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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn't go to a family dinner at my sister's new restaurant because it would have supported my sister, and really we're not sisters. But we do share a family and my parents tried so hard to get me to go. I was stubborn and refused and couldn't be talked into it. Then two siblings walked out of the dinner because of the crap going on. I could have gone for the sake of the rest of my family instead of letting dislike for that one sister spoil it. So I might be totally in the wrong.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Your parents actually said that (essentially) if you pay her she may decide she doesn’t hate you any more?
Seriously? No way, you’re NTA. You took the high road that makes you both happier. Would you even be able to trust any food she served you? (Not that I think she would poison you, but it sounds like she’d be perfectly happy to do something unpleasant to it.)
Pro tip - if you are ever in a situation where you have to go to her restaurant, order the exact same meal your mother does. When they arrive at the table, switch plates and see if she reacts
Oooooh, perfect move. Of course this will upset Mom (How DARE you accuse your sister of tampering with your food, what is wrong with you??) and probably cause a scene, but I'd totally do it.
Logically sound, but they've already demonstrated that OP is expected to be the bigger person while Daisy's behavior gets a pass. So this would be seen as OP instigating when Daisy "didn't do anything".
I hate "be the bigger person" crap. Let them change their behavior, why is it always someone who has to cave in on whatever to appease someone who is overly entitled.
Oh, absolutely. I have a rule in life where, by default, I treat everyone with respect when I meet them. But if someone decides they'd rather have a disrespectful relationship, then I'm willing to oblige when we are forced to interact.
Most entitled people act that way because friends or family enable the behavior to "not rock the boat"... Fuck that. Rock the boat hard until the entitled people learn or leave.
Be the bigger person is supposed to mean don't stoop to their level. I hate that people use it to mean give the person behaving badly a free pass. By definition, OP was being the bigger person by not attending.
OR “this one must be yours Mom, I ordered no mushrooms” or whatever, then OP doesn’t even have to imply her sister spit in her food, just that the server handed her the wrong item! Mom can enjoy some sister spit, they’re family!
Hahahahaba ok, love your response. Very easy amd under the radar way to pass it off. This idea that you sparked however won't de-escalate, but will probably make OP happy for half a sec.
Return the dish.
Look it over and, just like you would anywhere, "pardon me waiter/waitress, I'm so sorry but I asked for mine without mushroom. Could you have them remake it?" 😂
But then it puts mom in a position to either admit she thinks your sister WOULD do something to your food or eat the consequences. Either she trusts the sister with the food she intended you to eat or not.
That reminds me of the Dear Prudence letter where the OP always got terribly sick after eating at her MILs house. It was always single serving/already plated meals and nobody else got sick. Her husband told her Mil wasn't tampering with her food.
She wound up switching the au jus bowls with her husband when nobody was looking, and then surprise surprise the husband got terribly sick and she was fine. Then when she confronted him, he was pissed she switched the bowls and she realized he knew the whole time that his mom was messing with her food.
I just want to know how she is since the divorce. Like, does she run a cat sanctuary? Did she meet someone who's mother doesn't poison her? Did she get everything in the divorce? Did her MIL have any consequences for the poisoning?
I was thinking that too. Tell mom to wait 5 minutes. Switch the plates WHILE sister is looking and see if she gets angry. Chances are she will say something like "no! I made them differently!"
"But...we ordered the exact same dish with the exact same details. It doesn't matter whom eats which right?"
Actually, I was thinking the same thing! They're both poisoned.
You should split the plates, then she can't play n'th level chess and tamper with mom's food.
You missed an oppertunity to be sick in her restaurant. Imagine the reviews she'd get from other customers as you projectile vomited across the tables...
Write the review from the prospective of someone who was at the table next to your family. "Would never eat there again! Sat next to owners family and the owner was saying horrible mean things about her sibling, who treats family like that" or something similar!
NTA- The two of you are oil and water. I am curious though what brought about her feelings towards you. Most of the time, things like this don’t come out of thin air.
The reality is, you are both adults now and your parents can’t force a connection or relationship at this age. They should have stepped in many years ago when this all started.
Your sister sounds highly immature but it also sounds like your parents did nothing to protect you thinking this would be a phase that would pass. They’re partially to blame for this. Good for you for not going. Your parents can’t expect you to continuously allow disrespect for the “sake of family” and should’ve that of that while you both struggled to get along. NTA
The fact that they forced the two to share a room until they were 18 because they were "so close in age" makes me think that Daisy never got to have her own life aside from OP. Daisy didn't handle it super well, but I think OP's parents are the real AHs in this situation.
Ehh. 4 bedrooms or whatever 7 kids, do you think anyone else wanted to share rooms in pre teen/ teenage years? It's not fun. But NTA op. If your family sticks together as mom says ask her why sis never emailed an announcement or invite? Personally I don't want to be a plus one at family celebration
I started sharing my room with my 1 year old sister in my mid teens, not a single thing would excuse me saying my parents should have aborted her. That’s not for me to say and I never have. Not when I was waking up to her crying and not when my room smelled like baby poop and throw up.
Nothing excuses that level of hatred, even for being parentified. That anger goes to the parents where it belongs, not the sibling she harassed and destroy OP’s stuff to get her parents to give her a new room. OP is definitely not to blame and her sister shouldn’t be getting off the hook SO easy for her clear issues with things. OP’s sister needs therapy and her parents need to respect the relationship they destroyed by not putting a stop to the bullying.
This - I shared a room with my younger sister for years and the only time I was terrible about it was when I was 3, she was a baby and she woke me up a lot. I also had to briefly share a room with my brother who was 4 when I was 13 before we moved into a bigger house. Did it kind of suck? Yes. Was I mean to a little kid over it? No.
Have her own "life"... they shared rooms as kids ffs. I swear people are so fuckin privileged in this country that they think kids sharing rooms is some type of ultimate sacrifice when it is so incredibly common in places that don't have a lot of space.
It is if you're forcing the two that don't want to be in the same room to stay in it if there are other options. Could have put one of the other sisters in there but didn't do that
From what I’ve been told my sister was the same. She was 4 when I was born. So she’d pretty much grown out of that baby stage. So when my dad started calling my by her old nickname ( baby girl, he’s not a creative man), and babying me like he used to do with her she didn’t take it well. My mother said she watched me like a hawk because she was afraid my sister would do something. My mother told me she caught her swing me around by my ankles once.
So it sounds like there was professional guidance needed that your parents just didn’t get. This is also on them. They should have addressed the sibling resentment then.
Considering the issues my sister’s mom had, I think they saw it as her way out acting out. My mom and dad broke up when I was three so it wasn’t a super long term concern.
My sister was the same way. She was horribly jealous and even as an adult she'd like to pretend that she didn't have a brother and a sister. She thought everything our parents had should all be for her. It's sad.
My mom is an only child but STILL dealt with this from her older cousin. That cousin was the only kid in the family for 7 years until my mom was born & even tho they are both seniors, the older still tries to control my mom. The cousin's daughter also tried to do the same to me when we were kids (we're a year or so apart) until her younger brothers were born & I wasn't around as much.
My older brother is a year older than me when I was a toddler he tried to get me to stick a fork in an outlet because our parents told him he couldn't because he'd get hurt. Loves my little sister and so do I but ever since I can remember he's literally hated me and still disrespects me in front of my kid
*she* can't possibly remember a difference though, she's only a year older!
My guess is she assumes she WOULD be treated differently if it weren't for you.
Oh, but at 1yo she did remember and thus, she started hating her then and has let this hate build for so many years that she doesn't even know why she hates her anymore, but she knows she has to.
I feel like 1-2 years is one of the worst spots for sibling rivalry too.
You get pushed together by adults and circumstances, the younger always on the heel of the older in school. For all purpose the same age half the time, except there's just enough difference for the older/younger one to have privileges or skills the other do not.
Aaaaaalmost an even playing field, but not quite.
I babysat 2 sisters 2 years apart, and I did it for years. The older one was talented at certain things, the younger one always wanted to be as good as her sister at the same things, the younger one was convinced that she was "stupid" for being unable to catch up... And the older sister agreed that she was "stupid," no matter what we did, because of the ego boost and lack of empathy. Hella toxic until the younger, sweeter girl found her own talents.
I have 3 full sisters, one is a year older than me. She & I are closer than the rest of my full sibs. When I retire next year we plan on traveling the world together. Not close at all to my half sister - she was always a PITA growing up which her mother encouraged. Step mother shrunk my graduation dress the night before high school graduation just so it could be passed down to half sis - gave it to my best friends' niece instead.
I have five kids. The last two are both girls. My oldest girl absolutely adores my youngest (so do my two boys) but the second youngest doesn’t. She will often yell at her for just wanting to play. I think it’s because, before my youngest came along, all four kids doted on her. She also started getting less attention from me because I had a crying baby I had to take care of. I tried really hard to give her just as much attention but she couldn’t do things like sit on my lap for hours on end like she used to. I bet it’s something like that with OP’s sister where it started very young and she just kept the hatred up even after the reason she hated her didn’t matter anymore.
Exactly this. As she got older and people asked her why she was asked about it she'd realise that there was absolutely no reason to be so horrible. *That* would have made her even angrier. So she justs keeps on being miserable and nasty.
It's shitty for the other siblings to have even gone tbh.
That makes sense, she was the precious youngest girl till you came along. And she could not get rid of her resentment. This is definitely something your parents should worked on when you were significantly younger. Move on with your life, do things to make sure you’re taken care of emotionally like therapy if you need it and keep standing up for yourself now that you have the autonomy to do so.
How much can Daisy remember of being the "precious youngest girl"? She was only __one__ year old when OP was born - she's 28 and OP is 27, remember.
I think she's attached to the *idea* that she would've been the "precious youngest girl" and apparently built up a lot of resentment over the room sharing issue. All extremely unhinged and immature, regardless.
It honestly sounds like the biggest offense you committed was being born another female, thus forcing her to share her room with you. (If you were another brother it would've been you and the youngest brother sharing a room and she would've been left with her own space.) This doesnt justify her behaviour but at least you know that it wasnt any one thing you did to her, she was really just mad at your parents for having 7 children despite not having the adequate space, thus forcing her to give up what most children take for granted (their own private space)
Ahhh, I have similar problems with one of my siblings. We fought as kids, sometimes physically, but she also hates that she's not the oldest, so therefore, I got to do a lot of things before she did, licence, college, moved away from home. We're all adults in our 30s and 40s, and she still can't let it go. The last time we were home together for the holidays, she dug up old fights that were long dead 30 years ago in front of all my brother in laws, "Remember when you hit sibling?!" and my family has told her to cut it out, and she won't. Sometimes, we don't get along with our siblings. I'm related to her, we're family but we don't like each other. She didn't invite you, so you did the right thing. Not the asshole. NTA. We don't always get along with others or like everyone. This unfortunately applies to families sometimes.
Except there's only a year between you so she'd have no memory or knowledge of what her life was like before you were born. I don't think it's worth worrying about, you live your life with your other siblings and stay out of her way. Seems to have worked well so far. Your parents are TA for trying to force you to be nice to her when she's the one who's caused the problem.
Also, to add to this, I heard a long time ago that in families, we don't get the same parents. How my parents raised me is not how my parents raised my sisters. Sure, we all got fed, clothed, and attended to, but the amount and type of attention afforded to each kid is different. I spent a lot of my childhood in and out of hospital, so even now, my parents treat me differently than my siblings. It's not intentional, but I can tell some of my siblings resent it. Nothing you can do besides be the bigger person. I'm certain that your sister probably got scolded by your parents and siblings for excluding you, which probably doesn't help her resentment. It's up to you ultimately if you want to try to mend this bridge, if for the only reason of finally letting your parents know that you tried, and it didn't work out. Also, be thankful you weren't subjected to being guilted into attending or inviting her to a wedding like so many other estranged siblings on this sub. Yikes.
It sounds like your only crime was being born. You took her place as the youngest girl, and she's still salty. Speaking from experience, it probably won't get better with time.
She won't tell you why because she can't as she can't remember. Guarantee its jealousy over something trivial that started this. How about your parents telling her to cop the f..K on and grow up as she's the immature aggressive ah in all this.
You could ask your parents why they think it’s appropriate for you to support (or have any kind of relationship with, really) someone who abused you *your whole life*!!!
Because it is ABUSE. And even in adulthood she continues it.
You couldn’t properly defend yourself when you were a child suffering this abuse, and heaven knows your parents didn’t. But now that you are older you are choosing to remove yourself from her vicinity so you are not being ABUSED any longer.
Why is that wrong? Uh…It isn’t. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this your whole life. Stay strong. NTA
And ask them why they did nothing to remedy the situation because they can't be so oblivious as to not have noticed this dynamic for nearly three decades.
If they pull the *but faaamily* card, tell them she's not your family, and they're moving closer to that same status.
We all know why. Because the parents just wanted to ignore the problem and pretend it wasn't happening and so forced OP to be the bigger person throughout their childhood.
Now it's too late and they don't know how to do anything else but continue to put the responsibility on OP. Thankfully it sounds like at least 2 of the siblings left when trash talk about her started in the restaurant.
If I were one of the siblings I'd stop contact with Daisy and let her know exactly why. "I can't stand by and watch a venomous abuser continue to behave this way for something our sister doesn't even deserve."
Of course NTA but I'm wondering what did your parents say to Daisy when she excluded you from her birthday party and graduation? Did they not pressure her to include you? Tell her family doesn't exclude family?
Being the only one in the family who is excluded from big events sends a very clear message.
"Jessica I'm talking about you."
No doubt that's what she would have done or made a scene to embarrass you at the door. I hate, no, actually, loathe the phrase "family is family." Normal family, I guess, as I wouldn't know, is supposed to love and support you.
When any family torments you, that is not family. When the very parents who are supposed to love you and protect, don't then that makes it even harder. It's like living on an island that is lonely, but they believe you are staying on the island out of spite.
I am sure over the years that since you have not had to interact with your sister, your life has been happy. It seems she has no desire to see you anymore than you have a desire to see her. I will never understand why family wants everyone to forgive for the sake of family.
Blood does not make family as you can choose who to love and support. You are definitely not the asshole, but your parents are for trying to guilt you into going for appearances sake after how she treated you.
Stick to your guns, and anyone who tells you differently just tell them to kick rocks.
I mean, 'family supports family' is a nice sentiment and all, but that's all it is, sentiment.
My parents divorced, my husband's didn't. The \*stark differences\* in family dynamic are very clear- my dad and (step) mom were supportive, his dad was emotionally, psychologically and at times, verbally abusive.
I kept contact with my (step)mom after my dad died, he has limited any interactions with his dad to the bare minimum after his mom died.
OP's sister is not 'family' at this point, for the OP.
Does she hate you bc *she* was the youngest, then you came along? That’s really stupid considering you’re only a year younger and she couldn’t have possibly remembered being “the baby” of the family.
You’re NTA and you did the right thing.
She literally wanted a psychopathic pervert to kidnap and kill you since your mom decided to not kill you in the womb. Your parents supporting her in this while expecting you to just suck it up makes them *even worse* than your terrible sister. NTA and if it were me, I’d cut off anyone who condones her behavior instead of standing up for you.
Push back to your family with this reasoning. Send everyone a group text saying that you wish it wasn’t necessary for you to miss a family get together. However, your sister hates you. She has said and done X, Y, and Z. As a result, you don’t feel safe in a situation where she has control over your food. While you don’t resent your family for getting together without you, you do not deserve any criticism whatsoever. If they have issues or complaints, they should address them with Daisy - not you - since it’s her behavior that’s the cause of any conflict.
Go on the condition that your parents apologize to you for allowing your sister to abuse you for years. They have to say it at the restaurant grand opening, in front of your sister.
“We’re very sorry that we failed you as parents. The fact is that your sister abused you, and we knew it. We know that it had a huge impact on your life. In the future, we will do everything we can to defend you from her.”
Your parents are ignorant. She's almost a 30 year old woman, a business owner, even. She wants to act like a juvenile mean girl. It's ridiculous, I don't know many people in their 30s that held onto grudges from childhood. If there were a path forward it would have happened years ago when y'all stopped sharing a room.
>(Not that I think she would poison you, but it sounds like she’d be perfectly happy to do something unpleasant to it.)
Well, maybe she would. Last year, in my country, there was [the Erin Patterson case](https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2024/apr/21/erin-patterson-timeline-alleged-victoria-mushroom-poisoning-murders-case-leongatha). She has been charged with three counts of murder after serving poisonous mushrooms in a beef wellington. It was allegedly her third attempt to murder her ex-husband.
NTA.
>Our parents were like "family supports each other" and all kinds of crap.
They must have set your sister a good example.
>She said she wished mom had aborted me and she'd be happier.
>wish I could have been kidnapped to get me out of her hair.
>I was the only person excluded from her 21st birthday party
They must be so proud.
Nah stop, I see 0 faults in op.
Even if they haven’t told their parents anything, the parents should know. FIVE other siblings know the full story, and the parents are oblivious to what’s happening? They’re parents, they certainly should’ve parented better when op and daisy were still children.
100% my younger brother & I used to share a room & fought a lot. My parents decided to separate us & put my older brother with him. They also made sure we mended our relationship over the years. I think op was born too close in age to Daisy & she felt their attention shift towards the little sister (OP) & built resentment for it. Should’ve been addressed ages ago instead of letting it rot.
Nope. There are definitely arguments to be made that she should tell her parents about these interactions with Daisy, but their parents have failed OP spectacularly even without that information and it is NOT OP's responsibility to enlighten her parents on how to parent. OP is not "wrong" in any sense of the word.
Family supports each other expect when it’s the kid being abused by the family. After all this awful treatment, I’d say Mom and Dad have chosen their side. Also, I don’t understand how OP’s siblings could be close to Daisy after they’ve seen how she treats OP.
NTA and it sounds like your sister has "I should've been an only child" syndrome and has taken it out on you. I have a sibling like that. We didn't talk for almost 15 years.
I think that’s the issue, since your youngest sibling is male. You took her Baby Girl title away and she’s bound and determined to punish you for it for the rest of your lives.
She had baby girl status for 1 year and she was too young to remember it. Unless OP's parents favoured OP for being younger or treated her more special as the 'baby'; she shouldn't affected by that title. She never had it at any time she would remember.
I'd say she's projecting something onto OP. Whether it's perceived favoritism, treatment by other siblings or something else. OP probably got blamed because of something done by other people in favor of OP. Like people who hate their gorgeous sister because people the other had 'pretty privilege'. It's easier to hate one person (innocent though they may be) than your whole family or parents.
I'd wager the parents know why Daisy hates OP but they won't acknowledge it. Most likely the reason doesn't make them look good.
You probably wouldn't have seen it because you were young and it was your normal. Seems your sister has been acting out her feelings for a long time so your parents may have tried to correcr the behavior before you even realized what was happening. Unfortunately your sister may be unable to let it go.
It would explain you being expected to suck it up. Your relationship with your sister may be a source of guilt. If you somehow make Daisy love you, it would be absolution for them.
If they keep persisting about this and insisting you suck it up, ask them why she hates you. Tell them you aren't willing to consider a relationship with Daisy even if she changes because you don't know why she mistreated you all these years. Ask them why they forced Daisy to share with you when it became clear it was only fueling her resentment and aggression.
Watch it be something so stupid like she wanted to do something for her 4th birthday but your parents said no because they couldn't take you (3 year old) or something like that.
I could easily see this being the case. "We couldn't go to 'insert theme park name' for my 5th birthday cause you weren't big enough to get on any rides!"
> But there could be things we saw differently
I (37) have a very good relationship with my twin brother *now* but he basically hated me in high school...our relationship got better during college but there was still tension/rare but big fights through much of our 20s.
Long story short, we eventually "had it out" and talked about our childhoods...among other things, I learned that there were various things I did/said that I have ZERO recollection of (although I 100% believe happened) and I felt horrible knowing not just how much pain I'd caused, but also by how much these things effected him for years.
And what did he learn? That there were various things *he* did/said that *he* had ZERO recollection of that greatly hurt and effected *me* for years!
In the end, I think we both realized that neither of us was that person anymore and that hanging on to this hurt was effectively hanging on to a grudge and that doing so only hurt both of us.
So while I'm not saying you should try to mend things with your sister, I very much think you should try to find out (maybe through your other siblings) *any* specifics because you might learn a lot.
My twin and I (30) just went through something similar. Our relationship drifted apart after we became adults and there was so much she held against me and I felt the same. We grew up together and had the same everything but we experienced things differently. Different affected us differently. I’m so glad we talked and NTA.
Either way, I think it’s mainly on your parents. They didn’t resolve the issue, tried to listen to Daisy and you, and worse, they forced you to continue to share a room. I bet both of you feel like your parents favor the other person. What a mess they created.
Speaking as an older sibling, we do remember. Generally, babies require more attention just by the nature of being babies, which means even a slight age gap can cause anger. Imagine if you used to sit on mom’s lap everyday and that lap is suddenly occupied for feedings all the time. It feels like you’re forgotten by your family since all the relatives are now cooing over the new baby. You don’t remember every single detail but you sure do remember what it feels like. You may have not seen it since you were younger, but parents also tend to be stricter on the older kid. My brother and I have a 5 year difference. My cousin who’s the same age and her brother have a 2 year difference. Both of us were treated way stricter in terms of school/grades/discipline. I had to go to Econ camp in middle school- my brother got to watch TV at home.
It’s tough to see as the younger sibling- my brother didn’t realize until he was in high school and his counselor (who was also mine) pointed out that his college expectations were too high since he showed up with the same list of schools I had. It still can be there
What’s crazy is you are a year apart. She has no actual memory of life before you were born. She is a hateful person who long ago decided you were the one to hate.
Shame on your parents for not intervening.
I bet that’s what it is. I have five kids and my second youngest is not as close to the youngest as the others. She treats her well but her life definitely changed when the youngest came. I used to let her sit on my lap constantly but when youngest came I couldn’t do it as much. I try hard to give everyone equal attention but I can’t make the other kids do it too. She also is mad she doesn’t have her own room anymore. Before the youngest came everyone had their own room. The youngest stayed in my room for a long time but eventually I gave her her own room (she would keep people up and they had school). Soon I will have to put them together. I bet your sister thinks her life would have been better if she was the youngest girl. What surprises me is she didn’t grow out of it. Maybe she was angry for so long she just kept being that way and at this point, admitting it is petty and stupid, is too big of a pill to swallow. Sometimes people continue to be mad or hate someone simply because they have been doing it so long that deciding not to means they have to admit they might have been in the wrong all that time.
My oldest (of 4) verbalized that he was supposed to be an only child MANY times while growing up. He believed that two of his siblings (3 years younger) existed for the sole purpose of ruining his life, though they never did anything to cause this, other than being born and dividing my attention. He never resented the youngest (and only girl). IMO, since his brothers were twins, his subconscious toddler mind decided that he "didn't belong" because he was different, and spent his childhood splitting the two of them, so one would be on his side during conflicts, as a subconscious self-preservation tactic. With 3, there's often an odd man out, and he made sure it wasn't going to be him! Now that the 3 boys are adults, he feels completely different, and looks back with good memories. They are all close friends with each other, hanging out together often, and by choice. I'm so thankful for that.
as someone who grew up in a three child household, and whose grandparent had a three child household, she always told me “never have three! They will not get along!“ And in my own experience, it has always been true.
no one wants to be the odd man out so they are constantly deciding which two are going to gang up on the other one. I’m sure this is mitigated by mature and understanding parents, but myself, and my two siblings are all adults now and the triangulation continues on.
NTA -
1. So she was consistently terrible growing up
2. Is consistently awful as an adult...
3. To the point of purposefully excluding you from events
4. Wishes abortion and kidnapping upon you
5. Family supports each other as long as they aren't this much of an asshole to someone.
To your fourth point: it’s almost worse that Daisy wished abortion on *her own mother.* Like OP wouldn’t be affected if she’d been aborted, but it can be devastating for a woman even when she *knows* she wants one. How horrible and selfish of Daisy to wish for her mom to go through without considering how her mom might have felt.
It’s a small blessing she never said “I wish mom had had a miscarriage with you.” Definitely would deserve a solid punch in the teeth for something like that.
OP, you’re NTA. This is a classic case of abusers (and those complicit in the abuse) expecting the victim to keep subjecting themselves to it. When Daisy was excluding you, it was fine, because she’s *always* been nasty to you and it’s *always* been fine. But now that you’re putting your foot down and setting boundaries for yourself, suddenly YOU are the bad guy. [Don’t rock the boat,](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) OP, you’ll ruin everything! (/s in case it needs to be specified)
Have your parents even asked *Daisy* if she wanted you there/was upset by you not attending?
This truly just shows she has no empathy or care for others 😅 she obviously exhibits sociopathic tendencies sooooo I would expect nothing less 🙄🙄 it's narcissistic and I wouldn't have been shocked if she poisoned or at the very least did something revolting to OPs food if she had gone
Your parents need to realize you and your sister are beyond living with THEIR 'shoulds'. You are adults and able to choose who you spent time with. Refuse to discuss it - or her - with them.
it needs to be pointed out to them that they're aweful parents to OP if they insist on a relationship with a person that is actively hating OP without telling her why.
I think the “why” is immaterial. The parents shouldn’t feel entitled to insert themselves in this relationship between two adult sisters. They should respect the individual wants and needs of each daughter. (One of Daisy’s needs is a reality check about her cruel behavior.)
Your parents should hold themselves and Daisy accountable, not you. They should have addressed this situation two decades ago. And they should have kept their mouths shut about it at dinner. They don’t deserve the illusion of the happy family they failed to nurture.
If Daisy is still holding on to these childish resentments, she needs some serious counseling. And she too, should be blaming your parents, not you.
NTA.
If the family supports each other, where was your parents' support when Daisy treated you like sh\*t? Do your parents know what Daisy was spouting? What kind of hateful crap that was? If your parents don't know, tell them what was put on display by Daisy.
These statements are so unbelievable that you have to expect that this woman will want to kill you if you come on her radar.
You are not in the wrong and don't hesitate to tell everyone that you don't have to put up with something like this. Keep in touch with the rest of your siblings and keep telling yourself "Daisy is not my sister, she's just someone who can't hurt me!"
NTA!
NTA and I wouldn't worry about it too much. It sounds like your other silblings aren't bothered and if Daisy is, well, she didn't like you anyway. It seems only your parents are affected, and I'm sure they'll get over it.
NTA
Your parents said and did nothing as your sister abused you. They are as culpable for what you went through with her as she is. They have no rught to be mad at you for a problem they enabled. I would take a time out from them if they continue to expect you to be her whipping post.
NTA. Here is what you ask your parents: How come it's ME that is supposed put things behind me?? Why are you not holding HER responsible for any of the 'forgiveness'?? SHE didn't even invite you - why are they not starting THERE with HER??? I would tell them, until they start expecting HER to do what they are asking YOU to do, then they don't need to be in your life.
They are enabling her shitty behavior and continuously asking you to just suck it up and take it year after year after year. I mean she is literally jealous of you, an infant, being born. How is that YOUR fault. Make them explain themselves. Don't let them get away with the 'that's just how she is' either because they have ALLOWED HER to act like this instead of shutting it down years ago.
My husband is in a similar situation with an estranged sister. He gets the pressure to fix the relationship because he is still showing up for family. She has always been an asshole who snubs the family, won't answer her phone or reply to texts, etc. So it's a situation of looking for keys under the street lamp "where the light is better" even though the keys were not lost under the street lamp. They harass the person available to be harassed.
I would write down every awful thing your sister has said about you and make your parents read them out loud. They did a huge disservice by not trying to fix this when Daisy was younger. NTA
If "family supports each other," than your parents failed you by not instilling those values into your sister and they should accept responsibility for this situation instead of doubling down. NTA
If family supports each other, why didn’t your parents notice that you weren’t invited to Daisy’s graduation or 21st birthday party…yet the rest of the family was!?
NTA
NTA. You were the one treated horribly by your sister for years. I'm not sure why your parents think the responsibility lies with you to fix it. I certainly wouldn't want to put myself in proximity of someone I know doesn't want me there. Especially on their territory, so to speak.
As a child with 5 brothers, I just don't understand your parents. We swapped rooms several times, at least once at our parent's insistence. In a four bedroom house, 2 brothers always shared a room.
I was oldest and shared with my closest brother from the time I can remember as a toddler until I was about 11 when the first change happened (my parents got bigger houses over time and we had a 4 bedroom from 8-18 for me).
It was 1 with 2, 3 with 4, and 5 with 6. We were fighting with our brother we shared a room with too much, mom switched it up (I was 11), 1 with 5, 2 with 6, 3 with 4 (no change for them). Then a couple years later 1 with 6, 2 with 4, 3 with 5, then it was 1 with 4, 2 with 5, 3 with 6. And then there was another change - I went with 2 again (3/5 and 4/6) for about 3-6 months before I left for college and 2 got his own room finally at 16.
ETA - I was with 4 the longest, and enjoyed sharing with 6 the most (probably because he was the youngest and did what I told him :)
Any reasonable parent would change it up as being in the same room causes conflict, we had it easier since all boys, but every large family I know changed it up over time to reduce the squabbling.
NTA op. Your parents are assholes for forcing the issue rather than “giving in” Had they loved you her feelings may have lessened to indifference rather than bullying you for all those years.
Your sister definitely jealous that a new baby got attention and she has never moved passed it. She obviously is a major asshole.
Division in family is your parents and Daisy’s fault. As has already happened your other siblings will not tolerate this terrible treatment of you forever.
NTA
This is kind of long but this is what you need to say to your parents. If I were you I’d sent it via message so they don’t have the opportunity to gaslight your emotions or have the opportunity to hold you there until they can convince you to change your mind.
“I’m not sorry for not going. Why you expect me to continue to subject myself to continued abuse is beyond me. Her continued behavior is a result of both of your failures to get her professional help and put a stop to her entirely unhinged behavior. Your belief that it’s a phase that will pass doesn’t excuse her behavior nor your refusal to do anything about it. Not that I want you to do anything now, the damage is beyond repair at this point. The least you can do is stop attempting to convince me to spend time or support my childhood abuser because you think she’ll suddenly wake up one day and love me. Frankly even if she did I simply can’t see past 27 years of verbal abuse, destruction of property, and outwardly wishing I died or was kidnapped. A sudden 180 and come to Jesus moment won’t suddenly make me trust or want to support her after any of that either. I get that you want all of your children to be a whole unit but you don’t get to be upset or angry the actual subject of her abuse refuses to take part in allowing it any further. If you what you both wanted was a close healthy sibling relationship, getting her therapy in her younger years was the way to go, it’s just simply too late for that now. I need you to come to terms with who your daughter is and the destruction that she’s caused for the last several decades so you can stop coercing me to continue to just take it for both of your personal comfort. I refuse to have anything to do with her moving forward. I’m fine seeing her at family functions only under the understanding that she isn’t allowed to verbally abuse me at them, and if she does I will leave; the importance of the event doesn’t change anything. So if what you want is to have all of your children in one room for family events I suggest you have a long conversation with her about that. As far as my support though? That’s out of the question. While I hope you can understand and respect my decision, wether you do or not will not change the outcome. I’m attempting to set healthy boundaries for my own mental health. I’ve spent 27 years of active abuse from her i refuse to spend another second allowing her the opportunity to do so.”
NTA. Family supports each other, yes but that support has to be reciprocated. Feud does not simply go away. It makes zero sense for you to be there for Daisy's big opening but she won't be there for your endeavors.
NTA. Tell them straight up what she has said and whenever they bring this up, say you are respecting her feelings about you/family and if they have any issues about it, they should talk to Daisy. Repeat until they stop bringing it up to you.
I love when parents say "family supports each other," but one family member is allowed to abuse another all their lives anyway. What hypocrites OP's parents are.
NTA. It's not just "we don't get along". She outright hates you and sounds like she would celebrate your tragic death. I would tell my parents I'm not going because I don't trust her to not spit in or poison my food. They reap what they sow with their enablement
Your parents have let this go on for YEARS.
I am so angry on your behalf!!!
If they can’t get your sister to open up and at least be honest about why she is so irrationally angry at you, there should be ABSOLUTELY ZERO — conversations without you.
You have five good siblings. Ignore this idiot nta
If "family supports each other" why did SHE never support you? Why did THEY never support you against her bullying? SHE could have 'put your differences aside' and actually informed you of the opening like she did everyone else.
NTA
But frankly, your parents are as toxic as Daisy is - they might not bully you directly, but they are directly enabling and even *encouraging* it by (trying to) demand you be around her.
NTA, this is ultimately your parents fault. They forced you two together and it backfires. You said you were the second youngest? Why couldn't they move her out of your room and put your younger siblings in with you? Or why did they have so many kids when they couldn't afford each to have their own space?
Nta blood doesn't create bond on its own, was she even upset you weren't there? Sounds like your parents are trying to reverse the damage to your relationship and expect you to make the first move
NTA. Taking your word that she's the source of the animosity, then unless/until she apologizes and makes amends your best bet is to continue dissociation from her.
NTA.
You have at least two siblings who agree with you to the point of leaving the dinner. It sounds like the rest agree with your reasons for not being there even if they didn’t leave in protest.
Perhaps the six of you who seem to be sane about this could explain to your parents why you can’t just ignore Daisy’s treatment of you.
NTA in any way!!!
Where was all this "family supports each other" when Daisy was saying she wished you had been aborted or kidnapped??
I mean, seriously, WTH is wrong with your parents? Good for the 2 siblings who left when you were being trashed!!
100% NTA, but, your parents are!
Talking about you while you weren’t there is probably what caused this dynamic anyways. I grew up like this. It’s a hard cycle to break. You were absolutely right in not attending. Point blank ask your parents why you should attend something for anyone who has repeatedly, and often reiterated in colorful ways, they wish you were dead. Not once has she ever said anything to the contrary so it isn’t a childhood thing. It’s a lifetime thing. Your parents need to take a hint
NTA. Why are you the one your parents are trying to convince to be the bigger person when you're not the one with the problem? Your sister hates you, for seemingly no reason, they should be bugging her to nake amends, not you. Do your parents know about the abortion comment? Because I can't imagine any decent parent not being horrified by that.
NTA. Daisy doesn't want you there. Your parents need to wake up from the delusion that your family is intact and you are the one causing the problem for not offering your face to be slapped repeatedly. Why aren't they putting pressure on Daisy to not be an AH to you? That's something they should have started doing two decades ago.
FYI: it's likely she hates you because you took away her being the baby.
>
Our parents were like "family supports each other" and all kinds of crap.
So where was your support growing up? Where is your support at any point from them? NTA, and really the biggest asshole in this story is your parents who should have nipped that in the bud 26 years ago.
Are you all biological siblings? Same parents?
So since you and Daisy are so close in age, I’m sure being the younger sibling you probably required more attention. That meant she resented you. Then on top of that, she was forced to share a bedroom with the person who stole all her attention away. I’m not saying it’s right, but this sometimes happens in families.
NTA for not going to dinner—and did Daisy even notice or care that you weren’t there??
NTA. If your parents want you two to get along then it's their responsibility to figure out exactly why she hates you aside from the vague "she ruined my life." For all you know you did something to hurt her and instead of addressing it she decided to foster an intense dislike for your existence.
NTA. It’s pretty clear you were her punching ball since childhood, and your parents let you be because it made their life easier. They should have separated you long ago and stopped letting you be the scapegoat for their decisions, but it’s easier yo blame you for not taking it than blaming your sister for dishing it (she might target them!)
I hope you reserve some of your anger for your parents.
"Family supports each other" doesn't fly, she never supported you and never put your differences aside. Most restaurants fail within 5 years, even if it's busy at first and it's a shitty gig anyway. She's likely to lose her investment. NTA.
NTA. Your sister wishes your mom aborted you or that you got kidnapped and YOU are supposed to "put your differences aside and support family"?
Bullshit. Your parents are delusional. I wouldn't have gone either. No good would come of it. Your parents need to just stop.
Fuck her and her shitty little restaurant. For saying your mother should've aborted you, I hope she fails miserably at everything in life.
The biggest NTA and I'm so sorry you have to deal with someone like her in your family unit.
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Your parents actually said that (essentially) if you pay her she may decide she doesn’t hate you any more? Seriously? No way, you’re NTA. You took the high road that makes you both happier. Would you even be able to trust any food she served you? (Not that I think she would poison you, but it sounds like she’d be perfectly happy to do something unpleasant to it.)
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Pro tip - if you are ever in a situation where you have to go to her restaurant, order the exact same meal your mother does. When they arrive at the table, switch plates and see if she reacts
Oooooh, perfect move. Of course this will upset Mom (How DARE you accuse your sister of tampering with your food, what is wrong with you??) and probably cause a scene, but I'd totally do it.
"But if you don't think she did anything to it, then why does it matter if we switch plates? We ordered the same thing.."
Logically sound, but they've already demonstrated that OP is expected to be the bigger person while Daisy's behavior gets a pass. So this would be seen as OP instigating when Daisy "didn't do anything".
I hate "be the bigger person" crap. Let them change their behavior, why is it always someone who has to cave in on whatever to appease someone who is overly entitled.
Oh, absolutely. I have a rule in life where, by default, I treat everyone with respect when I meet them. But if someone decides they'd rather have a disrespectful relationship, then I'm willing to oblige when we are forced to interact. Most entitled people act that way because friends or family enable the behavior to "not rock the boat"... Fuck that. Rock the boat hard until the entitled people learn or leave.
Or fall in and drown because no one will help them float 🛟
Be the bigger person is supposed to mean don't stoop to their level. I hate that people use it to mean give the person behaving badly a free pass. By definition, OP was being the bigger person by not attending.
"Be the bigger person" = be a flatter doormat.
OR “this one must be yours Mom, I ordered no mushrooms” or whatever, then OP doesn’t even have to imply her sister spit in her food, just that the server handed her the wrong item! Mom can enjoy some sister spit, they’re family!
Hahahahaba ok, love your response. Very easy amd under the radar way to pass it off. This idea that you sparked however won't de-escalate, but will probably make OP happy for half a sec. Return the dish. Look it over and, just like you would anywhere, "pardon me waiter/waitress, I'm so sorry but I asked for mine without mushroom. Could you have them remake it?" 😂
But then it puts mom in a position to either admit she thinks your sister WOULD do something to your food or eat the consequences. Either she trusts the sister with the food she intended you to eat or not.
Even better
That reminds me of the Dear Prudence letter where the OP always got terribly sick after eating at her MILs house. It was always single serving/already plated meals and nobody else got sick. Her husband told her Mil wasn't tampering with her food. She wound up switching the au jus bowls with her husband when nobody was looking, and then surprise surprise the husband got terribly sick and she was fine. Then when she confronted him, he was pissed she switched the bowls and she realized he knew the whole time that his mom was messing with her food.
Sounds like grounds for divorce. And a call to the police.
I've always wondered what happened to that woman in the end. Aside from divorcing her awful husband.
She later wrote back to Pru and said that she filed for divorce the very next day.
I just want to know how she is since the divorce. Like, does she run a cat sanctuary? Did she meet someone who's mother doesn't poison her? Did she get everything in the divorce? Did her MIL have any consequences for the poisoning?
Remember that! And divorced she was!
Please tell me the person filed charges against her MIL. I would of.
Ugh.
This also sounds like the mother in Sharp Objects.
Oh I remember that one. The LW immediately left her husband when she realized her hubby knew all along his mother was poisoning her. Crazy stuff
I was thinking that too. Tell mom to wait 5 minutes. Switch the plates WHILE sister is looking and see if she gets angry. Chances are she will say something like "no! I made them differently!" "But...we ordered the exact same dish with the exact same details. It doesn't matter whom eats which right?"
I LOVE this.
Truly you have a dizzying intellect!
Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!
AHAHAHAHAHA- *falls over abruptly dead*
The iocane powder!
Just wait til I get going!
…where was I?
Actually, I was thinking the same thing! They're both poisoned. You should split the plates, then she can't play n'th level chess and tamper with mom's food.
I like the way you think.
Don’t forget to leave a review!
No . That leaves a footprint.
Bwahahah! This is pure genius😈 even if she leaves a +ve one, her fam will give her a pass, and this will spite her sister!
You missed an oppertunity to be sick in her restaurant. Imagine the reviews she'd get from other customers as you projectile vomited across the tables...
Ah yes. "The Exorcist" defense. Love the way you think! Would be even better if split pea soup was the meal.
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Upvoting for wafer-thin. 🤣
Go th the bathroom and chug some ipecac then return the the table.
[Classic Ipecac!](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yyEXC3UvEcQ)
Yeeees. Sister wants to say OP ruined her life? OP could ruin it right there with that on opening day lol.
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Write the review from the prospective of someone who was at the table next to your family. "Would never eat there again! Sat next to owners family and the owner was saying horrible mean things about her sibling, who treats family like that" or something similar!
Like George Bush senior at that dinner Just full send
NTA- The two of you are oil and water. I am curious though what brought about her feelings towards you. Most of the time, things like this don’t come out of thin air. The reality is, you are both adults now and your parents can’t force a connection or relationship at this age. They should have stepped in many years ago when this all started.
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Your sister sounds highly immature but it also sounds like your parents did nothing to protect you thinking this would be a phase that would pass. They’re partially to blame for this. Good for you for not going. Your parents can’t expect you to continuously allow disrespect for the “sake of family” and should’ve that of that while you both struggled to get along. NTA
The fact that they forced the two to share a room until they were 18 because they were "so close in age" makes me think that Daisy never got to have her own life aside from OP. Daisy didn't handle it super well, but I think OP's parents are the real AHs in this situation.
Ehh. 4 bedrooms or whatever 7 kids, do you think anyone else wanted to share rooms in pre teen/ teenage years? It's not fun. But NTA op. If your family sticks together as mom says ask her why sis never emailed an announcement or invite? Personally I don't want to be a plus one at family celebration
But Daisy didn't she also asked to share a room with a different sibling. That shouldn't have been difficult to do.
I started sharing my room with my 1 year old sister in my mid teens, not a single thing would excuse me saying my parents should have aborted her. That’s not for me to say and I never have. Not when I was waking up to her crying and not when my room smelled like baby poop and throw up. Nothing excuses that level of hatred, even for being parentified. That anger goes to the parents where it belongs, not the sibling she harassed and destroy OP’s stuff to get her parents to give her a new room. OP is definitely not to blame and her sister shouldn’t be getting off the hook SO easy for her clear issues with things. OP’s sister needs therapy and her parents need to respect the relationship they destroyed by not putting a stop to the bullying.
This - I shared a room with my younger sister for years and the only time I was terrible about it was when I was 3, she was a baby and she woke me up a lot. I also had to briefly share a room with my brother who was 4 when I was 13 before we moved into a bigger house. Did it kind of suck? Yes. Was I mean to a little kid over it? No.
Have her own "life"... they shared rooms as kids ffs. I swear people are so fuckin privileged in this country that they think kids sharing rooms is some type of ultimate sacrifice when it is so incredibly common in places that don't have a lot of space.
Yes, and the bizarre thing is that it was common in this country when I was growing up! It is still common in my neighborhood.
Making your kids share a room is not AH behavior holy shit LMAO
It is if you're forcing the two that don't want to be in the same room to stay in it if there are other options. Could have put one of the other sisters in there but didn't do that
putting up with disrespect 'for the sake of family' is incredibly stupid and helps no one. 'for the sake of family' is stupid anyway.
Growing up there were 10 kids in a 5 bedroom house (his, hers & theirs) We all had to share a bedroom with at least 1 other person.
From what I’ve been told my sister was the same. She was 4 when I was born. So she’d pretty much grown out of that baby stage. So when my dad started calling my by her old nickname ( baby girl, he’s not a creative man), and babying me like he used to do with her she didn’t take it well. My mother said she watched me like a hawk because she was afraid my sister would do something. My mother told me she caught her swing me around by my ankles once.
So it sounds like there was professional guidance needed that your parents just didn’t get. This is also on them. They should have addressed the sibling resentment then.
Considering the issues my sister’s mom had, I think they saw it as her way out acting out. My mom and dad broke up when I was three so it wasn’t a super long term concern.
My sister was the same way. She was horribly jealous and even as an adult she'd like to pretend that she didn't have a brother and a sister. She thought everything our parents had should all be for her. It's sad.
My mom is an only child but STILL dealt with this from her older cousin. That cousin was the only kid in the family for 7 years until my mom was born & even tho they are both seniors, the older still tries to control my mom. The cousin's daughter also tried to do the same to me when we were kids (we're a year or so apart) until her younger brothers were born & I wasn't around as much.
My older brother is a year older than me when I was a toddler he tried to get me to stick a fork in an outlet because our parents told him he couldn't because he'd get hurt. Loves my little sister and so do I but ever since I can remember he's literally hated me and still disrespects me in front of my kid
*she* can't possibly remember a difference though, she's only a year older! My guess is she assumes she WOULD be treated differently if it weren't for you.
Oh, but at 1yo she did remember and thus, she started hating her then and has let this hate build for so many years that she doesn't even know why she hates her anymore, but she knows she has to.
I feel like 1-2 years is one of the worst spots for sibling rivalry too. You get pushed together by adults and circumstances, the younger always on the heel of the older in school. For all purpose the same age half the time, except there's just enough difference for the older/younger one to have privileges or skills the other do not. Aaaaaalmost an even playing field, but not quite.
I babysat 2 sisters 2 years apart, and I did it for years. The older one was talented at certain things, the younger one always wanted to be as good as her sister at the same things, the younger one was convinced that she was "stupid" for being unable to catch up... And the older sister agreed that she was "stupid," no matter what we did, because of the ego boost and lack of empathy. Hella toxic until the younger, sweeter girl found her own talents.
I have 3 full sisters, one is a year older than me. She & I are closer than the rest of my full sibs. When I retire next year we plan on traveling the world together. Not close at all to my half sister - she was always a PITA growing up which her mother encouraged. Step mother shrunk my graduation dress the night before high school graduation just so it could be passed down to half sis - gave it to my best friends' niece instead.
I have five kids. The last two are both girls. My oldest girl absolutely adores my youngest (so do my two boys) but the second youngest doesn’t. She will often yell at her for just wanting to play. I think it’s because, before my youngest came along, all four kids doted on her. She also started getting less attention from me because I had a crying baby I had to take care of. I tried really hard to give her just as much attention but she couldn’t do things like sit on my lap for hours on end like she used to. I bet it’s something like that with OP’s sister where it started very young and she just kept the hatred up even after the reason she hated her didn’t matter anymore.
Exactly this. As she got older and people asked her why she was asked about it she'd realise that there was absolutely no reason to be so horrible. *That* would have made her even angrier. So she justs keeps on being miserable and nasty. It's shitty for the other siblings to have even gone tbh.
That makes sense, she was the precious youngest girl till you came along. And she could not get rid of her resentment. This is definitely something your parents should worked on when you were significantly younger. Move on with your life, do things to make sure you’re taken care of emotionally like therapy if you need it and keep standing up for yourself now that you have the autonomy to do so.
How much can Daisy remember of being the "precious youngest girl"? She was only __one__ year old when OP was born - she's 28 and OP is 27, remember. I think she's attached to the *idea* that she would've been the "precious youngest girl" and apparently built up a lot of resentment over the room sharing issue. All extremely unhinged and immature, regardless.
It honestly sounds like the biggest offense you committed was being born another female, thus forcing her to share her room with you. (If you were another brother it would've been you and the youngest brother sharing a room and she would've been left with her own space.) This doesnt justify her behaviour but at least you know that it wasnt any one thing you did to her, she was really just mad at your parents for having 7 children despite not having the adequate space, thus forcing her to give up what most children take for granted (their own private space)
Ahhh, I have similar problems with one of my siblings. We fought as kids, sometimes physically, but she also hates that she's not the oldest, so therefore, I got to do a lot of things before she did, licence, college, moved away from home. We're all adults in our 30s and 40s, and she still can't let it go. The last time we were home together for the holidays, she dug up old fights that were long dead 30 years ago in front of all my brother in laws, "Remember when you hit sibling?!" and my family has told her to cut it out, and she won't. Sometimes, we don't get along with our siblings. I'm related to her, we're family but we don't like each other. She didn't invite you, so you did the right thing. Not the asshole. NTA. We don't always get along with others or like everyone. This unfortunately applies to families sometimes.
Except there's only a year between you so she'd have no memory or knowledge of what her life was like before you were born. I don't think it's worth worrying about, you live your life with your other siblings and stay out of her way. Seems to have worked well so far. Your parents are TA for trying to force you to be nice to her when she's the one who's caused the problem.
Also, to add to this, I heard a long time ago that in families, we don't get the same parents. How my parents raised me is not how my parents raised my sisters. Sure, we all got fed, clothed, and attended to, but the amount and type of attention afforded to each kid is different. I spent a lot of my childhood in and out of hospital, so even now, my parents treat me differently than my siblings. It's not intentional, but I can tell some of my siblings resent it. Nothing you can do besides be the bigger person. I'm certain that your sister probably got scolded by your parents and siblings for excluding you, which probably doesn't help her resentment. It's up to you ultimately if you want to try to mend this bridge, if for the only reason of finally letting your parents know that you tried, and it didn't work out. Also, be thankful you weren't subjected to being guilted into attending or inviting her to a wedding like so many other estranged siblings on this sub. Yikes.
It sounds like your only crime was being born. You took her place as the youngest girl, and she's still salty. Speaking from experience, it probably won't get better with time.
She won't tell you why because she can't as she can't remember. Guarantee its jealousy over something trivial that started this. How about your parents telling her to cop the f..K on and grow up as she's the immature aggressive ah in all this.
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You could ask your parents why they think it’s appropriate for you to support (or have any kind of relationship with, really) someone who abused you *your whole life*!!! Because it is ABUSE. And even in adulthood she continues it. You couldn’t properly defend yourself when you were a child suffering this abuse, and heaven knows your parents didn’t. But now that you are older you are choosing to remove yourself from her vicinity so you are not being ABUSED any longer. Why is that wrong? Uh…It isn’t. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this your whole life. Stay strong. NTA
And ask them why they did nothing to remedy the situation because they can't be so oblivious as to not have noticed this dynamic for nearly three decades. If they pull the *but faaamily* card, tell them she's not your family, and they're moving closer to that same status.
We all know why. Because the parents just wanted to ignore the problem and pretend it wasn't happening and so forced OP to be the bigger person throughout their childhood. Now it's too late and they don't know how to do anything else but continue to put the responsibility on OP. Thankfully it sounds like at least 2 of the siblings left when trash talk about her started in the restaurant. If I were one of the siblings I'd stop contact with Daisy and let her know exactly why. "I can't stand by and watch a venomous abuser continue to behave this way for something our sister doesn't even deserve."
but faaamily should go both ways. OP should tell the parents “but faaaamily” shouldn’t bully and abuse each other.
Of course NTA but I'm wondering what did your parents say to Daisy when she excluded you from her birthday party and graduation? Did they not pressure her to include you? Tell her family doesn't exclude family? Being the only one in the family who is excluded from big events sends a very clear message. "Jessica I'm talking about you."
Some families appoint a scapegoat, and sadly, OP is it. Thank goodness her other sibs know it's BS.
Ask your parents… if family supports each other, why didn’t they ever support you when Daisy spent your entire childhood bullying you mercilessly?
No doubt that's what she would have done or made a scene to embarrass you at the door. I hate, no, actually, loathe the phrase "family is family." Normal family, I guess, as I wouldn't know, is supposed to love and support you. When any family torments you, that is not family. When the very parents who are supposed to love you and protect, don't then that makes it even harder. It's like living on an island that is lonely, but they believe you are staying on the island out of spite. I am sure over the years that since you have not had to interact with your sister, your life has been happy. It seems she has no desire to see you anymore than you have a desire to see her. I will never understand why family wants everyone to forgive for the sake of family. Blood does not make family as you can choose who to love and support. You are definitely not the asshole, but your parents are for trying to guilt you into going for appearances sake after how she treated you. Stick to your guns, and anyone who tells you differently just tell them to kick rocks.
I mean, 'family supports family' is a nice sentiment and all, but that's all it is, sentiment. My parents divorced, my husband's didn't. The \*stark differences\* in family dynamic are very clear- my dad and (step) mom were supportive, his dad was emotionally, psychologically and at times, verbally abusive. I kept contact with my (step)mom after my dad died, he has limited any interactions with his dad to the bare minimum after his mom died. OP's sister is not 'family' at this point, for the OP.
Your parents are fucking AHs as well. They should have shut her down years ago.
INFO: was she the youngest until you arrived? If so, that may explain why she thinks you "ruined her life".
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Hmmm - I can't imagine she'd have much time to get used to being the baby. Well it was worth a try!
Are you smarter, or better in some things?
Info: Where was the "family supports each other" mentality when she spent years actively not supporting you?
Does she hate you bc *she* was the youngest, then you came along? That’s really stupid considering you’re only a year younger and she couldn’t have possibly remembered being “the baby” of the family. You’re NTA and you did the right thing.
She literally wanted a psychopathic pervert to kidnap and kill you since your mom decided to not kill you in the womb. Your parents supporting her in this while expecting you to just suck it up makes them *even worse* than your terrible sister. NTA and if it were me, I’d cut off anyone who condones her behavior instead of standing up for you.
Push back to your family with this reasoning. Send everyone a group text saying that you wish it wasn’t necessary for you to miss a family get together. However, your sister hates you. She has said and done X, Y, and Z. As a result, you don’t feel safe in a situation where she has control over your food. While you don’t resent your family for getting together without you, you do not deserve any criticism whatsoever. If they have issues or complaints, they should address them with Daisy - not you - since it’s her behavior that’s the cause of any conflict.
Go on the condition that your parents apologize to you for allowing your sister to abuse you for years. They have to say it at the restaurant grand opening, in front of your sister. “We’re very sorry that we failed you as parents. The fact is that your sister abused you, and we knew it. We know that it had a huge impact on your life. In the future, we will do everything we can to defend you from her.”
Your parents are ignorant. She's almost a 30 year old woman, a business owner, even. She wants to act like a juvenile mean girl. It's ridiculous, I don't know many people in their 30s that held onto grudges from childhood. If there were a path forward it would have happened years ago when y'all stopped sharing a room.
>(Not that I think she would poison you, but it sounds like she’d be perfectly happy to do something unpleasant to it.) Well, maybe she would. Last year, in my country, there was [the Erin Patterson case](https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2024/apr/21/erin-patterson-timeline-alleged-victoria-mushroom-poisoning-murders-case-leongatha). She has been charged with three counts of murder after serving poisonous mushrooms in a beef wellington. It was allegedly her third attempt to murder her ex-husband.
Yeah, they said if you give her what she wants, she may like you. But that's not being liked, that's being used.
NTA. >Our parents were like "family supports each other" and all kinds of crap. They must have set your sister a good example. >She said she wished mom had aborted me and she'd be happier. >wish I could have been kidnapped to get me out of her hair. >I was the only person excluded from her 21st birthday party They must be so proud.
If you haven’t told your parents she said this you’re wrong. Regardless if they believe it or not. Draw a line and stand by it.
Nah stop, I see 0 faults in op. Even if they haven’t told their parents anything, the parents should know. FIVE other siblings know the full story, and the parents are oblivious to what’s happening? They’re parents, they certainly should’ve parented better when op and daisy were still children.
The parents knew. They even said that if OP showed maybe Daisy might come around to her. Like, wtf? Terrible parents.
100% my younger brother & I used to share a room & fought a lot. My parents decided to separate us & put my older brother with him. They also made sure we mended our relationship over the years. I think op was born too close in age to Daisy & she felt their attention shift towards the little sister (OP) & built resentment for it. Should’ve been addressed ages ago instead of letting it rot.
Nope. There are definitely arguments to be made that she should tell her parents about these interactions with Daisy, but their parents have failed OP spectacularly even without that information and it is NOT OP's responsibility to enlighten her parents on how to parent. OP is not "wrong" in any sense of the word.
Yeah, where is the parents admonishment to Daisy for not inviting op?
Family supports each other expect when it’s the kid being abused by the family. After all this awful treatment, I’d say Mom and Dad have chosen their side. Also, I don’t understand how OP’s siblings could be close to Daisy after they’ve seen how she treats OP.
NTA and it sounds like your sister has "I should've been an only child" syndrome and has taken it out on you. I have a sibling like that. We didn't talk for almost 15 years.
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I think that’s the issue, since your youngest sibling is male. You took her Baby Girl title away and she’s bound and determined to punish you for it for the rest of your lives.
She had baby girl status for 1 year and she was too young to remember it. Unless OP's parents favoured OP for being younger or treated her more special as the 'baby'; she shouldn't affected by that title. She never had it at any time she would remember. I'd say she's projecting something onto OP. Whether it's perceived favoritism, treatment by other siblings or something else. OP probably got blamed because of something done by other people in favor of OP. Like people who hate their gorgeous sister because people the other had 'pretty privilege'. It's easier to hate one person (innocent though they may be) than your whole family or parents. I'd wager the parents know why Daisy hates OP but they won't acknowledge it. Most likely the reason doesn't make them look good.
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You probably wouldn't have seen it because you were young and it was your normal. Seems your sister has been acting out her feelings for a long time so your parents may have tried to correcr the behavior before you even realized what was happening. Unfortunately your sister may be unable to let it go. It would explain you being expected to suck it up. Your relationship with your sister may be a source of guilt. If you somehow make Daisy love you, it would be absolution for them. If they keep persisting about this and insisting you suck it up, ask them why she hates you. Tell them you aren't willing to consider a relationship with Daisy even if she changes because you don't know why she mistreated you all these years. Ask them why they forced Daisy to share with you when it became clear it was only fueling her resentment and aggression.
Watch it be something so stupid like she wanted to do something for her 4th birthday but your parents said no because they couldn't take you (3 year old) or something like that.
I could easily see this being the case. "We couldn't go to 'insert theme park name' for my 5th birthday cause you weren't big enough to get on any rides!"
> But there could be things we saw differently I (37) have a very good relationship with my twin brother *now* but he basically hated me in high school...our relationship got better during college but there was still tension/rare but big fights through much of our 20s. Long story short, we eventually "had it out" and talked about our childhoods...among other things, I learned that there were various things I did/said that I have ZERO recollection of (although I 100% believe happened) and I felt horrible knowing not just how much pain I'd caused, but also by how much these things effected him for years. And what did he learn? That there were various things *he* did/said that *he* had ZERO recollection of that greatly hurt and effected *me* for years! In the end, I think we both realized that neither of us was that person anymore and that hanging on to this hurt was effectively hanging on to a grudge and that doing so only hurt both of us. So while I'm not saying you should try to mend things with your sister, I very much think you should try to find out (maybe through your other siblings) *any* specifics because you might learn a lot.
My twin and I (30) just went through something similar. Our relationship drifted apart after we became adults and there was so much she held against me and I felt the same. We grew up together and had the same everything but we experienced things differently. Different affected us differently. I’m so glad we talked and NTA.
Did you had more friends at school?
Either way, I think it’s mainly on your parents. They didn’t resolve the issue, tried to listen to Daisy and you, and worse, they forced you to continue to share a room. I bet both of you feel like your parents favor the other person. What a mess they created.
Speaking as an older sibling, we do remember. Generally, babies require more attention just by the nature of being babies, which means even a slight age gap can cause anger. Imagine if you used to sit on mom’s lap everyday and that lap is suddenly occupied for feedings all the time. It feels like you’re forgotten by your family since all the relatives are now cooing over the new baby. You don’t remember every single detail but you sure do remember what it feels like. You may have not seen it since you were younger, but parents also tend to be stricter on the older kid. My brother and I have a 5 year difference. My cousin who’s the same age and her brother have a 2 year difference. Both of us were treated way stricter in terms of school/grades/discipline. I had to go to Econ camp in middle school- my brother got to watch TV at home. It’s tough to see as the younger sibling- my brother didn’t realize until he was in high school and his counselor (who was also mine) pointed out that his college expectations were too high since he showed up with the same list of schools I had. It still can be there
What’s crazy is you are a year apart. She has no actual memory of life before you were born. She is a hateful person who long ago decided you were the one to hate. Shame on your parents for not intervening.
I bet that’s what it is. I have five kids and my second youngest is not as close to the youngest as the others. She treats her well but her life definitely changed when the youngest came. I used to let her sit on my lap constantly but when youngest came I couldn’t do it as much. I try hard to give everyone equal attention but I can’t make the other kids do it too. She also is mad she doesn’t have her own room anymore. Before the youngest came everyone had their own room. The youngest stayed in my room for a long time but eventually I gave her her own room (she would keep people up and they had school). Soon I will have to put them together. I bet your sister thinks her life would have been better if she was the youngest girl. What surprises me is she didn’t grow out of it. Maybe she was angry for so long she just kept being that way and at this point, admitting it is petty and stupid, is too big of a pill to swallow. Sometimes people continue to be mad or hate someone simply because they have been doing it so long that deciding not to means they have to admit they might have been in the wrong all that time.
My oldest (of 4) verbalized that he was supposed to be an only child MANY times while growing up. He believed that two of his siblings (3 years younger) existed for the sole purpose of ruining his life, though they never did anything to cause this, other than being born and dividing my attention. He never resented the youngest (and only girl). IMO, since his brothers were twins, his subconscious toddler mind decided that he "didn't belong" because he was different, and spent his childhood splitting the two of them, so one would be on his side during conflicts, as a subconscious self-preservation tactic. With 3, there's often an odd man out, and he made sure it wasn't going to be him! Now that the 3 boys are adults, he feels completely different, and looks back with good memories. They are all close friends with each other, hanging out together often, and by choice. I'm so thankful for that.
as someone who grew up in a three child household, and whose grandparent had a three child household, she always told me “never have three! They will not get along!“ And in my own experience, it has always been true. no one wants to be the odd man out so they are constantly deciding which two are going to gang up on the other one. I’m sure this is mitigated by mature and understanding parents, but myself, and my two siblings are all adults now and the triangulation continues on.
NTA - 1. So she was consistently terrible growing up 2. Is consistently awful as an adult... 3. To the point of purposefully excluding you from events 4. Wishes abortion and kidnapping upon you 5. Family supports each other as long as they aren't this much of an asshole to someone.
To your fourth point: it’s almost worse that Daisy wished abortion on *her own mother.* Like OP wouldn’t be affected if she’d been aborted, but it can be devastating for a woman even when she *knows* she wants one. How horrible and selfish of Daisy to wish for her mom to go through without considering how her mom might have felt. It’s a small blessing she never said “I wish mom had had a miscarriage with you.” Definitely would deserve a solid punch in the teeth for something like that. OP, you’re NTA. This is a classic case of abusers (and those complicit in the abuse) expecting the victim to keep subjecting themselves to it. When Daisy was excluding you, it was fine, because she’s *always* been nasty to you and it’s *always* been fine. But now that you’re putting your foot down and setting boundaries for yourself, suddenly YOU are the bad guy. [Don’t rock the boat,](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) OP, you’ll ruin everything! (/s in case it needs to be specified) Have your parents even asked *Daisy* if she wanted you there/was upset by you not attending?
This truly just shows she has no empathy or care for others 😅 she obviously exhibits sociopathic tendencies sooooo I would expect nothing less 🙄🙄 it's narcissistic and I wouldn't have been shocked if she poisoned or at the very least did something revolting to OPs food if she had gone
Happy cake day!
Thanks!!
Your parents need to realize you and your sister are beyond living with THEIR 'shoulds'. You are adults and able to choose who you spent time with. Refuse to discuss it - or her - with them.
it needs to be pointed out to them that they're aweful parents to OP if they insist on a relationship with a person that is actively hating OP without telling her why.
I think the “why” is immaterial. The parents shouldn’t feel entitled to insert themselves in this relationship between two adult sisters. They should respect the individual wants and needs of each daughter. (One of Daisy’s needs is a reality check about her cruel behavior.)
Your parents should hold themselves and Daisy accountable, not you. They should have addressed this situation two decades ago. And they should have kept their mouths shut about it at dinner. They don’t deserve the illusion of the happy family they failed to nurture. If Daisy is still holding on to these childish resentments, she needs some serious counseling. And she too, should be blaming your parents, not you. NTA.
If the family supports each other, where was your parents' support when Daisy treated you like sh\*t? Do your parents know what Daisy was spouting? What kind of hateful crap that was? If your parents don't know, tell them what was put on display by Daisy. These statements are so unbelievable that you have to expect that this woman will want to kill you if you come on her radar. You are not in the wrong and don't hesitate to tell everyone that you don't have to put up with something like this. Keep in touch with the rest of your siblings and keep telling yourself "Daisy is not my sister, she's just someone who can't hurt me!" NTA!
NTA and I wouldn't worry about it too much. It sounds like your other silblings aren't bothered and if Daisy is, well, she didn't like you anyway. It seems only your parents are affected, and I'm sure they'll get over it.
If the parents are bothered by it, they should realize it's their own fault for not raising Daisy better.
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NTA Your parents said and did nothing as your sister abused you. They are as culpable for what you went through with her as she is. They have no rught to be mad at you for a problem they enabled. I would take a time out from them if they continue to expect you to be her whipping post.
NTA. Here is what you ask your parents: How come it's ME that is supposed put things behind me?? Why are you not holding HER responsible for any of the 'forgiveness'?? SHE didn't even invite you - why are they not starting THERE with HER??? I would tell them, until they start expecting HER to do what they are asking YOU to do, then they don't need to be in your life. They are enabling her shitty behavior and continuously asking you to just suck it up and take it year after year after year. I mean she is literally jealous of you, an infant, being born. How is that YOUR fault. Make them explain themselves. Don't let them get away with the 'that's just how she is' either because they have ALLOWED HER to act like this instead of shutting it down years ago.
My husband is in a similar situation with an estranged sister. He gets the pressure to fix the relationship because he is still showing up for family. She has always been an asshole who snubs the family, won't answer her phone or reply to texts, etc. So it's a situation of looking for keys under the street lamp "where the light is better" even though the keys were not lost under the street lamp. They harass the person available to be harassed.
I hope he stops helping them every time they bring her up. That’s the only way they’ll stop.
I would write down every awful thing your sister has said about you and make your parents read them out loud. They did a huge disservice by not trying to fix this when Daisy was younger. NTA
If "family supports each other," than your parents failed you by not instilling those values into your sister and they should accept responsibility for this situation instead of doubling down. NTA
If family supports each other, why didn’t your parents notice that you weren’t invited to Daisy’s graduation or 21st birthday party…yet the rest of the family was!? NTA
NTA. You were the one treated horribly by your sister for years. I'm not sure why your parents think the responsibility lies with you to fix it. I certainly wouldn't want to put myself in proximity of someone I know doesn't want me there. Especially on their territory, so to speak.
Where were your parents when this was happening?
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Yeah your parents are definitely delusional. NTA and keep her out of your life.
As a child with 5 brothers, I just don't understand your parents. We swapped rooms several times, at least once at our parent's insistence. In a four bedroom house, 2 brothers always shared a room. I was oldest and shared with my closest brother from the time I can remember as a toddler until I was about 11 when the first change happened (my parents got bigger houses over time and we had a 4 bedroom from 8-18 for me). It was 1 with 2, 3 with 4, and 5 with 6. We were fighting with our brother we shared a room with too much, mom switched it up (I was 11), 1 with 5, 2 with 6, 3 with 4 (no change for them). Then a couple years later 1 with 6, 2 with 4, 3 with 5, then it was 1 with 4, 2 with 5, 3 with 6. And then there was another change - I went with 2 again (3/5 and 4/6) for about 3-6 months before I left for college and 2 got his own room finally at 16. ETA - I was with 4 the longest, and enjoyed sharing with 6 the most (probably because he was the youngest and did what I told him :) Any reasonable parent would change it up as being in the same room causes conflict, we had it easier since all boys, but every large family I know changed it up over time to reduce the squabbling.
NTA op. Your parents are assholes for forcing the issue rather than “giving in” Had they loved you her feelings may have lessened to indifference rather than bullying you for all those years. Your sister definitely jealous that a new baby got attention and she has never moved passed it. She obviously is a major asshole. Division in family is your parents and Daisy’s fault. As has already happened your other siblings will not tolerate this terrible treatment of you forever.
NTA. Why doesn't Daisy have to put her issues aside for you?
Right, my response to the parents would've been "Sure, if she invites me herself, I'll go".
NTA This is kind of long but this is what you need to say to your parents. If I were you I’d sent it via message so they don’t have the opportunity to gaslight your emotions or have the opportunity to hold you there until they can convince you to change your mind. “I’m not sorry for not going. Why you expect me to continue to subject myself to continued abuse is beyond me. Her continued behavior is a result of both of your failures to get her professional help and put a stop to her entirely unhinged behavior. Your belief that it’s a phase that will pass doesn’t excuse her behavior nor your refusal to do anything about it. Not that I want you to do anything now, the damage is beyond repair at this point. The least you can do is stop attempting to convince me to spend time or support my childhood abuser because you think she’ll suddenly wake up one day and love me. Frankly even if she did I simply can’t see past 27 years of verbal abuse, destruction of property, and outwardly wishing I died or was kidnapped. A sudden 180 and come to Jesus moment won’t suddenly make me trust or want to support her after any of that either. I get that you want all of your children to be a whole unit but you don’t get to be upset or angry the actual subject of her abuse refuses to take part in allowing it any further. If you what you both wanted was a close healthy sibling relationship, getting her therapy in her younger years was the way to go, it’s just simply too late for that now. I need you to come to terms with who your daughter is and the destruction that she’s caused for the last several decades so you can stop coercing me to continue to just take it for both of your personal comfort. I refuse to have anything to do with her moving forward. I’m fine seeing her at family functions only under the understanding that she isn’t allowed to verbally abuse me at them, and if she does I will leave; the importance of the event doesn’t change anything. So if what you want is to have all of your children in one room for family events I suggest you have a long conversation with her about that. As far as my support though? That’s out of the question. While I hope you can understand and respect my decision, wether you do or not will not change the outcome. I’m attempting to set healthy boundaries for my own mental health. I’ve spent 27 years of active abuse from her i refuse to spend another second allowing her the opportunity to do so.”
NTA. Family supports each other, yes but that support has to be reciprocated. Feud does not simply go away. It makes zero sense for you to be there for Daisy's big opening but she won't be there for your endeavors.
NTA. Tell them straight up what she has said and whenever they bring this up, say you are respecting her feelings about you/family and if they have any issues about it, they should talk to Daisy. Repeat until they stop bringing it up to you.
I love when parents say "family supports each other," but one family member is allowed to abuse another all their lives anyway. What hypocrites OP's parents are.
NTA Your parents choose to support a bully. You choose not to and you have full right to do so.
NTA. It's not just "we don't get along". She outright hates you and sounds like she would celebrate your tragic death. I would tell my parents I'm not going because I don't trust her to not spit in or poison my food. They reap what they sow with their enablement
INFO: Did your parents ever put her into therapy to try and resolve her issues?
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Do your parents know the horrible things she said?
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Wow. I'm sorry they didn't do more to protect you.
To be honest, your parents bear the brunt of the responsibility in all this. You should be holding them accountable more than your sister.
Then this is as much your parents' fault as it is her's. Make sure you point that out to them.
Your parents have let this go on for YEARS. I am so angry on your behalf!!! If they can’t get your sister to open up and at least be honest about why she is so irrationally angry at you, there should be ABSOLUTELY ZERO — conversations without you. You have five good siblings. Ignore this idiot nta
If "family supports each other" why did SHE never support you? Why did THEY never support you against her bullying? SHE could have 'put your differences aside' and actually informed you of the opening like she did everyone else. NTA But frankly, your parents are as toxic as Daisy is - they might not bully you directly, but they are directly enabling and even *encouraging* it by (trying to) demand you be around her.
NTA, this is ultimately your parents fault. They forced you two together and it backfires. You said you were the second youngest? Why couldn't they move her out of your room and put your younger siblings in with you? Or why did they have so many kids when they couldn't afford each to have their own space?
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Nta blood doesn't create bond on its own, was she even upset you weren't there? Sounds like your parents are trying to reverse the damage to your relationship and expect you to make the first move
NTA. Taking your word that she's the source of the animosity, then unless/until she apologizes and makes amends your best bet is to continue dissociation from her.
It's clear that daisy don t want op in her life,the parents needs to stop pushing a relationship that neither of the sisters want
Daisy is the problem and your parents are TAH for not seeing what they have created.
NTA. You have at least two siblings who agree with you to the point of leaving the dinner. It sounds like the rest agree with your reasons for not being there even if they didn’t leave in protest. Perhaps the six of you who seem to be sane about this could explain to your parents why you can’t just ignore Daisy’s treatment of you.
NTA and fuck your parents
To show what family does for each other? Did they do anything about what your sister says? Stay strong OP.
NTA in any way!!! Where was all this "family supports each other" when Daisy was saying she wished you had been aborted or kidnapped?? I mean, seriously, WTH is wrong with your parents? Good for the 2 siblings who left when you were being trashed!! 100% NTA, but, your parents are!
Talking about you while you weren’t there is probably what caused this dynamic anyways. I grew up like this. It’s a hard cycle to break. You were absolutely right in not attending. Point blank ask your parents why you should attend something for anyone who has repeatedly, and often reiterated in colorful ways, they wish you were dead. Not once has she ever said anything to the contrary so it isn’t a childhood thing. It’s a lifetime thing. Your parents need to take a hint
NTA. Why are you the one your parents are trying to convince to be the bigger person when you're not the one with the problem? Your sister hates you, for seemingly no reason, they should be bugging her to nake amends, not you. Do your parents know about the abortion comment? Because I can't imagine any decent parent not being horrified by that.
NTA. Daisy doesn't want you there. Your parents need to wake up from the delusion that your family is intact and you are the one causing the problem for not offering your face to be slapped repeatedly. Why aren't they putting pressure on Daisy to not be an AH to you? That's something they should have started doing two decades ago.
FYI: it's likely she hates you because you took away her being the baby. > Our parents were like "family supports each other" and all kinds of crap. So where was your support growing up? Where is your support at any point from them? NTA, and really the biggest asshole in this story is your parents who should have nipped that in the bud 26 years ago.
Are you all biological siblings? Same parents? So since you and Daisy are so close in age, I’m sure being the younger sibling you probably required more attention. That meant she resented you. Then on top of that, she was forced to share a bedroom with the person who stole all her attention away. I’m not saying it’s right, but this sometimes happens in families. NTA for not going to dinner—and did Daisy even notice or care that you weren’t there??
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NTA. If your parents want you two to get along then it's their responsibility to figure out exactly why she hates you aside from the vague "she ruined my life." For all you know you did something to hurt her and instead of addressing it she decided to foster an intense dislike for your existence.
NTA. It’s pretty clear you were her punching ball since childhood, and your parents let you be because it made their life easier. They should have separated you long ago and stopped letting you be the scapegoat for their decisions, but it’s easier yo blame you for not taking it than blaming your sister for dishing it (she might target them!) I hope you reserve some of your anger for your parents.
"Family supports each other" doesn't fly, she never supported you and never put your differences aside. Most restaurants fail within 5 years, even if it's busy at first and it's a shitty gig anyway. She's likely to lose her investment. NTA.
NTA. Your sister wishes your mom aborted you or that you got kidnapped and YOU are supposed to "put your differences aside and support family"? Bullshit. Your parents are delusional. I wouldn't have gone either. No good would come of it. Your parents need to just stop.
Fuck her and her shitty little restaurant. For saying your mother should've aborted you, I hope she fails miserably at everything in life. The biggest NTA and I'm so sorry you have to deal with someone like her in your family unit.