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YTA.
Daniël told you about Mike's self medication for a reason, he needs help from an adult. That adult is you.
You can't expect Daniël to look after Mike and be responsible if something goes wrong. It's cruel to manipulate him in staying by saying what you did.
Apologize and do better. Get Mike profesional help.
YTA 100%, You don't tell a 16 year old that he will be the reason his father dies, are you fucking crazy. In my opinion you shouldn't even have a child if that's the shit you do
YTA. What an awful thing to tell a teenager that he's responsible for. If you're so concerned about your ex, why don't you grow tf up and do something? Why are you letting this weigh on your kid? Incredibly shitty parenting from both sides.
She knows he can't do anything, I think. She just wants someone to blame for it when it happens. I have a feeling everything is always about what is easiest for her to use.
Talk to your ex partner yourself or reach out to his friends/family (not more of that emotional blackmail/guilt trip/manipulation shit either -- just talk). Ask him how he is doing, what you can do to help. If he is aging that fast, then he probably sees he needs help. Talk to him as though he is a fellow human being with his own life and feelings (not a chess pawn to manipulate).
Maybe if you had a little more "Dr Phil bullshit" in your life things wouldn't be going so badly with your son and your ex. And maybe you wouldn't be such a shitty parent. Your son is going to need therapy as an adult because of you, whether his dad dies or not
If you feel that confused and helpless can you imagine how your son feels? If you don't even know what to do, how should he? Call for a wellness check or call his family. Either way, stop trying to pawn adult responsibilities to your child.
You let your kid be a kid and not a babysitter to a grown ass man. If your ex is going to keel over, it could be at any time. When your child is with you, while he is at school, in the middle of the night. Stop putting blame on your CHILD if something goes wrong.
Tell your son you're sorry for your words and to have a good time with his friends.
YTA
YTA. First of all, it will never be his fault as his dad is a grown up and can make up his own decisions. Second, why can't you take care of your ex if you are so worried while your son is doing what teens do instead of trying to turn him into teenage caregiver without any social life.
How are you sparing the trauma? You’re just piling it on early. You suck as a parent. Talk to your ex, if you don’t have a cordial relationship, reach out to his friends and ask them to check on your ex and encourage him to get help. But in the meantime apologize to your son, tell him you misspoke & it’s not his responsibility to parent HIS DAD. If anyone has a responsibility, it’s you as you had a relationship with this man that resulted in a child. Once again you suck but you can redeem yourself.
No you aren't "sparing him trauma". YOU ARE CAUSING IT!!!!! A 16 year old CHILD should not be made to feel responsible for an ADULT'S poor mental health and/or life choices. WTF is wrong with you????
YTA. Holy shit! We can see why Daniel lives with his dad. He's 16, and his parents are supposed to be caring for him.
You conveniently leave out what about the last few years was so hard for your ex. Was it your cheating and divorce? You're asking a child to step up in ways you never would, even if you and ex were still together.
You're projecting your guilt at destroying this man onto your own son. You are despicable.
And that's the only point in my post with which you can disagree. Again, you are despicable.
I'm sure this is only the tip of the iceberg as far as the trauma you've rained upon your son.
He's 16. If his father is self-medicating to the point you think he's going to die, then your concern should also be for your son; his father shouldn't have custody of him. Your son should be with an adult who cares about him. At this point I'm not sure either of his parents qualify.
It has everything to do with custody. If your ex is a danger to himself, he's not capable of caring for your kid. That should be your primary concern. Your kid's well-being.
If his dad dies you’ll have to be taking care of your kid? Are you a deadbeat cause you don’t sound like you even like your kid?
He making it hard for you to go out and party?
You are his mother. You are his parent. You are at least a part-time custodian. You are responsible for him and the environments you allow him to be in. Including that of his other parent. If it’s not safe for him, you must act to protect him from it.
Your son is a minor. And it doesn't even sound like you've done any research for resources in your area to actually deal with the issue, only come running to reddit hoping for vindication. Spoiler: You're not going to get it.
Clearly you’re not his wife any longer .who would want to stay with someone as toxic as you. If your ex passes by his own hand , it’s his choice . Your son isn’t responsible for him. Jeez you’re pathetic . Hopefully he can rough it out for one more year and then get away from you both . Cause you’d probably try and force him to take care of you in your old age cause clearly you have nothing going for yourself other than being a crappy parent.
Your son is not a young adult. What are you talking about? He isn’t even 18 yet. He’s in no way responsible for an addicted adult. You as his mother and an adult should step up and take him away. If you think your ex needs help, it’s for you as an adult to arrange this help.
From your responses, this is probably a troll or you're an incredibly obtuse person.
On the off chance it isn't, do you even like your son, much less love him? Permanent caregiving is incredibly stressful, even for someone who has fully consented in the beginning.
You're practically guaranteeing that your son would be burdened with undeserved guilt and possibly suicidal thoughts.
Random redditor is unable to step up for anonymous random on the internet. You...however...are one of the non random parents in this situation. Act like it.
It’s not my child. A good parent would be ensuring their kid is in a safe situation and actually stepping in with a situation like this. Not telling a kid that if their dad dies it’s all their fault
Well we certainly care more about your son than you do. We're telling you what a parent who actually loves their kid would be doing. It's not our fault you're incapable of doing so.
YTA! Your son deserves to have a memorable camping trip and a life. It isn't his job to keep his father's life in order. That is emotional blackmail and manipulation to the extreme! How do you think that isn't trying to intervene? Wow, I see why your son chooses to live with his father.
No it isn’t . As a parent though , you try as much as possible to get your child’s life as close to that as you can.
Your ex is an adult and not your son’s responsibility. If you’re so concerned, you go look after him. Or get another adult to step in.
You’re a pathetic parent who’s trying to force your son into responsibilities well before his time. YTA and need to wake up before your son gets old enough to walk away from your toxic behaviour. Although that’s what he should do. Cause a few years from now I can see you forcing him to look after your failure self because hIs mY sOn aNd hE nEedS tO.
Poor kid. The universe really dealt him a super very bad hand giving him you as a parent.
YTA Yes, 100%. He's a kid. You are the adult! And yet you are guilt-tripping him ... I feel sorry for him. Saddled with that kind of 'mother' and a father that's not seeking professional help. I hope he one day gets better found family.
You should support your son and alleviate his fears and get his dad help and/or watch him for a few days so the kid, *your kid*(!), can have a few carefree days before he steps back into the misery of seeing his dad slowly die. This callousness is astounding.
You know who is not going to take care of you when you need help one day... your son, who will remember that day, your words and apathy.
Yta. You are not trying to intervene? Are you kidding yourself or what. You tell your poor son his dad will die because of him. You are a huge ahole and a really really bad parent. Leave the kid alone you jerk!
" I can't do anything but my 16 year old child must bear all the responsibility for an adult".
Get. Fucked.
YTA and if you're this irresponsible don't have anymore kids. WTF are you on blaming your child for anything that happens to his father.
You can still talk to him and tell him you're worried about how he's coping? Or tell his friends or his family if you're that unwilling to get involved.
But you don't get to preemptively BLAME your son for not babysitting his father and making sure he doesn't off himself, which should NEVER be a child's responsibility. Asshole doesn't even begin to describe your actions
YTA
Your ex husband is an adult and the parent. It’s his job to take care of your son, not the other way around. Self medicating is his choice. He should see a doctor but if he doesn’t, that isn’t on your son. What a horrible thing to say to anyone, worse to your own child
Absolutely YTA, I can't emphasize this enough. Your son is a child, he is NOT responsible in any way for his father. My father said those exact words to me and my sibling (re our mom) and I had to spend hours calming them down. That was three decades ago and it's still ingrained in our minds.
YTA. It is really irresponsible and cruel to guilt your minor child about something out of his control, his father’s substance abuse. He should not and cannot be in charge of it, nor is he an adult and able to take the kind of actions he might need to, to care for him properly. You are holding your son back from what may be a much-needed and health-promoting respite away from his father. As at least a part-time custodian of your son, YOU are responsible for the environments he is in, and YOU are negligent by allowing him to live in a household with an alcoholic/drug addiction. He should not be exposed to that behavior, and the self-destruction involved, much less be responsible for it. You are putting much too heavy burdens on your young son. As his ex-wife and an adult, you should contact his extended family to alert them, try to get him help for his substance abuse and depression, and keep your son at your house for now. Let him go camping. And re-evaluate why you think a 16 year old boy should be responsible for the health of his grown parent. YTA.
YTA, wtf, why would you say that to a kid?! That's going to be a burden on him forever now, and if ever he does come home from a trip or from school and finds his father's body, those words are going to echo in his head. You've literally put this over him now and if/when it happens he will blame himself forever. I think you need to speak to this kid and tell him that it's not his job to be a warden for his adult father, and if anything did happen to his ADULT FATHER when he wasn't there it would 100% not be his fault and that you fully apologise for saying that, you didn't mean it, and he is not responsible for anything, and also that he can go on the damn camping trip. Seriously, wtf, YTA majorly here.
YTA, it is not your son's responsibility to keep their dad alive. That is a huge role to place in the hands of a 16 year old. If things are really that concerning you need to contact your Ex's family and let them know what's going on. Its incredibly manipulative to imply that your son will be at fault if something happens to his father. Is there any particular reason why YOU cant take over while he is on the trip? Or is it because you can't be bothered to actually help? Telling a teen he needs to step up in this kind of scenario is wildly inappropriate. You are the parent, he is the child. Divorcing your husband doesn't magically change that.
YTA.
Daniel is 16. He's a child. He's not responsible for his father's health or safety. If you're worried about your ex, *you* check on him. Or call another *adult* in his life to check on him. If something does happen you'll have scarred Daniel for life by making him feel like it's his fault. How dare you make a teenager feel like he would be responsible for his father's death if something happened? He's a kid, your ex is an adult. It sounds like Mike does need help--with substance use, with grief, with whatever else-- but *Daniel is not responsible for that.*
Are you serious???
So your son tells you that his father is self medicating, and your response is to tell your child he has to stay home from spring break and take care of a grown ass man?? If you think he needs that much help you do it.m or better yet be there for your dang child. 🤦♀️
YTA. Such a big one. How dare your guilt trip a 16yo this way?
I have no word for how manipulative you are being.
If your ex is depressed and self medicating, you son can come back any day to a dead body. He has to live EVERY DAY with it. There is no more or less chance of it happening if your son get some well deserved time off this shitty situation.
To be clear, my SO is deeply a depressed and at some point I was so afraid that I or my daughter would come home to him dead, or get a call to say he had crash his bike on the way back from work.
And for talking about it with him, he told me that if he had gone through with it, it doesn’t feel like anyone could have stopped him.
I had to travel for work and selfishly, I was happy about it because I needed this moment away, free from having to do everything. And I am an adult, and I chose to stay with him when it got hard.
Your son doesn’t really have a choice, and he has to live with it everyday, with not being enough to bring his father out. Seeing the mental state his father is in, I doubt he talked to his son to explain and to reassure him.
And now, like the winner that you are, you come and pile up the guilt.
I don’t know if your son will be able to preserve his mental health through all this. Best case, he’ll survive this and go NC with you.
Worst case, there will be 2 dead bodies in the near future and one will be completely on you.
Your son told him what is happening and you are doing NOTHING apart from trying to make him feel guilty.
I hope your son will find this thread. Daniel, or whatever your name is, know that you are not responsible for your parent. You need to find help for yourself to be able to go through the situation and handle your toxic mother.
OP, as mom of a 17yo, I have no word to express how deeply I despise you and how horrible a parent and a human being you are.
This is not your son’s load to carry and you are far beyond an AH for putting something so incredibly heavy on his shoulders.
What an unbelievably cruel thing to do to a kid.
YTA. An enormous one.
You’re a massive AH. Why the fuck would you put that burden on your child ffs. Pathetic parenting at its finest.
So yeah, YTA.
If you think someone needs to check on him, then get off your ass and do it. But it sure as fuck isn’t your child’s responsibility.
He’s a teenager. He absolutely should be enjoying his spring break.
Poor kid. One parent has become a drunk and the other is you.
YTA, its not a child's responsibility to babysit his dad, you're supposedly a responsibility adult, you step up and look after him while your son is away if you think he needs it so badly, or get help for him.
YTA. What a horrible, toxic thing to say to a child. Did it ever occur to you, in all of your “non-interfering,” that your ex would be appalled if his son missed growing up because of him?
Since blaming things is so important to you, I hope your son grows up to blame you instead of himself if he suffers any emotional scarring from this. He doesn’t deserve to take that on himself.
YTA why give a 16 year old the responsibility of taking care of a grown man that should have been healthy in the first place, if not for his poor choices? That’s on your ex and not your son. He’s 16, don’t hold him back for being a teen for these types of reasons. Your son might be going through grief too, don’t put too much weight on him for trying to enjoy what he has while he still can.
YTA. A 16-year old is not a babysitter or caregiver for an adult. He is a teen with his own life. If you are so concerned, then step up to the plate and help find care for your ex.
YTA. What a cruel and callous thing to say to YOUR CHILD. wtf is wrong with you? This is one of the nastiest things I’ve ever read on here. And to make it worse, you’re not even ashamed or embarrassed.
YTA: a 16 year old is not responsible for an adult. Even if he was 26. Mike needs to do the work to seek help. If you can’t then maybe call someone from the family that could help him. Daniel probably feels the burden already.
YTA you're a sorry excuse for a parent, it's not up to Daniel to keep an eye on his dad it's up to other adults not a child to keep an eye on him. How about you step up instead of being useless? Oh wait you'd rather sacrifice your childs well-being rather than being an adult yourself.
YTA. If it's so important that a body to check on him, then you do it. Don't burden your child with the responsibility of taking care of this. You really want this? I don't think you've actually given it any thought whatsoever..
YTA. I cannot say it enough. You are a self absorbed, horrible, trash person. YTA. NO 16 year old is responsible for keeping their parent away from self medicating substances. He told YOU so YOU could step up. Saying it is his fault is absolving blame of BOTH parents and completely parentifying your child. That is also emotional abuse. What you did was disgusting and disgraceful. This is a damn joke right?
YTA. You do not put his ADULT FATHER self medicating on your teenage son, that’s horrible and you should be ashamed. It’s not a childs responsibility to parent their parent
YTA I understand your ex is having a hard time but parentifying your child and putting that burden of a parent on his shoulders is NOT okay. An underage child should never have to take care of their parent. He deserves to be a kid and shame on you for placing the burden of responsibility on him.
YTA. This entire thread is full of suggestions on what else you can do to help Mike beside telling your teenage son it's his faul if his dad dies, and your response to all of them has been "that won't work and I'm not going to bother trying". Nor have you responded to people asking just what you expect Daniel to actually *do* to stop Mike from overdosing, especially when he's going to be out of the house for most of the day at school.
What on earth did I just read....You are the adult in this. If you are concerned, you are the one that needs to speak to your ex-husband and arrange assistance if required. Your 16 year old son is in absolutely no way responsible for the behavior of the adults around him. The level of cruelty in your statement is just beyond anything imaginable.
YTA x a million
YTA. The kid isn’t supposed to take care of the parent. PERIOD. Let him be a kid. Let him have fun and spend times with his friends.
But based on your responses to other posts you clearly don’t care so I don’t know why I’m bothering.
YTA, your son is 16 years old, The state of his father's emotional health does not rest on his shoulders. You're concerned about the ex, you go check on him, you're the adult.
YTA. What a guilt trip to put on a kid. Your ex is responsible for himself! If he's having chest pains now then he needs to get his ass to the doctor. A teenager is not responsible for babysitting a grown man.
YTA- You are gross, cruel, heartless, abusive, nasty and rude. You told your son that it'd be his fault if his dad died. You are disgusting! And your comments prove that you are horrible! Be a better parent! It's not your minor son's responsibility to care for his dad!
YTA. Your son isn't his father's keeper. That was YOUR job not his. He is a CHILD not the parent. YOU fucked up, you fucked up big time. He's going, you can watch the father. And you better HOPE he doesn't throw you in a state ran home in 20 years
YTA. His dads health mental or otherwise is not his responsibility and that’s so much to put on a teenager. Daniel is not required to watch an adult and it is not his fault if something happens but now you’ve put that in his head and he’s going to have an intense need for therapy if anything happens. I’m not sure if you sound evil or clueless but I don’t think there’s an in between.
YTA, obviously. Your son is 16 years old. He is not responsible for taking care of his father. He cannot be responsible for taking care of his father. He is a minor child. If you're worried about your ex, reach out to his friends or family. But don't pretend this is in any way your kid's job to manage.
YTA - no, it is not your child’s responsibility to care for his dad. He is not a mental health professional or a medical professional. If you are concerned about your ex then you look in on him. But it is cruel to put this responsibility and guilt on a child. If something happens to his dad it is NOT his fault.
**What happened to your responsibility to protect your son?** Do you hate your ex so much you’re willing to sacrifice the mental health of your child? Is your time so precious that you can’t take on the body checks for a week?
Is there any reason you couldn’t shoulder this responsibility yourself? Dumping the responsibility for a daily body check on a child is unconscionable! Expecting a child to do this for a parent is cruel. **Manipulating your own child with theoretical guilt over the loss of a parent is downright inhumane.**
If your ex’s drinking is so bad, why does your son live with him?
**I can only conclude that you are a selfish parent, who doesn’t love their child.**
**YTA**
Note: I’ve been the child of a parent who needed daily body checks. Living in that house was traumatic. At no point was I ever left on my own to deal with it. Thankfully, my father made it through and improved his mental health. If I had been treated like you’re treating your son, I wouldn’t have made it through.
YTA, first you need to immediately apologize to your son for those words and assure him that if anything happens to his father it is not his fault. My uncle tried to commit suicide after bouts of depression and my cousin is the one who found him, and called my dad who saved him. Now my cousin knows he wasn't responsible for the attempted suicide but it still heavily weighs on him and his siblings. You can't say stuff like that to a teenager if something horrible is going to happen to his father he's already going to struggle with self blame because it's very human to do so. As his mother you need to be supportive of him and reassure him that it is not his responsibility to take care of his father. Let him go on the trip and then call the police for regular wellness checks. BTW him being 16 makes it very important that you have this talk but even if he was a young adult you still don't put that pressure on the child of the adult. His father is ultimately responsible for his own health just as you are responsible for yours.
YTA. Your son is not his babysitter. What a horrible amount of pressure. No to mention this dad is doing this to himself without a care in the world for how it affects your son.
Your son is probably telling you so you can help him. Instead you basically turned him into an unpaid home care nurse 24/7.
Get your son out of there. YTA for leaving him there in the first place.
YTA but because love is complicated you probably meant well. You can't control your ex but focus on the well being of your child. He needs to enjoy life all that he can, including a camping trip. Encourage him NOT to contact his father excessively during the trip. Life will bring 'crap' into your son's life soon enough.
You're definitely the asshole here. I get that you're worried about Mike's well-being, especially given everything he's been through lately, but putting that kind of responsibility and guilt trip on your 16-year-old son is way out of line.
He's not equipped to be his dad's caretaker, and it's unfair to burden him with that kind of pressure. Implying that it would be Daniel's fault if something happened to his dad is just cruel. Your son needs your support and guidance, not blame and guilt. You should be looking for ways to help both Mike and Daniel cope with their grief and stress, not adding to their burdens. Let Daniel go on his camping trip and find another solution for checking in on Mike. That's the responsible and compassionate thing to do.
YTA. Your son is the child. If his father is destroying himself it isn't your son's responsibility to keep him from it. Your son has a right to live his life. Not babysit a self destructive adult.
Should he quit high school to watch his dad? Not go on dates? Not live with you? He might be a young adult but he isn't the parent.
Call the police to do a wellness check. Maybe he'll get arrested if he's self medicating with illegal drugs. Then he'll have access to free medical care and rehab programs.
Send a text to your ex in laws to check on him. Don't put the responsibility and guilt on your son to avoid your own guilt if something happens to your ex.
And you're not much of a parent letting your son stay with a "self medicating" parent.
AITA for telling my son if something happens to his dad then it will be his fault?
Why even ask the question if you're just going to be combative with everyone in the comments and not actually listen to their advice?
And yes, you are a giant asshole and your son deserves better from both parents.
YTA. It should never be on a teenager to become the caregiver and emotional anchor for a parent. YOU go watch Mike. YOU take him to the cardiologist. Or make a welfare call or poke one of his other adult relatives or a friend and while you’re at it call Family Court and tell them that Mike needs help and can’t effectively parent your child right now. Sure, Mike is your ex and you’re not responsible for him, but it sounds like you’re friendly enough and this is your child’s father. How DARE you scare the kid with “your dad needs a body to check on him or you're going to walk in the door and see his dead body on the ground.” Dan is a teenager, he is not responsible for policing his father’s substance abuse problem and keeping him alive.
You are absolutely failing as a parent and a human being.
Based on this and the comments you've left, I can definitely see why he's your ex. Jesus Christ, you don't even care about your son. He is a child. Contact your ex's family and friends, have them check up on him. It's not your child's job, and will not be his fault if something happens.
You are a monster.
Hard YTA.
Adding: You clearly just made this post seeking approval for your actions instead of actual opinions. What a horrible thing to say, do, and think. And these comments? What the hell??
YTA YTA YTA!!! A 16 year old boy is NOT responsible for his addict father, and you saying it would be his fault is one of the cruelest things you could say to a kid! WTF is wrong with you?!
Why is it the 16 year olds responsibility to keep an eye out for his father? I saw you making light of calling the police earlier, which is dumb. You can ask them to do a wellness check on him because you’re worried about him, which would be perfectly normal. Instead, you’re pinning his father’s potential suicide on a 16 year old…..weird behavior dude. From one parent to another, do better.
YTA. Your son is 16. He’s a kid. This isn’t his responsibility. If his father is in that bad of a state he needs another adult looking after him, and he certainly shouldn’t be the legal caregiver of a minor. Frankly, this is so cartoonishly level vicious that I’m questioning whether it’s even real.
excuse me? what the actual fuck is wrong with you? how fucking dare you ever say something so fucking cruel to your son. you just failed miserably as a mother. if your so damn worried about your ex, you can keep an eye on him. it is absolutely not your son's responsibility to ensure his father is getting help. YTA
YTA
Your son is a fucking CHILD and you’re making him responsible for dealing with his father’s addiction?! And then guilt him by telling A LITERAL CHILD that if something happens to his father it’s his fault. Mom of the year.
Your CHILD should not be THE PARENT. Do your damn job as THE PARENT and PROTECT your kid.
YTA What kind of parent lets their 16 year old take responsibility for a “self medicating” adult? It’s in no way a responsibility of a kid to take care of their parent, especially when they are “self medicating”. They shouldn’t be in a home with someone “self medicating”. You need to take your kid away from that “self medicating” adult. You need to protect your kid. You must be mad to prevent the kid from getting away from that awful situation.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My ex husband is spiraling and I'm concerned for his health. Our son wants to go on a spring break camping trip and I told him he should stay at his dad's to make sure he's okay. Our son won't forgive himself if something happens to his dad and I'm trying to spare him that trauma
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YTA and a terrible parent and all your replies confirm that.
Talk to your ex, not your child. Tell him you were shocked at his appearance and you're concerned about the chest pains. Tell him to see a doctor immediately. Tell him what a lasting trauma it would be for your son to come home (from school, from your house, from camp, from anywhere) and find him dead. And go ahead and tell your ex what your told your child. He needs to know so he can try to undo the damage you caused.
It's up to the adults, you and your ex, to deal with this. Not your child.
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My ex husband Mike has had a few really bad years. Last month his brother died after a long disease and was staying with Mike. I think between that and the last few years has broken him.
Our 16yo son Daniel says his dad has been self-medicating hard. I came by to drop something off for Daniel and told Mike I was sorry to hear about his brother, he was a nice guy. Wow. He aged like 10 years since the last time I saw him. Literally. He is in his early 40s and people thought he was in his early 30s. Now he looks like he's in his 50s. He casually mentioned he's been having chest pains too.
Daniel wants to go on a spring break camping trip and I said you really need to stay behind and watch your dad. He said he'll text and FaceTime him during the week that he's gone. I said your dad needs a body to check on him or you're going to walk in the door and see his dead body on the ground. If you go and something happens then it will be your fault. YOU need to stay behind and take care of him so you can't go.
I'm not trying to intervene on their relationship and I do occasionally text Mike but I don't live with him. This is a time when Daniel has to step up.
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YTA. Daniël told you about Mike's self medication for a reason, he needs help from an adult. That adult is you. You can't expect Daniël to look after Mike and be responsible if something goes wrong. It's cruel to manipulate him in staying by saying what you did. Apologize and do better. Get Mike profesional help.
YTA 100%, You don't tell a 16 year old that he will be the reason his father dies, are you fucking crazy. In my opinion you shouldn't even have a child if that's the shit you do
YTA. What an awful thing to tell a teenager that he's responsible for. If you're so concerned about your ex, why don't you grow tf up and do something? Why are you letting this weigh on your kid? Incredibly shitty parenting from both sides.
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Call for a wellness check? What is a teenager supposed to do? Why do you think your child is equipped to deal with something so horrible?
She knows he can't do anything, I think. She just wants someone to blame for it when it happens. I have a feeling everything is always about what is easiest for her to use.
Talk to your ex partner yourself or reach out to his friends/family (not more of that emotional blackmail/guilt trip/manipulation shit either -- just talk). Ask him how he is doing, what you can do to help. If he is aging that fast, then he probably sees he needs help. Talk to him as though he is a fellow human being with his own life and feelings (not a chess pawn to manipulate).
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Ah yes, asking someone how they’re doing, Dr Phil bullshit
no wonder you're divorced
Maybe if you had a little more "Dr Phil bullshit" in your life things wouldn't be going so badly with your son and your ex. And maybe you wouldn't be such a shitty parent. Your son is going to need therapy as an adult because of you, whether his dad dies or not
be a better parent for starters
If you feel that confused and helpless can you imagine how your son feels? If you don't even know what to do, how should he? Call for a wellness check or call his family. Either way, stop trying to pawn adult responsibilities to your child.
I don’t think she feels helpless. She seems unconcerned and bored.
Well, for starters, you’re NOT supposed to put that burden on your child.
What is your KID supposed to do? It's not his fucking responsibility.
You let your kid be a kid and not a babysitter to a grown ass man. If your ex is going to keel over, it could be at any time. When your child is with you, while he is at school, in the middle of the night. Stop putting blame on your CHILD if something goes wrong. Tell your son you're sorry for your words and to have a good time with his friends. YTA
YTA. First of all, it will never be his fault as his dad is a grown up and can make up his own decisions. Second, why can't you take care of your ex if you are so worried while your son is doing what teens do instead of trying to turn him into teenage caregiver without any social life.
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How are you sparing the trauma? You’re just piling it on early. You suck as a parent. Talk to your ex, if you don’t have a cordial relationship, reach out to his friends and ask them to check on your ex and encourage him to get help. But in the meantime apologize to your son, tell him you misspoke & it’s not his responsibility to parent HIS DAD. If anyone has a responsibility, it’s you as you had a relationship with this man that resulted in a child. Once again you suck but you can redeem yourself.
You’re causing him trauma.
No you aren't "sparing him trauma". YOU ARE CAUSING IT!!!!! A 16 year old CHILD should not be made to feel responsible for an ADULT'S poor mental health and/or life choices. WTF is wrong with you????
YTA. Holy shit! We can see why Daniel lives with his dad. He's 16, and his parents are supposed to be caring for him. You conveniently leave out what about the last few years was so hard for your ex. Was it your cheating and divorce? You're asking a child to step up in ways you never would, even if you and ex were still together. You're projecting your guilt at destroying this man onto your own son. You are despicable.
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And that's the only point in my post with which you can disagree. Again, you are despicable. I'm sure this is only the tip of the iceberg as far as the trauma you've rained upon your son.
He's a kid...he's not supposed to be parenting his own dad. You're the grownup; why don't YOU step up and do something? YTA
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He's 16. If his father is self-medicating to the point you think he's going to die, then your concern should also be for your son; his father shouldn't have custody of him. Your son should be with an adult who cares about him. At this point I'm not sure either of his parents qualify.
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It has everything to do with custody. If your ex is a danger to himself, he's not capable of caring for your kid. That should be your primary concern. Your kid's well-being.
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He's under 18; for a good parent who cares about their kid's welfare, it absolutely isn't.
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If his dad dies you’ll have to be taking care of your kid? Are you a deadbeat cause you don’t sound like you even like your kid? He making it hard for you to go out and party?
It’s also not his job to babysit an adult. If you actually were a decent parent you’d be getting involved and not making the literal CHILD do it
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No he’s a teenager and you’re the adult.
I like how you dodge all mention of your son's well being. Makes it obvious that you don't care about him.
You are his mother. You are his parent. You are at least a part-time custodian. You are responsible for him and the environments you allow him to be in. Including that of his other parent. If it’s not safe for him, you must act to protect him from it.
I see why he’d rather be with his addict father than his nightmare of a mother…
No, he’s literally a *teenager.*
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As the actual *adult* in this situation, what’s your excuse for not “stepping up”?
You should step up
Please seek professional help immediately. For you. Because you need it.
Not his job nor his responsibility. You think someone should step up? Then do it.
He’s not a young, old or middle-aged adult. He is a boy, a teen.
Your son is a minor. And it doesn't even sound like you've done any research for resources in your area to actually deal with the issue, only come running to reddit hoping for vindication. Spoiler: You're not going to get it.
Clearly you’re not his wife any longer .who would want to stay with someone as toxic as you. If your ex passes by his own hand , it’s his choice . Your son isn’t responsible for him. Jeez you’re pathetic . Hopefully he can rough it out for one more year and then get away from you both . Cause you’d probably try and force him to take care of you in your old age cause clearly you have nothing going for yourself other than being a crappy parent.
ASS! HOLE!
Your son is not a young adult. What are you talking about? He isn’t even 18 yet. He’s in no way responsible for an addicted adult. You as his mother and an adult should step up and take him away. If you think your ex needs help, it’s for you as an adult to arrange this help.
From your responses, this is probably a troll or you're an incredibly obtuse person. On the off chance it isn't, do you even like your son, much less love him? Permanent caregiving is incredibly stressful, even for someone who has fully consented in the beginning. You're practically guaranteeing that your son would be burdened with undeserved guilt and possibly suicidal thoughts.
YTA - Big talk about stepping up from someone who is not stepping up themselves. Coward.
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I don’t see it at all
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Random redditor is unable to step up for anonymous random on the internet. You...however...are one of the non random parents in this situation. Act like it.
It’s not my child. A good parent would be ensuring their kid is in a safe situation and actually stepping in with a situation like this. Not telling a kid that if their dad dies it’s all their fault
the fuck kind of bullshit response is this? your ex is not anything to any of us random redditors. talk about a pathetic attempt to redirect.
Well we certainly care more about your son than you do. We're telling you what a parent who actually loves their kid would be doing. It's not our fault you're incapable of doing so.
I'm shocked you actually believe that. What the hell have you done?
Liar
No, you’re really not. You’re placing the burden of responsibility on your literal child. There’s nothing “stepping up” about that.
How, by whining to reddit?
What are you doing to step up the plate? Hint…telling your kid to babysit is not it.
How? What have you done?
Yeah, stepping up to the "worlds shittest parent" mantle.
YTA! Your son deserves to have a memorable camping trip and a life. It isn't his job to keep his father's life in order. That is emotional blackmail and manipulation to the extreme! How do you think that isn't trying to intervene? Wow, I see why your son chooses to live with his father.
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You are a cruel, heartless person.
Why did you bother making this post if you’re not going to listen to anyone?
You are absolutely horrible.
I hope your son cuts you out oh his life. you are cruel beyond measure
YTA. Kids aren’t supposed to be their parent’s caregiver
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No wonder you’re divorced
Jesus Christ, you’re a piece of work.
No it isn’t . As a parent though , you try as much as possible to get your child’s life as close to that as you can. Your ex is an adult and not your son’s responsibility. If you’re so concerned, you go look after him. Or get another adult to step in. You’re a pathetic parent who’s trying to force your son into responsibilities well before his time. YTA and need to wake up before your son gets old enough to walk away from your toxic behaviour. Although that’s what he should do. Cause a few years from now I can see you forcing him to look after your failure self because hIs mY sOn aNd hE nEedS tO. Poor kid. The universe really dealt him a super very bad hand giving him you as a parent.
You're a very sick person and I hope your son is able to get the hell away from you as soon as he turns 18. And never comes back.
YTA Yes, 100%. He's a kid. You are the adult! And yet you are guilt-tripping him ... I feel sorry for him. Saddled with that kind of 'mother' and a father that's not seeking professional help. I hope he one day gets better found family. You should support your son and alleviate his fears and get his dad help and/or watch him for a few days so the kid, *your kid*(!), can have a few carefree days before he steps back into the misery of seeing his dad slowly die. This callousness is astounding. You know who is not going to take care of you when you need help one day... your son, who will remember that day, your words and apathy.
Yta. You are not trying to intervene? Are you kidding yourself or what. You tell your poor son his dad will die because of him. You are a huge ahole and a really really bad parent. Leave the kid alone you jerk!
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" I can't do anything but my 16 year old child must bear all the responsibility for an adult". Get. Fucked. YTA and if you're this irresponsible don't have anymore kids. WTF are you on blaming your child for anything that happens to his father.
But you are still Daniel's mother, right? Supposedly? Why aren't you acting like it?
So? He’s still your child’s father.
So instead of being the adult in the situation you’re asking your child to take responsibility for keeping his other parent alive?
You can still talk to him and tell him you're worried about how he's coping? Or tell his friends or his family if you're that unwilling to get involved. But you don't get to preemptively BLAME your son for not babysitting his father and making sure he doesn't off himself, which should NEVER be a child's responsibility. Asshole doesn't even begin to describe your actions
And we can all see why, babe
YTA Your ex husband is an adult and the parent. It’s his job to take care of your son, not the other way around. Self medicating is his choice. He should see a doctor but if he doesn’t, that isn’t on your son. What a horrible thing to say to anyone, worse to your own child
Absolutely YTA, I can't emphasize this enough. Your son is a child, he is NOT responsible in any way for his father. My father said those exact words to me and my sibling (re our mom) and I had to spend hours calming them down. That was three decades ago and it's still ingrained in our minds.
Omg yes totally YTA, if it’s that important then check on him yourself. Give the kid some time off to be a kid. Jeez
YTA. It is really irresponsible and cruel to guilt your minor child about something out of his control, his father’s substance abuse. He should not and cannot be in charge of it, nor is he an adult and able to take the kind of actions he might need to, to care for him properly. You are holding your son back from what may be a much-needed and health-promoting respite away from his father. As at least a part-time custodian of your son, YOU are responsible for the environments he is in, and YOU are negligent by allowing him to live in a household with an alcoholic/drug addiction. He should not be exposed to that behavior, and the self-destruction involved, much less be responsible for it. You are putting much too heavy burdens on your young son. As his ex-wife and an adult, you should contact his extended family to alert them, try to get him help for his substance abuse and depression, and keep your son at your house for now. Let him go camping. And re-evaluate why you think a 16 year old boy should be responsible for the health of his grown parent. YTA.
YTA, wtf, why would you say that to a kid?! That's going to be a burden on him forever now, and if ever he does come home from a trip or from school and finds his father's body, those words are going to echo in his head. You've literally put this over him now and if/when it happens he will blame himself forever. I think you need to speak to this kid and tell him that it's not his job to be a warden for his adult father, and if anything did happen to his ADULT FATHER when he wasn't there it would 100% not be his fault and that you fully apologise for saying that, you didn't mean it, and he is not responsible for anything, and also that he can go on the damn camping trip. Seriously, wtf, YTA majorly here.
YTA, it is not your son's responsibility to keep their dad alive. That is a huge role to place in the hands of a 16 year old. If things are really that concerning you need to contact your Ex's family and let them know what's going on. Its incredibly manipulative to imply that your son will be at fault if something happens to his father. Is there any particular reason why YOU cant take over while he is on the trip? Or is it because you can't be bothered to actually help? Telling a teen he needs to step up in this kind of scenario is wildly inappropriate. You are the parent, he is the child. Divorcing your husband doesn't magically change that.
YTA. Daniel is 16. He's a child. He's not responsible for his father's health or safety. If you're worried about your ex, *you* check on him. Or call another *adult* in his life to check on him. If something does happen you'll have scarred Daniel for life by making him feel like it's his fault. How dare you make a teenager feel like he would be responsible for his father's death if something happened? He's a kid, your ex is an adult. It sounds like Mike does need help--with substance use, with grief, with whatever else-- but *Daniel is not responsible for that.*
Are you serious??? So your son tells you that his father is self medicating, and your response is to tell your child he has to stay home from spring break and take care of a grown ass man?? If you think he needs that much help you do it.m or better yet be there for your dang child. 🤦♀️
YTA. Such a big one. How dare your guilt trip a 16yo this way? I have no word for how manipulative you are being. If your ex is depressed and self medicating, you son can come back any day to a dead body. He has to live EVERY DAY with it. There is no more or less chance of it happening if your son get some well deserved time off this shitty situation. To be clear, my SO is deeply a depressed and at some point I was so afraid that I or my daughter would come home to him dead, or get a call to say he had crash his bike on the way back from work. And for talking about it with him, he told me that if he had gone through with it, it doesn’t feel like anyone could have stopped him. I had to travel for work and selfishly, I was happy about it because I needed this moment away, free from having to do everything. And I am an adult, and I chose to stay with him when it got hard. Your son doesn’t really have a choice, and he has to live with it everyday, with not being enough to bring his father out. Seeing the mental state his father is in, I doubt he talked to his son to explain and to reassure him. And now, like the winner that you are, you come and pile up the guilt. I don’t know if your son will be able to preserve his mental health through all this. Best case, he’ll survive this and go NC with you. Worst case, there will be 2 dead bodies in the near future and one will be completely on you. Your son told him what is happening and you are doing NOTHING apart from trying to make him feel guilty. I hope your son will find this thread. Daniel, or whatever your name is, know that you are not responsible for your parent. You need to find help for yourself to be able to go through the situation and handle your toxic mother. OP, as mom of a 17yo, I have no word to express how deeply I despise you and how horrible a parent and a human being you are.
YTA No child is responsible for their parents. Every parent is responsible for their child This is actually monstrous
This is not your son’s load to carry and you are far beyond an AH for putting something so incredibly heavy on his shoulders. What an unbelievably cruel thing to do to a kid. YTA. An enormous one.
You’re a massive AH. Why the fuck would you put that burden on your child ffs. Pathetic parenting at its finest. So yeah, YTA. If you think someone needs to check on him, then get off your ass and do it. But it sure as fuck isn’t your child’s responsibility. He’s a teenager. He absolutely should be enjoying his spring break. Poor kid. One parent has become a drunk and the other is you.
Not a good idea to put that on a kid. YTA.
YTA way to weaponize guilt.
Yta.... Your son is not responsible for his father. What a horrible burden you're putting on your son.
YTA, its not a child's responsibility to babysit his dad, you're supposedly a responsibility adult, you step up and look after him while your son is away if you think he needs it so badly, or get help for him.
YTA The 16 year old isn’t a baby sitter for the adult. Stop putting that on him. That’s awful. Maybe if you’re concerned you should step in.
YTA - what kinda monster are you, holy shit.
Yta. The adult is responsible for his own health and well being. I can see why you're divorced. You are toxic
YTA. What a horrible, toxic thing to say to a child. Did it ever occur to you, in all of your “non-interfering,” that your ex would be appalled if his son missed growing up because of him? Since blaming things is so important to you, I hope your son grows up to blame you instead of himself if he suffers any emotional scarring from this. He doesn’t deserve to take that on himself.
YTA why give a 16 year old the responsibility of taking care of a grown man that should have been healthy in the first place, if not for his poor choices? That’s on your ex and not your son. He’s 16, don’t hold him back for being a teen for these types of reasons. Your son might be going through grief too, don’t put too much weight on him for trying to enjoy what he has while he still can.
YTA. A gaping one. You shouldn't burden a 16 y.o. with that kind of responsibility.
YTA. A 16-year old is not a babysitter or caregiver for an adult. He is a teen with his own life. If you are so concerned, then step up to the plate and help find care for your ex.
You’re a monster. You told your 16 yr old that if he doesn’t monitor his father, his father is likely to do and it’ll be your son’s fault? YTA
YTA. What a cruel and callous thing to say to YOUR CHILD. wtf is wrong with you? This is one of the nastiest things I’ve ever read on here. And to make it worse, you’re not even ashamed or embarrassed.
YTA: a 16 year old is not responsible for an adult. Even if he was 26. Mike needs to do the work to seek help. If you can’t then maybe call someone from the family that could help him. Daniel probably feels the burden already.
YTA. Daniel is a child, and your ex is a grown ass man.
And in the near future, when your son goes NC with you, his emotionally abusive mother, it’ll be your fault. YTA… x 10
YTA. Something tells me OP isn't emotionally and mentally thinking about her child right now⁉️
You’re a shit parent. Also TA
YTA. Your son is a teenager. His father is not his responsibility. That was an abusive expectation to put on him.
Eww, no, it is not a child's responsibility to babysit their parent. YTA
YTA. You doubling down in the comments makes you even more of an AH. What terrible parents this kid is stuck with.
YTA you're a sorry excuse for a parent, it's not up to Daniel to keep an eye on his dad it's up to other adults not a child to keep an eye on him. How about you step up instead of being useless? Oh wait you'd rather sacrifice your childs well-being rather than being an adult yourself.
YTA. If it's so important that a body to check on him, then you do it. Don't burden your child with the responsibility of taking care of this. You really want this? I don't think you've actually given it any thought whatsoever..
YTA. I cannot say it enough. You are a self absorbed, horrible, trash person. YTA. NO 16 year old is responsible for keeping their parent away from self medicating substances. He told YOU so YOU could step up. Saying it is his fault is absolving blame of BOTH parents and completely parentifying your child. That is also emotional abuse. What you did was disgusting and disgraceful. This is a damn joke right?
YTA, and you suck as a parent- and also a child abuser who should be locked up in jail.
YTA. You do not put his ADULT FATHER self medicating on your teenage son, that’s horrible and you should be ashamed. It’s not a childs responsibility to parent their parent
YTA I understand your ex is having a hard time but parentifying your child and putting that burden of a parent on his shoulders is NOT okay. An underage child should never have to take care of their parent. He deserves to be a kid and shame on you for placing the burden of responsibility on him.
What a worthless mother.
YTA. This entire thread is full of suggestions on what else you can do to help Mike beside telling your teenage son it's his faul if his dad dies, and your response to all of them has been "that won't work and I'm not going to bother trying". Nor have you responded to people asking just what you expect Daniel to actually *do* to stop Mike from overdosing, especially when he's going to be out of the house for most of the day at school.
Yta - it is not up to a child to babysit their parents. You are the parents.
YTA. He is a child. His father's health is not his responsibility and dumping it on him is borderline abusive. If you care you take care of him.
What on earth did I just read....You are the adult in this. If you are concerned, you are the one that needs to speak to your ex-husband and arrange assistance if required. Your 16 year old son is in absolutely no way responsible for the behavior of the adults around him. The level of cruelty in your statement is just beyond anything imaginable. YTA x a million
He’s 16 !!! He’s not responsible for any adult
Way to traumatize your baby. Good job mom! Probably there’s a good reason son lives with Dad in the 1st place
Yta Why are you this way? Your son is 16. Do better.
YTA. The kid isn’t supposed to take care of the parent. PERIOD. Let him be a kid. Let him have fun and spend times with his friends. But based on your responses to other posts you clearly don’t care so I don’t know why I’m bothering.
YTA
YTA, your son is 16 years old, The state of his father's emotional health does not rest on his shoulders. You're concerned about the ex, you go check on him, you're the adult.
Didn’t even read it but yeah you’re the asshole sounds like both of you are shit parents
I read the post sentences all I needed
If your so worried about him why not check on him yourself? Or request a welfare check.
YTA. Your 16 year old son is not responsible for the actions of a 40 something year old man. How dare you put that load on his shoulders?!
YTA. What a guilt trip to put on a kid. Your ex is responsible for himself! If he's having chest pains now then he needs to get his ass to the doctor. A teenager is not responsible for babysitting a grown man.
YTA- You are gross, cruel, heartless, abusive, nasty and rude. You told your son that it'd be his fault if his dad died. You are disgusting! And your comments prove that you are horrible! Be a better parent! It's not your minor son's responsibility to care for his dad!
YTA. Your son isn't his father's keeper. That was YOUR job not his. He is a CHILD not the parent. YOU fucked up, you fucked up big time. He's going, you can watch the father. And you better HOPE he doesn't throw you in a state ran home in 20 years
YTA. His dads health mental or otherwise is not his responsibility and that’s so much to put on a teenager. Daniel is not required to watch an adult and it is not his fault if something happens but now you’ve put that in his head and he’s going to have an intense need for therapy if anything happens. I’m not sure if you sound evil or clueless but I don’t think there’s an in between.
💯 YTA. Putting a child in a position to think they are responsible for the emotional health of a full grown adult parent is a terrible thing to do.
YTA, obviously. Your son is 16 years old. He is not responsible for taking care of his father. He cannot be responsible for taking care of his father. He is a minor child. If you're worried about your ex, reach out to his friends or family. But don't pretend this is in any way your kid's job to manage.
YTA. He is a child and doesn't need to "step up" or be responsible for his dad, and it won't be his fault.
Trash, yta.
YTA big time lady
YTA. Putting all this responsibility on a child.
YTA - no, it is not your child’s responsibility to care for his dad. He is not a mental health professional or a medical professional. If you are concerned about your ex then you look in on him. But it is cruel to put this responsibility and guilt on a child. If something happens to his dad it is NOT his fault.
**What happened to your responsibility to protect your son?** Do you hate your ex so much you’re willing to sacrifice the mental health of your child? Is your time so precious that you can’t take on the body checks for a week? Is there any reason you couldn’t shoulder this responsibility yourself? Dumping the responsibility for a daily body check on a child is unconscionable! Expecting a child to do this for a parent is cruel. **Manipulating your own child with theoretical guilt over the loss of a parent is downright inhumane.** If your ex’s drinking is so bad, why does your son live with him? **I can only conclude that you are a selfish parent, who doesn’t love their child.** **YTA** Note: I’ve been the child of a parent who needed daily body checks. Living in that house was traumatic. At no point was I ever left on my own to deal with it. Thankfully, my father made it through and improved his mental health. If I had been treated like you’re treating your son, I wouldn’t have made it through.
YTA, first you need to immediately apologize to your son for those words and assure him that if anything happens to his father it is not his fault. My uncle tried to commit suicide after bouts of depression and my cousin is the one who found him, and called my dad who saved him. Now my cousin knows he wasn't responsible for the attempted suicide but it still heavily weighs on him and his siblings. You can't say stuff like that to a teenager if something horrible is going to happen to his father he's already going to struggle with self blame because it's very human to do so. As his mother you need to be supportive of him and reassure him that it is not his responsibility to take care of his father. Let him go on the trip and then call the police for regular wellness checks. BTW him being 16 makes it very important that you have this talk but even if he was a young adult you still don't put that pressure on the child of the adult. His father is ultimately responsible for his own health just as you are responsible for yours.
YTA. Your son is not his babysitter. What a horrible amount of pressure. No to mention this dad is doing this to himself without a care in the world for how it affects your son. Your son is probably telling you so you can help him. Instead you basically turned him into an unpaid home care nurse 24/7. Get your son out of there. YTA for leaving him there in the first place.
YTA but because love is complicated you probably meant well. You can't control your ex but focus on the well being of your child. He needs to enjoy life all that he can, including a camping trip. Encourage him NOT to contact his father excessively during the trip. Life will bring 'crap' into your son's life soon enough.
YTA
You're definitely the asshole here. I get that you're worried about Mike's well-being, especially given everything he's been through lately, but putting that kind of responsibility and guilt trip on your 16-year-old son is way out of line. He's not equipped to be his dad's caretaker, and it's unfair to burden him with that kind of pressure. Implying that it would be Daniel's fault if something happened to his dad is just cruel. Your son needs your support and guidance, not blame and guilt. You should be looking for ways to help both Mike and Daniel cope with their grief and stress, not adding to their burdens. Let Daniel go on his camping trip and find another solution for checking in on Mike. That's the responsible and compassionate thing to do.
Obviously YTA.
We’ll see you in a couple years when you cry to Reddit about why your son no longer speaks to you.
YTA, and a SPECIAL type of AH. Hes the CHILD you are the PARENT. If you're so worried about him, you go take care of your ex. This poor kid.
YTA. Your son is the child. If his father is destroying himself it isn't your son's responsibility to keep him from it. Your son has a right to live his life. Not babysit a self destructive adult. Should he quit high school to watch his dad? Not go on dates? Not live with you? He might be a young adult but he isn't the parent. Call the police to do a wellness check. Maybe he'll get arrested if he's self medicating with illegal drugs. Then he'll have access to free medical care and rehab programs. Send a text to your ex in laws to check on him. Don't put the responsibility and guilt on your son to avoid your own guilt if something happens to your ex. And you're not much of a parent letting your son stay with a "self medicating" parent.
AITA for telling my son if something happens to his dad then it will be his fault? Why even ask the question if you're just going to be combative with everyone in the comments and not actually listen to their advice? And yes, you are a giant asshole and your son deserves better from both parents.
YTA. It should never be on a teenager to become the caregiver and emotional anchor for a parent. YOU go watch Mike. YOU take him to the cardiologist. Or make a welfare call or poke one of his other adult relatives or a friend and while you’re at it call Family Court and tell them that Mike needs help and can’t effectively parent your child right now. Sure, Mike is your ex and you’re not responsible for him, but it sounds like you’re friendly enough and this is your child’s father. How DARE you scare the kid with “your dad needs a body to check on him or you're going to walk in the door and see his dead body on the ground.” Dan is a teenager, he is not responsible for policing his father’s substance abuse problem and keeping him alive. You are absolutely failing as a parent and a human being.
why bother posting on here if you're going to fight with everyone calling you an asshole? YTA and a fucking brick wall.
Yta big time. Wtf is wrong with you. How dare you put that on a 16 year old. You stay with him, asshole.
Based on this and the comments you've left, I can definitely see why he's your ex. Jesus Christ, you don't even care about your son. He is a child. Contact your ex's family and friends, have them check up on him. It's not your child's job, and will not be his fault if something happens. You are a monster. Hard YTA.
Adding: You clearly just made this post seeking approval for your actions instead of actual opinions. What a horrible thing to say, do, and think. And these comments? What the hell??
YTA. Your ex’s wellbeing is NOT a child’s responsibility.
YTA, no question. Hope your son finds a better found family one day.
YTA YTA YTA!!! A 16 year old boy is NOT responsible for his addict father, and you saying it would be his fault is one of the cruelest things you could say to a kid! WTF is wrong with you?!
Why is it the 16 year olds responsibility to keep an eye out for his father? I saw you making light of calling the police earlier, which is dumb. You can ask them to do a wellness check on him because you’re worried about him, which would be perfectly normal. Instead, you’re pinning his father’s potential suicide on a 16 year old…..weird behavior dude. From one parent to another, do better.
YTA. Your son is 16. He’s a kid. This isn’t his responsibility. If his father is in that bad of a state he needs another adult looking after him, and he certainly shouldn’t be the legal caregiver of a minor. Frankly, this is so cartoonishly level vicious that I’m questioning whether it’s even real.
excuse me? what the actual fuck is wrong with you? how fucking dare you ever say something so fucking cruel to your son. you just failed miserably as a mother. if your so damn worried about your ex, you can keep an eye on him. it is absolutely not your son's responsibility to ensure his father is getting help. YTA
YTA he is the child. The child should NEVER be responsible for keeping the adult alive
YTA terrible parenting choices all round
YTA. Your sixteen year old isn't responsible for his father's health. Wtf is wrong with you? What a vile, abusive thing to say to your child.
YTA Your son is a fucking CHILD and you’re making him responsible for dealing with his father’s addiction?! And then guilt him by telling A LITERAL CHILD that if something happens to his father it’s his fault. Mom of the year. Your CHILD should not be THE PARENT. Do your damn job as THE PARENT and PROTECT your kid.
YTA What kind of parent lets their 16 year old take responsibility for a “self medicating” adult? It’s in no way a responsibility of a kid to take care of their parent, especially when they are “self medicating”. They shouldn’t be in a home with someone “self medicating”. You need to take your kid away from that “self medicating” adult. You need to protect your kid. You must be mad to prevent the kid from getting away from that awful situation.
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YTA, you cant force that kind of responsibility on a kid and make them blame themselves if something does happen. That sh*t is traumatic
YTA and a terrible parent and all your replies confirm that. Talk to your ex, not your child. Tell him you were shocked at his appearance and you're concerned about the chest pains. Tell him to see a doctor immediately. Tell him what a lasting trauma it would be for your son to come home (from school, from your house, from camp, from anywhere) and find him dead. And go ahead and tell your ex what your told your child. He needs to know so he can try to undo the damage you caused. It's up to the adults, you and your ex, to deal with this. Not your child.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My ex husband Mike has had a few really bad years. Last month his brother died after a long disease and was staying with Mike. I think between that and the last few years has broken him. Our 16yo son Daniel says his dad has been self-medicating hard. I came by to drop something off for Daniel and told Mike I was sorry to hear about his brother, he was a nice guy. Wow. He aged like 10 years since the last time I saw him. Literally. He is in his early 40s and people thought he was in his early 30s. Now he looks like he's in his 50s. He casually mentioned he's been having chest pains too. Daniel wants to go on a spring break camping trip and I said you really need to stay behind and watch your dad. He said he'll text and FaceTime him during the week that he's gone. I said your dad needs a body to check on him or you're going to walk in the door and see his dead body on the ground. If you go and something happens then it will be your fault. YOU need to stay behind and take care of him so you can't go. I'm not trying to intervene on their relationship and I do occasionally text Mike but I don't live with him. This is a time when Daniel has to step up. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*