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So, the guy's feelings don't matter at all to them? He's not interested in her!
If he's not interested in that person, what do she and your friend expect...that he'd date her as a favor even if he doesn't like her? Or stay single forever to spare her feelings? This is crazy to me, lol.
He's made his choice, and neither of you (you and the guy) are doing anything wrong.
Your friend and her bestie need to get in touch with reality. She needs to move on.
NTA.
That’s what i was thinking too.. But he has known both of them since they were little kids and says that they are one of his bests friends. My friend also constantly picks up fights with him if she sees that he’s texting me. I tried to tell him that it makes me uncomfortable and that he needs to have a serious talk with both of them, but he said that he’s scared of losing his long time friends..
So their intention is to chase off every woman in the world until he has no choice but to date her? Are they aware that life is not a 90s sitcom?
If they were really his friends they would want him to be happy no matter what. Not control him and bully him into dating someone he doesn't have feelings for.
He should really think about what the rest of his life is going to look like if he can't stand up to people. How much of his life is he going to allow them to control?
Thank you I will have another talk with him and tell him just that. Cause i can’t really imagine our relationship with them constantly trying to sabotage it..
So - his 'friend ' is trying to bully him into ending a relationship she disagrees with and to emotionally blackmail you, his girlfriend, infor breaking up with him.
He needs to ask himself whether this is a healthy friendship - if he wants to keep it, he needs to have a serious talk with her / them, and set out some bounfaries - pretty basic ones about keeping their noses out of his relationip and treating you with, if not frienship, at least basic civility.
If they can't or won't, that tells him how much they resepct him and waht value they place on the friendship.
I already did, the second she sent it. He said that she will calm down and let it go after some time but tbh i don’t think that’s what’s gonna happen. He’s trying to be optimistic about it all but every time i read the text again i’m getting more mad and honestly wish they would leave both of us alone..even if we were close friends before
Sorry to say, but this guy is either too dumb/spineless to be with, or he just loves being the centre of this kind of attention more than he cares about your feelings.
He's basically saying you need to suck it up and keep being harassed.
You deserve better.
Just don’t reply to her ridiculous texts and demands. You didn’t steal your boyfriend, he hasn’t previously dated your bestie, there is no rule that says you can’t date someone because a friend of a friend has a crush. They don’t own him and they can’t pee and mark their territory on someone who is to interested. If they’ve been friends forever, she’s had plenty of opportunities to ask him out. He’s not interested, so even if you did break up with him out of some misplaced loyalty, it still wouldn’t cause him to date her!
They are nuts. Where is their empathy for him or for you? Do neither of you deserve to be happy in their minds- simply because you want to date each other and not her?
NTA. Ignore them. Your friend is the one being a bad friend.
Those two are so wrapped up in how they feel that they aren't thinking clearly. They are probably operating under the delusion that as long as he's available, there's still a chance. Somewhere along the way they've forgotten that he's a person and not a goal to be achieved.
It's rather sad, and I really do feel sorry for that girl, but I think Unrequited needs to talk to someone impartial to work through her feelings.
Wow, your friend is entitled AF!! First of all, let that friend go, they obviously don’t care at all about YOUR feelings anyway.
Secondly, if their bff has had a crush on this guy for so long and has done nothing about it that’s on her.
Lastly, is no one thinking about how this poor guy feels? Maybe he’s really into you and would be super hurt if you broke up with him.
Your “friend” is not a friend to you. NTA
NTA. I get it, this person is in pain because she is in love with your bf. She is hurting and your friend wants to help but this is the wrong way for them to go about it. It's like they've forgotten that he is a person at all and are acting like he's some machine that will perform correctly if given the correct inputs. You backing off will not make him fall in love with her, it would only prolong the sad delusion that she can outwait his lack of interest.
She's feeling worse now because that delusion has been crushed. Backing off wouldn't help her at all anyway, it would almost certainly backfire. Is your friend seriously thinking that the bf will be like "Oh that woman drove away my girlfriend. Guess I'll fall in love with her now?" No, he'd likely resent them both.
Both of them need to accept reality. He is not interested in her and is interested in you.
NTA. If her best friend has been "in love" with him for years, she should have made a move long before now. Otherwise, it's just a fantasy crush.
You see now who your friend values in this situation. Make decisions accordingly.
That doesn’t matter. She can be with someone and still have a crush on him. She can’t be with him, so he doesn’t want him to be with anyone else.
If he doesn’t like the “other girl” well he can’t date anyone? That’s incredibly absurd and immature.
Your other friends say to “consider her feelings more”. Her feelings over her friend having a crush? Doesn’t make sense whatsoever that she would be hurt on behalf of someone else.
Values and actions? You’re not having a sordid love affair with a 40 yr old married man with kids ffs!
Text her that you have done some “serious thinking” and that she’s not worthy of your friendship. She doesn’t get to dictate the groups dating lives and choices of partners.
If you like this guy and it’s reciprocal, leave everyone else out of it and enjoy it! They’re not friends of yours.
Thanks for the advice. I think I’ll send her something like that, but I need to wait a bit and talk it over with the guy. He’s been friends with both of them for a looooong time and told me he doesn’t want their friendship to totally fall apart.
OP, I am honestly having trouble understanding why this guy thinks all that insanity is a "friendship" to begin with. It's super toxic and messed up. If I had to put money on it, I'd say he probably likes the attention and the women orbiting around him. Is that a guy that's even worth the effort for you?
NTA, but it might be good to consider what you deserve and what you want.
Thanks for being honest. I really like him and didn’t get that impression from him, but if we talk about it again and he decides to change nothing then yeah I will have to decide if it’s even worth it. Im trying to be understanding since they were friends long before I met him and long before I met them. I don’t want to be a gf who forbids him something cause I always felt like it’s toxic, but it aint gonna work If he has friends who constantly antagonize me or want to get with him..This whole situation is honestly so shitty and came out of nowhere, i was so happy before. It’s hard to think that I might have to end it because of something that to me seems stupid.
NTA. This friend of a friend has been in love with him for years, but nothing has happened between them? So nobody else can date this guy? That's ridiculous. If he were dating a stranger would she have gone to that woman and asked her to stop seeing him? I doubt it, because that would be unhinged. She just thought she could get away with it because you were a friend of hers.
Are we absolutely sure she wouldn't? I feel for the unrequited girl but the mutual friend? She was kind of disturbing to me. I get her intentions but... wow.
I honestly think that she was asked to talk to me and after I didn’t care, she got mad. Before this situation we really got along great and I thought she was my genuine friend..
That's a sad situation all around but you've done nothing wrong. Your friend either put herself, or got put, in the middle; then she felt she had to be loyal to the other girl. It's a bitter thing to experience but it happens.
You're quite young and have a long time ahead of you. I wish you the best with your BF.
Your firend is unhinged. And deeply disresepctful of you boufrined, whoshe is treating like a piece of property you can give to her other friend, and to you, as she is quite happy for you to be sad, dpressed or upset through breasking up.
Prsumably her friend is capable of speech and could have asked this guy out at some point overthe past years she has known him, if she wanted to, and equally, he coul have asked her out if he was interested.
Unrequeited love sucks, but you don't get to control other people's relationships just so you don't have to feel sad.
Is thisout of character for your friend or is she this controlling about everything?
No that’s the thing.. she was always supportive and i thought we had a genuine friendship going on. She also taught me a lot about setting boundaries, so it’s all just weird. I get that she wants to stand by her best friend but it feels like my feelings and bf feelings stopped being important to her in a split second. Her message confused me a lot more than the initial conversation cause I didn’t think it was such a big deal.. Now i’m questioning If I was just blind and didn’t see her for who she truly is or is she just hurt for her friend and can’t look at it objectively..
Well i was once told by someone to be careful with befriending her but until now she didn’t give me a reason to be worried so i didn’t really take that seriously
NTA.
Here's the deal: this girl may have really strong feelings for the guy you have been seeing, but that doesn't matter. This guy is choosing you. He isn't choosing this other girl. This is hurtful for her, but most of us have been in a situation like that in some point in time.
Gently point out to your friend that this guy has asked you, not her friend. You're not trying to be mean, that that's the way life works some time.
NTA - No one can force another to like them. If this other gal wasn't brave enough to let the guy know she was interested in him after "years" of knowing him, then that's her loss. You stepped up, made an actual emotional connection, and he evidently feels the same. If, after learning about her feelings, he still chooses YOU, then the matter is closed. She has no claim. Her attempt to block his access to other gals is wrong.
You didn't do anything wrong. You can't call dibs on a human. How is she so sure he would date her anyway? It's not like they were already dating and then you started showing interest.
NTA.
Friends best friend had years to make her move, guy also could have went out with her but didn't. Both your friend and her best friend are delusional. He gets to chose who he wants, not them
So you’re supposed to break up with someone because a friend of a friend can’t get over an unrequited crush? “There’s no way [you] like him more than that girl,” but he clearly doesn’t like her like that at all. NTA
NTA. You're not doing anything wrong. You don't know this girl, you don't owe her anything. Your friend is an asshole, & not really your friend. Do they think if you break up with him, she will have a chance with him? He clearly stated he's not interested in her. So you would be breaking up with him so your "friend" won't be mad at you. She is ridiculous.
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So lately I’ve been seeing a new guy. We have some mutual friends and that’s how we met. We really clicked and all was going well until my friend asked me for a serious conversation. She asked me to stop seeing him because her best friend has strong feelings for that guy. I don’t really know her friend that well, so i said that sorry but I’m not gonna put her feelings above my own. She then said that i’ve known him for a short time and her bestie has been in love with him for a few years, so there’s no way I like him more than that girl. I told her that i feel sorry for the girl but i don’t really care about that and am going to continue going out with him.
My friend hasn’t talked to me since, besides sending a message that read “It is so wrong of you to continue seeing him. You’ve been made aware of […] feelings and showed that you don’t have any empathy. It not only hurts her, but also hurts me to see my best friend being sad and feeling defeated. The last couple of weeks our friendship with [the guy] has been significantly worse and it all started when you started going out. You should seriously reconsider your values and think about your actions. I don’t know if I still want to be friends with someone like you. Text me only if you’re done doing some serious thinking”.
I haven’t texted her back cause I don’t really think i’ve done anything wrong. I talked about it with the guy and he told me i shouldn’t gaf since he has no interest in that other girl. Also talked about it with my other friends who told me i shouldn’t be so harsh during my initial talk with the friend and that i should consider her feelings more. But I really don’t see what I’m doing wrong.. So AITA???
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NTA. Have you considered the possibility that the girl with the crush has been candid, shot down and now she's clinging to the whole "it's not me" thought?
If that's the case you are currently an active threat to her entire thought process so your bf needs to be very very clear without adding you to the narrative.
NTA. Either she hasn't even made a move in all that time that she's been in love with him, or she's been rejected. Either way, she has no claim on him. He is a free agent, and is allowed to make his own choices.
NTA... and to double down, this person demanding you break up with your boyfriend won't even look you face to face and say it, she's just sending a lackey
NTA.
Why haven't that girl then said anything to the guy if she is so in love with him?
So no, like you said.
You should not put others feelings above your own in this situation.
NTA for continuing to date the guy. However, perhaps your friends are right that you ought to be a little wiser in how you handled the situation. “I’m sorry that your friend Kate has a crush on Tyler, I didn’t know.” Much nicer than “I don’t gaf about Kate”.
NTA but your "friends" sure are. Why should you stop seeing someone you care about because someone you barely know has feelings for him. Not to mention the guy likes you and not her.
NTA. Tell your friend that he is a big boy and can make his own decisions. The girl has had several years and he hasn't shown any interst in her. No guarantee that her friend would be his type. You can't call dibs on a guy! Sounds like he picked you.
I would show him the texts. He needs to know that they are trying to interfere in his life. I suspect she had her chance and was shot down long ago.
Go NC with your friend because she is NOT your friend.
NTA. Why didn't she make a move on this guy before if she's been in love with him for years?
Doesn't make sense for you to give up on dating a guy if someone else likes him. If you two have a connection see where it goes. If it goes the long haul, great! If it doesn't, that other girl can have your leftovers.
Your friend and her bestie are delulu.
Yeah, don't text but don't count on the friendship either. You can't say anything that would get her to see it your way, so the nicest/only thing you can say is, "I'm sorry you feel that way."
There's obviously no such thing as dibs on people.
NTA.
NTA...drop the friend..she is imature dead weight...my thought is to tell her you don't want to hang around someone who objectifieds guys...acting like he is her personal property that your trespassing on....she knew him longer...soooo he had lots of time to decide if he was interested in her and chose not to be...or she had lots of time to make her feelings known and chose not too...either way...not your problem
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NTA But I’d look into the role each of them played in the crush to have a better understanding of what happened. It’s always best to know as much about a situation as you can before reacting to it. I’m not going to assume he’s in the wrong with so little background knowledge, but in your position I’d want to be sure that he hadn’t been stringing her along for all those years. Better to know now than end up with him for years and find out that he’s the kind of person who’d do that, possibly to you in the end. And if you find out that it’s all in her head, then you’re probably doing them both a favour by continuing the relationship. She’ll have a reason to move on, and once she does he’ll be free of the pressure of that crush.
Bullshit lmao. If he was "stringing her along" they wouldn't talk like the friend of a friend has just never taken her chance to shoot her shot.
I'd give a little more grace if they were preteens/teens, but as adults, you don't get to gatekeep a PERSON because you have a one-sided crush on them and have done nothing to express your feelings.
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So, the guy's feelings don't matter at all to them? He's not interested in her! If he's not interested in that person, what do she and your friend expect...that he'd date her as a favor even if he doesn't like her? Or stay single forever to spare her feelings? This is crazy to me, lol. He's made his choice, and neither of you (you and the guy) are doing anything wrong. Your friend and her bestie need to get in touch with reality. She needs to move on. NTA.
That’s what i was thinking too.. But he has known both of them since they were little kids and says that they are one of his bests friends. My friend also constantly picks up fights with him if she sees that he’s texting me. I tried to tell him that it makes me uncomfortable and that he needs to have a serious talk with both of them, but he said that he’s scared of losing his long time friends..
So their intention is to chase off every woman in the world until he has no choice but to date her? Are they aware that life is not a 90s sitcom? If they were really his friends they would want him to be happy no matter what. Not control him and bully him into dating someone he doesn't have feelings for. He should really think about what the rest of his life is going to look like if he can't stand up to people. How much of his life is he going to allow them to control?
Thank you I will have another talk with him and tell him just that. Cause i can’t really imagine our relationship with them constantly trying to sabotage it..
So - his 'friend ' is trying to bully him into ending a relationship she disagrees with and to emotionally blackmail you, his girlfriend, infor breaking up with him. He needs to ask himself whether this is a healthy friendship - if he wants to keep it, he needs to have a serious talk with her / them, and set out some bounfaries - pretty basic ones about keeping their noses out of his relationip and treating you with, if not frienship, at least basic civility. If they can't or won't, that tells him how much they resepct him and waht value they place on the friendship.
Show him the psycho texts from your friend NTA
I already did, the second she sent it. He said that she will calm down and let it go after some time but tbh i don’t think that’s what’s gonna happen. He’s trying to be optimistic about it all but every time i read the text again i’m getting more mad and honestly wish they would leave both of us alone..even if we were close friends before
Sorry to say, but this guy is either too dumb/spineless to be with, or he just loves being the centre of this kind of attention more than he cares about your feelings. He's basically saying you need to suck it up and keep being harassed. You deserve better.
Just don’t reply to her ridiculous texts and demands. You didn’t steal your boyfriend, he hasn’t previously dated your bestie, there is no rule that says you can’t date someone because a friend of a friend has a crush. They don’t own him and they can’t pee and mark their territory on someone who is to interested. If they’ve been friends forever, she’s had plenty of opportunities to ask him out. He’s not interested, so even if you did break up with him out of some misplaced loyalty, it still wouldn’t cause him to date her! They are nuts. Where is their empathy for him or for you? Do neither of you deserve to be happy in their minds- simply because you want to date each other and not her? NTA. Ignore them. Your friend is the one being a bad friend.
Those two are so wrapped up in how they feel that they aren't thinking clearly. They are probably operating under the delusion that as long as he's available, there's still a chance. Somewhere along the way they've forgotten that he's a person and not a goal to be achieved. It's rather sad, and I really do feel sorry for that girl, but I think Unrequited needs to talk to someone impartial to work through her feelings.
Wow, your friend is entitled AF!! First of all, let that friend go, they obviously don’t care at all about YOUR feelings anyway. Secondly, if their bff has had a crush on this guy for so long and has done nothing about it that’s on her. Lastly, is no one thinking about how this poor guy feels? Maybe he’s really into you and would be super hurt if you broke up with him. Your “friend” is not a friend to you. NTA
NTA. I get it, this person is in pain because she is in love with your bf. She is hurting and your friend wants to help but this is the wrong way for them to go about it. It's like they've forgotten that he is a person at all and are acting like he's some machine that will perform correctly if given the correct inputs. You backing off will not make him fall in love with her, it would only prolong the sad delusion that she can outwait his lack of interest. She's feeling worse now because that delusion has been crushed. Backing off wouldn't help her at all anyway, it would almost certainly backfire. Is your friend seriously thinking that the bf will be like "Oh that woman drove away my girlfriend. Guess I'll fall in love with her now?" No, he'd likely resent them both. Both of them need to accept reality. He is not interested in her and is interested in you.
NTA. If her best friend has been "in love" with him for years, she should have made a move long before now. Otherwise, it's just a fantasy crush. You see now who your friend values in this situation. Make decisions accordingly.
NTA - She is not even a good friend if she doesn’t respect what you want or want what’s best for you. Her friend had her chance and didn’t take it.
If he was interested in her friend he would be dating her. You do not have to put her crush above your actual relationship.
Info: what are your ages?
Im turning 21, the guy is 20 and so is the friend
So NTA. Honestly—is it possible that *she* has the crush? Her behavior is pretty extreme on behalf of “someone else”.
Not really, she’s in a relationship already
That doesn’t matter. She can be with someone and still have a crush on him. She can’t be with him, so he doesn’t want him to be with anyone else. If he doesn’t like the “other girl” well he can’t date anyone? That’s incredibly absurd and immature. Your other friends say to “consider her feelings more”. Her feelings over her friend having a crush? Doesn’t make sense whatsoever that she would be hurt on behalf of someone else. Values and actions? You’re not having a sordid love affair with a 40 yr old married man with kids ffs! Text her that you have done some “serious thinking” and that she’s not worthy of your friendship. She doesn’t get to dictate the groups dating lives and choices of partners. If you like this guy and it’s reciprocal, leave everyone else out of it and enjoy it! They’re not friends of yours.
Thanks for the advice. I think I’ll send her something like that, but I need to wait a bit and talk it over with the guy. He’s been friends with both of them for a looooong time and told me he doesn’t want their friendship to totally fall apart.
OP, I am honestly having trouble understanding why this guy thinks all that insanity is a "friendship" to begin with. It's super toxic and messed up. If I had to put money on it, I'd say he probably likes the attention and the women orbiting around him. Is that a guy that's even worth the effort for you? NTA, but it might be good to consider what you deserve and what you want.
Thanks for being honest. I really like him and didn’t get that impression from him, but if we talk about it again and he decides to change nothing then yeah I will have to decide if it’s even worth it. Im trying to be understanding since they were friends long before I met him and long before I met them. I don’t want to be a gf who forbids him something cause I always felt like it’s toxic, but it aint gonna work If he has friends who constantly antagonize me or want to get with him..This whole situation is honestly so shitty and came out of nowhere, i was so happy before. It’s hard to think that I might have to end it because of something that to me seems stupid.
NTA. This friend of a friend has been in love with him for years, but nothing has happened between them? So nobody else can date this guy? That's ridiculous. If he were dating a stranger would she have gone to that woman and asked her to stop seeing him? I doubt it, because that would be unhinged. She just thought she could get away with it because you were a friend of hers.
Are we absolutely sure she wouldn't? I feel for the unrequited girl but the mutual friend? She was kind of disturbing to me. I get her intentions but... wow.
I honestly think that she was asked to talk to me and after I didn’t care, she got mad. Before this situation we really got along great and I thought she was my genuine friend..
That's a sad situation all around but you've done nothing wrong. Your friend either put herself, or got put, in the middle; then she felt she had to be loyal to the other girl. It's a bitter thing to experience but it happens. You're quite young and have a long time ahead of you. I wish you the best with your BF.
thank you so much!!!!
\* made a few revisions to make it clear that I'm not trying to break the rules \*
Your firend is unhinged. And deeply disresepctful of you boufrined, whoshe is treating like a piece of property you can give to her other friend, and to you, as she is quite happy for you to be sad, dpressed or upset through breasking up. Prsumably her friend is capable of speech and could have asked this guy out at some point overthe past years she has known him, if she wanted to, and equally, he coul have asked her out if he was interested. Unrequeited love sucks, but you don't get to control other people's relationships just so you don't have to feel sad. Is thisout of character for your friend or is she this controlling about everything?
No that’s the thing.. she was always supportive and i thought we had a genuine friendship going on. She also taught me a lot about setting boundaries, so it’s all just weird. I get that she wants to stand by her best friend but it feels like my feelings and bf feelings stopped being important to her in a split second. Her message confused me a lot more than the initial conversation cause I didn’t think it was such a big deal.. Now i’m questioning If I was just blind and didn’t see her for who she truly is or is she just hurt for her friend and can’t look at it objectively..
Well i was once told by someone to be careful with befriending her but until now she didn’t give me a reason to be worried so i didn’t really take that seriously
It seems the friend of a friend has had years to make her move. She didn't. She snoozed and she loozed. NTA.
NTA. Here's the deal: this girl may have really strong feelings for the guy you have been seeing, but that doesn't matter. This guy is choosing you. He isn't choosing this other girl. This is hurtful for her, but most of us have been in a situation like that in some point in time. Gently point out to your friend that this guy has asked you, not her friend. You're not trying to be mean, that that's the way life works some time.
NTA - No one can force another to like them. If this other gal wasn't brave enough to let the guy know she was interested in him after "years" of knowing him, then that's her loss. You stepped up, made an actual emotional connection, and he evidently feels the same. If, after learning about her feelings, he still chooses YOU, then the matter is closed. She has no claim. Her attempt to block his access to other gals is wrong.
You didn't do anything wrong. You can't call dibs on a human. How is she so sure he would date her anyway? It's not like they were already dating and then you started showing interest. NTA.
Friends best friend had years to make her move, guy also could have went out with her but didn't. Both your friend and her best friend are delusional. He gets to chose who he wants, not them
So you’re supposed to break up with someone because a friend of a friend can’t get over an unrequited crush? “There’s no way [you] like him more than that girl,” but he clearly doesn’t like her like that at all. NTA
NTA. You're not doing anything wrong. You don't know this girl, you don't owe her anything. Your friend is an asshole, & not really your friend. Do they think if you break up with him, she will have a chance with him? He clearly stated he's not interested in her. So you would be breaking up with him so your "friend" won't be mad at you. She is ridiculous.
NTA She's liked him for years? Then he's had years to make a move. He didn't.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So lately I’ve been seeing a new guy. We have some mutual friends and that’s how we met. We really clicked and all was going well until my friend asked me for a serious conversation. She asked me to stop seeing him because her best friend has strong feelings for that guy. I don’t really know her friend that well, so i said that sorry but I’m not gonna put her feelings above my own. She then said that i’ve known him for a short time and her bestie has been in love with him for a few years, so there’s no way I like him more than that girl. I told her that i feel sorry for the girl but i don’t really care about that and am going to continue going out with him. My friend hasn’t talked to me since, besides sending a message that read “It is so wrong of you to continue seeing him. You’ve been made aware of […] feelings and showed that you don’t have any empathy. It not only hurts her, but also hurts me to see my best friend being sad and feeling defeated. The last couple of weeks our friendship with [the guy] has been significantly worse and it all started when you started going out. You should seriously reconsider your values and think about your actions. I don’t know if I still want to be friends with someone like you. Text me only if you’re done doing some serious thinking”. I haven’t texted her back cause I don’t really think i’ve done anything wrong. I talked about it with the guy and he told me i shouldn’t gaf since he has no interest in that other girl. Also talked about it with my other friends who told me i shouldn’t be so harsh during my initial talk with the friend and that i should consider her feelings more. But I really don’t see what I’m doing wrong.. So AITA??? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Have you considered the possibility that the girl with the crush has been candid, shot down and now she's clinging to the whole "it's not me" thought? If that's the case you are currently an active threat to her entire thought process so your bf needs to be very very clear without adding you to the narrative.
NTA, your friend is way out of line here.
NTA. Either she hasn't even made a move in all that time that she's been in love with him, or she's been rejected. Either way, she has no claim on him. He is a free agent, and is allowed to make his own choices.
NTA... and to double down, this person demanding you break up with your boyfriend won't even look you face to face and say it, she's just sending a lackey
NTA. Why haven't that girl then said anything to the guy if she is so in love with him? So no, like you said. You should not put others feelings above your own in this situation.
Tell your friend to bring her concerns up with your bf, not you. She's really being ridiculous and an AH.
NTA for continuing to date the guy. However, perhaps your friends are right that you ought to be a little wiser in how you handled the situation. “I’m sorry that your friend Kate has a crush on Tyler, I didn’t know.” Much nicer than “I don’t gaf about Kate”.
NTA but your "friends" sure are. Why should you stop seeing someone you care about because someone you barely know has feelings for him. Not to mention the guy likes you and not her.
NTA. Tell your friend that he is a big boy and can make his own decisions. The girl has had several years and he hasn't shown any interst in her. No guarantee that her friend would be his type. You can't call dibs on a guy! Sounds like he picked you. I would show him the texts. He needs to know that they are trying to interfere in his life. I suspect she had her chance and was shot down long ago. Go NC with your friend because she is NOT your friend.
NTA. Why didn't she make a move on this guy before if she's been in love with him for years? Doesn't make sense for you to give up on dating a guy if someone else likes him. If you two have a connection see where it goes. If it goes the long haul, great! If it doesn't, that other girl can have your leftovers.
NTA She's liked him for years? Then he's had years to make a move. He didn't.
NTA She's liked him for years? Then he's had years to make a move. He didn't.
Your friend and her bestie are delulu. Yeah, don't text but don't count on the friendship either. You can't say anything that would get her to see it your way, so the nicest/only thing you can say is, "I'm sorry you feel that way." There's obviously no such thing as dibs on people. NTA.
NTA...drop the friend..she is imature dead weight...my thought is to tell her you don't want to hang around someone who objectifieds guys...acting like he is her personal property that your trespassing on....she knew him longer...soooo he had lots of time to decide if he was interested in her and chose not to be...or she had lots of time to make her feelings known and chose not too...either way...not your problem
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NTA But I’d look into the role each of them played in the crush to have a better understanding of what happened. It’s always best to know as much about a situation as you can before reacting to it. I’m not going to assume he’s in the wrong with so little background knowledge, but in your position I’d want to be sure that he hadn’t been stringing her along for all those years. Better to know now than end up with him for years and find out that he’s the kind of person who’d do that, possibly to you in the end. And if you find out that it’s all in her head, then you’re probably doing them both a favour by continuing the relationship. She’ll have a reason to move on, and once she does he’ll be free of the pressure of that crush.
Bullshit lmao. If he was "stringing her along" they wouldn't talk like the friend of a friend has just never taken her chance to shoot her shot. I'd give a little more grace if they were preteens/teens, but as adults, you don't get to gatekeep a PERSON because you have a one-sided crush on them and have done nothing to express your feelings.