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> Wasn’t OVER the top thankful and dismissed his feelings when confronted
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NTA. 1000x
I'm so sorry about your stroke and I hope you are recovering well and receiving the love and support you need from your mom.
Maybe this is the universe telling you that he is not the guy for you. You already said it best: you'd rather be alone than deal with his drama . Please don't forget that and take this time to focus on yourself.
This guy is placing his neediness above your needs. He attached strings to his acts of kindness, as in, he wants you to fawn over him, to lavish him with gratitude, for things that he ought to do without expectation of reward. It's not like you stubbed your toe - you had a fucking stroke! Get a new boyfriend or maybe explore singlehood. NTA
“I said I had a headache & he told me that’s not possible since I don’t have nerves in my brain & that my stroke was so small I’m probably imagining it.”
HE SAID WHAT?!
“I told him I wasn’t mad.”
You should have been.
“He was annoyed and asked why I picked a CVS that was 6 mins away instead of a closer one.”
He was annoyed that he had to travel six whole minutes to get you some medication following your stroke. Again, WHAT?!
“He feels like I’ve been unappreciative towards him, that he’s gone out of his way a lot, and that I didn’t comfort him appropriately last night.”
Wow, I used to think seeing red was an analogy. But there you go. I’m actually seeing red.
NTA. I hope your mom arrives soon and spoils the ever-loving heck out of you. All the best for your recovery, OP.
Do not answer his calls.
“I’d rather be alone than deal with drama.”
And don’t forget this.
Hi medical professional here. He's an idiot. The phrase about nerves and the brain alone make me seeth. Headaches are extremely common in certain strokes and I'm so sorry he ignored you because anything with your brain is beyond scary especially younger. Whatever his reasoning being the fact that a 6 min drive to the pharmacy for meds was too much is an indicator. Good on your Mom.
NTA. I'm glad your mom is coming out to help you. It's understandable that your partner can't do everything if he's stressed about work, but it's absolutely unfair of him to take it out on you. He should be able to put his emotional needs on the back burner for a short time when you have had a STROKE.
NTA OP. I had a stroke about 9+ years ago, and my husband was never like this about it. The first thing he did when it happened was to shove some aspirin in my mouth and get me to the hospital. He kept visiting me as often as he could, and when I fractured my right femur the next year, he actually brought a DVD player and some of my favorite DVDs for me to watch in between physical and occupational therapy sessions.
If your partner is so salty because he has to help take care of you, then perhaps it’s time to reevaluate your relationship.
NTA - WTF this partner of yours doesn't care a whit about you. 'I said I had a headache & he told me that’s not possible since I don’t have nerves in my brain.' Hey brainiac, are you a doctor? And, 'I asked him to take me to pick up my meds. Again, he was annoyed and asked why I picked a CVS that was 6 mins away instead of a closer one.' Hey dude, passive aggressive much? You need to drop this bozo, his lack of basic empathy to you is a huge red flag that this relationship wasn't met to be. Hope you get better soon and find a better partner.
actually, the brain itself doesnt have pain receptors. any headaches you feel is from, well, not the brain part. blood vessels, unusual pressure, and so on.
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i think he expected you to walk off your stroke, and be able to do everything yourself as usual. NTA, because im pretty sure you arent medically cleared to do that.
NTA. You've most certainly been appreciative and I don't know what he expects from you -- I mean, you just had a damned stroke.... was he not paying attention to the doctors when they talked about how to care for you, did he bother to look it up? Does he not have friends he can vent to about his work stresses? Could he not have verbalized if he wasn't up to caring for you longterm right now so you could have planned to have your mom come while not having to pay for a last minute ticket. I mean, surely he must know your mom is likely not his biggest fan right now.
FML a stroke at your age! So very sorry you are dealing with this. I don't think your partner is a good choice for a post-stroke caregiver. Enjoy your Mom visiting and think about whether you want to keep him around. Healing light and prayers for a swift recovery. 🤍🙏🌛🌝🌜
NTA
NTA - because you need care right now and it sounds like he's being selfish.
But I have questions. You called him partner. What kind of partner? If you don't live together, then is this a boyfriend or what? How long have you been together? Kind of sounds like he's treating you like you are intruding on his time.
He’s a 4 year on again/off again boyfriend. I’m ready to call it quits over this (plus the near death experience kinda opened my eyes) but wanted to make sure I’m not crazy because he does a VERY good job of convincing me I am. He told me I was overreacting for wanting to go home
Sweetheart- I would treat a neighbor—hell, a stranger— who had a stroke better than this, and he’s supposed to be your partner. Please don’t let him make you feel crazy.
Reminds me a bit of an ex of mine. As we would go to sleep, he’d frequently crowd me over to the very edge of our queen-size bed, complaining all the whole that I was taking up too much space and he didn’t have any room. I’d literally be clinging to the edge of the bed, about to be pushed out, and he’d have half the bed empty behind him.
Oh, you need more space? Fine. Have it all, then! …and I’d go lie down on the couch. He’d follow me out all a-flutter: why did I leave? Didn’t I like sleeping next to him? How was he supposed to sleep now? Come baaaack! …until I’d go back and finally get to sleep on a reasonable bit of bed.
To this day I still don’t know if this was his idea of a funny joke or if in his half-asleep state he actually believed it. It was frustrating to play out over and over, night after night, though.
If my husband had a stroke I’d gladly care for him regardless of the time it takes because he’s my partner and the person I committed my life to. I have no doubt he’d do the same for me.
Based on your post it definitely sounds like you’re not crazy. I’m glad this has been eye opening for you. Your partner is the one person you should be able to trust and depend completely on during a time of vulnerability.
If he does a very good job of convincing you that you are crazy, doesn't care you almost died, and is irritated you have basic human needs after, oh you know, almost dying, he's an absolute trash human being and I am concerned for your safety. Stay at home with your mom. Forever.
You clearly see that he's done a tremendous job of convincing you that you're crazy. I know the term gaslighting is thrown around a lot, but here we are, in all its glory. It seems like he's pretending to be a good partner and all his "stress" is actually his jealousy and pettiness and he is struggling to keep a lid on it so you won't see him for what he is. My ex couldn't stand it if I got hurt or sick. He'd make a big song and dance, invent issues to fight about all because he couldn't bear to be "less special" and how dare I get love, help or support from anyone because I don't deserve it if he didn't get treated the exact same way. He'd frame it as me being ungrateful and dismissive of his efforts. Holidays were fucking unbearable. My pregnancies were a nightmare. He wanted to be pregnant so badly he'd froth at the mouth. He only wanted the experience so he could tell me I was faking morning sickness, heartburn, insomnia etc. Then my lupus blew up and that sent him over the edge. OP, I LOVE BEING ALONE. I had forgotten what real happiness felt like. (alone as in relationship, it's just me and my kids now and they are happy without him destroying our lives) My mum is the one I needed and I'm so glad yours came to take care of you.
YOU DESERVE FAR BETTER.
NTA ever!! You should be able to be helped by your partner. This is a serious medical issue you had and I’m glad your mom was able to be there for you. I work with someone who’s husband had open heart surgery (had 3 heart attacks back to back, really bad situation. SHE LEFT THE HOSPITAL DURING HIS OPERATION. Even the doctor called her to find out where she was after it was done. Shamed her for not staying and I loved every second of it. So, people suck.
In your darkest days you often find out who your true friends are. This also goes for partners! NTA. Focus on your recovery, he is going to keep bringing you down.
NTA. You had a f-ing STROKE and he expects you to be doing emotional labor, comforting him and seeing to *his* needs?! Ditch this man and stay with your mom.
NTA.
Just reading the part where he dismissed your headaches pissed me off. I had a stroke and I had headaches after the stroke. It doesn't matter if it's a small or big stroke, you can still get them.
If this is how gets when you have a medical crisis, just imagine how he'd get when you have a child. Every act of kindness and love he showers you with has conditions/strings attached. This is really the guy you want to stay with?
I wish you a speedy recovery and hope you get better OP.
It pissed me off too but I kept my cool because I’m trying to give my brain/nervous system a rest. I guess since I’m physiologically fine (can move just fine and acting normal) he just assumes that the brain damage had zero effects. I know better.
I also felt like there were strings attached to his kindness and it put a sour taste in my mouth about all the nice things he did for me.
Appreciate the validation.
NTA. Your partner is very immature for 31. It’s in moments of crisis you discover who your partner really is. This is who he is.
If you have a child with him he’ll expect you to take care of him and the child. He expects you to do all of the emotional work. While it seems he can’t even handle his own job well.
This guy is old enough to be able to handle his partners health crisis, work and taking care of a home. He is choosing not to. Walk away.
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This week I (28F) had a stroke. I called my partner (31M) to take me to the ER. It was 12am and we were there until early morning. I knew he had a ton of work he was behind on and told him repeatedly that he can go home. He insisted on staying.
Over the next few days he was really great, visited daily, brought me a blanket, flowers, clothes, food, checked on my cat a couple times (at my request). I thanked him every time, told him the blanket made my visit better, that I loved the flowers and every nurse was commenting on them, etc. When he visited he’d stay about 30 mins before I told him to go home to do his work.
I finally got out and called him to pick me up. I asked to stay at his place for a bit since Im not supposed to be driving and wanted observation. He was ok with it. We had a tiff that evening when I said I had a headache & he told me that’s not possible since I don’t have nerves in my brain & that my stroke was so small I’m probably imagining it. I explained it is possible and very common, and asked him to not minimize my experience. He started to raise his voice in defense and I calmly said that I will not deal with being yelled at right after a stroke. He apologized & said he was trying to make me feel better & then left.
When he got home he was visibly annoyed. I told him I wasn’t mad and asked what’s wrong, he broke down and said he was stressed about his work. I told him it was ok to take a break to eat and take a nap, to tell his work that I had a stroke & it would be ok, that there was no need to stress so badly. I said I’d have my mom fly out and stay with me to give him space so he can work.
He woke me up in the morning with all kinds of food (not sure if I thanked him since I was so out of it but I was clearly happy and praised his choices) then tried to stay out of his way and do some puzzles (to help my brain) while he worked. Later, I asked him to take me to pick up my meds. Again, he was annoyed and asked why I picked a CVS that was 6 mins away instead of a closer one, and if it would be a regular thing. I assured him it was a one time pickup and thanked him for taking me. Once home he was still visibly annoyed so again, I asked what’s wrong. To which he said that he feels like I’ve been unappreciative towards him, that he’s gone out of his way a lot, and that I didn’t comfort him appropriately last night.
I told him I do appreciate him but also I just had a stroke & I don’t have the mental capacity to deal with him sulking around & having to manage his emotions. I need to be focused on my cognitive therapy to make sure I have the best recovery possible. I told him I’d be getting an Uber home and I hope he got his work done. He said he didn’t want me to be alone & I said I’d rather be alone than deal with drama.
So now I’m home alone, & my mom is buying a last minute ticket to come stay with me. He’s called me several times acting like nothing happened but I’m peeved. AITA?
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NTA
He started well but he’s making this about him. Looking after you, picking up your meds (6 mins, I mean come on, really? That’s a doddle) and supporting you during a highly stressful and scary experience should have no strings attached because that is simply what you do for your partner.
I’d be reconsidering things if I were you.
NTA. I get so much as a cold and cold and my partner is checking on me constantly to make sure I’m okay. If I had a stroke, I doubt he’d let me lift a finger even if I wanted to. I’m glad your mom is coming. You need love and support right now, and he is clearly not emotionally mature enough to give it.
Op I’m sorry abt your stroke. I apologize for shifting the focus but I had a couple small strokes in July. I wanted to share with you that I have had migraines and vascular headaches for a long time. Turns out I have a small hole in my heart called a PFO. Something like 20% of the population has this. It’s not serious but it can lead to strokes.
So, NTA. You have a lot of appointments and lots of doctors to see and new meds to take. Your partner clearly doesn’t want to be involved in your recovery. It’s great that your mom can help.
I wish you all the best in your recovery and I’m cheering you on!
Thanks, I appreciate the support. They actually did check my heart and I have PFO as well, so I’ll be getting that patched soon. Sorry to hear you’ve had the same experience but it’s always nice to not feel alone!
NTA he is unreliable, unpredictable and passive aggressive. That is a dangerous combo. I don’t usually go straight to dump them but…… yeah. Run for the hills. Some red flags are small some are big. His are big and he probably won’t change that.
Times like this show you who will support you and who you do not need in your life , end the relationship , this man is not capable of giving you what you need . Feel better
Your bf was sick of taking care of you. You were right to take an Uber home and have your mother come to take care of you. What do you want to see happen? Are you looking for a fight? Get over it. Your bf is happy with the way things turned out.
NTA. You had a flippin' stroke! You are the main character right now, not him! He doesn't get to cause drama and be emotionally needy right now.
Your requests have been so reasonable and minor, and his reaction has been just ridiculous. Of course you can't be alone rn and are going to need prescriptions--a 6 minute drive is nothing! What did he think?
Wait, what? You just left the hospital after a stroke and this dude got upset that you had a headache and didn't "comfort him appropriately"? That sounds like he expected sex and decided to tantrum when that didn't happen.
I hope you recover fully. And find a better boyfriend.
OP my MIL and I have a friendly relationship (not mother-daughter by any means but after 19 years with her son she accepts me and dare I say might even like me) and I went 2 times a day for at least 30 mins and took my son 1x per day for at least 30 mins to visit her when she had a major health scare last year and wound up in the hospitalfor a week. I also called 911 and stayed with her while calling her son/my husband and then following the ambulance and waiting in the er for 9 hours and then another 2 hours to make sure she was completely settled in her hospital room at 2am. All of this for a person who I love because she is important to my husband and son and like some of the time (when she acts like a decent human being) with a smile and no expectation of anything because she is family and needed it. This is your SO. Someone you will potentially end up with permanently. Their help (and love) sound contractual. Is that something you can live with on a permanent basis for the rest of your life? If so more power to you. If not then RUN don't walk.
NTA, but...
>I said I had a headache & he told me that’s not possible since I don’t have nerves in my brain & that my stroke was so small I’m probably imagining it.
He... doesn't believe in headaches?
I'm at a loss...
I had a stroke in November 2022 and it was rough. I was in the hospital for 4 days and then rehab for a week before I was released. My hubby spent as much time as he could with me and had his sister fly out for a few days. He and his sister cleaned out house top to bottom. When he needed a break from everything when I was released, he had my mom come get me and didn't tell me he was overwhelmed until I felt better. NTA because you deserve better.
you should be peeved. IF you ask someone to help and they say yes, they should help without complaint. You are not asking a lot. This is the time to evaluate if you want these qualities he is displaying in a future partner. If you are OK with him not helping you in the future, tell him buh bye!
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NTA. 1000x I'm so sorry about your stroke and I hope you are recovering well and receiving the love and support you need from your mom. Maybe this is the universe telling you that he is not the guy for you. You already said it best: you'd rather be alone than deal with his drama . Please don't forget that and take this time to focus on yourself.
Yes
This guy is placing his neediness above your needs. He attached strings to his acts of kindness, as in, he wants you to fawn over him, to lavish him with gratitude, for things that he ought to do without expectation of reward. It's not like you stubbed your toe - you had a fucking stroke! Get a new boyfriend or maybe explore singlehood. NTA
Thanks, this is exactly how I felt.
“I said I had a headache & he told me that’s not possible since I don’t have nerves in my brain & that my stroke was so small I’m probably imagining it.” HE SAID WHAT?! “I told him I wasn’t mad.” You should have been. “He was annoyed and asked why I picked a CVS that was 6 mins away instead of a closer one.” He was annoyed that he had to travel six whole minutes to get you some medication following your stroke. Again, WHAT?! “He feels like I’ve been unappreciative towards him, that he’s gone out of his way a lot, and that I didn’t comfort him appropriately last night.” Wow, I used to think seeing red was an analogy. But there you go. I’m actually seeing red. NTA. I hope your mom arrives soon and spoils the ever-loving heck out of you. All the best for your recovery, OP. Do not answer his calls. “I’d rather be alone than deal with drama.” And don’t forget this.
I really want to know if this boy thinks headaches just don’t exist.
Hi medical professional here. He's an idiot. The phrase about nerves and the brain alone make me seeth. Headaches are extremely common in certain strokes and I'm so sorry he ignored you because anything with your brain is beyond scary especially younger. Whatever his reasoning being the fact that a 6 min drive to the pharmacy for meds was too much is an indicator. Good on your Mom.
NTA. I'm glad your mom is coming out to help you. It's understandable that your partner can't do everything if he's stressed about work, but it's absolutely unfair of him to take it out on you. He should be able to put his emotional needs on the back burner for a short time when you have had a STROKE.
Yes! OMG you don't need more stress when you've just had a stroke. NTA.
NTA OP. I had a stroke about 9+ years ago, and my husband was never like this about it. The first thing he did when it happened was to shove some aspirin in my mouth and get me to the hospital. He kept visiting me as often as he could, and when I fractured my right femur the next year, he actually brought a DVD player and some of my favorite DVDs for me to watch in between physical and occupational therapy sessions. If your partner is so salty because he has to help take care of you, then perhaps it’s time to reevaluate your relationship.
NTA - WTF this partner of yours doesn't care a whit about you. 'I said I had a headache & he told me that’s not possible since I don’t have nerves in my brain.' Hey brainiac, are you a doctor? And, 'I asked him to take me to pick up my meds. Again, he was annoyed and asked why I picked a CVS that was 6 mins away instead of a closer one.' Hey dude, passive aggressive much? You need to drop this bozo, his lack of basic empathy to you is a huge red flag that this relationship wasn't met to be. Hope you get better soon and find a better partner.
NTA > I said I had a headache & he told me that’s not possible since I don’t have nerves in my brain #THAT'S \*ALL\* BRAINS ARE!!!
actually, the brain itself doesnt have pain receptors. any headaches you feel is from, well, not the brain part. blood vessels, unusual pressure, and so on.
That's correct. Nerves do *a shitload more* than sense pain.
[удалено]
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i think he expected you to walk off your stroke, and be able to do everything yourself as usual. NTA, because im pretty sure you arent medically cleared to do that.
NTA. You've most certainly been appreciative and I don't know what he expects from you -- I mean, you just had a damned stroke.... was he not paying attention to the doctors when they talked about how to care for you, did he bother to look it up? Does he not have friends he can vent to about his work stresses? Could he not have verbalized if he wasn't up to caring for you longterm right now so you could have planned to have your mom come while not having to pay for a last minute ticket. I mean, surely he must know your mom is likely not his biggest fan right now.
FML a stroke at your age! So very sorry you are dealing with this. I don't think your partner is a good choice for a post-stroke caregiver. Enjoy your Mom visiting and think about whether you want to keep him around. Healing light and prayers for a swift recovery. 🤍🙏🌛🌝🌜 NTA
NTA - because you need care right now and it sounds like he's being selfish. But I have questions. You called him partner. What kind of partner? If you don't live together, then is this a boyfriend or what? How long have you been together? Kind of sounds like he's treating you like you are intruding on his time.
He’s a 4 year on again/off again boyfriend. I’m ready to call it quits over this (plus the near death experience kinda opened my eyes) but wanted to make sure I’m not crazy because he does a VERY good job of convincing me I am. He told me I was overreacting for wanting to go home
Sweetheart- I would treat a neighbor—hell, a stranger— who had a stroke better than this, and he’s supposed to be your partner. Please don’t let him make you feel crazy.
Reminds me a bit of an ex of mine. As we would go to sleep, he’d frequently crowd me over to the very edge of our queen-size bed, complaining all the whole that I was taking up too much space and he didn’t have any room. I’d literally be clinging to the edge of the bed, about to be pushed out, and he’d have half the bed empty behind him. Oh, you need more space? Fine. Have it all, then! …and I’d go lie down on the couch. He’d follow me out all a-flutter: why did I leave? Didn’t I like sleeping next to him? How was he supposed to sleep now? Come baaaack! …until I’d go back and finally get to sleep on a reasonable bit of bed. To this day I still don’t know if this was his idea of a funny joke or if in his half-asleep state he actually believed it. It was frustrating to play out over and over, night after night, though.
my abusive ex did *exactly* the same.
If my husband had a stroke I’d gladly care for him regardless of the time it takes because he’s my partner and the person I committed my life to. I have no doubt he’d do the same for me. Based on your post it definitely sounds like you’re not crazy. I’m glad this has been eye opening for you. Your partner is the one person you should be able to trust and depend completely on during a time of vulnerability.
If he does a very good job of convincing you that you are crazy, doesn't care you almost died, and is irritated you have basic human needs after, oh you know, almost dying, he's an absolute trash human being and I am concerned for your safety. Stay at home with your mom. Forever.
Definitely end it. You need someone you can rely on when shit hits the fan and this is *not it*.
You clearly see that he's done a tremendous job of convincing you that you're crazy. I know the term gaslighting is thrown around a lot, but here we are, in all its glory. It seems like he's pretending to be a good partner and all his "stress" is actually his jealousy and pettiness and he is struggling to keep a lid on it so you won't see him for what he is. My ex couldn't stand it if I got hurt or sick. He'd make a big song and dance, invent issues to fight about all because he couldn't bear to be "less special" and how dare I get love, help or support from anyone because I don't deserve it if he didn't get treated the exact same way. He'd frame it as me being ungrateful and dismissive of his efforts. Holidays were fucking unbearable. My pregnancies were a nightmare. He wanted to be pregnant so badly he'd froth at the mouth. He only wanted the experience so he could tell me I was faking morning sickness, heartburn, insomnia etc. Then my lupus blew up and that sent him over the edge. OP, I LOVE BEING ALONE. I had forgotten what real happiness felt like. (alone as in relationship, it's just me and my kids now and they are happy without him destroying our lives) My mum is the one I needed and I'm so glad yours came to take care of you. YOU DESERVE FAR BETTER.
you are waaaaaay too nice to this man. kick him to the curb. NTA
NTA ever!! You should be able to be helped by your partner. This is a serious medical issue you had and I’m glad your mom was able to be there for you. I work with someone who’s husband had open heart surgery (had 3 heart attacks back to back, really bad situation. SHE LEFT THE HOSPITAL DURING HIS OPERATION. Even the doctor called her to find out where she was after it was done. Shamed her for not staying and I loved every second of it. So, people suck.
In your darkest days you often find out who your true friends are. This also goes for partners! NTA. Focus on your recovery, he is going to keep bringing you down.
NTA. This dude sucks
NTA. Now you know where you stand with him. He is not the one. I wish you a speedy recovery
NTA. You had a f-ing STROKE and he expects you to be doing emotional labor, comforting him and seeing to *his* needs?! Ditch this man and stay with your mom.
NTA
NTA. Just reading the part where he dismissed your headaches pissed me off. I had a stroke and I had headaches after the stroke. It doesn't matter if it's a small or big stroke, you can still get them. If this is how gets when you have a medical crisis, just imagine how he'd get when you have a child. Every act of kindness and love he showers you with has conditions/strings attached. This is really the guy you want to stay with? I wish you a speedy recovery and hope you get better OP.
It pissed me off too but I kept my cool because I’m trying to give my brain/nervous system a rest. I guess since I’m physiologically fine (can move just fine and acting normal) he just assumes that the brain damage had zero effects. I know better. I also felt like there were strings attached to his kindness and it put a sour taste in my mouth about all the nice things he did for me. Appreciate the validation.
NTA. Your partner is very immature for 31. It’s in moments of crisis you discover who your partner really is. This is who he is. If you have a child with him he’ll expect you to take care of him and the child. He expects you to do all of the emotional work. While it seems he can’t even handle his own job well. This guy is old enough to be able to handle his partners health crisis, work and taking care of a home. He is choosing not to. Walk away.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This week I (28F) had a stroke. I called my partner (31M) to take me to the ER. It was 12am and we were there until early morning. I knew he had a ton of work he was behind on and told him repeatedly that he can go home. He insisted on staying. Over the next few days he was really great, visited daily, brought me a blanket, flowers, clothes, food, checked on my cat a couple times (at my request). I thanked him every time, told him the blanket made my visit better, that I loved the flowers and every nurse was commenting on them, etc. When he visited he’d stay about 30 mins before I told him to go home to do his work. I finally got out and called him to pick me up. I asked to stay at his place for a bit since Im not supposed to be driving and wanted observation. He was ok with it. We had a tiff that evening when I said I had a headache & he told me that’s not possible since I don’t have nerves in my brain & that my stroke was so small I’m probably imagining it. I explained it is possible and very common, and asked him to not minimize my experience. He started to raise his voice in defense and I calmly said that I will not deal with being yelled at right after a stroke. He apologized & said he was trying to make me feel better & then left. When he got home he was visibly annoyed. I told him I wasn’t mad and asked what’s wrong, he broke down and said he was stressed about his work. I told him it was ok to take a break to eat and take a nap, to tell his work that I had a stroke & it would be ok, that there was no need to stress so badly. I said I’d have my mom fly out and stay with me to give him space so he can work. He woke me up in the morning with all kinds of food (not sure if I thanked him since I was so out of it but I was clearly happy and praised his choices) then tried to stay out of his way and do some puzzles (to help my brain) while he worked. Later, I asked him to take me to pick up my meds. Again, he was annoyed and asked why I picked a CVS that was 6 mins away instead of a closer one, and if it would be a regular thing. I assured him it was a one time pickup and thanked him for taking me. Once home he was still visibly annoyed so again, I asked what’s wrong. To which he said that he feels like I’ve been unappreciative towards him, that he’s gone out of his way a lot, and that I didn’t comfort him appropriately last night. I told him I do appreciate him but also I just had a stroke & I don’t have the mental capacity to deal with him sulking around & having to manage his emotions. I need to be focused on my cognitive therapy to make sure I have the best recovery possible. I told him I’d be getting an Uber home and I hope he got his work done. He said he didn’t want me to be alone & I said I’d rather be alone than deal with drama. So now I’m home alone, & my mom is buying a last minute ticket to come stay with me. He’s called me several times acting like nothing happened but I’m peeved. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Nta
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NTA He started well but he’s making this about him. Looking after you, picking up your meds (6 mins, I mean come on, really? That’s a doddle) and supporting you during a highly stressful and scary experience should have no strings attached because that is simply what you do for your partner. I’d be reconsidering things if I were you.
NTA. I get so much as a cold and cold and my partner is checking on me constantly to make sure I’m okay. If I had a stroke, I doubt he’d let me lift a finger even if I wanted to. I’m glad your mom is coming. You need love and support right now, and he is clearly not emotionally mature enough to give it.
Op I’m sorry abt your stroke. I apologize for shifting the focus but I had a couple small strokes in July. I wanted to share with you that I have had migraines and vascular headaches for a long time. Turns out I have a small hole in my heart called a PFO. Something like 20% of the population has this. It’s not serious but it can lead to strokes. So, NTA. You have a lot of appointments and lots of doctors to see and new meds to take. Your partner clearly doesn’t want to be involved in your recovery. It’s great that your mom can help. I wish you all the best in your recovery and I’m cheering you on!
Thanks, I appreciate the support. They actually did check my heart and I have PFO as well, so I’ll be getting that patched soon. Sorry to hear you’ve had the same experience but it’s always nice to not feel alone!
I'm happy to hear that the PFO will be fixed. I hope you have a long, healthy, happy life!
NTA he is unreliable, unpredictable and passive aggressive. That is a dangerous combo. I don’t usually go straight to dump them but…… yeah. Run for the hills. Some red flags are small some are big. His are big and he probably won’t change that.
Times like this show you who will support you and who you do not need in your life , end the relationship , this man is not capable of giving you what you need . Feel better
Your bf was sick of taking care of you. You were right to take an Uber home and have your mother come to take care of you. What do you want to see happen? Are you looking for a fight? Get over it. Your bf is happy with the way things turned out.
NTA. You had a flippin' stroke! You are the main character right now, not him! He doesn't get to cause drama and be emotionally needy right now. Your requests have been so reasonable and minor, and his reaction has been just ridiculous. Of course you can't be alone rn and are going to need prescriptions--a 6 minute drive is nothing! What did he think?
NTA
Wait, what? You just left the hospital after a stroke and this dude got upset that you had a headache and didn't "comfort him appropriately"? That sounds like he expected sex and decided to tantrum when that didn't happen. I hope you recover fully. And find a better boyfriend.
OP my MIL and I have a friendly relationship (not mother-daughter by any means but after 19 years with her son she accepts me and dare I say might even like me) and I went 2 times a day for at least 30 mins and took my son 1x per day for at least 30 mins to visit her when she had a major health scare last year and wound up in the hospitalfor a week. I also called 911 and stayed with her while calling her son/my husband and then following the ambulance and waiting in the er for 9 hours and then another 2 hours to make sure she was completely settled in her hospital room at 2am. All of this for a person who I love because she is important to my husband and son and like some of the time (when she acts like a decent human being) with a smile and no expectation of anything because she is family and needed it. This is your SO. Someone you will potentially end up with permanently. Their help (and love) sound contractual. Is that something you can live with on a permanent basis for the rest of your life? If so more power to you. If not then RUN don't walk.
NTA, but... >I said I had a headache & he told me that’s not possible since I don’t have nerves in my brain & that my stroke was so small I’m probably imagining it. He... doesn't believe in headaches? I'm at a loss...
I had a stroke in November 2022 and it was rough. I was in the hospital for 4 days and then rehab for a week before I was released. My hubby spent as much time as he could with me and had his sister fly out for a few days. He and his sister cleaned out house top to bottom. When he needed a break from everything when I was released, he had my mom come get me and didn't tell me he was overwhelmed until I felt better. NTA because you deserve better.
you should be peeved. IF you ask someone to help and they say yes, they should help without complaint. You are not asking a lot. This is the time to evaluate if you want these qualities he is displaying in a future partner. If you are OK with him not helping you in the future, tell him buh bye!
This is clearly not the guy to trust to take a vow regarding sickness and health. Best wishes for a full and speedy recovery without this jerk.
YTA. You sound very ungrateful.