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NTA
Your choice to donate has nothing to do with your daughter. You also didn't rob her of having a brother by waiting until now to tell her. She doesn't have a brother, she has a biological half-brother who is a stranger, raised by parents who have no obligation to stay in contact with you or your family.
I get that, as an only child, she might want the close sibling relationship that she sees in families she knows, social media, etc. If you'd like, you can help her reach out to this couple and see if they're interested in your children interacting. Whatever the answer may be, your daughter needs to understand that she isn't entitled to this relationship.
NTA. You were right to tell her, knowing that you have some bio-family outside of your direct family is a reasonable thing to make someone aware of (and much better to know from you directly instead of finding out accidentally by a commercial DNA test and thinking a parent cheated on their spouse or something).
Unfortunately, you cannot predict or control how someone will react to information of any sort. She's having some big feelings about the situation, but should hopefully calm down and realize that it's not that huge a thing since it IS something you were honest about. Besides, while she FEELS like she "missed out on having a brother," that "brother" belonged to a different family and wouldn't have existed at all were it not for your donation. If her bro wants a connection with his bio-family, assuming his parents were honest about his origins with him as well, that's his choice to make at the point in his life that he chooses.
Sincerely, an adopted guy with a half-brother and bio-mother that exist somewhere out there.
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When my daughter(only child) was 3 (now 18) I donated eggs at a local facility. I opted in to receive information as to whether or not the donation was successful. It was. The couple successfully had a boy due to my donation. I told my daughter this at age 14, as I knew she was old enough and mature enough at that point to understand it. Now she is legit freaking out because she has someone out there that shares her DNA. Despite being transparent with her, I feel as though I am the asshole in this situation because she feels as though she’s missed out on having a “brother” this entire time. So, am I the asshole here?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told her when she was 14 but she didn’t care enough at the time. Now at age 18, she is acting like I am a horrible person for “not disclosing all the info to her”. Which I did
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NTA good of you to help a family who needed it. Also good of you to get that info on the astronomical chance that your kid and the person who shares some DNA with her meet.
Sharing DNA with a person does not a brother make.
NTA, she doesn’t have a brother. He exists because of your kindness to that family. He’s genetically related to her, but there’s more to family than blood.
NAH. I think it's very important to realize that children born from donor sperm and eggs often feel a disconnect from their parents and want to seek out their "bio" families, much like adopted children. It *is* an unusual situation and hard to navigate for some. I can understand why a 14 year old would feel weird knowing she has a biological half sibling out there.
I took an abnormal psychology course in college and one of the videos we watched were about real life cases of incest. You see dear reader, when siblings aren't raised in close contact with one another and they unknowingly come in contact with each other there can be an immediate sexual attraction to each other. There were three cases in that video and each of the married couples ended up both having children and staying with each other. Thankfully, none of them had children with genetic complications, it's actually very rare in first generation incest cases.
There is now a young man out there related to your daughter and neither of them will know that if they happen to meet. I would highly recommend that you suggest only dating older men to her.
NTA, but people really should think about the consequences of their actions a lot more.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA Your choice to donate has nothing to do with your daughter. You also didn't rob her of having a brother by waiting until now to tell her. She doesn't have a brother, she has a biological half-brother who is a stranger, raised by parents who have no obligation to stay in contact with you or your family. I get that, as an only child, she might want the close sibling relationship that she sees in families she knows, social media, etc. If you'd like, you can help her reach out to this couple and see if they're interested in your children interacting. Whatever the answer may be, your daughter needs to understand that she isn't entitled to this relationship.
NTA. You were right to tell her, knowing that you have some bio-family outside of your direct family is a reasonable thing to make someone aware of (and much better to know from you directly instead of finding out accidentally by a commercial DNA test and thinking a parent cheated on their spouse or something). Unfortunately, you cannot predict or control how someone will react to information of any sort. She's having some big feelings about the situation, but should hopefully calm down and realize that it's not that huge a thing since it IS something you were honest about. Besides, while she FEELS like she "missed out on having a brother," that "brother" belonged to a different family and wouldn't have existed at all were it not for your donation. If her bro wants a connection with his bio-family, assuming his parents were honest about his origins with him as well, that's his choice to make at the point in his life that he chooses. Sincerely, an adopted guy with a half-brother and bio-mother that exist somewhere out there.
She has billions of people whom she shares DNA with. Is she worried she's going to accidentally have a baby with her biological half-brother? NTA
Shit! Thats a great reason to be mad
That’s a legitimate concern for donor conceived people and the children of gamete donors.
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NTA good of you to help a family who needed it. Also good of you to get that info on the astronomical chance that your kid and the person who shares some DNA with her meet. Sharing DNA with a person does not a brother make.
NTA, she doesn’t have a brother. He exists because of your kindness to that family. He’s genetically related to her, but there’s more to family than blood.
These donations really freak me out, imagine having kids with your step siblings unknowingly.
NAH. I think it's very important to realize that children born from donor sperm and eggs often feel a disconnect from their parents and want to seek out their "bio" families, much like adopted children. It *is* an unusual situation and hard to navigate for some. I can understand why a 14 year old would feel weird knowing she has a biological half sibling out there.
I took an abnormal psychology course in college and one of the videos we watched were about real life cases of incest. You see dear reader, when siblings aren't raised in close contact with one another and they unknowingly come in contact with each other there can be an immediate sexual attraction to each other. There were three cases in that video and each of the married couples ended up both having children and staying with each other. Thankfully, none of them had children with genetic complications, it's actually very rare in first generation incest cases. There is now a young man out there related to your daughter and neither of them will know that if they happen to meet. I would highly recommend that you suggest only dating older men to her. NTA, but people really should think about the consequences of their actions a lot more.