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Wow. NTA. Your mother and MIL are way out of line trying to shame you this way. Were they both raised to believe that women should serve men? Your husband sincerely did not want you thinking about his birthday and their putting him on some kind of weird pedestal about it is sick. Glad to hear he is having none of it. You need to stop speaking to them also, other than when necessary. And as soon as you can do without their help, invite them to leave.
Not to mention the grandmas are complaining when OP is barely a week out from childbirth? Like is OP supposed to plan, cook, and clean for a lavish party or something JUST SO hubby won't feel "less than"? Thank god hubby doesn't seem to care and understands that wife isn't physically or mentally equipped to do anything extra at the moment.
NTA. Time for the grandmas to go home. There is absolutely not need for their attacks or their interference in your relationship. This is a non-issue between yourself and your husband. They are over the line and should be sent packing (I mean it - they are there to help you, and to support you, not to lay on the pressure and attack your wifing).
No NTA. Both of them could’ve planned something in your stead and given you your much needed rest. They’re causing you undue stress. Kudos to your husband for having your back. You will make a great team for your children.
NTA but if you have both of your moms there then why aren’t they planning it or making cake etc. idea is mom gives birth, takes care of baby only and if relatives stay to help then they take care of everything else. If they can’t even do that then why are they there.
NTA all things go out the window when a woman is pregnant. They need to NOT stress you especially since your husband said what he wanted was for you and the baby to be healthy. You enjoy being a new mama and don’t take their opinions to heart!
Your husband's opinion on this is the only one you should have any concern for.
Your parents are not him, so this isn't their conflict to be concerned about.
NTA
NTA. Your husband is the one whose birthday it is, and he's clearly fine with a low-key year. And, he's supporting his pregnant wife - you married well. Now, time to send the mothers packing! :)
NTA.
It's your husband's birthday, he said it was fine, you made him a cake at 2 weeks postpartum. That's plenty. Mum and MIL need to mind their own business.
Your husband just wanted the baby to be healthy, you gave him that and even a cake on top of it. Your MIL and mom should either see if they can do something to help you or just at least stop pestering you about doing a bunch more than what your husband stated that he wanted.
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The conflict is between me and my MIL/my mum btw.
So I was pregnant and due to give birth just over 2 weeks before my husband’s birthday. We thought that was ironic because our eldest ended up coming (quite early) a fortnight before my birthday.
We have been together a decade and I s usually do something for our birthdays including mini holiday getaways and a nice meal and gifts etc. except for when our oldest was born since the baby was in NICU and I was still hospitalised on my birthday.
Because I knew the due date with the current pregnancy was near to husband’s birthday I tried to ask him well in advance what he wanted as a gift/activity.
He told me he didn’t want anything except for baby to be born healthy and for me to be healthy after the delivery…now I know some people when they say I don’t want anything mean something different…but husband? If he says he doesn’t want anything then that means I don’t want anything.
Anyway baby came a week early and thankfully we are both okay. My mum and MIL are staying with us to look after things.
They’ve been great except they kept asking me what I planned for husband. When I explained the above they both said I was ungrateful and thoughtless.
It culminated yesterday on his birthday where I managed to get up just enough to make him a cake and then had to lie down again. Both mothers started telling me that I’m not doing enough and I should be ashamed of myself. Husband got mad at them both and won’t speak to them. So they’re both saying that if I had just forward planned a celebration then they wouldn’t have had to intervene. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1-I didn’t plan a celebration for my husband birthday because it was too close to my due date, and he told me he didn’t want anything.
2-his mum and my mum think I’m an AH because when I was in hospital on my bday he got balloons and flowers and things and that I should make him feel special even though I’ve just given birth recently
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NTA
Sounds like a similar situation I had. First baby was due 5 days before husbands. Baby ended up being born day before his. And I had to have an emergency c-section. We were still in hospital on his birthday.
Like a month before I had tried to ask what he wanted for birthday or to do anything for it he said he was fine without (just wanted us to be healthy and happy) and it was too early.
We were living with my parents and his parents came to town to help and meet baby. I told them that I was taking care of my son’s birthday and if it was important to them they could take care of their child’s birthday. Your husband is a grown adult and his birthday might be the furthest thing from his brain. Your MIL and mum are there to help and support you right now with your LO. If it’s that important they can take it on.
NTA your husband even is agnist their nonsense. Sit down with us and discuss how you will be approaching the conversation with them and tell them to butt out the marriage and stay in their own lane or they will have to leave. You will not cause extra stress to a postpartum mama.
You certainly have a better husband than that other lady where the husband expected huge party for his 30th birthday and she only threw him a small party. And that one has a high risk pregnancy. So, ignore the ladies, they could make the party if they feel so strongly
NTA. My daughter came 4 days before my husband’s birthday. He said best birthday gift ever lol. I barely made it to 37 weeks and I couldn’t get up to do anything for his birthday. We celebrated later on in the month. Sounds like their stirring crap up and your husband understands. And still blaming you because he supported you.
Sorry but you are obviously younger and shit doesn't happen like it did in the late 50's, 60's. God Bless you for allowing them into your home to help out. If anything, they are the ones being ungrateful. You invite them into your home, involving them in your every day life then adding a new life and having to acclimate to that.....FUCK THEM! They need to get off your case and you need to focus on your current circle. A son is a son until he takes a wife....they need to be reminded of that. You are the matriarch and they are in your territory.
NTA and your hubby seem to agree. That should be the end of the story.
However, I have found that grandparents tend to have very strong opinions which come from their experience during those years. You may want to see why they are so adamant about his well being over yours.
NTA your husband is even defending you, so if you WERE the AH here it would literally be to the moms not your husband. Like they are offended you didn’t celebrate A SINGLE birthday. You were recovering from child birth. again, NTA
Both your mom and MIL are AHs, and since they’re clearly not helping you out but adding to your stress, it sounds like it’s well past time for them to go back home. You’re NTA
NTA
The only thing that matters for your husbands Birthday is what HE WANTED/ASKED FOR and he got it. Quit letting your mom and MIL get in your head. If they can’t respect your wishes, tell them it’s time for them to go.
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NTA. Maybe your MIL and mum should’ve planned something themselves (OR IDK, HELPED YOU?) if they feel so strongly about it.
Wow. NTA. Your mother and MIL are way out of line trying to shame you this way. Were they both raised to believe that women should serve men? Your husband sincerely did not want you thinking about his birthday and their putting him on some kind of weird pedestal about it is sick. Glad to hear he is having none of it. You need to stop speaking to them also, other than when necessary. And as soon as you can do without their help, invite them to leave.
Not to mention the grandmas are complaining when OP is barely a week out from childbirth? Like is OP supposed to plan, cook, and clean for a lavish party or something JUST SO hubby won't feel "less than"? Thank god hubby doesn't seem to care and understands that wife isn't physically or mentally equipped to do anything extra at the moment.
She’s not 1 week out. She’s more than 3 weeks out. The due date was more than 2 weeks before hubby’s birthday and the baby came a week early.
NTA. Time for the grandmas to go home. There is absolutely not need for their attacks or their interference in your relationship. This is a non-issue between yourself and your husband. They are over the line and should be sent packing (I mean it - they are there to help you, and to support you, not to lay on the pressure and attack your wifing).
No NTA. Both of them could’ve planned something in your stead and given you your much needed rest. They’re causing you undue stress. Kudos to your husband for having your back. You will make a great team for your children.
NTA but if you have both of your moms there then why aren’t they planning it or making cake etc. idea is mom gives birth, takes care of baby only and if relatives stay to help then they take care of everything else. If they can’t even do that then why are they there.
NTA. Give them the boot out of your marriage.
NTA all things go out the window when a woman is pregnant. They need to NOT stress you especially since your husband said what he wanted was for you and the baby to be healthy. You enjoy being a new mama and don’t take their opinions to heart!
NTA. Those women need to leave.
Wow. First, I'm glad your husband stood up for you! That is sooooo wild of your mothers!
Your husband's opinion on this is the only one you should have any concern for. Your parents are not him, so this isn't their conflict to be concerned about. NTA
NTA. Your husband is the one whose birthday it is, and he's clearly fine with a low-key year. And, he's supporting his pregnant wife - you married well. Now, time to send the mothers packing! :)
A week after giving birth, you got up and made your husband a cake? Fucking hell. Some effort. nta.
NTA. It's your husband's birthday, he said it was fine, you made him a cake at 2 weeks postpartum. That's plenty. Mum and MIL need to mind their own business.
Your husband just wanted the baby to be healthy, you gave him that and even a cake on top of it. Your MIL and mom should either see if they can do something to help you or just at least stop pestering you about doing a bunch more than what your husband stated that he wanted.
NtA. Men don’t care about their birthdays.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** The conflict is between me and my MIL/my mum btw. So I was pregnant and due to give birth just over 2 weeks before my husband’s birthday. We thought that was ironic because our eldest ended up coming (quite early) a fortnight before my birthday. We have been together a decade and I s usually do something for our birthdays including mini holiday getaways and a nice meal and gifts etc. except for when our oldest was born since the baby was in NICU and I was still hospitalised on my birthday. Because I knew the due date with the current pregnancy was near to husband’s birthday I tried to ask him well in advance what he wanted as a gift/activity. He told me he didn’t want anything except for baby to be born healthy and for me to be healthy after the delivery…now I know some people when they say I don’t want anything mean something different…but husband? If he says he doesn’t want anything then that means I don’t want anything. Anyway baby came a week early and thankfully we are both okay. My mum and MIL are staying with us to look after things. They’ve been great except they kept asking me what I planned for husband. When I explained the above they both said I was ungrateful and thoughtless. It culminated yesterday on his birthday where I managed to get up just enough to make him a cake and then had to lie down again. Both mothers started telling me that I’m not doing enough and I should be ashamed of myself. Husband got mad at them both and won’t speak to them. So they’re both saying that if I had just forward planned a celebration then they wouldn’t have had to intervene. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1-I didn’t plan a celebration for my husband birthday because it was too close to my due date, and he told me he didn’t want anything. 2-his mum and my mum think I’m an AH because when I was in hospital on my bday he got balloons and flowers and things and that I should make him feel special even though I’ve just given birth recently Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA .... But why didn't they plan something????? I get where MIL is coming from .... but your mom too?
NTA lt sounds like you and your husband discussed it and came to an agreement.
NTA. Of course not!
NTA Sounds like a similar situation I had. First baby was due 5 days before husbands. Baby ended up being born day before his. And I had to have an emergency c-section. We were still in hospital on his birthday. Like a month before I had tried to ask what he wanted for birthday or to do anything for it he said he was fine without (just wanted us to be healthy and happy) and it was too early. We were living with my parents and his parents came to town to help and meet baby. I told them that I was taking care of my son’s birthday and if it was important to them they could take care of their child’s birthday. Your husband is a grown adult and his birthday might be the furthest thing from his brain. Your MIL and mum are there to help and support you right now with your LO. If it’s that important they can take it on.
NTA your husband even is agnist their nonsense. Sit down with us and discuss how you will be approaching the conversation with them and tell them to butt out the marriage and stay in their own lane or they will have to leave. You will not cause extra stress to a postpartum mama.
You certainly have a better husband than that other lady where the husband expected huge party for his 30th birthday and she only threw him a small party. And that one has a high risk pregnancy. So, ignore the ladies, they could make the party if they feel so strongly
NTA. My daughter came 4 days before my husband’s birthday. He said best birthday gift ever lol. I barely made it to 37 weeks and I couldn’t get up to do anything for his birthday. We celebrated later on in the month. Sounds like their stirring crap up and your husband understands. And still blaming you because he supported you.
No. NTA
NTA time to go home for them I think.
Is this the new trending topic then?
NTA Stop inviting people into your life. Your marriage and relationship is none of their business. Tell them to keep their opinions to themselves
NTA! Not speaking to them? “Mum, ( MIL name) I love you both very much but you both have to leave my house right now!”
Sorry but you are obviously younger and shit doesn't happen like it did in the late 50's, 60's. God Bless you for allowing them into your home to help out. If anything, they are the ones being ungrateful. You invite them into your home, involving them in your every day life then adding a new life and having to acclimate to that.....FUCK THEM! They need to get off your case and you need to focus on your current circle. A son is a son until he takes a wife....they need to be reminded of that. You are the matriarch and they are in your territory.
Nosy, bullying busybodies. Time for them to both get the boot, for your sanity.
Time for 6 months of just you your husband and your baby everybody else gets to go home
Nta. You both had the discussion and decided. and then you pushed a human out of you soooo I mean reallly? I’d tell both moms off honestly.
NTA and your hubby seem to agree. That should be the end of the story. However, I have found that grandparents tend to have very strong opinions which come from their experience during those years. You may want to see why they are so adamant about his well being over yours.
NTA Please don't let either of them spend enough time with your kids to influence their beliefs and views.
NTA your husband is even defending you, so if you WERE the AH here it would literally be to the moms not your husband. Like they are offended you didn’t celebrate A SINGLE birthday. You were recovering from child birth. again, NTA
Both your mom and MIL are AHs, and since they’re clearly not helping you out but adding to your stress, it sounds like it’s well past time for them to go back home. You’re NTA
NTA, they could plan something if they want to get all bothered.
NTA The only thing that matters for your husbands Birthday is what HE WANTED/ASKED FOR and he got it. Quit letting your mom and MIL get in your head. If they can’t respect your wishes, tell them it’s time for them to go.
NTA. They need to either step up or shut up. You just pushed an entire human out of your body.
NTA "My mum and MIL are staying with us to look after things." ... kick those AHs out.