartment. He likes his women a bit curvier, i didnāt mind at all, but theres a pattern of the furniture getting fucked up because of this. I have a computer chair that was a few hundreds, one of the girls broke it when she sat on it so now its wobbly and tilts to the side. The couch cushions are no longer fluffy, they are flat, and one of our kitchen stools got stuck the same problem where one of the legs broke and itās lopsided. I tried to lay it on him easy when i asked him next time if he can just go to the girlsā homes instead, he got defensive and told me he paid rent too, I started pushing it more because we literally do not have money for new furniture and its to the point where im begging him to please stop bringing girls home, i dont want to bring up their size because its rude, but hes refusing and keeps on bringing girls over weekly. Idk if i should just tell him straight out that they are literally fucking up our furniture because of their size, i really feel fucked up about it but thats why our furniture is now lopsided and hes not getting the hint, i also canāt afford to move out because we live in california. WIBTA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Eh, if you say stop bringing fat girls home YWBTA. But if you say, āIf you have a guest over and they damage something in the house, then you are responsible for replacing it,ā YWNBTA. Because size aside, anybody can break something and it should still be expected they he or they should replace or repair it. Itās incredibly rude and nasty behavior to just go into peopleās home damaging things and then shrug your shoulders and say oh well.
Couch cushions go flat with wear, even if featherlight people sit on them (fluff them up if it worries you). That detail, I think, is pushing the envelope a bit - you don't need to buy new cushions or a new couch.
That's the bit where they were telling on themselves IMO
Iāve since realised OP is a woman, do you think she has feelings or something for roomie? Seems wild to tell someone you live with they canāt bang fat chicks anymore lol
Itās at the very least short sighted and otherwise mean spirited. If a skinny person came to OPās house and broke the furniture, then what? What about one of the roommateās male friends? Is that okay? I wonder what she would say about that.
NTA. Get him to pay for new furniture everytime anything gets broken. He already owes you a desk chair (though potentially it's just the wheel that's broken and you can buy replacements). Rather than saying he can't have guests, have you said: Your guest broke my chair, I would like you to fix it or buy a replacement.
YTA. Seriously. Iād find another roommate if I were him. Maybe you should go live in a studio?
NTA and Iād have been asking for some money if theyād broken my computer chair and other items around the house.
YTA
YTA. Itās not the fat girls that are breaking your furniture. Itās furniture, the amount of chairs Iāve had break on me and Iām clinically underweight. Just admit you hate fat girls, the fact that your roommate has game, and find somewhere else to live
If the roommate had game, he would be bringing home normal sized women.
Spotted the incel
Oh no, don't tell my wife
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I was physically present on the chair when it broke too. Furniture breaks and a few hundred is not a lot for a gaming chair. Thatās low end. Buying low end furniture means it breaks faster.
A few hundred isnāt a low enough end gaming chair that it should break from someone sitting in it as someone whoās 230lbs š these chicks have to be 250+ to be breaking all that furniture. Weighing more also means furniture will break more? I broke a bed when I was 240 because I sat down to hard? Trying to pretend being 300lbs DOESNT damage furniture just detracts from your defence. Being vastly heavy will. Infact. Affect the furniture you can use. If you donāt take that into account. Itās YOUR OWN FAULT. Not OPs responsibility to weigh these women and compare their weights to ensure they fall within the max of their shit? NTA. Tell your buddy to keep them in his room if they are breaking shit.
Iām overweight (not morbidly) and yes my couch cushions are flat where I sit, the other areas, are fine (where normal weight people sit). It is $3000.00 couch. My brother and I got the same 550.00 (on sale) gaming chair. Mine broke and his is fine. Your clinically underweight so you probably have no experience with furniture and the obese. Yes we damage furniture, even expensive furniture doesnāt last like it is supposed to. OP isnāt a fat phobic or isnāt a a fat basher, he is stating a fact. Plus some people cant afford high end furniture or to replace cheap furniture if someone damages or breaks it. Yes low end furniture breaks fast but it breaks a whole lot faster if someone weighs more than the weight it was designed for.
I have fat family, I bought a special chair just for them to use when they come over because itās wider and holds weight better. Hate to inform you that a $300 couch is cheap furniture. The foam is obviously not going to be as good quality as a $5,000 couch and thatās the fact of cheap furniture. I had sags on my $300 couch too, from my flat ass. Your big butt is obviously making a bigger more noticeable sag, if it wasnāt there to compare you would notice that normal weighted people cause deterioration to the foam as well. Gaming chairs start being averaged priced at around $1,000 so while $550 might have felt like a lot itās still not high end. Edit: also I mean no offence by saying you have a big butt, thatās purely from a place of jealousy and no butt
I donāt know what the original price was the chairs were 50 or 60% off. The couch was $3,000.00 (sorry I didnāt put the comma in). Yes my ass is huge. Iām working with Dr.s, a dietician, nutritionist to help me loose weight. I have 3 medical conditions and 6 meds that cause weight gain. They are trying to figure out what to do. One medicine I was on I gained 45 pounds without a change in diet or exercise, they too me off of it I lost 40 in 2 months but I have to go back on it. I hope I can kinda keep the ass but loose the stomach. š
Like my gran said āyou can always lose weight but you canāt lose a bad personality, and a good personality is the true sign of beautyā, weight it just weight isnāt it. It doesnāt change who you are or make you less than. All the best on your weight loss/health journey! Iām on a weight gain journey because Iāve been chronically underweight for medical reasons for almost a decade. First time in a decade (besides when I was pregnant) that a weigh a decent amount! Trying to stay healthy is such a struggle, but staying mentally healthy is the most important part!
Is it where normal people sit or where people sit less frequently? I'm a normal weight and my "spots" are also kinda indented because they see the most use. Additionally if 2 people of the same weight buy 2 of the same chair one will still break earlier than the other. While it's absolutely reasonable to assume your weight has something to do with it a sample size of 2 really doesn't prove that much. Hell I bet you can find people with your situation where the brothers chair broke first and it still wouldn't prove or disprove anything.
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Oh honey. Unless āa fewā to you means 9 or more, you really donāt get it. And if you think a 180lb person is going to break furniture just by sitting on it, you have some serious issues.
I used to weight 270 lbs and never broke anything.
It the world of gaming and office chairs that is cheap. Furniture is made cheaply these days, cheap furniture even more so, Iāve learned the hard way after having my furniture break so often. Iāve had $600 chairs break under skinny asses. And thatās still cheap for a chair. Do I wish manufacturers would stop ripping us off? Sure. But that doesnāt change the fact that youāre blaming fat chicks for cheap furniture.
Cheap or not, if you break something in someone else's home, the fair and decent thing to do is offer to repair or replace it.
Idk if I sit down in a chair and it randomly breaks I wouldn't feel responsible. The chair might have been old, already damaged, shoddily constructed or improperly assembled. Assuming I'm not constantly breaking chairs everywhere simply by sitting down on them. If I misused an item like jumping around on it or smth that's different.
If you weigh 300lbs youāre miss using EVERYTHING you sit on unless itās a chair designed for that much weightā¦..
No, a well made piece of furniture can withstand people's weight, you don't need to buy special furniture, just don't buy crap. IKEA is crap furniture
I have some IKEA furniture and have friends with many different body types. None of it has ever broken under their weight.
It's a bell curve. Ikea can withstand 100% of the Swedish population and 70% of the US population. Facts is facts, America is obese and we greatly understate how fat the majority of our citizens are.
Again. 240lbs here. Use ikea stuff constantly. No issues. These women will be 300+lbs. and at that point. YES it is ON YOU to ensure the seat you take can support your weight?
But if your weight is significantly higher than most people, I think you could safely assume it might have something to do with the chair breaking. If a woman has a period accident on someone's upholstery, it's not her fault or intention, but she should definitely offer to have it cleaned. Just common courtesy to take responsibility for something your actions caused.
Unless you're really very very VERYheavy most chairs are built to support your weight especially if you sit on it once/infrequently so no I don't think that's reasonable. If I bleed on someone's furniture then yeah the chair itself can't possibly bleed on itself. It's not about fault, it's about reasonable assumption of cause. If a chair breaks after years of wear and tear by people other than me I don't think it's reasonable to assume I'm solely responsible when I might just be the straw that broke the camels back iykwm.
A quick google says that the average weight rating for chairs is 200-250 lbs and the average weight capacity for a three seat couch is 750lbs. If the roommate is consistently bringing over people who weigh 300lbs or significantly more as OP said then itās very likely the repeated use of these items by people over the weight limit has caused damage. OP and their roommate should just agree that if a date breaks some furniture then the roommate should make sure the item is replaced, but I donāt think OP is crazy for thinking the weight is a relevant factor in why these items are breaking.
True but you also don't threathen to ban an entire group of people from your home over it.
Thatās correct. That I cannot argue with.
It doesn't break that easily. Not even when big girls sit on it.
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You should be accurate about their weight. By understating it, you are sounding ridiculous. I have lived for many years with people in the weight range you you mentioned (300 lbs), and not one piece of furniture broke. So either they are much heavier than youāre saying, or the furniture is otherwise being abused, or your furniture is shoddily made.
Have you asked your roommate to replace the broken furniture? Because the girl sitting on it should have offered, failing that she didnāt, the roommate should have. I understand being annoyed at having to replace furniture before you expected or should have had to, but the fact of the matter is, furniture fucking sucks these days especially $300 office chairs. If you do get yourself a new chair make a new house rule that NOBODY is allowed on your gaming chair. That is a fair rule.
Idk itās just hard to believe. My family has some medically obese individuals who require two airplane seats and our homes are not full of broken furniture.
But rest assured, this post as nothing to do with their weight /s
Idk Iām only 240 and snapped my mattress supports just by sitting down to hard?ā¦.
You donāt believe in weight limits? A lot of things have them for a reason.
$700 is a lot for a chair. If I have furniture that doesn't break when we use it, and then a fat person sits on it and breaks it, then it's the fat person's fault. The chair was fine, works fine for us, but not for the fat person. I got it, HAES, but damn stop being so obtuse
You used a flat cushion as evidence. It certainly sounds like xoure just trying to find shit because heavy women bother you whether you wanna admit it or not.
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I have lots of furniture and friends with all different body types. Even the IKEA stuff doesnāt fall apart when sat on. By the way, ācurvyā doesnāt mean obese or 300+lbs.
If that were the case (at least to the point where sitting on it a few times would break it rather than long-term wear and tear) then any of us who know overweight/obese people would constantly see them break furniture with comical regularity and obese people would NEED to only buy specialised furniture for them otherwise they'd have no intact furniture. C'mon.
How many people do you know who weigh over 300lbs?
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Not everything is a personal attack but your arguments sound ridic sorry. Get a diff roommate or live alone if you wanna control who visits.
OP description of what is happening sounds accurate. Standard safety weight rating for household furniture is for people"up to 250 pounds". You can see this on the product details page of any furniture website. The assumption is that each person weighs 250 pounds or under. So a 2 person sofa is designed to hold 500 pounds. Commerical furniture used to have similar ratings. However, with the rise of morbid obesity in the US, commercial furniture had to be manufactured to a higher weight rating, to reduce the risk of lawsuits in public places. When I've buy furniture for commerical places, I look for a 500 pounds weight rating per seat. Some metal chairs or special bariatric chairs go up to 750 pounds. You see these in places like hospital waiting rooms and chain restaurants So yes, a 300 pound plus person could definitely destroy or weaken good household furniture simply by sitting on it. This is especially true if the guests don't know enough about furniture to recognize antique or vintage furniture, basically was made for a time when people were smaller and lighter. I've had several valuable antique chairs damaged that way, by huge guests (including athletes).dropping into them suddenly like tired St. Bernards. Luckily no one was hurt, and I've learned to hide such chairs away. But they unwittingly did hundreds of dollars of damage.
Op is using a cushion as an argument so excuse me for not taking their word as gospel after that massive reach lol One might even say that reach was so fat she doesn't want it on her furniture
Hereās the truth. She says she weighs 105 but used to be āoverweightā. I bet overweight was 130 pounds. Get over yourself YTA
Cushions get flat when people sit on them, regardless of weight. Iām nowhere near fat and I have to fluff my couch cushions and switch the ones I sit on most with the others pretty regularly. Being āformerlyā overweight doesnāt mean you donāt hate fat people. Self loathing is a thing. You really need to get over your issues rather than put them off on the women your roommate chooses to date.
I've never had a chair break under me or seen/heard of a chair breaking under anyone I know (I don't know a lot of people though) and I always buy the cheapest junk available. Are you using moldy 200 year old chairs from a crackhouse or what?
Iām not one for body shaming and I think OP should come up with a sensitive approach for this situation. But, I used to think someoneās weight didnāt effect furniture too much until I hired someone who was overweight and they ended up breaking every chair we had in our store eventually. I started buying more expensive chairs thinking that would help, but within a few weeks they were broken too. OPās complaint is valid, itās how he handles the situation that makes him an asshole or not.
This is such a detached from reality answer. Most furniture is not designed for a 300lb person. Addressing that someone is destroying things with their body is fine. Iām baffled these people are breaking things and itās completely fine in their mind. Being overweight is not something others should have to tiptoe around. Donāt be crass, but they should have it brought to their attention that destroying furniture isnāt acceptable.
Plot twistā and because this is Reddit: š¤£ OP has wanted roomie for years but she weighed 180 and he said she āwasnāt his type.ā So she worked super hard to lose weight and is now 105. Oopsie. She went the wrong direction. Now OP hates fat ladies.
Lol
I'm sorry did you buy your furniture at barbie's playhouse?
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Well pro tip for the future That shit sucks. There's a reason it's so affordable and it's because it's cheap shit that lasts only lasts a couple years at best with regular ongoing use. Alot of their shit It's designed to fail in around 3 years. so you have to go back to Ikea to get more. Planned obsolescence is baked into the Ikea model
We have had our Ikea chairs for about 9 years and it has survived me, pets, and kids. Its how you use it that matters.
I have plenty of decades old Ikea furniture that I love. Yeah the quality isnāt perfect but I actually think itās pretty good for the price and Iāve had no issue with my items breaking. I do think someone weighing over 300lbs could do some damage to even well built furniture thoughā¦
Depends what, obviously. A bookshelf could last indefinitely because it never moves and is always carrying the same load. A chair that's being frequently used is a different story
Put things you care about/don't want broken into your room, where he's presumably not hooking up with anyone. Get sturdy stuff as replacements for the communal areas and make sure your roommate pays for it. NTA.
Same thing
From the childrenās department, maybe? My good OP my ass is fat. I am a fat girl. I have yet to break: Eight Ikea chairs One cheap Walmart desk chair One Ikea desk chair One Ikea couch Four cheap barstools Three Ikea beds Only ONE of which is rated for my weight plus that of my husband. We did break one 40+ year old double bed about a year into our marriage, but that was from activities and it was the slats that gave not the bed itself, and it had been repaired repeatedly prior to us inheriting it. š¤·š»āāļø YTA for making it about the girlsā weight. If stuff is being broken, itās about HOW it is used. No dropping. No plopping. No shoving backwards while sitting etc. it would be better to express concern that this is YOIR furniture contribution to the home that is being destroyed. Itās about respecting the home.
Love how everyone is ignoring the fact you don't have money in the household and then telling you to get the guy to replace stuff. You can't police who he has over but you can protect your stuff. Making rules for having visitors other be sure you follow them too. You haven't bought the weight up so it's not like you hate people overweight. ESH
Is your furniture made out of cardboard? Because no one is big enough to unfluff a couch by sitting on it once a week.
It's Ikea furniture It falls apart on its own in a few years with regular use. Shits designed to get 2-3 years of regular use then fail so you have to go back to Ikea It's called planned obsolescence and it's fkin dumb
Aaahhhh yes. I remember when I was in my 20ās and furnished my first apartment with ikea stuff. What fun that was! š
NTA. I would say y t a if I thought you were just being mean about their size but this is impacting your living environment. Just show him all the broken furniture. And tell him it's fine for him to bring bigger girls over as long as he pays to repair/replace the furniture they are breaking.
YTA Seriously youāre mad because your couch and stools arenāt as fluffy as they used to be when you first purchased them? You know theyāre not the only people to have ever sat on them right? What about the hours YOU and your roommate have spent sitting on them? Do you think that didnāt also contribute to its flatness? Itās called wear and tear. Itās not the fault of the women that he brings over. The only thing I can see them kind of paying for is your gaming chair. But even then, itās not like she was roughhousing on it or anything right? All she did was sit on it. That is its intended purpose right? To be sat on? It was an unfortunate accident. Nothing that you should still be stewing over. Other than what sounds like the gaming chair, you purchased cheap crap from IKEA and are now upset that they didnāt perform up to your standards.
NTA. How about a rephrase though, if he's bringing in people who are breaking furniture, he needs to pay to get new furniture. That's it. And "oh it still works" doesn't apply for things that are fundamentally broken. Flattened pillows are eh, but broken chairs that lilt to the side are outright busted. Especially when it's your personal computer chair that's broken.
Yta
NTA ask him to keep his activities to the bed room. That might help to preserve the furniture. Cheaper furniture has a weight limit and will break when it meets those limits.
Yta, even if you bring up their size, heās going to still be bringing them over. The issue is his guests are breaking stuff and he needs to pay for them to be fixed or replaced
You won't be TA if you concentrate solely on the furniture damage & that it seems to be the people he's bringing home who are causing the issues. Having said that ime it takes a LOT to break furniture even from Ikea if it's assembled properly unless the quality has drastically reduced in the last few years!!
Ikeas always been pretty good, itās the IKEA wannabes you gotta be careful of, in Australia (where I live) Freedom Furniture and Amart are all assembled by toddlers apparently
YTA move your chair into your room if you dont want it sat on. Sofa cushions squish, youre supposed to fluff them. Ive known some fat mfs I refuse to believe their heft is fuckin up your furniture that bad that fast unless your furniture came out of the mcD's happy meal or some shit
Lmao no and the people saying furniture is cheap because it breaks doesnāt understand there are weight ratings for everything and not everything has to have a weight rating of 600lbs for fat chicks that you arenāt seeing
YTA for policing who he can and canāt have over. youād be better to set a boundary that they stay in his room rather than hanging out in communal spaces, thatās a reasonable request.
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I would treat it like any other situation where a guest damages anything-- The guest or the person hosting them should pay for the item. If I(or my kid) break or damage my friend's mug, dish, toy, etc, I would certainly offer to reimburse them. Ignore the weight issue and ask your roommate to replace the computer chair and stool.
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NTA, set boundaries or you will be sitting on the floors soon enough.
You are so afraid of sounding like a bad person that youāve ended up sounding like an even worse person. Instead of telling your friend to stop bringing fat girls home, tell him to keep his activities to his own bedroom. That would be a perfectly reasonable request.
It doesnt sound like sex is what it breaking the furniture
Youāre not a bad person for being sick and tired of fat ppl costing you.
You wouldn't be the AH if you decide to express your concern about the repeated damage caused by your friend's partners' sizes. However, it's important to approach the conversation with empathy and without body-shaming. If your friend is aware of the damage but fails to address the issue or take responsibility for it, despite your efforts to communicate, then he might be considered the "ah" for not showing consideration for your shared living space and disregarding your feelings. You two need to have a real heart to heart about this and work it out. Question Just how big are these women? How often do they come over and how cheap is your furniture? It takes a lot to cause the type damage you are describing. It's hard to believe that the damage you're describing could be caused solely by them.
Tbh if i as so fat i broke chairs in the apartment of a fling i would be sorry and replace it but also pretty much ashamed to hell about it. This isnt about weight but about respect and manners. If u break it u repair or replace it. The weight is just playing a part in Op being scared to say smth and the issue arising
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Tell him that your furniture has a weight limit. Thats not a dig on the girls sizes, just the plain truth. If they break something, they need to pay for it, or he does since he invited them there.
Well if that's the case then all you can really do since you say moving is out is to be more direct in addressing the issue, you could say something like, "Look, these guests you keep inviting over are destroying our furniture, and it's becoming a real problem. We can't afford to be replacing things because of their size. We need to find a different solution or set some ground rules about who we invite over." You should be prepared that using a harsh tone may escalate the situation and harm your relationship, so it's important to consider the potential consequences before using this approach.
I wouldnāt even bring up size. Just say youāve noticed furniture breaking and you havenāt been the one breaking it. And that, whether itās him or his guests he is responsible for it if it breaks and from this conversation forward into the future OP will be expecting him to pay for any furniture that is broken by him or his guests, so please try to be more careful when using the furniture.
This is the obvious, adult, way to handle this. It doesnāt matter if they broke because the guests were large, or if it was because they were playing around, or really for whatever reason. If the roommateās guests destroy furniture, the onus is on the roommate to replace it or have the guest replace it.