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Honestly - ESH. You are not TA for expecting your husband to replace what he broke though. Regardless of how your son "provoked" him, he is an adult and he is responsible for his own actions - and there is no justification for him destroying someone else's belongings. He is responsible for replacing the XBox. That said - the fact that you seem to think that if you don't see your son's behavioral issues, they aren't happening is unhealthy and harmful to a degree that I don't think that you understand. Nevermind the fact that your response to your husband violently smashing things in the home is to be "extremely disappointed" and you're worried he'd been treated unfairly. Please, get some professional help - if not for your sake, for your son's - and consider whether your new husband is a safe person to be in your home.
ESH.
1) You for not believing your husband about your son being disrespectful. Also you for not explaining the reason why your husband broke the xbox.
2) Your husband for breaking the xbox like that. Not sure if there is a context that would justify it.
3) I'm betting your son probably deserves a spot in this once the entire explanation comes out.
this should be the top comment.
1. The kid probably has issues that the mom is ignoring via her rose tinted classes. Only the therapist can tell if the kid has issues or not.Also OP could have sat both of them down and discussed what really happened at the time of 1st complain.
2. Breaking a child's XBox with a base ball bat, that sounds messed up. What happens if he smashes more stuff ? what if he raises his hand on the kid. Unless the kid is quite literally spawn of Satan and needs to be managed to save the world (like that silly movie that I thought was just spoof short movie) I can't see any justification.
YTA if you stay with a man capable of casual destruction just because he felt disrespected. This will only escalate to abuse. Please read The Gift Of Fear.
while I'm not justifying such a violent out burst I highly doubt he just unprovoked took a bat to console.
why have you let the kid go untreated? thats neglect
why have you stayed with a man that treats your so this way? that's neglect
why are you neglecting all this shit? is the book really that good?
Respectfully, I didn’t ‘neglect’ my son, of course I spoke to him and made sure he was okay after the situation had unfolded.
My husband has always been kind towards me and didn’t show any rude behavior, just like my son, the only time my son had ‘behavioral issues’ was at school. So I wouldn’t expect either of them to act out in the house.
So the school kept complaining that your son was a disturbance but as long as it didn't impact you directly you didn't care. Your husband complained that your son was provoking him but you called him a liar.
Lady, one day your ray of sunshine is going to have to live independently, and nobody will like him or want to work with him, and it'll be too late for you to "consider" doing something about it.
I mean using common sense and after reading a comment where OP said “my husband was always kind and such with me,” I think it’d be safe to say that there was no way she’d think he’d do something like that.
ESH
1. You downplay his behavioral issues because they haven't affected you yet, and clear your son of being disrespectful without even asking what happened or if husband is doing something to provoke son. OR if your son is TA to him. You already admit he's a duck to his peers so being a duck to your husband isn't that far off.
2. This makes me think that you coddle him because of his disability. This is the worst disservice to your kid. Society won't care that he has a disability and some won't care. He needs to better ways to handle his behavior and emotions.
3. Speaking of managing emotions, your husband taking a bat to son's property to establish dominance is the worst kind of precedent to set. Paying for the XBox will NOT set this right. You have deep rooted issues that need to be resolved.
4. How long were you dating before you married him? Did he meet your son? Did you just want to get married and move in so you can have intimacy on the regular? Were you even thinking about your son? Probably not, I hope the nookie is worth it
5. Lastly, I wonder if you have as close a relationship with your son as you claim. The math ain't mathing
So many questions.
What led to the breaking of the x box. I do agree he should replace it. Breaking something out of anger isn't ok.
You seem to think your the most important person tho.....that you are the only person your son should respect.
He has issues with his peers and you don't seem to really care about that. Your son might not tell you if he doesn't like your partner. He might disrespect him when you aren't around. Maybe he isn't.
Do you hold your son accountable for his actions with his peers?
Again breaking things out of anger isn't ok. The Xbox should be replaced ....but you need to stop pretending that since your son doesn't treat you bad that means he doesn't need more assistance to be able to get along with his peers.
Husband needs anger management. Or you to leave bc this isn't how you deal with emotions.
"My husband had broke my son’s Xbox with a baseball bat"
WHAT THE FUCK?
That is really scary and out of line for an adult to do.
I would talk to someone to make sure that next time he isn't hitting your son.
Anyway, NTA
I have no idea, he claims that he asked my son where his left over food was since he had put it in the refrigerator and could not find it. my son told me that he just said he didn’t know, but my husband says that my son got hostile towards him.
Your son has documented behavioral issues. Your husband tried to tell you about the problems. Problems continued, and boiled over into rage. Yes, your husband's handling of rage needs some therapy and he probably needs a parenting class. You need to see the therapist with him on how to integrate him into your lifes as a father figure to your son as well as a life partner to you. Thankfully, he didn't rage on any person. The more proper response would have been to unplug the xbox and put it away out of reach of your son and make clear expectations of what your son needs to do to in order get it back. But, this escalation, I can easily gather than he's probably hitting his limit of trying to get you and your son to listen to him about the problems that need to be addressed. Address the problems, and I think your husband will be more than happy to buy another Xbox for your son. Seriously, how would you feel in his shoes if the problem kept getting worse and you couldn't get peace in your own home anymore?
This seems like rage bait. If it isn’t fake you not getting treatment for your son because he apparently isn’t rude to you is neglectful and arrogant behavior. The world doesn’t revolve around you there are others living in it, many others and if your son if causing issues to the point a man is taking a baseball bat to his Xbox he probably needs treatment and you need to get your head out of the sand. It’s only gonna be a matter of time before the school is calling because of his issues with his peers. All of this is your fault for not taking him seriously and doing your duty as a parent.
You’re all assholes. This isn’t gonna make things easier for your sons issues and now you and the new husband will have this looming over your marriage.
Lots of things to work out in therapy
Guys who are young and who haven't been a parent for a period of time tend to not know how to deal with the escalation chaos that kids can bring at first. So, sometimes the anger builds up and turns into a rage destruction moment. Luckily it was not a harm thing, it was a rage destruction consequence of disobedience thing. So it's very likely that there is large amount of potential to turn this situation around into a more positive one that unites the family unit together cohesively. As clearly the husband is trying. But it needs a third party who's worked with family units like this. Even an experienced church pastor or similar can do a lot to assist.
NTA, yet. Replacing the XBox is the least of it! That kind of violence and damage is totally, utterly inappropriate under any circumstances, let alone from an adult to a child in his care. Sleeping on the couch? He should sleep outside the house until he verifies participation in both anger management and parenting training.
ESH. Your husband obviously, for losing himself enough to smash the xbox. However, you are much more of the AH for being a useless parent. You say no medication because he doesn’t act rude to YOU. Your husband has brought it up multiple times that it’s a problem, BUT because YOU don’t hear about it from your son you ASSUME it’s not a problem. Lastly, you made your husband sleep on the couch? Like wtf?
Whenever I hear of women making their husbands sleep on a couch or something similar, I immediately know everything I need to know about the man to know he’s pathetic.
1. You married a man that bottles up his emotions and act surprised when he exploded.
2. He comes to you with a problem, and you basically just say, “Na must be a you thing.” And unsurprisingly, he just accepts it and bottles it up for later.
3. You have the freaking AUDACITY to tell him he can’t sleep on his own bed, and that wimp actually listens.
I feel so bad for your kid. His future is looking bleak.
ESH your husband told you there was a growing issue you ignored it. He got unnecessarily violent, there’s no need to destroy someone else’s things. The child has a history and you ignore it bc it doesn’t happen at home? What about the other kids his teachers? Please get the child medication if the doctor recommends it.
NTA for having the guy buy a new Xbox. YTA for having someone like that around your son. 38 year old had to show a 14 year old that he is a tough guy with a baseball bat? Inexcusable behavior.
It quite literally does not matter what your son did or said in this moment. His behavioral issues and all of that are irrelevant.
No adult should be destroying a child's belongings in such a violent, terrifying way. It's really hard to interpret that behavior from your husband as anything other than a direct threat: "next time, I'll do this to you."
NTA, but you need to get your child away from this man.
YTA for so many reasons, you seem to believe you're the center of the universe and if your world is peachy, everything is. Your husband's never been rude to you so he must be fine? He took a bat to your son's Xbox from his deceased uncle instead of taking it away like a normal parent being disrespected. You actively ignore him telling you to handle your kid because it's "not your problem if I don't see it". For the love of all things holy, please think about the amount of murderers, psychopaths, cheaters and abusers that love their mommy's/wives and have never done anything to them. But for the rest of the population, free game. I personally was a terror in school, not because of aggression or anything, I was extremely depressed. But I smiled at home so clearly everything was fine. Until I tried to jump of a highway. Just because someone is good to YOU doesn't mean they are good. Trained dogs don't bite their owners but everyone else is a chew toy. Remember that.
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So I (37 F), have a son (14) who has behavioral issues with peers, he goes to therapy but I have not considered putting him on medication because he has never acted rudely towards me.
I have recently gotten married to his stepfather (38) and he has even moved in with us. My child’s biological father left when he was younger so I would expect him to have a hard time adjusting.
My husband has told me countless times that my son has been being incredibly disrespectful towards him and I told him that’s unlikely because if my son had a problem with someone he would had already told me because me and my son have a close bond as far as I know.
Last night my son was playing on his Xbox which his uncle (who had unfortunately passed last year) had bought for him, he adored it and since he’s now out of school I allow him to play on it for a while as long he doesn’t get too loud.
While I am in my room reading, I heard my son yelling and he sounds angry so I left my room to see what was going on.
My husband had broke my son’s Xbox with a baseball bat and left him in tears.
I was extremely disappointed and upset that my husband would do such a thing and I had a talk with him.
I made my husband sleep on the couch that night and demanded he buy my son a new Xbox.
AITA?
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You may doubt it but she’s already stated that her husband wasn’t any type of disrespectful or mean to her before this, so again, she wouldn’t have indication that he would do that
"To Her". This is why I said OP needs to watch how he treats other people, especially people he isn't trying to sleep with and people he considers beneath him.
yta. for not kicking your husband out. yta for allowing that man to stay around your son. yta for not getting your son therapy. yta for not trying to help your son more.
make the husband buy a new xbox. for the safety of your son have him move out.
start taking better care of your son. yesterday.
Jesus, get your kid proper help. You're neglecting him. "Well he is nice to me" who gives a shit, everyone else is telling you there is a problem.
Get a new husband as well. A violent response like that is insane.
ESH. You not seeing any 'behavioral' issues does not mean he doesn't have any, what kind of whack ass parenting is that. You should have addressed the 'disrespect' when your husband brought it up, if not for your husband then for your son to make sure he's acclimating properly. Now regardless you are going to either a) stay with man who is fine with destroying a CHILD'S belongings when he is upset with him or b) break up an reinforce to your child that when he doesn't like someone you dated he can just be rude as fuck till it escalates and he can drive them away.
I think you need to seriously revaluate the relationship. Even if your husband buys a new Xbox that sentimental value is destroyed everytime your son looks at the new Xbox it will be reminder about what a colossal asshole your husband is.
Idk man I don't know how someone can be so oblivious to their own home and then have the audacity to ask us how to fix it when you couldn't be bothered to care in the first place. Your husband needs anger management at the very least and y'all need family therapy, but honestly I wouldnt give that grown ass man a second chance. You also need to talk to your childs therapist about all this and start taking any sort of feedback about your childs behavior seriously.
If your child grows up the real world will not take your opinion of his behavior into account at a jail hearing. The prison population has a high amount of people with special needs and mental illness. Dismissing any sort of problematic behavior only hurts your child in the long run. You should have immediately started family therapy when it was brought up, it might have not even been your kids fault, your husband could have been trying to justify his anger towards your son, but family therapy would have helped make sense of the dynamic before it imploded.
ESH.
>So I (37 F), have a son (14) who has behavioral issues with peers, he goes to therapy but I have not considered putting him on medication because he has never acted rudely towards me.
As soon as I read this I knew you were an AH…
>My husband has told me countless times that my son has been being incredibly disrespectful towards him and I told him that’s unlikely because if my son had a problem with someone he would had already told me because me and my son have a close bond as far as I know.
Oh yeah. You’re deep into AH territory…
>My husband had broke my son’s Xbox with a baseball bat and left him in tears.
What the *what?* He’s gone beyond AH. He’s way into abusive territory.
I suggest you split up with this dangerous man but also start working on yourself and get your kid some help. Literally everyone in this scenario is screwed up.
If your son had indeed said something to him, why didn't he
come to you right away? Probably because he wanted to
do something to hurt your son and had been waiting for an
opportunity. To me, that xbox IS your son. That is what your
husband was hitting, not an xbox but a substitute for your son.
You need to kick husband out ASAP and protect your son.
Anyone who would take a bat to a game like that is immature and
volatile.
NTA for expecting husband to buy a new xbox but husband
needs therapy to control his anger and deal with his resentment
towards a child.
You need a reality check. If you dont address these behavioral issues with your son, you're setting him up for a bigger heartbreak than a broken X box. I can assure you, once he becomes 18, nobody but you is going to care about his issues. There aren't behavioral issues exceptions in the real world. If he pops off at the wrong person, it's going to be a bad day for him. Most people are out here trying their best to survive and aren't going to have the patience and understanding with him that you do, nor should they be required to. You're setting him up for failure.
Your husband is wrong for destroying the Xbox. He's a grown ass man who ALSO needs to get control of himself. That being said, it sounds like he's been begging you to address your sons behavior but you havent cared because up until now, it hasn't affected you or been directed toward you.
Everyone in this situation is 100% an asshole and needs therapy.
**NTA** for standing up for your kid. If someone smashed my son’s beloved Xbox with a baseball bat, I’d be pissed too. Your husband crossed a huge line, no matter what your son did. That's just not how adults handle conflict.
That said, you might be underestimating the friction between your son and your new husband. Ignoring or dismissing your husband's complaints about disrespect isn’t helping. You can't just dismiss his feelings or experiences in this new family dynamic.
So yeah, your husband buying a new Xbox is fair. He broke it, he pays. But you gotta dig deeper. This incident screams that there's a bigger issue with respect and communication in your household. Therapy for everyone might be a good move. Get to the root of why your husband snapped and figure out how your son can better express himself.
Long story short, nobody's blameless here. Everyone’s got room to grow and learn from this mess. Fix the Xbox, sure, but also fix the family dynamics.
NTA
"My husband had broke my son’s Xbox with a baseball bat and left him in tears." ... Making him sleep on the couch is not enough.
Call the police, get a restraining order, anfd divorce him.
do this fast, before he starts hitting you or your son.
NTA. Destroying property isn't a good punishment in a normal case. Your new husband, who has yet to establish a relationship with this kid, definitely should not feel entitled to make this kind of decision. (The fact that he destroyed a gift from your recently deceased brother just makes it progressively worse.)
All that being said, just because *you* don't recognize an issue with your son toward *yourself*, doesn't mean he won't benefit from some kind of medication for his behavioral issues.
If your son is having behavior issues with peers, he does NOT need video games. Boys play violent games. But besides that, your husband broke the Xbox with a baseball bat……. Because? They should be extremely eye opening for you.
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Honestly - ESH. You are not TA for expecting your husband to replace what he broke though. Regardless of how your son "provoked" him, he is an adult and he is responsible for his own actions - and there is no justification for him destroying someone else's belongings. He is responsible for replacing the XBox. That said - the fact that you seem to think that if you don't see your son's behavioral issues, they aren't happening is unhealthy and harmful to a degree that I don't think that you understand. Nevermind the fact that your response to your husband violently smashing things in the home is to be "extremely disappointed" and you're worried he'd been treated unfairly. Please, get some professional help - if not for your sake, for your son's - and consider whether your new husband is a safe person to be in your home.
ESH. 1) You for not believing your husband about your son being disrespectful. Also you for not explaining the reason why your husband broke the xbox. 2) Your husband for breaking the xbox like that. Not sure if there is a context that would justify it. 3) I'm betting your son probably deserves a spot in this once the entire explanation comes out.
Yup, nobody is coming out of this looking good.
this should be the top comment. 1. The kid probably has issues that the mom is ignoring via her rose tinted classes. Only the therapist can tell if the kid has issues or not.Also OP could have sat both of them down and discussed what really happened at the time of 1st complain. 2. Breaking a child's XBox with a base ball bat, that sounds messed up. What happens if he smashes more stuff ? what if he raises his hand on the kid. Unless the kid is quite literally spawn of Satan and needs to be managed to save the world (like that silly movie that I thought was just spoof short movie) I can't see any justification.
I'm waiting too lol
YTA if you stay with a man capable of casual destruction just because he felt disrespected. This will only escalate to abuse. Please read The Gift Of Fear.
Destroying someone's possessions in this type of manner, especially a child's is already abuse.
Also, read Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. You can read it for free online.
YTA for the missing reasons
missing reasons of what?
while I'm not justifying such a violent out burst I highly doubt he just unprovoked took a bat to console. why have you let the kid go untreated? thats neglect why have you stayed with a man that treats your so this way? that's neglect why are you neglecting all this shit? is the book really that good?
This is the biggest stupidest leap I’ve ever seen a redditor take. Shame on you
Respectfully, I didn’t ‘neglect’ my son, of course I spoke to him and made sure he was okay after the situation had unfolded. My husband has always been kind towards me and didn’t show any rude behavior, just like my son, the only time my son had ‘behavioral issues’ was at school. So I wouldn’t expect either of them to act out in the house.
it's possible to do a lot of talking and still be neglecting to address the real issues, which is what it sounds like you're doing.
So the school kept complaining that your son was a disturbance but as long as it didn't impact you directly you didn't care. Your husband complained that your son was provoking him but you called him a liar. Lady, one day your ray of sunshine is going to have to live independently, and nobody will like him or want to work with him, and it'll be too late for you to "consider" doing something about it.
Not getting him medication is neglecting him
Why are you with a violent man who breaks electronics with a bat
I mean obviously she wouldn’t have married him if she knew this would happen
I dont see how that is obvious. I honestly don't
No sane person would marry someone with anger issues, so clearly she didn’t start dating him knowing that this incident would happen
I think you haven't read enough Reddit if you believe that
I don't think she's experienced enough life either. Lol
I mean using common sense and after reading a comment where OP said “my husband was always kind and such with me,” I think it’d be safe to say that there was no way she’d think he’d do something like that.
Always kind to me is a giant red flag.. pay attention to how men treat people they aren't sleeping or trying to sleep with. FFS.
My bad for seeing where OP said that her husband was always nice to her. Not like the words came directly from her!
ESH 1. You downplay his behavioral issues because they haven't affected you yet, and clear your son of being disrespectful without even asking what happened or if husband is doing something to provoke son. OR if your son is TA to him. You already admit he's a duck to his peers so being a duck to your husband isn't that far off. 2. This makes me think that you coddle him because of his disability. This is the worst disservice to your kid. Society won't care that he has a disability and some won't care. He needs to better ways to handle his behavior and emotions. 3. Speaking of managing emotions, your husband taking a bat to son's property to establish dominance is the worst kind of precedent to set. Paying for the XBox will NOT set this right. You have deep rooted issues that need to be resolved. 4. How long were you dating before you married him? Did he meet your son? Did you just want to get married and move in so you can have intimacy on the regular? Were you even thinking about your son? Probably not, I hope the nookie is worth it 5. Lastly, I wonder if you have as close a relationship with your son as you claim. The math ain't mathing
So many questions. What led to the breaking of the x box. I do agree he should replace it. Breaking something out of anger isn't ok. You seem to think your the most important person tho.....that you are the only person your son should respect. He has issues with his peers and you don't seem to really care about that. Your son might not tell you if he doesn't like your partner. He might disrespect him when you aren't around. Maybe he isn't. Do you hold your son accountable for his actions with his peers? Again breaking things out of anger isn't ok. The Xbox should be replaced ....but you need to stop pretending that since your son doesn't treat you bad that means he doesn't need more assistance to be able to get along with his peers. Husband needs anger management. Or you to leave bc this isn't how you deal with emotions.
"My husband had broke my son’s Xbox with a baseball bat" WHAT THE FUCK? That is really scary and out of line for an adult to do. I would talk to someone to make sure that next time he isn't hitting your son. Anyway, NTA
They’re all AH here.
WTF? What was your husbands justification for this? He sounds completely unhinged and unsafe.
I have no idea, he claims that he asked my son where his left over food was since he had put it in the refrigerator and could not find it. my son told me that he just said he didn’t know, but my husband says that my son got hostile towards him.
🤣🤣🤣Girl, bye.
Your son has documented behavioral issues. Your husband tried to tell you about the problems. Problems continued, and boiled over into rage. Yes, your husband's handling of rage needs some therapy and he probably needs a parenting class. You need to see the therapist with him on how to integrate him into your lifes as a father figure to your son as well as a life partner to you. Thankfully, he didn't rage on any person. The more proper response would have been to unplug the xbox and put it away out of reach of your son and make clear expectations of what your son needs to do to in order get it back. But, this escalation, I can easily gather than he's probably hitting his limit of trying to get you and your son to listen to him about the problems that need to be addressed. Address the problems, and I think your husband will be more than happy to buy another Xbox for your son. Seriously, how would you feel in his shoes if the problem kept getting worse and you couldn't get peace in your own home anymore?
Nice response. Needs to be up voted
This seems like rage bait. If it isn’t fake you not getting treatment for your son because he apparently isn’t rude to you is neglectful and arrogant behavior. The world doesn’t revolve around you there are others living in it, many others and if your son if causing issues to the point a man is taking a baseball bat to his Xbox he probably needs treatment and you need to get your head out of the sand. It’s only gonna be a matter of time before the school is calling because of his issues with his peers. All of this is your fault for not taking him seriously and doing your duty as a parent.
You’re all assholes. This isn’t gonna make things easier for your sons issues and now you and the new husband will have this looming over your marriage. Lots of things to work out in therapy
YTA for the way you handled it & your husband's a nut. WTF could have preempted the bat coming out???
Guys who are young and who haven't been a parent for a period of time tend to not know how to deal with the escalation chaos that kids can bring at first. So, sometimes the anger builds up and turns into a rage destruction moment. Luckily it was not a harm thing, it was a rage destruction consequence of disobedience thing. So it's very likely that there is large amount of potential to turn this situation around into a more positive one that unites the family unit together cohesively. As clearly the husband is trying. But it needs a third party who's worked with family units like this. Even an experienced church pastor or similar can do a lot to assist.
He's a dangerous asshole. Get rid of him ASAP
NTA, yet. Replacing the XBox is the least of it! That kind of violence and damage is totally, utterly inappropriate under any circumstances, let alone from an adult to a child in his care. Sleeping on the couch? He should sleep outside the house until he verifies participation in both anger management and parenting training.
ESH. Your husband obviously, for losing himself enough to smash the xbox. However, you are much more of the AH for being a useless parent. You say no medication because he doesn’t act rude to YOU. Your husband has brought it up multiple times that it’s a problem, BUT because YOU don’t hear about it from your son you ASSUME it’s not a problem. Lastly, you made your husband sleep on the couch? Like wtf? Whenever I hear of women making their husbands sleep on a couch or something similar, I immediately know everything I need to know about the man to know he’s pathetic. 1. You married a man that bottles up his emotions and act surprised when he exploded. 2. He comes to you with a problem, and you basically just say, “Na must be a you thing.” And unsurprisingly, he just accepts it and bottles it up for later. 3. You have the freaking AUDACITY to tell him he can’t sleep on his own bed, and that wimp actually listens. I feel so bad for your kid. His future is looking bleak.
ESH your husband told you there was a growing issue you ignored it. He got unnecessarily violent, there’s no need to destroy someone else’s things. The child has a history and you ignore it bc it doesn’t happen at home? What about the other kids his teachers? Please get the child medication if the doctor recommends it.
NTA for having the guy buy a new Xbox. YTA for having someone like that around your son. 38 year old had to show a 14 year old that he is a tough guy with a baseball bat? Inexcusable behavior.
I mean obviously she didn’t know that would happen so idk if she the AH
You married a psycho and for that Y T A but for this judgement NTA
It really isn’t her fault. Clearly she wouldn’t have married him had she known he’d act like that
It quite literally does not matter what your son did or said in this moment. His behavioral issues and all of that are irrelevant. No adult should be destroying a child's belongings in such a violent, terrifying way. It's really hard to interpret that behavior from your husband as anything other than a direct threat: "next time, I'll do this to you." NTA, but you need to get your child away from this man.
YTA for so many reasons, you seem to believe you're the center of the universe and if your world is peachy, everything is. Your husband's never been rude to you so he must be fine? He took a bat to your son's Xbox from his deceased uncle instead of taking it away like a normal parent being disrespected. You actively ignore him telling you to handle your kid because it's "not your problem if I don't see it". For the love of all things holy, please think about the amount of murderers, psychopaths, cheaters and abusers that love their mommy's/wives and have never done anything to them. But for the rest of the population, free game. I personally was a terror in school, not because of aggression or anything, I was extremely depressed. But I smiled at home so clearly everything was fine. Until I tried to jump of a highway. Just because someone is good to YOU doesn't mean they are good. Trained dogs don't bite their owners but everyone else is a chew toy. Remember that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I (37 F), have a son (14) who has behavioral issues with peers, he goes to therapy but I have not considered putting him on medication because he has never acted rudely towards me. I have recently gotten married to his stepfather (38) and he has even moved in with us. My child’s biological father left when he was younger so I would expect him to have a hard time adjusting. My husband has told me countless times that my son has been being incredibly disrespectful towards him and I told him that’s unlikely because if my son had a problem with someone he would had already told me because me and my son have a close bond as far as I know. Last night my son was playing on his Xbox which his uncle (who had unfortunately passed last year) had bought for him, he adored it and since he’s now out of school I allow him to play on it for a while as long he doesn’t get too loud. While I am in my room reading, I heard my son yelling and he sounds angry so I left my room to see what was going on. My husband had broke my son’s Xbox with a baseball bat and left him in tears. I was extremely disappointed and upset that my husband would do such a thing and I had a talk with him. I made my husband sleep on the couch that night and demanded he buy my son a new Xbox. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA for marrying this man...Holy shit, he took a baseball to your child's possession? Sounds like kiddo isn't the one with behavioral issues.
How was she to know this would happen when she started dating him? Uhm!!
Why I said for marrying him, not dating. I assume this isn't the first red flag.
OP is TA for Staying with him after this.
I meant as in when they met and started dating. Then dating turned into marriage.
She should have paid attention to the kind of person he is ? Like I said, I doubt this is the first red flag
You may doubt it but she’s already stated that her husband wasn’t any type of disrespectful or mean to her before this, so again, she wouldn’t have indication that he would do that
"To Her". This is why I said OP needs to watch how he treats other people, especially people he isn't trying to sleep with and people he considers beneath him.
yta. for not kicking your husband out. yta for allowing that man to stay around your son. yta for not getting your son therapy. yta for not trying to help your son more. make the husband buy a new xbox. for the safety of your son have him move out. start taking better care of your son. yesterday.
Jesus, get your kid proper help. You're neglecting him. "Well he is nice to me" who gives a shit, everyone else is telling you there is a problem. Get a new husband as well. A violent response like that is insane.
ESH. You not seeing any 'behavioral' issues does not mean he doesn't have any, what kind of whack ass parenting is that. You should have addressed the 'disrespect' when your husband brought it up, if not for your husband then for your son to make sure he's acclimating properly. Now regardless you are going to either a) stay with man who is fine with destroying a CHILD'S belongings when he is upset with him or b) break up an reinforce to your child that when he doesn't like someone you dated he can just be rude as fuck till it escalates and he can drive them away. I think you need to seriously revaluate the relationship. Even if your husband buys a new Xbox that sentimental value is destroyed everytime your son looks at the new Xbox it will be reminder about what a colossal asshole your husband is. Idk man I don't know how someone can be so oblivious to their own home and then have the audacity to ask us how to fix it when you couldn't be bothered to care in the first place. Your husband needs anger management at the very least and y'all need family therapy, but honestly I wouldnt give that grown ass man a second chance. You also need to talk to your childs therapist about all this and start taking any sort of feedback about your childs behavior seriously. If your child grows up the real world will not take your opinion of his behavior into account at a jail hearing. The prison population has a high amount of people with special needs and mental illness. Dismissing any sort of problematic behavior only hurts your child in the long run. You should have immediately started family therapy when it was brought up, it might have not even been your kids fault, your husband could have been trying to justify his anger towards your son, but family therapy would have helped make sense of the dynamic before it imploded.
ESH. >So I (37 F), have a son (14) who has behavioral issues with peers, he goes to therapy but I have not considered putting him on medication because he has never acted rudely towards me. As soon as I read this I knew you were an AH… >My husband has told me countless times that my son has been being incredibly disrespectful towards him and I told him that’s unlikely because if my son had a problem with someone he would had already told me because me and my son have a close bond as far as I know. Oh yeah. You’re deep into AH territory… >My husband had broke my son’s Xbox with a baseball bat and left him in tears. What the *what?* He’s gone beyond AH. He’s way into abusive territory. I suggest you split up with this dangerous man but also start working on yourself and get your kid some help. Literally everyone in this scenario is screwed up.
If your son had indeed said something to him, why didn't he come to you right away? Probably because he wanted to do something to hurt your son and had been waiting for an opportunity. To me, that xbox IS your son. That is what your husband was hitting, not an xbox but a substitute for your son. You need to kick husband out ASAP and protect your son. Anyone who would take a bat to a game like that is immature and volatile. NTA for expecting husband to buy a new xbox but husband needs therapy to control his anger and deal with his resentment towards a child.
You need a reality check. If you dont address these behavioral issues with your son, you're setting him up for a bigger heartbreak than a broken X box. I can assure you, once he becomes 18, nobody but you is going to care about his issues. There aren't behavioral issues exceptions in the real world. If he pops off at the wrong person, it's going to be a bad day for him. Most people are out here trying their best to survive and aren't going to have the patience and understanding with him that you do, nor should they be required to. You're setting him up for failure. Your husband is wrong for destroying the Xbox. He's a grown ass man who ALSO needs to get control of himself. That being said, it sounds like he's been begging you to address your sons behavior but you havent cared because up until now, it hasn't affected you or been directed toward you. Everyone in this situation is 100% an asshole and needs therapy.
**NTA** for standing up for your kid. If someone smashed my son’s beloved Xbox with a baseball bat, I’d be pissed too. Your husband crossed a huge line, no matter what your son did. That's just not how adults handle conflict. That said, you might be underestimating the friction between your son and your new husband. Ignoring or dismissing your husband's complaints about disrespect isn’t helping. You can't just dismiss his feelings or experiences in this new family dynamic. So yeah, your husband buying a new Xbox is fair. He broke it, he pays. But you gotta dig deeper. This incident screams that there's a bigger issue with respect and communication in your household. Therapy for everyone might be a good move. Get to the root of why your husband snapped and figure out how your son can better express himself. Long story short, nobody's blameless here. Everyone’s got room to grow and learn from this mess. Fix the Xbox, sure, but also fix the family dynamics.
NTA "My husband had broke my son’s Xbox with a baseball bat and left him in tears." ... Making him sleep on the couch is not enough. Call the police, get a restraining order, anfd divorce him. do this fast, before he starts hitting you or your son.
NTA. Destroying property isn't a good punishment in a normal case. Your new husband, who has yet to establish a relationship with this kid, definitely should not feel entitled to make this kind of decision. (The fact that he destroyed a gift from your recently deceased brother just makes it progressively worse.) All that being said, just because *you* don't recognize an issue with your son toward *yourself*, doesn't mean he won't benefit from some kind of medication for his behavioral issues.
Divorce!! Just divorce this Arsehole. Do it for your son!
YTA for your seemingly subdued reaction to your husband breaking your son’s Xbox. Not his kid, not his jurisdiction.
If your son is having behavior issues with peers, he does NOT need video games. Boys play violent games. But besides that, your husband broke the Xbox with a baseball bat……. Because? They should be extremely eye opening for you.